#i dont even eat pies

[olteacup]

very important question that i need answered,

what fruit is Renee, or better question is what flavor of pie is she

i feel like she'd be either peach pie or apple pie but i don't even know how pie taste so im winging it

saying that what about Tamarack or Qiu? cause I feel like Baxter would be an oreo pie, no questions asked. he's definitely an oreo pie

[solarockk]

My beautifull princess with a disorder <3

[orcelito]

Super sexy me is so sexy I accidentally set off the fire alarm while baking pie shells for my pumpkin pie. And now I don't know if I should've even baked them in the first place. But well. Too late now 👍

[bunnyb34r]

I had a really fucking wild dream last night and I'm not gonna even try to explain most of it, but I gotta share at least the ending

I was like with this guy who was really fucking horny, but he was HUNGRY too and he wanted McDonalds. So ofc I got him some and I got him a pumpkin pie thing from there and when I handed it to him, he was gonna fuck it...

And I was like oh no that's gonna give you second degree burns man, but he didn't care

Anyway I woke up thinking "no, don't fuck the pumpkin pie, man"

And that single thought has been stuck in my head all damn day and I can't say it outloud so I gotta tell the internet AGDGDGDGGD

Like that single thought and him holding the pie, still half in the packaging to not BURN HIS HAND, holding it crotch level and making eye contact... all that has been haunting me all goddamn day 😭

[aquascopex]

They should make a quilt patterned like a pie crust with the woven pattern and the braided edge and maybe it even has cutouts and the "filling" is a different material BROOOOOO

[cinemacrypt]

Just got food poisoning/stomach bug the day before thanksgiving,, fuck my stupid baka life

[nerdie-faerie]

Pie time 🥧

[katiascraft]

"Him" | LN4

Parings: Lando Norris x bestie!reader.

Summary: Oblivious idiots to lovers. That's what Max said.

Word count: +2,7k.

Warnings: nooone just pure fluff and some language hehe. Not a native english speaker so there could be (so many) errors. Not proofread.

Author's note: AAAAAAA i loved writting this one 🥹 Dont forget to comment, like or reblog! And follow me so we can be friends :3 (and drink mate together!)

MASTERLIST

“You only say that because you fancy him, y/n. You can't play with me”Max said out of nowhere while talking about the whole Lando drama and his fourth championship at Danny Ric’s house. Your three have been best friends for quite some time now. Actually, you have been friends with most of the grid for a couple of years now. They were like family to you and recently, you moved countries to live and study in Monaco and be able to spend more time with your friends.

“What have you just said motherfucker?” you acted offended. Nethertheless it took you by surprise that he said such a thing when you have never talked about Lando and your feelings for him with him nor danny. But Max knew you too well to already know the whole story. Of course Danny laughen and you could feel the heat going up your face. You feel exposed so you try to cover up by drinking another sip from your glass of white wine. You thank god it was in the privacy of Danny's house and not some random bar for everyone to hear.

“Oh c’mon y/n, i think it’s pretty too obvious by now” max continued noticing the panic and surprise on your face.

“Yeah, it is obvious and cute to see how you drool, staring at him everytime he talks. And not to mention you eat him alive at races when he is all sweaty -” danny continued the torture but you stopped them both making them laugh.

“Just stop!” you said “you guys are impossible!” your face was red and anxiety took over you for a moment.you sighed defeated. “To be honest with you, yeah, I do like him. But lets be real, im nt even his type at all” you said remembering how he was kissing magui, that model he fucks now and the, kind of a situationship, in front of your fucking face the whole night a few weeks ago. “And even as impossible as it sounds, if there was an actual chance for me with him, we wouldn't work either. I'm complicated. And he doesn't see me like that. He never did. And i'm sure that won't change like ever” you added just convince yourself of everything you said. It was impossible, right? There was no chance in this universe for him to see you like that. You are so far from what he used to date. It's just an innocent crush. You’ll meet someone,right? You saw Max denying with his head.

“y/n, i know you are not the most confident human being i know but be fucking for real, you are not complicated. And everything you said it's nonsense. You are fun to be around, you make him laugh until he pisses himself, you give him his favorite things, you bake him cookies and pies, you listen to him when he is sad, you are like the bestest person next to him. And let me tell you, I have no doubts he is into you as much as you are. It's in your eyes guys. You love each other more fondly than you want to admit” he said leaving you speechless for a moment and with a mess of confusion around your head. You wanted to believe him but at the same time you can’t.

“Mic drop, sir” Danny said and they both laughed. You smiled but rolled your eyes in disbelief.

“I wish” you finally said, making Max roll his eyes.

“Two oblivious idiots, can you believe it danny?” Max said ironically and Danny followed him.

“I see it mate. It's sad. I wanna cry” he said.

“You guys are impossible." You declared to go back to your trivial talk about cats and australia barbecue.

(...)

It was a beautiful saturday. You were thankful Ria said yes to accompany you to buy a new outfit for tonight's party. Martin Garrix was in town and lando invited you all to his friend's show. Coffees in hand, you were chatting about everything and anything.

“So the plan is a sexy outfit just to impress your boy?” she teased and you rolled your eyes.

“Why is everyone so obsessed with the idea that I like lando? As if he would care what I wear or not” you said, a little irritated. You just wanted to conquer someone else tonight to forget about all of this and move one. You knew it was impossible that Lando liked you back so why be stuck in it? You were gonna dress up and doll up and conquer whoever you may please. That was your masterplan.

“Girl, you need to relax. I say it first hand: he cares a lot fucking much. He likes you. I just know.but you two are too dumb to accept it” she said raising her shoulders.

You felt so confused once again. These were Lnados friends who knew him just like you did. First it was Max and Danny and now it is ria. You didn't want to fool yourself. And at the same time you wanted him to know for the longest time. You wanted him to notice you. And you also knew him and you knew how he is with girls and if he liked you then he would've told you by now.

“Ria, dont play with me” you begged. Concern showed in your voice. She gave you a gentle hug by your side.

“I won't ever do that to you y/n. I would never in a million years forgive myself if I did. You're my friend and I just want you to be happy. Believe me” her voice was soft and sweet. You just smile and change the subject. You didn't want to discuss this anymore. Nor did you think you could handle it.

(...)

Saturday night finally came and so did the margaritas you so dearly adore when you needed to forget reality. You were pretty tipsy by now. You met Franco Colapinto and you didn't even know he was invited but oh god he was so fun to be around. You've Been talking to him the whole night about whatever to be honest.and yeah, he looked really hot tonight by the way. You felt lucky he even looked at you and so you followed around.

You bumped into Max at the bar table after ordering yet another margarita. He looked at you a little tipsy as well.

“So you replaced lando for an argentine prince, huh?” He teased you.

“Oh shut the fuck up verstappen. Were in public” you said going back to the barman who was handing you your precious margarita drink. He rolled his eyes.

“Be careful. Lando's not happy” he said and disappeared into the people holding his vodka with red bull. Weird mix but he was loyal to his employers i guess.

