#i feel like i need to make a chart to really explain the insane thoughts i have tho

[fivveweeks]

you guys cannot come to me for verdante happily ever after bc one of my unmovable conditions is that vergilius WILL choose bringing lapis and garnet back over dante, non-negotiable. he'll be utterly torn up by the guilt tho dw about it

[valentoru]

|| Limitless ||

[CHAPTER 11]

SYNOPSIS: Gojo Satoru, a big time artist, who’s known for leaving a trail of broken hearts in his wake wherever he goes. And you, the lead guitarist of an upcoming band, who’s absolutely certain that no one will ever love you. Through an accident in which you happened to kiss Gojo in a frantic state, you both decide, via convenience alone—and zero regard for both of your managers—to pull a fake dating stunt what could go wrong? Any press is good press…right?

PREVIOUS : MASTERLIST : NEXT

Suguru Geto.

Suguru Geto. Took the music world by storm in 2015, topping the charts within a year of his first single. Probably one of the most popular male singers to date. With his own record company with the most prestigious label behind it. Most singers come into the industry with his status as an end goal. Holding some of the most insane musical records. More Grammys than you could count on your fingers. Every musical artist aspired to be like him, took inspiration from him, no matter what type of music the create. Holding some of the most staple and massive concerts. More than enough speculations behind him. Suguru Geto.

Suguru Geto. Stood in front of you calling your fake-date “bro” and “dude.” To say this situation had shocked you would be a complete understatement. You were void of words, thoughts. You couldn’t make a single coherent string of thoughts.

You were staring at him, baffled, his mouth was moving but you had no clue what he was saying. You needed to sit down asap.

He was looking at you with a slightly cocked head, had he asked you something? You clocked back into reality.

“Wait…” he narrowed his eyes at you. “Are you..?”

Satoru watched as you two communicated, it was like just by looking at your faces you could hear the cogs working in your heads.

“Y/N L/N.” You stared at him for a long moment while the puzzle pieces fell into place. “We we’re supposed to meet this afternoon to discuss the event.”

He took a breath and held it then released it slowly. His eyes flicked between you and Satoru a few times before his eyes blew wide. A long “ohhhhh” falling past his lips. “So you’re the girl I’ve been hearing about. Man, I didn’t think you had it in you.” He clapped a hand against Satoru’s shoulder.

Clearly the whole not wanting to feed the fake dating crap to someone who was clearly a good friend was completely thrown out the window as Geto had heard about it all himself.

You opened your mouth to explain when Satoru cut you off, “You two know each other?” You both looked at him, you had almost forgot he was standing with the two of you.

“Oh right, I already told you, Y/N is the lady I was meeting with today.” Satoru’s mouth changed into a “o” of understanding. “Hey since we’re already here why don’t you pitch yourself you me now?” You froze. Your blood felt cold. What did he just say? Pitch it now? You weren’t ready.

There was no way you were doing it now, you couldn’t even think straight, let alone pitch it. How were you going to recite everything without messing it up. Your mind felt like a tornado had just gone right through it and messed everything up.

Before you could respond Geto had a hold of your hand and was dragging you back into the cafe. He took you over to a table, Satoru following closely behind you. He sat down and motioned to the place across from him. You parked yourself.

“Okay, Y/N tell me why you want this. Sell your band.” You stared at him, recollecting your thoughts, he was staring at you, waiting. You began to recite what you had practiced, maybe your voice had sounded robotic or something but he cut you off. “No no, not what you practiced. Tell me why you want to do this charity event, what it means to you.”

You really didn’t fancy telling this man your whole life story so you decided to condense it down. “I feel that the band will really benefit from a charity event, additionally cancer is a close subject to me and the other members. It would be empowering to do an event for it.”

“Which is really nice, but it’s still not why you want it, Y/N. Tell me, what does this mean to you.” He poked his finger against the table. Satoru could sense your growing discomfort. He gave Geto a look but he simply dismissed and continued to persist.

“Okay, fine. When I was younger I lost my mother to pancreatic cancer, doing an event to support a charity fighting against it would be empowering for me. My mother was very important to me and the last person I had. I want to do this for her.” You hadn’t noticed it but a tear has rolled down your cheek. You were too focused on watching your hands ring in your lap.

Satoru slapped his hand across Geto’s arm. Geto once again dismissed it, smiling brightly at you. “I’m sold!” You looked up from from your hands at him. “I mean, first you make this sadistic fucker happy and I’d love to give you an outlet to honour your mother. Also I listened to your music and I like everything that you guys make! I’m sold!”

You sat up straight reaching your arm out to shake his hand. He didn’t return it, instead he got up and hugged you. You hugged back.

Then he released you, walked back over to his seat. He sat down and looked between you two. “Okay, now tell all the juicy details about you two.” For such an “emo” looking guy, he sure was social, you’d be lying if you said it hadn’t caught you off guard.

Your head swung round to Satoru, you hadn’t spoken about this yet. He wasn’t looking at you, so you decided to take the initiative. “Well we were both, uh, here late one night and we were both in the break room and I dunno it just sort of happened.”

Satoru stayed silent, clearly he couldn’t come up with anything either so decided to let you do the talking. “You know we’ve seen each other around and stuff. I made the first move.” Satoru’s head snapped around to you, his eyebrows furrowed. You shrugged at him trying to make the unspoken communication between you and him unnoticeable. If Geto had seen either of you, he would have known immediately and called bullshit, they seemed like really good friends.

Geto nodded. “Well I must say I’m shocked that anyone at all can make this guy happy, in the ten years I’ve known him I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him smile. Well done, Y/N.”

You smiled to yourself. Even if the relationship was fake, it was still nice to hear people talking about you like that. You grabbed your phone to check the time. Shit. You were late again. You stood up quickly.

“I’m so sorry I’m going to have to go.”

Geto smiled, understanding. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow with the rest of your band to discuss the business side of things. I look forward to doing work with you, Y/N.” He extended his hand at you, you cupped his hand. A hand shake. Now this whole deal felt a little more real.

You smiled and thanked him then slung your bag over your shoulder and left the cafe. You head for the elevator, pulling your phone out of your pocket and immediately went to your messages.

TAGLIST(30/50): @bbmsxlene @lunavelha @satoryaa @tranzumaki @k-kkiana @luvkvni @lysaray @kalulakunundrum @arysbruv @r4veeen @stillnotherapy @catobsessedlady @colortheoryrocks @minzxec @dazqa @packsvlog @luvvmae @simplysm1le @mintfyi @fushigurosgirl @littlecritteryay @fackeraccount @astro-stars @lavender-hvze @miizuzu @rayrayline @kanaojacksonofc @letsmyy @serenadesvt @art-n-rot

AN:

There’s a chance…a tinnnny little chance that I might have forgot to upload this when I planned to🤔

ANYWAY HERES THE CHAPTER I hope you like it I cried over it personally.

© valentoru all rights reserved- do not publish my work on other platforms, plagiarise or translate.

[say-hi-intrepid-heroes]

free space to explain the entitled alignment chart, esp the modest row

thanks anon, i've honestly been wanting to go through and explain all of them

here's my thought process:

"lawful" "neutral" and "chaotic" are adjectives that modify entitled, chill, and modest.

for example: someone can be lawful chill and still be a chaotic person, it just means that they follow the rules of "being chill" to the letter (see below)

first, the entitled row: for purposes of this, entitled means believing they deserve more than they have

Lawful Entitled: Margaret Encino: believes she deserves more than she has, and that belief is justified because she deserves a lot, so her actions to get more are within her right (see: matcha, various financial shenanigans)

Neutral Entitled: Fabian Seacaster: believes he deserves more than he has, but isn't rude about it, does not necessarily deserve more but that's okay cause he doesn't look for it (see: opinions on maids over time)

Chaotic Entitled: Pinnochio: believes he deserves more than he has, definitely doesn't deserve much, and will go to insane lengths to get stuff (see: "aren't these sheets a bit rough for a prince?")

next: the chill row: chill basically means neither entitled or modest, simply going with the vibes

Lawful Chill: Riva: goes with the vibes no matter what those vibes are, depends on other people for the vibes (see: "please hold!")

Neutral Chill: Danielle Barkstock: goes with the vibes, but will make the vibes what they need to be if others' vibes aren't good (see: geese with raptor stats)

Chaotic Chill: Big Barry Syx: goes with the vibes but they are his own vibes, no matter what, does not pay attention to the vibes of others, he is just his own vibe (see: anything involving the other Barrys)

finally: the modest row: modest meaning deserves more than they think they do

Lawful Modest: Ricky Matsui: deserves more than he thinks he does and often does not accept something he deserves (see: season 1 relationship with Ester)

Neutral Modest: K.P. Hob: deserves more than he thinks he does and does not often accept something he deserves but will with properly reasoned with (see: relationship with Rue)

Chaotic Modest: Evan Kelmp: deserves more than he thinks he does, will accept what he deserves eventually (see: "two free hamburgers")

I created this to specifically apply to Dimension 20 as a joke, but the more I think about it the more I like it better than the original, traditional chart. There isn't really a "shitty little guy" section like chaotic neutral is, or a "i'm a paladin and have to be this way" lawful good thing. This feels more personal and also puts emphasis on interactions with others. (Also, these alignments are just my interpretations of the characters, so feel free to disagree or debate, but please remember I'm a real person as well.)

[archivxx]

✯[0.09]✯

Previous || Next

Note: maybe fake dating Clyde Donovan isn’t too bad…just maybe…

Pete Thelman.

Pete Thelman. Took the rock world by storm in 2015, topping the charts within a year of his first single. Probably one of the most popular rock singers to date. With his own record company with the most prestigious label behind it. Most singers come into the industry with his status as an end goal. Holding some of the most insane musical records. More Grammys than you could count on your fingers. Every musical artist aspired to be like him, took inspiration for him, no matter what type of music the create. Holding some of the most staple and massive concerts. More than enough speculations behind him. Pete Thelman.

Pete Thelman. Stood in front of you calling your fake-date “bro” and “dude.” To say this situation had shocked you would be a complete understatement. You were void of words, thoughts. You couldn’t make a single coherent string of thoughts.

You were staring at him, baffled, his mouth was moving but you had no clue what he was saying. You needed to sit down asap.

He was looking at you with a slightly cocked head, had he asked you something? You clocked back into reality.

“Wait…” he narrowed his eyes at you. “Are you..?”

Clyde watched as you two communicated, it was like just by looking at your faces you could hear the cogs working in your heads.

“Y/N L/N.” You stared at him for a long moment while the puzzle pieces fell into place. “We we’re supposed to meet this afternoon to discuss the event.”

He took a breath and held it then released it slowly. His eyes flicked between you and Clyde a few times before his eyes blew wide. A long “ohhhhh” falling past his lips. “So you’re the girl I’ve been hearing about. Man, I didn’t think you had it in you.” He clapped a hand against Clydes shoulder.

Clearly the whole not wanting to feed the fake dating crap to someone who was clearly a good friend was completely thrown out the window as Pete had heard about it all himself.

You opened your mouth to explain when Clyde cut you off, “You two know each other?” You both looked at him, you had almost forgot he was standing with the two of you.

“Oh right, I already told you, Y/N is the lady I was meeting with today.” Clydes mouth changed into a “o” of understanding. “Hey since we’re already here why don’t you pitch yourself you me now?” You froze. Your blood felt cold. What did he just say? Pitch it now? You weren’t ready.

There was no way you were doing it now, you couldn’t even think straight, let alone pitch it. How were you going to recite everything without messing it up. Your mind felt like a tornado had just gone right through it and messed everything up.

Before you could respond Pete had a hold of your hand and was dragging you back into the cafe. He took you over to a table, Clyde following closely behind you. He sat down and motioned to the place across from him. You parked yourself.

“Okay, Y/N tell me why you want this. Sell your band.” You stared at him, recollecting your thoughts, he was staring at you, waiting. You began to recite what you had practiced, maybe your voice had sounded robotic or something but he cut you off. “No no, not what you practiced. Tell me why you want to do this charity event, what it means to you.”

You really didn’t fancy telling this man your whole life story so you decided to condense it down. “I feel that the band will really benefit from a charity event, additionally cancer is a close subject to me and the other members. It would be empowering to do an event for it.”

“Which is really nice, but it’s still not why you want it, Y/N. Tell me, what does this mean to you.” He poked his finger against the table. Clyde could sense your growing discomfort. He gave Pete a look but he simply dismissed and continued to persist.

“Okay, fine. When I was younger I lost my mother to pancreatic cancer, doing an event to support a charity fighting against it would be empowering for me. My mother was very important to me and the last person I had. I want to do this for her.” You hadn’t noticed it but a tear has rolled down your cheek. You were too focused on watching your hands ring in your lap.

Clyde slapped his hand across Petes arm. Pete once again dismissed it, smiling brightly at you. “I’m sold!” You looked up from from your hands at him. “I mean, first you make this sadistic fucker happy and I’d love to give you an outlet to honour your mother. Also I listened to your music and I like everything that you guys make! I’m sold!”

You sat up straight reaching your arm out to shake his hand. He didn’t return it, instead he got up and hugged you. You hugged back.

When he released you, walked back over to his seat. He sat down and looked between you two. “Okay, now tell all the juicy details about you two.” For such an “emo” looking guy, he sure was social, you’d be lying if you said it hadn’t caught you off guard.

Your head swung round to Clyde, you hadn’t spoken about this yet. He wasn’t looking at you, so you decided to take the initiative. “Well we were both, uh, here late one night and we were both in the break room and I dunno it just sort of happened.”

Clyde stayed silent, clearly he couldn’t come up with anything either so decided to let you do the talking. “You know what eve seen each other around and stuff. I made the first move.” Clydes head snapped around to you, his eyebrows furrowed. You shrugged at him trying to make the unspoken communication between you and him unnoticeable. If Pete had seen either of you, he would have known immediately and called bullshit, they seemed like really good friends.

Pete nodded. “Well I must say I’m shocked that anyone at all can make this guy happy, in the ten years I’ve known him I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him smile. Well done, Y/N.”

You smiled to yourself. Even if the relationship was fake, it was still nice to hear people talking about you like that. You grabbed your phone to check the time. Shit. You were late again. You stood up quickly.

“I’m so sorry I’m going to have to go.”

Pete smiled, understanding. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow with the rest of your band to discuss the business side of things. I look forward to doing work with you, Y/N.” He extended his hand at you, you cupped his hand. A hand shake. Now this whole deal felt a little more real.

You smiled and thanked him then slung your bag over your shoulder and left the cafe. You head for the elevator, pulling your phone out of your pocket and immediately went to your messages.

Masterlist

Taglist: @ryenwritess @southparktegreity @h3artilly @bootsieboo

[sincelastsession]

I don't like that you think I've perhaps got a personality disorder.

I don't want to be viewed that way.

I know we discussed it.

I'm not sure you understand that when I had a false bpd label I was treated like shit and gaslit and other ugly behaviors. It's the same reason Dr. Todd didn't want to put Autism on my chart as he didn't want other medical professionals who weren't well versed to treat me badly.

I am a lot better when I'm on the adhd meds bit I still do have autism and I understand that my conditions can cause mimics of each other and other things. I actually have a Ven Diagram collection about comorbid things.

I do still feel misunderstood by you. But I have no idea how to show you otherwise. Sometimes words fail me and therapists get frustrated with me because they either don't understand or I'm being labeled because there's comparison going on.

I really don't think in my instance me using my diagnosis labels is wrong.

Yes things are made up. Most things in this world.

So if that is a belief and you don't like me using labels then why was a possible personality disorder brought up?

I don't want to be treated as if I have that. It is a trigger and has been since the insane treatment I received with the bpd false diagnosis. I don't think you understand the trauma I endured with that diagnosis.

I don't think it's impossible that it's going on but I would rather focus on the diagnosis I do have and look at how those can mimic what you are seeing.

I feel invalidated honestly.

My belief is that I have my several diagnosis and the symptoms clusterfucked and I'm in a nasty flare.

I don't want to repeat the past experiences talking or adding to a medical chart that there's a personality disorder present. I'm sure there may be but if I'm in therapy being treated for my other issues and trying to meet goals I'd rather NOT focus on this unless it's necessary. My brain kicked my ass last time everyone thought that was the issue and I don't want to be lumped in with the bpd girlie crowd like it's trash umbrella diagnosis shit.

One thing that I don't understand is why do you have a copy of the DSM if you think it's bullshit why is it used in the medical field if so many people think it's bullshit

And I don't mean to be a rude I'm not trying to be rude right now and I want to make that really really clear.

But today it was very hard for me to respond as I sat there and tried to patiently wait for you to finish explaining something to me that I had already figured out what you were saying in the first sentence.

This is a struggle for me not just with you but with other people.

I will understand and try to signal to the other person that I understand what they're talking about and what they are explaining to me at length. And today I did not interrupt to be rude I did try to signal to you that I understood so we could stop and continue on with other things so I would have time to bring up other subjects that I needed to speak about today which I gave up on at one point.

I do not want to switch therapist or quit therapy because I really do want to go forward with the EMDR therapy. I am OK with a second opinion if that can be done without charge or with my insurance.

I feel that the way I communicate and my autism is making it difficult for us to communicate and I do not know how much experience you have with autistic patients and you know and we discussed that everybody is very unique with their problems. I suppose I could just say problems instead of diagnosis but honestly it seems more of a pet peeve to you then it really is to me.

I am bothered because you aren't the first person who has told me that they think that I am using my diagnosis as an excuse and I don't see that I am doing that and that is really not my mo.

Honestly I'm just trying to explain to people who I am and how to treat me because we must let other people know how to treat us or they will walk all over us.

I am not very good at this and Doctor Todd used to tell me that it would be better if I spoke less because sometimes my speaking gets me into trouble and places where I do not belong such as being pointed that I have a personality disorder or things of that nature

It felt sort of hypocritical for you to say that when I have brought up my own diagnosis and you have told me you don't like usage of those labels yet you labeled me in session

So that is why I feel prickly about it.

I also am understanding why you got the idea about the weed and anxiety medication but I am a very responsible person with those things.

And I suppose in the future if you are jumping to a conclusion about me then I would rather you just ask me and clarify which you did sorta do.

