#i feel like im on top of the world
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Note to self: no energy drinks during an hour that ends with PM
#i had an energy drink at like 4pm last night and didnt finish it until 7#im running on 2 1/2 hours of sleep and caffeine#i feel like im on top of the world#but what goes up must come down#and boy is it gonna be a long fall#🐏💎
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The euphoria of getting matching eyeliner wings on the first try
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saw @chez-cinnamon's absolutely BANGER butterfly!Howdy design and couldn't resist! two fluffy flutterbyes <3 solidarity
#still unsure of Why this was the only pose that came to mind but! who am i to deny the brain what it wants#i also have no idea what it is about butterflies and mullets + extra fluff#it just feels Right.#oh also if you haven't checked out chez-cinnamon's Real World au uhhhh Go Do That!!!#its fun! its funky! its fresh! its got a lot of great art! its got a Comic!#emphasis on a Lot Of Great Art!#i will admit im emotionally invested in the plot. its reeled me in. im Fascinated by it#also(x2) i Cannot get over how swagtastic that butterfly howdy design is#like!!! look at it!!! the colors the patterns the WINGS agh the wings <3<3<3#truly a unique and creative design that im totally not jealous of ahaha what-#kidding im Kidding. or am i... i am i am#scribble garnish#yassified howdy <3#welcome home#alrighty its officially 2 am i needed to be asleep uhhhhh three hours ago#gonna queue this up and conk out. while lovingly thinking of chez-cinnamon's butterfly howdy my fucking GOD#cant get over how Gorgeous he is#the facial patterns.... the colors.... immaculate#top tier design i am Taking Notes#ok ok sleeping now. Sleeping. snz snork mimi and all that. etc
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*obnoxious nitpicking nerd voice* there was something bothering me about got/hotd's dragon wings and I couldn't put it into words so I made a visual explanation lol
#syrax top 3 best hotd dragon designs just for this#the other 2 are vhagar and craxes I like how respectively hag-ish and silly they look#im not a physics/anatomy expert so maybe I'm wrong idk but those wings dont look right#the only real world equivalent to dragon wings are bats so I assume they'd have to look like that for them to work#I can already feel someone being like 'erm but it's fantasy' ok well let me be annoying -_-
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I've started playing Potion Permit, and so far it's one of my favorite games I've messed around with, but the most big brained move the devs made was giving you a dog on day 1, and then making that dog able to track NPCs and lead you directly to them no matter where they are in the town.
#im still early game but i like the play and the writing is passable#like#Theres a flatness#the characters Are distinct but theyre mostly just their jobs#with only a few who stand out and have like. something to really grab onto#Like rue? rues entire deal is little girl you can date. Nothing else behind those eyes. She has nothing better to talk to you about#than the fact her favorite color is red#Sorcelia? Sorcelia is a goth nun who loves singing and teaches one of the village children#Reynerd? sure is a guy#got nothing else to say about him. hes just a Guy™. Victor? Has ghost friends and loves bugs and cares deeply about the cemetery#he tends to. At the moment it feels like they're trying to imply there aren't actually ghosts. and hes just talking to himself/#insisting his imaginary friends are real people#and so far? The games been cool about it. Victor's a member of his community and his eccentricities are accepted and not ridiculed#all four characters ive mentioned are romance candidates. but its just as hit or miss with the regular towns folk#Opalheart is an older woman and a world renowned blacksmith who only takes jobs if they will do Good. regardless of whether or not they#pay well. She declines to make a dagger for a rich man but makes a helmet for a childs father bc the girl asked#and olive is here#anyways you can be best friends with a cat (shes just a regular cat) and i appreciate that#idk im putting it above sun haven in my ranking of life sim games#purely because there are older romance candidates.#no fat romance candidates. but sun haven doesn't have thise either.#and sdv has neither fat or old candidates Nor can you fuck a cat boy. it goes at the bottom.#gameplay wise sunhaven is at the bottom then sdv then potion permit at the top. sunhaven has the Most™ but having#a lot of crap doesn't mean its fun and it ends up making half the game feel really incomplete#idk. Sdv is a game you should've started playing a year ago. sun haven is a game that perpetually needs another year worth of updates#before id say its worth it bc the devs keep pushing content ™ updates instead of quality of life or polish so what is there is uh#Bad. plentiful. and a large portion is good#but a Lot is just bad.#its insincere and cant take itself seriously it gives you (the right dialogue option) an (the shit joke option) which is worse than just#i ram out of space. tldr. potion permit is good Now. sdv Was good. sun haven Might be great Eventually
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Does anyone have any tips to help stop yourself from comparing your artwork to others, or equating your value as an artist with likes and reblogs?
