#i don't want another breakdown

[elluvians]

today is going to be another long day. we're putting together some furniture so it's gonna take us quite a while (i hope not djdishs i hope we'll finish it quickly). i'm so tired because the last weeks have been like this non stop, we've been coming home at 21-22, shopping or picking up some stuff for new apartment. my new meds are still making me feel weird, it's constantly 30+ degrees. i keep coming to the new apartment by myself because of all the packages and stuff, and i need to take a bus and then an uber to get here and i'm so tired (but to make it more positive - i wouldn't be able to do it by myself a couple years ago so that's a big win, leaving home by myself for so long). we ordered some gyoza tho so that's gonna be yummy at least 🥲

[benetnvsch]

what if I change my major again,,,,,

[talkorsomething]

I have Got to get more transgender

[tethrras]

omg guys i think everything sucks forever 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

[lover-of-mine]

i’m always interested in your analyses of the blue-green thing! colour is such a cool way of expressing themes or parallels and when you look at it laid out with all the couples, it’s so clear and non coincidental lol

“up until 6b they were really careful with this particular implication of romantic undertones with buddie and that's out the window now” is this in reference to how they carefully set up buddie’s themes and storylines over 5 seasons and then fucked it up in just a few 6b episodes? 😅

because honestly that’s part of the reason why i don’t have much hope for canon in season 7, i feel like they’ve suddenly backtracked on their relationship for some reason and are gonna go all no homo and/or just ruin them completely

post about the blue and green thing

Okay, I'm gonna go conspiracy theorist here, and I may be giving the showrunners too much credit, but here's the thing, we know the threat of cancellation made them change things around during 6b, there's a very clear tone shift, they changed episode names, called actor back for reshoots, so they changed the way the season was supposed to go so it would work as a nice packaged little happy ending if they got cancelled. Personally, I believe that there is some higher plan with Buck and Eddie going on here, I think they are a slowburn that is still burning, and personally, that needs to burn a little bit more until they can have a relationship that would work (getting Buck back in therapy and letting them talk would be ideal) and if you wanna jump ship go for it, I don't blame you, this shit is frustrating. But the thing is, they are very careful about how characters are constructed, and Buck and Eddie exist as mirrors of each other, and they also mirror canon romantic couple, bathena being the most blatant one. And they make a point to make sure that if you look at it closely, you can pick up on some romantic undertone, most major buddie scenes have that feeling that leaves you wondering. And it's not like the show doesn't know how to write friendships, because they do, so... choices. But going back to season 6, it might just be me, but I don't want them to get together for the sake of them getting together, there's a lot of build-up surrounding them for me to be satisfied with "and they kissed roll credits" (i love you *falls to gay superhell*, oh he had complicated feelings over the jeep) so I don't think they fucked it up, I think they didn't have the time to playout what they wanted to do with buddie in the space they had in season 6 and voted against rushing it since there was a chance the show was going to get picked up by someone else. Because it is still very easy to write off both Natalia and Marisol and keep whatever plan they might have and if they didn't get picked up just shoving them together would be unsatisfying. (In the end, it was unsatisfying anyway because the way they wrote the season makes a real effort into painting Buck, Eddie, and Chris as a family unity, so most things that don't end with them acknowledging this are unsatisfying, but it's an easy fix because the show didn't end, so)

