#i dont understand this site at all

[silverghost1001]

"Empty Shell" is 1yo today...

"Empty Shell" is a poem of sorts that I wrote exactly one year ago, on 31/8/2023 back then I was in a very bad place, mentally as well as the place I was living in and the people I was with. Back them I wasn't even sure if I'd survive to the end of the year. I had no clue about how my life would be, where I'd be living, if Bubbly (My baby brother) would be okay, if his dad would... do something bad. If our mom would finally believe me and let us help, if one day I'd be free, If I would be there to see Bubbly's first steps, first words, first birthday and other important milestones. (Spoiler alert: I didn't see any of those.)

Some day were better than others, "Empty Shell" was written on a bad day. Far from the worse when compared to panic attacks, calling police, and many many other things. I left that place in December, I think. I'm doing somewhat better now and life's very different, but oh, I miss Bubbly so much it hurts. And it'll never get better. And I'll never forgive my "mom" for what she did. But at least from what I see of his pictures and I hear him when aunt's on the phone with my grandma, I can say he's doing okay.

Before The poem, I just want to say it mentions themes like self-harm, suicide ideation, bad parenting, self-worth issues, self-image issues, issues with food and weight, heavy zoning out, blood, knifes, needles, and probably others. Thank you.

Here's the poem:

[31/8/2023]

Empty Shell.

❴✠❵┅━━━━━━━╍⊶⊰⊱⊷╍━━━━━━━┅❴✠❵

The clock tick-tocks as if it were mocking me,

Everything feels like it was a personal offense to my very own being.

The World feels so damn loud,

Yet so tauntingly quiet around my muffled screams and blank stares.

It feels almost too much,

But never nearly enough.

As if my brain has simply left for vacation,

Leaving an Empty Shell of breathing meat behind.

My head hurts from thinking,

My heart bleeds from not.

My head begs and shouts,

My heart cries and drowns.

Everything feels like it's the iceberg and I'm the Titanic,

Ready to hit it face-first, singing as I break down and people drown.

I'm so cold,

I'm so Hot,

I'm so confused and lost.

The clock tick-tocks mocking me,

And I don't know when to leave.

The ticking is calming, almost like home.

The ticking is annoying, feels like home.

Everything hurts,

Everything bleeds,

At least, I wish I would.

The Blood attracts me,

Like a flower would to a bee.

I want to bite until I bleed,

To cut a pretty scar in my lip.

Taste the iron-y drink,

Paint the white a pretty pink.

It reminds me of the needle,

It reminds me of the knife.

It reminds me of the rope,

It reminds me of the height.

I haven't been awake today.

It's all just a dream, is it not?

The floor feels too cold

Under my too hot feet,

And the pain feels numbing

In a twisted comforting way.

Breathing is heavy,

Just like Mom always says I am,

Then someone else will come and say,

"God, how skinny you are!"

I can't eat much.

I don't like it,

I don't feel like it,

I am just scared of gaining weight.

Even when Mom said I could see the outline of my collarbone,

Because I don't eat enough.

The World is silent now,

Though it's noises make me want to throw up.

Though it's noises are enough to upset my brain.

Though it's noises make me feel like crying.

Though it's noises are enough to choke my heart.

Feels like I'm in a frozen chamber,

Only melting when someone knocks at the glass.

Then, like a startled fish,

I'll jump and reanimate.

Though my head will be too hot,

Though my heart will be too numb,

Though my body will be too cold.

The clock keeps tick-tocking mocking me,

I have a dead person's cold hands,

I have a alone person's sunken heart.

I have a Growing Need To Bleed.

I have a twisted mind that Begs For It's Own Blood,

And I have a pair of Shaking Hands that wish to Please.

And nothing ever stops.

There's never a break

From the freezing cold in the middle of a 30°C Summer,

From the burning warm in the middle of a 10°C Winter.

Maybe that's why.

Maybe that's why the clock mocks me with it's ticking.

Maybe that's why the Titanic sank with music.

Maybe that's why my flesh begs to be cut open.

Maybe that's why my brain left an Empty Shell of Breathing Meat behind.

Maybe that's why.

❴✠❵┅━━━━━━━╍⊶⊰⊱⊷╍━━━━━━━┅❴✠❵

Empty Shell.

By:

Silver/[Redacted].

[31/8/2023]

[moeblob]

A lil guy !

