#i don't have any money rn
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Hi there 👋,
My name is Mohammad, and I’m reaching out in a moment of desperate need. I’m a father of three young children living in Gaza, and we are caught in the midst of a catastrophic war. Our home is no longer a safe haven, and the future here seems increasingly uncertain. 💔
I’ve launched a fundraising campaign with the goal of raising $40,000 to relocate my family to a safer place where my children can grow up in peace and have a chance at a brighter future. 🕊️🇵🇸
Unfortunately, my previous fundraising efforts were abruptly halted when my account was terminated without explanation. However, I remain determined to keep fighting for my family’s safety and well-being. 🫶
If you could take a moment to read our story, consider donating, or simply share our campaign with others, it would make an incredible difference. Every act of kindness, no matter how small, brings us one step closer to safety and a new beginning. 🙏
Thank you for your time, compassion, and support. ❤
https://gofund.me/fd1faea2 🔗
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WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN THEY MADE FUCKING "DON'T CRY, CRAFT" MERCH IN ANNO DOMINI 2024 i thought the instagram post is just another joke but it's all actually on the website ?!?!?!? and it goes kinda hard tbh
#those brits are gonna be the death of me#and i thought getting a notification from That channel today was enough of a jumpscare#anyway it's a shame i don't have any money rn#dan and phil#dan and phil crafts#(lmao)#dnp#dan howell#phil lester#danandphilcrafts#amazingphil
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I am so stressed out honestly!! Like in the past week or two I had to deal with my powerchair breaking down, stupid energy company sending a collector to my house even though we've had an ongoing complaint with them for months for trying to charge us thousands for gas when they are NOT OUR GAS SUPPLIER, issues with my GP about prescribing my next testosterone dose and issues with the supply of my adhd medication, and paypal just took some money out of my bank account for a payment that was supposed to be cancelled. Just this month my overdraft stopped having an interest free amount so I don't even have the breathing room there.
I paid my last £80 for an engineer visit tomorrow to check on Rosie, my powerchair. But that's just the diagnostics, and if she needs any actual repairs the parts are not included and I'd have to pay up to ~£500 if she needs a full battery replacement - Which is just money I don't have right now.
She's so incredibly important to me, and I can only be out of the house for a couple hours without her, especially with the current heat we've been getting which just makes my symptoms so much worse and passing out much more likely :/
Asking for money makes me feel like shit, but I don't exactly have any other options. I genuinely don't know how disabled people are supposed to survive in this country with how fucked things are with the cost of living crisis, and I'm usually one of the lucky ones tbh.
If you have any money at all to spare, and you enjoy this blog, please consider sending a little bit over, or just reblogging this post. Anything helps.
Paypal
Cashapp
💜
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[ID: a digital illustration of Luz and Hunter from the owl house. Luz sits on the right with her hand on hunter's shoulder. Hunter sits on the left facing Luz. They're both in their designs from the end of Thanks to Them. Hunter has his eyes closed and is crying with a pained expression, while Luz looks on with tears in her eyes. The background is dark and the scene is dimly lit. The second image is a variation on the first image where a spectral version of flapjack sits on hunter's shoulder and Manny's hand in on Luz's shoulder. End ID]
Felt like posting something devious today. Do you think they'll ever talk about what they've lost? Bond over it? Mourn??? Grieve????
