#despite their discomfort for dirty things/confrontation respectively

[alphaketoglutaricacid]

Also i find her naive desperation (cant find the right words for it) to see her adventuring crew as sworn friends wholl go thru hell together even tho shes the newest addition soooo telling. Shes had trouble making friends her whole life she was really hoping! And even the ones who left are willing to go to hell for her n the crew so its not like its not true. Its just not like how it is in her mangas. I think theres a good chance she n namari become like closer after the end of the series.

[lucyhblack]

Summary: Cross and X! Papyrus go to work at the hospice that his father runs. Cross thinks it will be an easy job of watching cameras and making patrols... but he ends up making friends with a patient, playing the detective and discovering much more than he wanted to know, including himself.

Sans (Cross) and his brother start working as guards at the hospice (Research and Mental Rehabilitation Center) of his father, the famous Dr. Gaster (X!Gaster).

For Sans it is a simple job of watching cameras. He and his brother will not have to deal directly with the crazy poor that their father treats (or so he hopes), but everything changes when he is dragged into an investigation, ends up befriending some patients and discovering the truth about the place, his father and even himself.

Dream / Nightmare (Dreamtale) - hospice patient and a severe case of memory loss and double personality.

A skeletal monster who spent years in a coma and when he woke up presented a case so serious of dual personality that even his appearance changes.

The first personality is called Dream, a gentle, kind and calm young man. It looks like a normal skeleton with yellow eye lights.

He doesn't remember anything about the accident that left him in a coma and the only thing he remembers from his old life is that he had a brother, but he doesn't remember anything else about him, neither name nor appearance.

He doesn't understand why he is there and wants to leave as soon as possible to try to find his brother. Considered harmless by everyone.

Nightmare is the second personality of the young skeleton. Violent, cruel and sadistic. It is not only your personality that totally changes, but your appearance as well. When Nightmare takes control a black liquid oozes from its orbits covering it completely and its lights become turquoise blue. When Dream returns, the “black slime” regresses to its orbits without leaving a trace.

Being Nightmare he just wants to cause as many problems as possible.

Dream and Nightmare do not seem to know that they share the same body, but they know each other's existence (but they think they are separate individuals). For some reason Dream thinks that Nightmare was the one who caused the accident that left him in a coma.

While Nightmare never reveals his connection with Dream, he only wishes, above all, the destruction of the gentle skeleton (which may indicate that deep inside, Nightmare knows that he shares a body with him and “killing” Dream, the body can be his alone).

Dream is ink's friend, the monster that “haunts” the hospice. Nightmare already pretends not to know him, but gives clues that he is aware of his existence.

Dream befriends Cross, while Nightmare tries to use Cross in his plans, both to escape and to try to make the life of everyone around him hell.

Ink (Inktale Sans) - enigmatic figure that “haunts” the hospice.

Officially, he is considered as a common “imaginary friend” of several patients (the theory is that one patient told the other and the story spread like an urban legend).

Despite being considered as the result of the imagination of the patients of the place, some employees came to see him (what makes some believe that he is really a haunt).

He is described as a skeleton monster that is always dirty with ink and with eye lights that change according to who saw him. He has a cheerful personality, a little flustered and always seems willing to help, even though his "help" sometimes causes more problems.

Gaster (X!Tale) - Doctor and director of the Hospital. He is a specialist in psychological problems and highly respected in his field.

Originally he became a doctor just to make his dream come true, give "life" to his imaginary friend Ink.

Gaster never accepted that his "friend" was just the result of his mind and through tests and experiments, he is trying to "bring" his friend from his mind to reality. The fact that several people can see Ink is considered proof that he is succeeding in his attempts.

He was a terrible father, neglecting his children most of his life, always very busy with his work and his patients.

He spares no effort, nor does he care about sacrifices and the pain he causes, as long as he achieves his goals.

Sans/Cross (XTale) - Elder son of Gaster. It was originally the doctor's first attempt to create a body for his friend. The plan didn't work out and after an incident he suppresses Cross's memories of the time that he was a guinea pig.

Despite not remembering that time, he has nightmares about what happened and other sequelae of the experiment.

Sans has no interest in working with his father (although he once tried to get him interested in becoming a doctor), he just agreed to work at the hospice to support his brother.

Papyrus (XTale) - Younger son of Gaster. When the experiment with Sans did not work, the doctor thought about trying with Papyrus, but the child can shake the monster's cold heart, that gives up, focusing only on the patients of the hospital he runs.

Papyrus always wanted to become a police officer and Gaster always disapproved of his son's choice, but ends up encouraging him to work with him as a hospice guard in an attempt to dissuade him from his dream (and who knows how to influence him to a more scientific career).

The younger monster hopes to get some kind of experience in his new job that will help him realize his dream. He knows Undyne, a police detective, and becomes friends with her and under her influence ends up investigating the strange events of the hospital.

Frisk (XTale) - one of the Gaster patients. He is described as a calm and peaceful child with fits of violence in which he loses control and attacks anyone in front of him. When he are in one of your "crises" he becomes very violent and dangerous.

Due to several experiments of the doctor had his physical development delayed. He's a lot older than he looks.

Frisk was hospitalized with his twin brother Chara. They both had a very strong connection and Gaster uses that connection for his experiments. After several horrible tests he manages to make Chara's soul share the Frisk body .

Frisk and Sans had known each other for a long time, although Sans no longer remembers him, as Gaster started experimenting on the twins at the same time with Sans.

Frisk calls him "Cross" because he says his friend Sans, the "original", was killed by Gaster a long time ago (referring to Gaster "killing" Cross's original personality).

Chara (XTale) - twin brother of Frisk. He was hospitalized with his brother when they were still children.

He had a suspicious and explosive personality.

He ends up being killed by Gaster when he decides to tell the truth about what the doctor had been doing with him and his brother to Asgore, another doctor at the hospice. His soul was then “attached” to Frisk's, and Gaster used him as a scapegoat when he murdered the other doctor.

In the beginning Chara could only "get out" when Frisk lost control, in time, he was able to be heard by his brother and now they are both trying to escape from the hospital and take revenge on Gaster.

He hates Cross because he thinks he abandoned them as a child (because he was lucky enough to escape the experiments and be treated like a son, while he and Frisk remained as guinea pigs).

Alphy (XTale) - doctor and the main assistant of Gaster.

Alphys begins to suspect that there is something wrong with the madhouse. She even comments with Undyne, with whom she was going out, about her discomfort, but she couldn't say exactly what it was. She then begins to investigate and finds out about the experiments the doctor has been doing with patients.

Before she can tell Undyne, she ends up being discovered by the doctor who brainwashes her and makes her his assistant / puppet. After brainwashing she breaks up with Undyne.

Undyne (XTale)- policeman and Alphy's ex-girlfriend.

After breaking up with Alphys she realizes that the doctor is acting strange and, remembering the doctor's suspicions, starts trying to investigate the hospice, without success, mainly because her superiors think she is just resentful for the breakup.

Things change when she finds unlikely allies in the hospice director's own children.

Asriel (XTale) - Doctor “responsible” for Frisk.

He's a good doctor and doesn't really know anything about what's going on in the hospital.

Gaster uses Asriel to control Frisk / Chara, with the threat that if they don't behave he will kill him as he did with his father, Asgore, who was the doctor in the hospice.

Asgore (XTale) - Doctor at the hospice and friend of the twins.

