#situation i was in by Coming Out As Trans to parents via an email that was then not directly discussed ever; b/c any legitimate discussion | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

charyou-tree · 9 months ago

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I'm trying to hype myself up to come out to my parents as trans tomorrow. I'm planning on sending them a long letter I've been working on composing explaining the situation via email , with a text to prompt them to read it. I want to give everyone involved some time to formulate their thoughts before we talk.

I'm traveling home for 4th of july and although I haven't medically transitioned I really don't want to grow my beard back out, and I'd prefer not to lie and deflect about why I suddenly shaved. I'm probably overthinking it, but I just hate feeling like I'm keeping secrets from the important people in my life, and quite honestly I don't want to keep pretending to be a guy when I can safely get away with it. I've been agonizing over whether I was trans for years now, I want to stop hesitating and enjoy being a girl. And if I'm going to come out to them, I don't want to show up the day before a big family party and surprise them with a huge life event and have everybody have to process that on the spot as guests are arriving. I'd rather tell them sooner so that everyone has a few weeks to get used to the idea of me being a girl before I visit.

I'm fortunate, I'm 99% sure they'll accept me as Claire. I've already come out to them as Bi, as has my wife, and they've been cool with my trans and nonbinary friends. My folks were understanding when one of my cousins was struggling with their gender.

That only makes it so much less scary to explain to your parents that their idea of their child is wrong in a fundamental way, not to mention the danger that identity puts them in.

And more than just that, I feel like telling my family makes it real. Like, if I were to entertain the trans impostor syndrome in my head and decide that this was all a big mistake and un-come-out to my friends it would be a bit embarrassing, but ultimately nothing about my life would change in any meaningful way. But once my family and wider social circle knows a lot of people will see me fundamentally differently forever, no matter what I do. Once I share this secret I can't go back to comfortably pretending to be a guy even if I should want to. Now being trans isn't just a fun roleplay that I do for my internet friends (and a tiny circle of IRL friends), now its my actual fulltime identity. Its a scary but necessary step.

I know I won't regret doing it, but the minutes between sending them that email and getting a call back will be some of the longest in my life. I've been stressing about it all week, I need to get this over with.

#trans #transgender #coming out #coming out to parents

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jasontoddiefor · 4 years ago

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If you’re still doing those short number/ship things, I’d love number 5 with Obikin

5. one night stand and falling pregnant au + obikin

Anakin is trans bc it’s pride month.

Anakin had always been a little careless, a little reckless, determined to show the world his teeth and bloody knuckles, let them know his name. He knew his behavior had worried his friends and family for the longest time. Hell, Anakin had fallen in with a bad crowd when he was younger, still aching for the sky, and thinking that maybe they could fix him.

It had taken a bit too long for him to learn there was nothing to be fixed, that he was whole as he was, perfectly flawed and human.

He’d built himself up from the ground again, one step at a time, therapy, a stable job in the field he’d actually done his degree in, a small apartment he loved.

Staring out of his kitchen window, Anakin sighed, as he watched the families on the street below go about their days. Technically speaking, Anakin was supposed to be at work as well, but he’d called in sick. He’d have to go back to work tomorrow. His boss would be understanding if he just explained the situation, Kit was nice like that, but Anakin didn’t want to waste another day indecisive. Deadlines, stress, and pressure helped Anakin get things done, and he definitely needed to finally write that stupid email.

He looked back at his laptop where his half-written email was still taunting him.

From: a.skywalker@/gmail.com To: o.kenobi@/uni-coruscant.com Subject: That One Saturday at Outlander

Dear Obi-Wan Kenobi,

I’m sorry I’m messaging you via your university account, but I didn’t have your phone number and this was the only way I could think of contacting you. My name is Anakin Skywalker, we met a couple weeks ago at the Outlander bar. I’m writing you concerning ????

The possibility of having a child. That is related to me.

Remember how we had sex and totally used a condom yeah

Concerning im pregnant??? Real good skywalker

At least we weren’t drunk and consenting adults?

My sister yelled at me for sleeping w/ her lit proferssor by the way

I haven’t had a stable relationship in years how do you feel about co parenting a baby in like 7 months

Oh my god I don’t even know if I want to keep the baby

I figured this out like 2 days ago. Do you, by chance, have any bastards running around and experienced this movie clichee situation and can tell me how we should advance

OKAY ALSO LIKE how was I supposed to know you were Ahsoka’S literature professor???? She called you like Old and you’re NOT

There’s a book about this exact dumbass scenario I’m sure

Bet you sleeping with cis guys never results in a problem like this.

Call mom????

Padmé has a business degree she could write this for me

I fucking hate emails

Hi, I’m pregnant, it's yours, and, as you can tell by the bullet points of whatever the fuck I should write here, slightly freaking out

Would you be amendable to meeting up? My phone number is 0171 3982733 if you prefer communicating via text.

Kind regards,

Anakin Skywalker

Groaning, Anakin shoved his laptop away from him. How could this possibly be so difficult? Informing a random attractive one night stand of the consequences of their actions should not disrupt him so.

“Or what do you think?” Anakin asked his cat out loud. Threepio only purred in exchange when Anakin began to pet the anxious rescue cat. He had definitely sensed that something was wrong with Anakin lately, sticking close to him and snuggling up to him even more than usual. The cat’s antics at least brought a smile to his face.

“Come here,” Anakin said and, as if understanding him, Threepio promptly walked closer to Anakin.

Across his laptop.

Hitting all kinds of keys.

Anakin turned as white as a sheet as his drafted email suddenly disappeared from the screen.

“Oh, no, no, no,” he muttered, stood up from his chair so quickly that it clattered to the ground, startling Threepio so badly that the cat rushed away. “Oh, no. Please just be deleted, please just be deleted.”

Anakin pulled up his email window again, and there, sitting accusingly in the sent messages box, was his email.

Successfully delivered to one Obi-Wan Kenobi.

He was so screwed.

#obikin #star wars #anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi #fanfic #ask #anon #how did i write 700 words for this but couldn't focus on the stories #I need to work on

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butterflyinthewell · 4 years ago

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To trans folks who are trying to set trolls straight about Chris-Chan’s gender: Your hearts are in the right place, but the trolls do not care. They will keep misgendering Chris to piss you off and screenshot your reaction.

Yes, I’m talking about THE Chris-Chan. CWC, creator of Sonichu.

(TW: this post will mention rape and incest.)

I know, I know… “But if we let people misgender Chris, what’s stopping them from doing it to other trans people?”

Nothing.

There’s nothing you can do, unfortunately. The thing with trolls is they aren’t here to learn, they’re here to frustrate, annoy and anger you. They throw out all kinds of little hooks by saying offensive things, or things that trick you, and it’s all a game to them when somebody bites the bait.

It wouldn’t surprise me if trolls are saying horrible things about autism, too. That’s more my lane and partly why I don’t dig too deep in the tags about this situation. Again, I stress not engaging with that to correct trolls. They don’t care, they want to offend you.

As frustrating as it is, take note of the people who use Chris’ current pronouns and recognize that there are people who make an effort to get them right. I’m sure the trans people reading what you say will see that and know you care to gender them correctly.

