#i feel like neil is to jean what andrew is to kevin in terms of protectiveness

[vartoids]

neil with jean vs neil with literally anyone else

based on this post by @joejhang

[kev-noah]

Post canon aftg headcanon that lives in my head rent free — aroace Kevin making a new friend Noah, feeling the same sentiments he felt for Jean and Andrew and not really understanding them, then learning what it is and coming to terms with his feelings this time; getting an apology- and a promise of it never happening again- from Andrew about the strangling incident; building a strong friendship with Neil; healing from hewhoshallnotbenamed; developing a father-son relation with Wymack; becoming sober; reconciling with Jean; learning skiing and excelling at it!

[I do like kandriel, kevaaron & kevjerejean, but! I love the concept of aroace kevin day more as an aroace myself :)]

[leroiestmortvivelareine]

My aftg song list, if you're feeling brave

or if you want to read my interpretations, for which slightly less bravery is required

Neil

'Come on mess me up' - Cub Sport

A major chapter in the singer's coming out story (leading to eventually marrying his bandmate!) - it's about wanting something (success) so badly that you're not merely willing to sacrifice yourself for it, you’re actively rushing onto the blade…

'Nothingman' - Pearl Jam

For the lonely Millport nights.

'Just one fix' - Ministry

Never trust a junkie...

Yes I know Neil doesn’t like to listen to loud music, but it’s not always about what Neil likes.

'Furr' - Blitzen Trapper

"... and now my fur has turned to skin... and I've been quickly ushered in... to a world I must confess I do not know... "

Neil our wild boy.

Andrew

'I’ll still destroy you' - The National

Because he would.

'I let love in' - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

Because he did.

'Bottom' - Tool feat. Henry Rollins

Because.

Sometimes I wonder if the M_y_ard name, the small size and the bad childhood is coincidence.

I already gave him this one.

Wymack

'How to make gravy' - Paul Kelly

*cries into keyboard*

Kevin

'Holy grail' - Hunters and Collectors

I hope you find your grail, dear Galahad, whatever the hell you think it is.

Riko

'Cardigan' [Taylor Swift cover] - Something for Kate

Riko to Kevin, for the Peter and Wendy line.

'Farewell, Mona Lisa' - the Dillinger Escape Plan

If it's in 4/4 time, it isn't real anger.

The maelstrom that is '43% burnt' probably sounds more like the inside of Riko's head, but these lyrics are a closer fit and there's no way you'll last more than 15 seconds of the audio. Also Riko is unworthy of Pennie's genius so he gets relegated to their third best drummer.

In terms of what he'd actually listen to, Riko is 100% streaming Jay-Z with a hoodie pulled over his head, tapping his hands and trying to be gangsta, a would-be boxer perpetually hearing his own walk-out theme song.

Except he he's got no rhythm so he looks exactly like Kendall Roy. (Don’t lie to me Moriyama. I’ve seen you do this.)

Jean

'Bloom' - The Paper Kites

I think Jean feels closest to people when they are physically close and not speaking... he needs those pools of quiet like a dying man needs an oasis. Also it's just a really pretty song. (See, I don't only like earshredding mathcore.)

'Heart out first' - Kyle Lionhart

To Kevin I guess.

'Freedom' by Rage Against The Machine

I maintain my conviction that Jean is a warrior, but what kind of a warrior? Does he take after his misplaced partner enough to be a rebel?

Jeremy

'The outsider' - A Perfect Circle

This song is about a loving but clueless jock trying to help his mentally ill brother by telling him to 'walk it off'.

Dedicated to my first time reading tsc, when I got a bit of a toxic positivity vibe from Jeremy - obviously not in the same way as this song, but in the sense of just being on a whole other planet compared to what Jean was experiencing and not understanding that it doesn't always help to be pushy. The second reading, not so much, his responses felt more understandable.

'Groceries' - Mallrat

Sorry about the cuteness overload. From Jere to Jean with added cuteness on top.

'Pick you up' - Powderfinger

In the hope Jeremy is legendary enough to live up to this legendary song.

Aaron

'Comfortably numb' (live version) - Pink Floyd

Duh.

Renee

'Mace spray' - The Jezabels

Pretty much anything by the jezzies really. Girl power x queer x pure beauty.

Zane

'Jesus Christ pose' - Soundgarden

Make of it what you will. Even I don't know what I mean. I just know this feels right.

If you're interested and maybe want to find new stuff this is my general playlist of faves (not that i use spotify tbh)

[jnmoreau]

You’ve made me seen the kerejean light (I’m super intrigued by kevjean already) and I’m really loving them but as a long-term kandreil and kandrew especially bitch (gender neutral) I go so feral every time there’s a hint. If you seriously go full Kevin Day in the middle five person polycule I will lose my mind in a positive way. When Neil was apparently holding Kevin’s hand and then called Jeremy pretty boy ‘in a bad way’ I was kicking my FEET. There’s so much potential for the other dynamics (Neil and Jean!!) if they all end up sort of dating, or even if they just start with both couples with Kevin. why so mad he talked to his boyfriends instead of you, boys. You would like to be trusted with all his secrets as well? Or you would like to be his boyfriends???

dear anon (gender neutral) let me tell you this (spoiler spoiler) i want and i /will/ make it a five person polycule, i just don't want it to feel forced??? if you know what i mean, so i want to wait and get them all to interact more with each other and!!! i'm a jeaneil truther first and human being second, i just don't know how to make them more active in social media bc in canon they wouldn't even know what twitter is so i'm trying to find a way to make them as less ooc as possible. AND i want to explore an andrew x jeremy friendship too so i'm looking into it as well (andrew only deserves nice things and jeremy is the nicest person out there)

[afurtivecake]

I'm feeling restless today so I think I'm just going to say AFTG opinions until the craving I'm having for novelty and excitement goes away. Honestly, I have no idea if they're weird opinions or not.

1.Neil's POV worked too well as propaganda on me because I still can't make myself like or care about Aaron. Every time Aaron shows up in the narrative, I'm mentally like, "Oh. The other Minyard twin." He's an interesting character and his relationship with his family fascinates me, but, I still cannot make myself give a shit about him.

2.I like the detail of Aaron's homophobia. I don't know if other people remember 2007, but casual homophobia was very much in vogue unless you managed to surround yourself with an entire circle of queer friends like the Trojans. Mainly I like it because it opens up the floor for Nicky's comebacks, which I think are hilarious. ("Even quickies take time"? Perfect comedy timing)

Hang on, those first two make it sound like the only thing I like about Aaron is that he's homophobic towards his family and that's...only partly true. I also liked when he was an asshole to Neil on purpose. That was very cool of him.

3.I like the Andrew/Roland thing. It's such a power-move from Andrew to go for an older guy, who was also his colleague and superior, at a nightclub he was technically too young to be working at. He's been horrifically abused by older guys most of his life, he's just out of juvie, probably just coming to terms with his sexuality, and his first move is to start a casual relationship with someone who has the exact stats of someone you'd think he'd want to avoid. And honestly, good for him. Like, the guy does NOT do things by half-measures.

4.I'm of the "fine with any Kevin ship including none" camp but I do think that if all of Kevin's prospects where in a conference room together debating who should get to have a go at Kevin, I'd back Nicky. idk, I just think it's funny he technically called dibs first.

5.Kind of wish there had been more of Riko torturing Neil. We see a lot of Lola torturing Neil, but I think we missed out on a lot of truly unhinged shit Riko would have let slip while torturing Neil. If Neil had been at all lucid during that time, he would have probably picked up so much more new roast ammo. Like the next time he faced Riko, he could have just opened his mouth and Riko would have been DEAD. Riko would not have been able to recover from the humiliation Neil would have been able to deal him with what Neil learned about him while at Evermore.

6.I'll always be kind of disappointed Kevin isn't as awful as I thought he could be. Before TSC, I thought there was some real potential for some VERY ugly interactions between him and Jean. Like, shitty ex comes crawling back the moment things aren't going well for them kind of dynamic between the two of them. I was rubbing my hands together evilly and waiting for the drama. And then TSC came out and he was just. Kind to Jean? And I just like, "oh. what the fuck. he...cares? people are kind sometimes? oh what the fuck. that hurts worse." And then I become obsessed with Kevin Day forever like the rest of the fools.

