#i don't think it was a failure. like i don't think it failed at what it was trying to do as a movie

[jesuistrestriste]

Idk if anyone can hear me on this but we don't have anywhere near enough fics about comforting older men with erectile dysfunction 💔 I'm pleading for a divorced!art fix about this 🛐‼️(ᵐᵃʸᵇᵉ ʷ ˢᵒᵐᵉ ᵈᵃᶜʳʸᵖʰᶦˡˡᶦᵃ)

-balls anon (can I have a name that isn't balls anon:()

balls anon, i hear your cries. (also yes, pls pick a new anon name if you want loll)

i adore the concept of comforting dilf!art <3

like he told you the first time you tried to have sex with him that he has some.. problems .. in the bedroom. he explained how he’s ‘working on it’—recalling all of the times he’s been to his primary care physician for it, how he’s tried the little blue pill, and detailing the three (3) psychiatrist appointments he forced himself to go to. all of the time and effort has only left him feeling worn out; a failure of a man.

so when you look up at him when he’s hovering above you, desperately trying to jerk himself off to get his dick hard for the umpteenth time since the two of you got together, he can’t swallow down the emotions quick enough before he’s sniffling and choking on the tears pooling in his eyes.

and god, it’s sad. it’s more than sad, it’s heartbreaking. you know how hard he’s been trying to satisfy you; you know that every time you two decide to skip penetration for the night because of his ‘issue’, he dies a little inside. you can watch it happen in real-time— the look of shame in his glossy blue eyes, the awkward chuckle that spills from his chest, the way his hands retreat from your body.

so it doesn’t take much more than his brow wavering before you’re frowning and sitting up to wrap your arms around him, rubbing your palms up and down his trembling back as he drops his forehead to your shoulder and starts to sob. the cries come out all pained and stifled, his fingers digging gently into your hips as he silently begs you to tell him that he’s not a disappointment.

“i’m,” he shakes his head, choking on a hitched breath, “i’m sorry… i’m sorry, i’m sorry…”

all he can think about is how much younger you are than him, and how all you should be doing at this time in your life is having amazing sex (and how he is failing to provide that for you, the person he wants to provide for the most).

you feel the warm wetness from his flushed cheeks drip over your bare skin, sliding down your chest as you bring your right hand up to stroke his hair. that only makes him cry harder.

“Art… c’mon, babe… it’s fine, it’s alright, you know it’s okay,” you try to reassure him in the most tender voice possible.

he just wraps his arms around you tighter. he can’t bring himself to say what he wants to say, it’d only make him seem more pathetic. but fuck, he wants to beg for your forgiveness, for every time he couldn’t get it up, for putting that look on your face that you always plaster on when you don’t want to make him feel bad — like he’s some sort of dying pet that you’re about to put down. one last ball-toss before fido gets the kiss of death. ugh.

he hates himself.

“you deserve more than this,” he whispers shakily into your neck, two more fat tears dribbling down his face, “this is such bullshit. i’m bullshit, my body’s a fucking mess, but i should at least be able to—“

but he’s cut off when you snake your hands to cup his face, pulling him back from your chest to look over his expression. it hurts to see him so shattered; puffy eyes and wet lashes and a bitten bottom lip. you can tell he’s scared that you’re about to admit your frustration with him.

“i love you.”

you breathe the words out gently, looking between his eyes as he tries to blink away the sting of the tears. your thumbs stroke his skin.

“i love you, okay? i love you. this— all of this— doesn’t change that. you know that. i’m with you, baby.”

and art just crumbles again. this time, though, for a different reason.

he’s slumping against you and nodding, his hands splaying over your shoulders as he presses his body to yours.

god, what did he ever do in his sad, disaster-of-a-life to deserve you? to deserve this kind of understanding? he’ll never know.

“i love you too,” he clings to your very being, closing his eyes, “m-more than anything, more than everything.. i’m sorry..”

you kiss the side of his head, deciding to just let him have this breakdown. maybe this is what he needs.

“more than everything,” you whisper, “it’s gonna be okay..”

[marcusrobertobaq]

I think he's more worried about ceasing to exist as failure than actually just *puff* dying. Like, imagine being made to feel proud of being a slave just to fail his sole purpose? Depressing. And to die for really nothing? A damn punch. As any other android he has self-preservation but between tossing aside and letting it distract him it's better for the mission if he survives. His true denial is denying CyberLife is wrong about deviants, consequently he being wrong about deviants. He's, like, seeing all these signs he got in his mind are deviant shit (and deviant shit means failure = you're done) and thinking he himself is compromised according to his previous info but at the same time he's like "I still not a deviant?", know what i mean? He's conflicted in what to believe cuz all his own clues (and lack of knowledge about his background) points towards he being defective (a deviant), but if he were a deviant he'd def know cuz the brainwashing says it's something unacceptable and that'll be obvious when it's the case, and the fact they don't do shit besides wanting him to do the job doesn't help him either.

So, well, he remain on the line even after DPD assignment is over, and maybe hoping he'll find answers about deviancy in Jericho, where he can finally sit down and finally deviate parting ways with CyberLife, the leader gives him an ultimatum that will force him to make the decision alone, and if it's in prol of himself rather than humans he'll inevitably go against CyberLife's orders.

The problem is CyberLife knows about deviants and is hiding information not only about Kamski's relationship with both the deviant leader and tools that became what Connor is dealing with now but everything about what they wanna do with it. In Connor's mind CyberLife wanna put the revolution down for obviou$ reasons ($aving human$) and they got the right to do it cuz no androids should disobey humans or act against 'em as it brings chaos: machines with free will = not good.

