#i don't date cheerios

[leclerc-s]

track four - the men start wars yet troy hates helen

series masterlist

SPAIN 2023

liked by alex_albon, louieee, francesca.cgomes and others

ines_sainz we are back in the motherland 🇪🇸

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user01 YOU'RE A BARCA FAN??

user02 she was a madridista by association not choice ines_sainz força barça!!! user01 fernando was found screaming and crying in a corner somewhere logansargeant you should see them on game days...it's way too intense

jensonbutton is that why you texted me, 'fernando's going to disown me' or was that over something else?

fernandoalo_oficial she is dramatic, i would not disown her. i am not some people user03 OH SHIT! HE WENT THERE!! ines_sainz no, that was because [redacted] almost set the kitchen on fire fernandoalo_ofical OTRA VEZ?? SAQUEN LO DE MI COCINA!! [again? get him out of my kitchen]

user04 see, part of me wants to believe that she's actually dating charles or oscar but neither of them dress that way. so it can't be them.

user05 hear me out, she dresses them so people won't suspect a thing. user04 that's very possible

charles_leclerc that explains the scream i heard from his drivers room five minutes ago when lando ran in there.

ines_sainz fucking snitch. this is why he has no wins louieee someone get this girl a pr manager maxverstappen1 no, please don't i'm loving this.

pedri paddock passes🙏??

ines_sainz barca game tickets for me and a few others?? pedri do i finally get to meet the boyfriend?? user06 SINCE WHEN ARE THESE TWO FRIENDS?? pedri honestly, i don't know but i can't get rid of her anymore? ines_sainz fuck you, forget about the paddock passes pedri NO AMIGA PERDONAME!! [no friend forgive me!!]

fernandoalo_oficial eres una traicionera [you're a traitor]

ines_sainz dad, you knew this about me when you adopted me? fernandoalo_oficial yes, but i chose to ignore that when it wasn't public information.

patriciooward my ahijada looks so cute in her outfit [goddaughter]

ines_sainz yes, [redacted] squealed when he saw her in that alex_albon thank you for blackmail infromation pierregasly he's not special, kika squealed too. alex_albon this is a grown man georgerussell63 is he grown?? logansargeant poor him catching strays when he can't defend himself

user07 INÉS SAINZ IS A CULER??

ines_sainz AND PROUD OF IT!!

user08 hear me out, she's dating pedri and is trying to trick all of us by telling us it's charles and oscar.

user05 BOOO!! THIS GUY SUCKS!! user08 PEDRI'S THE SAME AGE AS HER!! IT WOULD MAKE SENSE?? user01 just say you don't want us to have a throuple in formula 1 and move on.

ines_sainz posted new stories

shoutout to the fan that gave me these socks. they are my newest prized possession track walks with jb and father nando this is the face of a man who i just told who i invited to the race tomorrow

georgerussell replied to your story

georgerussell WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE SOCKS?? I NEED SOME!! ines_sainz george, a fan gave them to me, i think they made them. georgerussell boo!! i want some

pedri replied to your story

pedri is he actually mad? ines_sainz i think he's disappointed i'm a culer and not a madridista pedri tell your boyfriend i can't wait to meet him ines_sainz boyfriends* pedri perdoname, que? ines_sainz would you look at the time, i have to go walk my gold fish

ines_sainz posted new stories

cheerios are all back together again!! fredrickvestiofficial liamlawson30 logansargeant theopouchaire oscarpiastri not pictured is arthur_leclerc because he as fighting with charles over which kart he wanted oscar's learned some moves from track terror leclerc 💞💞

liked by pedri, oscarpiastri, charles_leclerc and others

ines_alonso new name, who dis?

jokes aside, papá, thanks for showing me what unconditional fatherly love was. no one's ever loved me (familially) the way you have. i haven't stopped crying since i got the news, [redacted] can attest to that. it means the world to me that we now, officially, get to be father and daughter after so many years of us joking about it. te quiero mucho papá 🩷🥹

tagged: fernandoalo_oficial

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aussiegrit he called me crying when he got the news

jensonbutton you have to clarify that he demanded a groupcall and proceeded to tell us through tears. ines_alonso wait, who else was involved? lewishamilton think the group chat you created ines_alonso he loves me that's why 🥹 fernandoalo_oficial yes, the whole world now knows that i love my kid

lancestroll congrats! he hasn't stopped talking about this for weeks.

ines_alonso i hope you people know i'm going to keep crying if you keep saying things like this lancestroll it's true, i think everyone on the team knew how excited he was to be your dad, officially that is.

louieee oh baby, i'm so glad you finally have someone who loves you the way a father should love his child. i'm actually crying for you. things are just starting to look up for you 🩷🩷

ines_alonso lou, i'm literally sobbing. a big thank you to you for sticking by my side through this entire mess and for always thinking i was capable of being loved 🩷🩷 louieee you've always been capable of being loved, it's not your fault they have the emotional range of a teaspoon and never knew how to appreciate you.

charles_leclerc félicitations! i know you've waited for this day for a long time

ines_alonso i'm still crying charles, please stop..i'm going to become dehydrated soon. charles_leclerc please drink water

patriciooward VAMOS!! AL FIN!!

ines_alonso MY BROTHER FROM ANOTHER MOTHER (OFFICIAL) patricooward wait, does this mean i have to give [redacted] a shovel talk?? ines_alonso no. max, daniel, and fernando already did that patriciooward thank god. i am not cut out for that.

mickschumacher welcome to the world champion's children club inés!!

ines_alonso who else is in the club? mickschumacher me, you, nico (reluctant) and any other world champion children

oscarpiastri finally, just let out a huge sigh of relief

ines_alonso thanks osc

maxverstappen1 oh thank god, it's about fucking time this happened. can he adopt me next?

ines_alonso back off!! i just got him, get your own dad. i heard kimi is taking applications, but you might have to fight osc

alex_albon WAR IS OVER! SHE'S FREE!!

lilymhe we can throw a party for them alex_albon that might be one of the best ideas you've ever had

georgerussell63 the sigh i swear i just heard nico let out

lewishamilton 🤨 what are you doing with nico?? georgerussell63 mind ya business

pedri felicitaciones!! al fin tienes un papá que te aprecia! [congratulations!! you finally have a dad who appreciates you]

ines_alonso por favor, parale, no puedo llorar más. [please, stop, i can't cry anymore] pedri eso es una mentira, siempre estás llorando [that's a lie, you're always crying]

fcbarcelona felicitaciones a ti y a tu nuevo papa!!

ines_alonso the scream i just scrumpt charles_leclerc i can confirm that oscarpiastri i can also confirm that

sabrinacarpenter congratulations you beautiful girl 💝

ines_alonso holy shit- oscarpiastri i can't take much more screaming charles_leclerc neither can i. please stop. sabrinacarpenter i'm sorry??

AUSTRIA 2023

SPA 2023

liked by louieee, isahernaez, judebellingham and others

ines_alonso 🌊☀️

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ines_alonso oops, sorry *shared one last name

user08 STOP! INÉS YOU CAN'T DO THIS!! user09 ICON!! BEING ICONIC RUNS IN THE ALONSO FAMILY LADIES AND GENTLEBITCHES!!

user10 she's so family jewels coded

louieee i would say i'm sorry but i'm not and the people deserved to know the truth 🩷

ines_alonso speak your truth king!! maxverstappen1 if you didn't say something, i would've and trust me i would've been a lot less nice alex_albon trust us, we're aware

user11 i don't know what i find more shocking that isa is in her likes or that jude bellingham is

user12 a footballer for real madrid in her likes after the barca post is fucking funny user13 i feel like we're forgetting that she's probably close with isa, she told her about carlos' alleged (confirmed but i don't want the sainz family to sue me for defamation) cheating

user14 the pictures 😃🩷 vs the lyrics 💔💔

mickschumacher i rate your first scandal as an alonso a solid 6/10

ines_alonso i definitely could've topped crashgate but dad said no fernandoalo_ofical i can only handle so much from you and [redacted]. if he sets my kitchen on fire one more time i'm going to ban him for a few months.

logansargeant hey, who got you smiling like that?

ines_alonso your mom logansargeant i hate you

maxverstappen1 a not so kind reminder to judebellingham she's a taken woman. not by me but i'll defend their honor

danielricciardo just say you think of her as a little sister and move on dude maxverstappen1 shut your mouth ricciardo ines_alonso it's okay i already know he loves me maxverstappen1 debatable

isahernaez que lindura, estás brillando inés

ines_alonso isa!! te extraño 🩷 isahernaez igualmente pequeña 💞 user15 oh i bet c*rlos s*inz just shit himself

liamlawson30 do you think he wakes up in a cold sweat whenever you post?

ines_alonso god i hope he does jensonbutton it's what he deserves, xoxo ines_alonso what is your ass doing here? go take care of your children?? jensonbutton you are my child??

user16 YES BABE!! CALL OUT YOUR SHITTY FAMILY!!! SERVE THAT CUNTLONSO!!!

user17 cuntlonso?? is that what we're calling them now?? user18 kinda matches them because they serve cunt!!

patriciooward when you said i'm so marina & the diamonds coded this is not the song i had in mind

ines_alonso what other song could you possibly think of?? patriciooward bubblegum bitch? primadonna? how to be a heartbreaker?? anything but this?? maxverstappen1 she's so matilda coded, according to twitter logansargeant MATILDA?? BY HARRY STYLES?? maxverstappen1 i don't fucking know who sings it. ines_alonso it's okay max, we can both be family line coded patricooward STOP IT!! GET SOME HELP!!! oscarpiastri THERAPY!! BOTH OF YOU!! NOW!! maxverstappen1 therapy is a hoax

user18 racing is a serious sport they said. our drivers are so serious they said. the said drivers are arguing over what song is them coded

user19 and they're all depressing..FIA get them some therapy we beg. user20 but for the record max is so seven coded and inés is so matilda coded user18 STOP MAKING ME SAD?? user21 and charles is so mirrorball coded user22 alex is definitely this is me trying coded user23 logan is also this is me trying coded user18 YOU PEOPLE JUST MADE IT WORSE?! STOP IT!! user23 but is so fun to share our pain with others??

¡taglist!

@minmira95 // @lesliiieeeee // @vroomvroommuppett // @prongsvault // @justtprachisblog // @scuderiadevils // @cataf1 // @chezmardybum // @formulaal // @lilsiz // @norstappenvibes // @ironspdy // @nikfigueiredo @hinamesgigantica // @niniluvsainz // @matchaverse // @fakeikeastore // @theseus-jpg // @six-call // @81folklore // @emppusofi // @luvsforme // @nichmeddar // @loloekie // @luvpedro // @donttouchthegnote // @nothaqks // @inferiusreggie // @mochimommy2002 // @rach3164 // @clove08 // @clove0 // @lillysbigwilly // @jenxjar // @blupblupfish // @thereadinggremlin05 // @meowiarty // @magical-spit // @camdensreg // @laneyspaulding19 // @ocyeanicc // @yelenasloverrrrr // @percervall // @blushmimi // @spilled-coffee-cup // @michelleyw81 // @greantii // @ietss

¡not taggable!

@ashlovestoread1411 // @books-thingys-andstuff // @nothanqks // @yeanoskrrt // @ale-522 // @aandreea_2005 // @Katness1 // @mgmoore // @Scott-McCall-could-lift-mjolnir // @xxx-betty // @ririyulife // @landonorizzz // @moldyshorts1997 // @itstimeforutogo // @yar16 // @em-andemm // @killjoycra

¡leclerc-s speaks!

note: i know next to nothing about soccer or football, whichever you prefer, but i do know enough to know that barca and real madrid have a rivalry. so i decided for shits and giggles to make her a barca fan. i love giving my female ocs so much power because it's what women deserve!!! anyways, got caught lacking by the 30 image limit. i could've written a bit more but it was cut short. perhaps i should stop rambling when it's not necessary but i can't help myself. i debated on whether or i should've had inés adopted by fernando but i decided that would be the ultimate fuck you so i did it.

¡disclaimer!

this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

[badkitty3000]

Can you write Five (adult body) getting with a gorgeous woman for the first time and going on a bit of a power trip and just extreme edging and playing with her and kinda humiliating (actions not words)

Sorry this took a bit longer to write...I got a little carried away with this one and it ended up being longer than anticipated. But I loved this idea and I got very excited about it!

I decided to write this from Five's POV. I still consider this a reader-insert because the MC is not named. But there is no use of "you" in it, only "she" and "her".

Thank you so much for this request. It was really fun to write! 😽

Tamed

Five x Reader One-shot, 8143 words

Warnings: Smut, Edging, Physical age difference (older woman, younger man), everyone is an adult

I sigh heavily as I survey the shelf of cereal in front of me. I mull over my choices, humming quietly along with the Neil Diamond song playing on the grocery store speakers overhead. Wheaties, Grape Nuts, Cheerios. I wonder what the fiber to protein ratio is on these? God, I’m bored. Is this really my life, now? It’s true that I wanted a peaceful life without the threat of the world ending or the people I know getting obliterated and dying. And it was nice for a while, don’t get me wrong. I liked not having to worry about my family, now that they were all safe. And I didn’t need to act as a cold-blooded serial killer anymore. I could just be the normal man I had always wanted to be. But I’m beginning to think that normal equals boring.

I have my powers back, so at least there’s that. As much as I wanted a simple life for myself, that doesn’t mean I wanted to be just like everyone else in every way. Those years of having no powers were a downright nightmare, so thank Christ that didn’t last. So, yes, I can blink and time travel and kick the living shit out of almost anyone, but it’s still all so…ordinary. Most days I just wander around the city, enjoying the peace and quiet, but also wondering what to do next. There has to be something else, right?

I am still in the body of a much younger person, despite being mentally in my 60s. Physically, I’m around 20, and while I’m definitely not complaining, it has left a lot of years ahead of me. It has also complicated the dating scene. In the beginning, I had to wait it out a few years, and let me tell you, it’s rough being a horny old man in a 13 year old body. And a horny 13 year-old with the mind of an old man. But I did end up getting plenty of handjobs, so there’s that. Unfortunately, they were all self-executed.

