#i dont think im wrong. i dont there was any sort of explanation or reason or anything like that

[iangallagherisadeadman]

Don't you guys think it's fucked up when Fiona starts dating and sleeping out of the house, leaving Debbie, Carl and Liam kind of for themselves?

Once she started dating Mike she would sleep at his place sometimes which I think it's okay, she was paying the bills and would leave dinner ready and communicate Debs and she was still looking out for them, they had health care and she took them to the clinic and all that. She needs to take care of her, live a life, sleep at her boyfriend sometimes, that's fine and healthy. But then she marry Gus and is often out of there, get together with Sean and doesn't even know what's going on with them anymore (aka "why there's nothing to eat in the fridge" "cause no one is doing the shopping" dialogue with Debbie, not knowing when it's their first day at school, letting Sammy move in and run things after her trailer got fucked by Frank), and then she gets her apartment and moves out completely and like, okay, Ian was a EMT, Lip is a mechanic already I think, she did said she wasn't going to support Debbie after her pregnancy (fucked me thinks), Carl's at military school, but Liam is still a kid! And Debs and Carl are still underage! And they are her responsibility.

It just doesn't sit right with me that Liam didn't at least moved with her.

Specifically Fiona defenders, I would love to hear more about it.

[wttcsms]

Hihi i saw ur request box was open & i just couldnt resist! A big confession to make here, uhh ive been such a big fan of u and yr writings and also u were the v first fanfic blog i came across a couple years ago so yea, u literally open my third eye to a whole new world of fics👉👈 🥺

i feel like you havent written angst in a while–and bc i miss ur angsty haikyuu fics– sooo could i request post-breakup college!au with atsumu or iwai (honestly anyone who'd best fit the scenario cuz i trust ur characterization👌) abt the aftermath of the breakup, them seeing us on campus and unconsciously following us with their eyes, reschin to help out on instinct only to realize theyre no longer together, thinking about what could've been just reminisce reminisce

ahhhh im sry honestly dont know how to expand more on the idea

thank you for stealing my ficvirginity😃

pairing atsumu miya x f!reader word count 2.1k content contains exes still in love, college!au, mutual pining author's notes hi <3 i remember you (eycee, right?). don't be a stranger! you can always dm me and say hello :) thank you for the constant support. not sure if this fic is angsty enough, but i wanted yours to be the first req i do <3

“Hi, welcome in! Let me know if— Oh.”

Your voice falters, recognition and maybe even something similar to embarrassment flits across your face, and a split second later, you go back to smiling like nothing’s wrong. Like the two of you haven’t spent the better half of this month actively avoiding each other at all costs, even though the sprawling acres of the University of Tokyo suddenly feels too small. The entirety of Japan has felt too small ever since it became his mission to never cross paths with you ever again. 

This mission of his started just a little over two weeks ago, on the very same day you decide to use his heart as your own punching bag. The worst part of it all, though, is the fact that he doesn’t even hold any type of contempt for you. It’s a cruel sort of joke; sometimes, Atsumu Miya feels like everything bad that happens to him is just some sort of sick punchline in a sitcom instead of real life. 

Usually, when girlfriends find out their high school sweetheart is going to be a wildly successful (and rich) professional athlete, they’ll do anything in their power to hang onto him.

You decided to snip the invisible string tying the two of you together, and you did it so effortlessly, so quickly, that Atsumu had to make sure that he hadn’t been imagining the last four years of your relationship. 

He’s got his hands shoved in his pockets, and he’s torn between staring at you like a total creep or looking at everything in the campus bookstore but you. He settles for the former, scared that this will be his last opportunity to really look at you. 

Neither of you is saying anything. It’s a Saturday and so no one else is even in the bookstore this morning, and Atsumu wants to say something, anything, but he’s never been that great at carefully picking his words, and he’s scared out of his mind that he’ll say something stupid and prove once and for all that you had been right to break up with him. Better yet, he wants you to say something. He wants you to give him a better explanation instead of the bullshit you told him in his apartment. 

We just want different things.

What does that even mean? He thinks he would have shouted out that question, if only your little break up speech hadn’t caught him so off guard. Different things? The two of you wanted different things? Sure, Atsumu likes to sleep in a freezing cold apartment, and you need the room to actually be at a reasonable temperature. And maybe Atsumu has a penchant for overly fried, greasy foods when all you want (and deserve) is a fancy dinner. Maybe Atsumu wants to be at a sports store instead of browsing aisle after aisle in Sephora, but he doubts these different wants have accumulated so much that you felt you had no choice but to break his heart. 

“Hey, Miya.” You say it softly, dropping the perky customer service voice you greeted him with before you turned around and realized who he was. And he flinches. He fucking visibly cringes at the way you speak to him, walking on eggshells and going back to formalities like he’s barely above a stranger to you.

Miya.

(Did you know that he wanted to make that your last name?

Do you know that he still does, even now?)

“Hey,” he replies back, curling his fingers into fists inside his pocket. He thinks his voice comes out all scratchy, like how it always sounds when you don’t use your voice nearly enough. He clears his throat awkwardly. Everything feels awkward; everything feels wrong. He says “hey”, but what he really means to say is please don’t call me Miya; you know the color of my toothbrush, you don’t have to call me Miya. 

“Were you looking for something?” 

You.

Subconsciously, Atsumu finds himself seeking you out. He walks by another girl on campus and almost breaks his neck with the speed he turns around to catch a whiff of the perfume wafting from her body because he swears it’s the same fragrance you favor. He walks by the building that houses all the classrooms for your specific major, even though it’s located on the opposite side of his own classes because he secretly hopes against all hope that he’ll run into you, and you’ll see him and fall in love with him again. He goes to the same restaurants the two of you frequently ate at together, and he orders your usual because you can never finish your entire meal and always have him finish off the leftovers for you (and the food is always good, but somehow it doesn’t taste the same when your utensils haven’t touched it first). And he doesn’t even need to be here, doesn’t even care enough about his stupid class to go out of his way to buy the study guide, but he knows you’ve started picking up the weekend shifts at the campus bookstore, and suddenly, he cares enough about passing to get the damn study guide. 

He shrugs. “Just some stupid workbook to study for an upcoming exam, but it’s not that serious.” 

“Oh. Is Dr. Furata giving you a hard time again?” 

“How do you do that?” Atsumu blurts out, wanting to kick himself for giving too much of himself away. You already own every centimeter of his heart and maybe his soul. You don’t need anything else from him; he’s almost certain there’s nothing left for him to give you, but he can’t help but impulsively ask the damn question that’s been running through his mind ever since you left him behind. 

Did you know that when you’re confused, your brows furrow together, and you get this adorable, endearing crinkle in between them? Do you know that he still finds that same expression as cute as he did when you still called yourself his girlfriend? 

“What are you talking about?” 

How can you just stand there and act like you never crushed his heart? How do you wake up in the morning and not feel like your life is missing something important, like you’ll never feel whole again? How can you keep him wrapped around your finger, and then have the audacity to not even realize it? How did you let him go so quickly? 

Practicing caution, he swallows hard before clarifying, “How do you know everything?” Because if you can act like he’s just a polite acquaintance, like he’s nothing more than another fellow classmate, he can try to play pretend too. He can act like there’s not enough history between the two of you to fill up every damn textbook in this stupid store. “Yeah, Dr. Furata’s been on everyone’s ass. Somethin’ about midterm grades being worth a quarter of our overall grade.” 

“Believe me, you’re not the first victim of Dr. Furata’s to come wandering in the store. I think I have a few more of the workbooks he suggested in stock. Let me go check.” 

It’s instinct at this point for Atsumu to just follow you. If he uses his imagination, it’s almost like he’s back to browsing in a makeup store, walking aimlessly in every aisle, following you loyally because he’s happy to have you lead the way and he doesn’t care where he ends up, so long as you’re there with him. 

But this isn’t an afternoon date with you. This is him following a bookstore employee. After you find that study guide, which is really nothing more than his flimsy excuse for seeking you out, you’re going to ask him “card or cash?”, ring him up at the register, and he’s going to walk out that door and have to act like he’s still not in love with you. All the while, you’re doing fine. You’re fine right now, and you’re going to be fine when he leaves, and you’re probably going to be fine, five years down the line, when you’re happy with someone else and Atsumu is alone because in this little hypothetical, he still hasn’t gotten over you.

He is trailing behind you in this bookstore, and your back is facing him, and he’s panicking because he doesn’t think he’s capable of not loving you. 

Just two weeks ago, you knew him better than anyone else in the world, maybe even better than Osamu, perhaps even better than he knows himself. Now, you just give him a polite smile as you grab the small stool to reach the books located at the very top of the shelf. 

“God, I hate the way we organize everything in the store.” You say, lightheartedly complaining. He knows you do. He knows because he’s known you for nearly a decade. The two of you have grown up together. You made this same complaint sprawled out on the couch in his apartment. 

