#i dont want to be ill for the rest of my life :( | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

todayisafridaynight · 10 months ago

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#rgg #ryu ga gotoku #ryu ga gotoku 7 #yakuza series #yakuza like a dragon #yakuza 7 #ichiban kasuga #ryo aoki #masato arakawa #snap sketches #beat y7 for the first time in Ever last night with kayla so i was legally required to draw something #also i wouldve just rb'd the og post but it had less than 100 notes and i didnt want op seeing me be cringe so early in that posts life #theyre brothers your honor this is simply shit ichi would do every day had it not been for The Horrors #ok bye i should eat #steadily trying to post art again cause my comm list is FINALLY looking vaguely normal so i dont have much left to do #ill probably shotgun a good chunk of them tomorrow even tho tomorrows suppoed to be a rest day but lol #ok bye bye

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s0fter-sin · 23 days ago

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something people just don’t think about is how often chronically ill and disabled people just don’t have access to good food. not healthy food, good food; well made, tasty meals that don’t come from a jar or a freezer. how many of us are housebound or can’t drive? delivery services only offer within certain distances, if you live outside a city they aren’t an option. many people don’t have the energy or ability to cook for themselves if they have the skill to begin with. many certainly don’t have the ability to learn how. it’s something that goes completely unnoticed, just the opportunity to have a good meal and how much that wears you down

#all i want is chinese food #the closest one to me is 40 minutes away and its a /bad/ chinese place #its my worst option and its not even an option #‘fried rice is easy to make heres a recipe!’#i cant use a stove bc the heat will give me a seizure #even if i keep myself cool something that should take 15 minutes will take upwards of an hour bc i need to take breaks #even then ill probably be too nauseous to eat it after being active for so long #all of that for a bad cooks version of fried rice #more expensive and worse than a takeaway place #but i cant get it from a takeaway place #repeat ad nauseum for the rest of my life and is it any wonder im so sick of the same food ive eaten for 10 years #the only time i get takeaway is when my parents decide to go out and bring something home #can you imagine living like that for the rest of your life?#i dont have to #and its so dumb to want to cry over rice #but its not really about the rice is it #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #spoonie #chronic illness #disability #pots #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #ehlers danlos syndrome #fibromyalgia #chronic fatigue #chronically ill #mental illness #mental health

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skunkes · 6 months ago

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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.

#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day #how they're already memories since moments pass so fast #everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever #and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed #it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily #so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day #ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been #the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief #and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately #id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again #like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night #one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys #i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i #hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day

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the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see · 8 months ago

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finally caved and started reading all for the game. two chapters into the foxhole court and what kind of gay fucking shit is this! also did not know there were sports in here

#idk whats going on i thought it was like the raven cycle with magic and shit its called the foxhole court??? no fae???? what the fuck!!!#and i cant understand whats happening with the sports. i didnt get it. i hope i dont need to i just know kevin is top dog of the bad dogs #neil is mid mid except hes got a death wish so they want him carnally???#ill be reading it super slowly bc im busy but i can feel it slowly turning up the heat on my brain cells as i read. they are burning.#ive got naught but ten #and neil's not neil but he is and he has a bag of secrets he's hiding in someone else's closet like okayyyy go off author fuck whats the #authors name.... nora sakavic FUCK I SHOULDVE KNOWN NEVER TO TRUST A WOMAN NAMED NORA #i dont know...i dont know.... but also the only gay neil i know is the one from dead poets society and its hard to separate the two rn #is the rest of the book going to be like this what did i get myself into. am i mentally prepared #bc i wasnt for trc and it FUCKED! ME! UP! im STILL insane #ugh. ugh. anyway. way gayer than expected. also at one point someone asks ''how safe is safe'' and MY DISAPPOINTMENT #when the answer wasnt safe as life? immeasurable. in fact i had to close the book. went to study accounting.#ACCOUNTING. HELLO?? CAN ANYONE HEAR ME IN HERE???#the tree speaks #all for the game #aftg #what are yalls tags?#neil josten #the raven cycle #trc

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thedisablednaturalist · 2 years ago

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Support disabled people who will never be "healthy" again. Support chronically ill people. Support people who have made peace with their illness. Support those who are still fighting for a cure. Support those who still haven't figured out a way to manage their symptoms. Support those who know their illness inside and out and need to stick to strict routines to prevent flare ups. Illnesses won't affect people the same way and the relationship within is a personal one.

