#i feel so anxious haha

[noemitenshi]

I'll die on the hill of 'second chances' and it'll be a bloody mess...

aka my thoughts about s8ep8

i'm at a point where im just chanting 'don't let them fuck this up don't let them fuck this up' actually since everything troy in this ep was *very very* promisinggg. loved it (except maybe the part with tracy's mother saving Troy from the dam (so... unimaginative haha... maybe if they showed it I'd change my mind but from him just telling it, it took me a bit out of the story) and of course STILL not over the name 'tracy'. WONT EVER be over the name tracy, jesus christ)

and them keeping referencing second chances has my hope at an all time high 🙃 even though I do realize there's enough bad shit between everyone apparently that it could not be about Troy at all. But then, come on, this is just bad writing. I mean! Madison going "People change, Troy. They can do shitty things and come back from them." AND THEN NOT USING THIS AS FORESHADOWING!?!??! Im gonna SCREAM if it isn't alluding to how their dynamic will develop and instead is just a throwaway line to show us how bad Troy is 😭(like, he doesn't even get the concept of second chances. he never really understood nick. etc etc, let it not be this, please!)

also the quick glimpse of Troy and Madison working together to find the kid (refusing to call her by her name) 🫠🫠🫠 Yes, yes I'm hopeless, I know. But please, please, let them do this again, longer, have some heart-to-hearts too

god

i want it

let Madison die in the end either way. Let it be heartbreaking and bittersweet.

i just. THERE'S NOW SO MUCH POTENTIAL I WILL DIE IF THEY FUCK IT UP

[paxcallow]

do you think we could pretty please have some razlili they give me life🙏🙏🙏

DON'T MIND IF I DO!!! i am sorry anon that this is sososo late, i fell crappy ill for several days and also was drawing a whole several page comic in response to this ask for some reason. i'll post that too but here

busteeed

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I have been following your work since the beginning. At first I just really liked your sense of humour and analysis of MDZS, but with time I started to really enjoy watch your progress in this drawing journey. I just watched your animatic and just wanted to say that I'm really happy for you, you're a really inspirational person.

I usually don't comment in anything and it's just because I'm really awkward about commenting. But I'm always accompanying your posts and seeing your notifications always make me smile, please continue with your good work!

(English isn't my first language, sorry for any mistakes)

Thank you very much! I've seen you around for a long while; I sincerely appreciate your support, no matter what form it takes!

[skitskatdacat63]

One makes him up, so the other can break him down.

This is a little terrifying but hello!! Posted my first fic on ao3!! I would've saved the illustrations for the fic's eyes only, but I'm too happy with them haha. Hope you'll still go on to read regardless!!

As always, my thoughts and progress, since I can't help myself:

I'm soooooo proud of these. I never ever really do dramatic lighting, so I'm really surprised that I pulled it off.

It's surreal actually posting this because for a while, I've thought about how if I ever post a fic, I'll have to make illustrations too because I can't do anything not full force. Look at me now! I'm shocked. Also didn't think I'd finish it tonight, but here it sits before you nevertheless(though as always, I'm writing this past my bedtime before class, time efficient as always.) So with that being said, here are some notes, though if I had known I'd be writing this so soon, I would've prepared more lol.

First of all, I hope it's clear both of these are Mark's perception. Gah, the fact that his face is the only one you can see clearly. The first is obviously him unwillingly fantasizing about what exactly went down last night.

Aghhhhh the difference in colors and settings of the two drawings is so important to me. The warmth and intimacy of the bed behind curtains in the first one, and the coldness and openess of the second. It's so clear Mark feels like he's been distanced, like he's been ousted. It's like he's been thrown outside on a cold winter's day, no longer able to feel the heat from the comfortable warm stove inside.

