#i dont agree with her on a lot of shit
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the relief i have from joe biden stepping down and kamala (most likely) taking the ticket is the same relief i felt in november 2020 after a week of counting votes, like theres hope now
#listen im not saying kamala is great#i dont agree with her on a lot of shit#but it feels like a normal election again#it feels like what i remember from 2008 and 2012with obama#like yes there is still a long way to go and we still have to vote#and kamala has a lot of people against her but like it does feel like theres at least a little bit of weight lifted#and that counts for fucking everything tbh#us politics#kamala harris#k mumbles
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so wait… furina is the name of the archon role that “furina” had to play
wouldn’t make more sense narrative wise to give her a name of her own?? like scara gets his own epic chapter about him ridding himself of his past and adopting a new name then proceed to ignore said name in favor of “hat guy” but the actress playing “furina” doesn’t get to be known for her own name?
like people of fontain (partly maybe) know the truth so why not let her free? let her enjoy the simple human life she so so longed for? even the other furina wouldn’t want this
#i think her story is a better use of the (give character name) mechanic that wasn’t really needed in scara’s arc imo#like yeah it’s cool and all but we literally saw him throw the actual physical manifestation of his past into the fucking void!!!#i personally think it was kind of wasted on him on top of me thinking that idea was entirely stupid to begin with and hyv keeps proving tha#no one actually refers to him as wanderer or by the name they choose online.. its just scara#thats both bad marketing and confusing burying the character away from new players#and like the amount of shit u have to go through as a new player just to name ur weird huge hat angry little dude is just..#but imagine how impactful such a mechanic would be for ‘furina’ who spent all her live acting a role she wasn’t#at the end of all that agony do u think she could endure hearing people call her by that name??#unlike scara she did that for the people every moment of those 500 years knowing that the fate of every person is mere a breakdown away#there was nothing in that for her or for a reward she thought deserved.. just suffering on her own#it just makes more sense for her to want a different name a different identity that has nothing to do with that role#and again i think that mechanic is stupid anyway but if it had to happen i’d loved it more with ‘furina’#or idk give her like a clueless friend she gets to meet that keeps calling her a different name for reasons and her liking the name or smth#maybe give her a different role she gets to play.. or have neuvillette give her a name#same with scara i think it would have been a lot better if he went by a name he choose when all his previous names were chosen for him#i dont see how the entirety of genshin writers and devs agreed to this mechanic being implemented honestly#like traveler is literally there waiting for a single soul to address them by their actual name (the one we choose) but every time it’s jus#traveler traveler.. even their most beloved companion calls them traveler#like that alone should've changed the writers minds bc such a name would 1. either not ever be used or replaced by a nickname#2. the hell devs had to go through to not allow certain phrases and names and 3. the hell both teams will suffer should they add a new char#tl;dr stupid dumb mechanic but they should still give furina a new name#genshin impact#furina#fontaine archon quest#scaramouche
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my mum: you've been doing really good lately. every part of your life is really stable and you seem genuinely happy, it's great to see :)
me, who's felt like ive been going actually crazy bananas insane for months now: yeah haha
#sometimes i forget that 'being in total control of my emotions at all times' isn't just my cringe lore & is actually something im good at#like wdym my MUM said this. girl im experiencing horrors over here!#i got really offended by it? ilke i just smiled at her and agreed but inside i was like HELLOOOOO CAN ANYONE HEAR MEEEE#i just genuinely feel like i am so detached from myself and im entirely manipulative and i micromanage every facet of my personality#and change it day-to-day person-to-person and not in the Normal Human Way but in a crazy insane I Am Manipulating People Way#& it's a CONSCIOUS thing & like. idk who the real me is idk if there is a real me idk if id like her if i saw her idk if im a good person#but i look like im doing fine. i seem really stable and happy atm according to the person who knows me better than anyone#like that's the extent of my control on myself. even my mum cant tell. HUH#idk i feel like im being dramatic bc last week and this week ive definitely been feeling a lot better#and like maybe i was just having some sort of months-long episode but that doesnt negate the fact that while i was IN it no one could tell#not even the closest people to me that see me every day in the same house where im most vulnerable could tell#that's like. worrying surely. maybe. i think. whatever im just saying shit at this point#i always do this tho i go 'i fundamentally base my self-worth on how little i share vulnerability with people#and it's been a constant part of my personality since childhood that i dont talk about my feelings' and then i get SO pissed off#when people dont realise im going through shit. like girl what did you THINK was gonna happen. look inwards#hella goes home
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Hey like I'm sorry bad things happened to you but these aren't all universal experiences. Girlhood is absolutely not about molestation and abuse. Girlhood isn't about anything other than growing from an infant into an adult, and I don't feel there needs to be any special significance attached. If you were hurt during that time, it's not because "that's what Girlhood is", it's because unfortunately you crossed paths with people willing to do you harm.
