#i dont care if it takes generations of work to change

[k-noodl]

[readymades2002]

iirc episode 6 of s1 of the bear is the closest we get to acknowledging Le Gentrification. that's a pretty central theme of that episode obviously, though its done through richie kind of losing his place in the world as it constantly changes and dies around him. his conflict with that change is extremely visible in how he relates to sydney, which i think kind of muddles that theme a bit? sydney's treatment by richie (and carmy, though i haven't seen that discussed as much) feels incrediblyyyyy racialized and his war against her gets combined with his fear of everything around him changing. when he goes through his character development moment in s2, he finds that he actually fits in beautifully with the newly whitewashed Bear and he's able to start cooperating better with sydney as well, and its like...hm. his conflict. in episode 6. that fear of change. its shown as largely a personal issue and causes him to butt heads with sydney and to call the cops on her handiwork later on. its hard for me to express in a more coherent way but it feels like the show is conflating his issues with the bigotry he later attempts to unlearn and we see him improving and growing on both fronts through how he adapts to the fine dining atmosphere. and this is an interesting vehicle to show that, but it also means that the gentrification stuff is kind of just hovering uncomfortably over your shoulder and i don't know if that's intentional or not. because the bear DOES show its black characters with so much love and compassion and respect for their flaws and their struggle to live in the world and be part of it and their desires and learning to strive for more than they were. it just...hm. a lot of characters realize they want Something Greater through joining the world of fine dining. which is cool! but the beef is still closed for this and there is still an existing base of people who ate there who are not going to anymore. that's a community you're losing! that's a community that you're not feeding anymore! what do the longtime employees of the beef feel about this and why is this a conflict that's mostly shown through richie's pov

[zouisalmightie]

.

[snekdood]

wish i didnt hafta cut off my conservative family members but they were all so abusive that I can hardly tolerate being around them

[tgirlwithreverb]

I saw that post about what to do if you're homeless again (the one that starts by telling you to spend all of your money on motel rooms lmao) anyway, here's a few thoughts, specifically for trans girls, cuz I don't really care otherwise tbh:

1) plan ahead, most trans girls are in precarious housing situations, you will have a much easier time when it falls apart if you already have a pack with most of the gear you need in it. Also, if you find yourself in a situation where you cant make rent, dont pay part of it, spend that money on gear, pocket the rest and leave, youll have a much nicer time. Look up your local eviction laws, you have plenty of time. (Gear list at the end)

2) travel! If you're in Arizona in May, leave. it's about to be hot as hell. If you're in Michigan in October, leave. It's about to be cold as hell. If you're in a big city, leave. It's way easier to be homeless pretty much anywhere else. Amtrak is cheaper and more comfortable than greyhound, hitchhiking is free and easy, if you're alone it's not that much slower than the previous two, and it's more fun, and sometimes people buy you food or whatever or give you money. I promise it's not scary and you're entirely capable of doing it, no matter who you are. 95+% of people who will pick you up are very nice. All you have to do is take the bus out of town, as far down the highway you can, to an exit with a truck stop if possible, then just stand on the side of the road with your thumb out until someone picks you up. You can stand at the bottom of the ramp(on the highway) near where the merge lane ends or at the top of the ramp(where there's usually a traffic light), the former is more likely to lead to cop interactions but will maybe get you a ride faster, check on hitchwiki for how the cops are in the area. don't be afraid to take a commuter bus or Amtrak to get out of a shitty cop area

3) skip shelters if you can (they are very occasionally a decent place to get stuff from) and encampments, good places to sleep include the trees near railroad tracks or highways, wooded areas behind shopping centers, sections of parks without paths, overgrown empty lots. Hang a tarp above you if there's an appreciable chance of rain, there's tons of YouTube tutorials on how to do this, maybe I'll make a post about what I usually do some day. There are many habits more fun than motel rooms, save your money for them lmao.

4) get on food stamps. This is easier in some places than others, but it makes the whole thing a lot easier. Just tell them you're homeless, if they don't give you a card the same day, you can probably ask to pick it up from that office, alternatively some drop in centers/day shelters can receive mail for you, or you can have it sent to general delivery(USPS service, look it up)

7) libraries are great for charging your phone and using wifi, but also keep an eye out, plenty of random outlets on the outsides of buildings are also powered

5) dumpster. sidewalk trash cans, Aldi, Einstein's, trader Joe's, pizza places, etc. You need to develop a bit of a sense for it but it's an easy way to get cooked food or travelling food or expensive food without spending resources. Also it's fun.

6) water is free, go into the bathroom of any gas station or grocery store in America(offer not valid in most big cities or on the west coast, but in that case just go to the library) and fill up your water bottle

8) hygiene notes: truckers get free showers from chain truck stops(loves, pilot/flying j) go there and ask them. convenient if you're hitchhiking, also you don't need to shower 3 times a day, really, you'll survive. Ditto with deodorant. Take care of your teeth though. Take your socks off every. day. Change them consistently. Safety razors give a good shave, work well without adequate water pressure, and the replacement blades are very stealable, they're kind of heavy though. Walmart makes these electric razors for women that take AA batteries and are pretty light but give a worse shave, also they kinda go through batteries, pick whatever works for you(cartridge razors suck)

9) traveling food notes: peanut butter is great, tortillas and bagels travel pretty well, tuna packets are pretty good protein for traveling(the ones with rice and beans or whatever are nice since theyre often the same price as the regular), condiment packets are free, hot sauce makes everything better, and mayo goes well with tuna and has a bunch of calories in it, salad dressing packets are free from truck stops and work well turning the Walmart shredded vegetable packages (labeled for making into slaw, next to the bagged salads) into a salad with real vegetables(not iceberg lettuce) in it or mixing in with tuna packets for even more calories than mayo

