#i dont like the first one mostly cause i just dont have experience on how to draw people without bangs

[impostorsshow]

"It's You!"

"Dispite everything, it's still You."

[snapbackslide]

if anyone got tips pls share with the group 🫶🫶🫶🫶

[inumakis-boo]

May I have some dating Toge Inumaki headcanons? Both sfw and NSFW... If you're comfortable.

TOGE INUMAKI ♫₊˚.🎧 ✧💬

headcanons 𓍢ִ˖ hello and thank you for the requests! i am current rediting all of my posts, so if this looks a little different than when you first saw it, thats the reason why!

anyways, i hope all of you enjoy! and if course, NSFW will be tagged and is written for a female perspective.

safe for work headcanons

- would probably not notice each other the first time you meet, maybe an interested glance but it doesn't really hit until the second or third time that he really sees you

- probably asks for your number just so yall can talk better, and once you do, its an instant connection. he literally wouldnt be able to stop, staying up all night to text you

- texts you out of the blue, and although probably feels embarrassed to double text, he is just that interested in you

- would totally deliever a bag of goodies he bought at the store for you, and additionally maybe offer to make you a lunch to try before he makes it for everyone else

- you comment on one of his t-shirts he wears and he puts it in one of the goodie bags he buys you, doused in his cologne because he wants you to think of him

- would totally send annoying memes and tiktoks and bully you over text, also play 8-ball COMPETITIVELY cause he aint gonna lose to you (he doesnt even pity lose to you)

- shows up unannounced just to kiss you in the door frame of your dorm room as a goodnight and then leaves you there

- that is until you invite him over to your dorm at night and he brings post-it notes and teaches you his semi-bilingual language for easier understanding, and utterly loves you for it

- the talking stage would be him just pining over you cosntantly, writing it all down in journals or in his notes app

- after yall started dating, it is very much a no public affection mostly because he doesnt want anybody to be in your business. especially with his noisy ass friends

- but no matter what, he is going to hold your hand, especially when going on dates and walking around campus at night (would definitely talk u into sneaking out)

- he would be hesistant to kiss you even after yall became offical, probably go a few weeks before you just say it straight that you want him to kiss you and you dont even get it all out before hea pinning you to a door and giving you the best kiss of your life

- would absolutely use his speech on you so you cannot resist it when he tickles you or when you are beating him in a game

- he is not the sappiest guy, but if you start to get sappy over a movie or a sad book, he will rub your back and give you head-kisses to help you feel better

below is not safe for work content. mdni.

not safe for work headcanons

- you find out very quickly into the relationship that he cannot resist a challenge of any kind. therefore, using that to your advantage always works out

- challenging him through text to sneak out of his dorm will work, but ofc he wants a prize at the end (you are on your knees for the next hour)

- the benefit of his speech is that you don't feel any fatigue whatsoever during its use, so that makes it really easy to make your body endure while you deep-throat him over and over.

- it doesn't diminish the pleasure though; being told to stay still while he fondles your chest takes away nothing from the experience, and he knows how much you like having no choice.

- not that even if it was tiring, you wouldn't let him throat-fuck you, the noises he makes are heavenly for someone who can't speak straight, the struggle of watching him grip the bedframe and biting his lips so he doesn't utterly ruin you is SO worth a bruised throat.

- he might be nervous to use his speech on you the first time, but after you make sure that you can handle it, its becomes so much more confident in using it

- he loves making out with you, he loves making your lips red with all the biting, he wants to see them glossy and wet right before he puts his fingers in your mouth (you know where they are going next)

- sexting is so fun, yall thought it might be cringy, but its literally the best when he calls you with a command and he gets to listen to you whimper and moan as he jerks off to it, can be totally unexpected

- "Ride me."

- hand on your thigh when nobody can see, and his pinky is awfully close to your panties that it makes you nervous.

- ofc he can easily make you cum, but will he always let you? not without a cute little 'please' hes not. begging is fun, isnt it?

- lets be honest, the dick game is so good he don't even have to tell you to go to sleep after

- ofc he would definitely lay it down on you exactly how he described through text, and then clean you with special wipes he bought from the store because he aint a dickhead, duh.

I have so many more, especially for different situations, so lmk if you want more! Thank u for all the support as of recently!

bye pookies!

[varesai]

AHHH LOVED THE AL HAITHAM FIC SMM but if you dont mind what was going through al haithams head when he realized she left??

-> the house will never be the same again pt. 2

synopsis -> after being incredibly disrespected by your husband, alhaitham, you moved to liyue. what is going through his mind when you leave?

a/n -> AHHH i'm so happy you liked it!!! and i don't mind making a pt. 2 at all sorry this has been sitting here for a while but i hope you enjoy! here is part 1.

warnings -> all hurt no comfort, reader never turns up lol

w/c -> 1.2k

it’s been about a week now, and you’re already settled into liyue. you’ve caught the eye of a bunch of passersby in the city- a sumeru vision wielder living in liyue harbor? 

thankfully, you had the traveler and a kind woman from the qixing named ganyu able to assist you with questions about the city. the first day you got there, she noticed your vision, and asked you all about it. it soon led to the two of you hitting off the start of a friendship in a nice restaurant- with ganyu telling you all of the things to do in liyue, the jobs that can be taken, and how magical the lantern rite especially is. you mentioned to her that you had a passion for the arts, and she immediately helped you look for a side job to make a little bit of mora to pay rent in your nice abode in the middle of the harbor.

“so, were your travels from sumeru alright? i’ve heard trudging through desert is not a very enjoyable experience..” ganyu questioned, a slight grin to be found on her face. “though, i have heard that the city down there is very nice. i would love to visit for myself one day, but with work and adeptal business it makes my days a little tight.”

you nod before replying. “the city is beautiful, especially at night. theres a gorgeous stage down there too, where a young woman named nilou always performs on special events. it’s always been the most majestic part of the city, or at least in my opinion.” 

ganyu lets out a noise of fascination, before giggling a little. “i would love to watch her dance. nilou is a familiar name, some people here strictly go to sumeru just to see her. i bet she’s as wonderful as everyone makes her out to be.” ganyu sighs. “i wonder if she travels? we have nice performing places here, too.”

you nod. “occasionally. it mostly has to be a big event for her to arrive, though.” you take another bite of your food. “but i bet if i asked her, she’d come out for at least a few days.”

that made ganyu smile once more, before she asked another question. “well, this may be an odd question, but do you have any romantic relationships?” 

“well, that's the reason i decided to move here,” now it is your turn to sigh, making ganyu have a confused look dancing across her face. “my partner and i got into an argument. he wouldn’t stop overworking himself, and i simply just wanted him to come to bed. but he’s so stubborn, and he took his work stress out on me. there was… certainly a lot of name calling.”

ganyus look of confusion immediately switches to an apologetic one. “ah, you made the right choice. that’s no way to treat your spouse.” 

you nod in agreement, before finishing your dish and pushing it slightly out in front of you. 

“well, i’m going to head back to my apartment now. this was very nice, we should do it again sometime!” you smile before standing and putting some money on the table. “here, this should be half. have a good night, ganyu!”

“goodnight to you too, y/n! i’ll see you soon.” 

now, back on alhaithams end..

he hasn’t been home in about a week and a half, due to his work causing his presence nearly 24/7. that pretty much means he hasn’t realized you’ve left yet. 

as he walks home, he doesn’t know how he would approach you. does he pretend the issue doesn’t exist? does he keep ignoring you? does he apologize? he thought his mind would split open.

as he walks through the door, he notices that the house is a little… emptier, from when the two of you lived together. he walked through the whole place, looking into the bathrooms to see your products gone. looking at the laundry room, met with no clothes that are yours hanging from the clothesline. and now, when he went to your bedroom…

your pillowcases have been stripped from the bed, and your pillow thrown into the closet. there were only a stack of two pillows, right in the middle of the bed. now his heart was thumping, and really hard. he looked through the dressers. the left side was barren, leaving only his side full. the thing that brought tears to the mans eyes was seeing your wedding ring on your side of the table. 

so you really left him. he stands there, shocked, unknowing of what to do. does he try to find you, or does he let you go? oh, how he regrets ever talking to you the way he did. if he just took your advice, you would be in bed, waiting for his arrival. likely bringing him into a hug, shaking all his worries and stress away as you whispered questions along about how his day was. 

the next few days felt like someone kept coming over to his desk and stabbing his back with blades like his. he felt so regretful, doing everything he can to stay composed while at the same time trying to find where you’ve gone. dehya won’t give him anything besides “somewhere close to sumeru that’s not sumeru.” that could mean you’ve gone to fontaine, liyue, or monstadt. how would he ever find you?

he’d ask the gaurds, and they all told him you went in the direction of the chasm. getting somewhere, but not close enough. he could walk all that way and come up empty handed. he doesn’t have an exact pinpoint on you yet. 

he’d ask nilou. she’d just shrug and say something along the lines of “i heard what happened, but i do not know fully where they went.” 

he walked the paths of the city, lost deep in thought. everyone thought it was a little out of character for someone such as him to look and feel as lost as he is. as much as people wondered what happened, they kept their mouths shut.

and for the people who noticed your absence, too, they’d ask different people who would likely have knowledge. but alhaitham didn’t know where to go now. he could walk the whole chasm and still not have you turn up. he could check every apartment complex in liyue harbor, and knock on every door on the outskirts. he could sail the seas to inazuma, and walk every separate island to see who may be housing you, or what commission you may have been taken in by. he could fall down the very waterfall that leads an entrance to the enchanting location called enkanomiya. he could go to fontaine, dive under the waters, walk every rocky mountain, and even visit the fortress of meropide. he could fight every monster near the city of monstadt, looking upon every rooftop for signs of your art, blown through the city of wind. but he still wouldn’t find you.

now what he doesn’t know is that you’re in liyue harbor, and nobody frets to tell him that anytime soon. for now, they’re just going to let him suffer, the same way he let you.

