#i dont have source memories they arent real to me

[twig-gy]

Grants for being the abusive dad turned abusive mother then?

i mean does it really count as abuse if it’s mephone4 /joke

[wheelercore]

Theory with no coherent proof on my part: brenner only visibly ages rapidly when a portal is open.

[fossys]

the want to talk about my source versus my absolute horror at the idea of someone knowing my source,,,

[is-that-plural]

urgh not to feed into the whole demonization stuff but postal dude from the POSTAL game franchise is plural coded (and i am allowed to say this having DID.. bc i get so mad when singlets say he has "split/multiple personality disorder" (also bc its the outdated name) but when i see someone who is a system say he is im likd. YES (also most of the time those people who claim MPD on him are doing it to demonize the disorder and add nothing else.. like no nuance or whatever at all or deep discussion) GOING TO RAMBLE SORRY (should also probably content warn. postal is a pretty violent/graphic/dark humor franchise so theres gonna be bringing up of violence and guns, and also some semi disturbing imagery?? mostly it just being eerie, demon visuals, and scopophobia).. oh also religion trauma talk ALSO SPOILERS FOR POSTAL 1997 (?) AND POSTAL BRAIN DAMAGED!!! -------------------------------------------------------------

so, in POSTAL 1 (1997), theres this whole thing where, if you look at postal dude's voicelines from Rick Hunter, iirc (my memory is a bit rusty) theyre labeled with "demon", and his death/pain sounds are voiced by Vince Desi and arent labelled as such. its also heavily implied that postal dude is TERRIFIED and scared, but then his voicelines are him making snide and mocking remarks. it has been implied that he may be "possessed by a demon" but also that he has multiple mental conditions.

now, in POSTAL: Brain Damaged, this becomes extremely obvious. we are now more into the future, and Dude has to fight against other dude inside his own head. Other dude is the "demon" from postal 1997.

(other dude on the left, postal dude on the right.) other dude's speech at the final cutscene, he specifically talks about how they are basically one in the same, while he also cannot be killed or defeated. (and um. after this he gets shot in the head by postal dude, and "dies" but ill get to that.) (i know alter death isnt real, but us, along with other systems weve seen, have said that in headspace , an alter for example may look like they are dead or something happened to them, but that didnt actually kill them and they arent dead. it has been said this is usually a stress thing, or a coping mechanism. we have done stuff like this before.) so i dont believe other dude is dead. ALSO! when postal dude shot him, he brought up not being able to remember things he learned in childhood after that, and his brain was going all dumb,, https://www.kapwing.com/videos/66bab3c776014924d543c4c6 (tumblr wont let me put a video so i hope this link will work!! if it doesnt you can just look up the final cutscene of the game, but like the warnings i put up above they are fighting and he does get shot.) -------------------------------------------------------------- FINAL THOUGHTS my take/headcanon whatever u wanna call it, as a DID system, is that he may have DID or OSDD-1a. but instead of just claiming that and not digging into anything else or finding nuances, here's some other stuff. as a persecutor in our sys myself who also recently fused with postal 1997 being the source, and also our other few postal introjects (a few who are also persecutors), Postal dude and Other dude are system coded. I think Other dude is a mislead persecutor who is fully convinced he is a demon, on top of Postal dude thinking the same about other dude. A big thing that happens with many systems because of trauma, especially religious trauma, is thinking they are possessed (and sometimes even those around the system also calling them possessed,) and because postal dude never got the help they needed, they have some, what i like to call, internalized demonization. the first case we ever see the postal dude is in 1997 (which is also the year the game takes place in and not just the games date), and to my math, postal dude is canonically 53-54 this current year. of course he wouldnt have gotten help, especially how under researched CDDs are still to this day! and i do think they have religious trauma, i mean, the entire thing for postal 1997 is dude thinking he is cleansing the earth for god or something. POSTAL 1997 has "diary entries" (which turn into "war journal" after a bit) and they all have very obvious religious ramblings. so, my conclusion, postal dude has DID or OSDD-1A, heavy internalized demonization, religious trauma, and is system coded. i rest my case. also... just look at this image bro tell me he isnt plural,,

SORRY FOR THIS BEING SO LONG I JUST LOVE TALKING ABOUT THIS and despite this might being seen as demonizing DID, personally i and a few others ive met who like postal and are systems dont see it that way and postal actually makes us feel seen lol

!!! THIS IS BEAUTIFUL THANK YOU FOR THE RANT

a rant is actually Really needed, because i can only do so much research myself on media we're unfamiliar with, so for you all to give your reasoning and explanations is absolutely PERFECT !!

Rating: CASE CLOSED: That Dude is Plural !

[inkstainedwanderer]

I told myself this would not be a blog for arguing but...

A wheel is not going to help a grocery list. Nor can it take input like "I'm feeling something like this dish, but I dont have time and my partner has an allergy" and give you an alternative you may not have thought of.

We've cliff notes'd things for ages but they dont always have the info you want or includes info you dont. I'm horrible at notes because of attention span issues and this seems like an appropriate tool/alternative than copying someone's notes or trying to find something online. The repetition from you inputting your prompt can even help with memory because writing down IS proven to be helpful even if you lack the attention/organizational skills for note taking.

I am great at google, but you're lying to yourself if you havent noticed that google is becoming increasingly difficult to get answers you want from proper sources and not just websites that paid to be higher in the listing. Page 2 is no longer the hidden gem of info that it once was and sometimes we dont want to hyperfixate all day on something we wondered in the middle of the night. And if you arent sure how to word your search you may not get anything helpful at all.

Calculators cant help show the work or break down the problem. If you input something wrong you'll get a wrong answer and have no idea why. Maybe you were looking for a percentage and put in the wrong symbol because fuck percentages. Maybe your brain cant wrap around the idea of decimal points or you dont have the skills to do something more complex than simple math. Not everyone's brain is suited for mathematics.

AI has it's problems, but most agree that the issue is with people using it as the end product to be lazy. These people arent doing that. They're using it as a tool to make something they feel deficient in a little easier.

When I was in college for CompSci, the head of the whole tech department was one of my teachers. He told us during exams to use our books and google. Why? Because if we have an issue in the real world we need to know how to best use our tools to solve the answer rather than bemoan not being smarter or committing a class lesson to memory. The smart thing to do is to find the answer with whatever means we have.

So no, they aren't stupid for using a tool the way it's meant to be used. They're clever for figuring out a way to make something work for them that wasnt working before.

Now, if you want to argue ethics, that's something different but even so, the only harm what these people are doing is using a tool you dont want used. That is an issue because AI isnt going anywhere. Balking isnt going to make it go away. Rather than outright wanting it gone, the focus should be on teaching people to use these tools ethically and responsibly and supporting models that have been ethically trained.

I used ChatGPT recently when making stickers for my friends' wedding. I had the idea and the skill to make everything, but puns are not my strong suit and i wanted a pun in place of certain text. Google isnt going to help me there. Crowd sourcing ideas would, but I didnt want to wait days for an answer that fit, so I told the AI my plan, the theme, ideas, and what sort of things I was looking for and it gave me great results. None were perfect but with minor tweaking on my end I walked away with some cute puns. The couple are excited for the stickers, I'm happy with my contribution. 10/10 I would turn to AI for similar ideas again.

[pestilence-and-pain]

Plague & Covid similarities

History keeps repeating itself. The similarities to how people in Europe reacted to the plague vs covid (especially early covid) is terrifyingly similar. Racism/other increased crime rates towards marginalized groups (during the plague it was jews, now its Chinese people). The increase in religion as well as people turning towards religion for explanation and cures. False and often completely made up remedies- often made to take advantage of the sick and terrified. Unfit leaders, giant class divides (the wealthy during the plague got better treatment such as leeches, crushed emeralds and such as remedies though these were equally as useless as the other “cures” during the era)

During the plague, before the science was found for a proper cure, quarantine was the best solution for limiting spread. And it worked! like really well too. Yet during this whole pandemic, especially earlier stages, people completely refused to comply with something that has historically proven to be incredibly useful in limiting death and disease.

Now of course the plague was far more fatal than covid. Covid as of right now has a highest fatality rate of 19% in Yemen while the plague back in its glory days had far larger numbers. Of course it depends on the type of plague you had, pneumonic however had a 100% fatality rate. Bubonic had only around 50-70% and septicemic had about 100% fatality rates. These numbers lower significantly with treatment (with the exception of pneumonic which remains 100% fatal) but their numbers still remain higher than covid. 

However, that doesn’t take away from just how many people have died from covid. There are an incredible amount of deaths yet people refuse to acknowledge how bad it is. There are still people who will go out with no acknowledgment for rules that are meant to keep themselves and others safe because “it wont kill me!” It likely wont, but it will kill others. You just wont see it because bodies arent strewn in the streets anymore, they arent visible to the majority of people. Back during the plague you couldnt find anyone who believed the plague wasnt real. You could see it everywhere, on every street.

Of course i am absolutely not saying thats how things should be. I just find it absolutely baffling that there are so many people so incredibly dense that they likely could never understand that the virus is real and just how damaging it is unless it affected them directly or the sanitary conditions were just as awful as they were in all its various outbreaks of Europe.

