#I have to be on top of every fucking thing for like 12 minutes straight due to my dmg output and following guides dont help me

[fillmeuplikehelium]

Lunch break - Jeong Jaehyun

It makes me so angry to see other men looking at you, I just want you for myself...

Warnings and tags: rated M, dom!jaehyun, fem!reader, jealous!jaehyun, dirty talk, alt!universe, CEO!Jaehyun

Word count: 1300

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It's Wednesday morning. Today Jaehyun’s girlfriend is coming over for lunch. Or at least that's what his employees think their boss and his girlfriend do every wednesday: have a nice and totally innocent lunch at his office. He tries to finish his work before she arrives. From his seat he can see his team working on a new project at the office next door and he regrets having glass walls instead of concrete. Glass walls don't give him the level of privacy he needs when she's around.

Jaehyun's girlfriend arrives at 12:00. She greets his employees with a kind smile and walks right into his office, placing the food bags on the small coffee table at the small lounge near the entry door. Jaehyun gets up from his desk and walks over to meet her, placing his hands on her waist and giving her a chaste kiss on the cheek. He's not really into public displays of affection, especially at his office.

"Hello, love" he greets her with a smile on his face. "I'll send the team away for lunch".

Jaehyun walks into the office next door and gives his team 90 minutes to go and have lunch outside. His girlfriend waits for him sitting on the fancy leather sofa, her dress a little too short and showing a little too much skin for a lunch date at the office.

When all the employees are gone, Jaehyun returns to his office, closing the glass door behind him. He stands in front of his girlfriend and rolls up his sleeves.

"How was your morning, darling?" she asks, crossing her legs. "I brought your favorite lun-"

"Do you think that dress is an appropriate attire for visiting a CEO at his office?" Jaehyun interrupts her.

"It's summer, Jaehyun. What did you expect me to wear?"

"Maybe something that wouldn't make all my employees turn and stare at you like they want to eat you"

"It's not my fault they're not used to seeing a pretty woman in a strappy dress" she utters, nonchalantly.

Jaehyun closes his eyes for a moment and sighs. He hates having this kind of argument with her because deep down he knows she's right. He loves her in a tiny summer dress but he hates seeing how people look at her from head to toe just because she's showing a little bit of legs and cleavage. Especially men.

"I just don't want them to think inappropriate things about you, baby..." Jaehyun explains.

"I don't care what your damn employees think about my body, Jaehyun"

"Don't talk to me like that" he says firmly. "I'm the one who cares about what they think, you're my girlfriend after all"

"Well, that's your fucking problem. Not mine." she states with a mocking smile.

"Stop. You know I don't like when you say bad words" he scolds her.

"If you are so mad then we should have lunch now so I can leave before your employees come back. I don't want them to think inappropriate things about me" she replies, mimicking his words. She's very aware of the way some people look at her, but she really doesn't care. It's damn summer. And she knows how crazy Jaehyun gets when he sees her wearing her summer dresses.

She leans over the coffee table and starts unpacking the lunch boxes. As she moves, the top button of her dress comes undone and Jaehyun gets to see a tiny trace of a lace bra under it.

"Forget about lunch" Jaehyun stops her, standing up straight. "Get up and show me what's under that dress"

"I prepared this myself this morning. It's a recipe I found on Youtube" she explains casually, pretending not to pay attention to him.

"Get over here" he orders her, again.

"Oh, I'm so hungry... this looks really tasty" she continues, placing all the dishes over the table. Jaehyun sounds very serious, but she loves getting him a little mad every now and then.

"I said-"

"Sit down, Jaehyun" now it's her time to boss him around. "Have a taste of this, it smells delicious". She looks at him with angelic eyes and he stares coldly at her, arms crossed over his chest.

"You wanna have lunch? he asks, finally walking over and sitting next to her. "Okay, let's have lunch."

Jaehyun reaches out and angrily grabs his chopsticks from the table. A small laugh escapes her lips making him turn his head to look at her, eyes wide open.

"What are you laughing at?" he inquires.

"Why are you so mad today? Are you jealous of your employees?" she asks, placing a hand on his leg. "You know I don't care about other people, I only have eyes for you... and maybe one or two of your friends"

Jaehyun shakes his head, cracking a smile.

"God, you love teasing me, don't you?"

She grabs the chopsticks from Jaehyun's hand and places them on the table again. Without wasting any more time she moves and sits on his lap, putting her arms around his shoulders. Jaehyun groans and grips her by the waist.

"I do love teasing you" she confesses, kissing his cheeks.

Jaehyun's anger melts down immediately with her touch. He has been dying to have her in his arms since she set foot at his office. He grabs the back of her neck and gently pulls her closer to bring their mouths together. They kiss slowly at first, lips barely brushing, but then Jaehyun moves his hand to her chin and makes her open her mouth, sliding his tongue inside. She moans and grips her arms tighter around him, running a hand through his hair and tugging a little. Jaehyun moves his hands under her dress, gripping her ass and making her grind over his lap.

They stop kissing only when they feel like they can’t breathe anymore. She continues to rub herself over him, feeling how he gets harder and harder in his pants. Jaehyun throws his head back and she takes the chance to kiss his neck, licking all the way to his ear and nibbling softly on his earlobe.

“You look so hot when you get mad, Jaehyun” she whispers. “It gets me so wet…”

“Really?” he asks, caressing her back under her dress. “Are you sure you’re not getting wet thinking about my friends?”

“It was a joke, Jaehyun. You know I love you” she answers, kissing him on the lips again.

“And I love you too, baby.” he says, breaking the kiss and looking into her eyes. “But you need to stop wearing this dresses to visit me at the office”

“Don’t you like them?” she asks, pouting a little.

“I love them, darling, you know how much I do…” Jaehyun leans over and starts giving small pecks on her neck and cleavage. “I love your legs, I love your tits, I love your skin, I love how you taste…”

Jaehyun slides his hands down to grip her ass, making her whine again.

“It makes me so angry to see other men looking at you, I just want you for myself” he pleads, gripping the hem of her dress. “Take it off, c’mon”

She gets up from his lap and unbuttons her dress until it falls freely to the floor, revealing the lace underwear she had picked out this morning to wear for Jaehyun’s eyes only.

“God, you look so damn good” Jaehyun says, admiring her body from head to toe. He can’t help but rub his hard cock through his pants, biting his lower lip.

She leans over and places her hands on his shoulders, letting him see her from up close.

“How do you want me today, sir? On your lap or on my knees?”

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Also on ao3:

Lunch break

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Jaehyun's first album comes out on August 26th. Make sure to stream! 🌹

[brahmsthirdracket]

Hello! I recently came across your hughes brothers fics and binge read most of them last night :). Would you be open to writing anything about the time Luke said quinn ripped jack’s braces out of his mouth? (If you’re not taking requests feel free to ignore this!!!)

Luke never feels like eating much before cross-country. He likes it fine - he likes it more than fine actually, at least compared to Jack and Quinn, because it’s one of the few things he’s better at than them - but the thought of slogging it through the mud straight after breakfast makes his stomach roll.

He swirls his spoon around his bowl of cereal instead, trying to corral his Cheerios into a pleasing formation. He’s got a kind of Great Lakes thing going on but he’s eaten Lake Superior and it’s doesn’t really make sense for the milk to be the land and - 

“Time to go, kiddos!”

He swallows Lakes Erie, Michigan, Huron and Ontario, and the surrounding landmass with a grimace, and shuffles into the hall. Jack and Quinn are already sitting on the stairs wearing matching fleecy headbands and looking miserable. 

“It’s cold,” Jack whines. 

“Run faster then,” their mom says, rummaging through her purse. “You’ll soon warm up.” She looks real pretty today, Luke thinks. Like maybe she did her hair extra nice or something. He pulls his headband on and sits on the bottom step, cheek resting on Quinn’s knee, to wait. 

“Jim!” she bellows. “Hurry up! I’m already running late!” 

“For what?” Their dad’s head appears through the basement door, followed by his golf clubs and then the rest of him. “Where are you going?”

“Where are you going?”

“The PTA fall fundraiser,” says his mom, at the same time his dad says, “Golf.” 

“It’s on the calendar,” they both say at the same time. 

“Well, you’ll have to reschedule,” says his mom in that voice that means no arguing. “Boys have a meet in Sunnybrook.” 

“But -” splutters his dad. “I can’t reschedule. I put it on the calendar, like you told me to.” He lowers his voice, pleading. “El, it’s with the guys.”

“It’s okay mom,” says Quinn, standing up to lean over the bannister and pat her shoulder consolingly. “We’ll miss cross-country this one time.” 

“Let me see this,” she growls, and they all trot into the kitchen after her to peer at her Wildflowers of Texas calendar. 

Fall Fundraiser shift 9-12 is written in today’s box in his mom’s neat handwriting, and below that: 

Q, J & L Prep 2 XC 9am (don’t forget headbands!!)

Someone’s drawn a skull next to cross-country, almost- but-not-quite obscuring a tiny and unmistakable golf printed right at the bottom. 

“See?” says his dad, jabbing a finger at it. 

“Well, just go after the race and take the boys with you,” she says, already fishing out her car keys. 

“But - tee time is at nine! Ellen!” 

“It’d better be a quick race then, hadn’t it?”

She kisses each of them, pinching Jack’s scowling face and adjusting Quinn’s headband. Luke turns his face into her fleeting pat on the cheek before she’s out the door in a waft of perfume.

“Run fast and don’t fall in the lake!” she calls ominously over her shoulder, just before the door swings shut behind her. 

Their dad waits for her SUV to pull out of the drive and down the road before he flicks the curtain back into place and motions for them all to huddle in. 

“Come here, rink rats.” He tugs them in close, lowers his voice like he’s about to reveal some top-secret play. “And listen up. This is the plan.”

***

The plan turns out to be the ODR, a bag of pucks and a cheery, “I’ll pick you up in a coupla hours!” before Luke’s even out of the car. 

Jack whoops with happiness the minute he hits the ice, spinning and sending the pucks scattering in every direction. Quinn’s right behind him, thwacking puck after puck into the net. 

“Fuck.” Thwack “Cross.” Thwack “Countryyyyy.” Thwack

“Forever,” Jack sing-songs, sweeping one up onto his stick and slinging it through the air. It bounces off the metal with a twang.

“C’mon Lukey,” he calls, scuffling playfully against Quinn. “Don’t pretend you actually like that shit.”

Luke tries to sulk for a bit, taking his time with his laces. His brothers hadn't even laced them up for him, which, rude. But it’s a perfect November morning, as crisp and perfect as a snowglobe before you turn it upside down. They’ve got the whole rink to themselves. It’s been way too long since they did this: no adults, no cones or drills or gear, just the three of them together, playing hockey. 

“Yeah, well some of us can actually outrun old ladies pushing little dogs in strollers,” he chirps, darting out into the middle. 

Quinn and Jack exchange a look. “Get ‘im,” growls Quinn, with a wolfish grin, lurching towards Luke and trying to hook him in with his stick. Luke squeals, twisting away and rocketing as fast as he can up to the other end of the rink, Jack in hot pursuit. They chase him all over, dodging pucks and their abandoned sticks and gloves, until they’re all wheezing with giggles. Quinn eventually manages to get an arm around his neck from behind and pull them both down and Jack belly-flops on top. 

“One day,” Luke pants from the bottom of the dogpile, trying to knee Quinn in the balls so he’ll let him up and getting a facewash for his troubles, “I’m gonna be bigger and faster than both of you.” 

“But until that day,” Quinn replies, finally rolling off and tugging Luke to his feet, “You can get in goal.” 

They play shinny until they’re hot under their sweatshirts and jerseys, hair sticking to their foreheads and breath coming in short pants, and Luke thinks he’s never had so much fun playing hockey, playing anything. It’s hard though, just as gut-churning as a whole weekend tournament or relentless drills in the basement with his dad. Jack and Quinn never give an inch, never care that he’s smaller and younger when it comes to this, and he loves them for it, because when victory comes, he knows he’s earned it. They push each other just as hard, sometimes too hard Luke thinks, watching Jack cuss and elbow Quinn in the gut as they're scrabbling against the boards. Quinn shoves his face back, and the next minute they’re rolling around on the ice in one of their completely shitty fistfights. 

Luke hovers next to them, glancing around and praying no one he knows from school is about to walk past. 

“Stop. Trying. To. Bite.” pants out Quinn. He’s managed to roll over and pin Jack with his weight, and is trying to push his face away. Jack’s a slippery eel though - especially when he’s an eel on ice - and he seems to be trying to lick Quinn to get him off. Which is not a tactic Luke would use himself, honestly, but whatever works he guesses. It must work, because he manages to sink his teeth into Quinn’s forearm and they’re rolling all over the place, gloves and sticks forgotten - thank God. What happens next is a blur of flying arms and legs (and in Jack’s case teeth, the weirdo), but suddenly Jack lets out a shriek of pain - a real one - and Quinn lets go of him like he’s been burned. 

Jack curls up, one hand over his mouth, and whimpers into his knees. 

“Jack? What’s wrong?” Quinn tries to make him look up, pull his hand down. Jack’s eyes are huge with unshed tears. “Jackie?” Quinn asks again, really worried now.

“Um,” says Luke. He squats down next to Jack and picks up the little piece of metal off the ice. Cradling it in his glove, he holds it out to Jack, who gazes at it for a moment and then promptly socks Quinn square in the jaw. 

***

“Someone’s arm better be hanging off,” growls their father when he pulls up to the curb they’re huddled next to and flings the car door open. Luke wordlessly holds out the braces to him. “The fuck is that?” 

