#i end up needing to do research cause my brain will only let me read like

[hinadori-chan]

hold on i’m second guessing myself now. from pla raid to current arc it’s been like 5 months, right? or thereabouts?

[bohemianblasphemy]

Back to you

Archangel Gabriel x fem Winchester!reader

Contains: angsty, character ‘death’, fluff and the tichiest bit of suggestiveness at the end <3, very loosely based on season 5, episode 19

(A/N: I love my man Gabriel, there needs to be more fics about him <3 )

“He’s gone Y/N.”

The words rang in your ear, lingering in your brain.

“No he’s not, no- h-he told me he’d always be here, always with me…” you tried to dismiss Dean’s statement, scoffing at him.

The brothers looking at you with pitiful eyes. They knew of the deep bond between Gabriel and yourself- something that had been shared by the two of you since day one. Gabriel wouldn’t have known that he would grown so attached to someone, let alone someone who was human.

Conversations that extended into the early hours of the morning, yearning glances as you both spoke about anything and everything- touches that left trails of fire on each other’s skin…

Nothing could have torn you apart, but after Sam and Deans latest hunt that found them trapped in a hotel with a group of Gods that wanted to use them to stop the apocalypse, Gabriel found himself in the middle of it all to stop them from doing so - only for Lucifer to drive an archangel blade into his chest.

“He’ll be here, just wait- you’ll see.” You couldn’t be more in denial, not wanting to believe them despite the evidential tears that formed in your eyes.

Sam’s heart tightened at the sight of you trying to process the information- seeing how frozen in place you had become.

“Y/n…” he placed a hand on your shoulder, causing you to look up at him with devastation written all over your face as you took a shaky breath.

You could see the sincerity in his face, his eyebrows furrowing that same way he always did when something bad happened. Dean kept up a strong front, but his eyes gave away the sorrow in his eyes- seeing how you tried to approach the inevitable grief.

“H-he’s really gone?” You choked, looking up at your brother, who bobbed his head in confirmation, soon pulling you in for a bone crushing hug- the action giving rise to your emotions as you began to weep in his arms.

Dean tried to sooth you with rubbing your back, his tough demeanour faltering as he felt your pain pour out of you- desperate to take that ache from your heart away.

The days turned into months, nearly a year- the grief of your loss had lifted slightly but it was still lingering over you like a storm cloud, making some of your days hard than others.

Gabriel haunted you, the mere spectre of him that appeared in your sleeping state- seeing and feeling him, making it seem like what has happened was all a sick joke until you woke up in the real world; your room in the bunker cold and unfamiliar without him there beside you.

Another quiet night fell over the bunker, Sam, Dean and yourself had been researching in the library- trying to find information on a mysterious death that had occurred not too far from the bunker.

“Okay get this, the way that the death occurred is weird, he just- combusted. No one just explodes for no reason.” Sam explained.

“Right, so is there anything that you’ve read that explains any ghouls or whatever that would do something like that?” Dean replied to him, looking at his laptop as he made it look like he was doing research but in reality was scrolling for car parts for Baby.

“Not yet… but I’m thinking that it could be a spell.” Sam sighed, returning to his lore book.

You didn’t say anything, looking at your laptop trying hard to focus on the words before you but your mind was elsewhere.

Sam noticed, giving you a solemn smile. “Hey, you okay?” He asked quietly, noticing your distant gaze onto the screen.

You nodded, your eyes flicking to him and giving him a tight lipped smile. “Yeah, fine I’m just tired…” it was your go to excuse, not that it wasn’t exactly untrue.

Sam patted your forearm and nodded, reciprocating a similar reaction to yours. “Maybe we should take a break hmm? It is close to dinner time and we should have something to eat-“

Sam cut himself off from the sudden sound of fluttering wings, looking over your shoulder toward the sound in the archway, lights flickering around the three of them.

His heart pounded as he observed a physical manifestation appear, walking out from amongst the shadows. The words that came out of his mouth shook you to your core.

“Gabriel?”

Your blood went cold as his name fell out of his mouth, your heart thumping in your chest - not daring to turn around and see for yourself.

Deans eyes widened at the sight. “We thought you were dead-“

“Nope, still here… trickster remember?”

Gabriel spoke finally, the tone in his voice was light and clear- as if he had never had gone. His words echoed through your head, solidifying the fact that he was here.

Taking a deep breath you slowly turned in your seat, seeing the angel you loved before you. The sight of him was overwhelming, locking eyes with him across the room.

“Sweetie…” he whispered, the twinkle in his eye that he got when you were in his vision.

All you could do was stare- he was right there, and there was nothing more that you wanted to do than run to him and be in his arms, but you couldn’t.

Where has he been this entire time?

Why didn’t you hear from him?

It made you even more upset.

Sam and Dean looked at each other, silently nodding to each other to leave the two of you alone and walking out of the library.

Gabriel slowly stepped toward you, looking at you as if no time had passed since that fateful day.

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry-“ you put a hand up to stop him from talking as you stood up from your seat.

“N-no, you were dead. They told me you were dead- lucifer KILLED you!” You exclaimed, your eyes welling up again as you thought about these past months, all this time- he had been alive.

“Nothing- not one sign from you, nothing to tell me that you were still alive-“ you choked out, turning away to wipe the incoming tears.

He watched as you turned from him, his heart aching to reach for you.

“I know, I know- I couldn’t, it would’ve been risky to do so. Putting me in danger- putting you in danger. I couldn’t live with that.” Gabriel stepped behind you, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder and spun you around to face him.

He placed his hands on your cheeks gently, a longing, yearning look in his eyes as he finally grazed the warmth of your skin with his calloused hands.

You let out a quiet sob as he touched you, feeling his touch that you had longed for all this time but still avoided his eyes.

“Every day, I thought of you. Not a minute went by that I didn’t hunger to be with you… not one.” He whispered, wiping your stray teardrops.

You looked up at him finally, unconsciously leaning into his touch as he rubbed his thumbs against your cheeks. You breathed in deeply, exhaling a jagged breath.

“I-I never thought I’d see you again…” you uttered, bringing your own hands to his face and feeling him. Gabriel sighed softly, that same, dilated expression that he always adorned when he looked at you.

“I missed you…”

Gabriel closed his eyes, nodding softly.

“I missed you, so so much.” He whispered before opening his eyes again.

“I’m here now, and I will make it up to you if it’s the last thing I ever do. As long as it’s you, I don’t care… all I want is to make it right, please.” He practically begged, his face only inches away from yours.

You took a moment to think, still processing everything that has just happened to you in the span of… God knows how long.

It didn’t matter.

All that did however was you and him, together again.

“Please…” you muttered, desperation seeping into your singular word that needed his presence, his touch- his everything in that moment.

No hesitation was necessary on Gabriel’s part as he pressed a long awaited kiss to your lips, moving against you needingly- savouring the familiar taste of you that he dreamt about.

The kiss became more hungry, the desire becoming more and more evident between you both as you pulled away, pressing kisses down his neck as he let out a breathy sigh.

You looked at him with lustful eyes and parted, pouted lips.

“C’mon… we have some catching up to do.” You whispered, taking his hand and leading him down the hall of the bunker.

Gabriel just twitches his brow, smirking at your forwardness as he followed close behind you.

“Lead the way sweetness…”

[cipher-the-sidhe]

Do you know of any folklore or resources about blind people and magic or spiritual site? I do remember reading something in a book about Shinto but I would have to go back and transcribe it

Of course there's Odin

And then Argus and the Cyclops are all beings having to do with eyes.... I guess if there's anything that resonates with you in particular that you want to share? I've also been thinking about Cassandra

I don’t have a particular resource to direct you to. Truth is that anytime blindness comes up in folklore it usually Means Something, and I personally haven’t researched too much into anyone’s interpretation of that symbology. My own experience with blindness as a spiritual person and as someone who practices magic feels very intentional and meaningful, but I do not think my experience with it is universal.

My mind first goes to Welsh mythology and Morda- the blind man who helps tend the cauldron of Awen under the goddess Cerridwen’s command; and to the old stories of faery doctors passing on their Sight from mentor to apprentice by having the master put the palms of their hands on their student’s head and the bottom of their foot. In this way, their Gift would transfer from one to the other. This does imply that the mentor would either need to be surrendering their own Sight so their apprentice could have it, or they would be spreading part of it from themselves (almost like an infection, which seems appropriate when one considers the often brutal consequences of having Second Sight).

