#i dont think so but maybe deep down
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beep boop secret in the tags
#personal#i lowkey have a small crush on a person#not going into anymore detail#but they are not available for several reasons and im like 😭😭#i just wanna move on from my ex bro#all the people i end up liking are unavailable 😭😭#its so hard to find good people these days too#i mean theyre certainly not perfect but they do seem like a genuine person which is like my number 1 priority#and theyre funny#and chill#and attractive i will dare say#although definitely a good amount of unpacked baggage#but who doesnt#sigh but alas it is not an option for me so i must continue forward#i dont even want to have delusions in my head about it bc it feels wrong#but i have had several dreams about it and i wake up like 😳😳 oops wtf was that#i wonder if they think the same#i dont think so but maybe deep down#no i dont think so#UNLESS#lol im jking#UNLESS IM NOT#lol no#but anyway its not going to even be a viable option anyway ANYTIME soon if ever so#its just fun to have a little crush sometimes#especially in this shitty times
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ENERGETIC ⚡️
you make me feel so high
#atsuoikage#haikyuu#oikawa tooru#kageyama tobio#miya atsumu#oikage#atsuoi#haikyuu!!#they are not any specific member i just chose based on shot composition and vibes#so pls dont come at me saying u think so and so should be X member instead of Y member#I just want the vibes of them being on a competition show like p101 and then debuting together bc i think them being the JP members tgt#would be very sweet and help bridge some animosity or rival tension that exists like they are competing but also#they feel solace in eos presence being from same culture same language etc#tobio looooooves oikawa HAHA hes sooo starry eyed over him... tobio calling oikawa hyung im gonna kill myself#atsumu and oikawa get close maybe after iwaizumi gets eliminated maybe earlier/midway in the show? bc tsumu understands what it feels like#to suddenly pursue ur dream alone.. samu maybe trained with tsumu at same company but quit before they even enrolled on the show#atsumu being the mediator whenever oikage bicker LOL#oikawa being stressed af and snapping at tobio and tobio is so sad tsumu is like there there... ill go talk to oikawa hell come around itok#ats comforting oikw like telling him to ignore the netizen / bad edit etc and calming him down slowly and getting oikw to apologize to tobio#also tobio crawling into oikawas bed in the dorms to sleep with him at night and oikawa wants to complain but likes cuddling... deep downLOL
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So, was that tag mentioning "fairy deer lycanthropy" /j or /srs ?
#Maybe#I dont know#Im thinking about it#I want you to know every time im like 'ooooh I have this idea im not going to do it though' I am looking at my audience with big beady eyes#Mostly I do that to gauge interest because if I really didnt want to do it I wouldnt bring it up#almost no one has said anything about it but I am in fact insane about bodyhorror#Id have to figure out the logistics tho and I think thats my biggest roadblock rn#I have to make a design also I have to come up with a justification for how the fuck fairy lycanthropy works#because I am absolutely not making it canon that fairy bites just do that#maybe its partially somatic#I have no idea if thats the word im looking for#like he gets the idea in his head that itll happen and because of the magic in his blood he accidentally curses himself#that would be so beautiful#deep down he knows hes a monster and he starts externalizing that...#oh god im talking myself into it#fop nature au
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i need to write the fic where it's a flashback of a time to when kristoph and apollo are investigating something and then in the blink of an eye, something happens that could put apollo in mortal danger, like something's about to fall on him or someone's about to attack him, and then kristoph just instinctually "takes the bullet" for him.
kristoph has big brother instincts that just kick in when he sees klavier or apollo (or trucy, in my mind) specifically in danger and he doesn't even realize he's DONE anything until it's already done, and now maybe HE'S injured or bleeding or whatever. it wasn't a conscious action, it was because he cares for them but doesn't even know that he cares THAT much, enough to go against his most basic paranoid self-preserving instincts (which are incredibly strong motivating forces in him specifically by the way, he always protects himself first) and take a self-sacrificial action.
apollo is just in awe of him after that. his boss is his absolutely his hero. and kristoph is just having a bit of an internal crisis because why did he do that. why put himself in danger like that. why. why. why. why. it disturbs him, deeply. does kristoph really know so little about himself?
