#i feel like neil is to jean what andrew is to kevin in terms of protectiveness

[elene78-blog]

I saw something super interesting on TikTok about Kevin and the Foxes, and Jean and the Trojans (this thought isn't mine, but I couldn't say who said it), and I want to comment on it.

The comment went something like this:

Kevin needed to know when he left The Nest that he wasn't as "special" as he thought, neither in terms of playing exy nor in terms of trauma. His ego is powerful, and by watching the Foxes, he was able to know that he wasn't the only one with past traumas, nor the only one with issues, and that his mastery of exy didn't matter to anyone outside of The Nest. Ultimately, exy wasn't the most important thing (for the Foxes, it certainly isn't).

In other words, the Foxes are telling Kevin, "Hey, you're not the only one with issues, and whether you're good at exy or not doesn't matter to me because I have my own traumas." And that's good, because it makes Kevin see certain things and is a reality check for him.

But that's also why Neil's appearance is so important to Kevin, because Neil restores Kevin's importance to the former when he left The Nest, and that makes him start taking steps against the Ravens.

The Foxes show the Queen reality, and Neil empowers him again on the field.

Kevin needed both things: to know he wasn't so special or the only one with problems off the field, but also to know that he's special on it.

Something like that.

On the other hand, there's Jean and the Trojans. Jean, who needed the exact opposite of Kevin.

Jean's situation was normalized until he arrived at the Trojans, and they told him, "No, this isn't normal. Not only isn't it, but we love you, and you're special off the field. You're not just special on it. And we love you off it."

They show him that he's special both on and off the field, that what he's experienced isn't normal, and that he's important. Both what he experiences and what he desires.

It's the complete opposite of what Kevin needed.

While Kevin needed to know he wasn't the only one with problems and wasn't so "special," Jean needed to know that he is special and that what he needs matters, and that his traumas aren't normal and shouldn't be.

Now I dare say… (And this is my own thought):

Between Kevin, Jeremy, and Jean, Jean is the one who's in the best shape right now mentally.

Incredibly, Jean is the only one who's facing his problems head-on. Jeremy avoids them and dissociates (ignoring problems to the point where we don't know what's wrong with him until he verbalizes it is very close to dissociation. And what he does with sex is…) as a defense mechanism. Kevin drinks. He's practically an alcoholic. He drinks to cope with everything.

The only one here who has said "I deserve to get better" is Jean.

That's saying something.

I'm not talking about Andrew and Neil because they're separate. Andrew is bipolar and has a mental memory disorder, a curse for his trauma, and I think he goes to Betsy because he connects with her, not because he's looking to get better. Despite that, he gets better with Betsy, but I don't think that's exactly what Andrew is looking for when he talks to her.

On the other hand, Neil doesn't think he needs to get better. In the world he lives in, revealing secrets and how his mind works is dangerous. It's like a mafia boss going to a psychologist. He would lose part of his ability to act outside of morality, and Neil doesn't want that, as he needs that ability to feel calm and defend his people. His "amorality" is what makes him feel at peace with himself.

Neil doesn't think by normal standards, but by the standards of a dark and immoral world. I don't think going to therapy would do him any good because he would sabotage it himself.

I think Neil and Andrew are characters who have reached their mental "balance" to a certain point. Jean is getting there. And Jeremy and Kevin haven't yet hit rock bottom enough to say, hey, come on, we have to start climbing to get out of here.

That's why I think something will happen in TBC with Jeremy and Kevin that will make them "hit rock bottom" and begin to seek mental stability.

Jeremy's stability will arrive (or begin) in TBC, and Kevin will start working on his in TQG.

[vartoids]

neil with jean vs neil with literally anyone else

based on this post by @joejhang

[andrewminyardslawyer]

The Golden Raven predictions/theories/a few wishful thinking

Last time I got all of them correct so we'll see how this goes! Sorry for the length, there was a lot more detail and explanations this time around lmao I've posted some of these separately and will probably add more after my reread 🤷‍♂️

- Andrew and Neil go with Kevin to Cali. To keep up the childhood friend pretence, and Kevin can't go alone. Andrew talks to Jean about Bee, that she is trustworthy. Nothing extreme but like "talk to Bee" and nothing else but Jean understands (I actually doubt this is going to happen but I think if anyone's going to convince Jean it's okay to talk to her it would be Andrew based off of Jean's thoughts from TSC). I want Wymack there but I don't think he will be with practice already started for the year and the new foxes there. A potential Kevin and Renee combo because Jean needs support and Kevin can't go alone but Andrew and Neil need to stay with the team. Either way Kevin will have someone with him, he won't be able to travel alone

- Kevin and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Talks to Jeremy more about the nest and we get more information on what Riko did to Kevin

- I hope the interview is not live or recorded, it needs to be an article and I want it to be done by Renee's mom even though I have no idea what kind of reporter she is. She would be the kindest option but I don't think we're in for a kind interview. I don't think it'll be completely disastrous though. Kevin knows what he's doing, he's going all the way to Cali specifically to support Jean, the interview is to control the rumors, I don't think it will crash and burn. The Kevin Jean conversation before/after however...

- We know Jeremy's dad is (most likely) military and military often become cops when they come back. Jeremy hides from the cops (valid. ACAB)...

- someone on the team tries joking around with Jean and does something to trigger a panic attack, like splashing him with water or something

- Jean and the Coaches post

- Jean and Shane become friends. Shane is a little chaotic (he's a goalie, comes with the territory) and gets Jean to start changing how he thinks about things, he can relax a little and have fun. My reason why I think it's Shane post

- Jean baby please seriously talk to Bee

- Jean crying. Please I need him to let it out!!!

- interesting to me that Jeremy's parents make him stay at the house during the week but he's free on the weekends and during the summer. Wondering if he was missing classes and he has to stay there so they make sure he goes

- mysterious potentially dead sibling is his stepfather's biologically?

- Thanksgiving break. Cat and Laila go to one of their families, leaving Jean and Jeremy alone at the house. Jeremy is required to attend Thanksgiving dinner and Jean is invited so he's not alone and Jeremy's step dad/grandfather wants to "get to know the new teammate"

- Annalise using the term investment for Jean seems like....a Choice. Pair that with Jeremy's meticulous tracking of money and his family restricting how much he gets, it seems like Jeremy has been irresponsible with money in the past

- Jeremy family event obligation. It was mentioned that if "If the Con-gressman needed a picture-perfect family for photo ops, the Knox family was duty-bound to dress up and smile bright for an exhausting number of cameras" (congressman is his step grandfather)

- "but there's bound to be a jerk or two once you pass four kids." Once you PASS for kids. Jeremy has more than Bryson, Annalise, and one mysterious probably dead other sibling. Potentially none dead and just cut contact? Maybe took sides with Jeremy's bio dad

- Jean's parents contact him some how but honestly I think if that's going to happen it will be in the third book. I feel like that part of the story won't really start rolling until then, like publicly.

- a scene with Jeremy talking to his therapist

- I feel like Jeremy's mom didn't marry his stepfather until recentlyish. Like the thing that "tore their family apart" was their parents divorcing after whatever went down Jeremy's freshman year. Or maybe they were divorced before that but still on speaking terms and the Event changed that.

