#i dont want even more negativity in my life

[voidyellingback]

...alright, I did it. I wish I was coming here with better news. I don't have bad news necessarily. his reaction was in the realm of my expectations, but it was more negative than positive.

he expressed support for me, said he'd love me no matter what. he cracked a few jokes, saying that we'll have to start playing baseball and going fishing together. I did like that.

on the other hand, he was heavily HEAVILY insinuating that I'm only trans because I'm mentally ill. says that I shouldn't be making such big life decisions while I'm not "sound of mind", like I'm not all there. I've been feeling this way since long before 95% of my mental health struggles surfaced. he wants me to focus on my other mental health struggles before transitioning, even though I conveyed to him that gender dysphoria is worsening all of my other problems.

he said some hurtful things. told me about his friends who believe that being trans is a mental illness that can be "cured". he called me his daughter.

overall, I'm feeling kind of... heartbroken? very discouraged and very very sad. I feel very vulnerable and rejected. I feel like a fool. I dont know why I thought it would go overwhelmingly positive. im trying to hold onto hope. he is gen x and just isn't very educated about trans issues, but he is usually willing to learn. at the same time, he always needs to be right, always needs to have the last word, and he is deeply skeptical and adversarial toward anything unfamiliar. I don't want to have to be an activist. I don't want my ability to transition to hinge off of whether or not I can perfectly wordsmith my emotions into sound waves to please him.

im grateful that he expressed support. but I know that I have a lot of work ahead of me. things may not go according to plan, which is devastating. I may not be able to transition as soon as I would like. there is no female future for me. why should I wait to pursue what I am going to pursue on my own anyway?

i cant keep living this way. I need to transition, I cant stay in the closet. it is killing me. I've been waiting to finally be myself for years and years and years, how much longer do I have to wait? how much longer can I safely wait?

it is not just a parental support issue, but a cost issue, too. we don't know how much hrt will cost. I live in one of the reddest states in the country so I'd have to travel to the nearest blue state in order to even be consulted. fuck, get me out of here

i know this isn't the update that a lot of people were wanting. it isn't what I wanted, either. I don't know what else to say. thank you for listening.

im coming out to my dad as trans tomorrow!! wish me luck, i will reblog with an update!!!

[vacalimpia]

i have no idea how people enjoy beer... sometimes i choke on my meds so i need to drink something fizzy to get them unstuck from my throat, and everytime it has happened the only fizzy drink we have at home is beer

i am very biased for multiple factors when it comes to beer but i genuinely will never understand what is the appeal😭 the second it hits your tongue you immediately have this awful taste... I only take a sip for me to stop choking on my meds but a sip is way too much😭😭 how people drinking cans of it

[3416]

anyway. this is maybe my favorite thread i’ve found on twitter the past couple days about why empathy directly translates to being able to enjoy sports regardless of the outcome. we’d all be better off and less bitter if we were willing to embrace the randomness of sport (especially ice hockey) or admit that the people we’re watching are actual people, lol. thank you twitter user himbeaux_on_ice for the logic in a sea of ugliness lkjsdklfjsdkl

[hermitcraftx]

just got a dm abt one of my posts and y'all please don't try and show the hermits (or any minecraft youtuber or content creator for that matter) my posts, i'm uncomfortable with it and don't want any of my posts shown to a cc. if they stumble upon it naturally that's unfortunate but i can live with it since i do maintag a lot (something i REALLY need to stop doing tbh i already know i need to make a tagging system just for my blog that wont clog results) but going out of ur way to show a cc is entirely different and something i am not comfortable with.

no hate to the person at all but even if i wasn't a little silly and weird with it sometimes i wouldn't be comfortable with it, i want my blog to be a purely fandom only space with none of the creators involved <3 please respect this

[geometric-bs]

it is too early to go to bed but i have no energy but i still have time so i want to do something but i dont have energy so i have to wait because it is too early to go to bed but i have no energy

[autisticlee]

sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.

but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.

I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.

(continue in tags)

[sylhea-raemi]

the nero and airi connection is so important it's not just bcs theyre my faves

[skullzy20]

I am not exaggerating when I say I live with one of the worst cishet men I've ever met in my life and its horrible

Pretty big vent incoming in tags, just a warning. Feel free to scroll past /gen

[gaeulssims]

˗ˏˋ Navigating trust ´ˎ˗

Ama has the jealous trait and a fear of cheating. This trait and fear came during a period when they were growing apart due to work and them raising their two infants(Alfredo and Chianti) Saul was often working double shifts, while Ama's small bakery stand struggled to gain recognition. In the middle of all this, Ama started having a fear that Saul might be unfaithful to her. They’ve been through their hurdles and was able to talk this out (Ale and Cherry where the results of it..). Saul feeling that something was off, went to this well-renowned restaurant with her to once again adress these fears and ease her mind. Prev | Next

[corvidcall]

i keep looking at video essay recs because i love to see how many of them i already watch, and theres one that keeps coming up in rec lists that i tried to watch but couldnt get into bc. ok it was about bo burnham and the essayist started the video by saying that they think dont like comedy music as a genre??

like you can have all the opinions you want on whatever you want. you dont HAVE to like comedy music, and you can have stuff you wanna say about art you dont like, but tbh i just dont understand why you would start off a piece of art criticism by entirely undercutting your own credibility right out the gate???

how can i take your criticism seriously if you wouldn't have liked it even if it was good? you dont even know what a good version of this thing WOULD BE because you think all versions of this thing are categorically bad!!

like, if i was trying to give a critique of. idk. an italian restaurant near me. and i started off by telling you that I think italian food is, as a rule, bad, you're not gonna take what i have to say very seriously, are you? If I made a long video essay about Miles Davis, and started it off by saying that I hate trumpets, theyre the worst instrument and they entirely lack musicality and artfulness, why would you watch to the end of that video?

its just weird!!! I guess its better than saving it for partway through and revealing that ive just wasted my time, but still. it's weird. why do that!!!!

[dawnleaf37]

plants are such organism

[awesamforehead]

Sigh...its very hard to keep a positive attitude about all this

[streetsandsodiumlights]

(tags from @no-1-rosalind-lang-apologist)

By the way "some aroace people still date and have sex" and "it's weird how internet spaces makes every single aroace character romance and sex favourable" can and should co-exist. Sincerely, an aroace person

[twopercentboy]

,,,,

[29121996]

dunno if i hate working w him present or not honestly