#kristoph gavin#apollo justice#black psyche locks black psyche locks black psyche locks.#love a kristoph who does good things suddenly without knowing why.#for as stable a character as kristoph seems to be i think he has the potential to be quite an emotional and sentimental figure#maybe thats who he really is. way down deep.#but because of mental illness and being the way that he is#the darkness just subsumes that good nature.#so he cant do good things consciously. only when hes like sleepwalking or something#i dont think he has a problem w admitting that he cares about apollo but i think he DOES have a problem admitting that he feels protective#because of all that that implies#surely kristoph would never put himself at risk of breaking a nail for anyone. right?#thats his internal view of himself. as someone that cold. but thats not who he really is
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years ago i remember someone saying about dave strider that either he’s gay or he’s bisexual but deep down too misogynistic to actually have a fulfilling romantic relationship with a woman. anyway. this is how i see dean winchester
#i truly do not think dean as we know him could ever be happy longterm romantically with a girl#whether that’s because he’s gay or because of a mix of mommy issues and deep rooted misogyny. who knows#maybe both#hes sexually attracted to women in canon for sure but#sexuality’s complex. honestly he’s gay to me#coming out as gay dean truther#then again like. Can i really see him settling down romantically with a guy either#not really.#am i a gay dean truther. i dont fucking know. his problems are too complex for me to talk about in the tags of this post#oliver talks#spn#dean winchester#supernatural#also#with dave it’s like. he means well hes not an awful misogynist but re like. his treatment of jade. him being into her isn’t actually him#being into Her as so much as it is him being into the idea of this girl he can protect#what’s that line. where he’s like ‘jade would probably just be a liability if she got it in her head she wanted to take le down’ or somethin#idk i don’t go here anymore. but#anyway that’s what deans like with lisa he isnt actually in love with her he just likes the idea of the family she symbolises
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Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship
#saw carnation lily lily rose by john singer seargent irl today. it was basically at my doorstep all along idk why i never went to see it#it was placed at a corner in the gallery. me and my friend sat down and sketched the paintings of beautiful naked people quite badly. paper#provided by tate britain. she told me about how she couldnt look her boyfriend in the face after a harrowing film about war. when i say the#interview was informal i mean the person who was supposed to be my boss told me let me get you a cider and then he said after#50 years of life he knows people are inherently good and it only takes a little bit of kindness to save this world. he said he tricked#his wife into keeping the baby and then he said he quit his job at a US bank to help people find meaning and in it#he would have liked to find meaning. instead he started climbing with his friends. he said he chews his cigarettes because its a habit from#when he had to hide things from people. the entire time i felt uncomfortable and incredibly enlightened. this is my friends mentor. she has#his pattern of pauses and expletive and penchant for ends-justify-means attitude. i do think im not very clever#but maybe one day i will love you enough to make up for it. i wrote code i dont understand staring at the final error i thought about how#we both thought of how when we're too old to remember the voices of our friends we would like to stand in the pathway of the LHC beam pipe#cut it open and eat light in the freezing cold vacuum (kills you long before radiation will) the invisible puncture wound unfolding dna#back to the start larger than you ever were. you go to heaven once youve been to hell. my friend is in my bed#practicing calculations of eigenvectors by hand and she is uninterested in a visual proof you are uninterested in incompetence#we catch a train this is your kind of burden you tragic hero wincing at that word you only do this because you have to. im the only one#who can. i am a coward in this for the fucking poetry. the visual proofs. the pretty numbers. an architect who was horrible at maths wanted#to be a philosopher and accidentally ended up neck in deep in 70th Error On Visual Studio Code i want to kiss your eyes before we say#goodbye we both know there is no love in the way there should be. I still have your dress in my wardrobe. i hope you make art.#you think im alright head-wise i think you fucking hate me i think ill never be so clever you want me to tell you my idea?#if you wanted more of this world i would have liked to kiss you harder. we cant both be like this. im sorry i cant be with you the whole wa#the love is gone if you have to ask it. his breath catches his eyes feel stiff it is -1.9 kelvin he is near the beam pipe i miss holding#his hand i miss her singing voice i miss his hair and i found the antonym of pain thank you for carrying me home.