[cubbyyyy]

A post about my favorite aftg relationships/friendships because why not?

1. Andreil. Of course. I think I actually don’t need to explain more but yea, they were my favorite part in aftg. they quickly became one of my favorite shippings and in my humble opinion love isn’t even enough of a term for them. No one will ever understand another the way they understand each other. They showed me what perfect compatibility looks like because in tiktok term - no one matches each others freak the way they match each others freak. I can’t imagine a neil without an andrew. they are different enough to make the other improve and similar enough to make the other feel validated. they aren’t afraid to show their dark sides bc the other matches the dark sides.

2. Andrew and Aaron. Twinyards. After Andreil their relationship intrigued me the most. The way they seem so indifferent towards each other but caring so much anyways is just so bittersweet. I live for their improvements. The way they legitimately killed for each other is just everything. Neil making Aaron understand that Andrew did everything for him and that he did the same is just so dear to me. Yea they misunderstand each other, but the brotherly love they have for one another could burn cities.

3. Neil and Matt. I love how matt just adopted neil. Neil may be a little crazy but Matt just goes along with it. So when Neil punches a guy, Matt hypes it up. Matt caring for Neil from the start was precious to me since I still wasn’t sure about the “monsters” in the foxhole court. like they seemed honestly pretty much demanding as fuck and I just wanted Neil to have a save, rest space while figuring them out and that’s what Matt gave him. (I especially like the trio of Matt/Dan/Neil). Matt is just the definition of a best friend and I’m glad Neil has his bestie outside of the monsters.

4. Nicky and Neil. Okay hear me out - when I think about Nicky and Neil I just pretend the eden incident didn’t exist bc I can excuse a lot, especially in fiction, but sexual assault is never on the list. So I made the choice to pretend it didn’t happen (i mean the books also pretend it didn’t happen lmao). And when you see them outside of the incident, they were pretty nice. I think Nickys cheerful personality helped to loosen the tension in the team (and monsters group). I loved when Nicky flooded Neils notifications so Neil wouldn’t flinch about them anymore. I also feel like Nicky played a big role in Neils growth. Like telling him to think about more stuff besides exy. Making Neil realize he has friends now. All that stuff.

5. Andrew and Renee. I just love how they’re sparring partners and understand each other so well, that they were the jogging team where they talk about possible zombie outbreaks.

6. Kevin and Jean. They didn’t have much screen time in the aftg series and I haven’t read the tsc yet, but their relationship intrigued me. This one I could possibly even ship romantically since they are so bittersweet that I just wish to save their ending. they formed a bond so deep but yet so scarred that it’s unexplainable.

7. Allison and Renee. I love them. I love how after Seth died, Renee took care of Allison. They just seem so fitting and I’m still shook they weren’t an official thing in the books.

8. Aaron, Nicky and Andrew. The fact that Nicky took care of the twins when he was barely an adult himself is just very precious.

9. Wymack and Neil. Honestly I could put him higher, I just forgot till now to mention wymack so he’s here. The scene at the end of the kings men where Neil asks for wymacks help is just stuck with me for life.

10. Kevin and Wymack. The fact that Wymack is Kevins father surprised me at first but then it made sense? When Kevin said that his father watches all his games I was ready to shed a tear.

[dayurno]

I will say that I have a severe bone to pick with ao3 Neil but specifically with Raven!Neil and other similar Canon divergence fics in which people cannot write him in the Nest/in proximity to Riko without turning him into either Kevin or Jean, both in terms of personality and plot beats/importance. We could be having a real conversation about what that universe would actually be like and how a different upbringing would affect the Neil we know and instead Im out here being tricked into reading All For The Game 2: without all the parts I like edition

100% AGREE WITH YOU ON THIS!!!!!!! my thing with most raven!neil aus is that often his personality goes entirely unchanged, and it puts him in a position where, like you said, he becomes kevjean's weird divorce kid. to me, when an author writes the same personality in a different setting for raven!neil, it feels so... shallow?! easy?! truly almost lazy. i think a nathaniel who was brought up to be the butcher's sucessor would be so different from the neil who was raised by mary on the run they would be entirely different characters. i think the neil we know would be changed in irreversible ways by being raised as the butcher's first son, and his personality would be closer to riko's than most aftg fans i feel would be comfortable acknowledging

for me the fun part of raven!neil is the way neil would rock perfect court dynamics if he was raised as nathaniel. riko and kevin would not have been as close if nathaniel was there with them; i don't think nathaniel would take kevin's place so much as he would be in a position where he, as a first son and the direct sucessor of the butcher, would be in somewhat of an equal footing with riko inside the perfect court (but never outside of it, let it be clear). in a situation like this i don't even think kevin and nathaniel would have become friends — i think kevin would have still left and nathaniel would have been the number one hound dog trying to get him back, going way further than jean did in the books to make sure kevin is back where he belongs. actually now that i'm thinking of it i think nathaniel would be pretty close to how andrew is in the first book, which would be very interesting to see :)

jean's life would remain horrible either way. i don't think nathaniel would ever be his anchor so much as he would've been a necessary ally to jean, someone who steps between him and riko because he is in a position to do so and because nathaniel needs jean to keep up with him in court, so in a way that would help jean. i don't know how kevjean's friendship would go in this universe though: would kevin being less close to riko give them more space to be friends or would jean's association with nathaniel push kevin away from the perfect court as a whole? to be perfectly honest, i think kevin and nathaniel would compete to be riko's number two for a long time, and i don't think kevin would win. truly telenovela levels of drama

[chronically-peach]

why am I like this?

Kevin, Andrew and Neil (platonic) Rated G. 1.7k words.

Kevin is standing in the middle of the court when the feeling of loneliness hits him like a freight train. It’s well past midnight and he’s alone at the court. Silence looms over the building like a threat and Kevin can hear his own ragged breathing like it’s being amplified over the court’s speaker system.

After Riko’s death Neil and Andrew stopped coming to late night practices. Kevin promised himself he didn’t need them, Neil had just been there to practice and Andrew was only there to uphold his side of their deal. He didn’t need someone with him all the time anymore. Andrew’s job was done. He stopped Kevin from going back to the nest and their deal had long since ended. He knew that but sometimes he forgot; catching himself going to text Neil to come meet him outside. Sometimes he caught himself looking for a head of blonde hair and a body leaned against the Maserati. Kevin swore he didn’t need anyone but sometimes his heart ached too much to brush off and he questioned if he was meant to be alone forever.

Tossing his racquet to the side Kevin slowly drops to his knees, letting the suffocating feeling of loneliness overtake him. His mind wanders to his time with Andrew before Neil showed up. They were never friends, Kevin and Andrew didn’t have friends. It was against their nature, monsters don’t make friends, or so Kevin thought. Then came Neil and everything he thought he knew was tilted on its head. Andrew and Neil were friends, lovers. They were everything to each other. That meant Kevin was alone again.

Growing up in the nest Kevin didn’t know what lonely was. He didn’t understand that you could be lonely in a room full of people. It wasn’t until he escaped the nest and had to leave Jean behind did he realize the emotion he had been feeling for most of his life had been loneliness.

He often caught himself watching the team and their friendships. Matt and Dan had each other but they also had the rest of the foxes. Allison had Renee and Renee had Andrew. Andrew had Neil and Renee, and even though he would never admit it he had Nicky and Aaron as well. Neil had everyone, except maybe Aaron, though they seemed to tolerate each other more lately. Aaron had Katelyn and Nicky. Nicky had the other foxes, even if he tended to get on everyone’s nerves. That left Kevin on the outskirts.

Sure, he spent time with them. It was hard not to when they basically all lived together but he never felt wanted or needed. He knew his presence wouldn’t be missed if he was to up and leave in the middle of everyone hanging out. If anything they would probably be relieved, Kevin never brought much to the table in terms of conversation. He wasn’t kind like Renee or funny like Matt. He wasn’t loveable like Neil or even tolerable like Nicky. Kevin was the queen, cold and unapproachable and cruel. Kevin was a drill Sargent that didn’t know how to have fun and never laughed. His only interests were Exy and history. He was a cry baby with a god complex. Kevin was the personification of every negative personality trait he could think of.