When he doesn’t reply, you look down to see if something’s the matter, only to do it too quickly that you find yourself losing your balance. Before you can come crashing to the floor, Atsumu is quick to catch you, and you pretend that his protective embrace isn’t comforting. You pretend not to notice that he’s wearing the cologne you bought him for Christmas last year, and you continue to pretend that you don’t miss him at all, that you don’t still love him. 

And for a second, the two of you both pretend that you’re still with each other. That it’s perfectly okay to savor this intimate moment, that his arms wrapped around your body right now isn’t awkward in the slightest. He’s staring at you with a sort of starstruck, boylike wonder, and it’s so familiar, so sweet, because it’s the way he always used to look at you. His lips part slightly, like he’s about to say something, and—

The loud ring! interrupts whatever moment the two of you are sharing, and you nearly jump out of his arms. You hear the distinct footsteps of another student, and you adjust your shirt before remembering where the two of you are — what the two of you are. Not a couple. Barely even friends. Just a bookstore employee and a student that needs a book. That’s all the two of you are allowed to be.

“I should probably go check up front and make sure they don’t need any help.” You tell him, biting down on your lip. “Anyway, did you need anything else, or would you like me to check you out right now?” 

He blinks a few times, as if still in a daze. “Uh, yeah, sure.” The tips of his ears are flushed a light pink. “Y-yeah, I’m done here.” 

The two of you practically race each other to the front of the store, and you step behind the counter to scan his workbook. He drums his fingers, looking around the store. When he’s nervous, he likes to be moving. You know this. 

Just looking for an excuse to use his hands, Atsumu mindlessly picks a pack of gum off a nearby rack and slides it towards you so you can also scan it. You know you shouldn’t say it. You know it’s supposed to be a clean break. Instead, you tell him, 

“Actually, if you want, I have the fruit variety flavor.” 

“Huh?” This catches his attention. 

You reach into one of the boxes that have just been shipped to the store, rummaging through a tiny one before revealing a shiny, new package of gum, this one advertising all the flavors based on tropical fruits. “Would you rather have this one?” 

“Oh, yeah!” As if truly forgetting what the two of you actually are (exes, strangers with too much history, two people still pretending like they’re not in love), his eyes light up. “How did you kno—” He doesn’t finish the question. He knows the answer to the question. 

You’re quick to finish ringing him up, the “polite strangers” illusion being completely shattered. It’s obvious, really, that there are always going to be parts of Atsumu that still live deep inside of you. You can only hope that this isn’t the case for him. 

You hand him the bag, and when he grabs it from you, your fingers just barely graze each other’s. Atsumu is scared — scared that this might be the last time he ever feels your touch. 

And because you’re a glutton for punishment, you find yourself telling him,

“Don’t be a stranger.”

You can’t tell who’s more devastated: you or him.

[sophieinwonderland]

i have a question, if youre willing to answer.

i dont want resources, i’ve likely already read them.

we’re a traumagenic programmed system. typically the thought of someone without trauma having this disorder upsets us, because what we went through was so severe that it seems unfair to people without trauma to have to live the same hell as us.

it seems like the only reason someone would be a system without trauma would be by choice.

i would like to hear your explanation for endogenic systems. as i already said, ive read plenty of journals on non trauma based plurality. i dont include spiritual plurality as to me that is an entirely different field.

all i would like to know is your version or perspective of why endogenic systems exist without any trauma whatsoever. when i say this, i mean the type of formative years that would leave a singlet with fondest memories of childhood, nothing bad or stressful, a peaceful parents and environment, etc.

this is not for syscourse, i dont engage with negativity like that.

im open to learning, and i will always peacefully coexist with opposing views to my own, but again, i do my research and have already read many of both the popular and obscure journals on non trauma based plurality that i have found.

-

i dont know if you’ll answer this, though i do hope so, and im not sure how often you get anonymous asks like this, but just in case, you can consider me as anon M.

much respect to you, and i hope you have a good day/night.

-M

Sure!

I'm curious if, in your research, you've also looked into studies into "imagined companions."

These are what I actually find most interesting. Now, "imagined companion" is a loaded term from a singlet-normative perspective that ASSUMES a single consciousness per body. But recent research into ICs have shown a reality that is far more complicated than that, with a majority of ICs seemingly possessing will of their own.

Current research shows about a third of ICs appear to be fully controlled by the host child. These are pretty much what you imagine they would be when you hear terms like "imaginary friend" thrown around. These aren't what I'm interested in.

At the other end of the spectrum are researchers call "noncompliant" imaginary friends. These do have will of their own but exhibit harmful and often bullying behavior. I think many of these would be traumagenic in nature, or at least trauma-affected. If a child's IC is bullying them, that hints that something has likely gone wrong in their homelife, and they're emulating toxic behaviors.

What I find most interesting then is this middle third. Those who demonstrate autonomy while being generally supportive, positive relationships in the lives of their hosts.

It's in this group that we find the strongest evidence of natural multiplicity in children. And it's a pretty massive percentage of the population.

Some studies have shown more than 60% of children have had imagined companions in childhood before the age of 7.

Extrapolating, this means as many as 40% of children, 2 in every 5, would experience childhood plurality, with other people in their heads with their own will.

About 1-in-5 would fall into the category of having these sorts of positive childhood headmates.

To me, the issue isn't a question of why natural multiplicity exists. It seems to me that it just does. Some people are just naturally multiple in childhood.

To me, the issue is what happens to it afterwards. Where do these headmates go? Why do some people keep them?

For the first question, this seems a result of forced conformity. Tell children that their ICs aren't real and that they need to outgrow them, and the ICs will either be forced into dormancy or fuse with the host child.

Their singlethood is sociogenic.

But a fraction will remain. The ICs will be stronger than normal or the host child won't let go of them. And they'll stick around to adulthood. Since they "know" a simple imaginary friend can't be real or think for themselves, they may turn to spiritual explanations for what they experience.

Most will feel alone in their experiences, feel crazy, and never tell others about these headmates.

I'll also add that these systems are usually unable to switch. Switching appears to usually need a dissociative capacity from either intentional dissociative practices such as those in tulpamancy and many spiritual practices, or from trauma.

These systems can learn to switch but it's not inherent to their plurality.

Those are my thoughts anyway! Good day to you too, and thanks for the question! 😁💖

[renzieluvsvt]

fall in you

pairing: bsf!joshua x reader

genre: angst, fluff

word count: 1K

summary: you have been falling for your childhood best friend!joshua. you are sure that your feelings wont be reciprocated so what turns will it take when you decide to completely avoid and forget him?

warnings: reader losing pet dog, kissing (is that even a warning? lol)

a/n: tysm anon for this request!! i enjoyed coming up with the plot for this;)) but so sorry as it took me so much time to post it.

anw, hope yall enjoy this one too!! will keep on posting as much as i can :))

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

"will you still not talk to me?", joshua asked you aka his best friend with whom he hadn't spoken to for several months because of some reason he wasn't aware of. the two of you had been friends since childhood, grew up knowing each other's secrets, grew up together even during the lowest points of lives but as of now, the both of you were standing in the living room of your dorm. you hadn't spoken to him for six months already. during the first month, he excused you by thinking that you were probably tired with the classes. during the second month, he was hurt that you didn't agree to meet him anywhere else whenever he tried to clear things out. it was the third month where you finally refused to even look at him in the uni. it hurt him to see you avoiding him.

whenever he tried approaching you, you always changed your path. it suprised him how his "best friend" started leaving him on delivered or sometimes on seen in the fourth month. his phone calls were totally ignored by you in the fifth month. and finally, in the sixth month you started treating him as a pure stranger.

he couldn't take this shit anymore. even if he spent hours in a day to reflect and look for some reasons that could have possibly got you upset— he still couldnt find one. that was when he eventually decided to go to your dorm and confront you. he had been refraining himself from visiting your dorm so that he wouldn't get in trouble for getting into a girl's dormitory but he was left with no choice afterall.

"can you fucking look at me atleast?", he said in anger as you tested his patience. you still continued folding your dried laundry. your actions hurt him. alot. being avoided by his bestfriend was already hurting him but the reason that hurt him the most was he couldn't have any sort of explanation about it.

"joshua, im asking you for the last time, can you please leave right now?", you spatted out with not much any emotions but one could surely hear the crack in your voice. you wanted to sink ten feet under the ground as you realised how your voice cracked. you wished that he didn't figure that out but you were wrong. he heard you and knew you were on the verge of breaking down. "please tell me y/n and i'll work on myself to not disappoint you anymore", he pulled you by your arms so that you could turn to his direction but you swatted away your arm from his grip. with anger.

as you finally faced him, he looked deeply into your eyes as if to find the answers you were hiding but all he could see was your tears welling up your eyes. he stared at you worriedly as a tear rolled down your face.