You came back to where Franco was waiting for you to be back. He looked so cute under the lights in that white shirt he was wearing. And speaking of white shirt you saw Lando talking to him. You cursed yourself right there. You may or may not have ignored him the whole night. But you just couldn't face him after what all your friends said. You just didn't want to be tempted by his pretty shiny green eyes and his mouth. Oh what you'd give up just to taste his lips.

“Oh there is the missing girl,” Lando said, looking at you when you arrived and smiling nervously. The tension established between you two even Franco noticed it.

“Guess it is my turn to go to the bar. Be right back, guys” he said and left the two of you alone. You took a sip from your glass avoiding his sight.

“What's wrong with you?” he said kind of offended? Anger could be clearly heard in his voice. You sighed not knowing what to answer.

“What do you mean lando?” you decided to play the fool. You wanted to run away. His eyes were intimidating you.

“One day we watch movies together and bake cookies and the other you ignore me for several days and even flirt with another dude straight to my face?” what he just told you took you by surprise. You frowned, confused at his statement. The tension was burning your throat. He got closer and so you finally faced him. You looked at him. His face straight and his eyes dark with a little sparkle. You couldn't read what was going on inside him. Maybe he was just as confused as you were. “You look too pretty in that dress to be talking to him and not me” you could breathe his warm breath tasting tequila mixed with lemon. You swallowed hard. Your insides exploded. what was happening? He grabbed your waist and pulled you closer to him. His touch burns your skin sending shivers down your spine. This was actually happening? Your hands were shaking. You really thought about what to tell him. A devilish smile appeared in his face when he thought he left you speechless. But you weren't ready to let him win.

“Well, for your information, I'm single and I can talk to wherever my vagina pleases so that shouldn't be none of your business. Also, why would I talk to you if you have been talking with more than one girl tonight? I'm a selective lady. What can I say” you smiled innocently.

He bit his lip. He tightened his grip around you. More possessive. More irresistible. Your innocent smile turns into a triumph smile. ”so if you dont mind i’ll keep talking to Franco and luckly fuck him. Have a good night Landito” you said provocatively leaving lando hanging into his words as you pulled away and walked away from him. His brain is malfunctioning.

And as you promised you kissed and fucked Franco Colpinto that night.

(...)

It was already the next sunday and Lando had disappeared. There was nowhere to be found. He didn't reply to your texts nor your calls. He became just dead silent. That made you feel even more confused than you already were. What did it mean what happened at the party? What were his intentions? Why didn't you kiss him? You were torn into feeling guilty and stupid at the same time. Like you had an actual chance with him but you didn't take it. And you didn't even know why. You hated yourself so much for that. How stupid.

Max, Lando's best friend, invited you over along with Pietra and Lando. You were cooking some vanilla flavored cookies with chocolate chips. The famous crumble cookies. Lando has been pretty much ignoring you. And you have been really quiet. Very unusual both ways. The tension was irritating. Max and Pietra tried to play it cool but it was very uncomfortable. When Lando came back from the bathroom, Max took him into the terrace and you stayed with pietra inside in the kitchen doing your stuff.

“Babe, what happened between you two?” she sounded genuinely worried. You sighed stressed.

“To be honest with you, I don't know. After a weird moment at the party last Saturday, he has been ust ignoring me. I didn't know if he was even alive if Max didn't invite us here. Very childish in my opinion but what can I say? I Didn't face him either.” you explained and pietra frowned her eyebrows.

“You need to talk honey. You need to tell him” she said, sobbing in your arms. You pressed your lips together looking outside through the glass door straight to lando seriously talking to max.

(...)

After the worst and most traumatic hang around with Max and Pietra - the cookies were great by the way - Lando offered to give you a ride and you said yes. Probably the worst decision of your life because the tensi could be cut by a knife and it was hard to breathe of how dense the air was inside the car. His radio was playing Jmaes Blunt ‘you’re beautiful". It was one of your favorite songs. How pretty was to you to enamour someone just by existing in the subway going to work or going back from university. You just romanticized that idea. You started mumbling the lyrics in a whisper just to not disrupt his comfort. But after a few seconds he turned off the radio and you looked at him weirded out.

“I can't do this anymore,” he said, parking his car on the side of the road. Anxiety kicked you. You licked your lips looking at your hands and he was just starting to nowhere outside his car window.

“I really like you y/n. I am in love with you in fact. And dim so stupid i realized about it when i saw you with Franco kissing. His hands touching you grossed me out. It felt wrong because that should've been me - not him” he finally looked at you. What he just said took you by surprise and you wanted to cry but holded inside. You looked back at him. The knot in your throat was unbearable.

“We are idiots,” you said, remembering what Max said to you a couple of months ago.”Because I'm in love with you. I was too afraid to tell you and ruin what he had. Losing you terrifies me. And to be honest I just thought you wouldn't even look at me that way. I never felt pretty enough for you, I don't know why” when he heard you say that last sentence his heart sank.

“I always felt you were out of my league to be honest. Please, y/n, you're gorgeous, and funny as fuck, and intelligent, and sweet and such a great person. You're almost perfect. Don't ever talk about you like that. I'm just an idiot. A normal stupid ass dude. Don't compare yourself like that ever again” he said feeling a little guilty for you to feel that way even though it was not his fault.

You gave him a soft smile nodding.”you know? I can't believe every single friend of yours told me for months that you liked me and I just couldn't believe it. How dumb I gotta be. So I'll fight the intelligent compliment of yours” you said, making him laugh.

“But let's be honest, who thinks straight when they are in love?” he said with the most precious smile and sparkly eyes looking at you so fondly. You knew you had heart eyes in your eyes.

“Fair point” you said, smiling widely. And you giggled out of nervousness. He did too.

Two kids in love. You dreamed about this day for so many years. You just hoped that it wasn't another dream because it felt like one. And without asking, Lando took you out of your self doubt and inner conversion pressing his lips into yours in the most felt kiss you have ever given. The man that you are Lando norris. You cupped his face on your hands making the kiss more intimate and passionate. A kiss you two wanted to give for so long. You said everything in that kiss. You just knew this was it. This was the start of the most exciting and magical love story. And it was yours.

It was him. It has always been him. Lando. Your best friend. Him and no one else by your side.

(...)

Your eyes filled with tears of joy. You were at the wedding of one of your best friends: max verstappen. Lando was holding your hand gently and so dearly. They were speaking their vows and everything was so emotional. You were such a sensitive soul. Lando loved that about you. So pure in emotions. So vulnerable yet so strong and brave. That was you and watching the isle,he knew it was you who was gonna be there with him when the moment came around. The bride kissed the man and you two cheered the new wife and husband of the group. You looked at Lando for a moment knowing he was the love of your life and it was gonna be you two there one day.

What you did not expect was to take in your own hands the wife’s bouquet announcing you were next in line to get married. Youcelebrated in happiness and laughter around your friends and Lando. You kissed him so fondly.

“I love you bestie” you said between his lips grabbing him by the neck, the bouquet in one of your hands.

“I love you bestie, forever” he said with heart eyes hugging you looking at you with love in every fiber of his body.