- we find out what Jeremy's stepdad actually does. We know his step grandfather is a congressman but no information about his stepdad

- more of a personal wish but I don't want Jean to drink alcohol, like ever. I want him to learn how to work through things without it, I want him to avoid it because he doesn't want to become dependent on it, doesn't want to risk it

- Jean is average at pottery at first and that frustrates him that he isn't perfect at it immediately but it helps him learn that it's ok to not be good at everything or that slow progress is more sustainable

- depending on the timeline, Jean birthday. One of the team asks him when it is and they make a thing out of it on the day. Or no one knows but the coaches have it marked and one wishes him happy birthday during practice and the team, mainly the main trio/floozies, are like why didn't you tell us ☹️ and get him a few small things

- more Elodie conversations. The trio finds out

- find out what happen with Zane and Grayson but it's because Zane gets in touch with Jean after Grayson dies and they have some sort of discussion about it. Maybe Zane goes public and talks about it before committing suicide

- i've seen a million theories about Jeremy's backstory but none really bring his father into it and I think we need to focus on that a little bit more. Jeremy says he doesn't like people calling him by his last name, Knox, which must be his biological fathers last name because his stepdad's name is Wilshire. And he says ' "I've never been to Europe. Dad's been stationed there a couple times, but.." He shrugged and didn't bother to elaborate.' My immediate thought was military but with his mom remarrying a man whose father is a congressman makes me think Jeremy's dad might be more in that type of work than military because how else would she be in the same sphere as a congressman's son. Maybe high level military. Anyway! Jeremy doesn't want to use his father's last name either so something definitely happened with him as well. Whether it's two different things or all the same as the "scandal" Jeremy's first year. I don't really have a set theory about it but I do think he is involved in some way

[dykekarkat]

Since its pride month do you have any lgbt aftg character headcanons (apart from the canon stuff)

here is my list of assorted lgbt hcs for the foxes:

transfem renee the realest ever. truly and utterly trans girl renee is everything to me. her and neil both have the reborn dead names narrative i am no longer that person but i am always haunted by them bcus i cant escape that part of who i was. also i think she diys her own e and neil is currently concocting a plan to microdose kevin's protein shakes with it. also bi renee (her crushes being dan andrew jean. poor girl.)

for seriousness trans girl kevin is real to me i think she starts thinking about it more once she's in the pros and has her Giant mental breakdown due to being alone for the first time and unresolved trauma issues. and everyone knows that in ur twenties the three options are 1. marathon (kevin bad at distance to me so no) 2. trip to japan (he is not doing that) 3. transition (ding ding winner) also aroace kevin is my shit i like putting kev in qprs a lot more than ships tbh

dan and matt are both bi but dan PLEASE dont let ur boyfriend keep u from finding ur wife (renee) (jokes i like danmatt actually). i also think matt struggled to come to terms with his sexuality for a long time and after he meets dan he just kinda puts it on the back burner bcus he knows he wants to be with her forever and ever and so he tells himself it doesn't really matter. rooming with nicky and actually being able to connect / build a friendship with him helps him a lot.

unfortunately i do believe in straight aaron, seth, and allison in my heart of hearts. however i like when other people make them gay it brings me joy. also trans guy aaron is always real to me, usually in tandem with butch lesbian andrew bcus i like when they are still identical.

demiromantic andrew very near and dear to my heart and also consistent. bcus neil and andrew are literally my #tuoys so i have one million hcs about them and all of them are contradictory. i believe in transmasc transfem gay lesbian girl boy andreil entirely depending on my mood and what i feel like exploring. i tend to project when it comes to neil tho which is why i lean towards him being transmasc in my writings. whatever neil's got going on is very transgender tho. in one million directions.

nicky i dont have any other hcs about ur sexuality/gender outside of canon babygirl im sorry...he just gay to me....

[humongousgothskeletonfarm]

TGR CHAPTER 19 THOUGHTS

(includes spoilers)

- “Kevin gamely did his best to keep Neil out of the conversation, not trusting his vice-captain to speak, but the interviewer was persistent.” IM CACKLING NEIL CANNOT BE RESTRAINED KEVIN LET HIM LOOSE

- THANK U NORA FOR GIVING US KEVIN AND NEIL BANTER WE R SO BLESSED

- kevin kicking neil under the table 🫶 neil saying if kevin was honest about the ravens he wouldn’t have to be and kevin saying bitch ur literally the least honest person i know🫶 they love each other so bad

- “They don’t deserve kindness from me after everything they’ve put us through,” Neil insisted. “I hope they lose every game this season, and I’ll say it as many times as someone asks me. They don’t belong on the court until everyone Coach Moriyama trained has been cleared out of there. Edgar Allan should have farmed them out to other schools and dismantled the entire program, if you ask me.” HE SAID WHAT HE SAID AND HE WASNT WRONG OK HE STOOD ON BUSINESS THAT IS THE NEIL I KNOW AND LOVE THANK U FOR UR INPUT KING

and all kevin says is

“they didn’t ask you”

- “Kevin forgot all about his contentious teammate in favor of Trojan gossip.” i love him

- kevin defending jean, being confused why the interviewer thought he’d get in a brawl 🫶

- “Glad to see his ribs healed up without any lingering consequences for anyone involved.” neil u little instigating shit u!!!

- kevin POINTEDLY rubbing his scarred hand and then saying “With all due respect, there is no point,” he said. “You will never take anyone’s word over theirs, so you are best off asking the Ravens for the truth. But good luck: they do not know how to tell it unless one has been fed to them.” HE SAID THAT HE WENT THERE HE SAID FUCK UR BULLSHIT FUCK UR DICK RIDING OPEN UR EYES AND GROW A BRAIN BECAUSE THE RAVENS ARE NOT WHO U THINK THEY ARE

OHHHHH IM SHAKING IN MY BOOTS GUYS THIS IS MONUMENTAL LORD I LOVE THEM

- oh jere ur so jealous of renee and u don’t even know it

- it’s quite sad reading about how the graduated ravens career in exy only lasts about five years before the succumb to chronic pain etc. as much as i hate them for their actions, their treatment of jean and kevin and enabling of riko. they too were mistreated by riko and tetsuji and as much as they all still maintain that cult like loyalty to the ravens it is just very sad

- “Jeremy feared for Jean’s long-term health, but he feared for Kevin’s more.” oh jere ur so kind

- i’m ngl im so bad with names when im reading, especially when there’s heaps of characters. if one person only gets called by their last name and occasionally someone mentions their first name im going to assume it’s a whole different person. i cannot remember like half of the trojan lineup if im being completely honest with u

- ik u guys don’t give a fuck coz ur only here for the book but writing these is like writing a diary to me and i feel compelled to interject with random personal updates. i have exactly 100 pages left and less than an hour before i have to start getting ready for uni and leave and im desperate to finish it. lets lock in

- having to take a deep breath before i read the fox/raven game guys im so excited im shaking

- HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHITTTTTT

- JESUS FUCKING CHRIST U GET DISTRACTED FROM THE GAME FOR ONE SECOND AND SOMEONES ALREADY TRYNA KILL NEIL!! THEY BARELY STARTED PLAYING!!! GET THE FUCK OFF HIM BITCH

- KEVIN RUNNING TO GET TO NEIL AND BEING ATTACKED AND DAN FIGHTING OFF HIS ATTACKER AND KEVIN IMMEDIATELY STRAIGHT BACK TO GETTING NEIL AHHHH

- ALL I CAN SAY IS WHAT THE FUCK HOLY SHITTTTT

- andrew dragging wymack to get to neil while being injured ohhhhhh it’s baltimore all over again

- andrew immediately bodying the girl tryna attack neil with an injured arm and kevin kneeling beside neil. god he’s so loved and protected

- THIRTY SECONDS INTO THE HALF????

- “Boyd had no problems taking on a second body.” YEAH THATS RIGHT

- “Someone had finally gotten Neil to his feet, and Andrew was somehow keeping him there.” neil thought andrew looked steady, like he could hold him up😭

- UM FUCK THAT????? I AGREE DILLON WHY TF WERE THE GUY WHO HIT ANDREW AND LANE WHO TRIED TO LITWRALLY KILL NEIL AND WENT BACK FOR MORE EXEMPT FROM SUSPENSIONS BUT ANDREW WASNT

CHAPTER TWENTY

- lowkey is suchhhh a slight to put ur third lineup/not as great players on as starting. if i was the utes and i saw them do that id be so cut like ok i see what ur saying here

- “Being a victim doesn’t automatically absolve someone of their wrongdoings,” he said at last. “I can regret what they’re going through now, but I am not required to forgive them for what they’ve done to people I care about. I genuinely hope they get the help they need, and I hope it happens as far from the court as possible. Josten was right: none of them are ready to be back yet. It isn’t fair to them or anyone they’re up against.”

you took the words right out of my mouth jeremy. very diplomatic, two things can be true at once. the ravens need to heal and unlearn the bad behaviour they have been taught and stop inflicting it on others, they have been abused yes but that does not negate the abuse they contain to perpetuate and enact on others such as the foxes and jean. i hate them and i also want them to get better for their sake and everyone around them

- god jeremy has so much more patience and a stronger will than i could ever have. if someone sat their and kept pressing me and talking shit about my team i couldn’t refrain from starting an argument

-“He doesn’t want to challenge them. I don’t have to like it, and I won’t stop encouraging him to stand his ground, but I’m not going to force him into a confrontation he’s not ready to have. He’s learning how to trust us. I can’t betray him.”

ur already doing so well by him jeremy

- WHATS GOING ON PLS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEONE TELL ME GIVE ME UPDATES OM THE FOXES!! WHATS RHEMANN SAID THAT GOT JEAN SO IPSET

- THE RAVENS HAVE BEEN SUSPENDED HOLY SHITTTTTT

- “He knew Rhemann had great respect for Wymack and the way he’d crafted his unorthodox team, and Rhemann had never hesitated to throw his weight behind Palmetto State when the ERC seemed poised to strike the small team down,” MUCH RESPECT TO RHEMANN GOTTA LOVE HIM

- TWO FRACTURED RIBS OHHHHH HES NOT GONNA BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT

(the missing out on court time)

- wymack and abby and andrew are gonna have their work cut out for them trying to stop him from playing

- GODDD A FRACTURE CLAVICAL ON ANDREW TOO???