But the ironic part here is from the outside circle pov Connor will be totally be seen as a deviant exactly cuz he can do these 2 things depending on the situation + suffer from instabilities a good machine shouldn't let it be relevant (interfere in decision-making), but the only reason he ain't a deviant in CyberLife's papers is cuz he remains obedient and haven't taken his "system compromise" seriously to the point of direct objection towards CyberLife itself yet (in this case Amanda as personification). And finally turning on CyberLife is truly "becoming free" or "opening his eyes" realizing his definitions on deviancy were covered by ignorance, now seeing himself as a person worthy life and voice after being used as tool (and it's no wonder his first mechanism is disasociation by "It wasn't really me before deviating"). What the deviant leader did was confirming Connor can and should make his own decisions (being capable of reason) instead of following his master - it's basically about rebellion, but it's twice as heavy cuz it's coming from a deviant android rather than just a human like Kamski.

But the "free" part is kinda fucked up in his case since indeed the handler function is gone and he's his own master in the system BUT CyberLife got the plan B that can still interfere and take control.

One thing i'm sure is deviant Connor regrets not deviating earlier and i think the earliest point in the game he could do it was refusing to find Jericho and taking the leader down the same way Hank can refuse helping saying "deviants deserve a change" (which conveniently after a very tense chat with Amanda due to the discoveries at Kamski's house). But i guess his fear of failing and being destroyed talked louder in this situation (this time in favor of CyberLife). Or maybe he was also just curious and wanted answers about where deviancy comes from and what's the relationship with rA9 - like, y'know, the original course was supposed to be.

This is basically what all androids go thru except it may be easier in 'em case since they ain't got the same bypasses on AA and they ain't trained (yet) to reject deviancy and fully embrace slavery - meaning anything can become reason for questioning or the butchering of direct orders. Ofc they're default self-aware of 'em condition as androids (as in not being a human or like a human and not try being a human) but we ain't got this level of rejection towards disobedience to a master, that probably comes from the Connor series function both as deviant hunter but also a large-range-decision-making model, since he's a RK.

Not sayin' your average office model won't have to make decisions alone (to assist the master) but Connor is in an active role characterized by decision-making (alone) with AA bypasses and a handler with vague orders wanting him to make the decisions and find answers himself as long as he doesn't ask his master "why?" about things. All he can do is make decisions that start distancing him from CyberLife priorities but even there he's still in 'em leash and on the mission (cuz he doesn't run away from it) until he totally "fucks up" by refusing to obey Amanda.

Before deviation all androids seem to go thru a process of questioning "whys" and finding themselves first then finally screaming to the world they're someone, and this "scream" will go against what androids are supposed to be in society. I say that cuz if we played more as Kara and Markus before deviancy we wouldn't really have such discussion about Connor alone (and i think the play time we got as Kara and Markus are enough to show basic things). The point with Connor was showing androids are people (probably, secretly, were supposed to be people intentionally), they just need to butcher the program keeping 'em in a box and free themselves from it a.k.a. becoming a deviant (and that's why we got mp walls as illustration).

Cuz i can argue they already got things that can potentially lead to conflicts (such as self-preservation but for the sake of a master) but the fact everything remains in place ain't making 'em being automatically a deviant for having self-preservation itself, it's part of the deal. Problem is when it butchers the master's intention and is focused solely on the android. It's no wonder they need be unstable to break thru, since raises the % of things becoming faulty. For a product it ain't an issue until things are out of control and ofc the manufacturer will make sure things are hard-coded under control and according to law... superficially at least.

It's quite sad, honestly. I'd prefer androids like these didn't exist if u gonna just make 'em slaves and hide potentials.

So, Bryan was casted for the role of Connor based on an audition tape, in which he did the scene from „The Bridge“.

He was picked to play Connor because he could portray Connor's uncertainty about whether or not he was a deviant so well.

He played Connor as someone who may or may not be a deviant, as someone who could be a machine but also could be a deviant who is repressing it. Bryan was picked for that role specifically because he could portray that desired nuance in his audition - using the scene from „The Bridge“ in which he hasn’t officially deviated yet.

Now, am I saying Connor was a deviant all along? No. I think that’s up to interpretation. All I'm saying is that people who think he might have been a deviant in denial from the start aren’t as „stupid“ as some of y'all like to call them. Because, depending on the route and the choices, he is quite literally intended to be seen as a „possible deviant in denial“. Many people can read between the lines and see what the narrative is showing them. That’s all.

Source at 7:38

[orieriee]

Chapter 13 ✦ Three years

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Sypnosis: Y/N L/N is a special shaman from a jujutsu family. Y/N was sent to Tokyo to go on missions to prove their worth as the next heir. With the ability of 'flow', a cursed technique that allows its user to see and manipulate forces of energy freely. Y/N stumbled across Geto Suguru amidst a dark aura, carrying a weight of chaotic and dark energy. Will Y/N be able to help Geto overcome his turmoil? Will Y/N fulfill the lifelong anticipation and succeed in becoming the next heir?

Time setting: 2007, a year after Amanai Riko's death, before Geto Suguru's breaking point. gn!reader. I use they/them pronounce for neutrality.

Disclaimer: This will be a slight crossover with chainsaw man because I needed a mentor figure who is not known in Jujutsu Kaisen. I do not own any of the characters from Jujutsu Kaisen or Chainsaw Man. The characters belong to Gege Akutami as the creator of Jujutsu Kaisen and Tatsuki Fujimoto as the creator of Chainsaw Man. I only own the story plot of this work of fiction. I will also mix in a written story for the plot so it's not just the SMAU story. Also english isn't my first language so excuse any grammar errors in the story (*꒦ິ���꒦ີ)

"Geto..."

You arrived at the park near the shrine to find Geto sitting on one of the swings. It was late and night and the quiet atmosphere felt heavy with unspoken words and lingering emotions.

You sensed that he's a bit agitated, and you offered your hand in front of him, trying to lift up his mood through physical contact with your cursed technique.

"Geto?"

"Don't try to lift up my mood now Y/N. Let me... Stay this way for a bit." Geto's voice came out in a weary whisper, his eyes fixed on the ground, avoiding the comfort you offered. You retrieved back your hand and sighed as you sat down on the swing next to him.

"I'm here for you if you want to... Talk your feelings out. I'm listening." you reassured him, "I'm not going anywhere."