“Forever and always” you assured him.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hope you liked it 💌 if you have any idea my inbox is open so send your requests!

[honeytonedhottie]

starting ur fitness girlie era⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🌷

starting ur fitness girlie era is actually super easy! its consistency and discipline where most ppl struggle. i hope this post can help make the sustenance of ur fitness girlie era super easy and fun + some fun working out resources to start ✨

FOR CLARITY ;

when starting anything, the most important thing, although cliche is starting from a place of love rather then hate. it feels better and is more sustainable in the long run.

be clear on your goals for ur fitness girlie era. is this something that u wanna maintain in ur day to day life for general health? do you wanna gain/lose some weight? do you just wanna be stronger?

knowing what ur trying to achieve makes finding workouts that target your goal specifically more easy (the more specific the better)

WHERE DOES NUTRITION COME INTO PLAY ;

you should be fueling ur body properly in order for ur body to function well when ur in ur fitness girlie era. if ur goal for example is to gain weight but u notice that u have a habit to eat very little, make a log.

WIEIAD LOG (NUTRITION CONTINUED) ;

i started a what i eat in a day log for a couple reasons. one bcuz i love lists and documenting things about myself, and two bcuz i wanted to make sure that i was eating well and eating good quality foods. bcuz i notice that when i eat well -> i feel well.

eat to fuel your body, dont eat just to eat

include fresh foods

make sure that you eat healthy portions (calling four almonds a meal is NOT healthy, and calling six pizza pies a meal is NOT healthy)

overall just be mindful of what u decide to fuel your body with. an easy drink that helps to be mindful with what u fuel ur body with is with SMOOTHIES.

im so sick of ppl sleeping on smoothies cuz if u dont like to directly eat vegetables or if u want an easy way to intake fresh fruits and veggies smoothies are the way to GO.

ROMANTICIZATION ;

the fun part of the whole journey, romanticization. made a pinterest board for ur fitness journey aesthetic and make it super pretty. invest in cute workout clothes to motivate urself to workout.

formulate a playlist for ur workout, something that gives u energy and motivates you. find a workout class or a youtube channel that you love. dont make working out BORING. get a workout buddy, make some video diary entries about working out/ur workout for the day.

make a blog that records whatever workout that u did. find fun ways to work out, like dancing or going on hot girl walks. create an atmosphere where u can work out and treat the time that u spend working out as a time to nurture and nourish your body.

PATIENCE AND PERSISTENCE ;

motivation isnt going to get u through a sustainable fitness girl journey, motivation can only get you so far. its DISCIPLINE that gets you the results that you want and consistency.

be patient with yourself even if u fall off ur routine and grind, ur only human so let yourself live. as long as you dont make falling off a habit, you'll be okay.

make sure that u emphasize the mind -> body connection bcuz thats super important. working out is not just about working up a sweat; it's about connecting with your body and embracing the mind-body connection.

FUN AND EFFECTIVE WAYS TO WORKOUT ;

le sserafim workout - i've done the le sserafim workout once or twice and it absolutely destroyed me 💀 but in a good way. its challenging but its also rly effective so i recommend.

dancing - if ur into dancing, find a way of dancing that u enjoy to do. some examples include ; ballet, kpop dances, jazz etc

join a sport - join a sport with a friend to make it more fun! but theres lots of different sports that u can play and not only is it good for ur health, but its also super fun

[lubrumalis]

konig headcanons! (realistic)

tw: nsfw

all of these are realistic hc! dont expect a normal konig

hes NOT a shy awkward pushover, just because he has social anxiety??? we can see through his voice lines hes a very cocky person and speaks rather agressively

“lets be honest, its better off in my hands.”

i hc that just because konig has social anxiety, he doesn’t express this through bring soft and shy, he expresses it through his bluntness

konig wanted to be a sniper but did not because he couldn’t stand still, has social anxiety, i hc he has some form of adhd

his very cocky and blunt shouting isn’t because hes mean, but he just doesnt wanna be seen as that bullied kid he once was

hes doesnt have horrible EQ, but the kind of guy to be incredibly unfiltered

also, this guy was literally assigned as a human battering ram, you think hes all soft and sweet???😅😅😅

no he won’t get angry or cry if his mask is taken off. just annoyed.

its not actually canon that konig is a colonel (correct me if im wrong, i couldnt find anything on the official wiki) but lets assume hes one anyway

even if he isnt, gets paid well. really well.

private military companies that deploy soldiers in areas of active conflict can pay up to hundreds of thousands for one soldier

considering konigs age (late 30s at least) and skills, probably 400-500k a year.

chose to join the military because he had an obsession with tanks and guns as a kid

a lot of hc’s say hes 6’10. i disagree, simply based off of chances and the fact thats wayyyy too tall for the military

but he was described as a mountain, so id say his height is around 6’5-6’8

very very intimidating. hes tall big and has the mask of an executioner in the 15th century. who wouldn’t be scared?

definitely will say some random german word in a situation where no one else there knows german. he doesn’t give a damn lol

hates americans (thinks theyre all obese, mannerless, and bad at geography)

brings up the most random topics. again i really think konig has adhd.

konig was not good at school and hated it, mainly due to the anxiety and how he couldn’t pay attention

also why he chose the path of a soldier

drinks lots of beer, high alcohol tolerance, this guys a true european.

loves austrian or german food. loves schnitzel and pies.

konigs breakfast is literally sausages, toast, eggs, and sometimes beer

BIG APPETITE. he could eat for 3 people.

a little insecure about his appearance, not confident in his looks :( also why he hid his face

but as he grew older he uses the mask for actual purposes of concealing his identity, he is a special ops soldier after all

kind of a cheapskate. he chose to hide his face with what, polyester? chose a piece of cloth over everything else.

has very conservative beliefs. not to the point where he hates abortion and votes far right, konig is just a little confused about some things certain liberals believe in

pretty political person lmao

not enough info to conclude whether or not konig was abused as a kid tbh

he was definitely miserable for a period in his life. hes in the military living a monotone life, barely any contact with others, and constantly living in fear he’d die

i dont think hes as traumatized as ghost tho🙂🙂

konig appreciates his dna and how it makes him big and tall, but sometimes gets incredibly annoyed at it

mainly because well, he got bullied for itas a kid

because he specializes in hostage rescue a lot of hostages (especially kids) are scared of him and refuse to leave the area with him

takes a lot of convincing 🥲🥲

has a lot of intrusive thoughts

cannot use social media properly

also texts like an old grandpa. uses 😂 and 🤣 unironically.

