#i dont fuck w/ marvel
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Finally have a decent set up (i live in fear for when I buy more and have to reorganize AGAIN)
Little guy <333
Got em for 4.99 on base đȘÂ
#dc comics#only dc#i dont fuck w/ marvel#at least not rn#comic collection#i should not have adult money#but i do#brb reading#court of owls#batfamily#batman#young justice#teen titans#green arrow#deathstroke#(thats all who I have so far)#sunny rambles
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you reblogged that wolverine feral gif and I almost put my phone on my mouth
i⊠well. okay! you know what, valid!
#i just thought it was Really Cool!!!#like itâs such a unique fighting style that is wholly wolverinesque#i dont personally find hugh sexy but I SUPPORT YOU 100%#YOU FUCK THAT OLD MAN SWEETIE#(âmaybe i lied a little bit i did find him kinda hot in that chicken nugget interview)#wolverine#logan howlett#deadpool and wolverine#dpw#dp&w#mcu#marvel#hugh jackman#mutual stuff#ask stuff#stuff with c
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is it morally correct when you and your younger sister, both filipino, were picking lemons to be angry at a white american man when he made a joke that you and your younger sisters were child slaves working away and should get lashed when we were resting when the Filipinos has a History With America (colonization)?
(addition: i have a darker complexion compared to my two siblings)
#crow talks#this is the same piece of shit from my church that left bc of personal reasons (cant disclose obviously)#i find it weird he SPECIFICALLY made these jokes w me and my younger sister. dude what the fuck#he keeps making jokes that my dad should beat us with a belt to be disciplined even tho my younger sister has told my parents in the past--#that her getting âpunishedâ with those beatings made her feel terrible and act out. like???#he doesnt know that piece of info but my dad plays him up (i think to make what he says a little less harsh but idfk) which is fucked up#an example is me not knowing marvel stuff and i forget a villian's face and is disappointed w me even tho i DONT GIVE A SHIT ABT MARVEL--#ANYMORE. my dad comes up and he's says (paraphrased) âyou aren't parenting them right if they dont know shit abt marvelâ WHAT THE FUCK?#even if he's sarcastic abt all of the shit he says it's still FUCKED UP TO JOKE ABOUT BEATING CHILDREN YOU AREN'T CLOSE TO !!!!!!
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If I were to write a few things, is there anything you guys would want? Also thinking about starting to write for cod !
#bat talk#harry potter x reader#stranger things x reader#eddie munson x reader#steve harrington x y/n#stranger things#marvel x reader#eddie munson x y/n#stranger things x y/n#cod mwii#honestly i dont know but i want to write again so fucking bad!!!!#i just dont know w h a t to write!!!
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Ahem.
So. Was anyone going to tell me that Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3 was gonna be That Emotional. Or did I just have to Find That Out for Myself.
#what the fuck. what the actual living hell.#rocket???? what the fuck????? like actually????????#guardians of the galaxy#gotg vol 3#marvel#disney marvel#disney#im going to eat through my own bones what the hell.#i thought rocket was gonna reunite with lyla. i saw the part where they hugged in gifs on here and assumed they reunited.#i was so dead fucking w r o ng like oh my god.#holy hell. i dont even know what to do with myself right now.
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TUMBLR WHAT IN THE FUCK DID I DO TO GET RECCOMENDED THIS
#buzzy#SISLSLSM IWAS#MY RECCOMENDED HAD A LOT OF THEM FOR?? SOME FUCKING REASON??#BUT NORMAL SHIT LIKE FCUKIN RED CARPET PICS THEN SUDDENLY. BAM Y/N POTTY TRAINING.#I WAS CONFUSED BY THEM BEING RECCOMENDED IN THE FIRST PLACE BUT NOW IM JUST FUCKING BAFFLED#just. ive never seen a y/n fic that was about y/n being a toddler. or one that involved potty training.#or one that involves being potty trained by hollywood actresses#aisksksma#my reccomended have been So Weird lately it was mostly. cute cat vids. very generic but fun.#w occasional marvel women thrown in#'huh why are they here i dont kn-AJSKSAIAK'
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// remind me to write some metas abt Loki tomorrow but in the meantime, i rewatched Thor. the most meta-y bits from me liveblogging it
#taking the time to say this is a loving reminder that the shit loki does is UNEQUIVICABLY fucked up. no ifs ands or buts.#he is still a very interesting character and while his reasoning may be understandable it is NEVER justified#i'll expand upon this later but i felt the need in my bones to remind of that esp since a lot of these msgs are me being emotional and -#- yelling in caps because he's an atrocious and fascinating little man#MUSE / Loki#STUDY / Loki#MUSING / Loki#â â shielding your eyes from the bright noon-light : studies.#marvel //#mcu //#violence //#death //#war //#ender dont look#religion //#racism //#<- cause thats what it is w him n the frost giants! even if its OBSCENELY normalized by everyone it Literally fucken is by definition!!!!!!#â â wanting like flesh knitting over a wound : xxx.#ask to tag //
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WAAAA I wish I talked more during the trans gathering there were so many ppl I wanted to talk to.... curse u social anxiety!!!!
