#i dont like the first one mostly cause i just dont have experience on how to draw people without bangs
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impostorsshow · 6 months ago
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"It's You!"
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"Dispite everything, it's still You."
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snapbackslide · 27 days ago
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if anyone got tips pls share with the group 🫶🫶🫶🫶
#i've had enough 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶#i'm not getting paid enough to deal w these people's bullshit#just applied to 2 jobs that look solid#& those are the first 2 in WEEKS btw that didn't seem like fucking disasters#1 is mostly for the hybrid opportunity & bc they got ALL the insurances#the other is bc it's downtown montreal (<3) and a cause i'm passionate about - be great to do some MEANINGFUL work#seems like there's a shortage of *decent* job opportunities in my field lately#and idk how i'm getting less callbacks now that i HAVE experience as opposed to when i didn't ???#weird.#anyway.#i'm pissed off this week cause they're crossing my boundaries more and more here & also this garbage weather#FUCKING SNOW#FUCKING HAVING TO SHOVEL AND CLEAN MY CAR BEFORE I CAN DRIVE HOME#FIRST THE CONSTRUCTIONS AND TRAFFIC THEN IT WAS DONE I HAD 3 DAYS OF PEACE AND NOW THIS#LESS AND LESS TIME TO ACTUALLY REST AT HOME BEFORE I GOTTA COME BACK HERE AND DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN#MAN I REALLY FUCKING HATE IT HERE#so yea anyway 🤠😁#anybody got tips to make quick easy money? pls help. lol#i need to start my freelancing business fr fr i just don't feel like i'm creative enough to come up w something lucrative#like i'm making a little money on the side rn but it's def not enough to be a side hustle#i'm just so sick of having to apply to jobs and do interviews and sell myself and working for nasty ass people#yesterday they invited me again to their dumbass christmas party. brother i am not going to your fuckass 60+ y.o. foreign ppl dinner#there is NO one my age and EVERYONE speaks ur language that i dont understand. i'm not spending a second more than required with y'all#AND LIKE 90% OF THEM ARE MEN LIKE. EW. FUCKING EW. NO#i swear if they pressure me one more time or ask me again why i'm not going i'm gonna snap#you are NOT entitled to ANY information about me or my personal life or my reasons why i don't wanna do certain things#i'm here to GET MY MONEY and GO#i can't wait to quit.#**
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greatgoddyke · 5 months ago
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this is petty n most likely an issue of ive just been exposed to entirely different shit but those posts about how people complaining about redemption arcs is bad bc its important message that people can change is just completely ignoring why people are actually complaining cause the big two examples i can think of for why people complain about redemptions are 1. the redemption is poorly written n ignores and/or retcons the previous seriousness of their wrongdoings just because the writer(s) want them to be good now n its kind of hard to do that if (for example) we take the lives they intentionally n mercilessly killed into account and 2. this character is an abuser but instead of taking accountability n bare minimum apologizing n letting their victim(s) choose whether they wish to still have them in their life the writer(s) choose a narrative where the abuser doesnt really have to change as a person they just dont abuse anyone anymore n the framing is weirdly unsympathetic to their victim(s)
#bonk.txt#annoys me even more bc of it using the good place as an example bc THE GOOD PLACE HAVE AN ABUSER WHO BECOMES A BETTER PERSON#AND IS SYMPATHETIC TO HER VICTIM FOR BEING HURT N UPSET THAT HER MOM WAS CAPABLE OF CHANGE BUT DIDNT CHANGE FOR HER#its not the concept of someone improving n growing as a person as a person that people dislike they dislike bad inconsistent writing#n (intentional or not) narratives of abuse victims having to forgive their abuser and or ignore the harm done to them!!#the elements of ''its kind of facist to not forgive people'' and ''i was kind of a shit person so its important for me to see characters#who are also kind of shit change as people'' also suck#first thing it is an actual issue that people are unforgiving n ignore how someone's changed to go after them for shit that is years old#but as already stated thats not the usual reason people complain about this shit n it feels disingenuous to bring that up#cause people thought a show you liked is badly written when that tactic is usually used to target minorities n silence them for disagreeing#with someone or being mildly annoying#usually they didn't even do anything to warrant this response n the shit being dug up to vilify them is like a nonissue twisted into harm#second thing is like ur probably perceiving urself as worse than you are you definitely never killed anyone n you most likely havent#intentionally cultivated a situation where u can get away with multiple people with no consequences ur at worst probably just an asshole#n its a weird overreaction to reach for these kinds of characters when theres more out there that resemble#ur situation n the growth u experience as a person that as a bonus are also probably better written#this is just like straight up brain vomit i i need to go back to bed n also im probably mixing posts in my head but hhh#people dont like bad writing it is mostly that simply n when its not for either of the proper reasons ive stated#then its usually related to some kind of bigotry n holding minorities to a higher standard than they would if it was just some white guy#which is still an actual issue but again unrelated to people disliking that we're capable of change#i complain about it a lot whenever a character is widely hated for at best things they'd forgive their (canonically cishet male) blorbo for#n at worst genuinely nothing just bc the character happens to be nonwhite/a woman/a kid/traumatized/not whatever's considered#to be ''palatable'' but thats a separate issue n not even the point the posts im complaining about are trying to make#the second example (in the actual post ive written n not in the tags) is probably like too specific#n also i havent like touched the thing im vaguing there in years n its how the situation was when it was last touched upon when i still#somewhat kept up to it but whatever the gist is still there even if its not one to one
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inumakis-boo · 7 months ago
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May I have some dating Toge Inumaki headcanons? Both sfw and NSFW... If you're comfortable.
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TOGE INUMAKI ♫₊˚.🎧 ✧💬
headcanons 𓍢ִ˖ hello and thank you for the requests! i am current rediting all of my posts, so if this looks a little different than when you first saw it, thats the reason why!
anyways, i hope all of you enjoy! and if course, NSFW will be tagged and is written for a female perspective.
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safe for work headcanons
- would probably not notice each other the first time you meet, maybe an interested glance but it doesn't really hit until the second or third time that he really sees you
- probably asks for your number just so yall can talk better, and once you do, its an instant connection. he literally wouldnt be able to stop, staying up all night to text you
- texts you out of the blue, and although probably feels embarrassed to double text, he is just that interested in you
- would totally deliever a bag of goodies he bought at the store for you, and additionally maybe offer to make you a lunch to try before he makes it for everyone else
- you comment on one of his t-shirts he wears and he puts it in one of the goodie bags he buys you, doused in his cologne because he wants you to think of him
- would totally send annoying memes and tiktoks and bully you over text, also play 8-ball COMPETITIVELY cause he aint gonna lose to you (he doesnt even pity lose to you)
- shows up unannounced just to kiss you in the door frame of your dorm room as a goodnight and then leaves you there
- that is until you invite him over to your dorm at night and he brings post-it notes and teaches you his semi-bilingual language for easier understanding, and utterly loves you for it
- the talking stage would be him just pining over you cosntantly, writing it all down in journals or in his notes app
- after yall started dating, it is very much a no public affection mostly because he doesnt want anybody to be in your business. especially with his noisy ass friends
- but no matter what, he is going to hold your hand, especially when going on dates and walking around campus at night (would definitely talk u into sneaking out)
- he would be hesistant to kiss you even after yall became offical, probably go a few weeks before you just say it straight that you want him to kiss you and you dont even get it all out before hea pinning you to a door and giving you the best kiss of your life
- would absolutely use his speech on you so you cannot resist it when he tickles you or when you are beating him in a game
- he is not the sappiest guy, but if you start to get sappy over a movie or a sad book, he will rub your back and give you head-kisses to help you feel better
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below is not safe for work content. mdni.
