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chickwiththepurpleguitar · 4 years ago

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congrats on 500!!! 🥳

can i request boggie (romantic or platonic) and “can i hold your hand?” 🥺

Thanks bestie!! This is my longest prompt fill so far lol, it kind of got away from me. This is my very first time writing Boggie, and my first time writing in Reggie’s POV, so have fun. Also you asked for sensory overload Bobby but I didn’t think I could do that justice so I did migraine Bobby instead. This technically takes place in my headcanon universe of my longfic, but you don’t need to have read that to understand this. Hope you like it!

Bobby’s gone.

Reggie doesn’t think anyone but him has noticed yet. Luke and Alex are too busy arguing with each other (good-naturedly, with no real anger or malice; Reggie can always tell the difference, without even having to pay attention to what they’re arguing about, though this time he’s pretty sure it has something to do with which color m&m is superior).

But anyway, Luke and Alex aren’t paying attention to anything but each other, and Bobby slipped out twenty minutes ago with a pained expression and a mumbled excuse and he hasn’t come back yet, and apparently only Reggie has noticed.

He’s not sure what he should do about it, though. Reggie likes Bobby—he’s a great guitar player, and his movie collection is unparalleled, and one time when Reggie showed up at school with a black eye, Bobby got suspended for two weeks because he decked a guy who tried to make fun of Reggie for it—but as much as Reggie would like him and Bobby to be friends, it can’t be denied that Bobby is… well… Luke’s. And not just because Luke is even more touchy-feely with Bobby than he is with everyone else, or because Luke spends every other night sharing Bobby’s bed because he has nightmares (something Reggie doesn’t think he’s actually supposed to know), or because whenever Luke and Bobby are in a room together, they can’t stop looking at each other. But also because the only reason Bobby joined the band in the first place was because he was there for Luke when Reggie and Alex weren’t. He was Luke’s best friend when Reggie failed to be.

And Reggie hates to take sides (especially because Luke once got really mad at him and literally accused him of taking sides), but if Luke is on Bobby’s and Alex is sorta vaguely not, Reggie feels like he’s kind of statistically obligated to balance it out. So as much as they’re all a band, and as much as Luke will always be Reggie’s first and best friend, and as much as Reggie would love to get closer to their rhythm guitarist, sometimes they just can’t help pairing off, and when they do, Sunset Curve becomes, well, Luke and Bobby—Reggie and Alex.

But anyway. Reggie checks his watch. Bobby has now been gone twenty-five minutes, and Luke and Alex have moved on to discussing which animated m&m from the commercials they would date if given the option, and Reggie’s starting to get a little worried.

“Hey, guys?” he says, putting aside the bass he’d been sort of plucking at. “Can you shut up for a second?”

Luke and Alex immediately stop their bickering and turn to look at him, faces lit with matching concern. “Yeah, Reg?” Alex says gently.

“You okay, bro?”

Reggie manages a smile. They both know him so well. He gives a quick shake of his head to assure them he’s fine, their arguing wasn’t too much (later, once he’s sure Bobby’s okay, he might even put his two cents in, since the answer to both debates is obviously Green). “Do you know where Bobby went? He hasn’t come back yet.”

Alex frowns, and Luke looks around the studio as if he’s just then realizing that Bobby’s not still sitting on the couch next to him where he was half an hour ago.

“Where’d he go?” Luke gets up off the couch and clambers over the coffee table to cross the studio, past Reggie and Alex. He hauls open one of the doors and peers out into the driveway, then frowns back over his shoulder at them. “I don’t see him. He must’ve gone into the house.” A flash of something crosses his expression and he glances nervously from Reggie to Alex and back again. “I—I’d go look for him, but I don’t know if his parents are home, the car’s here.”

“I’ll go,” Reggie offers before it can become a thing, the fact that Bobby is Luke’s but Luke can’t even go after him when he leaves the studio because Luke is a missing person who Bobby’s parents don’t know lives in their garage.

“Thanks, Reg,” Luke says, and Reggie gives him a comforting pat on the shoulder as he passes.

Reggie doesn’t have to go far. He follows the path up from the driveway and catches sight of Bobby right away, sitting on his front porch with his face buried in his knees and his arms wrapped protectively around his head.

“Hey, there you are!” Reggie calls out without thinking, and then regrets it when Bobby’s head snaps up and he flinches with his whole body, a tiny whimper escaping his mouth just loud enough for Reggie to hear across the garden. Bobby’s face is so pale it’s almost green, and his eyes are hidden behind these thick dark sunglasses Reggie’s never seen him wear before.

Reggie’s heart lurches, and he hurries up the rest of the path. He sinks gently onto the porch step next to Bobby and asks as quietly as he can, “Bobby, what’s wrong?”

Bobby shoots him a shaky, unconvincing smile and whips his shades off. “Nothing, Reg, I’m—fuck.” Reggie gets half a glimpse of Bobby’s eyes—squinty and dull and full of so much pain—before Bobby goes another shade whiter, shoves his sunglasses back on, and presses his face into his lap with a groan.

Reggie’s concern spikes. He hovers a hand over Bobby’s shoulder, wanting to help but not sure if touching him when he’s like this will only make things worse. “Bobby? What—what’s going on with you, man? You’re scaring me.”

Bobby gives a miniscule shake of his head, still hidden in his folded arms. “I—it’s just… headache,” he mumbles, the words slow and slurred and muffled like even just opening his mouth too wide hurts him. He breathes heavily for a moment or two, then adds, “Really bad headache.”

“Oh.” Somehow, that’s… not what Reggie thought was happening here. Part of him relaxes some, even though his worry doesn’t lessen.

If Bobby were having a panic attack, like Alex gets sometimes, or one of those everything’s too much feelings that make it physically impossible for Luke to wear sleeves most days, then Reggie wouldn’t know what to do, how to help. Stuff like that is too personal, too individualized, and Reggie doesn’t know Bobby that well. But pain—physical pain—that, Reggie can deal with. That, Reggie knows all too well.

“Can I get you anything? What do you need?”

Bobby’s quiet for a moment, then: “Dark. Cold. Quiet… Maybe some medicine if I can keep it down.”

Reggie nods, even though he knows Bobby can’t see him. “We can do that. Is there a reason you were sitting out here in the first place? Probably easier to get dark and cold and quiet in your room, don’t you think?” He cranes his neck to see Bobby’s window above the porch roof. Reggie’s only been in there a handful of times, but if Bobby gets these headaches often, the blackout curtains on Bobby’s bedroom window suddenly make a lot more sense.

(Though, Reggie can’t help but wonder, if Bobby gets these headaches often, how has Reggie never noticed before?)

“Dizzy,” Bobby mumbles, and Reggie cuts his gaze sharply back to him. It takes a second to register that Bobby’s answering Reggie’s question and not necessarily describing how he feels now. “Couldn’t… stairs.” A pause thick enough for Reggie to get the sense there’s more, and then Bobby admits, his voice smaller than Reggie’s ever heard it, “Tried to ignore it too long. Been kinda coming on all day, but I didn’t wanna ruin rehearsal.”

Reggie’s heart gives a pang of sympathy. He makes a mental note to give Bobby a talk later, when he’s feeling better, about hiding stuff like this—and then maybe he’ll give Luke and Alex (and himself) a talk about whatever they did to make Bobby feel like he has to.

But all that can wait. For now, his only priority is getting Bobby settled in bed with all the lights off and an icepack on his head. “Okay, Bobby, I’m gonna get you inside so you can rest, okay? But can I try something first?”

Bobby stiffens. “Try what?”

Reggie’s heart’s beating a little too fast, though he’s not sure why. He swallows, tries to ignore the fact that he’s definitely blushing, and says, “Can I hold your hand?”

Bobby’s silent and still for so long that Reggie starts to worry he’s overstepped. But before he can figure out how to backtrack, Bobby grumbles something unintelligible into his lap and flops a hand in Reggie’s face. Reggie grabs it, hoping his own hands aren’t too sweaty, and expertly applies pressure to the point between the base of Bobby’s thumb and index finger.

The effect is almost instantaneous: Bobby shudders, and his muscles relax like a ripple going through him, and he slowly sits up and raises his head. Reggie can’t really read his expression with the sunglasses still on, but what he can see of Bobby’s face looks less pinched, less pained, and he’s gotten some of the color back in his cheeks.

He stares at Reggie, mouth hanging open, and breathes, “Whoa.”

Reggie blushes, self-conscious, but doesn’t stop gently massaging Bobby’s hand. “Better?”

Bobby nods. “How—how did you know how to do that?”

Reggie manages a sheepish smile. “My mom gets migraines. And, well, hangovers. So I’ve kinda picked up some tricks. Coffee really helps her, too, if you can stomach it.”

Bobby’s still staring at him, and Reggie swallows, his stomach giving a weird little flip that’s not exactly unpleasant. Finally, Bobby looks away and gingerly pulls his hand out of Reggie’s to rub at his temples. “Well, thanks, Reg, that really helped. I’m gonna go inside before it gets worse again. Can you, uh—”

“Yeah, yeah, no, I’ll—tell the guys… something.”

Bobby gives him a shy, grateful smile, and then slowly pushes himself to his feet.

When the front door closes behind Bobby, Reggie lets out a shaky breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. He feels jittery and out of breath, like he just drank seven sodas or ran a marathon or something. His hands are tingly where they’d touched Bobby’s, and he can’t get the image of that last little smile out of his head.

Bobby doesn’t smile very often, and when he does, it’s not like that.

(And if it is, it’s not at Reggie.)

Reggie mutters a curse and copies Bobby’s earlier position, his face hidden in his hands. Because he thinks he might like Bobby.

But Bobby is Luke’s.

sorry bestie

Send me a pairing and a prompt to celebrate my 500th follower!

Taglist: @whenweremarried @sunsethimb0s @pink-flame @penguin0613 @fighttoshine @sunsetcurvecuddles @nickalicious @reggiescrookedteeth @brightattheorpheum @queenmolina @spidergirl0325 @jandthephantoms @lexilucacia @sapphossidechick @acnhaddict @cest-la-vie-de-la-lee @sunset-bobby @lenacarstairspotterstewart @moreflowersthanweeds @conversationaltreestump @burntchromas

#jatp #julie and the phantoms #jatp fanfiction #fanfiction #my fics #prompt fills #500 followers aaah!!!#queen-molina #majoringinstress #boggie #bobby wilson #reggie peters #alex mercer #luke patterson

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jpegjade · 4 years ago

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Hang 10! - Spencer

we’ve got a fic ladies and gents! it’s not the most interesting one but it’s a fic in the middle of my crazy life. hopefully i’ll be able to more along the way. i’ve got the next one planned out and i’m gonna start writing it soon.

wheelchair reader x crutches spencer

warnings: idk none really. not much happens. v v v domestic

________________

It was a normal Saturday for Spencer. Sitting with ice on his leg, the leg where he took a bullet only a few weeks before. He wasn’t allowed to put weight on it just yet and doctor’s orders were to keep it elevated as much as possible.

Spencer was making notes in a book he’s read a thousand times before. He liked to use his free time to read and even make notes on what the obscure quotes could mean, in and out of context.

Out of nowhere, his phone rang. Causing him to lean over to the coffee table to grab it, he saw it was just Morgan. According to the team group chat, everyone was supposed to be at Rossi’s house, christening Rossi’s recently completed pool with burgers and drinks.

“Are you getting ready, pretty boy?” He usually didn’t call Spencer unless it was important. Spencer wondered whether this was actually important.

“For the pool party I didn’t want to go to?” Spencer asked, putting his book on the coffee table.

“Exactly.” Morgan exclaimed. Spencer wondered what he was up to.

“I didn’t want to go for a specific reason. I’m supposed to be resting my leg.” Spencer sighed, looking down at the ice pack resting on his leg.

“Your bae will be there.” Derek said, nonchalantly.

Spencer understood what the endgame was now. It had been everyone’s endgame since the beginning.

“I hate that word. If you want to acknowledge that it’s a word, which I do not. I much prefer another moniker to talk about y/n. I’d love something classic and timeless but fun, like they are.” Spencer blushed, realizing he said more than he should have to Morgan.

“Ah, so pretty boy does have a huge crush on our new teammate. We suspected it but you just admitted it. Emily owes me money.” Derek chuckled.

Grabbing the ice bag off of his leg, Spencer grabbed his crutches and put the ice bag into a bowl he laid out for himself to hold the ice when he was done. He always thought ahead because he hates cleaning up messes.

“What do you want me to do about it? I’d like to maintain a professional relationship with them for as long as possible, thank you. Work relationships with co-workers when you’re working in such close proximity is very difficult to navigate, not to mention the statistics of getting married after meeting and working together is only as high as 31%. 69% of work relationships are more than likely to fail. Who knows what…” Spencer was anxiously moving around his apartment, going off on a tangent.

“Reid. Hey.” Derek cut off Spencer’s train of thought. “Come downstairs. Let’s go.”

Spencer grabbed his cardigan, slipping it on, before he and his crutches made their way to the building elevator.

In the car, Derek was humming along to the radio while Spencer looked out the window. He was glad Derek wasn’t trying to talk to him the whole drive because he needed time to plan what he was going to say to y/n.

To everyone else, this was a simple pool party that was meant to welcome y/n onto the team while simultaneously christening Rossi’s new pool. It wasn’t a big deal because for the past few weeks, y/n had been instrumental in the cases they covered. Everyone was so excited about the new addition to the team, especially Spencer.

To Spencer, this was a nerve racking opportunity to fail in front of y/n. Ever since their first interaction, when y/n corrected Spencer on a statistic about serial killers, Spencer was intrigued. He knew you didn’t have to have a 187 IQ or an eidetic memory to be smart but you were consistently going toe-to-toe with him on every fact, sometimes beating him to the punch. You had yet to interrupt him or even act like his tangents bothered you. In fact, a couple times, you pulled Spencer over to hear the rest of his tangent after everyone left the room.

“Hey kid. You okay? You look like you’re going to be sick.” Derek pulled into Rossi’s driveway with a concerned look on his face.

Spencer’s sickness wasn’t Derek’s concern. His concern was getting the smell out of his carpet once Spencer let out his stomach contents inside the car.

Derek leaned over Spencer, putting his arm towards the door but Spencer thought he was trying to hug him in an attempt to comfort him. This was not the case. So when Spencer wrapped his arm around Derek’s torso while Derek pushed open the door, Spencer was met with a very confused look from Derek.

“I read that wrong.” Spencer said.

“Let’s go, kid.” Derek and Spencer climbed out of the car and walked to the door. There was no need to knock so the boys just let themselves in.

Spencer was immediately drawn to your laughter as he and Derek entered the house. Without realizing it, he started walking with his crutches to the backyard, where he saw you sitting in your wheelchair, talking to Garcia. He paused as he looked at you, taking in how nice you looked in the setting sunlight. You weren’t guarded like you were at work but you weren’t relaxed either. It looked like you were on edge but there was something so calming about you that his nerves seemed to disappear almost completely.

“Boy wonder is on his feet!” Garcia said, noticing Spencer standing in the backyard doorway.

Spencer watched as your smile shrunk before you looked in his direction. He wanted to look away but when he saw your smile grow as you waved at him, his hand waved just slightly. So many thoughts ran through his head about you at once that he couldn’t decipher which thought he wanted to focus on.

Garcia waved him over to you before winking and leaving. Spencer looked at you as you squinted daggers into the back of Garcia’s head.

“I like the embellishments.” Spencer said, looking at your wheelchair.

You tilted your head as you looked at Spencer in confusion before you remembered: Penelope bought you some badass clips for your wheels. They were incredibly small but they were just noticeable. They looked like the clips you would put on your bike in the 70’s. They were neon colored and even though you didn’t normally like that kind of stuff, something about the thought Garcia put into it made it special. You hadn’t had anyone do that for you before.

“Oh, thank you. They weren’t my idea so I can’t take credit but without the wheelchair, there would be no clips so...” You grinned, too shy to look at Spencer.

Everyone had gone inside to get drinks while you and Spencer were silently hanging around each other. Both of you were too afraid to really start a conversation of some sort because neither of you knew where to start.

“Why aren’t you inside with the team?” Spencer asked, sitting in the patio chair next to you.

Propping his crutches against the wall, you took notice of his hands fiddling in his lap. It was like he needed to keep moving when he couldn’t go anywhere. You hadn’t noticed that about him before.

“I’m still getting used to them…” You said, looking at your hands in your own lap.

“Oh… You seem pretty comfortable with the team when we’re on a case.” Spencer said, looking at your hands. His thoughts wandered to how nice they would feel laced in his hands. He would love to hold your hand right about now.

“That’s different. I know how to do that. I know how to interact when I’m forced to in order to save someone’s life.” You grinned, thinking about the last case, when you were able to save a little girl from yet another monster of a person.

