#i don't like this one very much but i remember the first time i posted it somebody said the way i drew him-

[gabseyoo]

DON'T WASTE THE NIGHT — SAKUSA KIYOOMI

content: college/university!au, halloween setting, female reader, virgin!kiyoomi, popular!reader, virginity loss, mutual pining, fingering, unprotected sex, creampie, pretty vanilla but cute, mean girls references, kiyoomi might be a little occ, he’s shy :(, atsumu being atsumu. word count: 8,0k.

notes: yes i’m late to halloween but i don’t care :) it’s being so long since i posted a one shot and i had this idea for maybe a year, two (?), and i finally had the inspiration to write everythiiing. i’m happy with the result, i hope you like it too <3

Halloween parties were not Kiyoomi's thing. Rather, no party at all. He didn't like the crowds, the drunks, or the excessive noise. But thanks to his group of friends (which he doesn't even remember how he ended up being a part of), staying away from parties was almost impossible, so it was already a common thing for him to be dragged to one every weekend where he would be counting the minutes to leave and drive all his drunk friends home. 

But, that was not the case tonight. 

Surprisingly, it was the first time Kiyoomi didn't want to leave a party, and that was thanks to a certain someone who had shown up at the Miya's Halloween party. 

"Just go talk to her." 

Kiyoomi almost jumped in surprise at the sudden appearance of his personal headache, also known as Atsumu. 

"Who?" He asked, playing dumb because he knew perfectly well who the blond was referring to, and mentally slapped himself for not being more discreet.

Atsumu snorted, "Y/n. You're staring at her like a creep." He said, pointing his head in your direction across the room, where you were talking enthusiastically with your friend, dressed in a pink tracksuit. "I don't blame you. She's pretty."

Sakusa kept silent, trying to suppress his need to agree out loud, because of course you were pretty. More than pretty. 

"You like her, don't you?" 

Kiyoomi sighed heavily, obviously uncomfortable with the question. It was obvious he liked you. Very much. But he didn't trust Atsumu to be able to not make a big deal out of the fact that Sakusa liked someone, so he decided to answer his question with a dry: "No."

"Liar." The blond replied. "It's pretty obvious that you like her."

"I don't like her." He insisted, though he already knew it would be in vain, it wasn't for nothing he called Atsumu his headache.

"So you hate her and you're staring at her 'cause you're planning her murder?"

Jesuschrist.

"I'll be planning your murder if you don't shut up." 

Atsumu pursed his lips and Kiyoomi thanked god in his head. But the fake threat seemed to work only for a limited time, because the twin spoke again seconds later, making him roll his eyes.

"Don't you even think she's pretty?"

He let out a sigh in frustration, but agreed with the question because, c’mon, it will be a very blatant lie to deny the obvious, "She is." He admitted, "But I don't like her." 

"You do like her, there can't be any other reason why you were looking at her like that."

Kiyoomi rolled his eyes, is there a way to shut this guy down?

"Like what?" 

"Like you like her." 

"If I say so, will you shut the fuck up?" He blurted, resigned. 

"I knew it!" Atsumu exclaimed victoriously, and Kiyoomi just let out a sigh, cringing when the twin tapped him a little too hard on the shoulder as if he was congratulating him. "Wow. So Omi likes someone, huh, who knew." 

"Don't make a big deal out of it." 

"Omi, liking someone isn't a bad thing." He said in a more earnest manner, perhaps trying to show that he was actually serious and not joking about his friend’s situation. 

Kiyoomi closed his eyes for a moment and sighed before replying, "I know it's not."

"Then why don't you go and talk to her? She's in your class, isn't she? It wouldn't be weird. Maybe she likes you back."

The twin had a point. Sakusa sat behind you for two hours straight five days a week during a very boring class. While you might not call yourselves the best of friends, you could say you got along well— you would usually turn around to ask him if he understood the subject so he could explain it to you, borrow a pen or offer him a gum. Occasionally you would randomly show him your phone with something you thought was funny and there were even times when you would ask his opinion on which item to buy or which selfie to post, you would often have small conversations and even followed each other on Instagram. And, as a bonus, lately you had started walking together to the classroom exit at the end of class where you would say goodbye with a 'see you tomorrow'. 

But you liking him back? He didn't think he was that lucky.

Because, yes, maybe you weren't a stranger to Kiyoomi and he wasn't a stranger to you either, but contrary to what many believed, Sakusa Kiyoomi didn't have much experience with women, not even with having a crush on someone. The idea of talking to you outside the classroom made him nervous. You were too pretty and too charming and too popular and too hot and... out of his league.

There were times when he wondered if it was possible for you to like him? Okay, call him arrogant, but he knew he was nowhere near ugly, that was a point in his favor. But one point that was not in his favor was the fact that, yes, maybe he was good-looking, but the university was full of good-looking guys, who unlike him, were more... outgoing. Guys who smiled more and didn't have a grumpy attitude like he did, who weren't known for being rude, and who probably wouldn't think twice about asking for your number or inviting you on a date. And, honestly, he felt like one more in the very long list of men who have a crush on you. 

"It's just..." He started, but the words were lost in his throat.

"Just what?"

"She doesn't see me that way. Just leave it at that, okay?" He finished his sentence, taking a sip from the bottle of water he'd been carrying since he arrived. 

Atsumu folded his arms, glancing in your direction for a moment before making that smile that never meant anything good, "You know what? I have an idea." 

Kiyoomi panicked. "Miya, what are you gonna do?" 

"You'll thank me later." 

And just like that, Atsumu pushed himself off the wall he was leaning against and before Sakusa could stop him, he started walking in your direction.

No. No. No. No. Kiyoomi's heart was going to escape from his chest. Fuck. He knew it was a bad idea to be honest with Atsumu. A. Fucking. Bad. Idea.

He watched frozen from his spot in the corner of the room the moment the blond approached you, greeting you and your friend casually before saying who knows what that made you look at him with confusion for a moment as you exchanged more words, but after something that left the blond's mouth, your face lit up with a smile. The interaction seemed to be going well, until the twin pointed— really fucking pointed—over his shoulder, and then, you connected your eyes with Kiyoomi’s for a moment. 

His feet began to move automatically. 

Towards the exit. 

He was so embarrassed. What did Atsumu say to you? What did you think? Fuck. He didn't even want to know. He was out of here, he'd move his seat to the other end of the classroom, or better yet, he'd never set foot in that class again, who cares if he had to repeat it next semester, that was better than looking you in the face after this.

"Where do you think you're goin'?" 

Sakusa was halfway to his car when he heard the twin's voice call out to him. 

"Home." 

Atsumu trotted up in front of him. "Come on. Don't be like that, listen-" 

"You fucking embarrassed me." He spat, pulling his keys out of his jacket roughly. 

"I didn't. I just did you a favor." Atsumu replied, crossing his arms proudly, which only raised Kiyoomi's anger levels.

Don't punch him. Don't punch him. Don't punch him.

"Fuck you, don't talk to me ever again."

"C'mon Kiyoomi, trust me. You think I'm capable of making a fool of you?" The twin asked with confidence in his voice. Kiyoomi simply looked at him, his silence explaining his answer, which caused Atsumu's smile to disappear. "Ouch." The twin brought a hand to his chest dramatically and Kiyoomi rolled his eyes before pressing a button on the control, removing the lock and alarm. 

He was barely about to open the car door when Atsumu spoke again. This time in a more serious tone, "Omi, I'm your friend. Just trust me. I would never do anything to hurt you."

Kiyoomi would never admit that those words made him feel a little bad about his attitude. 

Without removing his hand from the door handle, he blurted out the question that was consuming him and that he needed an answer to.

"What did you tell her?" 

For some reason, he expected Atsumu to answer with honesty, but he wasn't surprised when instead, the twin simply replied, "A wingman never reveals his secrets."

"Oh, fuck off." He mused, opening his car door just a few centimeters before the other man's hand closed it.

"Look, just go inside and talk to her. I swear I saw it in her face that she’s interested, of course, until you ran away like a chicken. I hope she's not offended and you've lost the opportunity of a lifetime." 

Only a sentence of Atsumu's words caught his attention.  

"What do you mean with 'she looked interested'?" He asked, his voice betraying him by not sounding as disinterested as he wanted it to.

Atsumu smirked. "It seems like she does see you that way."

You do?

The mere possibility of that being true, of you seeing him that way, was what prompted him to let out a last sigh and set the car alarm again before locking his keys in his hoodie. Although he wouldn't say this out loud and was still unhappy with Atsumu's actions, the twin was right in saying that this could be his chance. Maybe he should stop feeling self-conscious and just go for it. 

"If you're lying, you forget I exist." 

"Deal." Atsumu said, stretching out his hand, waiting for him to take it, but the black-haired simply brushed past him, to which the twin simply huffed in resignation before following his friend.  

Kiyoomi's feet felt heavier with every step he took back to the twins' house, he was going to do it. He was actually going to do it. He was going to talk to you outside the classroom, after whatever Atsumu had told you, which opened the door to many possibilities. One, was that you liked him; the other, was that you didn't and that you only saw him as a friend, he longed too much for the first option but he wouldn't be dissatisfied with the second, it all depended on how things turned out when he walked through the door in front of him.

Kiyoomi inhaled and exhaled, filling himself with courage before placing his hand on the doorknob. 

But that burst of bravery he was able to fill himself with was interrupted by the twin, who stopped him with a grip on the wrist.

"Don't touch m-" He didn't finish his sentence since Atsumu put something cold in the palm of his hand. 

"Here." Atsumu whispered and Kiyoomi looked at the object, frowned in confusion when he realized it was a key. "It's the key to the guest room. Use it wisely."

Use it wisely? What did that mean?

"Why would I want to-" Kiyoomi started, but the twin interrupted him, raising a finger to silence him. 

"Shh. Thank me when you're at the altar and I'm your best man. Let's go inside." 

And just like that, Atsumu grabbed his arm to pull him inside the house.

Bruno Mars' voice was blaring from the speakers in the living room, people were singing at the top of their lungs, drinking and dancing, evidently having a good time. Sometimes Kiyoomi wondered how the twins knew so many people, there were so many guests that they had to push their way through the crowd to get to where you were still standing by the kitchen area, looking spectacular as ever as you talked to your friend.

As if you sensed his presence, you turned your face and your eyes met, causing Kiyoomi's heart to skip a beat. Damn, was this a good idea?

"Here he is." Atsumu announced their arrival excitedly. "The Kiyoomi I was telling you about. Does he look familiar?"

Sakusa almost rolled his eyes, but the chuckle you let out at Atsumu's humor stopped him, "Yes, I think I know him." You replied, your eyes still fixed on the tall black-haired man in front of you. 

"Perfect!" He exclaimed, clasping his hands together enthusiastically. "Then, since there's no need for introductions, I'll leave you two alone." The twin said, patting him on the back before turning and leaving. 

"Yeah, me too." Your friend said, throwing you a mischievous look and copying Atsumu's action, losing herself in the crowd. 

Now that you were alone (if it could be considered "alone" in a room full of people), he wondered where the direct Kiyoomi was when he needed him. Say something, say something, say something, say something. He mentally shouted to himself, but he was so intimidated by your presence and the cute way you were looking at him that no words could formulate in his mouth. 

"Uh—, hi." He said after a few awkward seconds of silence, trying to play it cool by leaning against the kitchen island. 

"Hi." You replied with a smile and looked up at him, as if waiting for him to say something else, but at Kiyoomi's lack of response, you continued, "How are you?"

So fucking nervous, he wanted to say, but instead, a 'fine and you?' left his mouth. 

"Me too." You said, and he noticed how you bit your lip lightly, as if you were thinking of what to say before speaking again: "Um… did you do the homework for Monday?"

"Yes, and you?"

"Yup."

Fuck. This was pathetic. He was pathetic. If he were someone else, someone like Atsumu perhaps, he might have already charmed you with words, made you laugh and you would be having a more enjoyable conversation. 

After a sigh, you spoke again. "Are you drinking?"

"Yes." He said, raising his water bottle and feeling stupid a second later, obviously by that question you meant was he consuming alcohol. "Something like that. And you?"

"Something like that" You repeated his words, raising a glass goblet showing what appeared to be a cocktail. "It’s strawberry juice, goes with my costume, and I'm also driving tonight, so I can't drink too much."

"That's very responsible of you."

That's very responsible of you?!

Couldn't he think of something more stupid to say? Probably not. 

But if you thought his answer was stupid, you didn't give it away, since you giggled before saying, "I think it is."

In an attempt to divert attention from his very stupid comment, he took advantage of the information you gave him about the drink to salvage this interaction. "So— why the drink goes with the costume?" 

"You don't know who I am?" You asked, raising your arms to better show off your costume. It was very 2000s style. A pink tracksuit, a white blouse under it, also a necklace. 

"Uh— Paris Hilton?" He guessed, inwardly hoping he was right. 

You giggled again. "Almost. I'm Regina George's mom." You said, giving him a bump with your shoulder against his arm. And, amazingly, Kiyoomi for the first time did not find an unexpected physical contact upsetting. "What do you think? I didn't know who to dress up as and this was last minute."

"You look…" Divine. "Good."

"Thank you." As soon as your words were out of your mouth, he noticed how you stared at his outfit, squinting your eyes and making a tender gesture with your mouth that he had learned you did when you thought of something. "Come to think of it, you pretty much look like Damien in that hoodie. You should just add some sunglasses." You added after a few seconds, pointing to the blue fabric covering his body. 

Kiyoomi frowned. Damien? Who the fuck was Damien and why he looked like him? 

“Who?” He asked. 

“Damien? The guy who shows up in the middle of the gym scene? With the blue hoodie and glasses? You haven't seen Mean Girls?”

The tone in which you said it made him regret having refused his cousin’s offer to see that damn movie a few months ago. 

"No, I've only heard of it." He admitted with a shrug.

Surprisingly, you smiled at his response, "It's a classic. We should see it sometime."

We should. A half smile appeared on his face at the word we. "Yes, we should."

"Um, do you wanna go watch the beer pong game?"

—

Two hours later, Kiyoomi found himself having what was perhaps the longest conversation with a girl of his life, and the one he had enjoyed the most. 

After awkwardly breaking the ice and watching Atsumu lose (two times in a row) in beer pong, you moved to the living room, where you luckily found space on the couch where you had been sitting since then. 

Kiyoomi leaned back against the couch, his elbow resting on the armrest as he listened intently to you recount an embarrassing childhood memory that had him chuckling softly. The sight was rare, and his friends’ curious stares only made it rarer, he knew they were probably losing their minds right now, but he tried to ignore them, though, focusing instead on the way your eyes lit up when you spoke. You were magnetic in a way he hadn’t expected, and the realization only deepened the smile tugging at his lips. God, how much he regretted not having the self-confidence to talk to you in this way much earlier. 