Chara tells about what Gaster was doing with them and Asgore is going to confront the doctor. He ends up being killed by the skeleton monster who takes advantage and uses the death of the goat monster to cover up Chara's death (saying that Chara killed the monster and that Asgore ended up mortally wounding the child in self defense).

Toriel (XTale) - nurse, mother of Asriel and wife of Asgore.

Just as the son doesn't know anything about the hospital. She worries a lot about Frisk and Chara when he was alive. She does not blame children for her husband's death.

Toriel, just like Alphys feels there is something wrong in the hospital, but unlike Alphys, she prefers not to look deeply at the problems at the hospice.

Geno / Error (Aftertale Sans / Errortale Sans)) - A skeleton monster originally hospitalized under the name of Geno, with serious depression problems. It was one of Gaster's first test subjects. The experiments with him ended up driving the poor skeleton crazy.

His personality became so erratic and dangerous that Gaster had to isolate him, which further worsened his condition to the point that it not only affected his mind, but his magic and appearance. After his move he completely forgot who he was and started calling himself Error.

Gaster keeps him isolated in a white room and few know of his existence.

Although Gaster initially considers it a failure he ends up changing his opinion and finding it his first success because, after becoming Error, he was the first being, after Gaster himself, to see Ink.

Oddly, Error has a deadly hatred of Ink and has vowed to destroy it and all the other "errors" of the Doctor.

Killer (Killer Sans) - hospice patient.

Gaster even used it as an experiment for a while, but gave up because he considered it imperfect. Killer had his feelings erased as a result of these experiments.

He is the first to be recruited by Nightmare for his escape / destruction plans.

Dust (Murder Sans - Dusttale) - hospice patient.

Dust is a case of great interest to the doctor. A skeleton with a serious dissociative case that ended up killing his brother in a psychotic episode. Since then he fantasizes that his brother is at his side, talking to him even though no one sees him.

Because of this, Gaster did everything possible to put the skeleton in his care, including paying lawyers to ensure that he was considered crazy and ended up in the asylum instead of prison.

Gaster is convinced that like him, Dust is a rare case of a monster that can see beyond the mundane spheres and communicate with real beings, although they cannot be seen by other people.

He is recruited by Nightmare as well as Killer, to help him escape from the madhouse.

Blue (US! Sans) - Blue is a volunteer nurse at the hospice.

Befriends Dream. It is through him that Cross will meet Dream.

He has no idea what happens at the asylum and will be targeted by Nightmare's wickedness.

He interacts with Ink thinking that this is a patient. He doesn't understand why people look at him strangely when he comments on the dirty of paint monster .

[savagcblooded]

credit (x)

&. BASICS

Full Name: Lucy Vivian O’neal Lynx

Nicknames: predator, Donna, beast

Age: 125 years old

Sexuality: bisexual

Date of Birth: November 18th 1895

Place of Birth: Miami. Florida, USA

Gender & Species: cis woman & (earth) sprite

Current Location: Terra, Concordia

&. MORE BASIC INFO

Languages: English, Spanish, Russian

Religion: atheist

Education: graduated from high school and has been taught on the streets ever since

Occupation: Assassin/Donna of the O’Neal crime family

Drinks, Smokes, & Drugs: yes to drinks and drugs, no to smoking.

&. PERSONALITY

Zodiac Sign: Scorpio -- Scorpio is the eighth sign of the zodiac, and the Eighth House is all about sex, death, and the cycle of regeneration. With their penchant for all things spooky and magical, female Scorpios are natural Queens of the Underworld, and thus usually not ones to shy away from the more intense or heavy characteristics of life. This sign gets a bad rap from most astrologers for being “too much,” overly dark, or even downright evil. This stems more from modern western culture’s inherent discomfort with discomfort with discussing the Pluto-ruled subjects of sex and death (typically not your general everyday dinner-table conversation). Reviled as a Scorpion woman can be, not many can deny her magnetic personality and the aura of mystery, magic, and sensuality that she wears around her like a cloak. This is not a woman who tolerates surface-level interactions easily. She prefers to give her attention to those willing to go deep with her. With a Scorpio’s electric gaze powerfully focused on you, it’s easy to feel like a bug pinned under glass, examined by a curious scientist determined to learn everything there is to know. Scorpios rule over the occult sciences, and the true meaning of the word “occult” is “hidden” – hence, the Scorpionic tendency toward secrecy and inscrutability. Only the most determined (and respectful) will be granted permission to explore the secret caverns within the heart of a Scorpio woman.

MBTI: ISTP -- ISTPs are equally difficult to understand in their need for personal space, which in turn has an impact on their relationships with others. They need to be able to "spread out"--both physically and psychologically--which generally implies encroaching to some degree on others, especially if they decide that something of someone else's is going to become their next project. (They are generally quite comfortable, however, with being treated the same way they treat others--at least in this respect.) But because they need such a lot of flexibility to be as spontaneous as they feel they must be, they tend to become as inflexible as the most rigid J when someone seems to be threatening their lifestyle (although they usually respond with a classic SP rage which is yet another vivid contrast to their "dormant," impassive, detached mode). These territorial considerations are usually critical in relationships with ISTPs; communication also tends to be a key issue, since they generally express themselves non-verbally. When they do actually verbalize, ISTPs are masters of the one-liner, often showing flashes of humor in the most tense situations; this can result in their being seen as thick-skinned or tasteless.

Likes: being outdoors, having her way, gore, breaking rules, power, the woods, Terra in general, inspiring fear into others, day-drinking, confidence 

Dislikes: mundane interactions (for the most part, she warms up to it from time to time), extreme heat, feeling helpless or unheard, crowded places

Bad Habits: her jaw is tensed most of the time and if she talks Lynx has a habit of showing off her sharp teeth to assert dominance. She also just.. stares a lot. 

Secret Talent: (not so secret) killing, negotiating, sensuality

Hobbies: hunting for sport, scheming, watching others from afar, getting to know the newbies and possibly teach them, talking about the old days

Fears: being dominated, being forced into the spotlight for too long, Terra throwing her out, losing her powers

Five Positive Traits: confident, challenging, playful, tough, dominant

Five Negative Traits: insensitive, predatory, cantankerous, obsessive, hedonistic

Other Mentionable Details: has fangs due to her nature and abilities (ref. picture) as well as sharp, claw like nails (ref. picture), almost always wears dark, unassuming colors

&. APPEARANCE

Tattoos: none

Piercings: earlobes

Reference Picture: ref picture

&. FAMILY INFORMATION

Parent Names: William O’Neal (former don, drug dealer) & Meredith O’Neal (socialite)

Parent Relationship: Lynx never really cared for her parents, especially not their authoritarian ways. She killed her own father, so there’s really nothing to be said here other than she didn’t care about them and wanted them gone.

Sibling Names: she has no siblings

Sibling Relationship: --

Other Relevant Relative: None at the moment, she’s a loner.

Children: --

Pets: --

&. BIOGRAPHY

( tw: death, murder, drugs, violence )

She grew up in the wildest of neighborhoods in the wildest time imaginable. Miami was one of the sunniest, loveliest cities in Florida if not the entire United States. Lynx, formerly known as Lucy O’Neal, confronted her surroundings with the reality that she wasn’t too eager to follow rules. As the daughter of a prestigious drug lord, Lynx grew up sheltered, yet surrounded by crime. A spoiled brat, as some liked to call her, always able to command those around her with ease. The constantly increasing demand for drugs had helped the O’Neals enter Miami’s elite. With drugs being widely accepted and legal at that time, Lynx’ father expanded his business to more shady dealings like fraud and bribery of politicians. The O’Neals had no real reputation. Like a shadow in an otherwise sunny city they remained near celebrities of all walks of life while simultaneously waiting for them to open all the doors for them. Lynx, however, didn’t care to be subtle. Within her school years Lynx had developed an aptitude for breaking the law and getting away with it, either through her father or intimidation. Intimidation and aggressiveness she’d learned amongst the ranks of her father, no doubt. Thus began her reign of power and chaos — the reign of a girl boxing her way through etiquette and rules.