He’s not sure how long he knelt there, his mind racing with thoughts of how nobody would miss him if he was gone. The voice in his head sounded exactly like Riko and for a moment it felt like he never left the nest. He was still at Evermore, knelt in front of Riko as the king reminded him of exactly how little he would be missed if he were to be killed.

Kevin didn’t hear the court door opening and closing behind him. It wasn’t until cold hands were gently brushing his cheeks that he snapped out of the state he was in. Blinking slowly he remembered where he was. It was late, he was at the court. He was practicing alone. He wasn’t at the nest, Riko was dead. He was safe.

The cold hands moved to his hair and started slowly petting his head. When his eyes focused he recognized Neil’s bright blue eyes and scarred cheek but there was something wrong. The redhead’s lips were pinched in a tight line and his body rigid.

“Neil? What are you doing here?” Kevin asked, his throat burned and he wondered just how long it had been since he last drank something.

“Kev, oh thank god.” Neil’s expression softened and he looked above Kevin’s head at something. “Drew, he’s back.”

Slowly looking behind him Kevin could make out the shape of Andrew a few feet away, his phone to his ear. This made Kevin even more confused, why were they here?

Looking back at Neil he scowled. “Neil come on, what’s going on? Why are you both here right now?”

The redhead laced his fingers in Kevin’s hair once again and looked down at him dumbfounded. “You seriously don’t know? Kevin you never came home. We were worried.”

“I was just practicing, god Neil you’re not usually the worrying type. What’s the big deal? So I practiced a little longer than usual, no biggie.”

Neil rolled his eyes, annoyance spreading across his face. “What time do you think it is?” He asked, exasperated.

“It can’t be any later than 1:30, maybe 2:00 at the latest.” This caused Neil’s eyes to turn dark as he called out to Andrew again.

Kevin could sense Andrew behind him before he spoke. “Wymack said he’s almost here, Abby is coming too. She said to keep him where he is for now.”

“Wait, I’m confused. What the hell is going on? You called my dad and Abby? I’m not a fucking kid guys.”

“It’s quarter to 5 Kev. Neil woke up and realized you never came back to the dorm. We called you and got no answer so we came to check on you. We found you where you are now, completely out of it. We couldn’t get you back from wherever you were so we called Wymack.”

Realization washed over Kevin as the reality set in. He was stuck in his own head for hours, alone on the court in a complete state of disassociation.

Looking first at Andrew and then back at Neil he couldn’t help but feel conflicted. Surely they weren’t worried about him, Neil simply saw he wasn’t in bed and went to look for him out of curiosity. There was no way his roommates cared that much. They called his dad because someone had to deal with him. He was always causing problems, of course they’d want to pass him off to his dad.

“I’m sorry for making you come out here for me. I’ll be fine, just a little tired I guess. Go back to the dorm, I’ll wait for my dad and Abby, maybe stay at his apartment for a few days to rest.”

Andrew made a dissatisfied grunt at Kevin’s words, softly flicking him in the back of the head. “Are you seriously an idiot Kevin? We’re not leaving you until your dad and Abby get here.”

Neil’s hand moved from Kevin’s hair down to his chin, gently grabbing it between two fingers he tilted Kevin’s head so they were making eye contact.

“Why would we leave you Kev? What kind of friends would we be if we did that?”

Before the words could set in Kevin’s eyes filled with tears. He willed them to stop but they still threatened to spill over so he tore his face from Neil’s grip and looked down at the ground. Friends. Neil had called them friends.

“Friends? Since when are we friends?” Kevin asked, his bottom lip trembling with every word. “I thought we were teammates.”

Neil’s voice was full of sadness when he spoke. “Jesus Christ Kev of course we’re friends. I thought you knew that.”

“Do you think I would just hangout with you if we weren’t friends?” Andrew asked, the apathy from earlier now gone from his tone.

“W-well I don’t know. I never really thought about it. Why would you be friends with me? Our deal is over, you don’t need to interact with me more than necessary.”

Neil slowly stood and Andrew took his place in front of Kevin, his hands hovering just above the nape of the taller man’s neck. “Yes or no queenie?”

“Yes.” Kevin breathed, the tears finally escaping from his eyes.

Andrew’s grip on his neck was firm but comforting. Kevin had seen him do this with Neil countless times, usually in the middle of the night when the redhead wakes them both up with a nightmare. Andrew’s tenderness was foreign to Kevin but he wanted to devote this moment to memory. The loneliness that had consumed him earlier was long since crushed beneath the strength of Andrew’s calloused palm and for the first time since he escaped the nest he felt safe.

They stayed like that in silence until the sound of Wymack and Abby entering the court echoed through the gym. Andrew released his grip on Kevin and stood up, moving a few feet away to stand with Neil so Abby and Wymack had room to get to Kevin.

After Abby deemed him healthy and free to go his dad clamped a hand over Kevin’s shoulder, squeezing tightly. “You know you’re more than welcome to come and stay with me but I won’t argue if you want to go back to the dorm with Minyard and Josten.”

Looking over at his roommates Kevin’s heart swelled. He felt warm from the inside out, the aching loneliness that had caused this whole mess was gone. In its place was a warmth Kevin hadn’t felt since before his mom died. He felt whole again.

“I’ll go with those two, I think we have some stuff to talk about. Thank you dad, seriously. And Abby too.” His dad squeezed his shoulder once more before leaving the court with Abby. Once they were gone Neil started walking around, collecting the balls littering the court floor.

“Help me clean these up so we can go back to the dorm. You need sleep, you broody bastard.” There was no malice behind Neil’s words and Kevin felt a smile spread on his face.

Maybe he didn’t have to be alone forever after all.

[bloodyreddeadskelly]

Kevin Day’s gay awakening

Little bit of gay awakening angst. I personally head canon Kevin as pan, but that is just my personal thought so think of him however you want. Not really any triggers, but I did write Nicky differently because I don't like how Nora wrote him and I want him to be a good friend and person.

   He lay in his bed wide awake, despite it being close to one in the morning. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, and the breathing of the boys around him. Dorms had been reconfigured a bit at the start of the year. Aaron, Nicky and Matt shared a room now and Andrew, Neil, and Kevin had the other. Andrew and Neil were curled around each other on the bigger bed across the room. Kevin laid alone in his loft bed. He had pushed his book shelf against his bed at the beginning of the school year, to box himself in more. Kevin enjoyed smaller spaces; they made him feel safe. He heard one of the boys, probably Andrew, move in his sleep. Kevin wished sometimes that someone could lay in his bed. He wished he could lay against someone and feel the warmth of their body against his, their breathing underneath him, hear their heartbeat as he lay his head on their chest, warm arms wrapped around him, holding him close. Kevin felt like his mind was eating him alive. The foxes had held a banquet that day, and Kevin had found himself spending most of it talking with Jeremy. The Ravens had attended and at first sight began to ridicule Kevin. He let it happen until Jeremy grabbed him away and dragged him to a table in the corner. They had made conversation with him the entire night. Kevin hadn’t felt so cared for in a while. He didn’t feel like he did though when Nicky hugged him goodnight, or when the upper class man finally invited him somewhere, or when Wymack invited him over for dinner and they talked about Exy and cars and Kayleigh Day. This care made Kevin’s stomach hurt and his head spin. He had never felt so comfortable about casual and genuine small talk. Jeremy made that easy and throughout their conversation Kevin had begun to realize more about Jeremy. The way his eyes lit up when he talked about his interests, his hair and how soft and fluffy it was, his deep blue eyes, the way he smiled and the freckles that danced across his face, the blush on his cheeks when Jean joined them. Kevin felt sick to his stomach when they bid each other goodbye.