It’s possible Chris transitioned believing she can get with lesbians. It’s entirely possible she’s exactly the stereotype that TERFs rant about and her shitty behavior might be used in the future to argue their views. TERFs will be TERFs. Some of Chris’ trolls may be trans themselves.

As it stands, Chris presents as a woman, so I’ll use she/her pronouns unless she decides to present as non-binary or a man again. You’re welcome to do the same when talking about her. Don’t waste your time trying to correct trolls, just use Chris’ current pronouns and leave it at that.

It sucks, but that’s how trolls troll.

Moving on…

I wonder if Chris would’ve been a weird, harmless nobody if Mimms never took her photo in The Game Place.

This all started because her photo was taken without her knowledge or consent and posted on a forum, which ended up spreading to the wider web and…yeah.

Would she have been an internet sensation? Would she have transitioned? Would she be a known name on the web?

Maybe everything would’ve gone down the same, but without an audience to bear witness.

Regardless, Chris is a trainwreck of a person. I don’t say that lightly. She didn’t deserve the trolling and abuse she got, yet she isn’t innocent in this either.

I felt sorry for her at first because I’m autistic too and was bullied severely in high school, some of it included physical assault and attempted murder. I reacted to the constant name calling and mockery irl a lot like Chris reacted to her online trolls. I’m thankful that my most volatile years happened before I had internet access. I’m two years older than Chris. I had my own drama with trolls that lasted a few years, but I grew up a bit more.

But I digress…

Chris didn’t get the internet safety talk that I got before getting let loose online, and people took advantage of her gullibility, her autism, whatever mental illnesses she might have and her obsession with getting laid. She ignored warnings to the contrary and in some instances her mom enabled her while her dad tried (and failed) to reign her in.

At the same time, Chris has a history of being racist, ableist, homophobic and misogynistic. She ignores people’s boundaries even when they were clearly stated. She’s entitled and thinks everything bad is a conspiracy against her. She acts like the world operates on cartoon rules and can’t handle it when situations don’t turn out in her favor like she believes they should. It’s a strange view of “Anything I do is good because I did it, and anybody who tells me it’s bad or treats me badly is evil or a troll.”

How she comes across to others and how she thinks she comes across are incongruent with each other, and she refuses to take any correction. An example is the claw hand she used to do while railing at trolls. It’s clear she’s imitating stuff she saw in cartoons, but doesn’t grasp that it looks silly in real life. It leaves me wondering if she ever watched her videos back to see how she really looks before uploading them.

Chris did a lot of disgusting things of her own volition, like not leaving people alone, uploading that sexual drawing featuring Megan, using pepper spray without provocation and trying to hit someone with her car.

Trolls tricked her into humiliating herself and shared the results, like hacking into her email, sharing chats where she gave out embarrassing details about herself, prank calling her house and posting the infamous blowup doll video.

If you know “Christory”, you know what I’m talking about.

If you don’t know, it’s something that’s gone on longer than some people have been alive.

No side is innocent here. I don’t blame Chris for attracting trolls, they chose to go and harass her because she jumped when they poked her.

I’ve followed Chris’ story off and on since 2008, back when she was making her Sonichu comics and being awkward. I never participated in trolling her. I’ve only ever seen the aftermath of troll operations, but the things she endured were cruel. (The Miyamoto saga and the BlueSpike saga come to mind.) I looked her up to see if she was alive and okay. I sent her my AFBV message a couple years ago, but never got a response.

I wonder if this could’ve been avoided if Chris never got trolled and was supervised better while online. That’s where her parents failed her. I felt bad for her; she didn’t know how to conduct herself and kept falling for trolling schemes because she was so desperate to get a girlfriend. It’s like she ignored that little gut warning that says “hey, this feels like a trick” and it was like watching someone fall down the same hillside over and over.

But after what she did to her mom, I lost any sympathy I had for her. Yes, trolls have traumatized her and messed with her head for over a decade and that’s gross, but what she did to her mom was unconscionable. It’s indefensible. It’s morally abhorrent.

She had sex with (or possibly raped via coercion) her elderly mom, who may have dementia.

Chris’ autism was taken advantage of for years, and now she might’ve taken advantage of her mom’s dementia to harm her for the past month.

Think about that. There is no defending that. She finally did something she can’t just wave away or pay her way out of.

Trolls didn’t put Chris up to that, she did it all by herself.

Now she’s under arrest.

Time and again Chris has had run-ins with the law and got away with slaps on the wrist, but I don’t think she’s going to walk away from this so easily.

I hope this situation finally gets Chris the help she desperately needs. I don’t know if her dimensional merge stuff is a delusion from undiagnosed and untreated mental illness or if it’s a paracosm she’s chosen to live in and act out because she can’t handle how cruel the real world is. Please note that I don’t say mental illness lightly either, because I’m aware of the stigma.

At this point I think she needs a caregiver who will supervise her online activities and help her manage her finances. (She will likely resist this…)

Chris’ autism and whatever else she has going on appears to make it very difficult for her to see things from any perspective besides her own. I’m autistic too, so I understand this— sometimes I get this way and have to walk myself back to see other perspectives, or I ask people to give me their side of it to help me understand how they see it even if I don’t agree with their view.

Chris needed more guidance and reality checks growing up, but didn’t get them, and now she needs both more than ever as she faces the results of her behavior. If she is delusional, she needs help to navigate it and I hope she can do that away from trolls. She needs to face consequences for (possibly) raping someone.

I wonder what the legal system will do with her, and I hate that her life has come to this. It was so avoidable. 😞

Sorry, Chris…I hope you’ll get help now, and I hope Barb is okay.

#Chris-Chan #chris chan #swearing #long post #I couldn’t tag with the r word or the I word or tumblr wouldn’t show it in tags #I hope the warning at the top is enough.

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britishdisasters · 5 years ago

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Does anyone have advice on coming out to family?

Hey y’all,

So, my birthday is in early February and I want to have my chosen name on my cake- which means I have to come out sometime in the next few months to my extended family as trans.

I’m out to most of my friends and to my parents, though my parents don’t respect it at all and only a couple of my friends do.

I’ve decided that I’m going to come out via email to my entire family en masse on National Coming Out Day (Oct 11) because while my original plan was to come out to each person individually in person, it’s become very clear that I don’t have the courage for that.

I don’t really know how most of my family will react. Some people will undoubtedly be unaccepting, and some people will most likely accept me, but the vast majority of the people I’ll be contacting are wild cards. They’re liberal, but they’re baby boomers and sometimes make transphobic jokes.

Added complication is what I’ll be coming out as. My identity is odd, and it’s gotten a lot more complicated recently. I was never someone who spent a long time figuring things out. I figured out that I was trans at 13 and spent a couple months figuring out the specifics, and it never changed from there. Up until fairly recently I would have told you that I was non-binary genderfluid, or I would have told you I was non-binary. Basically, fluid in between slightly femme of agender and almost to “man” on the gender spectrum. I’ve spent the vast majority of my time feeling agender or transmasculine. However, I’ve spent the last few months spending at least 95% of my time feeling transmasculine. I haven’t changed my pronouns back from they/he to they/them all summer. That is highly abnormal for me- up until this period of time, my gender had pretty rapid fluidity. I never spent more than a couple days feeling the same way about my gender, and usually only feeling the same way for a couple hours at a time.

