#i dunno it's been so long that i feel like it's not valid or whatever cause it was at an age where i can say it was a 'phase'
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want to cut my hair again like you wouldn't believe. What are the possible consequences of going bald
#100% ŃокŃĐľŃĐ˝ŃĐš дновник ĐťĐľĐ˛Ń ĐРЧĐТĐĐ#actually i dont mean bald i just mean all one guard length#but hhhhh maybe i'm in an awkard stage maybe not i just CANNOT live like this#middle part is frustrating because it's not perfect in the way it sits side part is frustrating because i look like a girl#i feel like i could go all in with the 4 and then sorta texture a bit with the 2 guard HOWEVER having used the 4 previously. i know#how short that is. it might not look good so i worry#the bright side is it would grow out a bit by the time of the parade but augh i hate this#i'm currently a tightly wound ball of rage sorry. i didn't eat much of anything 2day#tried to call the hospital to get help with the letter/consulation thing preceding top surgery and they were NOT OPEN so idk if they will#be open tomorrow or not. the passage of time has gotten very vague all of a sudden#iiiiiii do not think i am doing well. lol. idk why though! god forbid any of it have a reason#i almost wish i'd relapse just so i could like. eat food again#idk i don't think it would solve it but i feel in my heart it might make things easier#buuuut because relapse is Bad For Me i guess i have to avoid it. well i want to anyways.#one bad day would not a reset make but my previous day happened this year already so...#i dunno it's been so long that i feel like it's not valid or whatever cause it was at an age where i can say it was a 'phase'#.............. i dunno what to do with that information. anyways.#i mean so what if i went all in on it again anyways? i kinda miss it lol. it's not like i could do any serious harm??#(potential infections aside.)#i just want to be creative and i CANT because my stupid brain will NOT think of anything#and the majority of what i have concretely written of this was written... get this .... right when i was trying to stay clean at first#correlation does not equal causation ........ sighs#i feel like i'm fighting a losing battle because i WANT IT to be that bad again#i've never really regretted it & it's never really been because of anything#i just started because i was curious about why someone would do that. that's all#i dont think i've EVER had any of the mental distress i see people in when theyre in these spaces#in one journal entry i made this big deal about wanting to kill myself but *i didn't want to*. i never did.#like sorry old me but it is REALLY hard to believe i've ever been depressed depressed#i just want things to be better and they never are :/ this should be everything i wanted and its just ... not#i'm not really sure how to ....... oh tag limit ok hold on
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TMKATI AU Wukong accidently spawning pig ears every now and then. Only seems to happen when around Pigsy for extended periods of time or when he's looking for dad flavored validation. Pigsy at first thinks he's being mocked and complains to his husband. Tang subtly asks Wukong about the ears in private just to find out Wu had NO IDEA he was doing it! Pigsy is crying. Years later, after Wu finally found out it was happening and actively tries not to bc thats embarrassing, he texts Pigsy an unsteady photo of little MK messing with his hair in a mirror oblivious to being watched, trying to shape a second ear with gel he found. Child is frustrated. Caption: "What the baby doin???"
Another photo of MK noticing his audience and lighting up. Caption: "Hold on, he's asking for help"
Last photo, half an hour later. Both Wukong and MK are in the photo. MK in his dad's lap with Wu's head on top of his, both beaming at the camera. Both sporting fuzzy "pig ears." Wukong's are the manifested ears from before, MK's are his natural bang and a second ear sculpted with hair and gel. Caption: "He didn't understand why he was the only one to 'inhawit' anything from Dadsy and why he was missing an 'ear', so we fixed it lol :P"
Pigsy is INCONSOLABLE
omg, Wukong's limited shapeshifting abilities manifesting when he's in an emotional state/mood is so based.
I feel like shapeshifting is *not* uncommon among demons, many use it to appear "more human" and fit in, or to hide blemishes or injury, or even just to fit inside buildings. But the side of it thats effected by the user's emotions is not 100% well known. It's like only seeing experts in sports or games, you have a hard time telling whats "Hard" or a "Beginner" move.
I'm imagining Pigsy and "Wu" cleaning up after a very busy and stressful day (first time Wu has ever handled a rush hour), and they're just chilling when a convo like this occurs;
Pigsy (wiping down the kitchen): "You didn't screw up." Wu, sweeping: "Huh?" Pigsy: "For someone who hasn't worked in the service industry for a long time, you did really good today. I'm proud of you." Wu, quietly smiling: "Thanks..." Wu: (*suddenly shapeshifts a pair of pig's ears*) Pigsy, confused: "Tf?? Was that intentional? Whatever, he's weird enough already." â â˘Ě ââ˘Ěâ
Later he mentions it to Tang, a little offended thinking Wu could have been mocking him, only for the scholar to point something out;
Tang: "Wait. You said he spawned pig ears when you told him you were proud of him?" Pigsy: "Yeah! He didn't even comment on it or nothin'! He just finished cleaning, still with the ears on!" Tang, thinking: "Well it's said that demons who use shapeshifting a lot can glitch out when they feel strong emotions." Pigsy (rarely uses shapeshifting): "Huh?" Tang: "Yeah. You telling Wu that you were proud of him probably meant a lot to him, and his magic responded by trying to mimic you." Pigsy: "Why??" Tang, shrugging: "I dunno. The article I read said it most often occurs in interspecies adoption since kids want to *be* like their parents and- Piggy are you crying?!" Pigsy: (*emotional at the realisation that Wu likely sees him as a father figure and/or role model*) "No." (*Lie*)
Macaque witnesses Wukong do this one day and just snickers. Him and Nezha are just quietly betting on how long it'll take for Wukong to even notice that his normal monkey ears now have a permanent "flop" to them, like a pig's ear.
At least until Nezha looks at himself in a mirror and notices that his regular tiny red face markings have spread into a suspiciously familiar... heart-shape. He clams up about any emotional shapeshifting after that.
I am just adoring the phone scenario with MK thinking his hair bang was him inheriting Pigsy's ears, it's so cute! X3
And the baby isn't shy about shapeshifting either. Pigsy and Wukong were super-confused when they went into the resturant one day and saw a little brown piglet standing there - only to both scream with amazement/pride when they realised that MK had manifested his first ever *full* transformation.
On the flip-side Macaque has been accidentally spawning fox ears and extra tails for centuries since his biggest parental figure was Jiuweihuli - who like her title indicates, is a nine tailed fox. He mostly has it under control, but the extras tend to "pop out" when he's being very catty or mischievious.
The vixen warns Macaque about flagrantly shapeshifting or "You'll get stuck like that" as any mother does like to a kid pulling a silly face.
When MK is born with three tails (like his kaiju form), Jiuweihuli smugly declares herself correct - after sobbing with joy after meeting her adoptive grandbaby.
#gif warning#the monkey king and the infant#the monkey king and the infant au#sun wukong#lmk pigsy#lmk tang#six eared macaque#liu er mihou#lmk jiuweihuli#lmk mk#qi xiaotian#lmk nezha#freenoodles being parents#shadowpeach being parents
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Something about Nightmare. Not in any way canon.. actually I straight up have no idea what I'm talking about.
Nightmare may seem like a clever or scary guy to a lot, but he's rather... emotional might be the word? He blames Dream for his own mistake because he doesn't want to admit it for whatever reason. Of course it wasn't his fault but.... I dunno. Out in the multiverse no one really knows him, which means he could've possibly gone into a new direction. Problem is the mindset he's been put in. Everyone hates him, therefore he hates everyone back. Unsatisfied with killing those who hurt him and more, he takes his hatred out on the multiverse.
Really he's just vulnerable, scared maybe. He was a little child beaten to his demise, and I don't think he can quite get that part of himself out of him. But there's no one to take advantage of him emotionally. He's strong now, he has the power to bend everyone to his will. He hides his vulnerability behind closed doors... and then there's Killer. Wahtever Killer is, he still has the observant skills of Sans. And with the emotionless state, Nightmare can't easily sense him. This way, Killer can find out a lot about Nightmare so long he stays quiet. He finds out Nightmare is vulnerable. Using his idiotic manner and twisting his words, he can ever so slightly bend Nightmare to his own will. Emotions distract from logic.
Even if Nightmare has the majority of the control, Killer still has some control. He's clever in the ways he uses it. I like 'smarter than he lets on' Killer. đ
Tomato tomato I say as I throw tomatoes at my own wall of text
Smarter than he lets on is definitely what he is. He absolutely would play into peopleâs ideas of him and who or what he is if he thinks itll avoid inconvenience, benefit him, or achieve a goalâsuch as playing into Nightmareâs goals or his own, even if thatâs a sense of temporary amusement or satisfaction. Or just simply a distraction.
For example, whenever heâs bored or particularly numb and floating above himselfâwatching the body stand or walk around doing completely useless and meaningless things, he feels aimless and without purposeâheâd go seek out a way to feel real and alleviate the apathy, or even reaffirm his apathy and âemotionlessnessâ via pain.
It would be pretty easy to anger and provoke Nightmare into hitting or punishing him, the guyâs a lot more emotional then he likes to put on. Killer knows how to deal with those that are powerful and dangerous yet still so childlike in behavior or thinking or emotions.
Wouldnât be surprised if Killer could tell that somewhere down the line, Nightmare had his own Chara in his life, and whenever Nightmare is being particularly cruel or overbearing Killer does or says something similar to what Chara would say or doâand in doing so, Killer reminds Nightmare of his abusers, the villagers.
Although, if Nightmare has a tendency to lash out when reminded, heâd likely do that to provoke him instead. Killer could subconsciously and consciously mirror Nightmareâs behaviors and manners of speaking right back at him if heâs realized itll benefit him somehowâlikely an instinctive thing now, if only to attempt to avoid the hassle (fear) of a punishment or gain something. Or of course, simply to spite and gain a sense of sadistic validation if he could unsettle Nightmare.
#howlsasks#anon tag#cw abuse#cw manipulation#killer sans#utmv#sans au#sans aus#killer!sans#undertale au#killertale#bad sanses#undertale something new#nightmare sans#nightmare!sans#corrupted nightmare sans#dreamtale nightmare#killertale sans#something new sans#something new au#undertalesomethingnew#dreamtale#utmv au#bad sans gang#nightmareâs gang#cw conditioning#nm sans#dream!tale#passive nightmare sans#passive nm
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Hey so, I know literally nothing of how Rodimus gets the matrix or even if he does. But- I've read a few fics where he gets the matrix during the functionist (?) era and idk, something about how the writers make the story and progression flow rubs me the wrong way. So ofc I have to ramble about my own ideas
I don't know that much about how the political jargon works in idw or whatever the fics I've read use as a basis. Guessing it's idw. But one of these fics went about Rodimus stumbling upon the Matrix in like a weird ahh liminal space kinda way? I worded it wrong lmao but anyway after he got the Matrix he immediately goes to the senate. I- that part just.. I dunno, not vibing with that. Idk. but how I'd go about it is the Matrix appearing to him (vaguely, lmao idk how, the liminal space thing is kinda cool lmao) but the idea of the matrix just randomly spawning in his berthroom is higher on my list of matrix acquisition. It would be funnyyyyy. Also- I would be a lil fuck and make it huuuuurt, angst brain yada yada, screw me yea, anyway. Yea what would I make hurt? The whole "transforming into a prime" dealio. (People describe the process as "beautiful" and "amazing" and yea changing frame types doesn't appear to be painful but I'm me and I love putting characters in pain /aff) Rodimus gets to pass out as a treat 𫶠and have vivid hallucinations of the Primes. Would he believe anything that he's been told in said vivid hallucinations telling him he's the new Prime? Half n half lmao well at least until he woke up sprawled on the floor of his berthroom for some reason. (Does Rodimus get taller after getting the Matrix? Cuz, idk mates I'm not that knowledgeable kekw but if he did it would be hilarious to have him get up on too long limbs and have one of those "everything was moved slightly to the left" moments except everything is a little smaller/shorter than when he stumbled his way to berth last cycle)
... also I just like the idea of Rodimus hiding his newfound Primeness. Not going straight for the leadership, but realizing that something is very very wrong, why did the matrix come to him? What happened to the last Prime (Nominus???? I dunno who dat is, but peeps used his name as the last Prime in the fics I've read, weh). Coming to the realization "Oh frag, the senators murdered him." after being subjected to visions from the last Primes in his recharge. ... y'all this is just me trying to validate a Prime working from the shadows to overthrow the government. All the authors stressed that Rodimus was a lowercaste bot so- a Prime who was originally lowercaste would know how the system treated bots like him, right?
Or maybe going straight for the big man spot is something Rodimus would do and I just don't have that much of a grasp of his character. But honestly I don't see him as someone who enjoys any leader positions where he needs to be the responsible one. Hiding away and keeping a low profile, working from the shadows. I feel like becoming a Prime is more of a burden than a blessing for someone like Rodimus. Running from his problems đ Fake it till you make it as they say.