Others described her as reckless, selfish, careless, wild — a lot of descriptive words for someone who never wanted to be categorized or labelled. Lynx desired to be her own master without restraints. She was nineteen when the United States prohibited domestic distribution of drugs, weakening her father in the process. She’d been running her own little empire in secret, consisting of assassinations and intimidation tactics. While her father knew about her business and certainly used her talents from time to time, Lynx distanced herself from her father as much as possible. In her early years Lynx began with using poisons, but quickly decided for a more direct and sadistic approach. People always commented on finding fun in work, so she did. Call it irreproachable customer service in which the boss did all the dirty work. Gladly. Lynx fully focused on work and, as the war for customers and booze increased after prohibition in the early 1920s, she got to target someone close to her heart. Her father had dominated the Miami crime scene for decades, forcing others into submission — and Lynx saw an opportunity to pull ahead, to play by her (non-existent) rules. The next morning Lynx called her father and customer to a meeting under the guise of killing one as mandated by the other. With two shots being fired into the round, Lynx left behind whatever shred of rules they had set in place. From that an even larger empire arose. Her targets became her prey after all rules had been abolished. She ruled over Miami all on her own, leaving claw and bite marks everywhere she went, recklessly ripping into every poor soul who dared to threaten or annoy her. 

Lynx oftentimes decided to stalk and expose her prey, no, let them expose themselves before she got rid of them. She pulled the strings, watched them squirm, satisfying her sadistic tendencies in the best way possible: up close, sometimes even while dragging her prey along to display them. While other women her age enjoyed being hunted and hit on, Lynx loved to hunt and hit people, having fun in the only way she’d ever known: with violence, dominance and cunning. After Miami had been hit by a hurricane in 1926, Lynx decided to expand clientele after she’d already made numerous headlines back home, warning of an assassin roaming the otherwise sunny streets of Miami. A killer they couldn’t identify, but given the strength displayed and the lack of attention for detail the press was quickly to pinpoint the assassin as being male, possibly large and in his 30s. While this would’ve been an undoubtedly good disguise, Lynx loathed the idea of giving them even more fodder for their yellow press. She boarded the Horizon to assassinate her last target before eventually expanding all the way up to Chicago or even New York City. That’d never happen — and cats weren’t really known to like water that much. 

Lynx awoke in a strange land, surrounded by a sense of belonging despite everything being so foreign. The sea took her prey, her former home and washed her ashore into a new world, everything she’d once hoped for. Concordia turned out to be a beacon for powerful beings, a birthplace for the wild and creators. Creators of various kinds — chaos or peace, death or life — Lynx joined Terra, accepted her new name upon being reborn, and practically planted herself into its social structure. For the first time Lynx tolerated some rules. She found shelter in one of the caves, though Lynx spent most of her time training with her new powers and causing random battles to test them out. Once the hunt and battles were finished Lynx returned to her cave; a feral predator loving solitude, rarely seen, but if so she was one of the most threatening presence safe for the monarchs and older sprites. The years, however, began to bore her after a while. Without fresh meat and the monarchs back and forth the days felt much longer and all her mice weren’t that interesting anymore, either. The truce opened Concordia, a change Lynx welcomed with open arms. Fresh, innocent meat, ready to be corrupted, turned and molded. Unlike her human years Lynx decided to recruit one or two people if given the chance, to raise, teach and protect a new generation of sprites -- in the only way she knew: with fangs, claws and ferocity.

[dapper-ships-herself]

@dokiqx @raudrfox2

The answer changes a bit depending on the s/i, so I'm gonna start with more general and like personal and then go into my s/is.

Dazai and I both, let's say wrestle with certain feelings about life and the world around us. When it feels like you're adrift and very little matters, it helps a great deal to have someone to ground you, and that's Dazai and I for each other. When the world is cruel, we can reach out our hands and feel the warmth, and through that feel safe and real. Neither of us are used to letting ourselves be fully vulnerable to the people around us, we're always masking something, maybe not for entirely the same reasons, but we are. Our relationship is when we both let those walls fall bit by bit, letting go of fear and trepidation. He never even thought he could feel real love before, both of us had thought we weren't worthy of it.

And Dazai is a genius, he's amazing and confident in his abilities, he can see straight through pretty much anyone, so I think why would he even want me, I'm so boring and predictable, I'm not a fan of taking risks and putting myself out there. But Dazai sees all my good qualities, he appreciates my strong empathy and my compassion, he sees how even though I struggle with my own worth I put so much worth into the lives around me, and I have a fun way of thinking about a lot of things, I'm creative bright even when I think I'm not. I become like a fresh, sunny spring day for his soul. And Dazai, his hands are so stained and his mind so jaded, even as he works to redeem himself and be on the side that saves people, he thinks there's too much darkness to ever truly be washed away. But I know that even though he's done a lot of bad, what matters most is what he's doing now; he's trying so hard to be good, to move away from the darkness that only acted as a negative feedback loop for him, that was never good for a boy with a mind like his. He is actively trying to be a good man, and I remind him of that. Neither of us are ever going to be perfect, but that's fine when we're together through our flaws. And through it all, we help each other see the beautiful things to live for.

Okay, now let's go into some specifics for the s/is.

ADA! Gillian has been through some pretty deep trauma with the loss of her little sister when they were kids, and at the time she thought she'd never ever recover from that and stay in the emotionless darkness forever, but with the help of Fukuzawa and Ranpo and the other agency members, she was able to heal. Despite the guilt and trauma that still sticks to her, how easy it would be to write the world off as simply cruel and uncaring, that's not her style. She loves the world, she loves the people in it, she knows that there's darkness but that only means that the rest of them should try their hardest to spread as much love and compassion as they can to balance that out. To Dazai, her unwavering light is strange but so calming. She's so strong in her determination to protect her family and everyone and everything that needs saving, it really touches something in him. She teaches him that it's okay, that they deserve to laugh and love and live, and she helps show him how to actively view the world for it's good parts. Even if someday it's hard, some days she's sad and can't forget the past, some days she tries very hard to push away the anger that festers in her at the unfairness that abounds, she still tries and now they can stand by each other's sides and try together. And he also knows what it's like to suffer and lose the one person who's most important, and he helps her confront the guilt that still clings to her, in fact that's something mutual. And she also, even though she accepts and appreciates her ability for how it lets her help people, it's also an ability that takes away a person's free will and can cause a lot of destruction, and she is afraid of the inherent evilness of it, and though Dazai respects how she's made the concious choice to only use it to help people, he sees her fear and helps her accept it.

