#i dont have any interests that are known to anyone and i dont leave and i dont feel

[hecksupremechips]

I love animal crossing and I’m about to become hyper fixated on it so teehee 💅

[readymades2002]

trying to figure out how to pitch this setting to my current ttrpg party in the event that everyone stops doing their stupid JOB long enough to play toys with me again one day...

[luna0713hunter]

Choso was never interested in dating.

Ever since he was young,and with their parents' sudden death,his only goal in life was to take care of his younger brother,Yuji.

Yuji was a handful since the very day he was born,and with how sick their grandpa was,Choso didnt have anyone to trust Yuji with. So he ditched his friends after school, skipped classes as much as possible and declined anybody's help because;who could he trust his only family left (beside his grandpa) with?

But when Yuji started highschool,and wasnt so alone anymore with that Megumi and Nobara girl;he insisted that Choso finally continue with his study on where he had left.

Choso reluctantly,started college again.

It was the same as highschool;he wouldnt hang out with anybody,just going back home straight from lectures or part time jobs. He rathered spend his time taking care of Yuji or cleaning their home when he could instead of meaningless things like going out for drinks,or dating,or simply talking with anyone.

And he really,was ok with all this.

Until,well,you decided to sit beside him on one of the most boring lectures he's ever had in his life.

Choso doesnt acknowledge you at first;simply staring at a photo Yuji had just sent him while hanging out with his friends after school. A small smile tugs at the corner of his lips and he lets out a heavy sigh; Yuji had grown so much so fast. He was proud.

"This is such a fucking boring lecture."

Your annoyed whisper snaps him out of his daze,and he casts a side glance to you. You send a smile his way and shake you head.

"I would literally kill to leave right now."

Choso takes good look at you;from how you've styled your hair to your shimmering eyes shining brightly. You rose-colored lips look soft,and-

Choso clears his throat.

You're pretty.

"Same." An awkward pause,then "do you want to ditch the lecture?"

When you give him a surprised look,he clears his throat again.

"For coffee."

And the smile he receives in return is almost blinding.

So as soon as the professor turns his back to you, you're both making a run for it. The small excitement of ditching class has you giggling and Choso relishes the sound.

"I'm y/n,by the way."

"Choso."

You give him a knowing smile and wink.

"I know." When he gives you a confused look,you laugh and together you start to walk toward the cafe near the campus. "I've known you since you started this class. We were in the same lectures for some time,but you never seemed like you cared about any of them. Always on your phone, rarely smiling,and the few times I've heard you talk,it was always about this 'Yuji' dude." You nudge his side with your elbow,but for some reason,he feels like your smile has deemed slightly.

"You're boyfriend?"

Choso makes a disgusted face and groans.

"He's my younger brother. I've took care of him ever since he was small. Naturally, he's all i talk about since i spend all my time with him."

And at the metion of 'brother',your face breaks out in the brightest smile.

"Oh gosh thats so cute!how old is he?whats he like?!"

And for once,Choso feels relaxed talking about Yuji. He doesnt receive bored looks from;only pure excitement and laughter as he tells you some funny stories about Yuji's childhood while you both sat down at the cafe.

And before you know it,three hours have passed and neither of you show any sign of leaving.

When you finish the small chocolate cake that Choso has bought you,you sigh and rest your head on your arms across the table.

"I dont wanna leave! you're fun to talk to!"

Choso stares;the corner of his mouth twitching upwards.

"We can continue tomorrow. Over lunch."

At the mention of seeing together again,you perk up so fast that has Choso letting out a small chuckle.

"Really?like a date?"

And when Choso returns home that evening with a small grin on his lips,Yuji drops the laundry basket he's holding.

"What's with that face?!why are you smiling?"

Choso hangs his jacket and moves to kitchen to start dinner.

"Yuji,i wont be home for lunch tomorrow. Will you be ok?"

"Why?you got a date or something?"

Choso smiles and starts cooking.

"Yeah. Something like that."

[sharkboywrites]

Hello! May I ask for the BG3 gang with an autistic gn Tav who is. Very Very Large but also quite young (think like... Older teen.) who just decides that Astarion/Wyll/Halsin/Gale etc is their new favourite person and WILL NOT leave them alone.

It would be very funny if they just... didn't realise Tav was actually A Kid™ and thought they were just a weirdly clingy grownup. Except Halsin. Halsin would know Immediately.

Inspired by my dumb ass being enormous and this having happened to me irl many times.

Bg3 Characters With a Young Older Looking Autistic Tav

A/n: This idea is so silly I love it. This is obviously written as platonic because reader is younger and baulder's gate characters are older and I don't write weird stuff like that lol although I'm sure that's expected. Also also i did all of them together because I do not have the energy to write sperate headcannons for each of them, dont worry they all get their moment

Gn Reader, Child/teen Reader

This was an... interesting situation

Everyone on the team assumed you were just assumed you were a bit childish for an adult

I mean could you blame them? You were massive, anyone would assume you were an adult

Except for Halsin

He could easily tell your age, but it's something he kept between the two of you, mainly for safety

Halsin takes more of a dad approach if you cling to him

He's very protective of you and teaches you new skills

He also keeps anyone else on the team from hitting on you, for obvious reasons, but wouldn't say why

He's also the most attentive when it comes to your autism, he's always keeping an eye out for you and helping when he can

It took the others longer to find, though

Wyll was the second to put two and two together

Once he realized, he grilled you about why you didn't tell anyone about it

He isn't too harsh though, and takes a more "fun uncle" role

He always makes sure to entertain you, he's the guy who's got fidgets on him just for you incase you need them

He also decides not to tell anyone for your safety after consulting with Halsin, but he does wish you said something sooner

Gale is the second to last to find out, after trying to teach you something about magic

He had questioned why you didn't know any of this, it was supposed to be common knowledge for someone your age

Or someone he thought was your age

He just stared at you blankly for a good minute after you told him how old you actually were

He's more upset at himself for not noticing to be honest

He realizes how that actually makes a lot of sense

Gale, like Halsin, also takes a more fatherly approach

he teaches you things you may have not known before, and is one of the most helpful when it comes to working through your autism

He's a knowledgeable man and can tell what you need, probably before you do

He's very protective, often insisting that you stay out of battles, but it's not like you listen to him in that department

For comedy's sake, Astarion is the last to find out, and he is pissed

He's mad that no one told him, even if it wasn't too long Gale found out and most of the party knew

He looked so dumbfounded when he found out and like Gale, was more mad that he didn't realize sooner

He's upset, but he gets over it quickly after a day or two of snarky comments and like Wyll, takes on a cool uncle postion

The whole party suddenly wants to protect you and it's suddenly become one of their top goals to return you to your parent/guardian if you have one, next to y'know, getting the worms out of your head

If you don't have somewhere to go they may or may not argue on who takes you once it's all over

Generally, you're taken good care of from then on, much better than you were before

Everyone's very attentive to you and tries to be aware of what you may need at any given point

Since they all have some type of trauma, they want to make sure the same doesn't happen to you, especially so young

Being in this situation is stressful for anyone, let alone a child, and a child with a disability

They do their best to make you happy and keep you safe

They may struggle, but they do their best, and now you have people to call family

[plaidos]

