#i feel like it's overly sad
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Things I think about
The fact that one of Dan's first bullies invited him to a sleepover and then asked him, "who's going to be the boy, and who's going to be the girl"
The fact that Dan said "stuff happened" between him and guys who bullied him
The fact that Dan doesn't think straight men really exist, bc they hit on him if they're drunk and emotional enough
the fact that Phil is, one of, if not the first openly gay men he met in his life
#He was being targeted by the closeted men#he needs to be left alone#Phil made him feel safe by not treating him like a dirty secret#sorry for being sad on main#phan#dan and phil#dnp#is this post overly invasive#I find it overly invasive#fuck it tho
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Frost: Name something you believed in as a child that you no longer do as an adult.
Torbek: Himself.
#ya know in how a cat will cuddle you if you’re feeling overly sad or overwhelmed?#I imagine that’s what frost does whenever Torbek gets really sad like this#he deserves it#legends of avantris#once upon a witchlight#incorrect quotes#morning frost#torbek#once upon a queue
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"From triumph to failure is but one step."
+ the usual
I love when I can include paper sketches in the process gif. It's very satisfying to see it progress from a very vague imagining of what was in my head to the finished project.
+ version without text
My favorite sketch was definitely the one where I actually put in words what it's supposed to convey. I wouldn't usually write that down, cause it's all in my head, but it was useful to do so when sending it to other people. I'll go into it more but here it is just as a teaser:
Lmao first of all, I like how I was teasing "Spanish GP" art, but as per usual, it's just thinly veiled au art. IM SORRY, I'M NOT INTERESTED IN MAKING GENERAL POSTERS, THAT'S NO FUN! So instead you will get weirdly relevant matador au art. I like it a lot though, I was really shocked I was able to draw 3 different Fernandos, I mean even drawing one figure takes a lot out of me, but this was weirdly easy?? I think it's just the effect of not being burnt out anymore, and actually being able to draw with more ease makes me feel like a god.
Okay, so the text: "Fight or Flight?" I'll be honest, I don't even remember why I chose it, literally came to me in a vision 😭 But I think it's fitting with the narrative of this piece. Is it better to keep going on, keep fighting, or better to finally give up, and flee? Not that I even remotely think he should give up, but I feel like sometimes I can sense him pondering this very question. That was the big fear before he announced that he re-signed. Keep fighting and maybe, just maybe, you'll get the chance to finally go up against the bull again. Or accept it's an uphill battle and the fighting is going to keep getting more and more strenous, and maybe it's time to put down the sword. SORRY THIS IS SO ANGSTY FOR WHAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE "yayyyy home race!!!" Please forgive me <3
I. Renault
At some point, someone pointed out to me that I had drawn all other iterations of matador Fernando with a sword, except for Renault Fernando, and that ended up feeling very poignant to me. In a bull fighting match, they really only pull out the sword at the last minute to deliver the killing blow. So I think it's important to never draw this Fernando with a sword, because it shows the unfailing confidence and stability he has at that point. He only needs to pull out the sword at the end, as a formality almost, there's no reason for him to keep his guard up at all times.
II. Ferrari
Meanwhile this Fernando, he's considering his sword like he hasn't had to in the past. He's checking the sharpness, making sure in advance he can do what needs to be done. He's on guard, he feels like he needs to keep up his defenses at all times because he doesn't have that same amount of trust and stability anymore. He knows though he will be up against the (red) bull, at least that's never in question. At least there's the assurance he'll get the chance to fight.
III. Aston
Oh, Aston Fernando....He doesn't know whether to take up his sword or finally put it down for the last time. While at least Ferrari Fernando knows he's on constant guard against the bull, this Fernando doesn't even have that assurance anymore. He feels like he can never put down the sword, just in case he gets the chance to strike the killing blow on the bull, which feels like it's growing more and more unlikely.