Gear world:

Necessary items(in order of importance): a gallon of water carrying capacity(an Arizona jug or other twist top jug is conventional, but a bladder+arizona bottles also works), a tarp(larger than 6'x9', not brightly colored), a hank of parachord, a sleeping bag (20° rated, synthetic insulation), a backpack with a padded hip belt(at least 50L, no more than 75), rain gear(a rain poncho might cover your pack too, a rain jacket can help with wind when its cold, a trash bag inside or outside your pack can keep it dry, a plan to watch the weather and not get caught also works), a z-fold foam sleeping pad, three pairs of socks, two pairs of underwear (at least one pair of boxer breifs strongly recommended if you arent incredibly skinny), a decent pair of shoes with good arch support, a functional jacket(skip if you got a rain jacket before), a base layer(wool or poly, absolutely no cotton)

Convenient items: a sleeping bag liner(cotton free, keeps you warm in winter and cool in summer), gallon zip locks to pack your stuff in(helps keep it dry and organized), no more than one change of clothes(as light as possible), a multi-tool(can opener, pliers, wire cutter), lighter(burning rope ends etc), spoon, floss and needles for patching

[twstfanblog]

hey, if your requests are open, could you write hcs for the dorm leaders with a reader who has generally long hair suddenly appearing with a short haircut? and maybe your own personal hcs if they’re more into long or short hair, maybe… really like your blog btw! :) keep up with the good writing 🫶

Boys react to a Haircut

Housewardens x Reader

Riddle

Did a double take.

Homeboy was stunned but complimented the new look. Riddle doesn't really care if your hair is long or short, so long as it's professional and neat in public settings.

He liked your long hair, but the short hair is just as nice. He will say he finds your shorter hair cuter than when it was long. But he said your long was beautiful. It's different.

Leona

Annoyed but would never say it.

Hair is a thing of personal expression. If it's not on your head, you don't get an opinion. Personally, though, he finds long hair to be more attractive than short. He just likes having things to play and tug on

He'll pout and huff at the change but he isn't going to tell you that. The short hair will grow on him. Just let him play with it while cuddling and he'll start liking it.

Azul

At first, assumed that something had happened that caused you to cut your hair. Once sure you did it by choice he compliments the new look.

I think he'd like long hair because that was the beauty standard in the sea. The haircut kind of upset him, but he wasn't going to bring it up

Azul's love language to me is gift-giving. And at the start of your relationship, he'd gift you a lot of hair accessories since that was common practice in the sea. So he'd be a bit pouty at the decrease of you wearing the combs and clips since your hair is much shorter now.

Kalim

Whined and cried a bit.

It's my own personal headcanon that Kalim WANTS long hair but it was deemed dangerous since it made him easier to grab. So he lived vicariously through you and Jamil for all his long hair wants and dreams.

Pouts for the longest time, but then he starts realizing it makes kissing you on the neck a lot easier.

Vil

What have you DONE!?

Feels partly responsible for the "hack job". He had made a comment on you having a issue with split ends, offering to trim your hair at a later date to fix them. Only for you to show up with nearly all of your hair gone.

He's more so pouting because he had couples outfits planned for your long hair. He thinks you look amazing with your short hair, but the outfit silhouette changes with short hair and its no longer working in his mind.

Idia

(Like this fucker would notice)

Jokes. But I dont think he'd really care about the haircut and not bring it up unless you do. Idia does think your short hair is really cute though

Personal headcanon is that while Idia CAN cut his hair, because of the magical properties of it, it's a long and annoying process to do. So he's happy you have th much easier option to cut your hair as you please. He just thinks you're cute no matter what alt you pick.

Malleus

A little surprised, but does compliment your new hairstyle.

Personal headcanon that haircutting in the valley is a weird thing. Like, routine trims are common but cutting off a large portion is a life-stage declaration. Like when he and Lilia cut their hair to attend NRC.

He isn't sure if he likes long or short hair more. While longer hair is what he's used to, shorter hair has a charm to it he can't place. So long as he can still run his fingers through your hair, he's fine with whatever style you choose.

[the-s1lly-corner]

ADMIN IM NOT THE ANON WHO ASKED BUT I WANT IN ON THIS TOO

Artist!Reader asking the slashers if they can pose naked for a still life drawing please!!/non sexual

Jason, Michael, Brahms being asked to pose nude for artist!reader

chat dont tell anyone this but i keep misspelling michaels name and always rely on the red squiggle line to remind me to fix it i keep putting e before a notes: reader is gn, including their reactions and general feel for the request, non sexual post, short post cws: nudity

JASON

he has mixed feelings about being nude- on one hand he knows its just his natural body, but on the other hand the only time hes seen others nude is when theyre doing something sexual so naturally he cant help but tie that to his own nude body... it also makes him feel... vulnerable to you

if he does agree to it hes not going to be fully nude, and its going to take him a long while to warm up to the idea- dont pressure him, of course... will be wearing the mask, honestly hes probably more likely to get naked in front of you before he takes the mask off

tries his very best to stay still but even if hes covering his bits up he feels flustered under your gaze... even worse if youre really focusing and your face happens to scrunch- shoot him a smile and reassurance and he loosens up enough to not make his position ridged

lots of scars and markings on him to take into consideration... he does feel a certain way if you capture them correctly- a good way, of course!