Thats the rant, enjoy. Ive been wanting to say all this stuff since quarantine started and just never got around to it but seriously- its insane that people still dont believe that covid is real. we’ve seen pandemics before, we’ve seen things like quarantine help immensely, that pseudosciences and religions dont cure it, and that they are incredibly fatal and horrific. Is this a “those who dont learn history are doomed to repeat it” type situation or do these people just think they’re unique and special- that the consistent rules of these pan/epidemics dont apply to this one?

% sources, all other information is opinion or from memory:

https://coronavirus.jhu.edu/data/mortality

http://www.bandolier.org.uk/booth/Risk/plague.html

[osdd-1bitch]

Okay so I've had some hella weird experiences and I need to talk about them and maybe you guys could help me figure it out? So basically I've heard voices in my head talk to me, they are all mainly fictional characters and from what I've researched it's similar to people who have systems, but sometimes they kind have physical forms? Like I can feel and kinda see their presence and idk whats going on with that? I've been trying to research more about systems cause it's the only explanation I've come up with but I don't think I've ever experienced fronting? I'm unsure, but I do kinda have constant memory loss? Idk I'm sorry if this is insensitive or rude, I honestly don't know what I'm talking about I'm just really confused and was hoping to figure some stuff out.

Not to worry anon, its cool-and from what you are describing you Are somewhere on the big ol' chart of plural experiences.

Some systems Do have "physical forms" in which they see their sysmates, it can even be done intentionally too! Weve had a sysmate or two with the ability. Its not suuuper common outside of created circles but its there!

This can also be a headspace thing though-if they arent projected out onto the physical world and you instead picture them or have a "mind palace" type deal thats some innerworld shennanigins! I can poke 'round and be Very aware xyz is hunched over planting flowers and like picture that real vividlike. It aint an always thing but i dont think that kinda awareness in general is too out there.

Memory loss is a big indicator of a disordered system-though to be clear you do not need memory loss to be a system! My advice here would be to track it best you can, try and pin down switches or if sysmate x has more blackouts than grayouts compared to sysmate y ect.

Fronting is just being in control of the body in any way shape or form-if you typed that without relaying it through someone else, ie moved the hands and stuff by yourself, youve fronted in some way. There are other forms (cofront, copilot ect) but those are all still ways of fronting, so if youve used the body, ya have

Dont try and worry too hard about specific origins, member counts or knowing everything about your system or not knowing enough ect. Plurality can be very very messy, and the best thing to do is to take things at your own space and understand that your experiences, no matter other systems, are valid. Dont try and conform or hold yall up to the standards/structure of others, mkay?

And if your lookin for a disordered label, the differences between DID and a OSDD-1B system honestly arent enough to stress over, dont try and spend ages figurin that out if you dont need to, its not worth the stress, trust me.

The term "system" is a pretty wide umbrella term-even though their are people who fit under the umbrella term of plural but dont identify with it. Basicially as long as you aint alone, you can be plural in some way, multiple or not, and whatever your& source is. Mkay?

Anyways feel free to ask any other questions or clarifications, and if anyone else wants to give this a shot, go for it!

[seoafin]

BYE I WAS IMMERSED WITH GENSHIN’s STORY PLOT (AND THE FANARTS ON MY TL) WHICH WAS ALSO DROPPED EARLIER THIS MORNING AND FORGOT ABT JJK FOR A SPLIT SEVONDSJJSJEJ

but anyways ,, jjk 145// the more i write abt it, the more i’ll sound incoherent, this is ur last warning to ignore this 🧍‍♂️(1)

the one who is based on avalokitesvara (i’ll start calling it them as kannon from now) that i mentioned was actually brain (out of ppl) 😭😭

kenjaku (羂索) is shorten from "不空羂索観音 (fukukenjakukannon)" ,, they existed b4 the heian period... older then sukuna ?? suggested that brain is at least 1k years old... hsjsjjsjs

fukukenjakukannon, a manifestation of the buddhist god of mercy and compassion,, perhaps of some interest is that the fukukenjaku shares some kanji with gojou's infinite void followed by kanjis for trap & rope, with kannon directly referring to an all-knowing/overseeing divine existence. it rly does seem that kenjaku, tengen, and gojou's fates have all been strongly interwined throughout history,, kannon has been perceived as both male and female depending on the portrayal and the region, not unlike jjk's kenjaku switching bodies and genders over the course of time (kamo vs kaori vs getou)

some associations with kannon may be relevant to jjk. namely, as yuki mentions, salvation ,, kannon is a deity to serve his subjects, and resolve their suffering by eliminating its source,,, in which case, i think kenjaku's goal may possibly not be too far off from geto’s ,,,,, he may think that he is saving a group that is enduring greater suffering than any other. whether that is shamans, cursed spirits, or sth else entirely is up for debate. given his persistence over the millenia, and the likelihood of spreading suffering worldwide through a universal tengen merger, it's more than likely that he has a very personal motive. note that under his plan it is specifically the evil of a human that would spread and destroy all of humankind connected through tengen

this is an interesting contrast to sukuna, who is much more whimsical and far less calculated. i think the clash between these 2 in the past will have strong relevance for the future,,, on the other hand, since kannon has historically manifested in response to the suffering of various beings, it may be that the feelings of cursed spirits as a whole have led to kenjaku's existence. he could very well be a curse born from curses, instead of from humans.

okay now what i'm really excited abt: the relationship between kenjaku and the 6 eyes. 1 of the functions of kannon is to protect the 6 realms of rebirth/the 6 paths. u may already be familiar with this buddhist concept as it has been referenced in a variety of animanga (notably it is a major plot point of naruto, it's mukuro's ability in KHR, etc.). there's strong reason to believe this concept also has connections to the gojou 6 eyes ability. i think if we get to learn more abt the 6 eyes, i may be able to speak more on this point.

(as a side note here, i’ll mention that there’s an association between kannon and the protection of aborted children, perhaps relating to og kamo and the death paintings)

at the very least, we know that kenjaku and the 6 eyes are in opposition, and i'm speculating that the gojou bloodline is the true manifestation of a protective deity, at least for the humans, and kenjaku's goals are antithetical to that,,, perhaps, as yuki kind of suggested, taking the name kenjaku is a joke of sorts. if sukuna is malevolence incarnate, kenjaku is mercilesness,,

i think some of the core concepts being explored by the tengen storyline are that of form and existence. gojou satoru, tengen, kenjaku, and eventually the star plasma vessels are existences that transcend the norm,,, toji on the other hand, is the only example of the opposite. an existence that shouldn't have ever existed, in a sense. kenjaku seemed to have used that to his advantage in his manipulation of the events in hidden inventory,,, but it also leads me to believe that only a similar anomaly could undo the new destiny he's setting up for himself.

geto was the perfect piece to set kenjaku up for success in conducting a merger and putting this culling game into motion. geto's path has led to this outcome,,, in which case, an apt parallel as we have known all along is that gojou's path should lead to the counter-outcome: megumi, yuuta, and especially yuuji— these 3 will be the key to unravelling kenjaku's plan.

also tengen said that kenjaku’s objective is to send all the ppl in jpn to higan or turning all non shamans into one but he doesnt have enough cursed energy to do that,,, i did say that yuuji’s birthday took place in the 4th solar term where a part of a week long celebration haru no higan (higan 彼岸→other shore, buddhist pārāmitā), when ppl would honour the dead and sweep ancestral tombs took place,,,

so theres this buddhist mantra, called the “heart sutra” and the last verse of the sutra is,,

there are many sutras in buddhism, but the most well-known among them is probably the Heart Sutra,, altho it depends on the sect (of buddhism), the heart sutra is often read at funerals and memorial services, so even if,, and for some reason the sutra is often associated to kannon even in the utube thumbnail 👁👁 if u search up prajnaparamita sutra,,

heart sutra has the meaning of "an important teaching to reach the state of enlightenment by the power to see through the truth and essence." which is based on the idea of ​​"void" as this important teaching,, the sutra tells us what we shld do to be free from the suffering of this world and live in peace,, in the heart sutra, the idea of ​​"void" is especially important.

buddhism can be broadly divided into theravada and mahayana buddhism,,,,

theravada is a teaching that only some ppl (those who practice buddhism with strict lifestyle like the monks) reach the state of enlightenment, while mahayana is a teaching that all ppl (some who practice Buddhism) can reach enlightment even if u dont practice anything related to the religion,,, the idea of ​​the void has the idea of ​​not being caught up in individual things and not being obsessed with it, and the idea of ​​heart sutra belongs to the category of mahayana buddhism

"void" does not mean "empty" but "no substance (no fixed shape)". the sutra also states that "everything keeps changing" and "although it keeps changing, the essence (core) of things remains the same."

for eg, the idea is, "i am me, no matter how old i am,, my appearance and various abilities deteriorate, how I am evaluated by others, whether i feel good or bad."

in other words,,, it’s a teaching to be aware of the essence without being caught up in the phenomenon of change.