Also- like... The Senators introducing a new (fake) Prime on live broadcast across cybertron. The guy having this whole speech about how the Matrix had chosen them and how sorry they are for the fate of their predecessor and how grateful they are for this chance to make cybertron better. While Rodimus watches it on a billboard or hologram or whatever along with a few other bots and thinks "yea right, this guy's full of slag." Yea he ain't gonna be going to the Senators any time soon.
#ray's ramblings#aka: what happens when a fic's plot doesn't go in a way I thought it would so I go and ramble about it#i just like the idea of rodimus struggling with the implications of all being a prime entails#maccadam#rodimus#tf rodimus#hot rod#tf hot rod#backalley primeâ˘ď¸#haven't done one of these in a hot minute#like- proper rambles yk? it's refreshing nfnfnf#does it make sense??? probably not haha
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I DUNNO IF THIS WAS THE RIGHT INBOX OR NOT AAAAA
CAPTAIN KOBY HEADCANONS MY BELOVED
(Havenât watched that far into One Piece, Iâm at like episode 500 so sorry if these are ooc at all)
General
- Doesnât like coffee, no matter how much sugar or creamer he puts in itâs always not quite right or to his liking, heâs the same way with some teas.
- Keeps a pocket sketchbook or some sort of small notebook hand, sketches or writes about things he sees or thinks about.
- Favorite animal would be otters, I feel like he would see them frequently while sailing and overall likes them for their smarts, such as using rocks to open shells. Though, he absolutely adores how they hold hands or hold their kin while they sleep or float to not get lost.
- Morning person, definitely. Almost always the first one up and awake, walking around and already doing things while everyone else is still in bed.
- While he has grown up and became stronger, heâs still an easy crier. He gets emotional over things and while he can shove down the need to cry, he finds some place private to let his emotions go. He doesnât like it when people see him cry publically, he feels like that wouldnât make him âstrongâ to anyone anymore, especially with everything he has to go through.
- Struggles with anxiety, and I mean this man is brimming with it. His habit of overthinking can lead him to peril, while he has been scolded for ânot doing anything and risking livesâ due to it, some of his decisions after that could seem reckless, as he wouldnât even give a second thought to the first thing that comes to mind.
- Definitely sleeps hugging a pillow, cannot sleep without hugging or holding something.
- Personal headcanon (I donât know if we ever learn about his family or not) I think that while yes he truly did mistake the Alvida pirateâs boat for a fishing boat, he really was trying to sail away for good that day. People in his life would always tell him that he cries too easily or was too skittish about literally everything, overall bringing him down for years of his life. Yes, it was ok when he was younger, but while this behavior continued, people yelled at him more about how he needed to ânot be such a crybabyâ and not be so afraid of everything. Even now, he has issues dealing with people yelling or raising their voice at him.
- Another personal headcanon, this fella is so trans masc coded to me. When he found Luffy he was scared at first of course, some random ass stranger popped out of a barrel. But what really sold him is that Luffy didnât question him at all about how he sounded or looked different, but to be quite frank, Luffy doesnât seem like the type of person to bring that up anyway. Yes, Luffy saved him and heâs happy about that, but he also saw how he was? How he actually wanted to be? AND inspired his dreams?? The boost of confidence he got from that still fuels him to this day as a captain, thatâs why he still looks back to that day, the first day someone saw him for who he actually was and didnât question him. Still questions to this day if heâs valid or even passing for that matter, but that memory always helps him with dysphoria.
S/O
- Loves spooning, he doesnât care if he's big or little spoon, heâs perfectly content either being held or him holding you. Though, he does have the habit of being mostly big spoon since he wants to protect you and keep you safe.
- His love language would definitely be quality time, especially with how long he has to be gone for sometimes. When he comes back after whatever duties he had, all he wants to do is spend some time with you doing whatever. Could be something as little as just sitting and holding each other in silence, or something more like going shopping or on a date. Though, his favorite thing to do would probably be being able to snuggle up with the person he cares the most about and rest without having to worry.
- Love hugging his s/o from behind and resting his head on their back or shoulder, depending on his height.
- This man is all green flags, will absolutely pamper his s/o if theyâre feeling under the weather and sooth them if theyâre not feeling 100%.
Sorry for any spelling mistakes btw :3âŹ
AAAAA GOD TIER HEADCANONS!!!! I love them all!!!!!!
Don't you worry, im crawling through Impel Down, dreading 482 and what comes after đ Ace girl thingsâ˘ď¸
But AAAAA no SADS JUST KOBY
This man has abused golden retriever energy, like rescued and bounced back and is the healthiest boy now.
He is a literal cinnamon roll!!!!!
God he'd cry over every animal he sees because its so cute. Like "S/O! Look!!!!! At them!!! Can we adopt them?!" Its so hard to say no
I loveeeeeeee the idea of him falling for a Pirate. Man is so upset about it too at first, like he is so in denial about it. Till a silly fanfic esq situation gets them alone and he can't deny the attraction, physical and emotional anymore?! Chefs kiss the drama!
I also love the idea for Trans masc Koby, that Garp is just like Luffy in his acceptance, like hes so confused as to why people would be upset that Koby identifies as a man. "You say you're a man so you're a man. " simple as that.
Also, forehead kisses on his scar!!!!!
Steal his bandana to tie up your own hair, the mans heart nearly stops and he clutches his chest.
Also i love the idea of his S/O trolling Alvida in subtle ways. As petty revenge on Koby's behalf. Like just any chance they get, they fuck with her. Steals her hat or something just goofy shit that you know would drive the unhinged woman mad.
Koby would 10/10 write little love poems in that notepad/ sketch book for his s/o or crush. Not that he'd be brave enough to share. He could be convinced. Lol
Hes a precious little Peony
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my toxic trait is that i can't listen to those "GM/DM from hell" ttrpg horror stories because i almost always agree with the GM even if they're being extremely unreasonable because at least 80% of the time it's immediately obvious that the entire table is trash and the GM put up with it for a saintly amount of time before snapping and now the players have to crawl to reddit to be validated, where they will be validated because any GM who wont take a bullet for their players and then suck their dick is lazy and selfish, obviously!!
for example one "unreasonable" rule ive seen floating around abt dnd is "you have to act out all charisma checks" and look. i am aware at least some DMs with this rule are trying to be the next Matt Mercer and want you to play the part of the next Sam Riegel, damn your comfort and either of your skill levels and capabilities. this should obviously be addressed with exactly what the DM expects and why; after all, they don't make you do a backflip for an acrobatics check
BUT. but. imagine, if you will. you're the DM. your players come to a tavern. you describe a bunch of NPCs and wait for players to instigate roleplay. one of them rolls a die without asking you and then says "I want to seduce the innkeeper. I rolled an 18"
"ok," you say, (even though they should have just said what they did and waited for you to ask them for a skill check) because you're a good DM and you roll with the punches, "cool. what do you say to her?"
"uhm. I rolled an 18."
"ok yeah but what do you say. like what happens. what do you want the outcome to be"
"im seducing her. I rolled to seduce. I got 18"
"okay I knowâ you know seduction is not a skill right? whatever. what happens?"
"I dunno, you're the DM. I rolled an 18 though"
you now have a couple choices. you can continue trying to coax this player into roleplay, and risk the table think you are denying them the success of the roll (a roll you didnt even ask them to make), or you can sigh and say "okay fine. you seduce the innkeeper. you retreat to your quarters after dinner" even though this isn't fun for you and is barely fun for anyone else, including the player in question who stopped caring about the specifics the second they saw a high roll.
NOW imagine this happens several times a session, at least.
this is a fairly common occurrence at most tables, mostly due to lack of skill and comfort with roleplay, but it can happen to anyone who just isnt feeling 100% that day for any reason. im extremely fortunate to have DMed at tables where prompts like "and what do you say" actually do kick-start roleplay, and when it doesn't we're all comfortable enough to take a pause and try to figure out what we want from the scene, if anything. some sessions may be full on dialogue and others just quick narration depending on what the party wants to focus on and if they feel like getting into roleplay that day. & because I know what my players want, it's way easier to nudge them in that direction, and I don't get any resistance because we understand we share a common goal.
but if this were to happen at my table frequently when I was less experienced, with players who internalize the players vs DM antagonism rife in so many dnd spaces, where my attempts to direct the game were belittled or ignored but also where every single player had to be fucking micromanaged in order to keep the game rolling... i also might deal with this by putting my foot down and saying "if you don't roleplay a charisma check, you do not get to make a roll". to me this is not rules tyranny. this is a desperate attempt to get players to actually play the fucking game with you rather than chat and fuck around at your expense, wasting your time and all the time you spent prepping. & that is why, your Honor, my client pleads NOT GUILTY!!! and furthermore the defense would like to state that this whole case is projection on the part of the plaintiffs and should have been thrown out long before getting to court.
(i will say. if you're a DM and you find yourself making extremely specific, borderline unreasonable house rules to deal with your party's antics, especially if the impact is to just make them use the RAW, you need to find a new table. yes even if you're friends. doubly so actually. your friendship will survive you quitting DMing for them. it may not survive the blowout fight you'll end up having if you continue trying to pretend that shit doesn't bother you.)
#good idea generator#sometimes i read a gm from hell story and im like honestly you guys are lucky your gm didnt shoot you with a real gun for that
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Today? Yesterday?
Ao3
Summary: Of all the things to kick off a time loopâŚ
@dickgraysonweek 2024, Day 3: DILF Dick Grayson | Apologizing To Dick | Time Loop
Day 0
Dick knows itâs bad news when the man shrieks âA curse upon you!â
He changes course mid-flip, trying to predict where heâd be hit. He feels nothing, so he lands on the ground steadily, looking up at the platform where the man stands: finger pointed in his direction and a wild look on his face.
âWhoa,â Dick says, putting his arms up. âI didnât know we were rolling like that.â
For all he had figured, this was supposed to be a quick grab-and-go rescue of a BlĂźdhaven mayoral candidate. Sheâd made a promise to clean up the city and, of course, certain groups werenât very pleased with the concept.
Instead, heâd run into an armed-to-the-teeth gang that were not making this rescue any easier. So, heâd opted for a more subtle approach, sneaking around on rooftops until he was able to maneuver his way into a large warehouse. Heâd wandered through, found a locked room in the corner, and thenâ
And then heâd run intoâŚwhatever this was, and the situation turned from guns&gangs to curse&magic territory.
He really hadnât been ready for curses.
âOkay,â Dick says, eyes darting around. He needs to get to that door. âSo, um. When you say curse, do you mean a plague on both your houses lamenting type curse or may you turn into a frog type curse?â
The man doesnât clarify. âA curse,â He screeches again. âMay you never find satisfaction in validation. May you be locked in a cycle of discontent. May the one who you need the most fromââ
The man squacks as heâs interrupted by a Batarang to the head. Stunned, he falls backwards onto the platform and stays there.
Dick puts his arm down. âWell,â He says. âThat was moreâŚhigh minded than curses usually are. Very psychological.â
He hadnât seen any physical indications of anything actually happening, but you can never be sure with this kind of thing. He hopes that whatever this was didnât take.
âOkay,â He mutters to himself. He wishes Roy wouldâve seen this, he wouldâve found it hilarious. âLetâs finish this.â
He runs towards the door probably holding the promise for BlĂźdhavenâs future, hoping that the rest of the day goes by without any further incident.
Day 1
Theyâre not even in costume when it happens.
Hell, theyâre not even working when it happens.
Instead, Dick finds himself making the long trip to Gotham the next morning, called in to assist with something Tim is working on. Itâs something from your files, back in the day, Tim had said over the phone. Can you make your way over?
Heâd slept in a bit, hoping to enjoy his Sunday. But getting to spend time with Tim is always great too, so he had agreed to make his way over.
It had taken maybe a few minutes to explain the case (Two-Face, now that was a time), before Tim had gotten what he needed. âThanks, Dick,â Tim says, scribbling down in his notes. âI think I just need to set up a trap, and then weâll be all good here.â
âNeed any help?â Dick asks, tapping his fingers on the table, feeling restless.
âIf youâre staying,â Tim says. âIâll be going out at, like, 2300 so. You sticking around?â
Dick shrugs. âSure,â He says. âSince Iâm here. B around?â
âYeah,â Tim says, sitting back into a stretch. âHeâs workinâ on something else, I dunno.â
âLook at you!â Dick says, messing with his hair. âSolo mission guy over here!â
âQuit it!â Tim says, batting his hand away. âIâve been solo mission guy!â
Dick laughs. âHey,â He says, getting off of the chair. âYou wanna go get some burgers or something? Thereâs still a long way to go til 2300 hours.â
âSure,â Tim says, languidly getting up. âMan, I feel like Iâve been sitting here for ages.â
-
And thatâs when, whilst heading over to grab a burger in town, Dick tells Tim about his encounter the day before.
