#i dont agree with her on a lot of shit
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the relief i have from joe biden stepping down and kamala (most likely) taking the ticket is the same relief i felt in november 2020 after a week of counting votes, like theres hope now
#listen im not saying kamala is great#i dont agree with her on a lot of shit#but it feels like a normal election again#it feels like what i remember from 2008 and 2012with obama#like yes there is still a long way to go and we still have to vote#and kamala has a lot of people against her but like it does feel like theres at least a little bit of weight lifted#and that counts for fucking everything tbh#us politics#kamala harris#k mumbles
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how do you cut someone off
#like without drifting apart gradually bc tbh i dont wanna be close friends anymore#i feel constantly misunderstood and perpetually weighed down in this person's presence#we're close friends but i dont even like her anymore#and i feel BAD about it but i just cant stand their ass! everything feels like a competition with them. everything feels miserable.#it's definitely partially my own fault bc i do a lot of comparing due to our laundry list of similarities#but it's partially their fault bc shes always adding fuel to the fire#like we can never just agree on things#and whenever i try to balance myself and stop being so competitive here she comes with her damn#need to make even more comparisons between us#also like. they cannot just shut up about how hard life is#Trust me i know! i take 3 pills daily for psychological issues. i have been since i was 18#like they always have to talk about how haaaaard having ADHD is how difficult their life is like#it's one thing to open up to your friends and vent every so often and another to make your illness your entire personality#i rant about all my issues in depth on tumblr BECAUSE i know better than to dump all that onto my friends who are already struggling#im not saying it's Trauma Dumping to talk abt ur problems but holy shit in moderation#like i dont have the mental or emotional capacity for this!!!!#that might sound really mean and god forbid extremely individualistic but it's truly because#im trying to HEAL im trying to RECOVER#and with someone constantly messaging me about their ailments and symptoms and struggles! well it makes me feel like we're both bound to be#stuck foreverrrr#also apart from that i dont enjoy their company. they used to be interesting and now they're just negative half the time if not more and#constantly playing the devils advocate for seemingly no real reason#im not perfect either in fact i can be a real asshole in friendship im aware. but this one particular friend has been pissing me off for#over a year and that has to mean something#like why now and why for this long?#if it really is a Me Problem then okay! like i fucking suck im horrible or whatever lets not be friends so that she can be happier!#idgaf anymore maybe im the bad guy but either way we're better off apart#z.post
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so wait… furina is the name of the archon role that “furina” had to play
wouldn’t make more sense narrative wise to give her a name of her own?? like scara gets his own epic chapter about him ridding himself of his past and adopting a new name then proceed to ignore said name in favor of “hat guy” but the actress playing “furina” doesn’t get to be known for her own name?
like people of fontain (partly maybe) know the truth so why not let her free? let her enjoy the simple human life she so so longed for? even the other furina wouldn’t want this
#i think her story is a better use of the (give character name) mechanic that wasn’t really needed in scara’s arc imo#like yeah it’s cool and all but we literally saw him throw the actual physical manifestation of his past into the fucking void!!!#i personally think it was kind of wasted on him on top of me thinking that idea was entirely stupid to begin with and hyv keeps proving tha#no one actually refers to him as wanderer or by the name they choose online.. its just scara#thats both bad marketing and confusing burying the character away from new players#and like the amount of shit u have to go through as a new player just to name ur weird huge hat angry little dude is just..#but imagine how impactful such a mechanic would be for ‘furina’ who spent all her live acting a role she wasn’t#at the end of all that agony do u think she could endure hearing people call her by that name??