“Okay, your turn.” You said, nudging his knee lightly with yours.

“My turn?”

“To tell me something embarrassing. Come on, don’t hold out on me now.” You teased, leaning just a fraction closer.

Kiyoomi let out a low groan, feigning reluctance. “Fine. But you owe me for this.”

As he started to recount a story about an unfortunate middle school haircut incident, his voice grew more animated, his laughter trying to break through every now and then, and for a moment, it felt like the rest of the room melted away.

The conversation flowed naturally, but there was an underlying tension, an awareness that neither of you could ignore. When he finished his story, you both fell into a comfortable silence, your knees still brushing against each other.

“Is it me or the twins keep staring at us?” You asked out of the blue, pointing with your head to a spot behind Kiyoomi, who didn't even want to bother turning around—because most likely no, it wasn't you—but still did, finding both twins pretending to look away before going their separate ways, Atsumu bumping into someone in the attempt. 

He sighed deeply, his lips pressing into a line. “Ignore them. They’re just… nosy.”

You raised an eyebrow, a playful smile tugging at your lips. “Nosy about what?”

His face turned a faint shade of red, and he leaned back, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. Kiyoomi didn't want to, but he would tell you the truth. “Probably that I'm talking to a girl.”

You chuckled, maybe finding his bashfulness endearing. “Do you not talk to girls often or something?”

“No.” He said, pretending that the admission didn't make him feel a little embarrassed.

“And is there any special reason why I'm the lucky one?” 

Kiyoomi hesitated, his gaze flickering to yours before dropping to where your knees touched. His mind raced for an answer, but nothing felt sufficient—not for what he was feeling, not for why you had captivated him so completely.

“You're… different.” He finally said, his voice quieter than before.

“Different how?” You asked, your tone teasing but your eyes soft with curiosity.

He let out a breath, his hand brushing against his neck again, “You're easy to talk to. Genuine. And you're…” He stopped himself, shaking his head with a self-conscious laugh.

“I'm what?” You prompted, leaning in slightly, your voice coaxing.

“You're just… you. And I like that.”

Your playful expression softened into something warmer, and the space between you felt even smaller. “That's probably the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me, Kiyoomi.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

The silence that followed wasn't awkward—it was charged, alive with a tension neither of you could deny anymore. His hand, resting between you on the couch, shifted slightly, his fingers brushing yours. The touch was brief, almost hesitant, but it was enough to make you glance up at him.

In that moment, something unspoken passed between you—an understanding, a shared want that neither of you could ignore any longer.

Kiyoomi leaned in slowly, his movements deliberate, as if savoring every second leading up to the moment his lips met yours. When they did, the kiss was soft, tentative at first, but it quickly deepened as the world around you faded into the background. He wasn't an experienced kisser, he hadn't done it enough times in his life to consider himself one, but he let instinct guide him, following your rhythm. It was slow and even sweet, he could taste the flavor of your gloss. Strawberry. Maybe the same one he always saw you applying in the middle of class and now decided it was his new favorite flavor. 

Kiyoomi doesn't know at what point the kiss became a little more intense. He could feel you pressing into him as you pulled one of your legs up onto his lap. He was so immersed in the kiss that he even forgot where he was, in the middle of a party, on an old couch surrounded by strangers and friends. 

This same realization also seems to have reached you, because at that very moment you broke the kiss. And even though only seconds had passed, he already missed the feeling of your lips against his. 

“Well—” You said, your voice light but still a little shaky. “I think your friends will definitely have something to talk about now.”

Kiyoomi chuckled softly, his thumb grazing over your knuckles. “Let them.”

You looked into his eyes and smiled at him, you looked very pretty with your slightly swollen lips and bright eyes. At that moment, Kiyoomi wondered if this was real or some dream, he was almost certain that his eyes betrayed how madly smitten he was by you. 

“Kiyoomi,” You said, your voice breaking him out of his thoughts.

He tilted his head slightly, the corner of his mouth twitching in curiosity. “Yeah?”

Your next words, simple yet charged, left him momentarily stunned.

“Can we go somewhere else?”

—

When Atsumu gave him the key to the guest room, he never thought he would actually use it. But here he was, with a very excited you at his side waiting for him to open the door. He really hoped you wouldn't ask why he had that key, because he knew he didn't want to lie to you as he also knew he didn't want to give you the explanation.  

After he opened the door, he stepped aside to let you in first before passing behind you. And something that caught him off guard was, when he barely closed the door behind him, you were quick to lock it before you put your hands on his cheeks to kiss him again. This time hungrier, more passionate. 

You were a good kisser, too good. And that only made Sakusa more nervous than he already was, he knew what you wanted, he knew where this was headed. And even though he wanted it too, the reality is that he had no idea what the fuck to do. 

His body was tensing up, overthinking the situation. He was not experienced in this area, not at all.

Still, he tried to keep up with you, walking backwards as you kissed him until he fell into a sitting position on the bed. 

In a matter of seconds, Kiyoomi watched as you took off your pink sweater, staying only in your tank top which didn't cover you for long, since you took it off immediately, leaving a very nice white bra in sight. 

It would be a lie to say that Kiyoomi was not hard. Because he was. Perhaps much harder than he had ever been in his life. 

“I really wanted to do this.” You said, and without even giving Kiyoomi time to process what you just confessed, you kissed him again, took both of his hands and brought them to your breasts as you straddled his lap. 

Kiyoomi almost choked when he felt your soft breasts under his palms, but instead of doing something with his hands, he stayed still, afraid to make a move you might not like. 

He was frustrated with himself. He literally had the girl of his dreams all over him, kissing him, letting him touch her after admitting that she wanted to do this and he just did nothing. 

Just relax, he told himself. Let yourself go. 

But his body seemed to betray him again the moment your hands went to his pants with the intention of unbuttoning them, because the first reaction he had was to stop you while from his mouth escaped a “Wait.”

“What happened?” You asked, your brow furrowed, obviously confused by his sudden reaction. 

C'mon, Kiyoomi, just tell her. She's an angel, she will understand. 

“I don't know how to say this.” He mumbled, almost to himself. Still, he took a deep breath, encouraging himself to speak. “I, uh- I don't-” He tried to explain himself, but before he could complete the sentence, you interrupted him.

“You don't want to do this, do you?” You spoke softly, Kiyoomi looked up, meeting your face which had an expression full of disappointment. 

His stomach turned over, no, no, no, no. You had misunderstood. “Y/n, that wasn't what—”

You quickly got up from his lap and bent down to pick up your shirt, “It's okay, I just-” Your voice broke as tears escaped your eyes and Kiyoomi felt like he wanted to kill himself at that moment, “I just want you to know that I'm not usually like this, but, when Atsumu told me that you liked me I thought that— I'm sorry, this is embarrassing.” The words rushed out of your mouth as you put your clothes back on. 

Kiyoomi would ignore (for now) that Atsumu really told you that he liked you literally only minutes after he admitted it, he would kill him later, now his main priority was you and clearing up this mess as soon as possible. 

“Hey, wait.” He said, holding you by the wrist to keep you from turning around and leaving. “I'm sorry. This is a misunderstanding, just, listen to me for a minute.” 

You looked at him silently before turning to face him again. 

He took a deep breath before continuing, “I like you, too much. I've been for a long time. And believe me when I tell you I really want to do it.” He admitted, and before you could say anything, he continued, “It's just that, I’m really fucking nervous. I— I've never done this.” His last words came out in a lower tone due to nerves and perhaps some embarrassment. But there was no turning back now. 

You looked at him for a few seconds, blinking at him before asking, “Done... what?”

“This.”

“Oh. Are you a…” You said, leaving the last word up in the air, but he mentally finished it for you, knowing full well what you were going to say.

A virgin.

“Yes.” He confirmed it. 

You were silent, and although it was somewhat dark, Kiyoomi could tell the shock on your face. He understood. If he were you, he might have been surprised too, since it's a fact that not many people expect. 

Kiyoomi was silent as well, silently mourning for himself. Thinking that maybe he ruined everything and a part of him was afraid that you would make fun of him. But the truth is that he was more worried if you left, how would he look at your face after that? He wouldn't be able to. It looked like he would have to take back the plan to leave that class and move to another country, which was a shame, because everything was going so well. 

His thoughts were interrupted when out of nowhere you let out a chuckle. 

“I'm kind of dramatic, don't you think?”

What? 

“I rushed to think that the reason you were a little tense and decided to stop was because you didn't like me, I never imagined that it was because you were… nervous. I'm really sorry, Kiyoomi.”

“Hey, It's okay, don't apologize. ” He said before taking both of your hands in his, “I should do it for not saying it from the beginning.”

“I didn't even give you the time to do it, I rushed too much, I should have taken it slower. But, I was excited, I mean, I just found out that the guy I like, likes me too.”

Okay, this is the second time you've admitted that you liked Kiyoomi. And wow, it felt fantastic to hear it, it felt so good and surreal at the same time that after all, it seemed that his feelings were indeed reciprocal. 

“I think I ruined the mood.” You said in a chuckle, making Kiyoomi frown. “It's okay if you want to stop.”

He didn't want to stop, in fact, he felt quite the opposite. He wanted to do it, with you and only you. So he didn't think much of it when he asked, “Do you?” 

“Huh?”

“Do you want to stop?”

He watched you bite your lip lightly before responding in the most adorable voice ever, “No.”

“Me neither.”

You looked at each other for a few more seconds before you wrapped your arms around his neck to bring your lips together again. The kiss was slower, and for some reason it felt much more intimate. 

Kiyoomi returned his hands to your waist, now feeling more comfortable enough to caress you with his thumbs before slowly moving down your hips to your thighs, you seemed to understand what he wanted, because you automatically straddled his lap again. 

After the awkward moment you just spent, his erection had softened, but when he felt your center against his crotch, combined with the kiss becoming more passionate, his dick soon got hard again. You felt it, of course you felt it. That must have been why you began to move slowly over him, brushing your sex against his, which caused Kiyoomi to moan against your mouth.  

Kiyoomi by this point felt more comfortable, perhaps more confident, so he dared to run his hands up your sides until he reached the hem of your blouse. 

“Can I take it off?” He asked after breaking the kiss, and you looked so cute when you let out a giggle and nodded before raising your arms as Kiyoomi pulled up the fabric. 

Your bra came back into view, but not for long, as you brought your hands behind your back to unfasten it to let it fall to the side—Kiyoomi thanked mentally for this because he was sure it would have taken him quite a while to remove it by himself—.

The light coming through the window was enough to appreciate you well, which he was grateful for, because he really didn't want to miss any detail of seeing you this way. His thumbs went up to caress your nipples, which were erect and looked too cute. It was a gentle touch first before cradling both breasts in his hands and squeezing them gently. 

“Can I...?” The question was lost in his throat, somewhat shy even to speak during this moment. 

“Kiyoomi,” You said his name, grabbing him by the cheeks to make him look at your face, perhaps so he would be a hundred percent sure you meant what you were about to say, “You can do anything you want to me. If I don't like something, I promise I'll tell you, okay?”

He looked at you for a few seconds before answering, appreciating your face completely, from your eyes to your lips. God, you were so beautiful. “Okay.”

Kiyoomi kissed your neck and left a small peck on your collarbone before taking one of your nipples into his mouth. He took it slowly, running his tongue softly over it before sucking gently, and somehow he felt proud of himself when you let out a little moan and brought your hand to his black curls. 

He took his time, enjoying the taste of your skin in his mouth as he switched from one nipple to the other and finding delight in the little sounds you made until he felt eager for more. When he parted his lips from you, it was to remove his hoodie and t-shirt in one motion, letting them fall to the floor. 

“Wow,” The expression came out of you almost automatically at the sight of his body. Your delicate hands went to his biceps, making a path along his skin, past his shoulders to his chest. “How can you be so hot?”

Your words caught him off guard, so he couldn't help the laughter that came out of him. “You think?”

“Of course, just look at you.” Your hands followed their trail, down his abs to his v-line, at that moment he knew what you would do next. You settled on his thighs, leaving more space between his crotch and yours, then lowered your hand to the noticeable bulge in his pants. 

Kiyoomi almost moaned when you stroked him and almost choked on his own saliva when your thumb circled the tip, god, he knew he was leaking and hoped it didn't feel in his pants. 

It was the moment you squeezed him, that something changed inside him, he felt eager for more, and although he didn't want to rush this, he dared to bring your lips together again and, placing a hand on your lower back to keep you from falling, he turned around to lay you down on the bed. 

When he felt your hands on the edge of your pants, he decided to break the kiss and positioned himself in the middle of your legs to help you complete the action, pulling the fabric gently down your legs to drop them on the floor. Fuck. He gave himself the pleasure of admiring for a moment your beautiful form in front of him, in nothing but underwear, and practically giving yourself to him. If he was dreaming, he will kill whoever wakes him up.

His hands went up your thighs until they reached the edge of your underwear to start pulling it down, you raised your hips to help him and that was the moment where Kiyoomi saw for the first time your pussy. He gulped when in top of that, you spread your legs just as he finished removing the garment, exposing you completely to him, letting him see all of you. 

Now, what was he supposed to do? Sakusa was not completely uneducated on the subject, he knew where he was supposed to touch or even kiss. But he also knew that knowing it wasn't the same as doing it. So he preferred to be honest and let you guide him rather than try to do something he wasn't entirely sure you would like. 

“I really want to make you feel good, but, can you just…” For some reason (embarrassment) the words were lost in his throat. 

“Guide you?” You finished the sentence for him. 

“Something like that.” He mumbled. 

You smiled with what Kiyoomi guessed would be tenderness before taking his hand and guiding it to the middle of your legs. 

The first touch almost knocked the wind out of him and made his erection press harder against his pants, fuck, you were so wet and he could hardly believe it was because of him. 

Sakusa leaned forward with one arm by the side of your head, meeting your face a few inches from his as you whispered to him how to please you. He circled your clit at the speed you liked, thrusting his fingers in and out, hitting that sensitive spot inside you that you helped him find, enjoying the moans that came from your beautiful lips and the way one of your hands squeezed his shoulder with pleasure. 

You kissed him the moment you started to cum on his fingers, your legs even trembled and Kiyoomi had never felt so proud of himself. He kissed you with the same desire, not ceasing to give you pleasure until you asked him to stop because of over stimulation. 

“God… you're so beautiful.” The words came out of their own accord as he looked down at you. 

“You think?” You smirked. 

“Every day.” 

“I never thought you'd see me that way, you know?” Those words were kind of funny coming from you. The girl who was the dream of many. Including his own. 

“Why?” 