But now…now, I am starting to reap more benefits of this strong and youthful body I found myself dumped back into all those years ago. Women notice me. Men notice me. And the attention is not half bad. It still leads to another dilemma, however.

Let’s say I would like to indulge in some adult activities with a woman. I have no problem finding someone to fill that role. That makes me sound like an asshole, but it’s true. On my way into the store today, I noticed a young woman looking me over like I was a piece of meat. I’m fairly certain that if I had wanted to, I could have strolled on over, struck up a conversation, and had her back at my place in an hour. I know this, because I’ve done it before. But afterwards, I feel like a real creep. They don't know my real age, obviously, and unless they have some unresolved daddy issues, I’m guessing they would be none too happy to find out. Not to mention there’s usually not a whole lot for the two of us to discuss. So, I ignored this most recent prospect and am now standing in front of a line of breakfast foods before heading on over to the soup aisle. 

I sigh heavily again.

“If you get the bigger box, it’s actually more economical, you know.”

I glance up, Fiber One cereal in hand, to find a woman standing next to me, the amusement on her face giving the impression that she’s up to something crafty. My mouth opens partly, but no sound comes out. She is maybe the most stunning woman I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m talking supermodel-gorgeous. With her dark auburn hair and dramatic curves, I can’t stop staring like there’s something wrong with me. And here’s the real kicker: she’s probably in her mid-forties. Finally, I find my voice.

“Nope. I have a coupon, so…the smaller box is cheaper,” I offer, shaking the box in front of me with a smile. As if what I just said is a real panty dropper.

She nods, still smirking, and then I see her light brown eyes slowly move their way up my body until they’re back at my face again. One of her eyebrows quirks up playfully, insinuating she might like what she sees. She’s not even trying to hide it. 

“Shouldn’t you be buying Lucky Charms or something?”

I let out a small laugh and run a hand through my hair. “Do you mean, shouldn’t I be buying a kid’s cereal instead of something your grandpa probably eats?”

She shrugs. “Something like that.”

“Let’s just say my outward appearance is not a direct correlation to my mental maturity.”

She puts a hand on her hip and eyes me up and down again. “Is that so? Well, they say age is just a number, right? As long as that number is 18 or older.” She gives me a wink.

I almost keel over into the oatmeal, but I keep my cool. I return her flirtatious come-on with my own, flashing her a slanted smile as my gaze travels over her amazing body. I figure if she’s not going to be subtle, neither am I. 

“I can assure you two things. One, I am safely past that number. And two, if you need further proof, I’d be happy to demonstrate that I am most definitely not a kid.”

She lets out a breathy laugh and I pride myself on the fact that I may have flustered her.

“Cute and confident. I like that. Unless it’s all talk, of course.”

I cock my head to the side, a smug smirk on my face. “One way to find out.”

The corner of her mouth turns up, amused with this little game. “And what way is that?”

“Why don’t I whip it out and show you?”

I may have actually shocked her, because her eyes widen for just a split second before her devious grin is back. “Right here in the cereal aisle?”

I nod, and then reach into my pocket. I see her eyes wander down to my crotch. Then I pull out my wallet with a flourish and hold it up. She laughs loudly and genuinely, while I pretend I don’t understand, furrowing my brow in confusion.

“I was talking about my I.D. to show you my age. Did you think I meant something else?”

My face breaks into a grin and I put my wallet back. She smiles again. “Very clever. You must have a pretty big brain to go along with that handsome face.”

This a total, obvious set up, so of course I take the bait. “I haven’t had any complaints on size,” I answer, looking her dead in the eye.

She pauses for a second, as if mulling it over. Then she nods a little. “Hmmm,” she says, her pink lips pressed together. Without another word, she turns and starts pushing her cart down the aisle, away from me. I watch a little sadly, even though the view from behind is spectacular. I feel like I need to say something, so I call out.

“Aren’t you even going to give me your name?”

She doesn’t stop, but she answers back over her shoulder. “For now you can just call me Mrs. Robinson.” Then she pauses and turns to look at my stunned expression. “And if you understand that reference, then I hope we run into each other again very soon.”

I watch, dumbfounded, as she turns down the next aisle and is out of sight.

“Fuck,” I exhale out loud. Then I look down at my box of old man cereal and frown. “Of all the things I could be holding, did it have to be something that advertises the benefits of fiber? Couldn’t she have caught me with some wine or a goddamn box of magnum condoms?”

I glance up after I drop the box into my shopping basket, just as another woman passes by. This one, however, looks to be about 90 and is using a walker. Her confused look tells me there is nothing wrong with her hearing though, and she caught every word I just said out loud to myself. I smile, embarrassed.

“There’s good coupons in the ad today. Might want to check it out,” I offer.

She gives me a terse nod and she’s off, probably to buy the same cereal as me, and I head toward the check-out shaking my head at my dumbassery.

Five days later, and I’m back at the store. This isn’t my first trip back, hoping to run into the beautiful woman again. After learning through the way of the kid at the check-out that first day, I found out her name and situation. Apparently, she is quite the cougar on the hunt. At least according to Brad the bagger. She picks out a new piece of young, clueless arm candy at least once every couple of weeks. Even one of the stockboys in the back was chosen at one point. The stories he told the other guys at the store were legendary. She likes to be the teacher, and show them how to do things right. This is all hearsay, but I’m inclined to believe it after our little back-and-forth the other day.

She doesn’t know what I know, though. And that is the fact that I don’t need a teacher. I do things right the first time. And I do them pretty fucking well.

The woman has gotten under my skin. She is the excitement I have been looking for. And her age and my age, in this situation, aren’t a problem. It’s perfect, actually. So, each day since that day I saw her, I have been dressing in my black, three-piece suit and going back to the store. I look around, doing a few loops until I’m certain I’m not missing her, and then I buy some random item so I don’t look too suspicious. A carton of milk, a toothbrush, a stalk of celery. Brad the bagger has me figured out, though, and he gives me a lopsided smile that I know means “Better luck next time”.

This time, though, when I make my way down the frozen food aisle, I stop when I hear a voice from behind me.

“How did that cereal work out for you? Did you get enough fiber intake?”

I smile to myself before turning around. I put my hands in my pants pockets and spin on my heel, facing her head-on. She’s just as fucking gorgeous as the first time I saw her. Maybe even more. The tight, white, button-down shirt she is wearing is sleeveless, and I can see she is wearing a black bra underneath. It shows off her toned, tanned arms and just enough of her cleavage to make it interesting. The small shorts she has on are hugging her hips just right and those eyes of hers are framed in dark lashes that blink slowly as she looks me over. 

“Yes, actually. I think I got all of my nutritional needs met, thank you.”

She nods. “Nice suit.”

“Thanks.”

“You know, I wasn’t really sure I’d be seeing you again, but I’m glad we ran into one another. Must be fate.”

I nod. “Must be.” Then I give her a grin. “I definitely have not been coming here everyday hoping to run into you.”

Her eyebrows raise in surprise. “Well, you’re not very subtle, are you? I never did get your name.”

“Five Hargreeves,” I say, extending my hand.

Since the reset, the Hargreeves name lives on. If you bear the name of my adoptive, world-dominating father, that automatically means you are special. We all have powers and everyone knows it. But the Umbrella Academy as a team has ceased to exist, even in people’s memories. So, she doesn’t know who I am and it just sounds like I have a number as a name for no reason. Some of my siblings have changed their names to try and start over with a clean slate; hiding their powers from the rest of the public. Not me. I’m too old and set in my ways. Besides…I could have picked a different name a long time ago and chose not to. No use in doing it now.

“Hargreeves? So, you’re one of them?”

She takes my hand in hers to shake it, leaving it linger just a little too long. Her question isn’t accusatory or judgmental in any way. She only sounds curious.

“I am,” I answer, but I don’t follow it up with any detail.

“So what can you do?”

Her question is obviously about my powers, but I’d rather keep our little game going.

“Many, many impressive things.”

She gives me a half smile and nods her approval. “Five huh? Interesting. Well, my name is not actually Mrs. Robinson, as I’m sure you figured out. It’s –”

I interrupt her. “I know who you are.”

“Oh really? Am I that famous around here?”

“Seems that you are. You have quite the reputation.” I pause. “In a good way.”

She smiles coyly again. Then she turns to the glass doors of the freezers that are lined up against the wall. She opens the door and reaches in to grab a bag of vegetables, a white cloud puffing up around her from the cold. When she closes the door again, she turns to face me. I glance down at her chest. The cold air has caused her nipples to harden and are clearly visible through her tight shirt. She sees me notice and lets me stare for a few more seconds before dropping the bag into the basket looped over her arm.

“Since you’re here, would you mind helping me with something?” she asks, brushing her hair over her shoulder.

Her question jolts me out of my little daydream of running my tongue and teeth over those delicious looking peaks and I rub the back of my neck.

“Of course.”

She points back at the freezer. “Can you reach something on the top shelf for me?”

I nod and she opens the door, the blast of cold air hitting us both in the face. We’re standing close to one another now and I can see the fine wrinkles at the corners of her eyes and around her mouth. It somehow makes her look even sexier.

“What do you need?” I ask. She’s a couple inches shorter than me and I look down at her.

Her eyes don’t move off of mine when she answers. “I need some sausage.”

I almost laugh directly in her face, and I can see she is trying to hold it together, too. But we’re both having too much fun to break now. I glance up to the top shelf and sure enough, there is a box of breakfast sausages. I put my hand on one of them.

“These?”

She shakes her head. “The big one.”

With a giant grin, I grab the bigger box and pull them down. Then I close in on her, until we’re so close her perfect tits are practically rubbing against my chest. I see her take in a sharp breath.

“That’s the one,” she says with a nod. “Just put it in my basket. If it will fit.”

“Don’t worry. I can make it fit,” I say as I smirk and look down at the almost-full shopping basket.

There’s a small opening along the side and I push the box into it, shoving it in to make a snug fit.

“See? Perfect fit,” I assure her as my hand brushes against her bare arm. “You just have to know how to slide it in.”

We stand there a second longer, our bodies so close I am having a hard time not pulling her in and fucking her into the frozen tater tots. The ridiculous innuendos are making us smile, though, and pretty soon we’re both laughing. Her laugh is nice and I like hearing it. It feels good to laugh with someone.

“So, Five…do you still have more shopping to do?”

I look down at my empty hands, then back at her. “Nope. I got what I came for.”

With another thoughtful nod, she sets her basket on the floor. “You know, I just remembered I left my wallet at home, so I guess I won’t be able to pay for these.”

“That’s a shame. You probably shouldn’t be driving without a license, either. Maybe I should take you home.”

She reaches out and slowly pulls my tie out from inside the vest of my suit, running two fingers down the silk edge of it before dropping it again. 

“Well, aren’t you such a nice young man? You must have been a boy scout.”

I shake my head and put my hands back in my pockets, trying not to moan directly in her face from her touch and the way she’s looking at me. “Not exactly.”

She shrugs and turns around, walking away. Apparently, I am supposed to follow her like an obedient little puppy. And I will for right now. I can play this game, too. I’ll let her think I’m some dumb kid that doesn’t know how to work a vagina and will cum all over her hand the first time she touches my dick. But she doesn’t know I’m about to prove her very, very wrong. I exchange looks with Brad the bagger, who is giving me a thumbs up, as I follow her out the doors.

I lead her to my car, and she stops when we reach it, surprised at what she’s seeing.

“Wait, this is your car?”

“Why? You don’t like it?”

She shakes her head. “No, no, it’s great. It’s just I wouldn’t have guessed you’d be a Corvette Stingray guy.”

I walk around to the passenger side and open the door for her. It’s a nice day out and I have the top down. It’s also freshly washed, so the blue paint is shining. I watch her legs and ass as she slips inside onto the leather seat, and I close the door gently. When I cross over to the driver’s side and get in, she looks over at me with a smile and it doesn’t even feel awkward. We know what we’re doing, so there’s no need to try and pretend something else is going on here. 

“Where to?” I ask, turning the key in the ignition. The car roars to life.

Once she gives me directions, I peel out of the parking lot, rounding the corner at top speed and head out onto the main road. I like to drive fast, and when I look over at her, she is laughing; her hair blowing behind her in the wind and the sun shining on her face. Seeing her happy and excited like that makes me feel good. I kick it into fourth and whip around the cars in front of me.

We arrive a few minutes later. She lives in an unassuming house in an unassuming neighborhood. When she unlocks the door and lets me inside, I take a look around. The house is clean, tidy, and tasteful. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this. Maybe leopard print sofas or a sex swing in the middle of the living room. But, no, this is very much a normal looking home. 

“Please, make yourself at home,” she says, gesturing to the living room we’re standing in before walking into the open kitchen that is right next to it.

I shrug off my suit coat and do away with my tie, laying them across the back of an armchair. I unbutton the top couple buttons of my shirt and roll up my sleeves as I join her in the kitchen.

“Would you like a beer?” she asks, her hand on the refrigerator door.

I can’t stop staring at her, and I’m dying to see that body that I know is fucking gorgeous under those clothes. But, I wait.

“Actually, do you have any scotch?” I ask.

She looks surprised and then she tilts her head. “Yes, I do. I have damn good scotch, in fact.”

“Great.”

She points to a cabinet. “In there. There’s glasses just to the left.”

As I turn to open the cupboard, I say something about how I’m impressed with her choice of booze. I pull the stopper out and fill two glasses halfway.

“Most of my guests don’t appreciate good quality scotch.”

I hand her a glass and take a sip from my own. She’s right; it’s damn good.

“I’m willing to bet I’m not like most of your usual guests.”

She eyes me up over her glass and shakes her head. “No. So far, you’ve been surprising me.” She takes a drink and lowers her glass again. “So, these powers you have. What are they, exactly?”

This is the perfect invitation and my mouth pulls into a smirk. I set my glass down on the counter behind me. With no warning, I blink the few feet that separates us and I reappear almost on top of her, with my body brushing against hers as she audibly gasps.

I place a hand on the side of her neck, my thumb rubbing lightly across her cheek. “That,” I answer, before using my other hand to take her glass and set it down behind her.