“Jack’s braces,” mumbles Quinn, with a guilty glance at the unhappy figure hunched on the other side of the lot. 

“Jack has braces?” Sometimes Luke thinks he could grow a tail and his dad wouldn’t notice unless it affected his play. Last week he had to check Quinn’s date of birth so he could fill out some paperwork.

“He doesn’t anymore, Dad,” Luke pipes up. 

“Jack! Get over here!” he bellows. He takes the braces from Luke’s hand, holding them up for a better view. “These things just click back into place or what?” Jack stomps over, scowling and sniffing. He won’t even look at Quinn, and when Quinn tries to reach out his hand Jack smacks it away viciously. 

“Fuck off.”

Their dad gets a handful of Jack’s jersey and tries to prise his mouth open like he’s a dog that’s eaten something bad. “Oww", whines Jack, trying to twist out of his grip. “You’re hurting me!”

“Open. Up.” Their dad grunts, trying to push the braces back across Jack’s front teeth with one hand, and hold him still with the other. 

“Dad, no! Stop!” Quinn pushes himself between them, trying to protect Jack from being force-fed a mouthful of metal. “You can’t do that! We have to go to the orthodontist.”

“The what?” he pants, temporarily letting go of Jack to turn the metal round, as if the reason he couldn’t fit them back on like Lego was that they were upside down. Jack immediately darts behind Quinn and Luke reaches up to swipe them out of their Dad’s hand. 

“Dad,” he says, more bravely than he feels. “I think you need to call Mom.”

The three of them huddle together on the backseat, trying to stay as quiet and inconspicuous as possible as their dad calls their mom for instruction. Luke finds a packet of half-eaten Reese’s pumpkins, no worse for being frozen and unfrozen a few times and settles in for the long-haul. Jack slumps sideways with his head in Quinn’s lap, playing with the strings of his sweatshirt and allowing Quinn to scratch behind his ear in apology.

She’s ominously silent all the way through the slightly edited version of what happened, not even interrupting to yell at Quinn. 

“So let me get this straight,” she says, after a pause. “You didn’t take your sons to their scheduled sports-activity but instead took yourself to golf and allowed said sons out unsupervised to publicly brawl, causing hundreds of dollars of dental bills?” 

“It was on the calendar! It was on the calendar Ellen!” 

“Well Jim Hughes, all I will say is thank God for Canadian healthcare.”

“They cover braces?” says his dad, perking up. He twists round to waggle his eyebrows at them, all looks like we got away with it.

“Oh no,” she says airily. “I meant for you four, when I’ve finished with you!”

[welikeimagines-andfandoms]

100 Random Prompts

1. “I fucking hate you, but I don’t hate fucking you”

2. "I get so hard when I'm around you. I've tried fucking other people and pumping my cock every night and yet my body craves you."

3. “How did you manage to hurt your hand this badly?” “Well I’ve never punched someone before, I didn’t realise how hard peoples faces are.”

4. “I love you and I hate you all at the same time.”

5. “Yeah, sometimes I get sad, but then I look into your beautiful eyes and it’s all better.”

6. “You like when I call you ‘princess’? Will you be my good little princess?”

7. “If you do this, I’ll show you my boobs”

8. “Has the fire revealed any secrets in the 15 straight minutes you’ve been staring at it?”

9. “Please don’t leave.”

10. “I’m here, it’s okay, no one will ever hurt you like that ever again”

11. “Guess we’re the only two idiots in the whole city stupid enough to go to a museum in the middle of a thunderstorm”

12. “You deserve to be looked after.”

13. “Give me a kiss, and everything will be alright.”

14. “I just want to die”

15. “We’ve got to hide!”

16. “Scream my name so everyone knows who fucks you this good”

17. "I'm sorry." "You have nothing to apologise for, darling.”

18. “Bend over, slut”

19. “Ned i postog a nin, ni bant” (When you lie beside me, I am complete)

20. *gets insulted* “aawww thank you.”

21. “Le i velethril nîn” (You are my love)

22. “A warrior out there, but in here, in this bedroom, you’re nothing but a little weak whore.”

23. “I just feel so drained.”

24. “What happened to you to make you so wise?”

25. “If I’m being mean to someone, I’m probably flirting.” “Is that why you’re always mean to (character)?”

26. “Thiol vae” (You look good)

27. “I just did it to make you jealous.”

28. “Stay nice and still for me, baby, just like that. Let me take care of you.”

29. “You know you sure do have a lot of teeth for someone so stupid.”

30. “They do realise I can understand what they’re saying, right?”

31. “Would you like to dance with me?” “only if you don’t get upset if I accidentally step on your foot”

32. “Fuck, I need you so bad!”

33. “I think it’s best I leave”

34. “I’ll never forget you.”

35. “How clever of an insult, and how quickly you thought of it. Very surprising for someone so dim witted.”

36. “I’m not afraid. Please touch me.”

37. “Of course you can stay.”

38. “I wish you well.”

39. “Come down here so I can kiss you!”

40. “Fuck, turn around for me, princess.”

41. “No gûn annin” (Bend over for me)

42. “You look so lovely on your knees, sweet boy.”

43. “You’re so pretty”

44. “What’s that?” “Trinket, I like trinkets”

45. “You deserve nice things”

46. “Our sweet girls pussy is so tight!"

47. “Take your shirt off!” “Why?!” “Distract them from the pain!”

48. “Darling I’m (hundreds/thousands) of years old, that isn’t vintage/old to me.”

49. “I’m doing this because I want to and not because you told me to”

50. “You belong here, in my arms, forever.”

51. “You lied to me”

52. “Borrow my jacket, keep it nice and warm for me”

53. “You look so divine when you dance.”

54. “You look lovely, Y/N.” “Please don’t lie or pity me so.”

55. “Le vaethor veleg” (You are a mighty warrior)

56. “Ni am gin anin lû hen?” (Can I be on top this time?)

57. “Stop fucking swearing”

58. “aran vuin” (Beloved king)

59. “I hope you don’t mind.”

60. "Those for me, sweet girl?" "Oh! It was gonna be a surprise but yes, yes they are."

61. “I love when you wear a skirt/dress, it’s so much easier to fuck you like this.”

62. “Life doesn’t feel so bad when I’m with you.”

63. “You don’t know a thing about me!”

64. “I failed them! They died and I failed them! It’s all my fault!”

65. “You’re such a little thing, and we can have you anyway we please.”

66. “Trust me, Y/N! (Character) likes you!” “Don’t lie to me!”

67. “Baby, tits arent supposed to be perky and perfect. They’re supposed to be soft and natural and beautiful like yours”

68. “I’m not your servant, I’m not your slave, but you could be mine if you like.”

69. “I know we don’t know each other very well but I’m really sick and I need you to pick me up from work, please.”

70. “It’s alright, my love, don’t be afraid, we’ll make it out together.”

71. “No, stay. You’re warm and soft”

72. “Trust me, I adore you.”

73. “Avo dharo!” (Don't stop!)

74. “You know I could kill you if I wanted to.” “Do it then, I really don’t care.”

75. “I might be little but I can still kick your ass”

76. “I just don’t know if I can do this anymore”

77. “Of course I will serve you, my prince/princess/king/queen/lord/lady.”

78. “You wouldn’t know anything about this (character), but it’s exhausting being this gorgeous, and I need a lot of sleep.”

79. “Its real cold tonight. You wanna come over and keep me nice and warm?”

80. “That sounded dirtier than I intended”

81. “You don’t have to be alright, you know”

82. “How can I love myself, when I’m so draining to everyone?”

83. “Please! I’ve been such a good boy/girl!”

84. “You just want to be used so fucking badly don’t you, sweet thing?”

85. “Please! I was a fool and I can not apologise enough! Please y/n…. Please….”

86. “Do you need a hug?”

87. “Come on, princess, hop on my back”

88. “What you makin’?” “Chocolate cake. You wanna help?”

89. “Don’t leave. Please?”

90. “Why do you always annoy me so much?” “Coz you’re sexy when you’re angry.”

91. “That’s better, isn’t it? You just needed to be filled with my cock”

92. “That’s the cutest sneeze I’ve ever heard.”

93. “Istog an challas perian maer” (You do know what hobbits are the right height for)

94. “Oh fuck, sweetheart”

95. “I’ll punch you in your stupid face!”

96. “Tonight I will be the powerful warrior, and you will be the tiny mortal beneath me. You will worship and praise me like the goddess I am.”

97. “Aaaaww! Aren’t you sweet!”

98. “Hey” “*flirting* Oh, heeeyy” “No! Absolutely not!”

99. “You don’t scare me.” “Yeh, but I bet I turn you on.”

100. “Are you going by to be good for me?” “Ye-yes.” “Good girl. If you do behave I’ll give you a reward.”

[andromedasummer]

do you have any tips for someone that is very socially anxious and awkward, and also that has to do everything alone, on how to start working out for the first time? idk if you feel like this question isn't appropriate for you to answer or not, but i recall seeing you talk about a while ago getting back into exercise and now you keep up with it regularly. i always have a hard time starting cause i can't hold myself accountable for anything, but then i also have no friends to go with as a way to hold me accountable lol, so idk. what motivated you to take that first step?

for me it was that, back in 2018, my hall was at the bottom of a very large hill and my uni was at the top of it. walking up that hill was a nightmare that took upwards of 40 minutes for me. there was a bus that went up and down it but the problem was, it was $2 every time for a 5 min trip and i was on a student allowance. that money added up every day and my friends were always walking up there but i couldnt. so i decided i wanted to get fitter so i didnt have to spend that money.

from there i downloaded a random 30 day exercise app that i dont even remember and did 5 minutes of exercise a day from there. theres a lot of them on the app store that give you a set of exercises at a low difficulty and add one or two reps each day. i did that, while also walking around town for a few hours every day to try and get 6,000 steps a day, then 8,000 and then 10,000.

for me it was easy to stay with it because my goal wasnt losing weight. it was getting up that stupid hill. i would get faster and faster until finally i was walking up it in 20 minutes like my friends. i left that hall years ago, but i still use that kind of reference. i want to be able to finish my neighbourhood walk in a set amount of time, so i work out and increase my exercises or the intensity every day.

the app ive used for a long while is fiton. it has downsides like not being able to listen to music because theres a trainer that runs throuhh the whole thing and upsides like whole programs and professional trainers and athletes that create the videos with multiple having different body types (trainers who are fat and fit, muscularly built women and etc). the only thing is it can feel weird exercising alongside a person, even on a screen, and it took some getting used to for me.

you got to start small if youre going into it having never exercised before. for months i only did 5 minutes a day and that was enough to make a difference in how long i could jog for and my general stamina. your body has to be given time to condition itself. exercise isnt just strength and cardio, its also flexibility and balance, because your muscles need time to relax and lengthen.

you dont notice the change physically for like, 10-12 weeks, which is why so many people who focus on losing weight give up. because at first you actually gain weight, because youre gaining muscle before youre burning fat. its why the best thing to do is give yourself a goal, whether thats being able to jog for a minute straight and then working up from there or being able to do 100 squats a day and working towards that point.

plus 5 minutes is easy to do and less daunting than 20 or 30 or even 40 minute workouts. i dont do 40 min workouts! fuck that! i just do 20-30 minutes every day. and if im not feeling up to it i got for a 10-15 minute one because a little is better than nothing. hell, i was in so much pain last night i didnt do my cardio or strength. i just did stretches and that was it because fuck making myself feel worse.

its not easy by any means but you can do things to make it easier for you. setting achievable goals, finding an app that will send you notifications, doing smaller versions of moves (i still do wall pushups. i hate actual pushups and if i try i just will stop. by doing wall pushups instead i actually am working out and not getting mad.)

exercise is also easier if you enjoy it so if you find you dont like doing this kind i would recommend looking into learning dance through youtube or a class (ballet, swing, etc) or just doing a bit of swimming every day. swimming is REALLY good for you like crazy good. if you dont enjoy it you wont do it so focus on the stuff you enjoy. hell you could pick up a martial art! karate, fencing etc!

im not like, an exercise expert by any means so definitely do your own research. but this stuff i wrote here is what helped me start exercising and it really changed my life, a lot of people dont recognise me because i look very different now. ive found a lot of confidence in feeling strong with how much i love strength exercises and though i could definitely work on my agility and stamina im really glad i started exercising because the bonus to my general health has been huge. I'll never be stick thin and i dont really feel the need to be? i just exercise because it feels good and its fun. i hope you can find something that makes you feel a similar way!!!!

[dingochef]

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x You (OFC)

Warnings: Swearing, Smut (MDNI 18+ Only), Angst with a Happy Ending, Stalking, P in V, oral (female and male receiving), Semi-public sex, light spanking,

Word Count: 1.8k

Summary: Life throws another curve ball at you and even after last night, Jake is there to help you, leaving you more confused than ever about him.

Masterlist

Chapter 11

Chapter 12: Cliche

Morning dawns and you see the sun entering your room with gritty eyes. Rolling over, you sigh in frustration, as much as your mind is weary with the betrayal of last night your body still has the edgy after effects of righteous anger on it. Deciding that a bike ride will help, you pick the most brutal and punishing route you can think of, straight up Mount Soledad.

At the top of you take a few minutes to rest on a bench and look over La Jolla and the Pacific Ocean and contemplate everything that's going through your mind right now. You sigh, your life was perfectly fine a week and a half ago and then this fucking guy came in like a laser guided missile and broken open the Ice Queen's heart. Every part of you screamed not to get in too deep, but you know that even after all the heartbreak everything you've experienced and then locked your heart away about yourself, there was a tiny spark of you that thought, maybe, just maybe that you'd find someone to go through this life with. There was definitely that possibility with Jake and that's what's hurting most right now, that tiny flicker of hope extinguished, you can take men doing stupid things. It's that possibility, that chance, being crushed that hurts the most.

