#until you realize one of them is like 16 years old and losing control of certain body functions. old age and all you know the drill

[st4rstudent]

Btw sorry for not getting to asks and drawing lately, I've been busy for almost the whole past week. hangs my head low

[mirrortouchedsea]

ES Rarepair Week Day 4: Angst

This one is kind offffff a continuation of this fic that i've been meaning to get back to. There's scenes between that one and this one that I want to write eventually but just know that they're connected. CW for character death and Mikejima typical family issues

---

Shu hadn’t been in this hospital room in almost three years. The last time, Maguro seemed to be on the up and up, but he couldn’t help but feel that there was something he was missing. Maguro, the girl he had been watching over, was fine, her illness was no longer getting the best of her and she had stopped being able to see Shu at their last meeting. Her brother on the other hand, that pesky Madara Mikejima, had stopped coming to the hospital room as well, though Shu had sensed him in the hallway on more than one occasion. 

Shu had come to check on Maguro, who was now 16 years old, only to find her brother in the hospital room once again. He looked all the worse for wear, kneeling on the floor next to her bed, cheeks sunken, clothes sagging on his body that was severely underweight. Mikejima, Shu spoke up, what are you doing? Isn’t it obvious, Madara replied, barely shifting his head to look at Shu, I’ve been doing this for her. What do you mean ‘this’. I… Oh. 

Oh. Shu was hit with the realization. You’ve been giving away your life force, but why. I couldn’t let my sister die like that, alone, in the hospital without anyone to look after her, isn’t that what big brothers are supposed to do? You might be the only big brother to give up your life force itself for your sister, aren’t you worried about what will happen to her when you’re gone? Yeah, it gave me nightmares as a kid but this is for the best, and since God isn’t real, someone has to protect her. Does your family know? I haven’t spoken to them in months, not since, well, I’m sure you’ll hear soon enough. 

Shu could see that Madara’s life was fading rapidly and he’d be dead before long, and Shu would have to usher him to the afterlife. Are you scared of dying? I accepted long ago that I’d die young. That’s not what I asked, I want to know if you’re scared of dying. Madara turned away, his hands covered Maguro’s and squeezed them gently, or maybe it was simply due to how far along he was that he couldn’t squeeze any harder. I don’t want her to see me like this, can we do this somewhere else? You won’t make it out of the hospital in that state. That’s alright, as long as Maguro-chan isn’t the one to find me. Fine, I can at least grant you that. 

The two of them exited the room and Madara immediately collapsed, the door barely closed behind him. Shu-san, it’s been a while since we’ve talked like this huh. What’s got you acting so sentimental? You act like the dying aren’t the most sentimental people alive. Well, you would be right that we haven’t talked since you were what, sixteen yourself? That was when I discovered I could transfer my life to Maguro-chan and I… I was scared of losing her, the world can live without someone like me but she deserves the world. What makes you say that? Shu could sense Madara’s soul was preparing to leave his body, but he kept the conversation going. I’ve done horrible, horrible things, things you only associate with the dregs of society, all for her, and I’d do it again, that’s the thing isn’t it, I’d do it all again in a heartbeat if it meant that she’d be okay. Madara’s body shuddered. I’m ready, Shu-san, whenever you want to take me, just make it painless. 

Shu couldn’t control when Madara died, but he could pretend, hold his hand and coax him into that deep slumber until his soul separated from his body. The hospital staff were busy in other wings but his body would be found by the morning. As much as Madara had gotten on his nerves, Shu couldn’t just leave him to die completely alone and have a stranger usher him to the afterlife, not when Shu was right there. When Madara’s soul finally separated from his body, Shu pulled him to his feet. You’ve died, alone, in the hallway of a hospital. I know. Were you satisfied with the life you’ve led? Yes. 

[alolanrain]

i've had a lot of people ask me in the comments of ao3 on how the After Hours section of the Ta!au is so different for the actual TA aspect. So I'm just gonna do a little run done on the whole premise.

so the Teacher Assistant job that Ash has is actually is second job, his main one is working of the International League as some sort of mercenary for them. kinda dark, I know. originally the INL, the legendries' in human form, offered the position to Ash as a way to keep him a little more protected during world ending events so he doesn't die as often. having the legal right to carry weapons on hand during public like a variety of knives and even a small gun every know and then. it also forces Ash into a mandated therapy sessions, which he's actually avoided so far regardless since he's joined, and giving him a net of safety if things go to shit.

Ash turns this down as he's just a fresh 16 year old and half way through his journey in Unova. after dealing with N and Ghetsis Ash heavily reconsiders as he ends up killing Ghetsis with his own two hands after snapping for the first time due to the stress of the entire thing. he's actually really fucked up in this Au so you've been warned, I just haven't actually written the more gruesome moments yet.

his sanity slips quite a bit during his break as with Ghetsis dead Team Rocket tries to step in during the moment of chaos. like trying to completely gain control over Unova in one go. this shakes up Ash's already very fragile mind and he goes completely feral and a killing spree. in the end he wipes out about over 150 Team Rocket members in his rage across Unova somehow in the span of 8 days. this is also the first instance of Ash's aura returning to him since Hoenn and without the need of gloves, like the rage in him had unlocked the blocker that trapped his natural ability.

it's almost like Ash turns into an enraged wild Pokémon and it's not until he stumbles across the Unova INL council members, either just one of them or a few, and they see what has happened. Ash willingly goes with them after they help him calm down and he's struck with the realization that he's never been so calm in his life.

he doesn't have the urge to fill the silence, his leg doesn't jitter with unused energy and Ash's mind is completely blank for the first time in history. there's no train of thought running in the background or anything else like that. just total silence. during this time that he's being treated at the main INL HQ in Unova Giovanni pulls out every team rocket member out of the region. loosing years of ground they've struggled to gain over the region just because Ash lost his shit.

Ash is walking the fine line between a god and a human at this moment for the first time and he struggles with this so once he's freed from the INL, they've over looked the killing spree since Ash and his friends saved Unova and their collective 14 to 18 years old, Ash heads to the Orange Isles and goes to consult Lugia about it. as what he felt during the entire time was the same feelings he experienced during the battle against the Shamouti battle without the fear that had gripped him at the age of 11. Lugia talks him through it and then informs Ash that since he's not just Lugia's chosen but Arceus's as well Ash will succumb into primal urges when pushed far enough. the Legendary makes it known that Ash can not hide or run from it and that it's easier in the end to let it flow through you.

he brings up the INL offer and Lugia, who is apart of the INL in his human form, tells him to take it. it's quite manipulative on the legendry's end since he knows deep down Ash will lose a lot of his humanity if he does but the entire world needs the buffer that Ash can offer between them and the other humans. not only does Ash understand them to an unspeakable point but he's also able to go toe to toe even at the age he was in Unova and when he was younger as well. Ash does join and he's quickly followed by Gary for the older boys own reasons that they chose not to speak about and they become a pair during Ash's first break in traveling.

Lugia was right, Ash looses a lot of his humanity and kindness for humans after seeing just what they could and will do to the Pokémon that inhabited this planet first but he also learns to navigate around it and act like a normal human in society. sleep never comes easy anymore, it's why he naps a lot now in Alola and drinks a shit ton of coffee, and he's seen some shit that no one should ever bare witness too.

Delia and Professor Oak see's a little sliver of it, like Ash flinching away when large Pokémon suddenly appear around him and how he's lost his patience for literally every in pallet town when he's home. they have good intentions but go about it wrong by trying to force Ash's hand in giving up in being a trainer. thinking that spending a long time in his home town will help-shocker it doesn't. so Ash ask's Gary and Rowan if he could crash with them at the professors house/lab. Rowan excepts and very quickly learns not just why Ash hates pallet town and the people there but the whole shebang.

**haven't quite figured out this part yet. deciding if I should have him walk in on Ash and Gary prepping to leave for a mission in another region under the guise of Ash making Gary take a break from sciencing it up or have Rowan be kind of a consultant for lesser INL members and the G-men since he's still ridiculously good with battle plans, infiltrations and other shit that hasn't left him since being discharged from the Marine Corps and he's asked be a handler of some sort for Ash and Gary. i'm leaning towards the second option but the first one is more funny thought-Rowan blinking in shock as Ash and Gary have Ash's weapons and gear sprawled out on one of their beds and talking in hush whispers without noticing Rowan is there.

either way, Ash moves his permanent address to Rowan's house and stay's there 90% of the time he's not on missions or during his travel through Kalos. it doesn't help that Rowan starts to slowly teach Ash how to be more deadly, kind of acting more like a Master Gunnery Sergeant which is why Ash refers to him as Gunny during the present time. coming to be like the father figure Ash never had for the majority of his life and actively agreeing that Oak is an ass.

this all ends up with Ash being able to shut off his emotions and become a stone cold killing machine like he's flipping a damn switch off and on in his head. he's extremely proficient in what he does that Gary and Ash are basically handed free reigns over INL missions, getting to pick which ones they wanted to do and pass down the ones that they don't. the council members of the INL are naturally inclined in treating Ash like a distant family member, due to the fact that he is Lugia and Tapu Koko's son in a fucked up way-which thanks Arceus. Gary and Ash are a package deal so the Oak is treated like one to.

** I find it funny that I subconsciously switched it around for the INL and Rowan. like Rowan got Gary and found out Ash is a part of him and how the INL have Ash and Gary followed after him. I'm literally just realizing this now as I type it out.

Alola is the reprieve Ash didn't know he needed. he literally just went because Oak needed someone to bring the egg to his cousin at the Pokémon School and Delia absolutely loathes traveling by herself now. he's awkward around the kids after nearly getting trampled by the racing Tauros and continues to be. the only reason why he accepted the TA position in the first place was because Delia tried turning it down for him while he was in the same room.

it was an very petty move on Ash's part but he's had almost complete control over his life after leaving for Hoenn and he's not giving it up, even for his own mother. he does make it very clear to both Kukui and Oak that, unless the kids physically come up and ask for help, he will not be interacting with the students. he is a Teachers Assistant and not a Student-Teacher Assistant. both agree to create a new contract that everyone likes later on the next day.

of course the kids wiggle their way into his life and, unbeknownst to them, their almost slowly reviving Ash's lost humanity bit by itty-bit.

[thisheademptyyeet]

🫵YOU. Tell me about your furry ocs neow

Oh boi, bet. cracks knuckles

I had like two sets of ocs but since I know which ones sparked curiosity on you, I'll talk about the second set, perhaps I'll talk about the first one soon.

Anyways to give some context, when I was like 15/16 years old (beware of the cringe), I had like a project that I wanted to do after I gave up from the first one. The project was a comic called "Blood Moon".

I never got finish it and I don't have any pages because I wanted to have the story all figured out before starting.

The "story" was about an universe were anthropomorphic animals and humans exist together, the humans (as always) are pieces of shit and didn't liked the furries so there was wars, slavery, torture and shit.

At some point it all ended and they live in 'harmony', except that some people still tortured and slaved the furries illegally. Now we have to know about how there's furries both in the city and in the forest, in the city they all live with the humans, have jobs etc.

In the forest there's villages and they're all of single species, like, bears only, wolves only, lmao.

The main focus is a village of wolves, in which Ares and his wife Star are the leaders of said village.

And they had a baby called Luna, a small wolf cub. So cute :[.

Also there will be some design changes through the post since I don't have much drawings to illustrate them. I will point out everytime a different design appears.

Anyways, shit goes down when a group of humans invaded the village and commited genocide and stole cubs, including Luna. They took her to a hidden cabin in which they tortured and sell furries as slaves. (I'm starting to realize how edgy and fucked up this story is, what the fuck... anyways.)

Luna ends up being sold for a man and he "raises" her as some guard dog in which he uses to intimidate and kill people who owe money for him. She grows up and yada yada yada, until one day he tested her limits and she ripped his head off :].

Now, she's a huge ass 1,93 cm tall buff wolf with no one to control her ass (this is why you never mistreat your puppies, they might kick your ass sooner or later/hj).

At some point of the story she runs off to the forest and oh my god what an inconvenience, she found an wolf village! And what another great inconvenience, she also found her parents!!! :0

I forgot to mention but they didn't died in the genocide, they managed to escape and runned off to another area to live, so yeah, these bitches are alive.

And they now have four more kids that they didn't lose, I could explain how they found out that they're all really related since Luna is a lost child, how she reacts about her parents having other kids after she got kidnapped and other stuff about the lore. But honestly, this post is way too long and I dislike this story so I can't stand writing more shit about it LMFAO.