"why do you want me back in your life? just so you can hurt me again by telling me about your new flings?", you spoke out finally. yes, he heard that right. yes, he was understanding it right too. you saw him more than a friend. you wanted your relationship with him to be more than best friends. "yes! i go crazy everytime i hear you blabber about your crushes and dates", you said with tears in your eyes. you simply couldn't bottle it up today. "joshua, i fell for you even before i could know", you continued. "i dont know when it j-just happened. was it when you caressed my hair while appreciating me when i felt insecure about myself after i was cheated on by my boyfriend or was it when you didn't leave me alone when i was left heartbroken after i lost my dog? or was it when you spoke words you probably never meant with the eyes that seemed to be in love with me?", you managed to pour out your feelings in words finally.

"l-listen to m-me y/n....", joshua stuttered. he was speechless. not because of your sudden confession but because he finally knew that his feelings were reciprocated! "josh, im sorry but i cant stay friends with you. it hur-", before you could even complete your sentence he pulled you in for a kiss.

he cupped your cheeks and deepened the kiss with his eyes shut. you couldn't process what had just happened but when he bit your lower lip for a response, you gave in. it felt like heaven to kiss your best friend crush. he parted away from the kiss just to have you chase his lips. he chuckled. but soon he took a look at you as his big hands still kept your cheeks cupped.

"you have no idea how much i've loved you", you stare at him in disbelief. "y/n, i had already fallen for you since our middle school but never had the courage. i always ended up worrying about losing you if i ever got you as my lover. i was worried about not having you in my life if anything would go wrong", he continued. "you dont know how crazy you got me for yourself which had me to date a few times just to move on from you. but here you were, getting jealous of them", he said. "i wasn't jealous",you said as you hit him on his shoulders lightly in protest. the both of you laughed.

"y/n?", he called your name out with his sweet voice. "hmm", you responded while meeting his eyes. "will you be my girlfriend?", he asked you with your cheeks still cupped in his hands. as you heard those words, another tear rolled down your face but this time you had a smile on your face. "sure josh", you said with a smile and another tear rolling down your face in the same time. you were overjoyed.

he kissed you deeply to express the love that he had been hiding from you which had caused you so much pain. "i love you josh", you managed to say in between the kiss. "i love you more", he said while he pulled you closer to him by waist without breaking the kiss. the past six months were hard on you but all you could say was that it led to the best thing that could ever happen to you.

you felt lucky and so did joshua to have realise that you would always be by his side. forever. he promised to never let you go.

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

[3liza]

Do you think humanising the Borg from I Borg onwards was a good move or should they have stayed as the monolithic legion they started as?

readers please take note this is the level of discourse i want to see in my ask box from now on

its been a long time since I saw any borg episodes first hand so im probably forgetting some stuff but heres what i think. as cunt as the borg queen is (and i truly love her...this actress was so good in Silent Hill too), no serious science fictioneur is going to say the borg concept was made stronger by the retconning of the borg collective to be even vaguely individualistic. the reason the borg were so terrifying when they were introduced is solely due to their gestalt nature. there shouldnt be specialized borg (well not beyond insect specialization) or individual borg or even a fathomable borg "mind". I, Borg is a classic episode because it does what TNG and DS9 do best, which is to reexamine the assumptions and prejudices of Starfleet (which are the assumptions and prejudices of the primarily american, 20th-21st century star trek audience) and wrestle with ethics in a vacuum (lol) vs material reality, and really the existence of the Locutus arc already exploded the borg collective concept in a dumb way (as cool as Locutus is) so at that point it was already sort of moot.

i think there are a lot of better ways to handle "borg separated from collective" as a concept than what was done with Seven of Nine, Hugh, the Borg Queen and Locutus respectively, and i think there were better ways to advance the Borg concept for future iterations and to elevate their design and level of threat for narrative reasons. there are so many good examples of both collective lifeforms and parasitism just on Earth that the writers could have drawn from, but the Star Trek writers are rarely allowed to write actual science fiction, and when they get close, the producers always step in to make them dumb everything down for an audience that, imo, doesnt really need things dumbed down for them.

what the star trek producers get wrong (and what all TV producers get wrong) is that the technobabble on shows like this can be scientifically accurate or at least theoretically accurate and the audience members who are not interested in that sort of thing will regard it exactly the same as if the technobabble is bullshit, but the nerds and intellectuals who are watching will be thrilled! dumbing things down is pointless, no one who needs things dumbed down is paying that much attention anyway, they dont care if things make sense or not. a correct explanation of space travel and physics sounds exactly the same to them as one that's just mad libbed together from buzzwords. catering to them is meaningless. but being smart with it and letting the science nerds on staff actually write accurately will in the end make a better show.

i know there are some scenes showing borg infants in the show but im not sure they ever explain it, borg "queens" and "drones" responsible for reproduction would have been a no brainer. you could work a semi-individualistic plotline in with the crew running into a small shuttle or pod-type craft that just had one pregnant queen onboard or a queen and some drones who were looking for somewhere to start a new colony. i think showing borg near the end of their working lives as basically decaying, animate corpses would have been both scary and lore-supported, as would an "ant graveyard" type scene, but that may have been too much for 90s censors. parasitic lifeforms on earth usually have powerful immunosuppressant hormones to prevent the host bodies from rejecting them, i think this is probably mentioned in TNG and handwaved at some point but it would be a really big deal, medically, for rehabbing an individual borg like Seven or Locutus or Hugh.

[laithraihan]

I'm the anon who sent you the long message that apparently came off "pompous & infantilizing" and more to your followers.

I find it interesting that that message sparked such a flood of defenders, when I did not send it in bad faith at all. From your answer it seems I'm lacking context so sorry if I took some of your statements the wrong way, but nonetheless I just found the parental love addition strange and reacted to that, that was all there was to it. I clearly stated (three times) I'm not taking any issue with your headcanons.

By saying they are far removed from canon I did not mean to say they are "too unrealistic" or something is wrong with that, I literally said the opposite. I meant just that, that factually, this will not be a common interpretation for someone who is familiar with the source material but not your blog. This is not a statement that I made with any judgemental value and I thought I made that very clear but apparently not.

So I'm sorry for the additional ask.

Have a nice day.

Thank you for the response.

I was fully aware you said there was no issue with what I drew, but the way you wrote everything else sort of negated that statement. At least that's how me and many other people saw it.

If someone finds what I drew strange or confusing then they could always just... block me or ask me about it (and btw I expected people to be confused, otherwise I wouldnt have labeled it "non-coupling" as soon I posted it lol)

Someone did ask me about it, and you seem to have already seen that response, yet you still felt the need to send another message basically implying that an explanation wasn't enough (turns out it actually wasnt enough because people said I was lying and in denial) and that my explanation was weird too? Which is whatever I already ended up clarifying that, English is not my first language and I type things with the help of a translator (I wish people could actually keep this in mind. I only type in English because it'll reach a wider audience and it's the language most of my followers know. Often I have to google words people tell me online, or I ask my friends fluent in English to explain things for me)

You can say "that's not what I intended" but that's how it came across... you wrote a lot of nice words while also saying it was understandable that people were ganging up on me over a drawing, it seemed patronizing.

That's why me and others took offense to it, but I think it's difficult to tell tone through text so I don't want to keep nitpicking this any further. If you say you had no ill intent then I believe you.

The following will just be me adding more context and not necessarily aimed at you: Again I understand the lack of context of my account can make people confused about my art, Ive made that clear many times.

The art I made where I said "if your parents didnt love you then it's obvious" was a direct response to people who were mocking me specifically for tagging the art as "non-coupling" because they didnt believe me. They got the context and decided I was trying to hide a fetish because a kiss on the cheek was "obviously shippy". They proceeded to compare this to drawing NSFW of Mob and Reigen by labelling it "non-ship" as if it was comparable to tucking a child into bed, that's what upset me. I did absolutely nothing to these people, I dont know them, if they said this privately I wouldnt care but it was public, and they also targeted another friend of mine for no reason.

All Im gonna say is that my drawing shouldnt have caused this much controversy in the first place. I labeled it "non-coupling" as soon as I posted it, which should've been enough honestly. It's not like I posted porn or anything like that, I got the idea from something Ive experienced in my family as a teenager and I could easily google stock images of the exact same scenario to use as reference, like I really didnt think it was that bad.

Anyways I think I've explained myself many times already. Im not gonna be hostile and say to people "roh t9awed dont ever send me anything else related to this" but just.. check if Ive already answered your question so that it doesnt end up being repetitive. If you have a question about this that I havent answered yet, then feel free to ask.