Taking stock of your emotions you feel so frustrated and angry with Jake, with yourself, and with fucking Rooster. You look around and see that you're alone and you scream at the top of your lungs,

"God fucking damn it! Fuck you Jake Seresin!"

You wanted to feel cleansed and have some cathartic experience but all you feel is more pain and your throat is raw. You ride home knowing at least you'll be physically exhausted when you crawl into bed and hide from the world.

Pulling up to your house you walk your bike to the shed where you store it in the backyard. There is a bouquet of red roses in a vase on the front porch that you assume are from Jake. Rolling your eyes at the cliche you snap a picture with your phone and leave them where they are.

After a shower and some lunch you sit on your couch steadying your nerves to open up the text conversation with Jake's name on it.

Jake: Please don't run. I'm here waiting for you when and if you want to talk. I'll respect your choice and space. Know that I care for you deeply.

You snort at his text and send a picture of the roses.

You: You can come get your cliche as shit roses. It's gonna take a lot more to get back in my good graces you lying piece of shit. I don't give third chances, you asshole. Give them to the next trophy in your sick game.

You had hoped that an outburst would make you feel better, but it just makes you more tired. The phone pings back almost instantly.

Jake: Elsa, when I said I was giving you space I meant it. I didn't send those to you.

Confusion bolts through your brain, and you run out to the porch and pull the card out from under the vase and read:

My Dearest Elsa,

I want you to know that my love for you is eternal and as beautiful as these roses. Your beauty outshines even the brightest stars.

Yours forever,

Bill

You drop the card like it's 3,000 degrees and a sick feeling immediately comes to your stomach and bile rises in your throat. Bill has been here, he's figured out where you live and it feels so violating and invasive. You frantically scan around your neighborhood to see if you can spot Bill anywhere.

You grab the card and step back inside, locking your door immediately and double checking the back door and all your windows.

Your phone dings again.

Jake: Elsa, are you okay? Just let me know that you're safe and I'll let you be.

You: They're from Creepy Bill from the cycling group.

Jake: Can I call you?

You: Yes.

Your phone rings immediately and Jake is talking rapidly as soon as you answer,

"Elsa I understand that I'm the last person you want to talk to or ever see again and I respect that. I just need to know you're safe. I'm going to ask you a few questions, okay?"

"Yeah, that's okay," you reply, your voice has more tremble to it than you expected.

"Do you feel safe right now?"

"Yes, I've locked the doors and double checked the windows.".

"Do you have a security system at your house?"

"No, I've never needed one."

"This is a situation where you need one. I'm going to text you the name and number of a friend that installs them. He will be over today if you want to install a system."

"Okay," you are starting to come undone with a spike of terror and just hearing Jake's voice. The tears start to well up.

"You can go to the police station today and file a restraining order against Bill. You don't have to wait till tomorrow. Is there anyone who can go with you? "

"Yes, I think Beth can come with me."

"I'm going to let you go now so I can call my buddy about the security system. Just know that if you need anything from me I'll be there as fast as I can."

The way he says anything is plaintive and sad and it breaks your heart.

"Okay, Jake, goodbye."

Contact info for a home security firm comes through via text. You call Beth and tell her about the situation and she agrees to come over immediately.

You wait a few minutes and call the home security firm, a deep voice answers,

"Hello, this is Mark of Advanced Home Security. How can I help you?"

"Hi, my name is Elsa Matthews and I got your info from Jake Seresin and he said you could install a system at my house today."

"Yup, Hangman just gave me a call and explained the situation. I can be there in about 30 minutes if that works for you, ma'am."

"That'll work," you give him your address and phone number and wait for the calvary to show up.

Millie from the cycling group is your next call to let her know things have escalated and you need Bill's info for a restraining order. She says she's got it on a liability waiver and will send you a picture with it within five minutes.

Beth arrives first and gives you a soul crushing hug. The undeniable love radiating from her breaks the dam that's been holding everything in. You let her know everything and you eventually end up on the couch with your head in her lap as she gently strokes your hair. There's a knock at the door and you sit bolt upright as your heart begins to race. Beth and you tentatively approach the door and ask,

"Who is it?"

A booming voice calls back,

"Mark Anderson of Advanced Security Systems, I'm a friend of Hangman's."

You let out the breath you didn't know you've been holding. You open the door and see a giant hulk of a man filling your doorway, he reaches out a hand, which dwarfs yours, to shake yours,

"Elsa, I hear you need a security system and you need it quick."

"Yes. Come in and you can look around and see what you recommend."

The next half hour is spent discussing the type of system he'll install and some outside features he's going to install like motion detection lights, cameras, etc.

"That sounds good, can I get an estimate of what all of that will cost?" you ask.

Mark scoffs and waves your question away.

"No cost, it's repaying a debt to Hangman."

Your cynical tongue is quicker than you like and you ask,

"Did you lose a bet?"

Mark laughs as he starts to unpack his tools and says,

"Not a bet, but I do owe a lot to Hangman. He saved my life in Afghanistan. Same night I got this piece of hardware."

He pulls up his right pant leg and taps a prosthetic leg with his screwdriver.

"Hangman and I were on patrol when we got winged by some enemy fire from the ground. I was his WSO. We had to ditch in the middle of the desert near the Iranian border. The good news was that we were only 20 miles from a NATO outpost, the bad news was that the missile hit launched a whole bunch of shrapnel into my leg and left me unable to walk. I was expecting Hangman to follow protocol and head out for help alone after he stabilized me and stashed me somewhere safe. But if you know Hangman, rules aren't his thing. That motherfucker carried me piggy back style 20 miles through the desert in the night to get to that outpost."

You add this to all you know about Jake and you just feel even more confused. You can't reconcile how all the different pieces of Jake fit together.

Mark paused for a moment, "Well, thanks for listening to an old man's war stories. I should be done in about 3 hours with the installation."

Beth and you go to the closest police station and file the paperwork. The officer said that Bill would be served with the order within 24 hours and that they would add your block to their routine patrols.

By the time Beth and you get back to your house Mark is almost done. He walks you through the system and gives you his cell number if you need anything.

After you convince Beth that you'll be fine and you'll sleep with the panic button and call if you need anything it's nearly 11 pm.

You check your phone and see one last message from Jake.

Jake: Bill won't be bothering you anymore. Take care, El.

@starswholistenanddreamsanswered

You crawl into bed and toss and turn for a while. All the pieces of Jake, of Hangman, float in your mind. You turn them over and over to see how they all fit together, how they fit with you. How the sweet, funny, respectful man fits with the asshole who bet on his ability to fuck you. They're such opposite ends of the spectrum that it taxes your brain to figure out who Jake is and more importantly, how you feel about him. After all he has done today, you know that he cares for you and somewhere in the darkness that little ember of hope, of possibility flickers back to life that maybe this isn't the end of you and Jake.

Chapter 13

@mayhemmanaged

@callmemana

@dempy

@hangmanscoming

@lanie-k

@callsign-viper

@senjoritanana

@djs8891

@atarmychick007

@memoriesat30

[stepswowdsen]

【KagePro】 MCA: Episode 10 - Saeru's First Appearance + KuroEne Scenario Ideas (NSFW) 🖤💙🐍🐇

(CW: NSFW mentions under the cut)

My MCA reaction rambles are SFW, but I put NSFW KuroEne scenario ideas under the cut, so heads up for that. It's mainly cuz I wanted the video with his voice here, as context for my ideas.

BITCHES WHEN. SNAKE OF CLEARING EYES. AKLDSKSDKLKLSDKLSD (BITES STICK) /POS

I'M BITCHES

Just copied these from my Notion rambles doc ✌️

Kuroha/Saeru has a hot ass voice tbh but MCA is literally so embarrassing to look at, that I'm just gonna pull up Sidu's arts of him on the side to lessen the tonal whiplash.

Like the voice fits him perfectly but MCA is just so fucking ugly

Haruka, Konoha, and Kuroha are all completely different and separate characters, but they're all voiced by the same VA, Mamoru Miyano. The perfect pick for Ene's bfs!!! All three of them 🥰💞

Kuroha has a good VA at least so I can run with that but they blew it on a terrible anime

Me every single episode: So when is Kuroha going to show up

Cuz I watched MCA while it was airing. Pretty sure I was 12 at the time.

Ok but I love the emphasis on the -SSS syllables. SSSSS 🐍

“Subarashii!” (”How wonderful!!!”) mfs are SOOO my type. One of my fave cat son types. Douman and Kuroha both count as these. They’re both Subarashii mfs

I remember kid me was so fucking mad that it took 10 out of 12 episodes for my fave to show up like WTF

AND IT'S NOT EVEN HIM WHEN HE'S IN KONOHA'S BODY ADSKKLSDKLSDLK

IT'S HIM IN SNAKE FORM. ALSO THE SNAKE FORM SHOULD'VE BEEN GIANT LIKE COME ON MAN

They couldn't have had him cameo in the background earlier at least??? SMH. AND THIS SCENE IS ONLY 2 MINUTES

This anime must've been rushed to hell

AND MCA LOOKS LIKE ASS. THE ART STYLE IS SO UGLY COMPARED TO SIDU'S GORGEOUS ART STYLE??? The only thing uglier than it is the ROTRK anime imo (at least of the series I'm into that I've seen)

Wish they could've imitated Sidu's style

At least my fave has a good voice actor

Kuroha/Saeru (VA: Miyano Mamoru)

Miyano Mamoru is so good at voicing insane charas LMAO. Perfect fit actually.

Horrific realization: Mekakucity Actors (MCA), the shitty KagePro anime, is still animated better than the (also shitty) ROTRK anime

Me: Horrific realization: Mekakucity Actors (MCA), the shitty KagePro anime adaptation, is still animated better than the ROTRK anime

A/S/J: 😭

Me: The only thing that'd top the KagePro anime in uglyness is the ROTRK anime imo LMFAO /neg

MCA's art style is SOOO ugly

Kid me: Bruh it took 10 episodes (out of 12 in total) of this stupid anime for Kuroha to show up

Fuck this gay earth!!! /j

A: KagePro tends to be a bit more underground since there's a barrier to entry with the bad anime LOL

Me: Right LMAO like MCA's art style is ugly as fuck to me and yet MCA still looks better than the ROTRK anime, like that is so embarrassing for real

A: 😭

Also why is this place just straight up hell. Like why is it just being tied to a pillar for eternity. Ig it's how the Kagerou Daze appears to Azami, since it appears differently for different people, but the whole thing is so laughably animated.

I'm sorry but Saeru's snake form should've been fucking GIANT bro like that would've been way more badass. Like big enough to reach up to the ceiling of a normal room! Actually, now that I think about it, if you compare the size of Saeru to Azami, he's really big actually. Like he's big enough as a snake to wrap around a whole ass boulder.

But I was imagining his snake form to be fucking giant like the Opening Eyes Snake (Me ga Sameru Hebi) that appeared in front of Takane/Ene when she first became Ene.

Like I was literally expecting him to be the same size as Yamata no Orochi in Japanese mythology. Though tbf he can probably change his size so I can still run with my HC

...

At least my faves have a good voice actor, but at what cost, this anime looks like ASS

Haruka, Konoha, and Kuroha are all voiced by Mamoru Miyano

Ene's Haruka lookalike harem /lh /j

The only thing that'll surpass Mekakucity Actors (MCA) the shitty KagePro anime in uglyness is the ROTRK anime imo

KUROHA ONLY SHOWING UP IN THE LAST EPISODE??? F U!!!

This anime is an LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

This anime looks like garbage LMAO /neg

And MCA's art style is so fucking ugly. The only thing uglier than it is the ROTRK anime imo. MCA's OST is probably the best thing we got out of it cuz we got human covers of certain KagePro songs

And somehow the ROTRK anime is even uglier than MCA. Like GOD how do you look worse than Mekakucity Actors (MCA)

At least MCA is actually moving unlike the ROTRK anime which feels more like a Powerpoint/Slide show cuz things BARELY MOVE

KagePro is my favourite thing related to Vocaloid and the anime has been botched HARD like it really did my favourite Vocaloid series so dirty. I really do hope we get the KagePro Reload anime but it's still in copyright hell. I want a proper KagePro anime one day.

Honestly KagePro's storyline would work GREAT as a VN. I would love a KagePro VN.

I wish MCA at least imitated Sidu's art style cuz MCA's art style is sooo ugly

I hate that MCA (KagePro anime) is so fucking ugly 😭

Ene looks SOOOO cute in Sidu's arts but MCA's art style is so fucking ugly

Ene, I am enduring this anime (again) for you and your 3 slay bfs

Though I do enjoy MCA's covers of KagePro songs!!!

KuroEne Scenario Idea (NSFW)

(CW: NSFW~ISH TEXT)

Ok so with the video of his voice up above in the post, I wanted to bring up my KuroEne scenario ideas

Ok I'm gonna make a NSFW~ish comment but uh with this mf being like THIS. With the whole, "Yes… That expression of yours… It's wonderful! Lovely, indeed, isn't that right?"

I was imagining a scenario where KuroEne are being intimate and Ene feels tears pricking her eyes from the pleasure, and Kuroha notices and just leans in and licks up the trail running down her face.

(He does this with drool and with their fluids after they finish, too)

When they finish, Kuroha reaches out and runs his finger through the mixture of their fluids and teasingly brings it up to his mouth to taste, both out of curiosity and because he wants to see Ene's flustered reactions, and Ene goes like, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?!? THAT'S DIRTY!?" ( ˶°ㅁ°) !!