Many women, myself included, have never had an issue with being cat called. Even then, this isn't violence.
This is called puberty. I would go as far as saying bleeding through your pants is something every woman on the planet has experienced at least once. This is not violence— it's growing up.
Breast pain during development comes from the fact your breasts are developing. Are you really not familiar with the colloqialism "growing pains"? I promise a teenage boy who is also going through puberty and experiencing all the discomfort and pain that comes with it.is not sending brainwaves that make your boobs hurt.
Girls can and do assault boys in the hallway. A lot of my male friends have stories of being groped or touched inappropriately, as do many of my female friends. I also have friends that have been assaulted by their same sex. This is not a 'women's only' issue.
Also not a universal experience. I have never had a 'rape talk', nor has anyone I've known, even friends of mine that have actually been raped.
What does 'girlhood is invasive' even mean? Are you doing the encroaching, or are you being encroached upon? Is it the mere concept of being a child?
You are not obligated to use tampons, alternate methods exist (pads, period underwear, diva cups, etc). I'm assuming by 'fingers' you are leaning into being sexually assaulted (which again is not an inherent part of being a young girl)? People are going to make comments that make you uncomfortable or upset you, and not all of them are going to be sexual. Self advocate, enforce boundaries, and avoid people that make you uncomfortable.
This isn't part of 'girlhood', this is a symptom of trauma.
There really isn't an easy way to tackle this, because a situation like this has so many moving parts and missing context and there are a million and one different ways this could turn out with one or both parties being in the wrong. However proper sexual education and classes on things like birth control, consent, and self advocacy would solve so many of these cases.
Again, men can and have been also touched and groped inappropriately without their consent. Speculums and doctor's offices are part of being a healthy person. Your obgyn using a speculum during any number of procedures isn't for their own sick sense of pleasure, it's because it is a tool designed to make treatment easier.
This feels like demonizing medical care. I had extremely heavy cycles. It was almost guaranteed I was going to have an iron deficiency each month. I got cysts. Birth control was an option presented to me (that I originally denied, mind you) that I was allowed to choose or not choose. Ultimately birth control has been one of the best decisions I have ever made for my health. If it's not something you want, you don't have to take it. If it doesn't work for you, you don't have to keep taking it. You are not obligated to take any medicine or treatment you don't want to.
Girlhood is a period of time during which you grow up, nothing more.
Girlhood is a period of time during which you grow up, nothing more.
If trans women feel joy in expressing femininity and find happiness in feminine things, then by God I hope they find the spinniest skirt available and spin until they can't stand anymore. I hope they feel comfortable and safe as their most authentic selves.
Stop demonizing growing up. Stop pretending that being a little girl is inherently traumatic. Stop dramatizing being young. This is real life, not a season of Degrassi or Pretty Little Liars or whatever other youth drama.
#baph bleats#for clarity i know the original tweet was about Dylan#and fwiw i dont agree with a lot of the shit she's doing but if this is how she chooses to document her transition then sure#does she do stupid shit online? yeah. who fuckin doesnt#she's on tiktok ffs of course shes gonna do dumb shit and exaggerate#its literally the dumb shit and exaggeration app#what radical feminism does to a motherfucker#radfems shut the fuck up challenge#radfems literally be like 'bigotry is ok when i do it because i must eternally be the victim'#radfems stop pretending all women are hapless victims challenge
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The tech guys are hanging out in my office again and chatting about $10,000 week long vacations like this is normal.