#unlike scara she did that for the people every moment of those 500 years knowing that the fate of every person is mere a breakdown away#there was nothing in that for her or for a reward she thought deserved.. just suffering on her own#it just makes more sense for her to want a different name a different identity that has nothing to do with that role#and again i think that mechanic is stupid anyway but if it had to happen i’d loved it more with ‘furina’#or idk give her like a clueless friend she gets to meet that keeps calling her a different name for reasons and her liking the name or smth#maybe give her a different role she gets to play.. or have neuvillette give her a name#same with scara i think it would have been a lot better if he went by a name he choose when all his previous names were chosen for him#i dont see how the entirety of genshin writers and devs agreed to this mechanic being implemented honestly#like traveler is literally there waiting for a single soul to address them by their actual name (the one we choose) but every time it’s jus#traveler traveler.. even their most beloved companion calls them traveler#like that alone should've changed the writers minds bc such a name would 1. either not ever be used or replaced by a nickname#2. the hell devs had to go through to not allow certain phrases and names and 3. the hell both teams will suffer should they add a new char#tl;dr stupid dumb mechanic but they should still give furina a new name#genshin impact#furina#fontaine archon quest#scaramouche
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Every now and then I get haunted by my past as a dr fan because someone mentions it or smth and lemme tell you the worst case scenario is if they bring up v3 in an even slightly positive light because nothing will make me start giving a shit abt dr again except for my burning hatred of that damn game, I just spent like 30 minutes ranting to myself about how much of a nothing character Kokichi is in the bathroom after showering just to vent it out because if I don't rant abt v3 every now and then I'll explode and kill someone
#rat rambles#like I generally think I had a lot of dogshit takes and sucked ass at au making and character analysis back in my dr days#but like I still stand by most of my gripes with v3 even if my old rewrite concepts also sucked#look man those were dark times my previous main interest was cr and the one before that was hs#also I had never actually posted about my thoughts before so I was a bit trigger happy with saying shit with my full chest#Im still prone to having bad takes on things to be clear even with oni I had a lot of bad takes when I first got into it#tbf I was mostly trying to talk myself down from going deeper but I evidently failed. hard.#but yeah I should delete my old fandom blog became every day I see my old dr posts get notes and I die a bit more#oh wait one dr rewrite thing I still stand by is my humam chiaki shit I was onto smth#like I still agree human chiaki should have never existed but I also think her existing as an individual who was wildly different from#ai chiaki is deeply interesting and also leaves space for some fun fucked up tragedy shit for both chiaki's#like I still like a lot of my old ideas for my rewrite of that stuff especially likey characterization was off for most of the cast but I#was cooking with the basic concepts and narrative I <3 taking characters that ppl idolize post their death and shifting the narrative to#show that they weren't a hero nor could they ever have been they were just some guy who went through horrible shit and died miserable#its one of my favorite things to do in fiction even now so ofc Im still fond of my older stuff with it on some level#like mannn why did I have to go so hard on what ultimately amounted to an au character and proceed to drop the ball on everything else lol#anyways I need to sleep before I start talking abt chiaki more yall dont need to see that <3#I mean hey could be worse. I could start talking abt my old cr stuff. we'd be here for at least a week straight#my old cr stuff was mostly actually pretty good it simply makes me sad because I put so much work and effort and made some fantastic#pieces of worldbuilding and character concepts for a mobile cookie game that sucks absolute ass#I ofc will still happily recycle concepts from my old cr stuff but like so much of it is just impossible to remove from context its so sad#ok ok gn for realsies this time
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The tech guys are hanging out in my office again and chatting about $10,000 week long vacations like this is normal.