#smudgy.txt#well its more like im just not used to having the power to simply Talk to ppl so i just. dont#there was a kid there w the coolest sense of fashion & im pretty sure they were a warriors fan but they seemed so shy and IM so shy#& i didnt want to like put them on the spot by bringing it up đđ#plus i had the stupid mask on for like half th3 event even tho practically no one else did so it was pointless#& made trying to talk to ppl so hard bc it was a thick mask + it was very loud in there#& as we all know the bane of the socially anxious's existence is Not Being Heard The First Time#AND I HEARD SOMEONE MENTION C*NTAURW*RLD I ALMOST LEAPT FROM MY SEAT TO JUMP INTO THE CONVO#BUT i was so introvertedly engrossed in my coloring page i didnt even move -_-#omg plus the ppl discussing marvel RIGHT NEXT TO ME i couldve cried#(I DIDNT I WAS STILL COOORING IN THAT DAMN BOOK!!!)#literally had my nose in that book the entire event. not just bc of social anxiety but bc#of my audhd need to Fill In The Entire Fucking Page#its still not done. this thing has so many details#i refuse to look at it again lest i be pulled back into that wretched trance for another 3 hours#someone pointed out how engrossed i was in the book & i simply nodded and laughed half paying attention i am not kidding i was Hooked#do not put an adult coloring book in front of an artist with a perfectionism problem they'll be stuck there as if cursed
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i swear to god im not normally Like This about movies but actually yknow what i DO hope miguel is gay in across the spider-verse i hope it isnât even a big deal at all and is just a casually-accepted fact that he is not attracted to women because i very specifically want the oscar isaac fangirls to Feel Pain. my psychic beam attacks have not yet been working
#talking tag#not tagging this one because it's mean#swear to god i dont even know enough about the guy to have a proper opinion on him but his fans are .#gonna cut myself off before i get meaner actually. trying to work on emotional maturity there#trying to learn to have the iron spine of evilmario. babygirl aint a bird of paradise i gotta stand by the things i say w/ my whole chest#iam.#at my ffucking limit though#orz#first mk then mig i swear to god im gonna fall face-first into hulk and then the very next day marvel will be like ''OSCAR'S HULK NOW''#QUIT PUTTING HIS FACE ON MY FAVORITE FUCKED-UP LITTLE GUYS GET OUT OF MY HOUSE OSCAR GET OUT
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mm. Fear
#ramblings of a lunatic#got pointed towards a freelance job opportunity by a friend (thanks bestie ily đ€) and hit up the asker w an email abt further discussion#since the og email was kind of vague (its a comic project! idk abt what but it is one! idk when/if there's a deadline! but it's a comic!)#and that meetings been arranged and thats all peachy keen#and if i get the job i get it and if i don't i dont#(they liked my samples despite them being old work so i definitely have that part down- now it's just seeing if the schedules align)#but as i was sitting down writing important questions I'd need to ask when we meet i was hit with a wave of. fear#and guilt?#like. It's been so long since I've made a Proper Comic (w/ the correct formatting and attention to layout and composition n stuff)#that I'm scared I'll like. forget how to comic and fuck it up. and disappoint this stranger I don't know#...and myself but that's besides the point#idk i think it's just jitters (also bc i had a bad ipad drawing day the device was NOT agreeing with me. paper was ok tho)#and I don't even have the job yet đ idk why I'm so nervous#maybe bc I've never had a paid illustration gig and i feel like such a fraud bc I'm a solid 6/10 self taught artist#i feel like rob liefeld bamboozling marvel into hiring him in the 90s and then Rob Liefeld-ing all over the place#(I don't think he actually bamboozled anyone. that's just how I feel rn)#in conclusion i think being on my period has not helped my feelings of mild trepidation and has in fact made me think dark thoughts#so I'm going to try and claim some semblance of rest now
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auug i cant seem to think at all today.