So, I don’t know what to tell people when I come out about my gender. Because I’ve been recently considering that maybe it has stabilized. And I also don’t know what to tell people about my pronouns. Which is a problem, because I can’t delay this while I figure it out. So if anyone has any advice on how to deal with coming out to your extended family via letter, and my specific situation, it would be greatly appreciated.

#mine #trans stuff #advice please!!#message me or send me an ask or reply to this post if you have anything to say #personal #trans #transgender #trans advice #transgender advice #coming out #nonbinary advice

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mister13eyond · 7 years ago

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i have a desperate need to dump a bunch of my mp100 headcanons in one place so please accept all of these, they’re mostly family headcanons & also trans reigen headcanons -so reigen’s mom had him super young, like, a teenager young -she was around 18 when he was born -it was super hard for a single teen mom but she’s a hell of a lot like her son, which is to say: hardheaded & silver tongued -worked to support them both so reigen was a latchkey kid for a bit but she spent as much time with him as she could & was an Aggressively supportive mom - so when her kid, who she’d thought was a daughter, came to her like ‘mom i’m a boy’ around first grade she was like ALRIGHT TIME TO RESEARCH AS MUCH AS I CAN I GUESS -as a result reigen transitioned super early -he was already able to present how he wanted as a kid & his mom WAS NOT ABOVE YELLING AT ADMINISTRATORS/TEACHERS/ANYONE WHO MISGENDERED HER KID and finding every loophole she could to let her son attend school without being misgendered -however they were pretty fuckin poor when reigen was growing up -and around the time he started puberty his mom & him both knew he needed to get on blockers but he was super guilty about it bc he knew it was a lot of trouble & doctors appointments & stuff -to which his mom was like ‘WELL TOO BAD YOU NEED IT SO WE’RE GETTING IT’ -so he was able to get trans related medical care pretty early & so the only real time he ever spent living life outside his actual gender was like... as a tiny kid -as reigen got older it became pretty much a non-issue and the more pressing issue was that They Were Broke -he started working part time in high school to support his mom - a lot of really weird odd jobs like dog walker and the guy who counts how many people go into and out of stores and secret shopper and god knows what else -because his mom was so young when she had him their relationship is a little parental and a little siblings -like, he supports her emotionally as much as she supports him -sometimes more becasue he feels like he put her through a lot as a child so hes gotta be responsible now -his mom is a hell of a penny pincher & taught him everything he knows about budgeting & couponing etc -however she’s got the worst love life & is kind of a mess & oddly ends up asking her son how the hell to handle most emotional situations -which leads to a lot of people like ‘i... kind of feel like arataka is the parent here’ -mobs parents especially -speaking of: mobs parents had him super late (& then ritsu IMMEDIATELY after) when his mom was like 30 -so reigen’s mom and mob’s parents are about the same age -so they kind of immediately decide upon meeting reigen that he’s their lost third son -he can act parental to mob all he likes but they know the truth: he’s their son & they’ve adopted him -reigens mom wants so bad to be friends with mob’s parents but she intimidates them -in that shes this tiny Very Loud Very Open woman who drinks a lot of wine -what the hell is TMI, everyone needs to know about my date last night -relax, dont be so uptight, have some wine -mobs very normal parents dont know how to handle her -she makes fun of reigen a lot and its mostly affectionate -but sometimes she judges him -like when he quit his office job to open up a spirit agency or whatever??? -arataka, do you know how many people i would have killed to have an office job whle you were growing up -how are you going to pay your bills -what do you mean you’re also paying an employee, are you even paying the rent on your office? -arataka if i need to come to seasoning city and scold you in person i will -don’t test me -(she lives far enough away that reigen only really talks to her on the phone or via email) -its not that often bc both of them are actually pretty busy -as she always has like a hundred boyfriends it seems like -she always dumps them -she’s a heartbreaker -reigen is exhausted w her but also he’s kind of just like her -in that he only really does one night stands & cannot commit to save his life -he’s dumped most eligible bachelors in seasoning city - his mom is also aggressively supportive of her wild ass can’t-date-to-save-his-life gay son - coming out as gay was way harder than coming out as trans (bc he was like 5 when he did that) but his mom just laughed at him & was like “whatever, you do what makes you happy, i am the last person to lecture anyone about their love life” -reigen loves his mom a lot eve if she’s kind of a mess -and vice versa -but also when he meets mobs parents hes like ‘OH MY GOD IS THIS WHAT NORMAL PARENTS ARE LIKE’ ...thats it for now im sorry i had to ramble some

#op #trans!reigen #trans reigen #reigen arataka #mp100 #mp100 headcanons #mob psycho 100 headcanons #reigen headcanons #i care a lot about trans reigen #and family dynamics #its all So Good

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thedivinefish · 5 years ago

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divinefishingtips · 5 years ago

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365dailyaffirmations · 5 years ago

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TGIWednesday and do you have hitchhikers on board?

TGIWednesday News

TGIWednesday Download

~ FINDING A QUIET PEACE ~

Monthly MySwitchWorks Event

Next Live Call is Wed. July 29th at 7:30pm EDT

We’re celebrating Independence Day all month long by FREEING you up from what’s holding you back!!!

What are you ready to give up & become independent from? What’s been haunting you that you're ready to be done with? for good! Join us LIVE & submit your 3 issues by 3pm on day of event, July 29th.

Fish Food

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations

LIVE Appearances - Free Healing

Thurs. July 30th - Your Divine Uniqueness with host Moncef Akfir. Join Spiritual Masters FREE For Live & Interactive Sessions, Plus Receive Instant Bonuses. Register Here

The Jimmy Mack Healing Radio Show

TUESDAY'S at 4pm EDT / 1pm PDT CALL IN (206) 806-9965 https://www.freeconferencecall.com/wall/goldylocksproductions

Click Here for Previous Weeks' Show and a full archive of past guests & replays.

Yesterday's Show - Special Guest Joanne Leo | Psychic https://psychicjoanneleo.com/

UPCOMING GUESTS: July 14th - Gregory Joseph | Master Healer www.gregoryjosephhealer.com

July 21st - Jeremy Riden | Divine Spark Ministries https://www.facebook.com/JeremyRiden/

July 28th Rev Debbie | Our resident trans medium communications with your loved ones in spirit. Visit her Facebook page

From the Fish Box

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

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advancedthetapractitioner · 5 years ago

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TGIWednesday and do you have hitchhikers on board?

TGIWednesday News

TGIWednesday Download

~ FINDING A QUIET PEACE ~

Monthly MySwitchWorks Event

Next Live Call is Wed. July 29th at 7:30pm EDT

We’re celebrating Independence Day all month long by FREEING you up from what’s holding you back!!!

What are you ready to give up & become independent from? What’s been haunting you that you're ready to be done with? for good! Join us LIVE & submit your 3 issues by 3pm on day of event, July 29th.