[heartz4levi]

youre lit the only alnst x reader author i know your works are so delicious........

anwww would you mind making transmasc till x gn reader nsfw hcs :3c if you dont wanna its fine lol you can respond whatever

ty bruh dont forget that youre awesome and to drink water :333

ruining each other like no other !

☆ thinking abt transmasc till nsfw . .

☆ transmasc till (alnst) ,, gn reader . . switch!till ,, switch!reader ,, inexperienced till ,, making out at the start ,, oral (reader receiving) ,, fingering (till receiving) ,, the terms 'pussy' and 'cunt' are used for till's genitalia i believe, meanwhile reader's genitalia is only described via the term 'hole' ,, i hope i did a good job writing this. <3

if till allows himself to be this vulnerable around someone, then you already know plenty about his identity. he told you a while before any act of intimacy was initiated and in response you reassured him that regardless of his genitalia, he is still your boyfriend, your till that you love and adore like no one else.

that saves him the trouble of having to break the news right when you slip your hands under the fabric of his shirt, tongues mingling together in the midst of your heated making out session. it also spares him from the nervousness that would have coursed through him if he had to pause and explain things to you, because what if that's a dealbreaker?

newsflash, it isn't.

still, he is a little bit nervous. mostly because till has no experience and little knowledge when it comes to sex, but he trusts you. he trusts that the both of you will get the hang of it pretty early on and that this will be an unforgettable first time for him — that's what you're planning to turn it into, anyway.

a shiver runs down his spine as your digits roam curiously beneath his shirt but he doesn't pull away from your touch. he focuses on the feeling of your lips on his, groaning at your taste and how addictive each kiss of yours is. it makes him wonder if every other part of you is just as addictive, if it tastes just as sweet.

and so, till breaks the kiss, the distance standing between your faces nearly nonexistent as he, with a flustered blush on his face but a hint of boldness present in his tone, asks if he can make you feel good first. who are you to deny him?

after clumsily discarding one another of every article of clothing being worn, then tossing them somewhere else within the room, till finds himself resting against the comfortable mattress and pillow, your hips angled right above his face. the sight? best thing he's ever seen. it's enough to send all of the blood in his system rushing down to his clit.

both of his hands find a stable grip on your hips, pulling you down with no warning. he's eager for a virgin, lapping up at your hole to taste the juices oozing out. in that moment the revelation dawns on him — indeed, every other part of you is just as sweet as your lips.

in terms of technique, till has little to none. but that is to be expected, and it's also okay, because although the strokes of his tongue are sloppy he is still managing to coax strings after strings of moans right out of you.

fighting against the hazed state you find yourself in, you act upon the idea that suddenly struck your mind. whimpers and mewls continue to slip past your lips even as you redirect your attention to the arousal dripping from till's neglected, needy cunt. he's been getting off from making you feel good, but it hasn't been enough to push him closer to the edge at all.

you shift your weight around a bit, grounding yourself before one of your hands moves towards till's pussy, gathering some of the slick from his slit inbetween your fingers. taken by surprise, his hips buck up and he moans into you, sending sparks of pleasure throughout your entire body. you don't allow it to consume you though, being determined to provide till some friction too.

the pads of your fingers rub gentle circles onto his clit. the action causes more sounds to tumble out of till's mouth, being muffled in the process. he can't focus as well on devouring you like a man starved when you're playing with his pussy, but till doesn't want to give up. he wants to taste you some more, and more importantly, wants to make you cum from his tongue at least a few times.

the wet noises till's cunt produces mix together with your moans, creating a lewd cacophony that bounces off the walls continuously. you slowly ease a finger into his pussy, the slight stretch sending an electrifying jolt through his body that causes his movements to stop temporarily. the moment he hears you whine at the loss of contact, till gets back to work. shit, he can't get distracted, but you're making it so hard for him even if your intent isn't ill.

gradually, the both of you get lost within the cycle of giving and receiving pleasure simultaneously, desperately wanting to please the other while trying to chase your own high. every last drop of control had ran away from both you and till, leaving room for only raw desire and heated instincts to kick in.

in perfect harmony, till gushes onto your fingers at the same exact time you feel your own climax crashing down on you like one imposing wave, reducing both of you to panting messes.

panting messes that are nowhere near done with eachother.

[sevs-corner]

Back to more ideas on Tf 141: Mafia AU!

(Im world building rn + epilogue/ extra scene to the 1st Chapter)

Link to prev part:

So I was thinking how, the relationship would build between the 5 (Tf 141 and reader) naturally, ‘cause I want the story to build off of like small interactions and one shots but sometimes have like, coherent chapters in between to stabilize the “plot” per se.

(Im rusty with my writing skills and I kinda dont edit, ‘cause this is just practice for me but still lmao)

And I want it to be something gradual (just call it slow burn, they say) and I know I write interactions in a slow kinda way where it bounces back and forth from person to person, showing the reader’s perspective then subtly shifting to the character’s perspective— but I think I want to experiment into that, focusing more on dialogue and conversational exchanges that shows how close their relationship has gotten.

For ex, I was thinking how Soap was still wary of reader in the first chap- not as affectionate as he is with his mates right off the bat, he’s wary and it comes naturally in his line off work. You’re an oddity sure, but its not like he’ll put down his walls for you (yet). His speech is rough and clipped, not wanting to reveal much but letting you be privy to the information he can provide- in the mean time anyways.

Yet , at the same time, I want to show his attraction—

He’s enamored and has (maybe) a little crush, but who wouldn’t when you’re so pretty? Sitting there in the room where they grew up, blanket lazily draped across your form as your barely awake self tries to wake up on his bed, hair poking out in all sorts of places, drool dried at the side of your mouth but damn did he think you were a fresh sight to see in this city.

Maybe you were seducing him? Or was it the allure of the domesticity that was lacking in their relationship? He puts those thoughts to the back of his head ‘till he waits for the news of that meeting he was left out of last night- he feels its important when checking out who you really are.

They can’t afford to be careless, but on the other hand- you kinda were, when you first met them unfortunately, that is. Absent-minded and clumsy, that was what he thought of you as he stared at your tripped up self, sadly sitting in a puddle in pain. You were pale, shivering, and simply a mess.

Honestly, the more that he thought about it, the more it didn’t make sense to treat you like a threat. Well, at least not an active one at that. You could have been having an off day as a spy or an assassin, but if it were him— he wouldn’t be caught slacking like that in public, whether people knew him or of his occupation either way.

He could even see how you lowered your guard! Jeez, you should be more careful- especially with people like him and his mates- if you’re new to the place. He thinks you might be a lil’ looney for going to this place, especially that part of the city when all of its occupants know that it was mostly a dangerous area to get in to and stay at.

As the neutral hub for all of the mafioso around the cities, it is the one place for regular folks not to get involved in. (Unless you want to meet them of course, but he doubts that was your intention… or, shit- it could have been, considering how Price found something on you.)

Now he thinks of you as a potential client, which makes him feel worse of how off-handedly he treated you.

He knew he was gettin’ an ass kickin’ from Ghost if you were, surely.

Alas, what done has been done- at least you still treated him normally as he left, so he thinks he left a good impression.

Though, that wasn’t at the forefront of your mind right now.

Quite literally, you were being worked to the bone for information from the old Italian couple that helped you stay at their lodgings at the 2nd floor of their bakery.

“‘It’ll help un-fuck my week,’ they said but all gave me was a hope that my minimum wage self has to fight for as they get free labor in return!”

But you don’t dare say that, knowing you were speaking out of turn and out of misplaced anger so you keep your mouth shut- cleaning up the bakery for the opening in the morning.

The couple was sweet, but they were also strict, telling you that “you should move your arse so you can sweat off the sick!” Which… you didn’t want to make sense off so you just nodded, asking if that was the compensation for the information of finding your place, and they agreed. On the stipulation that you work and do all the chores on the list they handed you, making you gape and about to ask for a little consideration— but they quickly disappear, out of sight and out of mind, they say.

And you think that was better before you started mouthing off, not get anything, and then end up lost once more— which you wanted to avoid at all costs so you did sweat off the sick.

Albeit, you looked worse for wear.