#Journal shit#Ah yes the life i gave up to be a grunt 3D generalist working on the lowest of the low entertainment \o/#A lot of my friends here get mad at my dad for not being supportive#And i myself get frustrated at him for being insulting about my general life failure#But like....he has a point#I dont think he needed to treat me like yesterdays trash over it but#He was right i probably should have taken a programming job#But poor dad he got saddled with a child who is stubborn and tragically not financially motivated like at all#I mean he is the exact same damn way i feel like my dad forgets that it was just me and him for four years there#I saw how he lived without certain influences and he did not give a crap about status or money or fancy things#It wasnt until the rich bitch came along and started making him like...update his furniture every few years because *style*#and making him buy new designer coats every year so he doesn't embarrass himself in front of the other volleyball parents#Im just saying prior to the introduction of Steves Wife to our family these things just didnt exist to us#It does greatly entertain me that Steves Wife is not allowed to come to the ohio farm because everybody agreed that she just...#Could Not Handle The Poor#Anyway thats my dads idea of a vacation going to visit grandma on the farm this summer#And two guesses he and grandma will just sit around reading and doing puzzles and watching tennis#Pretty much exactly what i did when i went on vacation to visit her#I want to ask my dad if you think i am a failure what do you think of yourself i am exactly fucking like you for better or worse#Well i mean except i also did a lot of drawing of hockey players and grandma would lean over my shoulder#Saying things like *he looks like a nice young man*#yes grandma and he also racks up the penalty minutes like you wouldnt believe
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anyways i saw a video of non dutch people pronouncing dutch names and im proud to announce that two of my characters and one of my coworker's names are there
#also in WHAT WORLD is anne-fleur a hard name?? is it bc of the dutch e being the english a i will never know#i will confess i shot myself in the foot naming her friend lieke. i just picked names i liked without considering that shit#most of the annoying dutch things in that play i did fully aware they would be a nightmare (but i was doing what felt right)#lieke i just wasnt thinking#anyways proud to announce i did decently#like i can do willemijn and thats all that matters#also they had kees there?? i dont think kees is hard.#maybe bc i was exposed to it via widm so i heard it said a lot#at least merel is easy to say and since shes one of two leads in goud i think i did well there.#now i am thinking of a play i did in high school which was set in switzerland and we all sat down and did agreed pronunciations#so like they probs weresnt correct swiss german but they were consistent and that links in to believability#which has now made me think of than dammed essay where the accents were not consistent#i would have been fine if all the dutch ppl had british accents tbh but NEE hanna van vliet was there and threw it off#(its actually a lot more complex than that)#imma shut up#OH GOD I JUST THOUGHT OF THE SURNAMES IN GOUD. FUCKING ROOIJAKKERS.#de smet is easy tho :)#oh god i just remembered theres a minor character called froukje#mind u while i go scream#at elast froukje is VERY MINOR
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love your thoughts on character’s ages. looking forward to fontaine & sumeru :) i think you described it really well. ages for my are like… they exist but they don’t at the same time.
edit: OH MY GOD TUMBLRS EDITOR FORMATTING SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!! if you see random parts of words bolded PLEASE ignore i dont know why it keeps happening
if you're the same anon as the og ask i am so so so sorry about the delay T_T T_T i was drafting my answer and then boom life happened ..... anyways. thank you for enjoying my thoughts wah <3333333 "they exist but they don't" SAME SAME frfr. like the most on-point (internet) discussion I've read on ages is that the stage of life you're in is often the only factor that matters, and that can vary a lot based on like your past experiences and stuff. and from my own perspective this holds true—similarly, in genshin where all the playable characters have jobs it's hard to kind of quantify them into really distinct age ranges tbh. sometimes it's just vibes (unfortunately vibes often includes height bc it's a game w not very diverse model types). anyways! character hcs:
sumeru (sans scaramouche): collei, cyno, tighnari, faruzan, layla, nilou
i think collei has an actual canon age right? unless I'm tripping and fanon has solidified so much in everyone's minds. I still haven't read the manhua <3 but iirc people think she's 12-13 there right. maybe she's like 17 rn, i can see anywhere from 14-16 though. idk anything abt her timeline so these are quite literally guesstimates from vibes and they're likely to be wrong. Layla is such a college girlie, she's like 19-20 and sleep deprived (same fr); begging for her to catch a break on behalf of uni students everywhere. I don't have a set age for Faruzan, I can see her anywhere from 30-40, 26 years old minimum (the redesigns people give her where she looks visibly older are so cool <3). Given she was a pretty well known researcher back in her day and since academia is a long and arduous career choice, I think it makes sense; also if she's like way older than Kaveh appearance wise (≥ 10 years) , even if she hadn't gotten trapped for a century, that would be sick af (their dynamic is impeccable and I think a larger age difference makes it better, sweeter, and funnier). Nilou also feels 19-20 years old to me; no real explanation, she just has a young adult vibe, like someone just out of her teenage years but quite capable at managing her life, although still testing out responsibility for major decisions and stuff like that (age solidarity w yun jin)
iirc cyno was already mahamatra or something WHILE tighnari was still in school; thus this makes cynonari EXTREMELY funny if you're a moral purist who ships it and thinks they fell in love in their akademiya days LOL. jkjk it's also a reasonable interpretation that Cyno became mahamatra at an insanely young age, since uhhh fucked up temple of silence background smth smth and honestly it feels in character for him to go buck wild at a young age like that (person most suited for young collei fr). HOWEVER. personally I think being mahamatra at like 19 is insane—thus I think tighnari's probably 23, cyno might be 27? I don't know if that makes it """""""better""""""" from an age gap standpoint but I also don't really care. Cyno being older but more joking around friends, while Tighnari is the younger kohai but serious and no-nonsense is pretty funny to me and when they're both serious you know you're fucked
fontaine: lyney, lynette, freminet (are those the only medium youth models so far lol. damn)
anyways lyney and lynette are confirmed to be at least 10 from Lyney's story quest. such helpful information I know lol. I'd think they're probably around 19-20? 18 minimum—I personally wouldn't watch 18 year olds do gravity defying magic tricks at the nation's biggest opera house—being like 1 year older doesn't make it any better ofc lol, but I think they're above the teenage threshold bc of that. Kinda fucked up to think about the timeline and house of hearth stuff though with this in mind
Freminet I'd say is around 16; 14 minimum. No thoughts for this just vibes. mmmmm idk when he was adopted into the house, if he's around 4-5 years younger than L+L, and let's say they entered the House when they were maybe 6-9 (my headcanons, is it now possible to piece together an accurate timeline of this from in-game lore??), and that was maybe 3-4 years after freminet entered, he probably was like 5-7 when he entered... wah frem............. poor child I'm giving him a hug (knowing that he's also a killing machine)
#i can like. i can SO CLEARLY see faruzan as a cs professor. her hangout was so incredibly real to me i LOVE her routes there#cyno and tighnari are interesting to me too. like its so funny to go from 'is he committing academic integrity violations' to 'worthy stude#'worthy student unlike the rest of researchers; has morals' to 'husband to annoy w jokes and also trust w my life'#i love them actually. don't think abt their relationship too much but it's really very sweet#and for the record the sumeru girlies (minus collei sorry) are all so dear. i really like their characters i like how they were written#nilou gets quite a lot of shit i think. from people's commentary on her. i still dont agree w her design but i cant stand for ppl who say#'she's just fanservice for traveler' SINCE WHEN DID YOU GET THAT IMPRESSION??? also her character teaser/trailer fucked so hard#ok anyways. enough from me ty for the follow up ask that also pushed me to actually type this up :) <3#asks#anon ask#ramblings!#teyvat thoughts#headcanons#genshin impact
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From a scale of 1 to "ritzy orphanage", what level of bullshit have you read today?