Im a trans man who was on the outside circle of a friend group led by another trans man, there was one trans woman in the friend group, and she was dating the guy who kinda led the friend group. I didnt talk to her much, because i didnt talk to anyone there much due to bad experiences with the people in that group (tried to bring up stuff like experiencing dysphoria before I was out and got screamed at by the lead guy for “appropriating trans culture” and how i couldn’t use terms like gender envy to describe how i wanted to look exactly like a cis man youtuber i watched. He also shamed me for my interests which he deemed morally iredeemable (homestuck) before getting back into it himself, and then it was fine) but yeah i didnt talk to her much, and then suddenly i was dragged back into the friend group to do an intervention for the lead guy for a lot of insane things, and the tgirl was the one who asked me to help. When i was known as the only girl in the group, i was the group therapist and mom basically, i didnt want to be, and when i pulled away/came out as a trans man it seemed they replaced me with the tgirl as the group mom. And we started talking. And oh my god. Anything they did to me wa %1000 worse with her. She had to convince a grown as man that being homeless was not in fact a good fall back plan to not being able to find a roommate and no it wasnt easy. But nothing compares to the way she was treated by the main guy she was dating. The things she told me were so awful, she was basically his bangmaid abuse prisoner, he convinced her to move in with him, and then she had to do everything for him because he was “too depressed” he would sit at his computer all day cheating on her with other trans men while she cleaned his whole fucking house, and cooked, and got physically ill from all of the mold that he had let grow on things like dishes. He only really interacted with her when he needed comfort or sex. And he literally forbade her from doing anything sexual herself including masturbating without his permission because “it made him feel like she was like the pedo that groomed him when he was young” any kinks she had she was told were perverted and degenerate, she age regresses which he compared to pedophilia, it was so awful on literally every level, and he had convinced her she was so worthless and unloveable that when i told her she should leave him she said it was fine and they were working on it. It never got better and when they did break up he spread rumors that she had been raping him. She then dated another trans man who did the exact same thing down to the rape acussations when they broke up. And i was one of the only people who tried to convince her to break up with either of them initially, i was the only person who was the first to speak up. Apparently the other men in the group agreed with me they just didnt say anything till after i did then suddenly they were all agreeing. Shes doing better now and her self esteem is slowly recovering, she still talks to that friend group excluding her exes, i dont talk to any of them except her anymore. Anytime i see a trans man say they cant be misogynistic or transmisogynistic i kind of hate them for it. I was literally screamed at for trying to come out because then the group wouldnt have their “token cis girl” yes that was my title in the group, to dump their issues on. And as soon as i pulled away they replaced me with a woman they treated even worse just because she was trans and easy to beat down. Literally the only two women in the group and we were forced into the mom friend role. Its awful and i hate that people cannot acknowledge it happens. Trans men are not magically exempt from misogyny, and the ones who claim they are are lying to themselves and others so they can benefit from it. That first guy? The one who was so awful to both of us? Hes on tumblr and hes a pretty popular fanartist, he reblogs save trans women shit all the time, i hate him so much and i hate people who are compicit to the abuse trans women face, sorry for writing so much

don’t apologise, thanks for having the courage to share your experiences. it makes my heart sink how familiar this story is, the amount of people who have shared fundamentally identical experiences to this — the belief that trans men do not and cannot utilise male privilege above trans women (even in trans spaces) is without a doubt the reason so many are able to get away with this. i’ve heard this same story dozens of times; trans girl who is being physically & sexually abused by her (trans) boyfriend, regularly being raped, yelled at, often hit & abused in countless other ways who then turns around and says “actually she raped me” when she finally has the courage to break it off. And people believe them, because they believe that trans women are all rapists one bad day away from hurting everybody, but trans men are biological victims who can never do any wrong.

im sorry this happened to you. i hope your friend is in a much better situation now. ❤️

[fortunelowtier]

I was gonna reblog my original post but I didn't wanna spam people with a long ass post (this post is already long enough) so instead I'll just link the previous post here and if yall wanna go look at it you can, but the short version is that a few days ago I made a post talking about HBs incredibly high turnover rate, and apparently within a few days it got enough traction to where it started spreading to the higher-ups of Spindlehorse, including Viv herself. I decided to make this update post just as a way to debunk what I can and as clearly as I can. 

First tweet:

So for starters, they say this as if IMDB's numbers aren't publically available, it's not like I pulled these numbers out of my ass without merit, these are numbers I got off of IMDB. And I know some people might pull the high school English teacher card of “Anyone can edit that!!” and to be honest I dont feel like going into the semantics of one of the most non-arguments you can possibly use so all I’ll say is that the process of editing a Wikipedia or IMDB page is not as easy as your English teachers taught you to think it is. Sure you can edit it but it's another story if the edit will be saved. There's moderation, it's not a free-for-all.

Also, I find it interesting how this tweet was made (and subsequently deleted) mere days after their promotion to Animation Director, and if there's anything I've learned from Spindlehorse controversies it is that if someone is in any real position at the top of the companies proverbial food chain they shouldn't be allowed to speak for the experiences of employees lower on the ladder than them, especially when a lot of them seem to have a habit of denying certain claims despite the public availability of numerous pieces of evidence pointing toward the contrary

It's like if you visited a bunch of former employees of a restaurant with a high turnover rate with proof that they had worked there and for exactly how long they worked there and then the manager comes along and tries to basically say “NUH UH” despite information proving the contrary being publicly available (maybe not the best analogy but you get what I mean)

—

Ok now onto the second one by Viv herself:

There’s a lot to dissect here so I’m gonna break it down bit by bit.

Firstly:

"They’re listing every single credited person in EVERY art department"

So the way I got my numbers was by going to the Series Animation Department section of HB's IMDB, highlighting every name from the beginning of the section to the end, and then pasting them into this website which gave me the line count of 444. Was that the most optimal way of doing so? No, especially after I learned after the fact that there's a way to just see the numbers straight up, but that hardly matters considering the fact that there are allegedly more people in the animation dept who were uncredited, however, I'm still waiting on some more info from my source as to the validity and the scale of these claims (How many people were uncredited, how little were they paid for their work, etc etc) to make a proper post about it, so until then ill just leave it at that as to not make accusations without merit.

So, humoring Viv, I added up the total IMDB credits for the Art Dept and Visual Effects Dept, as well as the Sound Dept since I qualify sound as a form of art and because I wanted to give Viv as fair a chance as possible and actually tally the total credits of “every art department” as Viv claims I did, and it still only equals 155 total credits, a little over a third of the credits in the Animation Dept

Secondly:

“That includes the TC and Chaos credits”

So these are in reference to Toon City and Chaos Emporium, 2 companies known as a source for outsourcing animation, and just to humor Viv I decided to go onto IMDB and tally up all of the Chaos and TC credits since according to her that's where I got most of my final number.

After doing so, Chaos Emporium had a total of 15 credits, and Toon City had a total of 45

So Viv is making it seem like the TC and CE credits make up a large majority of them, which is why I got the number I did, when in reality when combined they only equal 60 credits. 14% of the total (technically it’s 13.5% but I’m rounding to the nearest whole for the sake of convenience)

Thirdly:

“We dont even have 400 people. Simply Misinformation.”

You’re right Viv, you dont have 400 people, because I never said you did, nor did I imply you did. I said you've had 400. Of course you dont have 400 current employees, your company burns through them like paper because you underpay them while you go burning your Amazon and merch money on cruises and vacations and continuously post photos of you buying from zionist companies knowing full well that they're part of an active boycott.

—

So yeah, that's my 2 cents. Sorry if this sounded like some shit you'd see on a Twitlonger but after Viv was made aware of the posts I made about the turnover rate (and subsequently blocked me within the hour after seeing it) I knew that it wasn't gonna be long before I had people DMing me about how wrong I was because “Viv said it was wrong so it must be wrong”. 

One more thing I wanna add because I've gotten a lot of angry messages/asks about this, a lot of Viv stans seem to think I have this bizarre hate boner for Viv when I really don’t. I don’t hate Viv, I hate what she’s become. I hate how ever since the HH pilot she’s become a bully who can’t take criticism. And not just on the surface level of “criticism makes her upset”, because yea no shit, criticism makes everyone upset at least a little, and it's why I hate it when people see someone being upset at criticism and going “ERMM, CANT TAKE CRITICISM?”

When I say “Viv can’t take criticism” I mean she actively tries to shut down any convo about it without trying to learn from it. She blocks anyone who talks poorly about her or her company and makes baseless claims knowing full well her fans will follow her to the ends of Hell regardless of whether or not what she’s saying is even correct.