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the funniest thing about having to report fraud on my credit card today was the girl on the phone listing all my transactions to me to see if i recognized them and literally 100% of them were all media purchases liiiiike wow I really have 1 hobby and 1 hobby only don't I
#it was like#netflix? prime? criterion channel? disney+? youtube?#yep yep yep yep all me#cineplex? nintendo? local bookstore? kindle? patreon?#yep all me as well#also the awkward moment where i had to confirm i paid for tumblr this month lol like who does that#literally i think the only purchases she listed that werent me being a nerd about media consumption was my car insurance and phone bill#anywayz someone used my credit card to buy something that was 540 dollars on amazon today!!!!#locked that shit down#they bought a deep cut band saw that they were trying to send to a suburban house in whitby ontario#the way in which i can literally google street view the asshole's home who stole my shit because they added their address to my account...#i dont know how they got it but MAYBE this will force me to get a new computer since i know outdated ones are bad for getting scammed on#somebody was also selling all my 1 cent stupid steam trading cards with my steam account last night#i cant even use frikkin steam to play games right now yet i can still get scammed on there apparently argh. so many passwords to change#i wish they'd do away with that fuckass steam trading card system#like i don't even care about those at all but that's the second time that this has happened to me now#p
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Sooooo I haven't moved on from the trolls world tour bounty hunters.
The reggaeton trolls and their really cool designs and music....
Hickory and Dickory's entire thing with playing the long haul in trying to get close to poppy to steal her string.......
THE KPOP TROLLS AND THEIR MISSED POTENTIAL AND AND THEIR DESIGNS AND THEY'RE REALLY CUTE AND LOVELY
And CHAZ THE FUCKING SMOOTH JAZZ TROLL!??!??!??!?! need I say more. I mean just look at him.
I am going to start. A fandom. Surrounding these guys. Just watch me.
They are so silly and I love them
#trolls#yes i have art of them that i am too embarrassing to show off but#trust that i am THINKING ABOUT THEM. ALL THE TIME. ITS RIDICULOUS#just..... THE QUESTIONS I HAVE SURROUNDING THEM. THEY HAVE NO LAND TO GO HOME TOO. BASICALLY MINORITIES.#and now that all the trolls are living in harmony they are much more accepted in places#but???? they still dont really have a place to go home too?? like. not a real permanent place#where did these guys come from? were they once part of a big troll music genre clan and then they left#or is there some sort of forgotten history at play here?#i like the latter#headcanon! all the bounty hunter subgenre trolls end up gravitating to one another so even before world tour they have already known each#other#aaaggghhhhhh these guys were so cool tbh. FAVORITE CHARACTERS FROM WORLD TOUR#GOD I MISS THEM#I NEED THEM BACK#they have a weird cautiously getting along with eachother (most of the time) keeping a safe distance but still wary of one another#especially before world tour cause they would be aware that the giant genre troll clans dont like and stay#from eachother#so where does that leave them?#maybe these little guys had a rare case in which they didn't have the same animosity a giant portion of troll society have#and maybe deep down#as minorities#they're curious of one another.#and that things would be better if they looked out for eachother.#hickory trolls#wani trolls#tresillo trolls#chaz trolls#oklo makes a post
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Lololol my city's fighting to get our min wage to a little over 21$. I got a raise and im making 1.70$ more than a lot of other workers. I'm making 20.70$
If they do raise the min wage amount am I just getting bumped up to the new 21 or do I still keep my 1.70$ lead?
#our current min wage is 16.75 for the province but our towns min wage was set at 17.40 because our food and gas etc cost so much#god please. please please please. get me that 30 cent raise.#i want to like. send an email in suport but im having trouble finding who to email#i figured our city council would be who to email. or maybe our town government office#but...the internet keeps sending me to facebook pages#i dont want to add a comment to your favebook post. i mean i did because its the only source ive found so far#but it feels incredibly unofficial. i feel like a kid asking for attention. and i know deep down they probably arent reading the comments#because gosh people in my town are already being so rude and unprofessional in the comments#guys. guys please. swearing in the comments isnt making the impact you think it is
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Also i find her naive desperation (cant find the right words for it) to see her adventuring crew as sworn friends wholl go thru hell together even tho shes the newest addition soooo telling. Shes had trouble making friends her whole life she was really hoping! And even the ones who left are willing to go to hell for her n the crew so its not like its not true. Its just not like how it is in her mangas. I think theres a good chance she n namari become like closer after the end of the series.