I can see and feel her chest starting to rise and fall at a more rapid pace as she stares up at me, her lips slightly parted. I don’t want to wait anymore, so I lean in for a kiss. It’s soft at first, but when I feel her mouth respond to mine, it becomes more heated. Soon, I am pulling her to me with an arm around her waist. My hand is still on her neck, and I chance it by giving her hair a soft tug from behind. I hear her breathe in sharply through her nose and she presses into me further.

When we finally break away from one another, our heads still close together, we are breathing hard and fast. I push my groin against her so she can feel what she’s doing to me. I see a small smile form on her lips.

“Is this what you’ve been wanting from me?” I ask quietly.

She lets out a very soft sigh and closes her eyes before opening them again and pushing back against me.

“Among other things,” she says.

I nod before diving back onto her mouth again, hungry for more. Her hands run down my back and down to my waist, then back up my arms. I love the feeling of her hands on me and it’s getting me even more riled up.

I stop again, leaving her breathless. Without bothering with anymore questions, I rip her shirt open down the front, tearing the buttons apart until it’s fully open and I slide it down her arms, letting it drop to the floor. She doesn’t try to stop me and when I take a few seconds to admire the view of her magnificent tits in the thin black bra she is wearing, she gives me a smile. I run my hands over them and she tilts her head back.

“You’re fucking gorgeous,” I tell her. When she looks back at me, I raise one eyebrow. “But I think you already know that. Don’t you, honey?”

She gives me a small laugh. “Honey?”

I put my hands on either side of her waist and pull her in with a sharp tug and suddenly she’s not smiling anymore. But she is clutching at my shirt on my back.

“You know exactly what you’re doing with that amazing body of yours. And you like it when you have to show your little boy toys how to handle it, don’t you?”

She is looking up at me in surprise, her chest flush with mine and my dick grinding into her. She takes a loud breath in and her hands fall to my waist. Her mouth twitches up at the corner and she shakes her head.

“Damn. You figured me out.”

My hands find their way down to the front of her shorts and I start to slowly unbutton and unzip them, all while looking her directly in the eyes. I do not return her smile. I want her to know I mean business.

“That’s not what’s going to happen this time.”

I push her shorts down and they drop to the floor at her feet. Her small, black panties match the bra and I immediately want to tear those off, as well.

“What is going to happen, then?” she asks, still trying to maintain her air of coolness, but I can see I’m getting to her when she swallows hard.

I don’t answer, but I do drop to my knees in front of her and look up at her shocked face. I yank the panties down in one motion and she steps out of them. With one more look back up, I lean in and drag my tongue up her slit; slowly and deliberately, while she lets her eyes close and her head fall back. A soft whimper escapes her throat and her hips push subtly into me. She tastes so good, just like I knew she would, and I give her another long lick.

“We’re going to have some fun,” I tell her, before giving her a soft kiss right onto her sensitive mound. She makes another breathy noise above me, and I take that to mean she likes my plan.

I know she still doesn’t realize everything I am capable of yet, but she will. I have decided, as a personal challenge to myself, that by the time I am through with her she will be begging me for more. I’m going to ruin her so that she won’t even be able to think of anyone else but me. And I’m not going to stop until this wild cat is a domesticated house kitty, purring in my lap. The thought makes me grin salaciously before my mouth is back on her.

I don’t bother starting out slow. I’m eating her out, sucking at her clit and flicking my tongue over and into every crevice, all while gripping her thighs so tightly my fingers are digging into her skin. She moans out loud, and I push her roughly backward until she is clutching at the edge of the counter and her ass is up against it. I pull my face off of her just long enough for me to take a hand and slap the inside of one of her thighs. She looks down at me, startled.

“Spread them for me,” I demand.

She follows my instructions, widening her stance, and I go back in for more. I could eat this pussy all day, and I shove my tongue inside of her. Her slick is pouring out of her the more I work her over; coating my mouth in her delicious taste. The loud breathing and even louder moans I hear are turning me on and my cock is straining inside my pants.

“Fff…oh my g-ahhh…yes yes…ff-iii…”

I let out a tiny laugh because the sounds and words she’s saying make no sense. I can’t tell if she wants to say my name or curse, but either way I know I’m doing something right. I’ve got her brain all scrambled, which is what I was aiming for.

I keep going, fucking her with my hungry mouth while she gets more and more worked up. Her whines are becoming higher in pitch and she’s desperately trying to grind against my face. When I feel her hand on my head, her fingers laced in my hair, I know I’ve got her. She tries to push my face harder into herself.

“Five…keep going…more…” she stutters out, and I know she’s teetering on the edge.

Instead of letting her come all over my face, I immediately back off. She tries to pull me back in, but I don’t let her. I look up at her as I catch my breath, my mouth wet from her dripping pussy, and I love how fucking desperate and sad she looks right now.

“What…fuck…I was right there,” she pants, as if she thinks I made some mistake and I didn’t realize she was about to finish.

I shake my head slowly, like the smug asshole I am, and rise up until I’m looking down on her again. Her chest is heaving and she’s looking at me like she can’t quite believe what is happening.

“I know, sweetheart. That wasn’t fair, was it?” I ask condescendingly before giving her a kiss on her cheek.

She stares at me in disbelief for a second before one side of her mouth quirks up. “You were right. This is not how I thought this was going to go.”

I stroke her cheek and brush a piece of hair off her forehead. My movements are slow and gentle, and I’m taking my time. 

“But do you like it?” I ask quietly, before guiding her face to look at me with a hand on her chin.

She swallows nervously again, but that tiny smile is still there and there’s a hungry spark in her eyes. She nods.

“Yeah. I think I do.”

When she pulls me by my belt loops, hard so that my groin slams into her, I chuckle. “The more you want it, the more I’m going to make you wait.”

Her eyebrows draw together with frustration. It’s the first time she’s looked significantly younger than her age, and she almost appears to be on the verge of a temper tantrum. I can tell she’s used to getting her way all the time. I like teasing her, but I also don’t want to be that much of a jerk. Plus, holding out is killing me, too.

“How about this, I’ll give you a choice. I can either fuck you here, on the kitchen countertop; or we can go to the bedroom. Whichever you want.”

She makes a little gutteral noise in her throat and her eyes flutter close for half a second. She tries to push against me again, but I don’t let her.

“Bedroom,” she whispers.

I nod, pleased with her choice. There will be a bigger work area for me there. She takes me by the hand, leading me down a hallway. I know she’s a little embarrassed, because she’s completely undressed except for her bra, and I still have all of my clothes on. It further drives home the point that I’ve taken the reins here.

Once we’re in the bedroom, she tries to pounce on me again, but I gently push her back onto the bed. She doesn’t say anything, just looks up at me with those beautiful brown eyes and waits. I think she’s starting to understand the game now. As she watches, I strip off my shirt and pants. Then I climb over the top of her in nothing but my boxers. She immediately lies down on her back beneath me.

I begin kissing her again; hot, open-mouth kisses that have her shoving her tongue inside my mouth and pulling me down on top of her. I reach around to unhook her bra and throw that off to the side somewhere. Now she’s completely naked and I just have to take a minute to admire the view.

I raise up on my forearms, pulling away from her mouth, and look below me. Fuck. I’m not sure how it’s possible that I ended up with this absolute work of art that is dying for my dick inside of her right now, but here we are. It’s a goddamn miracle, is what it is. 

“Do you know how stunningly beautiful you are?” I ask sincerely, still not taking my eyes off her luscious curves.

This seems to make her a little flustered and I even see her blush a little. It has me thinking that maybe these dumbass toddlers that she’s been bringing back here haven’t exactly been as appreciative as I am. They apparently didn’t realize that they should have been worshiping her, not just fucking her and leaving. What a tragedy.

She laughs quietly. “Ok.”

“I’m not kidding,” I tell her, looking her in the eyes again. “You’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever met in my life.”

When I say that, our eyes locked on one another, I can feel something click between us. A connection is made. I can see that she believes me and I’ve made her feel good about herself. But there’s something else there, too. Something I don’t know how to describe. But I like it.

“Thank you,” she whispers with a smile.

She reaches up to push my hair back off my face, and then she is pulling me down again with a hand on the back of my neck. I let her take the lead for just a second because it feels so good. My body is covering hers as we trade more deep kisses back and forth, and I position myself so that my hard cock is pressing between her legs. She moans into my mouth and opens her legs wider for me. 

I keep at it, rubbing up against her; the cotton fabric of my boxers creating a shield of friction between us, but she is still getting off on it. It obviously feels amazing to me, too, and I am honestly thinking of foregoing this whole orgasm denial thing I’ve got going on and just fucking her as hard as possible right now. But I don’t. I continue to rut into her as she presses harder and harder against me, jerking her hips up and digging her nails into my bare shoulders.

“Oh my god,” she whines next to my ear. “Please…”

I smile to myself, my face hidden in the crook of her neck. I give her a sharp bite that makes her squeak. 

“I love that you’re so needy,” I tell her, moving to the other side of her neck and sucking a bruise onto it. “I bet you never begged for someone’s cock before, have you?”

She doesn’t answer, probably because she’s either too focused on humping me or she’s embarrassed that I called her out. Either way, it’s a win for me. She keeps grinding against me, her actions becoming faster and more desperate. I can feel her hot, wet pussy with each pass over my dick, and oh fuck, it makes me want to lose my mind. I can’t even really believe I’m holding out this long, but I’ve made it this far I guess. Let’s keep this going.

As soon as she is completely lost in her own little world, eyes closed and hands clutching at my arms and back, I can see she’s so close to coming again. She’s making small grunting noises and whimpers as she rams her swollen clit against me. 

“Oh shit…oh shit…” she starts chanting and her grip on my skin tightens.

The grin on my face is extremely cruel as I suddenly move off her, sitting on my knees in between her legs. Her hips move up, only to meet nothing but air and her eyes fly open.

“What the fuck!”

Her eyes are wide and she’s breathing like a freight train. Her hips keep twitching just slightly, like they haven’t quite caught up to the rest of her body yet. She looks pretty pissed off and it’s adorable.

“Did you think I was going to let you get off just from grinding on my dick like that?” I shake my head, pitying her. “Honey…I thought you figured this out.”

“You are a bastard,” she fumes, her jaw clenched tight.

“It’s really hard to take you seriously when you’re wearing nothing but the marks I just gave you. You’re still so soaking wet for me I can see the evidence in a pool on the sheets.”

She’s quiet again and a soft blush blooms across her chest. I know it is killing her to be this vulnerable right now, so I decide to throw her a bone. Still resting on my knees, I pull my boxers down over my cock, letting her have a good look before maneuvering them the rest of the way off. I stay where I am and make her watch.

Taking my rock hard dick in my hand, I give it a few slow strokes while maintaining eye contact with her. She has propped herself up on her elbows and she’s practically drooling over what she’s seeing. I might not be porn star-level big, but in the scheme of things, it’s mildly impressive. At least, she seems to think so.

“Damn,” she rasps out before looking me in the eyes again. She is dead serious when she tells me, “I want you to fuck me with that.”

I laugh because I just can’t help it and even she smiles at that. I reach down and take one of her hands, pulling her up towards me so that she is sitting up.

“Come here,” I say gently, although my face is back to being serious. She shuffles forward a little and I grab her around the waist, positioning her so that she is straddling my lap while I stay kneeling.

The position makes my cock rub against her slit again, and she’s already trying to roll her hips into me. I let her do that a few times, mostly because it feels so goddamn good, but then I hold her still with my hands on either side of her waist.

“I know how badly you want this. And I’m going to give it to you, don’t worry. But you’re going to have to be a little more patient, ok sweet girl?”

My tone is patronizing and she doesn’t like it. But after a few seconds she gives me a small nod. I go back to kissing her, because I seem to not be able to get enough of her lips against mine, and I tangle my fingers in her hair. She groans when I give it a sharp tug.

Without pulling away, I move my hands back down to her hips and start to guide her. Very slowly, I move her body over mine, so that her dripping wet slit is sliding back and forth over my dick. I let out a long, low moan and tighten my grip on her. 

“Please,” she’s whimpering against my mouth again.

“Please what, sweetheart?” I tease, moving my lips to her neck and her shoulder while still keeping control of her pace on top of me.

“Please fuck me.”

It’s so pathetic the way she’s whining that I want to laugh. But I’m also pretty damn close to begging too, and I have to keep trying to focus on not letting myself slip inside of her just yet.

I shake my head, denying her request, but I do pick up the pace a little. I start moving her faster, until she’s grinding hard onto my shaft and I can see she’s just about ready to come again. 

“How do you feel, sweetheart? Is that good?” I ask softly near her ear.

She nods, her eyes still closed. “God, yes…so fucking good. I’m almost there…please.”

“I know you are,” I tell her.

She starts whining and moaning louder and grinding into me harder and she thinks I’m going to let her finally give in to her orgasm, but just as I see her start to tip over that edge, I use my strength to throw her off of me so that she is on her back again.

“Fiive…”

She draws my name out in a long, demoralized cry that is so sad and so pitiful, with her eyes that are pleading for me and her mouth open while she gasps for breath. Oh fuck…I need her.

This time I don’t tease or prolong anything. I’m hard as a rock and dripping with pre-cum and I need to be inside of her now. But there’s one last thing I’m going to make her do for me.

I grab onto her again, and instead of throwing her around, I use my handy spatial manipulation powers and blink us both into the position I want. This is always a risky move that could end with someone accidentally sailing onto the floor or my genitals being smashed into a pancake, but luckily I get it right. I land on my back and she is on top of me. She lets out a short shriek of surprise, but when she realizes what happened she smiles down at me.

“Ride me,” I tell her, not even bothering with an explanation of how or why I flung her through the vacuum of space. “Now,” I emphasize through gritted teeth, in case she was not getting the point.

She gets it, though, because it only takes her a couple of seconds before she is sinking down onto my cock until I’m fully buried in her tight sleeve, and holy shit, it’s the best thing I’ve ever felt in my life.

We both let out a loud moan from how amazing it feels after all of the anticipation. She leans back, grabbing my legs behind her for leverage, and she starts to rock her hips forcefully on top of me. I reach up to squeeze and mold each breast in my hands, watching as her beautiful mouth drops open and her head falls back.