“Can we have burgers 🍔 tonight🌃?”

probably uses a blackberry or reallyyyyy old iphone

relationship hcs:

konigs voice actor (jim boeven) stated in a livestream that konigs wife would ideally be a mix between maria pedraza (actress) and rachael from blade runner (character from movie).

both are 170cm ish and brunettes

i can actually see that—konig is massive and he probably prefers someone on the tall side

first thing you did that led to your relationship with him? you tolerated him that is. listened to him ranting😃

i can see him with a civilian or someone whos in the military tbh

finds you pretty at first

enjoys bickering, he needs someone to simulate his mind

you know those stories where his s/o is 5’2, clingy, soft af, and neeeeeeeds konig? haha you won’t be getting that from me.

unlike ghost, who really takes his time to get to know someone and opens up slowly, scared to have his trust broken again

konig charges in like the human battering ram he is😁

if he has a feeling you’re trustworthy you are trustworthy.

horrible at flirting. he doesn’t know how to talk to women smoothly

needs someone equally as weird and funny

s/o needs to be someone with very firm boundaries and can stand their ground, i think konigs a really stubborn person, so for a healthy relationship to work, s/o can’t be the generic bimbo

konig wears the pants in the relationship

doesn’t let you pay. he has a enough money and believes men should always pay

(im sorry to break your delusions) konig does not strike to me as someone who likes a docile homebody. thats ghost (if you remove the word docile).

he doesn’t like extremely dominant partners either

imagine someone who is a listener, accepting yet blunt, shares his quirks, and has a very elegant feel to them

also someone very independent

also gonna get killed for this but konig would realistically not go for a girl in her early twenties. he prefers elegance and sophistication over being cute and jumpy

hates one night stands.

values relationships more than you think. he can come off as strong at first, but hes trying his best

ecstatic when you tell him you wanna learn german (hes not a good teacher)

doesn’t like play fighting, he thinks he’s gonna accidentally hurt you

admires you a lot. he knows hes not the best looking person and doesn’t understand the makeup skincare dress up thing.

isn’t paranoid, but definitely doesn’t say he has an s/o

if you ever get mad at him, konig will tighten all jars in the kitchen so you have to ask him for help :)

extremely unfiltered. he hates your cooking? he will say it. that dress looks better than the other? he will say it.

[thatdeadaquarius]

OKAY BUT I HAVE MORE IDEA FOR BLUNT READER CUZ I LOVE THAT AU SO MUCHANDMDJFKSLDKF

So you know how french people's insult are always outta pocket (from a person who's first language is french I can tell you that no other language compares in insult -apart for African languages)

Like,, some "bad" insult here would be : bitch, fuck off, whore,..

Which we can all agree is boring...

BUT THEN IN FRENCH!!!

We be getting creative with it

Eg.

"mange tes mort" wich translates to "eat your dead (relatives)"

"vas te fair enculer" means "go get yourself pegged in the ass"

(yes, we have a specific word for being fucked in the ass 💀)

AND THOSE WOULD BE THE COMMON ONES AS WELL

English could never compare ✨

BUT ANYWAYS

how would the characters react if reader was from france/ belgium/ canada(or any other french speaking country) and started cursing people out like they eould do in their home countrie !?!?

The eay their face would drop

We would make a couple of people cry

AND GOD(us haha) FORBID A KID OVER-HEAR US AND STARTS REPEATING US

Trying to un-teach them would be hell *cries*

Your thoughts?

Love yaaaa~

ABSOLUTE TOP TIER ORAH MY BELOVED!!

Nobody has any idea how much I HATE ENGLISH both for its rules/pronounciation BS/etc. But also, most importantly, THERES LIKE NO GOOD CUSS WORDS- OR LIKE CUSS PHRASES??

I HAD TO PUT THIS GIF BC THAT WAS LITERALLY ME WHEN I HAD THE REALIZATION TO LOOK UP OTHER LANGUAGE CUSS WORDS AND I WAS JUST BLOWN AWAY BY HOW GOOD THEY WERE- HOW CREATIVE- 😫😭🥲 ENGLISH WHY R U SO SHITY IN EVERY POSSIBLE LANGUAGE SITUATION-

like idk we got "eat shit and die / fuck off / go fuck yourself" ???? Like- thats pathetic 😟.

I love hearing someone just cuss smbody out their native language/non-english, it’s so badass and cool to see

Anyway u already know i love non-native english speakers from the bottom of my heart✨️

GOD I FUCKING LOVE BLUNT LANGUAGE AU ITS LIKE ONE OF TOP FAV AS U CAN PROBABLY GUESS I COULD WRITE A LITERAL FANFIC ENTIRELY OFF THIS SIMPLE PREMISE 💖💓💗💞❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

omg so i HAVE SPECIFICALLY HEARD ABT FRENCH BEING RLLY CREATIVEEE

and i researched french cusswords/phrases,,,

😭 BRO IM CRYING

“bête comme ses pieds!” IM ROLLING ON THE FLOOR-

(trans: you’re as stupid AS YOUR FEEEEEETT)

idk what’s funnier, you translating urself in real time and saying all these phrases to ppl,

OR just scaring the ever-loving shit out of every teyvat citizen within a mile radius bc oh wow- you look pissed, so yeah somebody’s about to lose all their self-esteem for the rest of their life bc ur insults are known to be extra cutting bc ur so blunt-

OH CREATOR ABOVE (…oh creator, present??)- you changed to your holy language FOR THIS???

everybody just giving the npc the most bombastic side-eye for pushing you to do this,

or even just you stubbing ur toe/ate food when it was too hot

or my favorite, getting onto ppl like Wanderer when they do smth silly lmao

STOP I HAD A FOUL THOUGHT OF GETTING ONTO Ei AND WANDERER (like ei for not keeping him/at least giving him to someone else to raise, then all the shit he did as Scaramouche lol)

AND THIS CUSSWORD COMES OUT UNDER UR BREATH OR SMTH- DOES THIS FIT BC THIS KILLS ME:

“Putain de salope…” (whore of whore, I LIED IT MEANS FUCKING BITCH LMAO😭)

JUST GETTING THE MOM AND THE SON IN ONE FULL BREATH CRYINGGGG

STOPPP wanderer using it against other ppl ever since u used it lol

oh no stop dont bring the kids into thisss 😭😭

Klee would deffo be the first one to pick up ur words and use them, omg she just uses them as catchphrases like when throwing her bombs 💀

“Mange tes mort!” JUST WITH A SMILE ON HER FACE AS SHE THROWS HER HUGE SKILL BOMB INTO A FISH POND

Venti would definitely make sure the winds “pass along phrases of the sacred All-God language!”

which just means anyone who UNDERSTANDS YOU JUST GETS GENTLY CREATIVELY CUSSED OUT BY THE WIND IM SOBBINGGG

☆

i hope u guys are having a great summer! its basically too hot to go outside where I am, not unless ur going straight into the water or smth

which hey, ill be doing that this weekend, floating down the river about an hour away from my house with friends! :]

which,,, if anyone sees this, U GOTTA HELP ME THINK OF A 1000 FOLLOWERS MILESTONE THING TO DO IDK WHAT TO DO BUT I WANNA CELEBRATE IT BC I NEVER THOUGHT THATD HAPPEN!! lmk what u think in the comments if u read this!