Mafia! Gillian and Dazai probably have the most complicated relationship of all. Neither really wanted friends or saw the use of them, but they became each other's first real friend after he joins the mafia. They connect and resonate in a much stronger and more natural way than either were really prepared for; and then they were part of the quartet with Ango and Oda too, and she loved them all. She could be quoted as saying the three of them were probably the only things keeping her sane in the Port Mafia. And then she went away on a mission for a few weeks, no contact with her friends, and suddenly that little slice of joy she had was shattered, Oda was killed, Ango had been a double agent the whole time, and Dazai had abandoned her without so much as a good bye, much less and explanation. It sent her to a dark place for a while. She wanted to hate Dazai, and she certainly felt bitter, but she couldn't bring herself to hate him; how could she, really. She disliked being in the Port Mafia, but not only does she feel she'd have no where else to go, that if she left she'd be leaving her father, Ougai, aka the only person who's ever seen to genuinely want her around and stay that way, but her ability is literally to control darkness and too much light literally causes her pain and discomfort, it's clear to her that she was born to forever stay in the world of darkness and never be able to stand in the light. When she and Dazai eventually meet again four years after he left the mafia, there's a lot of complicated feelings too work through. She's bitter and angry and can't understand why he'd leave her like that if their friendship really meant anything; Dazai thought it was the right move at the time, he justified it to himself by reasoning that he knew she felt chained to the mafia and he had to leave quickly and cleanly in order to successfully rid himself of his dark past, he couldn't risk waiting for her to come back from her mission and having to convince her. But, really, he was afraid. After all, he's convinced that everything he desires will slip through his fingers the moment he obtains it. If he tried to hold on to the happiness she brought him and selfishly took her with him, he'd only bring her ruin some other way, and he wasn't deserving of her. He genuinely does regret it though, and it's not easy for him to admit that he was wrong but he knows that this is one instance where he was so terribly wrong. They have to work through these feelings in order to get anywhere, and she also has to realize that she does have the capability to step into the light, which she does partially with Dazai's help. There's a lot of fighting through the bullshit to finally be together.

Jekyll! Gillian takes the stuff mentioned earlier about always masking some part of ourselves to the extreme. Her ability, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, literally manifests her jaded view of the world into a physical creature of chaos, aka Hyde. And she rejects Hyde hardcore, that's why she's so unstable, destructive, and difficult to control, as well as hates her in return. She puts on the sugariest of sweet faces to try and mask this darkness, but Dazai is able to see it. He recognizes her mask easily, because he's basically doing the exact same thing. Eventually, after a lot of plot haha, they're able to help each other let go of their facades a bit and better accept themselves for who they are. They find this kinship in each other that honestly makes it easier for them to let go of their guards at least a little bit. They both hold a lot of jaded darkness with themselves, and they've both done some pretty terrible things and dirtied their hands, him in the mafia and her in the Order of the Clocktower, and they were both able to break away from that to try and become better people, and that's really nice for them to be able to relate to each other.

Circus! Gillian is, true to the name of her troupe the Circus of the Disillusioned, disillusioned about much of the world. It's dirty and cruel and not on your side. But, the circus always promoted family, the whole reason Voltaire formed the troupe was to attempt to not lay there and accept their wretched fate, that they as humans should try and create at least small pockets of a world more right and colorful. And this ideal stays with her. So yeah, they're both not huge fans of the world, but she has a more innate desire to change that, and she believes it's the duty of humans to fight through and not back away from the world through means like suicide (does that make sense? Trying to word it properly). So she actually is pretty, hm, disgusted is too strong of a word to use, she clashes a lot with Dazai's suicidal jokes. And she's too tsundere and jaded herself to outright be all flowery ~I will help you~, but that sort of discussion is a theme between them early on. Their abilities are foils for each other as well, Dazai is an ability nullifier, she's an ability amplifier, and that sort of reflects their views too.

Guild! Gillian at first seems to have the most innocent view of the world, after all she's rich and spoiled by her father, Francis. And she acts rather carefree too, like someone who's always been secure and never known difficulty. But she has known pain, and there's more than a naive rich girl beneath the surface. She's cunning and knows how to read people, she's been trained in the art of business since she was a child and had it drilled into her that you must never roll over for the world. She's also been taught that she's the daughter of the great Fitzgerald, which means she's meant for greatness too, and she hides it from her father but that's left her with a desperation to prove herself and live up to a great big shadow. But she's genuinely kind too, she loves the world for it's flaws and wants to support the people in it. So yeah, they're ways of thinking clash a bit, but at the same time they work perfectly in other aspects. At first, it's more like he's interested in her for the sort of contradictions she poses, but he starts to genuinely respect her and admire how she chooses to see kindness and work for it, how she takes things in to her own hands to make the world she sees in her mind real. And she respects him for his intellect and eventually for his resolve once she learns of his past. And respect is pretty much the bud that will bloom into love.

There's a lot of fighting to find the light in the dark and acceptance of ourselves.

I hope this was all coherent and not to rambly ha.

[little-lily-w]

Day 5

I just wanted to upload the night of day 5 with the Antichrist. 

If you want to know the whole story (not ended yet), you can check Breaking Purity in AO3  https://archiveofourown.org/works/16812496/chapters/39462706

Summary: Reader attempts to escape with the help of Benson but she fails... and Michael is gonna show her the consequences.

Words: 2300

Benson stands up and goes to the glass door but before she opens it, she turns to look at you. -Who are you? – she asks. -She is not allowed to talk – Michael interferes and applies pressure on the red leather ribbon of the chain and you can perceive his temper. - Well, I don´t fucking care – Benson replies and watches you in the eyes. You bite your lips nervously, not knowing what to do – Who are you? – But since you don’t respond, she changes the question: - Do you wanna come with me? You open your mouth with surprise, now your heart pumps fast and you are about to hug her legs, but you stay there looking at her with scared eyes and moving your head surreptitiously to try to get her understand your situation. - Miss Benson, I´m gonna ask you to leave. - Do you wanna come with me? – she repeats ignoring him – I´ll put you under a spell, you won´t need a radiation suit. - Miss Benson... - You have to decide now, darling – she says. Your mind is running like a rollercoaster and your body shakes violently but with terror consuming your face you finally open your mouth. -Yes! – you let out in a horror scream. He is about to stand up to confront the lady but she attacks first and with a movement of her hand she makes him drop the chain. You don´t have time to think, just crawl to escape his side and stand on your feet when you reach her. She holds your hand and opens the glass door, making you run at her pace while she constantly watches backwards to check Michael, but he is still sat down at his desk. The corridor is very narrow and its lightbulb twinkles. Now you can see the end of it, a solid black door and when you both reach it, she steps forward and opens it. There are a few meters of concrete floor that disembogue in a ladder attached to a wall. You both carefully go down, step by step and you can already see a circular door on the concrete floor at the base which you suppouse is the exit of the sanctuary but when Benson finally opens it, you two are again at the drawing room with Michael whose face has an evil grin. You are trapped in the confusion but the lady is quick to hold your hand and open the glass door again, making you run really fast this time. You pass the black door and go downstairs but when you reach the circular door, he is in front of you again at his desk. -Fuck – says Benson but takes you for a third time the same way.

But this time, when you reach the final door, Michael makes a slight movement with his hand and now you are in the drawing room, giving your back at him, but Benson is on the other side of the glass door, looking at you. You both try to open it (you with your hands, she with magic) but it doesn´t move at all. Tears of desperation start to fall down your cheeks as you see the lady put her hand on the glass and articulate the words “I´m sorry”. You also put the hand on the door and let it slide down, as you cry and pant, watching her walk away slowly and upset this time. You keep looking through the door but she doesn´t come back this time. And then, you realize someone is breathing heavy a few meters behind you. Your eyes open wide in a terror mode and you turn around in full slow motion. Michael is there, standing up straight and steady. You can feel every inch of his lips move precisely: -Yes. Run.