I've struggled with this for a while and it's getting old, I don't know how to just shrug it off. Any genuine advice would be nice
#its just bygging me bc i know rationally they dont matter i knoe they dont#but i still feel it in my bones that im not good enough because my work doesnt circulate on platforms#i paint for fun and then i post and i get these feelings and theyre so goddamn annoying#i know to just keep posting anyway and try to enjoy the ride but my Depression Brain is such an asshole#i wish it would be quiet#i never used to feel this way either until likes and reposts/reblogs became so integral to social media#on top of needing commissions to get by while looking for work and attending school soon#idk maybe this is just a vent and ik no one can Fix it that simply#i guess im just speaking 2 the void rn and maybe others feel the same#*bugging#and i really am so grateful just to know anyone likes it or comments on it and reading feedback really really means so much#but i feel like unless im pumping out specific fandom stuff that doesnt really happen#but the negative thoughts and feelings can b rly strong sometimes and im just tired#im sure this is a depression thing too#hoping i can get into therapy thru school but it depends on finances as everything else in this world does 🫠#ill keep going tho#and please if you are someone who does comment or reblog and say something about the work please do not ever stop#it means so much to me and others im positive it does#i see you and i appreciate you so so much#thank you and thank you to anyone who reads or comments some ideas
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What is it about Skyrim that feels like the peak of Bethesda games
#its not the writing. none of their games have top notch writing but skyrims not even in their top 3 in terms of writing#is it gameplay? its so simple but maybe that helps. easy to pick up.#idk. i feel like its vibes. how it feels to explore. the world in general#i would kill for a game just like it in another province#as someone who overall still prefers oblivion#art direction... maybe#honestly it feels like no two bethesda games look alike#skyrim has a distinct and consistent style thats appealing#same could be said for fo3 and fo4 but. i only like the art direction in one of those#im rambling im a little high sorry.#i wanna play skyrimmmmm
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they could make a new we didnt start a fire song with the amount of dystopian fuckery going on
#genocide and colonization; AI takeover; greedflation; american election; photomatt; covid pandemic; measles comeback#human rights violations; war crimes; tiktok; elon musk; low wages and layoffs at an all time high; ceo paycuts; online censorship#climate change; oil spills; car centric infrastructure#just to name a few off the top of my head. im not even saying this to be funny im like dead serious full on depressed#i hate being so negative on main because it feels defeatist and sends everyone into a spiral#but i really want to change the world if i can help it and that means not ignoring everything thats going on even when my brain is#screaming 'its so over.' i want more ways to change the world but thats exactly why the current systems in place thrive on supression#more ppl should hate the way things are instead of accepting it because none of this should be justified in the first place#please dont be sad. be angry because i think we all deserve to be the way things are going rn and i want to punch elons teeth in#vent#yapping
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does anyone else have problems like. i cant watch movies if my room is messy. i cant listen to music in the bathroom bc its like, a dirty place and i dont want the music to know im cleaning my bathroom or whatever the fuck it is. i cant write a paper in a stained shirt bc ive got these invisible eyes on me n it’s embarrassing. im exploring the idea that i might actually have OCD n not just a half hearted suggested diagnosis from when i was like 10 n this sounds like bizarre behavior so idk does anyone know anything. i would love to just live my life
#it took me years to be ok w changing clothes or eating w the tv on.#im gearing up to explain to my therapist that when i was young my main coping mechanism for abuse#was that really intense daydreaming but in particular id imagine a fictional character or someone i admired was with me at all times like.#watching. n i could talk to them in my head n live in kind of an alternate world#but then it fucked me over bc as i got older i still felt like someone is with me 24/7#like to this day i do not feel alone ever bc theres some crazy invisible audience watching me#so i already have a lot of embarrassing things ive done in front of ppl to deal with but on top of that#im just always embarrassed bc theres someone watching me like eat chips in my recliner without makeup on#its insane.#anyway i cant watch movies if my room is messy n it pisses me off. JUST RELAX
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hello! i am back with yet another…thing. thank u for the tag @lovelymasks <3 (i realised, upon second reading, that this was supposed to be a sunday snippet but i’m an idiot n therefore this is now a saturday snippet mwuah)
I think you should go to a Healer, Sirius.