Fish Food

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations

LIVE Appearances - Free Healing

Thurs. July 30th - Your Divine Uniqueness with host Moncef Akfir. Join Spiritual Masters FREE For Live & Interactive Sessions, Plus Receive Instant Bonuses. Register Here

The Jimmy Mack Healing Radio Show

TUESDAY'S at 4pm EDT / 1pm PDT CALL IN (206) 806-9965 https://www.freeconferencecall.com/wall/goldylocksproductions

Click Here for Previous Weeks' Show and a full archive of past guests & replays.

Yesterday's Show - Special Guest Joanne Leo | Psychic https://psychicjoanneleo.com/

UPCOMING GUESTS: July 14th - Gregory Joseph | Master Healer www.gregoryjosephhealer.com

July 21st - Jeremy Riden | Divine Spark Ministries https://www.facebook.com/JeremyRiden/

July 28th Rev Debbie | Our resident trans medium communications with your loved ones in spirit. Visit her Facebook page

From the Fish Box

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

The 30-day service is now being offered exclusively and you also have the option of selecting an ongoing subscription ($95/month) which is managed through PayPal only.

**NO Sessions at the Tampa Office

FRIDAY KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS

Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! Click here to watch the Mastery video playlist

LEARN MORE HERE

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

For those who aren't familiar, here's the list of the MyBeliefWorks™ audio library.

TGIFunny

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Stay connected!

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unproduciblesmackdown · 5 years ago

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let's see those Prime Numbers for the ask meme

2) favorite albums?

well i was Ready for kesha’s album Warrior to come out in iiii think it was the end of 2012 or early 2013?? i snuck out to that tour in dc that summer also. totally solid album and it was fun to have something so fun during a totally Not Fun period lol. i was also pretty into owl city at the exact same time lmao, that’s Blatantly for when you’re depressed lol...and i also eventually saw that guy on tour when a new album came out in 2015, and that was fun too, and was Enjoying Myself a factor in the tipping point of “ah jeez i gots 2 get outta here” that i had in the next month? maybe! and uhhh i listened a lot to the phoenix te amo album. that one wasnt tied to anything at all but i have heard it So much. super short and also rock solid and relistenable. and then here we are and the bmc obcr is a gift to the world b/c a) it exists and b) Cuz It All Slaps and c) it’s so fun to either sing or dance along, or cry along if it’s the agtikbi reprise and d) lgw... and e) all the eternal, well-mixed wroland vocals

3) favorite memes?

oh god lmao idk......real earlier 10s stuff was the I Say Hey he-man meme, and the “that really rustles my jimmies” meme which was real underrated......there’s been plenty of Memes where i’ve been like “this one is funny to me Every Time” but of course now looking back on it it’s like. what’s a meme??? Vine

(skipping 5 & 11 cuz that’s the Entirety of someone else’s ask and i don’t wanna just have to scrap theirs completely and i’ll get to it next!!)

11) favorite fanarts?

you know what, there’s continuously been a ton of amazing fanart where i’m like, i’m so glad i’m seeing this, & this is Artistic Fuel, and marge simpson anime has really been just this Standout Experience lmao like......idk for as Inspiring as it is, there’s only a couple things i’ve drawn that are Directly inspired, but i just flip for it all the time and like, it’s supremely expressive and like, comics that aren’t chronological but more like a Collage Of a Moment / Concept which i think is super cool and also i love when stuff reminds me that it doesn’t have to look ~super cleaned up~ to look great.

13) favorite people you know?

oh god this one really got out of control lol i started like, talking about everyone ever from this past decade. so for Convenience i’m interpreting this as “people *i* know, but they don’t know me” so that i can cheat and say will roland, voted person of the year 2019. by extension, essential supporting crew who helped us reach this point, like john simpkins or joe iconis. leave it at that!! it’s 5am and you know i’m not lying. who knew where going “wow, This guy” in late 2018 would have so much Value.

17) a fandom you wish more people were in/you had more people to talk to about?

oof hmm.......amnesia tdd didn’t really have a “fandom” even though it obviously got a lot of attention, it’dve been fun if it had though lol. it’s tricky to answer this one cuz i always prefer like, smaller fandoms and/or finding the Niche or some other way of just like, interacting with a small corner of things, so i’m never like wow god damn wish i’d been absolutely in the thick of it with this thing. i’ve been in Corners n Niches and it’s been fine by me, really

19) a fandom that you had the best time in?

HMM lol.........marble hornets sure was fun but like, a lot of that was just the content itself and not necessarily The Fan Experience, tho i sure got a lot out of it in a ton of ways. i mean tbh that’s true of each thing i’ve really Gotten Into majorly, i go hard af and then walk out the other side with these #connections or #experiences like whoa where’d these come from lol!! but really like, overall, i’m probably having the best time right now. the “fandom” is basically just our agenda lmao but like i said i’m always having the best time when it’s a pretty niche deal, And the sheer variety of Contents n Characters to draw from here is super nice, and the fact that it’s like, oh yeah and i’m finally recognizing this should’ve-been-obvious entire Passionne i’ve had since always, and that’s great too, and like, also just having the Variety Of Live / Current Unfoldings that go down.....like, everyone havin fun with the Joe Iconis Xmas Xtrav was entirely great. and just the Engagement level is basically the best, cuz like there’s the times where maybe i’ll get a zillion notes and that’s definitely fun in its own way but i always enjoy just the way smaller amount of ppl who are Particularly Enthusiastic, and like, there’s times where like, maybe i’m *technically* in this larger circle of ppl but like, totally more of like a Tangent or peripheral to that circle or whatever lol........this feels like a really solid balance of like, being sorta in this orbit of people in a chill way, but also definitely the direct interactions Existing, which is always important lol but hasn’t always been a constant throughout my Fandom Experiences at all

23) who were you at the beginning of this decade?

2009-2010 was a real distinct year lol i was in my second year of college in the middle of my teens, when i’d hardly really been getting to Explore My Interests Freely up to that point and still wasn’t, but all of a sudden it’s like goddamn i have to figure out my major???? and i’m like, obviously in the middle of only just now Really getting to figure out my identity in this deeper and more genuine way, thanks to being lucky enough to Live On Campus and be away from home like, 2/3 of the year, but i was just like, oh god i’m in Stress Hell now all the time cuz like. i’m trying to figure out my whole thing and what my ~Career~ should be and i just have no idea but am like, trying super hard all the time lol it was not successful and i was just really stressed about it all the time. i was def quieter back then.....pretty lonely at the time, i did not get into mh and gain the presence of any Online Friends until late 2010, and i hadn’t yet been sort of accepted by a small faction of theatre people via my roommate’s connections.....i wasn’t at all Out yet, and was def In Progress of figuring it all out.....i didn’t have nearly the Self-Esteem i have now lmao, it was Not a great time and in a lot of ways ‘09-’10 was the start of a downturn into Worse Than Usual Times, though in Other ways it was definitely an upturn lol like. the latter related to stuff that was important to me / who i am, the former tied to the situations i was in and the godawful morale that resulted

29) a time when the worst case scenario happened but you pulled through?