Spanish flag: ? Lmao this was meant to be something to celebrate Fernando's home race and it turned very introspective whoops. Also got the Napoleon quote in there hahaha, can't escape it!! Shame though there is no French gp anymore, if so I'd probably draw an unhinged thing for it :,(
#woooo yeah totally a spanish gp poster sure sure.....#idk i cant pretend to be relevant. i just wanted to draw matadors bcs it was spain gp wknd#maybe next year ill draw him as the prince of asturias#very proud of the narrative of this though#I do think it's very relavant to the story of his career and his relationship to the spanish gp#see i even downloaded a special font! sdjkglr#also do let me know which is your fav Nando on this poster!!!! <3#even tho the aston nando is lowkey the reason behind this whole poster. im super smitten with renault nando#i wonder which fernando would be 'freeze'#also i swear one day im gonna accidentally stab myself with the big ass sword i use to take ref pics for matador au#HOPE THIS ISNT TOO SAD EVEN THO I KNOW IT IS!!!#i mean it was never really supposed to be triumphant. more just *heavy thoughts*#but the lacklustre results and the fact that i feel like i havent even seen nando that much this wknd fueled the depressing read more#i am not immune to being overly dramatic and angsty </3#hey you never know man maybe this will work as reverse psychology and he'll do well in a couple hours!! we'll see...#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#catie.art.#matador au#2024 spanish gp#fa14
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Conflict test..? Moe fucks up Badly test.
#feh#i'm ngl there's not a lot that's presentable in here. this sketchbook does feel like a waste tbh#like i just did not do a whole lot w it. lacks substance. i'm itching to just start over tbh.#sad!#anyways something i was trying to test here and that's been in the back of my mind forever#is moe offering a hand. literally. like it just does not know what else to do.#extremely picky about being touched. leads to it being extremely maybe overly cautious of touching others.#in a way remaining distant is its way of showing comfort. but that usually does come off as well. distant.#unreachable even.#and here i think alfonse is so hurt that he won't even accept moe's gesture. ouch! you fucked up big time!!!!!#i def get really in my head about presentation and how good anything is though like#i feel like i could nitpick the HELL out of this. BUT. BUT. IT'S JYST A CONCEPT. JUST A TEST#maybe i'll work on something else today...... idk idk i feel aimless but i wanna raise morale. somehow.#fe alfonse#moe tag#summoner oc#my art
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#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad#we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic#was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though#it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything#also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't#tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer#both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first#time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been#making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said#i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly#implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me#bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication#we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked#& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol#which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't#even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around#a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins#literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww#am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely#concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know
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I didn’t post anything about Adam Parrish’s bday today and now I’m mourning my own youth :(
#trc just represents this magical innocence and coming of age#and I’ve spent a lot of time really invested in and dedicated to the trc universe#and I guess I’ve just grown away from it and that’s not inherently a bad thing#but it feels so symbolic and it feels like a death in a way#and I feel like a bad person for not sticking with a series that has helped me through so much#like even though the characters and universe aren’t real it feels like I’m abandoning them#I have a nasty habit of overly anthropomorphizing things and ideas and feeling empathy for them as if they are real#and it’s particularly bad with this#I’m not interested in engaging with the series or fandom much anymore just bc I’ve changed and grown and whatever#and that makes me feel so guilty#as if the abstract idea of this series will feel sadness and dissipointment that I’ve abandoned it#idk guys I’m just mentally ill
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im insanely thankful to you for writing the larian critical posts. i love the game to PIECES but when my friend tells me about the ast*rion scenes and lines and everything and we compare it to what gale has its just... sad. and i appreciate you pointing this stuff out. helps take the rose colored glasses off i guess. all that said, thank you SO SO much for your meta posts theyre SUCH a joy to read <3
thank you so much for your message. it means a lot to me. 🖤
#i should say that i don't like to be negative or overly critical#but i feel like this needs to be pointed out#and i feel like for gale especially it's not only the lack of scenes and development and reactivity in general#but also just how he is treated within the game itself#others and i have talked about how he's ridiculed how he's the butt of the joke to the point where even you playing the protag are made#to feel ashamed of your choice to pick gale#so it just makes for an absolutely double whammy in that sense#that you do get this reinforced feeling of a bias on the developers side that is just... sad to see and extremely discouraging#text: asks#vg: baldur's gate 3#series: baldur's gate#bg3 critical#larian critical
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... do i dare say this is misao whenever she tries to get herself amped up for actually opening up to people JSJSJ