[lbhslefttiddie]

i did start reading orv and i did Immediately on the First Page go "lmao this could be a scum villain au if airplane wrote pidw for himself and not for money" and had to beat the psyche back with a broom

[3416]

"dont put 1634 back together" "mitch is playing out of his mind without him" blah blah blah none of the 5v5 lines theyve been running have been consistently good, mitch is lighting it up on the powerplay, and mitch and auston continually put up career numbers next to each other. eat shit, half of you sound like actual middle aged men with a hateful hard on. nothing you say is based in logic or numbers whatsoever, lmao. also if auston's injured/it's lingering, you put him with a man who is playing out of his mind, thanks. don't need a defensively mid top line with an injured goal scoring center getting top matchups. and if he's NOT injured, then he can start sinking the 379238 chances he got before his ir.

[mellotronmkll]

Wverytime I sit down at a computer to make music I get so scared

[eddardofthehousestark]

I am an idiot, I went on twitter and decide to see if there was any cool Cat or Ned stuff on there. Obviously there was some good stuff. Sadly, it was sandwiched between horrible takes.

[mla0]

i hate when people portray michael and/or patrick as some kind of master manipulator who was terrible to shaun and stormy. like, in the past, michael sometimes got portrayed with little autonomy, or as childish and overly innocent in a weird way. that in itself is an issue with the treatment of mentally ill characters (infantilization), but the solution isn't to argue that he's actually a monster who only wanted to hurt and mislead people. the same goes for patrick. i don't enjoy the "goofy flirty mass murderer" interpretation for very similar reasons, because in the canon patrick did indeed do some wild shit but i think it's a stretch to say it was out of malice, except maybe towards eric lol

obviously there will be different views of these characters and this isn't meant to be gatekeep-y or anything, i'm just concerned with how certain portrayals can quickly slide into negative biases towards mental illness. i think if you're going on this route you might want to ask yourself why, and consider how it could make the mentally ill people within the fandom feel when they see their own symptoms portrayed by their peers as synonymous with being dishonest or manipulative

[thelastharbinger]

Tidbits of ATSV That I Enjoyed (Or Alternatively: Just Miles Being The Most Endearing Spidey Ever)

Miles patting The Spot's head after successfully webbing him (I don't see this as condescending, but rather him still engaging with the humanity of a villain like Spot) and ~very assertively~ telling/asking him not to escape.

"I'm like Robin Hood-if he gave to himself."

Miles' spidey senses going off when he arrives late to his dad's party because there's nothing more frightening than Brown parents when they're mad at you. Beware the chancla or correa!

O.k. So we all know there are different versions of the movie out there. You may already know that one of the slight differences is when Miles goes to save Inspector Singh. There's a version where you can hear Gwen's voice in the distant background yelling no! when she thinks Miles gets crushed under the rubble, and there's another where she's silent as she webs to him. Now, I have found ANOTHER version (online) where her shouting is even more at the forefront. She's practically screaming and sounds more desperate, (prolly because it's close to the same way her Peter Parker died so she's reliving trauma) and the fear in her voice is palpable. That one haunts me.

Jefferson trying to equate studying for his police exams to childbirth, which Rio quickly nips in the bud.

Ganke having a soccer poster of Son Heung Min, a famous Korean footballer who currently plays for the Premier League Tottenham Hotspur and is captain of the South Korean national team.

Miles having a Sashimi (his universe's version of Supreme, but I just like the idea that Miles loves eating sashimi. Like I know that kid has good taste in food) poster in his bedroom.

The fact that Miles kept in touch with Aunt May for long enough after the events of ITSV that he helps her move.

The Spot saying he was one of the more handsome scientists at Alchemax according to his colleagues.

Miles and Gwen having the same collectible toys, the only difference being that he keeps his in the box and she doesn't.

"Hey, don't try to wow me with big words, man," *in deep manly voice* "I do crosswords every day"- Miles after Spot points out Alchemax as "the crucible of our connection!"

Miles going, "This job is so dumb sometimes" after he tries to web Spot at the deli, but it goes through a hole and lands on his face.

"Nahhh, he seems more Dominican to me." Kinda want Miles to meet a native Dominican Spidey because that dynamic would highkey fuck hard *pun not intended*. They would repair relations between our two islands-PR&DR.

"Almost there Mami *smiley face* *cowboy* prayer hands*"

The college admissions coach at Visions Academy straight up saying, "That's your story! Now, just stick to the script..." Ma'am what???

"Calmate Mami, eso no es my fault."

"I've hit a lot of different villains with a lot of different food...I'm just trying to lighten the mood."

Miles in his angsty teen era and smart-mouthing everyone around him. Love that for him.

"He almost killed his mom as a baby, I mean, look at those shoulders." No but for real tho. Those shoulders are as wide as a truck. Kim Seokjin who??? (if you understood that reference, ily).

Miles writing a love letter to his dad in 2 cakes.

Gwen at the water tower chowing and saying how feelings make her hungry after her and Miles talked about how they can't be together cause it would end in tragedy. Like Gwen, come again?!