#dungeon meshi spoilers#So much of her behaviors can be traced back to having difficulty interacting w her peers and instead turning to manga to figure things out#kinda funny how both she n laios are like. Otaku nerds of a sort#Maybe even she and shuro now that shes gotten over how angry the fact his proposal wouldve made falin leave her but that deep down she knew#her feelings werent justified bc falin can make her own decisions but she wants to believe… its not like that and hes scum thats gonna hurt#Falin to justify her anger and make it something more rational (just like what she did w laios) that shes just protecting her and has her#Best interests at heart but i think they both just mutually kind of dont like each other#not for particularly deep reasons after this they just dont vibe#Theyre both more similar than theyd like to admit as ppl who who difficulty getting along w others havent really made many close friends.#tendency for tunnel vision tje touden siblings compelling them to go into the fray and stay at things they arent particularly good at#despite their discomfort for dirty things/confrontation respectively#But i think pointing this out would jsut annoy them both#Putting up a dignified front to hide their loser tendencies (what normal ppl call being a fully realized human being)#At the end stepping up to the roles of their parents (court magician and taking an earnest shot at being the leader of his clan)#the list just goes on and on and on
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lopcord deep lore
choi scared of "venigni"
i kimda thought that its probably jason park (studio head). although, choi and park seem to be friends, so probably not
fist bump story
"he is laughing"
also: in the directors letter, choi is trying to speak in standardized korean, because that is the standard form for public address. but he keeps getting too excited, and slipping back into his "saturi" (regional accent) [CUTE WTF]
cookies and cream
#he is so cute im screaming#pnut got all his cuteness from his real dad (choi)#im crying im crying im crying#btw i untagged this because i feel like sometimes deep lore should remain deep lore#but i think this stuff is still good to share for archival reasons 🥺#cuz you never know when discord might go down#the pic is leaked from lopcord too btw. i dont think ive seen it anywhere else. maybe its for a media thing that isnt out yet
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thinking abt rewriting my spamton fic with updated characterization .......... unfortunately i Cannot do Anythintg.i Did rewrite the intro in my notes in october bc i kept thinking of better descriptions but thats where i left it off for now </3
#i would make it more of a slower burn if i rlly sat down to revisit it. i dont think spam realistically is the type to fall fast#id write him to be a lot more reluctant to accept any help or food from the reader. make him a lot more wary & distrusting#kindness will indeed win him over in the end but you rlly have to earn it by earning his trust first!#hes like a stray cat in that at first he may flinch from your soft touch afraid of what hes never had but he will grow to find comfort in it#once you prove youre There To Stay & that he rlly cant shake you only then will feelings be able to start developing. but he Will deny it#the more he cares the more you can hurt him & he isnt ready for that just yet so he buries it deep down but it always comes back#& maybe he lingers in your cafe a little longer. resists the urge to eat every dollar he finds to pay you for the food youve given him#leaves flyers advertising your cafe in busy areas. maybe he starts missing you more. your voice & your smile & the way you look at him#etc etc#torch chatter
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on another note
#4-5ish months i’ve been the main (i’m pretty sure only) person cleaning every weekend#my only days off and through the week clean dishes or load up the washer and pick them up#occasionally someone else w load it but not pick up or vice verse#november i lost all motivation i ask for help i get told they’re tired or they work or later or im met w but i did xyz the other day blah bl#blah blah yk#i tried to clean in nov but i just can’t im tired it’s constant that im cleaning i want to do things not go from work to home for chores to#also cook and then clean up dinner because i also have a job#and when i do something im not like OH well i did xyz! so i won’t do that …no i just say okay because why bring up what i already did things#need to be done why are you arguing with me like we want to bring up receipts? i’ll bring them up#i’m cleaning up clothes that’s not mine i’m cleaning up shit piss ans throw up of a dog that is not mine i walk said dog occasionally#but nope not the other way around why would they do any of that when it’s not theirs ?