#ALL POWER DEMANDS PAIN AND SACRIFICE: musings.#kind of a shitpost once more BUTTT oh well lol#i just can't help but make posts like these to break up all of the... ✨️tension ✨️ / j SKSKSK#nah i know i haven't been posting anything sad or overly dark lately but. this meme just reminded me of her for some reason ok 💀 LMAOO#tw: mentions of social isolation.#no but seriously all jokes aside she will sometimes withdraw even further into herself at even-#the THOUGHT of sharing her feelings with people so she will engage in socially isolating behaviors like-#staying at home for lengthy periods of time and avoiding any sort of contact with other people including those at work / her patient's.#like although she usually hates missing work as a rule because... you know a girl's gotta eat / hj ( JSJSJ ) she will take off and just.#bed rot for like a week if thing's get too bad because her hyperindependence sometimes gets so bad that-#she would rather die than talk to someone so... yeah. it's not good
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#okay. observations about my mental state.#well first off it is bad#second off i feel like every emotion i feel is it’s own piece of me#with no overlap#when I am miserable that’s all i am and it feels like there’s no respite from that#when i’m happy i’m manic and overly energetic and i cling to it bc i know eventually i’ll be back to being sad and depressed#and recent update. the anger patch#maybe i want to believe these are all different personas or whatever (NOT SAYING THAT!! being so clear right now i do not believe that#it’s just what the experience feels like.)#but yeah i don’t want to think that the person i am when i’m angry is me#because it’s such an awful bitter feeling#and like i know i’m allowed to be mad#and given the shit i’m putting up with i mean who wouldn’t be#but it makes me so fucking unpleasant and i can FEEL that#just that directionless anger#and i feel like i can only condemn it after the fact in the moment I feel powerless to stop those feelings#uggghhh#anyways art imitates life or whatever
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#there’s a content creator that passed aways a few years ago#and he was very loved and still is#and im seeing people say stuff like ‘i started watching just recently but it’s so fun to watch him’#and 🤧#its sweet? and theres ppl that are fans saying the same thing#about still consuming content. about his humor still holding up#and im thinking about liam:( i guess i want to also get to a point where its fondly looking back at memories#not feeling overly sad:(#though its a bit different#especially bc of how sudden it all was#so so so sudden and unfair#why did this happen:(#i love seeing pictures of happy memories of him#but the most recent pics make me sad:(#i dont know what im saying#i miss him i miss him#i feel for his family so much#worst pain possible#i hope they can be together and support each other#this will hurt a lifetime but we will remember him always too#our darling#:(#day of the death is just hitting me more
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Henrik Hanssen and Karol Nowak in S15E04 "If Not For You"
#Holby City#Henrik Hanssen#Karol Nowak#my edits#my gifs#gif warning#ep: S15E04 If Not For You#happy 11th anniversary to one of my favourite henrik eps!#i absolutely ADORE how karol handles henrik's sensory overload in this scene#he doesn't pressure henrik to talk and he doesn't use overly complicated sentences#he communicates clearly and calmly and then expresses his willingness to wait it out with henrik and it's just wonderful#also i feel like henrik had probably never had someone deal with his sensory overload so kindly before this and that makes me sad
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Hoping your day gets better and sending you good vibes 💕🫶
thank you ♥️♥️♥️
#the work thing is really so dumb i’m just overly sensitive#someone from another department told my boss that people from my team tell them about how much they dislike me#and i mind my business i try not to bother anyone bc the work isn’t collaborative it is solo work#so knowing that people dislike me somehow for some reason and won’t talk to me about it and also won’t tell the other person why they#dislike me makes me sad and feel like i am bad and being wrong and hurtful in some way and i don’t want to make people uncomfortable#especially if they have to share space with me through work obligations
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#youtube#agreed#I too play so many indie games#it lacked authenticity and I do feel bad for developers#concept and execution of the art was ill balanced /clashed#a game too late to an oversaturated market#do better#selling to consumers means making a good product despite any politics#I am incredibly liberal and it is sad to see the discourse about this#but I don't think that is the source of why it is so bad as a game#the liberal audience including myself did not find this game memorable#this will probably be studied for a while#will be fun in one of my MBA classes to deep dive#my instant thoughts was that this looked like a bad mashup of overly bright color values that resembled moebius and guardians of the galaxy#gaming#thoughts in my hashtags#wish this was better and I feel for the developers but it is a lesson learned for the gaming industry
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Bruh, there's hating Wish 2023 and then there's straight up trying to call Chip 'N' Dale: Rescue Rangers a better 100 years movie for Disney then Wish 2023, because holy shit, imagine saying a movie that disrespected a dead actor that Disney themselves screwed over and basically was a glorified show off of all the IP's Disney owns while also just straight up being an insult to its own medium, is better then an animated movie that you don't like and should represent Disney's 100 years as a company. ...Actually you know what, given I just mentioned Disney screwed over an actor whose now dead and then proceeded to disrespect him via a character in the film, maybe its a great representation of them as a company: mistreating people who worked for them even until to this day and even after they dead.