And Kuroha just goes like, "Don't be so surprised~ I want to savour this, after all."

Sadistic parasitic snake bf

Kuroha sings a lullaby to Ene

The softer tones of his voice are so nice. Like this is what I had in mind with my scenario from before where Kuroha sings a lullaby to Ene and whispers into her headphones (ears)

Other Rambles

I just had a realization tho. In the KagePro manga, Saeru tells Azami that she would've never gotten betrayed if she didn't get involved with humans in the first place, and she asserts that her late husband Tsukihiko never betrayed her. Saeru then goes like, "Well, it matters little now, does it?"

Like it just made me think about in the context of a Kuroha ship AU, he feels confident and "secure" because he is ultimately the one in control in their relationship, and the one that holds power (ie. power over knowledge, and power in physical strength)

Like the power imbalance is overwhelmingly in his favour.

The fact that the power imbalance exists isn't inherently a bad thing, it just means you have to tread carefully with depicting his ships.

With KuroEne, I try to balance out the relationship as much as possible by making Ene more assertive and dominant in the ship too. I think it'd be fun for them to switch bedroom roles to spice up their "games" (trysts)

He directly manipulates the outcomes of events in Routes. And due to the nature of the body he uses (Konoha's body), there's no way his partner would be able to overthrow him or backstab him or whatever.

I was just thinking about this but for Kuroha, Ene is the type that is REALLY easy to read and be able to tell or have an idea of what she’s thinking, especially via her expressions. Like she really is the type whose heart ends up showing on her sleeve and giving her away

Just in general, Marry, strengthened by more Snakes, is the only one that would actually be able to do something to him physically, since she is the Master and Queen of all the Eye Ability Snakes.

...

Context

Since I showed a scene from MCA, I'll just sum this up quickly in case any of my non-KagePro mutuals need it

In the very beginning, the Snake of Clearing Eyes (Saeru) is created out of the medusa, Azami's first and strongest desire to understand who she was. Saeru exists even before the creation of the world.

The Snake of Combining Eyes (the Queen Snake) is created by Azami's desire to have a place to understand who she is. Thus, at the beginning of every new Route, Azami ends up (unintentionally) creating the world with Combining Eyes.

At some point, she ends up settling down and having a family with her husband Tsukihiko, and has a half-Medusa, half-human child, Shion. Saeru views Azami's love for her family as foolish.

Saeru detests the world for changing Azami's wish from wanting to know who she was, to wanting to be with her family forever, so it devises a scheme to "destroy" and rewind the world.

Because once Azami developed a strong love for her family, Saeru, as her servant, and her original wish (the one that created him in the first place), were left behind and forgotten.

He felt that the desire that gave his life meaning was being thrown away and also worried that he'd lose his sentience if that desire faded away. When Azami despaired over outliving her family, Saeru approached Azami with the proposal to create the Kagerou Daze, a never-ending world so that she and her family could live in.

Azami proposed the idea to her family, but eventually ends up going into the Kagerou Daze alone after her family was targeted. She believed she was bringing misfortune to her family cuz humans inherently feared her as a Medusa

Centuries later, Azami witnesses her daughter Shion and granddaughter Marry's deaths by humans in the real world, and orders the Kagerou Daze to swallow them up to save their lives. Both Marry and Shion are only compatible with the Queen Snake, so she can only save one of them.

She gives Marry the Snake of Combining Eyes (Queen Snake) so she could return to the real world, but loses control of the Kagerou Daze after doing this since the Queen Snake was needed to control the Kagerou Daze and control all other snakes.

So now the Kagerou Daze repeats her last order - swallow them up and give them new life. It will swallow anyone who dies on August 15th, the same day that Shion and Marry died.

All of this aligns with what Saeru wanted - he tricked her into trapping herself into the Kagerou Daze, a place where time doesn't flow. Azami's Kagerou Daze basically appears as hell to her.

[dat-carovieh]

Ah yeah great experience getting home from my parents today., Usually would take 5 hours and one switch of trains, took nine hours and 5 changes. Partly it was their fault and partly.... I guess my body's fault. So I was planning to go to a concert today in Osnabrück. Kinda half way between Berlin and Duisburg. Great, it's of course longer, but fits well. Booked a train from Berlin to there. Was planning to stay at a hotel with a friend and take regional trains, which I already have a month pass for tomorrow. Would take a while but sure, no issues, I would leave whenever.

Well I got sick. Like not super bad, I think I will see a doctor tomorrow, too much to go to the concert. But I have the ticket. It's a physical ticket. So either it goes to wasate or I go to Osnabrüclk, which is now with wanting to go home a detour. But whatever not a big thing. At 8:54 I get into the S-Bahn to the trainstation to take the IC, I get on. We start to move, we move slow. We arrive Berlin main station. We are standing. We are told the train is broken, we need to leave. Next option, a train to Hannover. Well I would have needed to take a train going through Hannover anyway, it's half an hour later, I get on the train and figure, I will figure something out in Hannover.

I arrive in Hannover. The train was almost on time. Like maybe 3 minutes late. Which ist absolutely on time for Deutsche Bahn. I get off, I check my App. It's 45 minutes for the next train to Osnabrück. I briefely consider going straight home but it's just a bit of a detour, it will be fine, I wanna get the ticket sold and I wanna see my friend at least for a moment.

It's a regional train, slow, stops at every small town, no room for my huge suitcase, I hold it between my legs. I have downloaded a tatort episode with my mobile data, transferred it to my Laptp which I'm now balancing on top of my suitcase.

I would have 8 minutes to hug my friend, give her the ticket and get from platform 4 to platform 12, already not really optimistic. Trains there home leave once an hour. My train arrives 3 minutes after my connecting train leaves. We go to McDonalds. I'm still sick and have not slept well at my paren't house and christmas is fucking exhausting. I get tea. It's 2,69, surprisingly cheap. I'm downloading another tatort episode. I have now downloaded over 1,5GB today, it's fine, the month is almost over.

The next train is on time. weird thing to happen but I take it. I find a place to sit and put my suitcase under the seat, it sticks out. A huge family with a lot of childrern find the seats next to me to sit. They're loud, they run around. I'm still sick. I finisch my Tatort episode. I get inspired and write 700 words of a fic. I'm pressed into the corner, because the children are jumping around. I'm tired, I arrive in Essen, last time changing trains, my connecting train is late, I take an S-Bahn, it takes a little longer, it's only 5 minutes late. I gat off the train at 6pm.

I'm home now. My friend sold my Ticket, I will gop see my docotor tomorrow, hopefully.

[beck-a-leck]

I'm gonna vent for a hot minute about work frustrations. I just need to shout into the void.

Feel more than free to ignore this.

🙃🙃🙃

So.

I got a new job. I am leaving my current job on May 12. I have, for the last 6 years, been the primary analyst for about a dozen titrations, most of which were only run a couple times a year, but 5 of them are high volume tests.

I have been telling my manager, for Years at this point, that it is important we get back ups trained in my big methods. For times when I go on vacation, take a work trip, get sick, or find a new job. My manager continued to drag her feet and hem and haw about who should be trained on what. A few times I got someone trained, and then they left a month later. And more than once the available people were just bumblefucking incompetent and couldn't grasp the goddamned basic Follow the Recpie steps of the methods.

It is now officially Panic Train crunch time. I have 5 full working days left here before I leave forever.

I have spent every goddamned day this week, and a good portion of last week trying to train one (1) person on a single basic ass test method.

She is:

1. Already technically trained on the method, this is a refresher for something she hasn't done in 7 years

2. Someone who has been in our work group longer than I have and has, along with everyone else, had to use the same goddamned electronic notebooking program we all have been using for the last 2 years.

You will NEVER GUESS what she doesn't know how to fucking use! The gmp notebooking program that she has been using for all of her other work!

I will give her all of the allowances for refreshing herself on a method she hasn't done in almost a decade. I will give her all of the allowances for the method-specific quirks of the notebooking software.

We have, over the last 4 months, made an effort to regularly shadow-train-supervised run on this method. She should get this by now. We've done intensive training, all hands on for her, over the last week. And I am STILL having to coach her on software basics and it it driving me absolutely Bananas.

And I'm getting testy about it because we are officially out of leisure time and I need to cram in 6 methods' worth of training over 2 weeks and I don't have time to be nice about things anymore. I've repeated myself 500 times we don't have fucking time for me to be nice.

And the person I'm training is stressed out and she doesn't even WANT to do this, but she has to. Alongside all of her other work so she can train my replacement in a few weeks. So she's being extra reticent about it all.

Plus I have to train other people on other methods. And there is literally no fucking time for people to be bumblefucking their way through goddamned lab work basics that I Shouldn't need to be teaching them at this point but here we are!

I am also, on top of everything else, trying to wrote up comprehensive step-by-step guides for How to work the Titrator Softwares, to leave something of my 7+years of experience behind for others. I am doing this At The Request of the people I am training. I spent 4 hours putting together one guide already. With pictures. And sent it to her days before we were supposed to start training. So she would have time to read it and study (again AT HER REQUEST) AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN LOOK AT IT ONCE.

I am losing my goddamned mind. I am stressed out. I am not sleeping well. I am busy beyond all reason, and there is just too much bullshit for me to handle with a smile on my face.

And I know it's not fair at all for me to expect someone to immediately pick up on everything I have spent 40hrs/week for the last 7+ years doing flawlessly. But we are so far beyond "this is the learning curve" to "this is straight up reticent incompetence" and I can't fucking fix that. Like this is sink or swim crunch time and I CANNOT STILL be holding people's hands as they stand on the top step of the pool.

The only thing keeping my hubris in check right now is the fact that I know for sure I will be the person bumblefucking my way through a new lab and a new set of methods on a few weeks, and my trainers will likely be shouting into the void about me too.

[nathank77]

4/13/24

12:28 a.m

So I'm still worried that I was percribed a placebo for Xanax because I was percribed hydroxyzine to take at bedtime although it was for seasonal allergies.

I'm mostly worried bc my Xanax didn't have a sticker on top saying, "keep away from children." However today when I picked up my testosterone, it usually has that sticker too... and it didn't. Maybe they ran out of stickers? I'm not worried my testosterone is a placebo cause like my body can't make that shit, I still have all my, "parts," and I would start making estrogen. There is no way she would percribe me a placebo for testosterone...

Why do I think she would for Xanax?

1) Well it's a benzodiazepine. And I'm on 1MG nightly.. she has it written up as for anxiety instead of insomnia but maybe that's bc the sleep dose is .50MG. And anything above is for anxiety/other things. It might be just for insurnace coverage.

2) If you look up hydroxyzine for seasonal allergies- it's mostly perscibed for being itchy, or anxiety before procedures. Although it has been shown that daily use of it overtime can be very effective for seasonal allergies. And it's sedating so maybe she just doesn't want me taking it before I start my day bc it can sedate you.

3) Technically it's not illegal to percribe placebos. However it's looked at as unethical and can damage the relationship between client and physician. Although she wants to see me monthly bc she's clearly not just my PCP, she's also my Psychiatrist at this point.

4) I have black hairy tongue and shes aware of it and the pubmed article that said 10 days of discontinuing Xanax resolved the black hairy tongue. At my last appt I said the benefits outweighs the side effects and i have no interest in switching to another benzodiazepine.

-So I am going to do a test. I have my disability appt at 1:30 on Tuesday the 16th.

Usually I would take 1MG before an early appt by cutting one full pill in half, making a chunky half and then take the biggest half I have from the oldest bottle. The halves are always small so it's about 1MG in Total maybe .8 or .9MG between the two pieces.

- On the 16th instead of taking my chunky half with the biggest half from an older bottle I'm going to take 1MG straight from the potential placebo bottle.

1) I'm going to assume its a placebo. Which if it is that will make it not work. If it isnt effective since I'm used to .5MGS, 1MG I will know it's a placebo. As if it's a placebo I'll know it is. No doubt. Bc 1MG is very powerful in comparison to .5MG.

2) I'll still do my whole bedtime procedure and all that.

3) I will take it on my circadian rhythm too, like I have been. I'll actually take it 30 minutes earlier than normal. Normally i take it at 5 a.m. My last 1MG I took at 4:30 a.m..

I was fighting my eyes by 5:30 a.m. by 5:42 a.m I closed my eyes and I must have been gone by 6 a.m MAXIMUM.

Worst case it's a placebo and I don't sleep and I attend my disability appt and sleep the next night....

Best case its the real thing and I pass the fuck out, I can't mix half of it with the biggest half from the oldest bottle cause the other half could be responsible for knocking me out...

If I don't pass out I'll know damn well its a placebo. And I will contact her over email on mychart and say, ever since the last script, I've been struggling to fall asleep. I was passing out within 2 hours every night up until that last bottle and she will make sure I get the good stuff for the next script.

- I'm worried she thinks that hydroxyzine can replace my Xanax, bc it treats anxiety and can sedate you.

What's the likelihood it's a placebo?

It prob isn't but going into it with a higher dose than I usually take cause I'm actually taking .5MG a night, taking that 1MG is majorly different on a weekly basis. I feel it within 15 minutes as long as I take it on my circadian rhythm.

-either way the only way I'm going to calm down about the lack of a sticker, and the hydroxyzine script being percribed at bedtime which is actually common cause of its sedating effects, is by doing this test.

- if It is a placebo I will know cause I'm going into it saying it is, and it'll either incapacitate me or it'll be useless, the power of a placebo is not knowing its a placebo. That's the funny thing.