Tho I will say that I erased all of this bullshit and now they all live normally, no more drama. They're happy now and live in a farm.

Also have some memes:

[crvstybowlofcereal]

ok i'm just gonna cut to the chase

this is that personal post i was talking about last night. this could be triggering for some people, even as i'm writing this i'm not sure how much detail i'm going to go into, but i will be talking about eating disorders. please read with caution, and stop if you're not in the headspace.

i'm trying not to make this longer than it needs to be, or super triggering, so i'll be sparing details. besides, i'll probably talk more about this stuff on my sideblog.

i first developed an eating disorder in 7th grade, around 12 years old. When I graduated 8th grade i felt really out of control in my life, and it really took hold. 14-15 i was at my worst, it totally consumed my life, i was so obsessed with food, control, and my body.

it had always been kinda on and off until i got to highschool, so like, 14 and a half? and it was a full time thing from there really. partially because of the people in my life. or at least one person. i have very conflicting feelings about my relationship with that person.

anyways, when i turned 16 i decided i wanted to get better, and i started putting in the work. since i decided to stop letting myself spend all my time body checking and fixating on food, I started looking for other forms of entertainment in my freetime, which led me to learning about witchcraft and paganism and it helped me realize a lot about my religious beliefs. (i had struggled a lot with my religion growing up, and finally admitted to myself at 14 that i really had never believed in God as far as Christianity was concerned)

some of the biggest parts of my spiritual belief that really helped me in recovery was that i feel that nature is sacred and inherently beautiful, and, well, i'm nature. even if i don't like the way that i look there's an inherent beauty of my body existing in whatever state it does when i honor my needs. and with this, combined with active self love, i learned to love my body again. how to feel good in my own skin. how to dress myself to feel confident while acknowledging that just because some clothes don't look good on me, my body still isn't the problem.

but recovery isn't linear, and sometimes its way harder than others, and i've definitely slipped in to relapse so many times since I was 16 that i lost count. and sometimes it was really bad. but i always picked myself up after a couple weeks at most and got back to active recovery.

it really really sucks, when one moment recovery is easy, you don't even think about it anymore, you love your body, you love life, you don't worry about food, and then the next moment you're fighting yourself. it especially sucks because you KNOW it makes more sense to keep recovering, you can have 1000 reasons to keep going, but that one point in the back of your mind says "but i want to be thin" and they reach a stalemate. or worse, that little voice wins. and i find myself thinking, why is this so hard? it feels like a beast the size of a tree losing to a little bug. it's humiliating in a way.

that shame on its own of relapse would be enough to keep me from asking for help sometimes. i feel like i need to be able to pick myself up by the bootstraps and take care of shit on my own. but also when i'm in the relapse, sometimes i think "this is it now. i'm actually going to stay like this." it's comfortable, its a coping mechanism, i want "results." and i want to keep it a secret, so no one can stop me.

so um. thats some background context for you.

so basically i discovered Metal Family right at the end of february, and i hyper-fixated on that harder than anything i've ever fixated on things. sure, i've deep dived further on other things, or have been obsessed with them longer, but i was never so IMMERSED like i was with this. for 2 weeks i was in bed pretty much all the time just rewatching the show over and over and consuming fan content. i would do that for 13 hours straight on average. i couldn't pry myself away. i couldn't make myself watch other things. i neglected eating and sleeping for the most part. and when i finally snapped out of it and chilled the fuck out and calmed down to a normal fandom-level obsession, i realized that i had lost weight. during a time i would typically be gaining weight. and i sort of figured "wow great start! if i just go back to my old habits, i can lose so much more! i can be as thin as i used to be." (so toxic, why do you want me to suffer, brain?)

long story short I've been relapsed since then, and last night i was doing my favorite food fixation thing, watching people on youtube eat. and i was watching a wiead video by some girl who was in recovery and the way she talked about it was so much more personal to me and my beliefs than other recovery based channels. hearing her talk about missing out on fun moments in life, and looking back on celebrations and having it be shrouded in Bad Feelings about food and body image really struck a nerve with me. i already have so many photos of myself during "happy times" where looking back all i see is how fake my smile was. how miserable i was and how i hid it. how obsessed i was with restricting food and losing weight. i have things in my life coming up, and i really don't want that to be how i look back at them. I'm the maid of honor in my sisters wedding this september. for the last month or so i was so obsessed with losing weight to look good at the wedding (even though i already look good as fuck in that dress ngl) and now i'm so worried that i'll be too caught up in avoiding food to enjoy it, and that this wonderful day will be overshadowed by memories of how unhappy i was in life.

the biggest thing for me is imagining myself hosting events, particularly, i want to someday host a Dumb Supper for Samhain, (among many other traditions for many other pagan holidays) and it just won't happen if i'm worrying about food. partially because a lot of it, dumb supper in particular, focuses on food, but mainly because with my religious beliefs i feel super guilty when i relapse, and i feel like i don't deserve to engage in the religion. like by actively neglecting my body, i'm insulting the Goddess, and i shy away from my little religious routines and witchcraft (that i could be using to help myself feel better mentally) altogether.

i'm not really sure how to wrap this post up. i just needed to make it so i have people to do it for. because i can't do this if i hide away. i know myself well enough to know that if i think "no one knows anything about it" then i will think "might as well keep it a secret, don't bother them with it, and don't give them a chance to make you stop."

i'm going to document my recovery journey on my side blog @crustyisgettingbetter i'll include my religion and craft and how i use it to rebuild my relationship with my body, introspection in my relationship with food, exercise, and my body, challenging fear foods, etc. i want to be real and show the ups and downs of recovery, so i'll update with good days and bad days and everything in between. also my fitness journey. but that will be a much lesser part of the blog lol.

well that was long as fuck and super personal about probably the one thing i don't like sharing. TL;DR i'm recovering from an eating disorder and shit's hard.

y'all are more than welcome to follow the blog above and ask me questions and stuff about it there. now that this is out in the open, no more hiding. take care guys, ily.

time to actually be vulnerable for two seconds when i hit post..

[ciaossu-imagines]

Dunno if i am still on for the "talk to me i feel bad" show but you remember my varia boys right? You remember my oc Ava, Squalos lil brother who may be a lil obsessed?

Yeah i just recently realized that if he was a character in a dating sim two of his bad endings would be related to Squalo. Either the MC becomes a danger to Squalo/hurts him and he cuts them down or just stabs them

OR

they get TOO CLOSE to his brother and Ava ends up slowly (torturingly) choking them to death while saying how much they do not deserve to be by his side bc that is HIS brother and he will be the most important person in his life, fuck you.

Also since I am rewatching reborn, I've had thoughts.

So SOMEONE has to run the varia while the officers and boss arent there during the ring battles, so Squalo (bc xanxus cant be fucking bothered) puts Ser, Lorenzo, Leo and Ava in charge until they are back. Ava is ofc not happy about not being actively there to see his brother fight but ah, he'll take it since they get live transmission on a big screen!

And then Squalos fight occures. First shock: Squalo loses his fight.

Second: he gets eaten by a shark.

And thats when i realized. One of the reasons Dino FUCKING JETS TO CONFIRM SQUALO IS OKAY AND ALIVE would be because

Ava would've lost his mind and likely obliterated the entire remaining Varia. Its not like there are many strong enough to actually stop him when there is NOTHING he has left to lose. Usually he doesnt go unhinged, he doesnt have a reason for it snd as a swordsman he knows to have control over himself and his emotions. But if he loses SQUALO, his ONLY tether to sanity, all bets are off.

So Dino makes sure to save Squalo, not just to find out what actually is going on, or because they are old friends but bc DINO OFC KNOWS AVA, HE IS SQUALOS BROTHER AFTER ALL, THEY MET! and just thinks "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK, SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT, I HAVE TO MAKE SURE SQUALO IS ALIVE BEFORE WE GOT A MASSACRE ON HAND!!!"

Meanwhile the situation at HQ is fucking tense as shit. NOBODY dares to say anything or even move at first as they stare at Ava whose eyes are still glued to the static of the screen. Lorenzo, hand slowly to his weapons, is already getting ready to interfere once Ava snaps and Sergey very cautiously just goes

"A-Ava...?"

And then Avas phone rings. He mindlessy takes the call and Dino just loudly blurts

"Ava, he is alive!! We got Squalo and are getting him into medical care right now!"

"Dino...?"

"Yes! Yes, Ava its me! I made sure my men would get a hold of your brother, so you dont need to-- he's alive, okay?!"

"Ah... I see... Thank you, Dino."

Sergey slumps back in his seat, Leo leans against the nearest wall and exhales and Lorenzo relaxes, hands now off his weapons and crossed in front of his chest.

Cavallone better not lie about this, or Ava is going to go for him next.

"Dino." And Avas voice turns cold in a way that is very clearly not very mentaly stable.

"Please make sure that he stays alive and recovers properly."

And for a second everybody tenses again.

"Y-yes of course! Don't worry about that, everything will be allright!!"

The call ends and Sergey feels the cold sweat still on his back.

"Ava, you're fucking terrifying for a 16 year old, you know that?"

--

I just thought its a funny thought. So often the Varia is haled as this organisation of almost superhuman assassins, but it cant just be the main officers and the boss who are absolute maniacs.

You’re still on for that, but gosh the way you put that makes me feel both called out but is so incredibly accurate. I honestly do love how straightforward you are in things and as a person; it’s one of my favourite things about you 😊 Also, oh my good god, can I just say how happy I was to read this and that you sent it in as an ask so all my readers can read about these boys?! The Varia boys honestly have my heart and I adore them!

I love that you thought out what the boys would be like in a dating sim, because that’s just such a cool thought pattern and it’s also something that I love thinking about! It’s just a lot of fun figuring out what the routes would look like for characters, especially people like your Varia boys, where dating definitely isn’t the utmost importance to them and Ava’s bad endings sound heartbreaking and brutal but like things I would playthrough and find cheat guides for just to see them all played out. Also, how goes the rewatch? How far along are you?? Any episodes you were really glad to see again or arcs that you feel aren’t as much your favourites?

Also love your thoughts! The Varia’s missions and base being left to the most elite of the underlings makes perfect sense, especially these boys where they’re all very much trusted by the commanding officers. But at the same time, I feel so bad for Ava because I know he would have killed to be able to be there to see his brother wipe the floor during the Ring Battle and to finally wear the completed Rain Guardian ring…or you know, that’s how everyone figured it would go. All of your thoughts were just so lovely and I had so much fun reading them! Thank you for the smiles and the ‘holy, that’s so interesting’ moments 😊 Also, you write dialogue so well, just saying!

[icangiveitback]

I want to write a uh dragon sickness zuko story but I keep getting distracted. =_=

I always want to write sick fic when I'm sick though so maybe I'll get around to it this time haha.

It'd be post canon right when things get settled enough for everyone to leave the fire nation and an actual 16 year old alone on the throne for the first time after 3 years of no socializing haha with zuko getting increasingly feverish and possessive while trying to Actively not seem feverish or possessive because he doesn't want to be a bad guy you know

It's a spirit sickness like his little Fever of Conscious or whatever that was but drawn out instead of immediate. It's called dragon sickness because symptoms are: fever, possessiveness, territorial aggression, sparks with breathing, eyeshine, hoarding, etc. Kind of a nightmare when you're trying to convince people your nation has subjugated for a hundred years that you are reformed and also not like your power-hungry father.

He feels better when he's watching his people be happy, when there's a festival or what not. He feels best when he has his friends bundled up next to him when he can count them and see that they're safe and happy and here, but of course he can't keep them where he wants them (and he definitely shouldn't want to keep them) so he kind of just, goes through the motions and gets a couple days here and there of clear thinking and worry that he is actually going crazy like the rest of his family

(You know who else has dragon sickness? Azula. Losing her friends and her father's favor kind of really broke her perception of reality. She didn't feel safe, couldn't trust anyone to be hers. It's instability brought on by loneliness and paranoia that opens the spirit to dragon sickness in powerful firebenders. Maybe the water tribes and earth kingdom have similar spirit sicknesses in their powerful benders.

(Zuko got his first taste of dragon sickness in zuko alone, abandoning his uncle and sabatoging any connections he found with the earth kingdom citizens and then wandering in the desert is a pretty instable kind of time. That's why the fever dream memories and deciding it was a good idea to firebend and declare his lineage to a tiny peasant town while chasing off threats. All dragon-typical these are my people now you're messing with me—whoops they hate me time to find someone/something I can fight and or hoard. He recognized the symptoms in Azula, but had no words for it.))