#i have an essay outline due tomorrow n i havent even decided on a topic#im trying to formulate a thesis rn but its just!!! smoke coming out of my ears!!!!!!#ugh#like okay its a sort of compare-contrast thing w/ some poems#specifically how these poems are using different aspects of poetry (imagery setting tone diction meter rhyme etc) to comment on their#subjects. so lik.e okay. thats alright#i was gonna do it on the carpe diem poems but i think im gonna do it onthe war poems instead#the carpe diem ones are donne's the flea and marvells uhhh coy mistress one#and i Think there's an argument to be made on appeals of logic vs emotion. and how each speaker views their listener. but idk how to make i#the war poems are komunyakaa's facing it and owen's dulce et decorum est. and i dont feel really confident w/ komunyakaa's poem#but i think that it might be easier to formulate an argument bc despite sharing a subject the poems are WILDLY different#one is like this meditative introspection anad one is like 'DONT FUCKING DO WAR JESUS CHRIST'#owen's poem is downright wretched w/ the diction tone and imagery#in a way thats super different from komunyakaa's. owen's is like.. posed to shock the reader? to make a point?#idk i think im gonna look up some analyses of komunyakaa's and read those#becuase the last line especially is really tripping me up.#anyways. okay#cae speaks
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I'm watching the big 4. It's... It's bad but fun.
#luly talks#typical marvel style comedy action#except asian#like its kinda cute i guess? but not enough of the characters was shown for me to like them as much as this ppl want me to#like I Dont Know These People.#i dont even know their fucking names#a bit of a longer intro would have done wonders#feels like that movie w ryan Reynolds (i think) where they had number names and bikes
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I give them points for figuring out danny is the clean-up crew rather than any kind of doom-bringer. And wanting to talk to him is an admirable goal.
But COME ON. Knocking him out??? Yeah. That's gonna go GREAT.
Short DPXDC Prompts #580
Connorâs hearing picks up something hitting the ground very big and very fast a few hundred miles away. He expected to see maybe a bit of space debris or a meteor or something⊠not a teenager in a hazmat suit directly in the center of a 30ft wide crater.
#dp x dc#i love danny as dan-el#and other death gods across cultures#because of time stream shenanigans#this is gonna blow up in the leagues face i just know it#the question is how bad the fallout will be#im w captain marvel dont fuck with an embodiment of magic
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ooo can you write about duke after a bad day and all he wants to do is take it out on you?
yesss ofccc đ
âbaby, you up?â he heard you say as you opened the door to his production room.
âyeah, i been up.â duke mumbled giving you the cold shoulder.
a frown replaced your smile, âwhat the fuck is your problem?â
âman where the fuck you been at huh, i got here two fucking hours ago and yo ass was gone.â he said voice harsh. he was tired and very irritable. the shoot had taken to long, he hadnt ate, hadnt showered & had been on the road for two hours to come home and you werent even there when he arrived.
âi aint know you was coming home tonight.âyou day quietly his tone scared but excited you at the same time.
âoh so you think you can fucking be out doing who knows what then?â he says standing up from his seat and striding over to you, mere inches separating you two.
his eyes bore into yours and your lack of response seemed to send him over the edge as his hand wrapped around your throat and pulled you in smashing your lips to one another. the kiss was desperate as he used his other arm to wrap around you picking you up. without your lips breaking contact he walked you over and sat on his chair, you in his lap.
moans escaped as he started kissing down your neck, but turned into a hiss as he sucked harshly right below your ear.
the sound went straight to his dick as he began to rutt up against you. his hands went to your ass cupping it before grabbing the material of your tights and pulling it apart ripping it at the seam exposing your bare ass and clit. you felt your pussy began to throb as the fabric of his sweatpants rubbed against it.