- “Say the word and I’ll fight him over Christmas break,” Cody said. “I wasn’t going to go home for it, but I’ll make an exception.” LOVE THEMMMM I KNOW ITS A JOKE BUT LIKE TROJANS DONT EVEN JOKE ABOUT FIGHTING PEOPLE AND THEYRE DOING IT FOR JEAN

- jean hating cam because he was rude to thea oh he’s so good

- “How Jean’s kind heart had survived a place like Evermore, Jeremy wasn’t sure.” HE WAS ALWQYS TOO GOOD FOR THEM THIS SHITS GONNA MAKE ME CRY ON THE TRAIN RN

- OH MY FUCKING GOD I WAS THINKING JESUS CHRIST WHAT HAS SOMEONE SET THEIR HOUSE/COURT ON FIRE???

THEY DID WTF OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS IS INSANE MY JAW IS ON THE FLOOR

god i can’t even imagine their heartbreak this is so devastating. jeans first real home, the very little amount of possessions he had to his name all gone. the beautiful home laila and cat have constructed over the years a reflection of who they are as people, jeans safe haven. my chest aches for them.

jeans postcards from kevin and his 4th of july wristband :(( and knowing how guilty he’s going to feel over this,

- “You’re a victim as much as Cat and Laila are, so don’t take on a burden that isn’t yours. It won’t help any of you. Do you understand?”

“They adore you and so will gladly reassure you of your innocence until you believe them, but your unasked-for guilt is a distraction from their loss and grief. They don’t deserve that extra stress right now.”

“The best thing you can do right now is accept that some people are assholes and that it is outside of your control. Mourn what you’ve lost without carrying more than you should.”

some very wise words for jere, min and xavier there. it’s very easy to fall into the unending spiral of guilt and convince urself that u are at fault when that may not necessarily be the case

- rest in peace barkbark

- if this was a physical book there would be tears trains all over the pages of this chapter :(

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

- ohhhh jean hugging cat like she always does for him because it always makes him feel better im sooooo sick

- unnecessary life update no.5123849: i’m officially finished classes for today and i got to catch up with the only friend i can talk about aftg with for coffee, she hasn’t finished the book yet but it was much needed to get all my feelings out lmao

- “He’s only been playing for fourteen years, you can’t expect his own mother to know how an Exy season works.” cat is the friend everyone deserves

- AGENT BROWNING MAKES HIS RETURN

- “I hate this sport,” Browning said to his partner. “Explain to me why they’re all like this.” THiIS IS TEWWWW FUNNYYYYYY

browning fucking hates exy players

- oh wow look at the fbi being helpful once, that’s a shock

- idk if this is just because i’m not a part of sport culture or if it’s because im not american. but it’s so crazy to me that people (grown adults) are THAT invested in college sport that they would care this much i.e. burn down someone’s house in retaliation. idk maybe this is a thing that happens in the real life sporting fandom or maybe i should focus on the fact that this is fiction

[leroiestmortvivelareine]

tgr live journal - ch 1-2

My reactions to The Golden Raven, live and unhinged.

I've read all of tgr now (twice) and I wanted to do something different. So here you go - all my hot takes, all in the one place.

Some of my early comments and guesses are hilariously embarrassing in hindsight but i've preserved them as I wrote them...

(tgr live journal index)

tgr live - ch 1-2

hello Jean's attitude has NOT improved lol

i like that he's starting this book very much on his own terms

ah yes this is the 'court is in session and waiting to hear Lucas' testimony' scene

which Lucas could have avoided, as the room arrangements make clear

ah - Lucas in the seat behind him - didn't see that coming - echoes of Neil waking up incredibly vulnerable with Nicky behind him (i still get so mad about that)

it changes the dynamic considerably - hello Ms Nora

Lucas' face all smashed up - Jean is turning the Trojans into Ravens, isn't it supposed to be the other way around?

Jean wants to send that no-touch jersey to the guillotine more than any enemy a Frenchman has ever faced

so what was coach's hard-to-define feeling? was it just knowing Jean didn't want to be benched?

zane zane zane zane zane

why does everything that sheds light on Riko do so in a million splinters that make it even harder to see him

brutal start... trying to slam apart all the rosy fanfics we've comforted ourselves with over the last few months? it's working

my lovely Jean hiding Xavier's ibuprofen so he won't get him into trouble xoxo

that sound you're hearing is an entire fandom writing 'Sheldon' on a napkin and passing it to Neil

pop! and i am dancing around the kitchen in glee

Neil has adopted Andrew's love language: depositing a mangled creature at your feet as a present. They are basically cats

wait... is Jean admitting he actually likes N... no, ok, I was just checking

lol the whole whole Moreau family takedown narrative hinges on Jean being besties with Neil and he can't keep it up for five seconds

and Neil is already vice-captain! (lording over Kevin... I hope)

is anyone updating Grayson's entry in wikipedia or have we lost interest in him entirely and now lust after Sheldon's blood

Seriously i haven't got the stamina for complicated intrigue can someone just tap him like that second guy Arya Stark named who walked in the door and went 'urgh' and keeled over

considering they're the most stable and grounding character in this book, Cody exists in a nebulous, almost theoretical state - nonbinary, not officially head of backliners, not exactly in a poly relationship... homie are you a person or a radioactive actinide?

the comment they made in tsc always impressed me, about how you can use good nature offensively. I could feel that got through to Jean - bridging the gap between the Raven way and the Trojan way

maybe that's Cody's role - to be always used as a bridge. maybe that's part of why i'm still sus about the Pat and Ananya thing, maybe i worry they'd be used. So far i'm not seeing how Pat and Ananya are worthy of such a cool character. I'm with Jean on this: those two pushing and Cody not responding = an orange flag if not a red one. Cat's rationale of 'it's just fear' doesn't convince me either, Cody doesn't seem the fearful type. (maybe they just share my view that they can do better?)

then again that's kind of the theme of tsc isn't it - your loved ones pushing you gently towards love even though you aren't at first able to respond. it can be a good thing. it can be something else entirely.

Hmmm death by motorboat (!) sounds highly specific... does Grayson get his comeuppance on water to generate suspicion that Ms Moreau is up to her old tricks? Is Stuart smooth enough to kill two birds with one stone? And would those older murders even be on record? Maybe here's Jean's chance to get them on

uh oh... the 'pop' comment is actually going to sound very suspect if it was actually a gun that took Grayson out...

maybe Mr Knox is homophobic but I get more of a ptsd vibe... or maybe I'm just being generous, for the sake of another fictitious airman

I need Jeremy to tell his dad he loves him and misses him

has he seen the other dads in this series

last minute theory based on all those acts of charity at the start of tsc - what if Jeremy converted to Islam?

the banquet scandal was him refusing pork and saying why...

did Joshua text him to call him a terrorist?

but no - because then Jeremy would have been praying along with Nabil wouldn't he

ok scratch that theory

Ok THAT sound is an entire fandom violently dissociating and convincing themselves they cannot read... because there is no way that sentence said what i think it said

I've read it ten times now and it hasn't changed

i don't want to turn the page

i shouldn't have turned the page

Jean no, you can't say that about Kevin...

ah why have i only just realised the Zane / Grayson thing would have been a nightly occurrence if Riko hadn't stepped in to stop it... (and how the hell did he end up the hero of this piece?)

for an English major you do not seem to know what 'unsettling' means. I think 'permanent psychological mutilation' were the words you had in mind

also can you guys start giving Jean cooking tasks that DON'T involve sharp knives

ok Cat can officially fuck up for the rest of her life and I will forever worship her