I mean sometimes in our sessions I am watching your body language and I do that with everybody so it's not to be an asshole it's just what I do. Same thing as me watching the car that was next to the window because I couldn't tell if it was going to bump into the building or not from my perspective.

But I mean I do have a critique and I'm not trying to be rude but it seems like I'm making you uncomfortable by your body language and I wanted to ask today if that was the case because I watched you fold yourself up and Put your hand on your head and do lots of body language telling me that something was going on that you were not expressing.

I understand that I am a complex probably pain in the ass case and that's me saying that and I know that you are not saying these things to me.

I do want to work on my goals I do want to do any sort of testing I do want to get better to a stable point.

I do not know if it will work out just like you do not know if it will work out but I do not want to quit I'm not usually a quitter and I'm extremely stubborn but I'm not trying to be stubborn with you about therapy. I'm trying to be as open as possible and communicate.

It does sometimes feel as if I am speaking a language you don't understand. And it's frustrating but I'm not mad at you and I know that you don't care if I'm mad at you either.

I understand that you are just doing your job.

I have been in therapy a very long time so I can assume that it is difficult to work with me sometimes because I know so much. I don't mean that in a cocky way or a self-absorbed type of way I mean it in a fact-based way. I was recently insulted by my father because he thought me saying that I was smart and new things meant that I was trying to act like a know it all and that I knew everything and I do not know everything and I do not claim to know everything but I do know a lot. Sometimes I wish I was clueless about everything so perhaps therapy would be a lot easier.

Also I do know That you had no intention of making me upset and are just trying to help and are still learning about me and who I am as a person and I know that I am not easy to understand from experience with many other therapists. It is frustrating for me on my side because I don't know what the fuck to do or say much anymore because I really do continuously feel completely misunderstood often.

You know with my mother she told me before the session what she was going to speak about. But then her bringing up the scammer romance that she does not want me involved in was out of left field. I was pissed. I was pissed off because I was concerned and she did that because she was angry with me already. She was angry that I did not take up for her when I called her brother and he was a loud drunk asshole about it because he does know the truth about the Army romance bullshit she's doing but he also holds resentment towards her for something she did not do and I was not about to yell at him while he was drunk and get into an argument with a family member that will still talk to me. I was only trying to help. Sometimes she does end up wasting money and time insanity on these scammers and it affects me. So I do view that as something that falls into my circle of control especially when she is showing me obviously photoshopped pictures and telling me that they're going to build a house with a mini house in the backyard just for me and it's very delusional and it's very unhealthy and she is in her 60s and I do not care that she is a cycle nurse that is a new job for her and she is not fully educated on everything yet. She has not been on the other side of the fish bowl and she does not understand what these people are going through nor what I have gone through. I know that she's trying and I'm not upset about that I'm very happy about that.

I am pretty prickly about both of my parents even though they both seem to be trying they do turn around and do the cycle of violence type behavior where they are nice to me then they are shitty to me then there's a honeymoon phase then it begins all over again

So for me dealing with my parents is like trying to fight the ocean. I can surf for a little while but sometimes the waters get too fucking rough.

End right now they are both acting very shitty towards me because I refuse to get involved with the drama that my sister has created and that they have created.

And no absolutely not do I think that I am experiencing disassociation due to any medication or drug.

I have been on this Earth for almost 38 years and I know that I have been disassociating since I was a small child and it feels exactly the same.

It does not matter if you take me off of every medication and switch my meds or just don't put me on anything it still happens.

And I've had to use disassociation techniques I guess I used to call them that to just get through being around abusive people and life in general when it was too hard for me to deal with. So if you're looking for the source of all of that then you will find it when we do EMDR. You will see and understand why I do that because if I tell you I'm doing that because of a diagnosis I don't feel that you're taking me seriously. Because to me it's a reason it is not an excuse I know that excuses can sound like reasons and vice versa but I'm not making excuses for my behavior.

I have certain behaviors and I have certain diagnosis. I am taking accountability by being in therapy to work on any behaviors that need work. Yes many of my diagnosis cause these behaviors or these behaviors come from these diagnosis and yes many of the behaviors are coming from the trauma but doesn't mean that I am having a personality disorder or could it possibly just be that I have pretty fucking bad PTSD I was told by my last EMDR therapist that she had seen hundreds of patients and I was the worst case she had ever seen.

Now I don't know if that means anything to you at all once again I feel like my words aren't coming out correctly so let me reiterate that I am not trying to be rude at all.

And yes like I said it is possible to just have a personality disorder from trauma but I'm not going to sit around and focus on that because it's going to self-destruct me.

And right now I don't like that I'm thinking about it so much. It has been bothering me since you brought it up and now I am overthinking and overly worried about it. And that is not okay.

Sometimes I wish that people would look at me in a way that is not based on other patients or people they have witnessed. I wish only to be viewed as my unique self. And what that is I'm not sure because my entire life I have been told by other people who I am. I did not really get to define anything and it is hard for my brain to wrap itself around the idea of sense of self even though I am literally talking about myself and I logically see that.

You know my dad's side of the family is just known for having lots of weird mental illness issues everybody in his side of the family had something going on that was never really diagnosed well.

I really don't want any more diagnoses.

I just want to know what's going on and take the testing so I can understand where it's coming from.

I mean my guess would be that it is coming from my trauma as most disorders of that nature do.

I would like you to understand that I do have a genetically inherited panic and anxiety disorder and it is severe and I know that that by itself can look just like a personality disorder.

I mean we could even say that having compulsive o CD is also sharing symptoms with a personality disorder or part of a personality disorder of some type.

But yeah I wish we had not brought that up today because I am fucking triggered.

Also I did not get a call about scheduling for another appointment.

Also my Doctor did not refill my medication and I'm having a panic attack right now because I only have 2 doses left or 3 if I stretch it of my anxiety medication and then if I don't get a refill I will start to have fucking seizures and other problems.

And yes that is concerning but it has been the only medication that has ever helped me with the severe anxiety and panic that I do have and my PTSD and my heart condition and muscle issues. And I have had many therapists and doctors try and tell me that that medicine is the devil and all sorts of crap when my psychiatrist that passed away told me not to fucking listen to that because Everybody is Scared of it because they do not understand the mechanisms and the chemical structure and WHY it works for my Brain and does not cause me Issues whereas all of The Other choices do cause me severe Problems. And you are welcome to ask me about all the other medication choices and what happened when I was on those medications VS this one.

And then with the medical marijuana I mean you can't really avoid getting high or very high when you smoke or vape or have an edible or whatever other form of treatment. I do not smoke a lot like everyone seems to think I do. I do not frequent the pharmacy very very often. I usually buy a little bit in bulk and I wait till that goes out unless I find a strain that helps a particular thing much Better than The Other things that I have bought and Then I will Swing by and pick up More of it if they have it in stock.

I have not even attempted to smoke an entire joint by itself of medical marijuana because it is so very strong. So when I am smoking and I want to be really clear about this. I have my little ritual I sit down I grind up the flower I put it in a container because I'm not going to use all of it at once. I add a pinch to my pipe I don't always load the bowl all the way full because pipes are different sizes. I usually do not finish the full bowl and I would have to say that none of the bowls in my pipe hold any more volume than a blueberry.

It has been suggested to me by the pharmacist at the dispensary that I try a weed vape which I have declined because that's like doing a dab hit.

I do buy cbd to mix with my medical as well as the dispensary only has the flower and not full spectrum which is fucking irritating.

If I wanted to I could get a connect and get full spectrum but I really do not trust those people to not lace it. And I don't want to have a terrible accident.

I mean this is treatment for severe chronic pain and anxiety. I had to fill out a very extensive form listing all of my health issues and I did speak to a Doctor on the phone who went over that with me and then approved me for it.

I would rather not have to take obeates or other anti-inflammatory medications because I value the health of my liver and kidneys and I already have liver issues from when I was a child and they overdosed me with ibuprofen like fucking idiots and I am mad about it still I am angry that that Doctor is still practicing and nobody did anything about it and that is telling of how fucking passive neglectful my parents were And still are at times.

And yes I do bring up the past a lot and you as a trauma therapist probably understand why.

And my EMDR therapy I believe will help that once the script is re written in my brain or once we rewire it or whatever phrase works best I guess.

I would like to know what therapy treatments are used for people who have autism and see if we can employ some of those treatments to see if they help.

I have a very fucked up distress tolerance I have been told. And I have a very high bullshit tolerance I have been told however I have also been told that that has improved over the years and I am putting up with less bullshit from people. Some people might think that I am being mean and I am just trying to be assertive and I can't hear myself like they hear me I can only hear my voice internally and I do not understand why people think I'm attacking them.

If I am angry and I don't state that I'm angry and nobody asks me what is going on and then they make assumptions about me and my character then I get angrier and triggered and it sets me off.

When people get frustrated with me or they can't keep up with me and they just hang up on me or they just check out of the conversation it really hurts. It cuts pretty deep because I sit there and I do listen I understand that sometimes I have auditory processing issues or I get distracted or I'm trying to hold on to a thought and I really need to express that thought and then yes it sometimes becomes difficult to pay attention all the way. And sometimes I do just disassociate. And I don't know how to subscribe how that happens or how it feels very well. It just seems like an automatic thing that I do and sometimes I'm not even conscious of it. And when people do try to make me aware of it it's very frustrating because I do see it but there's not much I can do about it and I'm a people pleaser so I want to fix it but there are some things about me that I don't think can be fixed.

And I mean that in a way where I'm trying my fucking hardest and it's just not clicking in my head no matter how hard I try to understand.

It does feel like I'm trying to understand things but there's some sort of disconnect that I don't know what we would call that and I don't understand what's happening there for me to wrap my brain around certain things that people say or how to act like everyone else

I don't think it's very fair that many people with autism are treated like shit because they don't know how to blend in with other peopwell enough or they get burnt out which I am very much so right now burnt the fuck out and I have been for quite a while so I'm having a lot of trouble masking and I have been mirroring people more and they don't fucking like it And I'm not doing it on purpose it's just like a default setting if that makes sense.

And yeah Joshua I am mad I'm mad in general at everything because I have had a fucking stupid aggravating life and I'm still having a fucking stupid aggravating life. And yes I'm being very pessimistic and bitchy right now at this moment in time in this paragraph specifically on purpose because I'm pissed.

I don't like our little talks where you bring up we'll maybe we won't be a good fit and you might have to change therapists. It does come off as a threat to me. Like in my head it feels like you're saying if you don't do this then I'm going to quit being your therapist.

And I will tell you why it comes off that way to me even though I'm sure it is not your intention. My father my entire life and my mother seem to take some sort of fucked up joy in using threats to get me to do what they want. I have been threatened during very terrible traumas. So anything that could be perceived via certain wording basically lights a fire in me. I don't respond well to it.

I mean once my father was threatening me over and over and over again and I wanted so badly and I think I actually did at 1 point tell him "I don't negotiate with terrorists" Because that's what he does he terrorizes me. Not 24/7 but every once in a while he will just be a huge fucking bastard and act that way and it is like having a really shitty trauma happen every single time.

I don't even know the amount of traumas that I have because I can't even remember all of them clearly. It happened so much and has continued to happen so much that it feels like living is a trauma sometimes. It seems like I can't get through one fucking day without something ridiculous happening and blowing up in my face even if I avoid the fuck out of it somehowSomeone comes along and my day gets fucked up to hell. I'm not talking about getting the wrong order at a restaurant type of shit. I'm talking about the other day I was minding my own fucking business relaxing and my parents tried to rope me into this big fucking stupid drama with my sister that I have journaled aboutAnd I have spoken to you about it just a little bit not all of it but enough.

And it feels like this occurs every day.

For instance today. I want to go pick up my refill for my anxiety medication after I left your office and my Doctor had never called it in. Or there is an appointment I was supposed to go to and they did not send me a reminder or call me like they are supposed to because they know that otherwise I will completely fucking forget even if I write it down even if I put it in my phone even if I set an alarmMy brain sometimes just completely disregards things and it's not like me trying to be a fucking inconsiderate asshole.

I mean that is why I appreciate that you guys have a system put in place and I can call and confirm with Chelsea that I will be at the appointment or if I might be running late. Today I actually did call because I was trying to wrangle my cat that is very sick and I am very worried about her and she was running from me because of course she does not want to take the yucky pill that is going to make her feel better. So luckily right after I got off the phone with her I was able to catch the cat and pop the pill in her mouth and get her to swallow it and then head out the door and I got there on time so I tried really hard to be responsible and I think I did a pretty fucking good job and it's really hard for me to be proud of myself but I am trying to be that way.

I did not understand that you were only skimming what I write. But I do hope that you do see things from my perspective. Or at least try to. Because it's not just mental illness stuff that I have been misdiagnosed with. I have had physical misdiagnosis and medications I've been put on that have almost killed me several fucking times.

I have had horrible experiences with people in the medical field of all kinds of practices.

The fact that I even still go to therapy and go to the doctor in general is a fucking mystery to me because I do not want to go at all but I know that I need to or I'm not going to feel or get any better.

In fact I'm not even sure if I'm able to get any better than I already am. I'm willing to try.

An honestly unless I stand up in the middle of a session and tell you that I'm fucking done and I don't want to be your client anymore I don't feel that we need to stop therapy but I understand that it is your practice and that is up to you. I know that you're taught to look for certain things but I'm not one of those people That are typical in every sense of the word.

I know that there are some things that are very spot on with me it's pretty obvious I cannot deny that. But there are other things that people are getting confused about and I don't have the answer for it but I know that the answers that get thrown at me are also incorrect because I know my brain and I know my body and I've had the incorrect things thrown at me before and it did not end well for me.

Like for the first time in my life on on the least amount of medications.

Doctor Todd and other doctors before him tried me on fucking everything. If you want to look at Britney Spears for example how they basically fried her fucking brain with medication to control her. I suppose we could use that as an example if we want to but we don't know all the facts but I'm just metaphorically trying to work with something here because I don't know how else to explain it.

But I think because I've been put on so many medications and I've had so many fucking reactions to pretty much every single thing the those medicines aren't needed because they're not treating anything because I don't have the things that I have been misdiagnosed with.

You cannot treat a personality to disorder or complex PTSD really with medications and if you can then cool but I don't respond to the medications that are used for that. I will take them but I generally have horrible side effects and or allergic reactions Or complete opposite reaction we're very violent reactions or very gorked out reactions where I can't even speak correctly or function and I just sit there and cry because I can't figure out how a doorknob works.

I mean shock therapy has been suggested to me and I said fuck you no way in hell. I watched my uncle go through shock therapy my entire childhood and it did not help him and he was fucking miserable and he hated going and he would threaten to hurt himself if they made him go. And they would make him go and he would come back and he would not be himself for a while. But he also did not get any sort of symptom relief from the shock therapy and he kept telling my grandparents I remember I was a small child and I remember him having an argument with them because this is my youngest uncle and so he was probably in his 20s or 30s when I was little I think. He's in his 50s now. I'm bad at math.

You know also there was one thing I did not get to bring up in session which I wanted to tell you.

I have to get my hormones checked. I saw my primary care the other day and I am growing like a mustache mustache and a beard I just usually shave it off. So something is not correct. And some of my problems could just be hormonal.

I don't mean any harm by this journal entry I just really needed to vent and get it out of my system and I'll probably be irritated about it for a while and then get over it and if I don't get over it I suppose I'll have to bring it back up in session so we can talk it through.

But right now I am pissed off because I do not feel that I am understoo and I am triggered as shit about you bringing up personality disorders even though I completely understand how they work but my experience being falsely diagnosed with BPD was absolute fucking hell and I really don't want to talk about it again anytime soon I would like to work on EMDR therapy and do testing and work towards my goals and have 1 or 2 vinting sessions here and there like we have been doing And work at a steady pace if possible hopefully things will work out and go smoothly.

End I am perfectly okay and I'm giving you permission right now to show this to your colleague if need be.

You know I used to not be doing as bad as this and I am so pissed off because I can't show you that Right now. And I did get a concussion that I still have headaches from and I never got checked for an aneurysm when the test was called in at the hospital in New Orleans but I could not get a ride down there to find out if I do have a fucking brain bleed or anything like that or damage that I'm unaware of.

Because my mother future predicted and thought that I was going to be awful the entire way to New Orleans because we had a previous incident where we rode together and got into a big stupid fight

[ptergwen]

written in the stars

w/c: 2.7k

warnings: jus (lots of) making out

summary: using your newly acquired knowledge of astrology, you test your compatibility with tom

a/n: i was planning on making this a little blurb for y’all but then i got really into it and here we are lmfhfksjks i promise you don’t have to know anything about astrology or birth charts to enjoy cuz i broke it all down + it’s not the main focus of the fic anyways! this is mostly a day in the life with tommy boy and i hope you like it as much as i do :,) also some of this might be wrong.. i’m not an expert so yeah

•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡

“right, so how does this work again?” tom watches your laptop screen with curious eyes.

you’ve been getting into astrology lately, and whatever you care about, so does he. that’s why you’re currently laid across your bed in sweats while you teach him everything you know. but first, you’ll need to do his birth chart. it’s the pinnacle of everything.

“you just have to tell me what time you were born, then it does the rest for me,” you grin, typing in the name of the website. you’d had to do some research to find a reliable one. “that’s it? you don’t need, like, my birthday or something?” tom quirks an eyebrow at the chart generator.

“i already know your birthday, babes.” you laugh softly and let your head fall onto his shoulder. “you crazy gemini.” “‘m not crazy.” he smiles despite himself, leaning his head on yours. “just got a big personality, innit? charming, clever, lots of energy,” he lists off the characteristics of his sign, which you just taught him. that lights up your whole face.

“definitely not cocky,” you deadpan, tom scrunching his nose in response. “look at you, remembering all that. you really are clever.” “well, it’s interesting.” he drapes an arm around you, fingers running up and down your side. “i quite like the idea of the universe knowing me so well.”

tapping your fingers on the keys, you hum. “you’ll love your birth chart, then. tell me when you were born.” tom grimaces and squeezes at your waist. “i don’t actually know.” “how do you not know?” you flick his back playfully, making him flinch. he pokes you so you’re even. “i’ve never thought to ask. guess i’m not that clever after all.”

those are teasing words, but you press a reassuring kiss to his cheek. he gladly accepts it and gives you one on the side of your neck.