"void" means "no substance (no fixed shape)", which means that u don't have to be obsessed with things or get caught up in one value.

eg, the reason why diamonds are beautiful is that diamonds arent beautiful from the beginning, but that humans decide that they’re beautiful,,, and that each person has a fixed evaluation of the movement of their hearts that they feel is beautiful. but thats not always the case right?

the last verse goes like this :

“Therefore, Prajna Paramita is known as the most divine mantra,

the great enlightening mantra,

the utmost mantra,

the incomparable mantra,

destroyer of all suffering!

Since what is true is not in vain, listen to the mantra of the Prajna Paramita– it goes like this:

GATE GATE PARA GATE PARASAM GATE BODHI SVAHA!”

the translation of the last line is: “going, going, going on beyond, always going on beyond, always becoming buddha.”

quoted from a web here : “it suggests movement toward awakening. It expresses the enlightenment of a buddha as an unfolding process, rather than a steady state. It puts us in the hopeful position of one who may not have arrived, but who may be on the way. The destination may not be an end, but the journey itself.

As appealing as this translation is, it is by no means the only one. When you do an Internet search for the terms “Heart Sutra” or “Prajna Paramita” you get numerous references. At these various pages you will find several different translations of the mantra. These include:

* Gone, gone, gone beyond, gone altogether beyond. Oh what an awakening! All hail!

* Gone, gone, gone beyond altogether beyond, Awakening, fulfilled!

* Gone, gone, gone to the Other Shore, attained the Other Shore having never left.

* Gone, gone, totally gone, totally completely gone, enlightened, so be it.

* “Oh, you have done! You have done! You have completely crossed the margin. This is Enlightenment! Congratulations!” “

the irony though of toji dying thinking that he should've stuck his principles but actually having ridiculous impact on the world,, this also puts a new spin on the "look upon the flesh of one who is free" (afaik it was left untranslated on his cover page when he invade dagon’s domain) and the implication is imo,,, the more cursed energy, the more restrictions and so in a way humanity goes into a devolution the more cursed energy there is because they will be bound even more tightly to the cycle than before,, which is the irony of the kenjaku & bodhisattva linkage

toji had a heavenly restriction and has zero cursed energy, which is an anomaly that is his own, which makes me wonder what he would've been like if he had an expressed technique,,, but it's the zero cursed energy part, that uniqueness, that makes him powerful in canon

im rly curious how having cursed power automatically seems to lock u into a binding,,, which is seemingly fate. the shaman world rly operates entirely on rules,, where this is because of tengen's barriers or the origin of techniques being more commonplace im not sure

i used to think CTs came abt when individual sorcerers made pacts with supernatural beings etc but now im not sure,, despite leaning hard on shinto and buddhist frameworks there isnt much overt indication over what is and is not a real power in canon,,, like we have mahoraga but are bodhisattvas assumed to be real and exist? or as figures of belief, are they and other figures of shinto mythology, all just cursed spirits in the end?

but that tengen is linked with the proliferation of 6 eyes and star plasma vessel, makes me start wondering how and why tengen started this whole barrier thing,, like yes jpn has a ton of cursed spirits but was it before or after the barrier i can't remember now

maybe Kenjaku was messing around too much back then,, i like how sukuna also maybe had very lil to do with this and is possibly going to interfere as a wild card once more. is the idea to use him as a hail mary so u convey more ppl to the other side all at once? unless kenjaku thinks sukuna is the person who got closest to the next evolution of humankind and is actually a fan 🥴

but yeah if sukuna and megumi can remake the world together can they just hit the reset button so tengen isn't somehow this massive jungian collective unconscious? is sukuna going to accidentally save the world lol,,, i didn't care for fate themes before since it felt like akutami hadn't wholly committed to it as a theme,,, but fate and collective responsibility/influence on the individual just became a much bigger theme

also the mind/body/soul thing with tengen,,, when is that idea coming back

so tengen and sukuna are so far the only ppl who have said to have evolved into curses, whereas kenjaku still seems to be a shaman, as well as angel. what catalyzes that??

also how tf are the cursed weapons made i have questions,, just putting it out here but i actually thought that if toji, presumably, didnt rebel and defected from the clan,,, what are the chances of zenin thinking of turning him into a cursed weapon lol

,,, does being a cursed spirit mean u are bound even more tightly to fate? or do u escape because u are no longer a human bound by ur technique and u are instead just energy that keeps cycling over and over.....cursed energy rly just karma with strength mechanics???

why did gojou get rid of the black rope only for yuuta go to find more??? seems contradictory,, like...did he exorcise sth in that couple years gap?? or were there other reasons? or is HE the one scared since he also hid the inverted spear of heaven,,, makes me wonder how common knowledge all these mechanics actually are

trying to wrap my head around potential megumi learned helplessness or not being able to work through his own problems, or if it's this weird backward wishing that he didn't HAVE to deal with problems if he didn't HAVE to do these things and there were simple solutions,,, like i don't think he's exactly lazy bc he seems to do a lot of work behind the scenes, but there's a certain stasis to him, a wishing not to know. i wonder if he was ever given the "u are a child and I'm the adult" speech nanami gave yuuji

nanami, qifrey and maybe reigen are the adult/ mentor figures i wish was/ is in my life orz

i think it's kind of funny how 145 is like suddenly christianity! this manga is just abt the many ways people seek freedom and want to be delivered,,,

but im not going to talk abt it 😔 — i only have lil to no knowledge abt it other than the lil trivias my friends dropped time to time whenever we’re having a discourse abt religion suddenly lmao and im not a big fan of talking abt things idk abt bc i’ll just look stupid otherwise LMAO

its interesting to note that christian have this uh for a lack of better way to describe it, higher power which can grant u eternal salvation or damnation while buddhism is just fending for urself in pursuit of enlightment ,,, while buddhism also have beings like devas/ deities it just means that 1) if ur born as one, u must have done a good deed sometime in one of ur previous lives,, 2) u just have a ridiculous long life span but yes u’ll eventually die again and rebirth as sth depending on ur actions,,, that goes for living in gods, demi-gods, humans, animals, hungry ghosts or hells realms

this is completely unrelated but,, my mother used to blast the heart sutra frequently in my house back then and the only thing i catch is the “gate gate parasamgate bodhi svaha” which i used ,, whenever i see sth..that is supposed to be unseen

theres this time i stayed behind in cram school for an exam,, i purposely took a another path from my usual one to clear my head (but im still familiar) and i saw this guy standing on the side road and the only thing that went thru my mind back them was “why is he not moving? is he waiting for someone? is he lost or sth,, the main road is just 6 foot away tho lol”

it was until i keep looking at each house that i finally notice that the spot he stood on is not even a ground lvl asphalt,, it’s a fucking sewer which means that he’s actually floating 😭😭 i just jogged and say sth along the line “wow today, ma is cooking hotpot for dinner (i actually have no idea what she plans to cook everyday) i dont want to eat it cold,, so i better hurry up” out loud while chanting the verse in my head

theres also this time me and a friend were sitting on my motorcycle after getting our late night food run until a particular smell and when we stay silent, a woman is singing on the branch right above us that we dipped right away and i almost catch a ticket for speeding all the while thinking abt that verse💀

i dont mind seeing one of “them” but i do have a problem with them following me back home and end up haunting my house for some period of time,, that one or sth ghost who slam things around and giggle in the middle of the night is enough for me to deal with 😀

now im off crying abt genshin (again) now and i’ll go back to sleep afterwards,,, ALSO I LOVE WITCH HATE ATALIERJSJEJEJ- 🐱 (2)

you literally brought up THE SAME EXACT QUESTIONS I HAVE!!! like why would gojo send yuuta to find more of the rope if he destroyed it in the first place?? unless he destroyed it in the heat of the battle with miguel during the prequel but it didn’t look like that. also i saw on twitter kenjaku might not even be a male?? apparently when referring to kenjaku, tengen didn’t use gendered pronouns. im also super curious as to how the six eyes, star plasma vessel (riko...), tengen, and kenjaku are all entwined because kenjaku’s plan was a long time coming, even though he was foiled two times already.

this reminds me of the heavenly restrictions because im still so confused about what exactly it is!! is it something a person is born with or is it something that is placed on a baby by another person??

you brought up fate too and i think that’s such an interesting concept like with akutami making more and more references to the heian era and the “golden age of sorcery” in the end I feel like everything led up to this moment. the existence of cursed energy too just feels like this “endless cycle of fate” which makes sense considering this theme also kinda aligns with yuuji’s birth which was pre planned. idk...this whole thing is suddenly feeling so much more insidious than we may have originally thought.

the sudden christianity mention is a pretty odd choice on akutami’s part but a lot of ppl (including me) are speculating that hana is going to be a harbinger of doom or something. once again is she even japanese?? the western concept of angels have never been particularly altruistic either.

unfortunately gojo has always been treating megumi like an adult so i don’t think he was ever given the “you are a child” talk from gojo. we can see it in their first meeting too. when their conversation takes a turn to serious, it becomes a conversation is from one adult to another. gojo also seems like the type to pile even more responsibility onto megumi because gojo isn’t responsible, so megumi had to pick up that slack.

i agree with you. i think sukuna is literally a wild card LMAO he does what he wants when he wants and that’s in. i don’t even think you can have a contingency plan for sukuna because he’s just that unpredictable!!!

nanami, qifrey and MAYBE reigen LSDNFKJFKN....reigen beats gojo by far though so i’ll give reigen that (that's not saying much tho tbh 😭) reigen's still sexy as hell tho 😁

also you mentioned khr!! khr is one of my favorite mangas of all time....although amano akira cannot write women despite being one khr still holds a very special place in my heart. i had no idea mukuro was influenced by kannon (to be fair i was like 14) but then again...mukuro’s eyes....i can’t believe our tastes in animanga are the same....bestie our taste>>>

HELLO???? YOU’RE RUNNING INTO SUPERNATURAL CREATURES LIKE THAT??? also motorcycles!! now im like 80% sure you're in SEA somewhere, bc as someone who lived in a SEA country for 3 years and went to school in a haunted building I feel you LMAO

[wakingupdarkness]

Species

This is the identity that I feel the strongest and am in by default if im not experiencing another shift. This is the species I want to transition to as part of being transspecies.