[nerdygaymormon]

hello! o/ im a queer teenager from canada! i lead my highschool's gsa and am very active in the queer community around us. we raised $800 for the Trevor Project last year, raised $500 towards a chest binder breakroom at our school and are officially putting on the school's first all-age queer prom this may!

however, im very confused at the moment. i grew up in an atheist household and have never really found myself believing in God or anything religious. while i still dont think i believe ALL of it, lately ive been doing a lot of thinking after finding an old pocket bible that belonged to my great grandmother (she practically raised me but i never knew she was religious, she never mentioned it at all) and flipping through it and reading her flagged scriptures (i believe thats what theyre called, forgive me if im wrong), etc.

i then resorted to the internet and have been doing a bit of research and am now very conflicted about my feelings and beliefs. i now have moments where i genuinely believe there is something/someone divine out there. i find myself... almost talking to it, sometimes? i dont really know how to describe it. i even tried praying the other day for the first time in my life. (i probably didnt do it right if theres a proper way, but the point is i did it and i surprised myself.)

even though i have these moments, i still have times where i doubt it all. aside from the occasional joke, ive always done my best to be respectful of people's faith, but never saw myself believing until now. and when i say believe, like i said before, it isnt all of it. (like the creation of the world, etc)

i feel sort of fake in a way i dont know how to describe because of my conflicted feelings and how i dont believe everything. there are a lot of things i want to say about it but i really cant pull words from the emotions and i keep trying to. i also dont really have anyone in my life who i can talk to about this stuff. my family will not take me seriously and none of my friends and teachers are religious.

i dont know if you take asks like this, and its totally fine if you dont, but if you have any kind of advice it would be greatly appreciated.

sorry for the long ask, but thanks so much! hope youre having a wonderful day my friend 🤍

Congratulations for all you accomplish for queer students at your school! That's amazing!!!

That you find some aspects with religion resonates with you shouldn't be surprising or upsetting. Humans have been creating and practicing religions since before there was recorded history. There seems to be a need that is satisfied by religion.

In a broad sense, religion does 3 thing:

1. It provides an explanation for natural phenomena. Why is the ground shaking? Why did the sun go dark temporarily? Why is there a drought? Why is dad sick? Why did a hurricane pummel New Orleans?

2. Religions provide meaning to life. Religion provides answers for what is the purpose of life and what happens when we die. Religions are a vehicle for passing along the wisdom from past generations from hundreds and thousands of years ago.

3. Religion helps humans build community and encourages cooperation among those who believe. Religious belief also helps people develop self-discipline. Unfortunately, religions also have been used to define who is in a community and who is not, and this has led to a lot of harm and even wars

Beyond all these macro reasons, religion is experienced at the individual level. An individual prays and receive comfort and answers and feels a larger entity cares about them. Their faith gives them a purpose. They have a community that is meaningful in their lives. This is part of the truth of their lived experience and can't be easily quantified. It's what makes religion still relevant in the lives of many people today

[rpfisfine]

do you hate miles?🤨

i was wondering when someone would send me an ask like this yeah i dont like him to be honest. i know ppl on here have largely moved on from the fateful 2016 interview and it has been discussed to death and yeah he immediately said he was joking etc etc but i dont think its weird to think you shouldnt have to feel pressured to like completely forgive and forget and absolve the sins of a male musician saying something that made a female reporter feel unsafe or objectified or 'caught in an increasingly distressing situation' or act like its some sort of unheard of and unimaginable offense that has never happened before in the history of music interviews and one someone’s favorite musician who can do no wrong in their eyes could definitely never get caught up in (esp given how gross in general the music industry is towards women). OR even go so far to say the reporter did it all for attention i cant believe this is even a discussion that has ever been had in any form ever like genuinely nothing makes me angrier than ppl who literally turn into blatant sexists whenever their favorite white guy's reputation is even mildly put at risk ive literally seen one person on here say the whole interview was made up and exaggerated and that she just wanted to 'join the me too movement' which is like Okay man i think you might just not have any respect for women in real life maybe. even watered down and not as extreme its a take thats more prevalent on am tumblr than i thought or previously imagined and i hate how bad it makes the fandom look like i trust that everyone on here is a reasonably intelligent and empathetic human being who has at least a basic tumblr education on the fact that victim blaming is bad so we dont rly need to turn around and immediately go 'she just misunderstood what he was saying' or 'she just didnt get his sense of humor' like Alright

i hope im articulating all this reasonably well like i think its literally fine that ppl have accepted his apology and moved on and are able to enjoy him as an artist and/or as a person too thats awesome and im happy for the ppl that i follow that have this kind of relationship with him. even if it wasnt for the interview thing he stil wouldnt be for me i used to be a pretty big fan of his music when i was younger but nowadays since ive found different music i dont rly pay any attention to him. im glad he was able to spark alex creatively but thats as far as my enjoyment goes of him to be yonest

also ive just realized now that all this makes me look kind of contrived given the fact that ive written milex before and i dont rly have like an impenetrable explanation i literally started writing for jamex around the time the car album came out bc i found out all my fav jamex fics had gotten deleted by their author so i wanted to fill the void and then one day i was like wait am i good enough yet to write a functional milex fic (plus i was hoping to get more ppl to notice my writing and milex offers a pretty easy way to do that) so then i wrote 2 and i was like ok i am cool. i dont intend to write another fic for them

hope this makes sense i probably forgor to say like 10 other things i wanted to say but thats okay

[corvidcall]

the way people act like the people youre sexually attracted to is some sort of praxis is really annoying for a lot of reasons! because like, yeah, when people say that a whole marginalized group isnt hot, its usually informed by some sort of bigotry, either implicit or explicit. are black women not hot, or have you just decided that every black woman looks and acts the same, and that anything outside of eurocentric beauty standards is "ugly"? would you actually hate dating a fat man, or have you just made a lot of assumptions about what kind of person they must be because of their body, and decided that was at odds with your own interests? you say you wouldnt date a trans woman because you "dont like men" and you're "not interested in penises", but youre just assuming that every trans woman is just a cis man in a dress, which is absolutely not true! OBVIOUSLY prejudice influences peoples attraction

but also like... you cant frame it as a direct expression of someones morals. some parts of what you're attracted to will change throughout your life, but a lot of it is baked in and cant really be changed, even if you might want it to! i mean, thats why conversion therapy demonstrably doesnt work. if youre a person who is really into. idk. vore or bdsm or redheads. even if you decide that actually thats immoral to be into, you're not really gonna be able to stop being attracted to it because sexual attraction isn't really something you get to sit down and CHOOSE. if youre not into anthro animals, theres no amount of sitting down and working on yourself that will convince you to start getting a boner at furry porn.

and then theres the obvious other problem, that being attracted to certain qualities or traits or demographics doesnt even mean that you actually have their best intetests at heart? racists date POC. fatphobes date fat people. misogynists date women all the fucking time!!!!!

i think your tastes are heavily influenced by your environment and your values, obviously, but you cant act like its a pure expression of your values. personally, as a fat person, i dont like people saying that not being attracted to my body is solely because of prejudice you need to unlearn. being attracted to my body isn't homework! it's not vegetables! it's not a thing you need to start doing because its Good For You whether or not you enjoy it! if you dont like my body, thats fine. the thing thats fatphobic is if you TELL ME that you think all fat people are unattractive, even though nobody asked what you thought, and we were talking about me specifically and not all fat people en masse. you can find me unattractive without being a fatphobe. the problem lies in using your lack of attraction to me as an explanation for why youre a fatphobe, or using it as a criticism of me personally. like you not being attracted to me is something i need to change about myself

anyway the actual point i wanted to make was that the worst part of this kind of rhetoric is that it makes it really hard to hornypost without people acting like im advocating for specific actions people MUST take about their own bodies :/ I'll be like "i think transfems with deep voices and who dont really pass well are incredibly sexy" and people will crawl out of the woodwork to be like "oh you think its WRONG for transfems to pass?? you think it's IMMORAL for them to do voice training? you think none of them should EVER get FFS or laser hair removal?????" like... no! i never said any of that shit! just because i think something is hot doesnt mean i think its wrong and bad to not do it. not everyone should make all their decisions based on what i think is hot. no one should, in fact. just because i think its cute when people have crooked teeth doesn't mean i want to criminalize braces. doesnt even mean that i dont think people who have straight teeth are hot. please just let me be horny in peace 😭😭😭

[ciaran]

i'm the anon who sent the befriending ask.... i am very very curious about more of your thoughts on the complexities of csa. i was thinking about this the other day because i was reading far from the tree and

[The perpetrators in the Horace Mann scandal] were wounded, confused people trying to figure out how to function in a world that taught them their homosexual desire was sick […] someone whose core being is deemed a sickness may struggle to parse the distinction between that and a greater crime

i'm not sure i agree with the line of reasoning in this paragraph (i think often perpetrators are not "confused" so much as "desperate") but i do think incidences of csa, especially as relating to homosexuality, do often occur due to the way society has treated gayness (in a way that makes it "safer" to experiment across a large power differential)

hello!