âdaddy, fuck me.â you pleaded before his hand went to your mouth covering it.
âdontt dont say shit now.â he said removing his dick with his free hand rubbing it between your lower lips.
âthis pussy too fucking wet.â he groaned bucking his hips up marveling at how the slickness felt against his tip.
he moved his hips downward aligning his tip w your entrance before pushing past your folds and into your tightness.
his hand muffled the moan that was going to escape your lips as he started thrusting wildly. he knew that at this pace he wasnt going to last long but he didnt care he just needed a release.
he removed his hand from your lips and moans began spilling out.
the sounds filled his ears and he admired how sexy they were. he could feel his release building so he gripped your ass and began bouncing you on top of him.
âfuck fuck fuck.â you cried and he felt you clench around him.
âyeah cum on this fucking dick.â he mumbled lips between his teeth as he stares at you.
you looked angelic to him and your parted lips, low eyes, and red cheeks were enough to send him tipping over the edge as he squeezed his eyes shut and emptied into you.
you felt him twitch inside you and smiled laying your head in the crook of his neck breath still heavy.
âthese were my favorite tights you know.â you say between breaths.
he chuckles and slaps your assâthey look better like this.â
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Luke Castellan with a knife kink save me Luke Castellan with a knife kink
mdni (UPDATE: HERE IT IS)
ANON YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
you dont understand, I SCREAMED WHEN I GOT THIS
as a former bucky barnes stan (og marvel stans i know yall remember that video of seb with the knife while they were nailing down the choreo for the fight scene), THE KNIFE KINK IS REAL
like i definitely see luke w a reader who joins him. theyâre both on princess andromeda and to blow off steam, luke just fucks reader dumb.
heâll probably jokingly put backbiter against her throat but instead of cowering in fear, she moans and luke chuckles darkly and just like that, new kink unlocked!
i wanna expand on this with a whole ficâŠ. this will be seared in my brain forever
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Feelings are Fatal (Javier Peña x f!Reader)
MASTERLIST // JOIN MY TAGLIST
A/N: omg whatttttt amhrosina writing a fic about someone not in a marvel show/movie???? whatttt???? the people who know me in person (& one of my fav mutuals) knew this was coming. what can I say? itâs pedro fucking pascal and i've been in love with him since GOT lol enjoy this angst fest! Â
request: rosi i noticed that you added pedro pascal to your writing list so im requesting a fic with javi comforting dea reader after a family member/friend dies. soft javi, maybe reader is drinking and theres an established but secret relationship. feel free not to write it if you dont like it but i saw your authors note about pedro and figured i would ask
Summary:Â Javi comforts reader after she gets terrible news and is forced to confront the depth of his feelings for her. Steve confronts Javi about his secret relationship.
(Warnings: angst, mentions of death, grief, minor injuries, alcohol, Javi is a grump but is a soft!boy w reader, cursing, lots of cigarettes lol, feelings are hard for javi)
The second you heard the receiver click on the other end of the line, the bulky phone slipped from your hand and tumbled to the floor. The booming crack of the plastic smacking the tile, followed by the trinkle of the pieces cascading across the floor, were the only sounds you could hear in the bullpen. You tried to find something to focus on, eyes glazing over as your heartbeat pounded in your ears. You scanned the area around you, skipping over Murphyâs concerned gaze and landing on Javiâs empty chair. Â
Mierda. (Shit.) He was still chasing a lead in Cali, and he wasnât supposed to be home until early tomorrow morning. Itâs not like he would be able to do anything for you right now anyways, considering you were surrounded by people who would out your relationship in half a second if it meant their career might be boosted because of it, but his reassuring presence was something you sorely needed at the moment. Â
Your chest tightened as you processed what your dad had just murmured through the phone. You had been sitting when you answered the phone, but at some point, you mustâve stood, because you were currently white knuckling the back of your chair. Â
Murphy rolled his chair into your eyeline, waving his hands in the air. Everything around you sounded muffled, almost like you were under water, and you couldnât focus on anything for longer than a few seconds. You ran through the tricks you knew off the top of your head to stave off a panic attack. You tried to take a deep breath, you counted the tiles on the floor, hell, you even tried to find five things you could see, but the rapidly rising pace of your heartbeat, and the shallow breaths you could barely manage told you your panic attack was in full swing already.Â