In both cases, mundane vision is disregarded in favor of a guiding inner or second Sight. Morda remains faithful to the Goddess’ task of brewing the Awen, never once casting his mortal gaze onto the potion. But when Gwion Bach stares into it, he is entranced and that leads him to stealing (on purpose or not is up to debate) the gift of Awen for himself and betraying the Goddess Cerridwen, and consequently being hunted down and devoured by Her. This speaks to a frequently present theme of punishment by the Otherside for the abuse (or indeed use at all) of second sight.

At the same time, there are countless stories of people being struck blind- poc sidhe- by the fair folk for viewing them without permission. The Good Neighbors do not like to be observed as a general rule. This has always been interesting for me to think about, because while I was born with second sight, I was not born blind, and indeed I became blind/visually impaired only about 3 years ago under mysterious circumstances. That is, no doctor has yet to be able to explain what is causing my vision loss, despite conditions about myself that should have been able to otherwise explain it (I have a brain tumor that sits precisely between my optical nerves, yet does not appear to in any way be affecting them. And nothing else so far has solved this mystery as to why I am still blind). So was I punished randomly after 25 years of having second sight by some Neighbor that didn’t like me catching sight of them? I don’t think so, but it is still interesting to think about how my second sight and the loss of most of my first sight could be related.

Sorry, I ended up rambling a lot! TLDR is that no, I don’t really have any resources to suggest. I’m not sure that this topic has been covered by anyone in our position before in a comprehensive way. But if you do come across anything, please let me know! And I will do the same.

[neewtmas]

Jealous // Part I

A/N: finally managed to write a part II to this

pairing: george karim x fem!reader

wordcount: 1.4k

masterlist

The only source of light that illuminates the kitchen are a couple of almost burned down candles on the table, their flickering light sending shadows dancing over the tablecloth and the kitchen cabinets. I stare at the indents my nail makes as I drag it over the cloth, again and again, in a never-ending circle. The quiet clanking of metal against porcelain tells me that George is still stirring his tea. It must be cold by now.

“When do you think they’ll be back?” I ask, not taking my eyes off the table. Silence. George has stopped stirring, and I know he’s rubbing his eyes behind his glasses like he does every time he’s tired and stressed. “I don’t know.”

I let my eyes wander over to the old clock that hangs on the wall right next to the door that leads into the hallway. The larger, slightly crooked hand has almost reached the top, telling me it’s nearing 4 am. Usually Lockwood and Lucy aren’t out that late, especially not when the case they had set out to solve was such a minor one. Or seemed like it on paper. George and I had been back since shortly after 1 am, the case we had to solve being simple in every sense of the word.

Since then, we had slowly run out of things to talk about, and I had given up on racking my brain for further conversation topics. That’s not usual at all for us, just a few weeks ago we would have never sat in silence for that long. Except when reading and researching in the library maybe. We had been what you could call a team from the day I started my employment at Lockwood & Co, mostly brought together by the fact that half the time, Lockwood and Lucy just had a dynamic that made one feel like they were intruding on something.

It took some time for George to warm up to me, but I thought he considered me his friend by now. Yet here we were, sitting in silence in the dimly lit kitchen, avoiding looking at each other. I wish I knew what had cause this shift between us, but I don’t have any time to ruminate over it. The sound of the front door opening and falling shut and boots on the creaky floorboards make me perk up. George’s eyes briefly meet mine before the kitchen door flies open and Lockwood steps into the room, followed closely by Lucy. They seem exhausted, but uninjured.

Lockwood plops down on a chair, still in his coat, and lets out a big sigh. “Tea”, is all he says, while Lucy scoots next to me on the bench. George gets up without a word, pours two cups from the kettle on the stove and comes back to the table to put them down in front of Lockwood and Lucy, much more forceful than needed. The cup leaves a stain on the cloth as Lockwood raises it to his lips to take a sip, and immediately spits it out again. “Now that’s actually disgusting”, he grimaces, putting down the cup. “Yes, because it’s been on the stove for three hours”, George snaps. “Where the hell have you been?!”. Lockwood raises his arms in defence, evidently surprised by George’s intense reaction. “Calm down, everything’s fine. We had an issue with the cab and couldn’t find a new one, so it took a little longer than usual.” He gives George one of his charming smiles that is sure to diffuse any tense situation, but George seems immune to it today. “Well thanks to you I had to sit here for three hours, wasting my time!” He rises from his seat, clearly agitated. “Don’t expect me to be up early tomorrow.” With that he leaves the room, not sparing any of us another glance. No one says a word, until somewhere in the house, a door shuts loudly. “Phew, someone’s in a bad mood”, Lockwood chuckles as he gets up to prepare a new kettle. “What’s gotten into him? Did your case go wrong?”

I shrug, feeling somewhat deflated. I wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but the fact that George just spent three hours with me only to leave and call it a waste of time stings pretty badly. “I don’t know”, I say weakly, “He hasn’t really talked to me at all today.” Lucy looks at me quizzically. “All week, actually”, I add, and cringe at how pathetically small my voice sounds. We stay silent for a while, until the tea was ready. “Do you know of anything that might have upset him?”, Lucy asks, smiling at Lockwood who hands her the first cup of tea he poured. He sets one down in front of me as well, before he resumes his place on the chair, his own steaming cup in hand.

I search my brain, for something, anything, but I come up empty. “I have no idea. Everything was fine a couple of days ago.” I stare at the cup in front of me. Lucy goes to drop in a sugar cube, stirs it a couple of times and hands it to me. “Since when exactly is he acting like that?”, she asks, and I take a sip. The hot tea burns my lips and tongue and my throat on the way down and distracts me as I try to recall the events of last week.

“I guess since the last time we were at the library, last Thursday”, I say. “What happened there?” Lucy asks again, and I continue. “That’s the thing, nothing. We were just at our usual table, doing our usual stuff, nothing special. Kipps and his crew stopped by for a few minutes and were annoying, but that’s really the most exciting thing that happened.” Lucy sits up straighter, clearly interested now.  “Did Kipps do anything?”

“No. He just introduced the newest member of his team to us, but I don’t recall his name. Joe? Or Jonas?” Lockwood huffs, annoyed just like every time we talk about Kipps and his team. “Johnathan. I’ve seen him once, seems about as incompetent as the rest of them.”

I nod. “Right. Well, when I went to bring back a book, I ran into him, and he asked me out on a coffee date.” Lucy gasps, and Lockwood leans forward, waiting for me to continue. “Did you say yes?”, Lucy asks urgently, and I can’t tell what she wants the answer to be. I shake my head incredulously.  “Obviously not. Well anyways, a while later we pack up our stuff, and on the way out, we walk past their table. And he yells after me ‘don’t forget our date, sweetheart!’. When we were outside, George asked me what that was about, and I just told him he asked me out earlier.”

Lucy covers her mouth with her hand and stares at me, wide-eyed. “Did you also tell him you said no?!”

I shake my head.  “I kinda thought that was implied”, I say, twiddling with my fingers.  Lockwood laughs, and I just look at him in confusion. “Nothing implied that”, he says, raising his eyebrows. “Poor Georgie thinks your going on a date, and that’s why his mood is so sour. He’s jealous!”

My face heats up, and I can just tell I’m scarlet right now. “Why would he be jealous?”, I mumble, embarrassed. “Well, that’s easy to answer”, Lucy chuckles. My cheeks burn at the implications of her words. George? Jealous? Never in a million years would I have come to that conclusion. “But then why would he just stop talking to me?”, I ask, exasperated because Lockwood and Lucy seem to enjoy my embarrassment a little too much. 

“Because it’s George”, Lockwood simply says. “That’s what he does.” A smile tugs at his lips. “I suggest we go to sleep now. Maybe you’ll have a nice dream about your lover boy.” I think my head is about to explode, and I’m not sure which one he is talking about. I look over to Lucy for help, but she just bites her lip to keep from bursting out laughing. “Lockwood is right”, she manages to say, before she can’t hold her laughter anymore. I hurry out of the kitchen, face beet red.

[kateneedscuddles]

A Peek into My Brain 🧠

~Story time~

Someone once told me that, “the reason why most of us suffer is because we have been doomed to be a prison of flesh and bone that confines the soul; and the only time we are aware of this tragedy is when the scream of the captive resonates with the one let out by the captor.”

Obviously, I was a little surprised (cause the only time when he says anything remotely profound is when he has not slept in 2 days). After processing all that (aka punching him), I’m still not able to shake this weird feeling.

It kinda makes sense, but at the same time, I don't want it to.