discussion of csa and homosexuality and criminalization

one of the things i was thinking of as i wrote that post that i didnt include because this thought process isnt fully...processed...is that many of these crimes are contingent on certain ideas we have now about crime and the effects of actions. a lot of the causality we take for granted now did, at some point in the past, have to be learned... an understanding of it did not come intuitively to the people causing or experiencing it. i find the language of "excuses" sort of unhelpful and limiting, so i don't want to put too fine a point on whether something is Wrong even if the person doesn't Know They're Doing Wrong or have An Intent To Hurt. these things are fuzzy and not the topic of conversation to me... what matters is that like, articulations of why something wrong change from period to period as knowledge grows. so like, now we would say that child abuse is bad because you're causing indelible harm to an immature psyche at a stage when this harm will form the basis of their interactions with the world. but at a certain point in the past the explanation was more along the lines of "you shouldn't have sex with a teenager because sex before marriage is wrong and bad and you cant get married to a teenager" [well, you could also do that, and many people did].

so with that out of the way, i also have to wonder how much of a role... homosociality and the kinds of relations it favored and enabled played a part in the tendency towards relationships with a wide age gap. there's the reason in the quote you mentioned and which i went over in my post, that an ethical-but-illegal act gets conflated with an unethical-and-illegal one due to their shared illegality. that's one thing. but also i wonder if it was...accepted practice in some fashion to clock younger gay men, effeminate teenagers and noticeably limp-wristed dandies, and fold them into a circle of homosexual activity (i make it sound very depraved nkdjfskf) via seduction or whatever. like there's a difference to me between making out with someone much younger than you because otherwise they might try to kiss their classmate and get hatecrimed and...grooming with the intent to isolate and abuse. i'm not saying it was always innocent or that there weren't predatory gay men but there's a noticeable discrepancy between isolating abuse and drawing someone into a circle of relative safety and normalcy from a young age.

i don't know much about this topic and i am basically just applying my reasoning and imagination to it. which is also what i did in my original post so im pleasantly surprised to find corroboration, and it's a very interesting quote for sure - i agree that it's desperation in general, and the confusion is more likely to arise from (for example) having had similar experiences in their own past and reproducing them due to a lack of framework.

thank you for the ask! im sorry if it stops making sense at any point im very sleepy and we just watched perfect blue so my brain is pretty fried. if you dont want me to have answered this ask publicly let me know and ill make it private!

[omohole]

What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

- [ ]

this feels like bait but damn you sure are making a lot of assumptions about incredibly large groups of people with any number of unique experiences here.

"it cant be anything about feminity or masculinity"/"it cant be anything about stated identity" yes it can. because different people are going to have different reasons and explanations for why they are attracted to who they are. some people ARE attracted based on how feminine/masculine someone is. some people ARE attracted based on stated identity. by saying that it cant be these things youre making a huge generalization. just because You Personally do or dont experience these factors doesnt mean that its the same for every other individual.

youre absolutely right that attraction based on masculinity/feminity is culture based! so are many many other factors of romantic and sexual attraction (cultural expectations, societal opinions, views on monogamy vs polygamy, cultures where arranged marriages are standard, etc.) that might influence someones attraction to a potential partner. so i dont know why youre acknowledging that there is a cultural difference in some cases and then writing off any possible case of attraction to gender presentation (conformity or non-conformity) as impossible. not to mention that it isnt necessarily sexist to have those preferences at all. i for one, am a butch lesbian who is (primarily) attracted to other butches. that isnt me saying that a partner needs to act and perform in one particular way or another on the basis of discrimination, thats just me saying what i find attractive personally. just like i can say i prefer orange juice over apple juice. i dont think its Wrong to like apple juice, and i dont think people who do prefer to drink it are wrong or bad, i just dont like it personally. there have been subgroups in the queer community for literal decades that came together over attraction to very specific gender presentations (butches, femmes, twinks, bears, etc.). not to mention, when it comes to meeting a potential partner (at least in person) visual appearance tends to be one of- if not the first- things you notice about them. of course thats going to have some sort of influence on how you view them.

sure, people absolutely can lie about their stated identity. theres plenty of cases where people will attest that someone lied about their gender to get into their pants (and that sucks when it happens!). but that doesnt mean that its always true that someone will lie nor does it make it common to do so. fun fact, but if your partner is attracted to something that you Know You Arent, it tends to be a pretty unfulfilling relationship and lies like that are difficult to keep up.

and for some people, it literally is just Based On Vibes! some people do not have the words to describe what they find attractive, some people just know that theyre attracted to men and not women, and absolutely No One is obligated to explain it to a stranger (and much less an anonymous one). im putting in the time to type this all out because some of the things you said bothered me, but you dropping this on a random stranger is fuckin weird yknow?

the way you worded this last part is weird. no, i dont think that. its the same as any other attraction to one gender. do you think that being straight is just an identity or cultural performance? and if youre trying to say that it isnt the same on account of biological compatibility when it comes to having children, what about straight couples where one partner is trans? or straight couples where one is infertile? youre coming at this from the angle that being gay is the only form of single-gender attraction.

and alllll of that put aside to say that i dont know why you sent me this. im literally just a random person on the internet, i am not an expert in attraction in any manner. i can only speak as far as my own experiences and observations.

not to mention

i am not a gay man

[tricorops]

#1 - *insert some sort of pretentious title *

welcome in ! here’s where everything starts…

i probably should have thought a bit more before starting this entry but alas. here we are ! i guess ill go chronologically so the story makes sense,, if i miss anythinging im positive futrure me will fill in the gaps, but my memory is pretty shit tbh.

Before we ~officially~ start i guess ill introduce myself. i have a name (as does everyone fucking duh) but ive recently realized i dont feel like my name is mine. cant really explan it exaclty right now but in the last couple of months, ive gotten really angry that people call me by name,, whose to know whyy /s. realistically it’s probably due to the fact that im not a woman and haven’t been for many years now. i think im just scared to really admit it ? like i really dont like who i am, i dont fit in, and im so fucking sad all the time but im scared to start exploring my gender identity for who knows what reason. if anyone knows, please enlighten me. im 25, single and have never had a parter, been on one failed date (yikes), and haven’t come out to my parents. big. oof yall. i have a job that is what i thought i wanted to do, but im second guessing it rn since there is so much im not able to address or even attempt to fix. FUN /s

cool intro down i guess. now to the beginning ish ?

my earliest memory is my mom feeling me smashed avocado, but apparently that never happened. im an only child who’s always wated a sibling. my childhood was very lonely. my parents essentially removed themselves from their families, so i didn’t grow up hanging out with cousins, grandparents, aunts/uncles, literally no one besides my 2 parents. the memories i have of my first house are fuzzy, but i feel like there were a lot of rooms for only 3 people. i lived on a quiet street with lots of families with children of different ages, but i dont have any memories of playing with kids on my street or going to anyone’s house for playdates and what not. not sure why.

i remember when i was really little (maybe like 4 or 5 ish??) we went on a trip to disneyland. i think we flew there instead of driving. one of the days my mom was putting my shoes on— they were brown winnie the pooh sandals with buckles at the ankle and i had this weird feeling. it felt like i was in a dream like i was maybe lucid dreamis sort of? and i had this weird oedipus complex for my mom. like i saw how much my dad loved her and i wanted that,, its odd nw that im reflecting on it and i know many people go through this stage of development but like why did 4 year old me think i could love and care for my mom the same way my dad did ?? fucking kid lol. anyway perhaps this is graphic but whatever. i remember i was on the edge of the bed and she was sitting on a chair she pulled up across from me. my foot was between he legs so she could buckle the strap on my shoe and my brain just told me to push my foot closer to her? idk idk. but i push my foot closer to her and like tapped it and i remeber feeling hmm like giddy ? like i was so happy i had done that and then i went to do it again and my mom had like thrown my foot off the chair and started yelling at me. rightfully so like totally not ok for a 4 year old to try and arouse their parent. but in that moment i went from being so fucking giddy and happy and almost proud to feeling so fucking ashamed and unloved. and as she was yelling at me i just cried and cried and i remember just not even wanting to go to disneyland anymore because i didnt want to be around my mom. wild. everything in my little world felt so fucking big that my parent telling me not to do somthing inappropriate made me not want to do the fucking disneyland run anymore.

i dont know what came out of the rest of the day but we Must have gone to disney or soemthing. now, you maay be thinking “oh getting yelled at for doing something made you not do it again” right? wrong. my dumb fucking pea brain wanted to chase that feeling agian so the next fucking day when my shoes were getting put on i tried to do it again. there wasnt any yelling that time though. i just remember my leg getting pushed again, my name being said sharply, and my mom telling me to put my shoes on by myself or to not wear shoes at all. and what do you think little me felt? disppointment, guilt, ashamed. all to be expected but it hit my world hard (again 4 years old. every little thing feels like the world is crashing).

how does this relate to the present? i dont fucking know but i might figure it out along the line. anywho theres other things i remember from this age of my life but they don’t really fit the theme im trying to follow so i wont bore yall with the extra details. didnt think this one would be so long but here we are. i cant wait for the highschool installments bc those are FOR SURE going to make me cry hahahahahahahahaha strap in.

on the dockett for next time: elementary school. probaly around 2nd or 3rd grade. little preview— the first time i was called a lesbian (derogatory) and, upon reflection, my first crush phew 😮‍💨

ps. i know there are probably spelling mistakes and im not following any grammar rules. stream of consciousness yall. cant really blame me plus its uhhh 3 am here so yall are already know whats up.