#the owl house#toh#hunter toh#luz noceda#hunter noceda#flapjack toh#(BARELY i did not put the effort into that bird that i should've)#manny noceda#(also barely but I feel like it's more obvious here)#i sketched this out months ago when TTT first aired but the lines were giving me trouble and i shelved it#until now when i really just wanted to finish something but wasn't happy with any of my sketches#it was inspired by the interview dana did where she said grief would be a major theme of season 3#both bc it scared me and also bc it made me start thinking ''hm okay. which characters are grieving rn and how might they interact?''#my money's still on darius if hunter does get to talk through some of his grief in the next few eps#(just to tie a nice bow on their relationship and maybe dicuss the previous gg a bit more and flesh darius' motives out)#but like. luz is his sister. grief is sooo central to her arc as well it's like. even if they don't get time in canon#(which is understandable. they do not have a lot of time rn for extended fanfic-esque character exploration conversations)#but that doesn't mean i can't rotate the idea in my mind at terminal velocity until i get sick#i would apologize for not posting festive art at this time of year rn BUT YKNOW WHAT. I'VE HAD A ROUGH COUPLE OF HOLIDAY SEASONS#THIS COUNTS AS FESTIVE FOR ME!#it's getting better this year though. slowly#anyway this piece isn't perfect and there's a few bits I'm not happy w/ that i could've spent more time on#but to my own credit i pushed myself to use reference and do a (albeit simple) pose I don't normally do!#so props to me in that sense#anyway happy holidays! think abt these devastatingly sad children with me please!
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i was gonna say "i shouldn't have to go to work when my brain feels like a depression slushie" and then i was like "wait but then i'd basically never ever go to work" and i'm actually doubling down on the first part now bc my god how am i supposed to heal my brain from burning out 5 years ago if i can never get an actual break
#//juri speaks#i also at this moment: do not know if i have health insurance anymore / if i will be able to get insurance#if i can't get insurance i will not be able to take classes this fall#if i can't take classes my loan repayments will kick in immediately#i already don't have enough money for anything and i certainly don't have a spare $150 a month for the government#at any rate i need to submit my tuition waiver Soon but i can't until i know if i can get into the second class#so i have to wait for the prof or my advisor to get back to me#all the while a funeral day draws nearer#and then AT work i still feel like my position doesn't need to exist#but i desperately need it to exist because i need the money#and this big mchuge data migration project we were SUPPOSED to have had done in JUNE is being pushed to the absolute last minute#not by us but by the folks in control of the software we're moving to#so we're not going to have any safety margins with the old software#it's going to be GONE and dead and unlicensed while we're trying to learn the new shit#and i'm going to have to deal with the other branch cataloger trying to do everything for us which Won't Help#and i need!!!!!! a break!!!!!!!!!! from everything!!!!!#i need the world to stop and i need to go sit in the desert for like 6 months#instead best i can do is go buy the new taz gn for a little crumb of escape. maybe a little coffee drink while i'm there#even though i've been hitting sugar hard lately and really do not have the funds to buy more clothes if i gain a few more lbs#and can't afford a walking pad/treadmill and don't want to go outside bc it is a billion degrees all day every day rn#uuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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the thing i really want to do is make cool graphic tees. like rn if i had to pick a "job" it would be, design cool graphic tees. i'm a t-shirt girlie (gn). i love a t-shirt. i'll put anything on a t-shirt.
#signs i should get back into the process of opening a shop#like i've determined already that my english degree? yea don't wanna work in any fields specific to that bc Deadlines and Stress#and my adhd brain just can't deal. and it also makes me hate writing and zaps me of energy for hobby / personal writing#like not sound like such a zillennial but. i need a more passive way of making money bc i am Not cut out for traditional jobs#my body can't handle in-person jobs (either sitting or standing for long periods of time)#and my adhd brain can't handle the stress of deadline from remote work and having to keep myself on track#also my remote work has basically bumped me down to freelance at this point and it's super inconsistent assignments so like.#literally not making a living wage rn which like. i'm very fortunate to live with family and have minimal expenses#but still. it's not something i can keep up long-term#any time i have to buy something i'm literally just eating my savings so. need to do Something#also. universal basic income when tho