#chronic disability #chronic pain #chronic illness #spoonie #fibromyalgia #Im still hoping for a cure or for a way to reduce my pain #i dont want to live like this the rest of my life #using a wheelchair is fine even tho it sucks to deal with inaccessibility #i love the disabled community as wwll #i just hate the pain. i want it to stop #i want a cure

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vyvansecrashing · 18 days ago

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can russia and north korea just nuke us already this is hopeless

#sorry to be so fatalistic on main i just have zero faith in the american public atp #i just rly wanted to believe that more americans couldve used this opportunity to prove to the rest of the world that we arent all a bunch #of sensationalist/conspiracy-driven/aggressively braindead/violent/bigoted alt-right lunatics #& i never had much faith in kamala & walz to begin with obviously im incredibly cynical towards these status quo gatekeepers and the #downright impotence of the neoliberal democratic party #but this wouldve been an easy swerve away from dozens MORE of horrible awful inhumane policies that will ultimately vanquish #the quality of life for the entire american working class like myself and our already pisspoor education system and our lousy #climate change policies and impossible living standards #but no unfortunately there is no way in hell for americans to prove even a modicum of intelligence or worth we're all basically suicidal #and despite my own immense yank bashing tendencies and complete disdain for our government i really wanted this country & my ppl to defy #our own reputation of being so fucking stupid and backwards i really did. in the tiniest little place of my heart was legitimate hope #& a tiny bit of patriotism thats now been squashed completely & this was just another large-scale international humiliation that we legit #voted that guy BACK IN after everything that has happened the last four even eight years. its unbelievable.#again obviously i dont like kamala but it still wouldve been a grand opportunity to stall against what the gop is already destroying #and with push and shove we could have made slight progress forward as a country and try to protect our social programs #be it as flawed as they are and with enough support we could have strengthened them a little. make drugs less expensive. continue forward #with clean energy decreasing our use of fossil fuels even more.#protect our education system so the up and coming generations could receive higher standards of learning than what the rest of us had #NO ABSOLUTELY NOT. im too poor to continue living here and im too poor to fucking leave !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#SORRY THIS WAS EXTREMELY EXTREMELY EXTREMELY LONG THANK U FOR READING IF U DID MY BRAIN FEELS LIKE MUSH RIGHT NOW SO I DONT KNOW HOW #INTELLIGIBLE THIS MAY OR MAY NOT BE #and if this makes anyone mad @ all then ill just delete it cuz by god i dont need more grief and self hatred !#txt

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my-person-suit-is-defective · 8 months ago

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Does anyone have any supportive shoe recs?

My feet are agony at the moment, any pressure on the bottom of my foot is painful and I can barely walk or stand. I think the pain is probably plantar fasciitis maybe? But I also have flat feet and was told as a kid to wear there insoles which never fit in any shoes ever.

The majority of other med students and a lot of med staff wear sketchers and similar things but they seem very cushiony and not very supportive?? But I'm loosing the will to live trying to research this shit

#sort of feels like im walking on exposed bone or smth tbh #not comfy #i detest shoe shopping #i wanna go and try stuff on but im anxious #also v poor #also in FUCKJMG AGONY TRYIGN TO WALK #genuinely so constantly painful #even at rest now #dont think ive ever wanted a wheelchair so bad in my life #chronic illness #ehlers danlos syndrome #chronic pain #disability #medical student #shoes #advice and recommendations please