Jean I know you've been through the shredder but news flash, your crush is in pain and still finding a way to care about you, do you really want Sheldon the walking corpse snaking your wave here?? do something supportive you French twat

Thank you Nora for ending chapter 2 with a minim rest so i can breathe

--

(next >)

[zombiecowboy65]

Can I be real I don't care about Kevin. I'm kind of interested in the queens game because it will likely tie up some loose ends about the Moriyamas that we won't be able to fit in the broken cage (because hopefully wall to wall jerejean 🤞) and it will probably have implications for Jean and Neil as well as Kevin but like I genuinely don't care about getting Kevin pov 😭. I'm gonna bsffr i only care about Jeremy and Jean. I do care about Andrew and Neil but like their story is pretty much done and I'm happy with the original trilogy for them but in terms of new books I only care about jerejean 🥴 but I feel like that's an illegal opinion to have in this fandom. I am esp apprehensive for the prequel bc I feel like it could just be torture porn and I REALLY don't care about Riko. And any Jean content in that book will just be heartbreaking it's bad enough hearing about it in past tense I don't want to REVISIT it. I feel like I'm one of the only people who isn't celebrating 😭 like Kevin pov interests me for his true perspective on jean, Jeremy, andrew, and Neil as individuals and to find out what his sexuality really is but that's it 😭 had to express this to another jerejean soldier sorry I feel u may be one of the few who understand

Me if liking jerejean more than andreil was illegal.

Also I fear I do understand u 100%. & sorry I’m late to this ask 😔 I was trying to avoid it getting caught up in the kerej*an discourse I accidentally riled up lol.

There was a time where I begged for a jerejean series and a Kevin prequel but I specifically wanted it to start with him leaving the nest. Like I wanted the year of him coaching the foxes more than anything. And I still kinda do, BUT I do not want this nest prequel. I feel like THAT is an illegal opinion to have. But fr I don’t give a shit about how Kevin felt awful having to watch Jean get tortured. And do I understand that Kevin was abused too? Yes. Was it anywhere NEAR Jean’s level. No. And I’m not saying this to make this a competition, but we know they spent time together as perfect court, and Jean says Kevin used to stay with him when it was really bad, so I assume at the very least we will get continuous descriptions of Jean/Jean’s injuries. And honestly . I simply do not care for gratuitous descriptions of violence—sexual or otherwise. I never have and I never will.

To me, and I’ll happily be proven otherwise, that is what the nest prequel will be. But who knows, maybe Nora will skip around it and just show the aftermath where the worst is done. Especially because I don’t know why we seem to keep building up Jean’s abuse when we feel it was not bad enough 🧍. ( 2 me, Jean’s “I didn’t ask” completely goes against “I did ask for it” considering he refutes several other claims in his narration and never really shies away from the absolute truth even when it’s awful?? Idk. Just my two cents there. ) . And I fear we will just build and build on Jean considering the circumstances.

I do think the queen’s game could be interesting, especially considering it will most likely round out the moriyamas, but…idk I am not as taken with andreil as most of this fandom, and wherever Kevin is, those two follow. Also & maybe this is me being bitter but the Kevin prequels could’ve been announced later on 😭. Dropping them with jerejean was bound to have ppl talk about them more than jerejean, especially bc so many ppl dislike jerejean because they’re not edgy enough💀

But I do find Kevin interesting as a character. So ill tune in to see but… no one will ever get me in the trenches like jerejean i fear lol

[bloody-wonder]

looking forward to ur review of tgr :)

so yeah i don't like what these books are doing😬

not the foxes - the foxes are talented brilliant amazing show-stopping as always. love that neil is still a pathological liar. love that andrew is still a menace to society. love that both of them still take turns babysitting kevin. you probably know i'm an aroace kevin truther but honestly? kevin *all i want in life is to play the perfect game* day and thea *supremacy on the court above all else* muldani are a match made in heaven. this is the aro4aro rep we need. love renee's cameos too. the foxes vs ravens fight was harrowing but in narrative terms it was also the only logical escalation of their conflict, to say nothing of the fact that it was the only moment in this entire book (that is somehow longer than tkm) where literally anything happened that elicited any emotions from me. having to return to the trojans and their match with whoever the fuck was super jarring. it's like you're made to acknowledge that the real story is taking place elsewhere and then forced to stay over here where nothing interesting is happening to anyone important.

ig people often criticize the plotlessness in jean's trilogy and then other people counter that this is a feature and not a bug bc the story is a character driven narrative about healing from trauma and rediscovering yourself etc etc. while i agree with the idea that neil and jean are different people who require different story structures, i don't think that jean's books succeed at this slow-moving character study/development format. when people defend something as character driven, they usually mean that the character work in a text is its raison d'être, which is why the author channels the narrative resources they could've used for the plot into the character work, making it superior to the one in a plot-driven book, for example. i don't think the character work in the new series is that good - or any good at all when compared to the supposedly more plot-driven og trilogy.

jean and jeremy are the only characters with any depth but neither of them is interesting to follow. jean lacks agency and, while i understand that this is how his trauma manifests, i simply cannot get invested in his arc bc he just does whatever he is told. he used to do bad stuff bc he was surrounded by bad people, now he's doing good stuff bc his good friends the trojans tell him to be nice, practice self-care, turn the other cheek etc. this is a simplified and unserious idea of healing that is apparently rather appealing to many but to me feels condescending and narratively bankrupt. i don't want to read about the therapeutic power of cooking, gardening and other cozy cottagecore activities in my sports mafia books. i wish jean had joined the foxes after all. maybe his Healing Journey wouldn't have been as straightforward but it would've made for a much more compelling, meatier story.

taken by itself jeremy's tragic backstory is quite solid, however when contrasted with other major aftg characters his problems come off as annoying. to quote a goodreads review i just saw: jean is out there reenacting a little life and jeremy is sad bc the only person in his family who likes him is his butler - who he has. in his mcmansion. boohoo a tear for your discomfort :// ik we're not discussing trauma as if it were a competition but let me just say - there's a reason we find out about matt's and allison's backstories mostly from the extra content. at any rate, the deep dive into jeremy's sad family life doesn't add anything particularly valuable to his character bc the development is lacking. while jean goes on his flimsy self-actualization journey, jeremy remains boringly static. i suppose he will get an emancipation arc in the last book but, given that he's one of the two pov characters and the love interest besides, it will be too little too late.

speaking of romance, i don't feel any chemistry between them. from time to time one of them will mention in their inner monologue that he finds the other one attractive and ig they do become friends but there's no spark, no tension of any kind. why should these two characters end up together, beyond the fact that they're two queer guys who keep hanging out? idk maybe this is just a personal preference but i was much more invested in jean's unrequited crush on kevin. this jerejean book made me a kevjean shipper, i hope y'all are happy now😐

the rest of the trojans are non-characters. i still cannot tell cat and laila apart, to say nothing of the rest of the team and staff. sure, i know more facts about them - laila's uncle owns the house, cat's the one with the motorbike, coach rhemann has a husband, this teammate is trans, that one uses they/them pronouns, these two are himbo jocks, there's a bunch of people with ethnic names so we know the trojans are a diverse team - but i don't know who they are, what purpose they serve in this story or why i should care if their home burns down. (seriously, when it comes to lost property i care a lot more about neil's murder racquet that was confiscated in trk and still hasn't been returned >:( ). in fact, now it has become painfully clear that this is a typical case of style over substance type of minorities representation - the surface level rep is in your face but there is nothing material behind it. it says nothing, it doesn't make for interesting characters or serve any other narrative purpose. it's just nora's failed attempt to address the common criticism of the lack of diversity in the og trilogy.

while the trojans are hardly convincing as individual characters it can be argued they work as sort of a collective character - a smiling faceless crowd whose job it is to therapy speak at jean (who already goes to two different therapists) until he heals from his trauma in real time. toxic positivity is not the right word to describe this but i hope you understand what i mean. absolutely suffocating to read bc there is no push and pull. jean brings nothing to these relationships so it ends up feeling like he just joined another cult.