MICHAEL

honestly? i can see him not caring about you seeing him naked in any context, its just him... so whats the fuss? so he agrees

stands as still as a statue for as long as you need him, it can be hours and he will remain in the same position youve asked him to get into

the mask stays on, though, you can pry it form his cold dead hands... assuming you can catch him dead in the first place... you... may have some explaining to do if someone were to find the piece.. though the odds of them escaping the house alive after is low

pretty solid choice all in all, but good luck getting him to stay if he decides to do something else, hes not going to stop any plans to stand nude for you

BRAHMS

oh you want him naked? hes already stripping down.... hey why arent you getting naked too/hj

keeps changing positions because hes never satisfied, its going to take a minute until he finds something he likes... from laying on his side on the couch to propping his chin on his hand in a mock attempt at the thinker statue- you might have to guide him into a pose that works for you... you... cant help but think it was a ploy to get you to touch and guide him how you want

lots of body hair, if youre not used to drawing it its going to give you a fun little challenge- and its everywhere, too

the only one who might take his mask off, will make eye contact the entire time youre drawing him so hopefully youre fine with that

[aliceinborderlandsquidgame]

Jealous Flower | The Salesman x Wife!Reader

Summary: How the tables have turned.

Warnings: Obsession - Possessive!Couple - Suggestive - Short -

The Salesman was not used to this. But its not like he is not liking it.

Him being pressed against the wall of the ladies bathroom as you kiss and bite his neck with so much need. He knows its going to be red, that your lipstick will leave away marks and that everybody will know what happened once you two leave.

Does he care ? No.

"Love, what got you so worked up?" He asks taking your face between his big hands and having to suck down a groan at your dilated pupils and that possessive look you are giving him.

"That bitch was touching your arm like you have no ring on your finger" Its your response as you kiss him again pulling at his lower lip.

The Salesman groans as he lets you take control over the kiss, his hands roaming over the dress you are wearing for the stupid party you two were forced to attend.

His hand cups your ass pushing you against him so you can feel just how hard he is getting by your actions.

"That was it?" He asks between kisses, his own mouth leaving marks on your neck and collarbone.

But you dont respond, too worried clinging at his shoulders while you rub against him.

"Love, you are playing with fire" He whispers biting lovely at your ear and sucking on it knowing the sweet effect it has on you. He can feel yourself looking for friction and him feeling generous pulls his knee between your legs.

"Go on, you can use me" He says masking how eager he truly is when you do as he tells you.

Griding down yourself against his knee as you kiss him once more, pulling down at his neck over his pulse point. His own breath cuts as he feels your teeth there, the promise of drawing blood palpable.

"I want them to know" You said pulling his black tie "I want them to know that you belong to me, and that I belong to you" You said between hard breaths as you suck another mark on his neck and he groans at the sensation.

He lets you rub yourself against his knee a bit more then swiftly changes positions pressing you against the wall as his body covering yours as his hand cups your sex.

"Love...I dont care if they fire you after this" He says his fingers passing your panties as he moans feeling how wet you are "Did you get so worked up because of that woman?" He asks but does not let you finish as he uses the fingers from his free hand to put them in your mouth "Suck, show me how jealous you were" He orders.

He almost cums when you not only do suck on them with such a fevor and energy he has never felt. But when your hands take his wrist making his fingers go deep down your troath or your tongue turns around them.

He gives you a reward by making the fingers inside you go faster till he is reaching that exact point. He knows he has you when he sees your eyes rolling body starting to tremble.

"Just a bit more my Love" He says removing his finger from your mouth to kiss you, savouring your moans and his name from you.

Its when you are about to come undone some firm knock on the door stops both of you. The Salesman sends the most dead look towards the door as she pulls his fingers back and acomodates himself in his pants.

He does not wait for you when he opens the door with the most charming smile ever. It does not deflect as he sees the suprised look of a guard and the blush of the same woman who caused all of this.

"Sorry" He is not sorry at all "My wife and I got carried away" He pulls you to his side a possessive grip on your waist as he leans you outside ignoring the looks. "Oh, and she renounces" He declares as he guides you outside towards the car.

"Better prepare yourself my Love. Im not letting you go once we reach home" He whispers in your ear before kissing it once more.

He hopes there is no traffic or he may as well park the car anywhere and take you inside of it.

[intheestaars]

Solar return Observations pt. 2

‼️Don't repost my Observations without consent and mentioning my page‼️

Hello girliieees how are you? I thought i'd give you a new post, as i am very much procrastinating. Honestly, i dont really have much to say soo... lets just get started!

Befor i start: these are just some random things i observe from people with these placements. They might fit you but they dont have to. I wsnt to emphasize this as i tend to also talk about darker stuff, and i dont want people to get scared. Everything i'm writing could totally not apply to you, so please take everything woth a grain of salt!

Now lets go!

Venus conjunct 10th house: For some reason, people in general perceive you to be more attractive and desireable. If you also have some good placements in your sr 5th or 7th house or the ruler of your sr 7th house is taurus or libra, you might even attract more love interests than usual.

Uranus in the 7th house: I know i've talked about my Uranus conjunct Jupiter in the 7th house in relation to sudden, unexpected things happening in your love life, which it definately means, but it can also make your love life more unconventional, in whatever way this applies to your life. For me, it was finding out i'm bi and dating the same gender for the first time in my life. Of course it isn't weird or anything like that, but me finding this out was completely unexpected, because i was always someone who was very keen on saying "i'm straight, but i'm a big ally", so completely going the opposite way was unconventional for me, although it felt exactly the same as dating the opposite gender. In the end it didn't work out, but i found out something major about myself, and am still figuring shit out (i'm honestly not 100 percent sure abouz my sexuality, but its a step in the right direction letting this part of myself free).