Zuko's illness is slow to set in, and he refuses to let a little fever knock him down so no one really catches it until it starts getting kind of scary. At least at that point azula is back on her feet, somewhat, enough at least that she can put two and two together. Like all spirit sicknesses, meditation and self reflection (therapy basically) are the only true ways to cure it. Satisfying symptoms sometimes only feeds the illness instead of abating it.

So azula's got to convince zuko that he isn't actually alone (hard to do, when Azula is convinced she, herself is alone) and that his world isn't going to end if he makes a wrong step (again, hard to do when a wrong step from the fire lord could actually thrust them all back into war).

It will help once he realizes his friends will come back to visit and not forget him. It will help when his people rally behind him when someone tries to drum up a civil war. Once he starts feeling less like he's doing damage control and more like he's creating something to be proud of with his people.

And azula gets it, too, when zuko starts doing things like dragging her around like theyre kids again. Sneaking snacks up into her room and complaining to her about his meetings without worrying she is going to use that information against him. Listening to her advice. trusting her with things like being acting regent to give him time off to have field trips with his friends.

Yeah, azula gets it.

And probably they'll always be a little bit ill, with it. But it's more like a barometer now. If azula gets a bit feverish that just means zuko gets to drag her off to Ember Island and spend the night talking about politics and how much he trusts his sister's intuition and (in the morning after drinking) that he's sure she'll have the nation in fine hands can she just put him out of his hangover misery now (they can joke about it now even if it's not really a joke and more like a promise that he'll watch her and she'll watch him and neither of them will get as bad as their father ever was).

And when zuko's eyes start catching light in the dark azula pulls out her meticulous plans for the fire lord's birthday (festivals in the street, friends and wayward uncles firmly home where zuko can fuss, requests for approvals for funding the arts, schools, contracts for new jobs... little victorious things that zuko can get his teeth into without fear of messing up because these are things he's good at)

Anyways. They get better, is the point

[blissfullyblindbuffoon]

Meet Mia! She looks like Tinker Bell, you say? Yes. Yes, she does. Her character was heavily inspired by the little pixie, and her look is basically identical cause, well, cause I can't draw without tracing something. Stop judging long enough for me to tell you about this character, okay? Mia, the Magically Mute Mime, is Blithe's best friend of over a decade. No one knows how old she was when she joined the circus, she never told. She was so tiny she could easily have passed as a 6-year-old but sassy enough to be 16. She was quickly "collected" by Blithe as his new best friend, and they were soon inseparable. She easily mastered miming and object manipulation and, with Blithe's help, learned balancing and buffoonery. But before diving more into the dynamic duo, let's talk backstory.

"If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." This simple saying had quite an effect on young Mia. See, you never know who you might be insulting. And if you happen to make a disparaging comment on a peer's hair who happens to have magical abilities that happen to take expressions literally... you might find yourself unable to say anything at all ever again. Technically the curse still allows for nice things to be said, but, see, Mia never has anything nice to say. She was born spitful, sassy and sour and wasn't about to let a stupid curse control her life. Still, instead of simply learning to play nice, she stuck her nose up and stubbornly refused to say a word.

Mia had been silent for weeks and her parents went from frustrated to greatly concerned. When a certain Hide and Seek Circus came to town, Mia's wealthy parents took her to see the last performance on closing night in hopes that it would coax a laugh or a cry and even a surprised shout from her. Still, Mia didn't make a sound. But that isn't to say she wasn't enthralled. Not a word was spoken that she could understand throughout the performance, yet each and every story was clearly communicated. Two people high above the stands told stories of love and loss just by swinging suspended by long flowing silks. Groups of absurdly dressed people moving in over-exaggerated grotesque movements put out a none existent fire. Entire stories were told by just one person with nothing but a face full of white face paint. And thus, Mia heard the art of mime silently calling to her.

When no one was looking, Mia snuck away and hid in a costume closet. Not two hours had passed when she found herself rocked about as though in the back of a very rickety wagon. All night she was bounced about until, at last, they stopped moving long enough for someone to hear her frantic pounding. A little boy with a mop of curly brown hair freed her from her mothball prison, a huge grin spreading across his freckled features. The rest is history.

Now, as you can imagine, Blithe's slowly declining vision affected Mia the most. Being mute, the only way the two of them communicated was through games of charades. But if your friend can no longer see your movements clearly enough to translate... things get complicated. So you can imagine Mia's dread when Blithe told her she was just a multi-colored blob in his vision. He'd never pushed her for details on why she never spoke, but now he begged her to say something. At first, she couldn't. She couldn't think of a single happy thought to spark a nice word. She was too scared of losing her only friend, of being alone. But then Blithe wrapped her in a hug and quieted the tears she hadn't even realized she'd been shedding. she looked up at him and saw he was just as scared and hopeless as she felt. Yet he still reached out to comfort her even as he struggled. And she realized just how easy it was to think of a happy thought when she thought of Blithe. And so, for the first time in years, Mia said something nice.

[nataliaphantomhivesblog]

Corruption & Trust

Stormbringer and bsd spoilers in general ahead so read at your own risk!!

So in this post I will be listing all the times Chuuya used corruption and all the times Dazai was there to stop it. I will also go into depth as to why Chuuya trusts Dazai when it comes to having to use corruption and I will also emphazise on Dazai's care and how he takes corruption seriously.

1. First time using corruption: Stormbringer

Chuuya and Dazai's age: 16 yrs old

"Isn't it an unpleasant sight, Chuuya."

It was a young boy. This young boy casually caught hold of Chuuya's arm and lifted it up. With this movement, the gravitational field which had occured around them disappered immediatly. As well as Chuuya’s agony.

"Y...You..."

"You can't even die gracefully can you?" the young boy said in a raspy voice as he heaved Chuuya on his shoulders. He set off to walk.

Alright so this was the first time Chuuya's corruption was ever activated, after Dazai nullifies it and carries Chuuya on his back, he drops him off outside the bar were Chuuya's friends lay dead. He took him there instead of taking him directly to the port mafia quarters.

Why did he do that exactly? If Dazai doesn't care for Chuuya, then why did he give Chuuya the opportunity to pay farewell to his dying friends?

It's actually sort of funny because I don't really think Dazai really realizes or accepts that he feels a certain connection with Chuuya and therefore looks after him.

2. Second time using Corruption: Stormbringer

Chuuya and Dazai's age: 16 yrs old (obviously, its still the same light novel lol)

After losing his strength, Chuuya drifted in the air for a few seconds, then lost the black wings on his back and slowly fell.

Dazai caught his body.

From the spot where Dazai touched, the nulification skill was activated.

The self-contradictory skill that supports the energy of the singular point receded, and the output of the singular point decreased. Eventually, it converged and the "gate" closed. The red imprints disappeared from Chuya's whole body. Eventually, the gravitational field disappeared and the complete silence was restored.

“Good job, Chuuya." Dazai chuckled, looking at Chuuya he was holding in his arms. "I forgot to bring my ink pen, so I'll spare you from having your face scribbled."

As much as it looks like this is from a fanfiction, I can assure you that it's an actual passage from stormbringer.

I can't really say much except the fact that Dazai is being extremely soft here.

And this was the conversation Dazai and Chuuya shared beforehand:

"There is one problem." Dazai cut off his sentence hesitantly. "It has nothing to do with the sucess rate of the plan. It is a matter we have to overcome in the end but... It may require some time to decide."

"What's with you?" Chuuya raised his eyebrows at Dazai. "Stop dramatizing it. Just hurry up and say it."

"I said earlier about this control spell to open the 'gate' that is used to reset the command inside Chuuya, right?" Dazai spoke with a strangely restrained voice. "If we use that, the logs of the command formula that were written in the past will be erased. That means...even if the memory erasure was used on Chuuya in the past, the traces of that will be erased as well."

"What?"

"I told you before right? the memory erasure command. The only way we can confirm if Chuuya is human or not is to check the history to see if the memory erasure command was ever used. It means..." Dazai looked at Chuuya with eyes that he had never looked at him before. Those eyes were serious. "If we use that control spell, the method to confirm if Chuuya is an artificial personality created by a string of code, or just a normal human being, will be lost. For good."

The time had stopped.

Chuuya opened his eyes and looked towards Dazai but his eyes were not seeing anything. The wind blew between the two of them. Even so, Chuuya did not blink.

"Verlaine became like that because he was tormented by the curse that he was not human. That only is enough of a big problem. The matter of being human or not." Dazai looked at his pocket watch, gave it a glance and continued. "I can delay the time until the plan starts for about two minutes. I will send an order for my men to wait... You can think about it alone for a while. Cuz I guess its hard for you to collect your thoughts with me around."

Having said so, Dazai turned away and walked down the stairs, leaving Chuuya alone.

Dazai fixated in his pocket watch. Two more minutes. Too short for a life decision. But he couldn't afford more than that.

Inside Dazai's head, he was planning a procedure to swith to an alternative plan in case Chuuya refused, at a tremendous speed.

After this exchange, Chuuya does decide on using corruption. I have talked about this section on a previous post of mine, and I just love it so much. For starters, I think this conversation that these two shared is very important to their characters.

For Chuuya, it shows us how undeniably selfless he is. He would rather save the people of Yokahama instead of finding out something that meant a lot to him. He sacrificed his own desires to save the people he cares about.

For Dazai its a completely different story, in this exchange Dazai was able to openly express genuine concern for his partner. He also understands the gravity of the decision Chuuya has to take and therefore leaves the decision up to him.

Third time using corruption: Dragon's Head Conflict

Chuuya and Dazai' s age: 16 yrs old

During this one, Chuuya demands to know where his friends are, and Shibusawa says all six of them killed themselves after being caught. Enraged, Chuuya activates Corruption which ultimatley ended the 88 day conflict.

There isn't much to say about Dazai and Chuuya here since there isn't really an aftermath on this occasion but I bealive this picture is enough.

Before reading the DA manga, I genuienly thought that the only time Chuuya ever rested on Dazai's lap was when they were 22 but this proved me wrong.

I mean this is a minimal thing to point out but if Dazai disregarded Chuuya he would've just left him there, right? But instead he remained with Chuuya and allowed him to rest on his lap, in the picture you can also see he is putting Chuuya's hat back on. It's such a simple gesture but it shows us how caring Dazai can be when it comes to Chuuya using corruption.

Fourth time using corruption: Lovecraft Battle, Double Black reunion

Chuuya and Dazai's age: 22 yrs old

This is personally one of my favorite times in which Chuuya uses corruption. The fact that these two had not been working together for 4 years yet they still managed to not only accomplish their mission, but mantain their trust for one another.

I find what Chuuya says here extremely ironic because if anything, the choice has always been up to him. Dazai always uses corruption as a last-resort trick and its always Chuuya who makes the final decision of using it or not, even in a life or death situation Dazai won't take it upon himself to force Chuuya to make the decision if they will be using it or not, and hes always willing to come up with an alternative plan in case Chuuya refuses. (an example of this is when Chuuya used corruption for the 2nd time in SB).

I think the reason as to why Dazai takes corruption extremely seriously is because during stormbringer he was the first person to even see Chuuya use corruption and also the person who understood how corruption will always be sort of like a burden to Chuuya, since it was thanks to corruption that his "am I human?" question stayed unanswered.

He knows how it feels to struggle with your own humanity and he doesn't want for Chuuya (who he literally sees as human), to hold that inner conflict with himself because of corruption.

Anyways, Chuuya decides to go through corruption trusting that Dazai will be there to nullify it.

And of course, Dazai does nullify it.

And after Dazai nullifies corruption, we get this very touching moment between both of them.

This is the first time Chuuya openly admits to trusting Dazai, although it was always evident that he trusts him, I just love how open he is being here.

Also the light punch he gives to Dazai's chest is such a sweet gesture, I see it as a silent way for Chuuya to say "I trust you because after all this time I still see you as my partner."

Dazai's smile in that small pannel is one of the most genuine expression we have gotten out of him. What he says is also a very sweet, I love that he calls him partner. The fact that these two are literally in rival organizations yet Dazai still calls him partner, it shows us that even after all these years he still can't help but see him the same way as he has always done.

Actually in Japanese he calls him "Aibou" and from my understanding, when you use the term Aibou it's for someone who you consider yourself to be close with. It means "partner" like in english but it holds a deeper meaning. If Dazai used the word "nakama" it would have been a very diffrent story since it means partner as well but it isn't used for someone you share a significant connection with. Asagiri's play with words here says a lot.