#Journal shit#Ah yes the life i gave up to be a grunt 3D generalist working on the lowest of the low entertainment \o/#A lot of my friends here get mad at my dad for not being supportive#And i myself get frustrated at him for being insulting about my general life failure#But like....he has a point#I dont think he needed to treat me like yesterdays trash over it but#He was right i probably should have taken a programming job#But poor dad he got saddled with a child who is stubborn and tragically not financially motivated like at all#I mean he is the exact same damn way i feel like my dad forgets that it was just me and him for four years there#I saw how he lived without certain influences and he did not give a crap about status or money or fancy things#It wasnt until the rich bitch came along and started making him like...update his furniture every few years because *style*#and making him buy new designer coats every year so he doesn't embarrass himself in front of the other volleyball parents#Im just saying prior to the introduction of Steves Wife to our family these things just didnt exist to us#It does greatly entertain me that Steves Wife is not allowed to come to the ohio farm because everybody agreed that she just...#Could Not Handle The Poor#Anyway thats my dads idea of a vacation going to visit grandma on the farm this summer#And two guesses he and grandma will just sit around reading and doing puzzles and watching tennis#Pretty much exactly what i did when i went on vacation to visit her#I want to ask my dad if you think i am a failure what do you think of yourself i am exactly fucking like you for better or worse#Well i mean except i also did a lot of drawing of hockey players and grandma would lean over my shoulder#Saying things like *he looks like a nice young man*#yes grandma and he also racks up the penalty minutes like you wouldnt believe
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anyways i saw a video of non dutch people pronouncing dutch names and im proud to announce that two of my characters and one of my coworker's names are there
#also in WHAT WORLD is anne-fleur a hard name?? is it bc of the dutch e being the english a i will never know#i will confess i shot myself in the foot naming her friend lieke. i just picked names i liked without considering that shit#most of the annoying dutch things in that play i did fully aware they would be a nightmare (but i was doing what felt right)#lieke i just wasnt thinking#anyways proud to announce i did decently#like i can do willemijn and thats all that matters#also they had kees there?? i dont think kees is hard.#maybe bc i was exposed to it via widm so i heard it said a lot#at least merel is easy to say and since shes one of two leads in goud i think i did well there.#now i am thinking of a play i did in high school which was set in switzerland and we all sat down and did agreed pronunciations#so like they probs weresnt correct swiss german but they were consistent and that links in to believability#which has now made me think of than dammed essay where the accents were not consistent#i would have been fine if all the dutch ppl had british accents tbh but NEE hanna van vliet was there and threw it off#(its actually a lot more complex than that)#imma shut up#OH GOD I JUST THOUGHT OF THE SURNAMES IN GOUD. FUCKING ROOIJAKKERS.#de smet is easy tho :)#oh god i just remembered theres a minor character called froukje#mind u while i go scream#at elast froukje is VERY MINOR
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love your thoughts on character’s ages. looking forward to fontaine & sumeru :) i think you described it really well. ages for my are like… they exist but they don’t at the same time.
edit: OH MY GOD TUMBLRS EDITOR FORMATTING SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!! if you see random parts of words bolded PLEASE ignore i dont know why it keeps happening
if you're the same anon as the og ask i am so so so sorry about the delay T_T T_T i was drafting my answer and then boom life happened ..... anyways. thank you for enjoying my thoughts wah <3333333 "they exist but they don't" SAME SAME frfr. like the most on-point (internet) discussion I've read on ages is that the stage of life you're in is often the only factor that matters, and that can vary a lot based on like your past experiences and stuff. and from my own perspective this holds true—similarly, in genshin where all the playable characters have jobs it's hard to kind of quantify them into really distinct age ranges tbh. sometimes it's just vibes (unfortunately vibes often includes height bc it's a game w not very diverse model types). anyways! character hcs:
sumeru (sans scaramouche): collei, cyno, tighnari, faruzan, layla, nilou
i think collei has an actual canon age right? unless I'm tripping and fanon has solidified so much in everyone's minds. I still haven't read the manhua <3 but iirc people think she's 12-13 there right. maybe she's like 17 rn, i can see anywhere from 14-16 though. idk anything abt her timeline so these are quite literally guesstimates from vibes and they're likely to be wrong. Layla is such a college girlie, she's like 19-20 and sleep deprived (same fr); begging for her to catch a break on behalf of uni students everywhere. I don't have a set age for Faruzan, I can see her anywhere from 30-40, 26 years old minimum (the redesigns people give her where she looks visibly older are so cool <3). Given she was a pretty well known researcher back in her day and since academia is a long and arduous career choice, I think it makes sense; also if she's like way older than Kaveh appearance wise (≥ 10 years) , even if she hadn't gotten trapped for a century, that would be sick af (their dynamic is impeccable and I think a larger age difference makes it better, sweeter, and funnier). Nilou also feels 19-20 years old to me; no real explanation, she just has a young adult vibe, like someone just out of her teenage years but quite capable at managing her life, although still testing out responsibility for major decisions and stuff like that (age solidarity w yun jin)