well by the end of 2012 i had my Wrath Parent deluxe mad at me big time, AND i was stuck at home all of thee time with that (not at all hours but. every day.) it was terrible!!! tf was going on in 2013, cuz that shit was definitely like, a gross blur of a lot of indistinct misery. and then, relatedly, when it was so shitty in 2015 that i was like fantastic, i am so officially sick of this i’m outta here. i revisited some Misery Posts from that period lately for someone stranger on twitter’s project or something, and boy i was having a bad time Summer Of ‘15 lol, things not getting better at home And a job that was so shitty that it was like..................bye. lol. and then i spent a year living out of a minivan. which was real lucky in ways b/c like. infinitely better than if i had not had that minivan. and when that broke down i was also then lucky enough to have this friend who was relatively nearby who’d also been willing to just like, set me up to Not have to ask the lgbt center where that trans-friendly forest zone a couple cities over was. nothing as dramatic as it could’ve been, fortunately

31) a time you were scared?

hmmm when leaving The Parents Home overnight, that was intimidating. bit of completely jumping into the unknown there, and also like, when you spend your lifetime assuming that Someone’s Arbitrary Wrath will be uponst you always, it’s hard to shake that sense of dread and doom, like ah jeez i am really potentially bringing hell on myself here........and like i mentioned with Start Of The Decade, there was just a ton of fear there all the time lol, trying to figure out virtually overnight The Whole Of Who I Am And What I Want when i’d only just even gotten to start......also i wanna say i maybe came out in 2011?? and i sort of also felt obligated to come out to my parents also (plus i think i was giving them like, one last chance to surprise me and be decent and kind of Grow Up themselves even tho i was the like, 16 y.o.) which yknow, kids you do not have to come out to anyone at all. someone was talking the other day abt how they didn’t think lgbtq “discourse” had evolved as much as you’d hope over the past decade, but idk about that, it's only a little bit of a wildly complex topic, and for starters Online Trans “Discourse” of a decade back was wayyyyyy in a vastly different place than it is now, leaps and strides really. so the way to ~really~ do it was presented kind of more rigidly i think. anyways i did it via email and was incredibly stressed to even open the reply a couple days later lol......which ended up being really weird and vague, and then there was a phone call where no one brought it up, and the only result was increased ire and resentment :( ........and then there was still like, cops encounters! near or not-as-bad-as-they-could’ve-been vehicular collisions! but tbh generally my reaction to the latter was underwhelming, except for one particular time when i was a passenger and also tense af for the rest of the ride. that’s it for Immediate fear really lol......oh wait one time i was at this decent sized Convention Panel Event and when i’m nervous i can Only talk more (it’s possible!!) and i snuck into line for the q&a and Right when i got to the mic (intimidating) they were like oop we’re low on time, lightning round!! :’] that was obviously more just a crapton of l’anxiete

37) a fashion that fell out of style that you wish would make a resurgence?

were Gladiator sandals this decade? the strappy deals that like, went up the ankles / calves? that was in fashion for a year or two and i’m into it. i like sandals and that kind of drama

41) something you learned a lot that not a lot of other people might know about?

i don’t know that i learned way a lot of anything that’s real in-depth knowledge and niche lore.........i have learned Nothing

43) an important relationship (of any kind) you had?

i had???? lmao well either way let’s say current relationships count and like, pretty much everyone in my Sphere i value a lot! i never like, have or have had a ~close~ ring of ppl around me lol like i thought it was lucky if i talked to someone Every Day (and not at all the Usual thing) and now it’s more likely that i talk to two people every day and maybe that sounds sarcastic but it’s not at all lol. i know my social stats aren’t impressive but i so appreciate what i get to enjoy and have. and other Connections might be way more like, we are friendly acquaintances, we talk on rare occasions, we haven’t talked at all in ages, we talk but only to trade cute pics of cats, Etc etc, but i seriously do appreciate all of everyone who’s cool who i get to interact with in any way and like, be in each other’s spheres and Not just like, absolutely on nobody’s radar. also obviously soph you are here in that list in case i wasn’t implying it good enough lol it is 5am and god knows deciphering what i say at any time can be its own challenge.....ur Epic Highs and Lows of bmc 3.0 is so good lmao

#hell yeah tysm now also i should go for Passing Outs #(where you pass out like knocking out)#thank you Three Other Asks i see and appreciate it as well #oh wait shit four!!!#lol #it's 5:20am bed time bitch all day hit the hay #i forget what i say here i've been on and off doing whatever for the past 5 hrs obviously lmao #nothingunrealistic1

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bluemagic-girl · 5 years ago

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🔥A survival guide to working from home as a single parent🔥

The latest lifestyle, fashion and travel trends

Working from home as a single parent might seem like the ideal set-up. More flexibility around school runs, more time with your children and more reasons than ever to wear leggings every day. But it doesn’t come without challenges.

As more of us than ever attempt to make working from home work, single mother Rebecca Cox, blogger at The Mother Edit, gives her tips on making it work (with kids).

I have worked largely from home since my son was born, with varying degrees of success. Trying to do it full-time without any childcare at all was a mistake, but I did learn a few things.

If you’re new to working from home and used to having clear boundaries around your ‘work’ and ‘home’ lives, things are about to get messy. Whether your kids’ schools and nurseries are still open, or you’re trying to quite literally work around your kids, these tips might help…

Be Honest with Work

The first thing to do is be clear with your bosses. If you are usually in the office 9-5 but you’ll now have to do a school run at 3pm and make dinner for your kids at 6pm and catch up on emails after they’ve gone to bed, let them know what to expect. You don’t want to find yourself on a conference call with the microphone on mute while your three-year-old begs you for a snack at increasing volume while you try to listen to a client and compose relevant answers. Far better to offer to email thoughts and ideas in advance, reschedule for nap time or catch up afterward.

Snack Cupboard

Speaking of snacks, if you’ll be working while the kids are at home, having a help-yourself snack bowl or cupboard will cut down on roughly 75 per cent of urgent parental requests. Stock it with breadsticks, rice cakes, nut bars, fresh fruit and veggie sticks and tell them once it’s gone, it’s gone.

Be Honest with Kids

As well as telling your bosses what to expect with your set-up, make sure your child is informed about the situation, too, if they’re old enough to understand. Tell them that while they’re used to having your attention when you’re at home together, you’ll have to spend some time working now, too. If they’re home with you while you’re working, carve your days up into chunks and work together to come up with some solo learning and play activities they can enjoy on their own in the time slots you’ll need to work.

Structure, Structure, Structure

Routines make kids feel safe. Plan your daily working from home routine and stick to it so that your kids (and you) know what to expect. If your children are still able to go to school, set key priorities to get done in the hours you’ll have between drop off and pick up and then save jobs like admin and emails for after bedtime. If the kids are off school, set up a routine that works for you, whether it’s an hour of play all together to start the day, then an hour of work for you and an hour of study / solo play / a movie for the kids followed by snack time all together etc.

This is harder with little ones who want more attention, but if they know they’ll have some mummy time after a few games of dinosaur vs gorilla figure wars (no, just a favourite in my house?) they’re more likely to feel content.

