#i dont even like coke

[crapimgay]

I think coke and pepsi would have an enemies with benefits relationship. Like they'd be in the same building for meetings (obviously not in the same meetings bc they're enemies) and they'd meet in a broom closet to fuck. They actually hate each other though, it's not just for appearances.

Mexican Coke and Japanese Pepsi are in a commited relationship. They love each other very much. They just aren't public about it bc it's only their buisness, and no one elses.

[anotherpapercut]

genuinely so many of you want to be leftist and "punk" and countercultural soooooo bad but you refuse to become comfortable with the concept of people taking drugs for fun because they like it and not because they were somehow tricked or forced into it without knowing what they were getting themselves into

you'll be like "addiction is a disease!!" but think you're better than those degenerate stoners because you only drink energy drinks and white claws and would never touch "illegal drugs"

many if not most drugs CAN be consumed completely safely with almost 0 risk to the user and even if that werent true and all drugs were extremely dangerous you still wouldn't be better than those of us who love doing drugs recreationally

lighten up and grow up. get offline, talk to real adults, and stop being shocked to discover that they enjoy doing stuff that adults do like have sex and do drugs and even listen to rock and roll

[judeiscariot]

to be quite honest john mulaney they could never make me hate you

[tru-daddy]

aint no way theyre already nerfing dante because people are tweaking over not dying in a game

[the-acid-pear]

Honestly I wonder where the Freddy's need to not let any single fucking employee ever leave even comes from. I mean with the Phoneys I understand it they're making those guys to work (although a lot of the time they're barely doing their job at all like I'm juuust saying Bono was kinda slacking as a boss) but fuck are you gonna gain for tying an employee to the brand eternally? Is it a matter of "you're going down with the ship" because if they're complicit in the crimes they can't call them out? Is it just overall hate towards any living form? Like when they're evidently throwing up searches to find rogue employees it's like. Call me crazy but I feel this is a bigger lost of revenue than it is a gain. But I guess when you see them as objects instead of people this behavior is only natural because if my bridge just up and left I'd be like no sir I'm getting that cunt back.

[stevethehairington]

fhsjskdkd my coworker started talking about the book he was reading and when i asked what book it was he said it was endurance the one about the shackleton expedition and my aNT/ARCTIC EXPEDITION HYPERFIXATED ASS STARTED VIBRATING IN MY SEAT BC THATS WHAT IVE SPENT THE LAST HOW MANY DAYS AND WEEKS AND MONTHS READING ABOUT and so naturally i brought up the franklin expedition hdjsksk and then i had to be SOOOO normal when my coworker asked me what that was

[cranberrytart451]

Drank expired diet coke today

[dailydegurechaff]

Today's Daily Degurechaff is… drinking a coca cola fanta

[sweet--serendipity]

Low-key wanna make these. I don't have to deal with shitty college food so maybe I'll be able to eat something that isn't absolute crap.

[scentofpines]

sorry im in a hater mood today but some us americans use such an absurd amount of plastic. buying 2 slices of bread that are packaged in plastic instead of just buying one loaf that comes in a paper bag that you cut yourself? using a red platic cup to collect your biodegradable trash and throwing that away afterwards?? drinking water exclusively from 500ml single use plastic bottles???? (i mean i get if tap water isnt drinkable where you live, but then at least get large bottles or gallons of water). driving your car to buy a coffee in a single use cup at dunkin donuts every single day instead of just getting a refillable one or bringing some cup from home???? using plastic dishes at YOUR OWN FUCKING HOUSE????? talk about excess

[airwar]

its so unfair that i cant spend the whole day drinking coffee and smoking

[valentinoappreciator]

Doing hard drugs for the first time with Valentino 💞

Valentino grins at you as you enter his living room. You're visibly nervous; tugging at your earlobe and biting your lower lip. Yet, for all your nerves, if not downright fears, your steps are measured and confident as you walk over to sit next to him on the massive, overly spacious, red leather couch. Your high heels click against the polished floor.

"Good girl," he grins, immediately grabbing your chin to force you to look at him. He kisses you roughly, and the taste of his cigarettes lingers on his tongue as he shoves it down your throat. It makes you moan without even thinking, without even needing a script.

Your eyes close, and only when Valentino laughs mockingly, do they open again. Realizing you must've looked comically blissful, you blush a bit.

"So, baby cakes," he purrs and strokes a long, clawed finger down your cheek, "I hear from... reliable sources, that you've never done drugs. Are my sources to be trusted on this? Have you really never tried anything fun?"

You shake your head.

"N-No, I haven't. Some guy at my previous job offered me weed, but I... refused."

Valentino tilted his head slightly, grinning, but clearly confused.

"And why did you refuse, honey?"

"Well, I... he was a colleague. I wanted to remain professional with him. I didn't know him. If I'm to do drugs, I want it to be with someone I trust not to hurt me."

"Aawww, and you chose me to do drugs with for the first time? Darling, you flatter me," he purrs, tilting your head back with a finger under your chin. He kisses you again, but this time without tongue. There's not tenderness to it, because Valentino doesn't do tender, but, you think to yourself, if it was anyone but Valentino, it would have been tender.

But you don't want anyone but Valentino.

No, you want him. With all his deranged talk, all the debauchery he has you put up with. It's all him, and that's who you want. It's who you desire.

"Yes," you breathe against his lips, closing your eyes a sliver once more.

"Well then," he grins and pulls back, simultaneously pulling out a small bag of white powder from a pocket in his long coat.

Your heart skips a beat, and you suck in a breath. Valentino hears, of course, and skewers you with his sharp gaze.

"Nervous?"

"Yes," you repeat.