12th house stellium: No matter why or how (you can see this through other placements in your chart), but definately a year where you might struggle with your mental health (please get yourself professional help if needed), BUT at the same time it could be a year, where you might go on a transcontinental trip, as the 12th house also relates to international travel.

Saturn in the 6th house: For some reason, your everyday work and routine might feel very harsh and restricting and you might really struggle because of it. Please, even though sometimes its just life, always try to still respect your mental health and dont drive yourself into a burnout. But generally, when you're going through this, taking into account your mental health can be a good way to balance this out.

Pluto in the 3rd house: I can only talk about my own experience, but this solar return year i've had this placement and i've definately had my struggle with friends and have already lost an entire friend group. But as Pluto also relates to tramsformation through heavier experiences, i am really hoping i lost these friends to make space for new and better friends and for myself to be a better friend through learning from those experiences. I've also been sensing that the people i am surrounded with might not necessarily be the kind of people i would want as my friends, not because they are bad people but because characterwise we are very different. So maybe it could also just change the way you see your friendships.

North node in the 6th house: If you have this in your sr, a very important thing for you this year is to get into physical fitness, whatever this means to you, and generally taking more care of your body/physical health. So if you havent started yet, i would recommend trying it! Or just more generally, getring healthier routines.

Mercury conjunct Mars in the 10th house: You might be known for speaking more harshly to others this year.

Neptune in Pisces: I know i've talked about this placement before because i dont like this placement, and i need to emphasize this. No matter where you have it, it can mean you experience some kind of hurt due to some these factors

- some kind of illusion making you to not be able to see the reality

- you or other people having mental health stuggles

- you could go into a mental health spiral because of what you experience, where you might not be able to see everything as it is

- you might even be the one putting illusions on others

In the best case it can mean having a very spiritual experience. But i truly advice you, if you are struggeling mentally in some way, please get yourself professional help. Its hard but you can get through it!

Okay soo, i think this is it for now. Thank you so much for reading and see you next time. Lots of love and byeee <3

[edlucavalden]

Im too exausted for proper(ish) essays, but im so crazy over this scene. i can't contain myself

TW for: S/A !!! (For the nature of the writing and well—the scene itself)

He's confused at first. he doesn't know what is going on. This slight pause isn't because he's scared or frozen but to assess the situation. After all It was kinda sudden.

All he doesn't like this feeling. he feels uncomfortable and that some sort of boundry has been breached. But he hasn't fully processed it yet.

And right before he fully comprehends and does something about it—

He suddenly becomes compliant?

It's like he forgot what he was gonna do—like He loses the motivation to enforce his boundaries.

he still feels uncomfortable. that doesn't change. But he isnt aware of that. Well, that makes sense... since he never really did fully process what was happening. It's like he lost the will to care about or process it.

This panel. Christ... Thistle finally builds up the power to say stop. It's weak—confused and disoriented. I dont think it's even directed to anything specifically. Its intentions are vague.

But god... and the lion's response? Reassurance. how he can't help it, he needs this to live, he's been waiting for so long—oh, and don't worry, I'll take care of you.

It's just so chilling after this.

Thistle's powerless, weak, and complaicent. It's out of character for thistle. This entire scene is. However It's still thistle. His behavior and actions are his own, and for me that's the terrifying part.

This wasn't... Forced? There's no fighting and thrashing— Its just a complete submission. he reacted yeah but he didn't resist. he didn't fight back even if he had the ability to (we know bc he has, for 1000 years in fact). The lion didn't directly force him either. It didn't violently force him to have its way. But it's still violating. And that's the thing; the assult wasnt violent, but passive.

Hi guys just to reiterate that I did NOT mean to say that sexual cohesion is not an act of force. this part is ment reiterate that it "wasn't forced" in the sterotypical way of resisting, i followed it up by saying that it is still violating despite that and i emhasized that idea in the parts after that,. This part (more so the entire work in general) is ment to emphasize the passive yet transgressive nature of cohesion. i SINCERELY apologize if that was the message that was interpreted from that part. I did not intend it to mean that way.

The demon has slowly but surely torn down thistle's sense of self so much it turned him into a completely different person. Like his identity was shattered and rebuilt to submit.

It starts small, building up the situation, taking away his desire to resist and enforce his boundaries, then it gives a rose tinted explanation of what is happening. Finally, it comforts and praises him. This is what gives thistle the illusion of choice, a passive way of getting him vulnerable.

You can see how it affected him vividly through this part. it's like he forgets what he was fighting for. He forgets his boundaries, his identity, the things he cares about, everything. It's being ripped away from him.

Thistle never stood a chance.

It wasn't his fault he submitted. It was the demon's for putting him in that state. His complaicency is due to the fact that he had no power for any other way.

it never mattered that thistle never fought back. Even if he did fight back or didn't, even if he succeeded or not—what then? it would never change the demon's nature. One who seeks consumption will always consume. In other words; it will always find a way.

I honestly dont think it was the demon's intention to harm thistle. It's selfish but not moralisticly evil (nothing ever is). It seeks fulfillment and not suffering. But its blind pursuit for satisfaction caused suffering, That's what makes it malicious. It doesn't matter if he intented or was aware of it or not. the demon benefited from something that could harm him and did it despite that. And that will never change.