âIt was pretty insane,â He tells him as they pull out of the manorâs driveway. âThe whole curse thing made me a little nervous, not gonna lie. That stuff gives me the heebie jeebies. But I got up just fine today, everything totally normal. So either the dude didnât actually get me, or he was talking a big game.â
Tim frowns. âThatâs a little weird,â He says, taking a sip of water from his Robin branded water bottle. âYou should be careful though. You never know with magic.â
Dick nods vigorously. âExactly!â He says, making his way to the manorâs large gate. âThere arenât any rules or anything to watch out for. You just gotta wait and see for something to happen before you can do anything about it.â
Timâs frown only deepens. âI donât know about that,â He says. âMaybe you should go talk to Zatanna. I dunno, I wouldnât mess with this stuff. Have her check you over or something.â
âYeah, but itâs not even a guarantee with her,â Dick says, waiting for the gate to open. âSometimes magic doesnât show up or whatever even when she checks. Itâs a total crapshoot. But the smart idea still would be to check anywayââ
He jumps as Tim loses his grip on his water bottle, spilling it over his lap and the seat. âAh, shit!â Tim says, hurriedly picking the bottle back up.
âNo worries, Timbo,â Dick says, grabbing some tissues from the side of the door. âItâs just water.â
âI know,â Tim says. âEven so, though, Iâm sorry-â
Everything stops.
Day 2
Dick wakes up.
He blinks up at his apartment ceiling. Damn, he thinks, yawning deeply. That was one hell of a dream. He feels around on his bedside table for his phone, then blinks at the numbers on top: 08:04
Damn. Slept in.
That curse mustâve really been playing in his thoughts, to follow him into his dreams like that. Unless it was a curse about dreams, which means it was now starting to workâŚ
Dick shakes his head. He canât think like that. If he does, itâs never going to end.
He levers himself up, stretching again. Heâs going to enjoy his Sunday morning before updating his reports on the night before, maybe figure out what to do about the whole curse thingâŚ
His phone buzzes, and he picks it back up. Tim.
Curious, and trying to push away the ominous feeling in his gut, he answers.
-
Okay. So this is a little weird. But, hey. Itâs not like heâs never had a dream about hanging out with Tim before. Itâs a perfectly normal thing for him to do. Plus, well, he has been keeping an eye on Gotham. Maybe heâd subconsciously known that something was going on, that Tim would reach out to him for helpâŚ
And then it had gotten weirder. But. Still explainable. If heâd been keeping an eye out on Gotham, maybe heâd figured out somewhere back in his mind that Two-Face was going to be the problemâŚ
âThanks, Dick,â Tim says, scribbling down in his notes. âI think I just need to set up a trap, and then weâll be all good here.â
âHm,â Dick says. He taps on the table, feeling off. âOkay.â
âDick?â
He looks up. Tim is looking at him, concern in his eyes. âEverything good? You seem a littleâŚdistracted.â
âOh,â Dick says, trying to pull himself together. âYeah. Iâm good. Iâm justâŚyou know. In my head a little. Thereâs a wholeââ He waves it off. âIâll explain later. Um, you gonna need any help on your mission?â
âIf youâre staying,â Tim says, still eyeing him with concern. âIâll be going out at, like, 2300 or so. You sticking around?â
The Deja Vu hits him even harder. âSure,â He says. âHey. Is this a solo mission?â
Tim gives him a small smile. âYeah,â He says. âIâve been doing them for a while now. Bâs working on his own thing, Iâm working on mine.â
âNice, Timmy,â Dick says, finding a smile for him in return. âHey, wanna go get something to eat? Iâm hungry. Letâs go eat.â He shoots to his feet, needing to move, needing to do something.
âUm,â Tim says, stumbling up with him. âYeah, sure. Yeah letâs getâŚletâs get burgers, or something.â
Dick nods, fast walking his way out. An icy feeling grows in his stomach.
-
âWhat were you saying earlier?â
Dick starts, looking away from the slowly opening gate. âHm?â
âYou had a whole,â and Tim makes a circle gesture with his hands. âThing you were thinking about. What was it?â
âOh,â Dick says. âWell. Um. I had a littleâŚrun-in yesterday. Some guy yelled that he was gonna put a curse on me. And, like, I didnât feel anything off or anything like that. But todayâŚI donât know. Itâs all weird today. Like majorly Deja Vu or something.â
Tim frowns. âThatâs weird,â He says, taking a sip of water. âYou should be careful though. You never know with magic. In fact, you should probablyââ
âGo to Zatanna, I know,â Dick says distractedly. âI will. I think I should. After our mission today, I will. Itâs justâŚnothing specific, you know? Just an off feeling.â
The gate opens, and Dick quickly turns to the side. âHeyââ
He catches Timâs water bottle, just as Tim drops it.
âOh!â Tim says, flinching back. âHey. Nice catch.â
Dick hands it back to him, mind spinning.
âI donât know what happened,â Tim continues. âI wasnât paying attention, I guess, sorryââ
Everything stops.
Day 3
Dick wakes up.
He shoots up in bed with a gasp. He throws his sheets off of him then lunges at his phone, unlocking the screen to check the day and time. Sunday. 08:04.
He falls back into bed, phone clutched tightly in his hand. Okay, He thinks, slightly hysterical. Okay. This isâŚthis is probably the curse, huh? This is probably the curse.
What had the man said again? Something aboutâŚvalidation. Satisfaction in validation. And a cycle of discontent.
Well. Thatâs the cycle part figured, then. Heâs gonna keep resetting until he breaks whatever curse this is. So, all he needs to do is figure out exactly what it is thatâs going on thatâs causing the resets, and he should be good to go. Right?
âOkay,â He tells himself. âOkay, what were the factors that set this off? What made me reset?â
The obvious answer, is, of course, Tim.
He thinks on this for a moment. Heâll need to tell Tim everything, brainstorm through the issue with him. Heâs smart, heâll probably help him figure this outâŚ
His phone rings. He looks down. Tim.
He picks up.
âHey, Dick,â Tim says. âSo, Iâm working on somethingââ
âIâm on my way,â Dick says, running to his closest to grab something. âJust gimme aââ
âHey,â Tim says, confusion clear in his voice. âItâs okay, thereâs no emergency or anything, I just need your help with something.â
âI know,â Dick says. âAnd I can do that. But I need your help with something too. Buckle up, itâs a weird one.â
-
âTime loop?â Tim says, eyes wide.
âTime loop.â Dick confirms with a nod.
Tim sits back in his chair, baffled. âWell,â He says. âThe good news is that youâve only just started on this, I guess. Maybe you wonât have to deal with it for much longer.â
Dick groans, going facedown on the tableâs surface. âDonât do that,â He says, voice muffled. âYou just jinxed me.â
âShut up,â Tim says, but he sounds distant. âWhat did the guy say again?â
Dick lifts his head. âHe cursed me with never finding satisfaction in validation,â He says. âAnd told me Iâd be stuck in a cycle of discontent. And then he started saying something about a person Iâd need it from before I stopped him.â
âHm,â Tim says, steepling his fingers together. âAnd when you went through the days with me, it reset at about the same time both times?â
âYeah,â Dick side eyes him. âYouâve got your I-have-an-idea face there, Timbo.â
âI do not,â Tim says, making his I-have-an-idea face. âWell. I do have an ideaâŚnot a very specific one, but still.â
Dick raises an eyebrow. âYeah?â
âThereâs a specific series of events,â Tim begins, âThat lead to your reset. I speak with you, you come here, we discuss the case, we go out to get food, I drop my water, and then you wake up. Is that right?â
âYeah,â Dick says. âThatâs right.â
âSo,â Tim says. âWhat if we disrupt it? We break the chain of events. And then we can see from there. It could be time related. Did we leave at about the same time both days? Did the reset happen at about the same time both days?â
Dick thinks about it for a second. âYou know whatâŚâ He says slowly. âYeah. It did. AroundâŚ12:30, I wanna say?â
âOkay,â Tim says. âSo letâs stay in. And then wait for 12:30. Disrupt the chain of events, and then see if you reset or not. And if you donâtâŚweâll know itâs not time dependent, and we can try to work on it from there.â
âTimbo,â Dick says, beaming at him. âThatâs a great idea. Youâre great!â
Tim blushes. âCome on,â He says. âStop it. Itâs just an idea. I didnât even think about what the actual phrasing of the curse could actually mean.â
âIt doesnât matter,â Dick says, grinning. âItâs a start! And if I donât reset at 12:30âŚit means weâre making progress! And maybe I wonât have to be stuck in this, which I would very much appreciate.â
Tim smiles back. âWell,â He says. âIf you do reset, come find me, okay? We can pick up where we left off, and you can explain everything weâve tried so far.â
âYouâre the best, Timmy,â Dick says. He checks his phone. âI think weâll find out soon, anyway. We hit 12:30 in about half an hour, so. Weâll know then.â
Tim nods at him. âOkay,â He says, sighing. âSo. We wait.â
-
Half an hour passes with the speed of molasses. Dick canât sit still the entire time: his knee jumps constantly, he fiddles with anything he can get his hands on, he gets up and paces on occasion.
Fifteen minutes in, Tim looks at him askance. âThat isnât helping you, Dick,â He says, clearly trying to be patient with him. âSit down. Nap, or something. Wait, actually donât. Go watch puppy videos on your phone, or something.â
âAs cute as that sounds,â Dick says. âI donât think thatâs gonna help.â
Tim sighs. âYouâre so fidgety,â He complains. âYou must have been such a nightmare child. I feel like apologizing to Bruce on your behalf.â
âI wasnât that bad,â Dick defends. âIf anything, Bruce needs to apologize to me for not being able to manage my energy.â
Tim grins. âWell,â He says. âCanât say I disagree with you on that.â He checks his phone. âOkay,â He says, countenance turning entirely. âMinute to go. Tell me if you start feeling weird, or something.â
Dick nods, shifting nervously. âWill do,â He says, then starts counting time in his head. 60, 59, 58âŚ
He makes it to the last few, 4, 3, 2, 1, then braces himself.
Nothing happens.
Dick turns to Tim. âI feel normal,â He tells him. âNo resetting feeling or anything going on from here!â
âLetâs wait a little longer, Tim says, eyebrows furrowed. âMaybe thereâs a specific time to the minute or second to hit, and we havenât gotten there yet.â
Dick groans. âYeah, youâre probably right,â He says, sitting down again. âOkay. Letâs wait.â
Another fifteen minutes pass. Then twenty.
And still nothing.
Dick turns to Tim again, eyebrows raised. âIt looks like Iâm still good,â He says. âI think we can say that Iâm in the clear?â
Tim nods. âLooks like,â He says. âSo itâs not time dependent. Nor chain of events dependent. There has to be a trigger here. We have to find out what it is.â
Dick nods, tapping a finger to his knee. âSatisfaction in validation,â He mutters. âSo that meansâŚitâs something where I got validated for something? When did that happen in the previous resets?â
Tim frowns. âLetâs try to go through your day,â He says. âSpecific things you did. Specific things you said. Maybe weâll figure it out that way.â
Dick sighs, running a hand through his hair. âMy memory isnât as good as yours,â He says, running through his days in his head. âAndâŚI donât know, the details are kinda fuzzy. But Iâll try.â
âI know, Tim says, not unsympathetic. âItâs not easy, sorryââ
Everything stops.
Day 4
Dick wakes up.
Shit, he thinks. Itâs unnecessary at this point, but he checks his phone again. Sunday. 08:04.
He taps his phone to his chin, frustrated. Right. So, it clearly isnât a Tim-specific problem. Or, maybe it is? Maybe itâs the combination of location and person?
If thatâs the caseâŚmaybe if he just doesnât go, then he doesnât reset.
Satisfaction in validation.
He still isnât sure about that one. But if he can hack it by breaking the curse without figuring that out, then heâll take it.
Anyway, if he stays away from Tim for the day, he might figure out how long itâll let him go before it resets. Will it go on forever, until he sees Tim. Will he have to avoid him for a while? Canât let that happen, He thinks. That would be ridiculous.
He really should give Zatanna a call. She might be able to break the curse without even needing to figure that part out.
His phone rings, and he picks up without even looking the screen. âHey Timmy,â He says, deciding not to try to tip him off that anything was amiss. âHowâs it going?â
âHey Dick,â Tim responds, âIâve got something hereââ
âOkay Tim,â Dick says, going to get his day started (again). âIf you need my help with something, Iâm all in. But Iâve got something I gotta go do, so I canât actually come over. Is it something you can send me? Promise Iâll help out.â
âSure,â Tim says, sounding a bit taken aback. âYeah, no worries. Thanks for the help, Dick. Iâll send it to you now. Standby.â
âThanks, Timmy. See ya.â Dick says, disconnecting, and feeling a little bad about the whole thing. Heâd usually jump at any opportunity or hang out, which Tim knows. He doesnât think heâd hurt his feelings or anything, but he still does feel a bit guilty for blowing him off like that.
Itâs for a good cause, He thinks. Iâll come by to see him when all this is over.
He thinks about Timâs directive to come see him during the next reset. Sorry, buddy. Maybe if I reset again. So, what can he do? How does he go about solving this problem?