You shrugged, a playful glint in your eyes as you leaned slightly closer. “Because you’re you, Kiyoomi. Cold, composed, and…” You paused, pretending to think. “Kind of scary sometimes.”

He raised an eyebrow at that, but the small smile tugging at his lips betrayed his amusement. “Scary?”

“You know what I mean.” You teased. “You’re just… untouchable. Like, you don’t even notice anyone half the time.”

Kiyoomi chuckled softly, the sound low and warm. “I notice you.”

Your smile faltered for a second, replaced by something softer, something real. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He said. “You’ve always stood out to me. Even when I tried to act like you didn’t.”

You tilted your head, your expression thoughtful. “Why did you try to hide it?”

He hesitated, scratching the back of his neck as he glanced away for a moment. “Because… I didn't think I'd ever have a chance. I thought you were way out of my league.”

Your laugh was soft, light, and you reached out to gently take his hand. “Kiyoomi, you're ridiculous.”

“Am I?”

“Absolutely.” You said, patting his bicep lightly. “Because if you had just talked to me sooner, you'd know I've been trying to get your attention for ages.”

His eyes widened slightly, his lips parting as he tried to process your words. “You… what?”

You grinned, leaning in just enough that your noses almost touched. “I've always liked you, Kiyoomi. I just didn't think you'd ever notice.”

Kiyoomi stared at you, his heart pounding in his chest, before his lips quirked into a lopsided smile. “Guess we're both ridiculous, then.”

“Guess we are.” You murmured, and this time, it was you who closed the distance, your lips brushing his in a kiss so soft and sweet, the total opposite of the words that came out of your mouth next, “Now, please fuck me before I lose my mind.” 

Of course he would, his mind and his cock couldn't hold back any longer. 

“Just. Let. Me. Take– Take these off.” He said between kisses as you wouldn't let go, insisting on keeping his lips on yours with your palms on his cheeks. 

Kiyoomi did his best to remove his jeans and underwear in one go without breaking the kiss, but in the end, he had to do so (albeit unwillingly), when the last of his clothes were on the floor and the two of you were completely naked, to say something he remembered at the last minute. 

“I don't have a condom.”

This was bad, unfortunately Kiyoomi didn't carry any with him right now. The only one he used to carry in his wallet (just in case), he ended up giving it to Atsumu two weeks ago at a party, since at the time, the twin needed more than he did. Now he regretted it. 

You looked at him for a moment, processing his words before saying, “I don't care if you don't care.” 

“Are you sure?” He asked, astonishment radiating from his face.

“Very sure.”

Kiyoomi gulped before nodding, nervous about what was coming next. 

He took his cock in his palm, giving himself a few gentle strokes before lining himself up with your entrance. Your hand went to the middle of your bodies to replace his hand with yours and he heard you gasp at the feel of his shaft. 

“God, how— Kiyoomi, are you telling me you're a virgin with a dick like this?”

Kiyoomi couldn't help but let out a laugh, this was one of the things he liked most about you, how you spoke your mind bluntly. 

“I guess so.”

“Well, I wanted you to put it in in one go. But I guess we'll have to go slow.” You teased, adjusting your hips as you continued to slowly stroke his dick. 

Kiyoomi moaned as he felt your wet entrance meeting his leaking tip. He already felt in heaven and he wasn't even inside you yet. 

He placed both of his arms beside your head, looking down at you as he slowly thrust his hips forward, moving deeper into you. Fuck, fuck, fuck. This felt so good. You felt so wet, so hot, so tight that he had to mentally beg his cock not to cum soon, he couldn't embarrass himself like that. 

He pressed his lips against your forehead, kissing casually as he heard you moan as you took him in. “Does it hurt?” He asked, still with half of his dick out of you. 

“A little.” You admitted and that worried Kiyoomi, who was about to pull out, but you spoke first. “But it feels so good, just keep going, it'll fade away.” 

He nodded and continued to enter you until he was completely inside you. He had to press his forehead against yours, closing his eyes for a moment at the new feeling he was experiencing. 

“How does it feel?” He heard you ask after a minute, your sweet voice filling the silence where only your breaths could be heard. 

“Too good. Fuck. I don't think I'll last long.” He admitted, somewhat embarrassed, but still eager for more. “Can I— fuck—can I move?”

“Yes, please.”

Slowly at first, he began to move his hips, enjoying the feel of your wet walls squeezing him. Kiyoomi couldn't believe he missed out on this pleasure for so long, but he was glad that the one he was experiencing it with for the first time was you. 

He looked down at you, paying attention to your face and appreciating your expressions with adoration radiating from his eyes. How you bit your lower lip, how you opened your lips slightly, how you closed your eyes, how you smiled when you made eye contact. 

You whispered in his ear to go faster, and without a second thought, he complied with your request. He slipped both of his arms under your armpits to hold on tighter and began to thrust so hard that even the bed began to hit the wall. Thank goodness there was a party going on downstairs and the sound of the bed along with the sound of your moans would not be heard by others. 

“Kiyoomi…” You moaned his name, sounding like an angel as you did. Your hands went behind his back, holding him tightly against you and he even felt your nails digging lightly into his skin. He couldn't resist bringing your lips together again, kissing you sloppily as he moved in and out of you. 

He felt you squeeze him as your moans increased before he brought one of his hands to the middle of your bodies, circling messily over your clit, bringing you to the edge. Your legs trembled and a cute moan left your mouth as you came. Kiyoomi also moaned against your lips, you squeezed him so deliciously that he was surprised he didn't explode at that moment, but he knew he wasn't far from it. 

“I'm going to…” The words were lost in his throat as he felt his own orgasm so close. He was panting like crazy, holding you tighter against him as he settled his head in the crook of your neck and his thrusts became more intense. 

“Don't pull out, please.” 

His common sense told him that was irresponsible, but his desire along with how sexy it was to hear you say those words were stronger, because when he least realized it, he was cumming inside you— and it felt good, too good. Nothing compared to the orgasms his hand had so far provided. God, he might get addicted to you after this. 

The room fell into a silence, where only your accelerated breathing and the music muffled by the door could be heard. You both refused to move for a few moments, enjoying the touch of your skin and the vital sounds of each other. 

The dim light slipping through the windows painted faint shadows on the walls, highlighting the way your bodies pressed together. Your skin against his was warm, electric, like a spark neither of you wanted to break. Time felt like it slowed, stretching out as you both stayed perfectly still, caught in the pull of the moment. He could feel your heartbeat under his touch, steady and grounding, blending into the quiet rhythm of your breaths.

“So, how was it?” You broke the silence, stroking his back with your fingertips. 

Kiyoomi couldn't help but let out a chuckle in the midst of his quickening breath, “Mind blowing.” 

“I agree.”

Kiyoomi propped himself up on his forearms, his eyes meeting your adorable face, and he couldn't help but smile softly. He leaned down to press a quick, gentle kiss to your lips before settling down beside you. With an easy, natural motion, he slid a hand to your waist, pulling you closer to him. Now, with your head resting on his chest, he held you with the kind of tenderness that made the moment feel too perfect to let go of.

As the quiet rhythm of his breathing filled the room, Kiyoomi looked down at you, nestled against his chest. He absentmindedly traced gentle circles on your back with his fingers, his mind lingering on the softness of the moment. The warmth of your presence and the steady rhythm of your breathing calmed him, but his mind refused to settle.

He couldn't stop replaying the events of the night—the way your presence had lit up the room, the way you spoke with such ease and authenticity, and how natural it felt to be by your side. For someone who usually kept people at a distance, you had somehow bypassed every barrier he'd carefully built.

The thought made his chest tighten, but not with unease. With something new. Something he wanted to hold onto.

He glanced down at you, his heart catching at the way your eyelashes fluttered as you blinked sleepily. He knew moments like this didn't come often—not for him. And he knew it— he wanted more. 

But would you want that, too?

The doubt lingered for only a second before he pushed it aside. Tonight had been proof enough that whatever this was, it was mutual. And if he didn't take a chance, he'd regret it.

Gathering his courage, he took a breath, his voice low and steady as he broke the silence.

“Hey.” He began, the faintest hint of shyness lacing his tone. “Do you have plans tomorrow?”

You smiled, your cheek still resting against his chest. “Not yet. Why?”

“I was thinking…” He hesitated for a beat, then pressed on. “Maybe we could go out. Just the two of us.”

Your eyebrows lifted slightly, a playful smile tugging at your lips. “Are you asking me on a date, Sakusa Kiyoomi?”

“Yeah.” He said. “I want to take you somewhere nice. Anywhere you want.”

You reached up to brush a strand of hair from his face. “I'd love that.”

His lips curved into a small, genuine smile, relief flickering across his expression. “Good. I'll make it worth your while.”

“You already are.”

spoiler: sakusa didn’t know it yet, but atsumu will actually be the best man a few years later.

[eregyrn-falls]

^^^^^^ !!!!!

There's so much I'd like to add but it would be carrying coals to Newcastle. Great post! (And a lot of great tag-rants in the notes, too.)

I did want to add one thought to this set of tags from @achromaticegoist, about the punch in particular.

It took me a long while to realize it, but not only is the punch reflective of a whole lot of things about Ford's state of mind on his arrival back through the portral... but, it also serves as some really interesting closure (and I'm not even sure the writers realized it).

In the episode, it's told out of order, so we see the punch FIRST. But later in the ep, when we see the fight that led to Ford going through the portal in the first place, what happens is that he and scan are scuffling, and there's that moment when Ford pushes Stan off with his foot and inadvertantly presses Stan against the glowing (apparently red-hot) symbol on the side of the control panel.

Stan screams in pain, of course. And immediately, Ford is suddenly worried, and contrite. He says, "Stanley! Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry! Are you alr-"

And Stan punches him in the face.

That punch is what sends Ford stumbling out into the portal room and falling against the activation lever; and landing inside the danger zone. Ford does get up, but before he gets a chance to say anything else, Stan shoves the journal into his chest, Ford begins to float, and the disaster unfolds from there.

We don't spend enough time thinking that, basically, from Ford's point of view (if he replayed those last moments over and over in his head, as he probably did), the last things that Stan did to him was: punch him in the face, and then shoving him into the portal. The latter was accidental (though disastrous); but the first kind of wasn't. Ford stopped fighting, switching to concern and apology. While Stan lashing out due to the pain is understandable, Stan's punch is what prevents the fight from being over.

Ford coming out of the portal 30 years later and immediately punching Stan in the face kind of creates a book-end with that earlier punch from Stan, doesn't it? Ford getting to hit back the way he didn't (wouldn't?) 30 years ago. (He stands up, but he just stands there angrily staring at and listening to Stan as he approaches. He doesn't try to leap at Stan again or try to wrestle him for the book, etc. Was Ford, effectively, done fighting the moment Stan got seriously hurt?)

As I said, I'm not sure the writers were thinking about that consciously. I don't remember hearing them comment about it (i.e. that Ford's punch was a mirror of the punch that Stan gave him 30 years prior). But I do like to look at what's written and think about it in terms of, these scenes are deliberately written, the way it goes and the details included are chosen, often at the end of a long process of collaboration. I think that what's chosen for the final version is always very interesting.

And I just don't often see people discuss that moment where Ford stops fighting, and immediately becomes worried and apologetic. Not least because, like... up to that point in the series, we haven't seen Stan be apologetic very often. A few times, yes! And it's always notable when he does it. It clashes with the exterior he presents to the world; the man for whom saying "Please" gives him physical pain, etc. Some of which is meant for laughs, too! And some of which is just the product of being hardened by experience and so on.

It tells us something, I think, that Stan truly getting hurt, and screaming in pain, is enough to end Ford's desire to fight. That even after 10+ years of estrangement, he's that ready to be concerned for Stan; and that he's that ready with an apology. Later reads of Ford (post-portal) will portray him as the man who won't say "thank you", and I have other thoughts and feelings about that. But getting back to this, it's the show's choice to have Ford stop their fight and make a slight turn towards a sort of reconciliation. When they could have easily just had him and Stan keep fighting and struggling and the portal turn on because of that. It's such an interesting writing decision; and I just don't hear people dig into what it means for the characters very often.

What's your stance on Ford as a person? Honestly, I believe that for thr majority of canon he is a bad person. But I believe he grew. Still not great though XD

(Love him anyways obvs)

I disagree entirely! I think he's equally as good a person as any of the other main cast.*

*Except Mabel, who, as we all know, is always right about everything.**

(**This is a lighthearted joke. For the love of god, I don't want Mabel discourse in my inbox.)

His biggest sins in the show:

After telling his brother that he was thinking about changing their shared life plans, and then discovering that his brother had gone to the high school that night for no good reason and gone to the science fair for no good reason and messed around near Ford's science project for no good reason and broke it and didn't tell Ford about it... Ford believed Stan did it intentionally and held a grudge for it. You know what, it WOULD be pretty damn hard to believe it was an accident.

Hilariously ill-equipped to cope with Fiddleford's mental health. A guy who responds to "I have anxiety" with "have you tried yoga, it helps me" isn't a bad person, he's clueless. "Character cheerfully enacts a bad idea while a loved one in the background goes NO PLEASE DON'T DO THAT" describes half the episodes of Gravity Falls.

Was successfully manipulated by a professional manipulator into believing his best friend wished him ill. Man, what a terrible person Ford is for being manipulated by a manipulator and saying cruel things to somebody he'd been genuinely convinced was trying to harm him.

??? Didn't say thanks to a guy he was still mad at after the guy fixed a problem he himself had caused. This is a solitary example of stubborn bad etiquette, jesus christ. There's half a dozen different reasons why it makes perfect sense Ford wasn't in the right mindset to feel grateful, this is not something worth indicting his entire character over.

He had high ambitions, which everyone seems to lambast him for, but high ambitions that wouldn't have required doing anybody harm! (Until the professional manipulator started manipulating him into harming the people around him, but we are going to demonstrate some reading comprehension and not blame Ford's underlying morality as a person for things he never would've done if not for Bill's bullying, con artistry, and outright lies.) Like, what is it that he wanted to do with his life? Use his talents to get rich and famous? Shit, that's exactly what Stan wanted to do with his life. It's what Dipper fantasizes about doing with his life. Even Mabel, who thinks about her long-term future the least, dreams big with her art & performances and is already making big money off cheap-ass commissions. What terrible people they all are, for—let me check my notes here—uhhh... unrealistically fantasizing about achieving success in life by doing the things they're good at.

When their dad accuses Stan of lying as a child, Ford puts his entire summer on the line to defend Stan even though he knows Stan is a habitual liar and has no reason to believe Stan is telling the truth this time.

When his new college roommate he barely even knows gets laughed at for proposing an outlandish scientific theory, his first emotion is outrage at this injustice and he drops everything to convince his already-despondent roommate that he was right and help him prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt.