- I didn't believe Xanax would knock me out when I first started taking it. I thought I was a shoe in for sedative hypnotics. I figured benzodiazepine were weak baby shit for insomnia. Well I was WRONG. Benzodiazepines are LIFE SAVERS for Insomniacs.

So yea if it is a placebo it'll do jack off shit. I won't sleep that night, I'll make my disability appt and I will email her saying I haven't been sleeping and idk why bc the same dose of a benzodiazepine for years can work for insomnia, it's actually a miracle drug. I will bring up that I know the same dose remains effective long term and I don't know why I've been struggling to sleep bc I wasn't at all before. I'll play stupid but smart at the same time. So she will surely perscribe the real shit for my next batch on the 20th...

- I'm thankful i have so much more than I need bc if it was a placebo then I still have something to fall back on.

- the problem is I have so much Xanax that I haven't even cracked the bottle other than to count my pills. If I waited until I needed to Crack the bottle it would be by the 18th, two day before I "used" my whole script.

[itwas50yearsagotoday]

12/7/23: It was 50 years ago today, December 7th, 1973, Emerson, Lake & Palmer would release their fifth album Brain Salad Surgery. Of today's trio of Prog records, this one is by far the best IMO. Kind of EL&P's magnum opus (unless you count Tarkus... questionable) as the multi-part 'Karn Evil 9' stretches across both sides of the record. Honestly, if you really want to educate someone on Progressive Rock this may be one of the most representative records of the entire, sprawling genre. You have two covers right off... first, poem 'And Did Those Feet In Ancient Time' by English poet William Blake in 1806, with music added a hundred years later by Hubert Parry, known better today as 'Jerusalem'; second, you have 'Toccata' which was from piano concerto by Argentine composer Alberto Ginastera (in 1961). Straight up, pretentious-ass covers of non-Rock music... and honestly they're both outstanding songs. I mean, once you hear 'Jerusalem' two or three times (at least the EL&P version) you start wailing along with Lake... it's just beautiful, and a perfect album starter. 'Toccata' is somewhat similar to 'Tank' from the first album... just blasting you with Classical music done by a Rock Trio; then you get to the bizarro pinball noises and proto-DNB sounds about five minutes in by Emerson... it's nuts, just nuts. Phew! Then you get the one Lake ballad on the record (I believe he is the only one of the three playing on it) 'Still... You Turn Me On' which didn't crack the U.S. Top 40, but was (is?) a big Classic Rock song. I don't think it's as good as 'Lucky Man' or 'From the Beginning', also Lake softer tunes on previous albums, but definitely mix-worthy. Even the goofy-ass Pete Sinfeld-penned tune 'Benny the Bouncer' is a ton of fun... again, another pattern across records, fast little ditties... little piano or keyboard ditties... like 'Jeremy Bender' and 'The Sheriff', these tunes are kind of breathers in between all the pomp and circumstance. Then we get to the big boy, the big one--'Karn Evil 9' which is divided like this: end of first side is 'Karn Evil 9 (1st Impression, part one)', then entire second side is 'Karn Evil 9 (1st Impression, part two)', and then 2nd Impression and 3rd Impression (I'm not writing that shit out again). The part that just about every good Classic Rock listener knows is the five minute '1st Impression (part two)'... this is the one that starts out "Welcome Back My Friends, to the Show That Never Ends!!" This song may very well be the most memorable thing for some EL&P casual listeners, as it has the highest Spotify-play from this album and fourth for the band overall. Unlike the songs on the first side, this is a major Prog workout... like 'Starship Trooper' by Yes... you know, long, sudden changes, musical showmanship, great melody. I do love part two, but really part one is better... it is very similar in sound to part two but it's almost twice as long. If you've read this far and you've not heard '1st Impression (part one)' then stop reading and go play the fucking song, beginning to end. I mean you can even connect both 1st impressions if you want to, but it's not necessary. The '2nd Impression' is mostly a spare piano version of the 1st Impression, along with some crazy percussion and Moog parts that, like Toccata, might be mistaken for some '90s DNB (okay, probably not, but it's still wild). '3rd Impression' is probably the worst song on the album, but it's still very good... kind of a re-hash of the first parts, but worth listening to at least once, especially the headphones experience at the very end. Wow, what a great record. I used to like Trilogy best, but maybe this album is superior after all. Overall an excellent experience. This album ain't for everyone, but every good boy that loves Prog should at least know this record, front to back, back to front. Also, a killer album cover that acted as a triptych when opened. Cool!

[racingtoaredlight]

Goodnight, Sweet Prince

Disclaimer: You don't want to read this...it's brutal. I won't take offense if you don't read, but please keep unrelated comments on the Open Thread that will post shortly.

***

This is my 4th attempt at writing something that Willie 100% deserves, but I keep breaking down and I just can't stop crying. I loved him so much, it's just ripping me apart. I loved him so goddamned much.

I was so proud to be his owner. I fucking hate that term, I just don't know what else to use.

I took him everywhere I could. Everywhere he went, he drew people in...this isn't hyperbole, at least once per week I'd be stopped by someone driving and spend a minute or two chatting about him. He was everything I ever wanted in a dog...from his athleticism to his personality to his sense of humor.

Every day I'd get in my car to go home from work, I'd excitedly start my car and say "I'm comin' Willie!" But now he's gone. He's not there to come home to anymore. I walk around my house looking for him and he's just not there.

***

My past four months have been a form of hell, and I've tried really hard not to bring it here...but it's just really hard when that's all you can think about.

I've known my father was going to die since his two heart attacks on the same weekend seven and a half years ago. Those heart attacks happened a month after my beloved grandmother passed away.

I've talked about my issues with manic depression in the past, as well as openly discussed that I've been a danger to myself in the past.

When I was on that edge, my first thought was "if I die, nobody will take Willie, and he'll end his life in a shelter waiting for anyone to adopt him." How could I do that to him again? Despite the shitstorm going on in my brain, even in that state, thinking of him cut through it enough to bring me back.

I don't say this lightly...if it weren't for Willie, I would not be here.

***

My father is in hospice and will likely pass within a week or so. The past four months have featured numerous trips to the ER, doc visits, tests, you name it...pretty much all week, every other week as the doctors kept trying their best to keep a man with a 6% functioning heart and 11% functioning kidneys alive.

The easy parts were running to his place to water his plants. Or coming over in the morning to make him a milkshake while we listen to music. The hard parts have been hanging up the phone or leaving his place, and the first thing that runs through my mind is "will this be the last conversation we ever have?"

The medium hard parts were running to the grocery store or the pharmacy in between meetings. Or preparing him 3 days worth of food in the 45 minutes I had before a guitar lesson. And 1.5 of those days I'd be throwing out the next time I stopped by.

The hardest part was wondering who'd go first.

I never complained about any of this. I'd do it again for the both of them without a conscious thought because I love them both so much. But it wears on you. Month after month does a toll.

***

I've been doing all of this, on top of an insane pace at work, on almost no sleep.

The vet told me to keep a diary of his health throughout all this. You notice a string of bad days, but the first good day and a half and all of the sudden that concern washes away. Keeping a diary allows you to get a relatively objective look at your dog's health, and notice long-term trends.

Unfortuantely...as I've known with my dad's heart condition, sleep is a big factor...I tracked Willie's sleep and got a wonderful look every day at how little I'd gotten over months. Months.

And I knew I lied in the diary. I didn't want to admit to myself that Willie's condition was getting so much worse...even if I couldn't ignore the 8th straight day he'd wake me up before 3am. Let me put it this way...in the last three months, I've had six full nights of sleep. Another 12 of days he woke me up after 3am. Every other day was a 2-3am wakeup call, and three of those days were no sleep at all.

It wasn't as simple as getting up and letting him outside to relieve his fading bladder...the next hours before I went to work were spent comforting him on the couch, as his increasingly weakening heart pounded like hell to circulate enough blood through his system.

He didn't wake me up all those nights because he had to pee...he woke me up all those nights so that I could make him less afraid of his heart feeling like it was drowning due to an edema. He'd get comforted and calm down to sleep just around the time I had to get up and get ready for work.

And every morning, every day I'd come home from work...whenever I'd leave him...there was a simultaneous terror combined with hope that I'd find him having passed away in slumber. A peaceful, painless, natural death.

***

There were so many good memories of our time together, please don't ever suggest that I'm glossing over them. I am at a certain peace...it was his time, it was a wonderful goodbye, and so many of my friends and family have come to his support, that's brought me to tears separately.

He was a special guy, he touched everyone's life that he met. He was wonderful with children, wonderful with others, terrible with other dogs (but you can't win em all).

Those memories will always come back as long as I still have a functioning brain. Right now is so close though, all I can feel is loneliness.

Over the years, I've shared numerous anecdotes of Willie because I was so proud of him that I wanted that joy to be spread to others. But all I can feel is the pain of having lost my best friend.

There's a common refrain "you don't know what you got until it's gone," or some variation of that. I thought I knew what I had in my relationship with Willie...but given this gigantic empty space in my heart, this giant fucking chasm, I somehow underestimated how much he was giving me.

***

The thing that scares me the most about the future isn't losing my father, it's losing a grasp of joy.

Pretty much everyone here knows I struggle deeply with anger issues and have a darker side that I try really hard to keep tamped down. I talked about this with my therapist yesterday before the vet came over...

Willie was always a bulwark against the darker side of my brain coming to the front. Even in my worst moods, where I'm borderline psychotic, even just looking at him would bring me to a calmer, sustainable place psychologically. "Those" days at work? They bothered me less knowing I'd be on the couch chillin' with my big boy in 15 minutes.

As his condition worsened, so did the vet bills and trips. $100 a pop, $450 for an echocardiogram here, $200 dog cardiologist fees, $180 for a Lasix IV there, $150 every month for his heart medication, $50 per month on all the stuff he needed for his arthritis, and it seriously just goes on and on. Thousands and thousands of dollars over the last four months. Nevermind the car trips there and back that wreaked havoc on his heart...

But I would have done fucking anything for this dog. Anything except selfishly keep him alive when he's telling me he just can't anymore...I knew it was the right thing, and I feel like I fucking completely betrayed and failed him, at a time when he needed me the most.

That helpless feeling..."I can't do fucking shit"...I'd find myself at 3am googling "if you love a dog enough will it live forever?" You know the answer. I knew the answer. That's where I'm still at.

***

I should've quit writing this paragraphs ago...I'm just fucking sobbing and this isn't doing me any good. And I can't just talk about the good times, because all I can think of is that those times are gone. Every time I think of something beautiful or joyful, it's immediately poisoned by an onset of sobbing because I miss him so much already.

You all know how much Willie meant to me. I don't have to make the case for that...I loved that dog more than I've loved anything in my life. And I don't give a shit if you think that's sad or immature or lame.

I kept quitting this and coming back because he deserves it. He deserves to be commemorated for the tremendous companion he was...and as much as I'd love to be able to write that piece that makes everyone happy and celebrates him, I just can't write that piece right now. The joyful memories will come when I'm in a healthier state, I'm certain of it.

But I can't keep writing this and just crying all over myself. He deserved a much better eulogy than this, but this is the best that I could do. It feels like I failed him already yesterday and now I feel like I'm failing him again.

Willie was the greatest dog in the world, my best friend, my savior, and adopting him was the single most rewarding thing I've ever done in my life. I'll love him forever no matter what. I'm just really hurting right now.

***

During this time, I've been trying to think of something to preserve his memory with what few skills I possess, and I have no idea how to do this or even get it started, but I want to start a non-profit called The Willie Fund where I can link with pit rescues across the country and provide funds for palliative care and dignified, in-home euthenasia for those in their communities that need it. I don't know where to start but I have to do something.

And thank you guys for letting me share Willie with you all these years. I'll be back at some point.

*The pic at the top was taken months ago, not yesterday...it's just my favorite serious picture of the two of us and thought it was a respectful image to remember our relationship by. I loved him so much and I know he loved me too.

[theannoyingmosquitoinyourroom]

im not a reddit refugee, but ill be damned if ill pass up a tag game and the opportunity to rant about smth :)

1. Name? Jason (or Jace for short) (idk take your pick ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

2. Pronouns and gender? he/they; i often use trans to refer to myself but im thinking of shaking things up a bit

3. Sexuality? idk gay ig

4. Country? Somewhere in the faraway land of Europe

5. Top 5 fandoms? rn im really into star trek, malevolent, Gaining Information On Whatever Topic, Supernatual (ive still got to finish it), old books (as in books that were printed/ written a long time ago and were kept through decades n shit and now ive somehow got access to them and that so cool) — also i feel like im forgetting something Big but i cant put my finger on it so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

6. What is your Most forbidden snack? smoked trout w honey

7. Would you pet a bug? UH YES WHEN WOULD I NOT PET A BUG???????

8. Share a weird fact/ story about yourself with the class. okay so this one time we (me and my family) were over at my grandparents for easter and when we arrived my grandma was preparing this lamb for cooking. now i need you to get me straight. it was a LAMB. a WHOLEASS SKINNED LAMB. (literally everyone was like “who is going to eat that much meat” and my grandmother was like “:0 dunno. people”) and she was taking out the head and my brain thought: “omg theres a lamb skull underneath all that meat” and THAT led to me asking my grandma “can i keep the skull” to which my grandma paused and had to ask me twice if i wanted the skull cuz she wouldnt have thought in 15363892 years id be wanting to keep that. and thats how i spent two days skinning and cleaning the skull i have on my shelf now :) (this is also the first time i tasted lamb brain and eyes)

9. What does the colour blue taste like? deep. square. its got lots of flavour. but not the pale/pastel blues

10. What is the most beutiful thing you’ve ever seen? this one time i was cycling on a hill and i looked at the view and it was so fucking beautiful and peaceful and pretty and i had to stop because in that moment i genuinely couldnt believe i lived there. i couldnt believe i was that close to this view, that i could go touch it if i wanted to. just 15 minutes away and i couldve swam in that shining lake, in 30 minutes and a hike i could be on those mountains. it was sunny and there were few clouds and i was on a thin path in the side of this hill, the grass was long and uncut, and there was a green tree on the right side, a house on the left, quite a bit away, but it was the serenity and quietude of the moment that made me realize where i was, if ykwim

11. What is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done? this is not a moment in particular, but just in general, i sometimes Dont Get what people want from me. for example, this one time i was a bit late handing in this form to a teacher, so i went up to him, handed it to him, apologized and told him why i was late, etc etc. but right before i left, he was looking at me expectantly and asked me: “so what do we say now?” and i was like. what. because i genuinely did not know what he wanted from me. so i spent a good couple of seconds sating back at him and going over our conversation again and what his question might refer to. i was certain i had apologized, so i figured out he mustve wanted me to explain why i was late. maybe he hadnt understood/heard the first time, yk? so i explained again and he was perplexed and my friend was looking at me like “whatthefuck?”. i knew i hadnt said what i was supposed to but i didnt know what else to say??????? so my friend leaned in and whispered that i needed to apologize, to which i was like “OHHHHHH” and i apologized and left but that conversation is still confusing me to this day.