Your legs respond like they have their own brain. Under the complete silence of the Sanctuary you passed him at full speed, hearing your own heartbeats galloping in your ears. Straight ahead you could see a bathroom and no exit, and the bedroom is on your left, so you turn right, running to another corridor.

- Y/N! – he calls without moving yet, enjoying the feeling of what´s soon going to be a hunt while he opens the drawer of his desk and grabs a long black scarf – Was it fun to try and defy me? ´Cause it´s going to be real fun when I catch you!

You can hear his words, the upper part of your body is getting paralyzed at the fear, but your survival instinct demands your legs to continue moving even though the long chain makes it difficult and its sound terrifies you even more. You pass the kitchen on your way through the new corridor, and two more rooms, each one on your left and your right respectively, but you don´t have time to know what there is inside. Your mind is just focused on getting you as far away as you can. Then there is a wall facing you and you have to turn right. You open the door of the last room and realize that you ended up in what used to be the first place where he kept you. You gasp, out of air, every muscle in your body under adrenaline, as you look everywhere for something to hide you. The only thing that seems to make sense is a tall pile of boxes in left corner so you slip between them and the wall, exhausted and watchful.

- Y/N…! – Michael calls in a mocking tone. He is already at the beginning of the corridor, with no rush, in full hunter mode – Come out, come out, wherever you are.

You can hear his steps, passing the kitchen.

-You know what I love about this? – he stops to close the door of the right room – That for every minute that I spend searching, the harder it´s gonna be for you and the more enjoyable it´s going to be for me – He steps in front of the left room and smells deeply with eyes closed. You can almost hear it and when he opens his eyes, they are of darker shade of blue, his pupils wildly dilated – No, you are not here – he says out loud and closes the door of this room – Hope you know the little agreement we had is over and it´s not going to happen again, my dear. But apart from that, I have a little tease to correct, don´t you think so?

Michael is now in front of your room´s door and you don´t need magic powers to sense him. Every muscle in your body tenses up and you hold your breath to not be noticed but you know inside it´s useless. So you are there really silent and about to burst into tears and he opens the door, making you feel each and every one of the steps he slowly does. He stops at the centre of the place and you think that maybe you have a chance, but you don´t realize that he has already seen the red tip of the chain peeking through the boxes. So he extends his leg and sets his foot on it.

- Game over – he says and you lose sanity, pushing the boxes and attempting run. And you are successful at it till the weight of his foot on the chain stops you a meter away. Now he leans down to take the red ribbon and slowly pulls part by part the chain so your body just has to go backwards while you sob in silence – Yeah, that was another great try – He manipulates your body so that your hands lay on the wall but your torso is away from it in an inclined position with your butt raised up a little bit. Your nightgown falls down with a twist of his wrist– So, as you were such a brave girl to disobey me and break the rules, I hope you are also a big girl to take on the punishment – He says while he moves his hand to secure your palms to the wall and your feet to the floor with magic. You can barely move your back and head or bend your legs but it causes you great discomfort. Despite that, your body complies, not opposing much resistance, you know it´s in vain and you can´t make a reasonable defense movement shaking like that – But you are not, are you? You are just a dirty little mess for me – he inhales deep caressing your back – But that doesn´t mean I´m going to be gentle – Michael extends the scarf – Open that little mouth of yours – You do as you are told in slow motion, fearful. He gags you with it and makes a knot on your nape to secure it – Good girl – he whispers maliciously in your left ear – Starting to behave so far -Now he scratches your back down to your hips and you tremble – What did you tell me before? That I looked like a vampire? Dear, you don´t know what idea that gave me – He suddenly bites the skin of your right scapula and you hiss – No, you don´t even fucking know.

The taste of your flesh makes a ravenous lust emerge from him and he sinks his teeth under your shoulder blade. You cry out and then again he takes the skin of your lower back in his mouth with feral force.

- Please, stop! – you yell through your gag, saliva dripping your chin and he is quick to move to your neck.

-Yes, scream! Scream for me – he says and takes a bit of your right shoulder between his teeth. It feels like needles because there´s not enough skin – You can make any fucking noise you want and no one is going to help you – He is in a mix of anger and hot hunger, coming up to your neck with slowly and deadly suctions.

- Please! It hurts! I won´t do it again, I promise! – you try to speak and sob while he scratches your right thigh up your butt cheek adding more red and violet marks to your body.

- I know you won´t – he breathes in your neck a bit agitated and moves his right hand to your mouth, wetting his middle finger with the saliva that keeps falling out with every yell or words you make – But I´m not in the mood for compassion to little things in distress – he moves his hand to your butt and forces the tip of his wet finger into your hole while biting your neck.

- Plea… please – but you can´t form a correct word. Your body tenses at this new sensation, invaded with pain and his delicious breath on your nape.

- Relax and it will be easier – he says and moves his finger further in.

You gasp and bend your legs to get away but your feet are stuck on the floor holding you in place. Michael sinks his teeth on the left part of your neck but this time he is not applying much strength to let his tongue play with your skin too. Your knees feel weak but you can´t fall, just having to stay there at his mercy. He continues doing the same with other parts of your neck and after the fourth time your jaw falls open, weak and gasping for air, and he is able to push his entire finger in. The insides of you gripping him but at the same time letting him explore, surrendering to his touch and to his exquisite warm mouth. He moves his left hand to your sex and slides it back and forwards your slit, soaking his fingers at your wetness.

-Please…! – you repeat in a barely audible sob, while you continue gasping for air. Then he moves to your clitoris and starts circling it, making you pant.  You can´t take it anymore and at the same time you don´t want it to stop, feeling so full and vulnerable, in waves of pain of his teeth and pleasure of his touch, trying uselessly to control yourself when all your composure has already gone.

-  I know you can´t repress it anymore – he says as he circles your clit with more pressure making you grip his finger in your ass with more strength, every nerve burning alive – Moan for me.

And you do it, completely out of your mind, an orgasm rushing through you like a full speed train. Your body convulses violently and after the climax you don´t know what is happening any more. Your muscles are shaking of weakness, and your neck is so relaxed that your head slides down, eyes closed. He lets his finger slowly out, frees your hands and feet from his spell and your legs bend, letting your weight go down. He is quick to catch you so you don´t fall and brings you close to him. Your nape is resting on his chest and you can barely open your eyes or move, in a rag doll state.

-Come here, baby – he removes the gag, lifts your naked body in his arms and unclips the chain, letting it fall on the floor by the nightgown. Your head accommodates itself on his shoulder while he takes you out of the room and starts walking the corridor back to the bedroom. The soft sensation of his cheek brushing yours when he occasionally checks your face as he moves makes you sleepy.

Michael opens the bedroom door and puts you on the mattress, covering you with the sheets. Then he takes off his clothes except for his boxers and lies down beside you. You are asleep and exhausted so he brings you closer to his body and slides his hand from your hair to your face.  He smirks and kisses your forehead.

-See you in the morning, princess.

[qcrip]

Emotional Consent

I’ve always been hesitant to post about this because I’m worried people will take it as a personal offense and I just want to say in advance this isn’t “@ anyone” or a callout even

I just feel like emotional consent as a concept is rarely talked about and therefore it’s often breached unknowingly (hence why I don’t never get mad at anyone specific for breaching it), and also I think it’s important I make this post. I didn’t learn what it was till I was older, and most people don’t.

Essentially “emotional consent” is a mutual understanding and willing agreement between both parties when discussing directly emotional or potentially emotionally loaded questions.

