#i dont like that im not going to be a school teacher for two years
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simple-and-cozy-life · 6 months ago
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I've been so stressed from the changes happening in my life that I forgot that, even though this is going to suck, God is going to get me through this transitional time. Eventually, I will have the stability that I need and I will have a family.
Life will persist and so must I.
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iqmmir · 8 months ago
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Hi im back . For some time
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imflyingfish · 1 year ago
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Worst thing about learning a new language of my own violation though is that its made me a fucking nerd. I just found my friend's flashcards on quizlet and got excited. I get excited to hear some french words in everyday conversation. When my friends are reading a book i have to resist the urge to go WHAT LANGUAGE IS THAT. Im just super excited to consume french and spanish language and phrases and im a fucking nerd about it now
#like im not as into spanish as i am french#i like the sounds better but i set out here to learn french goddamit!!!!#but it would be SUPER awesome to speak both fr fe#fr#hell even just 1#like in 4 years. again. km not going to be worse#im listening and learing french constantly atm#spanish its only been a few days but im getting on a lot better than i thought#i keep getting frustrated bevause i dont always understand it and its digficult to manage my time#plus ive heard that learning two langauages can confuse u#but ive not had too much issue atm and it can actually be benifitial to learn both#hell i dont think om even doing this for qsmp anymore i dont even watch qsmp!!!!!#but also if i do need to dropone language or maybe even both if rhings get really crazy#it wont be the end of the world because i can always pick it back up and it wi never be a waste u know#luke i havent learnt spanish for 4 or 5 years!!! and i STILL can read a bit and i got put forwards on duolingo even FURTHER than i currently#am in french!!!!!!#and ive been learning french for 4 months! (although i learnt spanish at school since like. year 4 and i didnt take it in later years and my#spanish teacher hated me bc i was always drawing and she was mean#ik spanishis easier to learn than french#did u k ow that if u practice for 3 hours a day u can learn spanish in 6 months!?#i dont have 3 hours a day#i think today ive spent about 1#1.5 hours practicing and 1.5 hours engaging with french and spanish media combined#but thats only half of that each idk#i just dont think im going to be fluent for aggggeeeesssssss like YEARS. maybe in like. 4 or 5 years would be cool#but also its just fun? and im having fun and oh my god this makes me a nerd doesnt it#okay okay ramble over im just proud of myself :]
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40steps · 5 months ago
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hey i’m a mutual who dropped out in 7th grade and i just want u to know that things will be ok. i’m going back to school this year and like you can just stop either temporarily or permanently. i promise u it will be ok
:((( thank u so much this means a lot to hear . my plan has been to drop out for like two years at this point but i never really expected it to feel this much like a huge change even though it was always going to be. and my mother asked me if i just wanted to drop out when i told her i didn't want to go in today and it's sent me on a downward spiral. sorry for putting this on your dash board whoever is online and whoever saw it.