Anyways, those are the kind of idiots that I usually hang out with so if I ever end up writing something along those lines, it's going to be cause of a random 3am conversation about life and death.

It's not gonna be because I'm feeling sad or depressed.

Nor because of the constant contemplation on what the meaning of life is, and how the lack of any such meaning increases the appeal of becoming a lifeless entity.

So

.

.

.

A fun fact about me is that I am good at convincing people into believing my lies. I like to talk about normal things and 'dark' things, like murder, death, and conspiracy to take over the world; and I love dark humor. I'm not a big fan of horror movies, but I wouldn't mind dressing up like 'the nun' for a harmless prank.

A good song would brighten my day, even if the entire day was filled with negatives. Similar results can be achieved by reading a manga with a happy ending or watching a movie that doesn't make me cry at the end of it or just talking about random nonsense for a while.

I'm a romantic at heart who values honesty. If I get the slightest clue that I'm being deceived, I will write you off in a second. In a conversation, I'd rather be the listener than the talker. If you ever need someone to just sit with you and listen to you for hours on end, then I'm your gal. The only time when I would happily be the talker is when I feel like filling any awkward silences. I don't really know why I do it, but I'd say some of the most bizarre things just to keep the conversation going.

I have a TBR list that's a mile long, but the only thing I read these days is a research article. The worst part is that the former brings me happiness (if the author was a nice person and didn't kill any of the characters) and the latter just makes me want to claw my eyes out 90% of the times. As for the remaining 10%, I would usually end up liking the topic and the methods used to get to the conclusion and then search for a few more articles that are linked or used as references for that one. I'm also working towards becoming a polyglot.

As much as I love to take charge of my life and do the best that I can every day, I would kill to just be free of it all for a day. Just one day wherein I'm not worried about anything, and all I must do is relax, drink a piña colada, and stare into nothingness. I might read a book, buy a book, or watch a movie adaptation of a book. But the one thing I wouldn't stop doing is relaxing.

In this space, I would be posting something original . There might be some instances wherein I might end up reblogging all the things that I found to be cute, interesting, amazing, or fascinating, but I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you. There will be some NSFW posts as well, which would be labeled as such, but I would still prefer it if you wouldn't follow me if you weren't 18+. Any blogs that don't have an age specified in the description will be blocked.

I would love to use this space to connect with people who could help me with my journey to become a polyglot. In order to do that, I would be occasionally posting things that I would be writing in the language that I'm learning, so please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

I'm not sure if this is enough/TMI to be considered as a good intro, but I'm gonna stop here. Asks are open, in case you feel like talking or asking something. You can DM me as well. Just please be respectful and not outright rude. If you do that, you will be blocked.

For everyone who has stumbled across my page, I hope you have a good day! And if you're planning to stick around for a while, then it's nice to virtually meet you!

[somekindofsentience]

katya and dmitry (my beloveds), or discussing mutation motifs in texts from a biological and psychological standpoint

CONTENT WARNING: DISCUSSIONS OF MENTAL ILLNESS AND HUMAN EXPERIMENTATION.

READING-THIS WARNING: I MISINTERPRET STUFF A LOT, THIS IS PURELY MY INTERPRETATION OF THE SERIES. SORRY IF I'M WRONG. :(

When I first watched through Parties are for Losers and its respective songs, my brain was already whirring. Come on. I'm a Vocaloid nerd, obviously I have to look into it, and I know something is up, which means the analysis brain begins. I really enjoyed the Evillous Chronicles, and it seemed as though this was similar. Unlike it, this was actually in English (being set in Russia), and the narrative felt inherently more understandable, although that may just be because it's only 13 songs, compared to Evillous' 82.

AND it covers topics of biology and its affects on psychology. it's perfect. why have i never heard of this before??!?!?!?

There's a lot of aspects to explore within PafL, but I want to specifically focus on Katya (KT) and Dmitry, and their mutations, taking a biological and social approach to their current mental state. I will refer to Katya by her full "name" because it feels a little more humanising, and our baby girl deserves that.

Human experimentation/mutation is a fascinating topic to explore, because it questions the essence of humanity itself - how could you do that to another human being, a child, no less? End and Save is one of my favourite webtoon comics because of this. The abilities that these children gain typically have significant disadvantages, due to the inherently unethical nature of the creation. In some ways, the mutation itself explores corruption.

Biologically, genetic mutations are a natural occurrence, resultant from selection. We are nowhere near the current level needed to cause significant mutation like that of Katya and Dmitry's, and despite what most people think, there's actually no real intention to head in that direction. Therapeutic gene editing (LITERALLY MY SPECIALISED INTEREST. LIKE I WANT TO GO INTO THIS IN THE FUTURE. THIS IS PERFECT.) strays away from eugenics, and focuses on curing genetic disease. It's a fascinating topic of research, and one I hold dear to me. CRISPR my beloved

Katya's mutant ability is directly related to stress. It causes the extensive growth of tissue when she's in a stressful situation, and she has limited control over the flesh. This then has to be cut off, leaving serious wounds to heal on her skin.

art by Ferry

Taking this biologically, it would have to be mutation related to extreme cell division in tissue - in more simple terms, it's not unlike cancer, where a cell does not consider the required markers for division, and instead rapidly divides. Katya's seems far more controlled than cancer, sticking only to particular sites, and also significantly more extreme. Considering the stress required, it may actually be related to an influx of hormonal changes during stress sequences.

As a result of this, Katya is hypersensitive to the emotion of others and can tolerate a high amount of stress, with inherent optimism. She's relatively simple, and tries her best not to let her abilities weigh her down. In the end, she resigns herself to undeserving of true kindness, suggesting she has some well-hidden low self-esteem.

Dmitry's mutant ability seems more controllable, and therefore powerful, than Katya's. He has the ability to pick up anything, with vague limitations on weight, provided he knows specific location and it is within a 15 metre radius.

art by Ferry

Telekinesis from a biological standpoint? I'm not opening that can of worms. I'm not even gonna try. Make it up yourself. I'm pretty sure A Certain Scientific Railgun couldn't even really explain Kuroko's powers, and I'm one small scrawny rat.

Dmitry suffers severe physical consequences as a result of this ability, even using it regularly - severe headaches, loss of consciousness, and dizziness, which can been seen when he attempts to save Anya. Dmitry is significantly more cautious of the outside world than Katya is, and he's somewhat more hostile, threatening Yura and Sanya when he is blackmailed. However, he's practical, likely from the skills taught to him through use of telekinesis.

Dmitry and Katya were set out to have a negative relationship, due to the power dynamics between the two of them making them inherently different people. Dmitry was used for several years as an "assistant" to test Katya's abilities, and seems to hold a grudge with her over that. They have differing opinions on the outside world, particularly due to the way Dmitry's inhumanity was repeated to him often, as the lab researchers began to fear his power. He's not so pessimistic that he acts as contrast to Katya, but the clashing elements still causes them to go their separate ways in KT's Guide.

I couldn't find any specific links between the use of GUMI as KT and Fukase as Dmitry, but I'm sure there is some when considering the different Vocaloids used as a whole. I just wish I could understand what it was, but I don't quite know enough about Vocaloid as a whole for that. Alternatively, it could just be because of gender and the fact that both sound good with the style of the song.

song i wrote this listening to (after PafL, of course): sleep thru ur alarms by Lontalius

it's been a rough night, okay? i needed this as a distraction.

thanks so much to powercoreact for the suggestion! i genuinely really enjoyed this, and you hit my secret hidden love for vocaloid right in the feels. can you believe i watched this like an hour ago??? i feel like i've known it for years.

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

Random thought time:

-I don’t typically like fics where anyone other then Izuku is gender bent because I’m my experience it becomes this weird sort of… bleh mess that doesn’t stay true to the characters.

For example: fics where Todoroki is turned female give me weird vibes a lot (not all but some) because they make her less Shouto and more ‘ice Queen girlfriend who is emotionally intelligent and super smart’ when in reality Shouto is an emotionally dense wall. Not dumb (defiantly not as often shown in fanfic) but he’s not that smart about emotional or social stuff. By removing that you remove a huge part of his character. And sure different socialization but let’s be real: I can still see Endevaour moulding Fem!Shouto into his successor especially if Rei can’t have more kids. (Headcanon but yeah) so her experiences are mostly the same.

Other examples include just… they like make the characters so off in my head it’s hard to read. Like I read a Fem Kirishima where she was all long hair and giggles and I’m like: Fem!Kiri is the biggest ducking himbo in the world who is jacked as fuck and has her short spiky hair still. That’s Kirishima.