#speculation nation#saw in main tag an akechi take that was So fucking foul lmao#someone mad about how fandom largely likes to make goro and futaba friends bc they dont think she should have to forgive him#which like. fair. i can understand being put off by that.#but THEN. they start going off on how we dont see akechi's childhood so all we know it wasnt that bad#vs futaba's that we Did see how bad it was#& how ppl largely make it a thing with her forgiving him due to sympathy & his trauma getting more attention than hers#which i would agree with if it were just a matter of ppl belittling futaba's trauma in comparison to akechi's#but you DONT. HAVE TO SAY. HIS WASNT TRAUMATIC FOR THAT TO BE TRUE.#his mom literally KILLED HERSELF bc of shido. goro's anger at him is far more than 'daddy didnt pay enough attention to me 😢😢😢'#(direct quote there. them belittling his anger down to daddy issues. ugh.)#but the RICHEST thing is them saying that for all we know shido paid for akechi to live at a 'ritzy orphanage' like WHAT????#say you know nothing about the japanese alternative child care system without saying you know nothing about it#listen ive been researching this shit a lot lately. japan has one of the Worst child care systems in the world.#11% foster home rate. majority of children shunted into institutions that are overcrowded and underfunded.#and get the word i used. institution. not orphanage. everything ive read about it calls these places institutions.#they literally institutionalize children. and that in and of itself is a trauma. not having adults you can learn to actually depend on#bc that is their Job. they cycle out. majority of them do care but they just cant give the child the attention they need#and fucking. 'ritzy orphanage' literally WHAT??? in what fucking world would RITZY ORPHANAGE be something that exists???#paradoxical phrase. if a child has a parent to pay for them theyre not going to live in a fucking orphanage. what the Hell are you on#there was more to it but i honestly stopped reading i was so angry.#you dont need to belittle his trauma to say that futaba's matters. what the fuck.#and YES his revenge plot against shido is childish and poorly thought out. but thats bc he made this when he was Literally a child.#it's not just him throwing his life away on a whim bc of 'daddy issues'. what the Fuck.#anyways this person made me so mad i blocked them#for someone who claimed to love akechi u made the WORST fucking take ive seen on him in a while#absolutely fuming. 'ritzy orphanage.' thats some real bullshit#suicide ment/#also THIS ISNT EVEN TOUCHING on the problems within the institutions#ive run out of tags so i cant go into it. im just so fuckin pissed off lmao
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we had fun tho the whole family hung out and we did some sporclee and chronophoto and then globle me n lamp nd father did globle bc mein mamma went to sleep. yay :]
#nd i think tmrw or something like that me n my mom will finish off 13s run in de#which im excited for bc im rly excited to get to 15 bc my mom loves it and im excited to be caught up so we cn talk abt everything#i am a bit bummed i ws rly hoping 2 like 13s seasons better this time around.. but i didnt :[ just the writing didnt come together 4 me and#i feel like the companions weren't developed much at all#and im famously a timeless child hater like i think its stupid for the dr to be the timeless child. like if there hss to be a timeless child#Fine ig its a fine origin story its kind of a like. answering a question nobody asked thing#where like. yk. i was fine with the tjme lords judt having regeneration#but mein mamma told me that they like drop all that and it is Nottt mentioned again eith the new writers which is so funny#the blessing and the curse new writers. bc the blessing is if there was a writing decision i dont like The new writers will completely#abandon it and go do their own shit. the downside is they do the same for things i do like#missy what happeneddd like where. UGH we cant even get into it i miss my princess so badly it hurts#ik we like. saw her die im just like. bc this master was not at all like.. it just doesnt feel like a continuation at all#my moms theory is he might actually be an earlier incarnation of the master since they never actually specify. nd then i was checking the#wiki and rheres some weird stuff like. missy forcing all of her Good parts to regenerate into some other lady and then like.#idk it just said that. so idk if that implies the bad parts regenerated into like. evil master... i dont know. but wtvr. im excited#and a little birdie told me donnaaaaa will be baaaaaaaaackkkkkk which is the best thing that could ever happen to me im SO excited. my#friend donna#i like that like. i like getting new companions inlike when companions dont overstay their welcome cough cough. clara. but i do love seeing#companions come back like sry it does get me everytime im always like My friend my friend my friend. yk. i just love to seeing them again...#oh i got distracted. i was gonna say i rly dislike the dr being the timeless child bc i rly like when the dr is judt like. a guy. gender#neutral my mom laughed at me bc i said rhat earlier and went That sounded like im complaining abt hrr being a woman. im noy#THATS WHY I WANTED 2 LIKE HER LIKE. im so bummed that the first female dr is the one with In my opinion the weakest writing. like fml. tho i#havent seen any of the older stuff so idk... just from 9 onwards is what iiiiive got going.#but ya. i ws so worried voicing my criticisms to my mom bc i ws worried i ws just being a hater or nitpicky#but my mom agreed with me on a lot and ya. i rly like discussing stuff w my mom even tho im almodt positive i annoy her sometimes bc i get#too busy discussing my theories and being like And what about this and i get distracted from the show where theyrelike#explainjng somrthing jm asking abt. JFBFJFNT#i judt love discussion. and its tly fun to talk abt it with my mom :] yay#like ikit snnoys ppl when someone talks while watching smth or theorizes while watching smth lr asks questions that will be answered#but lke its my fav part of watching things w ppl 😭😭😭 im fr the yapperrr