12. Stupidest thing you’ve seen/heard someone do/say? *forgets every memory of other people i’ve ever had* oh i watched a flat earth debate once. i think that sums up this answer nicely

13. Hyperfixation song? ooh so lately ive been listening to a lot more will wood songs. but rn ive got a made-up remix of “Tomcat Disposables” and “Memento Mori: The most important thing in the world” (both by will wood) playing in my head

14. Is there any meaning behind your profile picture and/ or username? i was making an account on tumblr and there was this annoying mosquito in my room that kept buzzing (as mosquitoes do) and i was like: “what if I was the annoying mosquito?” and then for the pfp i googled “mosquito memes” and thought this one was hilarious

15. Dream career as a child? writer

16. Dream career as an adult? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ smth to do with maths and physics but i dont know exactly what

17. Thoughts on cilantro? i prefer parsley but cilantros nice

18. Have you ever been banned from location and if so, why? no i havent been banned from anywhere (yet)

19. What is your cursed food combination? not THAT cursed, also not cursed in a bad way, but: hard polenta (meaning that after it cools you can cut it in slices) with jam

20. Trans rights? |||||||||| ||||||||||

i sadly dont know of any other people that come from r/196 so if youre from r/196 and want to introduce yourself: go right ahead :)) id love to hear from yall

“I just came from r/196” ask game

Saw another post. I think I should invite y'all to one of our longstanding traditions. Answer the questions then tag 10 (or more) people. I'll go first.

Name? Frankie

Pronouns and gender? he/they/it, transmasc

Sexuality? Lesbian

Country? USA

Top 5 fandoms? Bungou Stray Dogs, Cosmere, All for the Game, Fundiesnark (not a series but I'm too deep in it to not consider it a fandom), .....the tornado fandom? (they're my special interest)

What is your Most forbidden snack? The preserved bones at the Atlanta Bodies Exhibition. They looked so crunchy...

Would you pet a bug? If it's big enough, it is pettable.

Share a weird fact/story about yourself with the class. I like to drive around rural areas and photograph old, sometimes abandoned locations in the dead of night. I have been literally chased out of towns by foot and by car on two separate occasions. The second time this happened, "See You Again" by Miley Cyrus came up on shuffle and that's the soundtrack my friend and I tore out of town to. Also every "guy" I've dated except for my most recent ex (who has big egg energy) is a lesbian now.

What does the color blue taste like? Creme brulee

What is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? The appalachian mountains of Tennessee in the middle of summer. There's kudzu everywhere. On the backroads, there were several old, dilapidated Baptist churches barely hanging to the side of the mountain. I wonder how many of them were still in use.

What is the stupidest thing you've ever done? Short version: my friend's house almost got broken into by this dude who'd been stalking us for months while we were home alone. Instead of calling the cops, we decided to confront him with a bow and arrow (me), a hatchet, and a baseball bat (him). The plan was that if it went badly, we would simply throw his corpse into one of the many lakes in the neighborhood and let the alligators eat his remains (this was Florida). Why? Because we were afraid of having our home-alone privileges revoked. Luckily for us all, the guy fucked off and we never saw him again.

Stupidest thing you've seen/heard someone else do/say? My ex thought that Jackalopes were real. Also, a nurse I was doing rotations with apparently thought that "Witness Protection" was for Jehovah's Witnesses.

Hyperfixation song? Young Enough + Bleach by Charly Bliss

Is there any meaning behind your profile picture and/or username? Profile pic; I'm transmasc and I'm currently obsessed with TriStamp. Username; It was my fake internet name when I was like 13. I won't change it because I want my mutuals to recognize me, and because I do have a viral post associated with this name.

Dream career as a child? Doctor (funnily enough I'm now in nursing school)

Dream career as an adult? Professional Jester. Not a comedian. I just want to be some weird little guy who dresses silly and you can hire me to roast your boss at work parties.

Thoughts on cilantro? Delicious

Have you ever been banned from a location and if so, why? I honestly can't remember? Probably... but in recent memory I've mainly banned people from places.

What is your cursed food combination? Pineapple on a hotdog with grilled onions. It Slaps.

Trans rights? TRANS RIGHTS

Tagging: @rocket-mankoi @mostlymarco @atleast8courics @jazzlike39 @gemsweater72 @limbobilbo @ameliaaltare @redcrane112 @theoneofwhomisblue @twinkenjoyer @theultimatecarp and anyone else who wants to jump on

[ddymarie]

"Y/n~"

Shindo x blk reader

❅ a.n: omg this is new character I wanted to write about... Maybe one day I'll rewrite this. I'm thankful for the love you guys have shown for the small series 1:25✨

❅ warning: fem receiving, I missed a lot nothing like scat is included though. (Not proofread)

❅

'... Fuck'

He thought while holding his head in his hands

Shindo glanced down at his sweaty body. Dick hard in his hand . Stroking it thinking about you...

❅

It was now 12:30 in the afternoon

FUCK I'M RUNNING LATE

I panicked while rushing to the shower to them get out and get ready for the rest of the day. It's 1:00 pm now. "Shit, Shit, shit" I winced. I'm late I'm late I'm late was all I could repeat in my head as I jump in a car and drive off to the main building of S.T.A.R.S head quarters. I had an important business meeting with the top 50 pros. I no. 6 ofc. I rushed to the building entrance busting through the doors while checking my appearance in every door reflection I caught ' I look presentable' I thought ' but late' I then frowned. Once I approached the the conference halls doors of slowly opened one and slipped through. Almost everyone there glanced back at me as I acted natural, soothing the wrinkles out of my attire. I sat. Scanning the table with my eyes. I looked around nervously as I made eye contact with red riot. He smirked at me and winked... His signature greeting. I smiled back.

"Now, that everyone is here we may begin" the gentleman in the front spoke side eying me. I straightened my back keeping my composure after being subbed.

About 2 hours and 20 minutes pass. Of discussing how we choose to establish our plans and making them actions. Some pro hero's recommend opening more schools building more parks. Doing charity events that donate money and living supplies for school pantries that we would like to open. Lunches and shelters for the homeless, things like that. We were all split up into groups. Groups of 5. The the hero's in the 50's were grouped, same for the thirties and 40's 20's and the 10's. My group included, shindo yo.... of course.

"I say-" gosh this is annoying I was being cut off left and right... Especially being the only girl here... Which is boring I know. But I personally feel like my opinion will definitely make a great innovation to their original plan of spliting into 5 groups of 2.

"Y/n, you and shindo create and advertise , while updating the other pros on what were doing" midoriya said

"My group will handle the blueprints and everything else" he stated while looking at his men.

Me and shindo made eye contact and he smirked as I looked away. I felt submissive to him . The tension was definitely there but went unnoticeable by the filtered eyes of others

Me and shindo headed toward my agency because it was bigger. And I had empty offices that could be put to use.

" I respect you , a lot" shindo spoke

" oh, thank you! " I glanced In his direction

" no, like i respect you, you got this hero shit by its pinky toe. The only female in currently in the top 10 . Already branded yourself . Created history... That shit is admiring " I peeped how he walked near me as he spoke. I couldn't help but blush at his praise. We stood in front of my agency I typed in my code and scanned my key card. Because it was after hours meaning it wasn't free walk in anymore. I we walked in and headed straight for my office and that's where we got to planning.

❅

The next day we were sent an email. With details on what were supposed to be advertising. I wrote down my plans about how I was gonna advertise. Artist were already hired to create them. I decided to email shindo at around 8 to call him in before I submitted anything. It was now 5 am and I had on nothing out of the ordinary except my hero costume. I decided to place an order for brunch foods for me and shindo to snack on. I checked emails. Interacted with the media and my fans. I opened my agency to the public at around 10. Not the whole agency but the historical half of it. The mini stores that included the lastest magazine's and hero merch.Libraries on the world history. It was now 8 am on the dot when shindo walked in my office. I greeted him and allowed him to make himself at home before I settled down again and got to explaing my plan 2 minutes later I then spoke

"I already have tsu and cyber on the design for the advertisements. With a deadline. All they are waiting for this 'go' but I wanted to hear what you had in mind" I spoke.

" I had the same ideas as a matter of a fact, I was planning on waiting. And I mean waiting as once they start building. We can get documentation of it including pictures. But instead of a flyer why not a booklet? Our planned charity event is already in action... Because I submitted it .and being that it's open to the public why now do our speech then while passing out the booklets? Because by then the new park will be built ." he spoke leaving me stunned. A charity event has already been planned? The park blue prints already finished and is being built .damn I feel behind.

"oh okay wow" we both laughed

" anyone ever told you to have a contagious smile?" he said before licking his lips. "you know y/n that rumor got around pretty quick you know the one about us having a *cough, * affair," he said. " yea I know I'm sorry -" I started to apologize before quickly being cut off with an kiss. As we parted I started at him wide eyed. " ah shit I'm sorry," he was now apologizing only to be cut off with a kiss. Right then and there I had managed to lock my office door and dimmed the lights enough for only our silhouette to be present. We both began to quickly undress. I sat on my desk hot and wet. Lips still ravishing each other's.

"Mmphf* shindo can we move a little faster"

He moaned in approval. Hooking my leg over his arm. Carefully sliding my panties to the side. He then slid his middle and ring finger up from my slit to clit. Groaning from the feeling of how wet I had gotten from what he assumed to be just his mere kiss. Nah

"Fuck i been waiting to taste this" he said

I brought his soaked finger up gl his mouth before licking them clean getting a taste of me. A whine had erupted from me. As he slid his finger inside of me on my to remove it to taste me again. "Oh my god" he moved before throwing himself on his knees and eating me out. Tongue licking me up and down. Before sucking on my clit. I moaned " fuck, just like that" it was like he knew my body. It felt amazing. " he slid his already soaked fingers in my hole. Fingering me thrusting his fingers in and out before pulling away to spit on my clit and suck on me again. He began to finger me faster curling his fingers right on that spot. Sucking my clit harder than before as a reward for the moans I granted him. I he pasued his hot mouth leaving my clit leaving me sweating. He leaned his head right in front of my slit. When I then began squirting. Smirking up at me as I soaked his face. "Ah, good girl" he praised.

He already knew how to make me squirt. It's like he studied my self-pleasing sessions after work. He got up lifting my other leg up creating a 'v' before bending forward and flicking his tongue over my clit at a fast vibrating pace... VIBRATING? HE WAS USING HIS QUIRK ON ME

I was dazed. Head against my cold hard desk. " ah~ " I moaned I was gonna cum

" fuckkkk, I'm gonna cum "

And just then he sped up his flicks...

Humping his face as I came over it. Gripping his hair whining loudly. But not load enough to be heard by any ear outside the room. He lifted himself up off his knees. Face covered with a mixture of my cum on his lips, my slick.

Licking his lips clean. He smirked before taking his sweater off the chair and wiping my sweat off me.

" get up, go pee" he smirked slapping my pussy. I obeyed and did my business

❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅

Heyy I haven't uploaded in a while this is a shindo yo fic that has been sitting in my drafts... 😍

[takes1]

Hii!! Could you do a Bakugou gets horny while you’re cuddling?? Fem or gender neutral is totally fine w me! If not then thats okay, hope you have a great day :))

FUCK YES i love this i was literally just thinking about writing something like this today !! hope i interpreted this right! tysm for requesting :)

warnings. nsfw, scary grandpa sneeze, academic deadlines, some light grinding, groping, light scratching, friends with benefits, kissy-kissy, minors stay off my lawn!!

details. gn!reader, aged up kats, 1.5k words

scenario series. k. bakugou, hawks is next ;)

links. my ao3 / p.2 + more bakugou / requests open

11:30 p.m

You took what felt like your first real breath in hours and hit submit on your Powerpoint with 29 minutes to spare.

A strangled "Fuck," fell from your lips as you leaned almost too far back in your desk chair and waited for your eyes to adjust to everything that was not a computer screen.

Aizawa really needed to let up on those mixed-media projects. How the hell was knowing how to format part of the Hero-Course curriculum? Were villains going to quiz you on text files in the heat of a fight?

You reached for your phone and cringed at the many missed group texts of the class struggling as a whole to finish their projects, asking for help, sending mass prayers. Not feeling particularly saintly after your three-hour frenzy, you decided to knock the 52 notifications off of your lock screen and decided they'd have to suffer together.