That’s all I got for now

[the-call-of-cthuwu]

ITS DONE. cotl but make them specific species :)

ill be adding reference photos and fun facts below the cut for anyone interested!

first up is kallamar, with the firefly squid!

unfortunately, there arent really any naturally occurring blue squids. the best youll get are those that are clear, and just reflecting the water around them. my next best bet was the firefly squid! they can be found on the shores of japan, and their glow in the shallow water during spring is considered a tourist attraction. its hypothesized they use this glow not only for courting purposes, but also to blend in with the night sky from below!

then we have shamura, with the purple pinktoe tarantula!

these spiders apparently have a very mild temperment but are fast and quick to retreat when threatened! they nest high up in the trees of the amazon region of ecuador, but are also frequently found in cow fields and holes in walls. the venom - like their temperment - is more mild, as well as non fatal to humans!

next is heket (my personal favorite), the tomato frog!

these weird little guys are particularly fascinating! they can only be found in madagascar, and like a lot of frogs will puff up their body as a form of aggression to others. but the amazing part happens if anything tries to eat them! they secrete a glue-like toxin, that causes numbing in the mouth and eyes, and sometimes even triggers allergic reactions in humans!

after that we have leshy, the evergreen bagworm!

this was one i actually knew quite a bit about (it comes in handy already having a bagworm oc!) so i was particularly excited to draw him! bagworms are a species of moth with some very interesting sexual dymorphism: the female of the species dont pupate like the males do! they create a bag which they live inside, and dont even leave it to mate, spending their life as a worm. the males of the species pupate into full moths with wings! they can also be found in several continents around the world

then finally we have narinder, the egyptian mau!

theyre one of the few naturally spotted domestic cats, and are only on the tips of their fur! the tabby mark on their forehead is often compared to a scarab beetle, and the paler patches on their chest and arms almost look skeletal on the darker coats! they are the fastest domestic cat, able to run more than 30mph. theyre also a very rare breed, and known for being very active, sensitive, and loyal!

thank you for coming to my autism talk :)

[strip-weathers]

How have your feelings on the fandom as a whole changed?

Oh dear this will be long..but thank you for the ask!

By this answer I don’t hate on anyone and I don’t want to upset anyone! I’m not going to hate on anyone and I’d never do that. I’m just saying my opinion!

And if you gonna read it to the end, thank you so much for that. ❤️ this is also a part of my venting. I felt very scared to say it out loud because I’m scared that people are going to hate on me because of this. I hope you guys won’t and you’ll understand me. 💙

Also if you’d like to discuss on anything I just wrote down, don’t worry and discuss with me about that! Just DM me and we can discuss!

My feelings about this fandom changed a lot. Before, like from 2017 (even lower years) probably to 2021 the fandom was something different. People were kind, respectful, nearly every Cars or Planes blogs got attention and people interacted with them. They were simply enjoying the time being there and also people’s ideas and creations. They were simply talking about head cannons and also enjoying that. And I’ve been happily enjoying that too.

But after that 2021 year, I have a feeling it changed a lot. Lots of well known people left, or they stopped posting maybe because they’re busy in their lives or they just ran out of ideas or they’re not interested in this fandom anymore. And still lot of people quitting and leaving this fandom.

Amount of people on Instagram? Very small. Amount of people on TikTok? Also very small. Amount of people on Tumblr? A little bit more cause probably most of them don’t have Insta. I feel like this fandom is getting smaller and more closed and people don’t want to interact. (Maybe they’re shy? Not sure.)

Also these days there’s one big issue, attention. Lot of attention as likes, comments, shares (reblogs for Tumblr) get only those well known people in the fandom. But not those small accounts or blogs (including me). But why? Why small artists don’t get attention we should get for work we do? Where’s the problem? Maybe the algorithm of the app or the app doesn’t let us be seen on people’s dashboards and fyp? Or is that because we draw something people are not interested in? Or maybe they don’t like us? I’m not sure about that but it’s sad to see it.

I also want people from fandom to know that I’m here. I want them to know that I also like this franchise. I want them to known that I’m drawing and writing about Cars and Planes. I want them to know that I’m also part of this fandom and I want them to know that they can reach me or interact with me without any worries.

And I did find lot of great friends and moots I’m glad and happy for. You guys are amazing and thank you for being in contact with me and interacting with me. I really appreciate it! Also all people who like, share (regblog) or comment my posts, thank you for that!

There’s also another issue in this fandom. Some people who may not be in the fandom (I’m not sure about that) just draw cars or planes randomly and post it and everyone are interacting as hell and it goes viral. And that’s all. But those who are here for longer time (also including me) post as much as they can but they never get any attention and interactions. Why? Where’s the problem? I’m trying to be as active as possible (for example here on Tumblr) and I get some attention (and I appreciate it) but not as much as other artists. I find it very unfair.

And the last one issue is that these days people ship characters that shouldn’t be shipped. 🚫By this part I’m not hating on lgbt community🚫

Yeah, some ships I do understand like Filmore and Sarge or Finn McMissile and Leland Turbo and some other ships. (Dont worry I also can see some cute ships with Cars or Planes and maybe I’ll show them some day owo.) But there are some ships that shouldn’t be. Like Strip and Chick. I’m sorry but in all honesty I hate this ship. You can’t just ship a married race car with mean race car. Why don’t yall give Chick some lady car? Like Natalie? I don’t get why do people ship them.

But I’m not here to hate on anyone! I’m not going to hate on anyone! People can do anything they want and I understand that. But I just don’t get this case and it’s so disturbing for me.

So in overall I sometimes feel like if you’re not friends with well known people in this fandom who would help you get viral, you’re not gonna be famous or well known in this fandom.

Again thank you for reading this into the end and have nice day / night!

[safetycar-restart]

KINKTOBER DAY 19: A/B/O [MAX VERSTAPPEN X READER]

NOTE: This is an NSFW fic with omega!max and alpha!reader. If you're under 18 or this is not something you're interested in, then scroll past. If you like what you see here, then check out the rest of my blog :))

This fic is part of a kinktober series where I discuss a different kinky concept with a different motorsports athlete every day. We also discuss the concepts in more detail through asks on my blog so if you have any thoughts, feel free to stop by!

(For a while now we've been discussing the idea of omega!max crashing and then going to heat when a marshal helps him out of the car, I thought that for today's kinktober we could finally give this concept it's own fic! If anyone wants to add their own thoughts or hear more about this, please send in some asks! I'll be tagging everything with 'marshal!reader')

You watch from your marshal post as a red bull goes wide and hits the barriers, the car spins twice and then settles, losing a wheel in the process. You wait until the yellow flag is out and then rush forward to collect the debris, as you have been trained.

You check on the driver, realising it's max when you see the number on the car. You try to confirm he's conscious, but when he spots you he motions for help getting out the car. There are other marshals already clearing the debris so you do as he asks.

The moment he's out the car, he's frantically trying to get his helmet off. He appears unharmed, but you can smell the fear off him from a mile away.

The moment his helmet is off, he takes a few deep breaths, looks at you, and then just drops his helmet and gloves and dives into your arms. You nearly both topple down, having not expected it, but luckily you manage to catch him.

He whines high in his throat, turning his neck to the side as he clings to you and that's when you smell it. The scent of slick finally making itself known.

You realise he's in heat.

You try to back away, knowing you're unmated alpha and that he must be reacting to you. But he whines and clings to you even tighter, refusing to let you go.

"Don't leave," he mumbles against you, "please don't leave."

The medical car arrives but max still refuses to let you go, trying to hide against your neck.

The doctor ends up telling you to come with him, knowing that trying to get an omega in heat away from an alpha they've chosen is a losing battle. You don't want to leave your post, but your instincts are completely honed into the omega who won't let you go.

You know you have to go with them.

Max is whining the whole car ride to the medical centre, hissing at the doctor when he opens the door when they arrive. You have to coax Max out of the car, promising him that you're coming with and that you won't leave him.

Not that you would ever want to leave him.

They end up injecting heat suppressants into his arm, which calms him down enough that you can convince him to let you go and escape out the medical centre.