Also, Miles' and Gwen's talk at the Williamsburg Bank Building being lowkey the catalyst for the 2nd/3rd acts of the film. Without them both kind of silently admitting their feelings for each other, Miles probably wouldn't have chased after her the way he did. Pretty sure you know the rest.

"I bet she doesn't even speak Spanish," and Jeff going "Que barbaridad" in his very broken Spanish. Queue Rio's bombastic side eye.

Both Gwen and Miles referring to Spot as a Villain Of The Week, even though neither of them have spoken about Spot to each other.

"I was bitten by a-wouldnt you like to know? Know what I mean?" SIR. Chill. This movie is for children.

The Spot inverting himself, going from a white mass with black spots to a gaping black hole with smaller white spirals. It's giving Junji Ito.

The irony of Pavitr exclaiming, "Well that was another easy adventure for Spider-Man!" right before an incoming canon event. HIS. He was about to experience his first big loss, and his happy-go-lucky nature would've been challenged.

Miguel saying conyo! when all the Spideys start pointing at each other.

"!Cállate!" "Nosy!" Sidebar: we don't talk about Gwen's banter with bad guys enough. She's so funny!

A lot of the Peters saying hi to Gwen as she passes HQ because she is canonically the one lost love--the love interest they all would've ended up with had she not died, so they all have an affection for her.

Web-Slinger going "Giddy up!" Cause he's swinging up.

Miles offering his fresh new takes on how to deal with the Spot upon meeting Miguel, saying "He just wants to be taken seriously. Like we all do." MILES YOU BEAUTIFUL, COMPASSIONATE GOLDEN SUNFLOWER BOY I LOVE YOUUUUU.

Hobie referring to Peter B. as Humbling Reality Spider-Man, which considering how steeped in tragedy the Spidey lore is, is really saying something.

Miguel's nonono no puedo más no puedo más. His misery is very funny and delightful to me. Little bitch ass.

"You know you're the only Spider-Man who isn't funny." Yes! More Miguel slander in the next one, please! Little bitch ass.

"Snitch!"

Miles shouting out Peter's name for help whilst Miguel pins and lays into him the fact that he's an anomaly. This after he momentarily glitches back to his ITSV store-bought suit. Mimicking the way-in also the first movie-Miles shouting out Peter's name for his own rescue as Doc Ock attacks him at the research facility. Because even though he feels hurt by Peter at this point, that's still his dad mentor and he still instinctively looks to him for protection. Rip my heart out why don't you!

Gwen sneaking back into her and her dad's place just to get that printed polaroid of her and Miles, a pic she already has on her phone.

Earth-42 Miles wearing Nike while our Miles wears Jordans.

[aroaceofthesea]

sometimes i forget that i live in a world where most people see ads everywhere and im the weird one in this little island of using 10000 adblocks and i get really sad for all those people

[blondiest]

i think part of why i really like the idea of m/f mellonear is that i find it deeply charming to have objectively superhotguy mello be profoundly obsessed with and enchanted by offputting strangegirl near. to me it's ideal if she's not quite conventionally attractive but mello is absolutely not aware of this. because of his nature and near-focus goggles. imo it is also cute in the reverse but i just feel like there are already so many superhotgirl x offputting strangeguy ships [DON'T GET ME WRONG I LOVE THESE. i just don't think i need any More of them you know.]

[maggot-baggage]

Genuine question but why is it that people on this site really lose all sense of empathy and compassion for people at the drop of a hat. Like it feels as though people were waiting for that stupid ass "all Gazan GFMs are actually scams dont donate!!!" post to drop to justify wanting to ignore someone elses struggle

[jrueships]

She's a very professional senior manager and she was owning up to a mistake where she didn't attach the file that she said she was going to attach! So you're #valid for doing something similar in my opinion!

thank u,,,,,,,, tumblr,,, my therapy,,,,

[cashmerecrow]

Ma'am... please stay still! 😭

[good-beanswrites]

Ahh ive been reading some of your writings and they're just so warm and fluffy to read (if that makes sense??) Though i cant really express it in the tags ;; also if its alright, may i please request blanket with mikoto or tears with fuuta? - @erimnar

Omg thank you -- I've been so grateful for your tags! :)) And thanks for the requests, I had a lot of fun with these woo! I went with a real fun one for Mikoto/Blanket (once again, picture T1 minigram vibes) and I'll post a slightly angstier one for Fuuta/Tears soon 👍

“Mikotoooo, just share with Muu,” the girl pouted. “I mean it!”

He scooted out of her reach. “What are you gonna do, stab me about it?”

Muu’s jaw dropped, but there was no real horror behind it. “Maybe!” She lunged for him again. 