☆

Safe Travels 0rah,

💀♒

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi

[raevenlywrites]

Some various tips about food that prove helpful to me when times are tough

Veggies you buy raw for eating with dips can be roasted when they are no longer crisp and delicious for dipping. Toss in olive oil, salt and pepper, and whatever other spices you like (cumin roasted cauliflower is my fav!) and roast 30-40 mins at 400, stirring once or twice (unsure if your particular veggie is good for roasting? give it a roast just to see. its better than tossing it)

meal shakes are your friend! a shake for a meal is better than no meal at all. my go-to is a high protein carnation instant breakfast in my afternoon coffee. its shelf stable (so it can live in my work bag or back pocket), nutrient dense, and turns my cofffee into a mocha

A handful of crackers and some juice is better than no dinner at all. If you know youre in a "food, bleh" place, get yourself some juice boxes and a favorite snack cracker. Some food, even "bad" food, is better than no food

speaking of, if you like French onion dip, try making it with greek yogurt (my fav is fage with hidden valley dill dip). it packs a lot of protein into a comfort food

(there is no such thing as bad food, btw. some food is more nutrient dense than others, but all food is good food that nourishes your body and fuels your brain. Eat the "bad" food)

((also also not eating makes your brain feel like shit. That baby sucks up soooo much of your daily caloric needs. Please feed your brain so you stop feeling like shit. Eat a snickers, youll hate life less))

a can of V-8 can go into so many broth based dishes. My go-to chili recipe is brown up some ground beef, drain it, then chuck two cans of chili beans and one mini can of v8 into the pot. Boom! food. Tomato pairs great with anything beef, adding a depth and acidity that makes other flavors sing. Plus the bonus veggies of a v8? Excellent

popcicles are an amazing way to keep fruit in the house. we're currently on an Outshine Pomegranate kick in this house. Yes, they can be pricey. But they dont rot out from under you waiting to be remembered. The cost of a popcicle that will keep til you eat it is worth more than the cheaper fruit you just throw away (bonus: the lime ones are great for halting anxiety spirals and panic attacks. cold + sour can help shock your brain out of its doom spiral)

frozen veggies can be chucked into a lot of things at the end of cooking. my go to is keeping a bag of frozen peas n carrots to toss in ramen, rice, and pot pies - plus they help cool the food down so i can eat it :P

finally, consider looping your friends into your eating habits. get a soup buddy you can swap leftovers with. ask your friends to help you remember to eat. A simple text or DM to remind you to eat might seem like a silly thing to ask for, but it offloads rhe burden of remembering and reminds me that im loved and cared for. its easier to dredge up the will to eat when i know someone loves me

take care of yourselves and remember that every victory, no matter how small, is a fucking victory!!! celebrate your successes, dont hoard your failures. You got this :)

[lildreamycyclone]

Cherry Shortcake

(PartyBeetle fluff)

Pest was standing in the corner of the elevator. He spinned a new coin he snatched in his hand, whistling. There was almost nobody else in the elevator, if you exclude Jermbo, who stared blankly with his black eyes. Pest was on his way to Poob, since this party animal invited him to their place. He could ignore them, but somehow he agreed to come over? Why? He didn't know. He was such an asshole to them, and yet they still liked him. They did not mind Pest wouldn't care about them, they still were so nice to him. He blushed a bit, when he remembered Poob's annoying, yet adorable smile. Feelings are so dumb… TING! The chime of the elevator interrupted Pest's thoughts. He arrived at Poob's house. The beetle creature sighed and put the coin in the pocket of his black jacket. He entered the apartament. It was colorful, with striped wallpaper and some party decorations everywhere. Suddenly Pest stood up still, and sniffled the air. There was some sweet aroma filling the house… It was the smell of chocolate and the hint of cherry. Pest's horns rose up in curiosity and attention. "このヤリマンは何をしているんだろう… (I wonder what this bimbo is doing…)" he thought, as he carefully approached the kitchen door. "pesty!" It was Poob. They smiled happily seeing him, and they hopped to hug him. The moment Poob embraced him, made Pest blush a lot. He shivered, unused to physical touch, and gently pushed Poob away. "hai pesty!!! u came v early!" the partier said. Pest noticed they wore a white apron with stars, which was covered in flour and some chocolate stains. Their paws and their face was a little dusty too. Pest realized Poob left some flour on his black jacket, and he quickly dusted it away. "i made sumfing special 4 u!" Poob said. Their fluffy tail wagged, as they picked a porcelain plate from the kitchen. Pest quietly gasped as he saw it. It was a chocolate shortcake, with whipped cream and bitter choco glaze, with a little cherry on top. Pest's cheek's turned as red as the cherry, a bit suprised by such sweet gesture. He actually liked cherry shortcakes (altough nothing could beat apple pies). Poob smiled at him. "do you liek it?" they asked, with sparkly hopeful eyes. Pest rubbed his neck, then hestitantly took the plate. He grabbed the tiny fork and took a small bite… Holy shit. It was actually delicious. Choco cake with sweet cherry jam filling was literally melting in his tongue. His red eyes glistened, as he continued to eat the baked good. He mlemmed, revealing his crimson tongue, and looked at Poob. "im so happy u liek it, pesty!" Poob giggled, dusting some crumbs out of Pest's face. The feeling of the soft paw pad on his face made beetle creature flustered. He quietly whimpered, his horns lowering. "aww!" Poob chuckled. "dat wuz so cute!!!" Pest growled and covered his face in frustration. Stupid feelings. Poob playfully booped Pest. The butterflies in beetle creature's stomach fluttered even more. He pouted, blushing. Poob cupped his cheeks, with a mischevious grin. "dont be shy pesty!" they giggled. "Stop calling me Pesty… And stop touching me." Pest hissed. Poob just laughed. They loved Pest being so bashful. His usually cold and harsh demanour was breaking, revealing his softer side. "but u still liek my gift?" Poob asked, tilting their head, with this adorable smile. Pest sighed. "Yes… Thank you…"

[froggychair05]

HI HIHI some stupid questions about bakery au Lukas because Im curious!!! Dont need to answer any of them if it exposes any lore or something

1. Did Lukas grow up to love baking or did he start it in middle/highschool?

2. Does Lukas have a favorite and least favorite pastry when he bakes?

3. Does Lukas have a favorite beverage? (mineral water, milkshakes, smoothies, etc.)

4. Why did he start working in the bakery?

5. IIRC you mentioned Ivor was basically Jesse’s dad. Will Lukas eventually meet Ivor?

6. Kinda an ocelots question but. What do Aiden, Maya, and Gill think about Lukas’ baking?

Thank u!! Love the au btw its so cool and sweet :)

HI I DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE BUT I LOVE YOU FOR THIS

These aren’t stupid questions and thank you so much for asking aaauuugghh!!! I’ll do my best to answer what I can!!

1. He grew up baking with his mom, so it’s always been a source of peace and comfort in his life. Even now, it helps him feel better when he’s stressed.

2. His favorite thing to make is chocolate chip cookies. They’re quick, easy, and of course, they start to remind him of Jesse. His least favorite thing to make is soufflé. He tried to make it once, just to see if he could, and it was a disaster. His least favorite thing that he makes more regularly, though, is whoopie pies. Something always goes wrong.

3. He likes hot chocolate with whipped cream and rainbow sprinkles. He drinks it when he needs a pick-me-up or when something good has happened.