Which Ghost bluntly points out as you waited their table.

…let’s just say that it was an overtime work-shift that you didn’t get money for and old italian people were slave drivers.

(yes, i made the love-hate relationship start with nonna and nonno)

[inamagicalhallucination]

anyway atsushi who keeps his eyes closed around ppl he feels safe with - so mostly the agency

kunikida sees him first and assumes he's napping and 'wakes him up' and atsushi, who doesn't realize yet why he's doing it is a little embarrassed

kunikida notices it again when theyre walking to a case, atsushi squished in between him and dazai, eyes closed, and he knows that he's not napping but he also doesn't get it

dazai realizes whats up but thinks it only happens cuz of kunikida becuz surely not him

but then one day he's telling atsushi about some prank he's pulling on kunikida and atsushi is nodding along, eyes shut and he's like oh

kyouka misses all the times it happens around her just becuz its not strange to see someone lying on the couch at their home, eyes closed, so how is she supposed to know that he's only doing it becuz he feels safe ???

ranpo knows whats going on and is very pleased when atsushi sits next to him on the train to their mission with his eyes closed - until they accidentally missed their stop becuz ranpo didn't know where they were going

when it happens to ranpo, everyone starts picking up that somethings going on

dazai and ranpo know for sure - and through ranpo yosano knows too - and everyone knows atsushi closes his eyes around them for some reason but they arent really sure why

atsushi doesn't close his eyes around yosano - not until theyre hanging out and yosano takes her long white coat off and leaves it behind becuz she doesn't need it and in minutes atsushi is at complete ease around her

junichiro keeps his hand on atsushi's arm when theyre walking or in public so that if atsushi's eyes are closed he doesn't bump into anything or anyone

kenji initially thinks that atsushi is trying to mimic ranpo and yeah fair enough but then when he realizes he closes his eyes around atsushi too which does cause them to bump into each other but also its sweet so

it takes atsushi the longest to do so around fukuzawa - not becuz he has anything against the man - but becuz he's a figure w/ authority over atsushi and atsushi doesn't have the best experience. where he knows yosano well enough and only her long white coat makes him hesitate, and for all of kunikida's scolding - his hands are kind when they ruffle atsushi hair and his eyes are filled with concern as he makes sure atsushi is eating - but atsushi rarely sees the president in comparison

the first time he's in his presence with his eyes closed fukuzawa is touched

anyway

when everyone in the agency finds out what it means its like:

yosano, dazai, ranpo - already knew

kenji - figured it out

kyouka - reevaluating every time atsushi has ever closed his eyes

kunikida - bright red, spluttering remembering how often atsushi does it in his presence

junichiro - pleased and vowing to close his eyes too

haruno and naomi - "atsushi are you actually a cat who turns into a human"

anyway who else

lucy thinks he's not listening to her when he does it and when he tells her she gets flustered calls him an idiot and then gives him a present to show her own appreciation of him and then pretends to not know what he's talking about

andddd

i dont know how to describe akutagawa's reaction to his boyfriend, who he had an antagonistic and violent relationship with in the beginning, thinking that akutagawa - violent, kills without thought, weapon more than human - is safe

akutagawa's whos ability has only been a monster is able to use it in front of atsushi w/o atsushi ever thinking its unsafe

all that trust and love atsushi has carefully put out for akutagawa - yeah i cant describe the emotions akutagawa would feel to be this loved, this trusted

[emerxshiu]

Kirby And The Forgotten 3rd Anniversary - Part 1

"Eco of my reborn soul"

I know it isnt the 25 yet but still, happy 3rd anniversary to the game that rewired my brain chemistry and rots my mind away (seriously i cant stop thinking about it) as much as i love it, the game makes me sad, it makes me sad i'll never get to experience it again like the first time, that ill never be able to play it completly blind (i already knew lots before i got the game) no matter how many times i replay it it will never be the same, it keeps aging and i do the same alongside it, knowing that ill never be able to go back to what once was, just thinking about the game makes me so happy, so happy it doesnt let me sleep, so happy i have to run around my room and jump, but it also makes me sad, so sad a lump forms in my throat, so sad it makes me so nervous of everything. im absurdly attached to this game and the characters.

And strangely, all of this reminds me of fecto, believe it or not. while i dislike the tought of fecto elfilis and forgo being the same character, i do like, chaos elfilis and forgo being one, its just forgo, sure morpho's soul is in there, and the other beast pack souls, but, that IS fecto forgo want to admit it or not. it should probably look like mix between morpho and forgo, yet it looks almost the same as elfilis, no matter what it went trough, no matter how much time goes by, they still cling to its former glory as fecto elfilis, an angel, a divine being, even tough its long gone.

being set on an abandoned planet with visible signs of aging doesnt help this certain bittersweet feling the game causes in me.

I tend to play forgotten land at least once a month, usually i only collect some coins and then do lab discovera again, lately i had been forgetting that, and today when i played it it felt, so different, i was on the verge of tears half of the time, especially hearing the music for some reason, remembering all the light-hearted memories i have in that little cartridge, how id take pictures of every cutscene frame, how i made two very stupid errors and only survived on a sliver of health the chaos elfilis and never did the ultimate cup z again because i did not want my deaths to extend beyond my already failed treasure roads. Aahh, sorry this game is so very dear to me and i talk lots about it, most of my content is about it, i think daily about it. and i cant help but share this love with everyone. and sorry for the incoherence i dont actually know to express my feelins well so everything ends up being redundant.

I should probably talk about the drawing now, the whole time thing i just talked about? i think no better drawing of mine to accompany that this one, sure, there isnt any symbolism or whatever of that in there, but its the external thing, i started this ‎the 2nd of may of 2024 around ‏‎21:27:39. yet i only recently finished it on the 22 of this month, thats 2 months away from a year! tough i have to be honest in a majority of those months i wasnt making any progress. tough if you follow me and seen some posts of mine, you can see wips of it, back when i was coloring, and when i said id post this when i returned, also yeah im returning fully today even tough technically its tomorrow, the actual anniversary. ejem- continuing, so, this is to me one of my most iconic drawings i have made, not for being popular or anything, but by the history i have with it, funny that i consider my drawing for katfl's 2nd anniversary my most iconic, tough i mostly mean the sai2 version i never finished. and also this was my first try doing lineless art, even tough it could be better i kinda think i did good, and ive started liking doing lineless, so expect it to be a bit more common in my drawings from now on. oh and also what holded me back the most from completion was the background god the background for some reason i tough itd be a good idea to fill it with something (i think its obvious what i wrote there but ill refrain from saying) and have it be written in forgotten land's lenguage.... done by hand, mostly due to me not having the font back then and more recently when i was finishing, i liked the idea of it being handwritten more, and i still do prefer it, but because this idea popped into my mind, but basically, i wanted it to look like its trying its hardest to be organized, clean, perfect. yet it looks off as it slowly degrades and progressively becomes shakier. an organized chaos, sorry i dont know how to explain, but uhhh

that took me 2 days to write, and it barely reaches 4 lines, sure, i could have done it faster if i concentrated and stuff, but hands do start to hurt after hours of redoing and redoing the letters because you cant just get them right. So i ended up using the font

Also, it was made during my trying to redesign my chaos elfilis era so bad thing, i still have to redesign my gijinka and set on one so thats gonna be fun! ...its even more fun how the drawing has a gijinka that is practically only gonna be seen on this one and i still have to change it yippie...

The part 1 you say? (if you noticed) well well well...as much as said i think this drawings as iconic to me, and how much i spent on it and everything, i find it quite underwhelming, and also i did not want to post a year old drawing for the anniversary, so i did another one, but i wanted to return with this one as promised, but i also wanted a more recent drawing for katfl and being the ever work obsessed katlf addicted i am, basically, uh, im gonna be celebrating katfl's anniversary whole week, maybe even more days than that the lenghts i go for this game man...id even get my memory wiped just to experience it again. i wanna bake a cake in its honor, i want to learn to sew and make plushies to those left forgotten in the game. i want to do those figures. i want to eat the game. dare i say it will be the cause of my death? /ref

You shouln't keep Chaos Elfilis waiting soon tough,

Let's go play with them!

edittt: forgot to mention this silly thing but while drawing and writing for the entire time i was listening to the dream discoveries tour and eternal echo of the thrilling tour-our-our on loop for a completly and truly sane and inmersive experience and i did not want to make it shut up at all

[jesuistrestriste]

hey sorry if this is tmi but i also have vaginismus and i found that out when i was about 15 with my first boyfriend and i can't use tampons and stuff. I'm 20 now and a virgin still and I've basically not touched someone since, and i basically just thought casually hooking up with someone was off the cards because of it. i think a lot of it is in my head I'm like.... no one i just meet on an app or in a club who doesn't know me is going to take the time to do what i need to mean i have a good time because of the vaginismus. I've basically just been telling myself that it will be okay because if i get in a relationship they'll care enough to help me work through it, or they'll like me enough that not having penetrative sex wont be a deal-breaker. I was just wondering if you had any advice about navigating hookups with vaginismus or anything because I'm not getting in a relationship anytime soon and i can't not be having sex any longer. I am in desperate need lol. thank u sm <33

hey lovie:) !