iirc cyno was already mahamatra or something WHILE tighnari was still in school; thus this makes cynonari EXTREMELY funny if you're a moral purist who ships it and thinks they fell in love in their akademiya days LOL. jkjk it's also a reasonable interpretation that Cyno became mahamatra at an insanely young age, since uhhh fucked up temple of silence background smth smth and honestly it feels in character for him to go buck wild at a young age like that (person most suited for young collei fr). HOWEVER. personally I think being mahamatra at like 19 is insane—thus I think tighnari's probably 23, cyno might be 27? I don't know if that makes it """""""better""""""" from an age gap standpoint but I also don't really care. Cyno being older but more joking around friends, while Tighnari is the younger kohai but serious and no-nonsense is pretty funny to me and when they're both serious you know you're fucked
fontaine: lyney, lynette, freminet (are those the only medium youth models so far lol. damn)
anyways lyney and lynette are confirmed to be at least 10 from Lyney's story quest. such helpful information I know lol. I'd think they're probably around 19-20? 18 minimum—I personally wouldn't watch 18 year olds do gravity defying magic tricks at the nation's biggest opera house—being like 1 year older doesn't make it any better ofc lol, but I think they're above the teenage threshold bc of that. Kinda fucked up to think about the timeline and house of hearth stuff though with this in mind
Freminet I'd say is around 16; 14 minimum. No thoughts for this just vibes. mmmmm idk when he was adopted into the house, if he's around 4-5 years younger than L+L, and let's say they entered the House when they were maybe 6-9 (my headcanons, is it now possible to piece together an accurate timeline of this from in-game lore??), and that was maybe 3-4 years after freminet entered, he probably was like 5-7 when he entered... wah frem............. poor child I'm giving him a hug (knowing that he's also a killing machine)
#i can like. i can SO CLEARLY see faruzan as a cs professor. her hangout was so incredibly real to me i LOVE her routes there#cyno and tighnari are interesting to me too. like its so funny to go from 'is he committing academic integrity violations' to 'worthy stude#'worthy student unlike the rest of researchers; has morals' to 'husband to annoy w jokes and also trust w my life'#i love them actually. don't think abt their relationship too much but it's really very sweet#and for the record the sumeru girlies (minus collei sorry) are all so dear. i really like their characters i like how they were written#nilou gets quite a lot of shit i think. from people's commentary on her. i still dont agree w her design but i cant stand for ppl who say#'she's just fanservice for traveler' SINCE WHEN DID YOU GET THAT IMPRESSION??? also her character teaser/trailer fucked so hard#ok anyways. enough from me ty for the follow up ask that also pushed me to actually type this up :) <3#asks#anon ask#ramblings!#teyvat thoughts#headcanons#genshin impact
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My mom always does shit like this istg
#bro why would you agree to something just to try to pull the plug like 5 hours before#'its snowing' okay they're a vermonter i think they can handle it#'what are we supposed to feed them' idk literally whatever you want to cook shes not picky#'whatre we supposed to do have a sit down dinner with the old man??' no obviously lol and i made sure she is very aware of#the old man situation she gets it i dont think she is expecting a full sit down dinner#and then she can even be the one to try to tell me she send my dad up here and he doesnt even agree with her!!#erugh bro#you know how many times i had to cancel plans with people bc she told me to only for it to totally have been possible for those plans#to pan out#YOUVE KNOWN ABOUT THIS SINCE WEDNESDAY!!!#yeah i know theres a lot going on in our lives atm but your telling me you couldn't be come up with anything??? yeah okay#i did not spend all of Saturday cleaning the entire upstairs dusting downstairs and cleaning the basement for you to chicken out 5 HOURS#before my girlfriend is supposed to get here#its cuz shes afraid she keeps saying shit like 'oh i hope gf doesn't break up with you for this' and '#'she knows what our situation is like right now right?' and 'i just don't wanna embarrass you'#bruh#YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE EMBARRASSING AND WOULD PROBABLY UPSET MY GIRLFRIEND TO THE POINT OF DUMPING ME????#CANCELLING THE PLANS WE'VE MADE FOR NO GOOD REASON!!!!#IM NOT EMBARRASSED BY SHIT LADY THIS IS MY LIFE TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT AND MY GIRLFRIEND KEEPS TELLING ME SHE LITERALLY DOES NOT CARE AS LONG#AS SHE'S WITH ME SOOOO I THINK SOMEONE IS PROJECTING HEREEEEE#i wish i had my own apartment :/#on the bright side its exactly one week till i go back to college where i can see my girlfriend everyday with no consequences and#nobody can tell me no bc they're ashamed of themselves#sorry baby if you read this one i promise you this is typical my mom behavior and has nothing to do with you shes just stressed in general#she speaks!