Fifth time using corruption: Dead Apple

Chuuya and Dazai's age: 22yrs old.

Of course I have to talk about one of the most iconic moments in the history of Soukoku.

Chuuya uses corruption to save Dazai, even if Ango says that he's dead for sure. Something I find very intresting here though is that Chuuya screams for Dazai while he is on corruption, he is obviously not supposed to be self concious about the whole situation, while on Corruption clearly he is not supposed to be in sane state of mind, as we all here know, Chuuya loses control and does not have the track of reality while under his own ability but this time, while using corruption, the one and only thing that was on his mind was "Dazai."

It wasn't only Chuuya who entrusted his life to Dazai, Dazai too entrusted his life in Chuuya's hands. When Dazai came up with this plan, he was more than certain that Chuuya was going to save him. And I think a tumblr blog pointed this out but when Chuuya uses curroption, he cannot control his strength, but when he had to punch Dazai he did it lightly, which is strange considering he was using curroption and it would've made a lot more sence if Dazai ended up decapitated due to being punched by a literal god. Dazai had to have faith in the fact that Chuuya will somehow be able to control corruption, even if its just a little bit.

Afterwards when Chuuya manages to rescue Dazai, Dazai gently touches his cheek to nullify corruption and greets him with, "You used Corruption believing in me? I am so touched I could cry." Chuuya groans, and replies that yes he did, that he believed in his disgusting vitality and craftiness.

When they both fall to the ground, Dazai forces Chuuya to rest in his lap because he didn't want to have to protect him from this situation since the fog is still up and Chuuya himself is all worn out and wouldn't be able to fight. But heres the thing, both Chuuya and Dazai's abilities can't be seperated by the fog. I mean Dazai's ability is nulification so it basically cancels out, and Chuuya hosts a literal god inside him so it isn't really an ability if you know what I mean.

So in reality, Dazai just wanted Chuuya to rest. Dazai could've literally just left Chuuya in the fog if he was only using him for his goals, but he was genuienly appreciating Chuuya's trust in him. The way Dazai's hand is resting on Chuuya's hair is a nice gesture too, he is greatful for him and he is moved that someone trusts him, it is shown throughout the Fifthteen and SB light novel that no one trusted Dazai and how most were afraid to even approach him. And in the ADA, everyone is somewhat warry around him (excluding Atsushi ofc). But Chuuya literally puts his life on the line trusting that Dazai will always be there to save him. He trusts him greatly and Dazai knows that, and I think its pretty clear to us that he would never want to break that trust.

The fact that Chuuya trusts Dazai even after he left the Port Mafia without an explanation or goodbye shows us how strong their bond is. Chuuya most likely trusts Dazai because deep down he knows that he isn't using Chuuya's ability out of his own selifshness, a part of him is aware that Dazai uses corruption as a last resort but he just doesn't want to admit it, and I feel like he also trusts him subconciously because of how gentle Dazai is after Chuuya uses corruption.

I really hope we get to see more of these "corruption moments" because in all honesty, these moments are the ones that bring out the most vulenrability for both characters. The moment corruption is used, we see the inmeasurable amount of trust and care these two have for each other that they won't show in other situations. During these times it always shines a very open and bittersweet light on their bond and I love it so much.

[therenlover]

Therenlover’s Official Fanfic Glossary!

Hey hey hey! This is the place where you can find all my up-to-date fanfics linked nicely, read about what projects I have upcoming, and learn what requests I’m taking at the moment! Cheers!

This post is massive so, for the sake of your dash, everything is under the cut

A NOTE ABOUT REQUESTS!

I will do my best to fulfill any requests I get while my ask box/requests are open! That being said, I cannot promise every request will get done, and that if they do, they’ll be done in a timely manner. I’m currently working on a long-form project that needs a lot of time and energy to come out consistently, so unless I’m doing a writing event most of my writing juice will be focused on that. That being said, if you want something ask! The worst I can possibly do is direct you towards someone else who might be able to write what you want if I cant.

If I choose not to do your request based on personal preference (it makes me uncomfy/I don’t write for the character at that time/I don’t feel I can write what you want/etc.) I will do my best to contact you and let you know! That being said, if you think your ask got buried/forgotten, feel free to message me again and let me know, but please tell me when you message me if I should be looking for a prior request.

Characters/Fandoms I will write for currently

 💙 = I’m Currently Super Inspired To Write For This Character

Marvel/X-Men

Bucky Barnes

Loki

Peter Maximoff 💙

Pietro Maximoff

Helmut Zemo 💙

Hank McCoy

Ralph Bohner 💙

Vision

American Horror Story

Tate Langdon

Kit Walker 💙

Kyle Spencer (Pre- and Post- Death)

Jimmy Darling 💙

James Patrick March 💙

Kai Anderson

Fallout 4

Nick Valentine

Hancock

Star Wars

Poe Dameron

Armitage Hux 💙

Kylo Ren/Ben Solo

Finn

Han Solo

Assorted/Random

Diarmuid Ua Duibhne - FGO

Cu Chulainn/Cu Alter - FGO

Warren Lipka - American Animals 💙

Enjolras - Les Miserables

Grantaire - Les Miserables

Gabriel - Supernatural

Imagines - REQUESTS CLOSED

Songs From Musicals Y/N Would Sing To The Evans

Characters: Tate Langdon, Kit Walker, Kyle Spencer, Jimmy Darling, James Patrick March, Kai Anderson, Peter Maximoff

Rating: T

How The Evans (+ Quicksilver) Would React To Yoplait’s New Gushers Yogurt

Characters: Tate Langdon, Kit Walker, Kyle Spencer, Jimmy Darling, James Patrick March, Rory Monahan, Kai Anderson, Peter Maximoff

Rating: T

Would The Danny Bunch Survive A Holiday With My Family?

Characters: Laszlo Kreizler, Alex Kerner, Niki Lauda, Andrea Marowski, Ernst Schmidt, Helmut Zemo

Rating: T

Headcanons - REQUESTS CLOSED

Modern! AU Armitage Hux Boyfriend Headcanons

Zemo With A Well Dress S/O Headcanons

Zemo Getting Jealous Headcanons

Oneshots - REQUESTS CLOSED

Marvel/X-Men

Helmut Zemo

One Last Night In Madripoor

Synopsis: Baron Helmut Zemo is a lonely, wanted man looking for some fun, you’re a piss-poor bounty hunter in search of a connection before leaving your life of crime behind, and fate has brought you together at a party the likes of which has never been seen before. You only have one night left in Madripoor, so why not take a chance?

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 4200~

Still Some Catching Up To Do

Synopsis: As a member of the criminal underworld, people walk out of your life all the time. Some are killed, others kill themselves, most get caught and only a couple get out of the life unscathed, disappearing into the world never to be seen again. Very few walk back in. So when your supposedly incarcerated ex-lover, the Winter Soldier, and the Falcon waltzed through your door and made you murder your boss, needless to say, you were surprised and more than a little bit pissed.

Rating: 16+

Word Count: 6800~

Nine Years Starved

Synopsis: It had been a little over nine years since Helmut Zemo lost his family, his country, and his sanity. Nine years since his last kiss. Nine years since he felt like a human man. Finally, he was ready to start over again, but first, he had to pay his penance back where it all began; Novi Grad. That’s when, by the grace of the fates, he met you.

Rating: G

Word Count: 7000~

Daddy Dearest

Synopsis: Not everyone gets lucky enough to go from being a broke college student in New York to being the sugar baby to literal royalty, but not everyone is you. Most people would be worried about messing things up or losing him to someone else, but you knew he would never find another baby just like you. Besides, you knew exactly what to do to keep him wrapped around your little finger. He may have been the daddy, but you pulled the reins.

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 8000~

In Fleeting Touches & Airy Sighs

Part One   Part Two   Part Three   Part Four

Synopsis: As a wanted man, Helmut Zemo spends most of his time jumping from place to place in the hopes of avoiding a trip back to prison. Unfortunately, that means he can’t always be home in your arms. When he is, though, in the rare moments of calm, you’re reminded of just how worth it it’s been to wait, even if that wait was only shortened by the arrival of your enemies.

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 35,700~

Two Bodies In The Rain

Synopsis: It was raining the day you finally had to admit your feelings to Helmut. You hated to tell him the way you did, under the grey skies as your blood pooled below you, but at least you knew, in the end, he had seen the real you, even just once. That was enough.

Rating: T

Word Count: 5600~

Rest

Synopsis: Living life on the lam with your escaped super-villain lover means things rarely slow down enough for a real rest. When the exhaustion starts to take its toll on you, though, he knows exactly what to do to ease the pain. He may not be a good man, but he’s a good husband when it counts.

Rating: T

Word Count: 3200~

American Horror Story

Jimmy Darling

Red Nights In Jupiter

Synopsis: At the end of another long day, you fall into bed with Jimmy Darling. The men you served throughout the day don’t matter then, nor do the coins in the mason jar by the door, or the women scheduled to attend Jimmy’s next Tupperware party. No, in that quiet darkness it’s just you and the man you love, bone-tired and happy to be home. Who could ask for more?

Rating: 16+

Word Count: 3000~

James Patrick March

Heartsick

Synopsis: When you fall ill, James is given a forceful awakening about how he’s been neglecting your needs and what he must do to prevent harm from befalling you again.

Rating: 16+

Word Count: 3700~

In Sickness And In Health

Synopsis: Normally people don’t have their wedding and funeral on the same day, but you and James don’t quite have a normal relationship, do you? Besides, you wouldn’t wanna go any other way.

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 5500~

Fallout 4

Currently Empty

Star Wars

Currently Empty

Assorted/Random

Currently Empty

Long Form Works/Series

Young Artist!Zemo AU

Chapter One: The Boy With The Easel

Synopsis: About a month into your first semester at Novi Grad’s top university, you finally meet the strange young man that you’ve taken to calling “easel boy” in the back of a bookshop. From a distance, he always seemed cold and aloof. As you get to know him, though, you realize things aren’t always what they seem.

Rating: T

Word Count: 7000~

Till Forever Falls Apart (A Peter Maximoff/Reader Series)

Chapter One: Welcome Home

Synopsis: As if getting thrown through the multiverse, trapped in an attic (albeit a cool one), mind-controlled to manipulate his grieving sister, and subsequently dragged out of Westview “for his own safety” by the FBI wasn’t enough, Peter Maximoff has now been shipped off to New York to live with a glorified baby sitter like some tragic orphan in a comic book until they find a way to get him back home. Things are not always as they seem, though, and this change might just be for the better.

Rating: T

Word Count: 2400~

Chapter Two: The Doctor Is In

Synopsis: Peter’s first few days in his new home are mostly uneventful, so he decides it’s the perfect time to dust off his running goggles and steal some shit. The building with the massive circular stained glass window seems like a great place to start! People with buildings that lavish are usually rich and weak, so what could possibly go wrong?

Rating: T

Word Count: 2800~

Chapter Three: It’s Always Been You

Synopsis: After a month of adapting to his new universe, Peter Maximoff can confidently say that he likes his new life more than his old one. Sure, he misses home sometimes, but he’s been far too busy flirting with his new roommate to spend time crying over the things he’s lost. Everything is smooth sailing until a strange journal in his roommate’s study leaves him with more questions than he knows what to do with. Now he’s on a mission to discover who he’s really living with before she has the chance to turn against him.

Rating: T

Word Count: 8600~

Chapter Four: Before You Go

Synopsis: Peter, after days of contemplation, has realized that part of him loves Y/N no matter what she is or what she’s been through. Unfortunately, he can’t find her anywhere. When she finally returns home with the intention of leaving again, Peter realizes it’s his last chance to tell her how he really feels. Will he succeed, or will he fail to be fast enough once again?

Rating: T

Word Count: 4000~

Chapter Four And A Half: Gimme Swayze

Synopsis: Now that the issue of Y/N leaving is out of the way, and Peter has finally kissed her, he falls into the motions of learning how to love someone for the first time. It’s easier than he thought it would be.

Rating: T

Word Count; 2600~

Cakes For The Evans: A Blogging And Baking Adventure!

Kai Anderson’s Disaster Cake

Hey you! If you’ve made it this far down the list, thanks for supporting me as an author! I’ll be linking my AO3 here. I post everything there shortly before I post it here, and there are some older fics there you might enjoy along the way! It’s also easier to drop comments over there and I keep them open for non-members, so give me a shout if you liked what I wrote!