Boundaries

Having your kids around while you’re working can throw you off if you’re used to having a clear separation between your worlds. Try to keep boundaries in place and don’t let life merge into one big work-family mash up. Don’t treat your kids like your colleagues and start negotiating with them or asking them to ‘touch base’, ‘circle back’ or ‘put that in writing’. Make sure you have enough regular contact with your actual colleagues via conference call, Skype or Slack to get this out of your system.

You should also try to have clear work start and finish times, so that you don’t get used to using every living minute your kids are entertained to catch up with work. Keeping your work in one room and not sitting on the sofa in the evening with your laptop is a good start. (Full transparency: I’m writing this at 10.28pm on the sofa on my laptop. My boundaries are blurred.)

Screen Time

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking the ‘digital nanny’ (shout out Mother Pukka) will take care of the kids while you work. Screen time is all very well but after an hour or so they will get seriously grouchy, and if they are losing at their favourite game it could be considerably less. Don’t start the day with screen time, they have plenty of energy so if you have a garden and it’s not raining, get them outside to let off some steam, or have them playing with their actual toys (wild, I know).

Evenings Off

While you might need to occasionally work evenings to catch up on hours lost to childcare in the day, it’s important to ensure you have regular evenings off to unwind and destress. It can get really lonely being stuck in as a single parent, so call friends and family for a chat, tap into your online communities and find connections with people who don’t just want to talk about snacks and Pokémon.

Self-Care

Take your self-care as seriously as your career. You have two full-time jobs and only one set of hours to do them in, you are, without doubt, over-stretched, even without taking into account these extraordinary and stressful times. Your work is important, but your main job is even more important (and probably has a more demanding boss). You can’t perform at either of them if you’re not fighting fit so looking after yourself should be your number one priority. Take time out if you need to. Ask for help (and accept it when it’s offered).

And most importantly, be kind to yourself.

from WordPress https://moosegazette.net/%f0%9f%94%a5a-survival-guide-to-working-from-home-as-a-single-parent%f0%9f%94%a5/50720/

#News

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libertyequitysexuality · 8 years ago

Link

More than just undies: The smallest details are the most important for parents of transgender kids Everyday, 11-year-old Jake* runs to the letterbox to check if the postman has been. For four weeks he’s been waiting for a parcel that seems as if it will never come. Of course these days you can order anything online, but this isn’t like any other purchase his mum, Ellie, has ever made. “It appears perhaps that our order has been held up in customs,” Ellie says. “That’s something else that just makes me aware of how weird and how covert this could seem to others.” Even though Ellie desperately wants to help her son, she is the first to admit that it has been an emotional and mental challenge to “try to imagine what it may be like to need this so much.” Jake is a transgender boy who came out nearly a year ago. The box from America that Ellie and Jake are expecting contains two types of items. One is a so-called “stand-to-pee,” a silicone device that allows someone with female genitalia to stand up while urinating. When Jake goes into a stall to urinate in the boys’ toilets at school, Ellie explains that he feels “very self conscious about the fact that he always has to sit down.” “It was distressing him to point where he wasn’t going to the toilet at school,” she says. The second type of item in the parcel will be a soft, washable “packer,” that gets sewn into underwear to create the outward appearance of male genitalia. “It’s desperately important for him in order to feel comfortable and pass [as a boy] all the time,” Ellie says. “I was watching him at a gymnastics class and he was being held and guided over the bars. At any of those points he could reveal that he’s not a boy with a penis,” she says. Ellie points to the difficulty of female to male transgender children participating in sports like ballet, gym and swimming without a packer in their underwear. “There’s a serious issue behind all of this. It prevents trans kids from participating in a lot of sport,” she says. This issue does have a lighthearted side, though. Reflecting on her search to find her son appropriate products, Ellie describes her situation as “tragicomic.” “I’m an adult, married heterosexual woman who doesn’t have a child with a penis,” she says, “I don’t really know what children’s penises look like and yet I’ve had really explicit conversations with strangers about children’s penises.” Jake’s problem gradually arose after he socially transitioned into a boy. Ellie became aware that he was packing socks into his underwear. “They were moving around. They were chaffing. They were too big a lot of the time. He asked me repeatedly to do something about it and I didn’t know what to do about it at all. I had no idea,” she says. “The problem I hit almost immediately is that you can’t get anything realistic in a kids’ size in Australia at all,” Ellie continues. The company Ellie and Jake ended up purchasing from is TranZwear, based in San Francisco, California. It stocks underpants, packers and stand-to-pees for female to male transgender children aged three upwards. The business owner, Den Kirkwood-Tucker, explains via email that he operates a “community-based shop” and works carefully with each family to take into account the child’s “age and where they are in their transition.” Mr Kirkwood-Tucker specialises in custom orders and has consistently refused “offers to sell my designs and products to the adult industry.” “These products are key for trans kids and adults to help them move forward in their gender transition and are not sex related items,” he writes.

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ukftm · 8 years ago

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*urgent-ish* My dad is unsupportive, he won't let me speak to anyone from a GIC as he doesn't want me to 'change my mind' although I am incredibly certain that I am trans (and I have been certain for 3 years now, there was never a time that I questioned it.). Do you know how I can convince him to let me transition?

I’m sorry to hear you’re in this position.

I don’t know how old you are, or how much independence you have, but you have a few options. Personally I decided to wait until I was away at university before properly pursuing things (I had tried to get the ball rolling at home, but my parents often intercepted letters informing me of referrals and appointments, and hid or tore them up). This meant that they couldn’t physically interfere. As I also started living full time when I moved away, it meant they had the opportunity to see that I was happier than I’d been in years and this wasn’t just some flight of fancy of mine: I was serious about it. They also had time to get used to the idea without me constantly ‘being trans’ in their faces, if that makes sense.

Of course, only you know whether this kind of approach might work for you, but it is one option.

Perhaps sharing some resources with him would also be helpful. If part of his problem is general ignorance about trans stuff, it might help for him to learn more about what it means to be trans, and to hear other parents’ perspectives. There are lots of resources on the gendered intelligence website in general, though the page in the link is a good starting point. You could have a look on places like youtube, as well, where trans people often share videos of themselves talking to their parents about how they felt about the process of coming out and starting transition.

When you say that he “won’t let you” talk to a gender clinic or transition, I’m not quite sure what you mean. Is he physically preventing these things from happening, or is he making his disapproval clear, or threatening you? - as these are all slightly different situations to be in, and might require handling differently. Gaining some independence from him (either by physically not being in the same environment, or having the support of other people) might help you to feel a bit less ‘under his thumb’ and helpless’. If he’s ‘just’ being disapproving (I put ‘just’ in inverted commas as I don’t think this is any less difficult a situation) then thinking about the potential consequences of defying him might help. As well as literally stopping me attending appointments and things, my mum was quite unpleasant in guilt-tripping me about transition-related stuff and in a way that was more difficult, as it was me delaying things due to fear of upsetting her, which often made me second-guess myself and contributed to a lot of shame and frustration. In the end I found communication through an intermediary was the most helpful thing: she found it difficult to talk to me about it herself, and I was very closed off, but a supportive person (my sister) was able to act as a go-between and it made the communication less emotionally charged, in a way. I learned that a lot of her reluctance was due to her own fear that her parents would think she was a bad parent (and she became a lot more accepting when they died/she cut off contact) and worry that I was just making life hard for myself, and I think her being able to learn about how much happier I was from my sister helped. Even once she’d kind of accepted it, she was reluctant about my name change, but again, communication helped - in my case, I found out that she was worried I’d also change my middle name, which had great sentimental value to her, so we agreed that I wouldn’t, and after that I was much more comfortable making these choices for myself.