i totally get it; i was formally diagnosed by my obgyn when i was 19 but im pretty sure i had it since i was an early teen bc i was petrified of tampons and couldn’t get one in comfortably. i always experienced some sort of pain/discomfort when it came to penetration of any kind, sexual or not, so i knew something was up.

here’s kinda how i navigated that stuff once i decided that i wanted to be intimate with people:

if you don’t know the person incredibly well, ie you haven’t been friends or anything for a while, i think it’s really important to sus them out and make sure they’re someone you feel comfortable being open with— and make sure theyre someone that you feel would respect your boundaries in bed.

sex should be fun and enjoyable ! and sex doesn’t have to involve vaginal penetration ! when you’re with a partner for the first time and you two are getting ready to get down to it, you can just tell them straight-up that you don’t want to have ‘sex’. i know it can be kinda awkward to say this, but know that nothing is wrong with you and that it’s totally okay to state that boundary. in fact, it’s much better for overcoming vaginismus if you don’t force yourself into penetration — that’ll just reinforce the idea in your brain that penetration = pain/discomfort. better to experience pleasure down there and let your brain get used to that idea instead ! (i personally found that most people who i told were super chill and kind about it, or just didn’t rlly mind, so don’t stress yourself out too much over this).

if you’re into cis het men, i’ll be honest, there’s always a chance that they’re gonna be somewhat ‘pushy’ or ‘confused’ if you say that you don’t want to have penetrative sex. if you’re in this situation, you could explain to them that it hurts/is painful and wouldn’t be pleasurable. of course, you don’t owe him an explanation by any means— you’re 100% allowed to just not want to be penetrated, and anyone should accept that at face value— but educating someone never hurts. instead, you could list some other things that you’re open to and would be pleasurable for you; ie oral, kissing, touching, etc.

**** Don’t ever, ever, ever feel pressured to have penetrative sex if you don’t want to. if someone doesn’t accept that, you should end the hookup right then and there. you owe it to yourself to protect your body and your mental health. if they get mad/upset/sad, that’s their issue. and dont let them guilt trip you ! ! ! ! i know it can be tough, esp if you’re someone who’s prone to people pleasing, but trust me when i tell you that if they don’t respect your boundaries they will NOT respect your body.

it’s definitely possible to have really enjoyable, intimate, and tender sex that doesn’t involve penetration ! i promise u. the outcome is mostly dependent on whomever you’re being physical with.

i know vaginismus can make you feel like you’re broken, or unsexy, or that you’ll never have ‘proper sex’; but you are NOT a lost cause and you are NOT broken in any way and it’s totally possible to gradually overcome it with some time and patience. plus, a lot more people have this than you’d think and they just don’t know it/don’t talk about it. but you’re not alone !

in terms of healing from vaginismus, here’s some things that helped:

- refraining from engaging in penetrative sex if i didn’t feel ready or comfortable enough to try (obviously)

- diaphragmatic breathing (breathing into your belly instead of your chest) when trying to insert anything— look this up ! it’s supposed to help stimulate a nerve in your body that assists in relieving anxiety/tension/stress

- using dilators (look these up too— they help to gradually get your body used to the sensation of penetration)

- ^^ using dilators when i was relaxed, and i’ll be so honest it really helps if you’re turned on loll. this will get your brain to associate arousal w penetration, and it might even start to feel good after the first couple times using them !

- listening to my body. this is so, so important. if you’re trying to put something inside of you, and it’s really burning/stinging/painful, you should stop. it seems like that would be obvious, but i think a lot of us w vaginismus feel the need to push through the pain in order to get results quicker, but it’ll just set you back. go slow, but be consistent with it — every week, or every day- that sort of thing. be gentle with yourself ! <3

i hope this helped anon !! sending much love to you, and if u wanna talk my messages are open :)

[tsugumichikaneshiro]

tsugumichi kaneshiro is a weak little bitch. here's why!

↑ if you don't know who tsugumichi is, that's him! he's the serial killer from kotoko's narrative, and who i will focus on. this post is 99% just overanalyzing subtext and extrapolating from (seemingly) unrelated information, so please bear with me. also its really messyyy

first thing i'd like to point towards is the nature of his crime. he is a 24 year old man who kills elementary school girls -> his victims are always inherently weaker than him. the question becomes: why the fuck did he do this. why are they his victims specifically. it seems very likely he was targeting them, after all.

it can't be because he thinks he can get away with it more easily; his father has enough power to get him out of any legal consequence. even his neighbors knew about his crimes, but he still didn't get arrested ever!! he might just like killing them, that is true. he might just like killing them specifically. but! i think it'd be more interesting if those are his victims because those are the only type of people he can kill. only elementary schoolers are weaker than him, so those are the only ones he can and will kill.

he tried to fight back against kotoko, by the way, he did try! he was just really bad at it and apparently ended up getting mutilated so so badly, meanwhile kotoko seemingly suffered zero severe injuries.

additionally, please look at this quote from YONAH:

K: How ridiculous... It's always like this... All of you weaklings always act like this... All of you enjoy seeing someone getting hurt... [...] All of you enjoy seeing a bad person falling down... [...] You keep asking for it, but as soon as it happens near you by your own choice, you all start complaining and evading your responsibility... You're always like this... Always such idiots!

of course, this could just be her talking about everything everyone ever. even herself, if you believe she's projecting. however i do think this was, in some way, referring to tsugumichi.

her generalizing weaklings, saying “it’s always like this, all of you weaklings always act like this,” as if she has personal experience with it... saying it towards someone she thinks likes when people get hurt, when it can be very easily assumed that tsugumichi also enjoyed seeing people in pain? i like to think this means she saw him as weak, at least a little bit

now whether she saw him as weak prior to or after killing him is a mystery! one that i won't really get into... both are possible options with their own merits and there's too little info to actually decide on one scenario over the other... i will say that i am more inclined towards her seeing him as weak prior to killing him, but that is mostly bias and such

there's also this one interrogation that could also be a vague at him, even if unintentional

yes i think he has a weak will (more literally a "weak heart") yes i also think it could be a vague at herself but this post is primarily about tsugumichi being weak... he is a weak little bitch and it's what led to him turning to evil, down the inferior path and such.

whether the thing that caused him to turn to evil was external influences (i really like the internet theory for kotoko so this could also be applied here, but that has less basis to it for him) or just him having some sort of power trip where he really really just wanted to feel some sense of power and does it by killing elementary schoolers... we dont know LOL. there's very little info on him and i am just extrapolating from as much as i can.

i think that's all i can cover that relates to this. some of it probably makes zero sense so feel free to ask me things if you feel so inclined and such.

[mr-payjay]

flutters eyelashes :) do you have any personality disorder headcanons for clover? or maybe nickel? hope you're doing well!!

Mostly Nickel's Disorders

Feb 19 2025 edit: this is somewhat outdated! nickel has hpd, npd, and cptsd. you can still read the aspd section if you like, but he does not have aspd, he just has some antisocial traits.

twitches. twitches. twitches. ok i skipped gleefully in the kitchen getting this ask because i am SO hyperfixated on nickel. here’s a nickel analysis if you wanna read that first but it doesnt go into his pds it just generally analyzes him:

for clover i dont have any disorders in mind BUT i have noticed she has a tendency to fawn or flee (ive always been pulled in by her fawning over nickel considering how much he’s hurt her). today i was watching some iii and i noted that shes a really strange but interesting character—ive paid attention to her before and ive done a bit of analysis (mostly talking about her odd reactions to nickel) but nothing recent. im planning to do some clover analysis after my nickel and balloon rewatch (im rewatching all of ii and taking notes on nickel and balloon respectively as i go along, ive done this with several characters before and i find it super fun). i would maybeee look her over for dependent personality disorder and borderline personality disorder, but Not to diagnose her with the full disorders themselves, more to analyze the dependent and borderline traits she seems to experience (tendencies). also would probably look into adhd or autism or both.

nickel stuff under the cut. it's long. tl;dr you can argue that nickel has hpd, aspd, and npd, but the most important to consider is hpd.

Histrionic Personality Disorder

nickel has hpd, credit to the lovely @t4twerewolves for bringing this up to me in the first place and introducing some of the symptoms he displays! i'll put down his hpd symptoms here and talk about each one.

1. is uncomfortable in situations where they are not the center of attention: yes, nickel is very attention-seeking! you gotta look at him like a school bully. he wants attention, he wants to be seen, he wants people to know who he is. the main point of hpd is that the hpder NEEDS attention. not just wants, but NEEDS. so even if they WANT positive attention, if they believe they can only get negative attention, they will stick with that (i talk about this more in my nickel analysis in the link above). nickel is seen constantly going for this negative attention, TRYING to provoke people, wanting them to get annoyed and Remember he exists and Give him the attention he’s starved for. which brings me to symptom 2.