   Now hours later Kevin found himself staring at the ceiling. His mind spun and he found himself questioning things about himself he had never questioned before. Kevin knew he found women attractive, but he also knew that he had found Jeremy attractive. Kevin crawled out of his bed as quietly as possible. He creeped into the living room and threw himself down onto the couch. Kevin couldn't risk Andrew waking up and seeing this. He pulled out his phone and searched up the word gay to start. Kevin immediately knew it wasn’t him. He liked women. He typed again. ‘I like women and men’. The search results he got seemed more relatable, but not quite right. Kevin found himself scrolling through articles and blogs, looking at flags and definitions. He finally found himself pausing upon a yellow, pink and blue flag. “Pansexual” he read. Kevin thought. He liked this. He realized he had never really cared about the gender of who he liked, and more or less just liked the person, but had only dated Thea who just happened to be a woman. Kevin found himself scrolling farther in the website and coming across a page labeled “Pronouns and how they work” He clipped on it hesitantly. Kevin read further and further, his brow creased with tension. He read about neo pronouns and gender neutral terms. How  the nonbinary umbrella worked and the labels under it. Kevin felt his eyes well up with tears. He had never known so much about himself so fast before. It was like a great tsunami wave hitting him at once.

   Footsteps broke the silence.

   “Kevin what the hell are you doing awake?”

Kevin dropped his found onto the carpeted floor in shock, hoping he had turned it off. Nicky stood in front of him wearing one of Erik’s sweatshirts he had stolen last time he visited Germany.

   “Nothing, why are you awake?” He responded.

He hoped Nicky couldn’t see the tears on his cheeks or hear the way his voice shook.

   “I thought I heard crying, wanted to make sure you were okay… Are you okay?”

   Kevin nodded quickly, hoping Nicky would just leave. To his dismay Nicky plopped down onto the couch next to him, touching shoulders.

   “What’s wrong?” He asked the green eyed boy.

Kevin let out a big sigh. He didn’t quite understand himself yet and Nicky was probably his best option for help.

   “How… how did you know you were gay?” He asked quietly.

Nicky’s brow furrowed. He was shocked by the question but answered.

   “I guess it’s just always been boys. Growing up, all my friends found girlfriends and had crushes on girls but I never did. I just didn’t like girls and then I kissed a boy and realized I was gay.” He responded, quickly following it up.

   “Do you think you’re gay?”

Kevin shook his head.

   “I definitely like women.”

   “But you like men too?”

Kevin sighed and nodded, looking down at his lap. He felt Nicky wrap an arm around his shoulder and rub his arm.

   “Do you think you’re bisexual?”

Kevin shook his head.

   “I think pansexual. I know bi and pan are similar but pansexual just feels more comfortably, I don’t know.” He finished quietly.

Nicky dropped his head onto Kevin’s shoulder.

   “Anything else, you can tell me anything?” He whispered back.

Kevin hesitated, but if anyone on the team would know about this it would probably be Nicky.

   “Do you know how he/they pronouns work?” He asked, feeling another teardrop fall down his cheek.

   “Yeah, Erik’s friend Michael uses them, so does Jeremy Knox. They’re all out by the way. I'm not like outing them or anything.” He clarified the last bit.

Kevin wiped his cheek.

   “I wanna try he/they pronouns.  I don’t know if I like them, but i just wanna try them out.” He admitted.

   Nicky pulled him closer.

   “Of course, do you want me to not use them around the team?”

Kevin nodded. He didn’t feel ready for anyone to know about him yet.

   “Yes. Can we just keep it a secret for now?” He asked.

Nicky nodded and said “take all the time you need.”

Kevin found himself doing something out of his comfort zone and reached over, grasping Nicky’s hand in his own scarred one. Nicky key responded by pulling into a tight hug. Kevin buried his head into Nicky's shoulder and felt his friend's warm hand rub between his shoulder blades, easing some of his stress.

   “Thank you” he whispered, muffled by Nicky’s sweater.

   “Of course. I’m very proud of you.” His friends responded.

Kevin and Nicky released each other from their hug and talked a little longer. Kevin found himself walking back to his room a bit later, and climbing into bed. He still longed to share it with someone else, but for now he felt a little more comfortable with the idea of who he would share it with. Kevin drifted off to sleep, his mind at ease over all the confusion he had experienced. Sure, he was still a little lost, but he felt like he had found a map to help him get the rest of the way out.

 I know a lot of people have different opinions on the bi and pan label. This is a personal head canon and I am venting through Kevin right now. I am a pan person, and the way Kevin describes just being more comfy with pan labels is how I feel personally although everyone’s experience is different.

[ferkwehs]

INTRODUCTION.

hello!  i'm  sena,  a  suffering  english  language  and  literature  student.  since  i  am  in  college  and  my  schedule  is  highly  unstable  at  the  moment,  i  have  decided  to  open  up  commissions  for  my  writings  to  help  with  bills/rent  etc.  i  have  been  in  tumblr  rpc  since  2019,  and  i  have  been  writing  since  i  was  in  middleschool,  i  have  experience  with  fanfictions  and  drabbles.  samples  of  my  work  can  be  found  here,  and  i  can  be  commissioned  through  either  askbox  or  IMs.  i  prefer  paypal  as  a  paying  method,  ko-fi  is  currently  under  construction.

ACCEPTING  FANDOMS.

these  are  mainly  the  fandoms  that  come  to  my  mind  first  in  terms  of  writing  in  a  familiar  universe,  but  if  you  don't  see  a  certain  fandom  or  a  character  you'd  like  in  the  list,  please  feel  free  to  check  in  with  me!  i'm  pretty  sure  we  can  work  something  out.  

GRISHAVERSE.  alina  starkov,  the  darkling,  malyen  oretsev,  baghra,  genya  safin,  david  kostyk,  zoya  nazyalensky,  nikolai  lantsov,  tamar-kir  bataar,  tolya  yul-bataar,  kaz  brekker,  inej  ghafa,  nina  zenik,  jesper  fahey,  wylan  van  eck,  matthias  helvar,  ehri  kir-taban,  leoni  hilli,  adrik  zhabin,  nadia  zhabin.

RIORDANVERSE.  percy  jackson,  annabeth  chase,  grover  underwood,  rachel  dare,  leo  valdez,  jason  grace,  piper  mclean,  hazel  levesque,  nico  di  angelo,  will  solace,  thalia  grace,  reyna  ramirez-arellano,  hylla  ramirez-arellano,  frank  zhang,  charles  beckendorf,  clarisse  la  rue,  travis  stoll,  connor  stoll,  katie  gardner,  miranda  gardner,  lou  ellen  blackstone,  carter  kane,  sadie  kane,  zia  rashid,  magnus  chase,  alex  fierro.

ALL  FOR  THE  GAME.  neil  josten,  andrew  minyard,  aaron  minyard,  nicky  hemmicks,  jeremy  knox,  renee  walker,  kevin  day,  jean  moreau,  katelyn  smith,  danielle  wilds,  allison  reynolds.

THE  WITCHER.  (  netflix  based.  )  yennefer  of  vengerberg,  fringilla  of  nilfgaard,  geralt  of  rivia,  jaskier  the  bard,  cirilla  of  cintra,  tissaia  de  vries.  renfri.

MCU.  tony  stark.  peter  parker.  MJ.  natasha  romanoff.  yelena  belova.  wanda  maximoff.  pietro  maximoff.  scott  lang.  bucky  barnes.  steve  rogers.  sam  wilson.

HARRY  POTTER.  harry  potter.  ron  weasley.  hermione  granger.  viktor  krum.  fleur  delacour.  cedric  diggory.  pansy  parkinson.  bill  weasley.  fred  weasley.  george  weasley.  draco  malfoy.  astoria  greengrass.  lily  evans.  sirius  black.  james  potter.  remus  lupin.  marlene  mckinnon.  andromeda  tonks.

TWILIGHT.  bella  swan.  jacob  black.  alice  cullen.  emmett  cullen.  rosalie  hale.  aro  volturi.  jane  volturi.  alec  volturi.

AVATAR:  THE  LAST  AIRBENDER.  aang.  katara.  toph.  suki.  sokka.  zuko.  kyoshi.  azula.  mai.  ty  lee.

LEGEND  OF  KORRA.  korra.  asami.  mako.  bolin.  tenzin.  lin.  kya  ii.  bumi.

ARCANE.  vi.  caitlyn  kiramman.  viktor.  jayce.  mel  medarda.  ambessa  medarda.  jinx.  ekko.  silco.  sevika.

LEAGUE  OF  LEGENDS.  pretty  much  all  of  the  characters.

RULES.