When he moves to a new town, he tries again and again to befriend his new neighbors, and fails not because he's rude or a jerk, but because he's awkward as hell, tells terrible jokes, and sucks at identifying phoenixes.

When Fiddleford gets hurt around him, he cares about it, feels guilty about putting him in that position, doesn't want it to happen again, and tries his best to help even though he's bad at helping.

When he gets kidnapped by a weird holiday folklore creature, he concludes without even thinking about it that he's now in charge of protecting and rescuing the kidnapped kids. Yeah, then he immediately starts hollering at the folklore creature for trying to impose his religious beliefs on Ford and the kids—but like, Ford was right tho, he just had bad timing.

When he discovers that the Northwest family committed atrocities against their poorer neighbors a century ago, his first instinct is to march up to their house, find the first Northwest he can locate, and give them a piece of his mind for it. Like, this won't even FIX anything. He's just THAT OUTRAGED over the injustice.

When he sees what he thinks is a fortune telling fraud conning the people, he attempts to debunk her because he's mad to see someone cheating other people with lies—and when he can't debunk her, he just leaves her alone rather than harass her about it. Typically, if assholes think somebody's doing something wrong but don't have any proof of it and fail to get proof when they look, they decide they're right anyway and keep giving that person shit. Ford doesn't give her shit. That's the opposite of an asshole move.

When he discovers his Portal To Knowledge (And Fame & Fortune) is actually a Portal To Doom (But Still Possibly Fame & Fortune, Maybe Even Godly Power), he isn't tempted for a second to keep working on it anyway. There is no moment where Bill manages to tempt him. No matter what Bill offers, no matter how long Bill offers, never, at ANY point, does Ford have a SECOND of "but what if I did make a deal with the devil?" the way so many heroes in similar situations often do.

You ever notice that? So often moral moments in the show are presented as choices the characters make. Will or won't Dipper give Bill a "puppet" in exchange for knowledge. Will or won't Stan fight a pterodactyl to protect Mabel's pig. Will or won't Mabel hand Bipper the journal. Ford is never given a "will or won't he" moment over Bill's threats, offers of friendship, or offers of infinite power—he steamrolls straight past them without a second of consideration—because, to him, the selfish, cowardly, easy choice ISN'T EVEN AN OPTION. He doesn't even SEE it as making a choice because the possibility of doing the wrong thing is invisible. A character who wavers first before turning Bill down would look more noble for "overcoming" temptation—it's harder to notice just how much stronger Ford's moral compass must be to not even feel temptation in the first place.

Greed and pride never tempt him to join Bill's side. Exhaustion, despair, and fear never tempt him to give up. He bears up under weeks, possibly months of extreme sleep deprivation, physical torture, psychological torture, emotional torture, threats of death, threats of brainwashing, threats to his family. He doesn't hold up so that he can pat himself on the back for being a hero—if that was all it was he would've gone "screw it, this isn't worth it and nobody would know I'm the one who gave up" a week in—he does it because he simply knows it must be done and because he's so isolated (half because of Bill's influence!) that he believes he's the one who must do it, all alone.

Thinking he has to do it by himself isn't egotism or pride; it's helplessness. He thinks no one else stands a chance. He thinks he's alone.

And, when he discovers his Portal To Knowledge is a Portal To Doom, he immediately feels guilty. No trying to deny the situation to protect his ego. No shuffling the blame off to someone else. No "maybe the apocalypse could have a silver lining!" No locking the door and trying to ignore the problem. He blames himself for being fooled—he IMMEDIATELY takes full responsibility for his actions—and he CONTINUES to take responsibility FOR THE NEXT THIRTY YEARS.

He takes more responsibility than is even warranted—he treats himself like he's an idiot for believing in an APPARENT GOD who's been practicing manipulating humans for thousands of years and who had never given Ford reason to believe the portal was anything but what Bill said it was. He beats himself up to no end every single time his past with Bill comes up. He even keeps beating himself up thirty years later when he's shoving warning notes to future readers in Bill's evil unkillable book!

When he falls into the multiverse, he dedicates his entire life NOT to finding a way to rescue himself, but to finding a way to permanently stop the CHAOS GOD who's still at the threshold of destroying Ford's world and countless others. He makes himself a hated criminal in the process, just to stop Bill. He's ready to spend the rest of his life trying to protect a world he doesn't think he'll ever see again. He does it because, as he sees it, somebody has to stand in between the children and the obnoxious folklore cryptid menacing them, and he's the only adult in this damn cave with the skills and knowledge for the job.

When he gets home, he doesn't tell his family about Bill and his quest because he's afraid that doing so will get them involved and endanger them too—and because he's too deeply ashamed of himself and his mistakes to stand the thought of his family knowing about the horrible things he's done (AGAIN, WHILE BEING MANIPULATED BY THE GOD OF MANIPULATION).

He loves his great-niece and great-nephew the second he lays eyes on them; he nevertheless tries to steer away from them to keep them safe from Bill; and yet he caves to the very first temptation to emotionally bond with his great-nephew he gets, because in spite of his noble "keep them safe" intentions, he wants so so badly to be close to his family.

As pissed as he still is at Stan and even though neither of them can look at each other without hissing like cats, he still makes an attempt to start bridging their divide by inviting him to play DD&MD.

When the apocalypse happens, he immediately puts his life on the line to try to kill Bill.

And when he's captured, isn't fazed for a second by Bill's offers or threats... until his family is threatened. The exact thing he'd been trying to avoid & prevent from the very start.

And when he's reunited with Fiddleford, his immediate reaction is to point out that Fiddleford's well within his rights to hate him—which isn't a new revelation, it's not like Ford had to do any soul-searching to reach this conclusion, he'd concluded that 30 years ago the instant he realized Bill had played him and that he'd been lied to about Fiddleford.

And then he tries to kill Bill again.

And then he's ready to sacrifice his own life to kill Bill—and the only reason he doesn't is because he has a metal plate preventing him from making the sacrifice... but, Stan doesn't have a plate. If Ford hadn't had the metal plate, he would have gladly done the exact same thing Stan did—and he would have thought it was right for him and only him to make that sacrifice, because it's VERY clear he feels (and has felt from the start) that this is all his fault and he's obligated to fix it.

Over and over and over, these are Ford's two defining character traits: getting so pissed off at injustice that his common sense shuts off and he goes into terminator mode until he's righted this wrong as best he can, even when he can't actually do anything about it; and feeling like he's Atlas, weighed down with the full responsibility of fixing everything he's done wrong and made to believe that, for everyone else's sake, he has to do it all alone. Even when doing so puts himself in harm's way, even when he has to put his entire life on hold for it, even if it might cost him his life. Scrape off his awkward social skills, his loneliness, his nerdiness, his endless curiosity, his zealous love of the strange, his starry ambitions, his yearning for recognition and success—scrape his personality down to the bone and that's what you're left with. A man who believes in defending the exploited so strongly that it makes him a little stupid.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume that you probably don't think Stan's fundamentally a bad person, and that you probably think that isn't even worth questioning. Stan's made a whole career out of swindling people, conning them out of as much money as he possibly can, stealing, lying, committing a long list of goofily-named crimes, and attempting douchy pick-up artistry on women; and to cap it all off, he held the safety of the entire universe hostage to demand a goddamn "thank you." Don't send me any "But he had reasons—" "But it was only to—" I don't need it, I don't want the essay, I'm not arguing that Stan's a bad guy, it's fine.

But. You can look at Stan's moments of cruelty and unkindness, his uncharitable thoughts, his character flaws, and think, "that doesn't define him. He's more than his cruelest moments and worst mistakes. He's imperfect, but he cares so much and his heart's in the right place, and beneath all the flaws his core is good."

And if you can't do the same for Ford, it's not because he's a worse person. It's because we got two seasons with Stan and five and a half episodes with Ford—and while we saw Stan yearning to fish with the kids or encouraging Mabel to whoop Pacifica's butt at minigolf or crying over a black and white period drama or punching zombies to save his family, we only saw Ford at the worst moments in his life and under the stress of a prolonged apocalyptic crisis—and, it so happens, all the moments he was pissed at the guy we spent two seasons learning to love.

Ford's got moments of cruelty and unkindness, uncharitable thoughts, and character flaws. But, at his core, he's a good person, and he always has been, and he still is.

[cirqyt]

2021 / 9 / 17

[m-neuvillette]

Defender

Oliver Aiku x fem reader

Word count: around 5,000

Notes: female reader, implied to be shorter than him, swearing, sexual innuendos, mean comments, protective Oliver

Author notes: Heyyyyy two posts in one day? You know it. But anyways I have been so down bad for this guy since I've read the manga. Now that he's being animated only makes it worse haha. Also sorry I didn't really describe the game, I played hockey for 10 years and don't actually know much about soccer. Anyways I hope you enjoy. Feel free to like, comment, and follow!! Also enjoy this pic of him.

A soft light comes in through the blinds which causes you to wake up from your slumber. You blink a couple times to get use to the newfound light in the room then turn your head to see what time it is. Your alarm clock says it is 6:45 which makes you peer down to see a mix of blue and green fluffy hair laying on your chest. 

Today is your first time that you will be going to Oliver’s game as his girlfriend. It still blows your mind that you are dating THE Oliver Aiku, lying in HIS bed cuddling with him, in HIS apartment. You are a little nervous though because you know how crazy his fanbase is and how obsessed they are with him. You get it because he is a great soccer player, very funny, and very handsome. But you’ve seen the stuff they say about him and how many women try to get with him.

But enough thinking about that, it is a big day. Oliver has not stopped talking about it since he got his game schedule for the season. You look at the alarm clock again to see it say 6:50. You two set the alarm for 7, so he still has some more time to get sleep. 

You decide to run your hands through his hair to pass the time. It is unfair though how soft his hair is. He takes about a 7-minute max shower unless you’re in there with him but still how does he get it so soft? You check the clock one more time to see that it is about to start going off with the alarm, so you untangle your hands from his hair to turn it off.

You twist a little bit to get out of Oliver’s hold so you can turn the alarm off, but you hear a groan, and two strong arms wrap you up again and pull you back. He goes to cuddle in-between your neck and shoulder planting light kisses on your neck. You giggle because his stubble and light kisses are making you ticklish. 

“Oliver baby, you gotta get up.” You say between giggles trying to push him off of you. 

“Don’t wanna. Don’t wanna stop cuddling.” He rasps out, holding you even tighter. 

“Oliver. You have a game today and I am going. Remember?” He shoots up to hover above you and stares at you a second before jumping up out of bed and yelling, “THE GAME IS TODAY!!! COME ON GET UP!! LET’S GET READY.”  As he is pulling your arm to get you out of bed. 

“Hey, I was the one that told you to get up first.” You grumbled as you get out of bed thanks to Oliver pulling you out of it. You both walk into the bathroom to get ready. You both brush your teeth then Oliver quickly walks out of the bathroom not saying a thing. You brush it off to him doing a pregame routine you didn’t know about. You and Oliver didn’t get together until right after his season ended and you went to his games but again you weren’t together, so you didn’t know if he had a routine. 

Just as you were about to start getting your hair ready Oliver came back into the bathroom with his jersey from last season in his hand. He came up to set the jersey by you and told you to wear it then gave you a kiss on the cheek then walked out of the bathroom again. 

You stood there shocked but ultimately happy. You didn’t know what you were going to wear but he solved your problem, which you are very thankful for. You decide to get dressed before continuing getting ready. You walk back out to see Oliver dressed up super nicely. He is wearing a white button up with the first couple buttons unbuttoned then a pair of black dress pants.

He turns to you giving a smile, “I’ll make us some breakfast. Take your time getting ready.” Then he walks out of his room to the kitchen. You walk to the closet then start digging for your black skirt. Once you found it you get dressed. You tuck the jersey a bit into the skirt because his jersey is so big on you. 

You walk into the bathroom to finish getting ready. You decide to keep your hair simple so you can still see his last name. You then start putting on your makeup, just as you’re finishing up putting your mascara on you hear Oliver calling for you. You put all your makeup away then head to the kitchen. 

He kept it simple with some yogurt bowls filled with your guys’ favorite toppings. You two sit down and eat while you ask questions about the game. He answers all your questions, explaining everything simply so you can understand. Once you guys finish you grab the dishes and go to wash them. Oliver walks back into his room saying he needs to grab something. 

You finish up the dishes then go put on your pair of converse. You end up looking at yourself in the hallway mirror Oliver has close to his front door. You hear Oliver’s loud footsteps coming towards you indicating he put on his dress shoes. You’re exciting to see him all dressed up because he barely ever dresses up. But whenever he does, he looks incredibly handsome. 

He comes up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist and makes eye contact with you in the mirror. “You look better in that jersey than I do. But I have something to make your look even better.” Oliver release one of his arms from around your waist to reach into his pocket to grab a necklace case and holds it out to you. “Go ahead love, open it.”

You grab the necklace case and open it up to see an expensive silver necklace with a number 2 charm on it. You look up to meet his eyes in the mirror and start to freak out, “Oh my god, Oliver this is beautiful. This looks so expensive though, are you sure- “

Oliver quickly cuts you off, “Don’t you start with that. I got it for you to show you my appreciation. We may have only been dating for a couple months but even when we were friends you have supported me so much. Now that you’re my girlfriend I want to show you off.” He goes to grab the necklace from the case then throws the case on the ground so he can put the necklace on you.

You move your hair out of the way so he can easily put it on. Oliver tells you he’s all done and you let go of your hair so you can look at the necklace. You turn around and wrap your arms around his neck and he quickly wraps his arms around your waist, “Thank you for the necklace, Oliver, it’s truly beautiful.” You then pull him down so you can give him a kiss, he eagerly returns it while tightening his grip on your waist. 

You pull away and he follows your lips. “Sorry baby we gotta go so we can pick up Sendou and Aoi. But hey Oliver, we should take a photo. In honor of your first game of us being a couple.” 

Oliver quickly agrees and says you should do a mirror selfie. He pulls out his phone from his other pocket then spins you around and wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you towards him. You wrap an arm around his back then place one on his chest and kick your leg up. You smile at the mirror as he puts up his to take the photo. He takes a couple then lowers his hand to your butt and grabs it. You look up at him and he leans down to kiss you while getting a couple photos of you while in that position. 

You guys separate and decide it is time to head out to pick up Sendou and his girlfriend. Oliver goes to grab his keys, and you go to grab your purse. Oliver then leads you to the parking garage where his car is parked. Oliver opens your door to let you get in, once you’re in he closes the door and walks around to his side to hop in. Once he’s buckled his put the car in reverse and puts one hand behind your seat sending you a wink and continues to back out of his spot. 