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okurrr youtube music has a wrapped too
#im 'giving amped dramatic chipper pop music'#13k minutes of listeninnngg#2k new songs#most listened new song was obsession by sir chloe 125 minutes worth which isnt a lot lol#surprisingly my top artist is melanie martinez for the fifth year in a row at 10 hrs#even tho i feel like i literally never listen to her#bc i dont#i listen to her literally like 2 days of the year#0.2% of bea millers listeners lets goo#i agree more with bea being myy top listened artist bc i listen to her way more#and ITS STILL RARE!#I KNOW THIS SHIT IS WRONG BC IT PUT BE MORE CHILL ABOVE THE ARCANE SOUNDTRACK WHICH IVE BEEN LISTENING TO ON LOOP FOR WEEKS#I LISTENED TO BMC O N C E THIS YEAR BESTIES
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me: hmm yeh i kinda get the criticism of this female character, she's not overly complex or interesting but she's Cool so that's basically why people like her which is fine
me 3 seconds later when i hear others shit talking her: actually fuck that, she IS complex AND interesting and i will defend her with my LIFE
#this is about sam until dawn btw pfft#watched a (mostly p good) review of the remake and agreed with everything#until they were like 'eh i dont think she'd make a good protag for the potential sequel cos she's not as interesting as the others'#like excuse me but You Are Wrong lol#like i dont think she's the most interesting character to ever interesting#BUT i think that there is a lot of depth to her!!!#she keeps a cool head and acts like a badass leader with loads of bravado but we see several times where she doesnt stand up to people#like she was hannah's best friend but let the prank go ahead despite knowing about it#& lets mike shoot emily if u chose to...#also the bit in the interviews where she's talking about how she thought she and josh were close#and she''s sad he didnt open up to her only for the interviewer to try and get HER to open up which immediately makes her shut down#like that's interesting!!! it shows how she puts on a facade as a defence mechanism just like josh did#which is why it makes so much sense seeing how she could have spiralled in the extra scene#and as much as i dont rly think we need a sequel... she is literally the only person that makes sense to focus on from the original game lo#also this person had the audacity to claim that mike shouldve been the protag like dont get me wrong i love mike#but he is enjoyable because he's funny and resourceful NOT because he's actually interesting fight me#ok i'm done lol#should i put this in my#personal#tag for shits and giggles lol?
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we had fun tho the whole family hung out and we did some sporclee and chronophoto and then globle me n lamp nd father did globle bc mein mamma went to sleep. yay :]
#nd i think tmrw or something like that me n my mom will finish off 13s run in de#which im excited for bc im rly excited to get to 15 bc my mom loves it and im excited to be caught up so we cn talk abt everything#i am a bit bummed i ws rly hoping 2 like 13s seasons better this time around.. but i didnt :[ just the writing didnt come together 4 me and#i feel like the companions weren't developed much at all#and im famously a timeless child hater like i think its stupid for the dr to be the timeless child. like if there hss to be a timeless child#Fine ig its a fine origin story its kind of a like. answering a question nobody asked thing#where like. yk. i was fine with the tjme lords judt having regeneration#but mein mamma told me that they like drop all that and it is Nottt mentioned again eith the new writers which is so funny#the blessing and the curse new writers. bc the blessing is if there was a writing decision i dont like The new writers will completely#abandon it and go do their own shit. the downside is they do the same for things i do like#missy what happeneddd like where. UGH we cant even get into it i miss my princess so badly it hurts#ik we like. saw her die im just like. bc this master was not at all like.. it just doesnt feel like a continuation at all#my moms theory is he might actually be an earlier incarnation of the master since they never actually specify. nd then i was checking the#wiki and rheres some weird stuff like. missy forcing all of her Good parts to regenerate into some other lady and then like.