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not safe for work headcanons
- you find out very quickly into the relationship that he cannot resist a challenge of any kind. therefore, using that to your advantage always works out
- challenging him through text to sneak out of his dorm will work, but ofc he wants a prize at the end (you are on your knees for the next hour)
- the benefit of his speech is that you don't feel any fatigue whatsoever during its use, so that makes it really easy to make your body endure while you deep-throat him over and over.
- it doesn't diminish the pleasure though; being told to stay still while he fondles your chest takes away nothing from the experience, and he knows how much you like having no choice.
- not that even if it was tiring, you wouldn't let him throat-fuck you, the noises he makes are heavenly for someone who can't speak straight, the struggle of watching him grip the bedframe and biting his lips so he doesn't utterly ruin you is SO worth a bruised throat.
- he might be nervous to use his speech on you the first time, but after you make sure that you can handle it, its becomes so much more confident in using it
- he loves making out with you, he loves making your lips red with all the biting, he wants to see them glossy and wet right before he puts his fingers in your mouth (you know where they are going next)
- sexting is so fun, yall thought it might be cringy, but its literally the best when he calls you with a command and he gets to listen to you whimper and moan as he jerks off to it, can be totally unexpected
- "Ride me."
- hand on your thigh when nobody can see, and his pinky is awfully close to your panties that it makes you nervous.
- ofc he can easily make you cum, but will he always let you? not without a cute little 'please' hes not. begging is fun, isnt it?
- lets be honest, the dick game is so good he don't even have to tell you to go to sleep after
- ofc he would definitely lay it down on you exactly how he described through text, and then clean you with special wipes he bought from the store because he aint a dickhead, duh.
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I have so many more, especially for different situations, so lmk if you want more! Thank u for all the support as of recently!
bye pookies!
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mustangbby · 11 months ago
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AHHH LOVED THE AL HAITHAM FIC SMM but if you dont mind what was going through al haithams head when he realized she left??
-> the house will never be the same again pt. 2
synopsis -> after being incredibly disrespected by your husband, alhaitham, you moved to liyue. what is going through his mind when you leave?
a/n -> AHHH i'm so happy you liked it!!! and i don't mind making a pt. 2 at all sorry this has been sitting here for a while but i hope you enjoy! here is part 1.
warnings -> all hurt no comfort, reader never turns up lol
w/c -> 1.2k
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it’s been about a week now, and you’re already settled into liyue. you’ve caught the eye of a bunch of passersby in the city- a sumeru vision wielder living in liyue harbor? 
thankfully, you had the traveler and a kind woman from the qixing named ganyu able to assist you with questions about the city. the first day you got there, she noticed your vision, and asked you all about it. it soon led to the two of you hitting off the start of a friendship in a nice restaurant- with ganyu telling you all of the things to do in liyue, the jobs that can be taken, and how magical the lantern rite especially is. you mentioned to her that you had a passion for the arts, and she immediately helped you look for a side job to make a little bit of mora to pay rent in your nice abode in the middle of the harbor.
“so, were your travels from sumeru alright? i’ve heard trudging through desert is not a very enjoyable experience..” ganyu questioned, a slight grin to be found on her face. “though, i have heard that the city down there is very nice. i would love to visit for myself one day, but with work and adeptal business it makes my days a little tight.”
you nod before replying. “the city is beautiful, especially at night. theres a gorgeous stage down there too, where a young woman named nilou always performs on special events. it’s always been the most majestic part of the city, or at least in my opinion.” 
ganyu lets out a noise of fascination, before giggling a little. “i would love to watch her dance. nilou is a familiar name, some people here strictly go to sumeru just to see her. i bet she’s as wonderful as everyone makes her out to be.” ganyu sighs. “i wonder if she travels? we have nice performing places here, too.”
you nod. “occasionally. it mostly has to be a big event for her to arrive, though.” you take another bite of your food. “but i bet if i asked her, she’d come out for at least a few days.”
that made ganyu smile once more, before she asked another question. “well, this may be an odd question, but do you have any romantic relationships?” 
“well, that's the reason i decided to move here,” now it is your turn to sigh, making ganyu have a confused look dancing across her face. “my partner and i got into an argument. he wouldn’t stop overworking himself, and i simply just wanted him to come to bed. but he’s so stubborn, and he took his work stress out on me. there was… certainly a lot of name calling.”
ganyus look of confusion immediately switches to an apologetic one. “ah, you made the right choice. that’s no way to treat your spouse.” 
you nod in agreement, before finishing your dish and pushing it slightly out in front of you. 
“well, i’m going to head back to my apartment now. this was very nice, we should do it again sometime!” you smile before standing and putting some money on the table. “here, this should be half. have a good night, ganyu!”
“goodnight to you too, y/n! i’ll see you soon.” 
now, back on alhaithams end..
he hasn’t been home in about a week and a half, due to his work causing his presence nearly 24/7. that pretty much means he hasn’t realized you’ve left yet. 
as he walks home, he doesn’t know how he would approach you. does he pretend the issue doesn’t exist? does he keep ignoring you? does he apologize? he thought his mind would split open.
as he walks through the door, he notices that the house is a little… emptier, from when the two of you lived together. he walked through the whole place, looking into the bathrooms to see your products gone. looking at the laundry room, met with no clothes that are yours hanging from the clothesline. and now, when he went to your bedroom…
your pillowcases have been stripped from the bed, and your pillow thrown into the closet. there were only a stack of two pillows, right in the middle of the bed. now his heart was thumping, and really hard. he looked through the dressers. the left side was barren, leaving only his side full. the thing that brought tears to the mans eyes was seeing your wedding ring on your side of the table. 
so you really left him. he stands there, shocked, unknowing of what to do. does he try to find you, or does he let you go? oh, how he regrets ever talking to you the way he did. if he just took your advice, you would be in bed, waiting for his arrival. likely bringing him into a hug, shaking all his worries and stress away as you whispered questions along about how his day was. 
the next few days felt like someone kept coming over to his desk and stabbing his back with blades like his. he felt so regretful, doing everything he can to stay composed while at the same time trying to find where you’ve gone. dehya won’t give him anything besides “somewhere close to sumeru that’s not sumeru.” that could mean you’ve gone to fontaine, liyue, or monstadt. how would he ever find you?
he’d ask the gaurds, and they all told him you went in the direction of the chasm. getting somewhere, but not close enough. he could walk all that way and come up empty handed. he doesn’t have an exact pinpoint on you yet. 
he’d ask nilou. she’d just shrug and say something along the lines of “i heard what happened, but i do not know fully where they went.” 
he walked the paths of the city, lost deep in thought. everyone thought it was a little out of character for someone such as him to look and feel as lost as he is. as much as people wondered what happened, they kept their mouths shut.
and for the people who noticed your absence, too, they’d ask different people who would likely have knowledge. but alhaitham didn’t know where to go now. he could walk the whole chasm and still not have you turn up. he could check every apartment complex in liyue harbor, and knock on every door on the outskirts. he could sail the seas to inazuma, and walk every separate island to see who may be housing you, or what commission you may have been taken in by. he could fall down the very waterfall that leads an entrance to the enchanting location called enkanomiya. he could go to fontaine, dive under the waters, walk every rocky mountain, and even visit the fortress of meropide. he could fight every monster near the city of monstadt, looking upon every rooftop for signs of your art, blown through the city of wind. but he still wouldn’t find you.
now what he doesn’t know is that you’re in liyue harbor, and nobody frets to tell him that anytime soon. for now, they’re just going to let him suffer, the same way he let you.
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sevs-corner · 2 months ago
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Back to more ideas on Tf 141: Mafia AU!
(Im world building rn + epilogue/ extra scene to the 1st Chapter)
Link to prev part:
So I was thinking how, the relationship would build between the 5 (Tf 141 and reader) naturally, ‘cause I want the story to build off of like small interactions and one shots but sometimes have like, coherent chapters in between to stabilize the “plot” per se.