[hellpeppre]

i was gonna reply to this earlier but apparently i forgot to post it so sorry bout that 🎀

soz for the yap but yippee au explanation time :333

the au is very very loosely based around the conjuring, i rlly only referenced it for like, info on demonic possession idrk, ⚠️littlee itty bitty tw for mentions of s/h, suicide, and pet death⚠️

its still like, in development but the storyline would follow the pack (including lamina and brandy) after deciding to explore and abandoned church. at some point during this one of them, probably mizzen, disturbs something that was meant to be containing a demon. the demon, as demons do, wanted to eat, it had been locked away for a long time. this demon feeds off of negative energy and big emotions or something like that.

immediately the demon latches onto mizzen, the demon always goes for the youngest member of the group, younger people garner more sympathy, typically viewed as more innocent and less suspicious, thus allowing the demon to go unnoticed/undisturbed longer as the others give them the benefit of the doubt.

the demon works in stages, first the host may find they begin to feel achey and irritable, more prone to confusion and lashing out at their family and friends.

quickly though the demon will move up to stage two, causing the host to harm themselves first, bruising themself, cutting themself. the host believes this is fully of their own accord for one reason or another, at no point in the possession does the host suspect anything is wrong with themself.

when stage three begins things will begin to move around seemingly of their own accord. something you could’ve sworn you left on your bedside table will appear on the living room floor, people in and/or close to the family may start experiencing night terrors, voices will be heard when no ones around. whispering from the walls, telling you to do things you never would normally. figures appearing behind you in the mirror is common, invisible hands on your back, your hair, your neck.

in stage four the demon becomes active while the host sleeps, this can easily be mistaken for sleep walking or sleep talking. during this stage the demon begins to harm family members, or whoever the demon lives with. nothing too noticeable, just strange bruises begin appearing on others during their sleep, you may find yourself just brushing this off. house pets may begin to disappear mysteriously, family and friends outside of the house may begin to experience sudden, inexplicable pains. the only one seemingly unaffected by these occurrences will be the host though they don’t look to be faring much better, they may seem tired, distant, or irritable. they may seem to be an entirely different person.

then the final stage, stage five, this stage only starts when you start taking action to find out whats been happening. the host is more demon than whoever they were to you before all this. once the demon believes its been found out it will take as many people as it can down with it before fleeing, it will often go for siblings of the host, convincing them to follow it somewhere far from the rest of the family and in a grand finale of sorts it will destroy the host and anyone it convinced to join it. once this happens the demon is gone, laying dormant somewhere to select its next host.

im still deciding if ill write an actual fic for this but if i do, the comic i have in progress (coming soon, its pretty low quality, but thats okay) will not be canon to the storyline. i dont really have an exact plan for how the plot would go but if anyone has any ideas for scenes/interactions i should add to the story i need u to share them pretty please :33

OH ALSO, what do we think all the tributes would be 4 halloween 😋

i rlly need to rewatch the conjuring😓

guys. uh. is it too early to debut my tbosas halloween/horror movie au that ive been making 🧍

im making a comic 🧍

[sunookkii]

hey i know request are closed but this idea just got stuck in my mind and i wanted you to write sum about it if you like it 😭 so basically its an enha reaction/scenario ? where they forget your birthday, (maybe not in a bad way but i dont mind if its angst) hope ur good btw !! <3

a/n : OMG WAIT SRY TO ALL THE OTHER REQUESTS BUT THIS ONE FOR SUM REASON REALLY STUCK OUT TO ME i hope you enjoyyy ;) also I wrote so much I’m so sorry- [not really read proof~]

Also i am well ty for asking >.<

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.enhypen imagine ˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

Enhypen forgetting your bday~

Genre : angsty ish

Warnings : mentions of food, crying, one swear word??

Requested : yes ty beautiful person ;)

Heeseung :

Okay okay so its your birthdayyy and you were really excited for what to happen because you wanted to see what kind of surprise your boyfriend did for your birthday

But to your luck he forgot :(

So you spent all day giving him hints like ‘what day is it’ and at one point you gave up and started pouting really hard

And your face was just overall sad everyone else had remembered your birthday including the members, but for your boyfriend to forget it lowkey hurt

Almost half the day passed and he still didn’t remember

So you ended up going into the room by yourself and started to cry

Your whimpers got louder and louder even though you were trying your best to stay quiet so he doesn’t hear

A few minutes past by and heeseung started looking for you because he sensed something was wrong.

He looked on the calendar really really carefully and FINALLY he came to his realization that it was your birthday but it was kinda too late cuz you hid yourself in your room to cry.

He came into your room to wish you a happy birthday but he sees you curled up into a ball crying to yourself

He felt so bad after this happened, “IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME I WONT EVER GORGET AGAIN!”

He hugs you so tight as if your life depended on it, won’t leave you out of his sight for the rest of the day. You’ll be hearing a lot of hbds and ilys for the rest of the day~

^ so yeah 🤕

Jay :

I feel like it’s rare that he forgets these type of dates buut for the sake of tumblr lets pretend he completely forgot 😧

You woke up in a great mood because it was your birthday of course

You were expecting to be receive a hbd wish from your boyfriend, but nope nothing all morning.

You received a bunch of hbd wishes on Instagram and other platforms mentioning you, but none of them were from jay :(

You quickly got frustrated and because it was your birthday and your bf the person you love most didn’t remember really hurt

So gradually your face became wet from heated silent tears. But unlike heeseung he would super quickly notice because he’s on his phone a lot and he dates things like ‘y/ns bday’ (idk but I imagine him dating things on his phone)

He’d then be like OH SHIT ITS YN’s BD

Runs to you soooooo quick just to see your face red and a bit wet.

Once your eyes connected your tears started to come out quicker

He literally runs up to you to hug you HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IM SO SORRY I FORGOT

After he said that he ran away from you leaving you alone, which made your heart drop thinking that he didn’t care.

But once you finally came out of your room you were greeted with a homemade delicious cake your boyfriend made for you that looked like this

You could tell he felt really bad bc usually he always had a smile on his face while cooking but this time it was a ‘I’m sorry’ face

“I’m really really sorry please forgive me”

All was forgiven bc the cake tasted so mf ing good

Jake :

It was your birthday today, a day that only came once a year so like any other human being it’s a special day for you

You were super excited to see what Jake did for you, because every birthday you had with him was always such a surprise

But today was sort of… different? :(

You saw jake in the living room on the tv and went straight up to him with a smiley face. “GOOODMORNINGGG” 😁

After cuddling for a while on the couch you lifted up your head and asked him If he knew what day it was, he just replyed with a simple Wednesday? With a confused face

I’m pretty sure that one word was enough to make you pretty upset 😅🥲

You started to pout and went back into his chest with a disappointed face.

“Ahh what what, what day is it tell me?” He said playfully, not realizing it was your birthday.

You stayed silent as he checked his phone, ‘y/n’s birthday don’t forget’

When i tell you he gasped he GASPED.

You were already in the verge of tears “IM SO SORRY HBD BABY”

You were still a bit upset at him so you replied with ‘did you really need your phone to tell me what day it was’ 😕

He hugs you tighter while mumbling ‘hbd hbd hbd’

Suddenly let you go of his arms and said he had an errand. Without any explanation he got his car keys to go somewhere leaving you and your thoughts by yourself.