A gentle presence on your wrist sent a shock through you so prevalent that you snapped to attention and the world suddenly got very loud. Murphy was standing in front of you with wide eyes, murmuring your name, while the lucky few agents that happened to be in the bullpen when your phone rang stood a few feet back, observing you with keen interest. You werenât stupid enough to believe they cared about your wellbeing. Nosy fuckers. Â
Your hands clenched into fists, shaking slightly. The indent of your nails pressing into your palm was a steady ache, one that you absolutely needed if you were going to walk out of the office without incident. And you knew that was where you needed to go. Away from here, away from the DEAâs bullshit bureaucracy, away from Pablo Escobar and his sicarios. You stumbled away from Murphy, turning on your heels when you reached the lip of the bottom stair. You would explain everything to everyone later, when you could think again. âIf you still have a job later, pendeja (asshole/idiot),â you thought miserably.Â
You barely remember jumping into your front seat, nor starting the car, nor pulling out of the police headquarters lot. You had a vague awareness that you arrived home when you unlocked your front door, but you were stuck in autopilot, and couldnât bear to think about why you were stuck in autopilot. Â
You eyed the bottle of liquor Javi had left in your kitchen the last time he was here and sighed. Yes, you thought, thatâs perfect.Â
-Â
Javi was driving like a maniac, and he didnât give two shits about it. When Steve had called earlier, he hadnât been able to give any details about their partnerâs bizarre behavior, other than her hasty departure from DEA headquarters after a strange phone call. Steve was puzzled, but otherwise not too concerned about her. Javi, on the other hand, had carefully untangled himself from his business in Cali and hopped on the next available and inconspicuous flight home he could manage. Â
He could feel in his gut that something was wrong, and he couldnât leave his girl hanging, job or no job. He wasnât any closer to capturing Escobar anyways and had already determined that his trip to Cali was a colossal waste of time and resources before Steve had called him. Â
Heâd been pulled away from DEA headquarters for long enough, and this was the perfect excuse for him to high tail it out of Cali and come home. He was tired, and he missed his conejita (bunny â term of endearment), and even though heâd never admit it, he missed Murphyâs early morning grumblings too. Â
He peeled into the nearest parking spot he could find to the apartment building and hurdled himself out of the driverâs seat. When he entered the building, he eyed the door at the top of the stairs. Dark â either Murphy was still at the office, asleep, or sitting in his apartment in complete darkness. His apartment was also dark, but a soft glow emitted from under his conejitaâs door, and he breathed a sigh of relief. Â
He considered using the key she had given him for emergencies. Did this count as an emergency? He sure thought so, but he didnât want to startle her, so he knocked on the door with anxious trepidation. He waited, straining to listen through the door for any sign of life inside the apartment. There was nothing, and then there was the loud crash of something glass hitting the floor, and Javi was through the door before she could let out a yelp. Â
She was on her hands and knees, hunched on the floor by her couch. Broken glass was all over the floor around her, though Javi couldnât tell what sheâd broken. He was more concerned for her palms and kneecaps, all of which were being pushed into the broken glass shards with little resistance on her end. He rushed to her side, lifting her off of the glass and into his arms. Â
âJavi?â She slurred, raising her chin in a defiant gesture. Â
âCariño (honey), what happened?â He noted the way she slurred her words and the fact that her cheeks were tinted pink. âHave you been drinking?â Â
âHave you been drinking, Agent Grumpy?â She pouted, trying to mimic the way Javiâs lips would poke out when he was upset about something. Â
Clearly, sheâd been drinking, but Javi couldnât figure out what mightâve spurred this behavior. Out of him, Murphy, and her, she was the most levelheaded of the trio, and the least likely to drown her sorrows in a bottle of liquor. Dread coiled in his gut. Something awful mustâve gone down while he was gone, and he couldnât help but feel like the idiot that couldnât keep up.Â
âBaby,â he murmured, carefully navigating through the millions of tiny glass shards all over her living room floor, âÂżQue paso (what happened)?â Â