4. He started working there because he needed a job and it was relatively near where he lives, plus he enjoys baking so even if it wasn’t exactly his first choice, it wouldn’t be miserable.

5. Yes!!! I won’t go to into that for spoiler reasons but Lukas does eventually meet Ivor and Harper.

6. Aiden always finds something to complain about because that’s just how he is, but he’ll eat it. Maya thinks it’s pretty good, she likes his cupcakes best. And Gill absolutely loves anything Lukas bakes—in fact, whenever Lukas bakes at home, he ends up giving most of it to Gill since he doesn’t really eat it himself.

Thank you so much for asking!!! I’m really glad you like the AU 🥰

[idle-compy]

*JWCT SPOILERS BELOW*

extremely messy live reaction

watched ep 1 from the roblox thing and didn't live react so

ep 2:

BEN GET UR EYES ON THE ROAD

ben eating out of a boot what is wrong with him

this whole van scene is fucking hilarious

BEN BROOKLYNN MEMORIES?? ON A ROOFTOP???

gonna make me cry on ep 2 I see how it is

darius just being overall disgusted with bens lifestyle I'm drying

"benjamin if you don't pull over I'm jumping out of your moving van is that what you want"

"is your friend ok?" "no 🙂"

USING THEY THEM PRONOUNS AS A DEFAULT HELL YEAH

ben has brown eyes at 17 mins

the roadtrip vibes are immaculate once u get past all the conspiracy stuff

why are these 2 licorice fanatics I hate them sm (affectionate)

ep 3:

"that is not at all what Hay smells like. have you never been around Hay before?" I'm obsessed with the dialogue

SAMMY HAVING AN ESTRANGED RELATIONSHIP WITH HER PARWNTS HUH????

"why are we running? we do not have a good track record with running!"

BUMPY CHASIMG BUTTERFLIES MY BABYGITL

she still picks him up 😭😭

mantah corp island investigation hmmm..

"that destructive carnivore" DONT SPEAK ABOUT MY DAIGHTER LIKE THAT

ANOTHER BROOKLYNN MEMORY KILL ME NOW

is that the fuckimg pink jakcet

sammy holding thr box with no effort anf bens big ass almost dropping it

why is so much happening in Sammy's life I wanna give her a hug

"he's getting more than a mud pie! he's getting a knuckle sandwich!" "You kiss your mother with that mouth?"

OH SHIT CARLS DEAD

now sammy has blue eyes wtf

damn that atrocitaptor really hates pies

SAMMY RUN GIRL

bumpy basically telling ben to leave omfg 💔

do his eyes ever stay on thr road

the hug 😭😭

THE BROOKLYNN CONSPIRACY BEGINS

MYSTERY WHISTLE PERSPN

Ep 4:

this eps called "brothers" time to cry

darius mocking ben I love him

"she's fine 😌" "I'm not fine!"

ben calling bumpy a "strokg independent woman" " strange thing to say but ok"

TWO BENJAMIMS??

BEN HAS A GIRLFRIEND NOOPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

fuxk this

"she lives in.. europe?" he met her on that fucking conspiracy site didn't he

THE ALLOSAURUS

ben u eat food out of a boot u cannot talk ab kenjis place like that

"were not exactly on speaking terms" WHEN ARE YOU EVER

did kenji fucking shrink why does he seem so small

HE SHUT THE DOOR ON DAROUS STOP

THE STICKERS 😭😭

"this is. really something kenj!"

THE FANILY PHOTO IM GONNA SOBBBB

oh good lord the tension

"that's where my dad lives" OH FUCK

"I think we should split up" "you and yaz?!" TJE DISTRESS IN HIS FACE

his hand on his heart for the rest of the conversation he would've been more hurt by a breakup then they wouldve omfg

sammy tickle attacking ben THE FACT THAT SHE KNEW IT WOUD WORK

kenji masterfully climbing while darius is fighting for his life trying to put the gear on

WHY ARE THEY FIGHTIJG ON A MOUTNAIN SIDE

KENJI DUMPED BROOKLYNN?? OMG??

ANOTHER MEMORY

"I can't be with you anymore if you're not going to be with me" 😭😭😭

OH HES CRYING

ope kenj I saw that smile

KENJI AGREED TO SEE HIS DAD THE ANGSSTSTTSTSTST

NOOO THEY GOT BUMPY

ep 5:

WHY IS SO KUCH HAPPENING AROUMD THIS SANDWICH

WHY IS IT EVEN IN THE ROAD LIKE THAT

"that bush looks like ben" what does that even mean darius

KENJI CALLIMG DARIUS' MOM EVERY WEEK HE LOVES HER SM

I love this relationship ben and sammy have they're acting sm like siblings

ANOTHER BENJAMIN

HE STILL EATS CAROB

ben and sammy being dino activists ik that's rihht

mr king dino they could beat ur ass

FUCK YOU DANIEL STOP LOOKIMG HAPPY

THIS MAN TRYING TO LOOK GUILTY STFU

"did you have brooklynn killed?" straight to the point ok

"worried what?? that I'd double cross ya??" WHAT WAS ON THAT STICKY NOTE

BEN PUTTING SAMMY AS A SUSPECT?? ID BE PISSED TOO

he can't say the right thing to save his life

DANIEL TEYING TO KEEP SECRETS I VATE HIM

"just never had a father around to practice with" YEAH YOU GET HIM KENJI

NAH WHATS HE GOT PLANNED

"yeah ok I'll get my violin" kenji ily

NAH DANIELS STILL A SNAKE DONT TRUST HIM KENJI

sammy and ben causing mass destruction without meaning too hold habits die hard ig

YEAH SAMMY BEAT THAT MAN

bens list of loyal and amazing friends:

1) bumpy

2) corndogs

3) his van

DINO KING IS SUSPICIOUS?????

4) sammy

"he's just so!" "graah?" "yes! yes! exactly"

THE BROTHERS ARE COMMUNICSTIJG YEAAAHH

oh God I hope kenji has a backstabbing plan with this agreement

"I won't let you control me anymore" YEAH KENJI WALK AWAY

NUH UH YOU DO NOT GET TO LOOK SAD DANIEL YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF

"there was something about her that was different. almost dangerous" I am taking everything be says with a grain of salt but things are getting so suspicious??