- I’m still salty about the ‘this character is bisexual with a harem but only has the opposite gender in the harem’ shit.

- I find myself not giving a fuck about Tsu more and more but I’m reminding myself it’s cause of fanfics and that I need to research shit to get back to liking her. I still don’t like Izu/Ocha/Tsu though and never will.

- I have come to the conclusion I will refuse to make Iida, All Might or Izuku a bad person in fics because they get enough shit and I love them.

- I really want to write a story with an older sister for Izuku who ends up raising him cause I’m giggling over the idea.

- I hate time travel in the sense of ‘we can go back in time but cannot interact with anyone due to paradox’. I like it as in ‘the world ended so fuck it. Let’s go back and try again’.

- I find myself wishing I’d not had Inko be a bad person in POTSOD, but I don’t fully mind cause I like writing Dadzawa.

- I sometimes wish to try and write out Raising Kacchan but fuuuuuuck I don’t wanna deal with Stan’s finding it and then my other shit.

- I am very annoyed each time I see a tiktok whining about genderbends. Yes, some suck. Others though are fucking amazing as they observe shit.

-I had Shinsou/Jirou ONCE and now my brain keeps poking it with a stick.

- I refuse to write ShinKami anymore because I can’t stop just seeing smaller EraserMic and it feels so cheap to do it because fan authors literally make it the whole thing that it’s the second coming and fuuuuuck it’s boring.

- Ms Joke’s flirting should be treated like how Mineta flirts as Aizawa does not seem to be amused by it, and his reaction to her showing up is oh shit, not ‘oh yes!’

- I wanna write a one sided crush for Aphrodite Rising that ends very badly as in scorched earth who isn’t someone anyone expects because I wanna make it hurt and really examine how toxic views on things can affect anyone and sometimes you don’t realize how toxic they are until it’s staring you in the face.

- Any fic that has any character other then Izuku be Quirkless (Uraraka, Shout, Bakugou and so on) should be avoided in my mind because half the time it’s a thin excuse to bash Izuku and the other it’s just dumb. Write him getting into the hero course!!

- I still believe the best character arc for Bakugou is for him to never rise about the mid rankings as this shows he will accept it’s not a competition and that heroics should be about saving people not beating them.

- I would have 90% less of an issue with Bakuhou is it wasn’t for the idea that Izuku HAS to be his friend after.

- I have ranted about the above before.

- … I have in fact read some B@kuDe€u fics that weren’t bad, but like that’s a rare fucking find that doesn’t have Izuku be a freaking doormat that just smiles and nods at the shit that Bakugou pulls.

- I got called a hypocrite a while back on POTSOD and I think it was about Bakugou and you know what? Fuck it. Fine, call me that. I’ll admit it. Will anyone else admit they’re one to for stabbing the fuck out of him while screaming about Endevaour?

- speaking on that the more I think about it the more I’m like: I might… kind… maybe… sorta… don’t mind his redemption arc because while I firmly think the message you must always forgive your abuser is a shitty one I do know that at least he is trying. I just think it’s a bit to little to late but he acknowledges that at least in some cases.

- someone said they hate Magne because people only like her as she’s trans and they ignore Toger and stuff. They were also giving off mad homophobic and transphobic vibes with their shit though but… fucking hell they had a point and I hate it. Magne’s character is so flat that… yeah. That’s a fucking point for a lot of her love. (Not that it’s wrong or anything but where is the Tiger love?)

- I plan on redemption arcs for Toga in a few fics but I’ll be blunt they are not what people normally expect.

- I love asshole Dabi but I do enjoy my ‘he’s a good brother’ fics it’s just asshole Dabi is more fun to write. Maybe I’ll try one day to write it but until then… yeah.

- I’ve warmed up to TodoDeku and UraDeku more but I still stand by the idea that Iida often gets forgotten and he should be around way more. I see to many fics replace him with Todoroki and it kind of made me salty about the platonic friendship between Todo and Izuku. Why are you replacing Iida?!

- JiroMomo has reached a similar state as UraTsu to me: I find it stale because it’s often used in fics as a background pairing and sure they’re friends but there’s the ‘get the girls out of the way’ vibe mixed with ‘yeah they’re friends but… can I personally see chemistry!?’

- it is after midnight and I think my laundry is done after my giant ass purge/clean today so good night. Send me asks about this shit to if you want

[mcverse]

To the anon that requested this. I tried saving it to draft with my response, but it vanished into thin air?? so I have to start all over. Hopefully you can see this.

Point to consider when reading this, I know nothing about d&d, so I did a little research trip just for you. Be kind to me :(

And thank you for requesting Knb, I love these guys so much.

For those that don’t know what D&D is aka me, it’s a fantasy tabletop role-playing game. I believe that they have a mobile or pc version similar to it. And a campaign is a continuing storyline or set of adventures, typically involving the same characters.

I cannot imagine any of the characters playing the game willing at first. Shocker, not really like let’s be honest. The only way I can think of them getting even close to the game would be because somehow it’s Midorima’s lucky item for that day.

Like he just shows up with it one day, tucked under his arms like an added appendage, no big deal.

Kuroko would have never heard of the game.

Kise might be interested, seeing it as a challenge.

Aomine wouldn’t care because if it’s not basketball or tits, you get it.

Murasakibara is only around when it’s snacks. If it’s not snacks, he’s not interested.

Akashi might definitely does know of it simply cause he’s big brain. He taught himself how to play it so he can converse easier if it’s ever brought up in conversation.

Kagami’s just lost, stop playing with me. Midorima just gets stranger to him. Like who walks around with a board game?

Wrong, it’s a tabletop game, Bakagami.

That said, just because they weren’t interested in it at the start doesn’t mean they won’t be by time they go their separate ways.

Midorima would be annoyed because Kise definitely snatched it out of his arms. He then tells everyone to play, where they disagree simultaneously. It’s only when he taunts them, saying they’re just scared that he’ll beat them, despite it not being that kind of game, do they cave.

Akashi with his power controlling hard on takes the reigns before Kise do what Kise does; look like a fool. He explains the game, ignoring groans and mutters about not wanting to play. It didn’t matter because now he’s invested. And what Akashi says is absolute per canon.

He makes up the setting, the bad guy, end goal and even narrates the whole thing. He does give the other free range to choose their characters.

Kagami is a Barbarian, Aomine is a fighter, Kise is a bard, Kuroko is a druid, Akashi is a wizard, Murasakibara is a clerics and Midorima is a sorcerer.

Surprise, Midorima is the bad guy, for bring the damn game in the first place.

It starts off nice, them not really caring about the storyline or how it affects their character. Then it gets kinda chaotic. Like what. the. fuck.

Kuroko being the wholesome boy that he is, actually understood the game at first but now he doesn’t know what the hell is going on anymore… he likes that he was building up his animal friend roster, but Midorima needs to seriously back the fuck off with his nasty as vine spells on the forest.

Kagami is living the dream, showing unforgettable strength and purpose. Yet despite being in the same traveling company as him, he keeps picking fights with Aomine, who equally heads him on with just as much fire. Aomine still doesn’t give a fuck and he’s gonna keep giving that same energy, rest easy on that.

Seriously what the fuck, can’t even be civil in role play?? Midorima’s sorcerer is practically hurling out a lung in laughter at you, like it’s all part of his plan. To him, they were weak sauce.

Everyone thought Kise was a clown. Who chooses to be a Bard? It wasn’t exciting, there wasn’t any action. But Kise is probably the only one that greatly affected the sorcerer by distracting him with his terrible music. Midorima was so annoyed, he was hindered speechless.

How? HOW??

Be for real, Murasakibara’s not even here. He’s probably the only one that’s checked out. Too busy munching on his snacks rather than contributing to the game. Only makes a move when Akashi tells him to, still barely an effort on his part.

Akashi, unsurprisingly, is giving Midorima a run for his power. It’s almost like Akashi should have been the bad guy, with the way he’s causing more problems than actually solving. He was a menace, who knew… unlucky for him, none of his attacks or plans actually work. Wtf bitch wait!

Midorima was strategically well made for his role. He even outsmarted Akashi, with the way it was going it didn’t seem like he would ever fall. His pride crumbled when they tried a different tactic, though.

Instead of fighting alone, they all worked together as a team like it was originally supposed to be. Even Murasakibara put in a little effort for this part, having enough of Midorima’s shitty attitude.

When the game came to a close, they all vowed to never, ever play this “dumb ass game” again. It’s definitely a one time for the one time type shii.