If you don’t already know, finding out what exactly your dad’s concerns are might help you (or a supportive person who can act as a mediator) to address them. It might be that he doesn’t know what his concerns are, so this might not be an easy task. It might also be that he takes a very long time to come around to things, and you feel like you absolutely have to ‘get started’ without his approval. I can’t guess at whether this would be a sensible move for you, though I do know that, when I tried to get the ball rolling at home, it was behind my parents’ back at first, and when they found out a big part of their reaction was being hurt that I’d felt the need to sneak around without telling them. Sometimes parents react worse if you do things behind their back, but if you can, explaining what you’re doing without phrasing it so that he thinks he gets a say might help. It’s also possible that he thinks that attending a gender clinic means you’re going to immediately get treatment without them assessing you, things are going to very suddenly change, etc. If this is the case, talking to him about the gender clinic process might help - explaining that it’s definitely not a quick process, that waiting lists to even be seen are very long and that you’ll have to have multiple assessments before they agree to any treatment, etc.

Depending on your relationship and your communication preferences, communicating via an intermediary, or by text or email, might be preferable to communicating face to face.

I think this braindump is quite long enough for now, so I hope it’s at least somewhat helpful! Hopefully followers will share their experience and advice, too.

~ James

#coming out #parents #family #Anonymous

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lgbt-askthetics · 7 years ago

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Presley here:

The first time I came out, I had just turned 13 and I decided that I would come out to my mom via email using memes. Imma be real wit you chief, that was a Bad Idea, in my situation. I thought it would be taken a whole lot better than it was. (Long story short, I was expected to list all of the reasons why I thought I was trans and had all of them ripped apart by my parents)

If you are 87% sure that coming out is safe, and 93% sure that your family will appreciate the humor, make your coming out funny. I used such high percentages because coming out in a funny way can be misconstrued as a joke and that you aren’t serious about your identity. I presume you are serious about your identity and want people to take it seriously, so you really just have to consider timing, delivery, and your surrounding people’s okayness with trans people.

How to come out to my parents as a trans dude? (In a somewhat humorous manner because idk I’m stressed)

I’ll try but I am not very funny if we’re being honest with ourselves lmao,,

Step one in James’ Guide to Coming Out: make sure you’re safe. It’s sad that I gotta say that, but I gotta.

Step two: gauge their reaction by casually bringing up other out trans people they know about. (tw for transphobia in this example) When I was a freshman there was this trans girl senior and every now and then I’d be like, “so in band today Gwen was like-” and tell my story and end it with “Gwen is so cool I love her.” and my mom would be like, “I really don’t like him. he was very rude last time he was at our house.” and I was like, “I don’t remember her ever coming over?” and she was like, “yeah [deadname] came over–” and then I’d be like “mom. come on. Her name is Gwen.” and then I’d lecture her about proper pronouns and kinda “train” her to be a decent human being lol

But anyway, after a while of doing that every so often I got her to use Gwen’s right name and pronouns every time we talked about her, so that was a good first step to coming out for me!

Step three: depends on how you feel most comfortable coming out! You could go one-by-one to each of your family members and tell them, (I told my sister first!) or you could have a big family meeting and tell them all at once. this can really vary depending on family dynamics. I first came out to my mom in 8th grade, but it took till my senior year for her to take it seriously. It can be a long, long uphill battle. But it’s so worth it, and you can do it. It might take a few times, i think I had to come out like. 7ish different times over the course of 5ish years.

Stay safe, stay strong. You got this.

#mod presley #coming out #anonymous #trans #gwen

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sailorrrvenus · 6 years ago

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How an Elaborate International Scam is Making the Rounds Among Instagrammers and Photographers

It all started with an email from Wendi Murdoch. She claimed that she had found us through a personal recommendation from a senior editor at Conde Naste Traveler. We had just finished talking with Conde Nast Traveler about doing some Instagram featured work on both my and Zory’s accounts, so the timing made sense.

Flattered, I kept reading her pitch about needing some up and coming photographers to help capture the essence of China for an upcoming exhibit centered around the Beijing Winter Olympics in 2022.

I had a rough idea of who Wendi Murdoch was: a Chinese American art philanthropist and shrewd businesswoman who made waves with an expensive divorce from media tycoon Rupert Murdoch.

Not really knowing what to make of it, I responded that I’d be interested in the project.

About a week later, she responded and we set up a time to have a phone call.

So on a sunny Sunday afternoon, her assistant Aaron called us. I noticed that the area code was from New York. He had a thick New Yorker accent and connected us to Wendi after a momentary pause.

When she got on the line, she introduced herself with an interesting accent that was a mix of Asian, British, and East Coast drawl. (If any of you have seen Crazy Rich Asians, she sounded very similar to the character that Michelle Yeoh played.)

She complimented us on our photography and went on to talk about how our style was exactly what she wanted in her exhibit for the Beijing Olympics. She then talked about her childhood experience in China. We were completely drawn in by her storytelling about how between the hours of 10 pm to 7 am that was when the people of China whispered amongst themselves about their dreams and aspirations. It was these whispers that she wanted us to somehow capture through photography in the areas of Southeast Asia where Chinese communities had immigrated to.

She wanted to hear more about our backgrounds. My parents are from Taiwan while Zory is from Bulgaria. We both talked a bit about those cultures, of which she was able to converse intelligently and freely. For example, when I told her we had visited Taipei the year before she was able to chat knowledgeably about some of my favorite areas of town.

We ended the call with her asking us to help her research which parts of Southeast Asia would be great for the subject. In turn, she would ask her panel (comprised of senior editors from magazines such as Vogue and Cosmo) where they thought work best.

After a couple more calls negotiating budget and timelines, we agreed on a price that was higher and a timeline that was later than she initially offered. She would later use that to defend any ideas of pre-payment on her part. She also said that we would have to book our own tickets to Jakarta since she was taking care of all the internal flights via private jet and hotels. Of course, we’d get totally reimbursed within 24 hours of the project conclusion.

Zory and I spent some time discussing whether or not we should be fronting such a large amount up front with a new client we had never actually met. (Last minute airline tickets were $2,200 each) But all I could think of was the grandeur and high profile connections that ‘Wendi’ would be able to open up for us if the project was successful. We also had done other projects in the past (albeit with bigger companies) where we had to front travel costs first and then be reimbursed at project conclusion, so this wasn’t entirely asking too much.

So we agreed to the terms and she sent over an NDA and shooting schedule that had several red flags that we overlooked.

The NDA, for starters, listed Wendi’s lawyer Mr. Hebert B. Dillof, who I couldn’t find on Google anywhere. His name was also misspelled later in the document as well as having the wrong date of the Olympics. I also did a DNS lookup on the wendimurdoch.com domain and in my haste overlooked that it had only been created a couple weeks before.