#i ask them to pick one day to make dinner nope i can’t i’m busy i have xyz …okay i have work gym appts errands too#and since i have cleaned in like a month or over it’s a mess but no one has taken action to fix that it’s just it’s messy in here#that’s why i hate if you need help ask. .#I ASK I DONT GET HELP you ask i help but god forbid i ask#‘but you clean weird’ ‘you do a deep clean’ it’s a regular clean i clean to clean not to light dust and see it be back to how it was in a#day or two. deep clean is i’m up in a ladder cleaning the vents cleaning cabinets shelves i can’t regularly reach or are hard to get to and#honestly that should be a monthly thing#weekly is wipe down appliances. sweep swiffer vacuum and mop the floors. wipe countertops and flat surfaces. flip the chairs around tighten#bolts wash the tablecloth clean the table. vacuum the couches lint roll any cloth surfaces. clean or wipe down the stove/microwave depending#on how dirty. clean bathroom tub toilet sink floors mirror. this is not a deep clean w that you get the fridge and dishwasher windows move t#the furniture to clean under that. i am tired and i dont ever get to finish everything#bathroom stays last and weekends are only so long i also go to the gym or need to go to the store or have ot to do#and ik i brought up here that im depressed but im not bring that up to them because regardless these things need to get done be it a the#worlds slowest pace but does need to happen and i don’t want to use that as an excuse because i will just let myself lay in bed and not show#shower or move does this mentality eat away at me maybe idk but it’s what my parents gave me and it’s not changing i don’t think so here we#are.#we can wait another month and i might be on the up but ill be down again so 🤷♀️#like actually i can use a lot of things as an excuse but that doesn’t help anyone does it ?
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Thinking abt Sif Odile duo looping au again and I wanna be able to plot everything out more coherently but act 5 eternally looms overhead and boy I do not wanna look up
#rat rambles#stars posting#like I have a vague idea of some of the like themes I imagine being present late game but it doesnt change the fact that act 5 isnt very#duo looper au friendly especially in this case with most of the ideas I have#I rly want it to be both a breaking point for them as individuals and a breaking point for their relationship but idk how to go about that#fully taking the rest of the party into account especially since Im not even sure if I wanna give odile her own friendquests#like I Could but I also think it'd be fun for many reasons to not#and even if I Did itd be hard to justify having both be able to happen and go wrong in one loop#and theres not rly a good solution to that I think so my best bet is probably to just leave odile friendquestless#but Id rly like to still have odile quarrel with the rest of the party in a significant way#idk maybe it can be the scene where sif comes back to the lighthouse or smth?#like he comes back and odile just completely lashes out at him or smth and the others get rly upset with her#but then theres also the whole walk through the house that I have to figure out and Im also not set on how that should go#maybe it can be like reality almost splitting as they both try to use timecraft at the same time?#not sure how Id go about portraying that in story though since the rest of the party cant rly experience that I think#Im sure theres some way you could pull that off tho Im just too tired to have any good ideas atm#and then the biggest bastard comes in. mal moments.#like I cant just put them both there! that's not how that works!#and I dont wanna just leave them mostly vanilla thats boringgggg#but Id probably have to. alas.#afterwards is also a bit fuzzy but I have rhe general idea down#me and the bestie when we both made the same wish but dont know that and have both been falling into a spiral over it#(we dont even realize that the part of the wish that was the exact same was the core of the wish)#(we both just thought that we accidentally trapped the other with us in this hell)#(we also have been actively getting worse at communicating for months now so by the time the wishcraft stuff came up we were both deep in#the no feelings talky talk zone)#(we probably should have known smth was up when everyone started consistently thinking that we had a fight every loop)#(maybe we did but we just didnt want to admit they were right)#god I wish I was more confident with writing odile dialogue I wanna draw scenes from this au so bad#it doesnt help that I got too comfortable being into a media that had like 3 fans and now ppl might actually look at what I create
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Domesticated Post-Tekken 2 Era Kazuya is my favorite to think about because this would be so good for him and everyone else but he would have an absolutely miserable time during it