2. interaction with others is often characterized by inappropriate sexually seductive or provocative behavior: yes. first of all, provocative in the context of the hpd dsm5 criteria means to provoke someone (as in: annoy people, start little arguments and fights, make jabs, etc.), not to be sexually provocative. in this case, nickel is EXTREMELY provocative. im sure you can think of times in the show where nickel purposely annoys people, but an example i particularly enjoy is in snapshot showdown, where nickel asks balloon why balloon doesnt believe in him. when balloon freaks out and tells nickel hes never believed in HIM (balloon) in the first place, nickel laughs and says he just wanted to see his reaction if he said that. the entire point of making that comment was to provoke balloon and get a big reaction out of him. again, look at nickel like a typical bully: he wants attention and reactions. i also recommend watching waffling about for more explicit examples of this behavior.

3. displays rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions: yes, nickel is shallow but plays up his reactions to ridiculous extents. a great example of his emotional display also rapidly shifting is in out of body experience, when he yells at clover and blames him for them all having died. he goes from angrily shouting at her with elaborate and theatrical wording about how “twisted fortune granted her wish” to immediately going deadpan and asking others their thoughts on the matter. actually, i’ll provide the clip to make it more obvious just how quick the change is:

he goes from dramatically calling her a privileged murderer to neutrally asking for opinions in an instant. i will say that nickel definitely has some intense feelings about clover (she really pushes him to think about his body and his feelings of inherent worthlessness as a nickel object, for one) but he still displays shallow and puffed up reactions around her and in other situations.

4. consistently uses physical appearance to draw attention to self: i would argue yes for this too, in fact, but it's often difficult to really go into this symptom since the characters are all objects (though its easier to prove with some characters, such as silver spoon). one thing ive noticed is that most ii hpders, such as lightbulb, paper, nickel, silver spoon, tend to wear things or care about their appearance more than other objects. lightbulb and her silly costumes, paper and his bowtie and santa hat, silver spoon and his skincare routine (and more explicit worries with his appearance)... and at the end of mazed and confused, nickel is wearing a somewhat extravagant outfit (for objects anyway) that he apparently bought with the money he got from scalping tickets. it’s eye-catching and unusual for any character to wear. i could go into his complicated feelings about his body as a nickel object (since it has to do with appearance) but it is technically irrelevant to the actual hpd symptom here and id like to research his self-image as a nickel more before talking about it in depth. either way, nickel cares about his appearance.

5. has a style of speech that is excessively impressionistic and lacking in detail: okay so this symptom means vague speech, speech that’s more about emotions and grandness rather than details or logic. hpders often base their opinions off of others (expanded upon in 7.) and an example of that for nickel is with his opinion of balloon. nickel vaguely expresses that balloon is awful, untrustworthy, just terrible in any way. he sticks to this extreme yet unfounded opinion and shuns balloon for ages even though he practically never dealt with balloon at all in s1 (since balloon's behavior there is the main grief the contestants have with him). nickel doesn’t have details to refer to; he’s just going along with what the majority says here. in s3, his opinion changes as he actually spends time with balloon. his speech is also generally confusing to understand. as ive been taking notes on nickel, ive had to stop for several minutes to deconstruct his lines and try to decipher what he’s saying. his manner of speech certainly isn’t precise or to the point. and another example of this symptom is him calling the new thinkers his “enemies at BEST” in best served cold, which is a very extreme (impressionistic) thing to say and clearly not what he actually thinks of them (which is just general dislike at first).

6. shows self-dramatization, theatricality, and exaggerated expression of emotion: yes, nickel is QUITE theatrical! i still need to rewatch s2 but ive found many examples in s3. one of my favourites is in tragedy at 60 feet, when tea kettle tries to lure him and balloon into allying with her with hors d’oeuvres, and nickel starts loudly gagging and coughing then yells that he's REPULSED!!! then balloon tells him to calm down. its so unnecessarily dramatic and intense. i love it. there’s another scene in the episode where nickel slips on a banana peel and starts screaming for the doctor to come see him until balloon tells him he's fine, where he calms down immediately. that one's a combination of multiple symptoms (as most are) in fact, with 1. (seeking attention), 3. (rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions), and 6. (dramatic and theatrical behavior).

7. is suggestible (easily influenced by others or circumstances): i talk about this a bit in symptom 5, but nickel goes along with everyone when shunning balloon (and enforces it), despite not really having been affected by him in s1. he’s more contrarian than he is agreeable, but he still feels awkward actually standing out on his own (such as in try not to laugh challenge, where he gets uncomfortable and agitated once everyone disapproves of him for insulting yinyang so harshly) and tends to go for little jabs or arguments that he’s sure he can win (such as yelling at clover, who never fights back) rather than actually standing up for something he believes in. again, remember that he’s like a school bully! he goes for the easy targets and avoids real conflict.

8. considers relationships to be more intimate than they actually are: so this is box. there’s some hints of this with balloon and suitcase but it’s more complicated when i could just talk about box. who is the perfect candidate to show this symptom of nickel’s. nickel is convinced box is a real living person. he talks to her about his decisions in the game, he asks for her opinion on things, he talks FOR her and assumes what she’s saying (nothing, in reality), and he even calls her his number one ally. all along, box is. a dead body. there is nothing there. even if box WAS alive but inanimate, this would still be an example of this symptom, because box tries to vote out nickel in s3 and lifering even mentions that box probably doesn’t want to be talked for. nickel thinks there is a close relationship of sorts here, when there is not.

here are some hpd subtypes (Theodore Millon, Personality Disorders in Modern Life, 2004):

hpd subtypes aren't super relevant anymore by the way, i just like categories. anyway, nickel has disingenuous hpd. which implies antisocial traits! interesting! so let’s take a look at aspd.

Antisocial Personality Disorder

1. failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors, as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest: technically yes. he gets suitcase to steal from meeple in theft and battery, but it IS part of the challenge in the show, so… that one's only a so-so for me. nickel also scalps people online, which isn’t illegal, but it is pretty lame. he tends to repeat these sorts of almost-illegal actions without going too far into breaking the rules (like using the pic-nix tables even though he’s banned), so we can infer that he doesn’t particularly respect authority but he IS still afraid of consequences and doesn’t have much desire to do more illegal things. he also tries to kill clover which is pretty illegal but it’s played comedically so im not sure how to interpret that? i still consider it an indication of this symptom, of course. overall, id say 1. ends up being a yes, mostly because i keep thinking of examples that fit just enough. he's clearly got the mindset.

2. deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit and pleasure: yes, nickel lies several times in ii, sometimes very blatantly (eg in best served cold, mephone asks nickel if the pie is two half-mile high pies stacked on top of each other, and nickel deadpans “No.”). he lies in theft and battery about suitcase’s willingness to steal for them. he cons others online through scalping for personal profit, buying an expensive outfit with the money he gets from it. he tricks suitcase into thinking he’s giving balloon a chance in kick the bucket, when he’s truly just setting them both up to fail. he’s fine with deceiving others.

3. impulsivity or failure to plan ahead: yes, nickel is pretty impulsive with his reactions, making them more exaggerated than they need to be (eg trying to kill clover in snapshot showdown) and not always planning ahead, just in his general behavior… an amusing example is the challenge in snapshot showdown beginning and nickel immediately running at top speed face first into the camera cabinet.

4. irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults: yes and no. nickel is very irritable and verbally aggressive, but he doesn’t often physically hurt people (since the symptom says “repeated” im keeping this in mind), since he does try to kill and injure clover but as far as i remember that's his only direct physical assault on someone. he also automatically dislikes most people (eg in best served cold where he calls the new thinkers his “enemies at best”) and is easily annoyed by others.

5. reckless disregard for safety of self or others: yes. using theft and battery again as an example, he puts suitcase in danger when forcing her to steal from meeple. he also tries to kill clover (and ends up injuring himself when he tests the trap with his foot, which one could say is reckless). im probably forgetting other examples.

6. consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations: not as far as i can see it. he does disregard safety, but he doesn't fall behind on obligations or anything. does fine in challenges.

7. lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another: id argue no. nickel feels guilty for making clover cry in title tbd (though it’s subtle: just a quick look after she runs away crying and a worried expression during the elimination when clover is being voted out) but he never actually apologizes to her. however, we know that apologizing is very hard for nickel, as we see in the scene in tragedy at 60 feet where he apologizes to tea kettle and balloon for his behavior in the episode (this doesn’t excuse him from not apologizing to clover for what he’s done to her, it just explains how nickel may feel remorse without ever doing anything about it). nickel shows remorse in the scene i just mentioned with tea kettle and balloon. he also shows remorse later on, apologizing to balloon in the great bluish bake off (even if i don’t care for the therapyspeak writing of this scene, nickel’s feelings here are still genuine). i can’t say if he feels remorse for what he did to suitcase or not, but with the evidence of other scenes here, i would say he probably secretly does.

so yes, nickel does technically qualify for aspd (at least 3 symptoms). but let’s just check a bit more. for funsies. the basis of aspd is mainly (as far as i know it) a need for autonomy and a lack of respect towards authority. he pretty much never respects authority (stealing from meeple, calling mephone insulting names, being very rude to tea kettle who we can infer is older than him, etc.). for need for autonomy, he does tend to avoid most people and is easily irritated by others, but he isn’t averse to having friends or depending on others like balloon or baseball. it’s pretty hard to gain his trust though, and he tends to stay loyal to the one person he chooses to respect. which can actually be a behavior some aspders have (respecting one or two people who feel Special and Deserving of it). in the end? i think it’s more fun to interpret nickel with aspd than not. if anyone wants to support or dispute this claim, feel free to talk about it in the comments or my askbox :) aspd is a personality disorder i know less about!