“no, your head’s gigantic. there’s gotta be something up there.” you knock on his skull for emphasis, your hand tangling in his hair. tom lets out a breathy chuckle. “hot air,” he explains as your fingers run through the messy locks. “you’re so...” you don’t even have the words. tom does. “hilarious? witty? amusing?” he tries to finish, tilting his head back to look at you.

“yeah, all of the above,” you confer and bring your hand back down to the keyboard. your lips curve into a smirk when tom whines. he’s the biggest baby, and he makes no attempt to hide it. “why don’t you text your mom and ask for your time of birth?” you suggest, tom pursing his lips in agreement. “sure, i’ll give mum a ring. i bet she loves this stuff, too.”

you roll over to lay on your back, tom still on his stomach. he pulls his phone from his pocket and opens imessage. “ah, nikki’s an astrogirl?” you wonder. tom makes a funny face at the term. “is that what you call yourselves?” “not really. well, not officially.” giggling, you loop your fingers around his wrist. “you can be an astroboy, if you want. or girl.”

tom sighs and leans over so his face hovers above yours. “god, you’re adorable. how are you so cute?” he gently pecks your lips. you’re about to kiss back, then he moves off to your cheek. after that is your forehead, chin, and finally down the bridge of your nose. it leaves you out of breath from laughter and with warm skin.

“i can’t answer that if you’re gonna launch a kiss attack on me-“

tom’s lips capture yours in a proper kiss, which you now get the chance to reciprocate. you hold him in place with your hands on his cheeks. his eyes instantly flutter closed and lashes tickle your face. the feeling draws another giggle out of you, and right into his mouth.

“absolutely gorgeous,” tom mutters against your lips. “anyone ever tell you that?” “you do, tommy. all the time.” your voice comes out gravelly, breathless, a grin painting your face. it transfers to tom. “mm, that’s right. my pretty baby.” he’s beaming down at you. he moves on top of you swiftly, his weight held up by his elbows on your sides.

you pull apart so you can go back in harder, hands situating in his curls again. tom grabs at your hips while the kiss deepens. your legs wrap around his waist clad in joggers and allow your bodies to be even closer together. the less space between you two, the needier you both get. “love,” tom parts his lips for you. “can i get a little more?” “course you can, tommy.” your fingers tug at his curls, mouth opening slightly.

his tongue skims its way across your lower lip, asking for access. you give his hair another pull to grant it. tom lets his tongue slip into your mouth, searching for your own as his hands continue to roam your body. he’s gone from gently peppering you in kisses to fully eating your face. no complaints, though. a quiet whimper escapes you when your tongues clash.

tom starts to push up your t-shirt, eyes opening to meet yours for approval. they’re completely darkened. you nod because you can’t answer with words. your tongue is preoccupied, intertwined with his. he sets his hands on your bare stomach, your nails scratching at tom’s scalp in a way that elicits a low groan.

“feels good?” your words come out muffled, barely audible. tom still understands them. “so good,” he rasps, calloused fingers dragging along your skin. they start to move up your body as you brush your lips against his. the kiss is light, and tom’s lips feel swollen as they move. his hands are nearing your chest, your legs tightening around his waist.

it earns another sinful noise from him. you want to see just how much he’s enjoying himself, so you peek up at him. what a sight that is. his faced twisted up as he focuses on kissing you, strands of hair stuck to his forehead from your playing with it. he’s so beautiful, and deserves to know. before you can tell him, you see his phone light up from the corner of your eye.

“tom,” you mumble his name. he’s too distracted by searching for your bra hook to hear. “tommy?” you’re louder this time, his mouth moving off of yours. “what is it, love?” tom exhales, hot breath hitting your face. “i think your mom texted back.” you offer a smile and run your thumb over his plumped lips. he only squints at you.

“about your time of birth,” you clarify. “for your birth chart.” “oh, that.” he kisses your thumb, nodding to himself. “forgot we were doing that.” tom tends to get a bit carried away with anything you related. making out can go on for hours and down many different paths, but it’s not the only thing. he’s a man in love, and the woman he shares that with gets all his attention at any given time. you’re so lucky to receive it.

you nod back and feel his racing heart as it beats against yours. “if you still want to, yeah.” “i definitely do. wanna hear you say more nice things about me,” tom jokes, a smug grin pulling at his lips. your eyes narrow. “who says they’ll be nice?” you challenge and earn a snicker from him.

“alright, missy. can you hand me my phone please?” he drops his head onto your chest, big brown eyes gazing up at you. “yes, sir.” you pat his cheek and grab his phone from next to you. tom’s contact name for nikki is set as ‘Ma x’, which brings a toothy smile to your face. “here you go.” you dangle his phone above his head. tom takes it from you promptly. “thanks.”

after leaving a couple of kisses on your clothed chest, he rolls to lay next to you. “let’s see, let’s see,” he murmurs, reading his mom’s messages. you scoot closer so you can look. “ooh, lots of crying emojis,” tom remarks. “i think you made her kinda nostalgic.” you pout at the screen. copying your face, he clicks on a picture nikki attached.

“she even pulled out the birth certificate.” he shows you his phone, and you zoom in to see when he was born. “big stuff here,” you say while you read. tom takes the time to get comfortable, resting his chin on your shoulder. “looks like you popped out in the middle of the night,” you conclude, giving him his phone back. he clicks his tongue at you.

“don’t say popped out.” feigning innocence, you glance over at him. “too late.” tom types out a reply thanking his mom before tossing his phone aside. “middle of the night makes sense, though.” he bites the inside of his cheek. “i’ve always been a party animal, haven’t i?” you turn onto your side and put a hand on his chest.

“it’s in your gemini nature. or really, your tom nature.” tom does an over exaggerated wink. “i like the sound of that.” he chuckles when you hit at his chest. “bring the laptop. let’s get this thing going.” you huff as you reach over him to grab it. you’ve switched positions so you’re laying horizontally on your stomach and over his legs, your laptop in front of you.

“if we find out there’s any scorpio in you...” you shutter. “hm? what’s wrong with scorpios?” tom wonders, watching you plug his birth time into the generator. “they’re literally insane, tom. like, serial killer insane. there’s statistics.” your eyes go wide as you hit enter. he leans his head back on his arms with a wince. “never mind, then.”

a small gasp leaves your lips, you squeezing tom’s knee. “it’s done.” “what does it say? share with the audience,” tom requests so you do your thing. you’re eager to get to it, turning the laptop to show him his birth chart. “ok, so.” you point at a box a few places down. “this is your rising sign, which is basically how other people see you.”

tom reads the chart, moving his own finger along the screen. “it says i’m a... taurus. what are those like?” “in one word? boring,” you summarize, tom only frowning. “kidding, kidding.” his frown fades into a small smile at that. “they’re known for being super nice and chill... also stubborn,” you tell him and prop your head in your hand.

“so, that makes no sense. those are complete opposites,” tom comments, slipping out from under you. he settles by your side. “i don’t get how i can be a gemini and a taurus, either.” “weird, right?” you sigh in content as his hand comes to stay on the small of your back. “very strange. do you think it could be wrong?”

“are you questioning the universe’s plan?” you tease, tom drumming his fingers on you. “yes, i am.” “see, you’re stubborn! taurus things.” you scroll down to his moon sign before he can protest. tom sticks out his tongue and tries to lick your cheek, which you stop by putting your hand in his face. “next is your moon sign,” you laugh out, ignoring his boyish behavior.

“that controls your emotions and private thoughts,” you elaborate and look presently surprised when you see what tom’s is. “yours is sagittarius. that’s a cool one.” “is it? how come?” tom sneaks a few kisses down the shell of your ear. “you guys are really open-minded and into things that challenge you.” he nods, signaling for you to go on. you turn onto your back so you’re looking up at him.

“you’re all about your freedom, though. it’s hard to hold you down for too long.” grinning, tom brings his face into your line of vision. “that must mean you’re a real force because i’m not going anywhere.” he nudges your nose with his, lips ghosting over yours. you return the smile and meet him halfway for your lips to connect. “anytime soon,” tom adds on in a whisper, kissing back easily.

this one doesn’t last long, but it doesn’t need to. it’s just one of those kisses that makes you feel each other’s love, no matter how you go about it. they’re essentially your own made up love language.

you’re still smiling when your lips detach, fingers combing through tom’s tussled locks. “now that we’ve done the big three...” you preface. “androids, aliens, and wizards?” tom jokes, you breathing out a laugh. you’d thought he had a soft spot for sam and bucky. your suspicions were correct.

“cute, but no. your sun sign, moon sign, and rising sign,” you explain to him. “sure, sure. what about them?” tom toys with the hem of your shirt while you think. a mischievous glint in your eyes, you suddenly sit up. “since you know yours, and i know mine, how about we test our compatibility?”

tom is well aware of what that means, and he isn’t so sure he’d like to do it. he’s someone who believes in cliches like soulmates and fate, so he’ll take your results seriously. after the lessons on astrology you gave him, especially.

his heart will always hold a special place for you and you only. nothing will change that. but, what if the universe says you can’t be together? where do you go from there?

“um,” tom presses his lips into an uncertain line. you’re already getting your laptop. “i mean, do we want to know? what if we’re not...” you come back over to him with both eyebrows furrowed. “compatible?” “yeah” he hesitates before answering, which tells you he’s nervous.

“it’s just for fun, tommy,” you assure him and press a quick kiss to his lips. “besides, if anyone could defy the odds, it would be us.” tom perks up a bit, sitting up next to you. “you think we’re that strong, huh?” “absolutely. do you?” you’re already sure what he’s going to say. he pulls you into his lap, kissing at your hair and letting it linger. “one hundred percent. i’ll do it.”

you put your laptop in your own lap with a grin. tom’s arms hold you by your middle. “ok, here we go,” you mutter, searching for a good compatibility calculator. it doesn’t take long to find one. “remember, this all a bunch of theories. our love goes beyond what a stupid website tells us, okay?” you remind him, his arms tightening around you.

“okay. i love you,” tom speaks into your hair. “you’re so good at saying exactly what i need to hear. how do you do it?” “i love you too, and that’s a secret i’ll never tell.” you take one of his hands and bring it to your lips. tom’s leg bounces while you plug your three signs and his into the calculator. before hitting the calculate option, you look at him over your shoulder.

“ready?” your finger hovers over the cursor. you know how much these things mean to him, so you want to be positive that he is. “can we do it together?” tom asks shyly, which is highly uncharacteristic of him. “sure, baby. on the count of three.” you wait for him to place his hand over yours. he grips it tight, then you start to count. “one... two... three.”

the two of you click calculate at the same time, your results taking a few seconds to load. “love, i’m so nervous. i can’t look.” tom dips his head down so yours is blocking his view. you lightheartedly roll your eyes. “it’s fine, tom. i’m sure we’ll-“ the screen changes to display your compatibility rating, you cutting yourself off. he slowly creeps out from behind you.

“oh, god. are they in? what’s it say?” tom grabs onto your waist, feeling vibrations from you giggling. you shake your head at the website. “it’s really good... almost a perfect match. told you we’re meant to be.” he joins in your laughter, an endless amount of kisses going down the side of your head. “now, it’s written in the stars. we’re untouchable!”

he’s flipping you over so he lays above you, lips colliding messily with yours for the millionth time today. you don’t mind, though. you could do this a million more. “a power couple,” you continue for him between another peck of his lips. “always have been,” tom corrects and shuts you up again with his mouth on yours.

your hand reaches up for him, but doesn’t make it as the passionate kiss he’s giving you takes your breath away. he locks your fingers together instead, whispering one last thing.

“always will be.”

[beauty-and-passion]

What Eurovision 2021 taught us

1. That a nice, enjoyable show was possible (even if 4 presenters are still too much)

Of course nothing can beat Love Love Peace Peace (even if Ja Ja Ding Dong does its best), but this year's intermissions were very enjoyable.

We expected something flashy and over the top because hey, The Netherlands. Sex, drugs, gays and all that jazz.

But instead Covid surprised us. And then The Netherlands surprised us even more, by making a very enjoyable show, despite the restrictions. My personal favourites were:

The water intermission of the first semi-final. I loved the mixed feelings, how water is both scary and respected, for being such a powerful, unstoppable force.

The rooftop concerts during the final. Social distancing? Sure, no problem, let's make the past winners sing on top of some roofs all over Rotterdam. That was pure genius, I loved it so much.

On the other hand, the presenters were basically all useless. We could've had just two of them instead of four. But hey, at least they weren't as cringy as the three scary ukranians from 2017 or the useless four ladies from Portugal. The true highlights of the show were the intermissions, the guests and especially the songs themselves and this is perfectly good for me.

________________________

2. That we can live in a world without boring ass ballads

I’ve never been so proud of the Eurovision public, especially during the second semifinal: that evening was PACKED with ballads. Boring ballad after boring ballad, with just a couple more funny songs in between.

The ballads were all left behind. Even the two Amen. And I love the irony we chose El Diablo and the finnish band for the final, but no Amen. No saints allowed, only the norwegian angel. As it always should be.

And so we had the best final I've seen since I started following Eurovision in 2014. Catchy songs, dance songs, upbeat songs. And power ballads. Yes, ballads can still have a place, but only if they're good.

Because yes, Switzerland and France were good. Very good. Just not as good as the ones the public wanted.

________________________

3. That we want Eurovision, not Englishvision

Every year, the same message blasts from all Europeans: send a song in your native language. This show is supposed to make other people from Europe (and the rest of the world) to know more about your own country, to enjoy its rhythm and to listen to something we don't usually hear. So why waste this huge opportunity, to bring a generic song in English?

Because the English song wins. Because we all understand English, so English has more chances.

Flash news: GUESS WHO WON THIS YEAR. No, it’s not the generic English song.

The public has been crystal clear, the final poll is even clearer: the top five includes an italian song, an ukraine song, two french songs and only one english song. We want different styles and rhythms, we want to listen to Europe.

So I want to give my full thank you to:

Albania: amazing song, great voice, wonderful language. Do it again.

Serbia: these ladies are fantastic, their song is great and they sang it in their language so I love them

Switzerland: thank you for leaving English to the side to give us some good french

Spain: the song wasn't as good as Universo, but it was in sexy spanish, so thank you for using it almost every year

Danemark: the song was terrible, but it was in your language and this alone deserves everything

France: I know we all make fun of you for being France, but your language is perfect for songs, so thank you for always using it

Ukraine: take note, Ukraine, because Europe is madly in love with your language and your rhythm

Italy: our language is beautiful, so thank you for delivering every year

While my biggest biases go to:

Greece: a generic pop song with no balkan rhythm and no greek either? An absolute shame, greek should always be used for songs.

Russia: russian language is very melodious and yes, we got something this year, but what about bringing a full russian song? We want it!

Germany: I may sound crazy, but I honestly think german language is good for songs. It's not like the mediterranean languages, but it still works. So please, do not be scared and show what you can do with it!

Scandinavian countries: why do you never want to bring your own language? Do it, don't be scared! Yes, Sweden, I'm talking with you: you still never tried to bring something in swedish, so do it.

________________________

4. That we don't want Americans to play with us

For reasons we still have to understand, Flo Rida was competing this year. And he was competing for San Marino, the smallest European country.

I'm pretty sure they took some time to explain to him what was going on, where he was, where San Marino is, wtf was happening, why there were sexy italians and ukranian witches and a norwegian angel and loads of beautiful women everywhere.

And I loved how we all send memes about this, about ahahah why is Flo Rida here, what if San Marino wins where would they host Eurovision, all while enjoying an actual catchy song.

And then, in the end, Flo Rida basically disappeared. Who remembers Flo Rida, when we got Ukraine, Italy, Finland, Iceland, and the UK? And Germany being wholesome? And the love story between Norway and Azerbaijan? We collectively forgot about him and I think it's very sexy from Europe to just say "nope" and push America away, even if for just one week.

And this isn't the first time: we basically showed Madonna in a corner in 2019, thanks to Mans, Eleni, Verka and Conchita. Once again, Europeans knows what they want: we don't want Americans. Australia can because they're like that little brother we took under our wing for no reason and now it's part of us. But not Americans.

The rest of the year is all yours, but one week is ours.

________________________

5. That we can lose like bosses

This year, the voting results have been absolutely insane and FOUR COUNTRIES got zero points from the public, while the UK got both zero points from the public AND the jury.

Don't get me wrong, the song was bad. And yes, Brexit played a role in this. And yes, hating England is Europe’s favourite sport.

But can we please all take a moment and appreciate how James Newman reacted? The public gave him a round of applause and he celebrated this achievement like a boss.

And he had all the reasons! He achieved something incredible, he unlocked something that this new voting system was supposed to never lead to. But he did it. So hats off to you, my boy: My Last Breath was better.

Germany is also used to the bottom of the chart, but this year I really thought Jendrik could have a chance to achieve a higher position. The song was funny, carefree, lively, the hand costume was the kind of trash we need and the message was nice as well. But he still got 3 points.

Despite that, Jendrik celebrated like a maniac and seeing his this happy made me happy as well. I really wish him the best.

________________________

6. That FUCK YOU JURY

Again, same message every year: the jury vote should be eliminated. It's a fucking farce and their votes have nothing to do with what the public want.

The jury focuses on the voices, except when they don't, and clearly giving points to your neighbours is because you like the song, not because they're your neighbours.

I usually make fun of Greece and Cyprus showing eternal love to each other, by giving 12 points to each other every year, but this time, it sounded even more stupid than usual. It really looked like a farce. Why should we see this farce? Why can't we just choose what the public wants? So at least we would blame ourselves for our shitty musical tastes.

Even if I'm pretty sure we all have great musical tastes. Let's not forget that in 2019 the public's winner was Norway, with a song that mixed english, a catchy rhythm and an amazing part in yoik language. Arcade is good as well, but we cannot deny the norwegian entry was a lot more interesting.

And this year, the public's taste was flawless:

Look at this beauty: italian glam rock, ukranian techno folk, french powerful ballad, finnish hard rock and whatever that thing was with Iceland.

There's variety, there's everything for everyone. And there are native languages. Italian, Ukranian, and French on top three, followed by English.

Moral of the story: the public is great and the jury should be abolished forever.

________________________

7. That Ukranian technofolk is all we needed in our lives

I didn’t see enough love for Go_A, so as italian, I think it's my sworn duty to give my appreciation to them and their amazing entry, because this band is awesome and Shum is currently on top of the Spotify top 50 - as it should be, because everyone should listen to it and join this slavic rave party.