OH SHIT ANOTHER DEAD GUY

LET 👏 HIM 👏 DIE 👏

THE WHISTLE AGAIN

what in the goddamn green earth is that woman

daniel u may have saved kenji but I still don't like u

THEY KILLED DANIEL WE ALL CHEERED

she seems so robotic I'm terrified

now who is this

not him speaking Japanese 😭 he needs a hug so bad

ep 6:

YAZ I MISSED YOU

her ptsd is hurting her so much omfg

ANOTHER BROOKLYNN MEMORY

moment of respect for the outfit changes in the memories

brooklynn got yaz into dino immersion therapy 😭

these memories are killing me man am I allowed to stop cryjng

SAMMYS CONTACT PHOTO 🫶🫶

BEN LIKES ROCK MUSIC CALLED IT

WHATS HE DOIN THE BG

"we haven't really talked much lately" does ANYONR have a good relationship in this show

"It'll be good for you two to reconnect"

"yeah.. I hope so" IT WILL BE SAMMY IT HAS TO BE

the gfs are still healthy all it good all it well in the world

"no dinosaurs?" "judging by the look of that thing I'd say we have one now"

oh sammy really is treating her like a fragile flower

I already watched this scene in the released clip but bens scream is somehow even more funny

ben still callimg her fadoula I love their relationship

THE GIRLF ARE FIGHTIJG NO

"girlfriend?" "why does everyone act so surprised when insay that" bc u are gay

I feel so bad for all these people like imagine dinos get into the place ur promised they won't be

OH THAT AINT DPW OH SHIT OH FUCK

IVE BEEN WANTING TO SEE THE AFTERMATH OF THE VAN GOING OFF THE BRIDGE YEAH

off topic but I am obsessed with the end credit cards

ep 7

the ep is called "that night" I am in fear

oh that's the moment sammy saw how much yaz has grown calling it now

I feel so bad for kenji rn hes in so much pain :((

he's probably so conflicted rn. daniel only ever hurt him but he's all kenji knows as his dad

THE HUG THE HUG THE HUGGGGG

"I'd be dead if it wasn't for her!" what do you know mateo WHAT DO YOU KNOW

"it was there on purpose" AAAAAAHHHH I mean we knew but AAAAAAHHHHHHHH

HEY DONT DO THE HOPELESS MHSIC WHILE THEYRE TRAPPEDBIN THE VAN I DONT LIKE WHAT IT INDICATES

"I can't have the last thing I see be bens soggy van!"

YEE HAW THEY GOT OUT

MATEOS STORY WOO HOO TIME TO GET SOME GAPS FILLED IN AND SOME ANDWERS QUESTIONED

oh shoot did he accidentally help the bad guys

now why would he get out ofbthe truck in such suspicious circumstances

WE HAD TO SEE HER DIE FROM A DIFFERENT ANGLE ARE YOU KIDDING ME ?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?

OH HE TOOK THE PHONE

THEY SWITCHED SCENES BEFORE WE COULD SEEBWHAT WAS ON THE PHONE AVAAAHAHAH

oh wow the wet hair animation is so much better omg

GIRLCEIEND MOMENT GIRLFRIEND MOMENT

"I guess we need each other huh" *makes out*

them having their moment while bens grieving his baby

"ciao cara mia" I hate him

BROOK HAD A SECRET HOUSE

kenjis night just keeps getting worse

bros been DYING to throw those phones

"oh I am so gonna haunt them from beyond the grave" never change yaz

where on earth are they gonna hide on that truck

mateo seemed like a decent guy hope all goes well for him

her apartment was cute asf ok brooklynn

DID YALL SEE THE MOTORCYCLE HELMETS ?????????????? YEAH BROOK U WERE THAT GIRL

kenji stop reminiscing ur gonna make me cry

THE BROS ARE BONDING THEYRE GETTING ALOMG

KENJI WHAT DO U SEE

darius putting all the pieces together is so rad bc I sure am not

A SUSPICIOUS BAG OF MONEY???? IN HER CLOSET??? BFOOK GIRL WHAT WERE U A PART OF

SHE WAS WPRKING WITH DANUEL SHE WAS WHAT WHAJAJDHSLAJHFJSLAJD

I hope she was doing it for an investigative purpose SHE BETTER HAVE BEEN

but why didn't Daniel bring it up HMmmmmm...

"or what else she was hiding from us" OH HES HURT HURT

darius driving the motorcycle instead of kenji I'm cackling

ep 8:

THEY HID WITH THE SEDATWD DINO ARE THEY INSANE

not the dino smacking rhe lips it doesn't have

now why is she gonna stand on the dino instead of getting bens giant self to look out the gap

the drop is gonna be how they reunite isn't it

kenji screaming bc of a spider he's so real

THEYRE BEINF BROTJERS YEAH WERE SO BACK BABY

oh so they're working for extra cash too hmm

oh this place actually looks nice

VIDEO MEMORIES IM GONNA SOB

I am sufficiently uncomfortable thanks for asking darius

the boys are fighting again JUST VET ALOMG PLEASE

darius misses her so much seeing a bird made him think of her 😭😭

lookimg at the dates on the voicemails it's been at least 3 months since she died

DARIUS IN BATHTUB I laughed this is supposed to be sad and I laughed

I sense something big coming I gotta walk around for a bit

"I was in love with brooklynn" OH FUCK OH SHITNOH AJAHDKLAQKHFLAKHFKLAL

now I REALLY have to walk around for bc WHAT

WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WJAT WJATBQKHRLAJFLAHSLALKFHAL AAAAHAAHAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

rewatched the scene and I am no more sane ab it

BEN THIEVING ABILITIES MAKING A COMEBACN HELL YEAH

NAH WHATD THEY DOBTO BUMPY THEY BETTER NOT HURT MY GIRL

"boo." Yaz ily

THE VIDEO THE VUDEO AAAAAAAAAAAA

"were brothers righr?" HE SAID IT HE SAID IT WE WIN

every single moment with these 2 is so painful how am I supposed to exist in these conditons

WHAT DID THEY DO TO BUMPY WHAT DID THEY DO TO HER

THE GFS SAY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ❤️❤️❤️❤️

THE DINOS JUST CHILLING INSTEAD OF STAMPEDING

YES QUEEN DINO U KILL THE MAN THAT TORTURED YOU

love the steggos just watching everything

yaz was smart with the lights u go girl

my heart is genuinely pounding for bumpy I am too attached to this fictional dinosaur

avocado costume?????? girls be fr

KENJI AND DARIUS ARE HERE TOO??

DARIUS IS GONNA FREE THAT BABY I KNOW HE IS

I hope the sino causes chaos later

"with me by your side, you kon climb anything too"

YEAH THE SINOS CAUSING CHAOS WOO HOO

"bumpy.. are you dying?" NUH UH BEN DONT SAY THAT NOPE

ALL THE CRYING SCENES THEY GOTTA STOP

kenji doing everything with graceful agility vs darius and his childlike experience

sammy kicking kenji TWICE now

TWO HUGS?? IN A ROW?? IM FED

the hugs are so much more natural in this series the animation improvement is insane

"creepy micro bangs'" that is a fantastic description kenji

THE ALLOSAURUS AGAIN

sammy being bumpys other parent 🫶

istg I'm already cryjng

if they kill bumpy idk what'll happen

bumpy is genuinely a part of their family they are completely falling apart rn

"move her tail!" IS SHE ABOUT TO LAY AN EHG

BUMPYS A MOM????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!???@?!?!?!?!?!?!??

them passing the egg around like a baby in a hospital such a proud family

"wait what?" "don't think about it bud"

"ben! you're gonna be a grandpa!" glad they also see her as his daughter

NAH THE GUY I FORG9T THE NAME OFNIS EVIL

ep 10:

LAST EPUSOXE ALREADY??????