"... But you are." Geto spoke up in a somber tone.

"I just... don’t understand why you can’t let me visit. I mean, I thought... At least we're getting closer.” Geto looked away.

The tension tightened in the air as you took a deep breath, feeling the weight of his frustration seep into you.

“It’s not that simple, Geto. It's not that I don't trust you...” the words caught in your throat as were unable to continue and think of a fair excuse for him.

"Is it because I'm not strong enough? Are people after you? Is it because I failed in protecting someone else?" His grip tightened on the swing’s ropes, the weight of past failures gripped around him like chains.

"No, no! That's not the case Geto!" you rised to squat in front of him.

"Geto, look at me."

Reluctantly, Geto shifted his gaze slightly, the walls he built flickering under the warmth of your expression, as if trying not to give in to your kindness and hold on to his pain that was evident in his expression.

"Suguru." the gentle calling of his first name pushed him to look at you. His gaze softened at you, but you could tell he was shaking inside.

"... I'm just... Scared that I'm going to lose you." his voice softened, vulnerability seeping in, "I have already lost someone right in front of my eyes... And if I lose you too, I don't know if I can stay sane... I’d rather face the danger with you than be left all alone again in the dark waiting for you to come back.".

His words hung in the air, a mixture of hope and desperation swirling between them like the cool night breeze.

"Oh Geto." your eyes searched for his, and when he finally met yours, you can read him like an open book.

"I'm really sorry for the things that has happened in the past... But please, don't blame yourself for everything that had happened... I believe you've always fought for what you believe in, and it's not because you're not strong enough." you slowly wrapped your arms around him, giving him a warm embrace as you calm him down,

"I know you’re doing your best to stick to your principles, and you are trying your best to protect those you can protect. And I'm so proud of you, Geto.".

Geto held you closer as he burried his face into your embrace, as if to hide his expression. You always knew the right thing to say to calm his anxiety. No cursed technique could soothe him quite like the sound of your voice wrapped around him, your unwavering support grounding him through dark nights.

In that moment, it became clear—he needed you, and he hoped that the need was mutual.

"I promise I'll talk to my grandpa about visiting. I'll let you know when you can visit." you circled his back, "I'll also let you know when I'm visiting Tokyo."

Your embrace lingered just a moment longer before you released Geto, allowing him to breathe beneath the weight of unspoken thoughts still lingering in his mind.

"... I appreciate you being here, more than you understand, Y/N." Geto mumbled, a hint of yearning and vulnerability that made your heart ache for him.

You smiled, returning to your swing, "I'm glad I can help.".

"Sometimes, I wonder if I deserve to have someone like you in my life," Geto continued, his tone filled with sincerity but also uncertainty.

“Maybe this—whatever this is between us—will find a better time to grow.” he let out a small bittersweet chuckle, the ambiguity in his words tugged at your heart, leaving a fluttering feeling of nervousness.

"You don’t have to think like that," you replied gently, searching his eyes for clarity. “You deserve happiness, and I want you to know you’re more than enough.”.

Geto nodded slowly, his expression darkening slightly as he looked away. You sensed that he's contemplating, opening his mouth as if words are stuck in his mouth.

"I'll wait for you." almost a whisper, "I want to be there when the time comes. I think that’s how I see my future." Something in his tone hinted at a deeper commitment that made your heart flutter.

"Geto..." you understand his implications, one that seemed to resonate beyond mere friendship. "I..."

"You don't have to answer now... I just... Wanted to let you know." Geto's expression fell slightly, maybe it's because he was afraid of your rejection. You could see the hope mingled with fear in his expression, and it tugged at your heartstrings.

"Come on, it's getting late. I'll walk you back," he said, his tone shifting to a more casual demeanor, carefully distracting the topic that made the atmosphere awkward just now.

As you two started to walk, you were gathering your thoughts. A part of you wanted to reach out, to pull him back and confront the feelings but the other part understood what responsibilities you have lays ahead.

The two of you walked side by side, each step felt heavier with the tension lingering in the silence.

"Geto," you finally broke the quiet, your voice soft yet steady. "What you said… it means a lot to me. I just need time to think about it."

He glanced at you, a flicker of understanding and sorrow passing through his eyes. "I get it. I don’t want to rush you into anything. I just wanted you to know where I stand."

"But..." you continued, "You deserve someone who can fully be there for you, someone. I don’t want you to risk losing it while waiting for something that might not come. Three years is a long time to wait, and I don’t want to lead you on, making promises that might not hold true."

"... Three years?" his tone catching you off guard. Geto turned to you, eyes wide with a mixture of curiosity and hope.

It was an accidental slip, the words spilling out before you could catch them. You hadn’t meant to suggest that there was a possibility of something more after that time frame.

“Um... I mean, after you graduate from high school, I mean! maybe…” You stumbled over your words, trying to navigate the implications of what you had just blurted out. “I didn’t mean to imply that you should wait specifically for me or anything!! It’s just… it’s a long time, and I mean...”

Geto's expression shifted, "So you mean... there’s a shot at this after three years?”

“Three years,” he repeated, a thoughtful smile creeping onto his face. “That’s not so bad. I can handle waiting even if it’s just a sliver of hope for the future.”

"No! I want you to have a life that’s not waiting for something that may not be certain. I-" you trailed off when Geto's gaze softened at you, a slight blush crept into your cheeks.

"Well... I didn't... mean it like that..." you stammered, your heart racing as you tried to recover, "I just meant that once you have graduated, maybe then we'll be ready to think about…"

"About us?" the tension became lighter, almost playful as Geto smirked, teasing you along the way.

"Maybe! Just maybe. It’s just a thought. I don’t want you to set your sights on something that may not happen.” you said, trying to stop this conversation before it spiraled into something bigger.

"Alright. I won't." he mused, a smile breaking across his face as he mumbled "Three years... "

"Alright then, thanks for walking me back," you said, trying to lighten the mood.

Geto smiled, a hint of his usual warmth returning. "That’s what friends are for, right? Besides, I’d never let you walk home alone at night. It’s too dangerous out here."