Her movements are driving me crazy, but I still want more. I lower my hands so I can clutch at her hips again, but not before I slap her on the ass with a loud smack. That got her attention and her head snaps up again, eyes wide.

“Look at me,” I demand.

She does and I hold her gaze while I pump her body faster and harder on top of me. I’m pushing my own hips up against her, trying to feel as much of her as humanly possible, but I swear it’s still not enough.

“Fuck me harder. Come on, harder,” I tell her, and I vaguely wonder if I sound as pathetic as she did earlier. I don’t care. I’ll beg on my knees if I can get more of what I’m feeling right now.

She bites at her lower lip in concentration and nods at my request, speeding up her forceful thrusts until she’s almost all the way off of my dick before slamming back down again. Her tits are bouncing so perfectly and her face is flushed. I really don’t know how much longer I’m going to be able to last when I look at her like that.

I’m starting to sweat now with how hard I’m working at trying to drill into her, and all the while I’m feeling that warm, amazing feeling in my lower abdomen that means I’m about to lose it. I see by her face and hear from her high-pitched mewls that she is close, too. I’ve got to dial it up a notch, so I move one hand off her hip and start vigorously rubbing her clit with my thumb.

That does it, and she starts thrashing erratically, head tilted back, while she wails like she’s in pain. I know she’s not though, because after another second her pussy is fluttering tightly around my cock and she’s screaming so loud I would be shocked if it weren’t for the fact that I’m also coming fast and hard.

“Fuuuckk,” I yell out, joining her shaking and shuddering body with my own spasms as I push her down as hard as I can manage while unleashing my cum inside of her.

It takes several minutes of loud panting and aftershocks, while she lays on top of my chest and I stroke her back. I’ve never experienced anything that intense before, but I really hope I get to again sometime soon. I finally start to slip out of her and she rolls off of me to lie next to me. 

I don’t know what it is, but there’s some weird connection between us, and I know she can feel it too. It doesn’t matter that I teased her mercilessly and stripped her of all of her control. I smile over at her and lean in for a kiss while trying to smooth her tangled hair down. 

“I wasn’t expecting this,” she says with a small laugh, and I know she’s talking about picking up a supposedly naive kid and having them rock her world, but it has another meaning too. She wasn’t expecting to feel like this. And neither was I.

I shake my head with a smile and trace her lips with my fingers. “Me either. But I think I could get used to it.”

“Me, too.” She pauses and looks a little nervous. “Normally I wouldn’t ask this, but…do you want to stay for a while?”

I don’t even pretend to think about it or try to play cool. “Yes, I’d love that.” When she smiles, she looks so relieved and happy, and I go in for another kiss. “Go get cleaned up and I’ll go grab our drinks. But I want you right back here in bed for me, ok?”

I was sort of teasing, but she smiles her gorgeous smile and nods her head. “Ok.”

Once we’re back in bed, with me propped against the headboard and her leaning against my chest, we gradually sip our scotch and I run my fingers through her hair.

“So, I have to ask. You don’t seem in any way like any other man your age. Why is that? How are you so different?”

I pause for a second while I decide if I want to get into all of that. But then I think, why the hell not? I like this woman and if she wants to know about me, I might as well start with the big truth.

“Well, get comfortable, because this may take a while.”

☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️

It’s a month later and I’m back at the same grocery store. I only needed a few things and I wait in line until it’s my turn to check out. As I watch my items get scanned over the red laser, Brad the bagger steps up to help out. He recognizes me and gives me a big grin.

“Good to see you, it’s been a while.” He takes a look around. “I haven’t seen her here in a while, not sure why. But, hey, did you ever seal the deal before? Me and some of the guys in back have a bet going.”

“Is that right?” I say with a sly grin. “Which way did you bet?”

Brad looks shocked like it could be any other answer. “That you did, of course! I saw the way she was looking at you; like the cougar caught her meal for the night.”

He laughs at his joke and I smile a little, just as my girl comes jogging up behind me to put a jar of olives on the belt before my order is finished.

“Here you go, honey, sorry it took me forever to find it,” she pants, slightly out of breath. “Are those the right ones?”

I smile down at her and nod. “Yes, darling, thank you.”

As she squeezes past me, pleased with my praise, I give her a small smack on the ass. She turns around and rolls her eyes at me before flashing me one of her pretty smiles that makes me want to melt onto the linoleum floor beneath my feet.

“I’m going to wait in the car,” she tells me, before giving Brad a little wave on her way past.

I swear, it looks like every bagger and stock boy in the whole damn store has now gathered nearby and are staring in awe at the scene they just witnessed. I pretend I don’t notice, but I can’t help feeling proud of myself and it’s hard to keep the smile off my face. As I am paying and taking my bag from Brad, I hear someone in the crowd whisper a little too loudly.

“Did you see that? How the fuck did that dude tame the cougar?”

I definitely can’t keep the smug look off my face now and I nod at the group of jackass kids on my way out the door. “Gentleman.”

Then I head on out to my Stingray, where my dream girl is waiting patiently for me.

[angels-fantasy]

Top Secret Fiction Ch. 4

Farmers Market

Katsuki Bakugou x Reader

Description: After meeting the one and only pro hero Dynamight on a dating app, you two begin to see each other. Because of the dangers that come with his hero work, you both promise to be completely honest with each other from the beginning; though you can't help but keep one big secret from him.

You write fan fiction, mostly about him.

Chapter Details: nothing crazy. another date, katsuki being sweet, reader uses their quirk

Word Count: 1.4k

previous chapter

It's been about two weeks since you went on your date with Bakugou and you haven't seen him since, unfortunately. But it was for good reason - his hero work.

Going into this, you knew he'd be extremely busy, but you didn't think he'd be this busy. But you could understand it. Though something you did appreciate was the fact that he did make time to talk to you on the phone and would let you know when he'd have to go hours without talking.

In these past two weeks you also thought about his serious talk with you, about honesty.

Guilt ate away at you every time you started writing or even thought about it, which made it harder to stay active on your writing account.

Your secret really wasn't that big of a deal, but it was still a secret. Fan fiction was also something that had a bad reputation among people who didn't read it, so who knows how Bakugou felt about it.

Your phone ringing broke you out of your thoughts.

Looking at the caller ID, you saw that it was Bakugou. Smiling, you answered it and said "Hi Bakugou!"

"Hey, you busy right now?" He asked.

You looked around your room, as if that'd give you an answer. "Uh no, why?"

"Good. Can you be ready in like - thirty minutes? I'm free for the rest of the day and I wanna hangout now that I actually have time."

How sweet.

"Yeah I'll be ready by then. Are we meeting somewhere?"

"No, I'm picking you up."

"'Kay, see you then. Bye!"

"Bye."

Hanging up, you squealed into your pillow and then looked at the time. It was only 3:00 pm, so you'd have to be ready by 3:30.

As you rushed to get ready you wondered where Bakugou was taking you. He didn't say you had to dress a certain way, so you went for a casual and comfortable outfit.

He didn't seem like the type to take you somewhere extravagant randomly, so you were sure it'd be somewhere that was pretty relaxed.

After getting ready you noticed you had a few minutes left to spare so you decided to go check on the plants you had around your home.

You had about three plants in your home, all of them ranging from different sizes and types. You didn't have many plants in your home because you already had many at your work place.

You attended to each of your plants needs after they had told you what it is they wanted. One wanted more sunlight, the other was thirsty, and one was just fine.

You looked at your phone to check if Bakugou had texted you, and luckily he did. He had sent a text saying he was outside waiting for you.

You smiled and slipped your shoes on, saying bye to Cheerios and your plants like you always did.

Sliding into the passenger seat you said, "Hey stranger. How've you been?"

He smiled lightly, "Sorry I haven't been able to see you. Work keeps me busy but I'm good, you?"

"I get it. I've been good too though. Has anything interesting happened at work?"

Bakugou brought a hand up to his jaw and stroked it while he thought. "Eh, nothing major. I did stop a bank robbery with Red Riot a few days ago though."

You gasped and turned to him, "A whole bank robbery? I feel like that's such a stereotypical situation... you know? Like, you just see it in movies all the time."

"I know, which is why people usually don't attempt to rob a whole bank" He laughed, "But clearly these guys were idiots."

You laughed at that. "I can't even imagine trying to rob a bank. I mean - where would you even start?

The two of you continued to talk on the way to your destination, which he actually told you about this time. He said that there was a farmers market happening nearby and he actually went there pretty often, so he thought he should invite you along with him which you thought was sweet.

When you arrived it was just as you expected and it seemed to be quite busy.

"Wow I can't believe I've never been here before! The decorations are so cute." You said in awe, once you both started walking around.

"You wanna go get food? There's this old dude that sells the best takoyaki at his stand." Bakugou said as you two walked through the crowd.

You nodded, "Yeah I'm down. Takoyaki sounds really good right now - oh and after can we stop at that stand?" You asked, pointing to a stand that was selling crocheted stuffed animals.

He nodded and then held out a hand, "So you don't get lost in the crowd."

Yeah right.

You smiled and grabbed his hand, letting him lead the way to the takoyaki stand. Once you got there you met the old man he mentioned and talked to him for a bit. You found out that he made the takoyaki himself and he'd been doing it for over thirty years!

When it came to paying, Bakugou kept insisting that he would pay for your food but you stood your ground and told him you were just fine paying for your own.

He grumbled about it for a while after but eventually got over it. You two then went over to the stand you mentioned earlier, and looked at the stuffed animals for sale.

"They're so cute! I think I'm gonna buy one." You said to Bakugou.

He hummed, "You should get that one." and pointed to a white jumbo bunny wearing pink overalls.

"You're so right." You said and placed your food down so you could grab the bunny and check for a price tag.

Your eyes widened at the price.

"This thing is sixty bucks!" You whispered to him.

"What? Lemme see." He said and grabbed the bunny from you to look at the tag. His eyebrows raised a bit at the price. "Tsk, I can make this shit myself."

"You crochet?" You asked.

"Sometimes..." He said and looked away.

You laughed and then grabbed the bunny back from him. "Well, I guess it's goodbye bunny. You're just too expensive." You said and sadly put the bunny back where it once was, making sure to grab your takoyaki.

"Wanna go sit under that tree?" You asked and pointed to a large tree with a bench underneath it.

Bakugou nodded and you began making your way over to the bench.

Once you got there you both continued to eat your food in a comfortable silence. Looking up at the tree, you used your quirk and listened.

"This tree has seen a lot of things." You smiled.

"Whaddya mean?" He asked around his food.

"My quirk. I just used it and listened to the tree. She said she's seen a lot of interesting things in this spot, good and bad." You said and listened some more, "Proposals are the most common."

Bakugou smiled, "The tree really said all that?"

"Yeah! Trees have such interesting stories because they've been around so long." You said excitedly.

He looked up at the tree, "I guess I never thought about it like that."

After some more talking and eating, Bakugou offered to throw away your trash for you, which you accepted. He told you to wait at the bench for him, so you did.

It was taking him a bit longer than you thought it would so you began to worry a bit. As you were biting your lip in thought, a touch on your shoulder made you jump.

"Didn't mean to scare ya."

You placed a hand on your chest, "Jeez! You walk so quietly I didn't hear anything."

Bakugou smirked, "Here, I got you something."

He handed you a large, brown paper bag and watched as you looked inside.

"The bunny!" You gasped and pulled it out of the bag. "But it was so expensive, why did you buy this?!"

He shrugged, "You wanted it, and I guess it's okay to look at."

You looked at the bunny intensely and rubbed its head.

"It's so cute... Thank you so much." You said.

"It's not problem, just make sure to name it after me." He joked.

You clicked your tongue and smacked him with the bunny.

...

You guys had ended up spending the rest of the day together, finally leaving the farmers market around 8:30 pm.

When Bakugou pulled up to your house, you hesitated before getting out.

"You good?" He asked.

"Yeah, um. Do you wanna come inside?" You asked quietly.

He smiled the widest you've ever seen him smile and said, "Yeah. Will your plants be okay with it?"

"Har har." You said while rolling your eyes and got out the car, leading him into your house.

next chapter

authors note

sorry for the little cliff hanger :3

also, here's the bunny katsuki bought reader

taglist: @doumadono @54fangirl @andysdrafts @dagger-dragger @lovra974 @l4rsun1vrrse @emmab3mma @littlkittenfan @tatiquichi @cloudxluv @seonne @shonen-brainrot @the2ndl @gold24fish @cxp1d @rv19 @gina329

(those in pink couldn't be tagged)

[whysojiminimnida]

Remember When I Said Taehyung Might Not Be As Gay As We Thought?

Don't judge a man by his milfy wardrobe, he looks goooood.

It was... awhile ago. Maybe as far back as 2021 although I do not feel like link-searching it. It's in the archives if I didn't kill it.

Granted, there was a lot going on, then. There's still a lot going on and until now I had no desire to ever - EVER - return to this hellsite. Because Taekookers are fucking weird, yo. And some of y'all got a lil bit up in my shit too as I (fuzzily) recall. Which: it's whatever. I'm extremely unsocial, don't even answer my own DMs. And it's not personal, so I get it. I don't need or want to defend myself, but I will protect people I care about. With my absence, if necessary.

OT: I also totally kicked the big C while I've been out so that was nice. Yoongi the cat is pleased that his noms will continue uninterrupted. I will be in wigs for at least another year. It's all good. Oh LOOK at what we have here. Don't come at me for publishing this, I will explain.

I got it from actual media days ago, okay, and also: there was no expectation of real privacy. Keep reading. Or don't, I'm not telling you what to do.

ANYWAY. I had to come back, mainly to say TAENNIE IS REAL I TOLD Y'ALL IDK WHY NOBODY EVER BELIEVES ME BUT HERE WE ARE. I'm gloating. Honestly, it's so rude, I'd apologize if I cared. But I am rude and snorfling into my cheerios about this. Tae just made me so damn happy, is all.

LET THE MAN BE BI OR HETEROFLEXIBLE OR EVEN STRAIGHT IDC. Jennie clearly makes him happy. Look at his "I'm going to Paris to see my girlfriend" face!

And in that very specific jewelry look, no less. Foundrae. Again. Still. Hm.