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

now, ive mentioned nickel having narcissistic tendencies before, but ive only ever looked him over for npd briefly and concluded he doesn’t have it. but its fun to recheck things. and since im already here, i’ll do an npd assessment of nickel too.

1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance (eg exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements): somewhat. nickel generally sees himself as inferior (which is normal for many npders), which i talk about more in my initial analysis at the top of this post in the context of his canon feelings of worthlessness. he tries to compensate for this in s2 in particular, turning himself into the leader of the armless alliance and forcing them to recognize him as superior. as far as i remember, he does not significantly exaggerate his achievements or talents.

2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love: yes. he becomes quite the tyrant in s2 to the armless alliance, relishing the little power he has and becoming quite agitated whenever he loses it (eg straight up threatening suitcase during the elimination in kick the bucket because he’s trying so hard to hold onto his power). he also enjoys being the director of the new thinkers in title tbd, and is charmed by them actually listening to him (until he remembers clover’s luck that was given to him). there’s also the “Oh, the things I’ll do for money…” line in stranded in paradise and the fact that he decks himself out in expensive clothes in mazed and confused, implying fantasies about riches as well.

3. believes that they are “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions): somewhat. i would argue that though nickel only respects very certain people (and still only to a limited extent), it’s more in an aspd way than an npd way. baseball and balloon aren’t high-status in any way, but they’ve EARNED his respect (although limited), which is another thing entirely than the npd symptom of wanting to associate with “worthy” people.

4. requires excessive admiration: no. nickel dislikes most people and accepts being disliked; he just needs attention, negative or positive. he does ENJOY admiration (title tbd is a great example of this, as he talks about wanting to be genuinely valued by others) but he does not require it in the same way someone like, say, silver spoon does. i believe he’s like most people are about admiration.

5. has a sense of entitlement (unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with their expectations): yes. in s2, he’s used to being listened to by the armless alliance, and becomes angry when he’s defied (eg being annoyed by suitcase befriending balloon in kick the bucket and tricking her into having balloon fail the challenge). in s3, though he’s not as entitled as he was before, he still insists on doing things his way (such as when he goes off to take photos of clover in snapshot showdown) or is ready to argue about it (such as when he openly asks to hear objections to him becoming the director in title tbd and is surprised when everyone agrees to it).

6. is interpersonally exploitative (takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends): yes. you can most clearly see this with nickel and suitcase in s2. a concrete example could be forcing suitcase to steal in theft and battery (I KNOW, im using this example AGAIN, it’s just a really messed up thing to do okay. it's a good example for many symptoms).

7. lacks empathy, is unable to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others (yes i changed the writing of this one slightly): yes. nickel clearly does not empathize with suitcase, balloon, clover, or others. he forces suitcase to comply with his demands while looking down on her for her kindness to balloon and her meekness. he shuns and puts down balloon without considering his attempts to redeem himself for a long time. he tries to hurt clover and yells at her multiple times, only realizing some of her pain when she runs away crying after he Literally screams that she’s a murderer. nickel still feels guilt and remorse, but he struggles to understand others’ feelings nevertheless.

8. is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them: yes. nickel envies clover in a weird way (i still need to analyze it more), calling her privileged and lucky despite not actually wanting the luck for himself in the end. he’s unsatisfied with himself as a nickel object, being quite literally a low-worth object and becoming visibly upset at seeing dime in fff nickel for your thoughts. he’s afraid of being below others and envies those who might feel better than him on a level he can’t work around, like clover being born endlessly lucky and dime having more worth than him as an object.

9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes: yes. nickel looks down on people and generally dislikes them. he insults and makes jabs at people and struggles to see them as separate entities with feelings (lack of empathy), placing himself in a superior mental ranking. it’s kind of odd with nickel because his sense of worthlessness REEKS throughout the series (like you can easily spot it), but really, that IS how npd often works, isn’t it? he feels inferior and therefore decides that At Least everyone is actually way dumber and worse than him. making him superior in the end.

that’s 7 out of 9 (im counting “somewhat” as 0.5 each), which is enough to qualify for npd (minimum 5). congratulations nickel!

well this took me a few very very fun hours. quite the mental workout though. thank you very much for asking! my conclusion is that nickel has hpd (8/8), aspd (4.5/7), and npd (7/9), hpd being the most important. and though i don’t exactly think clover has any personality disorders, i recommend looking into causes and behaviors associated with dpd and bpd, since some of her actions line up with some of those traits.

[acesspacee]

1.Question no.1

I've heard of people having "traits" like do things that is common is autistic people like stimming going non verbal , fidgeting alot, zoning out/ dissociating from what I've learnt dissociating is a more extreme case of zoning out. Out of all the things I've listed more included I can't really remember. the only one I do is non verbal? around my friend sometimes because of stress or anxiety, in general I'm not a talkative person as well so maybe it's anxiety or something else but I do end up going long periods of time of feeling like I can't speak so matter how hard I try

So in short my first question is can non autistic people have autistic "traits:?

2. I've been told autism is a spectrum refering to there's high functiong and low functioning but I'm still lost as to what that means, (my bad if this question sounds a bit rude in thr way I word it I'm not trying to be in any way so I apologize again😓) I know some things autistic people struggle with are like sensory issues, going non verbal , dissociating, stimming, but here's my question what's the difference between sensory issues with a normal person and an autistic person? Like let's say for example the issue is a certain material that feels uncomfortable to both people and causes them to feel uncomfortable, what would be the different between the issue for the autistic person rather than the normal person?

3. Lastly this is more for my own knowledge, what's the difference between Autism burn out and regular burn out?

Hello!! Genuine question so my apologies if I come of as rude or insensitive. I have a friend who has autism and I want to learn how to help her better more with different things but I'd also like to know the difference between Autism things and non- autism things?

Autism burn out may last for any periods of time, ip to months affect individuals socially mentally cause thrm to be more easily overwhelmed / sensitive to stress extreme exhaustion and difficulty functioning

Regular burn out can last for up to months affects people mentally snd socially more stressed out tired but I I'm guessing a lesser level of tired than autistic burn out? And I'm guessing on a general autistic burnout causes them to have a harder time functioning like for example a regular person is burnt out but still tries to get things done but is mostly burnt out an autistic person wouldn't be feeling well enough to do that?

IM REALLYBSORRY IF THESE QUESTION'S SEEMED A BIT RUDE IM JUST GENUINELY CURIOUS ANDBI WANT TO KNOW!

(I'm vv sorry for long ass mwssage)

Oh i have been WAITING for these. no worries my friend, for I love answering questions. Tho, note that I am not a professional and will be refering to my experiences and those around me.

Question 1: From my experience, yes, some people may experience some autistic traits, it doesnt make them autistic, it may just be apart of their day to day like (like jumping when you're happy).

Question 2: Sensory issues for me is where every little thing may hurt. The lights, the air conditioner, people using *their phones* whilst a neurotypical person may not even notice these sounds. Also, with the material example you gave, a nerodivergent person may act more "dramatically" about it while a neurotypical person may just voice their hatred.

Question 3: Autistic burnout is way more than socially and mentally. It also impacts us physically, cognitive AND emotionally. Depending on how long the burnout lasts, the neurodivergent person may begin to avoid everything and everyone. Give up on dreams, quit school, quit work. Many horrible things happen the longer it stays and I have witnessed them. So you were right about that.

Dont be sorry! It's okay to ask questions about topics you want to learn about/dont know. I hope I was able to help and apologizes if they didnt help as much. Again, these are my experiences/opinions, I'm no professional.

Also side not, this may just be me, please dont call neurotypical ppl 'normal'. Autism is my normal so calling them normal feels weird..idk

[kodzucloud]

BNHA MUSIC AU

This is an au i randomly threw at my friend. It was very on the spot but also in hindsight, it was an idea i had brewing in me since i watched my first”if [character] could sing” gacha videos which feels like eons ago.

In this au, i havent decided if Yuuei/ UA is a music school of sorts or if music is just a new way to promote the heroes (PR stunt or something). Anyways, here are my headcannons for this AU, I might write a fanfic based on this, but that’s neither here nor there.