“It’s different to find common ground when you’re alone with somebody you don’t know.” Spencer said slowly.

The muffled laughter of the party inside through the back door made you smile. They were having such a good time while you were… Doing nothing next to Spencer? Not that you minded. It was easier to be around one person than it was to be around a group of people all looking at you for your next answer.

“I think I might like it here. It’s better than my old job.” You said, gazing off into the distance.

Spencer noticed that you slouched a little bit after saying that.

“What do you like about it?” Spencer asked, genuinely curious.

It had been a long time since you liked your job. In the beginning, you liked your old job but your boss turned mean, vindictive even, when you started to receive praise from higher ups. In fact, your skills at your old job got you here.

“It’s more than just working with a group of people. I’ve been close to some of the most brilliant minds in the world but none of them have ever felt like this. Nowhere before have I ever felt like I’m in a group of people that like each other enough to hang out when they’re not working. It’s like…” You stopped, trying to find the word.

“A family?” Spencer said, finishing your sentence.

“Yeah… And right now, I feel like the cousin twice removed that doesn’t really know anyone at the family reunion, even if everyone knows me.”

There was another pause as Spencer thought about that connection. He tried to think of something smart to say that would be interesting when his brain acted faster than he could sort out.

“In almost every state, it’s legal to date your second cousin once removed. On estimation, 0.2% of Americans alone are married to their second cousin. For clarification, a second cousin is someone you share a great grandparent with. It’s less about who married who but your relation to them. The current number is unknown as the last time the 0.2% was calculated was between…” Spencer stopped once he saw your face change.

“What?” You asked him.

“You’re smiling. And you haven’t stopped me.” Spencer said, eyebrows furrowing.

“I like listening to you talk about the probability that I’m going to marry my second cousin from this unrelated, metaphorical family.” You smiled wider as his mind started working again.

“Am I the second cousin in this scenario?” Spencer asked, blushing at the thought. He wasn’t going to lie and say he hadn’t caught feelings for you when he started to find out more about how your mind worked.

“Maybe. Only if the plan is to get married.” You said. “But you have to take me on a date first.”

“Okay.” Spencer said, grabbing his crutches.

“Okay, what?” You asked. You were so confused.

“You said I have to take you on a date.” Spencer repositioned himself to stand up with the help of the crutches.

“Are you serious?” You asked, looking up at him.

“Do you want to go on a date?” Spencer asked in a matter-of-fact way.

“Well only if you want to.” You said, sheepishly.

“We should pick a date...Saturday?” Spencer asked.

“Saturday.” You confirmed with a smile. Spencer began crutching inside before turning and looking at you.

“Are you coming, y/n? The family is calling.”

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid imagine

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cassahina · 3 years ago

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hi!! could i please have a danganronpa romantic matchup? sorry this is long i think!!

i’m a bi (asexual?) girl with an intp and 5w4 personality type. I like lolita, especially sweet and gothic lolita but i usually dress casually but cutely e.g white lolita peaterpan collar shirt, pastel pink heart hair clips, black cardigan, pastel pink pleated skirt and creepers (shoes) with frilly socks ^^. physically i have pastel pink hair a bit below my ears, have green/grey eyes and put lots of effort into making my eyelashes look big and curly with mascara, eyelash curlers, and oils. i’m 5 foot tall and generally prefer short boys from like 5 foot to 5’8… maybe less? and i don’t care abt girls heights. i have ocd and depression and recently got diagnosis with autism but i’m still in a bit of denial/kinda feel like i’m lying/am an imposter. according to a quiz my love language is quality time but i think that they’re all important. i would describe myself as stoic, quiet and somewhat shy, loyal and i try to be sweet and funny ^^. i’m good at english and kinda good at statistics but am an airhead in like all other areas. i don’t really take things seriously, usually because of a lack of understanding, am a bit mischievous and think i’m kinda annoying accidentally. i often also kinda offended my friends when trying to make jokes (i.e the time i said my friends boyfriends mustache looked like pubes. but worse:/). my highest kins are: sonia, chiaki, peko, gundam and i also kinda relate to ibuki, mikan, himiko and even though i love him i hate to admit it but kokichi. outside of danganronpa i kin: L, ryuk, the cat from ghost stories, rei from evangelion, kenma, annie and pieck, greg from over the garden wall, himiko toga, ririka momobami, and relate a bit to catra, spinel and menma. i love to play video games, sleep, daydream while cuddling my plushies, go shopping for clothes, collectables (like dinosaur and anime figures). i like plushies, iced coffee, pizza, the smell of vanilla and strawberries, lucky bags, claw machines, am interested natural disasters (specifically tsunamis and earthquakes), air conditioning, running, cute metal music like lady baby, baby metal and candye syrup but i also like soundtracks (especially for my daydreams), pop, indie pop, metal, rock, vocaloid and idk how to describe it but somewhat repetitive/robot/machine like music. i also like tiny spoons, airports, rain when it’s not an inconvenience, pastel pink, strawberries, thunder storms, early spring, fire, ocean storms (i want to go on a ship to be in one), cute things, video games, sugarbunnies (sanrio), heart shaped things, dinosaurs (especially from the cretaceous period), sitting on countertops and walking and running at night. if i had an ultimate maybe it would be something like the ultimate daydreamer? please do not match me with byakuya, hifumi, kaito, kazuichi, kiyotaka, leon, mondo, teruteru, yasuhiro, hiyoko or junko :)

Hey there Anon! Sure thing!!!! Also, I believe you are the one who sent the other ask too, if so then I hope you don't mind me answering this one instead lol.

I match you with....

Kirumi Tojo and Kaede Akamatsu!

Ah, yes, the mom friends of drv3TM /lh

Anyways, I chose Kirumi because she is very patient, considerate and helpful. I feel like you would be able to grow close to her because she would help you out a bit and you would get to know each other more and more. You say you are a bit mischievous and sometimes unintentionally offend others, and seeing as Kirumi takes care of the whole v3 cast which is very chaotic and impish at times (especially with Kokichi), she would be well used to it and not take as much offense to it as others, her being more likely to understand your intentions or smile off a joke or prank. She is also down to do whatever makes you happy, which I bet you would really appreciate. She would also surprise you with things you like too, like a new videogame or some small spoons she found. I just think her more relaxed and caring nature would help balance you out while still letting you enjoy your time with her. You two would also have a cool aesthetic next to each other, I would imagine. :)

I chose Kaede because she would also balance you out, but in other ways. I always have seen Kaede as an extrovert, so that right there would match with your introversion, but Kaede is also a very considerate leader. She would be there to comfort you when things are rough or when you are struggling with stuff. She would also be down to just spend time with you, whether its listening and discussing music, or clothes shopping.

Hope you liked these!

#cassierole the ultimate writing prodigy #romantic matchups #matchups #danganronpa #danganronpa matchups #kirumi tojo #kaede akamatsu #request 0w0

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tiredb0igivemesugars · 5 years ago

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I’m a little bit more weird than you thought.

Hello again! I know I promised a more happy one but this has been sitting in my notes for months and I just had to get it out. I don’t want to offend anyone with this, I get why one would see this as offensive, so I apologise in advance!

TW: for possible self loathing talk (idk) and internalised ace phobia.

Summary: Spencer and Derek have a complicated relationship, best friends but yet so much more. ”We looked at each other a little too long to be just friends.” They both clearly like each other, but the problem is that Spencer hasn’t been honest with Derek. After Derek makes a suggestion to take things onto the next level, Spencer shuts off, he starts having nightmares because he’s afraid of telling the truth. What if Derek doesn’t like him anymore after he finds out? But Spencer likes him so much… maybe it’ll all go away with time. Spencer decides on keeping his secret, thinking it’ll all go away, but his plan gets ruined when Derek starts asking questions.

It had been 3 weeks since Derek said it. It had been 3 weeks since Spencer had an actual conversation with Derek. It had been 3 weeks since Spencer slept properly. After Derek had suggested that maybe Spencer would like to take things to the next level in the bedroom, Spencer had stormed out. Of course not like actually stormed off, he made a pathetic excuse to leave and he never looked back.

Spencer knew that it was wrong and that he couldn’t say anything. He knew that it wouldn’t be just an okay type of thing, but he didn’t want to talk about it, he couldn’t. Derek had made many efforts to get Spencer to open up, but he wouldn’t budge.

When Spencer started “dating” Derek, (they hadn’t actually put labels on their relationship) he knew that it was a conversation that needed to be had, but he wasn’t ready for it. The first couple of days after the incident were an odd time for Spencer, he didn’t necessarily feel out of place, but there definitely was a knot somewhere inside of hime that kept him from being okay. He couldn’t really sleep, it really wasn’t that bad, his brain just wouldn’t shut up when it came time to go lay down. But after a week or so, Spencer started having nightmares.

The dreams mainly consisted of Spencer finally coming clean, but maggots would come out of his mouth and the maggots would eat him alive. Or the other version where Derek found out and left Spencer, and sometimes, it was both. After two weeks Spencer stopped trying to sleep, he figured that he might use the time he tried to sleep to something actually useful.

But if you go a week without sleeping, it starts to show, even if you were Spencer Reid. Everyday, multiple times, people were asking if he was okay. Everybody knew that Spencer wasn’t sleeping, but no one knew why.

So from that week of not sleeping flash forward a couple of days, the team was on their way back from Texas when the story took a turning point. “Reid you’re coming to my place with me after this,” Derek said as he walked past the said boy into the jet. ”Like the hell i am,” Spencer though to himself. There was no way Spencer was going home with Derek afterwards. “I’m not coming with you,” Spencer said as he sat down next to Derek. “Reid, like it or not, you’re coming. You need to tell me what’s going on in that beautiful head of yours.” Derek said.

He had no idea why Spencer stormed out on him but he needed to know. He loved Spencer to bits and pieces and seeing him in such distress for such a long amount of time was starting to take a toll on him.

The younger wanted argue, and even to make a scene in front of his coworkers, but he decided against it, instead he settled with a quiet “Oh did you lose your fucking balls? Try that alleyway, I heard squeaking from there,” he said and pointed in a random direction, Now, it sounded a lot better in his head but there was no going back down now. Spencer directed his concentration back to a book he was reading, pretending not to notice the silence that had fallen over all of his coworkers. yes, all of them.

You see, Spencer never swore, he never would even talk to someone the way he had just spoken to his best friend, but he was on edge. Everyone was constantly pushing his buttons, trying to make him spill the beans but he couldn’t, he wouldn’t let it happen. He felt as if no one would understand him, he knew the statistics but they can’t really comfort you when you’re convinced that no one will accept you. The smart part of his brain was trying to tell him how the team didn’t say jack shit about Emily being bisexual, but this was different. And just like that, an IQ from 187 to 60. Spencer was, at least in his mind, broken in some way. At least Emily experienced sexual attraction, to both genders, but Spencer didn’t feel any towards anyone. What if it made Derek feel like he was unattractive, because that certainly wasn’t the case.

Spencer didn’t even notice that he had fallen asleep until he was woken up, “Spencer, wake up, we already landed,” Derek said as he shook Spencer awake. Confusion clear in Spencer’s behaviour, Derek continued, “You fell asleep shortly after your little outburst, which I would also like an explanation for thank you very much. But now, get your skinny butt off that seat and come with me,” Derek said, offering Spencer his hand. He took it.

“I’m sorry,” Spencer said when they drove away in the car. Derek seemed to relax a bit after that. “I-i know we need to talk but I have no idea what to say,” Spencer confessed. “Pretty boy if it was something I said back then, I’m sorry, I don’t know what made you react that way, but I’d like to know, and hopefully we can work through it,” Derek said and took one hand of the steering wheel to grab Spencer’s hand.

The younger took a deep breath, trying to figure out what to say, he had never been in a situation like this where it’s purely emotion, no logic, at least in his mind.

“I don’t think this is something we can work through,” he finally got out. A burning feeling made its way to Spencer’s throat, that same feeling also invaded his eyes after what he had said.

Spencer sniffled before a tear made its way down his cheek.

By this point Derek had already grown incredibly worried and gone way past the legal speed limit. “Hey baby, I’m sure it’s going to be alright, we’ll be home in a couple of minutes. Why don’t we talk there? Let’s just calm down for now,” Derek said and brushed his fingers over Spencer’s thigh. By the time they were home, Spencer already had multiple tears running down his cheeks, he was scared to death. He didn’t know why he was scared, but he recognised the feeling as fear. The next 10 minutes would determine the future of their relationship, if there even was one. Derek led the younger of the pair to the couch in the living room and waited for Spencer to sit down before following behind himself. “Talk,” that was all Derek said. Shortly after he realised that Spencer wouldn’t be able to talk at all for awhile, the said boy was far too upset, nearly hyperventilating on the couch. “Hey calm down, I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think, there isn’t anything in this world that would make me love you any less and you know that, i’m here for you so talk. Tell me what has been bothering you so much lately,” Derek said, waiting for Spencer to say something.

Derek watched as Spencer struggled to pull himself together, furiously wiping his tears away and taking deep breaths. “T-the reason I stormed out that one night is that,” he begun but had to take a break. ”Oh fuck for fucks sake it isn’t supposed to be this hard, pull yourself together,” Spencer stated more to himself than Derek. he took another break before continuing, “I-I swear it doesn’t have anything to do with you it’s just I’m a little bit more weird than you’d think. You see, I think I might not be able to feel sexual attraction. You’re welcome to leave me though, I won’t blame you,” he finally got out.

Derek honestly wasn’t so shocked, “Hey Spencer, why on earth would I want to leave? I love you and I don’t care about that stuff so much,” he said and reached for Spencer. The younger man quickly found himself in Derek’s arms, feeling relieved. His secret was out to the world, and so far, Derek was still there. ”Baby do you mind if we talk about it?” Derek broke the silence. Spencer shrugged, he didn’t necessarily really mind, he just couldn’t see what there was to talk about anymore. He said what he needed to say and that should be the end of the discussion.

”I’d like to know what you’re okay with and what’s not okay,” Derek said softly. Spencer sighed, “I suppose,” he said. Spencer played with Derek’s fingers as he collected his thoughts. ”I don’t know what I like. I guess kissing is nice and cuddling. But that isn’t very sexual either,” he wondered out loud. Derek listened as Spencer talked. He knew when he got in a relationship with Spencer that something would be different. But different was okay. Different was good.

#moreid #spencer reid #derek morgan #criminal minds #cm #male x male

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kevkesblog · 4 years ago

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Translation: kicker magazine profile about Julian Brandt (July 27, 2020)

By Thomas Hennecke and Matthias Dersch

Had he made this artistic pass during the corona pandemic with empty stands in the stadium, it would have been a pity. A week before Christmas however, there is almost no free space in the Signal Iduna Park left. Everybody is ripped off their seats – except the RB Leipzig fans – the moment Julian Brandt marks the second goal. Brandt digs deep into his toolbox. Receiving the pass by Sancho, processing the ball, shot. Three actions in one fluent move, south American suppleness with ice-cold efficiency, a master class. Goal of the month December.

This cool blonde with the jersey number 19 – he is a man for the special moments. A player who makes a difference. And a gambler. A footballer having fun and who lets the difficult things look easy and made his relaxed demeanor a trademark. You can guess why he named Diego (the Bremer, not Maradona”, like Brandt said in BVB-TV) is his idol. The Brazilian used to have the blessings to do great things on the pitch. Diego also had a dream goal in his repertoire: 62,5 meter distance on April 20, 2007 against Alemannia Aachen. End score: 3:1.

The fact Brandt coolness also comes from a sometimes fatal way of risking things, relativizes his actions. You are torn a bit. People who appreciate show, spontaneity, art and creativity will love him more than people adding statistics and all mistakes and how they translate onto the pitch. The ‘Süddeutsche Zeitung’ looks beyond that and celebrated Brandt as a “Player with the Wow-Effect”. Brandt plays passes, so precise they will find almost every gap. As if they were managed by an electronic brain. He celebrates chop passes which look good and find their goals. But he also screws up counter chances with sloppy passes. He gives goals to his opponents with carless back passes. Or he shoots x-times against the goal, without a slightest danger to the goal keepers.

2019 is the second year with coach Lucien Favre and the so-called “restart”. BVB manager Zorc took a lot of money into his hands, in order to optimize the team. Looking back he wouldn’t be as passionate about some transfers as he was back then – but the 25 million euros for Brandt are still a good and useful investment, Zorc thinks: “Julian is a talented football player and has a lot of potential. He is very active on the pitch, demanding the ball, plays in a self-confidend way and doesn’t hide.”