I already liked their entry for 2020, Solovey. But I also liked My Last Breath from the UK and Universo from Spain. And this year they brought two of the worst songs. So I was very wary of Go_A.

But Shum is an absolute blast. Katerina Pavlenko's voice is unique and the song is even more, because based on ukranian folklore and traditional dances to summon the spirit of spring. They managed to teach something to all Europe in a three minute song and I think that’s incredibly sexy of them.

And so, I searched for other songs and OMG, I don’t know how it’s possible, but they are all great. Rano-Ranenko, Zhalmenina, Tanula, they all are perfect and I’m in love with this band.

And if all of this is not enough, THEY DID A COVER OF DANCING LASHA TUMBAI. The most iconic Eurovision song, sang by our god Verka. And this is the coolest, most badass cover ever in the whole universe. Please listen to it HERE everyone needs to hear this.

So thank you, Ukraine, for giving us Go_A. We all had a small empty place in our hearts and this place has ben perfectly filled by them.

And yif you think you don’t need ukranian technofolk, is only because you still haven’t listened to it. Please listen and enjoy Shum. You’re welcome.

________________________

8. That rock and roll never dies (and Italy’s well deserved victory)

The last time Italy won was in 19-fucking-90. 31 years ago. I was just born.

And now, they finally won again. And what a song! Despite being italian, I've never listened to Maneskin before, but oh damn, this song is good. Not all their songs are, but this one is. And also Morirò da re.

Their show was perfect as well. This post is really eye-opening about how well they put on their show. The use of the stage, the movements, everything has been part of a great performance, even their clothes. Damiano's voice never faltered, despite having an entire continent watching him. They handled the stage like bosses, despite being only in their twenties. And they gave us some good fucking rock.

And so the public said a loud "FUCK YOU" to the jury and chose its winners. The sassy, sexy italians.

And yes, I know that there has been a lot of petty polemics because those youngsters are having drugs!1!! as if they were a bunch of idiots who used drugs on international TV, with their manager sitting next to them.

Of course it was a pointless accusation and honestly I don't care if some people are sore losers. The drug results were negative anyway, what a shocker.

What we should truly think about is how strong the Maneskin's bladders are, because they spent the whole evening of the final drinking the entire alcohol supply of the Eurovision and, at the end, they were still happy and cool. Hats off to you, you sexy people.

This man is just iconic, why did I miss him before.

Also, have some more Maneskin. You know, as a treat.

________________________

9. That solidarity and wholesomeness are the biggest winners

It's just beautiful to see these nice people, from all over Europe, bonding, having fun, taking photos together and being friends.

The true winner of this, is probably Norway: Tix wanted to have a good time and he had a good time. The video of him vibing with Ukraine and Germany while listening Hard Rock Hallelujah is the best (HERE). His love story with Efendi from Azerbaijan is even better (please, check the video on his youtube channel, it's hilarious). I don't like his song, but he's a great guy and deserves everything.

The italian and finnish rock relationship is also great. Maneskin and Dark Sides found each other, considering they were the only two rock bands in the competition, so mutual appreciation was inevitable.

But Damiano is also a man of culture and he appreciates Ukraine's entry. And Ukraine appreciates both Finland and Italy. Is this what world peace looks like? Because I love it.

________________________

10. That Italians will be Europe's clowns again (and you're all allowed to make fun of us)

Beware, Europe: we Italians are messy and chaotic, our presenters don’t know a single word in English, we are homoerotic AND homophobic at the same time, our musical competitions are so fucking sloooow... let’s say next year’s Eurovision is going to be interesting.

And yes, you’re allowed to make fun of us. We don’t care, we won, so we deserve to be Europe’s clowns once again.

And I don’t know who the presenters will be (my bets are on everyone’s favourites: Fiorello, Amadeus and Malgioglio), I don’t know how we will ridicule ourselves once again, I don’t know where will we find the money to put on the show, I don’t know how ungodly long it will be... but I know that Mans Zelmerlow will be part of it. This man loves Eurovision just like all of us, so I can already see him packing his suitcase and planning his flight to Italy. Come to us, Mans, we will wait for you. We actually need an English presenter, so if you have nothing else to do...

[neptune-midheaven]

💓 Astro Notes PT 3 ! 💓

+I’m definitelyy gonna do sign posts soon, like houses, planets, asteroids, and all, it’s all gonna have a theme to each topic yada yada yadaa, so look outtt+

>A bit of a long post here so have fun scrolling through it hehe :))

*All aries risings have sign/house synchronization because the house order doesn’t move or if it does move at all it hardly does, only shifting by a sign or two depending on how late the ascendant degree is, this is notorious of aries’ independence streak by wanting each sign to be in their native houses, to feel its house’s full power, aries rules 1st the house of identity so there’s the more symbolic way for this occurring. It’s pure energy here.

*Venus-saturn, especially conjunction, definitely carry a big daddy vibe. It’s more prominent if the two are placed in the angular houses.

*Taurus and libra are both rules by venus, but these energies are distributed between the two signs in different ways. A basic way to differ the two energy wise is taurus is the “masculine” side of venus, libra is far more “feminine”. Both are delicate but in different ways taurus is “heavier”, for it being an earth sign, contrasted with the airy and flighty libra.

*Libra sun is in fall in astrology, the fall meaning the behavior of the sign contradicts the traditional role of the planet, the role of the sun is to stand out from everyone else, its your radiance, what makes you special, it’s your ego and what you take pride in. But libra wants to be relatable to everyone, to NOT stand out, merge and meet and balance !! This is the opposite of aries, aries is independent, “what makes ME independent, me me me !!”, explaining its exaltation when the sun enters this sign, it’s not absolutely the same as leo sun or the suns energy overall but it’s a close fit, almost... perfect, that’s what the exaltation means represents here. Libra is focused on everyone else around them, everyone other than themselves, the people around them and how they can compromise to fit everyone’s needs. I mentioned before they don’t like to stand out, this is excluding fire placements in a libras chart which will create a person who relates well to others but still demands to stand out in whatever planet is in a fire sign.

*Whatever house leo is ruling is wherever your rising sign’s ego is being expressed in, ex: leo in 11th expresses their ego, creativity with friends, causes. This area of life is where you’ll likely take most pride in, excluding the suns placement in the chart.

*Neptune in 7th can attract a lot of partners in need of healing or help. This person is very healing and guiding in relationships, maybe they could even make a good guidance counselor, but I’m not so sure astrologically because I haven’t looked into it entirely, let me know if this is true.

*Neptune in 2nd is the type of person to browse a shop, find whatever they like but never end up buying it, they change their minds about it by putting it back right before they leave. They could’ve been talking about hooow much they want to get whatever they’re holding onto over and over again but never buy the thinggg.

*Aries mercury were always told to lower their voice or be quiet as kids I swear.

*Uranus in 12th feels they should hide their brilliance, these are veryy creative people they just keep it a secret.

*12th house feels like a never ending game of hide and seek, you find the planet sometimes but you’re always in a never ending loop, always searching for it.

*The moon in astrology, when looking into the mother, who’s ruled by the moon in astrology, describes your relationship with her, what she’s like, how she raised you etc...

*Ex: taurus moons, your mother gave you many gifts, she adored youu as taurus is ruled venus which rules gifts and appreciation, she was also very relaxed in your childhood, she still is now. This relationship is a very calm, steady one, moon is exalted in taurus meaning the role of the moon is comfortable in relaxed and comfy taurus.

*Ex: a moon in 8th, the house of intense and psychic scorpio, could have a psychic or even telepathic bond to the mother, this is a very strong connection overall and depending on its sign and aspects is where you’ll find the specifics of the relationship from, the details, how the relationship is flavored.

*Sun in 12th indicates an absent father figure. This placement is difficult, i’m so sorry if you have it because you can never feel like you can be yourself, it’s hidden from you. With any other placement in astrology, there’s a gorgeous, forgiving upside to it, you’re very healing and understanding of others, an empath or at least someone who sucks in the negative vibes out the environment, it can get quite exhausting !! so always need to seclude yourself now and then, you’re very loyal and caring of your loved ones, people love you for your sensitivity and empathy as this placement also makes you an old soul, someone overflowing with wisdom others rely on.

*5th house shows you what your child will be like, what traits they embody, what they will do and even how they act.

*Capricorn risings look elvish, they have high cheekbones a lot like a LOTR character and elvish, chiseled ears. It’s not OUT there but it’s subtle.

*Chiron in 9th has experienced religious trauma.

*A lot of 12th or 8th house placements carry a lot of karma.

*Mercury-pluto (especially negative) can become inconsiderate in arguments, they bring up a ton of shit to use against you, only as long as they can win.

*Scorpio suns are far more optimistic and light hearted than the moon sign.

*Mercury-ascendant aspects can make even an introverted rising sign more out-going, open, talkative (not that introverted risings can’t be talkative this is just what comes with this placement).

*You may be good at something without realizing it, take a peak at your 12th house or quintiles !! For quintiles, look up the trine form of whatever two planets are aspected for the general description since there’s not too much to find online sadly. 12th house is something you don’t really know or realize you’re good at, especially early in life, the secret talent pertaining to whichever sign or planet are ruling/in this house.

*Leo venus take pride in their loverss like damnnnn they literally treat their partners as royalty, king and queen, kissing the ground they walk on and everything, they’re so devoted in love, it’s adorable !! <33

*Pisces and leo moons, THE dreamiest, most romantic moon sign pairr, it’s well known pisces is the hopeless romantic of the zodiac, however to bring up the flamboyant, dramatic leo moon when describing a dreamy romantic you wonder, really ?? Yes this is extremely true ! Both signs, pisces and leo, are fairly alike, almost alike in fact, considering they both create a inconjunction in the natal chart, two signs who share some similarities while still contradicting one another in ways they express these similarities, both pisces and leo are creative, talented, have a love for the arts, film, music, loyal as friends and love to care for others, both are insanely idealistic. Leo rules the child remember !! so they’re a childlike sign with young idealism, an idealistic moon sign here. Both leo and pisces moons are children at heart, they’re so gooey and sweet.

*Sun in 10th can get any job they apply for, they could even be terrible at that job they want, the one they want to try out for, they would even have a breakdown over how terrible they were in an interview but still get the job like HOWW- WITCHCRAFTT.

*Aquarius mercuries were known as the smartest kid in class, the einstein’s of the class, everyone asked for their answers for the homework, they just carry this flair of intellectual superiority just like the sun sign haha.

*Your 12th house is what you unconsciously give off the vibe of, your ascendant and midheaven are noticeable layers, different types of layers of you !!but the subtle layers of the 12th house, sign or planet, can always be sensed unconsciously, 12th house energies are at a higher octave, a higher vibration than the other houses, even 11th, you can notice a person’s subtle 12th house energy but they’re still completely unaware of it as it’s ! hidden ! from them.

*Aquarius venus, and really all air venuses in general, are soo stereotyped UGHH, what I mean by stereotyped is the descriptions of each of these venus signs is literally like the same shit over and overrr again, they all get terrible reps in the astro community it seems almost close minded because it’s also such a hugee generalization. It’s only about how the air venus energy is used, manifested in the person, if its underdeveloped or not. If it’s underdeveloped it’s going to be chaotically afloat from material love affairs, which earth venuses don’ttt like, water too, fire can handle the floaty-ness but if the passion’s not there- BYE !! If you develop an air venus well enough, you can balance the material and intellectual realms in your relationships, this is kinda natural for earth heavy charts with one the air signs here, however fire or even more air could become a little tricky to ground yourself in relationships. Just let your partners know you deserve your space because you guys can really run out of mental power after a while, so it’s necessary for you to recharge !! just don’t ghost people completely when you do, it’s where this immortal stereotype comes from.

*Saturn dominant people are flawless beings.

*Saturn in 3rd, YOU GUYS ARE SOOOSOO SOOO SMART AHH. Their minds are always running at a fast pace like literal lightning, or they become too overwhelming (not in a bad sense ofcc, it’s just how it is) that the person’s speech rhythm is kinda forgotten about in a way, it feels like that their mouths aren’t always running in sync. The thought they’re going to express into words should come out but it’s so quick or even “heavy” it jumbles up a sentence or it causes the person to mix up a word or two. Their minds are fast fast fastt but they feel like their mouths are running in literal slow motion. There’s nothing wrong with this, this placement makes amazingly smart peoplee. Just relax, try letting yourself go in conversation, let all that big, brain energy freee !!

*Alsoo, as singers they would and definitely ALWAYSS get their notes right, they have actual PERFECT voices, they really should become writers or, like I said, singing would be perfect for them because they would never mess up lmaoo.

*Libra, computerized concern and sympathy...

*Pluto in 8th feel unbeatable, indestructible almost, they have above average regenerative abilities, they have the best survival tactics but they keep it a secret, it’s 8th house we’re talking about.

*Whatever saturn is in is the area where you’ll become flawless in, you’ll master that area throughout your life with time.

*There is a guiding planet in astrology, the planet that is closest behind the sun, it’s considered your “second” chart ruler, or basically has the energy of it because you can probably relate to it being one of the most prominent energies in your chart.

*Sagittarius//9th house mercury is soooo blunt, so blunt. Wait did I mention they’re SOOO SO BLUNT.

*Moon in 5th need to perform, they love to get out on stage and perform with their entire hearts, they’ll do amazing in the performing arts, theatre, and honestly they probably already aree. These people are so playful and generally so fun to be around, they’re natural hypemen as well !!

*Taurus venus love to be appreciated by their partners, the gifts, the kisses, the food and allll.

*Neptune in 3rd feel everything in their environment, they can sift through the energies and vibes, it’s second nature, no not second nature, FIRST nature, they’re one with everything around them. Their minds are like a hazy, cloudy ocean containing every drop, every thought of a place, a person.

*Moon in 11th, and 10th too, have a special ability to understand and sympathize with the public, they always know what the public wants and even how to give it to them. This can easily get them famous since they’re extremely understanding people, especially if moon is healthy in the chart.

*Someone with a lot of capricorn/10th house or aquarius/11th house energy is very extroverted, they enjoy socializing with others but suffer from social burn outs often, they often need to recharge.

*Scorpio risings have intense voices, like their tone radiates throughout your head and it can feel intense overall, even when they’re speaking casually. The specific flavor or tone doesn’t matter but how it sounds overall is piercing.

*In astrology, libra rising starts the house cusps with each houses sister signs ruling each cusps ex: pisces rules 6th house, the house of virgo in astrology. Symbolically, libra wants to balance out the houses by blending the energies with the sister signs together, by with what is (house number) and how it’s done (sign on each house cusp), for balanceee !!

*Moon conjunction uranus TRANSITSS can cause literal earthquakes on earth, shocking news or something shocking or groundbreaking will happen that day either around the world and in personal, daily life. Ex: this transit happened on halloween during the blue moon, so basically no one ever trick or treats in my neighborhood, like barely anyone comes out i mean, it’s always 5 houses apart where people typically hand out candy, some people are just hanging out, we always run out of houses to go to since it’s not very active, but this year EVERYONE was out trick or treating it was so crazy to see so many people out, it was quite literally shocking because that actually never happens also there’s a whole pandemic going on too lmaooo.

[purecantarella]

As Long As It’s You

Request : Can you do ,Alpha!lisa first time her mating o!reader .

Yall love the A/B/O universe don’t you HAHAHAAH Again, I’m not the best but I still hope you all enjoy 😊Also, this is a wlw or gxg story so yeah. If you don’t identify as female, you may feel uncomfortable with this. 

Disclaimer: This oneshot will have elements of sex, those under 18 are strongly advised to leave and read more fluffy content. 

Lisa had planned this night meticulously. Everything had to go smoothly or she’d lose her mind. From the moment she’d picked you up to the end of the night. It was all charted out in her head. A fancy candle-lit dinner, flowers, a stroll through the park and she’s lovingly ravish you for the first time. 

In her head, it was a perfect plan. However, when you walked out in a sinfully red dress with a slit trailing to your upper thigh hugging every asset she’d admired the first time she’d met you, she knew she wasn’t going to hold out for too long. 

“Hi baby!” You greeted kissing her lips quickly, making her smile, butterflies exploding in her stomach, and return the greeting. Lisa opened the car door for you to enter the back seat quickly and safely before shutting the door and praying the growing erection in her pants would calm down before the dinner. 

Spoiler, it didn’t. While the car ride was wholesome, Lisa’s eyes couldn’t stop trailing over the shape of your breast, the way you bit your lip trying to explain how your day was, and your scent. Oh mighty God, your scent. It was both the flowery smell of your perfume and your natural sweet aroma that were driving her absolutely insane. 

You on the other hand, knew how much Lisa wanted you from the moment she picked you up. The hungry gaze and her wandering eyes...you wanted it just as much and were damn near ready to do anything to let your alpha mark you, make you hers once and for all. 

Once at the restaurant you both had a lovely time cracking jokes and just enjoying each others company. That didn’t stop your pursuit though. You and Lisa were seated in the booth nearing the back for her to not be recognised by any fans that may pass by. This convenient placement gave you the freedom to do pretty much anything. 

You placed your hand on her leg, rubbing the pant-clad skin before leaning close to her ear. “You look so good tonight, baby...” You lowered your head and kissed her neck, making her tense up. You smirked inwardly at her reaction. 

“Y/n...” She warned softly. You didn’t halt any of your actions though. If anything, you applied a little more pressure to her leg, trailing it up closer and closer to her knot. “If you don’t stop, I will lose control, omega.” Lisa warned one last time, her eyes slowly darkening looking down at you. 

“Do it, baby. Make me yours.” You moved your hand to rub the alpha’s knot making her groan softly. You giggled darkly as she hastily raised her hand asking for the bill. 

You both entered the car and Lisa did everything in her power not to take you there and then with how profound your scent had become and with your light teasing during dinner. To distract herself she leaned down and whispered profanities in your ear. 

“You look so fucking hot in that dress, princess.” She muttered as you repressed a moan at the scent she was releasing. “Looking so perfect for your alpha aren’t you? Shit, the things I want to do to you, Y/n.” The dancer placed a lingering kiss on your cheek making you shudder at the contact. The driver, already suffocating with the mixing scents of want and sex made, stepped on the gas. 