#ugh whatever sorry these tags r going to be so whiny don't look at them if u dont want to see that.#UGHHHEH its just so much. because at least having the option to have somewhere to go every day even if i never take it has been like.#almost some sort of comfort to me. because i don't want to sit around every day if it's not my choice to be doing so.#but i've never had a job. i don't know how to write a resume i don't know how to answer interview questions i don't know anywhere that#would take me that i can get to on my own since i can't drive. but if i don't get a job. i'll be sitting around broke and miserable until#applications for the course i want open up. and i don't know how to do that. the more i think abt it today the more dropping out feels#like the best option but it doesn't make it feel less like the huge step i know it'll be. i don't have a life without school. it's the only#place i ever see my few irls. it's my one source of human interaction every week. what do i do if it's not there for the next#half a year. assuming i passed the test i needed to pass and also get into the course i want. i don't know.#and everythings in my favour!! everything is going for me!! i have it easier than so many kids at my school!#my mother is a teacher and she gets me so many of the things i need because she knows the system. literally two weeks ago she got it set up#so that i don't have to go to one of my classes because it was making me miserable and i was complaining abt it constantly.#and i just feel bad that all of her effort will have gone to waste? i know she's done everything she can but it still hasn't fixed my#hatred for the school system and i feel so bad. I DONT KNWO WAHT TO DO!!! IM GOING TO KILL MY SELF!!!#whatever what ever. i;m overreacting it's what ever
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bmpmp3 · 7 months ago
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I NEEED to go back to making art that makes it ABUNDANTLY clear that theres something wrong with my brain BUT NOT in a cool or stylishly interesting way. i need to do it in a way that makes people say "hm." and walk away
#sowwy ive been kinda going through it in my fine arts major rn can u tell HJKSDHKFd#ive been feeling like. scared. and paralyzed by marketability and branding.#i cant stop thinking about how other people will see my art. but not like in a good way#when i was younger i thought about it in a good way. like hee hee hoo hoo the act of looking connected us hee hee#but rn i keep thinking about it in like this wretched like consumer product mindset? ouhhghhhhh el problema es el capitalismo#and like maybe this works for some people. to think like this. to make art like this. its what my professors push me towards#not intentionally. they dont say it out loud at least. im not sure if they know or not some of the irony#my professors are nice and pretty smart and talented and i like em. but sometimes i wonder like. the push for us as students to make like#marketable 'avant garde'? stuff thats safe but pretending to be weird and out there#i dont mean to sound pretentious. in general i play it too safe myself (spent too much time as an edgy 10 year old with my#parents freaking out over my shoulder because they think the fact that i drew an anime character frowning means something serious LOL)#but i dunno man. my least interesting art with the least amount of care thought or effort always gets so much more attention in school#nowhere else oddly. online? people like my more passionate but seemingly frivolous art (oc art etc. not frivolous to me but yknow how it is#same with irl artists and other industry people outside my school. whats going on in my school LOL#i know from experience i cant push myself into a supposedly marketable brand. if i try to make something sell it will not.#i dont know why. maybe theres an invisible essence buyers can tell when i didnt care jkfsldjdfrds#but my teachers LOOOOVE the stuff i put no passion in its so bizarre orz but i gotta relearn how to ignore half of their advice#i used to be better at it. but i also only used to ignore like a quarter of their advice. maybe i need to amp up how much im ignoring#that sounds mean. they have plenty of good advice. but also plenty of advice thats clouded by their own biases#and i gotta relearn how to sort out this stuff again. i forget every few months for some reason#you know i always think ouuhhhhh i act so neurotypical ouhhhhhhhhh im outgoing i talk to strangers all the time i seem confident#im so masked IM SO MASKED but then i go a couple weeks where every conversation i have has people looking at me like#i have two heads and neither of them are speaking their language. and then i descend into madness like this HJKLDSHJDS#i'll be fine i'll figure it out. i need to stop trying to get a good grade in being a 'cutting edge' conventional artist <3#i need to just. draw my cartoon characters in peace 😔😔😔
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jaylynx1412 · 10 months ago
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lunar new year holiday ending
school tomorrow
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#I hate my classmates#I don't even consider them my friends anymore because theyre SUPER transphobic#and I wish I was joking when i said that everyone in my school is stupid#like i cant tell if its because they're rich#thats the only thing they all have in common: they're rich and they're stupid#they're like the kardashians i swear#“if i had enough money I would quit keeping up with the kardashians”#“if i had enough money i would take a gap year” GIRL YOU LIVE IN THE MOST EXPENSIVE CONDO IN THE CITY#and most the teachers are fucking assholes#this one teacher made me have a full blown breakdown by telling me 'i dont deserve to be mentally ill' ???????????#there are only two teachers i like and i dont even like them very much honestly#actually i dont like anybody#everybody around me sucks#maybe because everybody around me is transphobic aka they all want me dead#huh i wonder why im so depressed all the time#my guidance counsellor (who's a bitch btw) asked me why im “so bothered that not everybody knows the same things you do”#which first of all - these people think the bladder the stomach the colon and the womb are the same organ. they are stupid.