I love you all, you make me so happy, and without you support I would never be motivated to write! Cheers!

[mystic-sky]

One shot wherein the s/o of Gojo Satoru gets injured trying to protect him and brought to the hospital but doesnt die. With a mountain of angst pls. 🥺👉🏽👈🏽

Word Count: 1.6k

16-year old Satoru had never known much about compassion, or any crucial emotions that would’ve paved the way for him to be a brilliant jujutsu sorcerer, through and through.  He lived life as he went, nonchalant and never dispatching empathy in the moments it mattered most. You appeared like wildfire, ringing out so many emotions from him all at once. You were placed on his team without warning, and he felt like you were just another nuisance for him to have to pretend to worry about. You were undeniably cute though, which was the only reason he ever made conversation with you from time to time. But even though he flirted with you, he was always sure to remind you that he was always better, stronger and more talented. 

One day, to his surprise, you gave him a piece of your mind when he tried to pursue you. You told him to learn some manners, some compassion, and to come back when he wasn’t an asshole. You expressed that he was arrogant, and all but so many people would tolerate him the way some teachers and his so called “team mates” did.

“No ones going to fall in love with you for real if you keep being a jerk.”

That was when he first learned of rejection. He was so used to having everything he wanted. It didn’t register in his brain the first time that you didn’t like him. He picked on you more because of it, unfortunately. You were thick skulled, and headstrong. You were charming for someone who started out so weak. He watched as you worked hard, and never asked for help from him or Suguru, or Shoko unless it was for the sake of the mission at hand. You were extremely talented. Just a late bloomer.

He asked you why you became a sorcerer one day, much to your surprise. You explained it to him and from that day on, he wasn't so much of an asshole towards you. He’d learned of admiration, but considering he was so cocky, he never did tell you that. Instead, he went from saying things like “Leave this to us” to “I’ll leave this to you.”

Maybe you do or don’t realize that he finally acknowledges you as strong, but you do know talking to him was 40% more bearable when you reached your third year of high school.

That same year, you lose someone who was close to you. You had no control over it. The way it happened, the result was inevitable. It had nothing to do with weakness or being in the wrong place at the wrong time. There are some outcomes in life that are meant to happen- and no one is ready for it. All he knows is that he didn’t like how it made you feel. He couldn’t give you a rebuttal on how it was possibly yours or someone else’s shortcomings that fated such a thing to happen. Instead, you both sat on the steps of the school long past curfew, sharing ice cream while he watched you cry. Neither of you spoke. For the first time in his life, he had nothing to say. He also knew he shouldn’t leave you there. He hoped his silence and presence would convey something, along with the free ice cream. This was the night Satoru learned sympathy.

He never wanted you to feel that way ever again. He became a bubbly force, always in your face. He smothered you with activities, sweets, things that became memories to deter you from your loss, and somehow amongst it all, you forgot that you hated him.

Some years had gone by. You'd become a fine jujutsu sorcerer, with the help of Satoru and so many others. You’d acknowledged him as a friend and possibly something more due his flirtatious personality. He had became someone who filled the void of the person you lost, showing you that life does in fact go on.

“It took you way too long to kill that thing,” he rolled his eyes. “Aren’t you a special grade jujutsu sorcerer? Get it together (Name).” 

He playfully scolded you. “You literally stood there and watched me do all the work.” Your clothes were stained of blood, but you weren’t bothered entirely. You were looking for something to wipe your hands with, shaking them violently at the ground.

“What can I say, you’re truly a site to behold.” He winked, dwindling a handkerchief in front of you. The flutter in your chest was erratic. 

“Nonetheless, I knew you could do it. I was just here for moral support.” He grinned, patting you on the head.

“Satoru,” You say, turning towards him and sheathing your weapon. “You’re really important to me. You’ve had my back since we went to Jujutsu Tech and then some. I don’t think I’ve ever said thank you for always being there for me.”

“So, thank you.” You say, offering him the warmest smile and making his heart skip a beat. He hadn’t known what to say. You hadn't ever put him on the spot like this before, which is what it made it so easy for him to be around you. You never praised him for anything, yet here you were thanking him, smiling at him like you loved him or something-

Did you? He wondered. He didn’t undertsand what it was he felt when he started to ponder the idea of you loving him. You never once complimented him on his looks, nor had you ever reciprocated his flirtations. And here he was, actively being your friend because he admired your character. He didn’t even know himself anymore.

“Stop staring at me like that and say you’re welcome.” You sass, breaking him out of his thoughts. “You’re freaking me out.”

“We’re friends. You don’t have to thank me for that.” He said cockily, getting right back in character. That night, he realized what it meant to love someone.

He got home and laid in bed, trying to draw the line in his head between how he loved you and how he loved kikufuku. Then he tried depicting the differences between his bromance with Geto Suguru and his friendship with you. He knew he liked being around you, and whatever goals in life he would eventually pursue- he wanted you to be there too.

You never once made it obvious that you liked him back in any sort of way, and it ticked him off. He would spend some days doing everything in his power to get a reaction out of you, even a kabedon, to which you burst out laughing in response. Satoru had never actually experienced true defeat until that moment. You had became one of the most precious things in the world to him, but he thought you were so dense and oblivious it pained him. He wanted to give up on pursuing you, but no one else in his entire life had ever made him feel anything. All these emotions he discovered were extensions and results of you allowing him to integrate himself into your life during your darkest moment. You had thanked him for being there; he wanted you to say so much more.

So when you leapt in front of him, coughing up blood in his direction and shielding his body, there wasn't a reason he could summon for it. What made him feel sick to his stomach is how you managed to smile whilst being impaled by the horns of the curse behind you. The rough taste of iron plagued your tongue and blood plopped from your lips and down your chin.

He caught your body with one arm, cradling you, before using his free hand to clutch the creature’s skull. He smashed it instantly, blood spattering all around your bodies. 

“Why did you do that?” He found himself panicking. He knelt down, stripping himself of his shirt and attempting to suppress the bleeding. “You’re not weak and you’re not stupid- why?!”

“Because, Satoru, I love you.” You say through blurry eyes. He’s petrified. Satoru Gojo did not know loss or grief. He was sure to feel it if you died right there in his arms. He already killed the curse that fatally attacked you. If you died, what would his purpose beyond that be? The only thing he hadn’t done yet was tell you he loved you. He knew in that moment that he loved you. But before the words could fall from his lips, your body went limp in his lap.

“No...” He took hold of you, immediately teleporting to the nearest hospital. If you died, he would blame it on his own incompetence. He’d flaw himself for this moment alone and take responsibility. He found himself praying to whatever God there might be, begging them to spare your short lived life. Not without him saying it back.

After multiple surgeries and blood transfusions, the doctors had informed him you were going to live, but recovery would take some time. Your cursed ability was able to delay the blood loss and neutralize a bit of the damage just before it became entirely fatal. He was thankful, the most he’s ever been for anything.

“I told you, you’re not weak,” he stared down at your comatose body. “You may make stupid decisions. But you’re not helpless.”

His voice cracked a bit whilst saying this, as he knelt beside you. He would stay with you endlessly through your recovery no matter how long it took. Nothing else mattered.

He was going to tell you that he loves you too.

[whosscruffylooking]

The Purest Things- Repeating History

Aaron Hotchner x Female Reader

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: Brief mentions of murder and alcohol. Canon typical violence.

A/N: this takes place during season 3 episode 11, birthright. i had a lot of fun studying this episode and making it my own. i have changed certain dialogue and who says what for the sake of the story. please enjoy!

The Purest Things Masterlist

(my gif! please credit if you use.)

january 2008

Syd Moore said, “Disregard for the past will never do us any good. Without it we cannot know truly who we are.”

+++++

Your alarm is often hushed before it even has an opportunity to set off nowadays because you usually wake up before it even has the chance.

4:25 A.M.

You groan and toss your pillow over your face. Maybe, just maybe, you can will yourself to sleep for a little longer. As if someone heard your pleas for slumber, your phone starts buzzing on your bedside table. Of course, it is unnecessary for you even to read the messages. There is a case.

+++++

"Last night in Fredericksburg, a 20-year-old woman, Molly McCarthy, was abducted," J.J. begins, "She's the third to go missing in the last 6 weeks. All disappeared from public places. No one's seen them since until now. A couple days ago, body parts with cigarette burns were recovered from a national park that was once the site of the battle of Chancellorsville."

"Were they able to make an I.D.?" you and Hotch ask simultaneously. Your eyes meet, but he breaks the contact abruptly. Flustered and insecure, you bury your focus deep into the file in front of you. The group discusses the case for a couple of minutes, but you are so concentrated on the papers that you hardly absorb any information they've shared.

There is something familiar about this case to you. Suddenly, realization strikes.

Rejoining the discussions, you say, "I remember reading about a case like this in Spotsylvania county. Similar markings on the bone. It was the winter of 1980, also in Fredericksburg. There were 5 women aged 16 to 24. They were buried in pieces."

"Same markings. Same civil war battlefield," J.J. responds in agreement.

The team agrees that this could be the works of the same killer. There are aspects of the more recent killings that would be impossible to copycat since those details had never been released to the public. But, if this is the same unsub, what's he been doing for the past 27 years?

+++++

Hotch focuses on the road while you watch out the window of the passenger seat. Occasionally, you sneak the odd peek at him. His stoicism is alluring, and you find yourself drawn to this demeanor like a moth to a flame. Piecing together the tiny glimpses you've collected thus far as if working on a mental puzzle, you scrutinize his attributes. His eyes bare the beginnings of crow's feet. Only his sideburns tease the speckling of salt and pepper undertones. His lips turn downwards at the corners, no doubt from years of scowling at unsubs.

Reid speaks up from behind you both and breaks your train of thought. Probably for the better, there's no reason why you should examine your unit chief so intently.

"It's funny--he always dumps the bodies in this battlefield, no matter what the risk."

"It's a respected landmark. He's flaunting," Aaron reckons.

"It makes him feel important," you say in agreement.  

Once you have arrived at the crime scene, you follow Agent Hotchner closely. Reid trails ahead, most likely trying to keep up with his own train of thought.

"How does someone not see or hear them?" You ask the sheriff.

He turns to you with a defeated expression, "It was dark. He had the advantage. Molly's boyfriend was the last person to see her. He said she was alone for a minute, maybe less."

Hotch surveys the surroundings, "He's patient and works fast."

"He's perfected his M.O.," Reid states while looking around.

You cross your arms as a wave of unease gets the best of you as you envision the moments leading to Molly's attack.

"If our unsub's pushing 60, he's gotta be strong enough to carry her a long way without her struggling," you bring out.

Hotch looks to you with a concerned squint. You shake your head, signaling to him that it's nothing you can't get under control. He nods in response. The sheriff agrees to point out the various entrances to the park.

"I'll catch up with you," your Unit Chief states. He motions for you to step aside with him, and you comply.

"You know, ever since my wife and I had our son, I dread receiving cases involving children," he discloses to you.

Tears well up in your eyes, "I can't even imagine, but sir, why are you telling me this?"

"This job will inevitably strike close to home on some cases more than others. It's okay for you to feel overwhelmed by it all every once and a while," he assures you.

"You never lose it, though."

He sighs heavily, "Maybe I should have."

Shortly before you joined the BAU, Hotch's wife Haley left with their son Jack. You never ask questions or stick your nose where it doesn't belong. It isn't your place, and you can't blame him for not wanting to bring his family struggles to work. He deals with enough broken families on the job as it is. Mixing his own personal life into the field would only make it more challenging to prioritize. Despite all this, you cannot help but wonder what exactly led to his and his wife's separation. You hope that they can find their way back to each other. The crimes you investigate do not need to claim the Hotchner's as victims as well.

+++++

"I'll let you talk to Chrissy Wilkenson," Hotch directs you towards the kitchen. You wipe your sweaty palms against the fabric of your pants and make your way into the kitchen, Hotch following closely behind you.

"Mrs. Wilkenson," you say gently, "My name is Y/F/N. I have just a few questions about your husband. Where does Charlie usually go when he's stressed?"

"The barn," she stutters. You can tell she's anxious and afraid for the well-being of her family.

"Anywhere else, Chrissy?"

Hotch is called into the other room, and you continue questioning Chrissy. She's becoming overwhelmed, so you guide her to the dining room.

"I know this is difficult, Chrissy."

"Did the father of my child really do that to those poor women?" She cradles her baby bump.