[beneaththebloodylake]

actually i dont only think narumitsu having feelings for each other before/during the first game just doesnt make sense, i think it actively ruins the point of their relationship.

as it is in the game, phoenix still cares about edgeworth as a childhood friend and believes in him as the same person who influenced him a lot by standing up for him which shaped a lot of phoenixs worldview. thats why he wants to help him, it is about what edgeworth means to him, but its also about his character and wish to save people and that general theme. it might be extreme, but its not some romantic obsession. actually i dont think theres room for any romantic motivations without displacing the actual themes and reasons and giving them less importance, watering down phoenixs character

and edgeworths 'unecessary feelings', as most people get, is about the friend from when he was a different person reminding him who he used to be and showing him his approach isnt the only way, making him doubt the choices hes made and who he is. he resents phoenix, and i dont think hed even have space with everything else to even consider the possibility of romantic feelings to repress them. plus i just dont think what they have at this point is really a compelling basis for them to have feelings for each other, and having that be part of it doesnt add anything

the same for phoenix defending him really. and phoenix being upset about edgeworth killing himself and edgeworth coming back to help out also arent really cause of romantic feelings, though at least here i think they could be there and it wouldnt ruin it or not make sense

anyway my point is that it takes until the end of the second game to finish that arc and establish their relationship in the ways they changed and helped each other become better, and the ways this works is because of the choices they make because of who they are as characters. like they are specially significant to each other, but making it about being in love really does a disservice to their characters and the themes. and i think it being because of everything that happens until this point is really a much better and more compelling basis for actually being in love

then when you get to the third game thats totally what it is

[jjsmaybank20]

Hiiiii, I was wondering if you could write a Barca femini x teen reader fic where she is under an immense amount of pressure from the media and more specifically her father and believes she has to do it all, she has to be perfect, she has to make her father proud. So she balances the weight of school, Barca training and matches, and the extra training she does (she legit runs herself into the ground in an attempt to forgot about all the pressure she is under, however this only causes her to feel even more stressed). The team specifically the captains, More so Alexia start to notice. They ask her if she is doing well and she denies anything is wrong saying she is fine with no further Answer. Reader decides she doesn’t have time for sleep and has to get as much school work done, so she has more time to do extra trainings. So she starts getting like 5 hours of sleep per night or less which is definitely not enough for a pro athlete to function. She keeps this up for a few weeks or days idk. When Alexia and the other decide enough is enough and they intervene. Reader tries to deny it and get up and leave but Alexia isn’t having it and just hugs reader tightly and then they all end up comforting her. They all tell her she needs more sleep and it’s okay to take a day off so she can take care of herself.

You def dont have to write this i jus though i would ask🫶

Feel Good

Barcelona Femení x Fem!Teen!Reader Alexia Putellas x Fem!Teen!Reader

Summary: R is under immense pressure to succeed, but it doesn't take long for it to become too much.

Warnings: R passing out, R doesn't have a good relationship with her father

Word Count: 1.3k

A/N: Sorry this took so long! I changed a few small things, but not too dramatically. Hope you like it!

navigation  woso masterlist

---

From a young age, you always strove to be the best you could possibly be. You worked hard, constantly pushing yourself to be better. When watching you study, train, and play in matches, people would describe you as a perfectionist. You didn’t disagree with that description, but you did believe that you needed to be perfect in order to gain the approval of your team, the fans, and especially your father. 

Y/F/N had always been a cold and tough man. Never generous with his praise, and almost overwhelming with his need for perfection, he ruled your life and your career with an iron fist since the day you showed an exceptional talent for football. You made your way through the youth teams with impressive speed, finding yourself on the Barça B team at the age of 15 and finally being promoted to the first team at the young age of 16. 

Being one of the youngest on the team, the senior players took you under their wing. Lucy and Mapi would joke around with you, while Alexia and Irene would take care of you and keep you on the right track to the point that you saw them as your motherly figures. For a long time, it had just been you and your dad, your mother never really in the picture. You grew up thinking that the only way for someone to love you was if you were practically flawless in every aspect of life, so naturally you assumed it would be the same with the team. 

---

For a while, you were able to balance everything. There was a delicate routine that needed to be followed that guaranteed you would complete your schoolwork on time while also performing the best you possibly could in matches and practices. You were strict with yourself, keeping up a rigorous schedule that impressed even the senior players. 

Slowly, though, your rigid daily life starts to slip through your fingers. It begins when your father starts to comment more and more on a slip in your performance that you don’t even notice. You don’t argue back with him, though. Instead, you decide to add extra practice every day to your regimen. Those added hours of practice means you have to push your schoolwork further into the night, telling yourself that it needs to get done, no matter how late it is. 

Your nights get continuously later, and it begins to take a toll on your performance at practice. At first, your teammates think you're having an off day, and then an off week. When your performance doesn’t improve after that first week, the girls start to get worried. Watching you idly kick a ball around from the sidelines, Alexia murmurs, “I’m worried about la pequeña. She’s been so quiet lately.” Mapi hums in agreement. “She won’t joke around with me anymore. Says that she needs to focus.” The Zaragozan looks at you just as you miss the ball you were juggling. You let out a deep sigh before picking it up and starting again. Mapi’s chest fills with concern at the sight. “She looks so tired.”

You continue to practice, not noticing the two senior player’s eyes on you. After completing the exercise you were working on, you pack the balls up and head inside to the gym. Placing your earbuds in, you don’t notice how Patri and Pina watch you with shock in their eyes as you slip past them on their way out of the gym. 