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geodethecrow · 3 months ago

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google search common joint/bone pain causes

google search arthritis symptoms

google search arthritis at 18?

google search can arthritis cause muscle fatigue

google search arthritis pain relief

google search does arthritis ever get better

#can you tell im in pain right now? :/#i dont want to lose out on the rest of my lifes worth of rock climbing and hiking and knitting and and and #but like. if theres nothing i can do then ill accept that and be about my life as much as i can #painposting #chronic pain #candlelight musings

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baby-xemnas · 1 year ago

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a type of guy

(they couldnt be more different)

#ill love gin forever...best boy...if noone got him i got him #law can keep winning his popularity contests #my art #gin one piece #law #one piece #add: looking at refs (my own old art lol) and smiling cuz gin's nose have been broken many times #hes had so many broken bones that healed in less than optimal conditions #law is so well kept its not even fair to compare #i love thinking about gin as very sick guy. i so rarely do this but that is him to me.#remember i said i dont want law to keep spots on his skin?#well thats absolutely different for gin to me he is gonna suffer from effects of that poisoning for the rest of his life #he never had proper care #he is just broken all over from a real shitty life he lived. but hes the most stubborn beat up dog there is #he's never gonna die no matter how much blood he coughs up and scares the shit out of sanji with it #im using my personal familiarity with lung issues and blasting them on gin #i never do this fr. he's very special

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opens-up-4-nobody · 5 months ago

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#im at such a weird point in my life. trying to choose between a phd and a doomed life as an academic and like just not doing that.#its crazy how not terrible i feel when im not in school. just give me tasks to do and i will do them. dont let me think.#but then im just avoiding my responsibilities. i dunno. i just feel like i would be happier with a structured job that ends when the day #is over. which is y my dad thinks i should get a government job. one of my former lab mates got a government job and he's settling into #spending the rest of his life out in Colorado. which is so weird. i dont kno how long ill be in the place im in now. will it b 4 more years?#or will it be only a few months? will i go back to school in the fall? its looking like yes bc i dont have a job lined up. but maybe ill #keep applying and dip out. let my dreams die in favor of balance and sanity. maybe some things arent meant to be.#its just so gutting. i was talking to my coworker this week. saying that im interested in so many things. i could have studied anything else #and traveled a completely different path. and a guy across the room was like: its never too late. but it feels like its too late. too late #to spend another impossible amount of money on getting a different degree. restarting on a second masters project. im almost 30.#im supposed to b saving money so that i can not work forever. but i cant do that if im just a student forever. so maybe i should just get a #job. god. but theres so much i still want to learn. and im in the perfect program for everything i thought i wanted. im in the perfect place #but everything's falling to pieces. whatever. i. just tired bc im on day 5 of work and have to go in for a day 6.#doing something i havent done before all day. but after than im going home for a week. so ill have lots to contemplate in the airport.#this is not how i thought things would turn out. but im glad im spending the summer working where i am. im learning lots on a human to human #level. and no one bleieves im 27 bc i apparently have a bby face lol. nope im 11 yrs older than u my 16yo coworker #unrelated

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trafficpan-ic · 7 months ago

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Constant in pain, constant sick

And really tired of it

#cant even live my life #i do one day internship and i break down #i feel so sick #i cant be sick another day?#i just need rest all the time #i dont know how to do this anymore #thsi was suposed to be a happy time #and idk how long it will take for me to be a bit happy again #o just want to finish this year #why am i in so much pain #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #chronic illness #actually autistic #autistic #autism

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st4rstudent · 4 months ago

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Btw sorry for not getting to asks and drawing lately, I've been busy for almost the whole past week. hangs my head low