The moment you and Lisa walked into your apartment, you were pinned up onto the wall with her lips on yours. A mix of fiery passion and pure love as your tongues found themselves tangled with one another. Your hands found their way into her hair, desperately grasping onto each strand not wanting to be parted from her lips. The idol then took your lower lip between her lips as she pulled away making you groan loudly. 

“Such a good girl for me, aren’t you baby?” She growled in your ear, her hands already fiddling with the zipper on your back. You nodded profusely before pulling her lips back onto your own. Lisa pushed a knee into your heat, moaning when she felt the wetness that was already leaking past your underwear. 

Feeling unbothered by the tight dress, she fell to her knees and pushed the soft fabric up. The brunette smirked seeing the damp patch. She placed open mouthed kisses on your soft thighs, making sure to leave red marks in her wake. 

You pushed her bangs back and begged, “Lisa, please...”

Not wanting to make you wait any longer, the alpha pulled the underwear down and pressed her tongue flat onto your clit, moving in a figure-8 motion, making you release a throaty cry. You banged your head on the door behind you as she lapped up the juices that had begun to overwhelm her. Her bottoms becoming too tight for her throbbing knot. 

She stood back up slapping your thighs, making a clap ring out through the empty apartment. “Jump baby.” 

You followed her orders, nestling your head into the side of her head, pressing your own kisses on the idol’s now hot and sensitive skin. You ground down on the now fully hard member of your alpha, unable to control yourself any more. Both your usually clear minds clouded with lustful thoughts. 

Once she’d navigated the way to the bedroom, which she thought was a maze, she pushed you onto the bed as gently as she could in her state. As Lisa crawled over you, your hands immediately moved to her shirt. Each button undone you pressed a kiss to the exposed tan skin. Feeling completely carnal at this point, she pushed the dress off your shoulders and tossed it over her shoulder and unclipped your bra. Lisa moved to look at you completely...her perfect omega, presented to her so deliciously. Just for her.

Lisa briefly stood up to undress, your eyes never leaving her body for a second. Another rush of wetness flowed from your heat when her knot was finally exposed to you. It was absolutely mouth-watering. As you stood up to try and get your mouth around the dancer’s length, she jumped pushing you down. 

“We can do that another time, baby.” She said her eyes not leaving yours. “For now, alpha needs to feel herself inside your pussy.” Lisa muttered as she pressed her lips against yours. You wrapped your arms around her neck pulling her impossibly closer, moaning loudly into her mouth. 

Finally, she leaned up and aligned herself with your heat. Her brown, almost black, eyes looked up at you one more time for any sign of hesitation. When you nodded, she pushed her length into you. You cried out at the sheer size of her knot. The dancer looked up at you sympathetically, holding her movements until you’d felt complete ease. 

Once you’d opened your eyes again, her hips began to move, making her member move in and out of your soaping cavern. You moaned again at the feeling of her rock hard knot pushing in and out. 

“Alpha—Fuck!” You drawled out as you placed a hand on the back of her head. “You feel so good inside me! Harder, please. Harder!” You cried out again, wrapping your legs around Lisa’s small waist. 

Hearing your begging, her thrusts came in a brutal pace and rougher than it initially was. The bed was then creaking under you both. Soon, your neck caught her attention again. She ran her canines over a spot on your neck. Again, Lisa looked up for permission to officially make you her mate. 

“Do it,” You whimpered before biting your lip, trying to contain the sin that continuously flowed from your lips. Finally, Lisa sunk her teeth into your neck, leaving traces of blood, marking her as yours. You cried out at the pain and pleasure the bite left you with. The build up knot in your stomach uncoiling, making you release onto your now-mate’s member. 

Lisa licked your neck, making sure you were okay before roughly pounding into you once again. One of your hands ran through her hair, tugging it a little, in hopes to bring her closer to the edge, the other clung onto the headboard of your bed, seeking some form of stability. 

“Fuck, I’m so close...” Lisa moaned out. You smiled tiredly and pulled her lips back onto yours. “Come with me...” You moaned against her lips. With a few more thrusts, Lisa and you released a resonating cry throughout the, now extremely hot, room. 

Both of you panted, tired from your little rendezvous. Lisa pecked your forehead, trying not to move to much as you were both still connected. You smiled up at her and giggled. 

“You were amazing, baby...” You muttered into her ear as you fiddled with a lock of her dark hair. Lisa blushed at the comment and nuzzled into your neck, smiling at the mark she’d just left. 

“You were too...” She responded, a little sleepy. “Just so you know though, I had a whole romantic version of this planned out.” Lisa said, adjusting herself on top of you to look into your eyes. You smiled at her sincerity. 

“Any first time would be perfect as long as it’s you.” You said softly, caressing her face. “Please...this wasn’t your first time.” She said grumpily, teasing you a little. 

You chuckled and nodded. “Yeah, but it’s the only one that mattered. Because I am now officially mated.” You said proudly, touching the sore mark on your neck. You both smiled sleepily at one another before Lisa adjusted you both so you were comfortably on top of her. 

“I love you, Lisa...” You said before lulling to sleep. 

“I love you too, Y/n.” 

Yup, that’s a thing HAHAHAHA I hope you enjoyed this. I’m sorry if it isn’t that good but I did work hard on it and I sincerely hope you liked it and it lived up to the first one I did. Remember that requests are open and I’m really happy to hear from you readers so feel free to message me about anything 😊💖

I’m currently working on some initial ideas and making my way through requests. A Wheein imagine and a Twice reaction are heading your way so look forward to that 😚💕

Taglist:

@labrachrosite​

[athenadione]

‘you are mine (and I am yours)’

In which you can find out the hard way that demons don't like sharing. @vi-la-vi

AthenaDione and I did a thing! Everyone loves jealous Damian, but hear us out....jealous Raven? Hope you enjoy! -Vi

I’m so incredibly honored to participate in this collab. Vi practically paved the way for me to give you all the delicious demon Raven smut that ensues and did a superb job writing the majority of this piece, as always. If you enjoy and feel so inclined, you can leave a kudos HERE on A03. Vi— thank you for allowing me to be a part of your writing process. You’re such a talented writer and I’m happy to have found you :) -AD

She couldn’t stop staring at him. Not just because it had been years since she last saw him, but because ever since she met him, Anna Vandergilt had thought of little else. 

Damian Wayne. 

They’d met at a benefit when both were sixteen years old, and it had been love at first sight. The elusive heir finally returned to Gotham after five years abroad, doing god knows what. She’d collected every bit of information she could about him, academic transcripts, tabloids, medical and legal records. Vandergilt influence ran deep and she had no compunction about using it to fuel her obsession. Securing an internship at Wayne Enterprises as Tim Drake’s assistant was just the latest step.

And now he’s here, and I won’t let him get away again. 

Damian had to remember her, the spark when their eyes met, the unbreakable connection they’d made. He didn’t acknowledge it when they were introduced, but that was fine. He was an intense, secretive man and likely just didn’t want to make a scene. 

Green eyes flashed to hers and narrowed, catching her staring. She willed herself to keep it together, sitting up straighter and crossing her legs in an attempt to draw his attention to the slit in her pencil skirt. Blonde-haired, blue-eyed, and leggy, she knew how to make men stare.

Or so she thought. Damian had turned his attention back to Tim’s presentation, arms crossed and expression impatient. So serious. She planned ways she might be able to get him alone, with no one and nothing to distract him from her. After today, I’ll have more than just fantasies. She’d been looking for an opening to approach him all day and was sure she couldn’t wait much longer.

They broke for lunch, but just as she moved towards him she was intercepted by Tim. 

“Hey Anna, can you run up to my office and grab my blue flash drive? I forgot to bring it down earlier.”

Get it yourself! she wanted to snap. An assistant position was well beneath her pedigree, and she hated taking instructions from common-born Tim Drake. Swallowing her irritation, she smiled and nodded. 

When she finally returned, Damian had already gone, apparently having had a lunch appointment with someone else. Anna sighed. I’ll speak to him after work, I’m sure he wouldn’t say no to dinner and drinks. No man had ever refused her.

She spied him later as she was returning to the conference room, speaking to a dark-haired woman she didn’t know outside of his office. She took a moment to admire him in his suit, noting curiously that the girl with him was only casually dressed in black jeans and an off-shoulder top with a band logo. Unprofessional much? He’s probably scolding her about the dress code.

Just as the thought solidified, she leaned up and pressed a kiss to the underside of Damian’s jaw, tugging his tie playfully as she did so.  

It was as though a bucket of freezing water had been dumped over her head. Anna stood stock-still, mouth falling open in horror. Who the fuck...how dare…?

The woman whispered something in his ear, kissing his jaw again as Damian rolled his eyes and smirked. She continued to stare, waiting for him to shove her away, glare, do something. She heard someone approach from behind. 

“Ugh, those two,” Tim groaned. 

“Who is that?” Her voice was tight and strained, and the man next to her gave her a curious glance. 

“That’s Rachel, Damian’s girlfriend.”

“Oh,” she said, at a loss for anything else. 

It’s not fair. I planned...I’ve been waiting…

She shook her head, determination moving in. A minor setback. He just needs to know there’s something better on the market. Vandergilts were practically royalty, after all. Her beauty and breeding were no doubt superior. She bit back her anger as Damian dropped a kiss on the other woman’s forehead before walking away.

Just a minor setback, she mentally repeated.

-

Tim’s assistant had a serious staring problem, and Damian was relieved when he was finally able to retire to his office. Annoying. The older man had joked earlier that Damian’s constant absence in Gotham and avoidance of the public eye elevated him to mythical status among some of his father’s employees. He longed for this week to end, eager to be back in Jump and away from the Wayne gawkers. 

His phone buzzed, distracting him from the revenue charts in front of him. 

“Stephanie is insane.”

Damian smiled, eyes darting to his watch to see how much longer he’d be stuck in this office. As necessary as it was that he be here for the audit, he felt bad abandoning Raven to his siblings. Next time they came to Gotham he’d make sure it was purely recreational and personally show her the sights.

“A half hour more, then I will come rescue you.”

Then two days more, and they would be home. 

A knock on the door called his attention. “Mr. Wayne? Could I borrow you for a moment. I need a second pair of eyes on this file.”

He looked up, raising an eyebrow at the worshipful expression on her face. The scent of expensive perfume assailed him and Damian fought the urge to wrinkle his nose. She looked at him hopefully, blinking rapidly.

“Ask Drake.”

She shifted, reaching up to toy with her platinum blonde hair. “Oh...he just has so much on his plate. I wanted to avoid bothering him,” she replied, voice high and lilting. 

Strange woman. Damian wondered where his older brother had found this one. He hadn’t really been paying attention when they were introduced, Vander-something or other.

He sighed. “Fine.”

“Oh, thank you,” she breathed.

She circled around the desk to stand next to him, laying the file in front of him and bending low. A fall of blonde hair brushed his shoulder and Damian shifted slightly to put some distance between them. He spent so little time in normal society it was easy to forget how bad most people were with personal space. 

“What exactly did you need help with?”

“This.”

Without warning, she sat on his lap and pressed her lips forcefully against his, throwing one arm around his neck for good measure. Damian completely froze, protests firing rapidly through his mind. She tugged on the waistband of his pants and it was enough to break his paralysis. He shoved her off of him violently and she caught herself on the desk, shifting it several inches back.

“What are you doing?!”

The alarm on her face lasted only a second before being replaced with a coy smile. “Don’t be shy, I know you remember me. It’s been years, but you’re all I’ve thought about, Damian. I swear.”

“I - don’t…” Damian felt uncharacteristically frazzled. “I have - no. I’m not interested,” he finally managed.

“Please, Damian.” She tried to take a step forward and he instinctively backed away. He hated the way she said his name, he realized distantly.

“I have a girlfriend,” he said, hard edge in his voice. One who would kill you and probably me if she was here right now. Raven did not share.

The woman sniffed. “Her. Don’t be ridiculous, you’re a Wayne. She can’t possibly-”

“Enough.”

He glared fiercely, daring her to try and continue. Tears swam in her blue eyes and Damian felt a touch of relief that he finally managed to get through.

“I...hmph, fine. Keep her on the side if you must. My father had a mistress. Just keep her out of my sight.”

She’s insane. What the fuck kind of vetting process do you have, Drake?

He closed his eyes and exhaled before meeting her watery gaze once again. 

“Listen very carefully. I. Am. Not. Interested. I want you out of this building in the next five minutes or I’ll call security.”

“I - but - we…” She straightened, eyes glassy with disbelief as she tried to compose herself. “I see.”

Damian kept his glare on as she left the room, feeling a headache build behind his eyes. He grabbed his phone again, feeling a pang of guilt when he saw Raven's name, and called his brother.

"I fired your assistant. You're welcome."

"What? Damian, you can't just show up and start firing people!"

"I'll...explain later." Vaguely, and with as few details as I can manage.

The hint of discomfort in his voice must have given him away. "Seriously? No wonder she was staring at you all day.”

"Drop it."

"Alright, alright. Her dad's going to be pissed though, he pushed Bruce for months to take her on here. Sounds like you got your very first stalker."

Well that was a disturbing thought. Damian shook it off. "Just tell him it didn't work out." He didn't want any rumors getting back to Raven if he could help it. 

-

Lying to an empath is easier said than done.

“There’s something you’re not telling me.”

"I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She snorted disbelievingly, eyes glued on the book in her hand. “Why do you feel so guilty?”

“It was a long day. I felt bad for you.” Half-truths were the only semi-effective way he’d found of getting around her lie detector. Normally Damian would smother inconvenient questions with lips, hands, and other parts of him that Raven was always deliciously responsive to, but touching her would have felt wrong right now. She deserved to know the truth before she decided how near she wanted him.

She rolled onto her side then, burrowing down against her pillow and studying him curiously. “You don’t have to spend every second with me, Damian. I’m pretty self-sufficient, in case you haven’t noticed.”

He shrugged, laying back and closing his eyes. “I’ll just be glad to get out of here. People in Gotham are a different breed.”

Raven hummed. “Fine, don’t tell me what’s actually bothering you.” 

With that, she leaned over to kiss him goodnight. Damian flinched at the contact before responding in kind, and pretended he didn’t see the confused look in her eyes. 

“I love you,” he said, focusing the emotion to make sure she felt it as well. 

She closed her eyes, slightly mollified. “I love you, too.”

I'll tell her when we get home, he promised himself. As much as he hated keeping secrets, he knew she was going to be upset and preferred a controlled setting. Damian remembered an incident shortly after they began dating when the ticket-taker at the theater had slipped him her phone number. Raven said nothing at first, but the night ended in a supply closet instead of a screening room.

"I don't share," she whispered dangerously, legs tightening around his hips to draw him in deeper. Red flickered across her purple irises. “You’re mine.”

He smirked at the memory. We never did get to see that movie.

Definitely safer for all involved to wait until they'd left Gotham.

-

Anna stared at her discreetly from the park bench. He’s loyal, that’s all. And I wouldn’t have him any other way.

She grudgingly admitted to herself that the other woman was pretty, if unconventional. Pale purple eyes and dark purple hair - hadn’t anyone told her the punk rock look was out of date? She had nothing on the blonde’s classical beauty.

A hefty bribe to the Wayne's chauffeur had given her knowledge of the woman's - Rachel's - movements throughout the day. She was ordinarily accompanied by Tim's banshee of a girlfriend and one of Bruce's orphans, but had separated from them earlier in the day to visit Gotham’s Arts District. Anna waited until she saw her enter the nearly empty arboretum before making her move. If Damian couldn’t be persuaded to break things off, this one could. An affair with the office hottie - tale as old as time.

“Pardon me?” She adopted a nervous affect as she approached, eyes downcast. “You’re Rachel, right?”

The other woman tore her gaze from the plaque in front of her, violet eyes locking on baby blue. “Do I know you?”

“Anna. I work - worked at Wayne Enterprises. I’m really sorry to do this, but...there’s something you need to know.”

She regarded her silently and the blonde fought the urge to fidget. There's something off about her. What were you thinking, Damian? Finally, Rachel nodded once, crossing her arms. Anna smiled internally and fiddled anxiously with her hands, doing her best to look miserable.

“I was Tim’s assistant until Damian fired me yesterday,” she began, voice weepy. “Tim’s the one who told me about you, I swear I didn’t know before.”

Rachel’s eyes narrowed, something dark and inscrutable flashing in and out of her gaze. “...Excuse me?”

Anna took the low anger in her voice as an encouraging sign and continued. She dropped her eyes again and let out a harsh sob. “I’m not the kind of person who fools around with other women’s boyfriends, and-"

A massive burst of black and red interrupted her thoughtfully planned speech, demolishing the stone plaque next to them and knocking her to the ground. She screamed, covering her head  with her arms. A bomb? What’s happening?

Before she could get her bearings, something hauled her up by the throat, slamming her painfully against a tree. She blinked against the white spots in her vision and the dust in the air, squinting to see what held her. 

Four slitted golden eyes met her own, radiating fury so thick she could almost taste it. I’m seeing things. I hit my head and I’m seeing things. The devil tightened its hold on her neck and stepped closer, heat pouring off its red skin. Terrified beyond anything she’d ever felt, Anna felt her bladder let go. 

“Did you fuck Damian?” it - she - asked in a deadly calm voice.

“Wh-what?” she croaked. No way...what the fuck is she?!

“Answer, mortal.”

She sobbed in her grasp, all her carefully crafted lies flying away in the wake of her terror. “No! I just kissed him!”

The claws (claws?!) around her neck tightened and she felt warm trickles of blood start to seep down into her collar. 

“That - that’s all! That’s all I did! I’m sorry!” she cried, “I’m so sorry! It won’t happen again!”

“I know.”

Shadows wrapped around the two of them and she screamed.

-

Stupid, stupid woman, Damian thought furiously, raising his eyes from the weeping figure on the floor. He’d put it together fairly quickly after walking in the door, and was currently kicking himself for not considering this possibility. She’s clearly deranged, I shouldn’t be surprised she approached Raven.

The woman in question sat in a nearby armchair, looking every bit the queen of hell she was. Her demonic appearance and the regal way she carried herself in this form lent their mundane bedroom at Wayne Manor the feel of some macabre court.

“Something to confess?” his demoness asked lowly. 

“I was going to tell you when we returned home. This is the exact situation I was trying to avoid.” Sparks of black and red magic at her fingertips told him that was the wrong thing to say. 