Jirou Kyoka

her parents were already musicians so she doesn’t have to the class if she doesn’t want to but i think she’d take it as an excuse to make more music and even help out her classmates. She’s probably one of, of not the best songwriter, and producer in the class and even though she’s already really good at singing cause her mom gave her lessons, she takes classes and helps out the others alot. she definitely thought about just being a music artist in stead of a hero but she decided she was gonna be both so she is

Momo Yaoyurozu

She already had voice lessons as a kid and is a “piano prodigy” and went to many competitions and won her fair share of trophies/ medallions. Helps with lyrics and coming ip with melodies mostly cuz she had perfect pitch and is such a music teacher that she is constantly helping Jirou help the others when they dont get it or just need help creating something.

Toru Hagekure

She doesn’t particularly care for this but ended up loving it as a hobby. She is lyntook the class cuz her friends took the class. i domt have much hc for her cuz she probably has the least amount of screen-time than all the girls in 1A. she definitely makes pop music- like. bubblegum pop, electra pop, and she’s definitely be an icon in pop. she probably has the least experience with signing and making songs but she dances a lot with Mina so she has that as her talent.

Mina Aishido

She is a dancer so if she ever preforms live she would probably dances more cuz she also doesn’t make much experience in singing or music making. She does help with production tho when people are trying to make music that’s considered “pop” since a big part of pop is catchy-ness, dance-ability of a song probably helps a lot with making it mainstream. She’d duet with Kirishima alot tho and ik that this seems a little stereotypical cuz i hc her as black but raised in japan, but she definitely would rap. she wouldnt be the only female rapper in the class but she’d probably be the best one. she’s definitely the one people go to for a feature.

Ochaco Uraraka

She was one of the first to do this cause it would help her gain money for her family (cuz she’s canonically poor) and definitely had no experience with music, singing, or dancing so she was one of the ones that worked really really hard to get where they are at now. She’d be the type of artist to just crank out music as much as possible, take a fee month break then get back on her grind. her strongest is definitely lyricism and vocal range. she’d be like the poster child of underground artists and definitely gets popular randomly during the year.

Tsuyu Asui

She’s definitely insecure in her voice but her voice is very angelic (like genuinely). she’s been producing beats for a while as a hobby so she’s the one to help Jirou and will song background vocals for literally anyone as long as they dont credit her for it. her own songs are very indie tho, like bedroom pop and what not ( not much for her)

all the girls are close and i think they would collab often and even go on tours, they might as well be a group

Shouta Aizawa

He has a lot of talent in the music industry because thats how he mainly promoted himself. His lyrics and vocals are definitely something that catches people’s ears and his rather unique sound made him an underground favorite, and like ururaka, he’ll randomly get popular- and an album he dropped was very popular and got him kinda in the mainstream but people still consider him underground. He only kept doing music cause of Hazashi and eneded up enjoying making music. if he’s not sleeping or being a teacher, he’s probably messing sround with lyrics and instrumentals till inspo hits him.

Hazashi Yamada

He’s the most popular hero music wise. he’s the type of person to be behind almost every top hit songs. he’s a massively successful producer and his sings are very popular as well. he has too much power yall- stop this man. he spends alot of time writing lyrics as well since he is an english teacher (or just language in general, idk). he’s like The weeknd when it comes to how his music sounds.

Shinsou Hitoshi

He was bullied as a kid for his voice (and quirk) so he resorted to just being a producer and even a backup dancer for others till he met Jirou when making a song and she had him sing and that whole experience led him to find his voice again. he uses to sing a lot as kid. He another popular underground artist, and i kinda see him being quite active in the Korean part of the music industry, idk if thats cuz he’s Korean or part korean or just grew up there and people just really liked his stuff. He and a few other students just have a flash drive but him and todoroki are ties for first with the mist amount of songs saved in their flash drives cuz its a coping mechanism for them. Shinsou definitely struggles to make friends cuz of his past with bullying and is so used to not having them he’s really awkward with people, but he gets along with jirou and todoroki the most as teens because of music and their incredible ability to produce (they’ve been nominated for best young producers and even won a few times- so much so they became the equivalent of 3racha in skz)

Shouto Todoroki

His father was gonna make Sho go to the sane school ad him wether he hot recommended or not. This is gonna look like im making him a mary sue, but his father and ambitious so he’s a “prodigy” at things like Violin, piano— he was taught singing and music production at an early age as well and literature was one of his favorite thing so naturally he’s really good when it comes to lyrics. Kaminari was the one to teach Sho how to okay the guitar and if you pass by his room you’ll more often than not hear him playing guitar. he also does a ton of collabs with people, in and out of the school, and i hc him as part Korean. his hair in this au is either short but the bangs are long or just long hair. anyways he’s is a very successful young artist, and as much ss he wishes he could say that he was self made, his dad definitely promoted his stuff (he was trying to make up for being a terrible father)

Denki Kaminari

He started taking tbd class as a joke but ended up loving it. he’s like a Tyler The Creator and Hobo Johnson type music artist. he had hidden talents, like perfect pitch, and just as a knack for making tracks. he collabs with people but mostly to make beats or conceptualize albums and so on (not much for him)

Hanta Sero

I know everyone headcannon’s him as st least half Latino but dang i like that. he’s sound is everywhere, and he’s the one with less vocal training than the rest. nonetheless, he makes bangers and tries to collab with people outside of region. last time i made a head cannon for him i said he had a lot of piercings but i take it back. he goy his ears pierced as a baby and never got more. he has a background in contemporary dancing including and even ballet. and Sho tried teaching him how to ice skate ( Sho definitely was an ice skater for most of his life)

Katsuki Bakugou

This rich boy can sing, and when he releases music he always does it in a form of EPs and Albums (mini or not) so there’s times he doesn’t have music out which his fans have come to accept. He doesn’t sing often but he will post covers of his classmates’ songs. he also would probably take charge of promoting for the class (along with Iida, momo and aizawa). He’s currently learning how to produce so he can help the main 3 but also to shave some time off of the amount of time where he doesn’t release anything. he probably goes on the least amount of tours but he also probably sells out the fastest.

Ejirou Kirishima

Very much like Denki in the sense he was just like “eh why not” in doing music and ended up loving it. He was already vocally gifted and had some past workshop songs he had on the back burner back in his middle school days, and finally got the chance to release the better version of them in his debut album. He’s a performer so he loves doing shows and they’re always grand no matter what his budget is. DIY king over here. (Not much for him as of now im so sorry)

I have nothing for Ojirou, Shoji, Tokoyami, (im not doing mineta) Satou, Koda, Iida, Aoyama, or Midoriya yet, but i will get there. Im just posting a WIP.

[pumpkinsy0]

perhaps headcanons on pony receiving his first B on an english assignment and freaking tf out (totally not based on any real life experience here... nope)

anon pls,,,give urself some room to breath and make mistakes, we r only human, ur gonna kill urself before u get to the future u aspire,,,

•look ponys seen as this beacon of hope and most of that is due to his academic success, ik hes felt some pressure from that, especially after everything that happened

•it started when he was pretty young, darry was pretty good academically and was pretty popular, but this mostly around the time where he skipped those grades, especially bc he was a greaser twas a big deal!!!

•so yea, VERY academically stressed guy, so when he got that b, u just KNOOOWWWW how upset he was, but it dies depend on the severity, if its classwork hes annoyed but whatever, test or projects??? just kill him

•theres not many ppl he could rlly go to about this too, so he just annoyedly thinks about it for a while, he dont even got a backpack or nun, just folds n stuffs that thing in his pocket

•he could NOTTTT b comforted w a “at least u still passed” cause thats not the grade he WANTED, what dont u understand, hes not ungrateful, hes upset n disappointed</33 plus its not even a b PLUS, just b</3

•hes the kinda guy to start blaming externam reasons on y he “didnt pass”, like “darry told me to turn off my light and go to sleep while i was 3 hours i to studying grrrr this is his fault” and thats EXACTLY what he did here

•he looks at the paper for a bit hoping that the teacher just fucked up one of the answers, jumps for JOY when he finds even one, he aint find one here but maybe some day💔💔

•god forbid steve scored higher than him, cause if he rubs it in, ponys going to lose it even more, hes already a tad snappy

•only one who rlly has a clue on how he feels is soda, johnny, and curly, but i dont think theyd 100% understand where hes coming from, like they understand his fear, but they dont get that just saying take it easy wont work (partially bc he just wont allow himself to calm down but shhhh)

•i dont think he’ll get 100% bogged down, hes still FUNCTIONING, a lil sluggish but he’ll work around it, especially bc he doesnt rlly go to the gang for academic help, minus darry but he aint in it🙄🙄

•he would show darry and darry has like 2 reactions “next time do a lil better, kiddo” or “nice job” w a smile, and both if those reactions make upset, bc 1) holy fuck dude shut up ik i have to do better 2)????this is absolutely NOT a good grade, do u see this

•then SODA heard about it, and he would normally grin and tell him great job and that makes pony feel a lil bit better!! sodas grin could cheer anyone up

•i wouldnt say he’d get over it, but hes just like “ok fine, ill just fix this when i get the chance to next time i get this assignment”

•if he was to actually talk to like johnny or curly, he would rant about y he thought the answer was right, and they just grin at him too, him being riled up is funny to em a lil, its like a chihuahua barking or something

[total-drama-brainrot]

psycho!noah au, what do the aftermath cast think? conversely if they dont know/dont see the show (isnt it implied to be canon in wt that they watch the show or atleast can?), how do they react to newly eliminated cast members telling them?

and then, at whatever point he gets eliminated or just whenever the cast sees him again, how do they react with that new info?