(Im rusty with my writing skills and I kinda dont edit, ‘cause this is just practice for me but still lmao)
And I want it to be something gradual (just call it slow burn, they say) and I know I write interactions in a slow kinda way where it bounces back and forth from person to person, showing the reader’s perspective then subtly shifting to the character’s perspective— but I think I want to experiment into that, focusing more on dialogue and conversational exchanges that shows how close their relationship has gotten.
For ex, I was thinking how Soap was still wary of reader in the first chap- not as affectionate as he is with his mates right off the bat, he’s wary and it comes naturally in his line off work. You’re an oddity sure, but its not like he’ll put down his walls for you (yet). His speech is rough and clipped, not wanting to reveal much but letting you be privy to the information he can provide- in the mean time anyways.
Yet , at the same time, I want to show his attraction—
He’s enamored and has (maybe) a little crush, but who wouldn’t when you’re so pretty? Sitting there in the room where they grew up, blanket lazily draped across your form as your barely awake self tries to wake up on his bed, hair poking out in all sorts of places, drool dried at the side of your mouth but damn did he think you were a fresh sight to see in this city.
Maybe you were seducing him? Or was it the allure of the domesticity that was lacking in their relationship? He puts those thoughts to the back of his head ‘till he waits for the news of that meeting he was left out of last night- he feels its important when checking out who you really are.
They can’t afford to be careless, but on the other hand- you kinda were, when you first met them unfortunately, that is. Absent-minded and clumsy, that was what he thought of you as he stared at your tripped up self, sadly sitting in a puddle in pain. You were pale, shivering, and simply a mess.
Honestly, the more that he thought about it, the more it didn’t make sense to treat you like a threat. Well, at least not an active one at that. You could have been having an off day as a spy or an assassin, but if it were him— he wouldn’t be caught slacking like that in public, whether people knew him or of his occupation either way.
He could even see how you lowered your guard! Jeez, you should be more careful- especially with people like him and his mates- if you’re new to the place. He thinks you might be a lil’ looney for going to this place, especially that part of the city when all of its occupants know that it was mostly a dangerous area to get in to and stay at.
As the neutral hub for all of the mafioso around the cities, it is the one place for regular folks not to get involved in. (Unless you want to meet them of course, but he doubts that was your intention… or, shit- it could have been, considering how Price found something on you.)
Now he thinks of you as a potential client, which makes him feel worse of how off-handedly he treated you.
He knew he was gettin’ an ass kickin’ from Ghost if you were, surely.
Alas, what done has been done- at least you still treated him normally as he left, so he thinks he left a good impression.
Though, that wasn’t at the forefront of your mind right now.
Quite literally, you were being worked to the bone for information from the old Italian couple that helped you stay at their lodgings at the 2nd floor of their bakery.
“‘It’ll help un-fuck my week,’ they said but all gave me was a hope that my minimum wage self has to fight for as they get free labor in return!”
But you don’t dare say that, knowing you were speaking out of turn and out of misplaced anger so you keep your mouth shut- cleaning up the bakery for the opening in the morning.
The couple was sweet, but they were also strict, telling you that “you should move your arse so you can sweat off the sick!” Which… you didn’t want to make sense off so you just nodded, asking if that was the compensation for the information of finding your place, and they agreed. On the stipulation that you work and do all the chores on the list they handed you, making you gape and about to ask for a little consideration— but they quickly disappear, out of sight and out of mind, they say.
And you think that was better before you started mouthing off, not get anything, and then end up lost once more— which you wanted to avoid at all costs so you did sweat off the sick.
Albeit, you looked worse for wear.
Which Ghost bluntly points out as you waited their table.
…let’s just say that it was an overtime work-shift that you didn’t get money for and old italian people were slave drivers.
(yes, i made the love-hate relationship start with nonna and nonno)
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inamagicalhallucination · 1 year ago
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anyway atsushi who keeps his eyes closed around ppl he feels safe with - so mostly the agency
kunikida sees him first and assumes he's napping and 'wakes him up' and atsushi, who doesn't realize yet why he's doing it is a little embarrassed
kunikida notices it again when theyre walking to a case, atsushi squished in between him and dazai, eyes closed, and he knows that he's not napping but he also doesn't get it
dazai realizes whats up but thinks it only happens cuz of kunikida becuz surely not him
but then one day he's telling atsushi about some prank he's pulling on kunikida and atsushi is nodding along, eyes shut and he's like oh
kyouka misses all the times it happens around her just becuz its not strange to see someone lying on the couch at their home, eyes closed, so how is she supposed to know that he's only doing it becuz he feels safe ???
ranpo knows whats going on and is very pleased when atsushi sits next to him on the train to their mission with his eyes closed - until they accidentally missed their stop becuz ranpo didn't know where they were going
when it happens to ranpo, everyone starts picking up that somethings going on
dazai and ranpo know for sure - and through ranpo yosano knows too - and everyone knows atsushi closes his eyes around them for some reason but they arent really sure why
atsushi doesn't close his eyes around yosano - not until theyre hanging out and yosano takes her long white coat off and leaves it behind becuz she doesn't need it and in minutes atsushi is at complete ease around her
junichiro keeps his hand on atsushi's arm when theyre walking or in public so that if atsushi's eyes are closed he doesn't bump into anything or anyone
kenji initially thinks that atsushi is trying to mimic ranpo and yeah fair enough but then when he realizes he closes his eyes around atsushi too which does cause them to bump into each other but also its sweet so
it takes atsushi the longest to do so around fukuzawa - not becuz he has anything against the man - but becuz he's a figure w/ authority over atsushi and atsushi doesn't have the best experience. where he knows yosano well enough and only her long white coat makes him hesitate, and for all of kunikida's scolding - his hands are kind when they ruffle atsushi hair and his eyes are filled with concern as he makes sure atsushi is eating - but atsushi rarely sees the president in comparison
the first time he's in his presence with his eyes closed fukuzawa is touched
anyway
when everyone in the agency finds out what it means its like:
yosano, dazai, ranpo - already knew
kenji - figured it out
kyouka - reevaluating every time atsushi has ever closed his eyes
kunikida - bright red, spluttering remembering how often atsushi does it in his presence
junichiro - pleased and vowing to close his eyes too
haruno and naomi - "atsushi are you actually a cat who turns into a human"
anyway who else
lucy thinks he's not listening to her when he does it and when he tells her she gets flustered calls him an idiot and then gives him a present to show her own appreciation of him and then pretends to not know what he's talking about
andddd
i dont know how to describe akutagawa's reaction to his boyfriend, who he had an antagonistic and violent relationship with in the beginning, thinking that akutagawa - violent, kills without thought, weapon more than human - is safe
akutagawa's whos ability has only been a monster is able to use it in front of atsushi w/o atsushi ever thinking its unsafe
all that trust and love atsushi has carefully put out for akutagawa - yeah i cant describe the emotions akutagawa would feel to be this loved, this trusted
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tsugumichikaneshiro · 9 months ago
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tsugumichi kaneshiro is a weak little bitch. here's why!