#yes i saw this take#yes i wanna get the eye bleach#they claimed the movie was funny too and just?? bitch where???#AND NO UGLY SONIC IS NOT ALLOWED AS AN EXAMPLE#ugly sonic is always the only fuckign example given i swear#when the 'joke' with him died pretty fast in the film#and also rich of disney to mock him when they proceeded to have their cgi lion king characters mock another animation style#when they done in the same exact style as ugly sonic#and also yes disney mocked other animation styles#it wont even funny it was just sad#like disney at least those bad animations came from films that gave a shit about their plots and didnt disrespect people#also maybe its just me as someone who doesnt overly hate wish 2023 but like#the hate for this film really feels overdone at this point#like it became a trend on youtube and now its just a punching bag for people online
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Oh god they're gone they're actually gone
Q!Philza is gone
Chayanne and Tallulah are gone.
I'm glad they're together but they're still gone
:(
Everyone is gone. All the eggs.. the sweet little guys are.. just not there anymore. I feel like this is the end. It's all ending and crumbling and it's so sad because I still care so much. Theyve been such a comfort family to me and I know it isnt real, they're characters played by people acting. But for 4-5 hours every VOD I got to be in the POV of a family that really love each other. They were silly and listened to each other and gave up a lot for eachother. They would do anything to keep eachother safe, our brave little warriors with Technoblade watching over them. And then that happy little family got a happily ever after together into the unknown.
But I'm still here.
It's not any of their faults, it's no ones fault at all. I'm always sad when people have to leave, I fear they're also leaving me behind too. And when they say they'll be back I wait for them. I wait and wait and grow so so tired of waiting for something, but nothing. (Tallulah just like me fr damn) Then I meet other people and I'm so sure this time they wont have to go.
I hope they think to take me with them if they do, like Chayanne and Tallulah.
#this sounds super dramatic#yea i know it does#my brains kinda wired with#dramatic the disorder#ill call it that#yknow i saw in my med report that i was overly dramatic#i dont disagree i feel like things are bigger than they actually are#ughvhd sometimes i dont know if something is actually fucked or its my brain making things kaiju sized#this sucks and im sad |:(#im gonna cry and journal some shit#crowmancerx#goodbye qsmp#goodbye chayanne#goodbye tallulah#goodbye q!Philza#i had a lot of fun at least#long vent#vent post#vent#oh god please skip this post it sux
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*sigh* something something the two-dimensionality of saeru's characterisation is a writing flaw, not a feature, and trying to pass it off as a feature whilst berating anyone who sees it as a flaw is uh. A Choice
#like we all know jin's writing isn't exactly stellar#kgpr got popular because of the characterisation of the Protagonists#but jin writes saeru poorly. I've never believed otherwise#he only really tried to do something interesting with the character in the manga... but saeru was always more of a symbol. which is Boring#but again#not the Main Point of kgpr so it's not a big deal#but that isn't to say that making saeru interesting weakens the narrative???#just that the story functions without him being overly complex and stuff#some of themes however are so Fucked by his character it's so sad#could write a whole essay about how shit the whole idea of monsterhood becomes when saeru is presented the way he is outside of the manga#that entire spiel seto has about “real monsters” in novel 8 is so eugh#I'd love to pretend that's just his perspective but it's so clearly word of god#I also feel like shutting down arguments in favour of deeper characterisation with “well he's a metaphor for trauma”#inadvertently oversimplifies trauma#I have more to say but I'm tiredddd#txt#not tagging and shit because I don't want people in my notes arguing with a wall#idc if you like your saeru simple I just hate the fact that people frame it as right/wrong thing#I think when people complain about complex saeru weakening the narrative they're more so annoyed that some fans#want to give him the same sort of complexity the protags have#like I promise you I'm not trying to turn him into a hero here lol I just think jin couldn't write him very well#and there are things to explore with the little things jin Did write#idk why the concept of even thinking about those things annoys some people sm#“he's a murderer” he's a narrative tool within a story. some guys in a corner brainrotting over him won't make Your blorbos less interestin#or make his actions widely justified/glorified#I Promise
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