He gets ready, thinking about how to go about his day. Maybe I should call Zatanna, He thinks, putting his jacket on. And hopefully sheâll be able to see me now.
Dick heads out of his apartment, not having a particular plan in mind. He pulls out his phone, considering giving Zatanna that call. He scrolls through his contacts, hovering over her name, conflicted.
As he goes to open the doors to his buildingâs stairwell, they suddenly swing open in his direction. Startled, he steps back, just about missing being flattened by the door.
One of his neighbors emerges, almost bumping into him. âOh my god,â The man says. âI didnât see you there, Iâm so sorryââ
Everything stops.
Day 5
Dick wakes up.
Sunday. 08:04.
He sighs, leaning back against his pillow. Take 5, I guess.
Right. Okay, so. Itâs pretty clear whatâs causing this now.
Satisfaction in validation. Apology.
If he receives an apology, no matter who itâs from, then his day resets.
He canât believe he hadnât noticed before. Both times with Tim and the water bottle, heâd apologized to trigger the time loop. In the non water bottle day, Timâs âsorryâ had triggered it. With his neighbor, the apology from the door had triggered it. Getting it from a new person had really brought it home.
So, solutions?
He sits back up, holding his phone, waiting for Timâs call. The obvious play would be to justâŚnot receive any apologies. While itâs easier said than done, it would definitely give him an idea of whatâs going on, and help him test how far this loop is going to let him do. Could he go days, weeks, even years without an apology, then receive one and loop back around? That would be a problem.
Well. Maybe he can test it out, just for today. A no-apology-day.
The phone rings. He picks it up. âHey, Timmy,â He says. âHowâre you doing?â
âHey Dick,â Tim responds, âIâve got something hereââ
Well. If he wants to be left alone todayâŚ
âOh yeah, Tim,â Dick says, trying his best to remember his earlier statement. âIf you need my help with something Iâm ready. But Iâve got something i have to do today, so I canât actually come over. Can you send me the files and Iâll give you a call about them later? Iâd come if I could, promise.â
âSure,â Tim says, and he sounds the same as last time, excellent. âYeah, no worries. Thanks for the help, Dick. Iâll send it to you now. Standby.â
âSee ya Timbo,â Dick says, disconnecting with a sigh. Itâs more waiting, then. And this time, heâs gonna have to do it alone.
-
Staying away from people all day is difficult.
He knows heâs got a reputation as a people-person, but thatâs only because he has the fortune to be in probably the most socially awkward family in history. He actually doesnât mind a little alone time every now and then.
This, though? This is total isolation. And, while heâs wired and worried and anxious, is a tough thing for him to overcome.
He spends the first part of his day working on the stuff Tim sent him. Heâd seen it all before, of course, but he makes sure to really pour over the information, adding a lot of very detailed explanations and analyses. He hopes this doesnât make Tim suspicious (who is he kidding? Of course it will) but hopefully he wonât have enough time to actually act on his suspicions before Dick can hopefully move on to phase two of his curse-breaker plan.
After he sends all his notes to Tim, he finds himself left with hours and hours of time and people to avoid. Which, actually, is harder than heâd anticipated.
He spends the rest of the day from late afternoon fielding calls. As a general rule, Dick always picks up (just in case. You never know whoâs using a burner). But man, he hasnât realized exactly how many people call him until he wanted to avoid talking. After checking to see if anyone was in any immediate danger (they were not) heâd make his excuses and hop off swiftly before anyone got it their minds to give him an apology of some kind.
Not to mention the texts. And half of them arenât even work stuff: just Wally sending him memes, or Donna sending him memes, or Babs sending him another article on the activities of the Red Hood, or Amy sending him memes, or Clark sending his weekly âgood afternoon đâ texts that he somehow manages to stick to every single week. Dick doesnât know if apology-by-text would count here, and it is a minefield navigating conversations to make sure that the word is never sent from the other end.
âSorryâ is, in Dickâs opinion, very overused.
As for the rest of his time in self-induced isolation, he tries to keep himself busy. The TV is on, and he scrolls through all the things heâd put on his watch later list on streaming services (he watches nothing). He picks up a book heâd planned to trying (only to put it down minutes later, unable to concentrate). He tries stretching and running through some gentle warmup exercises (this one takes).
Overall, itâs not an experience heâs keen on repeating. If I make it 24 hours without looping, he tells himself firmly. Iâm going to call Zatanna.
It probably wouldâve been smarter to start with her, like Tim had said, but hey. The more info he can give her about how this works, the easier time sheâll have lifting it.
He makes it to the evening, and then into the night without further incident. Thankfully, Tim hadnât tried to call him back. Nor did, to his relief, Bruce. Bruce would probably see through him in a heartbeat, and involving him in this would be a headache and a half to deal with.
As time ticks down to midnight, Dick feels exhaustion wash over him, thanks to the nervous tension heâd held on to the entire day. No he tells himself, staring at the blurry numbers on his phone. Stay awake.
Once midnight passes, maybe he can take a nap. Then he can figure out what to do next.
He rubs at his eyes, glancing at his phone again. 23:59.
Well, heâs almost done with the full day. This should give him a good idea of how this curse woâ
12:00
Everything stops.
Day 6
Dick wakes up.
Sunday. 08:04.
He doesnât even wait for the phone call this time. Instead, he scrolls through his contacts, tapping on Zatanaâs name with a determined finality.
-
âAh. Well, that seems like an issue, doesnât it?â
Dick groans, putting his head in his hands. âYeah,â He says, voice muffled between his fingers. âIt really is. Thanks for coming to help break it. I couldnât risk going out to you.â
A hand pats his head. âNo problem,â Zatanna says, sounding amused. âAnd, look. Could be worse. Youâre, what, a week in? Not too bad. And with the myriad of curses out there? This is a pretty light one, comparatively speaking.â
Dick sighs, dropping his hands on his lap. âI guess,â He says. âSo. Whatâs the deal here? Can you break thisâŚwhatever it is?â
âLet me check,â Zatanna puts a hand on his head and closes her eyes. Her hand glows into a warm, white light, and he feels a sense of peace wash over himâŚ
She takes her hand away. âThereâs definitely something there,â She says, sitting back down across from him. âBut. Iâll tell you right now, itâs more risk than itâs worth to break from my end.â
Dick frowns. âWhatâs the risk?â He asks.
Zatanna shrugs. âSince I donât know the magician, or the source of the magic,â She says. âIâd have to go with a general curse break. It would require a lot of energy from both our sides, and then you would need to keep feeding the break from your own energy. It takes too long, or you donât have enough? WellâŚit would be risky, letâs just say that. It wouldnât be worth it for a relatively low stakes curse like this.â
âOkay,â Dick says. âYeah. I see your point. So,â He crosses his arms. âWhat do you think? How would I break this and resolve the time loop normally?â
Zatanna goes over to his fridge, pulls out a water bottle. âHere,â She says, giving it to him.
Dick takes it, confused. âWill drinking this solve it?â
Zatanna laughs. âItâs just water,â She says, sitting back down next to him. âYou look dehydrated. Okay. I need your memory recall.â
Dick takes a sip. âOkay,â He says.
âWe need to go through the exact wording of the curse,â She says. âFigure out exactly what you were cursed with, and then resolve it. Probably the best way to deal with it would be to confront it directly.â
Dick frowns. âOkay,â He says, going through the memory. âExact wording? I went through this with Tim earlier. Um,â He thinks for a moment. âMay you never find satisfaction in validation. May you be locked in a cycle of discontent. May the one who you need the most fromââ He stops. âHe cut off there.â
âHuh,â Zatanna says. She looks elegant even when sheâs confused. âThatâsâŚverbose.â
âTell me about it,â Dick says. âAnyway. I think Iâve figured out what the first two parts mean. Satisfaction in validation probably refers to the apologies, because every loop occurred right after I got one. Cycle of discontent is probably the loop, because, well, Iâve been looping. The third part got interrupted, so I donât know if it went throughâŚâ
Zatanna gives him a piercing stare. âInteresting,â She says. âWait a moment. Let me try something.â
Dick nods. âGo for it.â
She looks directly at him, mouth curled up in a slight smile. âIâm sorry,â She says.
Dick flinches, slamming his eyes shut. A moment later, he opens them to find Zatanna still sitting across from him, eyes sparkling.
âWhyâd you do that?â Dick demands, heart pounding. âAt least warn me first.â
Zatanna laughs. âI know,â She says. âI needed to check something. So. It looks like the apology needs to be sincere in order to trigger the reset.â
âOh,â Dick says. âOkay. I see what you did. So this is better, right? Just hearing sorry wonât be enough to catapult me back?â
âYes,â Zatanna says. âI have to tell you, though. I think this just made the curse break a lot more complicated.â
Dick frowns. âHow so?â
âWell,â Zatanna says. âThe third part of the curse. Thatâs the key to breaking it. He may not have finished the phrase but he started it, which shouldâve been enough to make it stick. It looks like youâre gonna have to hear an apology from a specific person, a sincere apology, in order the break the curse.â
Dick breaks out into a smile. âThanks, Z,â He says. âShould be easy enough, right? I have to tell you, I was expecting something a lot moreââ
He trails off at the sympathetic look on her face. âWhat?â He asks, an ominous feeling settling over him. âWhat is it?â
âWell,â She says. âThe wording says âthe one who you need the most fromâ is the person youâll need to get the sincere apology from. Tell me, who do you think that is?â
Dick turns it over in his mind for a moment, thenâŚ
BruceâŚA voice in his head whispers. It sounds like his own, but not.
He freezes. âOh no.â
âYeah,â Zatanna says, exuding sympathy again. âI think we both know who that should be.â
âHow do you know?â He asks, heart pounding. âAre we even thinking of the same person?â
âOh, please,â Zatanna says. âWho else could it be? We can confirm it though. Does he dress like a bat and fight crime?â
Dick groans. âOh my god,â He says. âHow am I even gonna do that? Get a sincere apology from him? I canât even talk to him most of the time.â
âYouâll have to, to break the curse.â Zatanna says. Dick takes another sip of water. âAnd remember, you only have til midnight of the same day to do it.â
âA deadline,â Dick says, despairing. âEven better.â
âRight,â Zatanna says. âSo you have a plan, then? Know where youâre going?â
âYeah,â He says. âI just have to come up with an ideaâŚâ
âYouâll probably need the full day,â Zatanna says. âSo allow me, okay? Good luck.â
Dick frowns at her. âWhat do you meaââ
She looks him right in the eye. âIâm sorry.â
Everything stops.
Day 7
Dick wakes up.
Sunday. 08:04.
He groans, considering just going back to sleep and dealing with this again tomorrow. Today. Yesterday. Whatever.
Because, well. Getting Bruce involved? Thatâs gonna be a whole ordeal.
Not to mention, getting Bruce to give him a sincere apology in less than a day? Talk about an impossible task.
He might as well get started now. Heâll need all the time he can get.
The phone rings.
âHey, Timbo,â Dick says. âHowâs it going?â
-
In many ways, this day plays out a lot like the first one.
He shows up at Timâs invitation, then takes him through the case that he now knows like the back of his hand. Timâs shocked but impressed, and itâs really amusing even though heâs kind of cheating.
âThanks, Dick,â Tim says, scribbling down in his notes. âI think I just need to set up a trap, and then weâll be all good here.â
And hereâs where the divergence has to happen.
Dick nods. âNo worries,â He says. âHey. Bruce around?â
âYeah,â Tim says. âHeâs around here somewhere, probably down in the Cave. Why?â
âGotta talk to him,â He says, standing up. He ruffles Timâs hair on the way. âSee you later.â
He canât tip them off. If the apology needs to be sincere, Bruce cant be aware that it has to be, or the sincerity is gone. Right?
Itâs gonna be a challenge either way, and he takes the route down to the cave in a grim sort of silence.
He taps on the large wall twice as he walks in, sound echoing across the cave. âHey, Bruce,â He says, heart pounding. âHowâs it going?â
Bruce is sitting at the computer, staring at bits of data that only make sense to him. âDick,â He acknowledges, without turning around. âWorking on this. You been hearing about whatâs going on in New York?â
âHm?â Dick goes through his non-time-loop-related memory bank. âOh. You meanâŚthe alien incident? Yeah. Why, is that relevant to us?â
âMaybe,â Bruce says, still staring at the screen. âPossibly. Thereâs something thereâŚâ
He trails off. Dick is familiar with the pauses, so he waits patiently.
Heâs putting it off. Time is of the essence, and heâs putting it off. But goddamn. He really does not want to do this.
The only thing he can think of doing at this point is to go in bluntly. He doesnât have time to plan a more nuanced approach, and Bruceâll probably see right through it anyway.
Here we go, Dick thinks, before taking a deep breath. âBruce,â He says, and he can barely get the words out. âWe need to talk, okay?â
Heâs not sure if itâs the words or the tone that gets Bruceâs attention, but it works. Right away, Bruce whirls around in his chair. His focus, previously fully on the screen in front of him, is now concentrated entirely on Dick. âWhat is it?â Bruce asks, and he staring at him like heâs able to see right into his brain, like heâs reading through his thoughts one by one.