Then follows the “but”. Zorc follows everything very closely from his box seat on the team bench. He sees mistakes by Brandt, unnecessary mistakes – calles “unforced errors” in tennis. “He still does a lot of them”, Zorc complains. “He has still work to do when it comes to working against the ball, Julian knows that best himself.” Indeed one doesn’t have to look far to find weaknesses. He himself is his biggest critic, the professional once claimed. Yet, he never lets that sort of self-reflection get out of his hands: “I always question myself, whenever I’m not performing well. But I never question the fact that I still can do it.”

It’s easy to spot: this Brandt-guy is not Mr. Perfect nor a football-playing robot. Rather he is an un-adjusted fine spirit on the pitch. Always in a good mood, with a fresh quote on his lips. During the USA-journey to Seattle last year, he was walking interested through the Museum of Pop Culture where Borussia was celebrating its “Black and Yellow night”. He had some small talk with journalists, he seems relaxed, approachable and cool. The opposite of the footballer clicheé of being arrogant. Brandt is “a fantastic guy” says Captian Marco Reus, “he’s a funny and open guy”.

As engaging, positive and uncomplicated his persona comes across: sometimes however Brandt appears to be less serious about stuff. It’s seems as if an extra scoop of ambition is missing, based on his body language. Unlike many other professionals. “I heard from many people before, about me looking like I’m sort of listlessness I embody”, Brandt said during an interview with the former BVB-player Patrick Owomoyela. Yet he assures: “My inner drive is always there.”

Brandt shows both faces during the game against Leipzig. Magical and faulty. He serves Timo Werner the 2:2-goal on a silver platter with his horrible wrong pass. “Perhaps someday there will be the award: wrong pass of the month”, says the 24 year-old. “I’m sure, I’ll get into the top 5.” BVB-boss Hans Joachim Watzke is face-palming on the stands in that moment. With some distance he likes Brandt’s way of playing. The BVB-boss says: “Julian makes extraordinary mistakes, because you can only play extraordinary if you take risky passes or have risky ideas.”

Five months later, both major teams in Germany play against each other on the evening of May 26. Borussia against Bayern; light house 2 against light house 1. Dortmund has to win, otherwise the Bundesliga title will be gone and Dortmund starts in a rush. Erling Haaland gets the ball in the midfield after 17 seconds, by winning a head ball against Joshua Kimmich. From the back Brandt storms in front like a speed train, captures the situation, speeds up the game and passes over to Thorgan Hazard with his left foot. The clock ticks – 19 seconds into the game – Manuel Neuer gets out of his goal and saves the situation for Bayern at the last moment. But he passes the ball into Haalands feet. His shot rushes through Neuers feet until Jerome Boating saves it for Bayern on the goal line. Brandt goal celebration dies on his lips. The blitz goal after just one minute – it would have been his act as well.

Same game, 43rd minute. Mats Hummels defending for Dortmund, the ball moves a few meters to the left. Kimmich gets the ball, looks up, sees Roman Bürki standing a bit too far away from the goal, shoots and scores. The guy standing the closest to Kimmich: Brandt. It would have been unfair to make him responsible for the goal alone, half of the team is responsible as well. Yet some people who’s heart is beating for black and yellow would have preferred Brandt at least trying to hinder Kimmich on making his genius shot. He does: nothing.

He's a day dreamer, Brandt once said. Day dreamers keep strolling through their thoughts. A study found out: day dreamers are capable finding time to dream because their brains have enough space left. In the past day dreaming was understood as a sign of lack of concentration and attention – today people see it as a sign of intelligence and creativity. Like a lost professor: brilliant, sharp mind, yet sunk into his own world.

It is however no explanation for him being passive in front of the goal in May that basically pre-decided the German championship. Brandt made his day dreamer confession in a different context – when asked about a career plan. He doesn’t have one, he said: “Everything that happens in my life, happens spontaneously. I don’t even know what I will be doing in three weeks from now.” Brandt lives his live as free and individual as possible and as disciplined as necessary. He likes to sleep long in the morning and only leave “shortly” in order to just barley making it on time at the training ground. “Every minute is sacred” he says with a wink of an eye. “I don’t know how often I had to pay a penalty for being too late.”

A year Brandt is employed in Dortmund. The statistics are showing respectable numbers. 42 games, seven goals, 13 assists, ten second-pass assists. The season prior in Leverkusen he had seven goals and 15 assists – just in the Bundesliga. He added six scorer points in the DFB Cup then and the Europa League. “I had to find my place during the first months. I played on many positions and didn’t know many of the boys yet. It’s why it was a bit un-harmonic”, says Brandt. “Nevertheless, now I’m “in”. I had a nice year with great moments. I have to say: I’m really satisfied. Everything can get much better. However its was fine for the first year.”

Brandt wanders through the BVB team, gets put into five different roles. The center midfield is the place where he can show his class the best – whenever he has the game in front of him. He can put his instincts and creativity into force and can create chances with his passes. He is basically a lost force when playing way in front. Except against Slavia Prag in the Champions League he confirmed with two assists, Favre decision putting him into the front as a striker. His abilities are also limited once he plays on the wings.

He never has a lack of commitment and engagement. Brandt is running on average 11,85 kilometers in 90 minutes. Nobody of the permanent Dortmund players is running more. He wins 52,4 % of his one-on-ones – more than Sancho (45,6%), Marco Reus (44,6%), Hazard (42,0%) or Haaland (41,4%). His passing with a 84 percent accuracy however still has room for improvement compared to the other specialists like Axel Witsel (94,1%), Dan-Axel Zagadou (91,1%) or Raphael Guerreiro (89,2%).

Brandt is brilliant in games like against Gladbach (DFB Cup, kicker-grade: 1,5), against Fortuna Düsseldorf or Schalke in the Bundesliga (both 1,5). He has personal low points in Freiburg (sub in and out of the same game; grade: 5), in Munich (grade: 6) and against Milan in the Champions League, where he basically loses the ball in almost every scene. Every game becomes a personal balancing act for the highly skilled national player: he dances on a high wire – here and there he loses his grip and crashes down.

His time in Dortmund started with a glitch. He makes a mistake and drives onto the parking lot of the youth time at 7.45am in the morning. A BVB employee has to show him the way. Brandt decided to leave the comfort zone Leverkusen on purpose. “Dortmund” – he says, “Dortmund is much bigger in terms of media interest, the stadium, the number of fans and in terms of pressure. It’s a different game here. It could make a mark on me and will serve me good.” And then there is the wish to win a title which made him to transfer to Dortmund. It’s about a basic attitude in sports, Brandt said a year ago, “everybody should have the drive to win every game.”

Because Dortmund only won 28 of their 46 games this past season (seven draws, eleven defeats) a lively debate about coach Favré heats up as well as a discussion about the mentality of the team. No fans will get together in Dortmund and celebrate the fifth second place finish of the team since 2013. Nobody will fill extra pages in historic club chronicles, some BVB players are now suspecting. “We are not satisfied to finish second”, Brandt confesses. “We aren’t angry, but also not satisfied. We want more.” He then sticks up for his colleagues who get criticized for some bad performances and whenever there are doubts about their mentality and the harsh criticism: “We want to the big price. The team is hungry, they are in for it to win titles. The team is capable of that. You have to always aim high.”

Children who are having their first day of school this year, have lived a life only knowing Bayern Munich as German football champions. In order for them to understand that other teams can be successful as well, Dortmund needs to win the “all-or-nothing”-games, Brandt thinks. The duels with the other Bundesliga havy weights: Bayern Munich, Leipzig, Mönchengladbach, Leverkusen. “You have to win those games, if you want to stay on top”, he says. “Yet you also have to take smaller teams seriously. Something like a 3-3 draw against Paderborn is fatal.”

Borussia Dortmund gave the players four weeks vacation. This Thursday the team will come back together well rested. The months during the corona crisis, the tough hygiene rules of the German Bundesliga, left a mark on Brandt. “It does something to you”, he confesses, “you don’t see many people. You see your family, perhaps a few friends. Otherwise: nobody. You are happy to be able to go out and have some freedoms again.” Now he can go out again – at least a bit.

#julianbrandt #julian brandt #bvb #BVB09 #borussiadortmund #borussia dortmund #Bundesliga #dfb #diemannschaft #German NT

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ziezie13 · 4 years ago

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Feeling Touch Starved

These last few weeks I have been feeling desperately, hopelessly touch starved which is not a new feeling for me but I have never felt it to this degree. Normally I can more or less cope, but for some reason, in this age of social distancing, seven months into quarantine I am overwhelmed with this need for physical touch. My sleep schedule is completely wrecked and I don’t want to anything even though I am not depressed. I thought it was hormones at first, but I have felt this way for weeks now and it has become clear it is defiantly touch starvation. So today I did what I do best: research. I figured I would share what I found here in case someone else finds this helpful. Maybe sometime in the future I will create a graphic summarizing the important stuff, but if you want to skip all the boring background stuff you can find the coping strategies I discovered at the bottom.

What Does It Mean to Be Touch Starved?

People are meant to touch each other. It is part of our programing. When we don’t get that physical connection we need, we become touch starved. Of course, each person is unique and have different limits in terms of how much physical touch we need but the underlying need remains the same.

“When someone is [touch] starved, it’s like someone who is starved for food. They want to eat, but they can’t. Their psyche and their body want to touch someone, but they can’t do it because of… fear. Whether that is a fear of breaking cultural norms, personal anxiety, or spreading COVID-19.”

- Dr. Asim Shad, professor and executive vice chair of the Menninger Department of Psychiatry at Baylor College of Medicine

Touch starvation doesn’t not only apply to intimate or sensual touch but encompasses all forms of tactile interaction: handshakes, friendly hugs, pats on the back, etc.

Touch starvation is pervasive around the world, but it is more common in countries and cultures that are touch averse, such as the United States. Growing up in this culture, my brain has come to associate nearly every form of physical contact as sexual, even when I know this is not true. This is a big problem for me, being asexual. I catch myself wanting to initiate physical contact with my friends but I never do. Instead I sit there just thinking about it. I know it wouldn’t be a sexual touch, but do they know that? Would they think I am weird? Would it make them uncomfortable? And so on and so forth. I can never seem to break through this wall.

Why is touch important?

Skin-to-skin contact is vital for not only mental and emotional health, but physical health, too.

When you feel overwhelmed or pressured, the body releases the stress hormone cortisol. Cortisol triggers the body’s “flight-or-fight” response, which can increase heart rate, blood pressure, respiration and muscle tension, and can suppress the digestive system and immune system. Every single physical disease including heart attack, diabetes, hypertension, asthma is affected by anxiety, stress, depression, or other mental health issues. One of the best ways to counteract these affects is skin-to-skin contact.

Touch stimulates pressure receptors in the skin that transport signals to the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve is the longest nerve in the body, and is connected with the parasympathetic nervous system. It touches every major organ, and helps you rest and digest. Stimulating the vagus nerve sends signals to slow the pace of the nervous system there-by reducing stress.

In addition to the vagus nerve, scientists have found that nerve endings in the skin, known as C-tactile afferents, exists to recognize any form of gentle touch. Stimulating these nerves results in an immediate release of oxytocin. Oxytocin increases positive, feel-good sensations of trust, emotional bonding and social connection, while simultaneously decreasing fear and anxiety responses in the brain. For this reason, oxytocin is affectionately known as the “cuddle hormone.”

How do you know if you’re touch starved?

There’s no definitive way to know if you are touch starved. But pay attrition to what your mind and your body are telling you. This is in no way a comprehensive list, but signs to look out for include:

feelings of depression

feelings of loneliness or exclusion

anxiety

stress

irritability or aggression

issues with body image

low relationship satisfaction

difficulty sleeping

a tendency to avoid secure attachments

I realized that I was touch starved when I saw a couple posts about it on Tumblr and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. In the past when I have spent time with my friends, I have found my mind wandering to thoughts of what it would be like to reach out and touch them: to hold their hand, to hug them, to lean on them, to play with their hair, etc. But I have always been afraid to act on these impulses. When I get my hair cut or have a massage I relish in the sensation of physical touch, because I am not getting it from anywhere else. I have never realized until now that physical touch is something that I have been missing in my life. But reflecting now, it is really obvious and is probably contributing to my issues of stress and anxiety.

What if you don’t particularly like being touched — can you still be touch starved?

YES! Absolutely.

Touch is an intimate thing and it is something we link closely to trust. For a lot of people, it is difficult to initiate physical connection for various reasons. It can be hard to determine what level of touch is appropriate i.e. should you go for a hug or a handshake. People on the neurodiverse or asexual spectrums are also often uncomfortable with touching. People’s comfort level with touch varies with their personality as well as their background. Statistically, people who grew up with touchy-feely families or cultures are going to be more comfortable with physical connection. Touch deprivation can actually create a self-reinforcing cycle where we feel alienated from others and therefore begin to shy away from social contact.

However, just because someone doesn’t like being touched under normal circumstances doesn’t mean that they can’t find themselves touch starved. In a general sense I don’t like being touched. On several occasions I have found myself physically cringing away from other people’s touch, even when it is not sexual or inappropriate. I think that a part of this can be attributed to the fact that I am asexual, but I also think that the culture I was raised in and my own personality contribute to this as well. I am an introverted person; I never initiate physical contact and yet I crave it in my day-to-day life. For me I need to reach a certain level of comfort with someone before thoughts of physical contact come into my head. My comfort level also varies from day-to-day and with my mood.

So now that I know what the problem is, how can I fix it?

In case you weren’t aware physical contact is not recommended at this time due to the fact that there is an international pandemic. So, while nothing can wholly replace the benefits of positive human touch, I have uncovered a few coping strategies:

Video chatting

video chatting is, reportedly, about 80 percent as effective as in-person contact at releasing those feel-good chemicals

Physical exercise such as yoga or dance

exercise has proven an effective way to increase the release of oxytocin in the brain – dancing can also increase dopamine levels

Singing

singing is another way to get that oxytocin fix

Taking long, hot baths and showers

hot water relieves muscle tension, puts you in a better mood, and minimizes cold and flu symptoms

Petting an animal

spending some time with your favorite four-legged friend cuts down on feelings of loneliness and depression

Using a weighted blanket

weighted blankets offer deep pressure stimulation which helps relax the nervous system - they’re great for calming anxiety, too, because the weight of the blanket helps release those feel-good chemicals

Using a warm blanket

just like swaddling a baby a warm blanket can invoke feelings of security and comfort helping to calm your nerves

Sleeping with a body pillow

a body pillow mimics what it feels like to hug or cuddle with another person and sleeping with one can help to reduce stress and aid the body in releasing oxytocin – as a bonus body pillows can create a more comfortable sleep by supporting the back and shoulders

Listening to ASMR

certain sounds, such as whispering or brushing hair, can invoke sense memories and stimulate the part of the brain associated with touch and connection

In addition to these strategies there are also several self-soothing techniques you can use to help with feeling touch starved:

Forearm stroke

Remove any bracelets, rings, watches, etc. Put your right arm next to your body and turn your right palm up, fingers together. Bring your arm up until your forearm and upper arm are at a 45-degree angle. Take your left hand and touch the fingertips of your right hand. Slowly and gently run your fingertips down your left fingers, palm, wrist and inside of the forearm, stopping at the inner elbow. Repeat 10 times.

Adult swaddling

Get out a blanket and put the long edge behind your neck. Drape the blanket over your shoulders. Gather a good handful of the blanket in each hand until you feel it tightening around your shoulders, and then cross your arms to pull it tighter around your upper arms and back. Hold for 30-60 seconds, and breathe.

Self-massage

Lie on your bed on your back naked, with a towel underneath you. Take a bit of lotion, cream, or oil in your left hand, and begin applying it in long, slow strokes to your right arm. Allow your hand to glide over the surface of your skin instead of focusing on absorption. Move on to your chest and torso, starting from your chin and your neck, using the same long strokes. Switch hands, and have the right hand do the left arm, and then do your legs and your feet. Start with five minutes and work your way up to 10 minutes.

Skin stimulation

Take a long-handled, soft-bristle brush and firmly run it back and forth across your arms, legs, torso, back, sides and chest prior to going to bed. The stimulation to your skin can help you sleep better. You can also do something similar for your scalp by brushing your hair 100 times.

Vagus nerve stimulation

You can stimulate the vagus nerve from the outside of the body by stroking the sides of your neck. Start behind your earlobe, and move your fingers down to your collarbone. Repeat until you feel your breath deepen, jaw relax and your mouth falls open a bit. You can also stimulate the vagus nerve by massaging or rubbing your feet.

Pressure points

Using your index finger and thumb, press the web of your other hand for five seconds. This relieves tension in your shoulders, and using your index finger or thumb and firmly rubbing on the temple of your face in a circular motion will relieve sinus pain and help you feel relaxed.