“You think a couple hundred miles would have saved her from me when I found out? I would cross entire universes.”

The woman before her seemed to curl in further on herself, as if trying to become a smaller target. Prayers fell from her lips, whispered and unintelligible.

 “She’s not worth it. I would have made you see that.”

“That’s not your decision to make. You are mine, this was a challenge to me. A proper demon would have brought just the head.”

A loud wail met her words and golden eyes flicked downwards, oozing contempt. Damian felt a thrill race down his spine. He'd never seen her this angry - possessive. The idea that he was the catalyst, that his composed, serene Raven was burning so brightly over a stolen kiss made his blood tingle. 

Apparently feeling the weight of the demon’s stare, she covered her head with her hands and tried to choke back her cries. A prey-like instinct to hide taking root. 

He swallowed before speaking, mindful of the thin ice he was on. “I know you’re upset, but you can’t kill her.”

An amused sound escaped her, and Damian wasn’t entirely sure how to interpret it. “Beloved?”

She finally met his eyes again, clearly unhappy with the situation. “Fine. But if I ever see or sense this creature near you again, I will tear her apart slowly. Testor ego eam.”

With that, she waved a hand and the other woman vanished in a rush of black. He didn’t bother to ask where, not wanting to push his luck with Raven right now. Hysterical as the other woman was, no one would believe anything she had to say anyways. 

The demoness crossed her arms, studying him silently. She seemed to have no intention of changing back to her human form. Oh. 

“I suppose I’m in trouble as well?”

“Lies deserve punishment. And you need to be reminded who you belong to.”

“You, habibti. Always.”

Her smile offered nothing but trouble and his heart started to pick up. "That’s a start."

“Oh?” he asked her, not moving from the spot where he stood. It seemed that court was still in session, and her final judgement on his own transgressions had not yet passed. 

She picked at a claw unhurriedly, hooded eyes flicking over his figure. Not one to back down, he met her appraising stare inch for inch.

“Did you know that demons mate for life?” she asked without warning. 

“No, beloved,” he breathed. The information was new but it hardly mattered. He had already decided that he was going to spend the rest of his life with her long before they ended up together. He just wondered why she felt it necessary to mention now. 

“It’s a sacred bond. Actually sacred, unlike human marriages. Challenging it is the worst insult one demon can deal to another.” Her eyes narrowed, and her claws seemed to sharpen before his eyes.

“She wasn’t a-”

“No one will threaten our bond. Do you understand, mate?”

Dear gods. 

He resisted the urge to lick his lips, instead pressing them firmly together. “You should know that you will never be at risk of losing me, beloved.” 

“I know. I also know you will never lie to me again.” The demoness waved a clawed hand before resting it underneath her chin. She was waiting for him. He swallowed again.

“What can I do to make amends?” 

Her grin widened, boarding on malevolent, as if she finally found the answer she was looking for. Lifting effortlessly from her chair, she began to stride across the room to him with measured steps. 

“I have a few ideas.” She purred. 

“Oh?” he asked again, displeased at how out of breath he sounded. 

Golden eyes held his own, and she didn’t speak again until she was just an arm's length away from him. 

Then she pointed at her feet. “Kneel.” 

He felt his jaw go slack. She wants me to do what? 

She cocked her head at his hesitation. “You will not kneel for your demoness?” She clicked her tongue in distaste. “Don’t you want to remedy your indiscretions?”

He set his jaw, barely suppressing a wince.  When she put it that way, there was no reason not to kneel before her, even if the thought of doing so went against every instinct in his body. He did, after all, lie to her, and if this was what she wanted from him then who was he to deny her?

Besides, there would be an opportunity for her to return the favor. I’ll make sure of it. 

Revealing nothing, he stared at her impassively and slowly dropped to one knee, biting back a scowl as her smirk grew. 

Then, he watched as a slender leg poked out from the slit of the dress she was wearing, and a strappy, black heel. He gave her a simmering look, then took it in his hands without a word, and pressed a kiss to her ankle, trailing up the side of her calf. 

“That’s very nice, mate.” She murmured, resting a clawed hand onto this shoulder. “What else are you willing to do for me?” 

A light smirk replaced his features. She was asking him to seduce her. To fuck her. That was something he would be more than willing to oblige. 

He promptly stood to his feet and grabbed her wrist, pulling him into his chest. To his amused delight, she went pliant in his arms— nearly purring as he captured her lips with his. He kissed her thoroughly, drowning out the memory of the other gods-awful kiss that’d been forced upon him. 

Then a clawed hand traveled his cheek lightly, moving its way to the back of his head. She suddenly grabbed a fistful of his hair and tugged downwards, tearing his lips from hers. He hissed when sharpened teeth latched themselves on his neck, nipping at the exposed flesh there before soothing it with her tongue. 

Then she began to walk forward, forcing him to step with her— until the back of his knees touched the mattress of their bed. 

“Meus es tu.” She said lowly, and she pushed at his chest, sending him backwards.

It turned into a battle for assertion. One that he admitted he thoroughly enjoyed— and intended on winning. 

He took her with him, grabbing her waist to position her underneath. His smile was smug when he peered down into four golden slits, obviously dissatisfied at the turn of events. 

Ignoring her bared teeth, he nudged open her legs with one knee before settling between them, then rolled against her in one swift movement, taking pleasure in the way she threw her head back with a growl. 

He continued his ministrations, trailing hot kisses down her neck, just as she did to his moments before. One hand reached up to graze her breast as his kisses went farther down the middle of her chest, while his other hand roamed over the swell of her hips. 

Raven in turn, was growing more frustrated with every second he kept her distracted with his teasing, light touches. 

“Enough.” It was a command.

By the time he managed to blink he found himself on his back and she was straddling his waist. 

Her hands encased with her dark magic. “Alliges duplicia.”

His arms lit up with her magic and they were forced above his head. When he tried to bring them back down he was met with resistance. What the hell? When he looked up his eyes widened with realization. She bound my fucking hands to the headboard. 

“Raven.” He snarled in warning, tugging on his bonds. The demoness was unperturbed by his outburst. 

“You will submit to me, mate.” A dangerous red swirled in those golden irises, and he clenched his jaw in response, then bit back a groan when she brushed against his length. 

“Let me go.” He glared. 

“I will not. This is your punishment. You will stay like this until you beg for me.”

“Tch.” 

He detested how painfully hard he was. His erection strained against his trousers, and he couldn’t contain his next groan when she palmed him. 

It didn’t matter how much he wished she’d slip her hand underneath his belt. He would not beg. 

She began to strip slowly, until she was completely bare before him, and then she peeled off his pants carefully— and then his shirt. His full erection was on display for her, and he released a strangled noise in the back of his throat when she settled her heated core against him.

She chuckled darkly when he twitched underneath her. “Say please.” 

“No.” he gritted out, breath hitching when her mouth latched onto one of his nipples, nipping roughly. Her tongue flicked it right after, mixing the pain she had caused with pleasure. 

“No?” Her claws wrapped around his throat, squeezing in warning. “You are in no position to deny me, mate.” 

He just glowered.

“Fine.” She relented, retracting her claws. “You will break eventually.” 

Her fingers lifted to her full breasts, reddened from her true form, and her fingers began to tease one darkened nipple into a tight peak. The bonds went taut when he pulled at them roughly in an attempt to reach out to her. She noticed this and smirked as she teased her other nipple, then rocked against him. They groaned together.

He watched as she then slipped one hand down to her core and began to tease herself, parting her folds before slipping a finger inside while grazing against his cock. 

She moaned, mouth parting slightly and he growled again in protest. That should be his fingers inside of her. 

“If you insist on not obeying me, then I will use you for my own pleasure.” She sunk down onto his cock and his head hit the wall with his groan. Fuck, she felt so damned good and the pace she was setting set him on a steady course towards an impending orgasm, regardless of how much he despised not being in control. 

“Beloved.” He growled when she brought him to the brink all too soon, then slowed back down while teasing her clit with her own fingers. Quick, circling motions that revealed her own need to him— that she was nearing her own orgasm. 

He caught her hitched breath. She was losing resolve, caught in her own wave of pleasure. 

“Release me.” He tugged on his bonds again and bucked his hips into her for good measure. “I want to be the one to fuck you when you come.” 

She gasped and clenched around him, drawing him even deeper. “I will come soon. If you want to fuck me, you must beg now.” 

He cursed. Goddamn her. 

“Please, habibti. I am yours.” 

With a victorious smirk, she waved a hand. That smirk was short-lived however, because as soon as the bonds disappeared he lunged for his little demoness, twisting them both before pulling out of her to roll her onto her stomach. 

“You are mine too, Beloved. I will also make sure of that,” he snarled into her ear, teasing his cock at her entrance. His hands held her pressed against the bed. 

The demoness laughed, then inhaled sharply when he pushed into her with one swift movement. They were both right at the edge, only a few more thrusts was all it would take to throw them both over.

“I can feel how close you are,” He reached a hand underneath her to press his thumb directly against her clit, “Come with me, now.” 

She cried out— a sound that was more animalistic than human, and she fluttered around him. He fell shortly after, nearly seeing stars. He continued to thrust languidly, drawing out their orgasms. Vaguely, he watched as Raven’s skin turned from red to flushed ivory. One pair of eyes turned to peer up at him instead of two, and the color of her irises receded to lavender. 

For a moment he watched her transform, breathless. 

She smiled up at him as her breathing returned to normal and he returned it before dropping his face to her neck. “I’m going to have to make you jealous more often,” Damian murmured into her skin. 

Raven snorted, lifting a hand to run through his sweat-soaked hair. “Unwise. Not only will I definitely kill the next one, it will hurt the entire time she is dying.”

“Green is a good color on you, habibti.”

She said nothing, but he could feel her contentment in the gentle run of her fingers across his hair and skin. As post-orgasmic clarity continued to take hold a question popped into his mind and he leaned up to regard her.

“When were you planning on telling me we were essentially demon-married?”

She flushed. “Eventually. Are you...did you not want…?”

He silenced her with a kiss, letting his actions and strength of his emotions answer her question. As though he could ever give this up, or stomach the idea of either of them being with someone else. 

After all, Damian didn’t share either.

[cherrysrambles]

Acid Burn

Summary: ***I don’t know why, but you have to stay back on Nevarro for what I'm sure is a good reason***

- You have to leave the Mandalorian and Grogu for a few days, but when you reunite, things aren't exactly as they used to be. You start to doubt everything until an accident on the ship brings out your true feelings for one another

Warnings: Super super fluffy and maybe a teeny bit of sexiness? Maybe if you look really hard

Words: 3,279

‘Din, I need to stay and help’

‘What?’

‘I can’t go with you, they need me here, you know that’

The Mandalorian nods his head curtly ‘How long will you be?’

‘Three days’ you say quietly

He nods and moves to make his way to the ship

‘Will you come back for me?’ You whisper, unsure if he even heard you

He stops and turns back to you ‘of course I will, if that is what you want’

‘You know I do’

He slowly walks over to you and rubs your cheek, softly pulling your forehead towards his, you realise he’s giving you a keldabe kiss. ‘You know what this means?’ He whispers

You nod

‘Then know that I will always come back for you Cyar’ika’

After a moment you pull back and pick up Grogu

‘Look after your father buddy, do everything he asks and try not to drive him too insane ok?’

He gurgles an unhappy noise

‘I know sweetheart, I’ll miss you more, but its only for a few days, I’ll be back with you before you know it’ He starts to cry and your heart breaks, you hand him back to Din, utter another useless bye and watch them board the Razor Crest.

*Three days later*

Your heart leaps as you watch the Razor Crest come into view and land in front you. It feels like an eternity since you’ve seen them. The ramp opens and Grogu runs as fast as his tiny legs will let him down to you. You scoop him up and spin him around as you both laugh, you spot Din standing at the top of the ramp waiting for you to come inside. You freeze and stare at him, wow, you forgot just how wet he makes you. Grogu touches your face and you’re brought back to reality, you make your way onto the ship.

‘Did you miss me?’ You say coyly

‘I did’ he replies, and you think that’s all you’re going to get out of him for a while. You make your way up to the cockpit so you can get away from this place.

You put Grogu down into his seat and notice a piece of paper stuck to the wall of the crest. You examine it closer, it looks like, a Callander? A countdown of some sort? Then it hits you

‘Oh sweetheart, did daddy make you a chart to countdown till I got back?’ He nods and mumbles, you assume he’s explaining what the chart actually is, you nod in mock understanding. ‘He couldn’t understand the concept of days, every now and then he would go to the door and wait for me to open them so you could come back to us. So I made the chart for him to have as a countdown’ Din explains.

‘Did it help?’

‘Yes and no. He understood that every morning when he woke up we would cross another day off, but then he started to think that after every nap he could cross a day off. Worked for me, since I didn’t have to battle with him to go to sleep’

‘It’s ok honey, I’m back now and I don’t expect to leave you again like that, ok?’

You pull a black pouch out of you pocket

‘I got a present for you’

You pull out a small stuffed mudhorn toy and hand it to Grogu, who is already making grabby hands at it. And just like that, he’s using it as a chew toy.

‘Hey kid, can I see it? Please?’ Din says as Grogu reluctantly hands it to him.

Din looks over the wet toy in his hands

‘A mudhorn?’ He questions?

‘Yeah, there was an old lady making toys at the market, I asked her to make it for me, she gave me a weird look, but you pay anyone enough and they’ll make whatever you want’

He does say anything as he hands the toy back to Grogu

‘I thought it would be cute, ya know? A mudhorn toy for clan mudhorn….. I know it’s silly’

‘No it’s not, it’s.. appropriate’ he says. You sense he wants to say more but you don’t push it.

Within the hour you’re in hyperspace on your way to your next destination, Din said he’ll take you to a nice remote place, somewhere it’ll just be the three of you for a few days, and you couldn’t think of anything better. Din has however been quite distant, even though it’s only been an hour since you’ve been reunited, you can tell there’s something he’s not telling you. After all this time you thought you were making progress with him, getting him to open up more to you but only if he felt comfortable doing so, which he said he did. You hope three days apart haven’t set you back all those months you’ve been on his ship. You decide to go speak to him about it.

After checking that Grogu is sound asleep. You head up into the cockpit where he’s shut himself up.

‘Din?’

‘What!?’ He snaps

‘Excuse me!?’ You say in shock and disbelief. He’s never been disrespectful like this to you

‘I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean that, you caught me off guard, I wasn’t thinki-‘ he rambles and you cut him off

‘What’s wrong?’

He pauses.

‘…I haven’t slept at all these past 3 days’ 

You nod in understanding

‘Me too’

‘Really?’

‘Yup’ you say with a smile

‘You realise that doesn’t make me happy’

‘I know, come on, lets have a nap’

You lead Din down to where his makeshift cot is. You could lead him to your bed, but you want to be as close as possible to Din, so the tiny storage area will be perfect, he doesn’t question you on this, probably thinking he has the same thought pattern. Which he does.

You kick your boots off and start helping Din with his armour. Your heart flutters each time you get close to him like this, even if it is to help with his beskar. When he’s in just his under clothes you crawl into the cot and get under the blanket waiting for him to join you.

As soon as he lies down next to you, he turns the lights off and you hear the familiar clicks of his helmet coming off. His arm is instantly around you and for the first time in three days, you both fall fast asleep.

When you wake you don’t know how long it’s been but Din isn’t next to you anymore, which isn’t unusual for him, but you did wish that he’d stayed until you woke up seen as you’ve missed him so much. Something is still definitely on his mind, but you’ll just have to wait until he’s comfortable enough to tell you. To be honest, you’re sick of this routine, pretending that you both aren’t madly in love with each other. It's exhausting, but you’d rather have whatever this is, then not have anything at all with Din.

For the rest of the evening you try to stay away from him as much as possible which breaks your heart, but you want to give him his space to think, you don’t want to overbear him with your thoughts and feelings. Maybe he didn’t miss you like you thought? Maybe he liked having time away from you? No, that can’t be right? Can it? Your mind starts to wonder to places that you don’t want it to go. A life without Din and Grogu isn’t the life you want. But maybe its the life he wants? You decide to get Grogu ready for bed, deciding to occupy your mind with something else for the evening. Once he’s bathed and fast asleep you contemplate going up to the cockpit to sit with Din, this is usually the time where you would have one of your long chats, or play stupid games, but tonight you’re just not in the mood. You undress to your simple black panties and throw on one of Din’s old shirts. And as you slip under the covers alone in your bed, you fall fast asleep dreaming of the only man you’ve ever truly loved. Din Djarin.

You awake to a searing pain on your right side, it’s burning and it’s getting worse, then you feel something dripping onto you burning even more, you scream in horror and run to the fresher.

‘Y/N!?’ Din screams as he jumps down the ladder, blaster in hand at your side

‘What’s happening!?’ He follows you to the fresher

You look in the mirror and notice there’s a hole in the shirt your wearing and your skin underneath it is raw and red

‘Acid!?’ You say as you lift the shirt up high on your right side, exposing your breast to Din to get a better look in the mirror. The burn goes from just under your right breast all the way down to the top of your underwear.

‘Acid?’ Din repeats and goes to check in your room. You hear muffled noises but the room starts to spin from the searing pain. ‘Shit, there's a leak!’

‘Din, I think I’m gonna…’ you clutch onto the sink for life trying not to pass out, instantaneously Din is at your side lifting you up and putting you on his cot

‘No passing out, do you hear me, stay with me’ he says but you just writhe around in pain, the burning is getting worse and you’re struggling to stay conscious. You hear Grogu stirring from his sleep ‘Keep him away!’ You yell.

Din runs off and comes back with the bacta spray, you assume he’s locked Grogu away somewhere. The last thing you need is him trying to heal you and then him passing out, no amount of pain is worth injuring Grogu.

‘This will help, ok? but.. but I’m gonna need to open your shirt’ he says panicked

‘Just take it off!’ You yell as you start to shake, modesty is the last thing on your mind right now, but Din being Din, is the only person to ask permission to remove your clothes before he treats you for excruciating acid burns.

He lifts the shirt as high as it will go and liberally sprays you with the bacta, instantly you feel a slight relief. 