#idk it just said that. so idk if that implies the bad parts regenerated into like. evil master... i dont know. but wtvr. im excited#and a little birdie told me donnaaaaa will be baaaaaaaaackkkkkk which is the best thing that could ever happen to me im SO excited. my#friend donna#i like that like. i like getting new companions inlike when companions dont overstay their welcome cough cough. clara. but i do love seeing#companions come back like sry it does get me everytime im always like My friend my friend my friend. yk. i just love to seeing them again...#oh i got distracted. i was gonna say i rly dislike the dr being the timeless child bc i rly like when the dr is judt like. a guy. gender#neutral my mom laughed at me bc i said rhat earlier and went That sounded like im complaining abt hrr being a woman. im noy#THATS WHY I WANTED 2 LIKE HER LIKE. im so bummed that the first female dr is the one with In my opinion the weakest writing. like fml. tho i#havent seen any of the older stuff so idk... just from 9 onwards is what iiiiive got going.#but ya. i ws so worried voicing my criticisms to my mom bc i ws worried i ws just being a hater or nitpicky#but my mom agreed with me on a lot and ya. i rly like discussing stuff w my mom even tho im almodt positive i annoy her sometimes bc i get#too busy discussing my theories and being like And what about this and i get distracted from the show where theyrelike#explainjng somrthing jm asking abt. JFBFJFNT#i judt love discussion. and its tly fun to talk abt it with my mom :] yay#like ikit snnoys ppl when someone talks while watching smth or theorizes while watching smth lr asks questions that will be answered#but lke its my fav part of watching things w ppl 😭😭😭 im fr the yapperrr
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how do i tell my friend i dont like going to her evangelical church without telling her i dont like going to her evangelical church
#like i was raised catholic#rn im not even sure i believe in god#but catholic mass is actually lowkey and its just an hour of mindlessly sitting in a pew and listening to the priest#and then there's evangelical services which are a lot going on at the same time and its like a party in there ajdjdjd#and im not saying there's anything wrong with that#i might not like the way it's done and i might not feel comfortable and i might not agree with your beliefs but you do you#but that's it its just i dont feel comfortable with all the loud singing and preaching and shouting#like why do pastors shout so much like bro you're scaring me im not listening to a thing you tell me#so no i just dont like going to my friends church#i went once and spent the whole TWO AND A HALF HOURS very uncomfy#but I've never got the courage to tell her that#so i literally just tell her excuses everytime and feel bad about it#but also its not like shes open to criticism on her religion and the church she calls her home#so idk bro#shit is wild
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stupid comments on TikTok will really have you thinking about how everything is by chance
#like. that antisemitic comment getting so many likes will completely reverse itself in the next video#that trans commenter that says a child deserved to die will have people admitting to how transphobic they are#(despite other trans commenters also calling them a horrible person)#those homophobic videos that have thousands of likes will be stitched by a popular person who happened to see it and get more likes#i just got thinking about this#its the same here#whats the chances of one specific terf out of the hundreds on here finding one specific post before their other terf friends#or one of those anti feminist guys on here focusing on one specific person#its not even just 'algorithm' wise either i dont think#bc whether we like to admit it or not not everything these 'great apps' recommend to us are things we always want to see#i know ive personally been getting a lot of anti trans and pro tate and shit of that nature despite me blocking and not recommending all#idk man#this all started bc of some antisemitic comments made on a video and the op agreeing w them (while also saying antisemitism is bad🙃)#but then the video that its stitched with has more likes. it has more comments. it has more people talking about antisemitism and racism.#maybe it has more likes because the poster was white and the one she stitched was black. but it also could be no one really wanted to#interact with the other because of how many dogwhistles she had in her video ('lgb' but no t; singing a cheerful song to the comment#about the holocaust; liking comments about how jewishness simultaneously doesnt exist or black ppl are the real ones or black people cant be#jewish; etc)#while the one that stitched her pointed out the inaccuracies in a comment in her video and talked about how racism and antisemitism are one#- in the same#like idk.