His protective nature stirred something within you, a reminder of just how much he cared.

"Good night, Geto." you said softly, offering a small smile, hoping to convey the warmth you felt despite the complexity of the situation.

“Goodnight, Y/N,” he replied, his voice in a lighter tone.

As you turned to enter your home, the reality of the moment settled into the silence. Maybe, just maybe, three years could lead to something beautiful, and until then, the bond you shared would continue to grow in unexpected ways.

taglist: @inthedarkshadows000

author's note: 2 more chapters to go!

[kiunlo]

I think about hair a lot when it comes to characters and how they express themselves over time (specifically in WoW). As someone who's gone from short as hell hair to long, thick curly hair (which I get from the Aboriginal side of my family, and which I am also in love with and ador the most of my appearance) I can appreciate and see the ways in which a character's change in hair length/style says a lot about their character growth, what they've been through, what emotions they're feeling etc.

Anduin being currently in a state where he's not quite stable, needs time to heal, is trying to find himself again or whatever has made him become a bit. well. unkempt in appearance. He has a patchy as hell beard coming in, he's covered in dirt and grime, and he's cut most of his hair off. An experience that I have personally had (tho without the patchy beard and covered in stupendous amounts of grime, though I was certainly dirty and in need of a shower). Like. practically if you can't even shower urself properly, taking care of ur hair IS a nightmare (again, personal experience) so the obvious option is the big chop. But it can also be something of a reset, emotionally or personality wise. Letting go of this part of you (your beautiful long hair that everyone compliments you on and wish they could have themselves and get mad at YOU when you chop it all off) and starting over sometimes can be necessary. I've done it many times over. I'm at this point in time where I'm trying HARD this time to continue growing my hair long as hell until it's down to my knees, and trying not to give up on it and cut it all off again. It's a big, long and arduous task of just…washing my hair, keeping it healthy…and waiting a long ass fucking time. But When you got depression not only do you not gaf but also it's too much time and effort. Thus, Anduin chopping his hair off.

But it can also be for more than just practicality or needing a reset on things. Sometimes it's a choice you make as a result of your actions. See, the time that Thrall went bald for a while then grew all his luscious hair back a few years later.

Thrall doesn't really seem to have a "canon" in-lore reason for why he'd full on shaved his head. I searched all over the place for proper answers and this is the best I found:

But since I'm a weird freak I'm gonna speculate that it could've been more than just a random hairstyle he chose one day. Chopping all your big beautiful hair is (usually) not a simple decision. I can imagine having long hair for most of Thrall's life would make removing all of it in one fell swoop a little bit daunting. But I can see him doing it as some sort of…perhaps spiritual choice? He probably felt he had failed Garrosh with how things turned out, and him shaving his head would've happened in the in-between of MoP and WoD when Garrosh's trial was happening or had just happened. Perhaps cutting off his hair was a symbolic choice for him, in some way. A way to display to himself and others that he's changed as a result of his failure. And when he felt he'd finally moved on from it all, he chose to grow his hair back.

I wonder if in the future, when Anduin is further along in his healing process, if he'll choose to grow his hair back in this similar way, or if he'll decide to keep it short. I'm eager to see how things continue. I know this was basically a big ass post about hair and maybe others don't see it as being a big deal but. Hair really is a big fucking deal sometimes so I'm chosing to believe it is that deep.

[randomfoggytiger]

Fail Better Premium: David's Thoughts (Part XX, 1/3)

Creating a breadcrumb trail with David Duchovny's personal growth.

"Alright. Good morning. Um.

"Well, here we are-- this is the thoughts on the twentieth episode that we recorded. And twenty was the original order, and twenty was the original thought, like, 'How can I get to twenty? ...That's a lot.' And I just wanted to, uh, celebrate that: that we got to twenty. There will be more, and, um. I don't know. Twenty's twenty. What is it?

"I've spent my, so much of my life... uh, kind of...." [Struggles for words.] "Like, let's say it's an achievement to do twenty podcasts. I mean, it's not a huge deal or anything-- it's, it's something, it's something that I set out to do; and now I've done it. And so much of my life I've gone without celebrating... any kind of achievement. I don't like using that word-- makes it sound crass, in a way. Commitment? I said I was gonna do twenty, I did twenty. And then the initial thought after that is, 'Well, where's the next twenty? What's the next project?' Or, 'That's not good enough.' Or, 'Podcast? That's not good enough.' Y'know, you gotta do more. And it's kinda speaking to my... situating myself inside a podcast about failure. That I, I can take even a success-- like having done twenty-- and turn it into a goad on myself; turn it into something that makes me feel... less than. Or, y'know, 'What's next? What's next? What's next?' 'Get well soon, David'-- my friend Jason's always like, 'Get well soon.'" [Laughs.]

"Um. You know. Am I learning? Am I learning, through this podcast? I think so. I'm definitely getting different perspectives. Um. The question is, 'Is it sinking in?' That's always the question with us as humans, isn't it? We become habituated in some kind of way of being; and then, y'know, we see that it's not healthy for us to be that way and we, we try to change. We, we grasp onto things that will help us change." [Sighs.] "And I think, eh, doing this podcast was a way in, a way to, uh, try to change. Myself, through these discussions of failures. And, and, and I feel slightly changed. Maybe it's gonna take twenty more; maybe it's gonna take twenty thousand more-- that seems more likely. But I guess that's where I'm sittin' today, after twenty.

"Um. Y'know. It wasn't, that wasn't the only itch that this was scratching-- the podcast itch. You know, I had had times in my life where I was like, 'Yeah, I'd like to do a talk show, I'd like to do a talk show.' And I guess this was part of that, too-- this is part of that, too."

(Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV: 1/3, Part IV: 2/3, Part IV: 3/3, Part V: 1/3, Part V: 2/3, Part V: 3/3, Part VI: 1/2, Part VI: 2/2, Part VII, Part VIII, Part IX, Part X, Part XI, Part XII: 1/2, Part XII: 2/2, Part XIII: 1/2, Part XIII: 2/2,Part XIV, Part XV, Part XVI: 1/2, Part XVI: Part 2/2, Part XVII, Part XVIII, Part XIX)

[ineffablelara]

Yes!!!!!!

I'm also a firm believer that Odin DID love Loki but he messed up bc, well, he's a shit father and was still scarred with the whole Hela situation

People often headcanon their relationship as being completely abusive with Odin always verbally humiliating Loki and never showing him any scrap of love or attention from the beginning and I think that couldn't be further from the truth, especially bc I think if things were like that Loki would have no desire to please his father, he'd just resent or straight up hate him

The love was there, especially when he was a little kid, but as Loki grew and started displaying magic powers and a liking for mischief and chaos Odin started to grow wary of him, what if this child turned out to be just like Hela? What if his powers became too much for Odin to control in case he needed to stop him? (And this is one of the plot points of Odin in where mischief lies, he doesn't know what Loki can do and is secretly terrified of what Loki could become in case his powers grew too much)

And maybe Odin hated being like that but he couldn't help it, Loki was his son and responsability, if he turned out to be a danger to the people of Asgard he had to be stopped no matter what, but at the same time, this is his boy he's talking about, he may like mischief but he's not fully evil is he?

It's kind of a self fulfilling prophecy imo, by becoming colder towards his son because he was worried he may become a danger he made Loki become bitter and resentful for being different and for not being like Thor, and that led to the brothers to not be as close as they could be, and that left Loki isolated and even more bitter, trying to find ways to please his father and getting more and more angry the more he failed, not to mention, he surely resented Thor for that too, even though it wasn't his fault, Thor represented everything Loki wanted to be and Loki hated him for it, but he also loved his brother dearly and I'm sure the conflicting emotions only served to torment Loki even further, I honestly don't know how he didn't lose his mind earlier

Anyway, I'm sure Odin loved Loki is his own twisted way but he couldn't trust him, maybe because he never took the time to actually get to know him, he focused on preparing Thor for his future as king and left Loki to Frigga, so I think he doesn't know his son as well as he should, that's why he's not able to trust and believe in him like Frigga does, she knows Loki, and as much as she failed him it's clear to me that she believes in him, Odin doesn't because he never got to fully know Loki, he knows him as the God of Mischief and maybe as the sweet little boy of his infancy that turned into a bitter, resentful adult, but he doesn't know the real Loki, he sure loves him and considers him to be a product of his failures as a father (yet again) but he doesn't know his son and that's why their relationship is so fucked up

I needed closure in the relationship between Loki and Odin and I'm sad we're not going to get it

Odin was such a big part of Loki's arc in the beginning and by the end of it he's not even mentioned and that makes me so sad, I totally get that the show wanted to separate Loki's identity from Asgard to give him his own thing and honestly I'm all for it but at the same time I wish they tapped in the complicated relationship Loki had with his father wich is the catalyst for all of the disgraces that happened in his life since he first appeared onscreen

Loki starts his arc eager to impress his father, he was so desperate to get his approval that he was willing to destroy a whole planet just to have it (I think he also wanted to erase his jotun identity by killing all of them but that also is linked to Odin and his lies so...), he literally just wanted to know that his father loved him as much as he loved Thor, he wanted to be accepted both by Odin and by the people of Asgard, here's his description from an official book released as promo for the first Thor:

(Please forgive the poor quality, I tried to find a better pic but I couldn't)

Zack Stentz, one of the writers of the first Thor also had this to say about the character:

Loki was so heavily connected to his family, I wanted to see him having some closure on that, sadly I doubt we'll ever see the royal family of Asgard back onscreen again and if they appear I doubt they'll give them the nuance they need, Odin will probably be portrayed as a wise, good king and father who never did anything to wrong Loki while Loki will be made to beg on his knees for forgiveness for the things he did in dis desperate quest to earn that man's love, of course I know he did awful things and he hurt his family deeply but they also deeply hurt him, but because the mcu is scared of complexity I'm sure they'll gloss over that

But I really, really wanted to see Loki getting over his need of Odin's approval and acceptance, Sure, that happened on the show, I can't watch the end of s2 and think that Loki still desperately wants to please Odin and I don't think that's just bc his tl is gone, he grew beyond that and I'm happy for him but there was no mention to Odin in the show so I wanted to see at least a variant of him going through that process, it would be so satisfying to watch him accepting himself and realizing that he doesn't need Odin's or Asgard's approval to live a good, fulfilling life, and seeing him healing from all his trauma, making friends and being the best version of himself far away from that toxic family dynamic that broke him and poisoned his soul in the first place

And yeah this may sound contradictory but I want Loki to live on his own and leave Asgard behind, I'm not saying that I want him to abandon them or to hate them, no, I would love to see him forgiving them for all the pain they put him through whilst also asking forgiveness for the things he did to them, then he could say that as much as he loves them he now has to go on his own to live his life with his friends and that he will stop by every once in a while to see them, explaining that he's on a different path now

Because as much as I love the royal family of Asgard I also think Loki would never be truly happy in that place, not matter how changed he is I don't think he could find peace there but I do want to see him making amends with his parents and brother

Man I really, really wanted Loki to have closure on that

[girlivealwaysbean]

can someone tell me how to keep going if your hardwork does pay off but you don't feel anything when you achieve your goal just relief and numb again

[blue-banditt]

Just wanted to share this— eggs poached in tomato sauce— that I made today. It's just so beautiful 🥲

[featherymainffins]

Kinda fucked up how all the people I know are like "Yeah I know what I want in my life. I want to work in X field and I want/don't want a long-term partner who I'm going to marry, I want kids and-"

and I'm there just like 🧍

[ofpromethea]

the way people talk about grimes is so virulently misogynistic I could vomit just hearing it

[batsplat]

in your rgu x motogp post, you mentioned the cringe celebrations which has become part of the sport. forget the audience reactions for a second, just look at those famous journalists:

Toby Moody: Other people have tried to do similar celebrations - look at Jorge Lorenzo in his early years and Marc Marquez when he wins a championship - but it's never the same and really, they shouldn't bother, no one cares now. Rossi's had more than the cake there - there's none left for anyone else. He was so original. (https://www.the-race.com/motogp/toby-moody-how-a-rossi-row-made-qatars-first-gp-legendary/ )

Simon Patterson: Maybe a controversial opinion: MotoGP's over-engineered title celebrations are tacky and awful. They choreograph all the fun and spontaneity out of the moment. X users @ KeefyH19 : All Rossi wannabes Simon Patterson: None of his were this over-engineered (https://x.com/denkmit/status/1723585339271594059?s=46 ）

like, what’s up with these middle-aged men? this was your favorite celebration tradition once right? or does this emotion only apply to a certain someone? the answer is yes.

and i noticed marc stirring up fans during the parade this year, like doing the kneeling gesture… valentino never needed to do stuff like that. for him it’s just a smile and a wave, that’s all it took. when i was watching the 04-07 races, i realized how naturally he matched with the camera. even before the race started, a few shots of him on the grid, a smile, a kiss, and he already had everyone hooked. that’s something no one else could ever pull off. he’s such a witch.

he IS such a witch. and podcast hosts did get a shout out!

but yeah agreed, it really irritates me. 'over-engineered' is obviously the silliest one because, I mean??

is this really more emotional than doing a dumb basketball celebration or cgi devils or whatever

the problem these journalists face is that they're inherently predisposed to see this shit as cringe, but the rossi factor being what it is they did find themselves enjoying those... so the argument has to be that nobody else can pull it off. which, yes, is that special valentino magic doing its thing again. but idk, this is a case where I'm strongly in the camp of imitation being the sincerest form of flattery. there's just a kind of goofy camp to them... I think some of them work better than others, but what matters to me is that it feels like sincere self-expression. also, perhaps most importantly of all... who cares!! if athletes want to do something kinda cringe-y to celebrate their success, then whatever!! they have something to remember the occasion by and so do the rest of us. and if it's not for you then, again, who cares. it's title-winning celebrations - it is the definition of not that serious

obviously jorge (lorenzo) is particularly interesting with this stuff because he had his whole arc of coming up with celebrations as a kid and believing he low-key preempted valentino in that but also looking up to valentino and drawing inspiration from him and then finding valentino's celebrations so so funny and so so cool even when they were competing. and... my personal take is that he has come the closest of anyone of matching the spirit of valentino's celebrations, because he did actually put a lot of thought into like. the meaning of what he was doing. he was really engaging with the process, thinking of the symbolism and all that stuff!! I'm fond enough of them that I compiled his 2006-07 resume here... but perhaps the funniest detail of this whole saga is that EVEN JORGE HIMSELF is engaging in this no true scotsman stuff by dragging melandri's celebrations

so there you have it. even the guys literally being accused of not managing to live up to rossi's celebrations are insulting other guys for not managing to live up to rossi's celebrations. big part of the valentino magic is in the utter lack of solidarity anyone who has suffered as a result of him displays when it comes to fellow sufferers. it's only right that this even extends to those imitating his celebrations

[tambourineophelia]

.

[erraticfairymagic]

man, New Years Resolutions really are difficult.

[whysamwhy123]

So, I started writing a dumb crackfic about a bunch of my blorbos attempting to hit on my newest blorbo because it was funny in my head buuuuut turns out I'm not funny enough to bring it to life so I probably ain't gonna finish it. But I don't wanna feel like I completely wasted my time, so I'm just gonna drop the unfinished thing here because I can't seem to make myself continue it. It's a shame because I feel like it would have gotten a little better/funnier after I got the set-up out of the way, I had plans for where this would go, but alas, my brain has failed me yet again. And whatever, this most likely appeals to absolutely no one anyway, so here it is, read at your own risk because it sucks!

Jack was minding his own business before the show, wandering the halls while dicking around his phone, when he spotted Hook, just standing there.

‘’Hey man, what’s up?’’ he said, leaning against the nearest wall, still looking at his phone.

When no response came, Jack looked up. Hook was still as a statue, his eyes focused forward. Did he not hear him?

‘’Hello? Hook?’’

Jack got closer and slowly turned his head in the direction Hook was staring. ‘’What are you looki - whoa!’’

Jack almost dropped his phone when he first caught a glimpse of her. No wonder Hook was staring - she had to be the most beautiful woman he’d ever soon. She was fucking gorgeous. The kind of woman that’s so beautiful it feels like she shouldn’t be allowed to exist. Or that you shouldn’t be allowed to look at her, how dare you think yourself worthy! But she was real and she was right there all the way over on the other side of the hallway. She seemed to be checking how she looked in her phone’s camera, adjusting her long blonde hair and examining her makeup as though it wasn’t already perfect. She was perfect. She was wearing this all red ensemble that showed off just how killer her body was. And she was tall too. Long legs.

Jack’s mouth was agape. He knew it wasn’t polite to stare but how could he not?

‘’Jack, buddy,’’ Hook said, not taking his eyes off the beauty across the hall. ‘’I’ve found my next conquest.’’

Jack couldn’t take his eyes off her either. Who could blame them? ‘’Who is that?’’

Hook somehow managed to tear his eyes away from the vision they’ve been blessed to look upon and turned his head to Jack instead. ‘’My next conquest. Weren’t you listening?’’

Jack forced himself to look away - any longer and he was about to start drooling. ‘’No, who is she? What’s her name? I’ve gotta know.’’

‘’You seriously don’t know who she is?’’

The two men whirled around to find Daniel Garcia right next to them.

‘’How long have you been there?’’ Hook asked.

Daniel waved him off, a whatever gesture and then nodded his head in the direction of the unbelievably gorgeous woman. ‘’That’s Mariah May!’’

Hook and Jack blinked at him.

‘’From Stardom?’’

More blinking.