Especially when they can hang their victory over Midorima’s head.

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

Today I was telling Mom about something I watched (a mediocre vampire film) , and as I got talking I wondered why never has a certain sort of character. It occurred to me would be a natural, yet in decades of watching and reading I have never once encountered anyone like them.

So I started going on about it, and Mom was getting interested even though she was tired. Suddenly I said, “Now THAT’S the character I want to read about!”

Damn.

No really. Damn. It would take a lot of work to get right, and time I don’t have, and OMG the research, and…

Still, I said to Mom that I really needed to go write the idea down. Maybe I would actually do something with it.

But then I was busy. Really busy.

Just before the post office closed I popped in to mail Mom some jelly. To my surprise someone recognized me from high school even though we hadn’t seen each other in decades. While I was scrambling to remember who they were, I did kind of a lousy job of asking about them while trying to answer their questions.

And what was about the first thing they asked?

“Did you ever write that book? You always said you were going to write one.”

Did I? I was always writing in my notebooks but I don’t remember ever telling anyone. I wanted to, just because all my brain was good for was daydreaming and that the only practical use I could figure for it. I just don’t remember talking about it.

Geez, maybe I did. I’ve had my old elementary school teachers nag me every time I run into them for not writing a book. “I expect you to have published a children’s book by the next time I see you!”

BTW! I have never intended to write children’s books. Undisciplined sprawling epics about grumpy outcasts saving the day through decidedly un-child friendly means with bittersweet endings only the victorious but traumatized know, sure. But what these people expect I don’t think I’m capable of, at least without ending up banned by some schools! LOL

“Did you ever write that book?”

It haunted me.

I went to rest my poor ankle before the last push of on my feet for the day. I flopped for 15 whole minutes, an eternity of rest for me, and what did my brain do for that time? Think about that character I’d mentioned to Mom!

My brain was obsessed. If they are this, then what would encountering that mean. How would this detail impact their past? How would their present be? Would they fit in the world or would the world of the story have to shift a little for them. In just a few minutes I had spun an ever increasing web around them.

Double damn!

I had an idea for a character I REALLY want to see, and the universe seems to be trying to nudge me into writing it…..

But I have no story. No plot. Just a character.

I thought tonight, feeling so energized by the ideas, I’d work on it.

Life didn’t let that happen. Too much to do, too little time, and always the exhaustion that mushes my brain too much for ideas to find a space.

The character is going to fester away in my mind, a sore place that won’t quite heal until I cut it open and let it bleed out onto the page. Or a sculpt. Or one of my silly painted boxes.

Unless life gets too much in the way. Then given enough time it will heal, but a messy healing that leaves a scar that no one else will see. But I will know it’s there, a reminder of the wounding an idea unused can cause.

[elirandom]

20 questions for fic writers

stolen from @lamardeuse back in 2023 and languishing in my drafts forever

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

39

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

124,445

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now I'm adding notes to a possible Soapghost fic, I've ideas for an H50 fic I never know if it'll see the light of day, and bits and pieces of unfinished things in every fandom I ever been in i think.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I've yet to be the king of my castle (911, Buck/Tommy)

On this road I'm crawling (H50, McDanno)

Cause I keep runnin' from my heart (H50, McDanno)

I want to hurry home to you (NCIS LA, Sam/Callen)

Playing favourites (Torchwood, Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones/Gwen Cooper)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Of course! Why? Because it's fun, I might be late replying because of handwave everything in my life rn

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

An old Torchwood, Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones, MCD fic; As I die (Reaping through the truth, Life becomes untrue)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Difficult question, but possibly Cause I keep runnin' from my heart.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Lol no. I'm not the type of writer people get up in arms about, I'm the casual read when you're scrolling a tag

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I'm so tame these days I hardly reach the Explicit rating. But there's bdsm, blood play etc back there since I used to write Spike/Angel and Riddick AUs.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I've a couple I think, the one I remember is Torchwood/Angel the series.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Doubt it

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Once! That was so cool actually.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yeah, nothing saved but back in Livejournal days and before that on message boards rooms, kinda like discord.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Writing wise I think Spike/Angel, it used to be so easy to write a ficlet here and there. They've got such massive shared history to dig into.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The Dom/Brian werewolf AU. There's also a Spike/Angel that's nearly finished and something gets stuck every time I try and finish it. But hey, I finished my NCIS LA fic series, it only took me 10+ years so who knows. I just need my brain back, there's too much in ny life rn.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Character's voices? I have no idea but that's how every story starts in my head, these dialogues that I then have to build around which isn't my strong suit. But just cause I feel like I've got their voices right doesn't mean they ring true in someone's else's ears.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Plotting and research. The overarching idea for a giant plot always falls apart on the nitty gritty for me. Either I lose momentum and start hating the story, or the nitty gritty becomes like reading a factual add-on. And research stumps me because see previous, I've a hard time picking out what the reader's need to follow along the story and not take them out of the story with too many facts.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't know if I ever have?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Pitch Black I think. Or Angel/Spike.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I still think the old SGA McShep ficlets Rainy days/When the rain lets up but that could be because it was such good fun to be apart of that fandom and I remember enjoying writing that.

[burntblueberrywaffles]

My 2023 recap (but it's through all my favorites posts I've made this year)

Part 2! (part 1 here)

Aug 14th

Me @ the prequels haters:

Aug 14th

Aug 18th

He did it for me specifically and I thank him every day ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Aug 20th

Me progressively spiraling in my latest sw posts:

Aug 26th

Discovering you’re ace is wild cause like, you guys were serious when you said you wanted to fuck that character/celebrity?

We weren’t just exaggerating and being silly?? UH???

Aug 27th

Watching the end of ROTS: a moodboard

Aug 30th

Having a R2d2 and C3po cameo might be the laziest form of Star Wars fan service but you know what that shit work my dumbass goes “OMG it’s R2 and threepio 🥺🥺🥺” everytime

Aug 31st

Tumblr staff be like: somehow they’re still using desktop, lets add an evil clown

Aug 31st

“I want the main character to end up with this person, even though I hate one of them who sucks and doesn’t deserve to end up with such a good-”

My brother in Christ call me crazy but I don’t think you actually love this ship. Read an x reader or x OC fanfic at this point jfc.

Sept 4th

Me sending a feedback report to complain every time tumblr makes another idiotic change:

Sept 10th

I’m always so scared to assemble it

Sept 15th

I love doing research, I am not tearing my hair out (lying)

Sept 21st

Im so good at forgetting my blorbo is a child murderer you wouldn’t even believe

Sept 29th

Lowest luminosity setting is not low enough why is my iPhone a fucking beacon of light burning my retina with the force of a thousand suns

Sept 30th

Me every few months:

Oct 4th

Oct 18th

Me reading fanfic titles on ao3 after first becoming a Taylor Swift fan:

Oct 28th

My boy was so sleep deprived this would have fixed him.

Oct 29th

Can’t believe you hate on my ship just because it’s toxic, unhealthy and has disastrous consequences for everyone around them. Grow up. 🙄

Nov 11th

I have beef with TCW Anakin

Nov 14th

When people go “ew why would you be into this ship when it’s toxic and problematic” and I’m just

Sometimes you don’t need another reason than "it makes my brain go brrrrr” it’s fiction babes it doesn’t have to be good or healthy ❤️

Nov 15th

I thought “oh it would be fun to randomly send a kitten picture to this one mutual” and then I went insane 🧍‍♀��🧍‍♀️ sorry about that besties

(this isnt a good post but since i'm making this as a 2023 recap I want to commemorate that time I sent kitties to all the beloved mutuals LOL)

Nov 18th

I love these “what do you most associate with [insert US state]” polls bc my non-American ass is always:

Baby I literally have no idea what you’re talking about ❤️

Nov 17th

hate when people are like “why would Padme be into cringefail Anakin it’s so unrealistic”

Like, um, CLEARLY she saw his pathetic weepy eyes and immediately decided she wanted to fuck that. What’s hard to understand.

Nov 20th

I think when you break up with someone their memory of you should be wiped men in black style thank you

Nov 22nd

Philosphy class be like

Nov 25th

Me when the known mass murderer starts murdering

#you’re telling me my genocidal babygirl is in fact genocidal???

Nov 26th

The thing about philosophy class is that most of these dudes you have to learn about just suck.

“Ohhhh humans only use each other and every relationship is only built on the potential advantages you can get from it” So your heart has never exploded thinking about how much you love your friends?? Sounds like a you problem.