It hurts so much, because all your instincts are screaming at you to go back and look after the omega who has chosen you. But logically you know that's not the case. Max must have gone into a shock heat when he crashed, and you were simply the first alpha he encountered. He doesn't even know your name, there's no way it's anything more than instincts and now that he's been giving suppressants, you're sure he's going to be mortified once he can think straight.

So you leave.

What you dont know though, is that the suppressants stop working after a few hours and he asks for the marshal who helped him. They offer him several toys and other alphas, even Daniel shows up to offer to help. Max turns everyone down, crying out for the marshal.

[leynaeithnea]

*comes in dancing to hide the tears*

Soooo, a winion told me you have thoughts on Not sorry for loving you?

WE’RE SO BACK MY LOVE (i was the winion)

OKAY LETS GET GOING THANK YOU MY FRIEND

Not Sorry For Loving You

BOY, i was worried about this song & how it made the events play out considering the odyssey, and I’m satisfied enough with it and I have A LOT to say (i think)

First we start out with the same….tip-tap thingy instrument we had with Love In Paradise, but lower, which DEF is something specifically in music and I’m excited for the musican reactors on youtube start to react to it, and pick it apart (like major/minor)

But its an exact mirror of the beginning of Ody waking up at Calypsos island, is it because things on the island stay the same I wonder? Mhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (its so beautiful)

Someone arrived today (HERMES , we can hear her take a breath and brace herself for what she has to tell Ody)

They said they′re taking you away (FUCKING FINIALLY, ITS ONLY BEEN WHAT, 7 YEARS???)

That you’re not mine to save (Oh…OH now this one…this can refer to several things 1. calypso “saved” him when he washed up on her island and patched him up 2. she thought she could “save” him from his dark thoughts and everything? “i can fix him” vibes? 3. shes talking about herself and “youre not the one who will safe me”)

And soon I won′t get to see your face (…….i know this probably because of rhyming purposes, but i like how this kind of implies she cares more about his looks than him xD)

So I came by to say (interesting, does she leave him alone completely, did she start leaving him alone after his breakdown at the cliff? or does she just not tend to go to the beach when hes sitting at the beach crying every day? mhhhhhh)

You’re unlike anyone I have ever known (…he is unique)

‘Cause you′re all I′ve ever known (…….thats just sad, i teared up at some part during the stream, im not sure if it was this or the end of charybdis,..but yeah)

WANGUIS VOCALS ARE BEAITUFUL; THE MUSIC- ITS

ITS SO GOOD, im in love

And if I pushed you

Or if I came on too strong (“if”, ok…miss hypothetical, and miss “i” messages, if she pushed him, he literally refused her from the start and she kept going and told him to bow down………….”if”, as in “thats what you say I did and maybe thats true but probably you made that up”, can i see this as her just now looking back and being like “yeah….maybe that was too much?”, maybe, but if this was the first time in seven years that she reflected on her own actions, then she has ISSUES still)

Or if I ambushed you (the song keeps things very vague, but I see this as a way for Jorge to semi-confirm the assault, or at least to not erase it, ive seen a lot of conflicting views on the song, from “not specfic enough about the SA as it should be” and “this song proofs that calypso is innocent” and Jorge probably found a way to let both interpreations co-exist, that being said I will be excited for animatics that will lean into the more Odyssey-accurate interpreation)

For that, I’ll say I was wrong (you say you were wrong, but you dont say you’re sorry for it?… aha)

And if you hate me (“if” you hate me, not like she FORCED him to stay on her island for SEVEN YEARS, girlie aint you the one trapped too in this interpretation? :) :) :) u should know how it feels, if you had ANY sympathy and goodwill for him at heart instead of selfishness you would’ve let him go years ago, like….7 years)

Then I am sorry my love′s too much for you (THIS is the biggest proof to me that this whole song is just BIG emotional manipulation, “my love is too much for you”, she blames HIM, for her feelings, like he is at fault that he cant deal with her emotions, instead of her being able to respect his boundaries and keep herself in check after his INSISTENT refusal), again the VOCALS THO

But I’m not sorry for loving you (eh, valid, but also rly guilt tripy, yk? You dont have to be sorry for your feeligns, but you have to be sorry about the way you act if it harms someone (WHICH YOU JUST TALKED BAOUT BUT DIDNT APOLOGIZE FOR, so shes not sorry for loving him, she - on some level – understands that she has hurt him, but she doesnt say shes sorry for her actions)

AND THEN A CHOIR to back her up? there was none in Love in Paradise, so its interesting that one appears now, is it because her emotions are stronger now and they’re overwhelming her? is she trying to use her godly power to convince him to stay? no matter what, they sound lovely, and i gasped when i first listened and had to replay it them, it does kind of sound like theyre trying to pressure ody

“Calypso-” THATS pretty much all he gets to say, MY HEART, he tries to speak, having let her vent that all out but…)

Let me speak (SHE INSTANT INTERRUPTS HIM?? THE AUDACITY? GIRL SHUT UP AND LET THE MAN SPEAK, another BIG red flag of this being a lot of emotional manipulation here, especially since she continues with giving her “sad sob story/explanation”, right after its like “yah i did bad but look at my sad story, this is why I did all this, you cant blame me)

I spent my whole life here (isnt it paradise calypso??? doesnt it have all that you want there, all that you need there?? mmhhhhhhhhHHHH someone was dishonest >:) )

Was cast away when I was young (sad, yeah i do feel bad for her about this, but that does not excuse her actions)

Alone for a hundred years (thats a long time i suppose, but for a goddess maybe not that much

I had no friends but the sky and sun (actually love that line)

So when you washed ashore I thought for sure that you were my dream come true (….ah, yes, that makes sense, latching onto the first good thing you come across, hopeless romantic, but being completely blind to the fact that the thing has free will, is actually a human with complex feelings and you were so obsessed with the IDEA of having someone who loved you that you extremely hurt them an,. ofc its the psychological explanation, of course she deserves better, but how she acted was NOT okay, no matter her reasoning)

I thought I knew (you knew…what? thats interesting that she doesnt end that line…and i honestly cant figure out what she implies there, she thoguht she knew that he loved her? that he DOESNT love her, she thought she knew what love felt like? what being loved felt like? OR thought she knew that he was a gift send by the gods? (as it is in the Odyssey iirc..Im not sure on this rn tho, so dont quote me)

The music…is so fricking beautiful in this….we have another refrain, but this time the choir backs her up on the words for “you, too strong, you, was wrong, me, and then the Uuh build up for the the not sorry for loving you”, which just emphases the words again i suppose, and makes her get more emotional? mhhhh not sure! it sounds great tho)

“Im not sorry”, so in the end, even IF she was wrong….shes not sorry, whatever she did to hurt him, the base line is, that she’s not sorry. She should be.

I′m angry and tired and restless and sad (valid feelings, but its all about how you express those…maybe you should get therapy)

I’m stuck in the moments I swore that we had (you swore, but maybe, maybe you just imagined them, because you were so desperate to believe there was actually any love from him, that you made yourself believe his rejections ended up being signs of love after all…thats not healthy, get therapy, rip to jorge tho, i believe i saw a thing that said he wrote it when he was in a low point in life, Id think hes better now, but still, unreciprocated love DOES hurt a lot, so ouchy)

I wish you would chase me (the way that you chase him….mhm)

Or try to embrace me (but he never does because even after SEVEN YEARS, he somehow hasnt warmed up yet….)

For once, I wish you would lie and say (……aha, like him lying would make any difference? because then you could make yourself believe that what you did wasnt wrong? that theres hope for you? girlie you have to learn to accept that, if you want him to lie to you, youre in a BAD spot. do fricking better.)

I love you (…………..okay……okay, so…..that line makes the whole song controversial….from the animatic we saw that right after these lines odysseus turns away with an empty/determined expression and no regret or guilt on his face what-so ever, and we can also hear that his voice sounds desperate, dare i saw close to breakdown (slightly out of breath, because he interrupts her, trying to get a word in, my first interpretation was that he was worried and tired, and gave in to her demands, scared to refuse her)

and then theres a breaths pause

You do? (she sounds so HOPEFUL, like she ACTUALLY would believe him if he said it, and i think in this moment Odysseus too realizes that just saying him him, would make it worse, so he sort of back paddles a bit?)