The weight of his attention is almost too much to bear. âUm,â He says, taking another breath. âItâs. Well. Itâs kind of a long story.â
Bruce isnât moved. âYouâre sacred,â He observes, leaning closer. âWhat is it? Whatâs happened? Whatâs wrong?â
Dick lets out a shaky breath, trying to regain his composure. âDo you trust me?â He asks.
This probably doesnât help with Bruceâs concern. His eyes narrow. âWhy?â He asks. âWhatâs wrong?â
âIf you do,â Dick says. âI need you to trust me on this. Um. I need an apology, okay?â
Whatever Bruce had anticipated heâd say, it was clearly not this. âWhat.â He says flatly, more of a statement than a question.
âIâŚâ Dick says, feeling like heâd made a mistake with his approach. âI need you to say sorry, okay? To me.â
Bruce is, uncharacteristically, shocked into silence. He sits back, face impassive, eyes confused. âFor what?â He finally asks, when Dick doesnât elaborate further.
Of all the questionsâŚâAnything,â Dick says, and he feels his face grow hot. âPick something. Thereâs a lot⌠I just need a verbal apology from you, okay? And you need to mean it.â
Bruceâs face finally cracks, settling on a frown. âWhat is this?â He asks, voice rising. âWhere is this coming from?â
âYou trust me, right?â Dick says, an edge of desperation to his voice. âI need you to do this. Please.â
He thinks the plea will be enough. It isnât.
Bruce just stares at him. âWhat is this?â He repeats, then: âTell me this: how old were you when I fired you?â
Dickâs stomach drops. âBruce,â He says. âItâs me. Iâm me, you donât need to checkââ
âHow old?â Bruce snaps. Dick can see his hands drift to his belt.
He exhales. âSeventeen,â He says, conceding defeat. âIt was after I got shot.â
Bruceâs hands pause right before they get to his weapons. âThen,â He says. âWhy are you asking this? Youâre not making any sense.â
âI know,â Dick says. âButâŚIâll explain later. I just need this from you. Please.â
Bruce grits his teeth. âI canât do that unless I know..â
Dick stares at him. âYou wonât?â He asks. âYouâre not gonna trust me on this?â
Bruce doesnât answer, still eyeing him suspiciously.
Dick tastes defeat on his tongue. Embarrassment, rage, and sadness battle in his throat. âFine,â He says shortly, turning around. âIâllâŚIâll go then. See you tomorrow.â
Bruce doesnât go after him.
-
Dick gets back home and goes right to his apartment, slamming the door shut as he enters.
Heâll need another plan tomorrow. Today. Yesterday. But, for nowâŚ
For now, he sits and stares at the time until it hits midnight.
Day 8
Dick wakes up.
He doesnât even bother to check the date and time, jumping out of bed and grabbing for his clothes.
Okay. New plan. New approach. But what? Straightforward isnât going to work. Subtle isnât going to work. Whatâs left to him now? How can he possibly get Bruce to apologize to him and mean it?
He freezes in the middle of putting on a sock. MaybeâŚmaybe he wasnât doing enough earlier. Maybe he needs to get more straightforward. God knows Bruce can pull out sincerity when he needs it. Maybe hearing that the world is in a time loop that only he can break will do enough.
Grimly, he pulls the rest of the sock on. Heâll be able to tell Tim this way too, and maybe the both of them can convince Bruce of doing this together.
The phone rings. He grabs it. âTimmy,â He says. âItâs Two Face, by the way. Your case. Youâll just need to set your trap for tonight, and youâre golden.â
Thereâs a short silence, then: âHow did you know that?â Tim asks, baffled. Dick can practically hear him peering at all corners of his room. âHowââ
âIâm on my way, okay?â Dick says, grabbing his keys. âIâll explain everything when I get there.â
-
âTime loop?â Tim says, eyes wide.
âTime loop.â Dick confirms with a nod.
âDamn,â Tim says, shaking his head. âAnd I told you to keep coming to me to figure this out and you didnât? Lame. This couldâve been over by now.â
Dick huffs a laugh. âHonestly,â he says, shrugging. âYou might be right.â
âHowâre you gonnaâŚyou know?â Tim says, giving him a sideways glance. âGet Bruce to agree? Think cluing him in to all this is gonna help?â
âIt has to, right?â Dick says, sighing. âI mean, asking him to do it didnât work. If he knows itâs a time loop, then heâll try.â
âBut what if trying is the problem,â Tim says, and Dick stops him before he can continue.
âI know,â Dick says. âI considered that one too. But we have to try. The other way didnât work, and if this does then weâre golden. If notâŚthen I guess Iâll have to try something else.â
Tim rubs his head. âWell,â he says. âAt least you get a bunch of do overs, free of charge. Itâs not even a this-place-kinda-sucks Groundhog Day situation.â
Dick can only laugh. âYeah,â He says. âWeâre only on round 8, too. Havenât even reached double digits yet.â
âLight work,â Tim scoffs, then stands up. âCâmon. Letâs go tell Bruce now.â
âYeah,â Dick says, the familiar dread starting to form in his stomach. âOkay, letâs go.â
When they make their way down to the Cave, Bruce is exactly where Dick had left him. Staring at the a screen, contemplating the information within.
âDick,â Bruce says, almost like an announcement. I know that youâre there. âCome take a look at this. You been hearing about whatâs going on in New York?â
âYeah,â Dick says, making his way over. He doesnât look at the screen. âI couldnât tell you if itâs relevant or not to us, though. But, Bruce. Listen. I need your help with something.â
âHm?â Bruce says. His eyes stay on the screen, but Dick can tell that heâs listening. âWhat is it?â
Dick gives a side glance to Tim. Tim gives him a thumbs up. âWell,â He begins. I seem to have found myself in aâŚtime loop situation. Groundhog Day style.â
This interests Bruce enough that he turns around, pinning Dick with a very familiar searching look. âTime loop?â He asks, then. âReport.â
âI got cursed,â Dick says, keeping it short and simple. âIn BlĂźdhaven. Iâve completed about 7 resets so far. The loop triggers whenever I get an apology, and when the day ends. I spoke with Zatanna during one of the resets, and she told me that I essentially got cursed with needing to hear a sincere apology fromâŚwell, you. And if you do that, itâll stop the loop.â
Bruce barely flinches. Dickâs kind of impressed despite himself. âHm,â Bruce says, eyeing him critically. âIs this verifiable?â
âIt is,â Tim chimes in. âHe knew about the thing Iâm working on. Knew the questions I was gonna ask him before I was able to do it.â
âInteresting,â Bruce says. âWell. An apology, you say?â
Dick shrugs. âYeah,â He says, âShould be easy enough, right? It had to be sincere to work, though. The word itself doesnât trigger anything. Itâs more like the word plus the intention.â
Bruce considers him further. âRight,â He says, almost to himself. âWell then. My apologies.â
Dick waits. Nothing happens.
âYou have to mean it, Bruce,â He tries. âJustâŚanything. Anything you have any guilt about. It should work.â
Bruce looks him in the eye, holds contact for a few second, then darts a glance to the side. âIâm sorry,â He says. It sounds somber, real.
Another beat. Nothing happens.
âAre you sure?â Bruce says, and Dick makes an annoyed sound. âThat this is supposed to be me?â
âPretty sure,â Dick says, already tired of the conversation.
âWhy?â Bruce says. He gets up, clearly getting into detective-mode. âWhat did the curse say exactly? I need precise details.â
Dick sighs. âBruceâŚâ
Tim sidles up to him. âDude,â He says, sympathetically. âSorry.â
Both their eyes go wide at the same time beforeâ
Everything stops.
Day 9
Dick wakes up.
He knows whatâs gonna happen, but feels the need to check anyway:
Sunday. 08:04.
Great.
Well. Heâs still chasing this Bruce angle, so he needs to up back to the manor for take 3 there. One more round of loops, and Iâll hit double digits. He thinks.
The straightforward approach didnât work. Telling him the situation didnât work. So heâs going to need to be more subtle with it, try to manipulate the situation into getting an apology.
Dick shakes his head. How is he going to do that, when Bruce has never apologized to him for anything big that heâd done?
Well. He doesnât have a choice, does he? If this fails, maybe heâll make a PowerPoint presentation of all the relevant points, and maybe Bruce will be convinced enough to apologizeâŚ
Heâs getting ahead of himself. He should just try this round and seeâŚ
He grabs his phone, dials Tim.
âHey!â Tim picks up. âI was literally just about to call you.â
âOh, great,â Dick says, grabbing his shirt. âWhat a cool coincidence. I just wanted to check with you if Bruce is around, I wanted to talk to him.â
âYeah,â Tim says. âMind if I pick your brain before you go in?â
âSure,â Dick says. He doesnât want to alert Timâs suspicions. âIâm on my way.â
-
Dick stops right outside the Cave, indecision burning away at him.
He needs a battle plan. If he doesnât go in fully prepared, Bruce is gonna pry him apart in seconds.
Okay, He thinks to himself. Be friendly. Be open. Be helpful. And thenâŚpick a fight. But donât yell. Act hurt. And see
Oh, this is gonna go great.
Before he can talk himself out of it, he saunters into the cave, tapping at the wall twice. âHey, Bruce,â He greets. âWhatâs up?â
Bruce is sitting at the computer, staring at bits of data that only make sense to him. âDick,â He acknowledges, without turning around. âWorking on this. You been hearing about whatâs going on in New York?â
âYeah,â Dick says. He approaches the screen, actually looking at the information this time. âWhy? Think itâs something we should look at?â
He tries to include himself in the discussion, signaling to Bruce that heâs here to help.
It works. âMaybe,â Bruce thinks. This time, he gestures to Dick to come forward. âIf you look here,â He points. âThe origin of these beings seemsâŚoddly familiar.â
Dick nods, barely processing the information. He keeps looking for a way in, a way to fall into an argument. âSure,â He says. How is he going to do this? How is he ever going to get Bruce to say sorry? âYou think itâsâŚuhâŚ.â
The words get stuck in his throat.
Bruce looks at him. âDick?â He asks.
His voice sounds so genuine in that moment that Dick almost canât handle it. âIâm good,â He says. His voice cracks. âYeah, Iâm good. JustâŚuh. Iâm good.â
Oh boy. This is going great.
Shut up. He tells himself. Pull yourself together.
He looks down at his hands. Theyâre shaking.
He feels himself being pushed into a chair. âDick?â A pair of hands grabs his face, lifts it up. He sees Bruce peering into his eyes. âWhatâs going on?â
Dick chuckles between breaths. âNothing,â He says, trying to get himself back under control. âIâm good.â
âClearly not,â Bruce eyes him. âHold on. Iâm going to do an assessment.â He pats Dickâs shoulder. âStay calm.â
âI am,â Dick insists. Heâs mostly embarrassed, really. His hands are still shaking.
In no time at all, he feels his head being yanked back over the top of the chair. A bright light is shined in his eyes.
He hisses, the sudden change in position confusing him. Pain radiates through his neck. âSorry,â Bruce says, offhandedly, peering into his face. âNeed to do this. You donât look like you have a head injuryâŚâ
But DickâŚ
Dick hasâŚ
SorryâŚ
The word echoes in his head. Did he justâŚ
He gets a feeling like a bucket of ice water has been thrown on him. Everything around him comes into focus with a scary amount of clarity.
Bruce clearly feels a difference, because he pauses. âDick?â He asks again.
Dick blinks. Once. Twice. âIâm okay,â He gasps. He thinks he means it this time. âIâm okay.â
-
Bruce had been reluctant to send him home after that.
Dick doesnât blame him. Heâd completely fallen apart right then and there and probably scared the shit out of him, so.
And, well. His panic had been clear in the fact that. That heâd apologized. AndâŚand it may have broken the curse? He thinks? Heâs no expert, but thereâs only one way to find out, really.
So, Bruceâs absolute insistence that he stay the night didnât push his buttons the way it usually would. Instead, he gives in to the pushing. Heâs too tired not to.
Plus, once Bruce got Alfred involvedâŚthere was no way he was gonna get away after that.
Thatâs why Dick finds himself in his childhood bedroom hours later, staring at the stick-on glow-in-the-dark stars and moons on the ceiling.
Satisfaction in validation. He thinks, then. Suck it.
He should probably go back to the warehouse anyway. Canât have the dude going ahead cursing other people willy-nilly. Next time, heâll bring Zatanna.
Bruce apologized. He thinks. It still blows him away. He actually apologized.
Not for anything major, either. JustâŚjust in the moment, not even thinking about it. The words slipped out, just like that. Like he did it all the time.
Dick thinks he should be feeling some type of way about that. That it should resolve at something inside of him, at the thing thatâs been there ever since he was seventeen years old.
May you never find satisfaction in validation..