(one notable exception to this problem imo would be tanner: he's interested in the raven drills and jean is interested in improving the trojans' skills so the contrast of their personalities is complemented by this mutual exchange and benefit and both guys can bond over exy, you know, the titular Game in "All for the Game"? tbh given how much exy is actually played in tsc and tgr nora should've just filed jean's books under a new series called "The Game? I Don't Know Her"🙄 anyways as a result, instead of coming off as an overused gimmick their antisocial great dane vs playful golden retriever puppy dynamic does feel genuinely cute and endearing. i wish nora used this reciprocal approach with other relationships in the series, instead of just having everyone baby jean around all the time.)

my thoughts keep coming back to the conversation between jean and cat (or laila? i honest to god have no idea which one of them) after the banquet where he says that it doesn't matter that everyone liked him bc he had to perform this civil persona in compliance with the trojans' public image (and to subvert people's expectations of his raven behavior) and she gives him a lecture about being kind and polite as if he's a 3yo. he says people didn't meet the real him and she insists the rude obnoxious jean is not the real him, the implication being it's his raven trauma shadow self that he has to hide and overcome or in any case keep it in check so that it doesn't negatively influence his relationships. this to me feels like a notable reversal of what aftg has always been about, of what makes it special: the foxes' "life fucked us over and we're gonna make it everyone else's problem and, guess what, we'll find friendship, love, respect and fulfillment even so" becomes the trojans' "take your rant to the group chat, only post good vibes and positive affirmations on main". i wonder if this change in philosophy can to a certain extent be explained by the fact that aftg was conceived and written mostly in the early-ish days of the internet whereas jean's books are being written in the age of online performativity and the digital panopticon of social media.

the last thing i want to discuss is the trojans' ethos of sportsmanship, expressed in these new books as radical nonviolence in the face of their opponents' cruelty, radical turning of the other cheek, as it were. i don't know about that. in simplified terms, one could argue that the ravens were very good at exy bc they're evil and the trojans are good at exy bc they're kind. however, remarkably, when the two teams were pitted against each other the ravens consistently prevailed. it took a team that had the best of both worlds and a couple of tricks up their sleeve on top of that in order to end the ravens' reign. two books later it appears that the foxes are still the only feisty kid on the block who is brave enough to stand up to a bully and they're getting whumped for it like nobody's business, while everyone is gasping and sighing in commiseration, "those poor foxes can't catch a break", as if their misfortunes just happen randomly and not in retaliation for their dedicated and proactive campaign to rid their favorite sport of corruption and harassment. i'm not saying that the trojans' should engage in some sort of militant activism but i am saying i liked their famed sportsmanship much more back when it was expressed as this moment of chivalric solidarity with the underdog instead of disarming catchphrases or banquet respectability politics or whatever. now that the foxes took one for the team (again) and eliminated the ravens they finally created a playing field where the trojans' nonviolent approach can win a championship - which does feel like an overall positive for everyone but,, no thanks to the latter🤷‍♀️

[kev-noah]

Post canon aftg headcanon that lives in my head rent free — aroace Kevin making a new friend Noah, feeling the same sentiments he felt for Jean and Andrew and not really understanding them, then learning what it is and coming to terms with his feelings this time; getting an apology- and a promise of it never happening again- from Andrew about the strangling incident; building a strong friendship with Neil; healing from hewhoshallnotbenamed; developing a father-son relation with Wymack; becoming sober; reconciling with Jean; learning skiing and excelling at it!

[I do like kandriel, kevaaron & kevjerejean, but! I love the concept of aroace kevin day more as an aroace myself :)]

[afurtivecake]

I'm feeling restless today so I think I'm just going to say AFTG opinions until the craving I'm having for novelty and excitement goes away. Honestly, I have no idea if they're weird opinions or not.

1.Neil's POV worked too well as propaganda on me because I still can't make myself like or care about Aaron. Every time Aaron shows up in the narrative, I'm mentally like, "Oh. The other Minyard twin." He's an interesting character and his relationship with his family fascinates me, but, I still cannot make myself give a shit about him.

2.I like the detail of Aaron's homophobia. I don't know if other people remember 2007, but casual homophobia was very much in vogue unless you managed to surround yourself with an entire circle of queer friends like the Trojans. Mainly I like it because it opens up the floor for Nicky's comebacks, which I think are hilarious. ("Even quickies take time"? Perfect comedy timing)

Hang on, those first two make it sound like the only thing I like about Aaron is that he's homophobic towards his family and that's...only partly true. I also liked when he was an asshole to Neil on purpose. That was very cool of him.

3.I like the Andrew/Roland thing. It's such a power-move from Andrew to go for an older guy, who was also his colleague and superior, at a nightclub he was technically too young to be working at. He's been horrifically abused by older guys most of his life, he's just out of juvie, probably just coming to terms with his sexuality, and his first move is to start a casual relationship with someone who has the exact stats of someone you'd think he'd want to avoid. And honestly, good for him. Like, the guy does NOT do things by half-measures.

4.I'm of the "fine with any Kevin ship including none" camp but I do think that if all of Kevin's prospects where in a conference room together debating who should get to have a go at Kevin, I'd back Nicky. idk, I just think it's funny he technically called dibs first.

5.Kind of wish there had been more of Riko torturing Neil. We see a lot of Lola torturing Neil, but I think we missed out on a lot of truly unhinged shit Riko would have let slip while torturing Neil. If Neil had been at all lucid during that time, he would have probably picked up so much more new roast ammo. Like the next time he faced Riko, he could have just opened his mouth and Riko would have been DEAD. Riko would not have been able to recover from the humiliation Neil would have been able to deal him with what Neil learned about him while at Evermore.

6.I'll always be kind of disappointed Kevin isn't as awful as I thought he could be. Before TSC, I thought there was some real potential for some VERY ugly interactions between him and Jean. Like, shitty ex comes crawling back the moment things aren't going well for them kind of dynamic between the two of them. I was rubbing my hands together evilly and waiting for the drama. And then TSC came out and he was just. Kind to Jean? And I just like, "oh. what the fuck. he...cares? people are kind sometimes? oh what the fuck. that hurts worse." And then I become obsessed with Kevin Day forever like the rest of the fools.

[cubbyyyy]

A post about my favorite aftg relationships/friendships because why not?

1. Andreil. Of course. I think I actually don’t need to explain more but yea, they were my favorite part in aftg. they quickly became one of my favorite shippings and in my humble opinion love isn’t even enough of a term for them. No one will ever understand another the way they understand each other. They showed me what perfect compatibility looks like because in tiktok term - no one matches each others freak the way they match each others freak. I can’t imagine a neil without an andrew. they are different enough to make the other improve and similar enough to make the other feel validated. they aren’t afraid to show their dark sides bc the other matches the dark sides.

2. Andrew and Aaron. Twinyards. After Andreil their relationship intrigued me the most. The way they seem so indifferent towards each other but caring so much anyways is just so bittersweet. I live for their improvements. The way they legitimately killed for each other is just everything. Neil making Aaron understand that Andrew did everything for him and that he did the same is just so dear to me. Yea they misunderstand each other, but the brotherly love they have for one another could burn cities.

3. Neil and Matt. I love how matt just adopted neil. Neil may be a little crazy but Matt just goes along with it. So when Neil punches a guy, Matt hypes it up. Matt caring for Neil from the start was precious to me since I still wasn’t sure about the “monsters” in the foxhole court. like they seemed honestly pretty much demanding as fuck and I just wanted Neil to have a save, rest space while figuring them out and that’s what Matt gave him. (I especially like the trio of Matt/Dan/Neil). Matt is just the definition of a best friend and I’m glad Neil has his bestie outside of the monsters.

4. Nicky and Neil. Okay hear me out - when I think about Nicky and Neil I just pretend the eden incident didn’t exist bc I can excuse a lot, especially in fiction, but sexual assault is never on the list. So I made the choice to pretend it didn’t happen (i mean the books also pretend it didn’t happen lmao). And when you see them outside of the incident, they were pretty nice. I think Nickys cheerful personality helped to loosen the tension in the team (and monsters group). I loved when Nicky flooded Neils notifications so Neil wouldn’t flinch about them anymore. I also feel like Nicky played a big role in Neils growth. Like telling him to think about more stuff besides exy. Making Neil realize he has friends now. All that stuff.

5. Andrew and Renee. I just love how they’re sparring partners and understand each other so well, that they were the jogging team where they talk about possible zombie outbreaks.

6. Kevin and Jean. They didn’t have much screen time in the aftg series and I haven’t read the tsc yet, but their relationship intrigued me. This one I could possibly even ship romantically since they are so bittersweet that I just wish to save their ending. they formed a bond so deep but yet so scarred that it’s unexplainable.