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I'm not an extrovert. At all. In everyday life, I'm a yapper, sure, but I need someone to first assure me I am okay to yap, so I don't start conversations, even when I really want to join in sometimes! It's just the social anxiety acting up. God knows where from and why I lose a lot of my inhibitions when it comes to talking to people about music. I don't know where the confidence has suddenly sprung from. I've made a crazy amount of friends in musical circles, either just talking to people about common music or (since it is after all in music circles) talking to bands about their own music. I let out a sigh of relief any time an interaction goes well, because in truth it's going against my every instinct. I wish I could do that in everyday life
#like that's the point where we need to remind everyone around me that as much as I say#radio is 'a job'-- it's not 'my job' lol. I wish I was this interested in data science#but like. Honestly?? I'm not even a data scientist!? I answered a few questions about classical AI having come from a computer science back#background and now people are saying to me 'I know you're a data scientist and not a programmer' sir I am a computer scientist#what are you on about#and like I guess I get to google things and they're paying me so I'm not complaining but like I am not a data scientist#my biggest data scientist moment was when I asked 'do things in data science ever make sense???' and a bunch of data scientists went#'no :) Welcome to the club' ???????#why did I do a whole ass computer science degree then. Does anyone at all even want that anymore. Has everything in the realm of#computer science just been Solved. What of all the problems I learned and researched about. Which were cool. Are they just dead#Ugh the worst thing the AI hype has done rn is it has genuinely required everyone to pretend they're a data scientist#even MORE than before. I hate this#anyway; I wish I didn't hate it and I was curious and talked to many people in the field#like it's tragicomedy when every person I meet in music is like 'you've got to pursue this man you're a great interviewer blah blah blah'#and like I appreciate that this is coming from people who themselves have/are taking a chance on life#but. I kinda feel like my career does not exist anymore realistically so unless 1) commercial radio gets less shitty FAST#2) media companies that are laying off 50% of their staff miraculously stop or 3) Tom Power is suddenly feeling generous and wants#a completely unknown idiot to step into the biggest fucking culture show in the country (that I am in no way qualified for)#yeah there's very very little else. There's nothing else lol#Our country does not hype. They don't really care for who you are. f you make a decent connection with them musically they will come to you#Canada does not make heroes out of its talent. They will not be putting money into any of that. Greenlight in your dreams.#this is something I've been told (and seen) multiple times. We'll see it next week-- there are Olympic medallists returning to uni next wee#no one cares: the phrase is 'America makes celebrities out of their sportspeople'; we do not. Replace sportspeople with any public professi#Canada does not care for press about their musicians. The only reason NME sold here was because Anglophilia not because of music journalism#anyway; personal
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aheem heem...... whimper..........
#my family has spent so much money on me in the last month specifically just for my art fight attacks#my lil sister funded 90% of the supplies i needed by letting me use 80 dollars of her cash as long as she got to buy some stickers too#my mom listened to me ramble about my ideas and how i'd like to use a hole puncher and paper fasteners if i can get some#and then keeping what i said in mind she just ordered some right away and apparently they're gonna get here tomorrow#i have been so endlessly stressed about the paper fasteners in particular they've been giving me so much grief#but if what she got works well. i don't have to worry about it anymore#i can spend the rest of the money i had been trying to set away for art fight supplies on nice colored pencils#....and a pencil sharpener#every time i've mentioned the supplies i need everyone's basically scrambled to look through their shit and see if they have something#laying around. like on top of all that money my lil sis let me use she also handed me every single set of beads she had#because nobody else is doing crafts rn it's just me so why not let me use it#and i'm just. WAAAAAAAAA#i didn't think they'd be this nice to me over silly paper crafts that i'm not even making for myself#obviously it's super important to me tho i never thought they'd Judge me over it#i just didn't think any of them would go out of their way to help me get everything i needed#but they have! every single time i've mentioned shit i still need!