Why, he’d asked, flippant. What was there to do with a Healer when you were a convict on the run? Besides, Sirius was wrong in a way that couldn’t be made right. He was past the point of return. Healers would’ve barely known what to do with him before Azkaban, let alone in the condition he was in now.
Because you look like a stiff wind will blow you over, Harry’d answered, though the answering flippancy didn’t quite land the way he intended because what Sirius heard was ‘Because I don't want to lose anyone else.’
What Harry didn't say, and Sirius didn’t want to hear, was ‘Because I can’t lose another parent.’
He quietly acquiesced after that. The trembling, hopeful smile growing on his godson’s face was enough to wipe away all apprehensions after that.
Until now, when Harry was at Hogwarts, and he was second guessing this whole business.
Did he really need a Healer, like, really?
One look at the mirror in front of him gave him a solid, sturdy answer.
He was dressed in his old rags and it was a testament to the conditions of Azkaban that clothes from when he was younger, before hitting his final growth spurts, were barely just fitting him now. Sirius’ back was almost constantly bent these days--all days spent curled up in a ball seemed to have reshaped his skeletal structure, who knew--each vertebrae gaining a distinct notch in the column of his skin. His stomach was a fascinating blend of too small and too bloated. He couldn’t keep anything down, but he wasn’t able to eat much either. A mystery for the ages.
Less said about his face, the better. Sirius wasn’t vain, never had any reason to be, but there was a certain…pride he’d maintained, a level of outward appearance that was considered bare minimum for a Black, a conditioning he’d never managed to shake off.
It was that conditioning itching at him now, turning him away from any reflective surface before he could see his distorted features, grotesque and inhuman, staring back at him.
And ultimately, it was that, he realised with a shameful sort of guilt, that pushed him to see a Healer. Not his godson’s pleading look, not concern for his wellbeing--but leftovers from an upbringing that he hated, his mother’s words he couldn’t stop hearing, his father’s sharp commands.
Ultimately, it was his blood that made him give in, as it always did.
further tagging @jmagnabo92 @soopsiedaisies @groundzero-v 💜
#sirius black#harry potter#mwuahahahahaha#i am feeling. on top of the world#bc ive written like. 3k for FoD in the past couple days#and writing has been so hard recently!!!#but i had a therapy sesh the other day that actually literally rewired my neural pathways#so i guess here i am. turned a new leaf or wtv#anyway! this is from FoD ofc. from way down so it probably wont be posted for a bit#but i rly like it#and im trying to keep from posting the entirety of the nasty molly-sirius fight i just wrapped up#(ive already bothered the pf server w way too many snippets hehehe)#so this is what we're left wih#im so excited for the next chapter (even tho i sort of have to figure out what'll be in it--the fight or the trial or sumn else)#but just. yeah. its very fun.#pen’s writing#fic: foundations of decay
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Dragon Noodle Soup :3
#world of warcraft#dragonflight#dragons#I both adore the kalimdor racing event and also am highly frustrated cuz advanced gold is always 1-3 seconds off#most fun ive ever had in WoW#also worst time ever#maybe second to the mage tower cuz that shit was NOT MADE for my ADHD ass#im joking the worst times in this game is trying to convince strangers to let you join endgame content#and then get bullied by them#i dont do dungeons anymore#seriously tho the dragon racing is some of the most fun and engaging wow content ever give me moreeeee#I need more single player content that feels like this#that is highly rewarding and i dont need to suck up to assholes to achieve#((desperatly begging for a solo story version of dungeons and raids so i can experience the story without getting abused by other players))#i DID THE MONK DMG MAGE TOWER IN LEGION. I HAVE TRIED THE NEW VER 100 FUCKING TIMES#AND ITS HARDER THIS TIME SO I FUCKING CAN'T#ASLDKHADOIHADIA#I have to be on top of every fucking thing for like 12 minutes straight due to my dmg output and following guides dont help me#I got him down to 20-30 percent and then ditched the game to play FFXIV for a full ass year#this was jan 2022#I havn't attempted since i probably should.#sorry forgot what this post was about
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day 6. based on my very real struggles getting out of bed lately