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↑ if you don't know who tsugumichi is, that's him! he's the serial killer from kotoko's narrative, and who i will focus on. this post is 99% just overanalyzing subtext and extrapolating from (seemingly) unrelated information, so please bear with me. also its really messyyy
first thing i'd like to point towards is the nature of his crime. he is a 24 year old man who kills elementary school girls -> his victims are always inherently weaker than him. the question becomes: why the fuck did he do this. why are they his victims specifically. it seems very likely he was targeting them, after all.
it can't be because he thinks he can get away with it more easily; his father has enough power to get him out of any legal consequence. even his neighbors knew about his crimes, but he still didn't get arrested ever!! he might just like killing them, that is true. he might just like killing them specifically. but! i think it'd be more interesting if those are his victims because those are the only type of people he can kill. only elementary schoolers are weaker than him, so those are the only ones he can and will kill.
he tried to fight back against kotoko, by the way, he did try! he was just really bad at it and apparently ended up getting mutilated so so badly, meanwhile kotoko seemingly suffered zero severe injuries.
additionally, please look at this quote from YONAH:
K: How ridiculous... It's always like this... All of you weaklings always act like this... All of you enjoy seeing someone getting hurt... [...] All of you enjoy seeing a bad person falling down... [...] You keep asking for it, but as soon as it happens near you by your own choice, you all start complaining and evading your responsibility... You're always like this... Always such idiots!
of course, this could just be her talking about everything everyone ever. even herself, if you believe she's projecting. however i do think this was, in some way, referring to tsugumichi.
her generalizing weaklings, saying “it’s always like this, all of you weaklings always act like this,” as if she has personal experience with it... saying it towards someone she thinks likes when people get hurt, when it can be very easily assumed that tsugumichi also enjoyed seeing people in pain? i like to think this means she saw him as weak, at least a little bit
now whether she saw him as weak prior to or after killing him is a mystery! one that i won't really get into... both are possible options with their own merits and there's too little info to actually decide on one scenario over the other... i will say that i am more inclined towards her seeing him as weak prior to killing him, but that is mostly bias and such
there's also this one interrogation that could also be a vague at him, even if unintentional
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yes i think he has a weak will (more literally a "weak heart") yes i also think it could be a vague at herself but this post is primarily about tsugumichi being weak... he is a weak little bitch and it's what led to him turning to evil, down the inferior path and such.
whether the thing that caused him to turn to evil was external influences (i really like the internet theory for kotoko so this could also be applied here, but that has less basis to it for him) or just him having some sort of power trip where he really really just wanted to feel some sense of power and does it by killing elementary schoolers... we dont know LOL. there's very little info on him and i am just extrapolating from as much as i can.
i think that's all i can cover that relates to this. some of it probably makes zero sense so feel free to ask me things if you feel so inclined and such.
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mr-payjay · 16 days ago
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flutters eyelashes :) do you have any personality disorder headcanons for clover? or maybe nickel? hope you're doing well!!
Mostly Nickel's Disorders
twitches. twitches. twitches. ok i skipped gleefully in the kitchen getting this ask because i am SO hyperfixated on nickel. here’s a nickel analysis if you wanna read that first but it doesnt go into his pds it just generally analyzes him:
for clover i dont have any disorders in mind BUT i have noticed she has a tendency to fawn or flee (ive always been pulled in by her fawning over nickel considering how much he’s hurt her). today i was watching some iii and i noted that shes a really strange but interesting character—ive paid attention to her before and ive done a bit of analysis (mostly talking about her odd reactions to nickel) but nothing recent. im planning to do some clover analysis after my nickel and balloon rewatch (im rewatching all of ii and taking notes on nickel and balloon respectively as i go along, ive done this with several characters before and i find it super fun). i would maybeee look her over for dependent personality disorder and borderline personality disorder, but Not to diagnose her with the full disorders themselves, more to analyze the dependent and borderline traits she seems to experience (tendencies). also would probably look into adhd or autism or both.
nickel stuff under the cut. it's long. tl;dr you can argue that nickel has hpd, aspd, and npd, but the most important to consider is hpd.
Histrionic Personality Disorder
nickel has hpd, credit to the lovely @t4twerewolves for bringing this up to me in the first place and introducing some of the symptoms he displays! i'll put down his hpd symptoms here and talk about each one.
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1. is uncomfortable in situations where they are not the center of attention: yes, nickel is very attention-seeking! you gotta look at him like a school bully. he wants attention, he wants to be seen, he wants people to know who he is. the main point of hpd is that the hpder NEEDS attention. not just wants, but NEEDS. so even if they WANT positive attention, if they believe they can only get negative attention, they will stick with that (i talk about this more in my nickel analysis in the link above). nickel is seen constantly going for this negative attention, TRYING to provoke people, wanting them to get annoyed and Remember he exists and Give him the attention he’s starved for. which brings me to symptom 2.
2. interaction with others is often characterized by inappropriate sexually seductive or provocative behavior: yes. first of all, provocative in the context of the hpd dsm5 criteria means to provoke someone (as in: annoy people, start little arguments and fights, make jabs, etc.), not to be sexually provocative. in this case, nickel is EXTREMELY provocative. im sure you can think of times in the show where nickel purposely annoys people, but an example i particularly enjoy is in snapshot showdown, where nickel asks balloon why balloon doesnt believe in him. when balloon freaks out and tells nickel hes never believed in HIM (balloon) in the first place, nickel laughs and says he just wanted to see his reaction if he said that. the entire point of making that comment was to provoke balloon and get a big reaction out of him. again, look at nickel like a typical bully: he wants attention and reactions. i also recommend watching waffling about for more explicit examples of this behavior.
3. displays rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions: yes, nickel is shallow but plays up his reactions to ridiculous extents. a great example of his emotional display also rapidly shifting is in out of body experience, when he yells at clover and blames him for them all having died. he goes from angrily shouting at her with elaborate and theatrical wording about how “twisted fortune granted her wish” to immediately going deadpan and asking others their thoughts on the matter. actually, i’ll provide the clip to make it more obvious just how quick the change is:
he goes from dramatically calling her a privileged murderer to neutrally asking for opinions in an instant. i will say that nickel definitely has some intense feelings about clover (she really pushes him to think about his body and his feelings of inherent worthlessness as a nickel object, for one) but he still displays shallow and puffed up reactions around her and in other situations.
4. consistently uses physical appearance to draw attention to self: i would argue yes for this too, in fact, but it's often difficult to really go into this symptom since the characters are all objects (though its easier to prove with some characters, such as silver spoon). one thing ive noticed is that most ii hpders, such as lightbulb, paper, nickel, silver spoon, tend to wear things or care about their appearance more than other objects. lightbulb and her silly costumes, paper and his bowtie and santa hat, silver spoon and his skincare routine (and more explicit worries with his appearance)... and at the end of mazed and confused, nickel is wearing a somewhat extravagant outfit (for objects anyway) that he apparently bought with the money he got from scalping tickets. it’s eye-catching and unusual for any character to wear. i could go into his complicated feelings about his body as a nickel object (since it has to do with appearance) but it is technically irrelevant to the actual hpd symptom here and id like to research his self-image as a nickel more before talking about it in depth. either way, nickel cares about his appearance.
5. has a style of speech that is excessively impressionistic and lacking in detail: okay so this symptom means vague speech, speech that’s more about emotions and grandness rather than details or logic. hpders often base their opinions off of others (expanded upon in 7.) and an example of that for nickel is with his opinion of balloon. nickel vaguely expresses that balloon is awful, untrustworthy, just terrible in any way. he sticks to this extreme yet unfounded opinion and shuns balloon for ages even though he practically never dealt with balloon at all in s1 (since balloon's behavior there is the main grief the contestants have with him). nickel doesn’t have details to refer to; he’s just going along with what the majority says here. in s3, his opinion changes as he actually spends time with balloon. his speech is also generally confusing to understand. as ive been taking notes on nickel, ive had to stop for several minutes to deconstruct his lines and try to decipher what he’s saying. his manner of speech certainly isn’t precise or to the point. and another example of this symptom is him calling the new thinkers his “enemies at BEST” in best served cold, which is a very extreme (impressionistic) thing to say and clearly not what he actually thinks of them (which is just general dislike at first).