He shakes it off. Maybe he would feel differently if it was a bigger apology. Or maybe it hasnât quite sunk in yet. Either way. Heâs pretty sure that the curse has lifted, but heâs not gonna count it a done deal until he hits the next day without incident.
May you never find satisfaction in validationâŚ
Dick keeps an eye out on his phone, trying his best to stay awake.
The time ticks downâŚ
12:00.
He draws a breath, then another. He waits.
Monday. 12:01.
He drops his phone on the bed, breathing deeply. I did it. He thinks. I did it.
May you never find satisfaction in validation
He swallows all the feelings still simmering below the surface, then drops off to sleep.
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hello my dear lily!! no rush for this request at all but any time u feel like writing more cg!austin I would love to read some! maybe reader slips while theyâre on vacation together. (yes Iâve been smiling looking at pics of kaia and aus in paris together đâ¤ď¸)
sooo late but thank you for the request friend !!! hope u enjoy đŤśđź
pastries and jealousy
pairing: cg!austin butler x gn!little!reader
wc: 1.2k
⸠masterlist
austin was a busy man, never seeming to catch a break. but when he was presented with the opportunity to go to a launch party for his perfume in parisâhe took that as a perfect opportunity for the two of you to have a romantic getaway.
paris was okay for the most part. you attended events with him, went for nice walks together, and stayed curled up in bed every morning till it was time to get up. it was nice to have some time with him after such a long time. you missed this, missed him. although, there was always a strong pang of jealousy whenever he was mingling with others at the fashion events he attended. he was yours, nobody else's. seeing him give that dreamy, bedroom glance to someone else made you feel awful.
after coming back from a launch party, the two of you were silent in the cab ride home and austin definitely noticed. austin often joked when the two of you were apart that he just had a feeling you weren't having a good day, so being next to you? he didn't even have to ask if you were okay or not.Â
he placed his hand on yours, resting between the two of you on the seat. âwhat's wrong?â he asked, glancing over at you staring outside the window. he got even more concerned when he saw your thumb slip between your lipsâa habit you had when you were anxious about something. he reached over and grabbed your wrist, âdon't do that.âÂ
you let out a whine in response, crossing your arms with a huff as you looked out the window.
he couldn't help but chuckle to himself at the pout on your face despite your obvious annoyance. ��you feelinâ little, baby?â he asked, rubbing your back gently.Â
oh, how you wished you could stay mad at him. his gentle touch softened you up, glancing at him and then down at your lap. âi dunnoâŚâ you muttered. before you left for paris, you promised yourself you wouldn't slip. not while on a much-needed vacation-that-wasn't-really-a-vacation. you didn't even pack your paci or a stuffie. what an awful time for you to suddenly regress.
âthat's alright.â he pressed his lips against your temple and kept a hand on your back, trying to think of something to cheer you up or even help you fully slip. he had packed an emergency bag for times like this, except he had it at the hotel. but it was clear you needed a boost, and that's exactly what he was going to do for you.
he glanced out his side of the window, noticing a small bakery on the corner. never in a million years did he think heâd be giving you sweets for no reason, but he thought you deserved a nice pick me upâŚor maybe that was a valid reason.
you were surprised when he brought you to a small bakery, the fresh smell of baked goods and coffee filling the air the moment you stepped in. your eyes were glued to the glass windows, looking at the various pastries and breads the place had to offer.Â
there was so much to choose fromâŚ.various macaroon flavors, cakes, sweet breadsâit was taking everything in you to not jump out and down in excitement.Â
â....you hear me?âÂ
you stood up straight, looking at austin. âhuh?â
he put an arm around your shoulder, shaking his head, amused by how had suddenly drowned him out. âi saidâyou can pick out a few things. whatever you want, baby. my treat.â
âanything?â you gasped, looking back at the desserts.Â
âyes, anything.â he repeated. âiâll even buy us a couple of hot chocolates, that alright?âÂ
you let out another tiny gasp, holding onto his arm and stomping your feet excitedly. âi want whipped cream!âÂ
he adored how excited you got over small things while little, he was practically beaming with happiness just by looking at you, unable to keep the smile off his face. âwhat's the magic word?âÂ
âplease!â you answered proudly.Â
âgood job, baby!â he kissed your cheek and let you finish looking at the various pastries.Â
austin definitely splurged a little too much on you, but it was a local bakeryâhe even made sure to tip well. he got the two of you a seat in the corner to prevent anyone coming up to him or having anyone take sneaky photos of the two of you. this was his private time, he wanted to spend it well with you.
he had a tiny box of macaroons and a box of various pastries to share. you're brain wasn't able to fully pronounce some of the words, so you pointed as he told the barista what you were pointing at.Â
you thanked him as he set everything down on the table, holding the warm cup of hot chocolate between your hands.Â
as you were about to take a sipâaustin took a sip first, giving you a soft smile and completely unaware of the white, creamy mustache on his upper lip. you let out a soft giggle, looking at him and covering your mouth to stifle back a laugh.Â
âwhat?â austin raised an eyebrow, âwhats so funny?âÂ
you kicked your feet under the table, giggling again. âyou have whipped cream on your face!âÂ
his eyes widened, looking at his reflection on his phone and turning red before going to wipe it off. âokay, okay. it's not that funny.â he mumbled, âeat a macaroon.â he quickly said to change the topic.
an eclair, tart, and a few macaroons laterâyou took a sip of your own hot chocolate, carefully holding the mug between your hands as you drank carefully. austin knew you were a bit clumsy when little, so he held up the bottom of the cup to give you a bit of support.
you set the mug down, your upper lip now covered in whipped cream.Â
he chuckled at you, âhow cute.â he grinned. âseems like my mustache has somehow teleported to you.â he dipped his finger into his whipped cream and booped your nose, âthere we go, perfect!âÂ
âdaddy!â you whined, dipping your finger into yours and getting some on his cheek.Â
âalright! okay! i surrender!â he laughed, wiping his face off with a napkin then wiping off yours. âsilly baby.â
after finishing your hot chocolate, he tossed the leftover desserts in a bag and wiped up your face againâclearing of any chocolate or sticky residue from the sweets. âyou still mad at me?â he asked, wiping off chocolate from the corner of your lips.
you sighed, âthought daddy got sick of me.â you said with a pout.Â
âme? sick of you? oh, sweetie.â he kissed your forehead, âyou're my baby. i don't know what gave you that idea, but iâm yours and yours only. alright?â he stood up and took your hand, the other hand carrying the plastic bag. he led the way out of the bakery and back into the cool, crisp paris air, holding your hand as you wandered back to the hotel.Â
your arm was hooked under his the whole way, eventually stopping to look at him. âdaddy?â
he gave you a soft smile, holding your hands in his. âwhat's up, baby?âÂ
ââm sorry for gettinâ...jellâjelâjeaââ you stammered.
he waved it off, âjealous. i think that's the word. itâs a big word, isn't it?â he crouched down, âa word that little ones like you shouldn't even be worried about.â he squeezed your hands gently, âi love you, baby. big or little, you'll always be my baby. are we good now?â
you nodded, looking down at him. âokay.â you hugged him tightly, almost making him stumble backward as he let out a laugh. âi love you too.â
#divider by cafekitsune#austin x reader#austin butler x reader#it's me writing this set in paris and then realizing after the fact u didn't specify where#i saw paris and went with it đ#worked out tho#definitely miss writing cg aus
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UglyDolls shipping chart
Whoo boy so this orginal chart has been since deleted but people have uploaded their versions of it so I frankensteined this together + added Nolan. The explanations and list of the ships will be below the cut
OTP:
Lou x Ox: Listen I know Ox calls him like a brother but in my headcanon he only says that because he has #interalizedhomophobia. Anyways, I just love love the idea of them being toxic but also sweet together...idk chat they got somethin' to 'em!! I'm just like that one cow pic that's "man" like...wow they are so terrible together!!! I ship Ribbun what do you expect, lol
Lou x Moxy: Ok this one I can actually explain with real words a bit more. Firstly I like how in the Ugly Truth song I know this is apart of the whole manipulative stuff or whatever BUTTT i do like he says she makes him tongue-tied and calls her pretty before the back-up singers go in. I know, I know that's the point...but I mean...tongue-tied is an inherently romantic phrasing for me. Also I LOVE how Moxy is in the crowd smiling like an idiot as she's listening to him call everybody else ugly and she's the only one still smiling when her and crew gets the spotlight on them. I don't think she's stupid, considering none of the rest of them are smiling at this point AND she starts frowning once his "prettttttyyyyyyyyy" goes on for a bit..long..to the point she knows he's not being serious yk? Idk I just..love the idea of her being like a fangirl over his appearance, at least, and him finding it cute. Idkkk chat!! IdkkkK!!!
Like:
Tuesday x Kitty x Lydia: Idk I like the idea of them being poly together :3
Mandy x Kitty: Idk maniuplative girlboss toxicity yes yes. I chose Mandy and Kitty specifically because Kitty seems to be the leader of the pack of the spy girls/the most outwardly mean. I wanna see Mandy make a "not like other girls" meme with her and Kitty and Kitty gets on her about it before she realizes how pretty Mandy looks :>
Mandy x Nolan: They're both outcasts/"ugly", maybe they could get together or at least be friends!
Lou x Nolan: Nolan fawning over Lou and the first scene at the academy where Nolan is like "wait you criticized us because you love me?" and then Lou is like "yes" *looks away n back* "I love all of you" like...idk I think they could be cute together
Wage x Uglydog: Idk just a thought I had during the movie when Wage was getting on his ass about trying to rizz up everybody and failing. Horribly. Maybe she could rizz him up idk ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ
Moxy x Lucky Bat: Whoo I don't know just the way he talks to her during the tea scene and the way she kisses Ox on the cheek and pats his shoulder at the end of the first song makes it feel like to me he's getting friendzoned by her. Maybe I'm looking too much into things but that's the vibe I get. Plus idk...they could be kinda cute together...
Like/Neutral:
Babo x Lou: I don't know I like the tiny micro interaction they have in the Ugly Truth song. I don't have much of an excuse for this one ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ
Babo x Wage: I like the idea of her coming home to her supportive hubby :3 idk it just clicks in my brain
Neutral:
Ox x Moxy: Idk it just doesn't click with me. Maybe it's because while searching for Lou x Ox stuff I saw someone mention that Moxy and Ox are "related" because the kids are related even tho it's never said in the movie. Maybe I see them more as friends. Idk. I respect it though and I think it's dumb to think they're related, if we're going by that logic you couldn't ship anybody cuz they're all made in the same factory. Edit: Got the reason wrong but I still think it's stupid to think it's bad to ship them. More info here:
Mandy x Moxy: Idk again it just doesn't click with me. I get the appeal 100% since Moxy is the first one to validate her for wearing glasses. But I dunno it feels weird for Moxy to say her glasses makes her who she is instead of her..personality? Idk. Maybe I'm being petty but it doesn't click for me. Respect it though.
**Edit: Ox x Lucky Bat: Damn I forgot these fuckers. Anyways, they're..alright. I like their colors though. Idk for me there's not enough there for me to ship them
Not Really:
Lou x Tuesday: He doesn't pay much attention to her. It feels like a hopeless fangirl falling for her favorite member of a boy band (which is fitting since Lou is voiced by Nick Jonas from the Jonas Brothers lol). Idk it doesn't seem Lou cares much about the spy girls unless they can do something for him, which is fine but I don't see the appeal personally. Respect those who do tho.
Lou x Mandy: .....okkkk listen ok I can't say shit about people who ship this or why I don't ship it because I ship fuckin Lou x Nolan and Lou x Moxy ok. I'm no stranger to shipping Lou with somebody he calls ugly lol is what I'm saying. But idk...Mandy doesn't seem to like him very much and he certainly doesn't like her but there's no small moment of something for me to ship them, like the "i love all of you" scene with Nolan or Moxy being a tiny fangirl. To me, it doesn't click. Respect those who do however. Again, I am a big rarepair/crackshipper I uh can't say shit about how much a ship makes sense to me lol.
#uglydolls#uglydolls shipping#uglydolls 2019#lou uglydolls#nolan uglydolls#mandy uglydolls#kitty uglydolls#tuesday uglydolls#lydia uglydolls#moxy uglydolls#lucky bat uglydolls#babo uglydolls#wage uglydolls#uglydog uglydolls#ox uglydolls#lou x nolan#lou x ox#lou x moxy#mandy x nolan#tuesday x lydia x kitty#kitty x mandy#wage x uglydog#lucky bat x moxy#wage x babo#lucyshipz
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~Tell It to My Heart~
title:Â Heedless Hearts
Dialogue #5: âI love you, you idiot!â
Ace x gn!reader
Read on AO3
You're a smart person, really, you are. Ace has seen you solve problems, school related or not, with ease. You're practically a nerd compared to the Heartslabyul duo. Whatever comes your way, you will always find an answer. No matter the cost.