#art.jpeg#sheilaposting#sheila e.#pannacotta fugo#phf#i made her so skinny it feels wrong... also uhh that first panel turned out shitty mb#welcome to my twisted sheila and fugo roomies world. housing crisis: these two top dog gangsters cant afford rent.#i had more dialogue planned but i forgor. oh well.#ive been forgering a lot lately... im rotting#also decided to start numbering these apparently lol. accepting suggestions for tags unless i find a chemical to name these after#<- like hidroxifenil#oxitocina
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#everything is wretched rn#i feel so unbearably lonely atm.#the more i get to know the 17-19 years old i work with the more i deeply dislike them and their values.#i can't even think about the state of the world without falling into crippling despair and existential dread#but at least i have my little story i'm trying to write#and its literally the only thing i'm clinging onto rn bc i feel like im going insane#and idk if my anxiety is just about the world in general rn#or if i actually do hate my new job/the people there....#or if im just tired or what#but everything is bad#everything is so fucking bad. on top of it my sleep has been so awful lately.#and its dark at 4pm#about moi#ignore me im having an existential crisis
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...
#oh lads. lads. lads. lads. im being sucked back into the world of academia#i dont even kno what happened. a week ago i was crying bc i was like: this is impossible. i simply cannot do this.#and then i went into the lab sunday and miraculously i was able to easily read some papers. like i dont kno how to discribe how baffling it#was. like reading papers is like pulling teeth and this was somehow easy. i think maybe it was bc i let myself get distracted and wander#thru it. and then after that i got so much done this week and i was tired but having fun. and like the thing is: i fucking love evolution#it's like puzzling out the code for life in both a metaphical and literal sense. its fucking incredible. and my project is also very#interesting. if a bit intimidating in its scope. ya kno. just in the way photosynthesis is generally intimidating#but i think i have a strain thats lost chlf which is really interesting and my advisor said we might have the money to try some crispr for#my cyano children. hypothetically. maybe. and i get to do some poking around in genomes. theres so so much to love there#how could i possibly want to do anything else? and yet. and yet. here at the end of the week im so wrung out and i kno i just have to start#again on sunday and i kno im gonna have to step it up in terms of reading if i want to make it through a committee meeting and proposal#defense. not to even mention a comprehensive exam. and what do i get at the end of all this? a lifetime of academia draining my life away.#bc what i do is so academic. so whats the point? its just so frustrating.#and on top of that ive got all this data from my old lab that i kno i have to work on. and i will. i will. but with what time?#anyway the point is. i can see a path forward now where i stay here and decide the pain will be worth it despite not knowing where im going#after that. im just so tried#but right now it feels like im gonna stay until someone kicks me out#but that doesnt exactly make me feel happy. ugh. but if i stay i want to get my old pi to come here and give a seminar. ill warn her how#intimidating the department is tho. we've had 2 talks in the last 2 weeks that were... not good. particularly the one this week#like she couldnt answer a single question they thru at her and didnt seem to kno her data sets. it was hard to watch. anyway. i just want#to see my academic mother again. send me back to the desert! let me rot in a field full of sage#but send me back to the hills of an older mountain range. where i can climb sandstone cliffs and lay in carpets of moss. except i wouldnt do#that bc of all the ticks and threat of lyme disease...#anyway. im still tired. still sad. and there doesnt seem to b a way out#unrelated
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oc req i got from a friend on cohost for these two hanging out! which eventually turned into me thinking "what if this is just saiph walking up to ramus unprompted on Guild Beach Day, but ramus fully forgot who he was since they last met" and that concept was funny enough to me that thats what the drawing became
but still, here's an edited (technically original) version under the cut bc i think eventually they start to talk for real anyway lol