‘Does he not love me anymore that he doesn’t even want to spend time with me on my birthday? ☹️😭”

A while later he comes back and you’re luckily still on the couch where he left you

^^this dude came back with three beautiful cakes from your local cake stores. “I’m bacccckkkk!! please forgive meeeee you know i love you with all my heart 🥺” (okay i hate to use this emoji but there isn’t any other way to describe it TT)

You obviously forgave him because you know it was never his intention to forget,,, “you owe me hugs and kisses for the rest of the day :(“ kindly accepts your request because that is something he’d never complain about #freecuddlesfromyn

Sunghoon :

Okay but like hear me out he’s the type of boyfriend that would ‘pretend’ he forgot your birthday but he actually didn’t

So when he ACTUALLY forgot you just thought he was joking until…

“Hooonieeee, stop joking around I’m seriouss”

“I’m serious too i seriously don’t know what day it is”

“What…”

You leave him for a bit alone with his thoughts, not even gna lie if he did end up forgetting your bday it would take him a while to remember it

But once he remembers he feels so bad 😭

Tackles you with so many hugs and bday kisses and showers you with I’m sorrys and hbd wishes

genuinely ask himself how he forgot the lohls birthday (love of his life’s) literally beats himself for it

And you have to tell him that it’s fine and that you forgive him~

Brings out the birthday cake and sings you a happy birthday song while clapping and laughing.

Puts cake on your nose

Sunoo :

Idk if he’s the type to forget but like jay I don’t think he’d forget

I feel like to him birthdays are the MOST special thing/ date for a person

Like obviously the rest of the members think that but especially sunoo really like sticks to this

So if he had forgotten your birthday you were sooo hurt you ignored him the whole day keeping your distance until he finally remembered

Once he remembered he went to go find you ASAP where you were hiding int he corner of the bedroom moping

He showers you with hugs cuddles kisses pecks, you name it he does it

He feels so bad that he could forget smtg like this, literally asks himself how he could forget such an important date

If the convenience store was still open he’d run to the nearest store and surprise you with a birthday cake. But not just any cake it’d be a cake that was decorated by the one and only Kim Sunoo

Would prepare it so nicely and even have a lit up candle so you can wish on it.

the type to surprise you with it even though he forgot. Brings it to your room while singing the hbd song.

Puts cake frosting on your nose #2, takes lots and lots of pictures to post on insta later

caption : “happy birthday sunshine~”

Jungwon :

he was on the couch as per usual just scrolling through his phone to keep himself occupied but also updated

Not knowing what day it was,,,,,,,

you come outside of your bedroom excitedly to expect a wishful happy birthday wish from the person you love most

But for some reason it oddly seemed like a normal day

“Wonnniiieee my loveeee, guess what day it is!” You said with a sheepish smile

“Hmm wednesday?” He said looking up at you with a calm face

Your happy smile soon became a little pout

“You really don’t know?”

“Isn’t it just a regular Wednesday? Why is there something special?”

oh my- he broke your heart right then and there

You run back into your room because you feel heated tears about to fall, even though it was something small the thought of him not remembering your birthday the day of your birth hurt. A little.

Jungwon was actually super clueless he genuinely didn’t know what day it is but something about you seemed off and the way you ran to your room was quite odd to him so he went and followed you

Before he opened the door he already heard small whimpers from the corner of the bed, and that immediately triggered him and he was about to beat up anyone that made you feel sad 😠 little did he know it was him who made you feel that way

“Baby what’s wrong? Why are you crying”

He holds your chin and turns it to get a better look

wiping your tears with his thumb, you were being a dramatic his giggles make you feel a bit better even though you were mad at him for forgetting

“You forgot my birthday.” You said to him while crying

You can literally see the gears in his brain start to turn when his face went from 😄 -> 😳

“IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY” hugs you so tight that you literally can’t breathe

Doesn’t know what to do to make you feel better, “I’m really sorry for forgetting your birthday, I don’t really know what got into me, please forgive me.”< cue the cutest kitty puppy eyes

He kept on rambling on abt how he was sorry and deserves your forgiveness you literally had to shut him up, he was sorry please forgive him >~<

Cuddles you for the rest of the day

Niki :

He was playing video games normally on his phone, until you excitedly stormed into his room “hiiiii babbbbyyyy”

“Well someone is happy today :)”

“Well of course bc u know what day it isss ;)”

“Wednesday?”

😧😦 < that’s what you looked like when he didn’t know, “you really don’t remember?”

“hmm I’m not too sure” he said before going back to his game

you slowly became disappointed and just ‘celebrated’ your birthday by yourself in the kitchen. :,((

he didn’t notice that you were sad at first bc he was busy playing on his phone, around an hour later he went to the kitchen to get a snack when he sees you in the kitchen staring into space rested your chin on you arm.

‘Are you okay? You seemed fine earlier’

You decided to play the silent game and just avoided him... so he tried to get you to talk to him but after a while it didn’t work so he sort of gave up and went to ask his hyungs what’s wrong with you.

“Niki,,, it’s y/n’s birthday omg did you forget??????” Jake said texting niki

and that’s when the lightbulb in his brain turned on

He rushed to the kitchen and back hugged you so tight and gave you so many cheekie kissies to try and make up for ‘forgetting’

But to his luck you were still mad at him

Soooo he came up with the idea of going to the convenience store really quick to get you a bunch of flowers and a nice cake to surprise you~

You ended up forgiving him because he was tickling you threatening you to forgive him

N knowing Niki he’s not a person you can be mad at for long <3

[virtual-luvr]

Thank me later

Pairing: Kaoru x Reader, Hikaru x Reader (platonic)

Pronouns: he/him

Content: cheating but not actual cheating (just a misunderstanding), angst to fluff

Description: while it was only a misunderstanding, Hikaru tried to comfort you as best as possible.

Note: cheating isn't really my thing buT this was lowkey fun to write. Request on wattpad :D

------------------

There you sat, under a large tree, a few tears slipping down your face.

Reason for your tears was your boyfriend Kaoru.

Even thinking about him made your stomach turn. The only thing coming to mind is the sight of the girl oh so close to Kaoru and them kissing as if you werent there.

Why? You ask yourself, just why?

Maybe you were being delusional, maybe it was a misunderstanding.

But it sure broke your heart to see your boyfriend so close to her when he usually didn't like you being that close.

He said it was because if you both talked about your relationship, bad things could happen to the clubs business. While Kaoru didnt really care as much, Kyoya didn't like the idea.

So you just went on in your day without visiting the club as much, even though you had been invited as a host many times it wasn't your type of thing.

Sometimes you wish you had joined just to make sure things like what you just saw, werent something regular.

While you tried not to get pissed off in the school courtyard a hand was placed on your shoulder.

As you look up you see Hikaru, Kaoru's twin, smiling at you.

Just as the smile set on his face, he suddenly frowned.

Seeing the small tears welling up in your eyes and permanent frown set on your face.

"Whats wrong?" He says while sitting beside you, hand nearing your face to place a lock of your hair behind your ear.

"Kaoru...he-" you try to say but it gets hard to let out any noise.

Hikaru's facial expression turned sour, eyebrows furrowed and eyes glaring. He had known about your guys relationship and he loved you dearly, he was very happy you guys got together but he didn't like how Kaoru immediatly tried to keep it a secret.

"What did he do?"

"A girl, I saw a girl kiss him. At the host club"

At your words Hikaru got even more tense then you thought possible.

"Im so sorry...thats not something very common at the club but sometimes some of them like to do that. I'll talk to him okay? I know he loves you very much, he just doesn't express it well and I know thats hard for you as well"

"But- what if he liked it, what if he wants to be with her instead?" You question, it was something that you knew wouldnt happen but your anxiety got the best of you.

Hikaru gave you a big hug and a warm embrace. He sighs before he starts talking again, "Kaoru loves you, ive never seen him love like this but, its very noticeable that he cares for you so much. I dont know why he wants to keep it a secret any more at this point"

You let out a small sob at his words, you know Hikarus words were true but it still hurt so much that he seemed to prioritize the club over you. You wished he could put both on the same level.

"Come with me okay? We'll talk about it together, I dont want to leave you here alone"

And so after that he helped you up and you both walked over to the clubs location. You taking smaller steps to delay the inevitable while Hikaru took big steps, striding almost.

As you walk up to the doors you see Kaoru frantically looking around.

"Thank me later" Hikaru says and Kaoru looks up.

And thats when you see the tears building up in Karous own eyes.

He yells out your name and runs up to you.

You fall back, almost hitting the ground, but Karou holds onto you.

He immediatly starts babbling, you were only able to understand a few words out of the million that he says in just a few seconds.

Saying stuff like 'im sorry' repeating it over and over again.

As you look for Hikaru for some sort of explanation, he isnt even there.

Suddenly Kaoru grabs your face softly, making you have steady eye contact with him.

As he sees the tear tracks on your face he starts sobbing a bit.

"Im so sorry, please forgive me, ill even leave the club. Please, I didnt want her to kiss me, I pushed her away as soon as I could. I love you so much"

"Wait, you pushed her away?"

He looks at you as if you were crazy, "of course I pushed her away! Tamaki even told her to leave right after. I tried looking for you but I didn't see you anywhere, all I know was that I saw you enter right before she decided to kiss me"

So...it was all a big misunderstanding-

You stood there shocked, you really thought he had almost cheated on you.