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oooh i see the elwing discourse is coming back on twitter
#in the past i wouldve joined in the bashing#but recently#i've really started to take a more nuanced take#because i kinda understand what her fans are going through#and i am empathetic toward her#i still see her as a bad mom#but i get her fandom#coming from a fandom where the narrative treated my fave like shit up until recently#and because of that people would be so over protective to the point where it got annoying#i understand that feeling#like if the creators are so shitty to a character then the fandom itself is going to rally behind that character even if sometimes they los#the plot#which i dont agree with#i don't thing el*ing is treated badly by the narrative at all#in fact#she is hailed as a hero#she is haled as a good mother/leader#which imo she is not#but then i see that a lot of hate toward her is based in misogyny#esp when male character who did worse - like her husband#are often defended by the fandbase#i think at first critique of her was well founded#but eventually it was met with people getting over protective and THAT is when the critique became misogynistic#but i am empathetic to her now#and to an extent her fans#because now i get it
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consuming media your mutuals like is so scary bc what if im a misunderstander what if my mutuals think all my takes r wrong and cringe and im not even an understander of the media and im wrong about it thats so scary. what if im wrong abt man from the podcast . even worse what if being worried abt being wrong about man from the podcast means i dont let myself enjoy it and talk with people about it and ruins the whole thing for me bc thats what im more scared abt tbh . agh .
#AGGH !!! so stupidd i told myself i was gonna stop carring what toher people thinkkk#its so dumb bc okay. the issue is that this has happened before. getting into smth my friends/mutuals have liked but being so scared#of having the “wrong” take tht i never rly engaged in it outside of just saying whatthey think on it. not that i didnt often agree with the#but like i was scared to say i associated songs with characters bc i was like what if they think its cringe and a bad take onthe character#and like. idk that whole fear messed with the friendship i think and made it very hard for me to enjoy the interest#and even tho i tihnk it was like. idk resolved in a way where its def not a major enough factor in the friendship ending#but i do think like idk. a part of it that was bad (where ithink not to get into it but like. a lot of the time i was worried i wasnt good#enough for her and i thought it was bc of me being anxious bc its someone i rly cared abt but i think part of it was like.her maybe being#not the root root cause of those feelings but perpertuating them in a way i never had in other close friendships . maybe it was smth else#but i do think it was her in some major part. for reasons tht i dont wanna get into rn rly lol)#that i dont want in other friendships yk. like i wanna not be scared to be myslef around people just be myself and not care what they say#bc if they like me they like me if they dont they dont !! but its hard and im scared to care about what people think and be in that place#again of being so worried about it thinking my relationships with people depend on whether or not i say smth they agree with abt a made up#guy yk. and i honestly like. trust most ppl in friends with now to not give a shit i just still have the fear which is so stupidd uhh !!!#the solution is just to grow up and not give a shit. but thats hard. but im gonna try !!!#bc this is literalllyyyy ridiculous okayyy#flappy rambles
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seven minutes in heaven
warnings: suggestive but no actual smut, mature themes, dry humping, tongue kissing.
summary: a game of seven minutes in heaven leads to reader and jj stuck in a closet together.
pairings: childhood!bsf!jj x childhood!bsf!reader
requested by this ask (thank you anon!) i dont know much about the game, so if i got one of the steps wrong, im sorry in advance.
you and the rest of the pogues gathered together on a saturday night to drink beers, smoke weed, and play spin the bottle. typical pogue shit.
all of you were sat in a circle on the carpet in the living room floor of the chateau. there was a glass beer bottle in the middle of all seven of you.
for a half hour, the game was spin the bottle. everyone's facial expressions quickly grew bored. John B, and Sarah were talking about something totally different, Pope and Cleo gone to grab a new crate of beers.
After a few more moments of all of you staring at the wall blankly, Kiara's the first to break the awkward silence. "hey what's that game we all used to play when we were sophmores?" she asks, twirling a piece of her curly hair around her pointer finger.
after kiara speaks, jjs facial expression changes to one of interest. he thinks for a moment and then speaks, "the one where you get locked in a closet for like ten minutes?" he asks
Pope rounds the corner with a few beers tucked in his arm. Cleo not far behind him "seven minutes." he corrects, pointing a finger at him.
jj rolls his eyes at the correction and mimics a mouth with his hand, mocking his words "seven minutes" he says, trying his best to sound as much like pope as possible.
you flick the back of jjs neck, mumbling a shut up to him. he lets out a high pitched ow and rolls his eyes, but ultimately he stops his mocking.