#finn's ocs#finn's art#i also for a second thought it would be a little bit funny for ramus's reply to be ''what the fuck happened to your tits'' but#stylized top surgery scars get too much shit so i figured it would be low hanging fruit even if in isolation its funny#also wrt the scars ik some ppl scar darker while some scar paler im not just being inconsistent 😅 i hope that comes across well#but yeah i think its better if they just hang out normally anyway. theyre just two dudes#even if ramus forgor and even if saiph would just walk up to random ppl on the beach and Start Talking#bc he acts like everyone in the world is his best friend. ask levy from the train station#which. is a character ive also only talked abt on cohost i think? whatever that desc tells you everything you need to know#i also have a polaris wip recommended from the same friend but i got carried away here#also theres a secondary joke of the crab getting closer. be careful.#and a third joke of the crab having the same accessories as cancer. his pet perhaps. as all crabs in the ocean are#also all of ramus's stuff is just his guildmates stuff bc theyre there too and they share#i feel like if any guild would just share all their shit its the hippies in the woods right#thats my commentary. this ended up becoming a bigger drawing than i intended bc i kept thinking abt stuff
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i’m not a transandrophobia truther in the slightest don’t get me wrong, but i think some people on here really need to realize and comprehend the fact that cis women, way WAY more often than not, hold extremely significant social and political power over trans men the vast majority of the time in our day to day lives
#sorry not to get on this bullshit i just saw a related post when i opened this app lmao#and by some people i don’t mean anyone in particular im not vagueing anyone or any specific post#and i especially don’t mean any transfem calling out transmisogynistic transmascs either#but yeah i see a lot of implication that trans men are like. somehow significantly privileged over cis women#and ofc i don’t mean that transmascs are incapable of being misogynistic to cis women bc that’s far from the case#but i need someone to name a transmasc with significant political or social or financial power that’s working to set back women’s rights#versus the amount of cis women with any of the aforementioned privileges working to take away the rights of trans people#bc i can think of 4 of the latter just off the top of my head without trying really hard#and the only day to day instance i can think of where trans men would hold significant power over a cis woman is like..#a workplace environment where he completely passes as cis and absolutely no one knows he’s trans at all or even suspects it#but then again most if not all of that privilege would be stripped away the second anyone there found out he was trans#but yeah i really do think some people need to grapple with how they conceptualize gendered privilege and their own power in these dynamics#and how that’s reflected in the way they think about/interact with transmascs#are you disgusted with this random transmasc on tumblr because he’s a man (or vaguely adjacent) or because he’s trans. ykwim#and again i hate the whole transandrophobia thing i think it’s stupid as shit and redundant to put it lightly and briefly but#idk why transmascs that believe in it have become the new face of anti-feminism and MRA movements#and not like. the cis men who started both of those things and contribute to the vast majority of that type of rhetoric in every way#and also hold enough power to leverage those beliefs over both women and also transmascs tbh#i think some people are just repulsed by the idea of anyone willingly wanting to be a man bc they see it as the same as becoming a cis man#in terms of privilege. when in reality by being trans you’re knocked down in terms of power and privilege from all cis people anyways#but also. some people also need to realize that transmascs can also have trauma and complicated feelings about being a man and patriarchy#and more often than not we ARE traumatized by the way cis men (and women!!) have treated us#and grapple with our place in the world as a result. it’s not just as simple as becoming a cis man over night tbh!!#and again i’m not talking about transfems with any of this because the vast Vast majority of transfems understand this more than anyone#i’m mostly talking about cis women both irl and also just in the terminally online leftist sphere#and i also think i should be allowed to vent my grievances with the power cis women often do wield over me without being accused of being a#raging misogynist or MRA or whatever
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