6. shows self-dramatization, theatricality, and exaggerated expression of emotion: yes, nickel is QUITE theatrical! i still need to rewatch s2 but ive found many examples in s3. one of my favourites is in tragedy at 60 feet, when tea kettle tries to lure him and balloon into allying with her with hors d’oeuvres, and nickel starts loudly gagging and coughing then yells that he's REPULSED!!! then balloon tells him to calm down. its so unnecessarily dramatic and intense. i love it. there’s another scene in the episode where nickel slips on a banana peel and starts screaming for the doctor to come see him until balloon tells him he's fine, where he calms down immediately. that one's a combination of multiple symptoms (as most are) in fact, with 1. (seeking attention), 3. (rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions), and 6. (dramatic and theatrical behavior).
7. is suggestible (easily influenced by others or circumstances): i talk about this a bit in symptom 5, but nickel goes along with everyone when shunning balloon (and enforces it), despite not really having been affected by him in s1. he’s more contrarian than he is agreeable, but he still feels awkward actually standing out on his own (such as in try not to laugh challenge, where he gets uncomfortable and agitated once everyone disapproves of him for insulting yinyang so harshly) and tends to go for little jabs or arguments that he’s sure he can win (such as yelling at clover, who never fights back) rather than actually standing up for something he believes in. again, remember that he’s like a school bully! he goes for the easy targets and avoids real conflict.
8. considers relationships to be more intimate than they actually are: so this is box. there’s some hints of this with balloon and suitcase but it’s more complicated when i could just talk about box. who is the perfect candidate to show this symptom of nickel’s. nickel is convinced box is a real living person. he talks to her about his decisions in the game, he asks for her opinion on things, he talks FOR her and assumes what she’s saying (nothing, in reality), and he even calls her his number one ally. all along, box is. a dead body. there is nothing there. even if box WAS alive but inanimate, this would still be an example of this symptom, because box tries to vote out nickel in s3 and lifering even mentions that box probably doesn’t want to be talked for. nickel thinks there is a close relationship of sorts here, when there is not.
here are some hpd subtypes (Theodore Millon, Personality Disorders in Modern Life, 2004):
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hpd subtypes aren't super relevant anymore by the way, i just like categories. anyway, nickel has disingenuous hpd. which implies antisocial traits! interesting! so let’s take a look at aspd.
Antisocial Personality Disorder
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1. failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors, as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest: technically yes. he gets suitcase to steal from meeple in theft and battery, but it IS part of the challenge in the show, so… that one's only a so-so for me. nickel also scalps people online, which isn’t illegal, but it is pretty lame. he tends to repeat these sorts of almost-illegal actions without going too far into breaking the rules (like using the pic-nix tables even though he’s banned), so we can infer that he doesn’t particularly respect authority but he IS still afraid of consequences and doesn’t have much desire to do more illegal things. he also tries to kill clover which is pretty illegal but it’s played comedically so im not sure how to interpret that? i still consider it an indication of this symptom, of course. overall, id say 1. ends up being a yes, mostly because i keep thinking of examples that fit just enough. he's clearly got the mindset.
2. deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit and pleasure: yes, nickel lies several times in ii, sometimes very blatantly (eg in best served cold, mephone asks nickel if the pie is two half-mile high pies stacked on top of each other, and nickel deadpans “No.”). he lies in theft and battery about suitcase’s willingness to steal for them. he cons others online through scalping for personal profit, buying an expensive outfit with the money he gets from it. he tricks suitcase into thinking he’s giving balloon a chance in kick the bucket, when he’s truly just setting them both up to fail. he’s fine with deceiving others.
3. impulsivity or failure to plan ahead: yes, nickel is pretty impulsive with his reactions, making them more exaggerated than they need to be (eg trying to kill clover in snapshot showdown) and not always planning ahead, just in his general behavior… an amusing example is the challenge in snapshot showdown beginning and nickel immediately running at top speed face first into the camera cabinet.
4. irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults: yes and no. nickel is very irritable and verbally aggressive, but he doesn’t often physically hurt people (since the symptom says “repeated” im keeping this in mind), since he does try to kill and injure clover but as far as i remember that's his only direct physical assault on someone. he also automatically dislikes most people (eg in best served cold where he calls the new thinkers his “enemies at best”) and is easily annoyed by others.
5. reckless disregard for safety of self or others: yes. using theft and battery again as an example, he puts suitcase in danger when forcing her to steal from meeple. he also tries to kill clover (and ends up injuring himself when he tests the trap with his foot, which one could say is reckless). im probably forgetting other examples.
6. consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations: not as far as i can see it. he does disregard safety, but he doesn't fall behind on obligations or anything. does fine in challenges.
7. lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another: id argue no. nickel feels guilty for making clover cry in title tbd (though it’s subtle: just a quick look after she runs away crying and a worried expression during the elimination when clover is being voted out) but he never actually apologizes to her. however, we know that apologizing is very hard for nickel, as we see in the scene in tragedy at 60 feet where he apologizes to tea kettle and balloon for his behavior in the episode (this doesn’t excuse him from not apologizing to clover for what he’s done to her, it just explains how nickel may feel remorse without ever doing anything about it). nickel shows remorse in the scene i just mentioned with tea kettle and balloon. he also shows remorse later on, apologizing to balloon in the great bluish bake off (even if i don’t care for the therapyspeak writing of this scene, nickel’s feelings here are still genuine). i can’t say if he feels remorse for what he did to suitcase or not, but with the evidence of other scenes here, i would say he probably secretly does.
so yes, nickel does technically qualify for aspd (at least 3 symptoms). but let’s just check a bit more. for funsies. the basis of aspd is mainly (as far as i know it) a need for autonomy and a lack of respect towards authority. he pretty much never respects authority (stealing from meeple, calling mephone insulting names, being very rude to tea kettle who we can infer is older than him, etc.). for need for autonomy, he does tend to avoid most people and is easily irritated by others, but he isn’t averse to having friends or depending on others like balloon or baseball. it’s pretty hard to gain his trust though, and he tends to stay loyal to the one person he chooses to respect. which can actually be a behavior some aspders have (respecting one or two people who feel Special and Deserving of it). in the end? i think it’s more fun to interpret nickel with aspd than not. if anyone wants to support or dispute this claim, feel free to talk about it in the comments or my askbox :) aspd is a personality disorder i know less about!
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
now, ive mentioned nickel having narcissistic tendencies before, but ive only ever looked him over for npd briefly and concluded he doesn’t have it. but its fun to recheck things. and since im already here, i’ll do an npd assessment of nickel too.
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1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance (eg exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements): somewhat. nickel generally sees himself as inferior (which is normal for many npders), which i talk about more in my initial analysis at the top of this post in the context of his canon feelings of worthlessness. he tries to compensate for this in s2 in particular, turning himself into the leader of the armless alliance and forcing them to recognize him as superior. as far as i remember, he does not significantly exaggerate his achievements or talents.
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love: yes. he becomes quite the tyrant in s2 to the armless alliance, relishing the little power he has and becoming quite agitated whenever he loses it (eg straight up threatening suitcase during the elimination in kick the bucket because he’s trying so hard to hold onto his power). he also enjoys being the director of the new thinkers in title tbd, and is charmed by them actually listening to him (until he remembers clover’s luck that was given to him). there’s also the “Oh, the things I’ll do for money…” line in stranded in paradise and the fact that he decks himself out in expensive clothes in mazed and confused, implying fantasies about riches as well.
3. believes that they are “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions): somewhat. i would argue that though nickel only respects very certain people (and still only to a limited extent), it’s more in an aspd way than an npd way. baseball and balloon aren’t high-status in any way, but they’ve EARNED his respect (although limited), which is another thing entirely than the npd symptom of wanting to associate with “worthy” people.
4. requires excessive admiration: no. nickel dislikes most people and accepts being disliked; he just needs attention, negative or positive. he does ENJOY admiration (title tbd is a great example of this, as he talks about wanting to be genuinely valued by others) but he does not require it in the same way someone like, say, silver spoon does. i believe he’s like most people are about admiration.