7. Allison and Renee. I love them. I love how after Seth died, Renee took care of Allison. They just seem so fitting and I’m still shook they weren’t an official thing in the books.

8. Aaron, Nicky and Andrew. The fact that Nicky took care of the twins when he was barely an adult himself is just very precious.

9. Wymack and Neil. Honestly I could put him higher, I just forgot till now to mention wymack so he’s here. The scene at the end of the kings men where Neil asks for wymacks help is just stuck with me for life.

10. Kevin and Wymack. The fact that Wymack is Kevins father surprised me at first but then it made sense? When Kevin said that his father watches all his games I was ready to shed a tear.

[elene78-blog]

Someone said this here not long ago (sorry, I can't find the post), and I agree.

I don't think the championship game will be between the Foxes and the Trojans, but I think they'll play each other and USC will win, advancing to the semifinals or finals.

If you think about it, the Foxes reaching the finals this year would diminish the importance of the titanic battle that took place in the first trilogy, and it wouldn't be very realistic considering that:

A) Neil and Andrew will spend three months recovering. They won't be able to train, which is already a disadvantage in terms of physical condition.

B) There's a major conflict with the new players that prevents the cohesion of last year, and Neil and Andrew being injured will only strengthen these rookies until they are put in their place.

I think maybe losing to USC will be what puts the new Foxes in their place. Seeing the superiority and impeccable teamwork USC displays against them.

I also think that…

A) Despite what Nora said at the EC, the gap between the Trojans and the Foxes will be quite large (I don't think it'll be by just one point, it'll be a few more), which will make the rookies feel down.

B) And this is just my interpretation… I think Jeremy won't play.

I think Jeremy will get injured (or have an accident, or be assaulted by a family member) in the third book and will spend a lot of time on the sidelines. Why do I think this? Because of Jeremy's obvious situation, but also because Nora will want the Trojans-Foxes matchup to be as fair and even as possible, and that can only be achieved if the Trojans have one or two of their key players on the bench. I'm voting for Jeremy.

I think the fair thing for the Trojans would be for them to play without Jeremy against the Foxes. The Foxes just got Neil and Andrew back, and they've barely been able to fully regain their form.

This would also focus interest on Jean vs. Kevin. And also, of course, Jean's final interactions with Neil and Renee. A closure.

I think the finals will be against Penn State, as they said in that post. Why? Well, this team is one of the BIG THREE and they're the second most aggressive team in the league (if I remember correctly). Their game is very aggressive, similar to the Ravens', so the parallels will be obvious. But aside from that, they're also USC's quintessential rival, who have always competed for second and third place, behind the Ravens. Let's think…

The Ravens have fallen. The crown is being contested between USC and Penn State. We know USC wants to win with sportsmanship and their game isn't aggressive, and we also know Penn State plays similarly to the Ravens. Both have been wanting to take the crown from the number 1 team for years, and they finally have a free pass.

Penn State isn't going to play fair. They're going to be brutal. They're going to go on a killing spree and say awful things about Jean and Jeremy to get an advantage. They're going to be like the Ravens or worse to take the crown.

The Penn State players want to be the new Ravens, while the Trojans want to prove that you can win with fair play. If Penn State wins, the "Raven" way will be inherited. If the Trojans win, there will be a "new era" for college leagues where fair play and sportsmanship are appreciated and admired. And not only that.

Imagine what this means for the Flozzies, but more specifically, for Jean and Jeremy, for the entire exy world. People know Jeremy and Jean are queer, and everyone has said awful things about them.

Think about what it would mean for this hypermasculinized sports world if they won after five years, a sport where Jeremy and Jean have suffered so much, after a year that is undoubtedly tough for both of them.

Imagine what it means to establish fair play as a starting point with a gay captain and the "irrecoverable," aggressive, "traitorous," and promiscuous defender (I refuse to use "the other word" with my boyfriend) who supposedly teamed up because they're "degenerates," shutting the world up and blazing a different trail.

Their chances are derived from what the Foxes achieved, but it won't be inferior to their feat (and it could also mean something for Andrew and Neil's relationship, for Nicky, and for some of the players Jeremy was with at the orgy, who were disowned or expelled).

Imagine what it means for Jean when "queers have no place on my court," and here he is. He survived Riko, he won with fair play, no dirty tricks. He survived the Ravens when they committed mass suicide, when everyone thought Jean would be the first to fall. And what would it mean for Jeremy after everything that's happened to his family? My hair stands on end.

The final play has to be between Jeremy and Jean. It's "poetic justice."

[dayurno]

I will say that I have a severe bone to pick with ao3 Neil but specifically with Raven!Neil and other similar Canon divergence fics in which people cannot write him in the Nest/in proximity to Riko without turning him into either Kevin or Jean, both in terms of personality and plot beats/importance. We could be having a real conversation about what that universe would actually be like and how a different upbringing would affect the Neil we know and instead Im out here being tricked into reading All For The Game 2: without all the parts I like edition

100% AGREE WITH YOU ON THIS!!!!!!! my thing with most raven!neil aus is that often his personality goes entirely unchanged, and it puts him in a position where, like you said, he becomes kevjean's weird divorce kid. to me, when an author writes the same personality in a different setting for raven!neil, it feels so... shallow?! easy?! truly almost lazy. i think a nathaniel who was brought up to be the butcher's sucessor would be so different from the neil who was raised by mary on the run they would be entirely different characters. i think the neil we know would be changed in irreversible ways by being raised as the butcher's first son, and his personality would be closer to riko's than most aftg fans i feel would be comfortable acknowledging

for me the fun part of raven!neil is the way neil would rock perfect court dynamics if he was raised as nathaniel. riko and kevin would not have been as close if nathaniel was there with them; i don't think nathaniel would take kevin's place so much as he would be in a position where he, as a first son and the direct sucessor of the butcher, would be in somewhat of an equal footing with riko inside the perfect court (but never outside of it, let it be clear). in a situation like this i don't even think kevin and nathaniel would have become friends — i think kevin would have still left and nathaniel would have been the number one hound dog trying to get him back, going way further than jean did in the books to make sure kevin is back where he belongs. actually now that i'm thinking of it i think nathaniel would be pretty close to how andrew is in the first book, which would be very interesting to see :)

jean's life would remain horrible either way. i don't think nathaniel would ever be his anchor so much as he would've been a necessary ally to jean, someone who steps between him and riko because he is in a position to do so and because nathaniel needs jean to keep up with him in court, so in a way that would help jean. i don't know how kevjean's friendship would go in this universe though: would kevin being less close to riko give them more space to be friends or would jean's association with nathaniel push kevin away from the perfect court as a whole? to be perfectly honest, i think kevin and nathaniel would compete to be riko's number two for a long time, and i don't think kevin would win. truly telenovela levels of drama

[youdontknowhowtodiequietly]

@aurisartblog (it won't let me tag you??? for some reason???) i saw you asking for elaboration in the comments but idk how long my response would be and i despise typing under comments (it's just so squished - don't ask) so here ya go!

TW! Spoilers for TGR (I will only be talking about things I picked up in this book because I did not annotate TSC), mentions of SA, because, of course there is, it's these two.

To start off with: Jean is so aggressively loyal.

BUT

His aggression and violence is controlled. Idk if you saw the post someone made about Andrew never being out of control, even when others think he is, and I 100% stand by that and it's the same thing with Jean. We all saw how controlled he has been with everything - the game, practices, when ppl piss him off in general - but when it comes time where that aggression is needed to protect his people, it comes out in a measured dose that doesn't intend to seriously harm, but to get someone to back down. Like how a dog will give you a nip, or a cat will swat at you, to get you to back off? Yeah, like that.

Which leads me onto the dog thing.

Now, we're all aware of how Andrew is referred to as Kevin's guard dog, or something of the likes, with the leash and other metaphors. Well, Jean's is not so outwardly named, but he does display dog-like behaviours - especially an obedient one, even if that obedience has been abused into him.

For example, on page 13/14 (Kindle): "As usual, Jean finished first and went to wait on the bench near Jeremy’s locker." Tell me that is not a dog waiting obediently for its "owner" (not saying at all that Jeremy owns him, he does not, but Kevin did not own Andrew, so...) And going back to the whole control thing? If Jeremy said "bite", Jean would. It is Jeremy (and Rhemann, and his contract, but mainly Jeremy and Jean's fear of disappointing him) that keeps Jean at bay (most of the time - technically with Bryson Jeremy didn't say "go" but he also didn't put up much of a protest. I'm sure if Jeremy had been more confident and less afraid of his brother, he could have stopped Jean. But also, sometimes a guard dog will bite even if it isn't told to if it's owner(s) are in danger, and Jeremy and Laila were).