The justification I have for Noah remaining stealthed under his "stoic cynic" persona pre-reveal in this AU is a little convoluted, but I do have one. Vaguely. Which I'll try to outline here for continuities' sake.

So, to clarify; Noah only competes in Island and World Tour, just like in canon. Most things happen just like canon, with the exception of Noah lasting a little longer in Island so he and Izzy have more time to be menaces (I have no idea how I'll shift the elimination order to justify keeping him around, though). Noah's still eliminated fairly early and ends up on the Playa, where the other elimination fodder welcome him with open arms, because in Island they're only given access to the raw camera footage instead of the final cut!

I imagine it'd be pretty hard for a Brand New Show to have the manpower of a full professional editing team that can plan and prosecute the final cut of a whole ~20 minute episode in only three days (in-universe), so to keep the losers as in the know as possible in real time, they're given access to the same live camera footage Chris and Chef have, just without the confessionals.

Since the confessionals are, uh. Toilets. And no one wants to have 24/7 access to toilet stall footage.

Noah only ever really drops his ruse in the confessional, or around Izzy, so none of the losers have gotten the opportunity to see the real him in action; even when he is visible on camera, it's only during the stolen moments he shares with Izzy outside of challenges, wherein the two plot and scheme together like Pinky and the Brain. Given that the majority of them don't even bother to watch the live footage unless there's a challenge actively happening (or something else otherwise noteworthy), his true nature goes undetected amongst them as well.

And then, in Action, the show's budget and workforce increases. Suddenly, the editing team is thrice the size of Island's, and they are capable of providing a final cut of each episode within the span of 24~72 hours, allowing the show to air quicker. Which has the added bonus of allowing everyone in the peanut gallery access to the yet-to-be-aired episodes (instead of the live footage), keeping them up to date with the competition whilst also giving them the same perspective as the audience itself. Including people's confessions.

It's a good thing Noah didn't compete in Action, then. His mask of indifference lives on.

Then there's a year-long break between seasons, wherein Noah works under Chris as his personal assistant. Yada yada yada, World Tour happens. He knows that the losers are going to see his confessions. So now Noah has to choose between maintaining his persona at the sake of losing out on toying with the greater audience, or carrying on as he did in Island at the cost of revealing his 'true colours' (which, in this case, still isn't the real Noah so much as an exaggeration of his more deranged tendencies, since Noah's still essentially performing for the cameras; just with a different role).

Of course he goes with option two. He's primarily motivated by his own amusement- that was the reason for his whole charade in the first place.

(Alright, clarification over, time to actually answer the question.)

So the peanut gallery and steadily increasing number of World Tour Rejects are horrified when, in Noah's scattering of confessions- as he doesn't confess very often, so when he does it's a treat to himself and the audience- he mostly waxes poetic about how exciting each near-death experience the cast go through is, and all of the different ways he so wanted to cause the others harm (either in general, or themed around the challenges), being so much more expressive than anyone's ever seen him (concerningly so, to the point of it breaching the uncanny valley) and giddy over the prospect of performing Acts Of Incredible Violence against his castmates.

They're living in that same fearful anticipation the wider audience experienced through his tenure in Island; waiting for Noah to Drop The Act and fulfil his promises of brutal sabotage, if only to finally put an end to the constant looming threat of his self control snapping. They're horrified bystanders of a car crash waiting to happen (at least, they think they are. Noah's not actually gonna do any of the things he's suggesting, probably, but keeping the audience on their toes is one of his favourite games!) and each episode he features in is a test of both their patience and their own sanity.

Because, could you imagine watching your friends interact and be friendly with someone who (you think) is out for their blood, entirely unaware of the danger? that's literally what they're experiencing.

And Noah, because he's a little shit who thinks he's funny (he is), sometimes goes so far as to fake-out the audience by rearing up attacks against his castmates during challenges, only to shoot the nearest camera a wry wink and a sly smile as he carries on with the actual task at hand, the others none-the-wiser.

It becomes so concerning, in fact, that every new arrival is immediately checked over for any signs of injuries or Noah's Influence and hastily given the rundown on The Situation. Which is, more often than not, met with the same incredulity as Sierra's claims- until they're shown various clips of Noah's confessions, or the fake-outs and otherwise unhinged looks he teases the cameras with.

-

For the second question; I have no idea. I'm still workshopping how people will react to Noah, and how Noah in turn will react to them. Post-reveal p!Noah will, eventually, disclose the fact that he's not as bloodthirsty as he portrays himself as, but until then it's anyone's guess as to how far he'll take the bit- and who could/will get hurt in the process.

[cowboyjen68]

hi jen! i've know im a lesbian since I was 12, but because of my problems with socializing i've never actually had ANY romantic interactions(my lesbianism making things even harder, as you can imagine)

i'm almost out of high school and going to college, so i'm feeling very down about missing out on teen romance but dont want the same thing to happen again. do you have any tips on what i can do to avoid this problem in the future? i am genuinely clueless on what to do when looking for a partner, really

even if you dont actually have any advice to give i still really love your blog, it reminds me that lesbians can actually grow old and live happy lives💖💖thank you for hearing me out and i apologize for any grammar mistake!!

This is pretty easy because, while it was pretty outgoing and friendly, it was often not as my full self. I kept my horse girl, lesbian, butch and weird music and hobby side of myself under wraps from most of my friends. I had no word for lesbian or butch but my high school best friend knew I probably liked girls, we just never discussed it and it didn't bother her. It might have been harder on our friendship had I tried to come out in the 80's, not because it bothered her but the insinuations of all the others about our relationship would have been A LOT for a high schooler.

I waited until after college graduation and I used to sometimes look back and wonder how many times I missed out kissing a girl in high school or other women in college. How had twinges of regret for not having sex or even attempting intimacy with women.( I mostly avoided boys too because ew)

As I was sitting in a miserable passionless marriage to my wife of 17years, I pined for that passion and tingle that i had with my first girlfriend from ages 23 to 30. How many times did I miss that feeling with girls in my high school or college or at summer jobs because I was unsure of myself and not confident that any woman would find me attractive. I was even unsure if loving a woman was something I could do. Was it a real thing?

Looking back now I realize I just was not ready and most of my young friends in high school were not ready for me to be out and opening attracted to the same sex. I had fun in high school, made friends and had a small group of girls I was very close to. I enjoyed those friendships perhaps because I did not come out and cause those bonds to be strained.

In college I was concerned how my parents would react and I was in no way independent from their financial and emotional support. My friends were all around me experimenting with their sexuality and I was watching from outside, really wanting what they had but not willing to give up my security and college education to be open about being a lesbian. I knew I could just "do it and hide it" but I was not built for the stealthy life. I know if i was loving loving women it would be hard to be quiet.

Here is the point I am getting at with the sharing of all these experiences. If you were not ready to act on dating and attempting to date it is probably good that you listened to yourself. We are not on a time line and many young people feel pressured to date when their confidence, sexual maturity and social skills are not ready yet which can lead them to be vulnerable to abusive, controlling or unhealthy relationships. It is hard to listen to your own intuition and set and keep boundaries when you are trying to date just to not be the only one not dating.

What you more likely missed out on was not the thrill of dating but the hassle of pretending you want to date when it didn't feel right, at all.

You are heading to college. You are now becoming interested in the excitement of dating on your own and not because others think you need to date. You are craving the touch, the tingly feeling and the companionship of women. These are all good signs you are ready to date.

My advice:

1.Be honest with yourself and then her (your date) every time. Do not go on date number two if it does not feel right. If you are unsure go on another date but continue to listen to yourself.

2.You deserve passion and mutual excitement to be in the company of a woman. If one of you do not feel it, move on.

3.Do not stick to a relationship because it is "ok" or she is "nice" . You have the right to sexual, emotional and intellectual stimulation. Look for it and don't settle.

4.There will be other women so don't cling to the first one or the one willing to stick around just because she is there. If you don't feel all the afore mentioned excitement, be honest with yourself and her and move on.

5. Dating a woman with whom you share many wonderful moments and lots of joy does not mean you will be together forever or have that expectation. Short term love is a thing and neither of you are failures when that fades out.

6. Ask her. If you see a woman that interests you be clear that you would like to take her on a date and you have romantic interests. Don't be vague or try to use hints. This leads to miscommunications and false expectation every time.

7. Finally, use all the dating and flirting and breakups and heartbreaks and joy and fun and memories to form who and what you are looking for as a partner. All that experience is giving you a better idea on what makes you truly happy.

You missed out on nothing. The adventure is just beginning and it can start with a simple "Hi, I think you are cute. Would you be willing to go on a date with me?" She might say "no", but she MIGHT say "yes".