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do i really want to make individual drinks again
#reaching back into the file cabinets of my mind to remember how i made certain drinks when i worked at the cafe#in preparation for the possibility of this new job#it would certainly mean far less goofing off time than i have at my current job. and i value my goofing off time dearly#but the people here are so fucking annoying lmao. i hate them soooo much#not that the people at this new job would be any better. we're still dealing with investment bankers#godddddd. what i really would want (which would be impossible)#would be to go back to working at the cafe but like. still have paid time off and insurance lmao#but the cafe was a small business and he was not offering paid time off and insurance. and the pay was way less#but i did get to play whatever music i wanted. unfortunately you cant live on that#like i can always say no to this new job if its offered to me. but is my goofing off time worth:#2 dollars less in pay and a half hour to an hour's more commute. well i dont know#a shorter commute would mean i could sleep more. and have more time at home .#i mean i probably don't Need all this goofing off time. but its nice#i dont knowwwwwww#like even though im a bit nervous abt doing it again i know that i would easily fall back into the routine of making drinks#which i was fairly good at. my one drawback is that i cant do latte art but i dont know that theyd really care here#and (because i found the menu of where id work) theres not a ton of drink options?? just the standard stuff#its being called a starbucks cafe but 1) its not managed by them and 2) it does not have their 5 billion drink options#so thats good. less to worry about#doesnt look like i even have to make anything foodwise which i had to at the cafe#here it looks like people can just buy a pastry and thats it#the hours are like. the same i work now. also good#sorry im like using this post to think through my thoughts.#uhhhh oh i looked up the manager who looks like a weenie so im not keen on the prospect of interviewing with him#but i probably would have thought that about my current manager if id seen a pic of him prior to interviewing. i guess???#and with these kind of catering units it seems you dont often deal directly with the manager that much anyway#i just gotta see if i get good vibes#rn i have unsure vibes. but i need a sign to see if this could be good for me#oh id also save money on transportation. and taxes! bc i wouldnt be working in ny anymore#lol oops tag limit. well i hope you enjoyed my job thoughts you probably didnt i know i didnt
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i go about my life thinking, "oh, i don't have imposter syndrome! i believe ive gotten to where i am through hard work and skill,"
and then i think about doing commissions and selling prints or products and then i go, "oh who the fuck would pay for this," and I realize, ah,,, imposter syndrome,,,,,,,,,,,,
#its not that i dont think i would ever do it#i just don't know if my art rn is money worthy??#or if id even be able to keep up with selling things or doing commissions cause i can barely do gifts as it is#but id like some extra cash#‚‚‚‚‚‚‚#ugh#idk#tizzy talks#i just really wanna buy comics and art books and posters and repay my mom for helping me move in#but i don't really have any money that's just mine#that I've earned based on my own merit#but like then WHO'D PAY ME TO DO COMMISSIONS LIKE#the cycle is endless
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my aunt died this morning and i was told about it on the same day directly and not by facebook or someone being like "oh didn't you hear aunt x died" several days later so you could say my communication with my family is improving
#was genuinely kind of surprised that i was told. it was the only sister who ever makes any effort at all lol#i'm not quite sure how i feel about it it's strange because i went to her house semi regularly as a kid for family gatherings but not really#after my dad (her brother) died so i hadn't seen her in many years. idk#i think she had moved to florida? so i really hope i don't have to go there for a service or anything but it sounds like something will#happen in the midwest which is. i mean i literally don't have enough money to get there rn. but it's whatever#me
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Looks like I just lost another close friend to guy who isn't worth a pile of dog shit. 😊
#my best friend no less#i cried about this shit practically all afternoon but i'm all out of tears and now i'm just pissed off.#this shit has been going on for a long ass time but i've finally reached my breaking point with it#i love her#but she is delusional#and it kills me to say that#but that whole “relationship” (if you even want to call it that) is fake. all he cares about is money not her#the worst part is that she knows it too#oh but she “loves him” and “wants to give him one last chance” girl what the fuck?