Another quote, which kind of made me really think "hmm, this guy is kind of a parallel to Andrew!" is one quote on page 335: "It makes you more interesting" after Jeremy insults the Bobcats. And quote on page 226 "Stop looking at me like that." (though I didn't realise how Andrew-like it was until I started writing this) are both almost exact copies of what Andrew has said - I think Andrew says "Interesting" to Neil once in the first trilogy? But I haven't read the books in yonks.

Also, just, the poker faces (though Jean's is less "I'm bored" and more, "I could not care less about anything going on"), how they're both so accepting yet filled with rage at what has happened to them (e.g., page 350 "I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. Then why did he want to scream until his throat bled?").

The fact that they are both victims of rape, yet believe that they would never get a true prosecution for their abusers (I'm sure that's why Andrew never spoke out, not just because he was trying to move on, but he knows how low the rates are of rapists getting prosecuted for women, and he no doubt made the connection that it would be even less between two men, even if it was CSA), and Jean doesn't really express this but I'm sure it's a thought.

And I don't doubt Andrew struggled to come to terms with his sexuality after everything that happened to him, and though it isn't the same as what happened to Jean, his struggle with his own attraction is similar.

If we were to get a POV of Andrew, and I were to read TSC again, I would probably be able to make more comparisons.

I hope you enjoyed anyways, and feel free to add to this if you wanna (anyone, btw, not just the person I tagged and am replying to) and sorry if it's a little incoherent, most of my posts usually are lmao.

everyone talks about the parallels between jean and neil, the misplaced forever partners, but no one talks about the parallels between jean and andrew

[bloodyreddeadskelly]

Kevin Day’s gay awakening

Little bit of gay awakening angst. I personally head canon Kevin as pan, but that is just my personal thought so think of him however you want. Not really any triggers, but I did write Nicky differently because I don't like how Nora wrote him and I want him to be a good friend and person.

   He lay in his bed wide awake, despite it being close to one in the morning. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, and the breathing of the boys around him. Dorms had been reconfigured a bit at the start of the year. Aaron, Nicky and Matt shared a room now and Andrew, Neil, and Kevin had the other. Andrew and Neil were curled around each other on the bigger bed across the room. Kevin laid alone in his loft bed. He had pushed his book shelf against his bed at the beginning of the school year, to box himself in more. Kevin enjoyed smaller spaces; they made him feel safe. He heard one of the boys, probably Andrew, move in his sleep. Kevin wished sometimes that someone could lay in his bed. He wished he could lay against someone and feel the warmth of their body against his, their breathing underneath him, hear their heartbeat as he lay his head on their chest, warm arms wrapped around him, holding him close. Kevin felt like his mind was eating him alive. The foxes had held a banquet that day, and Kevin had found himself spending most of it talking with Jeremy. The Ravens had attended and at first sight began to ridicule Kevin. He let it happen until Jeremy grabbed him away and dragged him to a table in the corner. They had made conversation with him the entire night. Kevin hadn’t felt so cared for in a while. He didn’t feel like he did though when Nicky hugged him goodnight, or when the upper class man finally invited him somewhere, or when Wymack invited him over for dinner and they talked about Exy and cars and Kayleigh Day. This care made Kevin’s stomach hurt and his head spin. He had never felt so comfortable about casual and genuine small talk. Jeremy made that easy and throughout their conversation Kevin had begun to realize more about Jeremy. The way his eyes lit up when he talked about his interests, his hair and how soft and fluffy it was, his deep blue eyes, the way he smiled and the freckles that danced across his face, the blush on his cheeks when Jean joined them. Kevin felt sick to his stomach when they bid each other goodbye.

   Now hours later Kevin found himself staring at the ceiling. His mind spun and he found himself questioning things about himself he had never questioned before. Kevin knew he found women attractive, but he also knew that he had found Jeremy attractive. Kevin crawled out of his bed as quietly as possible. He creeped into the living room and threw himself down onto the couch. Kevin couldn't risk Andrew waking up and seeing this. He pulled out his phone and searched up the word gay to start. Kevin immediately knew it wasn’t him. He liked women. He typed again. ‘I like women and men’. The search results he got seemed more relatable, but not quite right. Kevin found himself scrolling through articles and blogs, looking at flags and definitions. He finally found himself pausing upon a yellow, pink and blue flag. “Pansexual” he read. Kevin thought. He liked this. He realized he had never really cared about the gender of who he liked, and more or less just liked the person, but had only dated Thea who just happened to be a woman. Kevin found himself scrolling farther in the website and coming across a page labeled “Pronouns and how they work” He clipped on it hesitantly. Kevin read further and further, his brow creased with tension. He read about neo pronouns and gender neutral terms. How  the nonbinary umbrella worked and the labels under it. Kevin felt his eyes well up with tears. He had never known so much about himself so fast before. It was like a great tsunami wave hitting him at once.

   Footsteps broke the silence.

   “Kevin what the hell are you doing awake?”

Kevin dropped his found onto the carpeted floor in shock, hoping he had turned it off. Nicky stood in front of him wearing one of Erik’s sweatshirts he had stolen last time he visited Germany.

   “Nothing, why are you awake?” He responded.

He hoped Nicky couldn’t see the tears on his cheeks or hear the way his voice shook.

   “I thought I heard crying, wanted to make sure you were okay… Are you okay?”

   Kevin nodded quickly, hoping Nicky would just leave. To his dismay Nicky plopped down onto the couch next to him, touching shoulders.

   “What’s wrong?” He asked the green eyed boy.

Kevin let out a big sigh. He didn’t quite understand himself yet and Nicky was probably his best option for help.

   “How… how did you know you were gay?” He asked quietly.

Nicky’s brow furrowed. He was shocked by the question but answered.

   “I guess it’s just always been boys. Growing up, all my friends found girlfriends and had crushes on girls but I never did. I just didn’t like girls and then I kissed a boy and realized I was gay.” He responded, quickly following it up.

   “Do you think you’re gay?”

Kevin shook his head.

   “I definitely like women.”

   “But you like men too?”

Kevin sighed and nodded, looking down at his lap. He felt Nicky wrap an arm around his shoulder and rub his arm.

   “Do you think you’re bisexual?”

Kevin shook his head.

   “I think pansexual. I know bi and pan are similar but pansexual just feels more comfortably, I don’t know.” He finished quietly.

Nicky dropped his head onto Kevin’s shoulder.

   “Anything else, you can tell me anything?” He whispered back.

Kevin hesitated, but if anyone on the team would know about this it would probably be Nicky.

   “Do you know how he/they pronouns work?” He asked, feeling another teardrop fall down his cheek.

   “Yeah, Erik’s friend Michael uses them, so does Jeremy Knox. They’re all out by the way. I'm not like outing them or anything.” He clarified the last bit.

Kevin wiped his cheek.

   “I wanna try he/they pronouns.  I don’t know if I like them, but i just wanna try them out.” He admitted.

   Nicky pulled him closer.

   “Of course, do you want me to not use them around the team?”

Kevin nodded. He didn’t feel ready for anyone to know about him yet.

   “Yes. Can we just keep it a secret for now?” He asked.

Nicky nodded and said “take all the time you need.”

Kevin found himself doing something out of his comfort zone and reached over, grasping Nicky’s hand in his own scarred one. Nicky key responded by pulling into a tight hug. Kevin buried his head into Nicky's shoulder and felt his friend's warm hand rub between his shoulder blades, easing some of his stress.

   “Thank you” he whispered, muffled by Nicky’s sweater.

   “Of course. I’m very proud of you.” His friends responded.

Kevin and Nicky released each other from their hug and talked a little longer. Kevin found himself walking back to his room a bit later, and climbing into bed. He still longed to share it with someone else, but for now he felt a little more comfortable with the idea of who he would share it with. Kevin drifted off to sleep, his mind at ease over all the confusion he had experienced. Sure, he was still a little lost, but he felt like he had found a map to help him get the rest of the way out.

 I know a lot of people have different opinions on the bi and pan label. This is a personal head canon and I am venting through Kevin right now. I am a pan person, and the way Kevin describes just being more comfy with pan labels is how I feel personally although everyone’s experience is different.

