#i feel so anxious haha

[noemitenshi]

I'll die on the hill of 'second chances' and it'll be a bloody mess...

aka my thoughts about s8ep8

i'm at a point where im just chanting 'don't let them fuck this up don't let them fuck this up' actually since everything troy in this ep was *very very* promisinggg. loved it (except maybe the part with tracy's mother saving Troy from the dam (so... unimaginative haha... maybe if they showed it I'd change my mind but from him just telling it, it took me a bit out of the story) and of course STILL not over the name 'tracy'. WONT EVER be over the name tracy, jesus christ)

and them keeping referencing second chances has my hope at an all time high 🙃 even though I do realize there's enough bad shit between everyone apparently that it could not be about Troy at all. But then, come on, this is just bad writing. I mean! Madison going "People change, Troy. They can do shitty things and come back from them." AND THEN NOT USING THIS AS FORESHADOWING!?!??! Im gonna SCREAM if it isn't alluding to how their dynamic will develop and instead is just a throwaway line to show us how bad Troy is 😭(like, he doesn't even get the concept of second chances. he never really understood nick. etc etc, let it not be this, please!)

also the quick glimpse of Troy and Madison working together to find the kid (refusing to call her by her name) 🫠🫠🫠 Yes, yes I'm hopeless, I know. But please, please, let them do this again, longer, have some heart-to-hearts too

god

i want it

let Madison die in the end either way. Let it be heartbreaking and bittersweet.

i just. THERE'S NOW SO MUCH POTENTIAL I WILL DIE IF THEY FUCK IT UP

[paxcallow]

do you think we could pretty please have some razlili they give me life🙏🙏🙏

DON'T MIND IF I DO!!! i am sorry anon that this is sososo late, i fell crappy ill for several days and also was drawing a whole several page comic in response to this ask for some reason. i'll post that too but here

busteeed

[skitskatdacat63]

One makes him up, so the other can break him down.

This is a little terrifying but hello!! Posted my first fic on ao3!! I would've saved the illustrations for the fic's eyes only, but I'm too happy with them haha. Hope you'll still go on to read regardless!!

As always, my thoughts and progress, since I can't help myself:

I'm soooooo proud of these. I never ever really do dramatic lighting, so I'm really surprised that I pulled it off.

It's surreal actually posting this because for a while, I've thought about how if I ever post a fic, I'll have to make illustrations too because I can't do anything not full force. Look at me now! I'm shocked. Also didn't think I'd finish it tonight, but here it sits before you nevertheless(though as always, I'm writing this past my bedtime before class, time efficient as always.) So with that being said, here are some notes, though if I had known I'd be writing this so soon, I would've prepared more lol.

First of all, I hope it's clear both of these are Mark's perception. Gah, the fact that his face is the only one you can see clearly. The first is obviously him unwillingly fantasizing about what exactly went down last night.

Aghhhhh the difference in colors and settings of the two drawings is so important to me. The warmth and intimacy of the bed behind curtains in the first one, and the coldness and openess of the second. It's so clear Mark feels like he's been distanced, like he's been ousted. It's like he's been thrown outside on a cold winter's day, no longer able to feel the heat from the comfortable warm stove inside.

Mark was probably assigned to Seb bcs he has a much greater appreciation for the Spanish etiquette, which Seb has very little interest in. He'll abide by it when he absolutely has to. But he's just a very non-typical Emperor. People find it charming so it's not a public death sentence for him, but it is an issue. Thus, Mark is there to keep him in line. Though important to note that when Fernando, who has an equal if not greater respect for the showmanship of etiquette, realizes Mark is interested in that as well, they start warming up to each other.

The inherent disrespect of Fernando just. Throwing Seb's clothing onto the floor. Meanwhile he probably took like, 20 minutes folding his up(that's what Seb was gonna tell Mark at the end of the fic.) Borderline ripping off Seb's clothes only to edge him. Its not even like the ripping off the clothes is because of passion or anything, he's deliberately being an asshole. Don't worry Nandl, Seb's turned on by it!