After a strange rattling from the walls had woken some in the middle of the night, all the heat in the prison had seeped away. Es had left to fix it immediately, and no one had seen them for hours. In Mikoto’s opinion, they seemed better versed in law than plumbing and mechanical fixes. He had no idea how long they’d all be shivering like this in the winter chill.

The prisoners walked around all morning in a mismatch of spare layers. Mahiru giggled inside one of Shidou’s extra doctor coats, far too big on her. Mikoto hadn’t stopped laughing that Shidou owned extra doctor coats in the first place. Yuno’s stylish hats could be spotted on several of the prisoners, Mikoto included. (He’d given his own beanie to Kazui, earlier.) Fuuta had handed out a concerning amount of sweatshirts, and Muu had some fashionable scarves that gave enough warmth to be useful.

In addition to the ridiculous getups, they each carried their bed sheets around their shoulders. Mikoto was surprised to find himself the envy of the group.

A while back he’d requested a weighted blanket; he remembered finding one helpful when work got too overwhelming. Milgram had provided a fairly large one, though he felt it hadn’t worked as well here. He didn't expect it to cause a stir until Shidou pointed out that its weight would make it even warmer than his own. Following that, it didn’t take long to attract the small army of murderous children that were after him. 

As he stepped away from Muu, Yuno leapt at his other side, ready to snatch the blanket off of him. Although Haruka and Amane were too nervous to make a grab at him, they stood anxiously nearby rooting for his loss. Mahiru had jumped in as well. Her quick movements forced Mikoto to spin around and draw it even closer around his shoulders. Caring less about the blanket, but always ready to tackle someone, Fuuta joined the scuffle.

It wasn't like Mikoto cared about the blanket, either. He had no issue sharing it with the others. He knew the attitude in the prison had been dropping recently. Despite the brief camaraderie from sharing articles of clothing, everyone’s mood had been especially bitter today. As physical discomfort added to their mental strain, things could go south quickly. The place needed to liven up a bit.

He stepped back from the blanket thieves, flicking the corner of it from Fuuta’s hands. 

“Not so fast!”

Fuuta fumed. “You asshole…”

Yuno, meanwhile, seemed up for the challenge. “You’re quick!”

“I’ve had a bit of experience…” He flashed a wicked grin. Mikoto didn’t talk about his family much, but a few of the others knew he grew up on fairly good terms with a younger sister. His big brother instincts had developed just fine.

He darted this way and that. He faked and sidestepped and spun. As his opponents grew bolder, he ended up sweeping the blanket off his back. He swung it around the room with less effort than expected. He was stronger than he looked, and easily kept the girls at bay while wrestling Fuuta for the blanket. He let out a laugh as he fought back against all the grabbing hands. Taking advantage of the height difference, he lifted it directly over his head.

The position wasn’t the most secure, though. His taunts were quickly replaced by feigned cries as the others dragged him to the ground. As they pinned him down, a cheer erupted from Haruka before he covered his mouth. The others joined in the celebration as they claimed their prize.

Mikoto lamented, “you’re so cruel… you’re all so cruel…” It was good, he thought, hearing them all laugh.

The loss of his blanket wasn’t his only punishment. Heaving an exhausted breath, Yuno flopped down directly on top of him. She tucked herself and Muu into the blanket. Then Mahiru wiggled in, beckoning to Amane and Haruka. By the time they all nestled in, there was just barely enough room for Fuuta to squeeze in with everyone. 

Mikoto wheezed from under the pile of prisoners.

“Okay, okay,” he said. “You win. Fuck -- let me breathe...”

Mahiru just made herself more comfortable. “But you’re so warm!” The others muttered their agreement. Not one showed any sign of moving. The prison was far too cold to give up heat like this, after all.

“That’s because you all made me work so hard!” He huffed. “Come on.”

“What are you gonna do?” Muu giggled, doing a poor impression of his voice, “murd--”

“-- Aw, shaddup…”

[allgremlinart]

u can join my hypersexuals supporting asexuals/ace spectrum squad 2day admittance is free

[starrysharks]

i know this is an unpleasant memory and you dont have to answer ---- how the hell did that racist edit of your mlp art even reach your eyeballs in the first place

someone actually sent it to me to let me know about it (not with bad intentions) - there were actually two edits and the one that came first was a whitewashed edit (i had drawn twilight sparkle as brownskinned in the original piece). i tried to ask people to report the post to take it down, but that didn't work, and the blackface edit came a day-ish after. in the end the website basically removed the options to report the post for the specific racist stuff and i don't think it ever got taken down lol... it's been over a year and it's not as bad to talk about now, but it still pisses me off a bit