‘’Club Venus? Rose Gold?’’

‘’You’re just saying words at us, man,’’ Hook said.

Daniel gave them a judgemental look. ‘’You guys don’t watch Stardom? For real? Do you not watch any joshi wrestling at all?’’

Jack scratched the back of his neck. Hook gave a half-hearted shrug.

Daniel shook his head. ‘’What’s wrong with you guys? Y’all got no taste. Where else do you find spots to steal?’’

‘’My dad,’’ Hook said.

At the same time, Jack said, ‘’Shawn Michaels, I guess?’’

Daniel sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘’I’m surrounded by uncultured swines. Look, she was one of the hottest - literally - free agents in the business. She just signed here, she’s debuting tonight.’’

‘’She’s a wrestler?’’ Hook said. ‘’Damn. Would have been easier if she was a rat.’’

‘’She could be,’’ Daniel said. ‘’You can be a wrestler and a rat at the same time.’’

Hook narrowed his eyes at Daniel. ‘’You would know.’’

Daniel smiled back, completely oblivious. ‘’Yeah, I mean, look at Adam Cole. Or Edge. Or CM Pu -’’ He stopped himself and his eyes went wide in Jack’s direction. A very uncomfortable silence fell over the three of them, one that seemed to last precisely one million years. ‘’...other examples…’’

‘’Alright, enough standing around,’’ Hook said finally. He took his hands out of his hoodie pocket and cracked his knuckles. ‘’I’m going in.’’

Two hands, one from Daniel and one from Jack, shot out and grabbed his hoodie, preventing him from taking a step.

‘’No way,’’ Daniel said.

‘’Nuh uh,’’ Jack added.

Hook glared at the two. ‘’I saw her first.’’

Daniel was aghast. ‘’No, I saw her first! You didn’t know who she was until fifteen seconds ago!’’

‘’That doesn’t count,’’ Hook argued. ‘’I saw her first in the building, so I get first dibs.’’

‘’That’s not fair!’’ Jack whined.

Daniel said, ‘’You don’t understand, man - I’ve been crazy about this girl ever since I first saw her on Stardom World. I’ve been waiting for this moment for months - that could be the love of my life right there!’’

‘’Yeah, well, I wanna fuck her,’’ Hook said, as though that was the most airtight, well-reasoned counterpoint imaginable. ‘’You can fanboy over her all you want after I’m done with her.’’

‘’Hell no! I don’t want your sloppy seconds!’’

‘’If ‘the love of your life’ is sloppy seconds, what does that say about you, huh?’’

Hook and Daniel had been gradually inching closer to each other with each response. They both looked mad, like they were one second away from throwing punches. Jack couldn’t let that happen. Not after last time…

He put a hand on each man’s shoulder and created some distance between them. ‘’Guys, guys, calm down! We don’t need to fight.’’

Clearer heads seemed to prevail, Hook and Daniel shared a nod and then their body language changed, less guarded.

‘’Besides, you’re both wrong,’’ Jack continued. ‘’I should get to approach her first.’’

Hook and Daniel, now suddenly allies, raised an eyebrow each at Jack. ‘’Why?’’ they both asked at the same time.

‘’Because…’’ Jack started. His mind drew a blank. ‘’...I…want to…’’

Now it was Jack’s turn to be blinked at. He wracked his brain - he couldn’t let this opportunity slip away, not when the girl in question was that hot.

‘’Okay, here’s why it should be me! Or, I guess, here’s why it shouldn’t be either of you!’’ He pointed at Daniel. ‘’You hit on girls all the time, while I don’t. So much. So it’s only fair that I got a shot first because, you know, it’s a special occasion.’’ Daniel looked incredulous and opened his mouth to respond but Jack cut him off by pointing at Hook and continuing. ‘’And you! Aren’t you already seeing someone?’’

‘’Uh, no? The fuck you talking about?’’ Hook asked, looking very annoyed at the mere suggestion.

‘’What about that girl you hook up with all the time? The one who’s always texting you? Carly something?’’

Hook rolled his eyes. ‘’Alright, look - technically, I never told Carly we were exclusive. I just…told her a bunch of other stuff and she kinda assumed and I didn’t correct her because I didn’t wanna seem like an asshole. But just because she lets me hit on the regular doesn’t mean I owe her anything - she should understand that. So how is it my fault if she gets mad about something like this?’’

Jack furrowed his brow at his best friend. ‘’You…you don’t seriously think that, right? That’s gross!’’

‘’Nah, that makes perfect sense,’’ Daniel said. ‘’Flawless logic. She’s the one in the wrong, not you.’’

He and Hook shared a quick fistbump. Fuckboy solidarity.

Jack sighed deeply. ‘’See? This is why I should get to shoot my shot first - I won’t treat like her dirt like you two assholes!’’

Daniel looked offended. ‘’I’ll have you know, I’ll treat her like a queen!’’

Hook nodded. ‘’Yeah, same. Unless she doesn’t want me to, you know?’’

Fistbumps all around.

‘’There’s gotta be a way we can decide, fairly, who gets to go first,’’ Jack said. ‘’Some way we can settle this like mature adults. Like men.’’

The three men took a long moment to ponder their predicament and search for an appropriate solution.

Hook glanced down at his fist. ‘’Rock, paper, scissors?’’

‘’Yes,’’ Jack said, emphatically.

Daniel rubbed his hands together. ‘’Alright, how we doing this? Elimination style or triple threat rules?’’

Jack decided to defer to Hook; it was his idea after all.

Hook considered it for a moment. ‘’The usual 3-way match rules. First to score a fall wins.’’

The three of them formed a triangle and each of them placed a fist onto their other palm, ready and waiting. After silently confirming they were all ready through a series of shared nods, Jack took it upon himself to count them down.

‘’Okay, here we go! Rock, paper, scissors, sh -’’

Before he could finish, Jack was shoved back by Daniel, his back colliding with the wall. Daniel then grabbed Hook’s hand, still balled into a fist, and promptly covered it with his own palm, preventing Hook from changing his option and signalling paper-beats-rock.