I’m going to start with examples, and I know it might feel bad at first if you recognize you do some of them (it’s okay, we all do from time to time), but please keep reading because I promise I’ll get onto alternative dialogues and solution

Here are some examples of what a breach of emotional consent can look like- not all the ways of course, but the major ones off the top of my head:

Venting to someone without warning or established boundaries this can look like starting a conversation by venting, or detailing graphic information seemingly out of nowhere and without effective trigger warnings. This can put people in situations where they feel like they have to respond, even if they’re not emotionally equipped, if they’re busy, or if they don’t have the spoons. Of course, usually this wasn’t the intent of the venter, but still has the same effect. FYI- this includes celebrities, social media icons, and people you admire. 

Talking graphically about sex, masturbation, or anything in that range without warning or established boundaries this can look like anything from sharing a funny sexual escapade with your friends, and dirty jokes, to sexual harassment and telling someone hows bad you want to fuck them despite not knowing how they feel about it. Sometimes in these scenarios, people can appear visibly comfortable in attempt to fit in and not seem prudish, or to avoid awkward confrontation. This can also be especially sensitive because this is a topic that can very easily and unexpectedly bring up traumas and insecurities along with the discomfort, and it can perpetuate rape culture.

Using pet-names and romantic implications, even platonically, without established consent this one was tough for me to swallow at first because I love pet names and I love using them platonically to show love. But even more, I want the people I love to feel comfortable and safe around me. Some people have deeper more negatively charged, or more intensely charged feelings around pet names than I do, and I wouldn’t want to subject them to that. Some people are also comfortable with certain pet names and not others. Also things like calling platonic meetups dates, cuddling, and platonically holding hands mean different things to different people, which is important to respect.

Showing people media or sending articles or news with heavy emotional content either without warning, or with the expectation of discussion part of this is about including trigger warnings, and making sure viewing triggering content is optional in spaces and interactions we have control over. Another part though, is the fact that we often expect people to have interactions and discussions with us about emotionally charged topics, including politics, crime, oppression, natural disasters, etc. without fully understanding how this can affect the other person.

Telling someone they’re the only person you feel comfortable telling something to, or be open with this one sucks because it usually (except in cases of abuse) comes out of genuine care and wanting to make the other person feel special. That being said, no matter how you phrase it, it can put a massive responsibility on the person that similar to my first example, can make them feel obligated to help even when they’re not in an appropriate place to. 

Expecting people to share personal or intimate information a lot of times we ask emotionally loaded questions because we care about and are interested in the lives of our loved ones. That being said, if we’re not careful people can really feel obligated to share information they’re not prepared to, or don’t want to process at the moment. This can look like “How’s your health been?” “How are you handling [life event]?” and “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

so now the more pleasant part! What can it look like to prioritize emotional consent instead- these correspond in order of initial bullets

Starting vague and asking if it’s okay an example dialogue could be “I’m feeling crappy about [blank] are you up to listen to me talk about it?” I also love to add “or should I try [alternative coping method/talking to someone else right now?]” to the end of that if I have one so the other person knows if they say no I have something to turn to. Another example could be “Would it be alright for me to vent right now? FYI it may include mentions of [possible triggers] so if you’re not up for it right now I understand?” or simply “Are you comfortable with me talking about [blank?]”. Also talking to a celebrity or idol “You really helped me with [blank]. I don’t know if you’re comfortable with detail so I won’t elaborate, but I really appreciate it.” or “You really helped me with [blank.] [An explanation about what specifically helped or inspired you in more detail rather than graphic description of the event.]”

Again! You can just ask example dialogue can include “Can I mention something about my sex life?” “I have a joke but it’s dirty so I want to make sure thats okay with you” “Can I say something nsfw?” “Is everyone here okay with sex mentions?” 

Asking still works! Example dialogue can be “Thanks [petname] (are you okay with me using that or would you rather I don’t)” “Are you okay being called [petname]?” “Are you comfortable with [intimate platonic act]?” “Do you want to [intimate platonic act]?” “I’d like to [intimate platonic act] if you’d be okay with that”

Ask/Warn ahead of time or clarify you don’t need response example dialogue “I want to process [news event] but I know it’s heavy so I wanted to ask first” “Jsyk this article contains [possible triggers] so don’t read it if you think it’d be harmful to you]” “Can I ask your opinion on [charged topic]. If you’d rather not, I understand” “[thought or link to article] FYI no need to respond. I just wanted to share.]”

Show you’re appreciation in other ways using phrases that show appreciation but don’t implicate responsibility like “Thanks for being here for me whenever you’re able to” “I really appreciate being able to talk about this with you” “It means a lot to me that I can feel so comfortable and open with you” “Being able to talk about this with you has been really helpful for me and I’m really glad I was ables to.”

Asking with an easy out or optional response examples include “Hey, I know you’re dealing with as lot and grieving right now so I absolutely don’t need a response, but I wanted to remind you if you need support in any way I’m available and have time right now.” “Do you want to talk about [emotionally charged life event] or would you rather talk about something else right now?” “I know it’s hard to talk about these things and I understand if you can’t, but I want to remind you that when you can and want to I’m available and won’t judge you.” “Would venting be helpful or draining right now?” “What’s the best way I can support you, or are you not sure right now?”

Sorry this became a long ass post but I thought it was important. I should also add that the exception of course is therapists and counselors, crisis hotlines, or other people trained and already prepared to cope with these things. but besides that- try and emo responsibly. 

[icantlose]

The very concept of a “good idea” is objective; just because you don’t think something is a good idea does not mean it is a bad idea. Fans have different perspectives and these are usually based on different life experiences. But frankly, multiple members of the community don’t believe that your ideas are very good: particularly the one of yours where you infantize Krystal. It’s fuckin’ gross and creepy and minimizes the character more than the fandom already does.

People are judgmental of you because it is natural human defense mechanism. You have come out of nowhere to criticize people and their ideas based off of canon story, which you have violently rejected on multiple occasions. You have a long history of attacking people unfairly for writing fiction based within the margins of established Star Fox canon. Of course people are going to be judgmental of you, because you’re the villain in this situation: they did not ask for your opinion and you never fail to deliver your opinion in a very rude, insulting and frankly non-constructive manner. You get what you give, Jacob. 

Nobody cares that you don’t like Krystal being on Star Wolf.

You’re not being called out for “simply” disliking something. You’re being called out for all the hateful messages you keep sending multiple people across multiple platforms. Don’t mix things up, sweetheart. 

Acting like a martyr, acting like you are the only one who has ever suffered through hardship is the fastest way to alienate yourself. People don’t want to befriend someone who weaponizes their hardships in the way that you do. It makes you come across as very hard to approach, very judgmental--there’s that word again--and like no matter what, the person trying to get to know you can’t win because you, yourself, are going though “absolute HELL.” 

Speaking of going through “absolute HELL”, so are many of us in this community but I’ve yet to see you reach out and actually give a shit.

You have not been trying to “play nice”. You’ve been trying to duck under the radar and avoid accountability. There is a major difference.

If something as simple as the idea of a video game you’re not forced to play pisses you off, it’s time to get off the computer, bud.

I’ve referred to you as a “white knight” because you’re coming to the defense of a character that nobody hates here in this particular community. In fact, in recent years Krystal has been widely celebrated and widely adored ESPECIALLY with the unofficial release of Dinosaur Planet. You’ve created a problem there isn’t one; any idea that you disagree with regarding Krystal and her character has been met with an onslaught of HATE MESSAGES from YOU, JACOB. You’ve expressed extreme reactions to multiple attempts across several platforms by several different people to give Krystal a dynamic character and award more than Nintendo has given her: Nintendo themselves has admitted to wanting to use her as a sex-symbol and you’ve done nothing but kick and scream any time someone presents her as less than perfect in your ideal. That is not fair. 