Darigan Wocky (neopets)

Theriotypes

These are real animals that I experience shifts as. I can't seem to connect these to a psychological reason like I can with most of my fictionkin types; I just seem to be these Just Because.

Osprey

Alligator

Raptor dinosaur

Endles

These are identities I beleive are caused by delusion. They are experienced most strongly during a psychotic episode and tend to be experienced less when my emotions are more regulated through medication and therapy. These are things I have beleived I literally physically was during episodes, but still identify as outside of episodes.

A god of blood called Akrimau

A hagfish-like monster thing (sometimes thought to live in the Mortasheen world)

Honorable mention: Cockroach. This was only experienced once and so is not a lasting identity.

Coping links

These are identies that were chosen and cultivated over time in order to feel better aboit myself or cope with situations in my life. Often formed as a child, I wasn't aware of what I was doing so it's still semi involuntary, but I feel in my heart that they are different than more intrisic identies.

Mew (pokemon)

Heart types

These are things that I dont quite identify as, but i identify with strongly enough that it feels important to my identity. I feel like I am these a bit, but not entirely.

AI

Coping kintypes

These are identies that I beleive my mind latched onto in order to deal with trauma or mental illness. These are formed completely involuntarily and sometimes suddenly. They may have spiritual aspects as well but I am very agnostic in my beliefs. These kintypes often feel weaker and give me less shifts when I am not dealing with the specific thing I beleive they are meant to cope with. Most of my fictionkin types can fall under this catagory.

Crona Gorgon (soul eater)

Elsen (OFF game)

Flowey/Asriel (Undertail)

Fiction Flickers

These are identies which seem to depend on my interaction with their source media. They are involuntary and felt strongly at the time, but often fade when no longer interacting with the media they are from or just over time. These are often things I considered kin types but no longer do. They are different from characters I relate to and imagine myself as because of the strength of the connection having made me beleive it was an actual kintype. Its possible for them to flare up again when going back to the media they are from.

Peacock (skullgirls)

Greywing (warriorcats)

Gumball (the amazing world of gumball)

Haru (beastars)

Grey wing (warrior cats)

Past lives

These are things that I beleive are past lives. They influence me and I may experience shifts but they either arent often or strong enough to consider a theriotype. These past life memories may be formed in this life for psychological reaskns, but these are the types i experience mainly through last life memory. They could also be considered heart types.

Leopard seal

Red tailed hawk

Uncertain

These are identies I am uncertain of what catagory they fall under or are possibly mixed catagory. They will be listed with the catagory names I beleive they might belong to

Bonnie (five nights at freddies) - fictionflicker/coping kintype

Mineta (BNHA) - fictionflicker/fiction kintype

Dragon- heart type/coping link

Gru (despicable me) - no idea how or why. Who let this man into my house. Flicker?

[unreversedumbrella]

list of things the dude was wrong about that i was gonna include in the post (only the 5 min he talks about lemongrab). I'd phrase differently if were writting this now

YOU MADE ME: "lemongrab stalking the candy people doesn't seem to be bothering anyone" i don't want to get too deep into the candy people's understanding of the world around them or why them not being bothered by something isn't indicative of it not being bad for them, but i also don't need to, because they ARE bothered. they can't stand the idea of being with lemongrab "PB spies on everyone and is an hypocrite for not liking lemongrab stalking the candy people" yes. she spies on everyone, even non candypeople, bc she worries about her kingdom. its one of her character flaws: how much she worries and tries to protect, hurting everyone else in the process. she also stops doing that. later in the series "she called lemongrab a failed experiment which means she doesn't see him as a living being" i feel like this is the sort of thing that happens when people rotate a blorbo in their head without looking at the source material. she said that while explaining to finn where lemongrab came from. failed experiment means that she tried doing something and it didn't work out the way she wanted. through out the episode she's nothing but kind compassionate and incredibly patient towards lemongrab "making another lemongrab just doubled his suffering" i have to be honest this feels more like a sensationalist argument for the "PB is a villain case" than a real argument. lemongrab's suffering comes from his loneliness and his loneliness comes from the fact that nobody understands him bc of his lemon heart and lemon ways. yes in the end it doesnt work out but meanwhile it kinda calms him down. he cant connect with anyone. what else was she supposed to do? kill him? ALL YOUR FAULT: "she left the candylife formula with the lemongrabs. was it by accident or on purpose? we dont know" its heavily implied it was an accident. the wiki says it was an accident but wikis are wikis lol + what he sais at the end of the lemongrab segment: "she's responsible for making lemongrab and the lemon people" there is a very big leap of logic between we don't know if it was purpose or accident and she is the sole cause for the existance of the lemon people "she can fix both lemongrabs but she only erases the candylife formula from their heads" this is explained in the episode. seconds after she erases the formula. lemonjohn gained empathy when his heart started beating. lemongrabs' hearts are fine. they're like this "can we trust PB's words when she can erase people's memories?" 1) those two things arent really related 2) why wouldn't she do it tho? it would solve so many problems if lemongrab had empathy

the way some people talk about princess bubblegum is insane. watching this youtube video Princess Bubblegum: adventure time's secret villain? and in just the first 8 minutes everything the guy has said was either incredibly exagerated or just plain wrong

the thing is. this sort of analysis demands that we believe PB has an hidden evil nature. that she's hidding things from us. things the series never elaborates upon. this sort of analysis demands us to believe that PB is a real person with real toughts in her head and hot take: she isn't. she's a character in a kids show. 90% of what she says is supposed to be taken as truth

[brinesystem]

man

lifes bittersweet

and im gonna go on a rant? but like, a happy one???? idk man

ill put it under a cut or somethin

uh warning for like trauma mentions, if you skip the first half which is all like solid paragraphs you should be able to move right over it.

okay, so for a summary of my life real quick, and this will be p quick...

born, had no dad, lived in DC when 9/11 hit (like, walking distance to everything, IN the city DC), gained a marine dad, moved around on bases a lot, found out that im autistic and have adhd, bullied a lot in school, moved around more, got two sisters, bullied OUT of middle school, re entered a new school, bullied there too, and tHEN my memory actually starts, cause i started existing in hs?

hs also sucked though? and i was abused and became a csa/grooming victim but only online so i feel weird even taking that label, but i AM one in the end? and was so young somehow??? tbh its worse than im putting it but this is the quick version. was abused more emotionally/verbally, physically threatened at home and bullied in school right? almost lost our house too cause we were MAJORLY BROKE. Like, SUPER badly broke.

We get out of there, my mum actually gets our dad to knock it off, i fail out of hs because they changed the grading rules MID-YEAR and didnt tell me until it was too late to fix my grades for it.

cue mental breakdown, which included losing the ability to read for years, and trauma processing, etc etc. this also includes me becoming disabled, because prior to that, i actually wasnt???? i had some issues, but i wasnt disabled. now i am.

got a service dog, the dad ruined that too because he scared him a lot as a puppy and when we finally got to get him to Stop Doing That, it was too late. then the dog gets attacked twice. in home service dog only i guess now.

and then i realise, “oh fuck wait i have did”

forget about it for a year, realised/remembered it like last year and finally start doing some work with the system, finds out ive basically been fronting for like, 10 years straight at this point. only this year managed to let alters other than Fae front more, because i knew about Fae for years? but i didnt know he was an alter?????? look im dumb okay its fine.

anyways.

point is that like, i dont REMEMBER most of this? this summary type shit is what i remember, and then everything else is either a blackout, or just... blurry.

like theres some details and whatever but its mostly just snapshots, and then before hs theres even less blurry and less snapshots and its mostly just black space.

but.

im here?

like, were all here.

my system, we made it. and were alive?

like, none of us thought wed live to 20 but here i am at 24 and im actually usually happy????

its not been EASY at all, but like... i dont know?

my systems my family and i adore them more than i can put into words. the ‘scary’ ones? love them. im not afraid of them because theyre here and in our system with me and are here to help. ones been helping for longer than ive existed, like??? thats amazing? good job???? fuck.

anyways.

we werent doing okay for a long time, and then we split a lot during trauma processing pt.1 because like. no therapist. i dont recommend doing that btw dont trauma process without a therapist its not worth it.

but like.

a lot changed and i know i split shit and lost some of the memories i used to have. i KNOW that happened, because i remember remembering things that i cant recall now.

which is a weird feeling but im sure you get it.