#imagine going to a uni lecture that talks about how the earth is round and everybody keeps asking BUT WHY the earth is round#then even the professor isn't even sure if the earth is round or not they're just reading from a textbook#welcome to my school#I currently hold the record for student with most missed days for 3 consecutive years#but my parents told me that i cant miss school tomorrow#one of the reasons i end up missing school is that my dad wakes me up in the morning#and my dad caused me severe trauma from trying to exorcise me after a sewerslide attempt by holding me down on the bed and reading verses#so imagine you have trauma from being held down onto a bed and hearing a specific person's voice and that person wakes you up every morning#YOU'RE GOING TO START YOUR DAY OFF WITH A PANIC ATTACK#last friday I literally woke up shaking and crying#also my parents bully me i feel like that's a major plot point in my personal lore its kinda funny actually#remember that video that went viral a few years back of the girl that said “checking up on my middle school bully” then calls her mom?#thats me btw LOL
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haunted-xander · 1 year ago
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I'm so tired and I want to sleep but I can't because my brain has decided to remind me of every single bad thing to happen in my life ever
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vanyafresita · 10 months ago
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actually, you know what ? im glad my ex gf ghosted me, i dodged a bullet it seems
#this was two years ago and just a few months ago i started getting over it#on the one hand yeah it fucking SUCKS i wish i had had some type of warning instead of radio silence suddently from one day to the other#on the other i was ready to move to texas (me: poc queer fem presenting nd bitch) and was looking seriously jobs over there#and like- i fucking HATE the usa but she was really scared about leaving the states to come to europe- so i was willingly to travel there to#be with her and not put her through that (ive been traveling since childhood so im used to it- but she has certain mental stuff going on and#taking her away from her family and her childhood city was going to be really tough- of course i'd sacrifice my life for hers)#and like im so sorry to everybody who is stuck in the usa right now bcs ur country is treating yall so poorly i feel genuinely bad#but as someone who was planninh to work over there as a teacher..... IM SO FUCKING GLAD I DONT HAVE TO SET FOOT THERE 😭#every single thing i hear about the education system there seems hellish- as well as the teachers' conditions and wages#like over here its not all rainbows and flowers but at least i dont have to worry about school shootings or getting fired for recommending#books from a banned list 💀#ESPECIALLY as a poc latino queer linguistics and literature teacher- i'd love to talk to students about a big range of things- i cannot#imagine having to censor myself or dance around a subject becs “kids are too dumb to understand queerness” “youre trying to groom them”#“dont brainwash em you commie” like ma'am im trying to help your child develop basic empathy and respect for those who dont look like them#like i hear some serious worrying stuff from teachers over there i hope u guys are holding up somehow 😭😭😭#anyways idk how the phrase in english goes but in spanish we say cuando dios cierra una puerta- abre una ventana#(<- trying to look for the positive in getting ghosted by the girl of their dreams)#its fine guys anyways#yeah that was the first LD relationship ive ever had- never trying that again#also i found out im arospec so im definitely not getting into a romantic relationship lmfaoooooo#only QPRs for me now if anything lol#vanya strawberry flavored
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lockandkeyhyena · 2 years ago
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so stressed about school i feel like im going to throw up but at least im not having another derealisation attack so theres that
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jesterguy · 2 years ago
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Face update lol
(Friend Pip @creekfiend made this crescent pendant and I made it into an earring. Love it v much 🥹)
#face#sibling is in my old high schools production of the wizard of oz tonight!!! we are going to watch#always super weird going back to high school#i have been super proud of my hair lately but ill be shaving it soon so 👍 evidence i got it perfect finally#update tags:#saw my old art teacher and she cried 😭 asked me to unmask briefly so she could see my face#i said 'im still full of piercings under here. havent changed at all' she said 'good! let me see em' 😭🤧💖#sibling did amazing as the tin man im literally so proud!!!#i dont think they want to but i do think they could pursue theater professionally... theyre on par with the kids getting scholarships (“:#there was this very cute slideshow of the only graduating senior that the teachers put together and there was a video of him and my sibling#singing nsync to a HUGE crowd at a theater event#theyre up there dancing and singing karaoke on the mic on stage and im just sooooooo proud and my heart is so full to see it#they didnt have this kind of confidence two years ago 😭😭😭🤧#honestly highlight of the entire show however was when Glenda told Dorothy 'just click your hooves together three times!'#and cole and i had to keep ourselves from howling with laughter lmaooooo those are her hooves you bitch.... the ruby red hooves.....#so many wide-eyed misfit kids coming up to husband and i to say 'i like your outfits and hair' and the like#and im just looking around like. ten years ago i was YOU#you dont even know. you are ME
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@teapunks did your mum ever threaten to put mustard on your fingernails to stop you biting them? because by my count 6 different adults directly threatened me with that or mentioned it in a "in my day, they would do this so youre lucky i havent done that to you".