#clemramble #last week I was stuck on dog watching duty for 3 days which doesnt sound bad #until you realize one of them is like 16 years old and losing control of certain body functions. old age and all you know the drill #and then right after i was done iwas sent to my grandmothers and ive been doing stuff with her #so whenever i am online its like snrrk mimimimi ... i tried to draw yesterday but almost nothing came out right #but rest assured. i will get to work sooner or later.#i usually dont apologize for inactivity since a.) i have a life outside of social media and b.) i put my trust that you all #also understand that and wont start sending pitchforks and fire in my inbox #likewise i try not to publicly talk about my life in greatdetail but what harm could it hurt for you all to know i have an old dog.#ANYWAYS ENOUGHOF THAT #i will get back on that grind soon... even if its just sketches #just have to wait for that rest period to get over . i DESPERATELY need to work on my askblog.#i did not forget about it im just conflicted bc i want to use the new brush but the canvas is too small for it so im trying to find alts #...or else ill have to redraw the entire background . shudders. gets scared

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skunkes · 1 year ago

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experiencing a weird thing where im trying to go to sleep earlier (because im tired and sleepy) but i take so long to fall asleep its the exact same thing as just going to bed late...feel so hopeless and i always end up tired either way... im very big on "i can always try again tomorrow" mentality in any way it can be interpreted (interactions with others, mood, the amount of work i do etc) but its so hard to Try Again when you're always too tired to do anything...

#i rarely take naps...i tried to do so today and after the hour i gave myself to nap i still hadnt fully fallen asleep #im so sleepy and tired ....#even if i manage to get my personal required 9 hrs of sleep im tired....#i dont get it...im so sleepy rn + am going to bed but i wont fall asleep until much later...#god. i also hate this bc you'd think being an unemployed homebody who cant leave his house wld mean Constant #Naps and Sleeping. i avg like 6 hrs a night i cant imagine how worse off ill be with a job #i just want to sleep...!#and feel well rested...#talkys #sorry im just very frustrated...i try to do things to better my life and health and it ends up Not Working #like whats even the point. can barely keep my eyes open but i wont fall asleep until 5 am. why not just #go to bed at 5 am then. ugh.

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whoviandoodler · 1 year ago

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this is how this scene went right

[id in alt]

#transatlantic #varian fry #transatlantic varian fry #mary jayne gold #thomas lovegrove #i mean yeah u could get hanged for treason but like. is that worse than disappointing varian? no #im meant to be resting my hand and/or studying but i couldnt help myself #also dont usually do this format so it was Fun #just a quick little thing bcs if i tried doing this more srsly id never finish it #hello to my 4 fellow transatlantic fans *waves*#hope u enjoy this silly snippet #i tried doing a study of that candle scene but trying to paint digitally just makes me want to do it trad but like. exam season lol #i simply mustnt commit hours and hours rn. maybe later??? i have painted One (1) thing srsly in my life but this would be so much fun #or maybe ill paint that first kiss hmmm so many options!!! id be excellent values practice bcs ppl who did the lighting for ta are geniuses

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spartalabouche · 10 months ago

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im not saying that pharmacists and doctors shouldnt be allowed to have breaks or should be overworked or anything but i think its a little cruel that pharmacies and doctors offices can close for a holiday or for a little bit of snow at the drop of a hat when like. home depot employees or something are forced to work in a snowstorm on christmas eve. like i just think medical attention and medication is more important but thats just me. hire more doctors and pharmacists for the love of god

#txt #gekkering #and i donf want these people being put in danger or anything wrt to the snow thing but like we got not even an inch of snow and both pharmac #ies i go to have been closed all weekend as far as i can tell #and my medication is not life threatening if i dont get it but if itwas ???? and the rest ofthe store IS STILL OPEN.#i dont know man. it drives me crazy.#the doctor one especially because the nurses work around the clock ill get a message from a nurse over theweekend being like sowwy she will #approve your refill soon!!!! but they cant approve it for her and she wont check any emails or anything until she absolutely has to #you cant approve a fucking prescription on mlk day? its one button.#just drives me batshit. i wish there was some better method for this shit

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pleasedontcareaboutme · 1 month ago

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Love you till my last breath

No, even after that

Even when I'll be a ghost

🤍

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