but like.

im glad we did? like i get it. and i know that some of those alters dont front much/at all/ever anymore, but i think theyre still in there somewhere... and i love them?

theyre great. and they helped us a ton.

and two of the alters that split from that (or the trauma before maybe? idk) integrated and the result is another alter (and a completed fragment) and theyre both amazing too???

i know a lot of people complain about getting more alters or splitting or fragments and such but i just...

i dont know. maybe im just really fucking lucky... and i wouldnt put that past this tbh. but i dont mind it? we function a ton better like this, and its... so nice to see them be able to interact with people?

also theyre both introjects who LOVE interacting with others alters from their source and like

its so nice to know theyre here and happy and found the people they love again?

and i have feelings on introjects and i know theres a lot of drama going on for some reason but like. a part of did is that your relationships from the beginning of your life arent stable, right? and these introjects, they not only have those relationships in theory, but they managed to find them again?? here and now?

they have what we werent able to before, and im so happy for them and theyre delighted about it and its just...

idk.

im really happy sappy and emotional and i just am kind of writing a love letter to my system right now i guess.

cause we made it. were here and tbh this year? sucks ass. the past four years have sucked ass. a LOT of shit sucks ass. but we’re still here. were standing and fighting and enjoying life and just...

one of the alters who integrated is the one who managed to stop us from being suicidal, because he convinced me that like... “if you hate your life, that means youre not enjoying it. so, if youre not having fun, its not a life worth living to you. so have fun.”

and that was life changing for us?????

for ME?

and hes Honey now and honey is joyous and enjoys life to the fullest

but the other alter who made up honey wasnt able to do that.

and now they both are? as honey?

and thats fucking amazing????????? like????

i dont feel like i lost either of them. theyre just Honey now. and hes loving life???

i mean yeah hes got a full range of emotions now which means he can feel sad and angry while the others has more limited but like... isnt that better?

isnt it so much better to feel those?

it feels so much less shallow when youre overjoyed when you know what sorrow feels like. its so much deeper because theres that bittersweet tinge of “it wasnt always like this”

and i think thats what im getting at.

it wasnt always like this.

and it wont always be like this.

but we made it this far...

so i want to keep going.

[thoughtfulpaperback]

SPOILERS!!!

Charmed 02x02 Review

Y'all part of me just can't. Like the excitement and energy over this last episode is too much to keep inside. I am super ready to burst and super excited for episode 3. But I am just gonna say that overall I thought this episode was superb 8/10 only because I am saving my 9 and 10. But if I could I'd give it a 9 out of ten. There was only like a couple things I was nitpicky about and it's pretty standard tv logic stuff that most people overlook so dont come at me for it. So I am just gonna start like I always do except I cant just pick 3 likes and dislikes so I am just gonna list my likes some of the nitpicks and then some episode highlights.

SPOILERS AHEAD

Things I liked:

1. Hacy development

So no secret I am a hacy fan and I pretty much love any hacy content the show will give us but I really thought the show did so well this episode.

Originally, I thought the show was going to explore Macy's feelings through Dark!Harry, and in a way they have revealed them using Dark!Harry (Season 1 ended with us not sure if Macy felt anything for Harry, but knowing he had some feelings for her). I was worried there may be less hacy moments because they would keep most of the interaction between Dark!Harry and Macy. Even had me scared that Macy may be falling for Dark!Harry and not Harry proper. But no, they gave us Genuine Hacy.

The awkwardness of the interactions after the dream. That car ride was hilarious with the map and the radio (harry is still super at comedic relief in club and in car)

Harry's concern over having done something wrong

The looks when checking each other out.

Making each other laugh and encouraging each other.

Harry trying to save that witch and Macy being concerned by what it would

"I know Harry"

I mean it wasn't just tension. There was some fluff thrown in. Harry telling her to celebrate the victories and looking at her proudly. Which brings me to item 2.

2) I love what rupert does with his eyes between the two Harrys. Real harry (as macy put it) is so harmless looking. Those puppy eyes are adorable and rupert makes sure to have then turned up all the way when being real harry.

The only time Dark!harry makes soft eyes (well sort of) is the first time we see him with Macy, the initial moment in episode 1, and then when Maggie goes for a hug in this episode. He is just so taken off guard by the affection that his pretending-to-be-Harry-face slips and his eyes kind of go wide and they arent so narrowed and focused. Which makes me think he has not been hugged often or at all . . . That's sad. Then the switch when Maggie backs away. The eyes narrow again and he gets all mean. Just love that rupert can do things like that to give both characters distinctive enough feels that you can tell that dark!harry is acting.

3) Mel and Maggie bonding

So I really do hope that we get some Macy and Mel bonding, but I am happy anytime the show can deepen the bonds between the sisters. Maggie and Mel have a bit of a complicated relationship even though they grew up together. I mean especially from this episode we see and remember that Mel was the big sister for most of her life. She protected Maggie and seems to have acted like a second parent. It is sad that there dad really just turned out to be a bad dad. No reason behind it no, issues with Marisol other than apparently the ones he created on his own (which I will get into on my nitpicks). The fact this was just a loss for Maggie, and not just a loss as in she was the only one to feel something when Ray died but a loss of memories she thought she had and an idea of who her dad (a piece of her past), was sad but it actually gave us further insight into mel and Maggie's dynamics. First season we knew the rift between mel and Maggie was over Mel's obsession with and Mel's expectations of how Maggie should have acted and behaved. I think a lot of us chalked it up to Mel being controlling and having the oldest child attitude, but I think now we see there is more there. Mel seems to have spent a lot of time protecting Maggie and biting her tongue about certain aspects of thier lives and in a sense making sacrifices for her. So it makes sense she would expect the same from Maggie, but at the same time Maggie didnt know, and even if she did thise were Mel's choices and Maggie doesnt owe her anything for them.

Knowing that we can see how it is so easy for riffs to form between them which make the start of this season make more sense to me. Because Maggie wants to live her life and is a trusting and positive person. Mel expects a certain level of loyalty and commitment and has a different idea of what that looks like compared to Maggie. On top of there general personality differences it makes sense they all that would culminate into a rocky relationship prone to communication difficulties and tifs. But I love that they are starting to acknowledge those things and rebuild. Last season it was them just getting over feeling abandoned by each other after the death of Marisol. This exposed deeper roots of the initial rift. I liked that.

4) I love that the Maggie and Mel still have Magic and even though though the active powers are gone they arent defenseless. They just need to be resourceful. I actually like this a lot and I feel gives the writers a lot of room to play with creative ways for the ladies to save other witches.

5) demon lore!!!! Okay so while season 1 seems mostly thrown out the lore actually explains season 1 demons better.

One of the issues I had was that there did not seem to be a synchronized front with the demons and they never explained why even though Alistair claimed to be a hotshot the only people he had working for him was his family.

In the OG in first season before lore got expanded) demons and witches werent organized. Demons sort of acted on thier own for thier own purposes and witches seem mostly solitary except for occasional get togethers on important events. Later on in the series demons got an organization system (triad) then later one ruler (the source of all evil). Witches seem mostly solitary except for now the elders who assigned white lighters watched over them and placed rules on magic. I dont think people really remember the drastic shift in lore and the plot holes OG had because we generally liked the places it was going. So I am kinda on that page fro the reboot.

It flipped the script. Witches are or were the organized bunch both self ruling and ruling over the magical community. Demons were at war with each other and all had different agendas so makes sense that the Caines were mostly on thier own.

I like this idea of there being different general types of demons and a hierarchy. I do wonder if that will limit then in the long run, but assuming they can be creative with the categories they have defined I am not too worried. I am excited to get more info on demons now.

6) the new love interests. I love Mel's new love interest. So different from Mel and her previous love interests. I reserve judgment until we get more interaction but I am liking her so far. Jordan is interesting I am actually liking the build up of thier relationship and will be nice to see maggie start off slow and make friends with him first. I wasnt a huge parkerita fan but I did not dislike the ship. But one of my general blehs is love at first site between teens. The way parker and Maggie began was just off putting to me but they were nice together when they were together honestly. This will be a good venture into perhaps an adult relationship or at least on that doesnt begin with as much drama. That said she is dead and will have to hide her identity from him soo....

Now on to the nitpicks:

1) Ray's characterization.

Okay so I dont mind that Ray turned out to be just a crap dad. It happens. But there are things we know that Ray probably didnt that makes us wonder why marisol even got with him and married him.

A) we know Marisol continued an affair throughout her marriage to Ray. Even assuming Ray was just a crap husband and father, why did marisol get with him and marry him if he was so good at alienating everyone he met. I wouldnt think he was just a one night stand that Marisol decided she would have to marry after getting pregnant. I would think she would be above that.

B) did he even know about magic. Was his whole relationship and life with Marisol and the girls just based on secrets, ignorance, and not being around?

I mean for B it is fine if it was I just would like to know for sure what it was versus just guessing. But I assume like Maggie I am just gonna have to move on from this

2) the house lights and the job application.

Okay how does the house have power and and water without the city noticing? How can maggie apply for a job with no social security number? I mean I assume because she is dead she cant use her real info. Or she could but wouldnt that make it easy for demons who may think to infiltrate government records to find them? I mean this is a nitpick and can be explained away by Magic, but still it was on my mind.