Here's what I can tell you based on my limited third hand no sources no receipts this is probably utter bullshit usual disclaimer: It's a soft open, kids. This whole "oopsie we just so happened to get caught taking a lil walk in public with our managers in tow during which date at least one of us signed several autographs, what a surprise" is in fact a soft open for what will likely be a public confirmation PRETTY DAMN SOON. It might happen before I get this thing published, actually, depending on when I get it up. If it's before May 22 at noon my time, no idea. If after, well. Guess we'll see. Jennie's supposed to show up at the screening of HBO's The Idol that day, screening at the Grand Lumiere at 10:30 CEST. One wonders if she will arrive alone, or bring a plus one. It's a big ask, and if he does it they're probably getting married, that's how big a deal it would be. So I'm not holding my breath, but.

This seems like a reasonable prospect for a plus-one viewing. Might not be the only one but... Jennie's IN IT so.

I'M NOT SAYING THIS IS GONNA HAPPEN. I think it would be a fucking POWER move if it did, but I also do not necessarily expect that it will. It COULD. It... MIGHT. It might not. Either way they're a thing, I'm telling you. They are, have been, a thing. For awhile. And it is apparently quite serious - like up to and including talk of engagement serious.

Remember when a bunch of folk thought that one gummy bear dude was going to jail for "hacking" Jennie's phone only there's been no actual movement on any "investigation"? Yeah. Trickle truthing, they call it. Give 'em a little bit, let them deny it and yell and chew on it for awhile before you give 'em a little more. But c'mon, nobody's wearing half the love-themed couple pieces at Foundrae for no damn reason.

Seriously they got the whole collection almost and both have been seen wearing them almost exclusively. For a year.See airport pic above.

Look, I don't have inside info on Taehyung. I do not. I ain't hang with his friends and I don't know him personally. Never met the guy. But I know a PR move when I see one and this is exactly that.

We all know how toxic stan culture can be. Some ToadlicKKers (and a few of us house elves) are certifiably bonkers, if stan twitter is anything to go by. And the guys, the company, they expect a whole meltdown. They know this is not gonna make half their fans happy. I mean the tkkers have a point in that it looks like they wanted to be seen. BECAUSE IT'S A SOFT OPEN. What Taejen/Taennie/Jenhyung and the companies also know is that based on historic shipper behavior, this is gonna come back on Jimin, Jungkook, maybe Rose' and Lisa. And by extension, the other members. Maybe not as much due to their respective distance, but still. I bet by the time I finish this it will have already started.

Oh look there it is. Fuck those bitches, really.

Good LORDT. I'm not adding the audio, if y'all are that hungry for psycho hose beast Jimin hate hie thee to stan twt.

But, totally off-topic kinda...

... wouldn't it be cool if Jennie, who speaks great English, was hanging out with Troye Sivan and was like "so you know my boyfriend tells me that his bffs..." I'M JUST SAYING NETWORKING IS COOL AND FRIENDS OF FRIENDS GET THINGS DONE OKAY.

You know that girl has the scoop. If Tae knows it, she knows it. Oh heeeeyyy Troye.

Also OT: I love that Taekook have been hanging out a little more lately. It's refreshing. I genuinely think having Jennie in his life has been good for Tae in several ways. And you know, I'm kinda surprised Taennie has lasted this long. I didn't honestly think they would. It warms my decrepit, sad old heart a bit. Turns out I have a lot more to say so IDK IDK, if I feel okay about it I might be back. Right now I'm just waiting for the official Taennie nod and the continued total meltdown.

[marthawrites]

Pretty Girl

Modern Aemond Targaryen x fem reader

Word count: 6.8k+

About: There's been some weird stuff happening in the woods and your boss buys top of the line security cameras. You definitely weren't expecting to hit it off so well with the tech guy who is much more than a tech guy.

Includes: Meeting, first date, some drinking, explicit sexual content (fem receiving oral, p in v)

Note: Hello lovely reader! This is my first modern Aemond story. This idea has been rolling around my head for a good month or two. I wasn't expecting to go so deep, but the ideas kept coming and I ran with them! Reader is nondescript and implied to be 21+ due to alcohol consumption. As always, please enjoy! ♥

read pt 2 here

-

The bright chime of your text tone cut through the mellow voiced narrator of your current podcast obsession: supposed real life horror stories. Perhaps not the smartest thing to listen to while alone ten miles deep into the forest in the ranger's cabin. But, whatever. What's life without a little risk, anyway? Swiping your screen open revealed your boss' message.

Hey kid. Running late. That tech guy is scheduled to be there for the installation at 9:30. We had a minor family emergency here. Everything is fine. I'm working to head out within the hour. Text you when I'm on the road.

It was already 9 and you knew there wasn't a chance in hell Joey would be there by the time the install person showed up. Great. You ran a hand down your face and, since you were alone, didn't fight the groan that adamantly broke free. Customer service – this could be considered customer service, right? – was never your forte. There was a reason you went to school for forestry. Mostly so you wouldn't have to deal with customers on the regular. You texted back:

I'm glad everything is fine! But, if I end up ax murdered by this freak I'm going to haunt you forever. Also, you're to take care of Charles. He's very needy.

A minute later the chime broke the podcaster's voice again:

Oh please. They're a very respectable family. How is a fish needy? Don't they just need tap water?

You laughed out loud, reading the message in Joey's rumbling baritone.

That's right, boss. Tap water and cheerios!

When you didn't hear back from him within the next few minutes you could only assume he started driving.

You had a good twenty minutes to kill while waiting for this person and weren't quite sure how to spend your time. A cool early-spring rain poured all morning, and an angry late-winter wind sent the trees swaying all around. You weren't going out there if you didn't have to. In fact, you threw another log into the wood stove and brewed up a fresh pot of coffee. No reason to stress about trying to look busy when you knew your boss would be doing the same thing if he were here with you waiting.

Once the coffee was finished you fixed yourself a cup and sat by the fire, completely absorbed by the tale in your ear: friends camping with no one else around, being taunted by something. A truly unsettling tale regardless it it were paranormal, a druggie, or a stalker.

A knock on the front door nearly sent the remainder of your hot beverage spilling and your fingers visibly trembled as they touched your earbud to pause the story. Jesus Christ. Did the person arrive in a fucking spaceship? You didn't hear anything coming up the gravel road nor parking in the gravel lot. Taking a few deep breaths to settle your racing nerves, you stood and walked to the door. You cracked it open to the width of your head, just enough to see the person standing on the, thankfully, well covered porch. “Can I help you?”

“Hm. You don't look like a Joey Wagner,” the man on the porch mat said, a single pale brow arching.

Holy shit. He was really handsome. “No. He's my boss. I'm one of the forest rangers beneath him. What can I help you with?” You opened the door wider in an attempt to get a sight of whatever vehicle he showed up in. Despite not having much knowledge in cars, you knew that “T” anywhere. So, you were right: he might as well have shown up in a spaceship.

“I'm Aemond Targaryen. I'm here to install the Vhagar security system and cameras,” he paused and looked around, curious of the exterior of the ranger's lodge and surrounding woods. “I'm.. a... I'm a little surprised you want such a system here.”

“You and me both. Apparently it's your best one, right? I dunno what's been spooking Joey but whatever it is must be pretty weird. That thing's probably my entire yearly salary and then some,” you laughed dryly, gesturing to the briefcase he held. “I'm Y/N,” you added with a smile. “He's running late this morning, but told me you'd be here. I was expecting someone more, uhm...,” you tilted your head and closed one eye as if you were looking at him through a telescope. “Nerdy?” You mused aloud, nose scrunching with the somewhat embarrassing admission.

That sent a grin across his face. His chin tilted up as he regarded you down the long straight line of his nose. “I could say the same about you and forest rangers.”

Beneath your green and tan uniform your skin prickled. Something in you thrummed. This was bad news. Very bad news. When the hell was Joey going to be here? You tried to shake off the sensation his sweeping gaze gave you. He had a long paling scar over his the right side of his angular chiseled face, and there seemed to be something off about his right eye too. You didn't say anything about it and tried not to stare. “Anyway, wanna get started? It's warmer in here, I promise,” you gestured a thumb over your shoulder and swung the door wide so he might step inside.

“Yeah, thanks. It'll take awhile to get all finished. The rest of today and maybe half of tomorrow or so, too,” he admitted as he strode inside.

You whistled lowly at that – at his remark, not his backside – unaware it'd be such an ordeal. “That long?” His hair was long and beautiful in a way you didn't often see men wear their hair; so blonde it was a silvery-white. He had it pulled back in a simple ponytail. It hung a little loose and you couldn't help but wonder if he put it up in haste this morning. Aside from his Adidas shoes (which stuck out adorably, you thought to yourself), he wore all dark colors. Blacks, grays, and only the barest hints of white. Jacket, sweater, the neck of what you assumed was a t-shirt, and straight legged pants. Casually and mindfully layered.

Inside was much warmer, indeed. So much so that Aemond immediately took his jacket off. The simple gesture sent clean laundry and the faintest trace of cologne wafting your way; the fine muscles behind your ears flexed with the reveal. His sweater looked unbearably soft and you hated yourself for being so drawn to a man you literally just met three minutes ago. He was unfairly good-looking, yeah, but what if he was a jerk too because of it? "You weren't lying," he said, giving you a glance from his left side. "It's cozy. Is it just you here?"

You gestured him to follow you through the place. "For now, yeah. Here's the security room. Everything's open and unlocked so you should be able to do whatever you need to. Joey will be here eventually." The room was a little cramped with multiple monitors, desks, cabinets, and general clutter; papers, writing things, wrappers, cups, the like. "Oh shit. Sorry sorry. I should have cleaned it up. I didn't realize the boss left it such a mess," heat rose in your cheeks as you rolled your eyes, annoyed.

"I'm not worried," he replied calmly, seemingly unbothered by the mess. Taking advantage of a clean space you just cleaned, he placed the briefcase atop it and opened it up. With your back to him he found himself giving you another glance or two, grinning privately. How could someone make that uniform look so good?

"Care for coffee or water?" You asked, all the counter space now clear of clutter. Various wrappers crinkled in your pockets and you held four empty cups between both hands.

"Coffee, please. Black," he answered.

You pushed the door further open with the help of your foot and butt, leaving Aemond alone to get started on the lengthy process. Once in the kitchen you gave yourself a few extra minutes to collect yourself. Frankly, you felt half-silly for being so enamored by this tall, lithe, long haired stranger. He probably had a girlfriend back home!

"Here you are," you said upon returning, placing a mug down for him.

"Thank you," he said, turning his gaze up to you appreciatively. "Do you ever see weird things on these in the middle of the night?"

Instead of sitting down you opted to stand with one hand on your hip and the other flat atop the desk. You leaned against the edge and turned your head to look over the various monitors in an attempt to not stare at him. "Sometimes," you answered honestly, weighing how much you wanted to divulge. "Lights with no apparent light source are a more common occurance. Sick animals can look extremely strange," you paused and chuckled nervously. "Of course, there's always random homeless people, vagabonds, and even drunk or drugged out people." From your peripheral you realized he hadn't taken his eyes off you and it sent a shudder of embarrassment down your back. Did you have something on your face? "What?" You asked, turning your attention to him, then, breath catching in your throat.

It was his turn for color to creep in his cheeks. "Ugh. I was staring, huh? Sorry. You're just, uh... really pretty," he said, caught and guilty, rubbing the back of his neck. "I was expecting a Joey to match that deep voice on the phone. Not like a Dawson's Creek Joey."

Before you had a chance to reply the front door swung open and the booming voice of the actual Joey called, "hey, hey, so sorry to be late! Damn dog killed another squirrel and my youngest was the one to find it. Poor thing nearly had a panic attack."

"Oh damn. Sorry to hear that, boss," you hollered back, cringing.

"Hard lessons for kids to learn," he said, appearing in the doorway sipping on his own cup. He was a big man and easily took up the whole width of it, and the chair he sat upon groaned beneath his weight. "Enough of that though! If it isn't Aemond Targaryen of Dragon Security! I was surprised as shit to hear it'd be you installing these. Don't you normally have grunts to do this work?"

Aemond chuffed and shook the older man's massive hand. "Usually, yeah. My dad's fixing to retire soon and my older brother doesn't want to take up the mantle. So here I am doing boots-on-the-ground training to get a feel of things before taking his place."

"Good boy! You'll be the youngest wealthiest mother fucker around!" He belly laughed and clapped his free hand atop Aemond's. "Now! Walk me through this. This ain't no joke. There's been some wild shit going on and I intend to catch whatever it is. If I get famous I'll be sure to mention you too, boy," he drank half his coffee in a single chug and put his game face on.

"I've got rounds to make. I'll check on you guys in a couple hours," you said with a grin. You lingered on Aemond a moment longer. When you caught his gaze you give him a little look, letting him know you heard him and thought similairly. At least, you hoped that's what you silently communicated.

You never believed in love at first sight. But, lust at first sight? Maybe that's what burned low in your belly.

Through the single window he watched you jump into one of the ranger's newer model orange jeeps. A perfect ride for out here, he thought, distracted as you backed the wrangler out and drove away – a stark difference to his Tesla.

-

Your rounds took much longer than originally anticipated and you didn't return until nearly 5 o'clock. Thankfully, the turn of seasons was happening and it was still light outside. Pulling in to park you were surprised to see Aemond's car still in the same spot. It seemed the day was longer than anticipated all around! With the assistance of your visor mirror you took your hair down and ran your fingers through it, glad to finally let it fall free after a day's work. Joey was still here too, and you wanted to at least say bye to him before leaving for the night. You hopped out and started making your way in that direction.

"I'm right here, don't let me startle you," the unfamiliar voice of Aemond called from the tree line. Thank God he said something because he would have startled you out there.

You let out a half strangled laugh. "Thanks for the heads up. But, what are you doing?" You asked, curious steps walking in his direction. He was on a ladder about halfway up a tree. Each time he reached up the hem of his shirt lifted to flash a peek of the pale skin of his lean abdomen and slender hips. Damnit. He must have ditched his sweater sometime ago for he only wore his plain white t-shirt now.