They flag down Alexia and Mapi as they pass the duo, hoping that they would be able to give some insight as to why you were working out after practice was over. Instead of reassuring them, their captain and Mapi share a glance full of concern. They quickly walk towards the gym, hoping to get some sort of explanation out of you as to why you were pushing yourself so hard. 

As you side step with a resistance band around your legs, you begin to feel light headed. Instead of stopping, you decide that you can just push through and that it will pass with time. Just as Alexia and Mapi reach the gym, your body finally gives up out of exhaustion and your eyes roll back into your head as you crumple to the ground. 

Alexia rushes to your side, pulling your head into her lap. “Get the trainers, now!” Mapi rushes out of the room, following the order immediately. As she anxiously waits, Alexia runs her hands through your hair. Up close, she can now see the dark bags under your eyes from a lack of sleep. “Oh, cariño. What is going on with you?” 

---

As you come to, you are met with the semi-harsh fluorescent lights of the recovery room. Everything seems blurry at first, causing you to blink your eyes to clear away the fog. You groan as you try to sit up, realizing with a start that your head is absolutely throbbing. Even through the pain, you still feel more rested than you have in weeks. You press the heels of your palms into your eyes, trying to block out the bright light. Someone lightly touches your back, startling you. 

“Hey, hey! Calm down, cariño. It’s just me.” You settle slightly at the soothing tone of Alexia’s voice. When you finally glance around the room, you are met with quite a few pairs of worried eyes belonging to your teammates. 

Finally, you look at Alexia. Her eyes are filled with such deep concern that you can’t help but turn away again. She softly speaks up from beside you, asking, “What is going on with you? You look like you haven’t slept in weeks, you seem constantly stressed out, and you haven’t taken a day off in months. I mean, you literally passed out from exhaustion, por dios!” 

You stare at your lap, knowing that as soon as you look up, you’re going to break down. “I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong.” Alexia can’t help but get a tiny bit frustrated with you. Your stubbornness has always been there, and she admires your refusal to quit. In this case, though, she just wishes you would let her help. “Cariño, passing out like that isn’t something normal or fine. Please, tell me what’s happening.”

When Alexia leans down to try to look at your face, she can see the tears forming in your eyes. You glance up slightly, and when you are met with one of the kindest and most caring looks you have ever received in your life, the dam breaks. “I can’t take it anymore! It never ends. It’s always something. One day it’s my footwork, the next it's my shooting. There’s always something to pick apart. And when I’ve finally satisfied him with my football, it’s ‘your grades are dropping’ or ‘your not focusing on school enough’. There's no end to it. I can’t ever stop, and it’s. just. too. much!” You punctuate your last couple words by smacking the medical bed underneath you. 

Your teammates sit in stunned silence for a second, watching as hot tears stream down your face. Finally, Alexia springs forward and pulls you into her arms. Everyone else follows suit, and you finally let yourself let out your anger and frustration in the arms of the people you trust. As you cry, Alexia murmurs into your hair, “It’s okay, cariño. Let it all out. It’s okay. You can rest now. It’s always okay to take a break. Needing to take a break just means that you're human.”

Even when you finally tire yourself out and drift asleep, Alexia holds you tightly. Subconsciously, you burrow further into her arms, the stress crease between your eyebrows that has become a permanent fixture on your face finally relaxing. As she watches you, the captain knows what she needs to do. “I’m getting you out of that house. You’re going to come live with me, and we are going to figure this out. Together.”

---

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[circus-clangen]

asking a bunch of cool clangen blogs (yea you) a question cause I’m working on making one right now- How did you find the main plot based on what clangen generated and make it all mysterious and interesting and stuff?

OHH this is so tricky because SO much of the main lore I’ve interpreted from clangen events hasn’t happened yet, and I can’t spoil it…. How about a very vague one: rng gave me a cat in the future that looked VERY similar to an existing cat I had, with a kit that looked VERY similar to a kit that same existing cat also had. Now I admit that the “Oooh secret family member!” Is probably the most common and least mysterious way you can interpret clangen lore, and I myself have had to tone down my own use of it, but that’s just one example!

I’ve also had cats die of non-murder causes, but given circumstances and relationships with another cat, I choose to interpret it as a murder.

My two big pieces of advice for you are this:

1. As you’re making your plot, write down EVERY little thing that happens. Im even talking the randomly generated character statuses that change every time you reload the game. You don’t have to USE everything and in fact you shouldn’t, but sometimes two correlating minor details are all you need to get a good idea going.

2. Clangen isn’t going to magically make you a wonderful storyteller, and your readers aren’t always going to be captivated. When making a mysterious dramatic plot, know that you’ll get better over time. I look back at my old moons and cringe SO hard, because I just didn’t know what I was doing. And don’t get discouraged if your readers dont seem interested in your mysterious plot or don’t notice all of your foreshadowing details! A good mystery cannot be super intense 24/7, or it’s exhausting. If you want a good mystery, take it slow, and trust that it’ll be more rewarding for the people who really care to stumble across your little details months later, than it would be to compromise and water down the storyline.

You’ve got this! It won’t be easy, and writing mystery is in my opinion the hardest thing you CAN write, but just do what you can and what you love and you’ll do just fine!

GENUINELY both work very well for him. Any accent that’s aggressively and nauseatingly city boy American, that’s how he talks

Anon to be so fr I changed it recently but for MONTHS that’s exactly what it was. Gold star 🌟

Aww weird… that’s crazy… it’s a good thing there wasn’t any kind of supernatural occurrence going on the exact instant Tigertoe found out she was pregnant because man that’d be awkward

*checks toaster over strapped to wrist* hm

U right anon

🫲👀🫱

You guys are not ready for the video essay I’m going to make in like 2 years when Circusclan is completely finished. I have a bottle of wine I’m saving

THIS GUY GETS IT!!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I completely understand and even encourage the Ringstar haters—he’s not a saint—but THISSSS is how I see my boy… he never wanted any of this to happen, and yet it’s his own fault it all did.