5. has a sense of entitlement (unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with their expectations): yes. in s2, he’s used to being listened to by the armless alliance, and becomes angry when he’s defied (eg being annoyed by suitcase befriending balloon in kick the bucket and tricking her into having balloon fail the challenge). in s3, though he’s not as entitled as he was before, he still insists on doing things his way (such as when he goes off to take photos of clover in snapshot showdown) or is ready to argue about it (such as when he openly asks to hear objections to him becoming the director in title tbd and is surprised when everyone agrees to it).
6. is interpersonally exploitative (takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends): yes. you can most clearly see this with nickel and suitcase in s2. a concrete example could be forcing suitcase to steal in theft and battery (I KNOW, im using this example AGAIN, it’s just a really messed up thing to do okay. it's a good example for many symptoms).
7. lacks empathy, is unable to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others (yes i changed the writing of this one slightly): yes. nickel clearly does not empathize with suitcase, balloon, clover, or others. he forces suitcase to comply with his demands while looking down on her for her kindness to balloon and her meekness. he shuns and puts down balloon without considering his attempts to redeem himself for a long time. he tries to hurt clover and yells at her multiple times, only realizing some of her pain when she runs away crying after he Literally screams that she’s a murderer. nickel still feels guilt and remorse, but he struggles to understand others’ feelings nevertheless.
8. is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them: yes. nickel envies clover in a weird way (i still need to analyze it more), calling her privileged and lucky despite not actually wanting the luck for himself in the end. he’s unsatisfied with himself as a nickel object, being quite literally a low-worth object and becoming visibly upset at seeing dime in fff nickel for your thoughts. he’s afraid of being below others and envies those who might feel better than him on a level he can’t work around, like clover being born endlessly lucky and dime having more worth than him as an object.
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes: yes. nickel looks down on people and generally dislikes them. he insults and makes jabs at people and struggles to see them as separate entities with feelings (lack of empathy), placing himself in a superior mental ranking. it’s kind of odd with nickel because his sense of worthlessness REEKS throughout the series (like you can easily spot it), but really, that IS how npd often works, isn’t it? he feels inferior and therefore decides that At Least everyone is actually way dumber and worse than him. making him superior in the end.
that’s 7 out of 9 (im counting “somewhat” as 0.5 each), which is enough to qualify for npd (minimum 5). congratulations nickel!
well this took me a few very very fun hours. quite the mental workout though. thank you very much for asking! my conclusion is that nickel has hpd (8/8), aspd (4.5/7), and npd (7/9), hpd being the most important. and though i don’t exactly think clover has any personality disorders, i recommend looking into causes and behaviors associated with dpd and bpd, since some of her actions line up with some of those traits.
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pumpkinsy0 · 3 months ago
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perhaps headcanons on pony receiving his first B on an english assignment and freaking tf out (totally not based on any real life experience here... nope)
anon pls,,,give urself some room to breath and make mistakes, we r only human, ur gonna kill urself before u get to the future u aspire,,,
•look ponys seen as this beacon of hope and most of that is due to his academic success, ik hes felt some pressure from that, especially after everything that happened
•it started when he was pretty young, darry was pretty good academically and was pretty popular, but this mostly around the time where he skipped those grades, especially bc he was a greaser twas a big deal!!!
•so yea, VERY academically stressed guy, so when he got that b, u just KNOOOWWWW how upset he was, but it dies depend on the severity, if its classwork hes annoyed but whatever, test or projects??? just kill him
•theres not many ppl he could rlly go to about this too, so he just annoyedly thinks about it for a while, he dont even got a backpack or nun, just folds n stuffs that thing in his pocket
•he could NOTTTT b comforted w a “at least u still passed” cause thats not the grade he WANTED, what dont u understand, hes not ungrateful, hes upset n disappointed</33 plus its not even a b PLUS, just b</3
•hes the kinda guy to start blaming externam reasons on y he “didnt pass”, like “darry told me to turn off my light and go to sleep while i was 3 hours i to studying grrrr this is his fault” and thats EXACTLY what he did here
•he looks at the paper for a bit hoping that the teacher just fucked up one of the answers, jumps for JOY when he finds even one, he aint find one here but maybe some day💔💔
•god forbid steve scored higher than him, cause if he rubs it in, ponys going to lose it even more, hes already a tad snappy
•only one who rlly has a clue on how he feels is soda, johnny, and curly, but i dont think theyd 100% understand where hes coming from, like they understand his fear, but they dont get that just saying take it easy wont work (partially bc he just wont allow himself to calm down but shhhh)
•i dont think he’ll get 100% bogged down, hes still FUNCTIONING, a lil sluggish but he’ll work around it, especially bc he doesnt rlly go to the gang for academic help, minus darry but he aint in it🙄🙄
•he would show darry and darry has like 2 reactions “next time do a lil better, kiddo” or “nice job” w a smile, and both if those reactions make upset, bc 1) holy fuck dude shut up ik i have to do better 2)????this is absolutely NOT a good grade, do u see this
•then SODA heard about it, and he would normally grin and tell him great job and that makes pony feel a lil bit better!! sodas grin could cheer anyone up
•i wouldnt say he’d get over it, but hes just like “ok fine, ill just fix this when i get the chance to next time i get this assignment”
•if he was to actually talk to like johnny or curly, he would rant about y he thought the answer was right, and they just grin at him too, him being riled up is funny to em a lil, its like a chihuahua barking or something
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total-drama-brainrot · 10 months ago
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psycho!noah au, what do the aftermath cast think? conversely if they dont know/dont see the show (isnt it implied to be canon in wt that they watch the show or atleast can?), how do they react to newly eliminated cast members telling them?
and then, at whatever point he gets eliminated or just whenever the cast sees him again, how do they react with that new info?
The justification I have for Noah remaining stealthed under his "stoic cynic" persona pre-reveal in this AU is a little convoluted, but I do have one. Vaguely. Which I'll try to outline here for continuities' sake.
So, to clarify; Noah only competes in Island and World Tour, just like in canon. Most things happen just like canon, with the exception of Noah lasting a little longer in Island so he and Izzy have more time to be menaces (I have no idea how I'll shift the elimination order to justify keeping him around, though). Noah's still eliminated fairly early and ends up on the Playa, where the other elimination fodder welcome him with open arms, because in Island they're only given access to the raw camera footage instead of the final cut!
I imagine it'd be pretty hard for a Brand New Show to have the manpower of a full professional editing team that can plan and prosecute the final cut of a whole ~20 minute episode in only three days (in-universe), so to keep the losers as in the know as possible in real time, they're given access to the same live camera footage Chris and Chef have, just without the confessionals.
Since the confessionals are, uh. Toilets. And no one wants to have 24/7 access to toilet stall footage.
Noah only ever really drops his ruse in the confessional, or around Izzy, so none of the losers have gotten the opportunity to see the real him in action; even when he is visible on camera, it's only during the stolen moments he shares with Izzy outside of challenges, wherein the two plot and scheme together like Pinky and the Brain. Given that the majority of them don't even bother to watch the live footage unless there's a challenge actively happening (or something else otherwise noteworthy), his true nature goes undetected amongst them as well.
And then, in Action, the show's budget and workforce increases. Suddenly, the editing team is thrice the size of Island's, and they are capable of providing a final cut of each episode within the span of 24~72 hours, allowing the show to air quicker. Which has the added bonus of allowing everyone in the peanut gallery access to the yet-to-be-aired episodes (instead of the live footage), keeping them up to date with the competition whilst also giving them the same perspective as the audience itself. Including people's confessions.
It's a good thing Noah didn't compete in Action, then. His mask of indifference lives on.