Nobody here has depicted her in a negative light and it’s very sad and very insulting of you to suggest that her being a part of Star Wolf, a squadron of anti-heroes (anti-hero: n. a central character in a story, movie, or drama who lacks conventional heroic attributes but whom cannot be identified as a villain) is somehow a negative depiction.

No one considers that Krystal isn’t the only character that you think of when you think of Star Fox because you’ve shown us that it she is the only character you think of UNLESS you are confronted with the fact that you don’t think of anyone else except Krystal. You told @blackarwing​ that you have a “crush” on every female character in the Star Fox roster. That is extremely discomforting and hard to take seriously because this is an extreme opinion was only admitted once you were confronted with the fact that you only seem to be obsessed with Krystal. You NEVER talk about Fox, or James, even; you have never expressed opinions of Slippy, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you mention talk of Peppy or Pepper or Beltino. You FREQUENTLY villainize Wolf even though in-game he has proven he’s not a bad guy, you shit on Panther and you have attacked Leon. But we sure do know how you feel about fuckin’ Krystal.

You’re not sorry.

Just as most of us have both suspected and claimed, it is clear that you do not understand what “I’m sorry” actually means. If you were actually sorry, you would express actual sorrow towards your actions and you would purposefully make a point to stop acting the way that you have that has upset several different communities, but you have not. 

While I’m at it, you apologized to me and I said I hope you’ll do better, you responded with “I hope so too”. That is the perfect indication that you were unwilling to actually try to improve yourself. You weren’t sorry, you’re just looking to get all the pressure from the groups of people you’ve pissed off off of your back. Not only is that the perfect indication that you’re not willing to improve, but it is also the best possible example of you, Jacob, and your shitty character. You “hope” that you will do better. Instead of actually putting the work in to improving yourself. You do not “hope” that you will do better, you just fuckin’ DO BETTER. It’s not a gamble when YOU are the person behind the goddamn wheel! Wake. Up.

You cannot blame “stress” for how you are acting the way that you are online. We all have “stress”. The majority of us are older than you and have bills to pay, you don’t see us using that as an excuse online to shit all over people we disagree with. I’m not talking at you because I’m stressed, I’m talking at you because you’re a young person that needs to understand that this is not how someone communicates to other creative content creators. This is not okay. You’re being really fuckin’ shitty.

Whatever you are going through in the real world, it is absolutely unfair to bring that forward and take your “stress” out on the people who have nothing to do with your “stress” online. That is extremely selfish, destructive and fuckin’ mean. Blaming stress for the bullshit you’ve been providing us since fuckin’ March is NOT an excuse for an adult to make. If you’re referring to ‘stress’ online, then I know I’m victim-blaming, but you brought this on your fuckin’ self, dude. You’ve been causing nothing but “stress” on everyone else since you arrived your garbage and yet you’re the only one lashing out at people and citing “stress” as the culprit.

If it’s driving you nuts then do something to change it. 

If your dog is that sick, being on the internet whining about a fictional blue fox, is the absolute fucking LAST thing you should be doing.  

I’m glad you’re trying to treat his cancer as best you can. But that still doesn’t excuse the environment you’re providing for the poor thing. If he’s that sick, he ABSOLUTELY. SHOULD. NOT. be in that dirty of an environment, what the fuck is wrong with you!?  Actually. Don’t answer. I don’t want to see you come up with a shitty excuse for this one either.

This was posted while I was typing this response.

If you wanted to be my friend, you WOULD NOT lay into me for the shit we disagree with. the idea behind making friends is focusing on what you have in common with others. You would put effort into getting to know people. You’re not trying to befriend me; you’re trying to prove how much “better” of a Star Fox fan you are than I am because I see things differently than you, (y’know, despite the fact that I’m much older than you, have been playing the games longer than you, but here I go fuckin’ gatekeeping). I guarantee you, you don’t know how old I am, what my favorite color is, what Star Fox game I prefer, what my opinion of Krystal is, or hell, what my real name is: all you have ever cared about is how I’ve presented Krystal to a space you have invited yourself into. Don’t try to twist things, buddy.

Don’t you ever. Ever. E V E R. try and suicide-bait me ever again, do you understand me? it’s disgusting that you would ever even fuckin’ try that shit. There are people in this platform that SERIOULSY struggle with suicide, that are struggling to find the strength to go on, to face the entire day for real; it is a constant battle and you’re just making light to make me feel bad for pointing out your shitty behavior is incredibly outrageous and infuriating. The fucking fact that you would try and use that as a fuckin means to get the upper-hand in this conversation is absolutely, positively fuckin’ disgusting, and outrageous. I mean how dare you? How. Dare. You? Fuck. You. NEVER do that again. You are an absolute insult to those who actually struggle with depression and self-esteem. The fact that you would actually try this shit as a means to get me to back off over something this fuckin’ trivial is absolutely disgusting. DISGUSTING. You’ve made things absolutely fuckin’ worse. 

This is not a game. I’m demanding accountability and I’m making sure that every single person is aware of what you just tried to pull with me. Newcomer24 just pulled the suicide card over Krystal bein’ acknowledged as a Star Wolf team member.

Suicide threats are not a joke, they are not a weapon. You’re crossing a major line over FUCKIN’ KRYSTAL. How. Fucking. Dare. You. Over the course of an hour, you’ve made yourself look a hundred times worse. Stop trying to save your skin. Of course you meant to send those messages; you wanted to get back at someone that upset you and you chose the most toxic, most vile most evil way to respond. You wanted to hang your life over my head. You wanted to put your blood on my hands. 

You are talking to a suicide attempt survivor. Any amount of respect you still had with me, you’ve absolutely lost. 

All.  Over.  Krystal.

[londontheatre]

Dirty Butterfly – Photographer – Emma Steele

There was a period in construction where, probably in an effort to reduce costs and increase profit, builders seemed to put up the thinnest walls possible between buildings. This was great for them but not necessarily seen as a positive aspect of the build for the people living there. Normally the sound that permeated through the walls would be fairly low level, almost like a constant background hum, but sometimes the level of noise would become highly intrusive and it would be impossible not to know exactly was going on with them next door. Welcome to the world of Debbie Tucker Green’s Dirty Butterfly at the Bread & Roses Theatre, Clapham.

Amelia (Rachel Clarke) and Jason (Andy Umerah) live either side of Jo (Rebecca Pryle) and her husband. Thanks to the thinness of the walls between the properties, Amelia and Jason can hear everything that occurs between Jo and her other half. And what they hear is not good, or is it? Amelia hates the noise and sounds coming from next door so sleeps downstairs to get away from it. Jason, on the other hand, seems to thrive on the sounds and listens intensely so that he doesn’t miss even the smallest noise. For Jo, she cannot escape the noise nor the cause of it as she is both. The three of them have lives that interlock but never connect directly. There has obviously been some previous relationship between Amelia and Jason. There is also a sense that Amelia and Jo were once friends but no more which may explain why she does nothing about the noises coming through the wall.