This leads him to wonder if that's what causes you to be reckless all the time. The drive to find a solution, to help someone else who needs it, even at the cost of your own soul. Maybe you weren't all that smart as he thought.
Ace sighs as he looks at your arm. An icicle made a clean cut on your sleeve, slicing it open and brushing against your flesh. Red dared to leak out, but not at an alarming rate.
"Ah," you hiss as your eyes fall on the fresh wound. "I guess I didn't notice this earlier." You wince as you move your arm and opt to let it hang at your side for the time being. "Oh well, it's not the worst that's happened to me."
It's how you say it so nonchalantly that it...bothers him. And he doesn't like the feeling.
"You didn't have to take the hit, ya know? Honestly, it's like you have a death wish or something." Ace shakes his head and grips your arm. He's surprisingly careful, gentle even, as he lifts it up to get a better look. Yeah, it definitely isn't as bad as taking an eel's tail to the gut, but that didn't mean this didn't hurt. "You knew that was meant for me- why did you take it?"
"You were preoccupied." Ace is quick on his feet, and he's got good reflexes, but he isn't invincible. You weren't a target in most magical fights and after watching so many, you think you could pick up on a few tactics these boys resort to. "It would have knocked the wind out of you. Or worse. I got lucky with just a scratch."
You chuckle as if unaware of how your casual tone affects him. Brushing off some light wound that could have been worse right in front of him stings. Maybe you were right about the damage that could have been done, but that doesn't give you the right to sacrifice yourself.
"And if it would have gotten to you instead?" A tinge of anger slips out and he clicks his tongue. He's never been one to hide how he feels, but he dislikes getting angry with you. It makes him feel like shit afterward. Unfortunately, that doesn't stop him from voicing his thoughts. "You said it yourself, you got lucky. What if it was worse?"
You don't respond and your gaze drifts elsewhere. His tone is harsh, almost scolding. But he makes a valid point, as always.
"I'm sorry," you breathe out. "I just wanted to..."
"Help?" He finishes. "I know you want to, but instead of helping others maybe you should, I dunno, help yourself for once? Instead of getting involved and trying to have some savior complex, be selfish for once. Doing all this isn't going to help you in the long run. Besides, do you know how badly it sucks to see you in the infirmary?"
Ace lets out a breath after letting that out. He hates how you seem to curl into yourself, making it look like he is the bad guy here. Is he wrong to point this out? To worry over you? He frees your hand to run a hand through his hair. Guilt is already eating at him as he sees that downcast expression.
He knows you mean well. You're doing your best in a world that isn't your own. But things aren't the same here as in your world. Even he knows that.
"Look," he starts, internally praying that he can save himself. "I get really worried about you, okay? You're like..." Ace shifts, a little uncomfortable. A friend? Yeah. But you're also more than that. "Special."
"Special?" You look up, eyes filled with confusion upon hearing something sweeter after that brutal truth.
"Yes, you're special. In a good way. Even if you do make the cool look uncool. And if you don't believe it, then I'll prove it to you. Cuz I love you, you idiot."
A pause.
Your cheeks turn red.
His mirror yours.
"See? You made me do a totally uncool and unplanned confession."
"...You mean it?"
Ace is almost in disbelief until he remembers his track record. Okay, so maybe a couple of fibs here and there would come back to bite him in the ass, but...seriously?! Maybe he shouldn't have done this, but he needed to make a point and get it through that thick skull of yours somehow.
"Yeah, I mean it. Don't make me repeat it..." Ace clicks his tongue. Now he's feeling shy? Lame. It's nothing he can't shake off though. "So, what? Are you going to believe me now? Maybe take care of yourself a little more cuz you have someone like me in your life. Or are you going to break my heart?" Cue the overly dramatic sad pouting.
"Hey!" You huff. If your arm wasn't injured, you would have playfully hit his. "I...I'll take care of your heart with all of mine."
Ace's act disappears in an instant. "Oh? Are you sure? That's very bold of you to say so~!" He hums. "You can gush about how much you'll take care of me while we bandage up your silly little mistake. And I'm not taking no for an answer!"
#twisted wonderland#ace trappola#twisted wonderland x reader#ace trappola x reader#gn reader#twst x reader#twst#ace trappola x you#heartslabyul#request#tell it to my heart event
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Rook Headcannons: Family, life, etc.
Just cause I find him so funny
Edit: This got long! I wont apologize
You can pry the Bird Beastman Headcannon out of my cold dead hands.
I saw the idea that his siblings were named after chess peices, and I do love that but hear me out: Robin, Raven, Rook, Rosella, Ruff, Wren (hes the odd one)
Middle child energy- Rook may be a bit more extreme than his siblings, especially the older ones, but I feel like the whole family is on the same wavelength
The random mansions around the world with goverment approved portals? They are 100% black market associated. Probably animal trade or sell useful byproducts as potion ingredients. Scavengers, like the birds they are
Not ruling out some highly illegal/Immoral trades. But yeah.
Rook and each of his family may seem unassuming on their own, but when all of them are together? People can't get out of their way fast enough.
Uncanny Valley the whole lot of em. Give everyone goosebumps.
The Addams Family 100%
Probably also why you wouldn't hardly see them all together
Each sibling probably has/had a nanny and probably aren't too close with one another
Definitely "let kids roam" parents, as long as a kid showed up sometime, probably didn't care what they were up to
Rook 100% walked out of the house at 10yo with his bow and said he was off to hunt down a bear and parent Hunts were like "ok have fun! we'll taxidermy it when you get back"
One of the younger ones definitely does taxidermy
Rooks older sister knows every natural poison and even which ones can potentially be poisons when mixed with common household items!
Rook has been stabbed/trapped/poisoned by his siblings before
Hunt Parents are very much like morticia and gomez but worse parents in that they are less involved
Probably Not a lot of physical affection in the house
Dunno why, Rook just seems a bit touch starved
Probably also didn't hear much praise as a kid.
As such; Love language to give is words of affection, to receive is physical touch
Rook prior to Pomefiore smelled like blood. Just slightly mettalic tinge clingling to him constantly
Beastman in Savannaclaw gave him a WIDE berth.
Currently, smells like nothing, he doesn't wear the perfumes or scented products vil reccomends, much to vils dismay
Love the idea that vil gave him strong scented perfumes as a way to "bell the cat". Vil is mad it didn't work and is slowly getting less subtle about it, trying more and more obvious ways. Including changing the laundry detergent in the dorm to a strong scented one.
Rook is aware and finds it funny
Vil may say he tolerates Rook, but I think they were both lonely kids in a big new school and rely on each other.
Vil and Rook will probably be longtime friends if not lifelong friends. Vil heavily values having someone beside him who is unafraid to give him true, valid, critique and Vil has shown how much he values Rooks input. Rook admires Vils tenacity more than anything and will probably never leave him willingly.
They definitely fight though. Rook is a bit too callous when Vil needs a little soft and Vil is a bit too cutting when Rook could use a gentle hand and they get hurt. Will always make up, even if neither of them are good at apologizing
Or maybe one day years from now someone takes it a bit too far (probably rook) and they go a few years without talking
I can't imagine Rook in a profession besides whatever it is his parents do. Black market deals and trade probably. If someone asks he'll just say he is in Business
Rook will be a Parton of the Arts his whole life. sponsoring artists, probably from backgrounds like Neige. Will definitely be a very sketchy backer. No one will know what he does, but hes always throwing money around and who ever he finds, they will probably be the next big thing.
#disney twst#twisted wonderland#twst#twst wonderland#rook hunt#twst rook#vil schoenheit#rook hunt headcanons
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Dunno if the anon asking about headspace or not will see this, but I'd like to add my experiences in case they or anyone else having a similar question works. This is mostly directed at anon or anyone else reading it.
We don't have aphantasia and we struggle to have a headspace. Our situation is a bit more unique. But we have never truly had one. It is partly affected by us being a polyfrag system and the fronters not having access to it. But for some people, it can take time to develop. And for others, it just may not at all. And both are perfectly fine. :) However headspace or no headspace works for a system is perfectly real and valid. Systems can be very different and are individual to the person themselves. <3
It was a long while before we even became aware that we DID have one. And even then, the front section where we stay...isn't really anything. It's a void. And we can't see the rest of headspace.
Obviously not exactly what was there, but just to say that headspaces can be real weird. We didn't really "have one" for a long while. We happened to discover there was one, but we also cannot actively think of it or anything. We have struggled with seeing many systems with such unique headspaces while ours is foggy or barely there.
Headspaces are just one aspect of DID and like with any disorder, it can be experienced in many different ways. That would include people that may not have one even without aphantasia. I may have ended up having one, but at the time I really didn't think I would ever have one so I can understand how people feel somewhat with not having aphantasia but also not having a headspace.
Even with us having a headspace, we know it doesn't work quite the same and is actually very difficult for us to imagine. We are extremely imaginative and have a vivid imagination, always able to envision things with great detail. Yet when it comes to headspace, there's not a lot.
So mostly just wanted to say: whatever your headspace or lack thereof is like, it's very real. Since the account holder already answered your question, thought I'd just leave some reassurance and a unique perspective in case anyone may be curious or whatever else. And yes I ended up having one to an extent, but I'm not trying to say "Oh you could have one and not know it" at all. I genuinely just mean, yeah, not having a headspace is perfectly fine and possible for your system. Because we are far from aphantasia and yet still struggle with headspace or seeing it at all. Even what we know is very little for us fronters. And did seem like we didn't have one for a while. So yes and you're not alone. Headspaces are often talked about in system communities so I can understand just wondering that kind of thing. And here's a bit of support and encouragement and love for any systems that don't have headspaces whether they have aphantasia or not. :) <3 /genuine
Honestly, that's quite similar to our experience as well. When we were more pro-endo and groomed to believe we were endogenic we had a greater ability to see our inner world - we uncovered a lot and could even find stuff that a way younger version of ourselves set up to try and cope with severe trauma.
Nowadays, it's near impossible for us to see into our inner world as a fronter. More often than not, a lot of the memories of it get zoinked by the time someone reaches the fronting space. While we've kind of taken steps back in our recovery in that regard - as well as higher barriers between layers than we had previously.
Overall, it's been better for us to treat our disorder as. Well. A disorder. And not some quirky tumblr and discord thing. Overall we've managed to get a better control on our split rate and can manage our triggers better and easier than we used to, while we can't communicate as well as we did in the past - that's okay. It's getting better, and that's all that matters, really. Recovery is never going to be in a straight line. Sometimes, you stumble backwards and there's nothing wrong with that.
Ramble moment over!! We're currently very sick and have a high fever, but I do hope this entire response makes. Sense.
#endos dni#endos fuck off#anti endo#endos not for you#endos do not interact#syspunk#systempunk#actually did#did system#actually dissociative#not positivity#call and response ask box clear out!
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I dunno if this has been asked before, but can you make a prompt where darling shows possesiveness or jealousy?
I think this is much more suited during CC timeline. Sephiroth had to work in a lengthy project with another woman (Scarlet, maybe? I mean.. she's is kinda sexy, ya know... enough to make darling feels kinda insecure). Sephy hates Sacrlet, but darling doesn't know that. She misunderstood the situation and her jealousy gets the best of her. So she sabotage whatever project it is just to keep Sephiroth away from that other woman even if it could ruin Sephy's reputation. Basically darling has this small tendency of being a yandere herself.
Sephy's reaction?
Ok, I will make this into a scenario. I don't write yandere/yanderish darlings for future references. Jealous and Insecure darlings are fine but nothing more than that. This is an interesting situation, because I can also see Scarlet having a hidden disdain for Sephiroth as well. XD
To begin, Sephiroth is probably working with Scarlet to be a test subject to see how her mechas stack up against him. Sephy is known to be a dutiful and professional man, with a cool and aloof demeanor. He tends to keep conversations with those outside of his inner circle to a minimum. Especially with those who he hates. In that case, he would be terse and curt, and the disdain rolling off of him would be thick in the atmosphere. The mutual tension between him and Scarlet could be cut with a knife, but the darling hadn't been around them for long enough to detect it. For Scarlet herself, I'd imagine her patience was wearing thin with his cold attitude, feeling so thankful to be through with him after the necessary work is done.
Upon finding out the darling sabotaged his work project, Sephy would be pretty upset, though. Despite his inward loathing for Shinra, he is still a responsible and dutiful subject. It would be essential l for the darling to confront Sephy and sincerely express why she had tampered with his work. He honestly might be more upset when hearing the true reason. How could his beloved possibly think he had even the slightest attraction to Scarlet? He would express his hurt over what the darling had done, but would make it known that his love for her would never waver. Sephiroth is like a swan (my secondary animal motif for him). His beauty is entrancing, his grace is undeniable, and his devotion to his darling is everlasting.
Darling can mend their relationship by validating his feelings and expressing regret for her actions. And to make it up to him, she can make a hot, succulent lasagna and lavish her kitty boy with love.