3) the mysterious figure at the end. Okay y'all, I assume it is Dark!Harry. But the more I thought about it, the more I got angry that they didnt show his face. Basically, that is leaving room that it could be someone else like one of the other new love interests or someone we havent met yet. I dont like that. If it is Dark!Harry we've already met him and know he is after the girls so most likely would be working with the demons. So showing him wouldnt be a big deal. But keeping the figure hidden means leaving that door of possibilites open. This has me paranoid now. Again nitpick. I'll get over it. Some people might like that.

Episode Highlights:

Comic relief Harry. Getting knocked down when orbing into the club and not being able to hold a map.

"I'll put a hex on you."

"I'm formidable!" You tell him!

Harry's wonky orbing in general. so confused so turned about.

Maggie being able to tell that Dark!Harry was not Harry. "Those are Harry's charges and family you cant fool them ya creep!!!"

Invisible mel putting a shovel to the side of Dark!Harry's face. "Yess!!!!"

Harry's puppy dog eyes when Macy says all she needs is a look to know who the real Harry is

[chrisemrysfics]

And here I find in my draft a ramble about maturity, in relation to fiction.

It’s not made to be like a proper speech, just rambles read over to make sure there’s a progression of logic and it makes sense. I added more so you can see where it gets a bit less ramble and a bit more clean, but it’s all just, feels sharing.

I post this because I don’t feel I expressed what I do here in the way I did here, and I feel so very strongly about this.

If you want to take one sentence out of it that I really loved once I wrote it, it’s this one: an act can be immature, but a person is never immature, they are always as mature as their own growth and journey has lead them to be.

With bonus of: maturity is not intelligence, to say you aren’t mature enough for something is, in fact, intelligent of you; but to react in immature actions is still nothing about being non intelligent, your maturity is an aspect of yourself in itself, the same way intelligence is another, and age is actually another, because while age can limit the level of maturity you can achieve (due to the brain still growing and also the limit of experiences you can have the younger you are), different people at the same age can be more mature or less mature than each other.

And extra bonus: fiction is, I dare say, almost always meant for people who can handle it, with the expectation that those that cannot handle it will avoid it (close tab, close book, change channel, blacklist, etc). Because that is the mature reaction to have, to avoid what you cannot handle (and minimize your exposure to it). Which is why mature people will not listen to immature reactions, and “defend” the source of the immature reaction, because they can recognize it isn’t a mature reaction, and hope to make the person grow in their maturity to realize the mature reaction is to avoid, not censor.

A quick addition based on my mostly fandom based meta just before: fiction is also the only place, only thing in existence, where you can experience and learn from an infinite number of experience, all the while being safe. It is the only place you can safely discover your limits, and grow your maturity through the fictions you can handle, as you discover different ways a topic, experience, etc can be experienced. Fiction is a mirror of reality, but reality can harm us, and fiction is unable to, and once we are mature enough to react maturely to what we can or cannot handle, we can make use of fiction to learn and know ourself and navigate the real world better. And it’s the other reason mature people will protect the freedom of fiction.

was talking about maturity and i remembered when i was young teen, maybe 13, or maybe even 12, and i asked to use internet, and a neighboor-friend (big brother like) helped me make a forum account and mom was close by too, and with my neighboor we made a joke in my profile (i can recall it still, we wrote “and god created pikachu!”).

things had been going well (i think he showed me some things too), mom wasn’t hovering but was around and sometimes looked to, it was a fun, happy moment.

and then someone messaged me and insulted me, angry that i mis-used god’s name.

needless to say, i got really confused and hurt and i cried, it’s very vague in my memory then but yeah i know i was hugged, and my neighboor replied for me and told the person off and made sure to nail in the fact i was a teen.

once i calmed down, mom asked me what i wanted to do, and i told her, i dont want to try for now, and i didnt, because i had enough maturity to realize i wasn’t feeling mature yet to handle these kind of people and the wild cards of internet.

in the same manner, i was maybe mid teen, maybe even 15/16 or closing in to 17, its lessened now but back then i was really, really squirmy with g/ore and b/lood and ho/rror. however, i cant recall if i saw a bit or saw another and had handled it, or if it was curiosity, but i recall asking to watch Alien (cant recall which one). Its possible i watched one that i handled and wanted to watch the first one, or again, just curiosity. anyway mom just asks to make sure, and i cant for sure if i was alone watching it, but what i recall is being really shaky after, like, growing really anxious in the night and being too afraid to sleep.

that night i slept in mom’s room, and agreed i should not watch ho/rror movie for now (and i believe i didnt try for years).

both of these to say: this illustrates that some things cannot be handled if your mind hasn’t reached enough maturity and also that it IS mature to back away from something you cant handle. mature also is different than adult, this is why we can see teens handle mature topics, but the fact is, minds mature with time and no matter if you feel, or genuinely are, a mature teen, your mind is still growing. there are mature topics, stories, discussions, etc; that you just cannot properly handle.

it is natural to feel distress when your mind cannot properly handle something, but it is immature to blame the content, because the mature thing is to back away. it is also a sign of a lack of maturity of your mind, if you cannot process the complexity of a topic and why people speak of it in different manners.

a lack of maturity is not being stupid. but intelligence and maturity are two different things. if you are intelligent, you should be able to understand you can still lack maturity.

chances are, if you think you are mature enough, and you arent, you’ll encounter topics you cant handle and lash out at the topic rather than pause and ask yourself if you were mature enough for it.

this is also why you’ll see mature people supposedly “not listen”. its not that we dont listen and defend “bad” things, its that we are mature enough to be able to dissect it, and we can see you aren’t mature enough. we arent “defending bad things”, we are trying to make you understand it’s about maturity.

when we say you can love a villain, for example, it means you are mature enough to appreciate a villain and still know they’re a villain and their acts are wrong

when we defend s/exual content and “problematic” content, its because we know the complexity of humanity and we are mature enough to differentiate fiction and reality, and the layers of them, and how they interact together, and how different people have different experiences reading fiction.

The whole reason fiction is often labelled with age as warning is that, in general, someone below that age is not mature enough to properly handle it. Some people of that age can, in fact, handle it, but not all. In the same manner, not every experience of something complex can be “good” or “bad”, because it is possible to have the people involve be mature enough to make it a good version of the experience.

However, the whole reason fiction is so, so important is that it is the only thing that exist where we are 100% safe and yet able to see, learn, experience, all sorts of things. If you need to understand a topic, especially to discover your own limits, you’re safe to do so through fictions, but you aren’t safe to do in real life. And because fan fictions are made by people who are everywhere, who are all kind of people, you will find a much larger range of experiences written.

As a final note: I don’t know how often you, we, hear it, but it is totally okay to feel repulsed by something, and it is totally okay to realize you aren’t mature enough to handle a topic or a specific way something is expressed, or just to admit to yourself that you aren’t as mature as you thought you were. Maturity is something that grows, and everyone has their own pace. Again, maturity is not intelligence, you aren’t stupid if you aren’t mature, and you will notice I’m not saying “immature”. I think, honestly, an act can be immature, but a person is never immature. You are mature, but your maturity evolves, so you are always mature at the level that you have achieve at any moment. Some people grow their maturity at faster rate, some need slower ones.

But I think I love this idea: an act can be immature, but a person is never immature, you will always be just as mature as your own evolution lead you to be. You are mature to a certain level, and you can be more mature with certain topics. And I feel that the first lesson in maturity for any given topic is when you learn not to react with immature actions for the each topic. You already are so, so mature when you are capable of not reacting with immature actions. You never have to “accept” something to be mature. Maturity is when you are able to recognize what you can handle, and what you cannot, and to be responsible for your own comfort.

To demand others to not create content that you can’t handle is an immature act. To avoid the content is a mature act, because you recognize others might need that content, and that the content is not meant to you directly. In fact, I dare say that in general, people who share content, create fiction, only ever aim it for those that can handle it, and expect people who can’t to avoid it.

Yes sometimes you can stumble on a content you can’t handle, but the mature reaction is to say “okay I can’t handle that” and just leave. Close the tab, change channel, stop the movie, close the book, ask for the subject to change if you’re speaking with someone or with people, etc.

[fictionkinfessionsarchived]

sometimes i feel like i dont really kin because i dont have that many memories. what memories i do have line up really well with source canon. i know i do kin because i do occasionally get memories, but its so few memories that makes me think that they arent real. plus, my overactive imagination doesn't help with my going "is this a memory or just me making something up." -(#🌸💖)

[officialleehadan]

From the Grave

(For @whatevercomestomymind, who won one of the Third Prizes and requested a story from the perspective of a Background NPC. [sorry it’s not a whole week, but this will probably end up spinning into a whole series] who gets to watch the Hero do the Thing without actually being involved.}

+++

“You heard that Landon is back?” 

“I saw him the other day, and again this morning. He’s... different.”

Etina leaned across the counter to look at the man in question as Urrelle did the same. They were the same age. Had grown up in the same village. Known all the same people. Their mothers were friends from childhood.

But then Landon disappeared, and soldiers spent the next three years coming through the town, asking odd questions about him.