But not in the way that you want me to (because i see not a single clue in the rest of the music that would indicate that he as any positive emotions for her, and i rly just cant imagine him feeling any positive emotions for her even if she did NOTHING else than keeping him on the island, (which is VERY unlikely imo), but its also interesting because thats pretty much as well as vague as the odyssey leaves it, so its kindaaa more accurate again? except that we do not get any cue about ody’s view on the whole situation, we see him sitting at the beach, yes, but we dont get a single “as she wished but he did not” moment…so, thats up to the animators or maybe, maybe, one day jorge confirming or denying anything….but yeah, whatever Calypso feels, Odysseus does reciprocate the sentiment, I like thinking that she did try to guilt-trip into staying and that he ACTUALLY feels guilty for leaving her……….the rest of the saga has elements where I will read A LOT more into the scenes than is written out, so i might be over-analysing them at some point and projecting what I want it to mean into it…but alas)

I hate that I fell in love with you (yeah understandable)

Why did I fall in love with you? (because you were lonely girlie)

What do I do with this love for you? (process it and move on eventually, you got eternity to get over it)

How am I supposed to get over you? (therapy)

Why in the world won′t you love me too? (because HE HAS A WIFE WHO HAS BEEN LOING FOR FOR 20 YEARS )

The ending music is beautiful, but aT LAST he is sailing off

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I didn’t let my friend bring their partner to social events?

We are all in our 30s and all trans/NB/queer. My friend (B) and I have known each other nearly 20 years, and over those years they’ve had a rough dating history. They’ve had several emotionally and mentally abusive or neglectful partners, further details about that I won’t give here. I’ve met most of them and they’ve always disliked me for various reasons (usually they were just jealous of the place I held in their life).

Recently though, B seems to have found someone who makes them happy (we’ll call them T) and T treats them better than their previous partners. Which is great! I’m happy for B. But I find T insufferable.

Granted, I don’t have to see T very often, but when I do its always uncomfortable.

The first time I met T they trauma dumped immediately. In the first half hour I knew all about their horrible family but couldn’t tell you any hobby or interest they had. We were in a very public place and I didn’t feel it was the most appropriate topic to get to know someone, but I tried to relate with my own stories all the same. However, T always had to “one up” every story I told. it felt like a “whose childhood was worse” competition.

The second time we all hung out T ignored me completely, really only hanging around and talking to B. Since it was B’s birthday I didn’t really mind at all. Plus, we were at a beercade so everyone was kinda off doing their own thing. But even when we all sat down they just kinda threw looks my way but didnt say a word to me.

But most recently I had hosted a halloween party (it was only 8 folks so tiny party) where B and T both showed up. When T asked me how work was going I started with what I felt was a normal “Ah yeah, it sucks but—” and before I could say anything else they spoke over me to say

“Yeah you’ve mentioned you hate your job every time I’ve seen you so thats sort of my only impression of you :/ ”

(a possibly important side note: B and T are both doing things that they enjoy but have to hustle a bit to make ends meet whereas I have a full time retail job through which i have insurance so leaving isnt as easy for me since I have more tied up in my job than just a paycheck)

This really pissed me off, as not only is being interrupted a huge pet peeve, but there are aspects of my job I enjoy. I just never got to talk about them because the conversation would either divert or we would just stop talking altogether. Also the way they came across felt pretty judgmental.

T then proceeded to spend the rest of the evening talking about everything from the movie to the snacks with therapy speak and trauma processing. (ex: I think I’m locked into this movie because it might’ve been a safe haven for me during my childhood and I just dont remember watching it but I can feel its importance to me) And only ever to B, never engaging with anyone else.

(another note: they are not the only one at the party with anxiety. two of my other friends have severe social anxiety and while maybe a little awkward were still able to hold casual conversations. no one was a stranger to anyone at the party)

This also meant that I didn’t get to spend any time with B during the party either, which was a shame cause I see them so rarely.

I understand that trauma processing is important and its great if you have someone in your life that can help you. It does not need to happen every where all the time. And I’m worried that B might be getting taken advantage of like they have in the past (in the sense that they have to do all the emotional legwork in the relationship and get very little of that effort back).

I’m tired of catering to this attitude and I don’t enjoy being around them, so I no longer want to involve them in group events I host.

would that make me an asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[ludinusdaleth]

i need to preface this meta with a million versions of "i do not think ludinus is or ever will be a good person who deserves forgiveness or will have a happy ending", and it will take me a second to get to my perhaps bad point, but here we go:

as many (and myself) have noted, ludinus is blinded by his trauma. he cannot in any way shape or form see around it, and even though he is very wise, intelligent, and able to mediate almost any conflict of interest, he becomes childishly closed in when anyone challenges his idea, says that his crusade of warfare against the gods has hurt thousands of mortals. he is an active danger in his position of power by refusing to show care for anyone but himself, while convinced hes doing it for exandria.

i think this stems out of the fact that no one has ever been able to reach him in a way he craves. he can get validation of trauma from the vanguard, but he made them thralls to his ideas; do they really mean it or did he manipulate them into it? he obviously cant be validated in his grief by vasselheim and their stranglehold on calamity history, who think any heretic outside of their worship of warlords deserved their fate. and he cant find comfort in fellow calamity survivors, either due to not knowing they were alive (presumably devexian, alyxian), or being angered and in disbelief they chose to pursue religion despite their torture (leylas). because no one starts with the goalpost of saying his people didnt deserve their fate and that his anger is valid, he has been losing his mind with the belief he needs to forcibly show everyone what he experienced and for the world to see him as correct, after an eon of being the only one in his mind with a semblance of a correct pov.

which brings me to my point, which people will react badly to initially, but god, i need to say it aloud: the most important line he has ever said, which has rung in my head like a bell since last episode, is:

"Speak your mind, and I will speak mine. But all I ask is a moment. To show you."

ludinus has refused to entertain anyone else's pov as long as we have known him. fearne mouthing off at him one too many times about the vanguard caused his calm demeanor to snap in favor of him snarling at her about what he had seen in the calamity. he made his speech at the key as everyone there was actively trying to kill him. he never asked a soul for their input on what he was doing. not one ounce of him wants another perspective. and that isnt because hes scared of being called a tyrant. he tells exandria to "make me your villain", and there are so many moments of self hatred in his interactions with others i think he knows damn well what he is. no, hes terrified that someone will invalidate what he went through.

and he has asked the bells to witness the calamity's trauma firsthand, and to judge it and him freely. that is.... a massive change.

before you react, no. ludinus cant be fixed. no persuasion check in the world could convince him to forgive the gods and no one would ever allow him to walk with no consequences and start anew - as if his body wouldnt fall apart before that anyway. but the bells are at the only moment in history where ludinus is completely stuck between reality and his hero complex. almost nothing has gone his way and the world is rallying against him and evontra'vir itself said the bells were destined to defeat him and that is more preordained than the gods deaths and he knows he must teach them the truth but what if his methods were truly for nothing? he needs someone, anyone, to tell him something, to ground him. he will do his best to convince the bells of what he thinks. but he knows he has to leave a decision up to them. the next generation.

he didnt consider what they thought until now. isnt that a sobering thought for him.

and while they dont owe it to him, if the bells actually start the conversation by acknowledging what he went through? i think for the only time in exandrian history, the only moment that it will ever be feasible.... that you could move his second goalpost by starting at his first. those abused & grieving due to him will finally be able to say that to him, by sating the need hes had for 1000 years. and i think he will absolutely accept whatever else is thrown at him if it means someone listened. he will never give up on killing the pantheon. but i think this is the moment that will define whether he dies by the bells hands, or at the bells side against another system. this is the only time that his fate is in flux. and this is the only time this old dog can learn a new trick: that the role of parent can be guidance, and defense for the children you hurt. and acceptance that has been the parent, who must step up, now, or never again.