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how do i tell my friend i dont like going to her evangelical church without telling her i dont like going to her evangelical church
#like i was raised catholic#rn im not even sure i believe in god#but catholic mass is actually lowkey and its just an hour of mindlessly sitting in a pew and listening to the priest#and then there's evangelical services which are a lot going on at the same time and its like a party in there ajdjdjd#and im not saying there's anything wrong with that#i might not like the way it's done and i might not feel comfortable and i might not agree with your beliefs but you do you#but that's it its just i dont feel comfortable with all the loud singing and preaching and shouting#like why do pastors shout so much like bro you're scaring me im not listening to a thing you tell me#so no i just dont like going to my friends church#i went once and spent the whole TWO AND A HALF HOURS very uncomfy#but I've never got the courage to tell her that#so i literally just tell her excuses everytime and feel bad about it#but also its not like shes open to criticism on her religion and the church she calls her home#so idk bro#shit is wild
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stupid comments on TikTok will really have you thinking about how everything is by chance
#like. that antisemitic comment getting so many likes will completely reverse itself in the next video#that trans commenter that says a child deserved to die will have people admitting to how transphobic they are#(despite other trans commenters also calling them a horrible person)#those homophobic videos that have thousands of likes will be stitched by a popular person who happened to see it and get more likes#i just got thinking about this#its the same here#whats the chances of one specific terf out of the hundreds on here finding one specific post before their other terf friends#or one of those anti feminist guys on here focusing on one specific person#its not even just 'algorithm' wise either i dont think#bc whether we like to admit it or not not everything these 'great apps' recommend to us are things we always want to see#i know ive personally been getting a lot of anti trans and pro tate and shit of that nature despite me blocking and not recommending all#idk man#this all started bc of some antisemitic comments made on a video and the op agreeing w them (while also saying antisemitism is bad🙃)#but then the video that its stitched with has more likes. it has more comments. it has more people talking about antisemitism and racism.#maybe it has more likes because the poster was white and the one she stitched was black. but it also could be no one really wanted to#interact with the other because of how many dogwhistles she had in her video ('lgb' but no t; singing a cheerful song to the comment#about the holocaust; liking comments about how jewishness simultaneously doesnt exist or black ppl are the real ones or black people cant be#jewish; etc)#while the one that stitched her pointed out the inaccuracies in a comment in her video and talked about how racism and antisemitism are one#- in the same#like idk.
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listening to call your mom rn (god it feels wrong spelling it like that)
gripping u by the shoulders. this song is everything to me.
#OKAY STORYTIME THAT NO ONE ASKED FOR:#do u guys remember that girl that was basically my bi-awakening and we had the very stereotypical#intense homoerotic friendship that traumatised the both of us? yeah her#well basically i still have a lot of love for her and we're still friends like she's in my hometown friend group so when i talk about them#i still mean her and out of our entire group she's the ONLY one who didn't go to uni and me and my other friend spoke recently#about how unhappy we know she is bc she got abandoned by us in this awful hometown and we dont think she loves her boyfriend#so much as she stays with him bc she literally has no one else until we come home her life is literally just waiting for us between terms#and i worry about her all the time and one thing that happened a while back was she did drugs w this one guy by the river#and she completely whitied like it was just weed but she was 17 and had never done it before and turns out she's like me#where edibles just do NOT agree with her on a good day let alone when she took as much as she did and she was with a random boy#by the fucking WIER (basically a big dangerous waterfall) and we were all at our mate's house that was a 40 min walk away#and she RANG ME. i was the one she rang. that still sticks with me. and omg it was so scary bc she was so out of it on the phone#and all i managed to get from her was that Something Was Wrong (didnt know what) and that we needed to pick her up#so we did. we got on bikes and fucking RACED to this girl and we picked her up and in the end she asked for her mum#and i was the one to take her to her mum and knock on the door and stand there with her daughter's arm around my shoulder#barely conscious her sick on my shoes and explain what happened. like WHAT#& yeah basically i still have so much love for that girl and i know she struggles with shit hence why that even happened in the first place#and it's like. im still here. i still love you. i'll call your mum. i'll come and get you. just ring me and i'll pick up. stay on the line.#so yeah this song did unimaginable damage the first time i heard it. literally gives me chills and transports me to my 17 year old self#we were young and didnt know what we were doing and the town was suffocating us#AND WE WERE BOTH DROWNING AND DIDNT KNOW HOW TO SAVE EACH OTHER BUT THERE WAS AN UNDERSTANDING THAT WE WERE DROWNING TOGETHER#ask#noah kahan