Of course—of COURSE he had to let his baby girl live, even though it meant she couldn’t never be anything more than an insect to him for the rest of his life.

Did Goldmasks deal extend to Starclan? Will he even make it to starclan? Something in him knows that surely he cannot… yet something else dreams that maybe his soul and the devoured part of his heart waits for him there. One day, maybe, he’ll peer down through the clouds and once again feel love for his one and only daughter.

[0viraptoraskblog]

Do you have any head canons for the main three btd boys having an an0rexic captive whose body is visibly affected? This might sound uncomfy so u dont need to answer if u dont wanna

It’s alright, but this is my fair warning for anyone else who might find it uncomfy. Some of the answers mention vomit. Take care of yourself please ^^

and I hope you don’t mind, I did everyone because I kept getting ideas.

Strade- Not much different, but he would definitely bring it up in conversation. This could be just out of curiosity, or to make MC uncomfortable if he can tell it’s a touchy subject.

Ren- Ren would notice this almost straight away; he notices more subtle signs of things. Since he’s in charge of you now, this might worry him. He wants to take care of you; he’d be gentle about it, but he would try and get you to eat something. (I mean, he has the collar remote. You don’t have much of a choice.) and he’ll monitor you afterwards. If he can tell it bothers you, he’ll just explain that it’s for your own good. It’s a little forceful, but he does have good intentions.

Lawrence- Lawrence might not catch on at first, even if your body is affected. He’s not as perceptive of other people, and might just think you have some kind of health issue and not inquire past that. If he figures it out specifically he might be torn to if he should try to change something or just let it be. He’s not the best at caring for a captive anyway, so he might end up brushing it off and doing nothing. He would be a bit interested if he could feel your bones more clearly (the thinner you are, the more you can see/feel the skeleton through the skin). If he gets too caught up in that, he might be tempted to keep it that way.

Sano- Sano’s a doctor; he’d probably treat it like a medical issue more than a personal one. It’s something that can be fixed, if he has anything to say about it. He doesn’t want you to be weak. If you don’t listen to him and eat, he’d keep you in his lab for a while with a feeding tube. I wouldn’t test him.

Akira- I honestly don’t know. I think his reaction would be kind of underwhelming normally, like he’d notice but wouldn’t do much. If he’s grown attached to you, he might try and talk about it with you (not the best approach for some, but he’s no therapist). He just wants you to take care of yourself, but he might not know the right things to say. Maybe he doesn’t realize how serious of an issue that can be, and that you can’t just snap out of it or something.

Rire- Not much of a change, but if he discovers it he might offer to ‘help’ you (meaning he just gags you with his tentacles until you throw up, much like in game). It would give him another way to play with you, but overall it doesn’t phase him.

Cain- Normally, he would probably encourage it somehow, but in a subtle manipulating way. Like, he’d praise you for how good you look, implying that you should keep doing whatever you’re doing (he knows, and he can tell it’s not good for your body). It’s really just another effort to mess with your head. If he likes you, he might have a more thoughtful approach and talk with you about it. Similar to when he asked for your sins, but a bit more caring- he wants your reasoning, the thought process behind it. It might be a hard conversation, but he will offer some advice, whether you take it or not.

Vincent- As much as I hate to say it, he’d probably find it hot. He likes vomit and stuff. Even though that’s not always involved, he would assume it is. Long term, if you lived with him, he might try and talk you out of it, but it’s not something that’s easy to be ‘talked out of’. That’s not really how it works. He cares, but he’s not the most sentimental in terms of helping.

Farz- Farz isn’t very touchy-feely in BTD. He wouldn’t bother with it much, but if he catches you one day he might offer his support. He generally disapproves of it but it depends on how close he is to you if he’s gonna do anything about it.

Derek- He’d make fun of you for it, mocking you and probably making your body image worse. He’d find a way to torture you with it, somehow. Just imagine something awful he could do— that’s my answer. The horrible possibilities are endless for him.

Celia- Celia has body image issues (and very possibly an ED) herself. She would feel a bit of empathy towards you. Side note: I think part of the reason she force feeds you it’s to live vicariously through you, because she won’t eat that much sugar herself to preserve her image. That’s why she asks you to describe it and stuff. You being an0rexic might sway her one way or the other. On the one hand, she understands your motives, and might be nice enough to treat you more carefully in that regard. On the other hand, she might see it as an opportunity to double down on the force feeding for her own mentality.

Mason- Probably wouldn’t notice, if it was just a normal hunt. He might assume you’ve been with Fox and his workers for a long time, and look the way you do from lack of food while there. And this is a do or die situation.. you only have so much to eat before you actually starve. That might change things.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi sex witch! This is kinda a scary ask to send but you’ve always seemed kind to other people asking scary questions so I feel brave enough to ask. So I’m a person with what I would say a fairly healthy and positive attitude abt sex- big fan of jacking off when the mood strikes and I’ve had a few partners. However, something that is really upsetting and scary to me are sex dreams because a lot of times I have dreams abt having sex with ppl I shouldn’t be having sex with and DONT WANT to be having sex with- notably, my father and my brother. I have strange dreams normally- anxiety related usually- but I HATE waking up from these dreams, I feel so sick and ashamed. I’m not even generally attracted to men, and these dreams make me feel like I need to second guess my identity. Additionally, my father is dead so I wake up feeling like my brain has disrespected his memory.