âI dropped the bottle.â She breathed, clutching onto his shirt with her bloody hands. He didnât care. Heâd use a hundred of his shirts to stop her bleeding. He carefully set her down in a kitchen chair, untangling his limbs from hers. She seemed more alert now, more awake than when heâd busted through the door moments before. The cuts on her hands and knees were probably to blame for that, but Javi couldnât breathe a sigh of relief yet. First, he had to find a first aid kit. Â
Every agent was trained in basic first aid, and if they felt like being kiss-asses, they could take classes to get certified in trauma response. Javi hadnât felt like being a kiss-ass, but he knew he way around a first aid kit. As he poked around her kitchen and bathroom cabinets, he stuck his head in the hallway every few seconds, checking on her. She was waiting patiently at the kitchen table where heâd left her, but sheâd adopted a look that could only be described as âfar awayâ, and his concern was growing by the minute. Â
Javi couldnât figure it out. When theyâd talked on the phone this morning, she was fine, chipper even. She was excited that heâd be home soon, and he had promised that heâd make up for the nights theyâd lost while he was working in Cali. When her voice had dropped to a whisper, and she revealed that Murphy had just walked into the bullpen thirty minutes early, his breath had hitched in his throat as he almost let the words âI love youâ slip from between his lips. Â
Javi wasnât inexperienced with women, but he was sure that she was the only woman in the world that could get him that tongue tied. When the receiver clicked, indicating that she'd hung up, Javi had spent entirely too long staring at the phone in his hands, listening to the dial tone drone on and on as he searched his brain for wherever the hell that had come from. Â
But that couldnât be what was bothering her. Steve had mentioned a phone call, but sheâd hung up the phone with him before 8am, and she didnât start acting weird until almost ten hours later. There had to be someone, something bothering her, and Javiâs chest ached with rage about it. The only person allowed to bother her was him, and he took that job very seriously.Â
âBebĂ© (Baby),â he sighed, propping the medical kit open on the kitchen table, âWill you tell me whatâs going on?âÂ
She swallowed thickly, sighing as he pulled up a chair in front of her. He gently lifted her hands to the light so he could see the cuts. They were shallow, but hands always bled a lot, so both of her palms were stained a deep crimson. She watched him as he began to remove pieces of glass from the cuts, and he waited patiently for her to explain herself. Heâd wait for as long as she needed him to.Â
-Â
The stinging sensation hadnât left your trembling hands, but you wanted to be tough in front of Javi, so you watched quietly as he wrapped your hands in thick gauze. Heâd lit a cigarette two minutes ago, puffing smoke in the air at regular intervals as he worked. When he finally moved on to your knees, which had stopped bleeding ten minutes ago, you tried to figure out exactly what to say to him. Â
It wasnât every day that your significant otherâs mom suddenly and inexplicably dies during an evening nap, leaving everyone, especially your significant other, baffled and choked by her loss. His mom had quietly passed away earlier the year before, and he was only gone for two days before returning to Colombia. He hadnât broached the topic since then, and you werenât as comfortable with him then as you were now. You could confidently say that you had no idea how this was going to go.Â
You took a breath, and before you could talk yourself out of it, mumbled the same words your dad had spoken hours before, causing your world to crumble around you.Â
âMi mamĂĄ estĂĄ muerta. (My mom is dead.)âÂ
Javi sucked in a breath, lifting his gaze towards yours with a pitiful expression. Tears welled in your eyes, and for the first time since youâd heard the horrible news, you allowed yourself to cry. Javi dropped the gauze on the table and wrapped his muscular arms around your neck, pulling you into his chest. Â
âOh, Cariño,â he cooed, kissing your hair as you sobbed into his shirt, âLo siento, bebĂ©. (Iâm sorry, baby.)âÂ
His shirt was sure to be irreparably stained now that your blood and tears were soaked into it, but he didnât seem to mind. He stroked your back, kissed your head, and held you close while you cried and cried into his chest. Heâd never seen you so vulnerable before, and a rush of fear shot through you at the thought of him scaring away because of that, but every time you tried to push away from him, heâd tighten his hold on you and urge you to let it out.Â
When you finally got a handle on your sobs, Javi pulled back, searching your expression for any further breakage. Heâd weather it, this awful storm, for as long as you needed him to. You knew that, and even still, when he began to put the pieces of you back together again, your heart melted at the thought of him. Â
