#i dont want anyone to feel pressured or anything

[boxheadpaint]

diary post baby. Heavier than usual or at least probably but i dont know or remember a good portion of the things ive ever said about myself on this line. For the normal guys though i had fun making that comic, usually when i get the motivation to make anything in that format i get pretty bummed about it pretty quickly simply because of the paneling

its fun to imagine making dynamic pages of comic panels, but when you have no experience beyond trying to make manga in your teens you mostly just have the squares/rectangles stacked next to eachother. for anyone else this is fine and isnt boring to look at by its nature alone, but for me i always believe that my own work would be too dull and unexciting to eye-catching to even bother reading. trying to just lose that pressure i give myself for a day and make something silly like some animals looking at eachother is nice

one of the things i kept hearing from my own head during the call about The Good News Of Getting Disability Income And Payment For The Time I Wasn't Recieving Benefits, was that i needed to kill myself for some reason. my body reacts badly to experiencing a lot of things, though of course its worst when its negative feelings. not even particularly strong ones, maybe a little nervous or a little mad and it likes to tremble or tense up totally. i dont know why exactly i reacted in this particular way other than the usual "what do you mean i dont need to freak out about this anymore. what am i going to do with all this freaking out juice? just chug it?"

im worried lately that ive built up too much of a tolerance to my sertraline, if thats something that happens. but i dont know for sure, and i dont know what ill do if that is the case. maybe it is still working and i just cant tell because even though its bad things would be much worse if i stopped taking it. it just feels like these days it doesnt do anything to help me feel better or more in control. can i speedrun making it work again by going cold turkey for a week and then getting back on it so my brain is like wow this awfulness stopped after i took this awesome pills.

can i give the money i recieve from social security to someone else to save? is that legal? or do they hunt you down for sport for doing that. what if you wanted to buy a house. or rent a house. Or just fucking live somewhere because these days prices are fucking absurd. ridiculous even.

hey girl, rat piss. hey girl, rat piss. I realize other than the blue puppy video i havent posted anything for pride. partly of anxieties of course, especially given the Great track record of the site withing the past month, but also straight up forgetfulness. I keep forgetting too many things and being too tired to remember. At night though i can do just about anything. I think ill take a nap and then wake up at 2 am to keep drawing. I have things to draw

6/24/2024

[joelscruff]

hi guys 🫠 so i hate doing this because i never want anyone to feel obligated to do Anything, but i'm currently in a stressful place financially due to some unforeseen housing expenses (roommate who took advantage of our resources and then moved out leaving me with two $400+ utility bills in a row 🙃) and could use some help. so i just wanna take this opportunity to boost my kofi where i receive my tips, which, again, i don't want anyone to feel obligated, but if you have the means to do so it would be greatly appreciated. thank you 💖

[rottingfacade]

[parallaxabomination]

my brain is so full of stress it might explode. but ill do my best to keep putting out my best and stay kind to myself and others. but man, is it hard

[guinevereslancelot]

i am unknowable and incapable of love goodnight <3

[shleemies]

Lately I've been going through a lot. I've been experiencing a lot of transphobia on top of my depression and PTSD. I've been struggling a lot with creativity and what art means to me, in addition to being in a ceramics class while my wrists are having a huge flare up making the wheel work I want to do near impossible. I see trans bodies celebrated in art and it means the world to me. I wonder why do I feel unable to do the same? Coming to terms with the fact that I still carry a lot of internal shame surrounding my body and my sexuality. This is not sexual artwork to me, more of a self portrait. More of a love letter to myself. I brought clay home to work with and kept scrapping everything I tried to make, until I sort of accidentally made a t dick. I thought about it, planned it in my head, and started it over with intention. It's been such a struggle to enjoy making art. And I enjoyed making this. Going over familiar curves, smoothing out the cracks and bending the clay in a way that felt so natural. I want to fire this piece and maybe even add underglazes to it, but I'm still so nervous because it's a classroom setting where multiple people will see it and handle it if I don't make time to load and unload it from the kiln myself, which I probably won't. But why should I feel ashamed? Cis women make art of their vaginas all the time. Breasts too. Someone a few weeks ago had a mug decorated with naked gay men they made in class. Trans bodies deserve the same respect and love as cis bodies. I love my body. I just want to show trans bodies are normal and nothing to be ashamed of. I don't have anywhere I share things like this, so it's going here. I may have a breakdown later and end up scrapping it, I might not. I love being trans and I love every trans body. Trans bodies are nothing to be ashamed of. What will I do with the finished piece? No idea. Where does one put a porcelain penis? Perhaps I could make it a wall piece. But despite what I may or may not do with this, it was really important for me to share this. I love my body. If I could only sculpt trans dick for the rest of my life I think I'd be happy. Something to do with trans existence being a constant experience in self creation. Every trans body is a work of art. I am endlessly creating myself and I think that beautiful.

[ieatsmallorphansnamedtom]

Hi guys! I'm closing requests

I'm sure at least some of you saw this coming. I mean, I haven't been active aside from the occasional reblog for a good while now. Unfortunately, I don't expect this to be the only time this happens. I expect my interest in Stardew Valley will come back sometime, but as to when it could be in a few weeks, a few months, or hell, even a year if it's really bad.

These creative dips can be really unexpected and hard to manage. I can't force myself to get back into stuff, and my interest in SDV fluctuating like this has gone on since I first became introduced to it. I've had experiences where I'd be staying up late every night because I couldn't get enough of it before suddenly not wanting to play it ever again. And it's the same the other way around. I'll have no interest in the game for the longest time and then all of a sudden, I've made a Tumblr blog for it.