[sourrush]

im having a tighnari brain rot

this is my first time writing any sort of fic, im sorry that its so short :( if you have any suggestions on how to write better please lmk :D if you read this tysm for your time

taking care of u while ur sick

g//n reader

no warnings i dont think<3

probably a lil ooc idk much abt his lore

tighnari is always prepared for situations like this, he could give you an effective medicine to cure any illness. though when he asks you if you want any, you decline, claiming that he's the only thing you need right now. you don't want him to leave even for a second.

now this was certainly something he wasn't prepared for.

you cling onto his arm as he tries to get up. "i really think you should let me get you something of aid." he spoke, purely logical, he was certainly interested in why you were so keen on him staying, but he didnt want to pry you in your weakend state.

you pushed yourself to sit in an upright position, facing him directly. "dont you get it? i already have something of aid. youre really helping me just by being here, why would you want to argue when im asking you to stay?"

for that, tighnari didnt know exactly what to say. he never imagined you thought so highly of him, hed never known anyone who preferred his company over medicinal treatment. "i didnt think.."

you pulled him closer, hugging him tightly, resting your head on his shoulder.

"i dont have the energy to talk much right now, just stay here, please? i wanna rest with you by my side."

tighnari felt as though this whole time he failed to care for you, so now he knew what to do. he pushed you back until you were lying down again, keeping himself wrapped in your warm embrace. he didnt say anything more as your eyes gently shut, he held you tightly, rubbing your shoulder with his loose hand.

as you fell asleep, his mind began working once more. he was still a bit confused about how he could put you at ease so quickly, but he didnt think on it too hard. he assumed he would want to get up after lying motionless for a while, but he found himself enjoying the peacefulness. he began to grow tired as well, he could definitely get used to this.

[sand-boxed]

echo is such a good character. theoretically at least. actually the definition of wasted potential hes the most interesting member of cf99 and hes barely in the show im sobbing.

i wish there was actual buildup to echo leaving or something showing his dissatisfaction with being in the batch. like something about having to kill his brothers, or even with the whole being sold as a droid thing which i know its a haha funny bit but that shit was actually so fucked up ???? we dont talk about that one enough that was so insane of hunter 😭😭 if u think abt his backstory then it makes more sense but theres barely anything in his behavior that suggests conflict with his own goals and the interests of his team by the time he leaves. ig its also one of the issues is that the show doesnt have enough time. maybe echo should have left later on in the show or something but i can also think of some midder episodes that are just hunter and omega but again that could have been replaced to give this guy or wrecker some actual characterization. no shade to them ( kinda bc most of the best episodes are the ones where theyre not there) but save some for the rest of us bc they dont need half the show do they

also istg they (writers and the batch ) forgot echo used to be a "reg" i feel like its so strange for the batch to be all pissy abt reg clones and have a weird superiority complex early on in the show when like. echo is there he was once one of them and now hes not. theres so much the writers could have done to tackle echos feelings abt being othered by the reg clones and inadvertently ostracized by his team. theres so much he probably sees different from thebatch bc of their separate upbringings where echo was part of a collective and the batch were singled out as individuals. does he view killing other clones in a different light bc he was also the type to follow orders blindly once??? how does he feel abt the chips as a pow that spent around a year unable to control his thoughts, having his mind stolen from him??

something i wanted for his character was for him to have a connection pre-citadel that he loses during his time being frozen bc he would have to cope with that loss and adapt to the batch at the same time. yes this is another excuse for me to talk abt fives but who else. echo doesnt talk to anyone except him in basically every scene b4 the citadel. echo feeling messed up abt it bc just all of a sudden his world has been turned upside down and all he can do is move on. thats absolutely terrifying to think about bc the war has taken away most of everyone hes ever known. there was no goodbye, nothing for him, they were just here one moment and gone the next for him. too bad we dont get to see any of it lmaoooo

[dented-nado]

Anything Germany or Gerita related? Im sorry I dont have a clear idea i just am desperate for germany content lol

This may be *checks watch* …. Year(s) late, but here you go Anon… some pure Germany + Gerita get-together fluff <3

——

He’d been scolded repeatedly at this point to ‘just make a move’. The issue was he had. Everyone had implied Italy may be interested in him… romantically, and encouraged him to ‘just go for it’!

Germany was beginning to feel like he was being made fun of. The times he had attempted to show any sort of romantic interest (after arguing with himself and his own fears for far too long), had honestly ended in disaster.

There was that first time on Valentine’s Day all those years ago… that had nearly sent him crawling in a hole to never return from…

He brother had very bluntly said “Just go right up to him and go ‘oi! Italy, you're going out with me now!’ Cut the shit and just demand what you want!”

He didn't’ like the forcefulness, but he supposed knowing Italy he’d scream and run if he hated the idea, so he had done it, he’d approached Italy after work, gathered up all his courage…

”O-Oi! Italy, You’re going out with me n-now! If that’s okay…”

Italy had jumped out of his skin but had agreed quickly. “AH okay!”

Germany was riding high until he realized he was once again on a ‘date’ and had no idea how to initiate ‘romance’. Italy was more of a romantic sort than he was, and yet their interactions were as platonic as ever.

They ended the evening as friends… as they had always been.

America had suggested “Do some huge super big gesture! So obvious and romantic there’s no way it could be interpreted as anything else!”

When asking for examples he had gotten ��Make a super big feast, blast his favorite music, say something like ‘I can’t live without you!���”

So he had invited Italy over, tried his best to cook Mediterranean pasta, knowing Italy liked it… only for Feliciano to end up hovering, micromanaging, and then shooing him out of the kitchen, leaving Ludwig dejected in the dining room. He knew he should have just stuck with what he knew but he’d been told ‘cook your dates’ favorite food’ was a good mood. He should have known Feliciano was too particular about how certain things were cooked, as the evening ended up being flipped with Feliciano cooking for him instead. He’d remembered the last bit of advice after the meal he had spent pitying himself and blurted out…

”I can’t live without you!!”

Feliciano had looked up, stared at him… then quietly chuckled and took his wine glass away.

He hadn’t even drank that much… he liked beer a lot more anyway…

France had given him lines to read in French along with appearing with chocolates and good wine.

He ignored that advice completely.

No… he had decided this was a worthless endeavor. If Italy felt anything for him it would have ‘happened’ already, he was better off not ruining a good friendship with his foolish and annoying feelings that had surprised even himself. He seemed completely incapable of romance, and in his darker moments he suspected he was incapable of being loved in any romantic way.

—

Japan had honestly been trying to think how to get Italy and Germany to stop… hovering… around each other. It was as obvious to him as anyone that they had some sort of romantic feelings for each other, little glances between the two, the odd content smile from Ludwig in Feliciano’s presence, the way he’d notice Italy tracing his finger around the brim of a wine glass completely enamored with whatever Ludwig was talking about…

He’d been called a third wheel before, he didn’t quite feel that way himself but he also wished his two dear friends would stop torturing themselves over each other. Through a few conversations it was clear Ludwig had been trying to figure out how to ‘make a move’. He didn’t consider himself very romantic nor very intrested in it when it came to his own life… but to be honest, the advice he had overheard given to Ludwig was awful. Germany was just… himself, and expecting their own romantic successes to immediatly apply to him was a little insane. He understood where they were coming from, but still.

He had invited Ludwig out for a night out, he’d been meaning to see what the German thought of Japanese beer or sake anyway. They had lulled into a calm, just according to plan.

”Germany… your relationship with Italy…”

He noted how Germany froze mid drink, wide and sometimes terrifying blue eyes darting to him, he kept his gaze plain and non-judge mental, especially because he wasn’t judgemental at all.

“I think you shouldn’t give up just yet, I’ve heard you’ve wanted advice, but in the end, if you two are meant to join together, the only way you’ll be able to communicate your desire for a different kind of relationship is if you do it your way. No one else can tell you how to best show your care.” He said very straightforwardly.