Now that you look back, why were you even crying, Kaoru loved you so much. Even Hikaru said so himself.

Gods you were a bit of an idiot-

You smile sheepishly at him as you let out a nervous chuckle, and he looks at you confused.

"I thought, you had cheated on me-"

"Baby, I love you so much. You're my boyfriend, and I am your boyfriend. Nothing is going to change that, and you know what I'm going to talk to Kyoya. He either lets me tell everyone about our relationship or im leaving the club"

"Are you sure? You don't....have to do that"

That was a bit of a lie, he should.

"Im doing it, nothing can stop me"

Kaoru leans in to give you a kiss but you stop him by putting a hand on his mouth.

"You are not kissing me when that bitch kissed you like twenty minutes ago"

He deadpans at your words, sad that he isnt able to kiss his boyfriend and be able to finally make up with you.

Kaoru quickly swipes his lips with the back of his hand, aggressively trying to wake away any lipstick left from her mouth.

As he finishes he dips in for a kiss, not letting you hold a hand to his mouth this time. Letting out a small noise of happiness since he finally gets to kiss you again.

"You're gunna have to thank your brother later" you say in-between kisses.

[1119 words; feb/9/21]

[extravalgant]

the seven main schools (+ astral & shadow) as flowers

NOTE: i did not dive too deep into researching for this and most of the information i got for this post i got from this site . please dont come after me if i get a meaning wrong IM TRYING MY BEST!!! moving on

this is going to be a LONG POST so sit tight

myth - clematis (also known as traveller’s joy, old man’s beard)

i chose clematis mainly for its meaning: representing artifice, ingenuity and mental beauty. i think part of being a conjurer means that the world is only as big as you make it, and part of it is utilizing your imagination to its fullest extent. mental beauty and ingenuity go hand in hand with being creative, but artifice, in this flower symbolism, means to be cunning or be deceitful. i also think this comes from cyrus drake also being your teacher, which means he would teach in a style that would want you to exploit the weaknesses of the creatures that you summon (that being, calling their true name) in order for them to do your bidding. 

“Myth dwells between Fire and Ice, for that is where the shadows lie, and Myths are the shadowy forms of thought made real.”

storm - gladiolus (also known as a sword lily)

urgh.... storm was such a hard school to choose a flower for @_@ according to the wizard101 site storm is also based on creativity, but since we already had that sort of meaning attached to myth, i decided to go with the next best thing which is that gladiolus represents strength, strong character, honor and moral integrity. i feel like it’s pretty well known fact that storm is a hitting school, and a pretty well known one at that - their reputation as a power school is pervasive through all wizarding circles. i feel like this is also where a diviner’s sense of pride comes from - being able to one-hit ko enemies and brandish your power proudly. 

amazingly enough, the wizard101 site also addresses this, saying that, “the Storm School will train its student wizards to do a lot of damage. Storm Wizards have the ability to unleash high amounts of damage from an early level, which is good, but they place too much emphasis on power, and therefore suffer in terms of accuracy.”

placing too much emphasis on power... very interesting indeed

death - papaver (poppy)

death was ALSO a super hard school to pick a flower for. i debated between the dracula, the poppy, and the spider lily before deciding to settle with the poppy. I chose poppies in particular because “Poppies have long been used as a symbol of sleep, peace, and death: Sleep because the opium extracted from them is a sedative, and death because of the common blood-red color of the red poppy in particular.” source 

I FEEL AS IF THE SPIDER LILY WOULD HAVE BEEN TOO EASY OF A CHOICE but i wanted to encompass all the meanings that death has and has been associated with. some people associate death with peace (at being in a “”better place””), and some people sometimes to describe it as “sleeping” to a younger audience with no death awareness. also heres a nice little excerpt from the w101 site: “Death is about ending and closure. All things pass eventually, and time cannot be held back forever. Wizards devoted to Death Magic, known as Necromancers, understand this fact about everything around them and strive to face it without fear.”

ice - magnolia 

as soon as i saw this flower and its description it was PERFECT for ice. magnolias represent longevity and perseverance, due to the fact that magnolias are believed to have existed even at the beginning of time. the ice schools main theme is about persistance - which is to say, that if you’re patient and determined, you will collect the fruits of your labor in the end. 

the school page even says this, noting that “The Ice School will train its student wizards to take high amounts of damage and survive.” To thaumaturges, it is simply about surviving to see the end of the battle, and that’s what their play style involves. both magnolias and thaumaturges have that in common : persist and survive.

fire - ixora (also known as jungle flame, flame of the woods)

it was also hard choosing a plant for fire, seeing as so many plants can be described as “passionate” in a symbolic sense. it was between this and orange tulips, but i felt that both the names “jungle flame” and “flame of the woods” both fit fire’s theme. that being said, ixora’s represent passion - the core of fire’s development and description. it is the “bright, burning flame of raw emotion sweeping over everything.” (w101)

fire wizards mainly utilize damage over time spells, which reminds me that a frog boiling in a pot will leap immediately out of the water if its too hot, but will stay until it dies if the water’s temperature reaches steadily. while fire’s general message are that it may consume everything it touches, and how pyromancers are quick to anger and tempestuous, fire plays the longer game by slow roasting their enemies until it is too late for them.

balance - cosmos

when i saw this flower and its meanings there was literally no chance any other flower could compare omg

balance is described as finding the equality of everything and harmony. they are described as broad-minded, taught to be considerate of all things, as well as their own place in the world they live in. cosmos, in this case, represent order, peace, modesty and harmony -- all things which are important to a balance wizard. balance thrives in the company of others, simply because it was made in mind to help others in the heat of battle. “The Balance School will train its student wizards to be effective in group play.” (w101)

however as a result, they may appear as stand-offish and impassive, unable to choose a side or make a choice. such is life when you’re raised to consider all factors of every choice you make - every decision feels heavy.

life - achillea (also known as yarrow)

named after the greek hero achilles, legends would say that his soldiers would treat their wounds with this. source 

i chose achillea for life simply for the fact that it represents healing and protection, as well as it being used it being a versatile plant used to treat a variety of maladies or sicknesses - it’s been used as a medicinal plant for a long time across the world. 

life embodies “the spirit, the force of awareness and existence. It is about constant growth and movement.” (w101). theurgists are described as having simple pleasures in life, in revelling in the idea of the living, breathing, planet around you. it utilizes the song of creation, using it to weave life where there was none previously. it definitely has powerful roots in the canon storyline - i just wish it was utilized more through its play style. 

(astral) star - aster (also known as starwort, frost flower)

ok i dont have a deep meaning for this im sorry . i mainly chose aster simply because “aster” is derived from the Greek word “astron”, which means “star”, and because of the shape of its flowers. pretty simple reason but ill try my best to do it justice

however, aster is represented by patience and elegance -- star magic may be a lesser form of sun magic, simply because it is meant to power yourself rather than your spells. i think theres something inherently elegant about an aura wrapping itself around your figure, bending to the whim of your spells, as it both enhances your health or your spells. 

(astral) sun - datura (also known as devil’s trumpet)

Datura symbolizes power and caution. It is a powerful and deadly plant, but also a major religious and cultural symbol.

i chose datura’s for sun because sun is all about power -- datura is highly poisonous and very dangerous to be around. the main deal of the sun school is that they use spells to make their own stronger - it has the “power to endure, power to persevere, and power to change”. we don’t get much of a canon explanation for how sun magic works outside of battles, but i imagine that you have to be careful with sun magic, because as we know - absolute power corrupts absolutely. aint that neat

(astral) moon - protea

protea’s represent ingenuity, diversity, transformation and courage. a big part of moon magic is that it is all about change. changing your spells, your body, your thoughts -- it is symbolized by the moon because it goes through many changes (the tides, the phases of the moon, etc).

i feel as if moon magic might be one of the harder magics to master out of all the astral schools - the transformation into something else may not come as easy as star auras, or that it simply may be too hard on the caster in question, having to change their physical appearances and battle tactics to fit into a new one.

shadow - rhododendron

rhododendron’s represent temptation, caution and danger. 

despite how pretty it looks, the stems, leaves, and flowers can be poisonous to humans and pets if ingested. i feel as if that describes shadow perfectly -- the pleasant sight of these pretty flowers is enough to entice a person (wizard) forward, but you must be careful with how you handle this plant, or else you will end up facing dire consequences. (backlash)

shadow magic as a whole can be very tempting to those who seek it -- offering power that scales above others. but it is an advanced magic, and those who seek to play with it often end up paying the price with their lives (in this case, morganthe was crushed underneath the weight of power that shadow gave her). shadow can give you an upper hand, however, if used right -- and the wizard, for the most part, is using it right. 

shadow is mainly a cautionary tale of not playing with higher, advanced, magics with the wrong intentions.