I wouldn't say this is the end of the blog yet, although, who knows what will happen. But I still think that someday I will come back to it, even if that's way into the future. But even if the end does come soon, I'm only one of so many wonderful creators in the SDV community! There are more talented writers out there (though I assume if you've followed me, you'd probably be aware of some others, haha).

I was keeping requests open for when I did come back, but I feel like it's making me harder to want to write. It's just feeling each new request is a new pressure to take care of. Hense why I'm closing them.

Sorry to everyone whose request I haven't gotten to. Especially the ones that have been sitting in my inbox/drafts for who knows how long. Hopefully I'll be able to get back to them in the future!

Anyways, the inbox is still open if you need to tell me something. I'm not really into general chats in the askbox but if there's something I need to know then go ahead. And I'll still reblog some stuff I find cool, so the blog isn't completely gone.

TL;DR: I haven't had interest in SDV for ages, likely won't for a while, and getting requests is pushing me away from writing for Stardew. But I'll still reblog stuff and the asks are open for necessities.

[meistoshi]

holding him like burrito you dont understand

[vitrific]

If I am ever weird please let me know asap please

[scentofpines]

my brother visited us today and OH MY GOD AM I GLAD HE'S FINALLY GONE. i cant pinpoint exactly what it is about him but i find him so hard to deal with. he seems very "unproblematic" for lack of a better word and chill and nice etc. but he is also kind of a control freak (in a subtle way) and VERY patronizing and he always inquires (not asks lmao) how i am doing and i always dread this question bc he just won't let it be when i say i'm fine and always sorta wants me to pour my heart out to him?? And I. just dont want to??? Lol. Like today he asked again "how are you?" and I said I'm pretty good BECAUSE I ACTUALLY WAS OK I WAS FEELING WELL and then he was like "yeah? really?" in a very questioning voice ughhhhh. i fucking hate this, it also just feels kind of devalueing to my progress. like i'm having a fairly good time and then there's this dude basically reminding me that i'm supposed to be depressed bc i guess that's just my personality. this doubting thing he always does just pisses me off so bad.

and then later we were just completely casually chill chatting together with my mom and out of fucking nowhere he was like "so what about therapy for you?" and I thought i didn't hear him correctly and I was like????? What the hell are you talking about? And then he just kept saying that i should try therapy again and i was very confused bc it came so suddenly and also i am currently absolutely not planing on doing a therapy. i had my share of experiences with therapists and i'm just not up to it right now. but he was very pressuring like "it could really help you" etc. and kept saying all this shite as if i myself have actually NEVER thought about this. (he is like this very often, for example when my mom and i talk about how we are planning on moving to south west france in the future, he is always like "do you know how complicated it is to move to another country??? do you know how hard it is to take care of a farm???? do you know they speak french there????? do you have brains?" SHUT UUUUPPP) and the thing is when i push back then and voice my opinion of not wanting to do this or, like in the "how r u" situation, insist on being fucking FINE or even just saying or heavily implying that i do not want to talk about this stuff with him it ALWAYS makes me look like i have an even bigger problem because 1) i "lie" about how i'm doing 2) i don't open up about my feelings to anyone 3) i am an idiot that refuses therapy. HE ALWAYS MAKES IT LOOK LIKE THIS with the the way he speaks to me.

I know he means well but it just feels extremely annoying, nosy and infantilizing.

[celestialmancer]

...

5 years or less...

That's the most time I have left to scramble everything together despite also struggling w my own health & everything I already struggle with. & That's assuming nothing happens in the time span before then that accelerates everything at a rate faster than I can maybe handle

Bc with the unpredictability I seem to live in constantly, with how common it is for me to have shit strike out of nowhere? When I've never even known stability in the first place so I can't even trust that that 5 years won't suddenly be accelerated to less than 2 years or far less than that? Esp when last year was the start of sudden "yeah so we are becoming rly unstable & idk how well we're going to be able to live here for the next x months/years" that was dropped on me out of nowhere?

...I don't know.

[tittysuckersworld]

vent thingy

[hexados-on-a-string]

please PLEASE dont spam my dms. esp if its abt polls that could cause like fandom drama or something of the sort. there were no rules before when it came to dms and asks but this is the one (1) boundary i am now putting in place. its better for me and its also better for u bc i will start lying to get out of an uncomfortable situation like that and i dont think ppl like it when they get lied to. probably. taking a wild guess here.

dont get me wrong i love dms, i love asks even more, i love talking to people, but god bless i have autism i can only handle masking so much and this is supposed to be a safe space for me, i am terrified of fandom drama, do NOT put me in a situation. thank you.

[lovphobic]

im coming to the realisation im gonna have to start taking money out bc i literally dont have shit to spend it on and i dont spend too much in my groceries (These Days. like its usually 100 or less) and thats pretty much all i Ever spend it on and i have 1915 in the bank. im sure thatll go down a bit before next month but not enough to not push me over 2k...

[fizzie]

I think being in small fandoms helped me get out of that artist mindset of needing to produce art for the sake of others

Because if you're in a fandom where u know all the 6 other people who post in it, you have to get used to posting and only getting interaction from the small groul that knows it

Whenever im artblocked now i feel less bad about letting people down by not being an art machine. Sure its sometimes still annoying to not be motivated, but its annoyance that im not making art that *I* want to see

And when i do post i feel like im posting it to show my mutuals and small fandom community. Even if my mutuals dont know what it is that im posting about, i like showing them my art and seeing their reactions regardless :3

Anyways shoutout small fandoms

[pizzapizzadickz]

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