Then there's a year-long break between seasons, wherein Noah works under Chris as his personal assistant. Yada yada yada, World Tour happens. He knows that the losers are going to see his confessions. So now Noah has to choose between maintaining his persona at the sake of losing out on toying with the greater audience, or carrying on as he did in Island at the cost of revealing his 'true colours' (which, in this case, still isn't the real Noah so much as an exaggeration of his more deranged tendencies, since Noah's still essentially performing for the cameras; just with a different role).
Of course he goes with option two. He's primarily motivated by his own amusement- that was the reason for his whole charade in the first place.
(Alright, clarification over, time to actually answer the question.)
So the peanut gallery and steadily increasing number of World Tour Rejects are horrified when, in Noah's scattering of confessions- as he doesn't confess very often, so when he does it's a treat to himself and the audience- he mostly waxes poetic about how exciting each near-death experience the cast go through is, and all of the different ways he so wanted to cause the others harm (either in general, or themed around the challenges), being so much more expressive than anyone's ever seen him (concerningly so, to the point of it breaching the uncanny valley) and giddy over the prospect of performing Acts Of Incredible Violence against his castmates.
They're living in that same fearful anticipation the wider audience experienced through his tenure in Island; waiting for Noah to Drop The Act and fulfil his promises of brutal sabotage, if only to finally put an end to the constant looming threat of his self control snapping. They're horrified bystanders of a car crash waiting to happen (at least, they think they are. Noah's not actually gonna do any of the things he's suggesting, probably, but keeping the audience on their toes is one of his favourite games!) and each episode he features in is a test of both their patience and their own sanity.
Because, could you imagine watching your friends interact and be friendly with someone who (you think) is out for their blood, entirely unaware of the danger? that's literally what they're experiencing.
And Noah, because he's a little shit who thinks he's funny (he is), sometimes goes so far as to fake-out the audience by rearing up attacks against his castmates during challenges, only to shoot the nearest camera a wry wink and a sly smile as he carries on with the actual task at hand, the others none-the-wiser.
It becomes so concerning, in fact, that every new arrival is immediately checked over for any signs of injuries or Noah's Influence and hastily given the rundown on The Situation. Which is, more often than not, met with the same incredulity as Sierra's claims- until they're shown various clips of Noah's confessions, or the fake-outs and otherwise unhinged looks he teases the cameras with.
-
For the second question; I have no idea. I'm still workshopping how people will react to Noah, and how Noah in turn will react to them. Post-reveal p!Noah will, eventually, disclose the fact that he's not as bloodthirsty as he portrays himself as, but until then it's anyone's guess as to how far he'll take the bit- and who could/will get hurt in the process.
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cowboyjen68 · 1 year ago
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hi jen! i've know im a lesbian since I was 12, but because of my problems with socializing i've never actually had ANY romantic interactions(my lesbianism making things even harder, as you can imagine)
i'm almost out of high school and going to college, so i'm feeling very down about missing out on teen romance but dont want the same thing to happen again. do you have any tips on what i can do to avoid this problem in the future? i am genuinely clueless on what to do when looking for a partner, really
even if you dont actually have any advice to give i still really love your blog, it reminds me that lesbians can actually grow old and live happy lives💖💖thank you for hearing me out and i apologize for any grammar mistake!!
This is pretty easy because, while it was pretty outgoing and friendly, it was often not as my full self. I kept my horse girl, lesbian, butch and weird music and hobby side of myself under wraps from most of my friends. I had no word for lesbian or butch but my high school best friend knew I probably liked girls, we just never discussed it and it didn't bother her. It might have been harder on our friendship had I tried to come out in the 80's, not because it bothered her but the insinuations of all the others about our relationship would have been A LOT for a high schooler.
I waited until after college graduation and I used to sometimes look back and wonder how many times I missed out kissing a girl in high school or other women in college. How had twinges of regret for not having sex or even attempting intimacy with women.( I mostly avoided boys too because ew)
As I was sitting in a miserable passionless marriage to my wife of 17years, I pined for that passion and tingle that i had with my first girlfriend from ages 23 to 30. How many times did I miss that feeling with girls in my high school or college or at summer jobs because I was unsure of myself and not confident that any woman would find me attractive. I was even unsure if loving a woman was something I could do. Was it a real thing?
Looking back now I realize I just was not ready and most of my young friends in high school were not ready for me to be out and opening attracted to the same sex. I had fun in high school, made friends and had a small group of girls I was very close to. I enjoyed those friendships perhaps because I did not come out and cause those bonds to be strained.
In college I was concerned how my parents would react and I was in no way independent from their financial and emotional support. My friends were all around me experimenting with their sexuality and I was watching from outside, really wanting what they had but not willing to give up my security and college education to be open about being a lesbian. I knew I could just "do it and hide it" but I was not built for the stealthy life. I know if i was loving loving women it would be hard to be quiet.
Here is the point I am getting at with the sharing of all these experiences. If you were not ready to act on dating and attempting to date it is probably good that you listened to yourself. We are not on a time line and many young people feel pressured to date when their confidence, sexual maturity and social skills are not ready yet which can lead them to be vulnerable to abusive, controlling or unhealthy relationships. It is hard to listen to your own intuition and set and keep boundaries when you are trying to date just to not be the only one not dating.
What you more likely missed out on was not the thrill of dating but the hassle of pretending you want to date when it didn't feel right, at all.
You are heading to college. You are now becoming interested in the excitement of dating on your own and not because others think you need to date. You are craving the touch, the tingly feeling and the companionship of women. These are all good signs you are ready to date.
My advice:
1.Be honest with yourself and then her (your date) every time. Do not go on date number two if it does not feel right. If you are unsure go on another date but continue to listen to yourself.
2.You deserve passion and mutual excitement to be in the company of a woman. If one of you do not feel it, move on.
3.Do not stick to a relationship because it is "ok" or she is "nice" . You have the right to sexual, emotional and intellectual stimulation. Look for it and don't settle.
4.There will be other women so don't cling to the first one or the one willing to stick around just because she is there. If you don't feel all the afore mentioned excitement, be honest with yourself and her and move on.
5. Dating a woman with whom you share many wonderful moments and lots of joy does not mean you will be together forever or have that expectation. Short term love is a thing and neither of you are failures when that fades out.
6. Ask her. If you see a woman that interests you be clear that you would like to take her on a date and you have romantic interests. Don't be vague or try to use hints. This leads to miscommunications and false expectation every time.
7. Finally, use all the dating and flirting and breakups and heartbreaks and joy and fun and memories to form who and what you are looking for as a partner. All that experience is giving you a better idea on what makes you truly happy.
You missed out on nothing. The adventure is just beginning and it can start with a simple "Hi, I think you are cute. Would you be willing to go on a date with me?" She might say "no", but she MIGHT say "yes".
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unwri-ten · 6 months ago
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i just looked at your site for comms and i'm like this 'cause it got me scared of you [/POS /POS] ↓
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[i'm being so serious, how do you do the whole making a site thing-]
HI HIII OUBSDFJNFSD- Don't be intimidated!!! I don't bite <333 But yeah, omg sites and stuff- !! Really intimidating when you start out I totally get it, BUTT It's not that difficult once you get the hang of it, 'cause from my experience, that slump mostly comes from just not knowing what to put and the overloady junk ykyk? But anyways, Yeah! I can talk about some things I learned while developing a portfolio website/landing page
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First would be what you want to use it for! For this whole thing I'm just gonna use Weebly and Carrd as samples because they're both free. ANYWAYS, I use two websites for two things, first is a directory that includes almost all the links to my stuff, and the second is my actual main website as a portfolio and professional place to showcase my work to clients and potential employers. The directory is pretty simple since it's just a compilations to links, Carrd is pretty easy to use so I'd recommend this one if you just need one place to put your socials, commission info, and etc.
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I put everything in sections and since I mostly use all of this for work in general, I showcase my work status and my website first and foremost!