Because, in the end, they are purposely writing Buck and Eddie as mirrors of each other, and it goes down to the first death on the job for both of them being someone falling to their death. You have the first love that ran away from them and came back without giving them real closure, you have the rocky relationship with their parents, you have the relationship they were pushed into by other people (Eddie and Ana and Buck and Ali if that's not clear), you have the way that Shannon is introduced and the next episode Buck gets a girlfriend, Shannon dies? Next episode, byebye Ali, Eddie starts dating Ana? Next episode, let's bring Taylor back into the mix, Buck is dating Natalia? What a wonderful time to have Eddie decide he's ready to put himself out there. You have the late confirmation they are the same age. You have the way they both escaped home, the way they found themselves in firefighting. You have the pretty blunt parallels between the shooting and the lightning and the well and the lightning, you have Eddie's will and the way Eddie decided to hide it (because they could have Eddie talk to Buck before changing and I've seen this playout between friends in other shows, but the choice to hide it gives a different feeling), you have multiple confirmations that Buck sees Christopher as his own, you have Eddie being hurt being Buck's berzerker button. One or two things are an accident, this many? They're on purpose, and I chose to believe there is some bigger, longer plan in action here. Sometimes I feel like there's a large percentage of the fandom who doesn't understand the stakes behind a network slowburn. Even shows like castle or the mentalist, where you KNOW they are gonna end up together, took like? 6 seasons? of build-up for something to happen? And like, I want them together, but with everything we have around them, I want them together in the right way, and yes, I think the show is delaying them because the stakes keep getting higher so it's harder to make it work, but I do have faith they can make something good work, just look at everything about them from 6x10 to 6x13.

Also, that particular statement was just about the blue and green thing because I actually looked at every scene where they are together, and they are never in those colors except for those two scenes, and the choice of shades of blue and green is very on purpose to be on accident, you know what I mean? And Buck and Taylor have multiple blue and green scenes, to pick the shades from the shooting is insane really.

Everything is on purpose, but a tv show is not like a book or a movie where everything is gonna be contained, you need to let the story evolve and adapt to the circumstances in which is being aired, and personally, I think 6x16-6x18 are just a detour, some construction on sunset lol, I think they had a choice to keep the season the way it was supposed to go and risk leaving the show feeling unfinished or shift things around and just leave Buck and Eddie feeling unfinished and they went with the second option, because it had less consequences.

Season 7 could absolutely go just kidding, no homo, but the thing is, you have two characters whose storylines are deeply tangled together, you can just sit them down, have them talk, say "you're my brother, dude" and goodbye, they're platonic best buddies. But I also don't think they would draw such a hard line because us crazy buddie shippers keep watching the show in the hopes of seeing them in the same frame together, and I feel like a significant part of people could give up the show altogether if they make such a blunt statement. And the showrunners know that, keeping us in the will they won't they thing helps their numbers and we are a significant enough portion of the viewers to make a difference. The hope of buddie brings audience to the show so I wouldn't expect a no homo thing. Or any hard line between them really.

But what do I know? I'm just a girl with a blog and a hyperfixation lol

[piplupod]

my method of "getting better" has just been Do Everything Possible and latch onto whatever gives you any sense of purpose and/or joy. and i guess it's been working because i am definitely not in quite the same place that i was a few yrs ago

[chokherbalii]

sometimes i wish i could disappear :(

[eddis-not-eeddis]

.

[professor-doc-emeritus]

I know this one guy who enjoys doing this singular menial labor task when they can set their own hours, only work to their personal standard, focus only on the aspects of the work they personally find fulfilling, only do the work either by themselves or exclusively with their close personal friends, only share the benefits of that work with either themselves or the people they personally care about, and quit whenever they stop enjoying it. This means that if we get rid of capitalism everyone would just sorta be cool about it and work the lithium mines.

[morningmask27]

I feel like November will be a difficult month for me again and I'm not looking for it

[whataboutyouisamascot]

Somebody please shake me by the shoulders to try and knock some sense into me.

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

.

[seaofreverie]

Time for some personal stuff again (please bear with me)..... today was a long awaited coming out to my mum day hoorayyyyy

[dermy-der-demp]

Saik would feel that something hit deeply harder inside him if he ever listen "here comes a thought",because no one in his whole life tell him something like that,nobody tell or teach him how to deal with his own thoughts and he clearly doesn't know how to treat with the consequences of his actions in a healthy emotional way

(I wanted to explain more in some points like the accident with touma and other things but i don't have time now)

[ignitelimelight]

I may have girlbossed too close to the sun and made myself look presentable on paper to the point that a disability lawyer won't take my case. Which is funny because, like my girlbossing despite being nonbinary, it seems i've distilled the complexity and nuance of my particular disability into something palatable. And palatable does not get disability.

[linguenuvolose]

I applied for a new job today 😩