[chronically-peach]

why am I like this?

Kevin, Andrew and Neil (platonic) Rated G. 1.7k words.

Kevin is standing in the middle of the court when the feeling of loneliness hits him like a freight train. It’s well past midnight and he’s alone at the court. Silence looms over the building like a threat and Kevin can hear his own ragged breathing like it’s being amplified over the court’s speaker system.

After Riko’s death Neil and Andrew stopped coming to late night practices. Kevin promised himself he didn’t need them, Neil had just been there to practice and Andrew was only there to uphold his side of their deal. He didn’t need someone with him all the time anymore. Andrew’s job was done. He stopped Kevin from going back to the nest and their deal had long since ended. He knew that but sometimes he forgot; catching himself going to text Neil to come meet him outside. Sometimes he caught himself looking for a head of blonde hair and a body leaned against the Maserati. Kevin swore he didn’t need anyone but sometimes his heart ached too much to brush off and he questioned if he was meant to be alone forever.

Tossing his racquet to the side Kevin slowly drops to his knees, letting the suffocating feeling of loneliness overtake him. His mind wanders to his time with Andrew before Neil showed up. They were never friends, Kevin and Andrew didn’t have friends. It was against their nature, monsters don’t make friends, or so Kevin thought. Then came Neil and everything he thought he knew was tilted on its head. Andrew and Neil were friends, lovers. They were everything to each other. That meant Kevin was alone again.

Growing up in the nest Kevin didn’t know what lonely was. He didn’t understand that you could be lonely in a room full of people. It wasn’t until he escaped the nest and had to leave Jean behind did he realize the emotion he had been feeling for most of his life had been loneliness.

He often caught himself watching the team and their friendships. Matt and Dan had each other but they also had the rest of the foxes. Allison had Renee and Renee had Andrew. Andrew had Neil and Renee, and even though he would never admit it he had Nicky and Aaron as well. Neil had everyone, except maybe Aaron, though they seemed to tolerate each other more lately. Aaron had Katelyn and Nicky. Nicky had the other foxes, even if he tended to get on everyone’s nerves. That left Kevin on the outskirts.

Sure, he spent time with them. It was hard not to when they basically all lived together but he never felt wanted or needed. He knew his presence wouldn’t be missed if he was to up and leave in the middle of everyone hanging out. If anything they would probably be relieved, Kevin never brought much to the table in terms of conversation. He wasn’t kind like Renee or funny like Matt. He wasn’t loveable like Neil or even tolerable like Nicky. Kevin was the queen, cold and unapproachable and cruel. Kevin was a drill Sargent that didn’t know how to have fun and never laughed. His only interests were Exy and history. He was a cry baby with a god complex. Kevin was the personification of every negative personality trait he could think of.

He’s not sure how long he knelt there, his mind racing with thoughts of how nobody would miss him if he was gone. The voice in his head sounded exactly like Riko and for a moment it felt like he never left the nest. He was still at Evermore, knelt in front of Riko as the king reminded him of exactly how little he would be missed if he were to be killed.

Kevin didn’t hear the court door opening and closing behind him. It wasn’t until cold hands were gently brushing his cheeks that he snapped out of the state he was in. Blinking slowly he remembered where he was. It was late, he was at the court. He was practicing alone. He wasn’t at the nest, Riko was dead. He was safe.

The cold hands moved to his hair and started slowly petting his head. When his eyes focused he recognized Neil’s bright blue eyes and scarred cheek but there was something wrong. The redhead’s lips were pinched in a tight line and his body rigid.

“Neil? What are you doing here?” Kevin asked, his throat burned and he wondered just how long it had been since he last drank something.

“Kev, oh thank god.” Neil’s expression softened and he looked above Kevin’s head at something. “Drew, he’s back.”

Slowly looking behind him Kevin could make out the shape of Andrew a few feet away, his phone to his ear. This made Kevin even more confused, why were they here?

Looking back at Neil he scowled. “Neil come on, what’s going on? Why are you both here right now?”

The redhead laced his fingers in Kevin’s hair once again and looked down at him dumbfounded. “You seriously don’t know? Kevin you never came home. We were worried.”

“I was just practicing, god Neil you’re not usually the worrying type. What’s the big deal? So I practiced a little longer than usual, no biggie.”

Neil rolled his eyes, annoyance spreading across his face. “What time do you think it is?” He asked, exasperated.

“It can’t be any later than 1:30, maybe 2:00 at the latest.” This caused Neil’s eyes to turn dark as he called out to Andrew again.

Kevin could sense Andrew behind him before he spoke. “Wymack said he’s almost here, Abby is coming too. She said to keep him where he is for now.”

“Wait, I’m confused. What the hell is going on? You called my dad and Abby? I’m not a fucking kid guys.”

“It’s quarter to 5 Kev. Neil woke up and realized you never came back to the dorm. We called you and got no answer so we came to check on you. We found you where you are now, completely out of it. We couldn’t get you back from wherever you were so we called Wymack.”

Realization washed over Kevin as the reality set in. He was stuck in his own head for hours, alone on the court in a complete state of disassociation.

Looking first at Andrew and then back at Neil he couldn’t help but feel conflicted. Surely they weren’t worried about him, Neil simply saw he wasn’t in bed and went to look for him out of curiosity. There was no way his roommates cared that much. They called his dad because someone had to deal with him. He was always causing problems, of course they’d want to pass him off to his dad.

“I’m sorry for making you come out here for me. I’ll be fine, just a little tired I guess. Go back to the dorm, I’ll wait for my dad and Abby, maybe stay at his apartment for a few days to rest.”

Andrew made a dissatisfied grunt at Kevin’s words, softly flicking him in the back of the head. “Are you seriously an idiot Kevin? We’re not leaving you until your dad and Abby get here.”

Neil’s hand moved from Kevin’s hair down to his chin, gently grabbing it between two fingers he tilted Kevin’s head so they were making eye contact.

“Why would we leave you Kev? What kind of friends would we be if we did that?”

Before the words could set in Kevin’s eyes filled with tears. He willed them to stop but they still threatened to spill over so he tore his face from Neil’s grip and looked down at the ground. Friends. Neil had called them friends.

“Friends? Since when are we friends?” Kevin asked, his bottom lip trembling with every word. “I thought we were teammates.”

Neil’s voice was full of sadness when he spoke. “Jesus Christ Kev of course we’re friends. I thought you knew that.”

“Do you think I would just hangout with you if we weren’t friends?” Andrew asked, the apathy from earlier now gone from his tone.

“W-well I don’t know. I never really thought about it. Why would you be friends with me? Our deal is over, you don’t need to interact with me more than necessary.”

Neil slowly stood and Andrew took his place in front of Kevin, his hands hovering just above the nape of the taller man’s neck. “Yes or no queenie?”

“Yes.” Kevin breathed, the tears finally escaping from his eyes.

Andrew’s grip on his neck was firm but comforting. Kevin had seen him do this with Neil countless times, usually in the middle of the night when the redhead wakes them both up with a nightmare. Andrew’s tenderness was foreign to Kevin but he wanted to devote this moment to memory. The loneliness that had consumed him earlier was long since crushed beneath the strength of Andrew’s calloused palm and for the first time since he escaped the nest he felt safe.

They stayed like that in silence until the sound of Wymack and Abby entering the court echoed through the gym. Andrew released his grip on Kevin and stood up, moving a few feet away to stand with Neil so Abby and Wymack had room to get to Kevin.

After Abby deemed him healthy and free to go his dad clamped a hand over Kevin’s shoulder, squeezing tightly. “You know you’re more than welcome to come and stay with me but I won’t argue if you want to go back to the dorm with Minyard and Josten.”

Looking over at his roommates Kevin’s heart swelled. He felt warm from the inside out, the aching loneliness that had caused this whole mess was gone. In its place was a warmth Kevin hadn’t felt since before his mom died. He felt whole again.

“I’ll go with those two, I think we have some stuff to talk about. Thank you dad, seriously. And Abby too.” His dad squeezed his shoulder once more before leaving the court with Abby. Once they were gone Neil started walking around, collecting the balls littering the court floor.

“Help me clean these up so we can go back to the dorm. You need sleep, you broody bastard.” There was no malice behind Neil’s words and Kevin felt a smile spread on his face.

Maybe he didn’t have to be alone forever after all.