Sense memory

Close your eyes, and recall an amazing hug you received. It could be from a parent, relative, or child, a stranger, friend, or lover. Zero in on the details: what color was their shirt? Did they smell like onions because you just finished eating sub sandwiches? Where were you? Once you have the details, shift your attention to your body, and focus on what this hug felt like. Allow yourself to linger on the feeling of being safe, loved, cared for, and seen by another person.

EFT tapping

Emotional freedom technique (EFT) is an alternative treatment for physical pain and emotional distress. It’s also referred to as tapping or psychological acupressure. People who use this technique believe tapping the body can create a balance in your energy system and treat pain. Though still being researched, EFT tapping has been used to treat people with anxiety and people with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

I found this video that will guide you through the whole process (the meditation starts at 4:30 and lasts about 15 minutes - she also does a shorter meditation starting at 26:20 that lasts about 4 minuets): https://tappingdetective.com/videos

Sources:

https://www.healthline.com/health/touch-starved#definition

https://www.tmc.edu/news/2020/05/touch-starvation/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-ways-to-self-soothe-when-starved-for-touch/

https://www.thegoodtrade.com/features/managing-touch-deprivation

https://zora.medium.com/how-i-am-dealing-with-touch-starvation-829d7c091e8b

https://www.healthline.com/health/eft-tapping#:~:text=Emotional%20freedom%20technique%20(EFT)%20is,energy%20system%20and%20treat%20pain.

#touch starved #covid_19 #quarentinelife

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neshabeingchildish · 5 years ago

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Poly Wanna? Ch. 08

Lemme know if I need to take you off the tag. Idk who’s actually reading because I’ve only heard from a couple of people, so idk if y’all still interested.

@adorkable-blackgirl @chenoahchantel @riebellion @woahjusttakeiteasy-man @up-the-tube @ciara-knightly @cactus-con @oof–musicals @lesbian-so-what @meadowstryingtobepretty @imma-sensitive-btch @okaygal21 @midernacht @divinereign4ever @xoxoemille @itsyaapollochild

Sleepover at Henry's

Charlotte woke up and was startled by the appearance of a couple of faces hovering above her. “She’s awake! Hellooo! It’s me, Schwoz, from where you used to work!”

She held her hand over her chest, catching her breath as told him, “I know who you are, Schwoz!”

Ray folded his arms and fussed, “Well, you sure don’t act like you know us. We haven’t seen you in YEARS!”

“I was busy,” she said and was grateful that she hadn’t been sleeping naked, like she generally did. “Why are you in here?”

“Well, Henry went to handle a little business,” Ray said winking at her.

“Yes, he had some work to do..” Schwoz added, also winking.

“You could say that he has some feel good work…” Ray said, winking even more and now he and Schwoz were just smiling and winking way too much.

“The crew knows,” she said and moved Schwoz so that she could climb out of bed. She groaned as she did.

“Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Where are you trying to go?” Ray asked. “You can’t leave. Look at how banged up you are! Schwoz, get the Bang Bang Bag!”

Schwoz rolled his eyes, “I don’t work for you. You get the Bang Bang Bag.” They bickered for a moment, then noticed that Charlotte had gotten up and began to mess with her own things, primarily, her phone. “Fine! Fine, I’LL get the Bang Bang Bag!” She heard in the background as she checked to see that she had multiple messages from people who Jasper must’ve told that she had gotten hurt, including both of her parents.

Piper: I saw what happened on Bianca’s TwitFlicks! WTF??? Henry told me that you’re okay, but for good measure, I called up our Bilsky bunch. It's not going down the way that it did, Bruh. Gang Gang!! Seriously, CALL ME if you need anything. I’m just a few hours away, less on a plane.

Ya Mama: Baby, call me when you get a chance. I’ve spoken with the family lawyer and already have contact information from the witnesses for what happened. Hopefully, you’re resting.

That Muffugga: Charlotte, I’ve tried to call you several times. I know that you’re still mad and processing things, but you need to let me know if you’re okay and what you need. No matter what, you’ll always be my little girl and I’ll always be here for you.

Jasper: Your dad stopped by. I didn’t even know that he knew where I lived, but anyway, I can’t sleep. I’m so sorry about everything that happened. I… I’ll call you. My hands are shaking. I don’t want to type this out.

She had other texts, but she immediately checked her voicemail. She went specifically to Jasper’s, ignoring ones from her parents and electing to check Piper’s afterwards (it was probably prior to her text, anyway). “Hey, Char… Look… I hope that you don’t hate me. I promise, I was just trying to do the right thing… “So, here I am panicking, like oh my God, please don’t let Jasper have gone looking for that guy, because he’s so protective and even though he’s a big cuddle bear, he can be as dangerous as a bear whenever he’s in protective mode…” “I know how it can go down when a fight breaks out. You know that I’ve been bartending for a while and I see it happen when people get too drunk and angry… I was so concerned with making sure that you got help and trying to make sure that I stayed with you…” He sighed. “I should have taken more action. I’m sorry. And, I understand if you don’t feel as safe with me now or if you need your recovery time away from me. I just wanted you to know, I was actually thinking about you and I made the decision to try to get you to a doctor instead of making sure he needed to see one. I don’t know if that was the right choice, but I’m gonna let you decide things. Hoping to hear from you…”

She was about to call him back when she heard a loud bang and screamed. She turned to look at Schwoz, holding a bottle that he had uncorked and he and Ray both cheered, “Bang Bang!” Schwoz poured some of whatever it was in that bottle into a glass that Ray was holding. “The doctors said healing would take a few weeks, but we have a Schwoz! And, we have the Bang Bang Bubbly!” He offered her the glass.

“What is this?” She asked, not taking it.

“It’s a sparkling brandywine with fast healing properties and stuff in it that tastes great, makes you feel invincible and bangs out all of your injuries from the inside out!” Ray cheered. “Doesn’t work for me, because I’m indestructible, but the results in a typical human body are way way great!”

“Schwoz, what is this?” Charlotte repeated, taking the glass and studying it. Schwoz explained it to her and they went back and forth with her asking about side effects of certain ingredients and statistics of the countermeasures for those risks and Ray lost interest, but at the end of it, she sighed and said. “I’m gonna call Jasper and talk to him. Then, I’m gonna tell him about this. I’m gonna let him know that if something happens to me, it was this and you can deal with whatever that’ll mean for you.”

Ray scoffed. “I’m not afraid of Jasper!”

“I’ve gotten him his own stash of Jolly beetle tears.”

Ray gasped, “Why would you even HAVE those???”

“I did a major global study using them to break down certain unstable molecules and other very important usages that don’t revolve around you, but definitely was an important time for me to stock up and also invest in them. I knew we’d meet again and you won’t catch me slipping, Ray Manchester.” She began to dial Jasper’s number while Ray folded his arms.

“Hey!” Jasper answered, excited, but tired sounding.

“Hey. So, I woke up to something truly weird…”

“Ray and Schwoz excitedly trying to convince you to drink their Bang Bang Bubbly?”

She looked at the two of them, waiting with anticipation of her drinking it and turned away from them, making a suspicious and confused face. “Yes, but something more weird. I got this message from my man, and he was all weirdly sounding like he was blaming himself for something that wasn’t his fault or thinking for some reason that I blamed him.”

She could hear the relief in his next words. “I just wanted to make sure that we’re okay. I wanted to give you your recovery time without me, because I wasn’t sure how you were gonna process that I didn’t help you.”

“You did, though. How would it have helped me for you to punch that guy?”

“It would have helped me.”

“Okay, I don’t know how, but thank you for putting my wellness above your ego.”

“I hate it. I’m glad that you’re okay, but I hate that I didn’t slam him just as hard to the ground…”

“So far, I’ve been alerted that the Bilskys, my family’s lawyers and that girl Karma that I fucks with are all gunning for him. I just want to stop being in pain and to…” She looked at Ray and Schwoz, nearly bursting with excitement. “... Be able to cuddle with my Booty Bear."

"Okay!" Ray said and promptly left. Schwoz smiled and was still waiting on her to try his stuff. She shot it and handed him the glass, then her eyes watered. Jasper was about to say something, but she began panting and whimpering.

"You tried the Bubbly," Jasper observed.

"Why does it feel like my mouth and insides are on fire???"

"That means it's working," Schwoz and Jasper said simultaneously, one next to her and the other on the phone.

She crept out of the room and went to explore, clad in one of Jasper’s shirts that she sometimes wore to bed/around the apartment. Now that Henry was out heroeing, she had a chance to explore his place without an obligatory tour. She loved all of the flowers! They had always had plenty of flowers when she lived with him, too, but never this much. Plus, he had an indoor herb garden that the naturalista in her was craving to get to know better. Every plant was so healthy and it was like she could feel the vibrations of them and sense the love that went into making them strong. The artwork on the walls were a mixture of styles. She could tell that Henry pretty much just got things that he liked, and wasn’t going with a theme. The biggest painting was the one of him with flowers. She wondered who was commissioned to do it, because the details were excellent.

Each room seemed like it was in a different home, because so many of the vibes differed. Like, the bedroom that she was staying in was natural colors, browns, greens, neutrals, warm shades, filled with green plants, and had large uncovered windows, with plants outside of them. It was the perfect kind of room for her. It made her feel extremely comfortable and relaxed. There was a room that sort of looked like it was a cabin on a ship and had a fountain, so water sounds and earthy tones that seemed like a man cave, but not a busy one - somewhere you might go to become grounded. His living room was white, near the stairway, with plants on the wall and hanging from the ceiling in white globes, and the couch was sleek and black. It looked like he never used this room. All over the place were different goddess statues, most of which Charlotte recognized from mythology lessons years ago, but a few unfamiliar. There were poignant paintings, like one that was of a dark skinned woman, bound in chains and engulfed in flames, like a Black anima sola. It made her feel troubled to see it. There was a Black Madonna, that she couldn’t lie… KINDA looked a lot like her, but with a golden halo and stars and stuff. Then, there were others that weren’t as emotional - a list of Scorpio Men Facts: “The Scorpio Male Is Intensely Sexual, He Needs Deep Intensity, He Has Great Stamina, You Get What You Give in Love With Scorpio Men… HA! Lying ass. You get lying asses with Scorpio men.” Then, there was a holographic photo of fish swimming, like in an aquarium simulation. She furrowed her eyebrows and explored on.

Outside of his bedroom was a hallway of framed photos of the three of them, of course, all outdated, since she hadn’t taken a photo with he and Jasper in years. She opened the door to the bedroom (that was how she realized it was the bedroom), and she saw a beautiful, elegant white and gold bedroom with white and yellow (she presumed fake) flowers sprinkled along the ground, and a bed with an ornate gold canopy adorned with sheer drapery.

Normally, she wouldn’t have walked into someone’s bedroom, but she was now invested in the absolute lavishness of it and stepped in to look at the detailing of the headboard, and noticed other things, like the mirrored wall behind the bed, and floral designs in the gold of the bed and lamps. There were flower petals in the bed and she picked up and few to touch, and saw that those were real. Then she heard him clear his throat. She yelped. “Sorry, I wasn’t snooping. I was just looking around…” She said, dropping the petals. She stood up and looked up at him, still in his Feel Good uniform, a dark burgundy and blue armored outfit with silver and black accents and tools. She hadn’t seen him in it before. He… looked really good… “I gave myself a tour and the room was so pretty, I just wanted a closer look.”

“It’s all good. Make yourself at home,” he said and blew a bubble, which transformed him back to his regular self, in a t-shirt and jeans. He still looked really good, to her. “Did you sleep well?” He asked.

“I did. But, Schwoz came in with Bang Bang Bubbly, and now, I’m restless.”

“Yeah, that stuff is something else. But, it gets you healed quickly.” He was standing, with his hands in his pockets and they were quiet for a moment, before he said, “Oh, damn. I’m so rude. Have you eaten? I can make you something.”

“I haven’t, but Jasper was on his way over, so I thought we might get something.”

“I’ll call him and let him know I’ll cook. The least that I can do is be a good host, after getting you slammed onto concrete.”

“Why is everybody trying to take credit for that? I’m certainly not about to blame myself because I got up and walked towards her. He made a choice, and I’m pressing charges.”

Henry’s face brightened, “Thank God. I thought you’d wake up hating me even more.”

“I don’t hate you. I hate that you hurt me. I hate that I trusted you. I hate how things ended. But, I’ve decided not to hate any person for being whoever they are. Trying that whole “hate the sin, not the sinner” trope.”

“How’s it working?”

“To be honest, I feel like I’m more upset to have learned about how much you hurt Jasper.” He winced. “I mean, I know I can be a bitch, and I know that a lot of the time, I was insufferable. I can easily look back on past me and think that cheating on me was not as criminal as it felt at the time. Not saying that I don’t blame you for your choices, just that I understand them better, the older that I get. You still should have been my friend enough to be honest with me where you weren’t happy or satisfied, but… what happened with Jasper? No vague shit, no sugar coding. Tell me what you did to him.”

“I’m feeling like at this point, if Henry REALLY wants us to love him again, or at least me, he’s gonna have to start just being straightforward and straight up with me. Jasper and I are on two very different wavelengths, so it takes something different to appease me. I’m tired of being kept in the dark about Jasper, when they both know everything about what happened between Henry and I.”

Henry sighed, ran a hand through his hair and held his hand out towards the bed. She sat down and he joined her and began to tell her the truth.

“It all just kinda happened. It started out as a fling, a rebound, after you left… Like… three months after you left, actually… Well, if I’m being honest, it began before that. Jasper and I experimented in school. Nothing major, just making out and handies and stuff. But, that was shut down automatically when you and I hooked up, then you and I got together and I never thought about Jasper that way, really. I still thought he was attractive and lovable, but for me, we were done. When you and me were together those 4 years, Jasper, I guess didn’t get over me as easily and so whenever you and me broke up, he was there for me in a way that I wasn’t expecting. But, I was hurting and I needed it, whether or not it occurred to me that I needed him.

About a year later, he started talking about our ‘anniversary,’ like… we were together or something, and don’t get me wrong, we had been going pretty hard and heavy for a year, at that point, but I hadn’t expected a year of that to pass by. Jasper was just so good to me and so easy to be with. A year in, I still wasn’t emotionally where I needed to be in order to be good back to him. So, I told him that I didn’t want to put any labels on us…” “I was pretty scared of being in a relationship after what happened with Char. I didn’t realize at the time that being involved with Jasper the way that I was, WAS being in a relationship with him. I felt like we were two dudes who loved each other, having a good time together.”

“So… Whenever he spoke about this one year anniversary, I chickened out. I self sabotaged. I would try to tell him, but I’d see his face and lose the nerve. I knew that I was gonna hurt him, and I figured that it was best just not to tell him, even though I wasn’t happy and the fact that I was doing stuff behind his back was a huge portion of why I wasn’t happy…”

“Why didn’t you just STOP? You had your degree by then, didn’t you?”

“I had studied psychology, but I don’t know. I hadn’t sorted through my own things and hadn’t become self aware yet. My mom went to a specialist for a sex addiction. She didn’t tell me until around that time, because she heard things about me and was worried that maybe I had her sickness.” He laughed and shook his head, “I wasn’t addicted to sex. I was addicted to doing something terrible that I could get caught doing, and the fact that someone could be hurt again if I got caught… I didn’t care in the moment. Jasper saw mw leaving somewhere with a woman and whenever he tried to get in touch with me, I didn’t answer. When I got home, I told him that I was doing hero stuff. He didn’t believe me and we wound up arguing and I told him that I had slipped up a little, because I missed women.” Henry looked so ashamed as he shook his head, “He said that he understood and just asked me to be more open with him, said that he was willing to open up our relationship if it meant that I didn’t lie to him about being with women. And… so… we tried that, and a little later, I met a new guy.”

Charlotte took a deep breath and clenched her fists. “And, what, you cheated on Jasper again, this time with a guy?”

“Yes, but the guilt was killing me, so a few months after we were seeing each other secretly, I told Jasper…”

*Flashback Sequence*

After two years of being involved with Jasper, and technically one year, as far as Henry was concerned, Jasper wanted to celebrate their 2 year anniversary. He cooked, baked, set the atmosphere, with music and candles and flowers. Henry just couldn’t stand to lie to him anymore. He stopped him mid-kiss and said, “Jasper, we have to stop this.” Jasper was rightfully confused. He picked up the remote and turned off the music, to hear whatever Henry had to say, “I… I… don’t think that I’m meant to be a monogamous person.”

“You haven’t been, though. We have an open relationship, because I understood that sometimes you don’t want a man…”

“I’ve been seeing a man.” Jasper’s heart sank.

“What do you mean “been seeing?” Like… regularly? Not some one off mistake, but like… SEEING someone?” He glanced around for something to hold on to, grabbed the wine bottle and took a swig.