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Every now and then I get haunted by my past as a dr fan because someone mentions it or smth and lemme tell you the worst case scenario is if they bring up v3 in an even slightly positive light because nothing will make me start giving a shit abt dr again except for my burning hatred of that damn game, I just spent like 30 minutes ranting to myself about how much of a nothing character Kokichi is in the bathroom after showering just to vent it out because if I don't rant abt v3 every now and then I'll explode and kill someone
#rat rambles#like I generally think I had a lot of dogshit takes and sucked ass at au making and character analysis back in my dr days#but like I still stand by most of my gripes with v3 even if my old rewrite concepts also sucked#look man those were dark times my previous main interest was cr and the one before that was hs#also I had never actually posted about my thoughts before so I was a bit trigger happy with saying shit with my full chest#Im still prone to having bad takes on things to be clear even with oni I had a lot of bad takes when I first got into it#tbf I was mostly trying to talk myself down from going deeper but I evidently failed. hard.#but yeah I should delete my old fandom blog became every day I see my old dr posts get notes and I die a bit more#oh wait one dr rewrite thing I still stand by is my humam chiaki shit I was onto smth#like I still agree human chiaki should have never existed but I also think her existing as an individual who was wildly different from#ai chiaki is deeply interesting and also leaves space for some fun fucked up tragedy shit for both chiaki's#like I still like a lot of my old ideas for my rewrite of that stuff especially likey characterization was off for most of the cast but I#was cooking with the basic concepts and narrative I <3 taking characters that ppl idolize post their death and shifting the narrative to#show that they weren't a hero nor could they ever have been they were just some guy who went through horrible shit and died miserable#its one of my favorite things to do in fiction even now so ofc Im still fond of my older stuff with it on some level#like mannn why did I have to go so hard on what ultimately amounted to an au character and proceed to drop the ball on everything else lol#anyways I need to sleep before I start talking abt chiaki more yall dont need to see that <3#I mean hey could be worse. I could start talking abt my old cr stuff. we'd be here for at least a week straight#my old cr stuff was mostly actually pretty good it simply makes me sad because I put so much work and effort and made some fantastic#pieces of worldbuilding and character concepts for a mobile cookie game that sucks absolute ass#I ofc will still happily recycle concepts from my old cr stuff but like so much of it is just impossible to remove from context its so sad#ok ok gn for realsies this time
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oooh i see the elwing discourse is coming back on twitter
#in the past i wouldve joined in the bashing#but recently#i've really started to take a more nuanced take#because i kinda understand what her fans are going through#and i am empathetic toward her#i still see her as a bad mom#but i get her fandom#coming from a fandom where the narrative treated my fave like shit up until recently#and because of that people would be so over protective to the point where it got annoying#i understand that feeling#like if the creators are so shitty to a character then the fandom itself is going to rally behind that character even if sometimes they los#the plot#which i dont agree with#i don't thing el*ing is treated badly by the narrative at all#in fact#she is hailed as a hero#she is haled as a good mother/leader#which imo she is not#but then i see that a lot of hate toward her is based in misogyny#esp when male character who did worse - like her husband#are often defended by the fandbase#i think at first critique of her was well founded#but eventually it was met with people getting over protective and THAT is when the critique became misogynistic#but i am empathetic to her now#and to an extent her fans#because now i get it
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consuming media your mutuals like is so scary bc what if im a misunderstander what if my mutuals think all my takes r wrong and cringe and im not even an understander of the media and im wrong about it thats so scary. what if im wrong abt man from the podcast . even worse what if being worried abt being wrong about man from the podcast means i dont let myself enjoy it and talk with people about it and ruins the whole thing for me bc thats what im more scared abt tbh . agh .