Once you guys are on your way to Sendou’s apartment you start getting a little more nervous. You and Oliver haven’t made your relationship public because of his fangirls and the press. Also, you don’t know how people would even react to the news that the womanizer captain of the U-20 Japan National team in a relationship with a nobody. You start to bounce your leg due to nerves, Oliver seems to notice and put his hand on your thigh. 

“Now what’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”

You quickly dismiss him, “It’s nothing don’t worry.” Oliver pulls up to Sendou’s apartment and parks. He sends him a quick text then turns his full attention to you. He grabs your chin to have you face him. “You’re nervous. Is it about this being your first game as my girlfriend? Because if it is don’t worry. I don’t care if people find out. I will defend and protect you against everyone. Just enjoy yourself today, okay?”

Oliver really knows how to comfort you he really made you calm down. You give him a smile and say, “Okay, I promise I’ll enjoy the game today. I am really excited though.” He leans in to give you a quick kiss and smile, “I am even more excited, trust me.” 

You then hear the back door of the car open and see Sendou and his girlfriend slide in. You turn to them, “Hi Sendou, hi Aoi. How are you guys?” Oliver drives away once they are buckled then Aoi responds. “Hey! We are good. Excited for another season of watching these guys. Now since Oliver finally made you his girlfriend, I can watch the games with my bestie in the close people private box.” 

Oliver quickly responds, “Just so you know I invited her to watch the games in the private box but since her bestie said everyone brings their girlfriends there, she got nervous so always declined.” 

Aoi gasps your name, “Is this true?!?!” 

“Oliver, you jerk.” He smirks at you and gives you a wink before focusing on the road again. “But yeah, didn’t want Oliver to get dragged into random shit with press. He doesn’t need that. Let’s leave that in the past now, I’ll be there now and hopefully for a long time.”  Sendou finally pitches into the conversation, “I don’t think he will break up with you ever. Dude is down bad for you. If he does break up with you, he is a dick, and I’ll kick his ass.”

Oliver glares at him through the rearview mirror but then quickly looks at you, “Yeah, you’ll be there till I am done playing soccer. Never going to break up with you baby. Plus, Sendou I’d kick your ass no matter the fight.”

Sendou goes to refute the claim, but Aoi puts an arm on him and shakes her head, “Don’t even try. We all know he’d beat you. I love you but Oliver is much stronger than you and can literally fight.” Everyone breaks up into laugher besides Sendou who is now pouting with his arms crossed staring out the window. 

After a couple more minutes of light conversation Oliver pulls up to the stadium. Once he’s parked everyone gets out of the car and heads to the entrance. Oliver and Sendou have to go a different way to get to the locker room, so you have to part ways outside. Sendou drags Aoi away to say goodbye. 

Oliver just turns to face you and pulls you into a tight hug. Being this close to him you can smell his rich cologne which makes you cuddle deeper into him. He holds you a bit longer until loosens his grip a bit to be able to look at you. He leans down to connect your foreheads and stares deep into your eyes. You decide to talk first, “Good luck Oliver, you’ll do great I know it. I can’t wait to watch you.” 

Oliver smiles, “Thank you my love.” You guys stare at each other a little longer until you two hear Sendou calling for Oliver. Oliver sighs and closes the gap and gives you a deep kiss. He pulls back a bit to look at you again, “I’ll see you later. I’ll come and get you from the box after the game so stay there.” 

You nod, “Got it, I’ll see you later. I love you.”  “I love you more.” He gives you a quick forehead kiss then jogs over to Sendou to walk in. Aoi then walks up to you asking if you’re ready to head in. You shake your head and follow her. As you guys are walking you two can tell Oliver and Sendou got to the press and fans because you can hear all the cheers of their names. 

You didn’t realize how long the walk was until you get to the box. Aoi turns to you and asks, “Are you nervous?” 

You shake your head and look away, “Yeah. They pan the camera to the box often, so I don’t know how people are going to react. I just don’t want to get made fun of or have Oliver get hate. But Oliver already told me he would protect me from anything that happens, and I know he will. Just can’t fully shake the nerves you know?”

Aoi looks at you with an understanding expression, “I completely get it. Oliver’s whole womanizer personality doesn’t help. But people should be happy he’s settling down. If they judge that’s their problem and they are just jealous. Just so you know all the guys and the girlfriends you’ll meet today will stand by you two. So don’t worry and just enjoy the game!”

“I will!!” More of Oliver’s teammates girlfriends are coming into the private box. Aoi takes the time to introduce you to all of them to make you feel more comfortable. You all get into conversations then you start to hear everyone cheering indicating that the teams are walking out to the field. You and all the girls walk to sit down to start watching the game. 

You see the U-20 team start to walk out seeing Oliver lead them. Your heart swells full of pride because you are so happy for him. He is so dedicated to this sport and team. Seeing him lead them is such an incredible thing for you. You pull out your phone to take some pictures. 

They do the anthem then go to midfield to talk to the refs. You snap more pictures because this is just so exciting. Your phone is going to be filled with many pictures of the game. You hear the whistle which then indicates the game is beginning. 

The game is intense and a close match up. Both teams are playing well but national team is getting more chances to score. The first half is really keeping everyone one on the edge of their seats. Oliver has been playing great! He has been stopping a lot of plays and have even stopped a couple of goals. You are so proud of him. The whistle blows indicating its half time. You see the teams walk back off the field to their respective locker rooms. 

You turn to Aoi and decide to get some food that has been provided to the box. As you guys eat you two talk about the game and start to say how you two are curious on how the second half is going to play out. The game is tied right now, whoever scores first is going to set the pace for the rest of the game. 

You and Aoi try more foods that are offered then once again hear the cheers of the crowd indicating that they are coming back to the field. Both teams get set up again, then the whistle goes off. Hopefully they score in the second half. 

Japan had multiple chances to score but couldn’t get the ball in the net. There is only a minute left and the other team’s offense breaks most of the defensive line leaving just Oliver and the goalkeeper. Oliver recognizes the play the ball carrier is going to make and runs to intercept the pass. Once Oliver stops it everyone cheers loudly. There is only a minute left so Oliver sends the ball up field to Sendou to handle the rest. 

Sendou receives the pass from Oliver, then lets off a hard shot which ends up going in. The crowd roars while the whistle goes off indicating the end of the game. You and Aoi turn to each other cheering and give each other a big hug to celebrate. You both turn your attention to the field. 

That’s where you see Oliver and Sendou running to each other to celebrate the win. After their hug and pats they turn to the box and wave to you two. You and Aoi wave back. You decide to blow Oliver a kiss which he catches and holds close to his heart. You are so in love with this man. 

The teams shake hands then walk off the field. You and Aoi stay in the box while the other girlfriends leave. Aoi tells you how her parents are picking her and Sendou up so they can go out to dinner together. They are going to a new restaurant you have been wanting to try so you tell her to let you know how it is. 

You then feel something placing itself on your head and then you hear a deep voice “Let you know what?” 

You turn to see Oliver smiling down at you and you launch yourself at him. He catches you easily while letting out a deep laugh. “Oliver, you did great!! That last play was INCREDIBLE!! I am so proud of you.” 

He holds you tighter, “Thank you baby. I am glad you were here watching.”

Sendou walks in and tells Aoi that they should leave so they don’t keep her parents waiting. You all say bye to each other then you turn your attention back to Oliver, who is already looking at you. “Finally, they are gone so I can do this.” 

He grabs the back of your head and pulls you into a deep bruising kiss. Oliver pushes his tongue past your lips to connect with yours. You follow his lead letting your tongues dance together. You guys keep going but before it gets heavier, you sadly have to breathe so you two separate.  Oliver connects your foreheads again while you two take heavy breathes, “Man I have been waiting to do that since you blew me that kiss.” 

You giggle and give him a little peck and quickly pull away. You reach your hands up to hold his face, “Well you definitely deserved that kiss as a reward after the game you played.”

“Do I get another reward?” Oliver asks as he reached down to squeeze your butt with both of his hands. 

“I’ll give you one later tonight.” He cheers as you give you a forehead kiss. Oliver takes your hand to lead you back to the car. He takes a different way than Aoi took you so maybe this is a quicker way. 

He leads you down this long hallway, he opens the door at the end of it. You hear him curse under his breath and you try to peek around him to see what is going on, but he tries to keep you behind him. He turns his head slightly, “Baby hold tight onto my hand and don’t let go. Keep your head down till we get to the car, okay? I don’t want the press to overwhelm you.”  You nod and hold onto his hand tighter. Oliver pulls you past the door and starts walking fast. It is hard to keep up with him because he is so tall, so one of his steps are equal to four of yours. 

The press is getting in his face asking him questions like, “Is this your girlfriend?” “Is this the person you were waving to?” “What does she do for a living?” 

Then you hear his fangirls say, “Oliver she is so ugly, why are you dating her?” “Oliver break up with her and date me!” “Why would you date a nobody?” 

Those comments hurt, Oliver is getting mad, and you can tell because his grip is getting tighter. You are trying so hard not to cry and focus on keeping up with Oliver, but it is getting harder. He is walking too fast and you’re too stuck in your head due to the comments everyone is saying. 

The press ends up getting in between you too and cutting off your grip. You get pushed back by the press separating you and Oliver more. You can’t see him because all the cameras and press are too tall and bulky to see through. So, you try to call out to him. 

Oliver is looking for you, but he can’t see you because you are so much shorter than the damn press. He hears you call out to him, so he looks in the direction he heard you. He sees the press shove you out of the way making you almost fall and tell you to shut up and that made him see red. 

Oliver loudly yells “Get the fuck out of my face and way.” He pushes through the press to get to you. He sees you almost in tears and it breaks his heart. Once he gets to you, he grabs your hand again and starts walking to the car again. He pushes the press out of the way. One of the press decided to really push his buttons, “Oliver there is no reason to push us, we just want some answers.” 

Oliver snaps his neck to look at the guy who had the audacity to tell him that, “Yes there is. You fucking pushed my girlfriend, told her to shut up, say all these mean things about her, and shove shit in her face. I am not going to answer your questions or be nice to you guys if you cannot respect me and my privacy. All I want is to go home with my girlfriend to relax after a very tough game. So, I am going to say this once. Get out of our way right now.”

You have never seen Oliver so mad, but it warms your heart that he is so protective over you. You two start to walk again until that press guy decides to open his mouth again, “We just want to know if the womanizer Oliver has settled down or this is just a random fling.” Oh, that guy definitely made the wrong move. 

You are shocked Oliver did not snap his neck with how quick he looked at the press again. “What the fuck did I just say? I am not answering your guys’ questions.”

“Oh, so she is a fling?” 

“She is not a fling. She is my girlfriend that I love with all my heart and I have plans to be with her the rest of my life. I want all my fans to respect that and if you don’t then I don’t consider you my fan or want you as my fan. Now that you have your answer get the hell out of our way!” 

You two finally get pass the press and into his car, he quickly reverses and drives away. The car ride is dead silent on the way back. Your phone goes off and you see Aoi texted you. 

Are you okay? We saw the news. 

Yeah, I am okay. Oliver isn’t getting in trouble or hated on, right? No. Everyone is on his side, what they did to you two was unacceptable. I am so sorry that happened. 

It’s okay, I am just glad he was there. 

Me too. How is he now?

He still is really mad. We haven’t spoken the entire car ride, but I get it. I want him to calm down. He also went through a lot especially after a game. 

Makes sense. I’ll talk to you later. I am glad you are okay. 

Once you send her a talk to you later text you Oliver pulled into the parking garage of his apartment. He parked and got out of the car and walked over to your side. He opened the door and held out his hand. You give him your hand and helped you out of the car. His grip on your hand is much lighter now compared to how he was holding it during the whole situation. 

The walk back to his apartment is still quiet. You two walk into his apartment, drop off the keys, your purse then go to take off your shoes. Oliver then takes your hand and leads you to his bedroom. He sits on the edge of the bed and brings you to stand between his knees. 

He looks up to you with such a sad look in his eyes and it breaks your heart you start to cry not being able to look at him, “Oliver, I am so sorry. I didn’t know they would separate us; I am sorry I let go of your hand.”

“Baby look at me.” He puts his hand on your cheek to have you look at him, “This is not your fault at all. They pushed you and separated us. They also said mean things to you and about you, that is not your fault at all. They were rude for no reason, and I am sorry you had to go through that. I promise you won’t have to go through something like that.” 

“Oliver, it’s not your fault. You did not expect that and like you said they are the ones that were rude. You stood up for me and I cannot be more thankful for that. You have such a good heart, and I am so lucky that I can call you my boyfriend. Plus, Aoi told me everyone is defending you and dragging those people through the dirt.” 

“Well, I am relieved to hear people aren’t dragging me through the dirt for that. But it is me who is lucky that you are my girlfriend.” He wraps his arms tightly around you and pulls you back to lay on top of him on his bed. “I love you so much.” “I love you so much too Oliver. Also, I have plans to be with you the rest of my life as well.” You feel him smile against you and kiss your forehead. You two stay like that a little bit still calming down from the situation. You start to feel sleepy, but you have an idea to cheer you and Oliver up. You push yourself off of him and head to the bathroom. 

Oliver looks distressed, “Where are you going? We were in the middle of cuddling.”

You look back at him, “Oh so you don’t want your other prize? Well, I guess you don’t have to join me in the shower.”

Oliver pops up off the bed, “No no, I’m coming.” He then pushes you into the bathroom, “Let me show you how much I love you.” If there is one thing you realized today; Oliver ALWAYS stick to his word.

[love-and-deepspace-polycule]

As usual: I am posting my poly relationship headcannons. I include MC, but I don't give many (if any) headcannons for MC due to the nature of the game being MC=you. These are just silly HC I thought of randomly. Hopefully you enjoy? I do occasionally swear in my Headcannons or make minor pop culture references. I also don't consider gender when using a gendered descriptor to get a silly point across (for example, Sylus is a wine Aunt. Aunt refers to a female individual, but used to portray a stereotype even though referring to a man). I think that really covers my headcannon style. I am also an adult so I will in the future post adult content and I will block ageless accounts and under 18 accounts.

Cooking and food related HC:

Zayne:

- For breakfast he usually just has a coffee, most days he works he is on the go and just needs something to keep him going. His coffee will be very simple with usually just a little bit of sugar to cut the bitterness.

- He always preaches having breakfast, but will almost never have breakfast in his own practice. When he does eat it's usually something light, but still high in protein to keep himself feeling full like yogurt. Since he is usually awake first (Sylus is often awake too due to the insomnia. He will sometimes find Sylus in the kitchen pouring himself a glass of wine.)