the direct threats came from my dad, my paternal nan and my maternal great aunt while the guilt-trip-that-always-felt-like-a-threat-to-me came from my paternal aunt, the other classes' year 4 teacher and an english teacher who wasnt even my english teacher, for anyone curious.
you could reblog for a bigger sample size or not who do i look like the freakin queen of england
#the threats never worked and i doubt doing it would work either#because like 1) im autistic so making me consume anything i dont like the taste ot texture of is soon going to be a nightmare for you two#i will throw up and probably all over you and i will go into sensory overload especially as a fucking child#and 2) me biting and picking my nails is related to my mental health. currently my mental health is pretty good all things considered#yes its a habit formed by being undiagnosed adhd autism in school and having no way to stim without getting into trouble#but i do it a lot more when my mental health is bad#and uh that 'trick' is a great way to give someone trust issues and an unhealthy relationship with food and their own body#also just fuck mr mark stirley#like i remember when he made the weird ''in my day teachers would be able to do this to you'' speech#BECAUSE#it came right after him telling me that ''no kai you dont get migraines. what you get is tension headaches'' after i struggled in DoE#because i got a migraine because both the sun and overexertion can trigger my migraines and wow they did#and that made me very uncomfortable because a c t u a l l y it was being investigated by gp at that time but i was a wildly depressed#undiagnosed autistic abused 14 year old who didnt think they could tell the teacher that because 1) that would be talking back 2) that would#be telling a teacher they were wrong and 3) i really didnt think hed believe me so why even bother trying to convince him otherwise#and like i went on to see a migraine specialist. i have taken propranolol every day for nearly ten years because i have migraines#but nope this random english teacher straight up decided he knew better and violated the fucking equality act#and i was that uncomfortable and on the verge of tears so i started biting my nails and oh now hes got a problem with that too?#...im venting in the tags about a teacher i havent seen for like seven years lmao#i just think the man is a bellend and that 14-year-old me deserved to give him a right lamping#when i got home from that practicr expedition i did cry it out while hugging my mom
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just-rogi · 8 months ago
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btw... mtel practice test number two done... crushed that bitch! the Comm/Lit one is supposed to be the easiest but still it felt nice to get a 90% gonna take the humanities practice tomorrow but i suddenly feel way better about this
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astralisstar · 2 years ago
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okay i'm sleeping cuz, unfortunately, i have school in 8 hours </3 (school starts at 8:00 am)
night!!
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u-know-too-much · 2 years ago
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Just an opinion. Although our school is famous for being a powerhouse for really smart and talented kids, I feel like it relies on the raw talent of the student rather than genuinely nurturing them or at least it's very selective with those it wants to nurture (which are usually the already exceptional kids). Which in turn is what makes it famous and gives it its reputation, and gets parents to enroll their talented kids in. It's not apparent bc well, sometimes, the only thing we qanna do is get the tf outta here lmao.