Your heart breaks for her, and you choose to remain silent. Sometimes saying nothing speaks louder than words.

Footsteps bound throughout the house, and Hotch appears in the doorway, "The sheriff will stay here with Mrs. Wilkenson. We need you with us."

Standing up from your chair, you place your hand atop Chrissy's, "History doesn't have to repeat itself." It is almost as if she could tell you were reading her thoughts. The endless whispers that cloud her mind making her feel like she's left with only one choice, but there's always another option. That is all you are trying to remind her of.

+++++

As you and your team trek through the forest, you see a clearing.

"Hotch, this way," you beckon him to pursue your course.

Suddenly, a gunshot rings out, and you stop in your tracks. You make eye contact with Hotch and mirror each other's actions, dashing towards the opening in the trees. Your heart pounds in rhythm with your footsteps colliding against the ground. It is clear to you from your exchange with Chrissy at the house that the origin of the gunshot will shock everyone but yourself. As you reach the clearing and rush down the hill, your speculation is validated.

Chrissy Wilkenson is standing over the body of her husband, the unsub. A traumatized young man haunted by his father's past and plagued by the idea that children are trapped in the endless cycles created by their parents.

I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Jesus. Now is not the time for that.

The newly widowed woman claims self-defense, yet the cops handcuff her anyways. Inside, you feel conflicted while watching her get into the back of the squad car.

Hotch appears by your side but remains silent. Again, sometimes silence speaks louder than words. You bit your lip, attempting to hide the fact that it is trembling.

"What did you say to her as you were leaving the dining room?"

"I told her that history does not have to repeat itself. I wanted her to know that even when it feels like you are backed into a corner, there is always another way out. Sometimes people don't know where to look for their out thought," you quiver.

He lightly touches your arm and gives you a reassuring tilt of the head, "Just know that you did everything you could. We will never do this job perfectly. Doing the right thing usually costs more than it pays. You did your part.  I'm not a saint, and I am far from a hero, but I have integrity and honor, and I do this job to the best of my ability."

"If you can leave a case with a clear conscience," he continues, "you know you did the best you could. Any other thought process will eat away at you slowly but surely, and ultimately, it will result in the demise of your career and destruction of yourself."

+++++

After a seemingly neverending day, you all arrive back at Quantico.

"I could really go for a drink, guys. What do you say? Newbie's buying," you wave your wallet around frivolously.

"I could go for 5 drinks!" Prentiss exclaims.

"Count me in," Morgan winks at you. He never fails to make you blush.

Reid hesitates and you pout your bottom lip, "Please Reid! How could you not want a repeat of Dolly Parton night last month?"

Hotch comes down the stairs, "Dolly Parton night? Do I want to know?"

You and Derek snicker to each other as Spencer attempts to diffuse his own embarassment.

"9 to 5 is an iconic female anthem that certainly has a rather bewitching affect on a man when mixed with alcohol."

"You only drank Diet Coke that night," you roll your eyes at him.

Out of the corner of your eye, you notice Hotch forcing his way through the small group formed around the desks.

Making your way over to him, you invite him to join, "Want a beer?" You second guess yourself, but it seems as though his rather stern expression softens ever so slightly when he pivots on his heels to look at you.

"I would like that," he answers softly.

He immediately returns to his original path and hovers near the glass doors. You casually make your way over to him, joined by Dave and Emily. A man barges in through the glass doors announcing Aaron's name.

"Agent Hotchner?"

"Yes," the subject in question breaths out almost defeatedly.  

The yellow package he holds in his hands is all too familiar and instantly churns your stomach into knots. You gnaw at your bottom lip, drawing a metallic taste that causes you to cringe.

"What is it?" Emily speaks up.

There's no question as to what it is. Oh Hotch. I’m so sorry.

Hotch's eyes trace the package from corner to corner in disbelief, "Haley's filing for divorce. I've been served."

When he eventually takes his eyes off of the lettering, his eyes meet yours. They lock onto you and it is in that moment that you feel as though you have been given the key to unlock his soul. His eyes are so unusual at this moment; they are more vulnerable than you have ever seen. The stoic man is gone, and instead, it is the eyes of one who is in tremendous pain. You had mistaken his bloodshot eyes for physical fatigue on the plane, but now you see that it is emotional exhaustion as well.

If only you knew how badly I want to hug you and tell you that you won't be swallowed up by this darkness. There's a long road ahead, but you have so many people here who love you and are here to support you through this. You aren't alone. Trust me, I know.

In some way, you pray that he can read into your soul and see the pain you feel for him. Once more, your shared silence proves to speak for itself.  

At last, he breaks eye contact with you and finally releases the breath that you had been holding in. Dave grabs onto your arm, seeing the clear impact Hotch's news has on you, no doubt having also noticed Hotch's immediate response in looking at you.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I can join you tonight," he excuses himself and escapes to the seclusion of his office.

Maybe history does have a way of repeating itself.

Tag List:

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[animewhoree2]

little drabble bc summer’s almost over <3

a/n: i wrote this a year ago for something else but if you squint it's not that bad. i kind of hate it but my soft headcanons are getting so much love i’m so thankful🥺❤️

some kind of au idk which kind, slight NSFW

atsumu miya x f!reader 

You didn't know when it first started, but whenever you needed space from your family, you took your two childhood dogs either on a walk or let them outside. You took your time when doing this, as it was your only get away from these interactions. You learned this from early on in your teen years, making up bizarre reasons of why you would rather go alone.

You were the "annoying" yet innocent younger sister. As the two of you grew up, you became closer and the bullying turned into a rock-solid friendship. Ever since your brother was about 15 or 16, his friends actually seemed to like you. You weren't much younger than him, only 2-3 years, so it wasn't strange. When you first entered high school, tail tucked between your legs, you were so grateful for them. For a bunch of boys, they were very kind to you. Especially Atsumu.

He and your brother were the closest and still remained close friends as he turned to volleyball when your brother turned to business. So that's how you ended up in the situation you were in right now.

It was summer, thank god, and your brother and you went back home for a week or two to visit. He had some friends over (Atsumu included), reuniting with the old bunch. It was getting late, your parents slowly heading upstairs as the boys hung around the kitchen island. You were being the good, younger sibling, doing the dishes as the group laughed and drank beer. You tried to not disturb them as you moved around the kitchen, putting things away and rinsing the plates and utensils that were used. You sighed as you finally closed the dishwasher, content with how quickly it went. You leaned against the counter, taking a sip of your own drink as you glanced around, your eyes catching Atsumu's. He was so stunning, it was annoying. He held your gaze until you felt heat rise to your face, looking away. You quickly whistled for your dogs and headed out the back door to try and ignore the way he looked at you.

He was always THAT friend of your brother's. The annoying one that was known for being a player yet you wanted to be with him all the time. You managed to keep your distance as you grew up, but now you understood your feelings and were able to make your own decisions, which weren't always good. You were sitting on the steps of your porch, looking out into your backyard, lost in your thoughts, so you hadn't noticed someone was following you until you heard the door slam shut. You turned, to see Atsumu, visibly annoyed he forgot that your door was that loud. You laughed a little before turning back around. He sat next to you, bumping your shoulder with his.

"Hey,"

"Hey." You didn't even need to look at him, you knew he was looking at you, waiting if you would further engage the conversation.

"Didn't think you would come back this summer," You turned, shocked.

"I'm always here! Well, as much as I can stand," He elbowed your side as you laughed, a smile remaining on your face as you carried on the conversation. Unfortunately, the summer evening was not in your favor.

"Jesus Christ, I'm sorry, I'm going in. These bugs make me want to change my flight sooner." You called for your dogs, and the four of you headed inside. Everyone seemed to be getting ready for a movie, and as you were sneaking off you were invited with multiple pairs of pleading eyes.

"I have other things to do,"

"Like what?"

"Uhm, shower?" You said, walking away before anyone could stop you. No one seemed to notice, but Atsumu swallowed at the thought of you in the shower. It was so wrong. But god, he couldn't help it, you were so beautiful.

-

A shower was exactly what you needed. The way the hot water ran down your body made you relax and you were able to clear your mind for a second. Literally. You closed your eyes and recounted the day. Which quickly led to Atsumu. Maybe it was the water, but you definitely were pooling between your legs. Your mind wandered. You'd seen him shirtless before, pool parties of course. He was just so... You didn't even notice the way your hand dipped down between your thighs and slowly applied pressure to your clit. You sighed, losing yourself in your thoughts. However, a loud bang pulled you out of them. You quickly got out of the shower, pulling a towel around you, and walked to the top of the stairs.

"You guys okay?" No one responded, and you didn't really want to walk downstairs in just a towel. "Hello?" Nothing.

Boys.

"Hey," His voice came out of nowhere, and you almost fell down the stairs if he hadn't grabbed you. You were pulled into his chest, your towel scrunching up a bit.

"What the hell are you doing?" You whisper-yelled at Atsumu as you straightened your towel and regained balance. He shrugged, eyes raking down your body. He made little effort of trying to hide it, as he was taking his sweet time.

"Looking for you, actually." Your eyes went wide as he brought his gaze back to yours.

"Well before you drag me somewhere, can I put some clothes on?" You mumbled, turning to head to your room.

"I don't know, I like you like this." You stopped in your tracks but continued walking to your room. Him in tow. You tried to quickly close your door behind you, but he somehow slipped in after you. You leaned against the door, one hand on the doorknob as he looked around your childhood room. He started approaching your bed,

"Don't you dare," You spat, in which he turned around with a stupid smirk on his face. A stupidly HOT smirk. So he walked towards you instead, stopping only centimeters in front of you. You couldn't take your eyes away from his face, but you looked everywhere but his eyes. You could see the way he was looking at you, with so much hunger in his eyes. "Sumu- this isn't-" He stepped even closer, pinning you against the door.

"You're so beautiful, Y/N." That's all you needed. Your hands shot up to his jaw, pulling him close, kissing him hard. He made a noise of surprise, but quickly took control of the kiss as one of his hands rested on your waist as the other was on the door, locking you in place. The second you moved your hands to the back of his neck, your towel loosened around you, quickly dropping to where his hand was. The cold air made a chill run down your spine, but you were so caught up in the kiss you barely noticed. He started kissing down your jaw and down your neck, glancing up at you as you closed your eyes and leaned against the door. You could feel his smirk, but once he realized your towel fell, he couldn't wait. He ducked his head and started leaving marks down your chest, making your eyes shoot open.

"Shit," You whispered, your hands pulling him up to grab your towel. He stood up and looked at you, his pupils blown out and his lips a bit swollen. "I- uhm,"

"I can go if you want," He said, ignoring whatever his brain was yelling at him for. The two of you stood there for a minute, and he moved to open the door, but you grabbed his wrist.

"No," Now it was his turn for wide eyes.

"Are you sure?" You didn't raise your gaze, as you dropped your towel on the floor. He sucked in his breath at the sight of you, bare. Your hair was still a bit damp, falling in your face before you raised your gaze. You moved your hand, quickly locking the door before you looking up at him. You felt so vulnerable, you were nervous for god knows why. "Are you trying to get us in trouble?" He smirked, breaking the silence. You shrugged, a small smile appearing on your lips before his attacked yours, leading you to your bed.

[arcann]

16!

16. In dreams

| horror, 1.3k words, cw for violence and descriptions of injuries

Name: H. Greystone

Assignment: Chief Officer Of P.C.S.K. Security

Age: 28 years old

Status: - - - deceased

That’s what every log in every screen with the right access codes they have checked by now says concerning the only part of the accident on Elpis VII they still care to revisit willingly, but Taigat still holds a little hope that something will change when the machines take one more second to load that last word.

It never does but in that one second, they hope again.

—

They’re no longer in stasis and as obvious as that fact is, it still surprises them. They’re not in some forsaken ship in the middle of nowhere either, but in the Tertium civilian space station which, just two days ago, housed entire families inside it. Around two million members (Enjoy Your Community! Discover Your Potential! and of course, the big favorite We Are One! adverts broken and blinking everywhere they went to) had lived here.

That number could now stand in two digits, if there was an ounce of luck still alive in this part of the universe.

Despite the lack of inhabitants to be found, the station was still raging with all kinds of horrendous noises. The crashes of subterranean trains between each other, rushing out of control to no clear direction until they inevitably found a wall strong enough to stop them. Soon those walls were nothing more than gigantic scraps of metal that couldn’t hold any secure structure. Then the explosions and the fires came, the leaks of even more dangerous chemicals destroying what was left around them nonstop.