- he doesn't want to make a lot of noise and wake up the others, so he doesn't cook a lot if it's just him, instead opting for options that don't require pots and pans or any other loud cookware. The few times he has a later start to work and will catch Xavier and MC getting up and ready for work he will take that extra time in the morning to cook a simple meal for them to make sure they get the proper nutrients for their very physically demanding job.

- He is a decent cook. What he makes is always very well thought out for the needs of the whole group as far as nutrition goes, but sometimes that can leave something to be desired in regard to variety and flavor. He is a "by the book" kinda cook. Not much of an experimenter. His food is usually a 6-7/10. Not too bad.

- He will sometimes bring Sylus some food if he hasn't seen him in a while cooped up in his office.

- Prefers a sweet breakfast over a savory breakfast.

- When he does get a day off, he doesn't usually sleep in too much because he doesn't want to ruin his sleep schedule, so he usually is still one of the first people awake and will sometimes make breakfast for everyone.

- He's not a very picky eater except for a few items he refuses to eat.

- Lunch? What lunch? He usually doesn't eat lunch if he is busy, or just something quick from the hospital cafeteria. Sometimes Rafayel will make him a lunch the night before for him to take to work usually considering of leftovers from the dinner before or something simple.

- Zayne is usually the go-to guy to grab last minute groceries. Either because of his work schedule getting off right before dinner time (if he doesn't have to pull extra hours), or the hospital being closer to a grocery store than wherever Xavier and MC might be stationed. Plus Zayne would probably be the only one who could remember a grocery list and not forget anything.

- He is not usually the one to cook dinner, but he is definitely the one who helps clean up. This man is dish daddy for sure (probably another nickname given by Rafayel).

- Usually just has a glass of water with dinner. Sometimes if a special occasion he will have a glass of wine or champagne.

- He's sits at one of the ends of the table. Not for any particular reason but the other s just naturally sat where they sat.

Xavier:

- forgets to eat, or rather he would rather sleep in than take extra time to eat breakfast. If there is an "on the go" food option available he MIGHT grab something.

- Energy drink guy

- Knows how to cook well enough to not eat anything raw or burnt because of sheer amount of years he has been alive, but he doesn't like to cook and very much has the attitude of "eat to live" not really caring what his food tastes like.

- When presented with good tasting food, he will always compliment it and say that it tastes good but will still never put any effort into his own cooking if he is just feeding himself. If he is making food for someone else he will try and put effort into it but he doesn't cook very often and will sometimes over, or under season the food. Because of this he is also a "by the book" type of cook when he actually tries to cook things for others. He still somehow ends up over seasoning or under seasoning something.

- The only time he will burn something is when he forgets he's cooking something.

- He loves when Zayne cooks breakfast for him. Has no preference for savory or sweet breakfast.

- Not that picky of an eater.

- Although I do feel like he would have an allergy to something simple like peanuts, or maybe he is lactose intolerant. I don't know I just get that vibe. Although I feel like it would be a minor enough allergy to where he would still eat that food because he just doesn't care enough to ask. He will sleep it off anyway. I'm convinced nobody in the house knows he has an allergy simply because he does not care that he has one. Zayne would be the first to find out for sure. Zayne: "Really? You didn't tell anyone?" Xavier: "I didn't think it really mattered."

- Lunch is very 50/50 much like Zayne it is really dependent on if he is busy or not whether he has lunch or not.

- He usually isn't home to help prep dinner so he usually will help clear the table and clean up everything after dinner.

- Usually we'll have light beer or water with dinner.

- Xavier, its on one of the long sides of the table with MC opposite of the kitchen. This is mostly so key is out of the way of Rafayel placing the food down on the table.

Rafayel:

- Usually makes his own breakfast since he is on his own independent work schedule. He usually kills the last of the coffee in the coffee pot. A decent amount of creme and sugar. Probably the one to convince the group to get a whole coffee bar with all the bells and whistles. Ends up using it the least, but Sylus uses it the most and loves it. If I knew more about coffee I would tell you his order, but unfortunately I don't know anything about it. He likes the flavors though like vanilla or caramel.

- he will usually have a mix of a sweet and savory breakfast, but nothing too heavy.

- Sometimes if he has a meeting with Thomas, he will have Thomas come to the studio and bring him a Latte and a muffin. If he can make Thomas do his errands for him he will. This includes breakfast.

- He sometimes skips out on lunch, especially if he is particularly invested in a painting. Either because he has found inspiration and can't seem to bare the thought of stopping painting, or because he is stuck in a block and has been using all his extra mental energy on this piece, to the point of being unable to focus on eating.

- if he does eat lunch it will either be something he ordered for delivery or something he might already have at the studio. He doesn't really want to leave the studio while he is trying to work on his newest painting.

- When it's his turn to cook dinner, he will constantly forget what ingredients he needs. Very experimental with cooking and will think of a bunch of last minute groceries that he promptly texts Zayne to pick up on his way home. All in separate texts at vastly different times.

- Makes THE BEST tacos.

- Usually uses any leftover food to make quick lunches for everyone for the next day.

- Champagne with dinner? Maybe just water? I don't know he seems like a mixed bag, really just drinking whatever suits the meal best. Low-key the bartender for the group. So he will sometimes make everyone drinks that go well with whatever dish he and Sylus have whipped up. This isn't with every meal, but it is especially so if it is something new that they are trying. Or will take inspiration from a recipe that says it pairs well with a certain drink. Probably ooc, but I vibe with this Rafayel.

- Rafayel side on the long side of the table closest to the kitchen. This is usually because he is helping bring food to the table when it's done cooking. He has the most space to place the dinner spread.

Sylus:

- forgets to eat. Breakfast is a state of mind. This guy will never know what time it is and will eat whatever he feels like eating at any given time of day, or rather WHEN he has time. He genuinely does not have any sort of food schedule due to the nature of his "work" as well as his insomnia. This man will have a steak at 4am because he doesn't have any perception of breakfast, lunch, and dinner. This poor man need a schedule and some melatonin.

- It's 5:00 somewhere... Will have a glass of wine for breakfast, Bourbon for lunch, Whiskey for dinner. Quite literally has no sense of meals. Period. The only thing keeping this man from scurvy is Zayne and any formal dinner events he has to attend to keep up appearances as the leader of Onychinous. Those are probably the only real meals he makes time for as well.

- He always makes sure to eat lots of protein when he does eat.

- How is this man simultaneously the busiest and also has no schedule? I don't know, but it's really messing with his sleep and diet. Really only eats one meal a day. Started having "family dinners" to force him to keep a schedule and spend time with his partners. Usually tired off his ass though.

- "I'm going to wrap up this meeting here, I have an important dinner to attend that I cannot be late for." He will literally end meetings on the spot to make dinner time regardless of the meetings importance. All of his 'business partners' are always too afraid to get on his bad side to question Sylus... It's taco Tuesday.

- He is a decent cook but doesn't ever have time to cook. Prefers a savory breakfast but he does love when he gets a sweet breakfast from Zayne. It's a nice change from his usual heavy protein meat dishes.

- Will also sometimes cook breakfast with Rafayel if he is not busy and if he hasn't eaten anything in a while.

- When he does get a free chance he likes to cook with the others as a way to spend time together, this is usually everyone's dinner time. Sylus and Rafayel will spend the evening cooking together and setting up for dinner while waiting for the others to get off of work.

- Wine Aunt

- Sylus sits on the opposite end of the table as Zayne. He has the longest reach and can pass dishes and food around easily from this side.

General:

- Rafayel and Sylus are the main dinner cooks, Zayne does dishes, MC dries dishes and put them away, Xavier puts away leftovers and cleans up the table.

- Dinner is really the only time everyone might be able to have a meal together. If Zayne, Xavier, and MC all get off at their regular scheduled hours it's a good day and a guaranteed family dinner.

- seating chart Rafayel gets the long end closest to the kitchen Sylus gets the short end to Rafayels left, Xavier and MC on the other long side, then Zayne on the far short side.

[faiell]

yapping about fics and commenting

sorry to yap but work is boring today and tumblr isn't blocked on my work computer LOL

ok it's abt that post where the writer friend stopped writing because they weren't getting the comments/kudos they wanted.

i'm like. an overeager fandom person. like i cannot get into a fandom without wanting to meet new people and make friends. i love yapping about whatever silly gay idiots i'm hyperfixating over. i'm all about community, and sharing the joy of fandom, and all that fun positive stuff.

i don't post my art for stats but like. that means nothing coming from me tbh. i get stats. i can't accurately predict what would happen if i stopped getting notes on my art, but i would probably keep drawing and keep posting, just maybe less confidently, and less often. i recognize that stats make it much easier and while it’s not my primary motivation, it definitely motivates me to keep posting.

and yet. for years, i never commented on fic. i think i left kudos? and i saw posts like this all the time about how writers were so sad they didn't get comments. and i would feel super guilty about it all the time. but i still wouldn't do it! it sounds stupid, but i would feel pressured. if i liked a fic a lot, it felt even more difficult to comment, because i thought i would have to somehow give back to the author everything that fic gave to me. i wanted to craft the perfect comment that could perfectly encapsulate everything a fic made me feel. and that was way too much pressure so i would just not say anything.

when i got into drarry, i started reading a shit ton of fic. and i still wouldn't comment. i left maybe... 2 or 3 comments, maybe, i think. i can't remember. but i had a lot to say and i WANTED the writers to hear that i had read it and liked it. i just... didn't comment! u know what i did instead? i just fucking straight up DM'd writers on discord and started gushing to them that i liked their fic. somehow i was confident enough to do that, but writing a comment still felt like too much pressure. ?? i don't understand it either, but in my head it felt like a writing assignment, but when I was in DMs it felt more like a conversation and so there wasn't any pressure to make it "good"? idk!! it's very weird.

then i wrote and posted my first complete fic. just a oneshot, nothing special, and i was like. UNREASONABLY nervous about posting it. like. i am a confident person, okay? i was going to make a burner AO3 account and post it under a different name so nobody would know it was me, and then never mention it to anyone except MAYBE super close friends. i got talked out of doing that (thanks i feel a bit silly about considering that now). and then i received my first comment on it, which was basically a two-liner where someone said they liked it and thanked me for writing it.

and i was like. ??...?????? ???????? ...??!!! because i felt like... uncontainable glee? i was freakishly happy. the amount of serotonin those two sentences gave me was definitely unnatural.

is that healthy? idk. will it continue? idk. LOL. i hope so? but idk, some people said it wears off if you write/post for a while. but whatever, the fact that one little comment like that could make my entire day blew my mind. tbh i thought writers were just exaggerating when they said stuff like that.

ever since then i started leaving comments! that shit's easy! like what was i overthinking for? i'm such a fucking tryhard! all i gotta say is that i liked it, and even the bare minimum can bring lots of joy to someone.

so basically what im trying to say is that negative reinforcement doesn't do shit!! it just makes people feel bad about themselves. that post is nasty for guilt-tripping readers like that, and i bet you it's going to have the opposite effect (or no effect tbh).

YAPPING FINISHED. for now.

[rabbithaver]

every so often i will see a post from a leftist on this website that is so egregiously ableist that i remember that like. oh yeah the userbase of leftists on this website is violently anti-disabled people and will jump at any chance to demonize any of us for any reason. i just forget that fact because i'm extremely dedicated to curating my space

i'm paraphrasing here but i saw a post that said, "every time i see an American [disabled person] mention being scared about the election because they're afraid of losing their benefits i have to laugh. anybody who wants blood-soaked money from the US government deserves to starve" which. like. goodness that's a lot to unpack. i think we should burn the whole suitcase instead !

[steakout-05]

something that had always been really frustrating for me when i was still in math classes in school was trying to watch the teacher actually work the problem out on the board and still not understanding wtf was happening. for some context, i heavily suspect that i have some form of dyscalculia because math and numbers literally do not compute properly in my brain. it'd be too long to explain the full extent of my possible dyscalculia here but math literally does the mental equivalent of maxing out the CPU power and memory of a computer to the point where it freezes and lags to my brain.

math class was always stressful for me because no matter what i did and how much progress i made, there was always a lack of understanding i had when it came to trying to work any math problem out long term and remembering anything. it felt like there was always something i was missing, so when the time came for the teacher to explain and go through a math problem step-by-step on the whiteboard, i made sure i paid as much attention to it as humanly possible as child-to-teenager me could muster and even then i still did not understand how the fuck they solved it, all because of one thing: the teacher pulling a random number completely out of their ass that happened to be the key to solving the problem.

like. i don't think i can illustrate how frustrating and isolating this was to experience with words alone. here i was, paying as much attention as i physically could, trying my damned hardest to memorise each individual step and calculation in order to understand how to get from point A to point B. everything made perfect sense up until the teacher suddenly stops for a second and writes a seemingly completely unrelated number there with no context as to why it's there in the first place, and then, in that singular moment, everything immediately comes crumbling down and i'm left completely confused. and somehow, everyone else around me perfectly understands it except me. like. imagine sitting there, giving the teacher all the attention you possibly could, literally watching and studying their hand movements just to understand every single step, only to be even more confused than your classmates, who you're pretty sure were half-asleep during the explanation, who also say they understand how the teacher came to that conclusion. what. the actual fuck.

when i try to explain how infinitely confusing and irritating this was for me, i'm reminded of a quote from that video Patricia Taxxon made about DHMIS: "The rug is pulled again ... There was never any hope of following the thread, understanding is impossible.". even when i was literally trying my best to possibly follow anything that was happening, the rug still gets pulled out from under my feet and i'm sent all the way back to square one of not understanding a single thing and being confused again. all because the teacher didn't explicitly explain how they got that random number that was apparently singlehandedly necessary for solving the equation and where they got it from, apart from that place being from literally fucking nowhere.

it's really no wonder that i eventually stopped giving a shit about paying attention in math class, because even when i was, it was still daunting and incomprehensible as always. why bother trying anymore when trying still gets you nowhere? trying to ask the teacher where they got that number from was an impossible to understand task as well, as their either snapped back with a "well you should have been paying attention" (even though i WAS but whatever) or they do explain that they added the first two numbers from the equation together or something, but now i'm wondering why they didn't just explain that in the first place like they did with everything else instead of seemingly just assuming everyone would know to do that.

by the way, if i had to give an estimate, my math ability is probably still at like. a 5th grader's level at best. so uh. yeah it's not good. still, it is kinda funny to me though, not only because i do find a bit of humour in the situation, but also because some people are often so quick to judge someone's intelligence purely based on their mathematical abilities alone. like. the idea of someone calling me dumb for still needing to do addition with my fingers despite the fact that my reading and language levels are considered above average is really funny to me lmaooo

[skrunksthatwunk]

ok so. kiwami 2. rooftop scene. the ending. it's a bit of a clusterfuck but i wanna talk about one detail, a problem they bring to your attention by Fucking. Talking About Her.

haruka is watching all of this unfold.