Javier Peña was not the guy that women came crying to in the middle of the night. He was the guy you picked up for the one-night stand, the one youâd talk about for years afterwards, the one youâd think about as âthe one that got awayâ until you were too old to remember his name and where he came from. That was Javier Peña, and yet, he was in your kitchen, cleaning up your wounds, healing the part of you that was inexplicably broken. If only Murphy could see you guys now.Â
âCuando es el funeral? (When is the funeral?)â He asked, blotting at the scabs on your knees. Â
âNext weekend.â You murmured, wincing as he taped gauze over a particularly deep cut.Â
âWhen mi mamĂĄ died,â he started, and you stopped breathing, unwilling to be the one to fuck this conversation up before it even started, âI didnât let myself mourn the way I should have. I tried to sweep it under the rug, âya know?âÂ
You nodded, remembering the weeks after his return from Texas. He had thrown himself into his work, which made yours and Murphyâs lives a little easier for a while, though neither of you preferred it that way. Â
âLet yourself mourn, Cariño. Itâs my biggest regret.âÂ
âOkay.â You nodded, though you werenât sure exactly what he meant by that. You spoke before you could stop yourself. âYou can still mourn her. Thereâs not a time limit on grief.â Â
It sort of felt like the air was sucked out of the room. Youâd never said something so bold to Javi, especially not about his personal life. You were five seconds away from blaming your brashness on the alcohol youâd consumed, even though youâd sobered up fairly quickly once heâd arrived, when he nodded.Â
âThatâs true, Cariño.âÂ
You blinked. You must really look like shit if Javi wasnât actively building walls around himself. Sure, heâd opened up a little throughout the relationship, but he was still working on being vulnerable with you, and he had a lot of work left to do. You knew he was plagued by nightmares â you were too, and who, working this job, wouldnât be? â but he wouldnât talk about them with anyone. Instead, heâd pull you closer, kiss you harder, and make you forget why heâd woken in the first place. It was a coping mechanism that both of you recognized as ânot actually copingâ but neither of you had the resources or the energy to work through that trauma. At least, not yet.Â
He lit another cigarette, and you watched him breathe in the smoke deeply. He lifted it toward you, and you eagerly parted your lips, taking a much needed drag. Before Colombia, before Javi, you hadnât touched a cigarette in your life. After being assigned to team Murphy-Peña, you felt like you had a perpetual cloud of smoke hovering over you at all times. Â
Javi brushed his hands together and threw the remaining unused gauze back in the first aid kit. He gently pulled you from your seat, and the slight movement sent a sting through your legs. You were already regretting the alcohol and your hangover hadnât even started yet.Â
âLetâs sleep at my place tonight, Cariño. Weâll clean this up tomorrow.âÂ
You nodded, teary eyed again. You didnât want to think about tomorrow, or next week, or any time in the future that didnât include your mom. If Javi noticed your tears, he didnât say anything about them, and you were grateful for his wherewithal. He always knew exactly how to handle you, and that was part of the reason youâd fallen in love with him. Â
Love. You blanched. Nope. Not thinking about that right now.Â
You shrugged the thought away as Javi lifted you bridal style in his arms. Javier Peña didnât fall in love, and you certainly werenât going to be the woman to challenge that.Â
-Â
Bonus Scene: Steve confronting Javi about his secret relationship with you.Â
âAre you fucking stupid? Youâve got to be, to pull this bullshit.âÂ
Javi watched Steve pace across his living room. Again. Heâd been walking a hole in the rug for half an hour, and Javi wasnât sure Steve would be stopping his rant anytime soon. Â
Technically, Javi deserved this. Everything Steve was saying was true. He was jeopardizing not only his career, but hers too. The integrity of the investigation against Escobar would be questioned if word got out that two of the three agents assigned to his case were fucking each other. Not to mention how quickly procedure would be thrown out the window if either of them were in danger. Thereâs a reason why those rules existed.Â
But like most things, it wasnât that simple. Javi hadnât been able to offer an excuse for when Steve caught him carrying her into his apartment, taped to high hell with gauze and tipsy as all get out. Heâd simply shrugged, unlocked the door, and carried her through the frame without a second glance.Â