Rarely does it have qualified teachers that specialise in that particular subject, they just get who they can and teach to get it over with, training for comps are rarely formal, we have to sustain and improve ourselves on our own for said comps, then they get to claim all the credit "school that houses great future writers" or some shit. And then they give us the obviojs excuse of letting us be "independent" bc it "prepares us for college", how about let's do simulations first before the actual thing.
I also got one failed grade and one low grade bc of minor subjects. Now they're going to ruin my average. How am I supposed to compete to bigger, smarter students.
It's so tiring, I'm wasting so much time, I'm slowly burning out.
Our school can go burn down, with all my horrid classmates in it. Whatever prowess and prestige it had when I first enrolled here is nothing but rubble now that I'm almost leaving. Now go and watch them improve this trainwreck of a place after we leave :)
#the treatment of us and tvl vs abm and stem is just wow#the knowledge and teachings we get...i can get this from a google search i dont see what's so specialised ab it#and our section is mixed in with those who are lagging behind in hopes of us helping them are we babysitters??#i regret choosing humss or my school#it's such a pain to endure here#i get good grades but haha it could be better#im not really learning anything#i just know instead of these two years of k-12 helping me it's going to stump me when i get to college#haha how am i supposed to catch up to everybody else#i know neither the school or our adviser or half of our teachers give a shit#but lol this is the only chance i'll get to end my suffering pls give me better education...#also holy fuck our room is a literal sandstorm#stem gets the avr??#abm gets to keep their pristine room??#and when i vent ab it. everyone just talks ab how better they've got it sure?? is that supposed to make me feel better??#thanks for invalidating me ig there is no upside to this#ive been trying my hardest to endure and pretend like any of these minor inconveniences compounding together is okay to me.#when i complain ab grades like i just wanna get the highest like i think i dsserve from the effort i gave#im not undermining the one i got no way is it something to frown on but dont you think they can still give and compensate us thru this#from all the stupid shit we had to sit with#studying here is painful#i had to do this now every day#im honestlh considering if i should start skipping classes
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the-record · 1 year ago
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kissing lessons: 3
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synopsis: it was like she’d never left as you settled back into friendship, but how you wished there was more to it.
song: kissing lessons - lucy dacus
pairing: college!ellie x reader
warnings: nothing??
a/n: getting juicy now 😊😊
part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4
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“move in with me.”
was she crazy? you couldnt just move in with her.
“im sorry?”
ellie laughed, you looked at her like she was crazy. “move in with me! ive got an apartment like 10 minutes from here.”
“ellie, respectfully, i haven’t seen you for a decade, and you think im just gonna move in with you to an apartment ive never seen? that you don’t even live in?” you stood up, arms crossed over your chest and paced. “and, even if i wanted to, im still 17, i dont turn 18 until september. i cant just move out. my mom would, like, i don’t know… she’d probably call the police.”
ellie smiled was you through out every possibility under the sun. “she’d disown me. take back my car. she pays for it, not me. and i don’t know if my job even pays enough for me to pay rent.” your threw your hands in the air and finally saw ellie’s small laugh. “what are you laughing at?”
she shrugged, pulling you back down to her bed. “i don’t even move in until the end of september. and only someone who was considering it would come up with all that in two minutes.” she sighed when you rolled your eyes at her. “you keep rolling those eyes and they’re gonna get stuck.”
“oh my god, shut up.” she watched you try to hide a smile.
ellie couldn’t help but wonder about you even as you sat in front of her. what did you love and what did you hate? what made you tick? did you remember everything she taught you in her old room? on the mattress you sat on now. how to kiss, and how to get cole or justin or whatever guy had a crush on you.
she wondered what you wanted to do in life. who you were friends with at school. if you wanted to kiss her as much as she wanted to kiss you. like old times.
your heads both turned as the street lights flicked on.
“i better get going.”
“stay for dinner.”
your voices overlapped before silence.
“okay.”
ellie smiled, getting up and holding a hand out to you. you took and she pulled you up but didn’t let go as she led you back downstairs.
god it was gonna be hard to be just friends.