Mark was probably assigned to Seb bcs he has a much greater appreciation for the Spanish etiquette, which Seb has very little interest in. He'll abide by it when he absolutely has to. But he's just a very non-typical Emperor. People find it charming so it's not a public death sentence for him, but it is an issue. Thus, Mark is there to keep him in line. Though important to note that when Fernando, who has an equal if not greater respect for the showmanship of etiquette, realizes Mark is interested in that as well, they start warming up to each other.

The inherent disrespect of Fernando just. Throwing Seb's clothing onto the floor. Meanwhile he probably took like, 20 minutes folding his up(that's what Seb was gonna tell Mark at the end of the fic.) Borderline ripping off Seb's clothes only to edge him. Its not even like the ripping off the clothes is because of passion or anything, he's deliberately being an asshole. Don't worry Nandl, Seb's turned on by it!

So sorry to marknando fans if their dynamic feels like a complete 180 haha. Its not like I'm like, they actually hate each other!! It's just their relationship under completely different circumstances. They're like two dogs in a dog fight, they don't have any real reason to hate each other, but they're put against each other regardless. They don't understand their hatred, just know that they have it and that they're supposed to have it. The inherent hatred the mistress has for the spouse, and vice versa. If they actually were able to talk without barriers, they'd realize they actually get along pretty well. They kinda just hate each other because of their respective relationships to Seb. And then there's Seb who's mostly completely oblivious to his effect, though of course plays with it a bit.

Seb's marriage completely recontextualizes their relationship in Mark's eyes. Though there's something incredibly sado-masochistic about the way he can't blame Seb for it at all. He's a loyal dog after all. But when it was just them, he was obviously Seb's main companion and lover. Seb definitely slept with people on the side, but Mark brushed that off: 1. Bcs its very period typical. 2. He was the main, they were the side, what more needs to be said! But now *he's* the side piece, and is left wondering if their relationship was down to proximity alone. Not to pull a Mark and completely excuse Seb, but it's not. Just very different perceptions of love and relationships. And again, as I've mentioned before, he was raised to always be the most important person in the room, so he obviously has very different understandings, especially since he's always the center.

NANDL!!!!!! In my Habsburg book I've been reading lately, they randomly referred to one of them affectionately as "Nandl" and it's stuck in my head ever since. Can we start a movement to canonize that as an official Fernando nickname? I'm sooooo fond of it, I litrally ended the fic that way just so I could shoehorn that nickname in.

Speaking of the ending. It was really tough, I almost wanted to have Fernando burst in, looking for his ring, and then coming across whatever that is. But I didn't want to disrupt their moment anymore, it felt cruel. Though shame I couldn't mention that the reason why Seb's pants are nowhere to be found is because Fernando accidentally put them on and didn't realize till he was out of the room.

*I FORGOT TO POINT OUT ONE OF MY FAVORITE PARTS! Truly the danger of writing a post while falling asleep. There's something so incredibly funny to me the way they're talking so refined and then Seb just throws out: "that guy." It's a way to show his own disrespect of Fernando, not even using his name, implying he's just some guy(nur ein Kerl.) I laughed writing it cause it reminds me of the random dry humor anecdotes I've read lately.

[decarbry]

From the Kurogiri’s meditating post- nice to see him and Yabureme getting along better!

[meownotgood]

everything is packed now, I'm off to the airport tomorrow 🫡 I will stop in when I can but you probably won't be seeing much of me until I come back from vacation!!! 🫂💓

[shiftingwitholive]

i don't think i've ever mentioned this on here, but i'm a Hellenic polytheist, i have been for a year or two. the issue is that because of this i've started really struggling with my percy jackson dr. i don't want to disrespect the gods by thinking of one of them as my parent and viewing the other gods the way they are in the books and deciding what their personalities and appearances are. i really love the series and the characters but i'm struggling a bit.

I've decided that all i can do is hope the gods understand and that when i think of these things i am not thinking of the real gods, i am thinking of characters. (i have to do that when reading the books anyway because otherwise it feels wrong) I'm not talking about Poseidon, for example, I'm talking about the version created by Rick Riordan. i feel like that distinction is very important for me and i hope that works out so i feel less awkward and anxious about shifting to my pjo reality.