#sephiroth#ff7 sephiroth#final fantasy 7#sephiroth x reader#final fantasy x reader#ff7#fluffy sephiroth#scarlet ff7#c.c rambles#ff7 x reader#ff7 headcanons#sephiroth headcanons
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Tim/Masky headcanons bc â¨hyperfixationâ¨
-------------------------------
Tim was misdiagnosed with schizophrenia and has DID/is a system. I say this bc (and correct me if I'm wrong bc I'm in the middle of rewatching Marble Hornets, so my memory of the latter half is still foggy-) the Operator sickness or whatever would've been considered the hallucinations + delusions by the doctors. But, seeing the Operator everywhere you go, teleporting randomly, having coughing fits and seizures in his presence, paranoia bc you fear he's watching you, all of those things were very much real and the paranoia was valid bc the Operator WAS watching him!!!! Like, Tim literally wasn't hallucinating or delusional (I mean, he could very much still experience hallucinations and delusions on top of everything else, but I'd still like to make my point that he isn't just 'seeing things' when he sees the Operator).
As well as this, him and Masky act like entirely different people and Tim has amnesia when Masky fronts (dunno bout the other way round bc we don't rlly hear Masky's thought processes BUT I'd assume a similar thing happens for him). Yeah, there are probably other conditions that could explain that, but to me, they're a system.
Masky is a nonhuman, nonverbal alter (dunno exactly what he is yet tho). Him and Tim barely communicate, if at all, and Tim doesn't get diagnosed with DID, or at least, realise he might have it, until after the events of Marble Hornets.
Masky wears a mask to feel less dysphoric cause he #doesnotlooklikeTim. Masky also isn't his name, it's just what's been given to him out of convenience (like a nickname). He doesn't hate it
Today, I was enlightened by she/her Masky, and I was already considering having them use they/it pronouns so uhh, he/she/they/it Masky win????
Tim uses a cane bc his leg DID NOT heal properly. He took too long to go to the hospital so it had already started healing by that point. Only way of fixing it was to break it again and go from there, and he'd rather not
Masky refuses to use the cane tho. Dunno why. Part of me feels like if it was up to them, they'd walk around on all fours 24/7 but it isn't rlly ideal in this body (Jay being chased by Masky on all fours is kinda funny tho). Anyways, he keeps abandoning the cane somewhere and Tim keeps having to get new ones. Eventually, Tim leaves a note on the cane saying 'DO NOT LOSE!!!' and Masky actually complies... Kinda. He still refuses to use it, but she begins leaving it in places she knows Tim'll find it (like in his car or at his doorstep). This is probably the first time they've successfully communicated (winđđđ)
Masky being a little shit but not necessarily evil>>>>>>>
Also Brian content as a treat! (Wooo!!!!!!)
'Brian lives' au where he definitely fucking dies, but comes back as a zombie
That's the whole idea, I have nothing else
If Brian begins acting more like his usual self again, then him and Tim are besties, while Masky (mostly) trusts Brian
Tim and Jay are gay bc I said so. Idk Masky's opinion on Jay yet (it's probably intrigued by him)
Masky FUCKING HATES!!!!! Alex!! He will NEVER forgive him for breaking his fucking leg cause that shit HURT!!!!!!
That's all I have ok bye!!!đđđđđ
#marble hornets#mh masky#mh hoodie#mh tim wright#mh brian#mh headcanons#um.... professional yapper over here!!!#*points at self*#also to clarify I am not a system#if anything's inaccurate/offensive lmk /gen
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Hi⌠iâm sort of new to tumblr. I got into marauders a while back but have just sorta chilled on ao3 most of the time. I got tumblr recently and came across your microfics, and then your advice asks. And I need some. Advice. So erm, yeah, iâm just gonna explain and then maybe youâll be able to help me? Thanks so much. This is gonna be slightly complicated, just to warn you. (Oh and insanely, INSANELY long. So sorry about that).Â
So this thing happened recently. Iâm a girl and one of my best friends is also a girl. Weâre both 17, dunno if itâs relevant but, yeah. Recently, she admitted to having a crush on me.Â
Iâm straight. It wasnât weird or anything. Sheâs been out to me as a lesbian for a few years, and so when she told me, it was more of a âget it off her chestâ sort of thing.
I think I reacted alright. I just nodded and smiled (probably slightly weirdly, i was a bit shocked). She told me she wanted us to stay friends, but she wanted to put a little distance between us so she could get over it. Which is totally fair so I agreed and iâve been trying to keep things sort of, on her terms. You know?Â
Anyway, that was a while ago and a few months ago she got this girlfriend whoâs like- super annoying. We donât talk as much as we used to (weâre still close though) and I do miss how we used to be, but I get it. But her new girlfriend, watching them be together makes me want to throw up.Â
And iâm not trying to be homophobic, iâm around quite a few of lgbtq+ relationships and even more single queer people, like half my friend group are queer and some of them dating, but these two are annoying as hell.Â
Sheâs never really dated before? And itâs good. I know that. Duh. Cause maybe sheâll hang out with me more again. But like, iâm all for supporting girls, but her girlfriend is so annoying.Â
And I canât totally explain it⌠she just like really irritates me. But I donât have like- a reason? She just hasnât exactly done anything to make me hate her, except exist around me and my friend SO MUCH.Â
Itâs annoying. I get no alone time with her anymore. She always has to bring her girlfriend.Â
And my town is like mostly cool with queer relationships. I mean not like accepting but like- wonât punch you. My parents are the same. Theyâre all âas long as itâs not my family or friendsâ do as you please. Which is a bit weird but whatever.Â
So like, theyâve been on dates in our town and she even brought the girlfriend to MY house. And I canât tell her I donât like her girlfriend cause thatâs rude but itâs like fucking torture every time I have to be around them.Â
And she isnât happier, by the way. She isnât. I can tell, and she isnât. But it feels selfish that I donât want her to have a girlfriend cause now I donât get to hang out with her one on one. And I guess it would mean her not having a crush on me anymore so we could hang out more except her girlfriends always there.Â
We used to hug and touch and spend all our time together and now sheâs all busy with her new girlfriend.Â
And again, I swear iâm not homophobic. But I feel sort of homophobic when I watch them cause I really canât even be around it much anymore. I leave whenever they start kissing cause I donât need to see that. And according to one of my guy friends  itâs uncool that iâm okay with guys kissing and not girls?Â
You canât be homophobic in one direction thatâs insane. And iâm not. I just, it bugs me. Is all.Â
Anyway I got into this argument with her and she called me homophobic. I probably paused for a second, you know to process. Cause I understand thatâs a valid fear for her in our town, but she knows thatâs not true. Two of our friends are in queer relationships. And I find both of them sweet. And I donât care if theyâre kissing or whatever.Â
Plus iâve been totally supportive of her⌠up until now.
Itâs just one of those things. Like yeah, girls are cute and sweet and iâd date a girl too if I wasnât straight, but she doesnât need to like- make out in front of me or anything.Â
And when I opened up and told one of my best friends (who is also queer but I knew it wouldnât make her uncomfortable cause she knows iâm not homophobic) and explained all this to her, she just laughed at me. Which was shockingly unhelpful even from her.Â
Look tbh I donât totally know what iâm asking you, just like, how do I be normal around them? I donât want to lose her over this, and I certainly donât want to be homophobic or anything.Â
And itâs weird cause iâve literally never felt any weirdness around lgbtq+ relationships (or people for that matter) before. Hell, I went with my friends to pride. Â
And itâs never been a problem online either.
So I donât know whatâs causing thisâŚÂ
So yeah, any advice? đ
Also iâm rlly sorry this was so long and hectic and probably makes no sense. I just needed to talk to someone and you seem really lovely and I donât know how to explain it to anyone.Â
Oh and iâm pretty new to social media. iâve never really liked it. And new to being in majority lgbtq+ spaces. So if this sort of thing might bother your tumblr buddies please ignore me, cause I really donât want to hurt anyone or make anyone uncomfortable.Â
I just feel like iâve exhausted my options in figuring this out, so might as well consult the internet. And iâm sure as hell not going to reddit.Â
Anyway, thanks for reading my hectic insanity. Donât worry if you have nothing to say. If I canât figure out why iâm being weird then I donât know why someone else could. Iâve been trying to be nice and just sort of ignore them when they kiss and stuff as of lately. But I still hate it.Â
Hi!
Okay, so first of all, no need to apologize at all! I'm here to help :)
So, I think there are a few things you need to think about.
Could it just be that you're not used to being around affectionate queer people? How often are you around queer couples who are affectionate? Is it maybe something you need to adjust to so it doesn't feel so strange?
How are you feeling when you get upset about them making out? Turned off? Scared? Jealous? These are VERY different emotions and might give you a hint about the reason behind your feelings.
Could your feelings be because you don't like the girlfriend as a person, and nothing to do with the queerness of the relationship? Maybe she's just...not very fun to be around and that makes you feel negatively?
Alternatively, could it be because you miss your friend in a platonic way, and you just want to go back to how things are? And your feelings are manifesting in this way?
I'm going to VERY gently suggest one last option, and I want you to know that I'm not trying to push you to feel this way, it's just one possibility. All of the other options have equal possibility. But based off of some of the things you said, could it also be that you are a bit jealous of the girlfriend in a more romantic way? It certainly doesn't HAVE to be this reason, but it's something to think about.
I think you need to think about all of these questions and reflect on the basis for your feelings. No matter WHY you are feeling this way, it's clear that you care about your friend and you want to work this out, so I wouldn't call you homophobic. At most, I would say maybe you need to adjust to being around queer couples. Good for you for putting in the effort to ask about your feelings and educate yourself. You seem like a great friend <3 <3 <3
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53oz
8:57pm - joshua tree
this'll be quick bc i'm pretty distracted to be honest. i just don't wanna lose the habit by skipping on it completely. i tried to talk to charlie about what she'd want from japan, but i think she kind of just seemed happy that i wanted to get her anything at all and insisted i should pick it out and she'd be happy with whatever. eric more or less confirmed the same thoughts on her. it's nice and i know she'll be happy with anything bc i thought of her, but i really hope i manage to find something she'd actually enjoy not just have and hold on to bc it was a gift. good luck to me i guess haha
i had some more pretty deep talks with valeria last night about relationships and like future shit. it was honestly pretty interesting how supportive she was on some of my feelings on things. there have been multiple occasions where i kind of felt like it would be on me to compromise the biggest in a relationship bc if i was unwilling it would feel like taking something important away from the other person. and even having those kinds of feelings sometimes felt like i was hanging on to something immature and stupid. and i'll be honest at the root of some of those feelings there are insecurities and hurt feelings, but it was just kind of nice to have someone validate that it's not wrong to feel that way and it isn't actually taking something away from a person you love. i think ultimately, it still depends on the relationship and the two people as to what an actual compromise would be, but i dunno. i said it already, but it felt kind of validating and i felt a bit less like an asshole. i'm really hoping we can keep up with talk about this kind of shit once im not in la and im on tour and even when she's touring... i don't know if there's any specific tour she's headed on soon, but if she does. it's really a good spot in my day.
we also, earlier today rather than late last night spoke about some of the stories in the podcast i was listening too. one was about a doll that was connected to a ghost of a toddler where the woman who bought the doll threw it in the trash after encountering the ghost and just how awful it is to have thrown out that little girl ghost like that. particularly bc when she'd taken the doll home initially she had treated her with some motherly care it just ugh. it sucked to think about things from the little girl's perspective and i just had to vent about it. plus there was one where a little girl dreamt a premonition about the next day that saved her life, but it also had disappointing elements of her father kind of not showing enough concern/not believing her experiences. also required a decent amount of venting. it was nice to share though.
she did confirm last night that she does enjoy talking to me about as much as i do her, so that was good. made me feel better and like i wasn't being some fucking weirdo up her ass bothering her about dumb shit all the time.
eric and i talked a bit today about girls and shit. he kinda knows more or less where im at with things. obviously i don't get too into specifics on everything, but i think he knows and understands where im coming from. it's a weird situation with being busy and also wanting to really get to know people i dunno. it was nice to talk about it a little bit. and then, i think things are going fairly well between him and charlie. like there definitely seem to be moments one or both of them backs off a little bit maybe due to nerves maybe not, but it seems like they've been good at talking shit through and moving forward. i told him he's blown past me at this point. i haven't even kissed anyone for... well a decent amount of time. not even a ghost. i think im happy though.
tomorrow is rosalie's party and then i'll go home. i feel like im gonna want to fit in a lot of stuff tomorrow and as much as it feels like a bit of a goodbye i'm really not even gone that long. i think it's just the process of getting your shit together and getting out the door that makes it feel like it's going to be a long time, but it's nothing at all. could practically go unnoticed. heh i guess this wasn't quite as short as i was thinking itd be, but it always seems to go that way i think.
the one last thing is once im back from japan i need to figure out all my individual show dates and figure out what i wanna do about asking if anyone wants to come etc. and that'll probably help to sort out my head a bit. that and time.
my mind's really on s'mores now though and all the potential combinations.
you can't be missed if you never go away - cobra starship
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