[this post is like 4.5k words long + pretty critical + has spoilers for kiwami and kiwami 2, and really minor/vague ones for a couple others. they're not that bad though, trust me (and i added a warning in the one place it is major)]

ALSO CONTENT WARNING i'm gonna talk about kiryu's passive suicidality a good amount in this one, so stay away from this if you think that might affect you negatively/you'd be better off skipping it. i'll also make a tl;dr (which i will highlight in red) at the very end if you really wanna know what my point is that will exclude those elements <3. i am also going to use a lot of choice-based language in regards to kiryu's contemplation of suicide because i think it's the lens through which the games treat the topic, but i personally don't find it a productive or realistic way to look at suicide or suicidal ideation at all. someone dying by suicide absolutely does not mean they don't care about their loved ones enough to fight on or whatever. i love you, and proceed with caution on this one.

(also i'm using the kiwamis as my point of reference because i uh. don't have a ps2? those are the games that i played, and though the differences are likely slight, i wanna be clear about that. also,, ignore the watermark on these screenshots,, i didn't notice them and i'm not retaking them. we're all gonna have to settle for youtube cutscene comps for now xoxo)

first, we have to talk about the ending of the first game.

[note: i am Really Really Confident kiryu has a conversation earlier in the game about his going to jail in nishiki's stead being him running away and choosing not to resist his two options (go to jail or let nishiki go to jail) and define his own path, fighting his way against fate to make it happen. part of why i'm so confident it exists is because it made such an impression on me at the time. it's pretty important to my interpretation of things but i also can't find it for the life of me, so uh. sorry ✌️ i really tried. this post's takes/analysis will be dependent on this scene existing, so keep that in mind. if anyone knows where to find the scene/screenshots of it, lmk and i'll add a follow-up with it]

kiwami stuff

so as she's dying, yumi tells haruka this:

that she may be dying (painfully, and right as she's getting everything she wanted), but she doesn't regret it, because at least she did something rather than running away from it all. that you shouldn't run away, ever.

shortly thereafter, when the police find kiryu and haruka, this exchange happens between him and date. here's the play by play:

date tells kiryu he can get him out of trouble with this, and that if he doesn't, he'll get life in prison; kiryu declines his help:

kiryu is so devastated (understandably) by the back to back losses of the three people closest to him that he resigns himself to life in prison, and the death-in-effect that would be. he would prefer to waste away rather than struggle through a life without them. prison was monotonous and isolating, but coming back after a decade was overwhelming, and coming back to everything being so warped and twisted, and then losing the corrupted scraps he had anyway, well. he wants to go back to sleep. he doesn't want to be in a world where everything's the same except he's on his own. better to return to safety, to die slowly in a hell he knows well than weather a new one where he has control and agency, and thus one where he has the ability to fail and to lose anything at any time. he explains to date that that loss is why he can accept his death:

date shakes him and asks him if there's really nothing left for him, no reason to keep living at all:

then echoes yumi's advice to haruka:

which makes an impression on kiryu:

date gives him a reason to live in the form of haruka, saying she'll be on her own again if he goes to jail. he hijacks kiryu's tragic protector complex to keep him alive, because she needs him, and because she's someone precious to him:

after the dust has cleared,

kiryu and date also have this exchange, where date tells him to stay away from the cops (and presumably arrest and a return to prison, the aforementioned fate akin to death), and kiryu cites haruka as his reason to stay away, one he holds to with no uncertainty (showing again that he's accepted date's logic, that his reason to keep living even when it's incredibly difficult is to care for the more vulnerable haruka). given the weight of the consequences, to me, it feels like date's telling him not to be alone with his thoughts or something. it's almost frightening:

so, what's our takeaway from kiwami?

kiryu lost everything and hit rock bottom, but he chose to fight, and to live life on his own terms, even when it got difficult. that's the narrative life lesson he had to learn to avoid repeating the events of 1995. he made that choice for haruka's sake. it's seen as growth.

and without him, haruka would've just returned to the orphanage (assuming she could make it back to sunflower at all) with no one who knew or understood what she had been through, no one to mourn with her, and no one to give her the attention, care, and protection she needs. kiryu knows what it's like to be an orphan with a limited parental figure who only checks in every so often (kazama, "aunt" yumi), and what someone will do for attention/affection from that person (via both himself and nishiki swearing up, climbing the ranks, etc. arguably haruka coming to kamurocho by herself to find "mizuki" is similar), and what it's like to lose them anyway (again, kazama, yumi). their situations parallel each others' somewhat, and that binds them further. and after losing everyone (which he blames himself for to some extent, as one can probably assume from this and 2, and something key to his arc in later games), he chooses to protect her. and this time, he won't fail. at least partially because failing would hurt him, too. he'd have nothing left again.

okay. now we get to kiwami 2.

if you forgot, the context is basically:

everybody's fighting on the roof of a building which i'm sure will not be a running theme or anything as the series goes on

there's a bomb that's about to go off and they don't know how to/can't defuse it

ryuji shot the twist villain to death, but took fatal hits to do so

sayama's like hey!! let's get out of here!!! and kiryu and ryuji are like nooo we have to settle this oughh it's punchin time and they stick her on an elevator and send her down so she doesn't have to watch

ryuji loses. sayama returns, they have a cute sibling heart to heart, and ryuji dies in her arms. sad

kiryu is in rough shape as well, and there's like 2 minutes left on the bomb's timer

here's the scene itself:

sayama tells kiryu they have to run, and kiryu says he can't. the gist is "let's run!" "you go without me" "i'm not leaving you!" "i'm in no condition to run" "i'll carry you then!!" sayama: *sees how fucked up kiryu is, realizes he's Going To Die Anyway* "ok, then i'm staying with you!" and then further bickering about that, before they give up and make out (as one does i guess)

date (he's here now) yells this at them from a helicopter:

before someone else in the helicopter tells date this:

we get this shot of haruka calling out to kiryu as the helicopter swerves away:

and kiryu and sayama have this exchange about haruka where they say they let her down, but that she'll understand:

then they hug and the bomb ticks to zero right when the credits hit. in post credits it's revealed that the twist villain defused the bomb when they weren't looking, betraying his co-villain for reasons i truthfully do not remember and am unwilling to look up. it's not about that right now.

so, how does this scene interact with the ending of the previous game?

the short answer is "badly <3" but here's the long answer:

it's about choices.

the thing about fiction is that anything you want to have happen, as a writer, can happen. it may not be effective, internally consistent, or logical, but you can write it regardless. audiences suspend their disbelief for the sake of engaging fully with your fiction, but everyone has a threshold past which they will stop being engaged in a story and either become uninvested or annoyed. writers usually have lines they're unwilling to cross as well. but in almost every story, there's at least a couple of places where they stretch reality a little to make the narrative they want happen. this is not a bad thing at all. that's how stories get told.

now, i'm gonna be real with you. i don't care about how feasible plots are like 95% of the time. it's not something i think about much, nor is it something i prioritize. i am a very character-centric media consumer, so if world building and/or plot are a bit stale or contrived, that doesn't really bother me much so long as i'm invested in the characters involved. some people can't stand plot holes or the ways musicals burst into song or whatever, and that's fine for them. but it's not something i tend to find that all that important.

this is all to say that i have a sorta affection for rgg's flavor of bullshit pulling. and it is a powerful flavor, maybe even an acquired taste, but i can and do rock with it so long as it doesn't damage the characters too much. this is why i'm not making a lengthy post howling into the void about joji kazama or the second joon-gi han or how many secret relatives there are. those things are silly and endearing and a clumsy yet heartfelt part of a series i care about very deeply. i'll joke about it, but i don't consider it much of a flaw. it's more like personality. flaws are texture, and they help a piece's identity. point is i am very, very willing and able to suspend my disbelief for these games in exchange for a good time, particularly via good characters.

(if you want another example of where i draw the line from within rgg, the answer's the YAKUZA 4 SPOILERS INCOMING rubber bullets twist, because i think 1) it's actively horrifically stupid (especially retconning a scene we SAW HAPPEN. WE SAW BLOOD ON EACH IMPACT, AND RUBBER BULLETS DON'T OFTEN BREAK SKIN THAT DEEPLY (THEIR DAMAGE IS MORE PERCUSSIVE THAN PENETRATIVE). THESE EVENTS HAPPEN IN THE SAME GAME YOU DON'T HAVE TO RETCON IT JUST REWRITE IT. OR DON'T SHOW THE HIT AT ALL SO THERE'S MORE PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY. DON'T DO THIS JUST TO HYPE UP YOUR SHITTY VILLAIN NO ONE CARES ABOUT. and 2) (a bit more importantly) i think it actively removes saejima's primary internal conflict for that game, that being his intense guilt over the 18 murders he thinks he committed, one i was invested and interested in. but this isn't a rubber bullets post.)

characters in this series walk off a lot of life threatening injuries. they survive miraculously, they escape in the nick of time, and they pull through in the end. kiryu still somehow hasn't killed anyone. almost every game in his saga ends with an "is kiryu gonna make it out this time?!?" shortly followed by a "yeah lol. lmao" postcredits reveal. kiryu fucking punches a marble statue into dust in the first game. having a story that asks you to suspend your disbelief so much and so often means that when a decision is made, it's not the writers saying, "well, this would have to happen so we are obligated/forced to write it happening" so much as "we wanted this to happen for some reason(s)," because you already know that they're not guided solely by logic. again, this is true of all writers, it's just amplified in stories like these because they've already given you so many hard mode suspension of disbelief moments (they've broken you in like leather, yeah? or like how obvious internet scams allow for self selection by being so obvious that only the most vulnerable people would fall for them. they curate an audience willing to play along with their bullshit flavor so they can tell a story that's more likely to satisfy that audience. in a good way, in a fun way! mass appeal is overrated). there is not much limit to what this series is willing to try and sell you.

so when ryuji takes lethal damage taking out the big bad, that's a choice. when he doesn't die immediately, that's a choice. when ryuji and kiryu send sayama away in the soon-to-be-forgotten elevator so they can settle this like men or whatever despite the literal actual bomb about to go off, that's a choice. when sayama comes back, that's a choice. when ryuji does die, that's a choice. when kiryu determines that he can't escape in time, that's a choice. when sayama is unwilling to leave him, that's a choice. when she says she'll carry him out and there's an elevator right fucking there and then she's like never mind i guess i won't anymore we're dying together right now kiryu like they're not gonna even try?? wouldn't distancing themselves from the blast give themselves a better shot, something that's super possible given the 2 minutes they have with that elevator??? sayama you met him like a week and a half ago why are you ready to die with him that's not a plot hole i just think that's kinda strange whatever anyway, that's a choice. when kiryu stops arguing with her so they can kiss (next to her brother's corpse), that's a choice. when date shows up, that's a choice. when the helicopter can't save them because the bomb was going to go off too soon, that's a choice. when they put haruka in that helicopter and take her away, let her only impact be reminding kiryu and sayama that they can't help her, that's a choice. when they spend their last moments talking as if they're already dead, then simply waiting, that's a choice.

they're all choices that the writers made for the characters, and we are asked to believe them for the sake of achieving the writers' vision, as with any story. the only problem is that the writers' vision here fucking blows.

i'm not saying it would be realistic for kiryu and sayama (and even ryuji) to make it out alive, but it wouldn't be out of character for the series in the slightest. kiryu is suddenly unable to power through here, and that's a choice. so, what is their vision?

put simply, i think they wanted a romantic last stand for kiryu and sayama, a tragic scene of doomed, devoted lovers. and i think they wanted an edge-of-your-seat fake out death. they wanted spectacle.

here's how some specific choices they made undermine all that shit we talked about earlier from the first game.

once again, kiryu is called by date to live, to pick himself up and keep going, no matter how impossible the odds are. he's even reminded by haruka's presence, his one anchor in keeping himself going. the growth he had in the parallel scene in the previous game is challenged, and he fails.

it's not enough this time. and that's a choice.

it's also one i can't think of a good reason for, and that's the real kicker.

characters can have developmental backslide just like people do, and if they're given good reason for it, it can be just as, if not far more compelling that purely linear growth (i am a chimera ant arc enjoyer, and that's all i'll say. sorry if you haven't seen hunter x hunter. uhh. i am also a zuko avatar enjoyer if that helps). but i can't think of anything that happened in that game that would cause this from a character perspective. if anything, kiryu should be less likely to do this intentionally. he's spent around a year raising haruka, and a year has passed since he lost his loved ones. at the very least, the pain should be more dull, though it is established through an early nightmare sequence that his ass is (justifiably) not over it yet. given that their deaths were the initial motivation for his willingness to rot forever, theoretically, he should be more motivated to stay alive than before now that he's got more investment and stability in his life outside of them, particularly when it comes to haruka, his reason for surviving. and if the ongoing nature of the trauma was the motivator for this, then they should've had it affect him more past that nightmare scene (it really serves more as a recap of the last game than anything else) so it didn't come out of nowhere. so the reminder of the lesson that saved his life and then guided it for at least a year afterwards, one that the whole resolution of the previous game relied on heavily falls flat for... some reason.

i think this is a good time to mention that, generally speaking, you don't write arbitrary choices into characters. sure, people in real life are often sporadic, but when analyzing fictional characters, every choice is filed into a portfolio of characterization that can and should be analyzed. going for pure realism can obfuscate their development, motivations, themes, etc. their choices and reactions may be unorthodox, but they must be internally consistent. this is very related to how i view plot contrivance as well. characters drive the plot, not the other way around. stories are about the ways characters affect their worlds/lives and vice versa, and they're the human face to the themes and ideas the writers are trying to explore and express. maybe my stance on this seems hypocritical. i don't know if it is. but to me, plot issues are usually a matter of engagement and investment, while character issues are a matter of substance.

i hope this doesn't feel patronizing explaining all of this, but i want you guys to know where i'm coming from in my analysis. starting at my base philosophy on writing is the easiest way to do that, i feel. defining the terms of the debate, and all that. anyway

and i mean, look. they survive because "it was defused the whole time we just didn't see it happen", so it's not like narrative tension or realism or whatever was THAT big of a priority overall. if it was gonna be a cop-out anyway, they should'nt have ruined kiryu's development too, yeah?. and sayama fucks off to america after this game anyway, so it's not like the doomed lovers thing had much payoff or meaning after this one (though you could argue that's more an issue with yakuza 3 than yk2, which has some merit to it). which means that they chose to sacrifice kiryu's prior development and internal logic for the sake of cheap tension for their finale that was both kinda illogical in and of itself (the elevator!! the elevator!!!) and a romantic climax that neither required nor really benefitted from this staging. (like. you coulda had them make out and then get saved by date, or kiss on the elevator in a "it's moving, but will we make it in time??" way or whatever. look i'm not saying those are great options either but they're SOMETHING okay. it would remove/reduce the amount of time wasted on characters sitting around with their thumbs up their asses for no reason in this finale).