So sorry to marknando fans if their dynamic feels like a complete 180 haha. Its not like I'm like, they actually hate each other!! It's just their relationship under completely different circumstances. They're like two dogs in a dog fight, they don't have any real reason to hate each other, but they're put against each other regardless. They don't understand their hatred, just know that they have it and that they're supposed to have it. The inherent hatred the mistress has for the spouse, and vice versa. If they actually were able to talk without barriers, they'd realize they actually get along pretty well. They kinda just hate each other because of their respective relationships to Seb. And then there's Seb who's mostly completely oblivious to his effect, though of course plays with it a bit.

Seb's marriage completely recontextualizes their relationship in Mark's eyes. Though there's something incredibly sado-masochistic about the way he can't blame Seb for it at all. He's a loyal dog after all. But when it was just them, he was obviously Seb's main companion and lover. Seb definitely slept with people on the side, but Mark brushed that off: 1. Bcs its very period typical. 2. He was the main, they were the side, what more needs to be said! But now *he's* the side piece, and is left wondering if their relationship was down to proximity alone. Not to pull a Mark and completely excuse Seb, but it's not. Just very different perceptions of love and relationships. And again, as I've mentioned before, he was raised to always be the most important person in the room, so he obviously has very different understandings, especially since he's always the center.

NANDL!!!!!! In my Habsburg book I've been reading lately, they randomly referred to one of them affectionately as "Nandl" and it's stuck in my head ever since. Can we start a movement to canonize that as an official Fernando nickname? I'm sooooo fond of it, I litrally ended the fic that way just so I could shoehorn that nickname in.

Speaking of the ending. It was really tough, I almost wanted to have Fernando burst in, looking for his ring, and then coming across whatever that is. But I didn't want to disrupt their moment anymore, it felt cruel. Though shame I couldn't mention that the reason why Seb's pants are nowhere to be found is because Fernando accidentally put them on and didn't realize till he was out of the room.

*I FORGOT TO POINT OUT ONE OF MY FAVORITE PARTS! Truly the danger of writing a post while falling asleep. There's something so incredibly funny to me the way they're talking so refined and then Seb just throws out: "that guy." It's a way to show his own disrespect of Fernando, not even using his name, implying he's just some guy(nur ein Kerl.) I laughed writing it cause it reminds me of the random dry humor anecdotes I've read lately.

[decarbry]

From the Kurogiri’s meditating post- nice to see him and Yabureme getting along better!

[littlebluejaydraws]

Currently recovering from surgery and coping by drawing Cas in my post top surgery fit <3

[shiftingwitholive]

i don't think i've ever mentioned this on here, but i'm a Hellenic polytheist, i have been for a year or two. the issue is that because of this i've started really struggling with my percy jackson dr. i don't want to disrespect the gods by thinking of one of them as my parent and viewing the other gods the way they are in the books and deciding what their personalities and appearances are. i really love the series and the characters but i'm struggling a bit.

I've decided that all i can do is hope the gods understand and that when i think of these things i am not thinking of the real gods, i am thinking of characters. (i have to do that when reading the books anyway because otherwise it feels wrong) I'm not talking about Poseidon, for example, I'm talking about the version created by Rick Riordan. i feel like that distinction is very important for me and i hope that works out so i feel less awkward and anxious about shifting to my pjo reality.

{btw, if anyone has any questions feel free to fire away!}

[turtleblogatlast]

Proof that I do do comics sometimes

[ghost-proofbaby]

hey y’all!

so i’ve been considering this a lot in the past few weeks, and figured i’d make an official post so you all know i’m alive and what not since i have been very much inactive as of recently.

i’m taking a break.

not forever! not because of anything in the fandom! this break is solely due to personal life reasons and the fact i just can’t be as active on here right now between my jobs and personal affairs. and it also won’t be long — i’m going to be off here probably through the end of november. if i have the time/mental capacity to come back before then, i absolutely will 🖤 but right now, tumblr isn’t something that fits easily within my days and also, writing for my fics hasn’t been something i can easily do not due to lack of inspiration but lack of time.

again, this is just due to my own personal life currently. nothing happened in the fandom that motivated this decision (i honestly don’t even know what’s happening on here currently solely because i haven’t had the time to scroll lol) and it’s very much not permanent, and will HOPEFULLY be very short. like i said, until the end of november. i’ll still be writing in my free time, and my hope is to be able to update fics once i’m back and worse better than ever! 🖤

see y’all in december <3

[ilonacho]

i'm like if a fucked up anxious chihuahua was forced to be human

[ratatatastic]