Ludwig stared, and began fiddling with a napkin. “But I don’t… know how to…”

Japan hummed. “Mr. Germany, when you’ve noticed Italy is not ‘as sunny’, what is it you do?”

Germany blinked. “Er, well the last time that happened, I brought him some Kuchen I made and set up some blankets for him, he gets cold when he’s down…”

”You showed your affections naturally, without even thinking about it.” Japan said very firmly. “Now, you want to make it clear to Italy, that if he’s in agreement you’d like to be romantic with him. That is your goal. So you must do this with your own methods, no one else’s, otherwise the message will never come across, as it will not be your own.”

”That… Er… seems very wise. Do you have much experience??” Germany questioned, coughing a bit.

”Not personally, but think of it this way. America suggested a big romantic gesture, with the “I can’t live without you!” Line. That’s a purely Alfred move, you couldn’t imagine him doing anything else, so of course it worked for him with Ivan, because as much as Ivan claims to be irritated with Mr. America, in the end he finds the way he is endearing. For France, I’m almost certain that’s how him and Mr. England ‘make up’ every single time, and then of course your brother’s bluntness and boldness gets him far with those who like that personality trait.” He explained. “If you wind up truly rejected, it would be sad, but at least you would have true clarity because you asked your way.”

Ludwig considered Japan’s words, glancing down into his beer glass… downed the rest of it then nodded. “Thank you Japan… as always, your advice his appreciated.”

”….I would also like for you two to figure it out and be less distracted with each other during important business… We would be much more productive.”

”…Noted…”

——

This time, he had asked Italy if he could visit, and had prepared an Italian Cream Cake… in past he had lied about desserts he had provided, a bit embarrassed to admit he enjoyed baking as a hobby, but in recent years he had gotten over it at least a little bit, and he did want to take the risk and let Italy know he had specifically and meticulously made it for him, by himself.

Italy as always flung open his door to greet him. “Germaa-n-ieeee Ciao Ciao!!” He chirped, standing on his tip toes to kiss both of his cheeks to greet him. “Come in! It’s been too long since we could visit!”

Ludwig smiled slightly. “It’s been five days.”

”Too long!” Italy insisted with a grin as he pulled him inside. “Ooo! What sort of sweet have you brought this time Germany? You always bring such good ones.”

”I er…. I made this one, Italian Cream Cake, I’ve been practicing a bit.” Ludwig confessed, holding out the covered dish.

Feliciano’s eyes lit up. “You went through all that trouble! Ohhh just at a glance it looks beautiful! A work of art! Here! Let’s make it a centerpiece!”

Italy gently took the glass covered cake and set it in the middle of their dining table, Ludwig flushed but looked on proudly, he only hoped he’d achieved the taste and texture he wanted…

He joined Italy in the kitchen and helped with cleaning up as he always did as Feliciano served them up.

As particular as Italy was about food, there was no denying his instincts on flavor were masterful, he supposed Feliciano had much more time than he himself had to explore different flavors and types of food, and then France had even longer.

He paused as he took the first bite, noting Feliciano had included german sausage in his sauce rather than Italian… the meat from his home and the slow cooked carefully seasoned sauce from Italy blended beautifully, he made sure to praise Italy on the choice.

They ate, then cut the cake, he was nearly bombarded by compliments from Italy, and pleas to “please share more of your baking with me!!!” He felt light, cheerful, happy. It was domestic, almost, he was scared to ruin it. But even so…

He cleared his throat. “Italy, I wanted to… tell you something, and find out your opinion on it, so I hope you’ll take what I’m about to say very seriously…”

Italy sat up straight in his chair. “Of course Captain! I’m all ears!” He said with a salute and a bright grin.

Ludwig couldn’t help a soft smile before he folded his hands together and cleared his throat to be ‘serious’.

”You’ve been a very good friend to me for a very long time, we’ve had moments where we’ve been at odds with our understanding of each other, where I’ve pushed you too hard, when I’ve resisted your attempts to have me ‘relax’, but in the end your the only person I’ve ever been able to call a dear friend.”

Feliciano looked him up and down, eyes shining as he beamed. “Awwww Germany!! Your my dearest friend too!!”

Ludwig nodded firmly. “But that’s not all… It’s… taken me a very long time. I’ve felt… ashamed, honestly, of the way I’ve felt, our culture and bosses haven’t been exactly friendly to the sorts of things I’ve felt… to the way I am, so its been difficult for me to get to the point of true honestly.”

”Germany….” Italy began, almost standing from his chair, but Ludwig put a hand up, asking for Italy to hear him out.

”I know you’ve dealt with much of the same. But now… I must be honest, because… It kills me to be deceptive, especially with you. I’ve… …. I…..” Ludwig swallowed hard. No, he had to just say it, he could almost hear others laughing at him for being so serious, but this was serious. Italy meant a lot to him, so he’d treat it as such.

He inhaled sharply and began again. “I feel for you as more than a friend… I care for you, find myself wanting to do sappy romantic things with you even if I mess them up.” Ludwig avoided Italy’s gaze as he confessed, wringing his hands together in front of him. “So I have to ask you now… if you feel even remotely the same way… and if you don’t, our friendship means too much to me to ruin so if…!”

He was cut off by Italy suddenly grasping his sweaty clenched hands, and pressing his lips suddenly onto his. He was sure he didn’t look at all very attractive with his wide open and stunned eyes and stiff stunned lips… but Italy… Italy… Feliciano looked so beautiful he couldn’t look away, eyebrows furrowed, almost pained as if he’d been holding back, a close up view of his sun-kissed skin and freckles, and his closed eyes that seemed to twitch with dried tears. Finally he got himself to move and tried to give a kiss in return… before they finally parted and stared at each other.

Feliciano did tear up at that point and cupped Ludwig’s cheap. “Ludwig… my Ludwig… always so formal and direct and scared at the same time, I adore you so much! I just never thought… I thought that… maybe I was misreading things!”

Ludwig reached up, finally feeling free to do so and ran his hand along Feliciano’s face in return. “Do you know… how often I thought I was making a fool of myself trying to confess only to be rejected?”

”Huh??! Luddy! I was doing the same! I asked uncle France for help, my brother… even America!” Feliciano confessed in a panic. “I thought maybe I didn’t understand the right way to show you I liked you!”

Ludwig couldn’t help it, he started laughing, deep and bubbly. “I did the exact same thing, right down to a similar line of people!”

Feliciano joined in with laughing, and they wound up kissing in between giggles at the rediculousness of thier situation, before finally, they touched foreheads, and Italy’s deep honey gaze met ice blue.

Ludwig pulled Feliciano close to him, more content than he had ever been, having just laughed more than he had in his life.

”In the end… I’m glad we did it our way.”

Feliciano kissed the corner of his mouth in agreement. “I wouldn’t have understood any other way.”

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Hello everyone, today I'll do something never before seen on the flames and darkness liveblog which is read TWO chapters!! Idk man, i havent been able to read more than one chapter at a time recently because this book suddenly turned into such a slog to get through, although granted that might also just be my mental illness making it more difficult. whatever, i'll be in treatment for that next week

Anyway, today I'll be reading chapter 44 which is the star fall chapter, and chapter 45 which is. a chapter. Knowing this book series nothing of note is gonna happen in that one but that wont stop me from reading it

Chapter 44

Okay, theyre mentioning Feyre not looking so emancipated amymore and it made me remember all the weird weight shit from the start of this book. Like, she was losing weight because she was throwing up all the time and then not eating a lot and everyone was constantly remarking on that and it was unbelievably uncomfortable, but then when Feyre officially joined the night court and everyone immediately stopped talking about it, it almost feels a little manipulative, if that makes sense. Like, this book is ostensibly about Feyres healing journey but the Night Court cannot, under any circumstances, have anything negative associated with it so her trauma basically just disappears so we dont have to see the unpleasant parts of her recovery, she has one (1) nightmare after she starts living there permanently, one (1) moment where she feels too depressed to leave the bed and a few moment where she acts out but then immediately feels bad for it every time