instead the message of this finale is that, actually, sometimes it is impossible to change your circumstances and fight for your own way out of an awful situation. and what should you do about this unfortunate truth? uh. die! i guess. it's the exact opposite of the encouraging, optimistic message of the last game. zetsubou chou pride my ass.

note: i feel i should mention that when suicidality is brought up within the series (particularly in substories), it is always something someone has to overcome themselves through wanting it badly enough. they simply need the inspiration and the motivation to keep going. it's arguably treated as a moral obligation. frankly, the series is broadly very meritocratic (<- bad) when it comes to this topic (and others, but that's a Whole Other Thing. see akiyama's weird loan shark tests as well). sheer will and resolve is enough to conquer any problem, be it physical or mental/emotional, and it's irresponsible to act/feel otherwise. this is the logic the games operating under, and kiryu is often the mouthpiece for this bootstrap-pulling "tough love" sentiment. so when kiryu "chooses" to die, yet faces no emotional fallout from date, haruka, or anyone else, it feels very out of place. it's not just an odd choice; it's specifically, once again, an odd choice to make in context of the game/series/character it appears in.

kiryu's just like eh, haruka'll watch her only family die right as she gets some sense of tentative stability and lets her guard down after a devastating month the year prior (and a relatively dismal upbringing before that) that we trauma bonded over. sure, she likely came to view me as the one who would stay no matter what, who was too strong to be taken out, who she could always rely on, and so i know that dying would hurt her immensely, but she's smart enough to know it'd happen eventually. her eventual recovery means it's okay for me to do this (somehow, in a way it wasn't in the first game). it's an excuse within the narrative's logic, and one it is uncritical of simply because it's kiryu. he gets a pass.

and i think with the previously mentioned passive suicidality and general series-long mental health issues kiryu displays (i mean. yakuza 5's literally his depression arc), this could be retroactively seen as an interesting choice, like a piece in that particular narrative. i don't even dislike that viewing, especially in terms of fan approach. but (assuming this went down the same in yakuza 2), they likely didn't have that in mind. all they had then was the first game and the movie. and they took the first game's Entire Message and contradicted it for nothing but a scene they wanted to have happen because it'd be suspenseful and/or emotional (without actually doing the work to earn it). and they're not fans trying to analyze his character, they're the ones making choices for him. and they chose to massacre my boy. and if the subject of kiryu's mental health was a priority of theirs, why didn't they explore that? haruka and date's feelings on him not resisting and their words not being enough (whether that blame is justified by the narrative or not (it shouldn't be btw)), the uncomfortable drifting that resigning yourself to death and living afterwards anyway often brings, literally any conversation about it besides the minimal shit we get post credits of date being like "did you know about the bomb not having a fuse?" which like. bad answer either way (which is why they weren't straightforward about it, the cowards). you can't just be like "oh uh. idk he just gave up this time. yeah he was gonna die on purpose for some reason. good thing the bomb was fake lol" and then pack up and go home!! that's stupid!! any merit the idea of kiryu dying by suicide in this scene and in this way could have had from a character-based perspective loses its weight because 1. it didn't happen (for kinda stupid reasons), which makes it fall flat and 2. no one is really affected by the fact that it almost did, including him. they sacrificed his ass and replaced it with nothing, even when there could have been interesting outcomes to it.

so the narrative effectively chose to kill him by making the situation impossible, and this impossibility is ultimately arbitrary, given the series' usual approach to miraculous, illogical escapes. that, or the choice to stay was up to kiryu and sayama, one that 1. doesn't make sense and is actively regressive in context of kiryu's arc in the only other game in the series (as well as his whole saga in retrospect) and 2. one that contradicts how the series sees/treats resignation to death/death by suicide in all other contexts without being addressed, challenged, or condemned in ways it would in all other contexts. because they don't want you to think about it like that. they want you to think he (and the narrative) had no choice, that it made sense to do that. but it didn't. it doesn't.

and look, honestly? if i was bleeding out and had like 2 minutes to live, there's a non zero chance i'd say fuck it and kiss a girl too. i get it. but i am (and this is crucial) not a fucking yakuza character. and i'm certainly not kiryu kazuma.

tl;dr (basically just rephrasing the second to last main paragraph)

there are not sufficient character reasons for kiryu and sayama not trying to escape. additionally, because the narrative regularly facilitates even less likely escapes, it's not so constrained to logic and reality that it couldn't pull this one off. the choice to let their situation be impossible this one time was a cheap and arbitrary way of forcing a scene they thought would be cool and dramatic, and in doing so they chose to cannibalize a key emotional note of the previous finale (namely kiryu's mission to dedicate his life to protecting haruka) for hollow last minute stakes-upping in this one. it is then completely disregarded anyway. god damn.

[pillowbugs]

"fellas, is it identity theft to write a first-person account of your IRL job?"

remember that ingo was known for doing detailed writeups about trains before the battle subway in this au. post-hiatus, one of the most common requests for a writeup was of course the battle subway. it only made sense - who better to explain it than its founder, who was already known for some of the best writeups in railfan circles? while he was reluctant at first, at risk of sounding like he was explicitly advertising his own services, he eventually caved and did a few on various aspects of the battle subway: the rolling stock, gear station, etc. part of the appeal was giving people a glimpse at what was going on behind the scenes, and fans of the battle subway and trains alike absolutely loved it.

one of this writeups was a look at an average day for those working on the battle subway. besides interviewing his employees (and giving them free rein over their statements with a written statement from him that there would not be any consequences from him or emmet for criticism), he also detailed his own job and experiences. of course, his own account was in first person because third person felt weird, considering that theoretically, everyone who would see his writeups already knew about his position so he had no reason to be pretentious about it. no one could foresee, however, how much this particular writeup would blow up. not only were people who followed his blog reading it, many, many other fans of the battle subway ended up seeing it as well (through searching for content about the battle subway presumably), which includes much of his fanbase from his position as a subway boss.

notably, he didn't even advertise the writeup on his official account. in fact, he has explicitly tried to distance his official account and his personal blog as much as possible in case he had a strong opinion that would go against the official line of the battle subway - he wouldn't be able to post it officially as an employee, but as a notable concerned railfan, it's fair game. this separation will come back to bite him in the ass.

so one day, a fan of subway boss ingo, let's call them sbnoirfan1234, found this wonderfully written writeup, by the passionate railfan Conductor I, who is using first person to depict a day in the life of a subway boss. this rather ruffled their feathers, for a certain reason, detailed in their angry comment:

"STOP RPING REAL PEOPLE. subway boss ingo is a REAL person with REAL thoughts. pretending to be him for the sake of clout is disrespectful and insulting and IDENTITY THEFT. delete this writeup now and APOLOGIZE."

of course, everyone else in the comments proceeded to clown on sbnoirfan1234, mostly with some variation of "do they know?". finally, ingo himself stepped in:

"If I might clarify, I am, in fact, the very same Subway Boss Ingo whom you are worried about my 'roleplaying' as. I am writing about my own experience, as myself, in my daily life. I appreciate the attempt to defend my honour, but don't worry, no harm was done to myself by writing this."

with an official response, one would think that the matter was over, and sbnoirfan1234 was appeased - nope, they doubled down.

"there is no way you are actually him. make a more believable lie next time."

"I believe there are videos of myself from years before the Battle Subway began operations over on my brother's blog here, with my face in full view. You may check - I am credited under this particular blog."

"those are absolutely FAKE. you're too friendly and loud to be him. subway boss ingo is SERIOUS and SOLEMN and PROFESSIONAL. unlike a clown like you who commits identity theft and doesn't apologize when called out."

most people absolutely roasted sbnoirfan1234 for sticking to their belief even in the face of a lot of irrefutable proof.

"ingo fan finds out he's not actually edgy, more at 11"

"who's going to tell them conductor was always friendly?"

"bruh literally go watch the battle subway interviews. ingo is actually quite enthusiastic in those. listen to him talk and try telling us truthfully that he is in any way solemn."

unfortunately, not only did sbnoirfan1234 insist their interpretation of events was correct, it got to the point where they rallied a few other subway boss fans to send harassing messages to the Conductor I blog, as well as other blogs he had worked with before, including emmet's.

in response, ingo made a statement, on his official account this time:

"This is not something I would usually post - on this account, that is. However, there have been multiple cases of harassment targeting my friends, my brother and especially myself over the last few days, regarding a post I made on a personal blog of mine. Why am I using this account to talk about this incident? Because I believe the people responsible only listen, if at all, to what I have to say on this one.

[...] First of all, harassment of others is never okay. No matter what reason they may have earned your ire for.

In this case, the initial harassment started over someone assuming my personal blog, Conductor I, was roleplaying as, well, myself. The dogpiling of the person who made that assumption was quite mean-spirited, and some of it verged into outright bullying, which is also wrong.

However, that person's response, being to send hateful messages not only to myself but also many people who were not involved to begin with, is completely unjustifiable. It attacked people who were completely innocent in the situation for no reason besides their association with me. It's wrong and hurtful. And for what? To fuel some twisted pleasure from watching people crumple?

[...] If there is one thing I hope people take away from this incident, it's that it is wrong to harass people. It has no use besides making people feel hurt. I shall say it simply and explicitly - don't harass people.

And, if there's another thing to take away, whatever people do in their private time is frankly no one's business so long as it doesn't hurt others."

in the end, there was a large outpouring of support for the harassed blogs, not least because a large portion of them were fairly famous with their own fanbases. sbnoirfan1234 deleted their account quietly, but still lived on as a meme within ingo's fanbase.

however, this didn't really solve any issues with the fanbase; instead, that sbnoirfan1234 was a subway-only who happened to be extremely loud about their ignorance caused a major backlash against the entire faction, further splitting fans of the conductor blog and the battle subway. those who fervently held that Conductor I was the 'true' ingo felt vindicated, and became more vocal and zealous, to the point of notoriety among the greater fanbase. it was a turning point for the fandom; not necessarily a good one, however.

idea: submas au(?) where pre-battle subway, both of them were already somewhat known on the internet, but for different reasons. maybe not super famous, but definitely notable in their various circles.

let's say emmet has a blog / vlog (iamemmet) where he and a couple friends (elesa, burgh, etc) just mess around and battle and stuff (think online / showdown battle videos on yt except they're actually irl). he does talk about trains sometimes, and is visibly excited whenever he does, but most of his fans are there to watch him battle more than anything.

meanwhile, ingo runs a train blog (Conductor I) where he posts long and detailed writeups of virtually anything to do with trains. he is known to be quite passionate, and has gotten into various extremely heated arguments with other railfans on internet forums over the merits of certain trains and railfan etiquette. maybe he collabs with other blogs covering other topics run by his friends (e.g. trains vs planes annual debate feat. highflyinggirl (skyla), starlight express review feat. spectralscribe (shauntal), etc). overall, though, he's fairly guarded regarding his personal life, and most of what people know about him, excluding his train-related opinions, is from whenever he collabs with other people.

they have collaborated with each other before, so people absolutely know they're twins. there is a running joke about how emmet's fans might actually know more about ingo than his own fans, simply because emmet is much more open with his personal life and inevitably that includes a lot of stuff involving his brother.

so one day, they both announce that they're taking an indefinite hiatus from their blogs because of a project. after almost a year of speculation - oh, look, there's a new battle facility in unova! wait, these guys look familiar... and it does happen to be a facility integrated into the subway...

so of course, their existing fans congratulate both of them on their new positions, everyone's celebrating. both of them do return to posting on their blogs after things have settled a bit more (albeit less frequently than before the hiatus, because they have a job now). however, with their newfound mainstream fame, comes a gigantic new wave of fans from the battle subway.

and this is where things get incredibly messy within the fandom. maybe less so on emmet's end - he's quite open on his blog about being a subway boss, and vice versa, and he acts more or less the same way on both accounts, so within his fanbase, the question is just "when did you find him?" because he's been the same throughout. he is emmet. that's it. though, there is of course still a bit of fan elitism from those who found him before the subway and know all the "deep lore" about him.

ingo's fanbase, however, is an absolute bloodbath. there are actual factions. the two most notorious are the subway-onlies, the ones who are most likely to be called fake fans by the rest because they're only interested in his persona as a subway boss; and the conductor purists, who only enjoy his blog and forum presence but not his irl job, and think he has gone downhill after achieving mainstream success. in fact, many of the subway-onlies don't even realise ingo has a 'personal' blog, or any social media presence besides his official account as a subway boss, while the most diehard conductor purists have disavowed the battle subway because in their minds, it's taking attention away from the blog.

a big reason for the divide is that ingo gives a very different image on his blog and as a subway boss; a passionate, friendly railfan who can be quite verbose especially in roasting people online, versus the professional, polite facility head with a serious demeanour. many fans who found him through the subway are surprised at the content of his blog, even if most of them also love seeing this side of him. a certain subset of the fandom is very insistent that the blog shows his 'real' personality, while his being a subway boss is entirely an act.

in short, big fanbase = problems. many people looking in are genuinely terrified and confused as to whatever the hell is going on in there. there is Drama. get the popcorn.

[sskk-manifesto]

What a good episode. Maaaaaan

[lieutenantselnia]

Internet archive I love you❤️❤️❤️

[butterflieswhisper]

i was genuinely planning to watch more of ratastrophe tonight but i started it, got to "[you whispered to unidingo: please don't die out there yet] I think their hunt is more successful if i'm not there" and my phone case literally fell apart in my hands. so.

[greyias]

Tagged by: @captainderyn -- thank you for the tag! Tagging: @meanbihexual, @keldae, @queen-scribbles (no pressure!) From the little au that could...

—

Valkorion had looked down at his progeny with ill-disguised contempt, lightning dancing at the tips of his fingers as he attempted to silence what he saw as the only threat in the room. He didn’t even look up until the cold barrel of a blaster buried itself at the base of his skull.

Which brought Theron back to where he wasn’t supposed to be.

Here.

Standing in someone else’s moment, stepping into a destiny that wasn’t his, and about to set into motion a cascade of events he had no hope of understanding. He was a disgraced spy. A Jedi washout. The Force-blind son of someone else’s greatness. A man always destined to live in the shadow of others.

“Do you really think that pathetic toy will hurt me?”

[hwanghyunjinenthusiast]

Tw: suicide

So, I just read about Moonbin. I wasn't sure whether or not I should mention what happened here given the nature of this blog but, I don't think I'd feel right not saying anything at all.

[dontwanderoff]

sometimes i think i'd be better at lesson planning if i wasn't trying to plan at a big school for 5 different classes