“Yeah. I’ve been seeing him for like 4 months, almost…” Jasper started crying and chugging the bottle. “I never meant for it to happen, but I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep being this person behind your back and then becoming someone else whenever I’m with you. I do love you and I never meant to hurt you, but being with you was never my intention and I shouldn’t have let it go this far.”

“Let it GO THIS FAR? What the fuck are you talking about right now?”

“I’m just letting you know that you don’t have to worry about me cheating anymore, if that’s how you see this. Because, it’s over. I can’t do “us,” anymore.”

Jasper huffed out a pained gust of air and dropped the wine bottle. Henry quickly caught it before it could hit the ground. He set it down and said, “Um… You don’t have to pack your own things. I’ll box it up and send it to your mom’s.”

“I’m not leaving here! YOU leave. You’re the one who cheated!”

“Cheated is a strong word. We never used labels. I just didn’t tell you right away when I moved on. And… You can’t afford this place on your own, Jasper. Come on.”

“I’m not leaving this goddamned apartment while my world is fucking falling apart, you complete and utter asshole!”

“Okay. We’ll give it some time. I’ll go stay in Man Cave, and pack up my things whenever I know that you aren’t here. That way, we don’t have to deal with each other, until we’re ready to try to get past this.”

Jasper stared at him, not crying now, just in awe of what kind of person he was looking at - this stranger that he thought was his forever love. Who the fuck was this man? “Can you at least PRETEND to be a good person right now?”

“I pretend to be a good person every time I blow a bubble. Every time I save someone’s life. Every time I help someone’s day. I’m TIRED of pretending to be a good person. I just want to be able to be a person! And have somebody love /that/ person, without all these rules and regulations and expectations that I never gave you! I’m human. I make mistakes. I forgive you your mistakes all of the time, you can’t forgive me mine?” He snapped. Jasper didn’t know where THIS was coming from, but it seemed like he was speaking to someone else. He was thinking about Charlotte. Because, there had never been anything that Jasper hadn’t forgiven him for, until now.

Jasper stood up, hovering over Henry with a desperate look on his face. He wanted so badly to forgive him this. To say it was okay and that they didn’t need to be together and Henry didn’t have to lose him, but this...hurt him. “Your mistakes break people’s hearts, Henry! They break people’s lives. Charlotte is not the same person, and I’m seeing that I never will be the same again, either.”

Now, Henry became wounded. He was feeling attacked and therefore defensive and lashed back at Jasper, like he hadn’t already hurt him enough. He stood up quickly and Jasper stepped back, unsure if this might get physical. But, Henry blurted, “Charlotte at least loved me. She took me seriously. She told me what she needed and wanted and I tried and fell short. Charlotte could be a raging bitch, but I never had to guess what she expected from me. I never had to wonder if she cared or if this was just for mutual enjoyment and comfort. We had something very different and you comparing what happened with us to what happened with me and you is trash, Jasper! You freely gave me whatever I wanted and we never agreed that I had to be your faithful one true love or anything for that matter. If you wanted more from me, was I supposed to read your mind? I was just supposed to figure it out by the way that you never told me? I never did anything to directly hurt or harm you. I kept my sidelife out of your business, just in case that made you uncomfortable, because I wouldn’t have known one way or another, from the way that you just agreed to whatever I gave you! So, the fact that you took us so seriously and made up in your head some type of future that I could have told you we’d never have seems like a lot to try to put on my shoulders, alone!”

Jasper stumbled backwards and caught himself, but he was now crying again, “I am telling you that you broke my heart and you’re telling me how it was my fault.”

“I’m explaining to you why I didn’t realize that you felt the way that you felt!”

“And now that you realize, what do you plan to do about it?”

“I’m gonna set you free, Dude. I can’t do what you need me to do. I can’t be who you need me to be. I can’t be the good person that you want me to pretend to be, because I use too much energy being the good person that being a superhero needs me to be. I love you too much to keep doing this to you, now that I know how you feel.”

“Couldn’t you just… stop? Am I not enough that you can’t just love and be in love with me?”

“I could. I would… But, I feel like I’ve already crossed too many lines for you to be able to believe it from me, at this point. You’d never trust me again, no matter what I did, and I’d see it and I’d act on it. I’m… not ready to fight for love. I have to fight for so many things… Myself just doesn’t seem like enough to me.”

“And I’m not enough either?”

“More than enough, Jasp. You’re so much better than what I’ve given you and what I ever will. So… I’m gonna go, and hopefully you’ll be able to forgive me enough to at least let me try to be your friend again someday. Hopefully, I haven’t broken you in the same way that I broke her.”

“No, you’ve broken me harder, because I’ve been in love with you since we were kids and you just…” He shook his head, “Go ahead. You can leave, now. I won’t beg you anymore. I won’t ask anything else of you.”

“The next thing I heard from, well about him was that he had called him mom and asked her if he needed to come back home, would he be able to. He told her that we broke up and he wasn’t sure if he could make it. He said later on that he was talking about the rent, and that makes sense, but when he said that he didn’t know if he could make it, she went over there to check on him and he’d taken a bunch of pills, drank all of the alcohol that we had in the place and collapsed. He says he didn’t do it on purpose, but Char… I’d never seen him so upset, and I knew that I did that, AGAIN, to somebody that I was supposed to love. I wanted to hurt myself, at that point. I was alone and it was my fault and I decided that I would never in my life let anybody get that close to me again. “I don;t want a relationship,” became the first words that I said to any interested parties. I picked my specialty and worked on my degree and enjoyed myself as much as I could, grateful that whenever I reached out to Jasper, he cautiously began speaking to me again, and not surprised that I couldn’t contact you, at all. Neither could he, at that point.”

“Yeah, I cut him off when he told me that you two were together. He said it apologetically, but I was still bothered. We hadn’t been apart long enough, to me. But… so… do you think that Jasper really would have tried to hurt himself?”

“I hope not. I wanna believe that he wouldn’t, but I don’t know. It was a really bad night for him.”

“Couldn’t wait until after the anniversary or not waste his time before?”

“I didn’t even realize that it had been the anniversary, or even consider it to be an anniversary.”

“When did you finally take accountability? Because, it just sounds like you apologized and Jasper forgave you, like he always does. But, did you ever actually say, “These are all the ways that I fucked up and I notice this and I hate this. I know that I can’t take it back, but I will never do anything like this again, to any human being, ever?”

“I unpack this in therapy.”

“You’re… You’re in therapy?”

“Don’t you think I need it?”

“Definitely, I just didn’t know that you were in it.”

“That little results, huh?”

“You’re definitely different than the dude that I punched in the face. I just hadn’t figured out if it were an act or not, until now.” He looked hopeful, like he was waiting on something. She rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders, “I guess, I believe that you’ve changed. I mean, I don’t know that I’ll ever consider you a friend again, but I can acknowledge that you seem to be a better person now.”

“That’s great! Can I hug you?” He asked. She hestitated and he said, “Sorry, that’s stupid.”

“No, it’s just that I’m still pretty sore.”

“Oh. I can be gentle with you?” She tentatively held her arms open and he eagerly, but slowly and gently took her into a hug and sat there for a while. It had been so long, but scents and sensations that he thought had died with time immediately were revived and he could recall so many moments of touching her before. “I’ve missed you every single day that we’ve been apart,” he whispered.

She pulled away and stood up. “I’d better go get ready for the day, for Jasper…”

He nodded, “I’ll start cooking.” She hurried away, flustered by his words and the close proximity of him, but not wanting to admit that. He knew it, though. There was no way that type of electricity had been one sided. He unlocked a drawer on his nightstand and opened it to look at a box that matched the room, and had her name scripted across the top and dressed with flowers. He opened it and looked at a stack of letters that he had written her… He had promised himself that if he ever got a chance to see her again, he’d give this to her… but… She was with Jasper. If she was with anyone else… And… he didn’t even know how he felt about Jasper. Well, he DID know. But, this must be his atonement, having to see the two of them together and happy in love, knowing that both of them had some feeling for him, whether or not they’d admit it, and experiencing everyone ignoring those, because the moral to the story was not to hurt people the way that he had, because the hurt would come back, tenfold. He slammed the box and the drawer and locked it back, right as he heard the doorbell. Henry got up and shuffled to the door, but Charlotte was there, already, peeking through the peep hole, with her little boy shorts peeking out of the bottom of Jasper’s shirt. She said, “It’s him,” and opened the door.

Jasper came in, picked her up into a hug and kissed her. She laughed and squeezed him. Henry tried not to point out that they had seen each other YESTERDAY, because, they had. But, also, he knew that Jasper was feeling guilty when he last saw her and that she had just learned about an ugly part of his past that he obviously couldn’t talk to her about. So… he just smiled and said, “Hopefully, you’re hungry. I’m gonna cook.”

Jasper nodded, “Cool! Hopefully, I can still stay over? I brought clothes.”

“Yeah! Of course. I’ll love having both of you…. NOT HAVING! But… both of you sleeping over. Your room is untouched.”

“Your room?” Charlotte asked. “You got a room here? Which one is it?”

“The one that looks like a ship, but no… I was just gonna sleep in Charlotte’s room, if that’s okay?” He looked down at her, “You’ve got a room too. The one that you stayed in last night.”

She furrowed her eyebrows, “Like.. that room was MADE for me?” They nodded. “What? Why?”

“Just in case you ever came back,” Henry said and smiled, softly. “Make yourselves comfortable and I shall be of service.”

Jasper smiled fondly at Henry and Charlotte felt a ping of jealousy, but then a bigger ping of guilt. How could she be jealous, when she’d just melted against Henry’s muscles like heated chocolate fondue? She just silently prayed that the camera wasn’t focused on her face… either of those moments.

#Poly Wanna #Nesha HD Fics #henry danger #henry hart #charlotte page #jasper dunlop #hd ot3

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queen-scribbles · 5 years ago

Text

The Good Stuff

Prompted by @storyknitter, though not exactly in keeping with the prompt she pointed me toward(which just means I get to do it later :3)

---

One of the biggest downsides to a career like the military or Intelligence was that sometimes your bad days were so spectacularly awful they made the news and were common knowledge before you even got home. Which was why Briyoni detoured past a liquor store on the way back to her place. And why she dropped half paycheck on a bottle of Corellian Whisky. She had a feeling they would need the good stuff tonight.

She left the bottle on the table before heading back to her room to change into something more comfortable--in this case, shorts and a shirt emblazoned with the fading remnants of her favorite gravball team’s logo. Once comfortable, she returned to slouch in a chair and try to focus on the stack of datawork Garza had given her until Jonas showed up.

She didn’t have to wait long. She hadn’t even finished reading the first report when the door slid open. Jonas stepped inside, running one hand through his hair as he tapped the door controls with the other.

Bry dropped her datapad on the table even as she stood. “Hey, Jo.” He looked awful; disheveled, drained, with a beaut of a bruise coloring his right cheekbone.

“That bad, huh?” he tried to joke, flashing a lopsided smile. It didn’t reach his eyes, though, and faded quickly as Bry stepped forward to hug him. He leaned into the hug his arms settling around her shoulders as he rested his unbruised cheek against her temple. “Guess you saw the news, huh?”

“Yeah.” She rubbed his back. “I know this is a dumb question, but how’re you doing?”

Jonas inhaled deeply and hugged her tighter. “Been better,” he admitted, letting out the breath in a rush. “Also been worse.” He hesitated. “I know we had dinner plans, gorgeous-”

“Already canceled the reservations while I was changin’,” Bry cut him off. She reached up to carefully cup his jaw with one hand. “Figured you’d rather spend the evening in.”

A tired but genuine smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. “I love you,” he said, quiet yet emphatic, before kissing her forehead. He didn’t fully disengage from the hug when he started for the couch, pulling her along with him. Bry bit back a smile and grabbed her along with him. Bry bit back a smile and grabbed the whisky as they passed the table.

Rather than just drop onto the couch like she expected with how tired he seemed, Jonas sat slowly, pulling off his boots before he leaned back. It made her wonder how many other bruises he’d picked up in the course of today. Bry sat next to him, resting the whisky bottle on the floor as she settled in close enough to twine an arm around his shoulders and play with the hair at the nape of his neck. They sat in silence for several long moments, but she only felt his exhausted tension ease slightly.

“Full blown gang war’s been inevitable for a while now,” she finally said. “Everyone’s seen it comin’, and that the SIS even tried-”

“Not in the mood to talk about it yet,” Jonas muttered, leaning his head back against the wall.

Bry slid her hand free, tickling the back of his neck as she did. “Sorry, sure.”

“Not something you need to apologize for,” he said. He squeezed her knee affectionately. “Just a topic that needs to wait until at least tomorrow.”

“That’s fair,” she laughed wryly. “You wanna watch a trashy holovid and get pretty damn drunk?”

Jonas snorted. “And people wonder why I love you.”

Bry grinned. “It’s my charm, of course. And my excellent taste in booze.” She picked up the whisky bottle and balanced it on his knee.

He lifted his head up and leaned forward to read the label, wrapping his hand over hers around the neck, then shot her a disbelieving look. “What made you shell out for kriffin’ Corellian Whisky?”

She shrugged. “I had a feelin’ you’d need the good stuff after a day like today.”

“Thanks, but this is a little too good to waste on drowning out a bad day.” He smiled crookedly and squeezed her hand. “This is the kinda thing you save for something special.”

“I dunno,” Bry said breezily, trying to play casual. “My man walked away from a mess most wouldn’t’ve and some almost didn’t, that seems pretty special to me.”

That got an actual laugh(good, her plan was working) and Jonas wrapped his free arm around her shoulders to pull her in close enough for a kiss. “Thanks, gorgeous, but I really do think we should save this for something a little more widely considered a special occasion. What else d’you keep around here?”

“Alright, handsome, if you insist.” She winked and made a show of extricating herself to carry the whisky over to the cabinet where she kept its like. “We do have other options...”

“What’ve you got?” he asked, leaning back again and rubbing at a spot on his chest she would bet serious credits was another bruise.

“Let’s see...” Bry opened the cabinet, slid the Corellian Whisky in, and looked over the other beverages already stored there. “Got the old standbys; rodian ale, juma juice... half a bottle of Old Janx, uh, Deltron spiced wine...” she leaned around the edge of the cabinet to shoot him a sly look. “I have an almost untouched bottle of daranu in here if you you’re interested, Jo.”

Tired as he was, Jonas lifted his head enough to shoot her a dirty look--before actually seeming to consider it. “Y’know what, after a day like this, I could use something that hits like a kick in the face...”

“Haven’t you had your fill of that already?” she raised a brow pointedly at his bruised cheek.

“This?” Jonas gestured at the large purple-blue mark and waved dismissively. “This is from the butt end of a scattergun, not someone’s foot.”

“Oh, yes, that’s worlds better,” Bry said dryly as she took him at his word and poured two glasses of daranu. This would make whatever they wound up watching far more entertaining. “Exactly the mental image I needed.”

“All the more reason to get it out of your head as quickly as as possible,” he countered with a tired smile.

“Touché,” she laughed as she carried both glasses and the bottle back to the couch. “So, whaddya want to watch?” she asked, sinking down next to him and handing over one glass. “Doesn’t have to be a trashy holovid, or even a holovid at all. We can watch a gravball match or somethin’, if you’d rather.”

Jonas took a sip of his drink and shook his head. “Nothing with a chance of cutting to the news. And for once, nothing... action-y. Beyond that... “ he rubbed his eyes with his free hand. “I’m too tired to pick, so, your call.”

Bry smiled sympathetically and rubbed his arm. “We don’t have to watch something, you know,” she pointed out. “We can just sit here in silence and enjoy a good stiff drink.” Not her preferred way to spend the evening, but if it was what he needed, she’d do it.

He shook his head again, taking a longer drink of daranu this time. “Watching something is fine, it’s just your call what.”

She pursed her lips in thought, swirled her drink before taking a sip. “Mm. We could drunkenly trash talk our way through the sappy romance Sayna’s been buggin’ me to watch.”

Jonas let out a soft laugh. “That’s not nice, Bry.”

“Well, then I’m gonna go with rewatching last season’s gravball championship match. We know who won”--she plucked at the front of her shirt with a smirk of lingering triumph--”so we don’t have to pay attention, but it was a good match if we do decide to pay attention.” She took a swig of her drink. “An’ drunkenly commentating gravball is always good.”

He snorted, but there was something forced about his casual tone. “Fine by me.”

“Gravball championship it is,” Bry crowed, and pulled up the recording she’d made of the match. As the familiar opening statistics scrolled across the screen, she settled back in, tucked under Jonas’ arm with her head against his shoulder by sheer habit. Jonas flinched ever so slightly, but settled his arm around her shoulders nevertheless. Their free hands sought each other out by equal habit, fingers intertwining as they rested against Bry’s shoulder. They sat in comfortable silence for several minutes, as the sportscasters ran through the pregame chatter and the referee stated the game, then through the initial back and forth until Bry’s team scored.