{btw, if anyone has any questions feel free to fire away!}

[littlebluejaydraws]

Currently recovering from surgery and coping by drawing Cas in my post top surgery fit <3

[turtleblogatlast]

Proof that I do do comics sometimes

[ghost-proofbaby]

hey y’all!

so i’ve been considering this a lot in the past few weeks, and figured i’d make an official post so you all know i’m alive and what not since i have been very much inactive as of recently.

i’m taking a break.

not forever! not because of anything in the fandom! this break is solely due to personal life reasons and the fact i just can’t be as active on here right now between my jobs and personal affairs. and it also won’t be long — i’m going to be off here probably through the end of november. if i have the time/mental capacity to come back before then, i absolutely will 🖤 but right now, tumblr isn’t something that fits easily within my days and also, writing for my fics hasn’t been something i can easily do not due to lack of inspiration but lack of time.

again, this is just due to my own personal life currently. nothing happened in the fandom that motivated this decision (i honestly don’t even know what’s happening on here currently solely because i haven’t had the time to scroll lol) and it’s very much not permanent, and will HOPEFULLY be very short. like i said, until the end of november. i’ll still be writing in my free time, and my hope is to be able to update fics once i’m back and worse better than ever! 🖤

see y’all in december <3

[ilonacho]

i'm like if a fucked up anxious chihuahua was forced to be human

[pynkhues]

I think you explained something I've been pondering over for a while, namely why so many loustat fic writers hates lestat lol. Like I'm always taken aback by how often lestat is written as louis' sex toy who only exist to serve him and fulfill his (self-insert) fantasies or an evil patriarchal abuser who needs to be punished (or both). There's so many other ships they could pour ttheir energy into, if they truly see him as an evil racist abuser and louis as his helpess victim why even ship them. I'm actually fascinated by this fandom Christian-like obsession with punishment, paying for your sins, martydom and having an redemption arc. I find it interesting that people who consider themselves to be atheists and are anti-religion still succumb to this mentality. The prevalence of fics when louis needs to punish lestat (apparently killing him wasn't enough), make him suffer, lestat has to grovel at his feet, stop killing humans and only then he will deserve pure moral louis and then they will be "even". I find this attitude to be so immature, like this is not how relationships work irl, and yes it's a show about toxic vampires but, in my understanding it was never loustat dynamic to begin with. Something about moral purity in a show about vampires is just so funny to me.

Y'know, I actually think the main reason I've taken a big step back from reading fic and checking ao3 is because a few months ago, I opened two or three Lestat x Louis fics in a row that all had an author's note where the writer said that they hated Lestat. The concept of that alone honestly baffles me - not the hating Lestat part, I don't care what characters people do and don't engage with on the show - but the idea that you could write fic - and fic where Lestat is one half of a relationship - while hating the character is just wild to me. Why are you writing characters you don't like? Why are you shipping characters when you don't like one of them?

I just - - it really shocks me. As someone who's been writing fic for literally 20 years at this point, I can honestly say I've never written for a pairing where I haven't liked one of the characters, and it generates a lot of questions in me about the current state of fandom, the projection, the virtue signalling, the purity culture, and what that dictates about how people are willing to engage with stories.

But yeah, I guess more to your point, I don't disagree. I actually don't necessarily think it's unique to this fandom though? In the last fandom I was super active in - Good Girls - the main ship was a straight one between a gang leader (Rio) and a 'housewife' / mother of four (Beth) who'd resorted to a life of crime and found she had an aptitude for it after her husband lost their house, and there was an enormous sense of Beth needing to be punished sexually and otherwise in fic, especially after she shot Rio in the (admittedly underwritten) s2 finale.