Although ostensibly a one-act play that runs straight through, there is a distinct feeling that Dirty Butterfly is two acts. The first being conversations between the characters through the paper thin walls of their homes and the second being a confrontation between Jo and Amelia. The play itself is difficult to watch and I suppose part of it is down to the guilt felt by the audience. After all, how many of us can say – hand on heart – that we have never listened in to and interesting conversation on the bus or at a bar at some point? We all have, and often quite enjoyed what we have been listening to, or we wouldn’t do it. Dirty Butterfly takes place in the round with the three actors on individual small stages – Amelia and Jason either side of Jo. The set, by Jo Jones, works well and adds to the intimacy of the production with Director Tessa Hart restricted in the amount of movement the actors can have, which means everything really relies on their body language and the words themselves.

Debbie Tucker Green’s script varies on style throughout the play. At times it is very ‘street’ at others, very rough and, particularly in the first ‘half’ often flowing like poetry as the actors deliver their individual thoughts to each other and themselves, often finishing each other’s sentences with the start of another so that there is a constantly flowing river of words to capture and hold the audience. I suppose my one worry about the piece is that I can sort of understand Jason not doing anything to assist Jo – and thereby potentially lose his, for want of a better word, entertainment. However, Amelia’s attitude surprised me. One woman allowing another to live the life that Jo was stuck in seemed to me to be an odd thing to do. This was further compounded when, at times, it felt as if Amelia was blaming Jo as the harbinger of her own doom. Turning to the actors, and all three were really great. They interacted with each other in a really believable way and I felt that, among the cast, if not the characters, there was a real affection and respect for each other.

Summing up, Dirty Butterfly is not going to be everyone’s cup of tea and, I personally found the second half, in the cafe with the cleanly mopped floor, particularly difficult to watch. Without giving too much away, it was difficult to drag my eyes away from Jo, as much as I really wanted to. A hard play with few laughs – though the section joining the first and second halves was really brilliant in giving us a respite from the sadness of Jo’s life. Despite the discomfort brought on by the story, I did enjoy Dirty Butterfly and will definitely think again, when next time someone is chatting to their mate a little too loudly on the bus home.

Review by Terry Eastham

Listening through their thin walls, Amelia and Jason are drawn into the dark and compelling world of their mutual neighbour, Jo. Something very nasty is going on next door. Jason and Amelia know it, but do nothing.

Jason is increasingly addicted to eavesdropping on Jo’s abuse, meanwhile, Amelia’s frustration with Jo’s predicament develops, as she tries to ignore the brutality on the other side of the wall.

Painting a harrowing image of domestic violence in an intimate, yet so distant environment, dirty butterfly confronts the audience with themes of voyeurism, power and guilt through lives that interlock but never connect.

Following 5-star reviewed productions of ‘Miss Julie’ in 2015 and ‘Low-Level Panic’ in 2016, this year The Bread & Roses Theatre is putting on a revival of the debut play of Olivier-Award-winning playwright and BAFTA-Award-winning screenwriter Debbie Tucker Green.

The Bread & Roses Theatre presents Dirty Butterfly by Debbie Tucker Green – directed by Tessa Hart

25th April to 13th May Venue: Bread and Roses Theatre 68 Clapham Manor Street, Clapham SW4 6DZ, London http://ift.tt/1PFobit

http://ift.tt/2qiauwT LondonTheatre1.com

[whatmustbetaken]

A boy and his dog Part 1

(A story of betrayal, well meaning fibs, foolish hopes for someone else's innocence, the gap between parents and progeny when hoping to give the next generation a break they did not get.) Lies, charades, facades, Nature's Primal Command, and (look closely) the malleable reality of your mind. You might think your own mind, beliefs, desires, unshared thoughts, what you've always [insert always here] and what you'd never ever do/think/feel/believe. The illusion of consistency and continuity can be unsettling if you face the fact that your core self is manufactured fresh from moment to moment. Neat trick, that. Flexibility of the finest order. Knowing your mind in many ways is subject to needs and the bubbling up of both emotions and behavior expectations, is a hard thing to confront. Yet, how many people casually enjoying pornography find themselves more interested in anal than once they were. It's the leading trend. Moms teaching younger, anal sex, B&D, even S&M. Not to worry, you prolly should have the proper grisly respect for plumbing the brown eye anyway, despite the overwhelming historical "one way only" chant of most spouses, finances, girlfriends and (yuck) overheard peers of mom and dad. But I digress. Imagine going back in time to that cusp all must face called puberty. I recall at age 13 being full of precise precocious knowledge about sperm getting to egg and if not then the welcome wagon needed to be chucked out once a month into pads, tampons, etc. No help at all that there was often physical discomfort for the girl and frequently a whirl of emotional grittiness. PMS is real enough to any man who can count and understands his woman or women are erratic and possibly dangerous (if only to the ego) during this "perfectly natural" time that girls seem to handily expand to fit the amount of repressed or gunny sacked pissed offedness they have accumulated. Genuine, no doubt; but clearly a crutch if one reaches for a crutch supporting highly emotional or downright caustic behavior. PMS creates itself as a larger phenomenon than it actually is. For crying out loud, the design can't be that defective. Eggs and clots have been hitting the waste bucket for eons. Mother Nature might be seen delivering some round about negative feedback since no egg got sperm speared as it was made to be. Another egg, another bloody nest gone to waste. Why is there no penis, or penises in queue to fire at the egg? Ma Natch provides very impressive sex urges and sensual needs. As bad as the simplistic super command delivered to the male. From the first sprout of pubic hair (fashionably scraped to bare skin like a pre-teen girly) to the last gasp of the factory shutting down due to lack of eggs supply, the biology supports voracious compelling urges that are difficult to ignore. Ladies having more skin in the game as the oven for the bun and having a zillion socio-cultural red flags, denouncing of their needs, half assed custody of goodness and virtue, plus whatever else each picks up about sex being dirty, wrong, bad, sinful, not a good daughter's way, potentially drawing some of the vast festering cesspool of venom for sluts. This reservoir of guaranteed face to face consensus in universally scorning, despising, being disgusted by sluts. Now we've come through the sexual revolution long before I was aware of any rebellion. My take is it didn't last long but it did help women own their sexuality and understand ways to control conception. From our side of the revolution it hardly seems like a new world order. It's probably more open and energized than the preceding generations but really, there was plenty of kink, cuckold, and hanky lanky 'back in the day' despite us having the tattered remains of a fizzed out revolution. We didn't invent sex. There's nothing new under the sun. Humans have been milking, magnifying and happily repeating the positive feedback(s) Ma Nature built into the whole thing. Good on us that sensuality and sexuality is enriched by the mind and imagination. I'd guess the basic nuclear bomb of "good boy, do that again" ecstasy on orgasm is increased a hundred fold and smeared over a period of time that starts with euphoric recall, moves along to touch, taste and scent all sources of pleasure and anticipation, the if we are lucky to have adventurous partners all sorts of byways, sideways and twisted bursts of ecstasy can be discovered and even then enriched. I have enjoyed ladies who obtained great pleasure from being bound, spanked, even smacked with a riding crop. Further many who might never have known it become drunk with joy on being rough handled or used by a man half crazed with desire for her. There's a whole lot there, sex begins in the mind and if the mandated couple of sperm spewed and perfect receiving slit is delayed or deferred, that's gravy swiped from nature's own basket. Give us an incentive which can and does have huge emotional and imaginative components and like good hairless monkeys who also flew rockets to the moon, we're going to drain every drop possible from that ultimate joy prize. And on top of that, let's give women so many and so much sexual organs and erogenous zones. And allow them to extend an umbrella of yum joy to whatever tickles their fancy be it sucking on cock or receiving said turgid flesh into the naughty brown eye that is just so filthy bad it's great. -----