The screaming that came with panic must have felt eternal. It would certainly be enough to drive someone mad with fear, at a frightening speed. Especially once the new passengers showed themselves.

They slashed and ripped and poisoned and tore people to pieces. Then the inhabitants were rebuilt in their image and the noises they made were much more different, the dread being the only thing that clearly survived.

This had all happened while Taigat was asleep, months of being out of it then rudely woken up for a couple of hours to be prodded with questions they couldn’t answer and medical equipment they couldn’t identify. And yet they felt like nothing had changed. 

They have been here before.

—

One is missing.

Their mind keeps repeating as their labored breath fills their ears, unable to listen to anything else as they snap their head from one side to another, trying to figure out where the next attack will come from. Five mangled corpses lay on the floor, monsters who were running towards him after roaring and shrieking orders only they could understand while Taigat’s blood froze once they realized what the beasts were doing.

There were six.  

The last stalker lunges at them from behind and they barely see it from the corner of their left eye. They turn around hastily, gun in hand, and aim for its leg but miss. The creature swings its talons madly at them which they answer with a burst of shots that manage to maim it before it reaches them. After howling with pain it darts once more into the darkness where Taigat loses sight of it. Then the screeching echoes in the hollow walls of the church.

It receives an answer close by and they hear the swift scratch of inhuman legs against the floor, right behind him.

Seven. You missed two.

The helmet they’re wearing is the only thing that stops the next blow from ripping their head off and the violence of the attack makes them fall to the floor with shocking force. They’re immobilized for a second and that’s enough for the beast to crash their leg against their chest, forcing all the air out of their lungs.

Not like this.

Taigat scrambles to aim the gun at their assailant’s head but the first stalker rushes towards them, its only hand left sinking its claws into their arm before they can land any decent hit. They can feel its talons reach deep into their skin. Their teeth grind so hard it hurts but still they can hear themself crying in pain. Then the monster pulls. Once. The metallic armor beckons, leaving them defenseless. 

Twice. A wet crack bursts from his wound and the pain becomes tenfold.

The stalker’s arm flexes.

Stop!

An agonizing noise blasts across the room, slamming every door and cracking every barricade that is laid around them as they realize what's about to happen. A flash of light follows, blinding Taigat. It leaves as violently as it came in.

They’re alone. 

Their arm screams in pain as the blood seeps from the open wounds and their helmet is ruined but the monsters have left even when their prey was right there for the taking. It’s like they were never there to begin with. But the corpses of their pack are still there.

“What happened?” They ask the empty room knowing no one will answer. 

But then something does.

—

“Are the obstacles and despair too much to handle? You still have a part to play. Would you fail me again?”  

Taigat curses under their breath as they struggle to stand again, all the weariness they’ve been accumulating from running and fighting threatening to overwhelm them but still they fend it off. The grip on their weapon tightens despite their resenting wounds. There’s no time to listen to them, they must be ready to endure, just a bit longer. 

It could be fatal to be weak in front of this thing. This being they still can’t bring themselves to look at.

“Shut up.”

“Will you ignore me then? The one you’ve been crying for all these years in the dark, pleading for my forgiveness. And now it seems that you like me better when I’m not there. Why is that? I’m waiting for you, with a smile on my face. You just need to–”

“Shut up!” 

There is a knot in their throat as the apparition keeps going despite their protest. It’s voice doesn’t miss one beat but the pillars of the Unitologist temple crack around them. They can hear crying in the distance as that horrible light threatens to spill itself inside the room again.

“So you would choose denial over me? To let it drag you down and fester inside of you until you’re no different from them? That’s where you’re going to, and fast. I offer you my warm presence but still you choose to scuttle blindly in the shadows.”

They know he would never talk to them like that. Never.

“If you were trying to be convincing you could start by playing the part right. You’re de–” their voice cracks and they quickly retract, shutting their eyes completely, “He cannot possibly be here! He can’t! I don’t know what you are yet but you won’t stop me!”

They don’t expect to be brutally grasped by the neck, their feet blasting off the ground, legs frozen with horror. They drop the gun to fight against the hand that is grasping their neck like a vice, but it’s useless. They can’t do anything but look.

At the person they loved the most. His glaucous hair damp with sweat and dirt and blood. The one they rushed into this neverending nightmare to rescue. His athletic body still wearing that horrible P.C.S.K. security armor that never really fit him. The one they missed so much, longed for what seemed like ages, cried and screamed so hard for him to return in the empty rooms the scientists used to leave them in before putting them into stasis again. The creases of a smile always adorning his features.

He should be visiting them in memories, in dreams but here he is, choking the life out of them.

The one they couldn’t save, his eyes shining with the same blinding light that has threatened to drive him mad for years.

“Stop you? You’re the one keeping your guilt more alive than I ever could. Allow the grief to process. Allow change to take you. Make us whole again.”

[tennessoui]

#18 Prompt: Ohio in Pre-Slash,16/17 year old Anakin has had a crush on his Master for awhile but knows/thinks Obi-Wan would never return his feels. He's almost completely given up and is think about maybe finding a substitute outlet. Then Obi-Wan gets amnesia while they are stranded on an uninhibited planet. Their Locator Beacon only giving off a general area. Obi-Wans amnesia leaves out the Code, and that he's Anakins teacher so the Boy calls him Master so he MUST be Obi-Wans pet/slave.

ahh so i could easily see this going dubcon and smutty and if i were better i might have gone that way too but instead i made some pining fluff but i hope you still like it!!

18. Waking Up With Amnesia (Hurt!Obi-Wan, underage!pining!Anakin, misunderstandings)

Anakin does his level best to land the ship gently, he really does. But he can’t work miracles here, and the locals had damaged their hull quite effectively when they had shot at them as they descended from atmo.

Friendly negotiations, yeah right. When Anakin gets his hands on these guys, he’s gonna show them exactly how friendly Anakin can be. But first he has to make the landing. And then he has to make sure his master is okay. Failure on either of these fronts is not an option.

His master had just gotten up to go to the back to grab their identification. They had been talking, seriously for once and without anger or impatience laced through their words--he’d said he was proud to have him as his padawan, that Anakin had grown into a young man anyone would be fortunate to know.

Anakin had turned to watch his master leave, his shields raised high but his eyes stripped bare. He’d be eighteen in two months. Somehow he’d made it through most of his time as a Padawan already. With his impending adulthood comes the realization that he has no more time for words of anger or scorn, not directed to his master at least. In a few years at most, Obi-Wan would be free of him by all Jedi rules and obligations.

Now more than ever he has to convince his master to want to keep him around. It’s a grueling task, made more difficult by how terribly difficult Anakin had been in the last, say, nine years. What with his pod-racing, his temper, his pride, his stubbornness--his huge and achingly obvious hero worship turned crush on the older Jedi.

But he can’t lose Obi-Wan, can’t even stand the idea of his master leaving him. The idea of missions alone while his master cavorts around the galaxy without hm--with another Padawan?--is absolutely intolerable. No. He has to convince the Jedi to want him as more than a Padawan. To want him as a friend, as a partner.

(In his wildest fantasies, as more than that, too.)

But now, as if the Force has heard his thoughts and is punishing him, the ship is crashing and his master has been hurt somewhere behind him but he can’t check without losing control of the vessel completely. He just has to--land--on this wide stretch--of karking sand.

It’s not his best landing, but they’re on the ground at least. The first thing he does is, of course, throw off his own landing protector and rush to Obi-Wan’s side, pulling his body out of the mangled remains of their ship and into the light and heat of outside. His master is unconscious, but he doesn’t seem to be bleeding terribly nor fatally. Now, and only now, he thanks the Force.

That’s when he notices the startling wet and spreading red across his master’s usually pristine robes.

Never mind, he tells the Force, fumbling with Obi-Wan’s belt in a panic. He needs to treat the wound, which means he needs to see it, which means he needs to get these outer robes off, as well as his master’s inner tunic.

“If I’m ever undressing you again, I swear to the Force you better be cognizant,” he mutters to himself as he rips at the fabric of the thin undershirt. “So many layers and not one of them protects you from debris, how is that fair?” He continues as he pushes Obi-Wan to the side far enough so he can see the man’s bare shoulder and the cut itself. It doesn’t look deep, at least, but it is long, spanning at least Anakin’s entire hand.

How much bacta do they have? Is their distress beacon working? Does Anakin want it to be working? Half of him thinks no, because what if the locals show up to finish them off? Half of him thinks yes, because he’d love to get his hands on the creatures responsible for Obi-Wan’s current state now.

It’s a very un-Jedi thought, but Anakin can’t even feel bad for it. He goes back into the wreckage of their ship--and he knows already he’s going to hear about this from the Council, as if anyone else could have done better--and grabs their first aid kit.

There’s bandages and bacta and that’s the important thing, he reminds himself. He’ll fix up the wound and then worry about why Obi-Wan hasn’t woken up yet.

But. Well. There’s not a great way to patch it up. The only thing he can think of is to give Obi-Wan’s form a solid thing to lean his head against while keeping his lower back pressed against the durasteel. It’s an awkward angle, but any other would result in Obi-Wan getting a face full of sand, and Anakin wouldn’t do that to his worst enemy, let alone his master.

Look. There’s no delicate way to put it. He straddles his lap and brings his head so it can rest on his chest as he works.

Of course this is when Obi-Wan begins to stir. Anakin tightens his hold on him and tries to send feelings of relief and calm through the Force. He needs Obi-Wan to not startle away from him until he finishes putting on the bacta. They can be embarrassed about this later. They’ll laugh about this later.

“You’re fine, Master,” Anakin murmurs at what he decides to take as a garbled word of confusion. “I crashed the ship, you can punish me later.”

Anakin can feel Obi-Wan’s signature spike around him, but he’s too intent on his task to figure out what specifically his master is feeling.

“What--” Obi-Wan mumbles, hand coming up to brace his head.

Anakin leans back as he finishes, tapping gently on Obi-Wan’s cheek until the man lifts his eyes to look at him. They’re dazed and confused.

“Master?” Anakin asks.

Obi-Wan’s brow furrows. “Master?”

Now Anakin’s getting very worried. “How many fingers am I holding up?” he demands.

Obi-Wan blinks. “You’re...not holding up any fingers,” he says, words becoming clearer the longer he talks. “I’m sorry

“Master,” he says slowly. “How are you feeling?” “Confused,” Obi-Wan says. “And...worried. And sick. Why are you calling me that?” “Calling you what, Master?”

“That. Master,” Obi-Wan looks sick just saying the word. Anakin scrambles up off his lap and kneels in the sand in front of him.

Panic clogs at his throat, making it even harder to force words out. “This isn’t a funny joke, Master.”

Now Obi-Wan looks distressed. “I’m not joking!” He looks wildly around and then clutches at his head in pain. “I don’t know who you are. Who I am. And I need you to stop calling me master because it’s making me feel sick to my stomach knowing that apparently I’m the kind of person who owns slaves because I know it’s wrong.”

Anakin blinks. It’s a lot to process. “You don’t remember?” is the first thing he says. He wants to say anything or anyone or perhaps the Jedi Order you’ve been a part of since you were a baby, but instead what comes out is, “Me?”

“I don’t remember myself, how am I supposed to remember you? Did you expect me to?”

Anakin stays quiet because well. Yeah. He hadn’t thought anything could really truly make his master forget him. Not time, not distance, not anything. Looking at Obi-Wan looking at him now without any sort of familiarity feels like all of his worst nightmares coming true.

His master glances down at his half-dressed state and then back to Anakin suspiciously.

It’s a harsh expression without the fond exasperation that usually hovers in the back of Obi-Wan’s eyes when he sees Anakin.

“What were you doing?” Obi-Wan asks him. “Why were you...touching me?”

“Nothing!” Anakin yelps, knowing that is the worst response he could have given. “I mean. I was tending to you, Master.”

He winces as soon as the words are out of his mouth. Ah, kark.

“Don’t call me that,” Obi-Wan snaps, looking furious. Anakin wants to explain that he can’t not, that Master is as much as Obi-Wan’s name to him as Padawan is Anakin’s. “You mean to say I’m such a terrible person that I don’t just own a slave but a pleasure slave?”

Anakin thinks he must be blushing to the roots of his hair. “No!” he yells, much louder than he intends. “No, you don’t own me, M--Obi-Wan.”

Obi-Wan mouths his name as if it’s a new word. Anakin is about to break into hysterical laughter.