#like I dont think he would REALLY miss the rich ceo lifestyle bc i dont see it as smth he ASPIRES to but as a means to give himself power#if you (jun) somehow manage to convince him that he does not actually NEED power then i think hes adaptable enough to ajust to a humble life#and the whole being rich thing fed into his worst traits#but I think being close to jun all the time would be torture for him bc he would CONSTANTLY be confronted to his own faulty morality#he cant help feeling above other common people bc he endured much more pain and hardships at 5yo than them in a lifestyle-#but he cannot act on his superiority complex about them bc Its Not The Right Thing To Do#he looks at his newborn son and feel *nothing* before feeling frustration and irritation toward *himself*#bc hes smart enough to know he SHOULD be feeling smth#and if he relunctantly admit this to jun she would tell him that if the best he can do (for now) is to not wish or do any harm on jin-#then it is good enough and he should not beat himself up about it (which he doesnt. but he does)#and even jun. she is another person he could lose and he knows deep down he would be happier without her#but being near her bring back to life smth that died years ago at the bottom of that cliff#and he wont admit it but hes scared to lose it again. even if right now its brings him nothing but discomfort and pain#hes not even sure if he *loves* her. and when he asks her whats in it for her. why she stays with him#(not out of self-consciousness but genuine confusion) she just smiles at him because he IS considering the feelings of someone else#like she is so understanding and he genuinely does try and its a really slow healing process#hes still gonna stay a little bit of a prick smug at times but at least he will be immensely more chill out#and even maybe fall in love with jun *jun* down the line. characters that fall in love with each other years into the relationship👍#and his whole exploration of fatherhood with jin. him vaguely recalling smth nice jinpachi (or god forbid. HEIHACHI pre-cliff) did to him#and doing the same to jin out of the blue for the sake of experimentation#and jin's positive reaction making him FINALLY AT LAST feel some tiny tiny thing for his son.#also for all her tree-hugger talk. jun is right meditating in the forest DOES help kaz a lot#anyway. yeah👍#tagging later#tekken
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idk how to live so im going to talk to myself out loud until i do
#listen. take a deep breath. i know your bpm is high but you need to think with me for a second.#remember that you are paper thin. all your facets are sheets of paper and what you gave her is just another one.#make a new one. you dont need it. you dont need her to see you. i know you think you need her but you will be okay. i know its hard.#you wish you could have shown her how you loved her. listen to yourself. you are made of paper.#she might be concrete or maybe wood or maybe gold. you need to start laying your roots elsewhere. shut that thought down#and blink and listen. the parts you keep thinking of arent lost. they still happened and they are yours to keep.#there is beauty in this loss. tell me about the beauty in this loss. its okay to think about it. you got to see it all and nothing more#and this is great because it would have been bad. you know it would be violent in a way you dont need. you know this to be true.#you are going to look at that empty space in her shape and youre going to fill it with everything that happened when you knew her.#the memories with her but then also the the way your friends talked you through it. the game with the clovers.#your first allergic reaction you almost died and you couldnt stop laughing and you were held so close to their hearts.#learning the names for all the floursecent gene tracking dyes that everyone else knows already. about the exam - listen again.#i know you think if you fail your life is over but you need to try your best. youre not going to get a good grade in a uni test for the fir#youre going to make up for it. youre going to make sure you make up for it. do you understand? i love you. you have to do this.#right now you need to sit up. breathe. i know your heart hurts. go to the living room. grab something to eat. i dont care if you feel full.#youre going to clean your mattress heater. youre going to study a bit longer and then youre going to sleep. youre going to tell your mother#im sorry and i might genuinely fail a test. shes going to tell you its okay. if you do badly in this course you can just become a neurosurg#just agree. dont argue right now. its okay. youre okay. you are paper thin. i know any puncture hurts.#breathe. think of your friends. think of their hands in yours. it isnt eternal.youve lived through worse. the empty sky is still beautiful.#the lack of her is still beautiful
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