“Right there,” she said, motioning toward the screen with her glass. “That right there is when I knew they were gonna win.” She took a large swallow, knocking she didn’t have long before the effects hit her, but savoring the sweet burn for the moment. “B’fore that was all team loyalty and bravado, but I knew right there that they would win.”

“Confidence has never been a weakness for you,” Jonas muttered, sounding distracted.

Bry shot a concerned glance in his direction. She couldn’t help wondering what the source of that distraction was, but she’d said she wouldn’t ask, so she wouldn’t ask. Instead she squeezed his hand and kept watching the game.

They watched mostly in silence, and even the breaks in that were mostly her muttering admiration for clever moves or longshot goals she’d known were coming. Daranu was a strong drink once it kicked in, so they nursed each round, but the bottle was still over halfway empty(less than half full, Bry thought tipsily) when the game entered its third quarter and she felt Jonas finally truly relax. Maybe it was that, maybe it was the booze, maybe she was just turning into one of those worrywart fianceés she always rolled her eyes at in holovids. But she had to ask.

“Hey, Jo,” she began hesitantly, brushing her thumb softly over his knuckles. His hm? of acknowledgement was so faint she first wondered if she’d woken him up and then if she’d imagined it, but she pressed on. “Are... have bad days always been like this?”

“Nah, gorgeous.” He shifted and she faintly felt him kiss the top of her head. “I used to do my drinking alone.” A wry snort. “Occasionally with smuggled goods in a medcenter room.”

It was good to hear an edge of his usual humor creeping back into his voice. Even if the implications of his words made her roll her eyes. “Jonas.”

“Hazard of the job, Bry.” Jonas slipped his hand free of hers and withdrew it enough to run his fingers lazily through her hair. “Even if it’s nowhere near the risk factor of yours, stuff does still happen.”

“I know...” Her words trailed off, distracted by a cheer from the vidscreen. When she looked back over, he was watching her, one side of his mouth tugging up in the faintest hint of a smile. “What?”

“Right there,” he said, nodding toward the replay of the absolutely beautiful goal that had just been scored. “When we watched this live, you got so excited at that score, you almost elbowed me in the face.” His smile widened, the flickering light of the vidscreen casting his features in sharp relief with pale blue light. That was one of the first moments some part of me realized we weren’t just another nothing serious. I almost got elbowed in the face on my own couch, and all I could think was how damn happy you looked your team was winning.”

Bry smirked. “I’ll hafta remember daranu makes you sappy as hell, Balkar.” She leaned in to kiss him.

“Daranu, the long hard day, the good company...” His fingers grazed her cheek. “Take your pick.”

“Or maybe you’re always this sappy and just can’t hide it once there’s enough of the good stuff in ya?” She waggled her eyebrows and nudged the bottle.

“If I say yes, is daranu going to become your new weapon of choice?” He stole a slow, lingering kiss.

“Oh, darling, with you, it already is,” she laughed, reaching over to cup his jaw and curl her fingers around the back of his neck to pull him into an even longer kiss. “Well, one of many,” she corrected herself as she resumed her original position. “Glad I make the hard days a little better in return, at least. You know, for all the teasing about sappiness.”

“It’s more than a little,” Jonas murmured, gratitude and relief oozing from the words. “You’re much better company than I ever expected to have.”

Bry simply hummed in reply, and they returned to silence for the rest of the game, then sat there still after it was finished. But it was comfortable silence, and he’d finally relaxed, so not a bad end to the day, even if it was long and hard enough they both drifted off on the couch, still nestled together.

#queens fic #briyoni nerai #jonas balkar #otp: better company #brykar #swtor #swtor fic

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internetremix · 6 years ago

Note

In IR lore, what are the personalities of your personas? Basic likes and dislikes?

Kristen: Goggles is An Child and behaves as such. She's very cheerful, very curious, a bit mischievous and also 100% obsessed with making fanwork of her internet family... like a goddamn weirdo. She'll usually be hanging out with everyone, spot some sort of inspiration, squeak with joy and then rush off to write or draw. She's also the defacto leader of the Smol Squad, which is composed of herself, Shyner, Jojo and Chi-chi, and she's usually the one squeaking out ridiculous plans in muppet for dumb shit like stealing cookies and trying to trap people in fanfiction scenarios. She likes to help and can often be found doing such things as assisting Xander in his many schemes or just popping up to provide shit like charts or hold things for other people- basically whenever it would be funny to have some goddamn muppet backing something up.

She loves plush toys, particularly Crockernanner, and also loves sugar, star decorations, and cuddles. She likes being picked up and loves attention, and she's pretty consistently attached to at least one person, often her big brother Split if she's not with the Smol Squad. She is in eternal war with Phill since he bullies her constantly, and will occasionally try to set up elaborate traps for revenge only to fail miserably. Also she's a huge weeb. She does not like to sleep and will often go days without it before being dragged off by some bigger person to take a goddamn nap you ridiculous child. She is also very afraid of thunderstorms, she doesn't like loud noises or the dark.

She also has... various flaws and problems. But those are spoilers and I have no idea when/if we’ll be doing story stuff with IRsonas so I don’t want to give too much away with that.

Sorry this is very long, I think about my child a lot.

Jojo: JoJo is also a very happy child... like, stupid happy all the time. Like, they don't really have a concept of being angry. they're either manic happy or a bit sad. They love to find any way to make anybody smile or laugh, whether it be a somber happy, or a crying fit of laughter. They thrive off of happiness. They're a bit mischievous as well, and will try to play pranks and swipe things to chew on. They'll just appear in random places you'd never expect. like, in the pantry, the vent, or in your drawer. They chew things all the time to keep their dragon teeth sharp! They do tend to come off as obnoxious and kind of useless sometimes? But that's ok.

They love happiness, rocks, swimming, sandwiches, Vanilla coke, coffee, pianos, stars, ghost stuff(horror genre), and laughter. JoJo is pretty similar to Goggles now that I think about it x_xJoJo is best friends with Phill, and will always be on him in some way. Like his leg, back, holding onto his scarf by their teeth, etc. They're also very close with Goggles and Shyner, and Scott (even though Shyner tries to chase JoJo off with knives, JoJo will take it as a game of tag or something)JoJo doesn't like being yelled at or being told to go away. They get spooked easily by loud noises. They always get paranoid when they think someone is mad at them and will go to ungodly lengths to make them not mad or slightly annoyed with them, which sometimes makes people more annoyed with them than they were before.

JoJo is just an exaggerated version of me XD

Atwas: Atwas is fairly easy going. They make light of things often, and often hide serious sentiments behind jokes. They’re the type to roll with goofy and silly situations, and are very “yes and” type that enjoys escalating things in the name of light-hearted fun. They enjoy playing pranks, especially ones that take advantage of their hologrammatic nature (being able to enter and ‘possess’ electronics is something that they take advantage of often). Being technically in the cloud and a part of the internet at all times, they will often chime in with fun (often unrelated or humorous) metrics about situations and people as they occur—and often forgets that having a HUD isn’t something everyone has access to.

Being ‘technically’ invulnerable, atwas isn’t phased by the more dangerous things that go on in the IR tower, but usually prefers being a spectator or commentator as opposed to being an active participant in general shenaniganry. They don’t have any particular animosity towards anyone, and will occasionally help manage technical parts and functions of the tower.

They enjoy things like tech, cold weather, tea, fun statistics, darkness; and aesthetics like Film Noir and Retrowave.

They dislike things like excessively hot weather, being interrupted, getting too personal, having to put in a lot of “effort”, and being out of the loop.

Shyner: Shyner can easily be summed up to a tsundere in denial, and is the definition of an agent of chaos. If something goes wrong, she’s the one pouring a trail of kerosene to let the fire spread. She's loud, impulsive, and really doesn't give two shits. While quirky and charismatic, she’s also sarcastic and witty, reveling in the amusement of making fun of others. She’s often stubborn and impatient, thinking highly of her own beliefs and angered by those who dare to challenge her ideals. She also lacks a filter, and enjoys garnishing her words with colorful profanities. Filled with gripes of past trauma, she’s engaged in a constant internal war of turmoil and grief. She’s incredibly cautious and closed off around those she doesn’t trust, and can be very selfish. Despite this, she’s loyal to the few people she cares about, going out of her way to put them first if a dire situation were to arise. She’s also very sneaky and mischievous, often finding amusement in spying on others. Her MBTI is INTP-T.

Her hobbies include stargazing, ghost hunting, spying, and Satanic worship. She enjoys melancholy vibes, horror movies, animals, thunderstorms, and has an unhealthy obsession with sweets. Yes, this child will stab you without hesitancy if you take her cookies. She dislikes seafood, big crowds, kiddie leashes, and is afraid of experiencing intense emotion she doesn’t understand.I love my satanic smol bean very much. If I may be so bold as to dive into the nitty-gritty psychology, Shyner possesses many flaws, a lot of which I personally struggled with growing up. She is a reflection of my past self, some gripes with my current self, and the perception of how I could have turned out if I hadn’t met my family at IR. Hiding behind the exterior of being a merciless bully, she still has an intense internal desire to be a good person, but gets frustrated and often derails herself in the process of fighting her desire to act on impulse. She keeps most relationships with people at arm's length, fearing that if someone were to think highly of her, it would only be a matter of time before they’re disappointed. If we were to go full-fledged story mode, she would most definitely have an intense character redemption arc, making the revelation that being shitty to those who care about her isn’t the way to run from her problems and hide away from her own sense of self-insecurity/hatred.

Phill: Phill likes mischief, bad jokes, sexual undertones, Jojo, sexual overtones, bullying Kristen, and the colour pink. That's it xD

Jojo: :D yay

Alex: Alex don't give a shit but is for whatever reason the bossman and is also as powerful as silver age Superman, just don't try actual murder of the crew and he won't yeet you into the sun

Moon: 2019 Moon is an idiot. If we didn't know any better, we would assume he was born from nothing but an old head of lettuce in Satan's refrigerator. Think like Scott from Monster Prom, but different. He knows his right from his left, but the compass is still just "NESW" to him. Impulsive, lovable, and kinda loud, this muscley dumbass will do practically anything you tell him to if he finds it enjoyable. When paired with a few people, he works well as a second to many dynamic duos. Brodingles and Moon/Split and Moon are two really good ones, dangerous shenanigans ensue. Can and will rap like a beast, any challenge to a freestyle will result in a career ending and a death being sentenced. Extroverted people pleaser, definitely shooting high to perform and when adapting to a character, goes a little too hard. This man played Gander in Charlottes Web and didn't stop making goose sounds for months. Did I mention he's also a disney princess? Singing, animals, mortal enemy falling to their death? Everything

Dawn: ToonWolf/Dawn's personality falls within the confines of recklessly adventurous who doesn't think things through entirely. They like to try and rope others into going on various hikes, treasure hunts, mythic/cryptid searches, etc. Unapologetic sailor mouth. They will fight for friends and family. Various animals, trinkets, treasures, and cool but useless garbage are brought back to the tower often (oops theres a liiiiiiitle bit of hoarding). Sometimes those animals consist of dogs, cats, lizards, bears, wolves, The Great Noble One, horses, lions, elk, you get the idea (Can I keep them?Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaseeeeee??????????).

Overall they are most comfortable and relaxed in/around water and likes a whole lotta things including sailing, swimming, adventure, stargazing, animals, mythology/legends, friends, family, and drawing.

They dislike waking up early, limitations, being talked down to, boredom, desert/hot/humid/dry weather, coffee, and the movie "Cube"

Tex: Tex is an avid cryptid detective + has a surprisingly good intuition when creating conspiracy theories about them to follow. Mm lots of memes and disguises. Smart, but usually just off on their own thinking about other stuff.Totally has a wall in their room dedicated to figuring all the cryptids out with like, red string and everything.

#whole crew #ask the ir crew #irsonas #sorry I know this isn't everyone we have a big crew and not everyone is up to answer this stuff #Anonymous

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kendrixtermina · 6 years ago

Text

Disclaimer For Potential Partners (f/m/x)

Writing this down as much to gather my thoughts and go into this with clear priorities as for possible future reference.

My mother always told me that if you wanted everyone to like you, you’d have to be a 50 dollar bill. I have come to accept that I’m more like licorice. Some people aren’t gonna like me but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t others who would appreciate me.

I’d rather you run away screaming NOW than in three years when we’re both invested so Let’s get all this out of the way:

I’m bisexual. Yes, I’ve dated dudes in the past. I’ve had a brief online flirt with an agender person and do think androgynous ppl are hot which I suppose would make me pan in some ppl’s books, at this point the choice in label is purely aesthetic. I’m looking for a female partner right now because I’ve always had a slight preference for girls anyways but a sufficiently compatible non-female would not be refused.

Because ppl have gotten this wrong in the past: Preference is about how likely you are to notice that someone is hot in the first place like in the early stages. It doesn’t mean my attachment to those dudes was any less “real” (or the other way around!) I just flat out don’t care whats in your pants there are other things to be picky about

From since I was young, the message I got from music, books etc is that it’s pretty bad to say “I love you” unless you truly mean it. So I don’t say “I love you” until I’m 100% sure I can do that it good conscience. It seems that it takes me a bit longer to be sure than most people, but it’s not like I’ve conducted statistics on this

I’m not vegan/vegetarian and I’m never going to be vegan/vegetarian

I’m not a pet person

I’m not a sporty person and I’m never going to be a sporty person

Go through my stuff, spy on me in any way or ask me to tell you where I am at all times and its over

I’m an antiprohibitionist and don’t think there’s anything morally wrong with taking recreational substances. Conversely, I’m not interested in that sort of thing as a full-on lifestyle either.

I try to keep an open mind and try everything once but im probably not gonna reorganize my life around new age woo-woo.

So far my folks have liked most my partners, but if our social circles don’t get along I’m comfortable with leaving them separate.

I believe in judging people as individuals first. I don’t wanna hear no paranoid shit about “the muslims” or other stereotypical carricatures but if you’re gonna be “europeans that europeans this” as if im not in the room its not gonna work.

Don’t be fooled by the foreign-sounding surname im a potato through and through. No exotic fanservice to be had here.

Barring unforseen dictatorships, I don’t want to move out of Europe. I like it here. Its full of frustrating dumbasses but so is the rest of the world. Yay for cheese and consumer protection laws! I would consider moving closer to the shore though.

It’s fine if you don’t speak German but you should not hate or dislike it. English is a plus because me, my friends and my family are into internet culture

I haven’t spoken to my father in five years. No, you’re not going to patch this up. You don’t have to ignore him too if you’re not comfortable but you’ll have to respect my choice instead of playing family therapist or throwing platitudes about forgiveness at me.

Im not counting and it depends on your definition but Ive fucked at least 15-20 people, which according to statistics is above average? Always used rubber unless it was long-term and exclusive tho. That might bother some ppl.

That said it has been my conclusion that fucking does nothing that a beer can’t do and that the real quality stuff is what you could already do as a grade schooler when you still thought of all the grownup stuff as mystical. Having ice cream together, exploring new places, having contemplative conversations in the rain, telling each other your fantasies? That’s The Stuff.

Hence while I wouldn’t turn down some fuckage along the way what im looking for at this point is someone to share life and grow old with, like there doesn’t need to be the expectation of further strings but the end goal RN is to find One That Sparks Joy(TM) that will get precedence

I’m not big on material gifts or the ritual part of dating if thats important to you I might not be the ideal candidate, but if its not thats probably good for your wallet

I’m a strong introvert. Sometimes I go weeks without talking to anyone other than my boss or maybe texting my relatives. If you’re very introverted or work alot this might be an advantage. Of course if I love you I will try my best to match up to your attention needs but if you need your partner to text you 15 times every day to feel good I might just not be your cup of tea

That doesn’t mean im not interested in going on or doing new experiences. I very much hope to do that together with you just not 5 days a week - if you can’t give new things wholehearted tries things might get uncomfortable

I like spicy food and all sort of asian cousine, but if you can’t stand the sight of cheese, asparagus and sausage it’s not gonna work either. I can obviously put less chili in your portion.