Ughhhhh Feyre is wearing a dress for this which is really frustrating but you guys already know how I feel about that so shant go into that much more detail on this

I swear Im not just saying this to be a hater, Feyres dress sounds so tacky too

yoooooooo is Cassian implying he'd like to wear a tacky ass dress too??

and yet hes just wearing a BLACK TUNIC bro Feyre is literally covered in diamonds from head to toe so she can look like a shooting star or whatever and Cassian doesnt even have the decency to wear a black tunic that glitters or something?? Or hell, maybe even a red tunic to match his siphons, idk, give me SOMETHING im gonna tear my fucking hair out

Feyre is wondering about the IC being her friends and its like, girlie theyre barely even each others friends and youve known each other for maybe half a year to their 500 years

Feyre is describing Azriel hungrily staring at Mor's ass and it reminded me of that one bonus chapter Ive seen discussions about where he's really horny about Elain in a way thats pretty uncomfortable, and a lot of ex-Elriels say that it made them stop liking the idea of the ship because thats when they realized that SJM was just gonna mutilate both of their characters for the sake of smut, but honestly I dont think she would even need to mutilate Az that much

I could not give less of a shit about the Mor/Cassian/Azriel drama but I have to admit its kinda funny reading about Feyre speculating so much about Mor's relationships knowing shes gonna turn out to be interested in women

Mor says that Rhysand was very upset after she had sex with Cassian and beat him up as hard as he could (#incest) but she says he wasnt upset because of her virginity but because of the danger she put herself in by losing it, which is like, first of all that seems like splitting hairs, he was still upset that she lost her virginity even though that was none of his business. And second of all, I think it would actually make sense for him to have the kind of archaic sexist beliefs that would make Mor losing her virginity upsetting to him, considering he was also 17 when that happened just like Mor and Im guessing there wasnt anyone around to teach him feminism. or maybe hes so feminist he came out of the womb believing in womens rights and didnt need to be taught anything

god, the inner circle dynamics are so comically fucked up I have no idea how they can stand being around each other

Again, Im not much of a Feylin girlie but "Your hair looks... clean." >>>>>>>>>>>>>> "You look like a women again." (???? whats thag even supposed to mean)

So Rhysand is not wearing a black tunic, but he is wearing wearing a black jacket which is equally disappointing. atleast he has his tits out i guess

Rhysand was gone for 50 years and yet his best friends are not spending any time with him at their first party together since theyve been seperated, thats what i call friendship goals

Yeah, I guess its kinda sad that Rhys missed out on important holiday that meant a lot to him while undr the mountain but you know who else had to do that? Literally everyone that wasnt from the spring court

So he doesnt wanna tell his friends, who are by all accounts doing alright because theyve spent the past few decades trapped in a beautiful idyllic city, about his trauma but hes perfectly fine traumadumping on a twenty year old woman who just started to recover from her own trauma

Maybe Im just in a bad mood but this bullshit where theyre getting covered in star spirits or whatever feels so joyless to me, like its not whimsical or fun to me

Okay so, Ive heard about Rhysand calling Feyre exquisite and it made me cringe just thinking about it, but it looks like theyve translated that to him calling her 'herrlich' which means the exact same thing but it sounds a lot less weird and bad. once again, thank you, Alexandra

Feyre really just said "You regret sexually assaulting me? But why?" huh

Chapter 45:

Okay, thats the end of the chapter but theres two more things that kinda annoyed me that I didnt feel the need to mention as I was reading. 1) Feyre kept going on and on aboht Rhysand being her friend, it felt so insincere, its like sjm say a post online right before she started writing this chapter that was like "in the best relationships, your partner isnt just your partner but also your best friend" and decided to put that sentiment in her book, and 2) I felt like there were so many moments towards the end of that chapter where Feyre is like "oh, ive never felt this way with anyone" and its very obviously alluding to how she didnt love Tamlin as much as she does Rhysand now, and it was just very strange to read, like Tamlin was haunting the narrative even though hes not even dead yet

Uhm. so i got really tired all of a sudden so I took a nap at this point and read some gay vampire fanfic to rejunivate myself and now Im ready for whatever happens in the next chapter

"I was a traitor. [...] Even though I oficially left Tamlin - it was only two months ago, after all. By Fae standards that was probably barely more than a day." Oh yeah, i havent been keeping track of the time thanks for reminding me that this story about immortals is moving at a breakneck pace for no goddamn reason. But also, as an author trying to write a grand long-lasting romance, why would you write this. I know Feysand are gonna get married at the end of book and now when I get to that point Im not gonna be thinking "wowwww such romance" Im gonna be thinking "damn these bozos did the fae equivalent of getting eloped in vegas after knowing each other for barely a week"

Oh, men of all ages are training at this camp? would you say some of them are. child-aged

Feyre is being all "its so cold here, im freezing in my illyrian leathers I cant imagine a child with no clothes surviving here for a single day, much less eight years" (referring to Cassian) and yet she doesnt spare a single thought to all the children who have to be at this camp as well because this is the camp that the batboys grew up in, its not like this is a different kind of camp where they dont train children

God I hate Feyre thinking about how fuckin powerful the batboys are especially because its like, Rhysand is literally their high lord, he already holds so much power over the guys running this camp we dont need a reminder that he could easily crush their minds or that his goons need more syphons to contain the totality of their power or whatever

I get that these guys are like, shitty misogynists or whatever, but I dont think Rhys throwing them out of the house they live in is some #boyboss move hes just being an asshole

Rhysand would never want to lock Feyre in a house for protection, but he does want to decapitate anyone who lays a hand on her which is soooooo much better

Rhysand keeps calling the.... "females" of this camp "girls" which implies one of two things: 1) hes talking about adult women, hes just calling them girls, which is not very feminist of our feminist king, or 2) hes talking about actual girls aka children which. thank god for our feminist king having equal-opportunity child soldiers

Its actually kind of surreal how theyre at the camp where the batboys spent their CHILDhoods and Feyre keeps talking about what it mustve been like for Cassian while the narrative is actively avoiding talking about children being at the camp at this present moment while also not outright stating "there are no kids here at this present moment"

"'[The clipping of the wings is] to ensure the safety of their women, they said.'" this reminds me of something @/kateprincessofbluewhales said in regards to Rhysand forcing illyrian women to train but not doing anything else to advance their rights, which is that the wing clipping mightve started as a way for men to help women dodge the 'draft' that seems to be mandatory for all healthy illyrians. I dont really have anything else to say about that, it just popped into my head and i thought it was interesting

Rhysand is talking about how at some of the camps, women are declared anti-marriage material if they train and how he cant do anything about that and its like, even if these women are not officially declared unmarriable or whatever, the misogynistic men that make up these camps are probably not gonna wanna marry a women who trains, so what difference does that really make

Also, he says the only thing he could do about 'laws' like that is to murder the warlords and take their children/trainees? under his wing and I guess he thinks he would have to do that for every camp that does that but honestly, I think just doing it once or twice would send a powerful enough message to discourage other warlords from being misogynistic. And he wouldnt have to raise all these children all by himself either, Im sure he could get the help of a few non-sexist men or even, gasp, some women. Like those priestesses living in that library Im sure some of the ones that have already recovered from their trauma somewhat wouldnt mind teaching some boys about the harm that misogyny does

Okay so the blood rite is called a Blutritual [blood ritual] in german which is a little confusing because a ritual is a pretty specific thing and I dont think the blood rite is that specific thing but whatever, it sounds cool enough

Ive said this before, I am not a Tamlin girlie, at best I prefer him to Rhysand, and I dont like or trust Rhysand at all, but imagine hearing that tragic story about how their families killed each other, leaving them as the only survivors and being like "I cant believe Tamlin killed Rhysands family!!" especially when its like, the only person Feyre actually knows Tamlin killed is Rhysands dad who sucked ass, its not exactly a great loss

I feel like i had a lot of thoughts about a lot of things in this chapter that I couldnt write down because theyre these abstract half-thoughts, so I think I'll let those marinate until theyre full thoughts and share them with you at some later date