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“so,” joel sat down his fork and looked at you. “have you thought about college? where you wanna go? what you’d like to study.”
you nodded, copying joel and putting down your own fork. “yeah, i was planning to stay here actually. instate tuition and all that.” you took a sip of water before continuing. “i think i’d like to be a teacher? maybe. i just know i want to work with kids.”
“wouldn’t even have to learn about them, considering you are one,” ellie teased. you kicked her shin under the table. “ow, fuck.”
“ellie no cursing at the dinner table.” joel winked at you as ellie scoffed. “what’s happened since we’ve been gone?”
you sat back in your chair, thinking about everything of sustenance. “honestly nothing. it’s incredibly boring.” you gasped as you remembered. “mel got pregnant last year.”
ellie nearly spit out her food. “no way.” you nodded, picking up your fork again. “with who? what’d her parents do?”
“owen.” ellie gasped as you nodded. “who, mind you, at the time was dating abby.”
“good god.” joel stood up, taking his plate with him. “thats enough for me.” you and ellie laughed as he left.
ellie cleared her throat as you took a bite. “20 questions?” you nodded and set down your fork before getting comfortable. “favorite song?”
you hummed, “kyoto, phoebe bridgers.” ellie nodded approvingly. “favorite movie?”
“the outsiders.” you groaned and ellies jaw dropped. “excuse me? whats your favorite then?”
“practical magic, duh.” you smirked as she rolled her eyes. “you keep rolling those eyes and they’re gonna get stuck.” you echoed her comment from earlier.
“you’re so annoying.” ellie flicked a pea at you.
you threw one back, hitting her forehead. “favorite book?”
she thought for a moment before she answered. “catcher in the rye.”
“good one.” she nodded. “wanna get slushies?”
ellie bolted up with a smile, “god i thought you’d never ask.”
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“i can’t believe you dont get cherry and blue raspberry.” you shouldered ellie as you walked back to your car.
ellie scoffed. “i can’t believe you do.” she pulled at the passenger door. “unlock the car.” you got in, closing your door and locking it. “angel.”
you smiled at her and turned on music, singing along between sips. ellie walked around to your window and knocked. your pretended to be shocked, turning down the radio and rolling down the window. “what can i do for you this fine evening?”
ellie leaned her arms on the car door with an innocent smile. “can i kiss you?”
“what?” your face and mind blanked long enough for ellie to unlock the door and pull it open. you barely realized before she was clambering over you to the passenger seat. “oh fuck you.”
ellie gasped, “how unladylike. you just sip your slushy and get me home safely,” she teased as she buckled her seat belt.
you fought the urge to roll your eyes as you shut your door and put the car in reverse.
how badly you wanted to have said yes.
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payasita · 1 year ago
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Good job getting ADHD medication! I’m so proud of you :D
thanks so so much im very happy and so hopeful for the first time maybe ever but also it TOOK ME LIKE. A YEAR. A YEAR.
like yall for real?? for real. for real i have been diagnosed since i was like six. (funny story my teacher thought i was on the spectrum so my parents get me tested with the nodes and shit and according to mom, who loves this story, my neurologist did all that and talked to me and then just turned to my mom and went "she's not autistic. she just hates the other kids" but they DID find an adhd diagnosis in there so net win for all of us)
diagnosed since i was SIX. on stimulants until i turned 8, and you know why i got off em? my pediatrician retired. we could not find another who would take our low-income insurance. so i just had to rawdog The Rest Of My Fucking Life. diagnosed when i was six. legally neurodivergent for 20 slutty slutty angry years.