Now, Steve wasnât stupid, but he chalked up that incident to her being overwhelmed with grief. What friend wouldnât offer their couch up to their drunk, mourning partner when she needed it? What he didnât know was how often she slept at Javiâs already. She even had a toothbrush in his bathroom and a stack of books piled on one of the nightstands in his bedroom. Â
Steveâs suspicions mightâve grown a little the weekend that she went home to Oceanside for her motherâs funeral. Weekends meant little to the DEA agents working Escobarâs case â every day was another day they could possibly learn information that may or may not give them someone who might know something about Escobar, or not â but Javi was especially fidgety the two days she was off on leave.Â
Steve finally demanded to know what the hell was bothering Javi when he caught him staring at her empty seat for the third time in an hour. Javi brushed it off, claiming he hadnât been sleeping well, but Steve wasnât so easily persuaded to look the other way again. Â
The final straw, the one that prompted the yelling and the insults and the pacing, made Javiâs relationship with her so obvious that there wasnât a chance in hell he could talk his way out of it. Steve, being the hero best buddy that he was, had heard an alarming thump from Javiâs apartment, and taken it upon himself to investigate. What he hadnât been expecting to find was his two partners, tangled in each otherâs limbs, going at it on the kitchen counter like rabbits. Â
Hence, the yelling.Â
âI mean, seriously Javi? You could fuck any woman in the world, and you chose the one woman thatâs off limits!âÂ
âListen, man. I-âÂ
Javi tried again to interrupt Steveâs rant, to explain himself and what he felt for her. Steve was missing the bigger picture. Javi wasnât just fucking her, he loved her. He couldnât figure out if that would make Steve more or less angry about it.Â
âYou what, man? You what?!â Steve threw his hands in the air, beckoning an excuse that might help him understand why his partners would be such idiots.Â
Javi struggled to translate his feelings into words. He hadnât even told her yet exactly how he felt and saying it now felt weirdly similar to a trial run. He searched his head for the right words to describe what she was to him.Â
âIâve been sleeping.â Javi rested his hands on his hips and sighed, eyes flickering across the ceiling as he realized how incredibly stupid that sounded outside of his brain. âI know I love her, because I can sleep after Iâve talked to her.âÂ
Steve studied Javi, searching for any signs of deception. He narrowed his eyes when he couldnât find any.Â
âWhat do you mean you âloveâ her?âÂ
âI mean, I fucking love her, man. I donât know what you want me to say.â Javi was growing restless, tugging at the neckline of his button-down shirt. Conversations like these always made him antsy, and he could feel the temperature in his cheeks rising.Â
âYou.â Steve cocked a grin, âJavier Peña. In love? Iâm not buying it man.âÂ
âWell, Iâm not going to try and convince you.â It was Javiâs turn to throw his hands in the air in distress. He lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply.Â
âYou actually care about her?â Steveâs expression morphed from disbelief to genuine shock. Javi wished he could take a picture to savor the moment.Â
âAre you going to say anything to anyone?â Â
Javi would normally never be so obvious about his fears, but he was thinking about her, back in her apartment, probably walking a hole into her rug as she waited for Steve and Javi to hash their shit out. The look on her face when Steve started yelling was enough to make Javi panic, and he was not above begging if it meant keeping her out of trouble.Â
âNah, man.â Steve shook his head, plopping down on Javiâs couch. Javi sagged with relief. âJust donât make it so obvious. I was suspicious before I walked in on you two.âÂ
âYeah, man.â Javi took another drag of his cigarette. Â
âHave you told her?âÂ
âTold her what?â Javi couldnât keep the bite from his tone.Â
âThat you love her.âÂ
Javi envied the ease that Steve managed when he talked about love. Before sheâd been transferred to Colombia, Javi had never, in his life, been able to understand why anyone would choose to fall in love. He recognized the signs of it from the years of watching his parents interact, but heâd never experienced it before. When Steve talked about Connie, whether it was a complaint or not, there was always an underlying tone of love in his words. When she showed up, everything Javi had ever thought about love was scrambled, and it terrified him.Â
âNo.â He blew out a slow trail of smoke.Â
Steve nodded slowly in understanding. If anyone in the world could comprehend Javiâs mindset right now, it was the guy heâd spent hours and hours with every day for years.Â
âMaybe you should.âÂ
âYeah, maybe I should.âÂ
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