I tend to talk fast and I find it hard to stop it even if I try, if that bothers you look elsewhere

I cannot stand forced optimism OR over-the top misanthropy or snobbishness. I will gush about things, but I like my dark edgy content and I stand by it. It is an advantage if you like talking about art. If you don’t like morbid humor that might be a problem

No diet talk

No perfectionism

No passive aggressive ppl or ppl that are uncomfortable with direct confrontation. That won’t work, we’d just set each other off even without meaning to and it would just be sad. If Im doing something wrong don’t expect me to notice by magic, tell me to my face so I can fix it. Don’t be hostile out of nowhere and don’t beat around the bush.

im not religious or spiritual. I don’t mind if you are but if you want to have kids and bring them up strongly-immersed in some Abrahamic faith im not sure if this is the right adress

No anti-intellectualism (no snobbery, elitism or smartassery either - as a wise pig once said, “Knowledge is a horizon to strive for, not a prize to hold in your hand” It begins with realizing what you don’t know)

Indifferent about monogamy, but I wouldn’t say that I’m the sort of person who needs non-monogamy either. If you want to we can do it (write me out some list of where you draw the lines so there’s no misunderstandings) but if you don’t it’s no biggie. I don’t care if you fuck 10 other people - for me, respect, honor and loyalty are to do with other things, like, don’t make fun of me and don’t expect me to change because one (1) person said I’m weird or whatever.

Don’t give me diseases tho. I’ll take precautions to extend the same courtesy to you.

Potential character flaws: I can be a tad sensitive, disorganized and defensive sometimes, not gonna sugarcoat it. I have no filter and curse like a sailor. Also I have zero social skills and sometimes I come across as either angry or unemotional when its really the opposite. I find that just as confusing and contradictory as that sounds, I have like zero sense of how I come off. I try to be aware of all of these and do right to everyone to the best of my ability but if you’re sensitive about any of these point someone else might be a better fit

2 kids max. I’m not sure I’ll have ANY at this point, and most certainly not in the next 5 years. IF we decide to have some later I volunteer to carry them though, I probably have good genes, my mom popped out 4 babies in 6 years with nary a complication. Besides I’d rather it was me dealing with the gross pregnancy stuff than someone I love

My favorite bedroom stuff is fingers-in-front-cavity and butt stuff. Mild sleepsex fetish but nothing super pronounced. What I don’t like or just am not very good at is top/bottom play.

So far most my partners have had somewhat stronger sex drive than me but Id argue that I very much have one and ive never refused unless I was in physical pain, severely sleep-deprived or working on some important work-related thing that was due the next day.

It’s important - and science backs me up on this - that you can freely talk to each other in n open, natural and relaxed manner

If you think im weird just do us both the favor and stay away don’t come at me with the attitude that you’re gonna mold me to your desires - even just writing this comes off kinda touchy but im saying this because some people out there really don’t get it. Like my natural tendency is to be open, courious and realistic, but some people see that as free real estate and then it falls to me to be the reasonable one and End The Madness and im tired of that.

Like I want to be able to give love and pour out all my inner romantic shit without having to be afraid of being fucked over I want to be able to trust you with my inner harley quinn as well as my inner phantom of the opera

UGH that sounded a bit tryhard didn’t it? But its the best description i could come up with

Must remember to translate this into mordor speak later

#feelings #love #datefriend acquisition project

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nilim · 6 years ago

Note

If your still taking prompts for drabbles, someone in the new group is afraid of thunderstorms and needs comforting. Anyone you choose.

This is a very old prompt, but somehow this is the one that inspired me tonight. Here it is finally.

---

Curled, green fingers traced raindrops down the window as the storm outside lashed out against the glass. Nott sat quietly curled up in the window sill. She could feel the cold glass leeching heat from her through the soft woollen blanket she had wrapped around herself. A flash of lightning startled her, but the thunder was slow and rumbling; still far away. She relaxed.

Between curtains of rain she could occasionally catch glimpses of the large oak tree on the other side of the courtyard. As her eyes focused and unfocused on it she suddenly found herself peering into her own reflection. The moment snuck up on her, and she let out a soft, shuddered breathe. It fogged up the window, hiding her face.

Nott closed her eyes, taking the time to steady herself. As she opened them again, the glass was clear and she took a moment to just look.

She studied every inch of her face. The dark freckles on her small upturned nose. Her curled lips and crooked teeth. She caught her own eyes and studied them too; the tired lines at the outer corners. The seriousness of her gaze. The deep swirls of green and yellow in her irises. Her gaze wandered upwards towards her hair, green strands plastered to her forehead. It was a tangled mess of knots and dried dirt. Not exactly the visage of a lady.

Maybe she should borrow Jester’s comb again.

Her eyes wandered once more, and she noticed other reflections beyond her own cast against the dark, swirling background. The large bed behind her, empty but inviting. The fireplace; warm and glowing, making her silhouette dance against the glass. The dark shape of Caleb, quietly sitting in a chair in the corner, his head bent down between the pages of a book. She turned to look at him, listening to the wind get caught in a crack between the window and the wall, howling and whistling.

The spattering of the rain mixed with the crackling of wood and fire, the rumbling in the distance, and Caleb slowly rifling through the pages of his book. She felt the rhythm sync with her own breathing. It was like a symphony of comfort.

She could stay here forever.

Caleb straightened up, scratched the back of his neck and then turned to reach for the mug on the small wooden table next to him. As he lifted the drink towards his lips, he caught Nott looking at him, and he paused to give her a brief smile. Nott blinked, a spell broken.

As they shared the moment of contemplative silence, a question bubbled up in Nott’s mind. Without further thought, she spoke up:

“Do you think we’ll ever find a home?”

Caleb stopped, holding the mug to his lips. A brief moment passed, before he lowered it and looked at Nott with a thoughtful gaze.

“What do you mean by that?”

“That’s what humans do, right? Build homes?” Nott asked. She looked down, peering at her bare feet poking out from underneath the blanket. They were dirty. Just like the rest of her. She wiggled her toes and specks of dirt fell onto the window sill.

Humans liked to keep their homes clean, she knew.

“Well, don’t most creatures?” Caleb replied, uncrossing his legs and setting down his book on the small table next to his chair. He nodded towards the window. “It keeps you safe from nasty weather like that.”

“Goblins don’t. We never build things. We just hide in caves or underground, where the rain can’t reach us.” Nott replied, wiping away the dirt from the window sill onto the floor. She looked up towards Caleb, swinging her legs off the ledge, leaving her feet dangling in the air.

Caleb paused, his eyes wandering around the room before finally settling back on Nott. He gestured towards all the furniture in between the both of them.

“You know a home is more than all of this, right? And it’s definitely more than just the rocks and bricks and lumber that make up this building. A home is a place you always want to return to, so a cave can also be a home.”

Nott was quiet for a moment, thinking back on her life with her clan. The concept of a home had always sounded wonderful to her. These houses; full of light and warmth and comfort. They didn’t sound anything like the caves she knew.

“I don’t think I ever considered our cave to be a home.” Nott said softly. “As long as I remember, I’ve always wanted to get away from there.”

Caleb gave her a soft smile in reply, a hint of sadness in his eyes. “That’s okay.”

He picked up his tea again, holding the cup with both of his hands. He stared deeply into it, as if the murky liquid might grant him some vision of the future.

Or perhaps - the past, Nott thought as she studied his expression.

“I think the point is, you can make a home anywhere with a little bit of effort. It’s not made out of… stuff. It’s made out of…” Caleb faltered, searching for the right words.

“Well. It’s made out of a feeling, I suppose. A home is your refuge, the place you go to feel safe and comfortable.”

Another flash lit up the room - Nott could briefly see her own long shadow appear on the floor, outlined against the window. She opened her mouth to ask another question, but before she could get that far, a loud thunderclap rattled the windows. Instead of a question, a short, shrill squeak escaped her lips. She leapt down from the ledge and bounded towards the bed.

A few moments passed as she cowered underneath her blanket. Then she noticed the room had grown expectantly quiet. She apprehensively poked her head out once more. Her eyes immediately caught the bemused gaze of Caleb. He was grinning.

She could feel her cheeks flush, quite annoyed at the smug look he was giving her.

“Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything.” Caleb pointed out, sipping his tea. Nott glared at him.

“Look, you know I’m not a fan of rain. So what if I’m not a fan of lightning either?” She said, feeling defensive, wrapping the blanket around herself more tightly.

Caleb raised an eyebrow. “Nott. I’ve seen you shoot lightning out of your hands.”

“That’s... different.”

“How is that diff-” Caleb began, but was interrupted when there was a soft knock at the door. They shared a look, both confused.

Caleb got up and gently opened the large, oak door, peering through the crack to identify their visitor. Before Nott could get a good look herself, another loud thunderclap announced a lightning strike quite close by. At the same time, a quick, blue blur pushed past Caleb. Nott immediately recognized the figure as Jester. Standing now just inside the room with her back against the wall next to the fireplace, she was nervously wringing her hands. She was wearing a simple, white nightgown.

“Well come in, Jester.” Caleb said, closing the door behind her. “What gives us the honour of your visit at this late hour?” Nott could hear a hint of amusement in his voice.

“Weeeell... Beau has gone somewhere and I don’t know where she is, and I’ve been all alone in our room for hours. I’m lonely and bored.” Jester said, slightly relaxing. “I saw the light underneath your door and figured you guys could use some company!”

“Hm.” Caleb replied, crossing his arms. Lightning flashed. Jester jumped, nearly knocking a candle off its sconce.

Caleb sighed.

“I’ll make us some more tea then.” He said, moving towards the fireplace. A small, brass teapot was hanging from a lug pole crane. He removed the lid to check the water level and then swung it over the side of the fire.

While Caleb busied himself, Nott and Jester shared a look. A few seconds passed and then Nott slowly lifted up one side of her blanket. A grateful smile appeared on Jester’s face as she hurried over towards the bed. Nott could feel the warmth radiating from the Tiefling’s body as she settled in next to her. It was nice.

Jester was quiet and they both watched as Caleb poured them two mugs of tea, before he himself settled back into his chair. When he caught them both staring at him, he sighed.

“You know, statistically, the chances of getting hit by lightning are-”

“Caleb.” Nott muttered, a warning evident in her voice. Caleb paused and then shrugged, thinking better of finishing his sentence. He returned to his book and a comfortable silence settled down on them.

Slowly sipping her tea, Nott listened as the thunderstorm continued to rage far above them. As another particularly violent thunderclap made her jump, Jester draped one arm over her. She leaned towards Nott and whispered in her ear;

“Back in Nicodranas, when I was just a little girl, I sometimes got scared because of storms like this.” She smiled at Nott. “And you know what? My mom would always hum to me this one song, and it would always make me feel loads better. Do you want to hear it?”

Nott hesitated briefly, but then quickly nodded as another flash lit up their room. Jester grinned, settled back against the frame of the bed and began to softly hum underneath her breathe. It was a kind of melancholic tune, but something about it was familiar and made the soft, nervous thrum of Nott’s heart settle down in her chest.

As she listened, she finished her tea, and could hear the slow rhythm of the raindrops hitting the windows return as the storm gradually moved away. Eyelids growing heavy, a soft glow spread through Nott´s body. Lying warm and comfortable underneath the blankets, Jester’s humming was like a lullaby. She could stay in this moment forever.

You can make a home anywhere, she thought. Caleb had said that a home was made out of a feeling. But maybe, home was made out of people instead.

She liked that idea. That meant she could take her home with her anywhere she went.

#critical role #nott the brave #caleb widogast #jester #critfic #fluff #fanfic #Anonymous

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literallyprentissstwin · 6 years ago

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Week 7: Monday, June 25th to Sunday, July 1st 2018

bonjour y´all and welcome back to a new week of my reading list. it´s tuesday when i´m typing this and i already have like 18(!) up until now, so prepare for an ass long list hahah.

as usual, i picked out my fav stories i read over the week. please don´t be sad if you didn´t make it on the list. it´s just a little sneek of what i read in a week, this is far from everything i read during one week, these are just the fics i loved the most. every writer is unique and awesome in their own way, so shoutout to all of us writers!!!

i really hope you´ll enjoy the list & don´t forget to leave some love and feedback to the authors!

- aileen

1.) Secrets Don´t Deserve Funerals II JJ by @alittlelessthanfandomimagines

cute perfect ugh. i don´t have any words bc i´m speechless. thank you for adding a new part, i´m in heaven. i love emma´s and jj´s relationship a lot & i really hope spencer gets his sh*** together! great work :)

2.) Survivor - Chapter 6 & 7 by @docspencerreid

ugh okay part 6 hurt me so so good and i just love penelope with my whole heart. it´s so so heartbreaking, but so so good. spencer broke my heart as well. and then, part 7...holy shit. why are you doing this to me? like they finally “confessed” their feelings for eachother and then BOOM. i´m crying. can´t wait for the second part :) great job :)

3.) It Should´ve Been Me by @tenaciousarcadeexpert

this was a fabulous fic for my challenge :) and wow wow wow my poor heart, i mean who needs a heart anyway? the angst oooooooo god, i was at the edge of my seat. SO.GOOD. i´m beyond speechless. great work & well done! i loved evrey second of it :)

4.) Petrichor by @dontshootmespence

cute as fuck. i love when he talks facts and statistics. beautiful, just perfect. my ice cold heart is happy. also RELATIONSHIPGOALS.

5.) Nightmares by @doctor-daddy-spencer-reid

this was so beautiful oh my gossshhhh. the emotions, the angst, hurt/comfort = perfectly combined. spencer is such a good boyfriend ugh and you´re so talented, i´m gonna brb crying.

6.) When We Were Young - Spencer Reid by @playlist-reid

aw aw are you all trying to kill me with your fics? it´s only tuesday and i already died multiple times (i wrote this part of the list on tuesday hahah). perfect, golden, a must read.

7.) Later // Spencer Reid by @spencerthepipecleaner

ANGST OH YES!!!!! but death ugggghhhhh....it´s still so so so good and i loved reading it so so much! you are all so talented!

8.) Losing Faith and Family by @alittlelessthanfandomimagines

this is another fic for my challenge thihi. god this was so good, like you really had me. the angst was def there and i was so sad but then i read the end and ugh awww my heart. great work!

9.) What are You Doing? (Luke Alvez x Reader) by @dedeimagines

cute cute cute. adoreable. i love me some good Luke fics and this was a really good one. also Garcia was pretty amazing in it :) well done!

10.) Drowning by @moonlit-martyr

masterpiece. i mean it. masterpiece. you are so so talented, this fic was so well written & so good! every emotion was covered. god, so good!

11.) A Secret Rival by @abcreid

the end = savage. also i loved how spencer always interrupted her = jealous????? the team was hilarious. great job!

12.) Sleepless Nights // Spencer Reid by @itsmeedee

DAD!REID!!!!! *runs around screaming in 20 different languages* this was everything & more. cutenesss overload. though the flashbacks make me sad, please tell me you didn´t kill off the baby´s mom ugh.

13.) Article of Faith - Chapter 16 & 17 by @dontshootmespence

aw it´s still so underrated, GO READ THIS SERIES I BEG YOU. okay so part 16: this moment between PG and Pretty Boy was everything. also the relationship between Billiw and Reid makes me happy; they are so cute fml. part 17: he goes to visit the team ugggh. and also the reference to the donuts and when emily came back omg. i like how he continues to support her and how he nevertheless shows interest in what she is doing although he might not like it. such a good bf. i love it so much! great work!

14.) Chinese Takeout by @inkstainedfanfics

i loved this fic. it was so so cute and so well written. the end tho :) great work!

15.) Coffee by @therealtrashhere

cute cute cute. also, the team was hilarious. can I have someone in my life who also brings me a cup of coffee everyday? maybe spencer himself? thank you! loved it a lot :)

16.) Number One by @ionlyreadfivebookslastweek

you had me at angsty. like i´m always there for angst. no matter what. this was so good, like for real. but please don´t fight babes :(((((

17.) Infiltrated: Part 7 by @stunudo

i think it was beyond time that i add this series to my list. i just needed to do some catching up first, before adding it and let´s just say that this series deserves an award. it only gets better and better from part to part. it sometimes gets confusing but just bc i am so dumb, but it´s so good. go read it!

18.) question for question by @uncomfie

you are literally the queen/king of the derek morgan fics. you´re so so good and talented, it hurts. teach me please! i loved it so much ugh. i love a protective derek morgan and i miss him a lot. great work :)

19.) I´m Sorry by @xocriminal-minds-imaginesxo

this was a fic for my challenge and i loved it so so much. the angst, omg. my heart ugh. aaron boi ugh what are you doing? but seriously, this boy is too precious for this world. he always wants to protect everyone from this cruel world. you can only love him. the end holy shit. i did not expect this. i hate scratch. well done!

20.) target - part two, three & four by @uncomfie

ok folks, if you´re looking for a really good series, this is it! recommend 10/10. this is giving me life istg. one of the best angst series i read so far. they are one hell of a couple, i´m in love. it breaks my heart to see derek so devasted and lost and helpless, my poor baby. but the end was making up for everything. the suspense, and angst, i´m in heaven. def gonna reread it soon. go check it out. it´s so good! well done!