I’m trying to get a therapist for other unrelated reasons but a) my insurance is terrible and I’m having trouble finding someone in network and b) I would be so scared to say these things to a therapist - what if I’m secretly much more mentally ill than I knew, what if they hospitalize me, what if they put me on a sex offender registry?

Beyond “go to therapy” is there any advice you can offer me? It’s really very distressing and I’m really sick of it.

hi anon,

let's take a BIG DEEP BREATH before we start, okay?

so, first and foremost let me just say this, because it's important: nobody is going to hospitalize you or put you on a registry for something happening in your dreams. your dreams are not necessarily a reflection of anything you want or would enjoy in real life; your dreams are a pile of goo your brain spits out while its sifting information around trying to make a bunch of pieces fit together. unfortunately, I worry that you amount of stress and anxiety you feel about these dreams may be keeping them so front and center in your mind that makes them keep coming up over and over when you're asleep, creating a vicious cycle.

listen, I can't tell you how to change or feel better about your dreams. but I can tell you that people having sexual dreams that are in no way indicative of their actual desires is INCREDIBLY COMMON. none of those people are a danger to themselves or anyone else because of something their subconscious does that's entirely beyond their control, and that includes you.

having said that, it's totally understandable that you find these dreams disturbing and upsetting. for the time being, while you're managing them on your own, try to get yourself to a calm place while you're getting ready for bed - whatever works for you, whether it's mindfulness, melatonin, exercise, tea, warm bath and candles, taking time away from your phone, etc - and preparing space to be gentle with yourself and get into a good headspace when you wake up by making an extra nice breakfast, taking a long shower, going for a long walk, or anything else that will help you get out of your head and take care of yourself in the aftermath of an upsetting dream.

and if you do manage to find a reliable therapist soon, which I hope you do, I would strongly encourage you to bring this up with them if the problem is still persisting by then. anything causing you anxiety and distress is something that is worth talking over with a therapist, especially since leaving one stress factor unaddressed can also hold you back from resolving others - it's hard to focus on anything when restful sleep is off the table. once you've established a good rapport with a therapist, some conversations around this could be super helpful for you.

wishing you the best with finding some peace of mind xoxo

[thetepes]

so gen question i hope doenst come across as offensive, but in your bio you say you dont like how the topic of lily is discussed and thats why you made ur blog. but it seems like you're agreeing with the other blogs in the lily-sphere uncritically. so which ones were you initially frustrated with, and what was the behavior you found so wrong in the first place?

I also think the lily hating has long since crossed over into lolcowing, to the extent that its very difficult to imagine real accountability is possible anymore. I agree with the stance you take in a lot of your posts, and then i see you reblogging and agreeing with the worst offenders in the lily sphere so like. have you changed your mind?

Look, I'm upset right now so excuse me if I'm terse, but I've REPEATEDLY and VERY LOUDLY admonished people for not giving a shit about her racism and homophobic bullshit.

I am extremely critical of who I reblog because there are plenty of people in this space who are just in it for the attention and bants, I've not been shy about that. I refuse to even follow people who post worthless shit.

I know you mean Sai, just say Sai. Sai has talked repeatedly about Lily's abuse of Courtney, Britt, in general, her trying to take away both her and Ant's channels, her racism, and her pedo inclinations. She might not cover it in totality on stream or in one big long video, but she doesn't shy from it. She's talked about it on stream.

She's also the only one of 3 people who checked on me behind the scenes after I was racially abused and purposefully triggered. She's also been one of Britt's loudest supporters.

I don't agree with her on a lot, I've openly not agreed with her on a lot. I've told her personally what I don't agree with her on. I've told her she can be out of pocket. She's one of those fun people you can go "Ayo, I disagree." and have a conversation with. There are some things she's just not going to budge on, donkey of a woman, and that's just fine with me.

And let's be fucking real, she's one of few in this space that takes the racism seriously. I've seen what people say. I know they only care until someone cries "You're not focusing on the important topics enough" then they call it "Lily being mean" because maybe six people in this space at most can handle confrontation and their ally ship only extends to the tip of their nose.

The media takes matter because that's where she shows her racism, xenophobia, homophobia, and pedophile inclinations the most. She couldn't even review hamtaro without making it weird with adding incest and sexualizing a literal baby hamster. Going over the media takes shouldn't be the main focus, but it serves a very good purpose.

My aim on here was to talk about her racism. It matters. Even if it's just me screaming about it in this godforsaken space, it matters. I'm tired of racism being given a free pass because it's progressive to hate asians and fetishize anyone darker than tea stain on teeth. I'm tired, as a CSA survivor, of the shit she's made like The MLP pedophile rape game getting a free pass.

I'm tired of people like you pretending none of this matters anymore because there was no big Lily left the internet blow up. That's not how things work most of the time, sorry. People like her and Birdie and Patricia and any of the other people I've mentioned on here don't take accountability and the police don't give a shit about online crimes most of the time. I'd know, I was blamed by them for being groomed as a kid and told I wanted it because I went in those spaces.

All we can do is keep pointing it out, supporting victims, and raising awareness of not just Lily, but other people like her that just will not face the justice their victims deserve while trying to mitigate harm. If you don't want to be a part of that, fine. Harm reduction is work and it's work you will not be acknowledged for. My advice is curate your experience like an adult. That's the healthiest and happiest way to live your life online and off.

So no, I've not changed my mind.