"Just finishing getting the cameras up. Twenty-four in total across the nearest five miles or so," he replied with a final click. "There." Despite the chilly temperature sweat still glistened on his face and neck. He tipped his head down and rolled his bicep up at the same time, using the arm of his tee to wipe his brow. As he came down the ladder you saw his ponytail was replaced by a sloppy bun instead. Loose strands stuck to the dampness of his skin, and some of the more wispy fly-aways stuck out at varying directions. If you thought him handsome before, he, somehow, was even more so now.

"Joey made you do that all by yourself!?" Five miles of carrying ladders and equipment? You wanted to smack your boss.

He shook his head as he landed on both feet, momentarily breathless. "No. We've been together until just, oh, maybe fifteen minutes ago. Wife called him," he gestured to the lodge.

"Oh. Good! I was gonna kick his ass." Secondhand tiredness crept into your bones. "I'm gonna go say bye before heading out. Need help with anything?"

He shook his head for a second time. "I don't think so. Mostly just want to get back to the hotel and shower. I feel disgusting." Lifting up the neckline of his shirt he used it to wipe his face dry, thankful to finally be on the ground to do so without fear of falling off. "And I am starving. What's the best place to eat around here?"

Was he fishing or were you wishing? "There's a really good sandwich place just as you're getting into town. That's where I'm stopping to get dinner anyway," you smiled, belly rumbling loudly in answer.

He sighed contentedly at the idea. "I'll be hitting it up, thanks. If I didn't have to stay and finish a few things I'd ask to meet you there, but...," he paused, eyeing your reaction. You didn't say anything, yet he must have caught the excited glimmer in your eyes. "Maybe next time."

You smiled and unintentionally fluffed your hair up from the roots, hip propped out with your casual stance. "Sounds fun. Good night, Aemond. Drive safe," you said before turning and walking with a little too much purpose to the lodge, gravel crunching beneath your heavy work boots.

"Hey, Y/N," he called after you after a moment, long strides closing the distance between you. When you stopped and let him catch up, he asked, "can I get your number? So I can warn you when I'm here tomorrow. You looked a little scared this morning. Don't wanna do that again." His features remained neutral. His eyes (eye? that one seemed almost completely unresponsive and you weren't sure if it was even real), however, sparked with a mischief that sent your stomach flipping. Obviously you barely knew the guy, but you swore his voice dropped a little lower with the new closeness.

You exhaled. "I was that obvious? Dang. I was hoping I played it off more cool," you tsked yourself beneath your breath, pulling your phone from its pocket. He did the same and you both swiped them open to exchange numbers. His thumb tapped a few times on the screen and your phone dinged. 'Aemond' appeared at the top and a single dragon emoji was the only thing his text read. Despite yourself, you smirked.

"See you in the morning, ranger girl."

-

The next morning you found yourself fixing another fire and pot of coffee, peacefully idle and waiting for the others to arrive. Your phone chimed. It was a message and photo from Aemond.

Hope you're hungry. The girls at your fave sandwich place knew your order. On my way now.

Attached was a photo of a paper food bag seat belted into his passenger seat. Something more than excitement rose in your belly and you actually giggled. Handsome and sweet? No way he was single.

Fifteen minutes later he arrived with a soft knock. "You didn't have to get me breakfast. Way too kind of you, honestly."

He squinted and smirked softly. "Good morning to you as well." He stepped inside and closed the door behind, happy to be where it was warm. "It really wasn't a bother. Gives me an excuse to spend a little more time with you," he winked.

"Were your ears tingling last night? I only thought about texting you fifty times, at least," you admitted, flirting back.

"Should have. Hotels by yourself are terribly boring."

You two ate fully loaded breakfast sandwiches and you were more than a little surprised he ate all of his. Those things were huge! Before any time at all passed, it was already noon and you and Aemond had chatted the morning away in the security room. Everything seemed to be working well. He'd done a fantastic job at setting the cameras up yesterday and Joey beamed in excitement.

"I need to do my rounds before I don't. Catch you both later," you said reluctantly.

Just as you were stepping out of the room, Aemond called after you, "hey Y/N! Before you go..." His face spelled mischief. You arched a brow at him, waiting. "About Lord of the Rings and Frodo's journey...," – your conversation a few tangents ago – "why didn't Gandalf just call the eagles for them to fly to Mordor? Seems like that would have been a lot faster and smarter."

You were dumbfounded. "Excuse me?" You asked, fluttering a series of blasphemous blinks at him. "Seriously Aemond? And here I thought we were vibing. We're not friends anymore." You slammed the door but not before flipping him off. With both middle fingers. In the hallway you snorted and laughed in disbelief.

The door did little to block Aemond and Joey's uproar of laughter.

Handsome, sweet, and a jerk in good humor? How dare him!

-

The next day you didn't hear from Aemond, and you weren't going to lie to yourself: it kind of sucked. Despite knowing him for so brief a time, you missed him!

Thankfully, it was time for your weekend though. It was full dark by now and you were worn out from the week. You quickly changed into pajamas and flopped on your bed to find something to watch. Settling on reruns of one of your favorite shows, you found yourself staring at the black screen of your phone. Should you text him? As if your thoughts had traveled miles away right into Aemond's brain, it chimed with his message.

Hey ranger girl. I wanted to swing by the lodge today but wasn't able to. I'm in town for a few more days and was wondering if I could take you out to dinner before I go?

Holy shit holy shit holy shit. You texted back embarrassingly fast.

Only if you swear to never talk bad about LotR again.

Pinky promise. Tonight?

You looked down at yourself and snorted.

Definitely not, sorry. Tomorrow?

Yes. God I can't wait to see you out of that dorky uniform.

You had nothing appropriate to say and left him on read, lest you say something humiliating you'd regret.

-

The following evening was a clear cool night and you were glad you wore pants instead of a dress, and a leather jacket instead of a cardigan. Part of you was sad to leave the toasty confines of your 4-Runner, but it quickly dissolved once you saw Aemond standing outside the bar and grill restaurant talking to someone on his phone. He wore an elevated version of the outfit you originally met him in. What caught you off-guard, however, was his hair. Those long silvery-white tresses were pulled back into an intricate braid and you couldn't help but gawk. He looked devastatingly handsome. You saw him notice you, and butterflies turned in your belly at the heat and weight of his gaze.

"A leather jack and red lipstick? How did you know that was my favorite?" he asked as you hopped up next to him, twirling playfully for his attention. "Shit, you're lovely. I'm so glad you said yes to this."

You smiled at him, pretty white teeth beaming as you tired to reel your excitement in. "So are you. I'm going to have to sit on your lap so no other girls think you're free for the taking," you half cooed, black lashes giving your eyes an opened appearance that only elevated your playfulness.

He hummed and gave you a long look, tilting his head in direction of the entrance. "You'll get no argument." He reached out and you took his hand, suddenly bashful as his long fingers laced between yours. His palm was very warm; thoughts and images filled your mind of those hands all across your bare skin. The natural bow of his mouth lifted in a little smirk.

The restaurant was fairly busy tonight: you were lucky to snag a booth by the window. You both ordered a drink and agreed to skip the appetizer to instead indulge on something from their dessert menu. Him, an old fashioned bourbon, and you, a gin with pomegranate liqueur and lemon juice. Conversation flowed easily while you waited, the ambiance of the restaurant absorbing both of you in with ease.

With the help of a little liquid courage, you found yourself asking a question that'd been on your mind since first meeting. "I gotta ask," you started, looking over the scarred half of his face curiously. "What happened?" You gestured over your own face letting him know what you meant.

He briefly bit at his bottom lip. "Childhood accident," he answered with a sigh. "It was pretty brutal, actually," he added with a dry half-laugh. "One of my nephews got me with a knife. We were wild boys. Them moreso than me, but still, wild like boys can get. I ended up loosing my right eye and opted to get a prosthetic one instead of having an empty socket."

You gasped, truly in shock, and reached across the table to squeeze his hand. "Oh my God, Aemond. That's horrible."

He wasn't hot or sweaty, but your skin was delightfully cooler than his and he got more comfort out of it than you realized. "It was. The scar actually looks much better now than in the past. I've learned to live with it well enough. Driving is sometimes a struggle because of it, though. That was a big learning curve."

The waiter came back for your food order. Aemond chose the pork tenderloin with apricot almond chutney, herb roasted potatoes, and broccoli, and you chose the crusted ahi with cucumber, bell pepper, and red onion salad topped with a ginger soy vinaigrette – with no onion. Red onions, raw or cooked, destroyed your palette.

Both of your drinks were nearly gone by then; you couldn't speak for Aemond, but you were definitely feeling looser. Not drunk by any means, but a warm buzz that blushed your cheeks, hooded your eyes, and made your smile all the easier. "So, Aemond Targaryen of Dragon Security, what else do you do in and outside of your work?"

"You looking like that across from me is making focus very difficult," he replied, idly trailing the tip of his finger around the rim of his glass. He leaned back and flashed you a little smirk, the lovely color of his eye seeming to shrink. "It's a family business. We make high quality security cameras. My brother's invention, the Sunfyre system, specializes in daytime monitoring, and my sister's invention, the Dreamfyre system, specializes in nighttime monitoring." He sipped at his drink, wetting his lips with the smooth, fragrant liquor. "And mine, the Vhagar system, takes and elevates both. The beefest and strongest system by far. So, whatever your boss wants to find in those woods, he'll have the absolute best chance with what I set up for him."

You listened, genuinely interested, and did your very best to focus on his words and not the he sat across from you. "Honestly that's an entirely different world than anything I know," you shook your head amusedly. "Gross rich people stuff."

You continued talking about it until your meal came. It looked and smelled divine. "I'll check on you again shortly," the waiter said with a wide handsome smile.

Sticking out like a sore thumb was a pile of red onions atop your salad. All it took was a single glance between you and Aemond for him to know you wouldn't mention anything about it to the waiter – instead choosing to pluck them off your plate and try to enjoy your dinner regardless.

He wasn't about to let that happen. "She asked for no onions," Aemond said flatly up to the other man, one of his pale brows arching up in silent judgment.

"Oh! I'm so sorry! Let me have them remake it for you," the waiter said apologetically, disappearing with the plate quicker than you could say it's okay.

You wanted to sink down into the booth and disappear. Before you could stop giggling, and before Aemond could wipe the smug expression off his face, your new plate arrived. As well as a refill of your drinks.

"Her entree and both beverages are on the house tonight," the waiter said brightly as he placed everything down. You reached for the drink and sipped appreciatively.

"Just a refill for the lady, thank you. I'm driving," Aemond said with a hint of that same expression as before. That worked for the waiter and he was off again, busy with other tables. "Hey," he muttered to you, lower and softer than you've heard him before. He scooted closer to the window and patted the spot next to him. "Come sit by me, pretty girl."

An excited blush crept into your cheeks as you did so, and you leaned your knee against his beneath the table. His free arm draped across the back of the booth, engulfing you with the warmness of himself. You both ate and chatted, and you found out he travels far and wide. "French is my favorite language," you admitted blissfully. "So lovely to listen to. I can't speak it for the life of me, but listening to it?" You made an approving gesture with your hand.

"I don't quite have the accent down, but I'm fairly fluent in it...," he said, low and husky, as he tipped his head closer to yours. He whispered by your ear, and his breath fanning across your skin tickling your spine. "Je veux parler français entre tes cuisses."

A satisfied sigh escaped your lungs. You reveled in the way the natural rasp of his voice sounded with the language. "What did you say?"

"I want to speak french between your thighs."

A breath caught in your throat and you nearly choked on it. "Shut the fuck up. You did not just say that," you sputtered, immediately turning your head to meet his gaze.

He chuckled, palm trailing across your thigh beneath the table. "I did say that. And I do mean it."

"Aemond Targaryen...," you whispered in return, looking him square in the eye. You were pleasantly buzzed and the courage it gave you prompted your next movements. "Let's say we get out of here and you can show me that boring hotel room of yours." With a tilt of your head you slowly pressed your mouth to his, kissing him with the fire that began building in your core.

He hummed into the kiss and deepened the affection, holding the side of your neck with a need of his own. Pulling away, he quickly laid more than enough cash on the table, not bothering to wait for the tab.

The smear of your lipstick matched the faint stain of it on his own lips as he lead you out of the restaurant.

-

In the room, Aemond closed the door with a deliberate click and wasted little time in pushing you up against the nearest wall; your arms draped over his shoulders all the while, lips barely leaving each other. "You have no idea how bad I've wanted to do this since I first saw you at the lodge," he rasped against your mouth, kissing down your chin and throat with sloppy need. His hands were somehow all over you at once: waist, hips, ass, throat, everywhere.

You gasped, arching between him and the wall, shuddering in anticipation and excitement alike. "You should have," you murmured in reply, hands tugging off his jacket in near desperation. "I almost had a heart attack when I saw your hair in that stupid bun. I should have taken your clothes off to help you cool down right then and there," you teased in response.

A groan came from the back of his throat. "Je suis peut-être tombé amoureux," I might have fallen in love he rumbled with a smirk. You didn't know what he said but you also didn't care, because next thing you knew his teeth sunk into the slope of your neck and shoulder and you moaned. "Like being bitten?" He asked, doing it again in a slightly different spot.

"Yeah," you managed to gasp out, turning your head to entice him along. His laugh vibrated against your neck as he sucked the sensitive skin between his teeth, aiming to leave a mark. "Hey!" You gasped, giggling.

"Not gonna let you forget this, pretty girl." He tore your jacket off and threw it near his, already gripping the hem of your shirt. "Plan to make you feel it tomorrow," he added smugly, lifting your shirt off and tossing it aside. You wore one of your fun bras, lace and straps accenting the curve of your bust. "Oh, fuck, look at these beautiful tits," he groaned again, immediately bending to kiss and lick over your bare cleavage.

"You're a big talker. Are you sure you can follow through with all of that?" You questioned as if your skin wasn't already goosebumped, nipples weren't already pebbled with need, and the apex of your thighs wasn't already hot with the primal desire to be fucked and stuffed full.

He growled with your challenge, single eye looking down at you darkly. "That's the plan." In three motions he wrapped an arm around your waist, turned with you flush to him, and stepped to push you onto the bed. You landed heavily, thighs clenching as you watched him discard his shirt. He was long and lean like a swimmer, with a pale patch of hair at the center of his chest and trailing below his navel to disappear beneath his pants. A new wave of warmth pooled between your thighs and your pants felt much too tight.