#AGGH !!! so stupidd i told myself i was gonna stop carring what toher people thinkkk#its so dumb bc okay. the issue is that this has happened before. getting into smth my friends/mutuals have liked but being so scared#of having the “wrong” take tht i never rly engaged in it outside of just saying whatthey think on it. not that i didnt often agree with the#but like i was scared to say i associated songs with characters bc i was like what if they think its cringe and a bad take onthe character#and like. idk that whole fear messed with the friendship i think and made it very hard for me to enjoy the interest#and even tho i tihnk it was like. idk resolved in a way where its def not a major enough factor in the friendship ending#but i do think like idk. a part of it that was bad (where ithink not to get into it but like. a lot of the time i was worried i wasnt good#enough for her and i thought it was bc of me being anxious bc its someone i rly cared abt but i think part of it was like.her maybe being#not the root root cause of those feelings but perpertuating them in a way i never had in other close friendships . maybe it was smth else#but i do think it was her in some major part. for reasons tht i dont wanna get into rn rly lol)#that i dont want in other friendships yk. like i wanna not be scared to be myslef around people just be myself and not care what they say#bc if they like me they like me if they dont they dont !! but its hard and im scared to care about what people think and be in that place#again of being so worried about it thinking my relationships with people depend on whether or not i say smth they agree with abt a made up#guy yk. and i honestly like. trust most ppl in friends with now to not give a shit i just still have the fear which is so stupidd uhh !!!#the solution is just to grow up and not give a shit. but thats hard. but im gonna try !!!#bc this is literalllyyyy ridiculous okayyy#flappy rambles
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my tags on that went on for so long i had to go back and edit them to fit tag limit and i still had to delete a bunch of them. Its the autism it literally is
#funerary practices and the afterlife and body disposal methods and just. grief and mourning in general r like. My bigggg autism thing i dont#talk abt it a lot bc 1 i just Dont shut up once i get going 2 a lot of ppl dont want to hear abt stuff like that which is fine. kicked pupp#expression. i just find it very very interesting to see how different ppl grieve and whats considered like. Right and wrong when it comes t#care of the body yk. bc like. most/every culture has their practices and anything outside of that feels wrong to them bc its like. yk its s#pivotal idr the exact anecdote/story but caitlin doughty mentioned it in one of her books where like. there were 2 groups and one cremated#their dead and the other practiced mortuary cannibalism and both viewed the other as barbaric and it rly shaped how i view it like. yk. its#rly something so personal where even when the way someone grieves makes you uncomfortable its like. you cant force someone to grieve in a#way thats palatable to you. yk. for a rly long time washing the body and being with the body after death was a rly important part of grief#in like. usamerican culture its only more recently that it became wayyy less common w the rise of funeral homes and stuff. and obv for many#ppl that wouldnt be comforting but i think it could be for a lot of ppl..#my personal belief on it is everyone should be allowed to grieve and dispose of the dead As they want and that should be like. yk. theres#the nebulous term of Desecration which is legally rly difficult to define there r a lot of states where the law is 'if it would outrage#normal family values' which is just so fucking stupid obviously like. whos family. bc every single person has a different view on whats#appropriate yk... IDK. i think as long as its relatively safe for the living and as long as its not like. Against the wishes of the decease#like. if someone says they want a burial and then theyre cremated (not out of necessity like 4 financial stuff) im like. yk. obv theyre dea#but i think its important to honor their last wishes... yk. and that should go for like. If someone wants an open pyre cremation that shoul#be available... if someone wants aquamation etc. IDK. etc. like. another thing is with embalming while i wish it werent De Facto ppl r#railroaded into it i entirely disagree w ppl who say it should be wiped out entirely like. there r environmental ramifications 4 sure and i#love for that to be more like. talked abt... but embalming is rly important to a lot of ppl and idt its right to shit all over that. idt it#necessary for every death i personally dont see the point of embalming for like. a peaceful death with a quick funeral and theyre getting#cremated after. but ik like. for a lot of black families embalming is very important for like. a reclamation esp in violent or traumatic#deaths its very important to have like. a funeral with a viewing. and i think thats something that shouldnt be taken away from anyone ever.#even like. ik this is controversial but extreme embalming w/ posing and stuff as long as thats what the decease wanted like. i think its#awesome !! i Dont agree w taking the corpses of the poor or disenfranchised to prop up for art pieces Personally but like. there r ppl who#want to be displayed like that like. riding their motorcycle one last time or ummm. that posthumous concert that happened. i get how it can#seem morbid or wtvr but like. the families r happy with that its what those ppl wanted and it like. its a celebration of their life and#their interests and i think thats super important. BASICALLY.#ok tag limits coming so im cutting myself off for sure this time. but wtvr. i hope this makes sense to anybody else sorry i rambled. im ver#passionate abt it KJBADKJBDKJ
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