Nov 28th

Snow being judgmental and having a constant sense of superiority…. brother you can’t even buy a new shirt HUMBLE YOURSELF

Nov 28th

Me starting the Ballad of songbirds and snakes and reading snow’s inner monologue: this guy sucks lmao I will NOT be rooting for him and Lucy Gray to be together 🙅‍♀️

Snow:

Me: oh goddamn it

Dec 1st

“I liked this thing before it was cool!“ Boohoo you’re not special. You just stumbled upon it before other people, congratulations.

"I still like this thing after it was cool, now that public opinion has shifted from being overly positive to considering it bad and cringe” now that takes strength. Courage. Who I aspire to be.

Dec 3rd

Snow: is always nice to Sejanus, helps him distribute food to the tributes, offers him a seat, gives him advice, CALLS HIM HIS FRIEND, save his life-

Also Snow: wtf this bitch thinks we’re friends????

#babyboy you are so stupid

Dec 4th

Me when I see my friend sadposting: I will smother you with kisses and love. Do you need me to kill someone btw

Also me, when I’m sad posting and friends send me encouragements: Friend??? 🥺 Friend cares about me??? 🥺🥺 friend wants to cheer me up? 🥺🥺🥺

Dec 7th

Tumblr rn feels like a landlord trying to make its tenant leave by not fixing shit and cutting utilities, but unfortunately for everyone involved, I am a rat

Dec 10th

No but seriously no one should try being tumblr famous, this website is for one thing only, and that’s having a silly time with your friends and mutuals 😤

Dec 12th

If your mutuals don’t say hi in the tags when they reblog one of your popular posts from someone else then what is it all for

Dec 12th

“Ew liking unhealthy ships is so toxic-”

“Actually toxic ship are INTERESTING unlike those boring healthy ships that have no flavour-”

Meanwhile me, who can appreciate and enjoy any ship dynamics:

Dec 18th

I’m like an old man shouting at clouds except I’m a 20 years old trying to make everyone listen to La Lumière by pomme asdagshdjfk

#I don’t think anyone is buying what I’m selling but I shall keep trying 😔

Dec 20th

Snow when being friendly to Sejanus results in becoming friends with Sejanus

#bro was really like: you’re telling me the person I’ve been treating well and interacting with regularly thinks I’m his friend??? #and that everyone else also think we’re friends???? #like yeah bby that is how friendship works ❤️

[mintyvoid]

so i bought and have now recived my anti planner, and while i imagine a bunch of the tools wont do anything- im hoping something helps. And ill try to speak up if anything does.

For some context i suppose if you dont regularly read my depressed rants, i was diagnosised autistic in 2020 but had been in therapy on and off since 2010 for anxiety and depression. I found a majority of resources not helpful or treading over ground ive already done years into- when I started researching 'okay so im autistic what the fuck do i do now, how do i get better'.

(I just keep ranting how shit doesnt seem to want to work for me below)

Most likely cause of all the years ive done work on myself, i am very self aware and quite good at communicating how im feeling. But found that none of the tools I learned helped long term or even enough to better my quality of life(now knowing this was because all those tools help people without a neuro disability, they simply were never going to work).

I've also found that a lot of the resources out there, include this book, are catered towards those with adhd, which while having a lot of simularities to autism- they are not the same. And though I had previously thought i was adhd, im like pretty sure this isnt the case(like in terms of a duo adhd n autism diag). So a lot of the stuff i end up finding /also/ doesn't work.

Though i cant reaally tell if its due to the autism or depression. A good example is the 'trick your brain' angle i see abundantly. To do things like 'set a timer to create a deadline or force panic' or similar time constrainted things simply dont work. I can feel incredible stress to complete something from a deadline or disappointed friend or angry manager and it do little to nothing to motivate me to do the actual thing. If i dont want to do something(or even if i want to do something but my brain for whatever reason doesnt let me), it doesnt happen- concequnce be damned.

I can break tasks into smaller chunks for days, but if i cant get up or move my arm to start said small task then it doesnt really matter does it? The one thing i can do is organize lol, but its the one thing that i see the most as advice- which is totally understandable as its not something taught so a majority would lack the skill. I was really lucky to seek help when i did and to then get actually good advice. It's probs been the only moment where help and support did actually help my quality of life.

Most likely I wont see any improvement in my life till I either go back therapy(actually find someone who can help someone like me, probs needs to be on meds again too) or can afford to create an environment thats supportive of my needs...or more than likely a combo of the two lol. Neither of which i see happening as both need money and i cant work nor get much from my disability program and cant work enough on online stuff to make that my income.

As an aside, i do know that many if not most, have it worse than i do. And i often feel that i simply cant complain about my own situation because im have a loving family that supports me as much as they can, im no where near homelessness, im not bipoc or a trans person, i could technically work but i would only be able to just work(aka id have to give up doing what i ant for a living and went to school for and actually am passionate about, and honestly typical work stresses and sucks so much energy out of me ugh id probs just burn out again n quit). I dont feel i can ask for money or support when there are others i feel need it way more than i do.

And i absolutely hate that what i have isnt enough, and that fact is also why i feel i cant vent. Srry this kinda went off the deep end.

[lovimagines]

Assumptions

[Alpha!Tomura x Fem!Omega!Reader x Alpha!Dabi]

[Part 1 of ?]

Summary: You find yourself having fun at an arcade when a stranger approaches you, offering you a position within his team. Things go south, quickly.

Warnings: A/B/O, possible canon divergence, swearing. (Please politely let me know if I missed something/need to tag anything else!!)

Word Count: ~1,900

A/N: The ‘____’ is your name! THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING A/B/O!! I’m very new to it, and have done research, but I’m still learning! Also quick note, reader is close to Dabi’s age in this! At the very least, reader is meant to be 18+! I also haven’t written for BNHA in literally 4ish years? So... please go easy on me! One last thing, reader is written as neurodivergent! This is a kind of a self indulgent fic, but i wanted to leave it sort of vague so a lot of people could read it! -Beth

The universe seemed to be out to get you. For the longest time you assumed you were quirkless, you assumed you would be an alpha, and you assumed you’d have your best friend forever.

Within a long, drawn out several years, those things were proven to be very wrong. You lost your best friend. You had a horribly powerful Quirk. And once you hit puberty, it was revealed you were an Omega.

Life couldn’t get more rough. So you thought.

U.A. High School seemed to be a good thing that could be going for you, when you were younger. But, once you failed the hero exam and were told you too… ‘Unstable’, you were sent packing. Your Quirk was ruthless, and very much so unstable, but you thought someone would be able to help you with that.

Years passed and when you did not show any interest in any of the alphas that would present themselves to you, your parents were growing tired. Eventually you ended up moving out and living with Quirk (curse) on your own.

It proved difficult but you did it, all by yourself for a while there. And then your life is completely flipped again when a villain presents himself to you, asking for you to join him and his cause.

You hum to yourself as you walk around an almost empty arcade. You don’t allow yourself out often, due to the hell that is your Quirk, so when you do let yourself enjoy the world around you, you soak it all up.

“Hey lady!” A kid screams from the other side of the arcade. There aren’t many ladies in the arcade, causing you to turn around. You look and some boy is rushing you. You reel back and cock your head at the kid. He gets to you, bends over and catches his breath, then begins to talk once more. “Is that your initials on the race car game?”

You snort, “Yeah, how did you know?”

“I saw you use that thing the other day. I wanna race you. I wanna beat you!” The kid sounds determined. You only nod and let him lead you to the game. You take a seat on the metal, barely padded chair and grab the steering wheel of the game. The little boy gets on the game connected to yours, right beside you, and readies himself.

You start the ‘race’ and are quick to get in the lead. Within the time limit you destroy that little kid. You notice once the game is finished he is the third on the leaderboard. Someone’s under him.

“Hey kid.” A voice comes from behind the both of you and you turn around, “Get up, it’s my turn.”

The kid doesn’t question it and he quickly excuses himself. The tall man sits down, and looks over at you. His face is obscured by his hood and his long, blue hair, but you can definitely feel his eyes on you. Your grip on the gaming wheel tenses and you avert your gaze.

You begin to get up, but you’re stopped. “No. I wanna beat you. You are the first one, right?”

He was second place. You groan. “What do I get if I win?”

“I don’t know, what do you want, _____?”

You freeze. You hadn't told him your name. With knuckles turning white, you stare at him for a moment. You look back at the screen in front of you and your jaw clenches tight. You inhale sharply through your nose and wonder how someone’s found you. You then have to rack your brain to remember if you took your suppressants that morning.