“I’m your apprentice,” Anakin forges ahead. “We use Master as a term of respect for our teachers.” He adds, “I was tending to your wound,” just so Obi-Wan doesn’t next think that Anakin was trying to take advantage of him or something. There’s only so many misconceptions he can deal with in one sitting, especially with the amount of panic that’s raging through his brain.

Obi-Wan looks achingly hopeful. Anakin supposes that without the memory of years of emotional suppression training, he’ll be able to see what his master is feeling more easily. He wonders if he could get Obi-Wan to laugh or smile. He’d kill for one unbridled grin from the other man, although there’s nothing joyful about the situation they’re in right now.

“You’re the best man I know, Obi-Wan,” Anakin tells him softly. “I know you don’t remember right now, but I promise you’d never do that to someone. You’re good. And honest and brave and kind and…” he trails off and looks away, crossing his arms over his chest as he’s hit with the reminder of everything he stands to lose if Obi-Wan’s memory loss can’t be undone. “We’ll get this fixed. It’s just temporary. I won’t let it be permanent.” He says the last part fiercely and mostly to himself. “I won’t.”

Obi-Wan smiles, just slightly and reaches out a hand. Perhaps his need to comfort a distressed Anakin is simply instinctive. “I believe you,” he whispers back. “I trust you.”

Anakin beams. And then he thinks of something else. For a second, he wonders about whether or not he should ask the question that’s burning up his mind, but he needs to know now that he’s asked himself. “Ma--Obi-Wan, why did you think that I was. Um. A pleasure slave?”

Obi-Wan’s blush is a thing of wonder. It could single-handedly keep them both warm on Hoth itself.

“Because of how we were positioned when we woke up,” Obi-Wan mumbles, burying his face in his hands. “And because you look like that.” The last part is said from behind his fingers.

Some sort of unfamiliar fire lights itself in Anakin’s stomach. “I look like what?” he prompts, barely daring to breathe.

But this Obi-Wan must not remember why he shouldn’t always be straightforward with the truth, especially to Anakin who he’s said he trusts.

(Obi-Wan trusts him!)

“Beautiful,” Obi-Wan says, so hushed and embarrassed that Anakin almost can’t hear it over the sound of his heart beating.

Inappropriately for their current situation, Anakin wants to crow in victory as the flame inside him grows larger.

Obi-Wan trusts him. At least on some level. Instinctively. And a part of him, stripped of his Jedi code and teachings and lifestyle, thinks that Anakin is beautiful.

He puts a name to the burning in his chest. It’s hope.

[roselarkiin]

Brettsey + 16 please!!

#16 "Are you seriously giving me the silent treatment?"

When Matt told Sylvie they were invited to spend the weekend at Benny's cabin with Stella and Kelly, she envisioned a quiet, relaxing weekend. She didn't think it would take too much convincing for Matt to spend their time away massaging her aching back or rubbing her swollen feet. This could quite possibly be their last weekend before she gives birth to their second child, and they become a family of four. She wants to take full advantage of that.

Though, it's quickly turning out to be anything but relaxing.

First, the drive to the cabin with two three-year-olds had not been pleasant. The second they dropped out of cell phone range, and Daniel Tiger stopped playing on Sylvie's phone, all hell broke loose, and it was non stop tantrums from both kids until they arrived at their destination.

Then once they arrived and were settled, Matt and Kelly announced their plan to take Esme and Ellie fishing the following day. Sylvie knew it would not end well.

Though their husbands insisted it would be fine. They'd spend the day on the lake, in the small boat Kelly kept at the cabin, teach the girls to fish, and it would be fun.

Stella and Sylvie knew different.

As they're getting ready to leave, Matt asks Sylvie one last time if she's sure she doesn't want to come with them. And Sylvie just raises a brow at him, looks down at what she's wearing; one of Matt's oversized shirts, sweats, and a pair of fuzzy socks. Practically her uniform since starting maternity leave. It's comfortable, but it doesn't exactly give off wanting to spend a day on the lake vibes.

Because spending the next six hours on an already cramped boat with two toddlers while she's eight months pregnant does not sound like her idea of a good time.

Sylvie doesn't tell him that, though, doesn't want to ruin his visions of this perfect day he thinks he has planned with their daughter. While she's planning how best to deal with the inevitable fallout. So she just shakes her head and tells them to have fun as she kisses them goodbye.

Matt presses a kiss to her stomach, murmurs something she can't hear to the baby, and the baby tumbles in her belly. His eyes go wide, and he laughs, has this look of complete awe on his face. The same look he always gets, no matter how many times he feels their baby move. Esme mimics Matt, kisses her stomach, and then they're out the door.

After saying her goodbyes to her husband and daughter, Sylvie settles into the chair beside the fire and picks up the book she's reading. This is her plan for the weekend, to put her swollen feet up and do absolutely nothing.

Stella offers to keep her company, acts like it's such a chore in front of Kelly, having to stay with the pregnant woman instead of spending the day with her husband and daughter. Sylvie snickers though and rolls her eyes at her friend when Stella flops down onto the couch before the door to the cabin is even closed.

"I give it three hours before it all goes to hell," Stella says.

Sylvie snorts, not looking up from her book. "They aren't even going to make it to two."

"I'm willing to take that bet. Four weeks of Saturday night babysitting, no questions asked?"

"Deal."

They shake on it before settling into a comfortable silence.

Their peace and quiet is short lived. About two hours after the little fishing expedition started, the door to the cabin slams open, and in stamps Sylvie's furious three-year-old, followed by her very irate husband.

Esme throws her coat onto the ground and flings herself into Sylvie's arms, buries her face in her neck. Sylvie resists the urge to tell her husband she told him so. Sylvie's not sure what happened, but when Esme gets in a mood like this, she knows whatever it is, their child is not going to bend easily.

Severide follows behind Matt, a sleeping Ellie in his arms. Sylvie and Stella share a look.

So it went well all around then.

Stella sits up, makes room for Kelly to sit beside her. "How long did that take?" she asks, nodding at the sleeping toddler in his arms.

He chuckles and pats Ellie's back. "Took all of twenty minutes for the boat to rock her to sleep."

Sylvie runs a gentle hand through her daughter's hair, runs circles over the girl's back. "Oh, Ez. What happened?" she asks.

"Daddy yelled at me. He's not my best friend anymore!" Ez cries against her shoulder. In her little three-year-old mind, her daddy no longer being her best friend is the worst possible insult she can think of.

Sylvie's eyes flicker over to Matt, and she can tell their daughter's words landed and had their intended effect on him. She sees a flash of hurt in his eyes as he looks at Esme before it's replaced with irritation again.

She gives her husband a quizzical look. He's frustrated with whatever happened, but it's unlike him to lose his cool with Esme. He rarely raises his voice with her. Sylvie knows he worries that he'll lose control of his anger like his own father. And even with her assurances that it won't happen, he always makes a conscious effort to treat Esme with tenderness, even when she's in trouble.

"What happened?" she asks again, directs the question at Matt this time.

He sighs, pinches the bridge of his nose before pushing his hand through his hair. "Ez threw the rod into the lake," he growls, throws his hands in the air like he still doesn't believe it. "She announced she was done, and then she tossed it overboard!"

Sylvie has to bite her bottom lip to keep from laughing. Cause, yeah, that is definitely something she can see Ez doing.

Severide nods in her direction, clearly just as entertained by the whole thing as she is. "I got it on video."

"Thank you," she mouths at him over the top of Esme's head, and Stella snorts. Kelly already has his phone out of his pocket, holding it out to his wife before she even has a chance to ask, knowing exactly what she wants. Sylvie needs to get him to send her that video right now.

"It was a brand new rod, Sylvie," Matt exclaims.

"And it was a sparkly purple kids rod that cost $40. She was probably only going to use it the once anyway. It's not going to break the bank, Matt. That's not what this is really about, is it?" She holds her hand out to him, gestures for him to come to her. Because she's got Ez in her lap, and she's eight months pregnant. She is not getting out of this chair if she doesn't have to.

He crosses the room, sits on the arm of the chair. Just like she knew he would. Sylvie slides her fingers into his hair, uses her nails to massage his scalp. She knows he was excited for today and that he's disappointed Ez didn't like fishing as much as he thought she would.

She sees his shoulders relax, and Matt leans his head into Sylvie's hand. "I just wanted today to go differently, that's all." Sylvie nods. There it is.

"I know you did," she says, places her hand on his back. "But, babe, Ez is three. She can barely sit through an episode of Paw Patrol without getting bored. Don't you think that you might have had unrealistic expectations of what she's capable of today?"

He presses a kiss into her hair, and she doesn't need to look at him or even hear him say it to know that the gesture is his way of admitting she's right. He moves to the other side of the chair, crouches down beside Esme's face, caresses her little cheek with his thumb.

"I'm sorry I raised my voice at you, Ez."

Esme whines then, shrugs Matt's hand off her cheek. She turns her head away from him, tries to burrow herself further into Sylvie, as much as her pregnant belly will allow anyway.

"Aww, come on, Ez Pez." Matt lets out a low chuckle, pokes her shoulder. "Are you seriously giving me the silent treatment?" She nods against Sylvie's chest.

While Sylvie often finds herself thinking their daughter got the best of both her and Matt's personalities, it's times like this when she realizes they also passed on some of their worse qualities. Esme's tendency to be a little obstinate - okay, a lot - she gets from Matt (no matter what he says). The flair for the dramatics comes from Sylvie.

Sylvie brushes Ez's hair off her face. "Daddy can be silly sometimes, huh?" she whispers in her ear, and Esme nods. "Do you think maybe you should accept his apology?"

She scrunches up her face, looks over at Matt, and then back to Sylvie. "Do I have to?" she mumbles defiantly. Sylvie laughs, kisses her daughter's forehead, and reminds her to be kind.

"Do you think I can make it up to you?" Matt asks, and Esme just shrugs her little shoulders.

Matt pouts, and Sylvie can't help but roll her eyes at him. It's clear he's getting a little desperate when their daughter won't budge. Ez has always been such a daddy's girl that he doesn't know what to do with himself when she's angry at him and he's not the favorite. He hates it, and he's not against using bribery to win back their daughter's affection.

He tries again, gives it one last ditch effort to get her to forgive him. If this doesn't work, nothing will, and he'll just have to wait until Esme forgets about it. That usually takes a couple of hours, always filled with Matt's sulking, and then everything goes back to normal.

"Hey, Ez, what do you say we go for a drive into town? We can get some ice cream," he tries eagerly. Then, in an instant, Esme launches herself out of Sylvie's lap into Matt's arms. His arms fly up, wrap around her waist to catch her.

It's comical, really, just how fast she forgets that she's trying to stay mad at him.

"Can I get a really big one?" Esme asks, throwing her arms wide.

"Oh, I don't know about that," Matt says teasingly.

"Please, Daddy. Please," she begs, drags the words out in a long whiny way. She clasps her hands together under her chin and bats her eyes at him. She learned that from Sylvie.

"Okay, but don't tell mama," he whispers conspiratorially, winks at Sylvie over Esme's shoulder.

"If you're going out, could you bring me back some Oreos?" Sylvie asks, flashes him a bright smile.

Matt smiles back at her and places his hand on her stomach. "Baby craving?" Sylvie nods, covers his hand with her own. "What's the feel for today?"

Sylvie thinks for a moment before answering, "Boy."

"Nah, definitely another girl," Matt says. "What do you think, Ezzy? You're the tiebreaker. Are you getting a brother or a sister?"

"Sister!" she answers from Matt's arms.

"See, you're outnumbered. Definitely a girl."

Sylvie laughs and shakes her head. "If only it worked that way. Besides, that doesn't count!"

"Why?" Matt protests. "Just because Ez sides with me?"

"No, because last week she wanted the baby to be a puppy."

Matt laughs out loud at that. "Wouldn't that be something!"

Esme starts to get impatient, and she fidgets in Matt's arms. "Daddy, can we get ice cream now?"

Ellie lifts her head and chirps from Severide's lap, "I want ice cream."

"That you wake up for?" Severide gives Ellie an incredulous look, tickles her sides until she laughs. "Guess we're tagging along then."

"Matt?" Sylvie calls, just as he's almost out the door again. He turns back to look at her. "Can you get some pickles too? The round ones already cut for sandwiches?"

He makes a face like he knows what she's planning to do with the pickles and the Oreos. "If I have to watch you eat that, I'm going to be sick," he deadpans. He's guessed correctly.

"Don't watch then," she says, as if it's the most obvious answer, and she laughs at the disgusted look he sends her way.