As you were cleaning out more unnecessary notifications, one from 11:12 sent a small surge of panic through you. You missed a text from Bakugou.

KB: Can't sleep.

That was bullshit, of course, he could sleep. He slept more and better than anyone you knew. But as with most things he said, it was code for something he didn't want to say straight up.

It was difficult trying to be quiet when the door to his dorm needed about 37 gallons WD40-- you flinched with every screech it filled the room with and had to stop to catch your breath after you locked it.

A figure was stomach-down on his bed, clutching the pillow under his head like a vice so hard you couldn't be convinced he was actually sleeping. Unlike many nights that he so humbly requested your presence, this time he was without his tanktop.

Every inch of his room was actively working against you. The hardwood floor also tried its damndest to alert him of your presence as you resorted to a goofy, Grinch-like tiptoe towards his twin mattress, your shadow on the wall a simultaneously humbling thing to witness and one more flag to stir him.

Too bad he was already awake.

"About time," He spat, grumpy, but raised his arm to invite you into his bed.

The motion gave you a full view of his impressive build. You couldn't spare to think about it for long, though. You didn't want to make this weird.

"20 minutes was that bad, huh?"

To express his supreme frustration and play hard to get, he rolled his eyes and turned his back to you. It did not work. It was through his invitation that you were here, so all it succeeded in doing was make him seem like an even bigger softie.

Your friendship was hard to explain, and these weird undertones were even harder to justify. But the general rule was that a relationship wasn't beneficial to either of you right now with school, work, and social pressures. For now, late-night cuddles, poorly-timed and rushed make-outs, vague texts, loaded stares, and slightly too much touching during training were enough.

He wouldn't budge unless you gave in a tiny bit. So, you scooted closer, shoved your bottom arm around his tiny waist, and wrapped your top arm around his chest with a hand gripping his shoulder.

"I was doing homework, if you must know," Your lips brushed his ear briefly before you set your head on the pillow behind his, talking into his unruly hair, "Not everyone can go to bed at 9:00, like you, Star Student."

A small grunt. Rough palms slid up your softer arms and rested there with a quiet exhale.

Your hands automatically started scratching light circles on the space between his neck and shoulder, noting how his muscle slowly, hesitantly, loosened as he relaxed.

Bakugou smelled so sweet. His hair, his pillows, his skin, his room. It was a borderline aphrodisiac for you. And god, did it stick. After some suspicious stares and cryptic questions from Kirishima the one time you didn't shower after a cuddle session, you made sure to scrub extra hard, throw the clothes you wore in the hamper immediately, and overcompensate with lotions and perfumes to get the caramel scent off. Anything to avoid getting discovered.

You must've been more burnt-out than you thought because exhaustion was starting to lull you into premature sleep fast. Bakugou was too warm and comfortable; you briefly worried you might not wake up to get to your room in the morning before everyone else was roaming the halls.

Some part of your brain ruled that it didn't matter, this was far too perfect and you let yourself drift off.

"AAAAAAH-TCH!"

Startled out of your wits, you found yourself wide awake in an upright position, hands retracted to protect yourself from danger with a pitifully scared yelp.

Bakugou was sniffling underneath you, eyes barely open even after that heart-stopping sneeze.

"Nice, Bakugou," You muttered with a bite.

Defensive of his devastating volume, he scoffed, "I sneezed! What, I'm not allowed to sneeze?"

There was no telling how late it was now, and you had class in the morning. You flumped back down, defeated but still bitter, with your hands wrapped around yourself this time.

You yawned, "Gonna wake up the whole damn building..."

"Shut up," He barked, head turned expectedly to your huddled form, expecting snuggles. When they were not provided, he huffed in an even harsher tone, "Come here."

Tired, you were too fed up to dance around him like usual --funny how a sneeze could do that-- and ignored him. If his allergies were the reason you flunk your presentation of that Powerpoint tomorrow morning, he will never hear the end of it.

He turned over. Bakugou did not like that, because Bakugou was the only person who was allowed to be difficult.

He sucked his teeth at you, pulled you into his chest forcefully, and kicked a heavy leg over your hips, head resting on top of yours as you were given no other choice than to be squished or wrap your arms around him. It was impossible to be grumpy when he was so unique and intense in his affection. You pressed your head into the soft muscle of his pec and gave a content sigh through your nose.

With so much surface area to touch, you enjoyed running your nails freely over the width of his upper back. He was so well-built. It made you think of how much of a shame his attitude was because he'd have so many options as arguably the hottest guy in 1-A.

Your palm ran over the warm lines you created in his skin and dove to his mid-back, where you could better feel his muscle anticipate your feather-light touches. The strong arms around you adjusted to tighten and his tummy flexed.

"Sorry," You mumbled, mistakenly thinking that he was uncomfortable and wanted you to stop.

Before you could take your hands any remarkable distance away, though, there was a budding pressure against your front that made your heart drop in confused arousal.

Maybe it was naive to be so surprised by it, but Bakugou, in all the times you cuddled, never got noticeably hard. The both of you were typically careful to not touch hips, really. Now you were awake.

You continued your scratching and gentle massage against his lower back. The heartbeat in your ear and on your hips was fast enough to convince you he didn't plan on going to sleep anytime soon. You wondered if he could feel yours, too, and grew nervous at the idea. Would this...change things?

There was little time to roll this idea over in your head, because he suddenly decided he was tired of this position and muttered against your hair, "Turn around."

The space between your legs was on fire. You wanted to look at his face, but before you knew it, you were nestled deep into him and his leg was thrown over your hips again.

To test it, you pushed back into him and received a strong, suffocating squeeze in return as he shifted half of his weight forward through his arm and hips, practically crushing you. He cleared his throat and wrapped an arm around your waist, the other toying with your hair. No mistake, he knew what he was doing.

He moved on quickly to cup your face, rubbing your cheek with the hard pad of his thumb, and huffed, amused, at how flustered you were. A big, messy kiss on your exposed neck made you swallow a sigh.

"Bakugou--"

"Katsuki," He corrected.

That made this exponentially harder.

"We have class in the morning," You whispered, torn between your desire to sleep and desire to continue whatever this was.

He only hummed against your ear, unfazed by this fact. His top hand lowered to your side and sent your tummy in a buzzing frenzy to resist his temptations. He chose to do this on a Thursday night? The presentation was worth 20% of your final grade.

But his cock felt so good through your shorts, and his hand was prying open your legs to feel how hot you were for him. Your fingers clawed on his bicep, but they didn't try to stop him. You could hear the shit-eating grin in his voice between the noisy sucking, "Mm, I can be quick."

[fuck-customers]

Garden center anon here

There's this woman, probably mid sixties, and to say there is something deeply wrong with her is the understatement of this century. We have had problems with her in the past because she loves to buy trees that will be absolute behemoths for her tiny condo. The condo association has literally told her she is not allowed to have them (for good reason!) but nope here she is with a fucking Colorado blue spruce (mature height is like 50 ft to give you an idea of how much this baby needs its space) and an arborvitae (about 25 ft tall on average but can go waaaay bigger). And not ONLY has she gotten the most condo-inappropriate plants you could possibly think of, but she was calling us daily because this fucker had decided to keep them in their nursery pots, which they had already outgrown, for a year, and she was surprised that the plants ended up with pest insects. No matter how many times myself and the manager, both horticulurists by trade with a half a century of experience between us, told her they need to be planted and then here is this spray, make sure to water regularly. Every day she would call and be concerned over the same thing (but would recall exactly what we told her yesterday) and this went on for MONTHS, nearly our entire season. She would even bring in bits of branches that looked like they'd been ripped off (cuz yeah, everything likes pieces of themselves yanked off their bodies right) to show us what we had already diagnosed. It's like she was fishing for a new answer so she was trying the same question, just phrased differently, over and over and was stunned that we kept our stories straight! Shocker!

Fast forward to now, it was a really rainy day and we see her brightly colored little car pull up and my coworker and I nearly start sobbing. She walks in in her floor length puffy winter coat, with a tank top, a skirt, flip flops and leg warmers??? and begins asking us if we can inspect these sugar pumpkins for bruises (pumpkin...doesnt....bruise???!!!) and I pretend I've inspected them thoroughly and yup, no bruises here. She asks where our bathroom is. We point to it. She is in their for about 12 minutes and I'm dreading what is going on in there. Comes back out, is asking about how to keep pumpkins from bruising 😭😭😭 asks all sorts of weird questions about just the stuff we are doing (which was like, spot-watering plants or dusting the shelves cuz we are bored) and just isn't leaving! Asks where our bathroom is AGAIN! And is in there for a couple minutes. Finally she takes her fuckin pumpkins and leaves. I've finished everything for today so I sit down and pull some crochet work out of my backpack.

I heard my coworker go "mother...fucker" and look up to see that damn car pull back in. It is 5:49 and we close at 6. She asks for our bathroom AGAIN!!! IT'S BEEN TWENTY MINUTES!!! Ends up getting another sugar pumpkin. And then she just...wouldnt leave. She kept hanging around and asking weird questions about things we are doing. We are visibly uncomfortable. And then she goes "is it 6?" And I lie and say yup, just turned 6, we're closed (it was like 5:58). And she just is like, okay, bye. And walks out.

Did this fucker just PURPOSELY come back with the intention of holding us hostage til close???? Why do older, lonely people think they get to force themselves on retail workers?

[outerbankies]

You know how teenager rafe is gonna just be spiralling over reader going to prom with someone else? I’m going to cry cause like he’s a baby and he doesn’t know why he has these feeling for this one person that he’s always kind of orbited around?? And he knows she’s it for him but only deep down cause he’s trying to figure so much out and how could you know who you’re going to end up with at the age of 17 let alone 10 or 12 but he’s always known and aaaaah imagine that kind of love

an angsty little pre-series prom blurb partially inspired by this ^ ask that made me spiralll. thanks anon i hope u like this!

—

new light blurb: before we knew — rafe cameron

new light series masterlist

obv takes place pre-series in high school! referenced in part 1

warnings: underage drinking

“Top, it’s not fucking funny.”

“It’s kinda fucking funny, Y/n/n. Like, way more than a little.”

Rafe had ditched the last fifteen minutes of statistics when he finished his test early today, and he’d been messing around on his phone for ten minutes waiting for the rest of you to come and get in Topper’s Jeep so you could all go to lunch off-campus today.

Rafe stands up straight from where he’d been leaning against the hood when he hears your voice approaching, his smile matching yours once you see him. “Hey, Rafe. How did your stats test go?”

“Good, hey, Y/n. What’s not funny?” he asks, opening the passenger side door for you before sliding into the backseat behind you.

“Oh, get this, Rafe,” Topper says, laughing. You just groan again, clicking your seatbelt on. “Griffin is gonna ask Y/n to prom. Tomorrow.”

Rafe blanches. “Griffin?”

He knew Griffin thought you were hot. Certainly had to hear it enough times in the pool at practice every day. Rafe always found himself biting back a remark—well, almost always. As captain, Rafe was able to tell everyone to run another play whenever he felt like it. The extra exertion in the pool was nothing compared to having to tread water and hear his teammate talk about you like that.

But even after all of that, he still had no idea Griffin had the balls to actually make a move on you. Because Rafe could tell you’d seriously rather die than ever give Griffin the time of day. And Griffin had been pursuing you without luck for months, even though you’d been trying to gently show you weren’t interested. Half of the time, Rafe wished you'd just tell him to fuck off.

The other half of the time, Rafe was considering just doing it for you.

Rafe clears his throat after his outburst, a finger digging into a hole in his jeans. “How do you know?”

“He just told me in PE,” Topper says. “He said he has this huge banner, and speakers, and he’s gonna do it at lunch right in the middle of the quad—”

“Topper.” You cut him off a bit more seriously this time; Rafe can hear the shift in your tone. You've always hated being anywhere close to the center of attention, getting embarrassed by the smallest things others wouldn’t even think about. If Griffin actually knew anything about you the way Rafe does, he’d know you wouldn’t like something big and flashy. “Can you stop?”

“Hey, cut it out, Top,” Rafe is saying immediately. Topper just rolls his eyes, but Rafe doesn’t care. “You okay?”

“Yeah, Rafe,” you say, smiling over your shoulder at him. “M’fine.”

“Do you want me to tell Griffin to—”

Topper laughs from the driver’s seat, clearing his throat to cover it up when you look over at him. You look back at Rafe, and his heart breaks at the worry in your face. “Don’t, Rafe.”

“Are you gonna say yes?”

“No,” you immediately laugh, looking at him like the idea is preposterous.

“Oh c’mon, Y/n/n. Can’t say no to him in front of all those people,” Topper teases. “And where the fuck is Kelce? I’m starving.”

“You’re right,” you sigh. “I don’t wanna embarrass him. I’ll just find him after school today and tell him I’m going with Kelce.”

Topper’s eyes widen, Rafe catches it in the rearview mirror before he hurriedly looks away. Rafe clears his throat, settling back into his seat from where he’d been leaning into the front space to talk with you. “You—uh, are you actually going with Kelce?”

“Yeah,” you nod, distracted by your phone. “We said we’d go together if we didn’t find dates. Kelce didn’t really wanna ask anyone after what happened last summer. And after nearly being set up with Top last night, I’m about ready to throw in the towel.“

Rafe looks to his friend that sits in the driver’s seat, who's looking straight at his lap, the back of his neck bright red. “Wait, you two?”

“It was just our parents, dude. Went to dinner at the club last night and our moms brought it up,” Topper mumbles. You giggle at the idea, completely unaware of the energy in the car right now.