‘We don’t have any bacta patches, so I’m just going to have to keep spraying you with the bacta spray, ok?’ He says in a shaky breath as he pulls your shirt down and takes your hand in his

Your eyes are still shut tight, but you manage a nod.

True to his words, after a few minutes he lifts your shirt again and starts spraying, you don’t know after how many times he does this, but you can feel the pain subsiding and you open your eyes.

“I have to check on the kid, I’ll be right back’ he says

You slowly try to sit up, but Din rushes back and tries to push you back down.

‘Woahh easy there, you need to rest’ he says

‘No, I need to shower’ you say as you shuffle down the bed

‘Shower!? I don’t think so, you can barely stand’

You try to get up, but your legs fail you as Din supports you

‘Cyar’ika, please, just lie down and rest’ he pleads

‘Din, I can’t, I feel all sweaty and gross and I’m sticking to these clothes, to the blanket and I’m burning up I just need a shower to relax, there’s no way I can rest like this’ you utter helplessly

He doesn’t say anything.

‘If it makes you feel better you can watch me, I really don’t care’ you say as you make your way to the fresher. You can feel the bacta slowly kicking in.

As you get in the fresher you start to undress and turn the shower on and get under the cool water

‘Door stays open and I’m going to stand here and make sure you’re ok’ you look over and see him with his back to you.

The room starts to spin again as you hastily let the water run all over you and you’ve cooled down, you wrap your towel around you and walk over to the sink

‘Fuck’ you whisper, the room starts to spin even worse but Din catches you just in time again. He holds you tight to him and you breathe his scent in, calming you instantly. He pulls back and places you against a ledge, confident you won’t fall ‘hold on’ he says, he comes back with another one of his shirts.

He places the shirt over your head and you pull your arms through, once the shirt is on and it’s covering your knees, he carefully drags the towel off you and throws it to the side.

‘Hold onto my shoulders’ he says as he gently helps you into a new pair of underwear he’s brought over trying not to let it touch your burn. He carries you over to the cot and lays you down, pulling the bacta out and spraying you once more. He pulls back to take his armour off, and lays down beside you pulling you tight into his arms, careful not to hurt you. You’re both lying on your sides facing each other, your head resting on Din’s shoulder.

‘I’m going to turn the lights off, if that’s ok’ he says. You nod.

The lights go off, and his helmet comes off. What he does next, surprises you.

You can feel his breath on your shoulder as he holds you close, and then you can feel his lips follow suit. A small kiss is left on your shoulder and he whispers ‘I can’t believe I almost lost you’

‘You didn’t lose me Din, I’m ok, I’m still here’

‘But I could’ve, if that acid had gotten all over you then… I don’t know what I’d do without you’ he kisses your shoulder again, this time leaving his lips on you

‘Shhh, don’t think like that, I’m ok, everything will be fine’ he drags his lips from your shoulder to your forehead and gives you one last kiss. And with that, you fall asleep in the arms of the one you love.

You wake up, almost a full day later and again Din isn’t with you, but you notice your little green bean snuggled up to you. You lift your shirt up and notice that your wounds have healed, but you do still feel extremely weak. After popping a kiss on Grogu’s sleeping head. You make your way to the fresher and have a real shower this time, as soon as you’re dressed, Din appears. ‘How’re you feeling?’ He asks, voice land with concern

‘A lot better, thank you’

‘Can I see?’ He asks. You lift your shirt up and show him, his hand reaches out to touch you, but at the last second he pulls back. This action hurts you and you remember that he’s been acting extremely weird ever since you got back.

‘You should get some more rest’ he says as he makes his way back up to the cockpit. You decide to have something small to eat and not let his actions bother you.

As you finish eating your bread and berries, you notice Din has parked the ship in a field somewhere. So he doesn’t actually need to be piloting the ship, he’s just up there avoiding you. Tears start to prick your eyes, you grab a blanket and go lower the ramp to sit outside and get some air.

After sitting outside for a good few minutes, you hear Din’s footsteps as he comes to sit next to you, none of you say a word. You decide that he’s not going to tell you himself so you might as well ask.

‘Din, is something wrong? You’ve been off with me ever since I got back’

‘I’m sorry’ he whispers ‘I know I’ve been difficult and distant, and that’s not my intention to be like that with you’

‘Then what is it?’

‘I….. I got you something, but I don’t know if you’re going to like it or not’

‘Why would I not like anything you give me? You could give me trash and as long as I know you got it for me, I would love it regardless, because it came from you’

‘Thats nice to hear, but I guess its not a question of if you’ll like it, I guess I’m worried that you won’t accept it’

‘What is it?’ You repeat

He pulls out a small black bag and hands it to you.

You open the bag and inside is a small metal charm. You examine it closer and see exactly what it is ‘mudhorn’ you whisper

He nods ‘while you were gone, I had the armorer make this for me out of scraps of beskar’

‘Why would I not accept it?’

He pauses and says in such a faint whisper ‘if you accept this, then it’ll mean you’re apart of my clan. Clan mudhorn, I mean I’ve always seen you as part of my clan, I first saw it when I told you my name all those months ago. But I only realised it when we spent time apart. Those 3 days were the worst 3 days of my life, and it made me realise that I don’t want to spend any time apart from you, ever’

He says in a louder voice ‘but nothing has to change if you don’t want it too, I mean, we don’t have to be together, like that’s not what I’m trying to imply, but obviously if you wanted too then we could..’ He starts rambling

‘Din, do you want to?’ You ask, knowing his answer

‘Yes, you already know I’m madly in love with you, I’m not good at any of this stuff, but at least I would think that much is obvious. You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted any of this with. My life was terrible before you came into it, and I’m still so grateful you’re still with me. I can’t give you what you deserve, what you need, all I can give you is my undying love’

‘Din, all I need is you’ you manage to get in

He finally turns and looks at you ‘Really? You really mean that?’ He says shocked

‘I would be honoured to join clan mudhorn, if you’ll have me’

‘And what about being with me?’ He whispers

‘Din Djarin, I love you more than anything, you’re the only man I have ever or will ever love, you are everything I need and more. Please, don’t ever doubt my love for you’

‘Never’ he whispers as he leans in for your second ever keldabe kiss. Secretly longing for a real kiss.

[btsqualityy]

Assuage: Chapter 1

Yoongi x Reader

Genre: ABO (Alpha/Beta/Omega) dynamics, angst, fluff, smut, enemies to lovers 

Warnings: Small mentions of violence, slightly descriptive but nothing expansive.

Yoongi had never felt pain like this. Ok, he would take that back. He has felt pain this bad, although that was emotionally and mentally and he doesn’t like to dwell on it much. Physically though, he’d rarely had even a headache that didn’t go away almost as soon as he was ready to acknowledge it. That was one of the perks that came along with being a Prime Alpha.

Prime Alphas weren’t much different from regular Alphas, especially not upon first glance. However, Prime Alphas were stronger, faster, had a better sense of smell and hearing, and could heal themselves even faster than the accelerated rate that was common amongst Alphas, Betas and Omegas. 

Which is exactly why Yoongi felt like he was going out of his mind when as the more he became aware of the pain that seemed to be coursing through his body, the worse it seemed to feel. When he finally managed to push his eyes to open, the bright light immediately made him shut them once again. After trying to take a deep breath (and failing because his ribs fucking hurt), he opened his eyes again, slowly this time as he tried to take in his surroundings.

He was clearly in a wooden cabin, although he knew that it wasn’t a familiar one because he didn’t recognize it, by looks or by smell. There was a wall right next to him on left and when he managed to turn his head, he saw another wall further to the right. There were three small cots next to him and he quickly figured that he was laying on the fourth one. As he continued to glance around, he saw different medical instruments such as several thermometers, an eye chart, stethoscopes, and even a defibrillator.

Ok, so Yoongi figured that he was in a medical cabin and as he fully woke up, he remembered exactly how he got the injuries too. What he couldn’t remember though, was who the hell had brought him here.

“You’re fucking insane,” he heard a hushed voice spit and he relaxed against the cot as he listened in, thankful for his improved sense of hearing. 

“Come on Y/N-ah,” a deep voice pleaded. “I just need you to do me this favor.”

“A favor that could get both of us cursed out,” you chuckled, and Yoongi could tell that the voice belonged to a woman. “You know the rules Tae.”

“I know but I couldn’t just leave him there,” the man obviously named Tae replied. “You saw the bad shape that he was in.”

“I did but you can’t bring in every lone wolf you see Tae,” you chastised him. “Things are so tense right now between packs, you bringing in a lone wolf that you literally found in the woods isn’t exactly what we need right now. And on top of that, you want me to be the one to explain this to Namjoon?”

“He listens to you,” Tae said. 

“He’s not gonna want to listen to anyone once he finds out about this lone wolf,” you shot back. “Especially with Hyo-rin being pregnant, do you really think Namjoon is gonna want a wolf who he doesn’t know from a hole in the wall around his pregnant mate?”

“Y/N-ah-”

“I don’t wanna deal with that Alpha bullshit!” You hissed lowly.

“What if our parents had left me?” Tae questioned and Yoongi didn’t hear Y/N reply for almost a full minute before Tae continued. “You know I would never put the pack in danger purposely, but I couldn’t just leave him there, alone. He looked so defeated and I couldn’t just keep walking knowing that you could save him and that we could give him a home.”

“The day is going to come when you won’t be able to use that ‘our parents’ shit against me, alright?” You threatened. 

“But that day isn’t today, is it?” Tae wondered and Yoongi could hear the hopefulness in his voice. 

“No...no, it’s not,” you relented and Tae let out a loud cheer. “But if this goes wrong, I’m not gonna hesitate to join Namjoon when he kicks your ass.”

“I won’t mind,” Tae promised and suddenly, the door that was just a little to the right of Yoongi on the opposite wall opened, and Yoongi saw two figures walk into the room. 

“Oh! You’re awake,” a tall, black-haired man smiled widely as he bounded over to where Yoongi was laying. A woman followed behind him, her hands clasped behind her back as she looked over Yoongi silently. 

“Are you feeling better?” Tae asked and Yoongi just looked at him blankly. “You had some nasty bruises and you were passed out so I brought you here. How’s your pain? Would you like some water or something?”

“Tae, maybe you shouldn’t throw 100 questions at him when he just woke up,” you advised. “Introductions might be better?”

“Oh yeah, you’re right!” Tae nodded. “I’m Taehyung, I’m a Beta, and I’m the one that found you. This is my sister Y/N, she’s an Omega, and she's the pack physician.”

“Nice to meet you,” you smiled lightly at Yoongi but he still had the same blank look on his face so the smile slowly slid away from your face.

“Do you remember how you got hurt?” Taehyung wondered and Yoongi sighed quietly as he thought over what happened. He can vividly remember the fists hitting his face, the feet connecting with his ribs and being dragged across the same dirt that he had played on as a child. Did he want to talk about that though? Not at all.

“No,” Yoongi lied smoothly and he knew that it was believable because Taehyung nodded his head in sorrow.

“That’s ok, I’m more than sure that you’ve had a hard time so no one would fault you for not remembering,” Taehyung replied. 

“Your injuries were pretty severe, even for you being a Prime Alpha,” you spoke up, making Yoongi look over at you. “You have a mild concussion and some broken ribs, as well as a fractured left wrist.”

“But Y/N thinks you’ll be able to make a full recovery,” Taehyung added with a wide smile and Yoongi began to wonder if smiling was the man’s default state. 

“That’s...good,” Yoongi responded slowly. 

“Where are they?!” 

“Oh shit,” you sighed. Just then, the same door that you and Taehyung had walked through burst open, this time with a very pissed off man who was obviously an Alpha.

“Ok, it’s not what it looks like,” Taehyung tried to say but the pissed off Alpha scoffed.

“It’s not what it looks like?” He repeated. “If you weren’t my brother, I’d kick your ass right now. Hell, I’m still considering it despite that.”

“Joon, calm down,” you tried to say but Yoongi watched as the man named Joon whipped around to face you.

“And you,” Joon spat. “You know that we are almost on the verge of a pack war and not only that, my mate is pregnant along with several other omegas in this pack and you let him drag a lone wolf onto our territory?!”

“First of all, don’t let your raging Alpha hormones make me fuck you up, because I don’t know who the hell you think you’re yelling at,” you started evenly. “Second of all, Taehyung only brought him here because he was damn near dead. You know he wouldn’t do anything to endanger the pack on purpose.” Yoongi couldn’t help but to be surprised at how you stood up to this huge Alpha, especially with you being an Omega.

“That’s not the point Y/N-ah,” Joon sighed. “The point is, this man is a lone wolf and we don’t even know how he ended up like this, do we?”

“Not exactly,” Taehyung admitted. “Or, not at all actually.”

“Can you not talk about me as if I’m not here?” Yoongi found himself speaking up, which made all of the other three heads in the room whip towards him. “I don’t remember how my injuries happened but I can guarantee you, I’m not here to try and take over your pack.”

“And how am I supposed to believe that?” Joon wondered as he crossed his arms over his chest. 

“It’s like Y/N-ah said hyung, he was damn near dead,” Taehyung shrugged and Joon just sighed. “Come on hyung, what if our parents had left me?”

“I am the pack Alpha Taehyung, you can’t keep using that on me!” Joon exclaimed and Yoongi looked over at Taehyung to see him smirking.

“But it’s working though, right?” He guessed and Joon groaned loudly before nodding slowly.

“Fine, he can stay,” Joon relented and Taehyung cheered loudly. 

“Thank you hyung,” Taehyung grinned and Joon waved him off.

“Yeah, whatever,” he muttered before turning towards Yoongi and holding his hand out. “I’m Kim Namjoon, pack Alpha.”

“Min Yoongi,” Yoongi replied evenly, reaching out with his right hand and shaking Namjoon’s. 

“Well, if you’re looking for a pack, we’d be willing to take you in,” Namjoon told him. 

“I’m not really looking for a...permanent pack,” Yoongi told him.

“Really? Huh,” Namjoon scoffed. “Well, if I were you, I’d start thinking about it because a pack could protect you from someone giving you a repeat go around of those injuries you have now.”

“Alright Joon, back off,” you warned. 

“Feel free to rest Yoongi, you’re safe to do so,” Namjoon said. ”You have my word.” Namjoon then turned around walked out of the room, both you and Taehyung letting out sighs of relief once he was gone. 

“I have some other patients that I have to see,” you sighed after checking the time on the watch that sat on your wrist. “Tae, you’ll look after him?”

“Sure,” Taehyung nodded and after receiving a short nod from you, Yoongi watched as you walked out of the room as well. Taehyung then turned back to Yoongi, the same grin still on his face.

“So do you want to rest more or would you like to hear about the pack?” Taehyung asked him. “Since you’re probably gonna be here for a while, it’ll be good for you to know some basic things.”

“I think I’d rather sleep,” Yoongi replied honestly, the extent of his injuries making him drowsy again. 

“Oh sure, that’s no issue!” Taehyung agreed easily. “I’ll leave you to rest.” Yoongi then watched as Taehyung walked out of the room, shutting the door firmly behind him. 

Yoongi turned his head and looked up at the ceiling then, trying to put the fact that his old pack was the reason that he had ended up like this out of his mind as he let his eyes flutter closed and allowed sleep to take over him. 

[devilinsheepswool]

When MC first arrives at Devildom they warn Lucifer that the only way to keep them in line is by providing them with incentives, and that he will be wise to heed their warning because they tend to go a bit wild if not kept in check.

They warn Lucifer that punishments will not work, they will only accomplish the opposite because they will make MC want to retaliate. Out of curiosity Lucifer asks what kind of incentives; Grimm, food, clothes, jewels, merchandise, books, free passes from chores and other obligations, all things his brothers treasure.

MC responds with a simple shake of the head, they're much easier than that and with a small smile they reply.

"Gold Stars."

Lucifer intially believes they mean actual gold stars, he doesn't understand how that's any easier, in fact it seems very in line with what Mammon would ask for. He's about to call them insane but MC notices the look of disbelief on his face, their add on comes in late.

"Stickers, I mean." MC clarifies.

"What?" Lucifer asks.

"Gold star stickers. It's how my friends and loved ones get me to behave." MC explains. "I get a gold sticker for every time I do something good or helpful, and an even bigger sticker for whenever I hold back on doing something impulsive or 'dumb'." They continue to explain. "The small stars are worth 1 point and the big ones are worth 3."

"You're kidding, MC." Lucifer deadpans. "Isn't this what a teacher would use on a child?"

"I'm really not, it works on me too. I need consistency and to feel like I'm working up towards something rewarding in order to actual do anything."

"Rewarding, how?"

"I'm glad you asked. Remember how I said that the normal stars are worth 1 point and the big ones worth 3? Well, by the end of the week if I've acquired at least 30 to 40 I get treated to an ice cream sundae on Sunday, I can only get 5 small stars per day with the exception of a big star every now and then. If I go over 30 or 40 I get extra toppings."

"That seems oddly simple." Lucifer states still looking MC up and down quizzically.

"It is!" MC exclaims pulling out a chart from behind their back. A chart large enough to fit multiple stickers on it, the chart is divided into six sections: Monday through Saturday. "Here." They hand him the chart. "You're in charge of stickers."

Dumbfounded, Lucifer takes the chart sheet in his hands. He has the passing thought 'if only my brothers were this easy.' Before dismissing it completely, knowing that there are easier things wished for.

"This will ensure you behave?" He asks once more for clarification.

MC only simply nods.

"You put it up there." MC continued pointing to the refrigerator. "so that everyone sees and I feel a sense of accomplishment."

"Are you sure you want it up there?" He asks tiredly. "Won't the others tease you?"

"Yeah, probably." MC answers matter o factly. "But you won't be buying them a fancy Sundae at the end of the week, or will you?"

"So, now I'm the one buying you ice cream? When did we agree to this?"

"I mean... I thought that was implied by you being my assigned sticker giver. Besides it's a small price to pay for my good behavior, don't you think?"

"Are you threatening me?" He asks looking up at them with a quirked eyebrow, even if so it's not like they're asking for much. He wishes his brothers asked only for the same to ensure their well behavior... but unfortunately life is not that easy.

"No." They answer with such genuinety that he almost thinks they're messing with him. "I'm just trying to make life easier for the both of us; the idea is to ease me into a new environment and eventually I won't need the stars anymore to ensure I behave. If I don't maintain consistency I let my environments shape me and that's not always a good thing but like this I keep myself in line regardless of my new environment."