It's kind of funny in that sense, because I have largely put the GG scenario down to internalised misogyny, especially given the volume of fans who watched the show exclusively for Rio, and who ended up feeling like Beth didn't 'deserve him', but it does feel different with IWTV. Not entirely maybe - I do think there's a sense of Lestat needing to 'earn' Louis back for instance which isn't necessarily tied to gender, but tied to a very shallow view of what relationships are, just as I think there is a cultural load and systemic connotations brought to scenes of violence, particularly intimate partner violence, when the person perpetrating is white (i.e. Beth shooting Rio, who is Latino, carries different weight than Rio shooting her white husband, and kidnapping her white sister, same with Lestat dropping Louis vs Louis slitting Lestat's throat + bashing a white man's head in after projecting Lestat's face onto him).

I think that's all important to talk about and to consider and reflect on, just as I think the insane amount of gender essentialism, TERF rhetoric, and feminisation in a gay ship is, but I agree that it feels married to a degree of moral purity and - I'd argue - it gets twisted up simultaneously with fetish, kink and fanon to make a bit of a melting pot of Stuff that feels difficult to reduce to any one thing.

I don't know if I think it's steeped in immaturity exactly - the people I know of writing some of the things that perpetuate a lot of these tropes and who have harrassed me and others I know are mostly in their late 20s and 30s - but I do wonder how much of it is tied to an isolated perspective of relationships and the world? I really do think you can tell when people don't often hear perspectives outside of their own in their day-to-day life, or, hell, I think people tell on themselves more than they realise in how they might phrase things, even on anon. I still joke with my sister about the doxxing attempt I got where one anon asked me if [my sister's first name] knew I wrote BDSM, which was meant as a clear threat, when my sister had literally sent me excerpts of the werewolf porn she was reading that day, lol. We also both talk about sex a lot, so like.

It wasn't an issue for me, but y'know, the sense I got was that the anon obviously thought I should be ashamed and my sister would be disgusted, and like - - I don't know. Most of my friends have read the smut I've written, man, and my sister doesn't care (my brother either now - given I told him what I wrote in the process of all of that, and he now finds it very funny to ask me loudly about my erotic fanfiction when we're on the train, so y'know, haha). It just felt very telling to me about how people like this think, how they feel about sex and smut, and also the relationships they have in their personal lives because, well, I guess from how they act, they wouldn't be talking to people in their real lives about any of this.

Is that Christian puritanicalism, is that immaturity, is that isolation, is that inexperience, is that something else, I don't know! It does feel wide spread in this fandom in particular right now, but I do think it's kind of everywhere, and I think the nature of this show having adapted this story as something both outright queer and diverse is pulling a lot of people towards it who might actually be more interested in the optics than the content.

[sodapopcurtis-dx-asks]

There's a St. Christopher necklace wrapped around a tightly folded note. You can see for Steve written in a handwritin the scratches at somethin in Sodas brain. like he's seen it before.

for the kid. (though fat lotta good it did me huh? ha.) figure it's the most help I can be. don't bug soda with who it's from. man. God knows he's got enough to worry about. Just know that. me n Johnny are lookin out for Pone. best we can at least. sorry 'bout. we'll. everythin.-

DW

Onto Steve's perspective after just running off, he took some labeled with his name, and others that were completely random. This one being labeled.

He pulled apart the note, and stared wide-eyed at the necklace. He didn't even have to read, he already knew who's it was— the letter and the necklace.

He couldn't help but be surprised though.

Ah, jeez, Dal.

It's safe between us, okay? Really. And, thank you.

I'll give it t'him. Just gotta make sure he don't freak or ask where I found it. God forbid they think I'm over here grave robbing. HAHA... eek.

[somefisher]

Fuck my stupid lonely gay life

[luckyjorabbit]

Thank you sm for 1K here as well as on Shitter <3 <3 Here is a 4koma of a nightmare I had recently that has haunted me for days :^)

[front-facing-pokemon]