You're sure you have, so you calm down slightly, but you’re still terrified. You ignore his earlier comment and mumble a ‘let’s get started’ and both of you start the race. You're tense but you don’t let that throw you. You’re still able to win, and with ease.

“Ok. I won.” Your throat is dry, it’s hard to swallow, and your hands are aching. “Now what?”

“Well, it’s only polite if you let me talk to you after beating me that badly.”

You can’t tell if the niceness in his voice is forced or if he’s just… awkward. You want to believe it’s the ladder. You agree to talk to him and stand from the game. You look at him with big, worried eyes, and take a shaky breath.

“I’m not going to murder you or something,” His voice is low, gruff, and almost confused sounding.

“Oh.” That made you feel worse honestly. You’re back is to one of the walls and you inhale sharply. “Um, can I ask how you know me?” You are sure he hears you gulping down your spit. “I mean, I don’t even know you…”

The man gives you a wide smile and backs you into the wall. Your back hits the cool brick and you’re cornered. ‘Oh, and he isn’t going to kill me,’ you think to yourself. You watch his Adam's apple bob and feel yourself drawn to him momentarily. Something about him was enticing, but you couldn’t tell if it was your heat coming soon or if you just thought he was mysteriously sexy.

His hands grab either side of his hood and it drops, revealing blue hair and blood red eyes. You go to gasp, and a dry hand is covering your mouth, one of his fingers lifted above your skin. He shushes you and you’re struggling to breathe out of fear. You wanna just crumble, fold even, but you don’t. You stand frozen, watching the League of Villains leader staring at you. His eyes bore into yours.

“Sh, we don’t need to alert anyone, though I’m sure your Quirk could help us…” You only nod a little. “I have a proposition for you, ____,” his face drops, looking more serious now. You let him speak, without interrupting, you aren’t sure you want to say no anyway. “I know how the heroes treated you. You were thrown out like some animal.” Tears prick your eyes as he continues to speak, bringing memories up that you did not want to think about. “I know that must eat away at you.”

You shut your eyes, a couple tears falling from them.

“I think we can help you. Just as much as you could help us. We’d benefit each other greatly.”

It takes a moment. But you open your eyes once more and nod. You nod in agreement, in agreement of everything he just said. You were hurt by U.A, quite tremendously. And maybe, the league could help you with your so-called curse.

His hand falls from your mouth and he’s quick to pull his hood back up. You inhale sharply, your breath catching as you catch Tomura’s scent. You hoped and prayed that he could not catch your scent. You exhale slowly and look at Tomura with a curious gaze.

“Can we stay here a little longer though? I don’t get out often… And I wanted to get a prize before leaving.”

Tomura groans but gives you a reluctant nod. You smile at him and begin your walk towards the claw machines. Tomura is hot on your trail, watching you closely as you reach the machine. Without him even asking, you begin to tell him what you’re doing. “I like to get prizes every time I go out! They’re souvenirs, I guess.”

“Your Quirk makes it easier.”

You expect it to sound like a question, but he ends it as a fact. He knows. You are almost uneasy. He knows more about you than you’d like, and you’re far too scared to ask how.

“How does your Quirk work exactly?”

You wanted to hit him with a ‘how do you not know that?’ but you did not. “I’m unsure, really. I think about the outcomes, the probability and… it changes. I’m not very good at it, even now. Little things are easier, though. Like this-” You put a quarter in the claw machine, “Which one do you like?” Tomura gives you a confused look and points to a random plushie and you nod. “It’s easy to fix this outcome. It's easy to luck out here.”

The claw goes down on the plushie and you easily bring it to the opening. You drop it and bend over, pulling the plushie out. You stand up straight, Tomura’s eyes not leaving you. You extend your arm and give him a goofy grin. When he doesn’t immediately take it, you frown. You pull the plush back to you and Tomura cocks his head. You avert your gaze once again and Tomura is trying to process what just happened.

“You wanted to give me-” You interrupt Tomura with a nod. He sighs, “I thought you kept them.”

“No, not always. I mean, I love to collect things, but sometimes other people need them more than I do. I like to think that it gives them a bit of my luck.”

Tomura is unmoving for a moment. Wheels turning. You can tell he’s thinking really hard about something, but you’re unsure as to what.

“Give me that damned stuffed animal.” Tomura takes it from your grasp, fucking it under his arm as not harm it, and you smile widely at him. “Can we go now?”

You nod. Tomura leads you out and you two set out for wherever the hell he was taking you.

When you reach the hideout, you feel your nerves acting up. ‘Fuck, my suppressants,’ you can’t help but freeze in your spot. Tomura’s hand grips your waist and he begins to pull you forward. You start walking again, trying to push your worries and fears away.

The door of the hideout opens and you stand beside Tomura like some terrified animal. Everyone in the general vicinity looks at the both of you. Your wide fearful eyes, and Tomura pulling you closer, as if he didn’t want them to jump you.

“Who is she~” The blonde girl speaks up first.

“This is-”

Another person enters the room. A person covered with staples and scars. Another Alpha. Your eyes lock with his and for a moment, you feel nostalgia. And not the good kind. The kind that makes your stomach turn and tears well up in your eyes.

“Who the fu-” He stops himself. Tomura is glaring at him, and his eyes are just stuck on you. You want to run, but the grip Tomura has on your side is debilitating.

“_____.”

He knows you. More than Tomura does. He knows you.

Those eyes are unforgettable and you're suddenly very aware of why you felt so sick.

“Touya?”

“You two know each other?”

You’re stuck in your spot still. You watch as he begins to make his way towards you and you cower into Tomura’s side. You thought you would never fear your best friend. But you also thought you’d never, ever see him again.

“How the fuck did you find her?” He’s pissed. ”Get her the fuck out of here. Right now.”

You blink at him, tears forming. Tomura’s grip somehow tightens, and you’re left standing beside two alphas who look like they’re ready to rip each other’s throats out.

“No.” That’s all Tomura says at first. He isn’t backing down. There is a short pause, “This is _____, our newest team member.”

[kuwdora]

Istredd recs

Here are some Witcher recs of Istredd with Geralt and a few stories with Yen 'cause I love Istredd a whole lot!

Geralt/Istredd

Alright, let me tell you about @brighteyedjill 's series Collaborative Scholarship, because this is 100000% my jam.

Research Methods (5,302w. Explicit) features Istredd enlisting Geralt to retrieve some arachas eggs. Of course Istredd discovers Geralt’s unorthodox method of collecting the eggs via oviposition. What you need to know about this fic is that Geralt and Istredd are complete and utter NERDS. And adorable. The story is also incredibly sweet and endearing and god, the banter is so good.

Advanced Study (5,589w. Explicit) is where Istredd gets fisted by Geralt and it’s so fucking cute and dorky and nerdy and hot. The Istredd POV is just absolutely exquisite the entire way through. Denial, cute horny thirst, nerdy. Geralt is dry and funny, but also nerdy and sweet. This fic really does have everything for these two.

The Scholar in the Ruins by @bittylildragon. (9,944w. Explicit). Istredd enlists Geralt’s help with some wraiths at some elven ruins. THIS IS SO SOFT. Like!!! Geralt has such low self-esteem but he ends up having such a good fucking time with Istredd. They're so soft. I adore the way Geralt tries to understand Istredd’s motivations about the elves and how Istredd manages to surprise and disarm Geralt with his sincerity and charm. This fic is a joy to read. (Also it is incredibly hot!!)

The Giant Bumblebee (1661w. Teen) by C_hawk. Istredd saves Geralt from bleeding out and Geralt returns the favor by helping Istredd look for a monster of interest. This is a cute, banter-y fic that sends me in a happy tizzy because their dynamic is hilarious and lovely. I'm smitten with how Istredd doesn't really know what to do with Geralt.

The Thing You Loved (1057w. Teen) by @brighteyedjill. Istredd gets kidnapped! ISTREDD WHUMP. ISTREDD WHUUUUUUMP and Geralt. I adore thiiis fic, I ADORE THIS. This is more Istredd whump than just slash but it just sets off happy firecrackers in my brain because their dynamic!! Is so good!!

points of the same star (468w. Mature) by and_a_dash_of_Angst. This is a great smutty ficlet with some bondage and d/s vibes. The twist at the end is AMAZING!!