and it still took me like. a few months to get a psych appointment. a few weeks to reaffirm my diagnosis as an adult. a few more weeks for another appointment for meds. he doesnt Want to do meds first, because i must have been doing fine without them if its been two decades, right? i got a job and a car and everything. well gee fuckin shittickers Dr. Brain Guy, just WHAT was my alternative? would you prefer i be maladapted to the point of incapacitation; is that what it takes for someone to be considered? i cheated my way through school. every day after work i sit for an hour in my car because i dont have the executive function to stand up and walk the ten steps to my house. garbage just appears around me. i have three empty bags of hot chip and two cans of sprite on my desk as we speak, neither from today. at that point i hadnt had a debit card for six months because that would have required me to Drive To The Bank, a location that was new to me in this area, so i just did everything on credit. is this all normal? is this fine? am i GOOD, actually, Dr. WeirdBrain?
so we cordially agree that yes i should probably be medicated. i want to do a stimulant. he does not want to put me on a stimulant. "stimulants can mess with your heart," he says, "and you're young, you don't want heart problems." i say ok because i dont want to make him think im just looking for narcotics. even though i am. because they WORK. i agree to try some kind of antidepressant.
the antidepressant gives me tachycardia. i go to the emergency room after reading a heartbeat of, oh, 140 bpm, which is about like double what it normally is and juuuust below the You Are Having A Heart Attack threshold. i get to the ER and the doctor there is very obviously convinced i'm a local addict having some sort of episode. it is the most ironic experience i've had all year and i feel an abrupt and all consuming kinship with those birds in australia that will swoop you and peck at your face for seemingly no good reason.
so yeah, we narrow it down to the antidepressant. as it turns out, these particular meds are known to, semi-commonly, Mess With Your Heart. i have my next appointment with my psych and somehow refrain from pecking his eyes out. he puts me on a noreprinephrine inhibitor(iirc) that isnt actually FDA approved to treat ADHD specifically(i DEFINITELY rc) but it IS given to smokers to help them quit. i dont smoke. i may very well fucking start before this whole ordeal is at the point where someone listens to me
it obviously does a combined total of jack and shit, and the man waffles with this one because he has "had success" using it as treatment for other ADHD patients. he ups the dose. twice. three months on the smoker meds, which are also apparently notorious for destroying your appetite, but they didnt even do THAT. no change to the average amount of hot chip on my desk.
he wants to try quelbree after that. i finally tell him i'm tired of this shit and would like to have more than two hours of usable daylight to function before it all falls to uncontrollable youtube shorts binges and a daily experience i like to call The Weighted Nothings and i would very much like to PLEASE. TRY A STIMULANT.
he's been friendly enough with me over these past four or five or whatever months but at this he gets suddenly very very business-baseline. gives me the whole spiel about the north american shortage. gives me a spiel about how i absolutely cannot, under any circumstances, lose or sell this medication, because they will not refill it if i do. i am sitting here wondering if he he's telling the truth about having other ADHD patients at all like ever in his career, and also, am i nuts or should the "don't sell your prescription drugs" bit apply to EVERYTHING? i dont fuckin know man i just live here
he says he wants a urine test first. its scheduled for two weeks out. i take it.
"hey uh, your piss came back with cannabis in it" "well it'd be weirder if it didn't, we are in california and i am a kitchen manager" "you can't have weed if you want adderall" "fine i'll stop" "we'll schedule you another test in a month" "aight bet" it didnt go exactly like that but this is kind of what the vibe between us has devolved into by this point.
anyway i wait a month and get a good grade in piss. i get the meds prescribed. i go to fill out the prescription
all i really need to say to you are the words "prior authorization error" for most of you to get what happened next.
the psych isnt even aware. i wait another month for our next meeting, which was yesterday. i do not yell at him. he tells me to take it up with the pharmacy, and yell at them. i am going to yell at them.
so i go, and guess what, it actually went through a while ago! NO ONE TOLD ME OR DR. FEEL-BAD OVER HERE. but we can't fill it right now because its a controlled substance so come back in a few hours. hey it's ready where the hell are you? TAKE YOUR METH AND GET OUT
anyway i started it today, reorganized my pantry, and fixed the fire alarm in my hallway that's been chirping at me for a week. i no longer have to wear earplugs to bed.
and with my newfound executive function superpowers, i will be spraying my weed-free piss all over Reagan's grave.
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