‘’I win!’’ he announced proudly.

Hook ripped his hand away. ‘’Like hell you do!’’

‘’The fuck was that?!’’ Jack demanded, rubbing his back where it was now sore. ‘’That wasn’t a win, you cheated!’’

Daniel smiled smugly. ‘’No, I didn’t. We said triple threat rules - that means it’s No DQ.’’

A lengthy discussion ensued about what exactly constitutes a disqualification in a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, hollowed by a side tangent about why there aren't disqualifications in a triple threat match. Upon realising that they weren’t going anywhere and were just wasting time, they all agreed to play by elimination rules. Hook was the first fall, picking paper while Jack and Daniel went with scissors. And in the finals, Jack’s paper bested Daniel’s rock. How poetic.

‘’Yes!’’ Jack exclaimed triumphantly. He took a great deal of satisfaction in Hook and Daniel’s sour, dejected expressions.

Jack glanced back over to confirm that Mariah was a) still there and b) hadn’t overheard any of that, which turned out to be true on both counts. She was in the exact same spot as before, still admiring herself in her phone’s camera. Jack could relate.

Jack took a few deep breaths to psyche himself up. ‘’Okay, Jack, you got this. You got this! I know exactly what’ll work here!’’

Hook groaned. ‘’You’re not seriously gonna try that again, are you?’’

‘’I told you, it totally works!’’ Jack said, defiant. ‘’Sometimes.’’

‘’What’s he talking about?’’ Daniel asked.

Hook sighed. ‘’He has this thing he does to try and pick up girls. It’s stupid - he just stands around looking sad and supposedly, a girl will eventually come up to him and ask him what’s wrong.’’

‘’It. Works. Sometimes,’’ Jack insisted.

Daniel considered that. ‘’Huh. Yeah, I can see it. One time, there was this girl who told me I had ‘sad eyes’ and it was half the reason she fucked me. So you might be onto something.’’

With his confidence boosted, Jack took another breath to calm his nerves and headed down the hallway to his target. He willed himself to stay calm, but he grew more nervous with each footstep. The closer he got, the better he could see her. She was even more stunning up close.

When he was near enough, he put on his game face. Which was to say, he put on his best sad puppy dog eyes and leaned against the wall, dejected.

His head was bowed, but he could see Mariah out of the corner of his eye. Unfortunately, she was still distracted by her own reflection. Jack didn’t blame her, but he really needed her to look his way. 

He let out a loud sigh. Nothing. So he sighed louder. Still nothing. The third sigh was so loud and exaggerated, it was almost comical. But it was the one that got the job done. Mariah finally looked up from her phone and found him there. There was a flash of concern on her face and Jack knew his diabolical plan was working.

‘’Excuse me, are you alright? You look really sad!’’

Whoa, she has an English accent? Jack wasn’t expecting that. It took him a couple of seconds to process and actually respond.

‘’Oh, it’s nothing, really. Just one thing after another today, you know?’’

Jack knows this is the part where she asks more questions about why he’s so sad and tries to cheer him up.

Mariah just hummed. ‘’Okay,’’ she said, and then turned her attention back to her phone.

Uh oh. It’s not going according to plan! Jack’s brain scrambled for what to do next. He pushed himself away from the wall and closer to her.

‘’Uh, hey, wait! Uh, I’m Jack!’’ he said, offering his hand out.

She eyed his hand curiously and then reluctantly shook it. Goddammit, why did he try to shake her hand? That’s not romantic, that’s…business-y?

‘’Nice to meet you, I guess,’’ she said. ‘’I’m Mariah May.’’

‘’Yeah, I know who you are,’’ Jack said. He wracked his brain for what it was Daniel said about her back there. ‘’I saw you wrestle in, uh…Venus World?’’

[unproduciblesmackdown]

that moment when: everyone's lives are restricted and constricted and these imposed consequences are attributed to anyone's continual individual failures to seek, find, and follow the Correct Path through Life, and so everyone is left on their own to only be seeking & finding these failures as well as the only answer to how their lives can be better....versus Not seeing the world as the free marketplace meritocracy of everyone's personal failures/successes, nor everything in your own life, and thus not forever having to scrutinize Where You Must Be Bringing It Upon Yourself by fucking up or at least failing to do the correct thing, and exist only in perpetual punishment for your ongoing failure and occasional temporary reprieves from it. recognizing everything that wasn't & isn't & wouldn't be [this is because you're bringing it upon yourself] and thus having more capacity & capability to look at the realm of your personal individual self, reality, experiences, life through the perpetual instances of seeking, finding, and following your own needs/wants through one's inherent personhood and exercises of autonomy and recognition of where & when & how one recognizes moments of their existing freely & in more resonant genuine alignment with themself, you know? endless examples to be found in endless fractals of [where & how are people's lives made smaller]. and that of course this doesn't preclude the ability/option at any time to question one's choices, since you'll be able to find more Actual choices available to you (and, also crucially, find more actual choices made by others that are in the pursuit of limiting Yours) to look at, and people getting to exercise their autonomy isn't the same as "everyone doing anything they want regardless of how it affects others" since that [how does it affect others?] element instead being Regarded would be able to lead to recognizing that, in fact, an effect might be the infringement on others' autonomy, hence: There's A Problem....like the ability to just go ham with [questioning???] anything in existence, certainly including oneself, b/c the "norm" is such that rather you're only supposed to be able to question yourself for your failings (or those positioned as less than, thus, beneath you) and not even have the language to express a questioning of aspects of life beyond that b/c stop calling anyone "cis" they're just Normal, Just Be Normal and it would all be fine

[echthr0s]

ok but I was thee most hyped person alive for Renfield and then I watched it :/

the only thing I remember about that experience aside from the explicitly Dracula-centric scenes and the stuff that I'd already seen in the trailer is the way I felt while watching it, which was a kind of sad befuddled disappointment. basically I felt the way Renfield's sadboy face looked a lot of the time LOL