●  things  i  will  write:  fluff,  angst,  humor,  horror,  domestic  plots,  smut,  ot3s,  monogamy,  polyamory,  aus,  OCs,  romantic  dynamics,  platonic  dynamics,  familial  dynamics,

●  things  i  will  not  write:  inc*st,  SA,  anything  sexual  including  a  minor,  dub-con,  anything  racist/sexist/homophobic/transphobic/xenophobic.  please  do  not  contact  me.  i  won't  write  smut  commissions  for  people,  under  18,  please  don't  lie  about  your  age.

●  forms  i  will  write:  drabbles,  short  stories,  fanfictions.

●  i  reserve  the  right  to  turn  down  any  commission.

●  you  will  receive  the  work  in  the  span  of  a  week  after  you  commission  me.

●  for  smut,  i  usually  get  along  with  kinks  but  still,  i  reserve  the  right  to  refuse  writing  something  i'm  uncertain  about.

●  the  accuracy  of  what  you  want  will  be  shaped  by  your  request.  the  more  detail  you  give  me,  the  more  it  will  be  as  you  imagined.  if  you  don't  give  me  much  details,  i  will  assume  creative  control.

●  if  you  want,  for  an  example,  a  piece  of  smut  with  percy  and  annabeth,  i  am  not  writing  it  in  any  point  in  the  series.  it  will  happen  after  the  series  when  they  are  both  grown  adults.  this  goes  for  all  of  the  media  i  take  commissions  for  that  include  minors.  i  don't  age  up  characters  for  smut,  don't  ask  me  to.

●  i  will  write  a  canon  character  with  your  OC,  but  i  am  going  to  need  information  on  your  muse  and  the  setting.

●  disclaimer:  i  do  not  own  any  of  the  characters  are  write  for,  nor  i  am  affiliated  with  the  series  and  the  author.

PRICES.

drabbles.

●  5  euros.  between  100  and  500  words.

●  10  euros.  between  500  and  1000  words.

●  15  euros.  between  1000  and  1500  words.

●  20  euros.  between  1500  and  2000  words.

and  for  every  additional  500  words,  i  charge  5  euros.  for  smut,  extra  2  euros  are  added  each  500  words.

fanfictions.

●  fanfictions  will  be  charged  by  chapter,  not  word  count.  each  chapter  will  include  a  minimum  of  2000  words,  and  i  am  going  to  be  charging  25  euros  per  chapter.

[palmett-hoes]

We Need To Talk About Kevin

excuse the silly title, but it’s time for another long character analysis, this time on a character who holds a complicated place in the fandom consciousness: kevin

like every other character in aftg, i have a lot of criticisms for the way that the fandom tends to characterize kevin, because i feel like it tends to reduce a very complicated character down into very binary terms, that of either anal-retentive comic relief or a perfect, underappreciated innocent, both of which ignore his important flaws and the nuance of his character arc throughout the trilogy

now this meta is probably going to sound very, very critical of kevin, as i am focusing on his flaws. but i want to be clear that i don’t hate kevin, i don’t even dislike him. in fact i far prefer the deeply “problematic” kevin from canon to the highly sanitized version in the fandom, just like i prefer my andrew violent and unethical, my neil rude and messy, and my upperclassmen ableist and permissibly homophobic

one thing i really LOVE about aftg is how hypocritical every character is, because it’s honest. they all stand for something but fall a little flat of it in practice. they all hold the people around them to standards they don’t hold themselves to

they’re not simple characters. they reflect their trauma in ways that are not pretty or harmless, and they even reflect wider societal flaws that may not be logical or justifiable.

just like i do.

just like you do.

just like real people do.

---

so with that all squared away: kevin

let’s start with this: what is the essence of kevin’s character? what does he stand for? what is he about? when you simplify him out into a single idea, what is he?

answers will vary, but for me, kevin is an analysis of the idea that you can have everything, you can be rich and famous and talented and immensely lucky on top of it all, and you can still be abused

neil repeats this idea over and over. how he’s jealous of kevin. how he resents kevin. how he wishes he were kevin. because kevin had everything and neil had nothing

remember this?

and this?

and this?

kevin the star. kevin the sensation. kevin the media darling.

lucky kevin, talented kevin, beloved kevin

and then neil gets a little bit closer and learns that that’s not the whole story. kevin was isolated, his worth tied to his performance, his whole personhood tied to exy. the perfect boy who was forbidden from being too perfect, who had to walk on eggshells so as not to incur the wrath of his brother and guardian

but at the same time that doesn’t totally erase everything he did have

i think the fandom focuses a lot on kevin’s inferiority complex from being assigned second best, and not nearly as much on the idea that kevin was SECOND BEST, above everyone else

the fact that kevin had power and sway in the nest makes us deeply uncomfortable, because it complicates kevin’s status as a victim, but it’s the truth. kevin was the third most powerful person in the nest, above dozens of ravens, and not even an owned person like jean

we should attempt to reckon with the fact that kevin was not a passive player in the ravens’ power structure, but someone who was actively involved and benefited from it. the ravens were his pawns, too. his subordinates, there to critique and punish as he saw fit. they weren’t his equals and he didn’t have to view them as fellow people

even if you choose not to believe that kevin took advantage of this power in the way riko did, you still have to accept that it very much shaped his perception and way of connecting with others, which is obvious in how he interacts with the foxes

so let’s talk about kevin and his superiority complex

kevin is arrogant, self-centered, and entitled

it’s not all he is. he has other, better qualities. he’s dedicated, passionate, and - in his own way - caring. that doesn’t ERASE his flaws however

kevin believes himself to be correct 100% of the time. he thinks that his methods and his opinions should work for everyone simply because they work for him, and he tries heavily to push them onto other people. andrew remarks that neil will drive himself crazy trying to do things the way kevin tells him to, because he is simply a different kind of player than kevin. kevin’s methodology will never work for neil no matter how hard he tries and will just end up holding himself back if he keeps trying

andrew notices this, not kevin, because kevin believes that neil is simply not trying hard enough to do things the “right” way.

neil.

who tries harder than anyone to live up to kevin’s standards

he’s worse with the rest of the foxes, who unlike neil do not accept his methods unquestionably and don’t do backflips to make him happy.

the foxes recognize that kevin is talented and could have valuable things to teach them. kevin however thinks that he should have absolute authority over their training because his methods are “superior.” he thinks the foxes fail because they don’t listen to him and conform their playing styles to him

kevin also only approaches the upperclassmen on the court, and even there only with criticism and derision. he has never made any attempt to befriend them or get to know them in any way. he doesn’t need a rapport with them, he’s entitled to their obedience simply because he’s Kevin Day, The Son of Exy, The Best And Most Talented Of Them All

i’ve also written meta before about the assumptions kevin makes in his relationship with andrew. they have a deal that kevin will give andrew something to live for after he graduates. kevin, being who he is, decides that this thing MUST and WILL be exy, no matter how directly or indirectly andrew tells him this isn’t what he wants.

yet kevin never considers an alternative. he never asks andrew what he might want or never attempts to find anything else for him. they spend nearly every second of every day within arms reach of each other, yet kevin has never taken a moment to pay attention to andrew’s interests or preferences, anything that makes him tick. they know almost nothing personal about each other because kevin doesn’t believe any of that matters in giving andrew a future that makes him want to live. no. if it works for kevin it must work for everyone else. if kevin wants it everyone else must want it too

kevin’s relationships often become exclusionary. first with andrew, which i’ve just discussed. then with neil, kevin continually vies for more and more of his time, without regard for his health or concern for any other part of his life. he leaves neil with minimal time for school, pushes their practices late into the night depriving him of sleep, and discourages his efforts to spend time and make connections with the upperclassmen

now if at any point while reading this you, reader, wanted to argue that these things are because of the nest and kevin’s raven indoctrination, yes, you’re absolutely right, they are. it’s abundantly clear where and how each of these qualities developed, but once again, that doesn’t mean they’re not present. in fact, the clear connection between kevin’s flaws and his trauma is a sign of good character writing, showing the multiple dimensions of how our environments and experiences shape us

kevin’s anxiety, his obsessiveness, and his fear all come from the nest, but so does his condescension, his self-involvement, and his overbearing nature.