cabrera thats his name

YEAH SAMMY BEAT HIS ASS U GO GIRL

NAH FREAKY BOB LADYS BACK

she is genuinely somebhorror movie shitnor something

that scene was genuinely so intense I completely froze

EHOS DRIVING THE TRUCK

MATEO MY MAN I KNEW YOUNWERE GOOD

THE DINOSBARE GOING FREE BEAUTIFUL GEORGOUS THROWUNG BOUQUETS

obsessed with the shot of the t Rex in front ofbthe explosion hell yeag

"leave my girl alone!" SCREAM IT YAZ

DARIUS FREEING THE ALLOSAURUS I SMELL CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

WAS THAT BUMPYS EGG IN THAT CASE

about time this man died

creepy lady is actually super pretty I hate that she's evil and kinda insane

darius finally stopped blaming himself 😭

"my guy. you're still here?" "unfortunately yeah. you all get real vulnerable with each other. it's weird" I'm dying

FUCK DUXK A AKHDLAKWYAPAHHFLAHWLAK

BROOKLYNNNANNAMANANNN

OH MY GODBOHNMYNGOD SHES SYDNEY GUYS SHE FUCKIMG SYDNEY ITS FUCKIKG BROOKLYNN AKSHALAKQLLQKDJALJFL

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAJKALAFJAJ

[the-s1lly-corner]

You points

I'd like to hear some of your general headcanons for itward! Any and all headcanons you can think of >:)

General Itward hcs!

I got too silly guys

This is gonna be long so buckleup

Side note, my silly little goofy baking marathon has begun, so requests are REALLY gonna slow down today and tomorrow and likely Tuesday as well

I current have multiple pies in the oven as we speak <\3 (note from the future i was typing for so long the first batch of pies finished and the second group just got put in)

My bodies gonna hate me for this but imma get paid (yaaaay!!!!)

Love to think that itward is self sufficient. He grows his own stuff and scavenges for any metal parts he needs what whatever (his ship, a project, ect)

As such he also builds and maintains his own stuff; the ship is the most obvious thing! But I like to think nearly everything in the ship itself was either made by him or found abandoned !

Its canon that he loves forks, both stated in the character sheet thing KMG posted as well as the copious amounts of forks decorating the main area of his ship! I mean he literally has a wall covered in forks! I can easily see him having even more forks stashed away somewhere

Torn between headcannoning him to just have them in a jumbled heap in a drawer somewhere... and headcannoning that he sorts them by size, material, color, and style... both seem so in character for him.. hmm..

I can say for certain that he has a box somewhere full of random stuff hes collected and it's not at all neat and organized. Rocks, gears, bolts, sticks, glass vials, jewels, and so on! The "oo pretty I think I'll keep this and use it for later (never uses it for later)" mindset! I like calling those lil trinket boxes "crow boxes"

"The one many children talk about", as said by the man himself. So fran and the twins arent the only ones who have interacted with him... dad of dozens of children

I was gonna go somewhere with that previous point but I genuinely forgot what I was gonna say

Has made stuffed animals and dolls at least once for all of his kids. And yes, that includes Clara and Mia, at least before they tried to kill him... reluctantly makes bunnies for kids who ask

Speaking of bunnies, since it's been proven that itward wasnt bluffing or lying about his fear of them (KMG made a post showing off a type of Kamala that basically makes you addicted to their candy, making you eat them til your guts explode) (which... is horrifying and makes me wonder, did itward see that happen to someone? Perhaps one of his kids? A friend? Or did he not and the concept just scares him so much?) It's a little funny that itward has a bunny plushie on his ship

Sad hc but I like to think it belonged to one of his past children and as much as hes afraid of it he doesnt have the heart to give it away

While we're on the topic of sad stuff, I dont think itward can shed tears. So in place of them, his bones start to rattle a little

While I also headcannon that his bones rattle when hes nervous or flustered, and perhaps on the rare occasion that hes angry, it does happen when hes sad enough

Okay no more sad, I like to think his hat steams when he gets real excited about something or embarrassed. The top of it just. Pops open and theres the steam billowing out

I dunno I think it suits him and his aesthetic...

Stole this idea from someone else but he can purr; it's mostly involuntary imo and if you listen close enough you can hear his bones vibrating and clacking against one another

His eyes glow in the dark! Not too bright, it's fairly dim, but it's enough for him to see around and for you to see where he is in a dark room!

Creaky bones. He is OLD! probably VERY OLD! So it would make sense his bones click and make noise thanks to the general age.. wear and tear you know? Especially prominent in his spine and ankles

Has a habit of clacking his teeth/jaw when speaking, as well as when hes just. Not doing anything

Prone to fiddling with his rings (!! Will get to that in a second!) As well as the accessories on his coat; and sometimes, even his hat!

Okay the rings! I like to hc that itward makes his own accessories too ! That includes the gems and chains on his coat (heck, hes probably made his own clothes!) And I like to hc that he sometimes wears rings !

Sometimes sells his stuff; more likely to sell shoes and clothing, as well as his machines and services! Sure he mostly lives off stuff hes found or grew, but theres some stuff that he cant just find or grow.. plus its generally a good idea to have some money somewhere

I'm pretty sure hes good friends with palontras and ziar (given him and palontras work together to help Fran and the painting of ziar in itwards ship) but I also like to think he is friends with the wizard and cogwind!

Mostly because I wish we got more stuff for both of them... also him and cogwind can bond over their interests!

Does not stay in one place for long, given that KMGs labels him as a wanderer, but assuming he keeps Fran around to raise her I think he anchors down to one place... well not ANCHOR but like, cutting down on traveling at least a bit, especially in the beginning so fran can fully come to terms with everything shes learned (the truth of her parents death, the grieving process, learning she may or may not be part of something larger if memory serves me right, it's been a while since I played the game, as well as being shot.. like yeah she was healed physically but like imagine how shes gonna feel when that fact she was shot mentally sinks in) ... cant have her bouncing between different realities and the spaces in between them constantly

Ponders

Listens to Antonios (giant old ant dude) old music, I think! Probably has a bunch of old vynlls laying around somewhere

Frequently has to clean his hands, especially his fingers since hes always working on SOMETHING, he doesnt wanna walk around with gunk in the grooves of his fingers. Very yucky very gross and very un-gentleman..ly...

I keep trying to wrap this post up but I keep remembering hcs/coming up with new ones

Anyways COMMITS to the bit when hes playing a game with Fran, or really any kid hes looking over. Tea party? Hes gonna bust out his very best manners. Yes he will wear a tiara if its offered to him. It will go over his hat, of course. Playing doctor? Oh he'll moan n cry about how sick hes feeling, please help him! Ect ect, things like that!

Sometimes makes shadow puppets and tells stories. Both in the form of little shadow theatres, but sometimes he will use his own hands and project the shadows onto the wall!

Very good at coming up with stories on the fly

Also very very good at comforting people, I think. Hes been around for a while and he just OOZES comfort

So if you have a nightmare or struggle with anxiety, itward wont let you just suffer and be scared, hes gonna do what suits you best to calm down; distractions, holding, taking, quiet, grounding, ect ect ect anything you need