‘Have you seen him?’ they had asked with strange, fixed smiles that faded every time someone told them no. ‘Has he been home? Have you heard from him at all?’

Of course, no one had. Landon’s mother was dead ten years back, and he never had a father that anyone knew, although his mother swore to her last breath that she was married, and that Landon was his father’s son.

Most everyone thought she was a little crazy, but she was gentle and sweet, and when she died, the town did their best to look after Landon. 

He was kind, and friendly, but odd, always a little too fast, and a little too good with the bow he used to bring meat in from the deep forest.

And then, the night of the Grand Eclipse, Landon’s house went up in blue flames, and he vanished completely. 

For three years, they waited, and wondered as stories whispered through of a legendary swordsman who challenged a tyrant, and fought a god, and lost everything except his life and the sword that no one else dared wield.

“He looks sad,” Urrelle noted as she carefully peeled an apple with her little knife. “Worn out, too.”

“I tried to ask where he went,” Etina agreed thoughtfully. “He didn’t want to talk about it much. He doesn’t talk much at all, anymore. He has a wedding band now.”

“I saw that. You think...?”

“Well, whoever it is, they aren’t here.”

Probably, Landon’s wife, or maybe husband- some preferred their own, for all that it was less common- was dead. The bone-deep grief that he carried seemed to intimate for a parting, and his ring glimmered with care, polished and clean no matter what.

Sadly, it was all too common a story.

It wasn’t that heroes were unknown, even in their little town. Every now and then someone came out of the woodwork, having been born under the wrong sign, or the right one, but no one ever talked about what happened to the ones lucky enough to survive their adventures.

Landon was one of the rare ones. The ones who lived to come home, but carried the weight of all they had seen and done like an invisible shroud. 

He was still kind, and friendly, but his eyes never quite focused on the ‘now’ and he always seemed to be looking for someone who should have been at his side and wasn’t.

Etina’s mother said it was a broken heart, but no one had gotten up the courage to ask him themselves, and Landon did his level best not to talk about the years he was gone. His wedding band was sign enough, and that wound was clearly still open and raw.

The sound of an inhuman scream overhead, sharp as glass and so loud it echoed off the mountains, made the whole market turn and look at what could possibly have made such a noise. 

When they saw the source, people scrambled for what cover there was, and scattered out of the market.

A dragon.

Etina felt her heart still as the huge white beast swooped down out of the clouds and shrieked again, long and loud as it circled the town with more grace than such a huge creature ought to have.

Out of the corner of her eye, Etina saw Landon turn too, and was surprised to see him freeze dead in his tracks. His lips moved, mouthing something that might have been a name, face alight with shock, and then brilliant, shining joy.

The dragon must have spotted him as their hero ran into the quickly-emptying market square, because it folded its wings and dropped like a stone towards the ground. 

A breath before it hit the stone, the great white form blurred like clay. In moments the dragon was gone, shifted into a man who landed running only to fly into Landon’s arms. 

“I saw you die,” Etina heard Landon choke the words off even as the dragon pressed kisses to his face. “I saw- the demon-“

“I promised I would never leave you,” the dragon told him, and twined their fingers together, white hair glowing in the sunlight, eyes glitteringly blue. “I would crawl from my own grave to return to you. What was a jump between worlds compared to that?”

“You beat me to it,” Landon said, and pressed their foreheads together. They were almost of a height, but the dragon was thin, as if he had been fighting hard and alone for too long. “I finally found the last components to open the door, but you’re here and I can hardly believe you’re real.”

“I am real,” the dragon promised, and brought their tangled fingers up to trace a shimmering mithril band around one of his horns. It was engraved, but Etina couldn’t read it from where she was. “You see, my human? I still have our bond-band, polished and cared for as I worked to come back to you.”

Landon traces the pale-silver band and finally bent ever so slightly to steal a feather-light kiss that promptly turned into rather more.

Etina watched them kiss, and part, and smile together, that painful open space at Landon’s side finally filled, a missing puzzle piece slotted into place as if he should never be anywhere but there.

“Well,” Urrelle said as she crawled out from under her table, having hidden when the dragon swooped down. He and Landon were still completely wrapped up in each-other, radiating joy that was almost brighter than the warm sunlight. “That... answers some questions I guess.”

“I would say so,” Etina agreed as Landon towed his dragon off in the direction of his house, both of them laughing like the long-parted lovers it seemed they were. “At least they seem happy?”

“Three coppers says we don’t see them for the rest of the week,” Urrelle said dryly, but with a warm smile. “Bets?”

“Go scam someone else,” Etina chuckled, and began settling her good from where they had blown about in the excitement. “But I wouldn’t want to be them when the gossips hear of this!”

 +++

Uncollected Dragons:

Exploration by Wing

Iced White Wine

Mine to Hoard

Hoard of Memories

 +++

More Stories!

+++

Support me on Patreon

[magmasliveblogs]

1.08

ok looks like this time of posting is becoming a theme recently. i didnt want it to be this way but life gets in the way. anyway, we are at the 9th chapter! to recap: last chapter erin fed a drake named relc and an antinium (bug people) named klblch. they turned out to be guardsmen from a local city the bugman, klb, used a pretty high grade healing potion to cure erins hand, which turned out to be from the fish! 

Erin woke up with a big smile on her face.

Actually, she woke up and went back to sleep several times before the sunlight got too bright to ignore. But when she eventually got up and ate breakfast she got around to the big smile.

It came when she was eating more blue fruit and she realized she was using two hands. Erin had to stop and stare at her right palm for a while. She poked the clean, unscarred, uncut skin and grinned.

“Healing potions are awesome.”

She sat back in her chair, flexing her hands. It didn’t hurt. It was amazing how much it didn’t hurt. And she owed it all to a giant ant man and a lizard…Drake. What were their names again?

“Klbkch and…Drake Guy.”

Erin sighed as the memories returned and gave her a hard time.

the pleasure of waking up and going back to sleep a couple times is great 

“Seriously. They were so normal. But apparently I’m normal too. There are other humans around here at least. But leveling? Classes? Am I an Innkeeper? Do I innkeep? How does that work?”

Then she remembered something else.

“I leveled up again.”

Erin poked her chest. She felt there should be some sense of accomplishment from within, but all she felt was vaguely full. But she remembered.

“[Basic Crafting]. Might as well give it a shot. I’m out of fruit, anyways.”

i dont know what crafting has to do with fruit but im excited to find out what sort of fruit based things can be crafted

It was an uneventful trip to the blue fruit trees. As Erin gazed up at the blue fruits she wondered for the first time how many there were left to eat. She counted.

“…Looks like I’ve got a few weeks before I run out. But bleh, eating just blue fruit all the time would be disgusting. At least there’s some ingredients left for pasta if I can find more eggs.”

But what would happen when her small cupboard ran out? What then?

Erin touched the pocket of her jeans and heard the clink of coins. Right, she had some money. But how much was it? And more importantly, how could she spend it? It wasn’t as if she could eat metal.

Grumbling to herself, Erin loaded up with blue fruits. It was getting annoying carrying them all by hand. She dropped a lot of them which bruised the skin and made the fruit taste mushy. So why not try making something?

Erin stared at the ground. She had…grass. She stared at the trees. She had wood. But she had no way of cutting that wood, so it was no good. She stared at the grass. Something in her brain lit up.

“Let’s see. If I take this long grass and tie this knot here…”

Erin hunkered down and started picking the longer clumps of grass and testing their durability. She started tying knots and cutting with the knife. She found she had to focus on her task – she couldn’t just go on autopilot, but at the same time there was a certainty in what she was doing. And in less than twenty minutes she was looking at a basket made of grass.

“Whoa.”

Erin held up the basket and inspected it. It was lightweight, but durable. She experimentally tossed all the blue fruits she’d gathered into it and lifted it. The grass basket pulled downwards, but the woven handle didn’t tear. It was a real basket. Made of grass.

Was it tacky? Yes. Did she feel like she should be dancing with pom poms on a deserted island? Yes. Was that a terrible thought to have? Probably. And should she feel ashamed of herself? She already was. But she had a basket.

And more importantly, she had a plan.

good thing there is a city nearby, you dont have to rely on these food sources. also it seems [basic crafting] is very good 

What could you do with a basket? Well, you could eat and walk at the same time since you had a free hand. Erin cored a few blue fruits and hung on to the seed pods. Then she went looking for eggs.

It took her about an hour before she found another nest. When she spotted the telltale brown shape hunkering in the long grass, Erin stomped over making as much noise as possible.

This time the thing that erupted from the grass didn’t fly away immediately. Instead, the dino-bird screeched and dove at her. Erin stood her ground, reached into her basket and threw a seed core.

She missed.

But the flying object spooked the bird. The giant pterodactyl wavered, and then flew away as Erin hurled more seed cores at it. She laughed triumphantly and rushed to grab the eggs. That was when the bird turned around and flew at her, pecking and trying to bite her. It wasn’t afraid of the seed cores after all.

no the birds arent afraid like the crabs! 

Only when she was sure that the dino-bird had gone did Erin stop running. She stopped and covered one of the numerous bloody peck marks on her arms and back and tried not to shout.

“Stupid thing.”