kevin was raised in a cult, but he was also from the very highest level of it. he comes from immense privilege in terms of his wealth, his influence, his fame, and his access to resources. materially, kevin has wanted for very little in his life, and his entitlement is very prominent in his character. none of this cancels out the abuse he suffered, but it’s also something i very rarely see addressed outside of being hinted at vaguely in a jokingly dismissive manner.

in fact, i often see takes on kevin that fully deny he has these traits at all, and that annoys me. i don’t like to see these wonderfully round characters flattened out, and there’s a particular irritating irony out of changing or misinterpreting a character’s personality in order to make them more palatable or more sympathetic in a series about how even people traumatized in unsympathetic ways are still deserving of help and decency

so

kevin can be a little morally gray,, as a treat

[livingasaghost]

the foxes during pride let's GO

disclaimer: i know everybody has their own headcanons for what all the foxes' sexualities are so do not come at me if i give your character a different sexuality than you think they deserve! (except aaron that bitch is straight)

so obviously the foxes are Not Straight™️ (except aaron fuck that guy) which means the foxes during pride are just.....chaotic af....but also, it took them a while to figure out how not straight they are

they all decide they're going to the pride parade bc none of them have ever been and since they have so many Gays they need to support them and now that they're all friends it'll be way more fun

kevin does NOT want to go and argues about it for three days before andrew shuts him up

nicky is so excited that he asks erik to fly in just so they can go together

neil still doesn't really know a lot about pride since he didn't even realize he "qualified" since he "only likes andrew"

one night he shares his fears with renee because she seems like the only person on the team who understands his sexuality aside from andrew and she says that he seems like he's on the ace spectrum and that he definitely belongs in the community

neil spends the rest of the night on his computer looking up demisexuality and asexuality and a whole list of terms he never knew existed

the next day he shows andrew, happy to finally have a language to explain himself, and andrew just nods

as neil keeps talking and explaining romantic attraction, andrew starts to think that maybe he belongs a little on the aro spectrum...but he doesn't say anything. just keeps thinking.

eventually neil speaks up at one of the team's hangouts and shares that he's demisexual and he may also be questioning his gender

this sparks a huge conversation where everybody starts Questioning™️ and soon it's 2am and matt is sharing that he might actually be pansexual?

allison waves everybody off because "of course i'm not straight i never have been you guys just haven't noticed"

nicky gets very put out that so much of his team is Not Straight and they all acted like he was the odd man out for being gay

then allison decides to stir the pot a little more "actually, i've always had a crush on renee but i know that'll never happen"

which leaves renee and the entire team speechless

renee: "...i always though YOU were the one that was never gonna happen"

nicky: "WAIT? RENEE AND ALLISON LIKE EACH OTHER?"

matt: "andrew just won like $300"

nobody really knows what to do next, so allison and renee just kind of look at each other and the two of them silently agree to talk about it all later

nicky: "okay well y'all better spill the tea when you hook up because i want all the details"

dan shoves him off the couch

as the night wears on, kevin stays conspicuously quiet, and it isn't until almost everyone goes to bed that neil finally convinces him to open up

kevin: "the reason i told you that you shouldn't be homosexual is because.....i used to have a crush on jean"

even though neil doesn't really understand, he admits that jean does have a beautiful face and it's really really attractive when he speaks french

neil shares a little bit more about demisexuality and kevin wonders if maybe he falls on that spectrum somewhere...if maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if he wasn't entirely straight

after their Big Night of Sharing, dan talks with allison because "how did you know you actually liked girls?"

and the more allison starts to talk, the more dan realizes that all those girls she thought were pretty growing up.....weren't just women she admired

but she stills likes matt and she still finds some men attractive and she starts to realize that maybe she falls on the bisexual spectrum....or maybe just queer, she isn't sure yet

one day after practice wymack goes off on some tangent and eventually nicky spills that they're all going to the pride parade

wymack: all of you?

nicky, totally serious: okay, well, not aaron bc he's homophobic and he's also the token straight teammate

aaron: i am not homophobic

matt: i'm pretty sure you are

wymack almost asks about why they all want to go to pride because he's sure most of them are queer, but it's above his pay grade so he just tells them to have fun

almost everybody decides to dress up for the parade — kevin obviously refuses — and andrew surprises everyone by wearing armbands that are rainbow colored

neil tells andrew he doesn't care about dressing up but andrew buys him a rainbow shirt anyway

and then while they're getting ready allison insists on drawing a little demi flag on neil's cheek right over his scar and it makes neil feel like he finally belongs somewhere

nicky obviously goes all out and wears an outfit that matches eriks: short shorts, rainbow flag cape, rainbow socks, etc. he even wears heart-shaped pink sunglasses

the girls spend a few hours doing their make-up and they even convince matt to put glitter in his hair

renee gets a few disposable cameras for the occasion and spends the entire day taking cheesy photos of (and with) everyone to remember everything

halfway through the day neil looks over and sees allison and renee holding hands

at one point kevin gets recognized and people start asking him about his sexuality, wondering if he's just an ally and kevin almost bolts....but then he glances at neil, who's standing close to andrew...and he looks at nicky and erik....and then he notices allison and renee together.....and something in him just kind of snaps

kevin: "actually, yeah, i'm here because i'm bi. i'm bisexual."

the whole team just stares at him, most of them wearing proud smiles, and when the fans leave (inevitably about to share this news with the internet) they all gather into a group hug — even andrew — and congratulate kevin

and even though kevin keeps telling them to "GET OFF!" he's also secretly glad that he finally has people to accept him and love him no matter who he loves

andrew doesn't say anything the entire day, looking entirely unimpressed by the crowds and the parade, so neil pulls him aside at one point

neil doesn't expect him to say anything, just wants to give him space to breathe, but then andrew speaks up

andrew: i never thought it could be like this

neil: like what?

andrew: colorful

[codename-adler]

foxes + onesies (1/9)

based off of that one post i saw and don’t remember, where people once caught Allison wandering around Fox Tower in a giraffe onesie, and i absolutely melted for her. here is the Foxes’ journey to getting a onesie each!

Allison  

in the aftermath of the “mob war”, Allison still sees Betsy for counselling, mostly to cope with Seth’s death still, her ED and to process her childhood and teenage trauma

Betsy teaches her a lot about self-care (and not in Allison’s traditionnal definitions of self-care, which are: bottle it up, act out, burn through 500$ in clothes, repeat)

all in all, Allison has a lot to come to terms with by the end of the semester, and Betsy won’t be there as much in the summer, so she leaves her with a little list of self-care tips to look at when Ally feels overwhelmed

- pick a time to make yourself some tea, or try out some new ones and tell me about it next time

- try drawing with those wonderful pencils of yours, but in different art styles (because yes, Allison does have a fashion sketchbook. but silly doodles? abstract drawings? anatomy sketches? she never tried)

- watch movies by yourself, and for yourself, Allison

- since you love shopping and spending so much, find yourself a cozy thing, a soft thing that will only be for yourself, when you need to be reminded to love yourself and be gentle with yourself

those were the suggestions that stuck to Ally the most

so the next time she goes out to the mall with Dan and Renee, she doesn’t expect to find anything like Betsy suggested

she does look for some herbal tea at David’s Tea, and ends up getting some hibiscus + rose water green tea

but then they go to Walmart (she wants to gag)

fucking Walmart

the girls need some pads and tampons, and the gatorades are on sale (because all the Foxes, as a treat for winning the Championship and bc they all want to stay close after the hard year they endured, got to stay on campus for the whole summer (idc if it’s unrealistic, sue me, that’s how i roll))

for once, Allison follows Dan and Renee, without looking at anything, without touching anything (what if she catches it??)

then Renee wants to look for socks

that’s when Ally passes a rack of colorful onesies

one brushes the tip of her elbow, and wow it’s so soft

not at all the quality material she expected

she stops in her tracks, lets the girls go on to the underwear section, and really looks at the pajamas

there are lots of unicorns, and pandas, a few mouses, and two giraffes

bright yellow, light-spotted giraffes, with their little ears and antlers and all

the sewn-on eyes are closed and have cute little lashes details

Allison imagines herself wearing it and feels utterly stupid

but- she keeps running her fingers through the synthetic velvety material, mesmerized by its softness

she thinks back on Betsy’s list

the folks would absolutely loathe it. the high school bitches too. God, even Seth would say it’s fucking stupid. Nobody should ever be seen wearing that…

But I wouldn’t have to worry about my man-shoulders in it… or my stomach… or my thighs… I could even go braless, or wear just that cute little bralette I haven’t got the courage to wear yet… and I think Renee would agree it’s cute…

then she hears Betsy’s soothing voice in her head

But do you like it?