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Andd all of this is just links to stuff that might be important, I'd also recommend having navigation buttons on each page that helps with loading back to other part of your website, (beloww)
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and as for my main site, it's a lot more complicated and I'm already babbling way too much in one post so I'll try to condense it pretty quick. Visuals can come later! Focus on what content you want to put in the site first. Usually it's sanctioned into three things: Your Portfolio/shop, a showcase for the services that you offer, and an about-me (I got inspiration from other sites like local brands and their shop websites and art portfolios) (oh and TOS is important too if you're an artist!)
You can of course add and not-add anything you please but that's the generalized gist of it and what worked for me personally. Once you know what to put then you can build up the website bit by bit, I'd recommend weebly for heavier sites like that because not only is it free but unlike carrd, it has no 'element limit'. the only drawback is a footer that advertises weebly on your website, and to me that's not that bad of a con really LOLOL some tips: *I'd recommend putting your best work forward than -all- of your work in a portfolio/gallery. Find what best showcases your talent, quality over quantity! *Find other portfolios/websites that align to what you're looking for, most artists you know prolly have their websites too so it's a good starting point to find inspiration on what to put! *and for actually learning how to use carrd and weebly's interfaces, its a WHOLLEEE other conversation I can't really divulge in without going on a ramble-bam sooo if you have any questions, i dont mind dms! I'd love to help :)) I think advertising and marketing yourself is really important (sometimes even moreso because yk how it is with art as a business), and I already went through the nittygritty of learning this all by myself so I'd love to help anyone that needs it, o7!!!! Hope this helps!!
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biohazard-inevitable · 6 months ago
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See, like- I want polyam, but I dont want the sex.
But like- theres so much sex focused talk and stuff in society that its like- well how do I even find people?
Like sure, maybe theres going to a queer bar, but like- when people hit on you at a bar, they’re mostly looking for sex first, maybe romance later, like- a funky little thing.
But like- i dont want that? I dont really trust people like that, nor am I comfortable with sex.
So like- how the fuck do I find people to maybe see?
Cause whats WORSE is I also dont feel comfortable dating someone I barely know, like- if i’m gonna date someone, I have to have known them for a while! It just makes SENSE! As cute as love at first sight is, i dont… experience that???? Its like- something so foreign to my brain that someone can look at someone and then without EVER have spoken to them go “hey, man, they seem awesome i wanna spend my entire existence with them” like????? You dont even know them???
Like sure, yeah, someone can be REALLY pretty and i can totally understand the IDEA of wanting like- sex or something with them, but romance???? Looking at someone and going ‘wow i want to hold their hand and see them smile and go on lunch dates and wake up next to their smiling face’ like- for me to even START having thsoe thoughts i gotta have known them for a while, i currently only feel that sorta way towards two people, one of which is kinda new and im still tryin to figure out where WE’RE at regarding all that because of THEIR current partner
Idk- i used to not be as comfortable saying that kinda stuff as i am now cause i didnt want to thing i was on the aro spectrum for a very long time for whatever personal insecurity was there, but now i know that it was an irrational insecurity I am and im more comfortable with it.
I just- i want to be able to find and date people who are open to polyam but don’t immediately expect sex or super deep romance out of it and thats SO INCREDIBLY HARD TO FIND
So in the meantime i kissa my single boyfriend on the mouf even if hes a thousand miles away
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yonaioana · 2 years ago
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Hello! Can I request a platonic ennead request?
Is about male reader who is a god, God of freedom and as well festivals and happyness, reader mostly wears a mask, that looks almost the same as horus but it look more like peacock!
He extremely hate when people try to see his face.
He gets along with others Gods but after he move away from Egypt (well he is still in Egypt just in different place, he have his own village were everyone love him, and of course respect him) he doesnt talk so much with them anymore.
So seth meets again y/n but sees that y/n have change, that y/n is more calm, helpful, nice and it is because y/n have his own family to take care of!
Y/n's wife looks almost the same as set but she have red hair but blue eyes, and have a child!
So how would seth(you can put here as well horus, anubis, isis or someone else?) react to seeing y/n after so long time? And him havin his own family?
I hope you can understand this, and if I made some mistake Im so sorry! (• ▽ •;)
The first thing that came to mind after reading this is the shock on Seth's face cause everyone avoided him even his parents due to his hair and eye color so when he meets your wife who looks a awful lot like him he is very happy, big ego boost there. But when he sees the kid with his moms hair and your eyes he goes in cuteness overload wishing Anubis would still be as small as your kid.
Horus while he is very happy for you he dreams of having one day a similar relationship with seth. The kid would be Horus's favourite, imagine a kid dangling from his wings saying how much your masks look alike. He will be called uncle regardless if you are related or not. He was very awkward around your wife trying to be as polite as possible.
I know damn well your kid would be sassy around Osiris, they dont like him at all stiking his tongue out and "accidentally" throwing stuff at him. And Osiris doesnt like the kid either how they're getting all the love and affection.
Anubis swears in his mind that he will do anything to help your kid if they ever go through a similar experience as he did before becoming a god.
Isis welcomes you back, if your wife is a mortal she will be surprised at first but very accepting but if she is a god she will wonder how they've never met before. Loves the kid almost as much as her son.
Ra is verry pleased to welcome some new gods into the family nudging you to make another kid since this one turned out so cute. While she likes the kid running around she does not appreciate being touched în any way shape or form so you will have to hold your kid back from hugs or any playful behavior around her.
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talon-dragonbeast · 5 months ago
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do u kno if there’s a way to like induce mental and phantom shifts? so they happen more often? :o n how to tell what counts as a shift
i dont really know about mental shifts bc theyre mostly involuntary for me, but ill tell you my process for phantom shifts! i imagine it should be similar for inducing m-shifts, but i never tried so idk
so, imagine the desired limb in your mind. lets say you want to feel your wings (or whatever limb you prefer) on your back, so start by defining how they look. their shape, colour, size, even weight. are they feathered? more batlike, perhaps? are they heavy, or very light? where are they inserted, in your shoulder blades, on your lower back? are they open and relaxed, or closed tightly against your back?
you should now have the picture of the desired limb and its position in your body clear on your mind. congratulations! youve successfully induced an envisage shift. lets continue.
now imagine the limb interacting with your surroundings: if its windy picture the feathers moving with the breeze, if its sunny imagine the heat on your skin... concentrate on how the phantom limbs would feel if they were physically there, from their insertion on your body to the tips. try to control them a bit, imagine the wings opening and closing and imagine how the movement would feel on your muscles. if you cant at first, thats alright. to help your brain picture the movement, try to move the muscles surrounding the limb as if it was physically there. like, for wings, i contract and relax my back muscles every time i open and close them. you might feel them very faintly at first (or even not at all), but as you get used to it they should get stronger. the key is, of course, practice and consistency. it doesnt have to be a big thing at all! just a little bit every day.
another thing that helps me experience phantom shifts is drawing. art is a great way to express your nonhumanity, as it can help you picture how you would look like with your preferred body. if you dont feel comfortable drawing or you feel like you arent good at it (extremely valid btw), you can try creative writing! what i do is create winged ocs and write short stories with them. if you have ocs or even fictional characters you like, give them animal parts! (we love hybrid aus in this house)
finally, how to know if youre experiencing a shift (phantom or otherwise)? well, it depends. ph-shifts are the most noticeable ones of course, while mental shifts tend to be subtler. try to note down every time you think youre experiencing a shift: what youre feeling and why, what caused it, the level of intensity, etc. eventually you should start noticing some similarities and youll be able to identify a shift right away. (of course, this is not hard science: sometimes the shifts are so subtle you wont even notice when youre having one!). just have patience, and everything will fall into place eventually. you have all the time in the world :}
i hope this helps you! thanks for the ask, feel free to leave more messages whenever you want ^-^
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