John b turns back towards the group at the mention of the new game. "are we finally gonna play something other than spin the bottle? im kinda tired of landing on Sarah." he teases
Sarah shoves him playfully, and then turns back to the topic of conversation. "Yeah we should play, it sounds fun. how does it work?" she asks, tilting her head slightly.
Pope speaks up this time, "we spin a bottle for two people, whichever two people it lands on, they go in a closet together for seven minutes to do whatever they want." he adds with a hint of suggestion at the end of his sentence.
jj smirks and turns to look at you, memories of the last time you two played this game when you were fifteen, when you shared your first kiss.
it was the first kiss for both of you, so it was sloppy and had a lot of teeth and tongue, it was sickening to think about, but never forgotten.
jj pipes up next, "yup we can play. this games borin' anyways." he says with a shrug.
everyone else agrees and shifts themselves back into a circle on the carpet. Pope places the bottle in the middle, then darting his eyes from one pogue to another.
"so whos first?" pope speaks
jj doesn't waste a second in volunteering to go first. "me! uh- ill spin first." he says, clearing his throat. everyones eyes fly to jj, giving him a questioning look.
"dude you answered that way too fast." john b says with a growing smirk on his face, his eyes now flickering between me and jj sitting beside one another.
"dude shut up!" jj says, before reaching forward and spinning the glass bottle, he crosses his arms and sneakily crosses his fingers hoping, praying, that it lands on you.
everyones eyes are glued intensely to the bottle, the tension in the small room palpable.
eventually the bottle comes to a stop, the tip of it pointing right to your knee. jj has to hold back from jumping up and saying something like hell yeah!
he instantly stands up, holding his hand out for you to take. "cmon m'lady." he teases, and looks at you with his typical shit eating grin.
you roll your eyes and take his hand, standing up and walking to the closed closet with him.
"i bet everyone can guess what they're gonna do in that closet." john b says with a smirk, as he watches jj open the closet door and enter.
"gross! i dont even wanna think about it." kie adds on, then everyone starts to whisper about both of you in the open circle.
as you both get in the cramped closet, jj takes a seat on stacked boxes that clearly say "fragile" but he obviously doesn't seem to mind. he looks up at you still standing there awkwardly in the dimly lit space.
"seems oddly familiar, doesn't it?" he teases. your brain floods with memories of you and jj in the same situation back in sophomore year.
you both had been in this exact crammed closet, deciding you could both share you first kiss together. it was sloppy, uncoordinated, and you both were trying to figure out a comfortable spot to place your hands. it was an awkward and uncomfortable kiss, but it was stuck in your brain nonetheless.
"yeah, really familiar." you chuckle nervously, looking around, and tapping your foot on the ground. you avoid eye contact with the blonde, hoping this seven minutes would pass by quickly.
he notices your shift in mood, and he smirks. he spreads his legs and moves his arms behind his head as he speaks.
"you know, were in here for a whole seven minutes. we should put it to good use, right?" he was enjoying making you nervous, and teasing you.
when he doesn't get a response, he gently pulls you onto his lap so your straddling him. he looks up into your eyes in the dimly lit closet, with something you cant quite describe.
before you know it, your both leaning in slowly, jj is the one to connect his lips with yours. the kiss was gentle and chaste at first, your mouths moving passionately against one another.
jjs hands find their way to your waist, gently caressing the flesh. you take that as a sign to move your hands up his torso, then settling your arms around his neck, all while continuing to kiss him passionately.
the kiss grows more intense over time, your tongues fighting for dominance against one another. eventually you catch yourself grinding your hips against his, as you both makeout.
minutes go by, and he finds himself lost in your kisses and the way your grinding your hips against his. his cock doesn't take long to stir in his cargo shorts.
when you feel his buldge press up against you, your hips move a little faster, the kisses becoming more desperate. before you know it, a light is shining in the closet and the sound of the door creaking fills your ears.
you pull away from jjs lips briefly to look at who opened the door.
"seven minutes are up, lovebirds." john b says with a jerk of his head, motioning for you two to get out the closet with a smirk.
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