Yes. Yes I do.

and that’s how Allison takes down the onesie, cashes out and waits for the two other girls outside the Walmart entrance, feeling silly, and jitty, yet quite happy with herself

back at Fox Tower, she washes it immediately, only to stuff it back under her bed

it stays there for quite a few weeks, until it’s almost time for school to start again, her last year at PSU

the boys are out at the beach, Andrew and Neil are God-knows-where, Renee is meeting a friend, and Dan is out shopping with her Sisters

Ally is alone, and lonely

she’s craving something, something that feels close to how one of her nanny used to take care of her hair before bedtime, telling her stories of folklore around the world

guessing that nobody will be back before sundown, she reaches underneath her bed and takes out the giraffe onesie

she gets rid of her high-waisted skinny jeans, her silky cropped blouse and her high-heeled sandals in favor of Seth’s old Marvel boxer shorts, her baby blue bralette she still hasn’t worn, and the infamous onesie

and wow, it’s so baggy

as she buttons up the front, it almost feels like being wrapped up in a giant, fluffy pancake

she giggles to herself, like a little girl

until she goes to look at herself in the mirror, where she straight-up bursts out laughing

she feels so, so light

she puts on a pair of Renee’s fuzzy socks with the sticky soles and leaves her bedhair as it is

she spends the rest of the day on the couch, watching Barbie movies from the hidden collection she has in her closet while painting her real nails in rainbow colors

she makes herself a big cup of the tea she bought, and lights an ocean-breeze candle

between Barbie as the Island Princess and Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus, she even goes so far as going at the end of the hallway to buy some sugar-free gummy bears from the vending machine, completely forgetting herself…

of course, this is when the boys, including Andrew and Neil, are coming back from their day outdoors

she stops dead in her tracks when she turns around and sees them, a *giraffe* caught in the headlights

the boys only notice her because she stops moving so abruptly

she’s speechless

the boys, not so much

Kevin: *oblivious to the onesie situation* So you’re the one hoarding the healthy gummies. Dude give back some.

Matt: Oh, hi Ally… *raises his pointer finger, opens and closes his mouth in awe, lowers his arm back down* Cute?

Andrew: *his face says he doesn’t give a shit, but he’ll let the image make its way to his heart eventually* *very sneakily snaps an adorable pic for the group chat*

Neil: *whispering to Andrew, genuinely confused*  I thought these were for babies? Do we qualify as babies? Why is Ally dressed like a baby, Andrew?

Nicky: BITCHHHHHH I shoulda made a bet on THAT!

Aaron: Well fuck. 60 points to Hufflepuff for cuteness.  Ugh. I can’t believe I said “cute”. Jesus, I wanna vomit. Eurk.

Allison slowly makes her way back to her dorm room without a word, her cheeks flushed and her eyes to the ground, clutching her bag of gummies

she hasn’t felt this vulnerable since Seth’s passing

an hour later, she’s still hiding under her blankets as Renee and Dan file in

of course, they saw the photo posted to their group chat, and they heard everything from Matt and Nicky

Renee gets under the covers with Ally, and Dan proceeds to show off the goods she got with a very silly runway walk

they don’t say anything, until Neil sends a new picture on the GC

it’s a printed version of Andrew’s picture, pinned to the locker room wall with all the other photos they’ve accumulated

and everybody in the chat is dying of cuteness overload

Ally’s got that look of a toddler caught red handed, so open and genuine and surprised; her mouth is slighlty opened in an “o” shape; her mismatched fuzzy socks are peeking from underneath the bunched up fabric at her ankles; the hood is pulled up and slouching over her head…

but nobody, nobody, is making fun of her

we’re talking about the Foxes here. they never pull their punches.

so this? unexpected. shocking. astounding.

and right at the bottom of the picture, in shaky black marker: Baby Ally

with a poorly drawn heart next to it

in Neil’s unmistakeable handwriting

she cries

and never again is she ashamed of wandering around in her giraffe onesie

and if from then on, many Foxes gifts are soft things for her, well, that is called character development

[i-did]

if you’ve addressed this before I apologize but what do you think of claims that Kevin is a poc coded character and his supposed “mistreatment” is fandom racism?

I mean Nora definitely intended for Kevin to be white while writing him, as she did with all other characters who races are not stated as otherwise. And like, I think I’ve seen the post you're talking about and what they describe is not what coding actually means.* There also isn't any textual basis for Kevin to be a POC besides Wymack, who people often see as non-white due to the discomfort over his 90’s tribal tattoos. IDC if people HC Kevin as a POC, but usually he’s just vaguely tan in the way people make Neil. You’ll see a “The Rock” FC for Wymack, but I haven't seen anything that actually goes beyond that. I’ve seen fic’s actively treat Dan, Matt, and Renee racistly, but Neil and Kevin get the same “vaguely tan” treatment and therefore avoid it. Nicky and Riko are different since they're canonly POC and not fanonly, so they fall into a different area. 

I would also say Kevin is a pretty common fandom favorite too? So I would disagree with that claim as well. Most people I talk to their favorite is either Andrew or Kevin it seems, then like a few Aaron lovers, and my personal favorite is Neil. These are all canonly white main characters–and are largely still depicted and treated as such. Dan, Matt, Nicky, and Renee are all larger characters than Jean or Jeremy, and besides Nicky, are intended to be white but the fandom decided weren't. So Dan, Matt and Renee all get pushed to the sidelines over favorable ‘white’ characters. Fandom’s racism actually has such wild layers tbh, same with its misogyny, but that’s another thing. 

I do think with a lot of the characters in AFTG adding headcanons making them POC can add an entire new layer to the canon and recontextualize scenes and struggles which would make some themes a lot stronger–I do this with most of the foxes in fact. 

But Kevin to me, if I do HC him as a POC, he is going to be white-passing and raised essentially believing he is white until he learns otherwise. 

Kevin to me is very peak white guy. I love him as a character, but book 1 he shows very typical white guy arrogance. He comes to a team and bosses them around while also dismissing them in the same breath. He believes he is owed something from the people around him, and they will blindly follow him and do what he says. They should always listen to him, and he automatically knows what is best–better than Dan. This feeling of “what I ask will be given, and I am above them” is definitely due to the raven mentality of everyone is inferior, but I’m sure there were racist raven recruits along the way, and Kevin is usually HC to be brown and not East Asian/Japanese, which experiences a very different type of racism. I believe if Kevin was a brown MOC… he would act differently. 

Personally, I see white-passing Kevin discovering he’s not actually white as much more narratively interesting and fitting. His mom is Irish, and it's very rare for a mixed kid to be perceived by society to look more related to their white parent than their brown parent–unless of course they're white-passing. And since the fandom usually has Wymack be a MOC, then it would make sense for this green-eyed light skin baby that never is outside but when he is he just kinda tans but is still light skinned, and think “yeah I believe her when she said he’s not my kid.” I also think it could fit Kevin’s arc of realizing Exy isn't all there is to him, in fact there is a whole culture and a father waiting for him to connect with, that he didn’t even know was there ‘as an option.’ it gives him something else to tack onto his identity as well that he had no idea about and was sheltered from. 

I’m still not solid on my own HC for Wymack and Kevin and if he will be white-passing or just white yet, but I play around with the idea sometimes for sure. But I don’t ever see him as visibly a POC. He feels no need to prove himself like Thea does and the media is shown to go easier on him as well as the foxes. The foxes are annoyed with him, but they ignore it, and the media forgives him easily and fawns over him, telling him he’s handsome and talented. Kevin from an outside perspective is very privileged in a way that parallels with Allison a lot actually. Who was based off of Paris Hilton– disowned wild child of a rich family that owns Hilton hotels, struggled with the public eye and is credited as the original influencer. 