"Stronger than you look too, Targaryen," you taunted, squeezing your thighs together. You looked up at him with heavy lidded eyes. Lust burned through your blood and you couldn't help the heave of your breasts.

Both his hands moved to unbuckle his belt and unbutton his pants to ease some of the pressure on his obvious arousal. He made no move to do anything else. "You're a big talker too." Kneeling at the edge of the bed he pulled you further down the mattress, calculating and amused. You helped him help you out of your pants, hips squirming so he could pull them down your legs. Carefully, he parted your legs and laughed a deep mocking sound. "I haven't even touched you and you're wet through your panties. So needy," he crooned, thumb barely grazing down the line of your covered slit.

You shivered, unaware and unable to bite back a whimper. "Aemond...," you gasped, the shocks his touch gave you sparking yet even more heat to pool inside you.

"And sensitive," he purred, watching your face as he continued to slowly trace along you; heavy eyed and smeared lipstick made you look all the more adorable. "Si amusant à manger. Embrasser. Lécher." So fun to eat. To kiss. To lick. He kissed the inside of your thighs in punctuation, the sounds of them sending embers up your spine. Wide hands trailed up and down your legs, over your belly, across your hips. He kissed your covered mound until the full length of your legs tightened.

"Take 'em off... move 'em to the side. Something," you panted, eyes already threatening to unfocus with the tantalizing teasing.

He had nothing to say, his mind just as clouded with lust as your own. Tugging the damp center of your panties to the side, he licked a long line up through your soaked, silky folds, groaning a hitched sound from the center of his throat.

You rolled up against him while your hands flew down to his head, fingers sinking through the smoothness of his intricate braid. Pleasure left your parted mouth.

A little moan of his own answered yours. Lick, suck, kiss. Over and over again with varying speeds and pressure, pulling more of those lovely sounds from your pretty mouth. The combination was nearly obscene; wet, lewd, eager. He carelessly pulled your panties full off and discarded them.

"Oh my God...," you drawled, gripping into his hair as he continued his delightful assault on every part of your pussy. Sucking your clit, sinking his tongue inside your saturated walls, licking over everything as if his own orgasm depended on it.

Stopping for only a moment, he reached up to the front of your bra and pulled the cups down to send your breasts spilling free. He palmed over them roughly, squeezing the soft flesh until you hissed between your teeth, body arching for his mouth's attention once more. He pinched at your nipples as his head dipped down again, hot tongue and handsome lips going right back to work.

"Yes... please, fuck! I'm so close!" Your core burned and tightened, and you were past caring if anyone in the neighboring rooms heard you.

"That's right... be a good girl and come so I can really fuck you," he hummed, delving right back in until you were trembling beneath him.

The intensity of your climax left your fingers tingling and toes curling as your thighs squeezed around his head. You were sure you'd rip some of his hair out, but the near desperate groan that left his throat told you he fucking loved it. He eased his actions on you but never truly stopped, increasing and lengthening the waves of your pleasure as you rode them out.

Once you were done, basking in the afterglow of your orgasm, he finally stood and joined you on the bed. "Open the front pocket of my bag right there. Yeah, that one. Grab the condom for me," he said as he kissed over your jaw and neck, beginning to shift out of his own pants.

"I have an IUD. We're not using that bullshit," you replied cheekily, helping him out of his pants. He kicked them off and his briefs followed, and you instantly saw why he made sure you came first. Not only did he have a beautiful cock, but it was big.

"Fuck, babe, you're gonna let me come in your pretty pussy?" He asked, gripping your body to roll you onto your belly.

You moved with his prompts and nodded. "Yeah," you said and looked up at him from over your shoulder, shifting your legs to prop your ass up. It accentuated the natural curve of your spine and that sight alone would have gotten him hard.

With one hand he held onto the soft meat of your hip while the other held himself, lining up with your hot little cunt that was on full display for him. He inched in, drawing back once half of him had sunk into you, only to plunge into you all at once. "Shit...," he hissed, grip denting harshly into your flesh.

You fisted the sheets, whimpering at the absolute fullness of his cock buried in you. While nestled in you, he unclasped the back of your bra and helped you out of it, briefly lingering on the faint lines it left on your skin; an odd sort of intimacy making him appreciate the sight. "Take me," you whispered, breathless, belly slowly building up with a new coil of bliss.

Pulling his hips back, he snapped them forward against you. "Taking me so well, pretty girl," he praised. Using both hands, now, he propped you up into a better position, steadily rocking into you as he did so. The sounds that poured from your mouth were a mix of elation and lust, desire taking hold of all your senses as your body yielded to his intrusion. The way he slid in and out of you, the way your tight walls gripped around him, and the way the muffled whines that came from you each time he rammed into your deepest parts made him half insane. "Getting sooo messy, baby," his words were accented by his pelvis slamming against your upturned ass; sticky, squelching, skin on skin.

You were embarrassingly close again, eyes rolled closed. "Feels so good," you cooed from beneath, mind fully drunk on him.

"Yeah? Gonna fuck your pretty face into the mattress. Can't have you so loud that someone comes knocking," he said as he fisted into your hair, turning your head into the blankets and pillows that smelled like him. His pace grew faster, sloppier, and you knew he had to be close too. That deep sensitive spot inside you was being absolutely bullied; cockhead slammed against and past it, meeting your deepest wall, only to drag backwards along it, over and over.

"Aemond!" The mattress muffled your cry of pleasure and your second peak left you numb and weightless, mind totally blank save for the man who drove you there.

With a final push he drove into you with a guttural groan. The full length of him twitched inside your pulsating walls, coating your insides with his release. An obscene mixture of your creamy arousal and his seed oozed out from around him to dribble onto the bed. You both laughed in the aftershocks, static buzzing your brain as the lewd, heady scents of sex filled the air around you.

"Fuck, that felt good," he rasped, slowly pulling out of you and watching his cum leak from your core. "I'll get us a towel in a minute. I just need to catch my breath," he added with a lazy, glorious smile, laying flat on his back with momentary exhaustion.

You laid on your belly beside him, taking in the angles of his face and how they softened in his post-sex bliss. "No. Not yet. I'm not finished with you yet," you said slyly, pushing yourself up to flip a leg over his middle. You bent and kissed him, pushing your fingers through the damp hair from his hairline to his crown, braid no longer neat. Already half hard again, it didn't take long for him to catch his breath beneath you; fiery and refueled from your display of sensuality.

"What about you car?" He asked, biting the top of your shoulder.

"What about it? We can get it in the morning. I wanna ride this big cock."

There very well might have been some noise complaints from his room that night. Neither of you cared. Once you were both finally satisfied to the point of silliness, sleep came easy. When the morning came and he drove you back to the restaurant? You were mesmerized at how his features glowed golden with the cloudless sun.

"A 4-Runner? Lots more room in there than mine...," he teased and gave you a questioning look, testing the waters.

You hummed thoughtfully, returning his look. "Well, yeah. But, might need to put it to the test. Just to, you know, see which one is better."

-

thank you for reading! if you enjoyed, please consider a follow and reblog as I have plans to create and share more writings ♥

Here is my masterlist

tag list: @melsunshine @iiamthehybrid @rottingviserys  @arcielee @nina2697 @darylandbethfanforever9 @sahvlren @aemondsdaemons @obsidian-hearts @bellaisasleep @watercolorskyy @ruby-dragon @aemondmama @meggiemay82

[nightwing-bootylicious]

Batfam as things I've found in my Snapchat memories

Cass: when I die, I want to be buried in the dirt without the coffin, under a tree sapling so my decomposing body can feed the earth, just like god intended.

Steph: so... without the peel?

Cass: yes, without the peel.

-

Alfred: oh, you're finally dating, master Tim? How nice. Was this an... online thing? I've heard that's possible these days.

Tim: oh good no-

Duke: yeah, he mail-ordered the guy in from Colombia.

-

Roy: yeah if you want I could cook us a Philly feese chake?

Jason: a... a what?

Roy: a Philly shreds steak?

Jason: oh my god you idiot--

-

Harper: who else brings their plushies to their tattoo appointments?

-

Damian: *points a ketchup bottle at Dick* I am holding you at ketchup point. Give me that sandwich, or there shall be dire consequences sir.

-

Babs: looking at these tiktok videos makes me wish I had a motorcycle girlfriend

Dick: I'm so sorry I can't be your motorcycle girlfriend.

-

Bruce: the phrase "don't throw penis cheerios at me" is not one I was prepared to hear today.

-

Duke: *choking while eating sweet tarts* of all the ways I imagined offing myself, this was not one of them-

-

Steph: hey, what up with this random cheese tray?

Alfred: oh, you know, master Bruce went to a eulogy this morning.

Steph: huh?

Alfred: *does not elaborate*

-

Dick: I accidentally swallowed a fruit loop ring whole and now I'm having an emotional crisis

[dakotalun]

What Now? | Eddie Munson

pairing: Eddie Munson X Fem Reader

summary: You just got broken up with and you can only think of one place to go.

warnings: none, just some fluffy Eddie moments :)

word count: 1k

a/n: Shit it's been a while. Anyways back to it!

*******NOT MY GIF, CREDIT TO OWNERS*******

Everything was going okay recently, not many nightmares and the ones I did have weren’t too bad. Until…

“What?” The confusion is evident on my face and in my voice.

“I just don’t think we’ll work out. I’m sorry,” Jamie’s head is down and their eyes are looking everywhere but at me.

“What did I do?”

“Nothing! Nothing at all, it’s me.”

I scoff, “Pfft. Okay sure,” I roll my eyes at their words, “Like every other time people say that line.”

“I’m being serious, love. I love you, I really do but there’s shit that I need to figure out-”

“Then we figure it out together! That’s what it means to be in a committed relationship!”

“I just- I feel like having a partner right now is not helping,” Their voice is distant and soft now.

“I get it. I’m too much, too clingy, too needy, too…everything,” The words sting my throat and tongue as they leave but it’s the truth, it’s what they all mean when they break it off with me.

“Not at all! You’re perfect, in every way, shape, and form. Seriously, it's me. I’m going through shit that I feel like would break us if I kept lying about it to you.”

“So this has been going on for a while?” I see their face change for a second then go back to sadness.

“Yeah, it has. But I thought it was nothing-”

“How long?”

“What?” Now it’s their turn to be confused.

“How long have you known and been going through this?” My face is steel and I show no emotion.

“Since Lolla.”

Lollapalooza was in August, it’s November. They’ve known this and not said anything for 3 months! Lying to me about everything for so long and I had no idea. I don’t even know how to feel right now. I begin to grab my bag and stuff my shit in it before getting up off their bed.

"Y/N," They reach for my hand to stop me from leaving.

I pull away before they can touch me, "Don't. I- I need space," I leave their room and head for the front door, looking back at the fuzzy orange cat lying on the back of the chair as he always does for the last time. 

"Bye Cheerio," I twist the knob and walk out of the apartment I had felt so welcome in before. 

I can hear the thunder once in the elevator, realizing that I can't return home because I promised Robin the apartment, assuming I'd be with Jamie all night. I try to think of who else I could stay with tonight.

Chrissy maybe? No, she’s at Jason’s place for the weekend. Oh, Nancy should be free right? I reach for my phone to text Nancy but see a Google Calendar notification on the screen.

Nancy Double Date with Johnathan and Roomie! Damn, I guess she’s out too. Maybe Robin would understand me coming home tonight, if I told them what happened? 

As I think about what to do and where to go, rain starts to pour down, soaking through the loose shirt I had put on. 

Why does this keep happening to me? How do I always end up in the rain with no place to go? I think back to last summer when Kris, Sophia, and I got into it and my brother’s friend had to come rescue me from myself and the rain. I laugh at the thought that this is just going to be my normal from now on.

As I walk, my feet autonomously begin to head to the only other person whom I trust and who might be able to help. I don’t even realize where I’m going until I’m standing in front of the building, not under the protection of the awning even though it’s only 3 feet in front of me.

I take a deep breath before stepping forward and deciding this really is the only option I have left. I’m thankful for the covering once I’m actually under it. I dial apartment 203 and wait for the voice of my best friend to spread through the old speaker.

"Hello?" His voice is low and gravelly; he must have just woken up.

"Eddie, It’s Y/N. Can I come up? I-" I sniffle and before I can continue I hear the lock moving and the door unlock so I can enter. I didn’t even realize I had been crying until then.

I quickly open the door and make my way through the small maze to get to his place on the second floor. I can feel my wet socks and the weight of my bag has risen tremendously since I left Jamie’s. I'm gonna need to check and make sure my computer is okay once I get inside his place.

Soon I reach his door and he's standing there against the frame, in a tshirt and sweats, his signature look. The expression on his face is one of concern and fear. Something I’m all too familiar with.

"Hey," My voice is weak and not at all how he normally hears it. I’ve never cried in front of him and we’ve been friends for over a year now, strange.

"Shit, Y/N you're soaked! Get the fuck in here," He moves out the way and closes the door behind me as I walk into his living room, making sure to take off my shoes before going onto the carpet.

He comes back with a towel and wraps it around me after taking my bag and setting it at my feet. I mumble a thank you before taking a seat at the edge of his couch, completely on the other side from where he normally sits.

To my surprise he sits next to me and rubs my back, comforting me and drying me at the same time. We sit there in silence for a few minutes. I'm tired and not in the mood to fully explain what happened yet, so neither of us speak until I realize I should probably tell him why I came to his place so late and without warning.