If You Go on Like This (4582w. Teen) by @brighteyedjill. Geralt rescues Istredd and they learn a little about each other along the way. I. ADORE. THIS. God… I could just eat up this pairing all day long forever. Jill manages to build up their dynamic so subtly, slowly, delightfully and I am in LOVE. This is more of a Geralt & Istredd situation instead of the slash but ooooh, so delicious.

as flies do by flirtygaybrit (7020w. Teen). Geralt shows up to the conclave of mages on Thanedd and finds an potential ally in Istredd. The ongoing metaphor in this is superb, and Geralt’s humor is just absolutely spectacularly hilarious and dry and witty. ALSO. Omg! Istredd’s first line in this fic: “I can’t say I’d be any richer for being accused of ogling a witcher’s backside.” It only gets better from there. Their dynamic!! is top fucking incredible! If you love delicious imagery and prose, please check out this fic. It’s mindblowingly good.

Yennefer/Istredd

One Last Thing, Before I Go (3283w. Mature) by @arse-blathanna. Alright, so this is a sad Istredd and Yen get back together and breakup again, so it’s painful and ache-y in the most exquisite way. I love this Yen POV and it’s so difficult to let go of that first love. They don’t really fit together in the same way anymore, but they’re trying...even though it’s not enough. So if you’re in the mood for some angst, this is a fic you want punching you in the heart. 😭❤️

A Little Chaos (1223w. Mature) by @brighteyedjill. Istredd and Yennefer. Whumpily sweet sex pollen that is so lovely and emotionally satisfying.

Come Back For You (2:52) by me, @kuwdoravids. This is my Yen/Istredd, Istredd/Geralt, Istredd/History fanvid. Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I say I would be the one to make you feel this way. The love and pain of caring for another person (and about history!). Moving through the shit to be there because that's just what you have to do. Even though people aren't really listening to you. Come for Istredd's gorgeous face, stay for the vibes and feelings!

[lawyernovelistpersonal]

I'm sure plenty has already been said about Renfield from today's entry, but I'd just like to highlight some stuff we see about Seward.

Warning for talk of medical experimentation, animal cruelty, and mental illness

It would almost be worth while to complete the experiment. It might be done if there were only a sufficient cause. Men sneered at vivisection, and yet look at its results to-day! Why not advance science in its most difficult and vital aspect—the knowledge of the brain?

As a quick note, He's not suggesting cutting Renfield open here. I think there are two interpretations of this: first, that he's suggesting that he could allow continued animal cruelty for the cause of advancing psychology (vivisection also being animal cruelty which he says has advanced science). Second, he's suggesting that continuing to study Renfield by allowing him to continue building up his own personal food chain and observing him would be considered unethical but could yield good results, again for the advancement of psychology (much as vivisection was considered unethical but he considers it to have advanced science).

If only there were a sufficient cause! I must not think too much of this, or I may be tempted

Here we see that he doesn't consider the advancement of knowledge (and, to take an uncharitable reading, his own advancement in his field) to be a good enough cause for unethical experimentation. He wants there to be a good reason because he does want that sweet, sweet knowledge, but knows there isn't one and so makes the decision that he's not going to carry out the unethical experiments.

This was actually a very active debate around vivisection at the time: the Cruelty to Animals Act, 1876 said that researchers who carried out cruel experiments on (vertebrate) animals could be prosecuted unless the experiments were "absolutely necessary for the due instruction ... to save or prolong human life". Unethical experimentation could be carried out if the cause was considered good enough. In this case, though, there might be benefits, but those benefits don't outweigh the costs and Seward doesn't try to claim they would.

Seward also shows a lot of self-knowledge here, acknowledging that he's susceptible to temptation and thus needs to avoid thinking about what he could learn from letting Renfield carry on his food chain experiments to their conclusion because he might actually fall to that temptation, come up with a justification, and start acting in a way he knows to be wrong.

And that's important: he does know it would be wrong and resists the temptation to do it anyway.

A good cause might turn the scale with me, for may not I too be of an exceptional brain, congenitally?

There are a lot of headcanons about how Seward is neurodivergent and that's why he went into psychiatry, and for me this clinches that interpretation as canon.

First, we tend to use "exceptional" to mean "better than usual" but it really just means "unusual". Seward is acknowledging that he has had or may have had an unusual brain since birth, suggesting that, indeed, he has some kind of neurodivergence even though he can mostly hide it and he and others in his profession don't have the knowledge to analyse and name it.

The other part of what he's saying here confirms the idea that he got into psychiatry because of that knowledge about himself: he wants more knowledge in his field because his own mind is unusual. And, again, he has enough self-knowledge to be aware of his own susceptibility to this specific kind of temptation and be on guard against it.

To me it seems only yesterday that my whole life ended with my new hope, and that truly I began a new record. So it will be until the Great Recorder sums me up and closes my ledger account with a balance to profit or loss. Oh, Lucy, Lucy, I cannot be angry with you, nor can I be angry with my friend whose happiness is yours; but I must only wait on hopeless and work. Work! work!

If I only could have as strong a cause as my poor mad friend there—a good, unselfish cause to make me work—that would be indeed happiness.

That's really sad.

We can see from this that Seward hasn't moved on at all from being rejected by Lucy; just as in that first phonograph recording, it still hurts and he's still trying to throw himself into his work but here we also see that he feels hopeless and purposeless. He really hoped that she would accept him and when that hope was dashed it clearly sent him on a horrible downward depressive spiral that he's really trying to get out of but doesn't know how.

I particularly note that he specifies he wants an unselfish cause and I wonder a bit what the selfish causes are: self-aggrandisement might well be one, relevant to what he said earlier about advancing his field more than other famous researchers had. Avoiding his own pain might be another. There may also be a dollop of self-loathing in there driving him to believe that if he finds joy in anything that means doing it is selfish, so if, for example, he did really help a patient he couldn't feel that doing that gave him an unselfish cause to work towards. It's an ugly catch-22 with the fact that he specifies that an unselfish cause to make him work would make him happy.

Finally, it is quite touching that he's very clear he's not angry with Lucy for rejecting him despite the pain that rejection causes him and doesn't resent Art for being her choice. Keep drinking that Victorian Respect Women juice, Jack.

[a-bird-who-writes]

How I boost creativity

Music

Daydreaming

Read

Watch a show

Write for 15min

Start Note-

Hey there!

I'm this post, let's talk about ways to keep up or boost creativity. I only know the ways I work with it, so I hope some of these options work for you when you got a block!

Music:

Listening to music in general, but especially songs that remind me or the story that I am about to write and need a boost for helps a ton.

If you can, work out a playlist that gets you inspired for the idea or WIP you need to progress on and use that as a listening device when you work. If you can think better or work better with music this will probably help you brainstorm ideas.

Daydreaming:

Daydreaming works with/or without music. Just find a place comfortable to rest and think of all the ideas you might be able to use for your WIP, even if it would be far in the future or small unnecessary scenes.

When wanting to boost with this, it might end up being a little brainstormy or even cause you to think of another story or possible WIP, BUT if that's getting you in the mood to write at all it's still a win in my book.

Read:

Read a book, any book you see. It could be a fantasy you've been wanting to pick up for a while or an informational one about something you've wanted to learn about for a long time. Anything you read will help you learn and in turn might even make you want to write or think of your own ideas.

Sometimes you may also want to read a book similar to your own, doing this can make you study how that author did what they did to use as tips in your won writing for support.

Watch a show:

Watch a show, just for fun or for some research. Dumb or not, comedy or something serious, this could boost your creativity.

Watching a funny show or something that you enjoy could boost your mood and provide you with a creative boost for later writing or some ideas for your own work. Not to mention the fact that shows and movies take a lot of script writing to be done, along with a lot of dialogue and setting work. Observing these things and taking it to account how they did what they did can provide you with lots of settings or situations to put in your own story.

Write for 15 min:

Just pick up a piece of paper or grab that laptop and write. Blank page or full document, the point is to start.

Writing or thinking about your WIP for at least 15min a day every day will soon put your brain Into a rhythm. Doing this begins to work your brain into naturally thinking about these ideas later and throughout the day to prepare you for your scheduled 15min. And if you start with 15min and get a boost of creativity you might begin to write more even after the alarm has went down.

End Note-

Why thank you for reading to the end, I appreciate you!

Above I just listed all of the ways and things I do to boost my creativity during times I may be blocked or not want to write.

These things usually pull be out of a block when I'm willing to use them and have the time. But what's most important in all of these is not to pressure yourself, take your time. If you need to rest and not write in a day, don't do it. Self care is the best care, and your writing can wait for another day.

- Hawk