21.) Long Day? (Spencer x Reader) by @ourhappylies

cute cute cute. i loved the relaxed reactions of the team & how they all already knew. profilers ahahahhaa. also spencer is so cute, it hurts. well done :)

22.) Broken // Emily Prentiss by @itsmeedee

this has been an entry for my challenge. i gave you my fav prompt i had on this list and you used it so well. omg you played the ian doyle card. when i read it, i swear my heart stopped for a minute. my heart broke for emily omg, how could you do this to my baby? preach you for an amazing fic. i loved reading it a lot. the end was soo goood! recommend 10/10!!!

23.) Happy Ending by @xocriminal-minds-imaginesxo

cramps are shit, worst part of these special weeks yk. but it was so cute and aww spencer, how are you a genius hahahahhaha. also this convo between emily & Y/N and the sarcasm, i´m loving it. the end was so cute, my heart melted.

24.) Thalassophobia I Matt Simmons x Reader by @youvebeenwinchesterd

yes, an amazing matt fic <333 there was a little bit of angst, a lot of suspense and some cute shit at the end. the perfect mix. my emotions were in overload. this was so good. i really liked it. matt is so cute. well done :)

25.) Please be okay (Spencer Reid x Reader) by @dedeimagines

angst & fluff = AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. my poor spencie. he´s so scared :(((( but the end turns out to be happy thank god! it was a shorty, but really good !:)

26.) High School Rom-Com by @xocriminal-minds-imaginesxo

angsty stuff omg. i´ve been blessed this week. the team is so adoreable and caring and comforting omg. also, I loved Luke a lot in this fic. the end made me swoon :)))))

27.) Have It All by @ionlyreadfivebookslastweek

relationship goals, for real. the reader is so understanding & supportive. caring. this was so freaking cute. i can´t cope.

28.) Redamancy Pt. 3 by @xocriminal-minds-imaginesxo

i love this tension between Ella and Luke. and i also love penny in this story a lot. also protective luke is my religion. this is so good!

29.) I Love You >> Spencer Reid by @eideticreid

wtf this was so freaking cute???? i´m shook. like really. was this even real? i also cried happy tears while reading this. well done! very well written:)

30.) A Reunion // Aaron Hotchner by @literallyreid

another fic for my challenge, y´all are blessing me with your talent. okay, this was really good. like really really. i loved reading it a lot. it also made me miss Hotch an extra lot more, but that´s okay. great work :)

31.) eleven blocks by @uncomfie

she did it again. another awesome derek fic. why are you so good at this????? i loved reading this a lot. it was perfect ugh. the end was everything! well done :)

32.) Alive or Not by @abcreid

and another fic for my challenge yey :) this was so perfectly angst holy hell. the open end, omg really???? btw i think i swear too much but i can´t help myself. oh and btw your english is really good, so don´t worry!!! :)

33.) Jealousy by @boywondxrreid

this was so good. i love how blind reid is. the team was so cute and supportive, understanding and caring. also reid at the end, worrying about the reader. but i´m happy everything turned out well :)

okay, this has been this weeks list! i really hope you liked it! leave some love to the authors and their stories. we´ll see each other again next sunday! have a good week!

- aileen

#aileen´s reading list #week 7 #criminal minds #fandom #fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #love #spread positivity #support eachother

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lowestdecember-blog · 6 years ago

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jerihco-blog1 · 7 years ago

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howdy, y’all ! my name’s billy and this is my boy adrian jay woods, or as you may know him from dc comics: joseph “jericho” william wilson. below the cut you’re going to find a ton of information about my guy here and if you have any other questions, you are free to ask. if you’d like to PLOT please LIKE THIS or MESSAGE ME a.s.a.p. so we can start going through the motions. he was kind of important to the deathstroke comics & teen titans comics in the 80′s and 90′s, but he’s been there through other times more recently too, given the rebirth and all the new comics.

WARNING:

there are some assumptions due to stuff from canon, if the characters are applied for i’ll hit them up. if i mess up otherwise, hit me up!

WARNING:

also there are undescriptive mentions of violence, killing, death, depression, addiction, and jumping off the ledge. it also has a lot of spoilers. so if you are uncomfortable with these mentions, please skip to the third part of the bio where i talk about him modern day or hit me up if you haven’t heard of jericho before.

DISCLAIMER:

so i totally forgot to mention that there are some things i won’t rp here because i’m a confusing person. i’m not comfortable rping: anything with any food (drinks and like fruit have always been find, but eating and like hotdogs and stuff make me feel gross), or nsfw (mainly nudity, sex, etc).

APPLICATION & PERSONALITY

№ — ( BRANDON FLYNN, HE/HIM & CISMALE, DC ) ┊ did you hear about JERICHO? i heard that they also go by JOSEPH WILSON - wait no ! they go by ADRIAN WOODS now - and are aged 23. they literally turned into dust for a hot second, so i don’t know how they’re doing, in all honesty. ( billy / 18 / est / he/him & they/them )

so honestly i wanna say i’ve read the rebirth comics and some of the 80′s, but otherwise i’m still working on all of the ones with jericho in it. i’ve just not had the time or patience for all the craziness there is in the comics. that being said, his portrayal is solely based on a mix of the comics and not from the movie or his tv show appearances. if arrow is adding jericho, i’m also ignoring that.

as both adrian and himself, his personality is pretty much the same. he’s a really big sweetheart who tries his best to be his best. he doesn’t like to fight, but when there really isn’t another option he knows how to hold himself up. while he places people on pedestals, he sees their flaws and chooses to ignore them. he can stand up for himself, but he’s just not that guy. he doesn’t let things go very easily and often times his negative thoughts become so within himself that it gets to be too much and it just comes out in a series of mistakes. he’s also got a clever sense of humor.

also he’s the child of slade wilson and adeline kane.

and he cannot speak due to a childhood incident, so to communicate he will use ASL or possession or his phone. there’s also some gloves that have been in the works for decades now so i think that when he was joseph he’d use that when in costume after he got his new suit to make battles easier for communication without it being completely just magic pill solution. sometimes the gloves don’t work or get hit so he also has a text to speech thing on him.

BEFORE THE SNAP - ( STATISTICS )

before the infinity war and the infamous snap and so much more, joseph was just your everyday kid. sure, his father and mother were dysfunctional at best and his older brother wanted nothing more than to run away from the family, but it wasn’t anything too abnormal. he went to parties when invited, got good grades, and had a fairly wide friend group.

his father and his children had a strained relationship, but in his own way he did show his children he loved them. he supported them when grant went towards having similar interests as himself, and he supported them when joseph started finding his passion in the arts.

one day his parents were fighting and his older brother, grant wilson, finally decided to run away for real. when he left, joey never got a chance to see him again until he heard he had been killed trying to kill the teen titans for a terrorist organization called h.i.v.e. many years later.

that day grant ran away though, was the day his father was contracted to kill a man who employed a villain named “jackal”. that death resulted in joseph’s kidnapping by said villain and in him getting his throat sliced - both taking his ability to speak and giving him his father’s blood in his system and triggering his mutant genes.

after joey healed in the hospital, his parents seperated and his mother ran away to new york with most of her things. his mother now resented slade and joey wouldn’t really see him again until much later.

so it was just his mother and him in the big apple and things were pretty relaxed. while he had to be a support rock for his mother, there were no more deaths and things due to slade being slade. life started to look up.

until the pair got mugged one day while shopping and joey found out he had the power to posess someone. after they were held at gunpoint, the boy’s eyes turned black and his irises a bright green and the next thing he knows, he’s in the guys body.

after this ability surfaced around his 11th birthday, joey wanted to be a superhero. he’s seen them on tv and he had this idea in his head he could save the world and bad things would stop happening. when he told his mother, she started training him to fight and got one of her old military friends to help create a bulletproof suit that would grow for him that looks like one of his 2nd comic ones HERE.

his crime “fighting” (he rarely went physical) mostly pertained to the area near the family home, stopping small crimes. he eventually was offered the name jericho by the creator of his original costume and it stuck. around this time his mother also started both her actual company “core policy group” and a side venture “searcher’s inc.”

when he was about 17, his mother had found out that his father was close to going through on the contract that her son, grant, had died trying to do; it was the one to kill the teen titans. so adeline started to watch and found a way to help when most of them were taken. she had told the remaining member about slade and what he did with them.

the catch was that joey had to come if she’d give exacts.

which he did go and after fighting his father, he was made an honorary member of the titans.

he started going on some missions with them and he even lived in the tower so that he could stay close by.

while living there he started to grow closer to the group and it began to become easier to communicate with everyone. he wanted nothing more than to help and to be their friends so after a year or so they made him an actual member. especially after being hospitalized from trying to posess raven when trigon finally got to her.

(okay from this point forward i’ve changed two things from his actual comic appearences: he doesn’t turn genuinely evil, and he doesn’t date david isherwood. he is bisexual and i will never erase that, but the second of those two things was creepy because david watched joey grow up and the first thing just wasn’t in line with what his personality has always been. he was always the lawful good of slade’s children and i ain’t doing that.)

after he got initiated into the teen titans he almost betrayed their trust. his mother was kidnapped and because the government was trying to find both of them, her for possible treason and him for questioning, some of the group distrusted him when he fled after cheshire took her. he went after her and after they all got home he explained everything. it would take a while to regain their trust.

and when he did AGAIN something happened. a year later, when he was around 19 years old, his morality started to change. he started to do things out of character and it would be argued he turned evil. it turns out he was starting to be taken over by the trigon-corrupted souls of azarath as they couldn’t enter raven. he started this whole event where he tried to take over the world but when his real self finally came through he found he was surrounded by friends and his father. his last words were asking his father to kill him, and so he did.

or that’s what joseph thought. when he woke up in a hospital (again) he found himself back to normal. but, he still didn’t trust himself to join the titans again. he went evil and he didn’t want to again. especially in front of his friends. so when he finally could, he emailed them telling them he quit and deleted the account. then changing his phone number and moving to a flat that his mother “technically” bought.

then his mother wanted to help him in the real world and offered him a major place at her job, which he accepted with open arms. there he got a assistant/interpreter and they kind of hit it off.

she helped him learn more about the business world and while they spent so much time together they developed feelings for eachother. they were about the same age and it was a perfect life. Sure, he had the itch to go and be a hero again, but he stayed for his life and even started college.

it was perfect until it wasn’t. he was 22 then and he had decided to get engaged and tell his family. he told his mother, who was conflicted, his half sister who had been in his life on and off, and then an old family friend: david isherwood. david had a suit that could fly from wherever he was, so joey invited him over to meet étienne so he could get to know her. when they got to talking up on the roof in private on his final night in new york, david didn’t approve and started to threaten to tell her about his past alter ego.

honestly, joey was scared because he wanted to keep that part of his life in the past and while this boy wouldn’t hurt a single bone in someone else’s body, he impulsively did something that he regretted the moment it happened; he took over david’s body and then jumped off the building. he made eye contact at the last second with a passerby and then he cried.

over the course of the night he wound up taking his ikon suit (look HERE for more) to hide david’s identity (later to be used as his own personal suit) and, after realizing he was alive, taking him to a hospital as the passerby. when he went back to the rooftop he took back over his body and he had to convince the woman not to call the police.

following the possible death of a role model, he started to have migraines and after seeing a doctor about it and them telling him to think about seeing a therapist, he ignored them and kept taking pain medication (eventually moving up to oxycodon when his perscription ended) that he should need. he eventually grew dependent on them and afterwards it started to affect his life. he hid his problems and around this time he also took on the stress of being an independent hero again. he told his fiance all about his past so that they can look for the future.

so three days before his wedding date, three things happen: 1. he finds out that his fiance is cheating on him with his father and working with the government to spy on slade, 2. he brings back david isherwood from the dead, 3. he has a major fight with his fiance and she decides to stay in the hotel until their wedding day.

on their wedding day she sort of died... murdered on the chapel stairs... so basically that started an episode. he started by mourning and then gave further into his addiction, resulting in him attacking his father and then shattering his sister’s skull when she tried to stop him. he genuinely thought his father was responsible when in reality it was his sister (but not).

while dealing with his loss, he also had to deal with his father’s insanity again when he tried to make things better in his life by stealing the flash’s superspeed and saving grant wilson from dying. this is the first time he sees the titans again and he decides to stay in david’s suit HERE to keep them from recognizing him.

after stopping his father he finally goes get help with a “narcotics anonymous” group. during this time he can heal more when david tells him he forgives joey.

this past year he has joined a group his mother started and - arguably - slade wilson leads called “project defiance”. it’s a good guy group and the only reason he joined was for his mother and to find out a definitive answer on who killed his fiance.

on this team he also starts dating romantically again instead of the short and sweet relationships he started to go through.

sometime down this line his father actually gets “kidnapped” by the, mutated, david isherwood. joseph helps him for a hot minute out but in the process his suit is turned off mid-flight. he ends up in the hospital yet again and he refuses to take pain medication because he’s really sticking through with recovery.

about a month before the infinity war, he decided to quit project defiance when there was nothing to really benefit from but the team disbanded when a team member, karen starr, looked to be dead.

after he left the project, he decided to keep on the heroing and keep up with all his career things too. he was finally in a better place, despite having to worry about his family and his boyfriend’s more mundane problems, and he was finally getting the therapy he needed.

then word of thanos reached him. he decided that despite the ikon suit being useless, he had to help. maybe he can get in him and figure out his motives or something- so he left to join the war.

when he finally got there he was rendered useless mere minutes after looking into thanos’ eyes through the ones of one of the other enemys. his astral body was inside thanos for a second before he was sent out by thanos; the shock was like when he was cast out from raven. he was paralyzed, but back in his own body on the battlefield. this time there was no time to take him to heal somewhere and when thanos finally had all the stones, he was with the unfortunate half of the universe.

SIX MONTHS LATER - ( STATISTICS )

well maybe unfortunate wasn’t that true. when adrian came to be, there wasn’t a forced smile or even weight on his shoulders. he was at peace.

when joseph woke up as adrian he had woken up on the streets of new york, guitar case on his back and a tune in his head. he already had his life story- well the parts that he could remember. he knew that he was on his way to the crowded apartment he called home just for a moment: long enough to grab his sketchpad and charcoal pencil.

adrian’s past is something of mystery. the first thing he remembers in life was his 13 year old self in a white room and lights. apparently, his father and him were in an accident, him being the survivor, and he didn’t have a mother to remember. he didn’t have permanent injuries besides him losing his voice, but that didn’t hurt him.

whatever happened didn’t concern him (you can’t grieve what you can’t remember), a mysterious aunt and cousin (who he’d come to know as the younger, but headstrong, alessandra “alex” lo - formerly known as rose wilson) came into his life to take care of the young woods kid and soon everything was okay.

adrian lived a happy life in a small town near nyc. he was a popular kid; he played guitar for the jazz band, he knew just about everyone, he was the sweetest little thing, he painted the town square mural, and there was just something in him people felt drawn to. he and his cousin were inseperable and genuinely life seemed pretty grand.

so when he graduated and decided to try his music career in the big apple, the town told him to visit and just about everyone sent him a little gift in the mail. it was a really sweet gesture.

when he got to the city, things were pretty good. he bumped into problems due to his voice, but he still managed things and generally the vibes were something that just worked for him.

day one he had actually found roomates by accident and rolled with it and the next year he started making his money through the arts. he painted portraits in central park (despite his art being personal, he felt like painting for others made it so much easier to connect and he just loved features) and then one day he had his guitar and started playing while he was waiting for the next person.

next thing he knows he has an actual job in a bar in town and he’s doing that too: playing guitar on their makeshift stage.

now he’s still doing that and he’s just content. one day he’ll get a big break, but does he even want that anymore? he’s never been this content with himself, even if he’s starting to question what happened to him.

he’s content, but sometimes depression hits him but that’s just life. he just feels like some of this is funny and sometimes he just wonders if this is what he deserves or was supposed to do. he’ll have episodes every once and a while and they can last as long as he’s thinking. and he thinks a lot.

obviously i don’t have as much detail here, but basically if you knew joseph and met adrian you’d be so much happier for him. i kind of imagine that his mother, for example, plays into the lie?? once she found out her son was alive of course. because just his life was just turning around but he was constantly waiting for something bad to happen and here he’s just like “am i supposed to be feeling this content, i feel awful for it” up and down. but it’s like he’s better off being the fake him.

basically this is what his life could have been like without the family he had.

also his powers are still triggered because they were from his father’s blood on the blade in his past life but he doesn’t know that yet. i imagine he’ll find out by accident but someone come and attack him please. or put him in a situation.

#infinites:intro #/ this is so much and i am so so so so sorry #also this is a mess and i know #i'm just sliding into those starters now

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