#oh but better yet he dumped her once 2 years ago already and i've hated his punk ass since#never should've gotten back tother after that and i told her as much even back then#all he does is make her cry#not do anything arount their town house#and sit on his ass and watch tv or sleep when he's not working#that's the tame stuff too i could say sooo much worse but i'm actually not trying to air her dirty laundry out her#i'm just pissed off#but suddenly IM the bad guy when tell her i won't support her or this “relationship” when she told me they were getting back together today#this is after i helped her and her parents ans brother move all her stuff out of the town house last Monday and back to her parents place#after she told me they were done for good#but IM the bad guy for bringing up all of fhe reasons listed above and all of the REALLY bad things about the relationship#when i tell her i won't be supporting her any longer and that i'll be walking away if she goes back to him#best part is her family agrees with me and they tell her all the things i say about him and then some#but when i go out on the line and put my heart down on the table for her and all i get back is a text saying:#“i don't really like how you're texting right now so we'll talk about this later.”#girl#i don't know whether or not i want to cry harder or strangle her#i think it's both#so yeah i think i just lost my best friend to a guy who doesn't remotly deserve her and everything kicks rocks rn#it's just like my other friend all over again#why do my friend have such dog shit taste in men
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>sighs depressingly and flops on the floor< the job i did an interview for last week informed me i didn't pass and i am now ✨incredibly depressed✨ about it bc i've been job hunting for 4 years so like. idk i'm not usually the type to do this sort of thing nor am I very good at promoting stuff but like if you like my art at all i have a ko-fi page to throw tips at if ya'll want ig
#robin talks#i don't have any hard definite goals rn besides money for computer upgrades...#my computer can be a laggy ass when do too much#too much including when i do big paintings bc they have like over 100 layers#it also doesn't like me opening other apps without me at least closing everything else first#which admittedly has limited my desire to partake in some of my hobbies
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past me would be rolling in her fucking grave if she found out that present me is the kind of math nerd who loves doing calculus
#IM GETTING MORE ENJOYMENT FROM DOING MATH THEN I EVER HAVE FROM ANY OF MY ART CLASSES. GOOD GOD#im giddy solving derivatives rn#can't believe I'm a math and physics nerd this is insane#ALSO GUESS WHAT#so I'm taking physics as a summer class right#i thought it was regular physics#but APPARENTLY its engineering physics (which is fine I need that for my degree)#and engineering physics needs calc 2 (which I have) and general/highschool physics (which I haven't done) as prereqs#SO NOW IM GONNA HAVE TO TRY AND CRAM AND STUDY AGAIN#I've been doing okay in the classes so far thankfully#but my surprise when I walked into class and the prof started talking like “you all know this already right”#no actually#I don't know how this happend#I think it's because I'm not taking it at MY college I'm taking it at my local community college#and so they just didn't ask for prereqs. they didn't ask for any proof at all they just took my money and let me enroll#incredible how I keep winding up in these situations#lilac post
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i'm going to be honest i have no idea what i'm going to do. i messed up my choices for higher education and now i have barely a couple days to pick between a cursus way too difficult for me, a highly specialized cursus with shit outcomes, and a leap of faith into whatever kind of gap year alternative can get me out of my parents' hair for the time being. note how i have no fucking idea what that alternative could be, or what path i'd like to take ideally. fun.
#yeah yeah i know happens to everyone#anyway im. not happy abt the future outcomes rn#on one hand i know if i never choose the path of challenges i'm never gonna get anywhere#on the other hand my mental health is always a dumpster fire and i'm honestly not sure what's the way to fix it#if i have to waste my parents money being their vaguely adequate enough lapdog six more months i'm going to spontaneously die i think#but education costs money and takes efforts and i dont know what to do#i don't know what's my goal#i don't like anything anymore. i don't have any particular skills. i suck at anything actually useful.#please just assign me anything that needs to be done and pay me a living wage#i just don't want to choose#the only thing i think i'd feel alright doing is healthcare but. yknow. huge phobia of anatomy. not a science type.#and the crippling fear of inadequacy doing anything not the EXACT way it's meant to be done#i couldn't switch mid-year i just couldn't i don't fucking want to live that kind of feeling again#broadcasting my misery#vent
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quietly freaking out right now :)
#why? who knows!#I don't know!#everything bad!#I've been doing stuff I like all day. everything's been fine. and now? oh the world is ending. apparently#feel like I should be sobbing rn#but whyyyy#maybe cause I'm bad and everything I do is bad and pointless#that's probably it#I keep starting new paintings but there always comes a point when it starts being bad. so I never finish any#after a while you just start asking yourself what the fuck is the point. I don't like this. no one else gets to see it because I#hate it/myself too much. so like what's the plan here. just have 100 unfinished paintings stored in our spare room?#it's fucking stupid#I'm wasting time and money and like. my whole life. doing stupid pointless crap that no one including me cares about so like. maybe just#stop it man.#personal
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