“Yeah, sorry, Thornton. But no thanks. You and Emily should be really cute, though,” you say earnestly, patting his shoulder.

Topper just stares straight ahead. “Thanks, Y/n/n.”

“And then this thing with Griffin—I’m just so over the idea of finding an actual date at this point,” you sigh. “Plus, I know Kelce won’t put up a fight about the color scheme. I’m thinking like, aqua. Or maybe pink? I don't think I'd look good in gold.”

You'll look good in absolutely anything, and Rafe will just have to watch you from across the floor of the Island Club, while Kelce twirls you around the dance floor or holds you close during a slow dance.

The guy in question opens the car door and slides into the backseat next to Rafe right then, sighing as he slides his backpack off. “Sorry guys, coach stopped me in the hall. Where are we eating?”

Rafe glares at him.

“I want a smoothie,” you declare from the front seat.

“Fine with me,” Topper nods, pulling out of his parking spot. “Guys?”

“Can we go to that place with the deli next door? I’m so hungry,” Kelce says.

“Yeah, I like their açaí bowls,” you say, twisting around to look at Rafe one more time. He must not be able to hide his emotions as much as he thought, because your smile drops when you see him. “Rafe? Does that sound good?”

He turns his body to look out the window, eyes flicking back to yours one last time. “Not hungry.”

—

Rafe meets Topper and Kelce at the dock later that night, the three of them intending to get drunk and maybe take Topper’s boat out if they felt like it.

Kelce is already there by the time Rafe pulls up, drinking a beer with Topper while they laugh at something on his phone.

And Rafe paces right down the dock, snatches Kelce’s phone out of his hand, and pushes him off the platform and into the water.

“Rafe, dude,” Topper says, immediately pushing him back by his chest.

“What the fuck?” Kelce sputters, spitting out water as he surfaces and climbs the ladder back up. “What is your fucking problem?”

“You couldn’t ask literally fucking anyone else? It had to be Y/n?” Rafe says, laughing indignantly. He looks down at where Topper is still keeping them separated. “And you—what the fuck—”

“I told you, man. It was just our moms. We didn’t even consider it,” Topper says, rolling his eyes.

“You both lied to me,” Rafe accuses. “Because you knew I’d be mad.”

“And why’s that, Rafe?” Kelce spits, reaching around Topper to try and push at his chest. “Why are you mad? Not like you were gonna ask her.”

“No,” Rafe says immediately. And he isn’t even lying; it’d never crossed his mind as a possibility. Which is why he can’t even begin to try and work out why he’s this upset about it. He didn’t do anything to stop this, but it’s still happening, and it’s making him crazy. “You know my dad’s making me take Reagan since we’re both on prom court.”

“That’s what I thought,” Kelce grumbles. “I was gonna tell you.”

“When?”

“Soon, I just—we made the plan so long ago, bro. Neither of us wanted to worry about dates… but I gave it time because I thought you might—I dunno,” Kelce trails off, shrugging. “I dunno.”

“Thought I might what?”

“Figure your shit out and ask her yourself,” Topper says, coming back from the boathouse with a towel that he passes to Kelce.

“Even if I could, Y/n/n would never say yes to me,” Rafe scoffs, shaking his head and reaching for the six-pack they were working through.

Topper scoffs back. “Oh, yeah ri—”

“Guess we’ll never know,” Kelce says, cutting him off while he dumps the water out of his shoes. He sighs at his soaked clothes before he looks back up at Rafe. “You know I’m not into her right? We’re just going as friends. It’s senior prom.”

“Why would I care what you’re going as?” Rafe says, shifting in discomfort, hand clutching his already-half-empty beer can a little tighter. “None of it even matters.”

“Whatever you wanna tell yourself, bro,” Kelce sighs, grabbing his phone out of Rafe’s hand and pushing past him to go change.

—

“Nice taste, Y/l/n.”

You whirl around from where you’d been adjusting Kelce’s boutonnière (you’d only pricked him twice, which was a personal record for you) at the sound of Rafe’s voice, plastering on a smile before you face him. Your eyes drop to his attire immediately. “Oh shit, Rafe. We match.”

“I know,” he laughs. “My step-mom wants a picture.”

You furrow your eyebrows, shifting in your heels, the tule of your dress suddenly itchy against your legs. “Um. Shouldn’t you take one with Reagan?”

“We already took a million. From every angle. With every possible fucking pose,” Rafe sighs. “C’mon, please? Before the limo comes.”

Rafe grabs your hand and you look back at Kelce who just nods, downing some champagne. “Take care of my date, Cameron.”

You can see Rafe just shake his head where you trail behind him, leading you back to where Rose is talking to one of the other moms. “There you are. Your dress is beautiful! I wish we'd found one like that for Reagan. It looks great with Rafe's tuxedo.”

“Uh, yeah. It's nice to see you, Mrs. Cameron,” you say politely, ignoring the last half of what she said completely. She pulls up her phone and Rafe’s bringing you into his side, his hand resting in the middle of your back.

“This okay?” he murmurs, his breath fanning over your neck as he leans down.

“Yep,” you say quickly, but you can’t help but look around and catch multiple of your friends watching you, including Reagan, who promptly rolls her eyes once you make eye contact with her.

“Y/n, sweetie, just a few pictures for the newsletter,” Rose says, reminding you of your purpose right now.

“Right, sorry,” you say.

“Hey,” Rafe whispers. You look up at him, feeling his hand bring you closer to his body. “Take this a little more seriously, Y/l/n. Don’t you know that the next issue of the Island Club newsletter will be completely ruined without this one specific photo, that will probably be squished into the corner of a terribly- edited collage?”

You laugh in surprise, hitting him on his chest for joking about his step-mom right in front of her. “Rafe. Be nice.”

He just grins down at you, before straightening up and turning back to the camera. “If I’m nice, will you save a dance for me later tonight?”

You’re glad he’s not looking at you anymore, because then he’d see the way your smile faltered before you turn back to the camera as well. “Sure.”

—

“How is my flask empty?” Kelce groans, tipping it over and shaking it out for emphasis.

“That’s what happens when you drink it all, bud,” you laugh, patting his shoulder. He rolls his eyes at you, linking his arm in yours as you both pass through the crowd to find Topper and his date, Emily. You all watch Rafe up on stage, waiting to inevitably be crowned prom king.

He was a shoo-in anyway, but you’d definitely distracted your English teacher with a conversation about the 1984 essay you just turned in while Topper and Kelce stuffed the ballot box he was meant to be guarding.

Rafe seemed like he couldn’t care less about stuff like prom court, just shaking his head when his name was announced over the speaker as a nominee three weeks ago at lunch.

And he’d dragged his feet through finding a date, just shrugging whenever you brought it up to him, prying partially for your own sake.

You couldn’t figure out why he seemed so averse to the entire event, but you supposed that was better than having to hear him go on and on about Reagan and how he asked her and what corsage he bought for her and if he was bringing her to after-prom—or anything else that would’ve dragged up some feelings you thought you’d firmly buried at this point, telling yourself for years that you never stood a chance with Rafe.

But the closer graduation got, the more you’ve been realizing that things with your friends would never be the same. Things with Rafe would never be the same.

“Kildare Academy, your prom king is Rafe Cameron,” the DJ says, snapping you out of your thoughts. Kelce and Topper cheer obnoxiously while you laugh, a little grateful they’re both drunk and distracted—so happy their plan worked (Rafe subtly flips them off behind his back as he’s crowned) that they can’t notice the way your shoulders slump as Rafe leads Reagan, just crowned queen, out to the middle of the dance floor while some Ed Sheeran song starts playing through the speakers. You’d roll your eyes at the terrible music selection if that was what you could focus on.

All you could focus on was wondering if Rafe would even remember that you promised him a dance tonight.

Kelce is dramatically bringing you into his arms as the prom court dance takes place, subtly turning you around so your back faces the stage and the court, smiling as he holds your waist. “C’mon, dance with me.”

—

Rafe’s letting go of Reagan as soon as the song ends and everybody cheers, dashing off to the DJ booth after telling her he’d be back in a bit. She merely shrugged before adjusting her crown and going off to some friends.

“Hey man, can I pull some prom king privilege right now?” he says, leaning in to speak into the guys’ ear. “I have a song request.”

“Playlist is set, approved by the school,” he says dismissively.

“Thought you might say that,” Rafe grumbles, reaching into his breast pocket before he can take the time to wonder if he’s really going to do this—if he’s really going to bribe the DJ to play a song by your favorite band before he goes to cash in on that dance together that you’d promised.

He hands him a crisp hundred.

The DJ sighs, snatching it out of his hand and pocketing it while Rafe smirks in victory. “Alright, what song, country club?”

And then it's practically a race to find you before the Kid Cudi remix currently playing ends. Rafe heads off in the direction where Topper and Kelce had been yelling when he was on stage, evening his pace when he spots you jumping around with Kelce, your dress fanning around you while you laugh, the string lights illuminating your face.

You’re smiling so big that it stops Rafe in his tracks.

Guys had always shown interest in you, and you turned most of them down. Not all of them; Rafe still had to see you with guys who absolutely did not deserve you giving them the time of day, sometimes at parties or maybe at the Club. Rafe could usually lie to himself, write off these feelings as some protectiveness over you, a nice girl who’d been a good friend to him his entire life. Rafe was protective of all the people he held close in his life, why wouldn’t he look out for you, too?

But something must have changed, because now—now Rafe’s looking at you, and he knows time is running out before you both set off on your futures. He has three weeks of school left with you, then a summer of seeing you around. And then... that's it.

And now he’s looking at you, those feelings less and less ignorable with every single second closer Rafe gets to not having you around him every day anymore.

Those feelings are crowding every corner of his mind, finally coming to the surface after all of the drama with prom dates had forced Rafe to wonder why he couldn’t stand you going with Griffin or Topper or Kelce. Couldn’t stand thinking about you ever being with someone that wasn’t him—a reality he knows he’d have to get used to you a lot quicker than it took him to even realize he’d fallen for you.

Because the future’s coming, and maybe in the future you actually end up with someone like Griffin, or Mateo, or that guy from the party that one time, or that touron from New England that your parents tried to set you up with, some hotshot you brought home from California after a semester, or Kelce—even Topper. Your parents would love that one. And one day in this future, you’re running into Rafe on the soccer field; your kids play for the same team together. Rafe ended up settling for someone he could never like half as much as he loved you, and he sees you across the field with a sweater tied around your shoulders, chatting with all of the other moms. The lucky asshole you finally chose just watches you the way Rafe always had, the way he is now as you dance with his best friend, the way Rafe will probably never be able to stop himself from doing.

Or maybe there's another future without you, where you move away to somewhere that suits you; the Outer Banks had never good enough for you, in his mind. Maybe you stay in California after school. And you bring home that hotshot that’s perfectly matched for you, who gets to hold you and kiss you and have you. Rafe only gets to see you every once in a while, when you decide to grace the Outer Banks with your presence for the holidays or for Midsummers. Maybe in this scenario, Rafe was never able to find someone else, maybe he shows up solo while you flash your engagement ring when the old crew gets together for drinks—no, you wouldn’t do that. You’d be absolutely smitten with whoever won your heart, showing the ring he got you to your girl friends with an embarrassed little smile pulling at your lips while they all gush over it. And maybe one of your friends jokes about how Rafe used to have a crush on you. You'll just laugh and shrug it off, nodding—because you knew all along. Of course you knew, everyone had to know at this point. And Rafe can picture you merely laughing at his feelings for you as the other guy gets to pull you closer on his lap.

The opening chords of your song snap him out of his reverie. He can see the exact moment you realize what song it is.

Rafe beelines for you, holding his hand out as soon as he’s in your vicinity, fully pretending he hadn’t just realized he’s fallen for one of his closest friends in the middle of prom. Like he hadn't realized that he wasn't just into you, didn't just think you were cute or like the way you made him feel when you remembered his stats tests or wore his shirt to his water polo games. Like he hadn't just realized that no matter how many times he'd told himself it didn't bother him that much that you'd never come close to giving him the time of day, that he'd never forget what it felt like to not even be on your radar.

“You promised me a dance, Y/n.”

You look at him and his outstretched hand and smile, then look back to Kelce, who's quickly letting you out of his arms, casting an accusatory glance at Rafe. But then he smiles a little. “I'm gonna hit the restrooms.”

“Too bad our one dance is gonna be to a song by a band you hate,” you laugh, accepting Rafe's hand. Rafe’s on autopilot, his hands resting on your lower back while yours move to his chest, swaying the two of you in little circles. The song is already through with the first verse.

“I don’t hate this band,” he lies. But maybe it’s not a lie—how could he hate anything you loved?

“Okay, prom king,” you laugh, fiddling with his pocket square a little, the one that matches your dress. “Still can’t believe we ended up matching.”

“Great minds, Y/l/n,” he shrugs, eyes trained on your face. Your hands slip up around his shoulders, and you nudge the plastic crown on his head before leaving your arms to rest there, fingers locked behind his neck. Rafe pulls you closer. The second chorus was already starting up. Time was running out.

“I’m not sure what the optics are of our matching and you leaving the prom queen to come dance with your friend,” you say, your small smile turning into a frown. “Reagan already seemed pissed earlier.”

“Don’t worry about her,” Rafe says. “It’s just you and me right now.”

“When we go off to college, I think I might just miss you, Cameron,” you say, smiling.

And Rafe might not ever get to tell you how he feels, or ever be with you the way he wants to, but at least he got to dance with you at his senior prom.

“I know I'm gonna miss you.”

—

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