"im nervous" "I'M NERV—YOURE NERVOUS." "where's my helmet?" sasha cracks like he isnt 10 seconds away from breaking the skin on his forearm from how hard hes holding it

also sasha being a wisecrack in the midst of his nerves is my favourite thing yeah (the anxiety is all-consuming but who will make the boys giggle? exactly)

Sasha Cup Day | 7.31.24 (x)

[luckyjorabbit]

Thank you sm for 1K here as well as on Shitter <3 <3 Here is a 4koma of a nightmare I had recently that has haunted me for days :^)

[somefisher]

Fuck my stupid lonely gay life

[front-facing-pokemon]

[devilcroc]

now that i'm older reisen (touhou) has grown on me a lot. i love that her skill is "makes you insane" but she usually just comes across as a put upon office worker and pretty much never uses it. tewi has all the ambition between the two of them??

[waterfallofspace]

A Word-Filled Update

that no one's asking forrrr~

Sooooo, hiya~ ^^

Realized I kinda dropped out without much word, and wanted to give a lil update to anyone who may care, (and specifically to all the unfilled requests that have been sat in my inbox for months now T~T)

Dropping it under a cut because it gets quite long~ but I'll also TL;DR it with: been a bit burnt out, trying to get back into this, I apologize for all the unanswered asks, and I will be trying to get to the ones I can, but I'll be focusing more on trying to enjoy the process of making content~ Thank you to anyone who's stuck around <3

(Tw for brief mention of mental health/neurodivergencies~ nothing in depth or dark, but just incase anyone wants to avoid that <3)

Nothing serious has been going on, mostly just burn out and a bit of drama in main friend group, combined with free time just being a lot more limited recently~ (not a bad thing, most of it is because I'm getting to talk more with friends I've gotten closer to this past year~)

That said, I've been trying to get back into content, making it, reblogging it, etc, without letting it become all-consuming. I find, with the way my brain works, mostly to do to some wonderful neurodivergent tendencies, I tend to fall heavily into 'all of nothing' mentality.

This shows up in my day to day life, (ie: can't wash the dishes for weeks until I suddenly do them all in one day) and I've definitely noticed it with content creation. Need to write and finish a story in one go, record a wav as fast as possible, always afraid I'll lose that motivation.

But honestly? I love making content on here! And I'm not a huge blog, nor do I care if I am (at least trying not to, if I'm being painfully honest~) but I genuinely love making content. Whether it's just for me, a request that I am hoping one specific person will enjoy, or a story I write with a community in mind, I just love creating~

So, I'm trying to ease my way back into this! Bit by bit, let it be fun, and enjoyable, with less internal pressure to produce as much as I can, as fast as I can, and make it be perfect.

I won't lie and say 'numbers don't matter to me', if I'm honest, they do. But I'm learning more and more how to let it be about the content, and to just enjoy the process~ (and if people like it, that'll be a wonderful bonus!~)

Wooo this is getting so long, I apologize sincerely! Last thing, something I've mentioned a few times previously but never really let myself get into... requests~

I'm so honoured that people care about my content enough to have asked for things, and getting any ask, request, praise, ask lists, heck even just a 'hi!' is honestly the best part of this blog for me!

Buuuut, I definitely worked myself into burn-out before with a "every request needs to be filled and fast" mentality, that led to just... not filling any.

So! I'm going back through my inbox, and deleting some older ones that I don't have a clear vision/motivation for. I apologize to anyone who requested them, though by now it's possible they're long gone~ But I think this will help me not only start enjoying the creation process without feeling so overwhelmed, but also start actually getting more content made~

There are definitely a bunch that I still adore, and am thrilled to get to test out, but if there's one you remember sending, and you really want to see it completed, please feel free to send another ask saying what it is you want done, and I'll see if I can get that going <3

And if you've stuck it out to the end here- uh hi! ^^ I'm sorry this is so long, I'm such a words person, but I appreciate you so much, not just for any support you've offered, but just bothering to read this <3 I genuinely didn't expect most to make it this far, so thank you so deeply <3 and I hope to see you guys around as I start reblogging stuff more!~

[starteas]

I’ve started to feel much more anxious regarding my internet presence as my audience grows and Lumi starts to develop further…