He grins.

"Aaww, baby, no need to be. Daddy will take good care of you. Don't I always?"

"Yes, Daddy. You always take such good care of me."

His grin widens, pulling his eyes into narrow, red slits. From another coat pocket, he withdraws a folded stack of bills. They're as crisp as a winter morning back on Earth. Probably as new as they come, too. Hot off the press.

"Now, doll," he begins in a sultry drawl, removing the clip from the money, and puts the notes on the coffee table. "You just let Daddy take care of this, okay? Don't want nothing to happen to my favorite girl, now do we?"

You giggle nervously.

"Of course not, Daddy."

"That's a good girl."

He shakes out a - to you - sizeable amount of coke. When you had said that you had never tried hard drugs before, you had assumed you would start out with a small dose. Not... this much. This looks like it could and would put you six feet more under the ground.

But, being a good girl, you don't say anything. Nothing to disturb Valentino as he uses some of the bills to line up the coke in several neat lines. Nothing to suggest that you're getting cold feet. Because, oddly enough, while it is scary, you aren't getting cold feet.

No, you're actually... excited about the idea of doing drugs with Valentino.

So, when he pulls you between his long, skinny legs, asking if you're comfortable, you snicker and nod.

"Yes, Daddy. Very comfortable." As if to emphasize just how comfortable, you snuggle back against him with a loud, dramatic sigh of content. He purrs, kissing your cheek.

"There's a good girl," he murmurs. With his insane height, he can easily loom over you, and he does. His body towering above yours, two of his hands help yours to grab a bill.

"Here, baby," he coos. "You want to do it like so." He shows you how to fold the bill to form a sort of tube. For once, he is actually gentle with you as he guides you.

"That's it. And then you just sniff it up into your pretty, little nose."

You're trembling - quite a lot, actually - by now, but Valentino is stroking your back and hair soothingly.

"All.... all of them, Daddy?"

He laughs. There's no mocking undertones this time.

"God no, baby! I don't want you to die again, however temporary that might be. No no, you start with this one," he points out a small, thin line in front of you, "and then you can do this one, if you're feeling brave." He points to another line, roughly the same size as the first one, but maybe a bit thicker.

You nod and swallow heavily.

"O...Okay."

He squeezes your shoulders before letting go of them again.

"No rush, baby doll. You can take your time," he purrs into your ear. "Daddy won't be mad. Promise."

You smile weakly.

"Thank you, Daddy," you mumble.

Squeezing the crisp bill a bit tighter, but without crumbling it, you lean down over the table. You position the hole of the tube over the start of the line, the other end of the tube at your left nostril.

"Remember, move quickly. Don't give the scary thoughts time to settle, baby." He sounds... excited.

You nod slightly and let out a deep, careful, shaky breath.

Then you do it. Moving quickly, while sniffing deeply, you end up snorting the entire line without difficulty. However, it stings something awful, and you wince once you sit back up.

Valentino is instantly over you, pushing you on your back and shoving his tongue in your mouth once more. You moan excitedly, grabbing the front of his coat, and return the kiss as best you can.

"That's it. I knew you could do it, baby," he purrs once he pulls back. "I knew I did right by making you my favorite."

The coke isn't kicking yet, but you know that Valentino has access to, and only dishes out, the purest drugs. Something tells you it won't take long before you're high out of your mind.

[tiktaaliker]

so whenever i go to any sort of restaurant/fast food place i have One Menu Item that i get every time because its Confirmed Safe. and at McDonald's it was always the quarter pounder. so apparently my subconscious was so distressed about the listeria outbreak affecting quarter pounders specifically that in my dream last night i was at a mcdonalds drive through about to order before thinking "ah man i cant get my quarter pounder. this sucks" and sadly ordered just a large fry and diet coke and nothing else. and that was my entire dream im pretty sure i woke up after that

[lunar-fey]

ohhhh my god. okay. so. my aunt does like, she buys random junk in bulk from retail wholesalers and then resells it on like, facebook marketplace and ebay and stuff. whatever. so my mom works for her. makes a flat $50 a day, regardless of the fact that shes disabled and doing hard labor for at least 8 hours a day, often 10+. and min wage here is $10 an hour but mom argued that $50 a day is still more than what she would make working the same hours at an actual job because of taxes...like girl that would be 50% taxes. you do not pay that fucking much. so thats already Bad.

but today mom shows me a video of a knife theyre gonna sell, and i watch 2 seconds and i realize its an automatic knife, and i tell her hey. thats illegal to possess in this state. let alone sell! and mom is like ohhh [aunt] knows what shes doing itll be fine.... we sell knives on there all the time she just doesnt put pictures and calls them something else on the listing to get around fb/ebays policies :)

LIKE. HELLO. THATS NOT BETTER. YOURE COMMITTING MULTIPLE CRIMES. *AS YOUR JOB.* and she was just like "its not a big deal she knows what shes doing." folks, this is the same aunt that, very illegally, paid me to sort through her clients confidential tax documents and bank records and stuff. because she works for a bank. and took the records home to sort them. i dont think she DOES know what shes doing, actually!

[mudvi]

the unintentionally funniest part of those “if john lennon was alive today hed like joe rogan/be nonbinary/shitpost” posts people love to make is the fact that hed be 84 years old. like okay.

[dirt-str1der]

Love characterising nishikiyama as a booze hound drug hound meth addict high every day body mass 75% alcohol hands constantly shaking literally spacing out while driving fifty over the speed limit using elderly folk as speedbumps one hand on the wheel and one hand free to do more drugs and coming into work while functionally deaf and blind and he is still leagues more competent at his job than kiryu