The shooting locations she picked were Jakarta, Semarang, Badung, and Penang, which were especially confusing since most of those places (minus Penang) lacked any good photographic scenery for the exhibit subject of China.

We tried getting her on the phone to discuss details but her assistant Aaron said that she’d be unavailable that day because she was spending it with her family for her birthday. It was actually Wendi Murdoch’s birthday, so we wished her a great day with her family.

These small details were what they were so good at. I’ve heard from other people who got scammed that she would even pretend to talk to her kids or other family members while on the phone with you.

After finally booking the plane tickets and packing our bags to leave for the airport, Aaron gave us a final call to tell us apologetically that we’d have to pay some photography permit fees or ‘bribe’ fees to some of the local government there due to corruption. He also claimed he wasn’t racist to say Indonesia was corrupt. I thought that was a peculiar thing to say but let it slide. Boy did it come up again later.

The fees were kind of high ($1,100) but he promised all expenses would be reimbursed per the contract and not to worry about it. As we were just 6 hours from the flight, it was hard to contest this.

So we went to SFO airport, hopped on an Eva Air flight and 20 odd hours later landed in Jakarta to be greeted by our non-English-speaking in-on-the-scam driver. He had our names on a placard and helpfully directed us to the nearest money exchange so we could give him the ‘photography permit’ fee. He gave us a silly looking piece of paper with an official seal on it. We had some warning bells going off in our heads but Wendi’s assistant Aaron did tell us we’d be handing the money over to the driver.

When we got to the hotel, I snapped a photo of the driver and his license plate to be sure:

After checking in and seeing the hotel was paid for, we felt a bit more at ease and had a good night’s rest in hopes of capturing some great photos the next day.

At 7:30 am we awoke to Wendi calling us urgently to tell us that the driver and the transportation company refusing to work with us because we had been racist by taking photos of him. Remember how Aaron had used the word ‘racist’ to describe the bribe just a day earlier? Anyhow, Wendi claimed that she had no idea how to fix the situation and that perhaps we should just cancel the whole project. This is at 7:30 am in the morning on the first day of the ‘project’.

A bit flabbergasted and still jet lagged, we went on the defensive to try to salvage the project and promise to ‘fix’ the misunderstanding with the driver. This was one of her key tactics that we realized later. Attack us with strange things so we have to defend our position. Then ask for money while we’re in this defensive state.

It totally worked.

While we were apologizing for ‘offending’ the driver, she casually mentioned that there would be another photography fee for the last two cities. By now our warning bell system was exhausted and we just agreed to it, fully believing we’d be reimbursed after the project was finished.

So we met the driver downstairs and he’s acted like nothing was wrong. We gave him the second ‘permit fee’ and then he dropped us off at in the middle of Chinatown. It wasn’t quite photogenic but we tried to make the most of it while wandering around on our own.

As luck would have it, we ran into a German photographer at a Chinese temple who was talking to some locals about a photo project he was on. Zory, unable to hold her curiosity in, asked him for more details and he replied that it was for Wendi Murdoch! At this point, we became friends quickly and started exchanging all the oddities and details of our project.

He had apparently been in Jakarta a day or two before us and was about to cancel the project because they kept giving him the runaround every day when it was time to move to the next city. They’d find ways to drive him to the wrong airport or make excuses to ask for more permit charges all while threatening legal action for violating the NDA and contract. Even after all this, he was not completely sure it was a scam and neither did we, but doubt was creeping in.

We got his WhatsApp number and stayed in contact while we went our separate ways for the day.

After a full day of shooting, without any help from the driver, by the way, we went back to the hotel to rest, recuperate, and investigate a bit further.

When we got back to the hotel, we had the concierge call all the hotels we had reservations with to see if they had been paid for. As the concierge called each one to find out none had been paid for yet, it started to dawn on us that this might be an elaborate scam.

A couple of hours later, Aaron calls to check on us and we asked him why all the other hotels aren’t paid for yet. This made him lose his mind! He went on a crazy rant about how I was ‘racist’ again to the driver, how I’m not in touch with my Asian side, and how cynical we’ve been towards Wendi about getting reimbursed. He also threatens to call Immigration to tell them we are in Indonesia doing work illegally on a tourist visa. He then says Wendi wants to cancel the project because she can’t work with us.

At this point, we were still on the fence if this was a scam or not. I don’t know if it’s because we already had so much skin in the game but we still surprisingly wanted to continue with the project!

Anyhow, we got Aaron to calm down and then said we’d talk again the morning to discuss if this project was still viable or not.

After a sleepless night, we decided we’d hear what Aaron had to say on the call and then decide from there.

8 am. Aaron calls and he says that Wendi has decided to cancel the project, but not to worry she would reimburse all the travel costs and permit fees within 24 hours. He said to make an invoice with the bank account and routing number so they could transfer the money in. We felt an instant weight off our shoulders as the past 48 hours had been outrageously stressful.

But, I just couldn’t shake off the feeling that we were getting scammed and possibly in danger. So I looked on Facebook to see if I knew anyone who lived in Jakarta. Lo and behold, one of my friends had just moved from Los Angeles to Jakarta recently and was the type of guy to just ‘know things’.

I pinged him on Facebook messenger to tell him I was in a weird situation here in Jakarta and if I could call him. He gave me his WhatsApp contact info and within 10 seconds of my telling him what happened, he knew what was happening to me. He gave me a link to the Hollywood Reporter where many other people ( filmmakers, military consultants, hair stylists, etc) had been scammed with the same thing. They even had recordings of the scammer and one of them matched “Wendi’s” voice exactly.

Right then and there I spent the next 3 hours calling and securing all my financial accounts to make sure nothing had been stolen. I was in full paranoia that they might have bugged our hotel room, placed video cameras, and used all my info to steal my identity. Luckily, they hadn’t done any of that, most likely because they were busy scamming the next photographer on the way to Jakarta.

As of today, they are still scamming photographers and bringing them to Jakarta. I spoke to Nicole Katsianas, Director at K2 Intelligence, who’s been on the case for the past year. She said she’s spoken to at least 100 people who have been scammed by this and estimates between 5-10 times that amount have been affected by this.

Our total loss was around $7,500 due to the airline tickets being so expensive. And no, we never got reimbursed for anything.

‘Permit charges’ that we never got reimbursed for

If you’ve been scammed by this, please reach out to me or to Nicole Katsianas at K2 Intelligence to help catch this guy. Oh, and yes, it’s one Indonesian man who is apparently an expert at impersonating male/female voices and accents on command, along with having mastery of psychological tactics. The wendimurdoch.com domain was closed by the authorities, but he opened a new domain dengmurdoch.com.

We won’t let this encounter color our view of how amazing Instagram, photography, and traveling the world is though.

Stay safe and make sure to share this along your social channels to spread awareness! Let’s catch this guy!

About the author: Henry Wu is a photographer, travel writer, and editor. The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author. You can find more of Wu’s work on his website, Facebook, and Instagram. This article was also published here.

source https://petapixel.com/2019/01/16/how-an-elaborate-international-scam-is-making-the-rounds-among-instagrammers-and-photographers/

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