At least it hadn’t been bigger. Erin had managed to smack it a few times until it stopped trying to bite her face off. But that didn’t mean she’d gotten away unscathed.

Erin hissed as she pressed on another bite. She wanted nothing more than to get some cold water on them. Too bad there were more suspicious rocks in the way. Actually, there were about six of them, spaced out across the grasslands. Well, her trick hadn’t worked on the birds but rock-crabs were a different matter.

On her way back Erin pasted two of the rock crabs with the slimy seed cores when they shuffled at her. They didn’t like the noxious liquid that splashed their shells and retreated with loud clicks. Erin wiped off the foul-smelling juice from her hands and walked past the herd triumphantly.

but its still good to know the seed cores work on the crabs 

It was just past midday when Erin got back to the inn. At least she’d stopped bleeding on her walk back. She made it halfway through the inn’s door, blinked, and threw up.

Erin stopped gagging and retching long enough to stare at the pool of liquefied blue fruit in horror. Then she was sick again. And again.

Somehow, Erin made it to the stream. It was combination of walking fast and pausing every few minutes to throw up that got her there. She didn’t so much as jump into the stream as fall into it and began shivering as whatever was hitting her really went to town.

—-

The next hour saw her kneeling at the stream, gargling water, puking it up, and watching out for the crazy fish. Fortunately, they didn’t seem inclined to get near her. Actually, she saw one swim towards her and start nibbling at the contents of her stomach as it washed downstream. That was gross.

Erin washed her mouth and hands off for the tenth time and felt the shaking and nausea stop a bit.

“What—what was that?”

Erin could only mumble as she stared into the water. She moved her head—not so much out of desire for movement as to watch for the dangerous flat fish.

The fish that had been eating her vomit was floating belly-up in the water. Erin saw the other fish were avoiding it just like they were avoiding her.

“…Poison. Gotta be.”

But was it delicious food poisoning where you got to eat twice, or the other kind that kind made you turn green and die?

“Well, whatever. I feel better now so I’ll figure it out later.”

dont drink too much water, you will barf! also yeah, evil fish arent good 

Erin walked back to the inn as the last urges to puke left her. She’d gotten off lucky she supposed. It had only been an hour or so of feeling terrible. If it was actually serious—

Erin had to stop and smile. Serious? Back when she hadn’t been struggling to survive, oh, three days ago, being that sick would have ended up with her in bed for the next week.

“And I’d have a team of doctors feeding me pills by the pound too.”

She laughed softly. Then her smile vanished. Erin covered her face with her palm.

She trembled.

And then she walked on. It was getting dark. She couldn’t stop just now.

She was in too much danger.

yeah erins mind has probably gone back into panic mode 

The key to distracting oneself was motion. Erin moved around the inn and kept busy. She cleaned the vomit off the floor, washed the plates as best she could with some of the water, helped herself to a bit of pasta and brought out more plates and silverware to the common room. Then she stored the eggs and blue fruit away in one of the cupboards, went upstairs and cleaned a few rooms. She was moving, but really she was waiting.

“They said they’d visit. But did they mean that or are they busy? Either way, I can always make more pasta and save some for later, right?”

She had a pot full of hot pasta in the kitchen and she’d served and eaten her own plate of buttery noodles with blue fruit juice before she realized it was dark. Hopefully Erin stared out one of the windows, but the grasslands were empty. The sky was so amazingly vast, the stars so numerous. It was beautiful, frightening. Erin would have loved to stare at it if she were at home, but what she was really hoping to see were two figures. But she didn’t.

“They must be busy.”

Erin sighed to herself. But it wasn’t that early in the night after all. She could wait.

The young woman sat at the table, her stomach full, her clothes torn and dirty, her eyes drooping. But every few minutes her eyes flicked to the stout wooden door. She was waiting.

as ive said before, those noodles and blue juice sound delicious! 

Relc stretched in his chair in the Guard’s barracks. It wasn’t too crowded in the early evening, most guardsmen having checked out already or begun their evening patrols. Those who remained in the building were almost entirely Drakes, aside from a few tall, furry, humanoid [Guardsmen]. And they were all busy with their own tasks.

The Senior Guardsman cast an irritable eye over at the large, hunched insect hovering over a table next to him.

“Are you done logging out for the day yet?”

“Almost.”

Klbkch made a precise notation with a quill on a sheet of parchment.

“There. I have signed us both out. Again.”

“Great. Thanks. Now, wanna go check on that Human? I hear—”

A female Drake shouted at Relc from across the room. She was nowhere as large as Relc, and she wore chainmail and a sword at her hip as she stomped up to him.

“There’s a brawl in the marketplace. Get over there and stop the fighting!”

“What? Some idiot had to start a fight now of all times? We were going to go back and—”

“Shut up and get moving!”

“…Jerk.”

“A pity. Let’s be on our way.”

“What a pain. Let’s smack some scales-for-brains quick. Maybe we’ll still have time to go to the inn afterwards.”

“You know we will be called upon to go after those who got away. And there is damage assessment, guard detail, investigating any burglaries during the violence…”

“Aw.”

“Do not fret. The Human will not be going anywhere.”

“I know, I know. But I was going to eat more pasta and—”

“Relc!”

The angry shout made Relc wince and cover the two holes on the side of his head.

“Alright, let’s go. Man, I really hate the Captain.”

“Don’t insult her while we are within earshot.”

“She can eat my scales. Let’s go and get this over with.”

“After you.”

oh no 

Erin sat at the bar counter in the inn and waited. All was perfect.

Well, all was sorta perfect. It was at least acceptable. She had a basket of the blue fruits, more pasta in a large pot, and she’d even drawn a fresh bucket of water from the stream. She had very nearly spotless plates and silverware and all in all, she was ready for some guests.

If they’d ever arrive.

Eventually her eyes drooped. Her breathing slowed. She fell asleep while dreaming she was still waiting and awake.

she fell asleep before they could come back. they are late! 

Thump. Thump.

Erin woke up. She raised her head and looked around groggily. It was dark.

Thump. Thump.

Something was at the door. Erin wiped the drool off of her chin and got up from the table. She must have fallen asleep waiting. But here they were. She stumbled over to the door and shivered. It was cold. Actually, it wasn’t just cold. It was…frosty?

The door’s handle was covered in a thin layer of ice. From behind the door Erin sensed something chilling, and she could feel a cold draft blowing from beneath the crack. Or was that the shivering sensation running down her spine?

Thump.

Erin jumped back from the door. That wasn’t knocking. Something was hitting the door. Hard.

“Hey. Who’s there?”

She wished her voice wasn’t so wobbly.

“A visitor.”

Was it a whisper? No. It was more like an echo. It sounded like a loud voice coming from thousands of miles away and it had an unearthly quality to it. No voice could be so deep, so spine-chilling.

“Um. We’re closed. S-sorry.”

The something on the other side of the door…chuckled. It was probably a chuckle. It was wet and gurgling.

“It matters not. I require sustenance. Food. Prove that to me and I shall be on my way.”

Food? As in the fleshy variety? Erin shuddered.

“I don’t have any. Go away!”

“I will not be denied. Open this door or face my wrath.”

That was enough for Erin. She backed away from the door.

“I’m warning you! Come in and I’ll, I’ll…”

dont mess with erin mysterious visitor, she has knives and shes only a little afraid to use them! 

“Do not anger me further. If you refuse my simple request I will—”

She didn’t wait to see what the voice would do. She could guess. Instead, Erin ran to the kitchen. She needed a weapon. A knife, a piece of wood, a spatula, anything.

Erin’s hand had found the handle of a pot when the scrape of wood made her breath stop. She’d forgotten. She’d been waiting for Klbkch and his friend. So that meant—

The door was still unlocked.

Something was pushing the door open. Erin sprinted back to the door and threw her weight against it. She knocked whatever it was back, but she couldn’t close the door fully. It was in the way.

“This is unwise. Your insolence will only bring about more punishment.”

The creature hissed at Erin. She could hear it right outside the door. It was pushing, trying to get the door open. But Erin was fueled by pure fear and she somehow managed to keep the door where it was.

“Mistress. All I ask for is a bit of food. Provide me that and I shall be on my way.”

The skeletal creature reached its hand through the doorway. Something dark dripped down out of its bones. It splashed against the wood and vanished.

“I do not wish to become angry.”

Her hand was on the cooking pot. Her heart was dead in her chest.

“No.”

“No?”

The skeletal monstrosity seemed to recoil. It pulled the door further open and something noxious wafted in.

“A pity. But I will have you provide me with sustenance nevertheless.”

Erin seized the door and tried to close it, but the creature hurled it open. She fell back and stared in horror.

A thing with too many bones and pieces of flesh gazed down at her. It gave off a ghastly smell and crimson light flashed from its eyes.

“Give me what I desire. Or I shall—”

Erin screamed and hurled the pot.

well now we know where the skeleton went. lets hope this goes well for erin! 

thats the end of the chapter btw. im tempted to do the next chapter today as well, but ill stay to the schedule! we shall both suffer for this cliffhanger! 

will erin survive this encounter? will the guards save her from this skeletal monstrosity? will erin beat it up before they get there? will they ever get there? 

see you tomorrow!