*But yeah POC coding isn’t really a term like queer-coding is. Queerness is something that must be unstated for various reasons, which led to coding for either vilification or because there was no other way for it to be shown. But media dives pretty hard into ‘othering’ with POC, doing it’s best to show all the ways whiteness is different from ‘the rest’ by playing up stereotypes or extra emphasis on non-white features. I mean the first ever ‘talkie’ or modern day movie, had blackface in it, (the jazz singer). There is no perceived societal need for ‘POC coding’. There is such thing as ‘Jew coding’ however, which again is used for vilification and dates back pretty far in depictions of devils in churches in Europe. Kevin isn't shown as a ‘gay pervert’ like queer-coding does, or ‘dark curly hair and a strong nose, with his hands rubbing together’ like Jew-coding does. POC aren’t treated with coding but rather a full dive into minstrel depictions instead. 

Kevin is shown as sympathetic but also struggling, he is a victim, but he is also harsh. He is struggling with addiction that gets enabled by the other people around him who don’t know a better way to help. He has an arc, he learns to grow, he gets the tattoo, he talks to Wymack, he fights with Dan, he speaks to Jean, he scores the last point on the winning game, he learns to stand up to Riko. He develops in the books, and is one of the 3 main characters, Neil, Andrew, and Kevin. 

I think the fandom definitely focuses mostly on Andrew and Neil, which is unsurprising since they're the main pairing and get the most development and attention by the author as well. But the nature of fandom and fanfiction typically is to have all the background characters act as overly invested props to get the main paring ending up together. That's just kinda the way fanfiction typically goes. Kevin still largely is a character with his own thing going on, often recovery or dating other people or grumbling in the background with his own thoughts, in fics a lot more than any of the other characters in AFTG who aren't Andrew and Neil. I don’t think Kevin gets excessively ‘mistreated’ either, I think he gets a lot of the similar flattening out of his character we see a lot in general in fandom, whether its for a joke post or a fic.

[genderfluidvi]

My updated All for the Game headcannons after my third read and like ~3-4 years of obsessing over this series

Allison is a binary trans woman and super bisexual

Neil is greygender like he just doesn’t really give a fuck about pronouns or aesthetics or any of that he’s just....Neil

Neil also has ADHD and has periods of hyper fixations that sometimes turn into long term interests and other times get abandoned after a month

Andrew is definitely demiromantic

Maybe has ASD as well?? Not solid on that headcannon yet but I’m warming up to it

Kevin? Super fucking bisexual and DEFINITELY has ASD like both solid headcannons for me that you cannot convince me of otherwise

Renee is pansexual and ambiamorous (which means that you and indifferent to having multiple partners or your partners having multiple partners you just kinda feel it out) but tends to lean homoromantic

She is also nonbinary and uses all pronouns but he/him+ other masc terms and it/its

Aaron is somewhere on the arospec but heterosexual (sorry Kevaaron shippers 😅)

Kevin is also polyamorous ok and ends up with Thea and Jeremy as partners and Jean as a metamour (who is dating Jeremy)

SPEAKING OF JEAN: he is definitely queer but has no desire to label his sexuality he has too much to deal with without trying to figure out his sexuality on top of that. Same with his gender like wtf is that even???? Leave me alone

Matt? Hella pan and figured out after meeting Neil that he is polyamorous too

Dan is bi and ambiamorous so she and Matt sometimes go on dates as a couple and they both would have a threesome with Neil in an instant (though that’s never happening because he only swings for Andrew but they can dREAM OK?)

I also think that Matt doesn’t necessarily identify as nonbinary but also doesn’t not identify as nonbinary ?? Like he’s definitely a dude he’s just not sure if he’s a binary dude

Allison has bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder (which if you didn’t know are not uncommonly paired) (I also have both of these) (self projection af kids)

Wymack is Native American and registered as part of the Catawba tribe. He isn’t as connected or active in his culture as he would like to be BUT as he and Kevin develops their relationship they go to events within the community together and eventually get him registered with the tribe as well

OH and Kevin gets super into his Irish heritage as he allows himself to grieve and remember his mother more. I think he probably didn’t really let himself do that in the Nest what with being a human pet and all. He starts studying Gaelic and starts following Irish Exy nearly as intensely as American exy.

Jeremy is gay and Chicano (Mexican American)

Renee is Korean takes on Taekwondo after her exy days as a way to reclaim her fighting as something constructive for herself rather than a relic of her gang years as well as indulging in her culture.

She and Allison (because i super ship Renison) like to have Korean food nights and watch K-dramas together

Nicky is nonbinary but still uses only he/him and masc pronouns. No one way to be nonbinary folx!

He and Erik help run a youth program for queer kids once they’re married and living together in Germany.

Allison is mixed Black-White American and PROUD bitches

Katelynn has the same coloring as Neil and a lot of similar personality traits (being short tempered and mouthy especially) and twins REFUSE to acknowledge it

Neil is ethnically Jewish as is Abby and she helps immerse him in the culture once she finds out. He doesn’t really believe or follow the religious part of being Jewish but doesn’t have disdain for it either.

The Foxes throw him a belated batsmitsva and he and Andrew love baking challa bread (especially with apricots and rosemary) and latkes together

Speaking of—Andrew is an amazing baker. He’s constantly baking sweets and breads and pizzas (with less sweet options for Neil) and even snacks for the kitties.

Andrew also has a slightly chubby tummy and I will FIGHT YOU on this

Neil loves it and gets very defensive of it whenever someone tries to put Andrew on a diet

That is his favorite pillow and how dare you body shame Andrew or attempt to take that squish away from him

Not sure how solid this headcannon is for me yet but I can definitely see the twins as a quarter Japanese (which I and my siblings are as well and my youngest sister looks like a white girl with monolids so like it’s definitely possible for them to have that coloring and still be mixed)

Of the foxes (and sorry if nora has already declared this I haven’t read the EC in a while) Andrew, Neil, Kevin, Matt, and Allison are the only ones that go pro.

Kandreil has made out just once and they all agreed it was a mistake.

Ok that’s it for now but I may come back with more ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ we’ll see

[captain-danwilds]

Trauma Responses - The 4Fs

I just find it interesting how the series has a character that represents each trauma response.  I don’t mean to say the following characters only respond in this way since it’s an automatic response that they aren’t in control of and every stress trigger can/should produce a different response, just that these were the ones I automatically connected to each character. 

Andrew:  Fight  The Andrew we know in the books has taken a lifetime of being unable to fight back against his abusers, if someone attacks him or what he considers his, he’s going to fight back. 

Neil: Flight Neil’s first instinct is try to run from his problems.  Like there’s a reason, his mindset change to go back for Andrew in a zombie apocalypse really resonates with readers.  It’s us having more clear cut evidence that Neil doesnt want to run anymore.  Like all people, Neil has the option for all responses and therefore reacts differently with different people namely he fights Riko and fawns Mary’s abuse. Dissociation and mistrust of others are also classic characterizations of freeze, so it might be better to say Neil primarily flights or freezes.  

Jean: Freeze This is my least concrete example but it just sort of feels right.  Yes, Jean tries to give Riko and the Master no reason to excessively punish him but primarily he has no real way to escape the nest.  He isolates and prepares for the worst.  He also has had his fight response so throughly beaten out of him that standing up to Riko seems unquestionable.  (Also scientific research has best detailed the freeze response in rape survivors which is part of the reason I imagine Jean and Andrew are predisposed to freeze.)    

Kevin: Fawn  Kevin’s fawning behavior was part of what inspired me to make this post.   In order to avoid abuse from Riko, he placated him, trying to make sure all the world said Riko was the better striker, playing into Riko’s ego to stay safe.  Even his decisions on the Kathy Ferdinand show, while colored with freeze, reflect his larger tendencies to do what is necessary to maintain the approval of others and live up to their expectations.  Neil doesn’t understand how Kevin needs to overcome a lifetime of conditioning of bending to Riko’s will in order to stand up to him at all and dismisses it as only cowardice. (Since the term wasn’t coined until 2013 by Pete Walker and is still referred to as just a possible trauma response despite it’s frequency in abused children, I don’t really blame Neil for not understanding even if I think Kevin deserved to not be called a coward.) The choice to wait to tell Wymack about the paternity issue could also be a way of Kevin refusing to rock the boat too much and preemptively avoiding rejection.