"Very well, all be it for my peace of mind." Lucifer sighs pinning up the laminated sheet on the fridge.

At first the brothers do tease MC about it, but MC doesn't really seem to care all that much as they do their chores happily with the promise of ice cream in mind. Eventually the teasing stops, after all, how fun is it to tease someone who doesn't really care?

But it starts with Beel noticing, MC gets treated to a sundae from Madam Screams every Sunday that leaves him watering at the mouth. Well, now Beel wants in on the action. He asks Lucifer to do the same for him.

Lucifer doesn't really care, Beel is probably one of the most well behaved of his brothers save for when he goes on his hunger rampages or acts out because of food. He doesn't think much and accepts to do the same for Beel upon his request.

Now it's not just MC and Lucifer going out very Sunday to Madam Screams but also Beel and the fact that they're all going out in a group makes it feel somewhat exclusive... that mixed with the fact that MC has to separate from Mammon every Sundaybto go pick up their Sundae and we all know how much Mammon hates being apart from MC add into Mammon demanding that Lucifer do that same for him.

Things have just become interesting. Mammon is the brother that needs this the most in Lucifer's eyes but he doubts his brother can completely behave, regardless he doesn't stop his brother from trying after all it's to his own benefit (Lucifer's) maybe now he'll be able to get some more work and rest in.

Well the said is done, it doesn't completely work but he has noticed Mammon behaving a lot more than he usually did. Not to add that he's gotten competitive with the other two about who can earn more toppings on their sundae than the rest... even if he ends up losing every time.

Asmo is the third to fall into the trend. After all, a Sundae by Lucifer's treat and by side MC!? What could possibly be better!? Besides the game looks really fun, and now Asmo is eager to join in on the fun.

It's not like Asmo is ill behaved or boisterous in any way, so he doesn't have to make much of an effort but some times he will slip up and it's only then that he makes an effort.

Levi is the fourth to fall into this game. As always it's his envy that causes him to get involved in MC's and his brothers game, and who can blame him? I mean who likes feeling left out, right?

The following Monday during dinner he starts to pout and complain about how he isn't being included in the most indirect round about way.

"After all what did I expect, it's not like you guys would include me in your game..."

"It's not a game Levi, MC and the others have to earn their ice-cream." Lucifer clarifies putting down his eating utensils.

"You don't have to lie to me, Lucifer." Levi pouts. "Its not like I want to be included in that normie game you guys are playing anyway!"

Lucifer lets out a tired breath as he asks himself whether he really wants to deal with this right now... well, the answer is that he doesn't but he isn't going to leave his brother sulking about not being included, after all, it'll only get worse the longer he leaves him sulking.

And just like that Levi's in.

Those left are Satan and Belphegor and, of course, he doesn't expect either to willingly participate. I mean they won't obey him or behave on a regular basis, in fact it's the complete opposite; they usually go out of their way to make his life harder, so why would they participate in a game that requires them to do something that is supposed to make his life easier?

He won't bother with them, after all, he's far too busy with the work he has from Diavolo as of lately.

But then Satan surprises him by announcing that he to will join this game. Of course, Lucifer is suspicious of Satan's intentions after all why would he willingly chose to make Lucifer's life much easier?

Satan claims he just wants to feel involved, and since everyone is already doing it he might as well too.

Lucifer's on guard with Satan, he's trying to figure out what he's scheming but Satan genuinely seems to be doing what he should.

Still, Lucifer can't help but check his drawers and closet when he finds Satan leaving his room after having claimed that he was only sorting the clean laundry to its appropriate places, and he can't help not double checking his drinks, or looking over his things when Satan brings them to him.

Satan is behaving and he takes pleasure in how uneasy that makes Lucifer. The look on Lucider's face whenever Satan does something good or helpful with a smile and nothing more is priceless. Of course, it's not like Satan is going to let Lucifer get to comfortable. If Lucifer does get too comfortable Satan won't have any trouble playing a small and subtle prank on Lucifer to keep him on his toes.

Not to add that Satan does cheat regularly when participating in the game, usually playing Mammon out of his points or taking credit for his work, or using Mammon in order to enact his pranks on Lucifer so they won't get traced back to him... yep, poor Mammon.

Lastly, is Belphie. He shows the most resistance to the game, it takes to much energy and effort neither of which he cares to spare on a silly game.

But as much as he hates to admit it. He hates waking up to an empty house on Sunday; there's no Beel or MC to greet him and the fact that everyone else is also playing along with the game makes him feel excluded. It's not bad enough that he was locked up in the attic for the longest time and only came back after all the other brothers had already formed bonds with MC but even now they get to spend more time with them all because of that dumb game.

So in the end, as reluctant as he might be he announces in the most nonchalant and anticlimactic way that he too will participate in the dumb game.

Much like Satan, he'll either mooch of Mammon's points or use Mammon to get out of trouble for certain things. He'll petition Lucifer about being able to share points with either Beel or MC because that chore was a "combined effort".

In the end all the brothers end up participating, it doesn't 100% solve the occasional behavioral problems and shenanigans that occur within the house of lamentation but it does help placate them if even by a small percentage.

And it's only when he gets to sit down and breathe after a long day of paperwork and meetings that Lucifer notices what a good influence MC has been on his brothers.

Of course, by this point MC no longer needs the gold star sticker system to keep in line but at this point they don't have the heart to end the game... not when everyone has come to have fun with it so much.

[littlewetbeast]

hey rosa :) hope it's okay if i ask this. i'm kind of new to cockles things so i've been doing some "research" lol. i'm kind of asking around the fandom for opinions. do you actually think it's real? what convinced you? thanks and hope you are doing ok!

hey anon!! of course it is!! you’re welcome to send me as many asks as you’d like. putting this under a readmore because it got kinda long.

so - this is kind of awkward i guess, but i’ll get right into it. i have always steered clear of any form of rpf and tinhatting. this stuff is still... a little bit weird to me. the whole “i don’t do rpf but why are jensen and misha like That” is a running joke in the cockles fandom for a reason and i’m 100% part of that crowd. this is the only instance i have engaged in this type of fandom content. i don’t even really “ship” them, i just enjoy gifs, videos and some fandom discussion, i guess? not saying this gives me some moral high ground, i just want to give some perspective. i only very, very recently started watching cons and like. i guess i just never realised how insanely well they got along? the energy is just off the charts. i figured they were like this with everyone but it was quickly clear that this was a Them thing, which is - kind of sweet. i’d kind of scoffed before at people suggesting jensen had a crush on misha but i thought it was embarrassingly obvious after watching their interactions.  what i will say, from my own pov, is that even if certain suspicions are correct -  that jensen and misha ARE indeed in an open, loving, poly relationship - it is very unlikely they will ever publicly confirm this. THAT, to me, would be needed to confirm that it’s “real”. and that’s never going to happen, because #society. so i always try to keep myself grounded in that i am kind of making some observations about some celebrities and trying to consume what they give us in a respectful way, and just enjoying seeing how lovely they are with one another. so i will say - rather than arguing whether it is “real” or not - that i instead consider that there are things they have done/things i’ve seen which simply make more sense if they are in a relationship. it doesn’t really bother me if i’m mistaken, because they’re still providing me with some sweet, sweet serotonin in these difficult times. win/win either way. THAT SAID... i’ll tell you what i struggle to find bff-only explanations for.

i’ll just start off by sending you some stuff in case you want to look it up. i think a good place to start is @livebloggingmydescentintomadness‘s cockles manifesto here. NOW... i will say there is a lot of evidence (in my opinion) such as the ‘near kisses’, clothes swapping, performative flirting, etc. that i felt maaaaybe could suggest something, but it didn’t convince me. if you’re insane, you can browse the j2 tinhatting theories and compare - a lot of friendly behaviour jensen does is something he does with his close friends in general. so it often felt too circumstantial and could be explained away. so i’ll start with that, so you know where i am at.

the thing that made me really raise my eyebrows the first time was, after watching misha and jensen interact like They Do, seeing how jared reacted to them. he loves innuendo and does the gay chicken/fratboy gay humour all the time. but there are numerous cases where his face is SO exasperated when jensen openly gushes about misha and where he makes slight jabs at jensen regarding misha. the first time i saw it i was like - oh, that’s how i tease my friends in a relationship. okay.

one thing that stands out to me is his look of contained panic at someone mentioning photos jensen has of misha and asking to ‘release them’, and then the VISIBLE ‘oh thank fuck’ when they clarify. LIKE WHAT. WHY. why is he reacting like this if they’re just?? you know?

if you watch jibcon 2019, after the straddlegate incident, he WILL NOT stop making gay jokes towards misha and jensen - to the point where they get extremely uncomfortable, i have some Feelings about this that i may elaborate on later. like. he just will not stop. it just goes waaay beyond his typical fratboy gay jokes.

there are other things too, to be honest, but i think eventually it just became the sum of a lot of things. the fact that jensen and misha have extremely explicit queer inside jokes? that jensen got a boner from being straddled by him? i mean. sigh. it’s either bi4bi best friends with-intimate-knowledge-of-each-other’s-sex-lives OR it’s. you know. something more than that.

those are probably the things that have swayed me the most. there are a lot of other things that added to this, and if you slide some cockles goggles on you start to see a lot of behaviour that make you go, ‘huh, if they are in a relationship it sure would explain [this] and [this] and [this]’. that’s all i’ll say.

[fizztapp]

My final Smash Pass DLC predictions are Bandana Dee and Dixie Kong (with a vague prediction of a Mario Character if Dee doesn't make it) and if you would allow me to be insane for a second I will explain to you why

Before we start there is a rumor that would be relevant to some of these points. The rumor is that Steve was supposed to be the final fighter of pass 1 but got shuffled to pass 2 because he needed more time in the oven. If that's true, then when compared to pass 1, pass 2 has been very dialed back so far. Being solely Nintendo IPs, & Sephiroth who's a 3rd party w/ a series in smash already. 

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Here we go!

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1: It is Our Turn

Waddle Dee and Dixie would be as disappointing of an announcement to JRPG fans as Byleth and Pyra were to mascot platformer fans. A bit arbitrary but it lines up! For some reason this point is what really opened my mind to the possibility that these two have a chance LOL.

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2: Advertisement 

It's reasonable to assume we will get a new mainline Kirby game in the next year or so (maybe even at this E3) due to Star Allies being 3 years old at this point. And we know for certain a new DK game is coming, likely to show up at this E3 or in a later direct down the line (it mostly depends on if they want to make BOTW 2 their main showcase/holiday release or not).

Even if these two aren't at E3, they would still be filling the same "advertisement character" role that people accused Min Min/Byleth/Pyra to be.

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3: Anniversary

Nintendo never cares much about anniversaries when it comes to stuff like this, BUT... Imagine we get a Mario character, as a delayed-due-to-covid Mario 35th slot. And THEN Dixie as the Donkey Kong 40th celebration. I know people wince at the thought of another Mario character as DLC, but you know how Nintendo is. Telling Sakurai to add one last Mario character during the year where they promoted/celebrated the hell out of Mario would track.

IF THAT WAS THE CASE THOUGH, I imagine they would have shuffled characters around to at least let this new Mario character take Pyra/Mythra’s spot, so it would still be released during the “Mario 35th” time period. 

(also Bandana Dee wouldn’t get added in this scenario)

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4: Nintendo’s Donkey Kong Epiphany

Nintendo has been going crazy about Donkey Kong and have a LOT planned for the series coming up, as K. Rool winning the ballot really opened up their eyes to how much fans love the DKC RARE games. So while I don't think we NEED Dixie (We already got K. Rool and Banjo, which is insane), I could see Nintendo, or even Miyamoto, giving Sakurai a lil nudge. (Also Miyamoto’s favorite Kong is Cranky... so maybe we’ll get a Cranky drop tomorrow? LOL)

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5: Japan Loves Waddle Dee

Waddle Dee is HUGELY popular in Japan. Hal markets Waddle dee almost as much as Kirby!! And people love it!!! and I get it!!!! I don’t think westerners realize this.

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6: Smash Ballot

Dee and Dixie are both characters which we can assume did well in the character ballot, & are two big Nintendo characters that really feel missing from the roster.

In a big character poll that people always reference to, all of the top 10 characters have gotten in besides THE TWO KIRBY CHARACTERS: Bandana Dee & Magolor. Which I feel indicates that Nintendo would look at Kirby when thinking about new Nintendo characters to add to a 2nd Pass. Again, NO OTHER SERIES had 2 characters in the top 10 besides Kirby. 

Hell, the only other series that have multiple characters on this chart are DONKEY KONG and arguably Mario. And while I mention Dixie, I will point out that out that if we exclude all of the old smash characters from the poll, Dixie is 11th most wanted. Still pretty popular! Nothing to sneeze at (is that the saying?).

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7: Final Characters

Smash character announcements always end on a whimper rather than a roar, and while Dixie/Waddle Dee would be a roar for me personally, I'm aware that people want to see big 3rd parties like Crash and Doom, not Nintendo side characters.

Like I said, it would be another Byleth or Inciniroar to cap off the reveals.

BUT, if the rumor stated at the top of this post is true, and Steve was the final character of Pass 1, that would have been a HUGE final character. But in the end, Nintendo and Smash still have a history of putting underwhelming reveals near the end.

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9: GIRL

Dixie being a girl character might give her a better chance. This is a more speculative point (well, all of these are speculative LOL), but this pass has been giving us more girls to help even the roster more, so who knows! They might be looking for girls since the base roster and the first pass are largely male dominated. 

Min Min, Alex, Pyra/Myth. Girl Byleth if you count Byleth in pass 2.

Also this gives Toad/Captain Toad a foothold too? Toadette alt!

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In conclusion they are funny and I like them

[woozi]

Here’s another ask game for caratblr! Assign your moots as seventeen comeback aesthetics (can include solos, OSTs, collabs, Japanese comebacks, etc) and say why you associate them with that aesthetic! Some can overlap too!

aww cute!! <3 i really had no criteria for choosing the following songs, but most of them are title tracks (although i deliberately left some out bc i couldn’t associate anyone w them jdkdfkj)! i’d say all of these are prominent svt songs though.

shining diamond — fun and fresh. a ride from start to finish. the beginning of it all. cringe sometimes but u love them. :/ literally rhys (@heartgyus).

adore u  —  ok but chey (@soonhoonsol) is as precious to me as this debut song is to svt. also the tempo of this song... very chey! can be fun, also goes mellow at times. <3

mansae  —   national anthem. resident representative. very emily (@iiasha) if i might say so. <3 also the energy of this song has the same energy as emily’s tags lol. songs to go mildly crazy to <3

pretty u — everything soft and beautiful. my emotional support k-pop song. it literally has mirelle (@leechaerok) vibes and no one can tell me otherwise.

very nice — honorary chaos partner: kale (@choibeomgyus) my beloved. <3 this is where svt says they peaked. similar to kale, she literally has peaked as well and i feel like this also suits her sm as she literally emits the same energy as this song. my bestie!!

boom boom  — (first of all, this house doesn’t tolerate boom boom slander. i’m gonna block all of u no matter how long we’ve been moots :/ JSDKJDSKJDS im kidding. maybe <3) that specific line where members go “u got me like boom boom, boom boom, yeah, boom boom, boom boom” in a deadpan voice especially reminds me of belle (@gotseventeens) for some reason 😭 and then the song goes insane. literally how belle and i went as mutuals <3 178/10 in my opinion. also belle likes this song but that’s not why i assigned her here 😌

change up  — calming, addictive riffs, comforting!! this is also what belle (@xuseokgyu) also feels like to me. also reliable vibes (it’s the svt leaders what can u expect!!)

clap  —  i feel like the guitar riff of this song is exactly how you’d feel when you see isa’s (@kwanies) blog. the vibes are off the charts. so much energy!! also the bridge part where they put up hearts??? literally isa with boo every time i see her.

thanks  — i don’t have the exact word to describe the feeling this song gives me, but i sense anna (@haniehae) vibes here. <3 deep & meaningful. makes ur heart go 🥺 very sophisticated as well.

call call call  — cool as fuck and will fuck you up if needed. nothing more to be said. it’s carrie (@art-hao). <3

oh my!  — just vibing. makes me happy. makes me want to dance every time i encounter it. just like e (@junhaoshua)!!

home — very oona (@vernons)!! like the song says, oona literally feels like someone you can call home. a place/person you can come to. <3

hit  — ok but hit is literally one of my favorite songs. and sofi (@mngys) is one of my favorite ccs <3 i just think she’s so cool.

fear  — i feel like u deserve this bc every time i get asks from u i feel both fear and excitement <3. @kaleidoscope-of-lillies (idk why i can’t tag u still :/)

snap shoot  — literal serotonin boost in the form of a song. personified, i think this would be lyns (@kyeomshine)!! and like snap shoot, i also miss her very much :(

fallin’ flower — literally the first person i thought of for this game. it’s izzie (@coupsnim!). this is an honorary title. <3 i can’t really explain it much but i feel like if izzie were to be in a movie, this would be her OST. she just has fallin’ flower vibes.

left & right — fun, cool, playful!! (i always see lnr slander but it’s one of my favorite eras. i’m looking at all of u rn :/) doesn’t take itself too seriously, but is addictive and makes u just want to jump and have a party. very cora (@ohoshi) . <3

24h — i don’t know why but dreamy (@scoupsy) immediately comes to mind. maybe it’s the reds sdkjkjdskjds. iconique. a gift from the gods themselves. truly popped off. also v refined but makes u want to go insane <3

home;run  — idk why i associate madison (@julyprince) with home;run, but i think it’s because it’s one of her first sets i came across? sjdfjkfd anyway home;run is for those who have taste <3 also classy

not alone — seeing nele (@seohoshi) on my notifs literally feels like what you’d feel hearing this song. i can’t describe it, but it’s wholesome and just <3. makes you feel :D.

spider  — my absolute favorite. the energy of this song.. unmatched. both of these descriptions also pertain to kaya (@vixenjun). <3

just do it — agent of chaos and good vibes. literally lee (@uriboogyu)! just do it is a really fun song that gives u strength, and that’s also how i see lee!

17  — like the song, i just think that aya (@wrongnanab) is very comforting. <3 i also always see rain edits of this song and the rain makes me want to get hot coffee/hot choco which reminds me of aya!!