Taglist: @ali-r3n @dixontardis @witchwolflea @micheledawn1975 @daydreaming-mood @idfwfeelings @adaydreamaway08 @preciousbumplingbee @rustboxstarr @plk-18 @teary-eyed-egg @needylilgal022 @exploding-bonbon @gagasbee @eddiemunsonsguitarpic @aol19 @thatwitchyoucouldntburn @meanlilbean @sonnyahngel @corrodedcass @pigwidgeonxo @marsmunson86 @lottie-90 @figmentofquinn @sareim123122 @eddies-puppet @gvf23 @kennedy-brooke @rocklees-wife @emma77645 @cherris-n-peaches @breehumbles @joequinn-love @anyoddthoughts @aysheashea @eddiesskittle @uncxmfxrtablex @cherrymedicine13 @mrsjellymunson @shotgunhallelujah @bambipowerblueaddition @hexqueensupreme @josephquinnsfreckles @harrysgothicbitch @paleidiot @smurfflynn @lilyungpeanut @selena-rocker27

[longstoryshort22]

all 1989tv vault tracks are about dianna agron

Slut:

“everyone wants him that was my crime” at that time everyone knew taylor was dating harry because they were going on pap walks since the start of their relationship, and also everyone loved and wanted him. So from “lovelorn and nobody knows” we can know that the one she was really in love with…was not harry. The “he” she refers to in the song is harry, but the “you” is another person, who she was privately dating. That’s why she said she would pay the price of everyone calling her a slut but “you” wouldn’t, because nobody knew about the secret “you”.

And then she realizes that if people are gonna judge her for everything she does, she might as well be with someone she truly loves.

Also, the flamingo pink, which I think they posted around the same time—

Say Don’t Go:

“why'd you have to lead me on?” harry wasn’t leading taylor on, they were full on dating.

“why'd you whisper in the dark? just to leave me in the night?” I think harry stayed the night with Taylor a few times, so he wouldn’t have to leave her in the night because everyone knew they were dating, but dianna would have to.

“the waiting is a sadness. fading into madness” I really don’t think harry could make her that mad, if you agree Wonderland is about dianna then this is too.

This is like a breakup song, and I’ll say it once and for all—the breakup songs on 1989 can’t be about karlie, kaylor were just in the beginning when taylor wrote the album.

Now That We Don’t Talk:

“I cannot be your friend, so I pay the price of what I lost and what it cost” “truth is I can't pretend it's platonic” a very we’re-friends-but-want-to-be-more situation, which fits right into a gay relationship. Also, when were harry and taylor ever platonic? Neither of them needed to pretend they’re platonic because they started dating right after they met and everyone knew that they were dating so it just doesn’t make sense.

“what do you tell your friends, we shared dinners, long weekends with?” everyone knew harry and taylor were dating, so did their friends, then why would taylor add “what did you tell your friends” when there was nothing to explain about them sharing dinners and weekends because they were dating!!

“you part the crowd like the Red Sea”

“you grew your hair long. you got new icons”some people may argue that dianna didn’t grow her hair long at that time, but this line can be figurative, saying that dianna changed her brand (maybe “straighten” up) and everything.

Suburban Legends:

“I had the fantasy that maybe our mismatched star signs would surprise the whole school”

taylor is a Sagittarius, harry is a Aquarius, karlie is a Leo, and dianna is a Taurus—

“class reunion”, “1950s gymnasium”, and the lockers in the lyric video visuals, it’s all very Glee (and the cheerios) coded

“I pace down your block” brings back to I Wish You Would, and that song is about dianna.

“when you told me we'd get back together”“waves crash on the shore, I dash to the door, you don't knock anymore, and my whole life's ruined” same concept as Style, a relationship that’s on and off and in the end taylor realized that that person would always come back into her life no matter how many times they left, so her life’s ruined (in a good way). And Style is obviously about dianna.

Is It Over Now:

also talking about an on and off relationship, in which she kept wondering if they were over or not. taylor and harry only dated for two or three months, how can they fell apart and came back together over and over again?! It’s very Out Of The Woods and Style coded, and so it’s about dianna.

I know “when you lost control. red blood, white snow” is a reference to their snowmobile accident, also mentioned in Out Of The Woods, but personally I think that song is about the pain of bearding and not being able to be with the one she truly loved (dianna). So in Out Of The Woods she’s talking to harry, but it’s more like “are we out of this faking pretending painful relationship?” And maybe when the accident happened, with the sun coming up and them looking at each other, they realized they didn’t want to do it anymore, it wasn’t worth it, so they decided to set each other free.

[earlgraytay]

If you're going to make a post about not buying cheap random binders maybe give some cheap alternatives instead of "uwu I only CARE about you and don't want you TO GET HORRIBLY HURT," holier than thou, hyberbolic garbage. Give some alternatives other than "buy expensive stuff uwu" lmao

Wow. What an incredibly rude and hostile way to talk to someone you don't know. Anyway. I'm the wrong person to answer this question, for three reasons.

I haven't had anything to bind since 2017, and wasn't able to bind for a good few years prior, on account of, you know, fucking up my ribs with a crappy Amazon binder. It's been nearly a decade since I've been on the market for a binder. I do not know what the scene looks like right now. Miku Hatsune could have descended from heaven, dropped a binder that's so good it blows your tits off, and I wouldn't know, because I haven't had to buy a binder since 2014.

The notes on my original post are a fucking gold mine of information that I wouldn't have been able to give you- both up-to-date information on which companies are most reputable, and information on what to do if you're too low-income to get a full price binder, including folks from the Global South talking about where to get binders if you don't live in the US or UK. If you actually want information on where to get a reasonably priced binder, look there.

..... I'm going to reiterate what I have been saying this entire time.

A binder is a piece of medical equipment. It is not a fashion statement, it is not just a form of gender expression, and it is not something you can afford to take lightly.

There are things in this world you can cheap out on. You can buy store-brand cheerios, or dollar store dish soap, or gently used jeans, and you will be okay.

Medical equipment is not something you can cheap out on. If you cheap out on medical equipment, you can seriously injure yourself. You should be just as careful about buying a binder as you should be about buying a CPAP machine, a mobility aid, or a wrist brace.

The alternatives are not "buy expensive stuff", "buy cheap stuff", or "go without."

The alternatives are "buy high-quality stuff- which is expensive because it was designed by skilled medical professionals and/or sewists to work with your body's needs instead of against them", "buy low-quality stuff that could seriously injure or even kill you", "go without", or "get assistance from one of the organizations that exists specifically to help transmascs/NB people with this kind of thing".

Yes. I'm going to be self-righteous about this. The sheer number of trans guys who are putting themselves at risk of rib damage, pneumonia, and other permanent injuries because they're buying cheap, dangerous crap that's getting pushed at them... how can you see that and not want to warn them?

FFS, dude.

[klaineccfanficlibrary]

any soulmate klaine with badboy!blaine fics set in high school please? thankyou

Definitely browse our Soulmate!Klaine Badboy!Blaine Badboy!Kurt tags, and here are three with the specs you requested. Enjoy! ~Lynne

I Think I’m in Love (But It Makes Me Kinda Nervous to Say So) by musingsonaredradish

From this prompt on the GKM: Everyone has a soulmate and kurt is a romantic, he dreamed his whole life about finding HIM. What kurt didn’t think of was that his soulmate would be someone so unexpected he would turn his whole world upside down. Because kurt finds out that his soulmate is actually badboy Blaine Anderson! But what kurt and the other people don’t know is that blaine is actually a sweetheart, too. Yes, he dress in leather, he rides a bike, he gets into fights and all the cliches, but the truth is he is willing to give everything to the people he loves. It’s just that nobody gave him a chance before and he uses that strong image to defend himself from the world.

~~~~~

Troubled Souls by theoreoqueen

Soulmate!AU, Badboy!Blaine. Kurt Hummel is now at the top of popularity at McKinley. Blaine Anderson is still residing as the school’s bad boy. So it’s a surprise to both when the two are matched as each other’s soulmate on their seventeenth birthday.

~~~~~

I Don't Date Cheerios by @teddyshoney

Blaine, leader of the McKinley High bad boys is forced to join a club, and he winds up singing in front of the Glee Club. Who else would be in the audience besides Cheerio Kurt? Kurt's never been a fan of Blaine, but that's all about to change...

[mercury-crux]

Incorrect Witchcraft SMP Quotes

Prismarina: Hey, you want a tarot reading? Joey: Those are Pokemon cards. Prismarina: You got a magikarp. Joey: … Prismarina: It means 'fuck you'.

Eloise: pulls back the curtain while Lauren is showering Eloise: Hey did we - stop screaming it’s me - did we run out of Cheerios?

Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’ Lauren: Thanks fam! Scott: Oh no. Eloise: cries I love you too. Shelby: Sounds fake, but okay. Tiff: A flustered mess Prismarina: Can I get a refund?

Lauren: Heyyy Tiff, how’s your… drink?? Tiff: What do you mean drink? It’s coffee. Lauren: You sure?? Looks to coffee maker Tiff: Looks to coffee maker Cement sitting beside the coffee maker Tiff:…I’m on my third fucking drink right now, I should be dead.

Eloise: How does that even work? Joey, mocking them: hOw dO yOu UsE a cOmPUteR aNd KnOw wHaTS GoiNg oN iT DoEsNt mAke SeNSe?! Eloise: Your face doesnt make sense.

Prismarina: When I first met you, I did not like you. Joey: I'm aware of that. Prismarina: But then you and I had some time together. Joey: Uh-huh? Prismarina: It did not get better.

Prismarina: Shelby, why is Tiff intruding on our cuddle time? Tiff: Shelby, why is Prismarina intruding on our cuddle time? Shelby, in distress: Please… I have two hands…

Lauren: They made Shelby cry! Cleo: Shelby always cries! Shelby: That's not true! cries

Shelby: You have to apologize to Prismarina! Joey: Fine! Joey: Unfuck you, or whatever!

Prismarina is casually searching around the room Scott: Hey Prismarina, what’re you looking for? Prismarina: My will to live. Shelby walks into the room Prismarina: Oh, there it is.

Scott: out cold on the ground Cleo: Oh my god, do you think they’re okay?! Prismarina, holding a bucket of ice water: Who cares?! dumps all of the water on Scott’s face

Scott: I'm not creepy. Scott: I'm petty. Scott: There's a difference, ya' know.

Joey: Question, how difficult would it be to bowl in a bee suit? Tiff: Not that hard, I don't think, as long as you can move. Eloise: I'd assume as hard as it is to bowl in a maid outfit. Eloise: Wouldn't be any harder, but you'd get some WEIRD looks. Cleo: Are. Are you speaking from experience. Eloise: No! Eloise: Eloise: ….Maybe.

Cleo, furious: What do you mean we have homework tonight? I have books to read.

Cleo: So… what would you do if you were in bed with me? Lauren: Depends. Is your bed comfortable? Cleo: Yes. Lauren: I'd sleep.

Lauren: Prismarina, don’t go picking a fight with Scott. Don’t forget, they’re powerful, they could make life difficult for you. Prismarina: Wow, I wonder what it'd be like to have a difficult life.

Prismarina: If I was married to you I would put poison in your coffee. Cleo: If I was married to you I’d drink it.

Cleo: I feel like the world would be better if I'd never been born. Joey: Aw… that's not true. Joey: It'd be exactly the same. Joey: You're not important.

Cleo: Seriously, Lauren, how many people would you have killed if we’d asked you to? Lauren: That’s not important Cleo: I DISAGREE.

Cleo: There is no future. There is no past. Don't you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every fact. Prismarina: …All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

Shelby: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses. Prismarina: This knife is actually a magic wand. Tiff: Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel. Scott: cocks gun Magic missile. Lauren: What the fuck is wrong with you people.

The Squad when asked about their earlier confession of love Lauren: Yeah, you're lucky. I like you. Tiff: I'd understand if you didn't feel the same way… Eloise: has a panic attack What confession? Prismarina: winks I know, babe. You like me too. Cleo: So what? Are you going to date me or not? Joey: It was a dare.

Cleo: Hey, what are you reading? Eloise: This is my magic book where any ink spilled shows a scripture of the future, however it bears a curse making it broken, and as such in order to make any scripture appears, I have to do it myself. Cleo: Impressive! I must have it for myself! Prismarina: So it’s just a Notebook? Eloise: It’s just a Notebook.

Scott: What’s up? I’m back. Tiff: I literally saw you die. You died. You were dead Scott: Death is a social construct.

Prismarina: We have a problem. Scott: Let me guess, you caused it? Cleo: Gimme a sec, I'm not drunk enough to listen to this yet. Tiff: And it's another Tuesday, your point? Joey: Would shooting you solve this problem? No? Then shut up. Lauren: If you're mean the fire, that's our solution to last week's problem.

[megantheestallion-ismypresident]

Coming out of the closet

Summary: Y/N has been bullied all her life last year for being fat and being Bisexual. But that all changed when Y/n had a huge glow up last summer she's been apart of the cheerios, and also dating the quarterback Finn Hudson but she has feelings for Santana but the thing is Santana doesn't want to come out.

Being apart of the cheerios isn't easy sure being popular, and having boys around your little finger but none of the boys catch your eye since there all up on you.

Y/n has dated Finn Hudson in the past they were inseparable but finn cheated on her with Quinn Fabary, you and Quin have been enemies ever since.

Before y/n became the beautiful goddess that she is, she got bullied for being ugly and a bit overweight, alot of people in school tormented her, wrote rude things about her weight on her locker. Y/N wanted to transfer school's but she couldn't since her parents were struggling with their jobs, so y/n did everything in her power to have a brand new start for next year.

Soon as school started everybody started looking at y/n like a piece of meat. Boys were looking her way even girls were looking her way to, that's when she met santana lopez.

Y/n had a fat crush on Santana last year but she didn't want to confess or say anything because she's probably straight.

Y/n had came out of the closet last year, since she had kissed a girl who she really liked last year but the girl that she kissed was a major bitch and told everyone in the school that Y/n L/n kissed a girl.

It shattered y/n's soul because people were not only making fat jokes they were making homphohic comments as well, But now all of that has changed.

Y/n has started joining the cheerios since she auditioned and she became apart of the team she started getting recognized and start being friends with Brittany and her crush Santanna.

Quinn wasn't a bit happy since Y/n joined the team since she's dating her Ex boyfriend Finn Hudson.

People in school were comparing Y/n to Quinn and how Y/n is 10 times more prettier than Quinn, And other kids were comparing Quinn is prettier than Y/n.

Y/n has been known to Bisexual since she discovered she likes boys and girls equally.

Y/n thinks Finn is pretty cool, sweet and awesome but she secretly likes santana but she didn't want to break Finn's heart since he's the first boyfriend y/n has ever had in her entire life.

But it all went downhill since finn cheated on y/n on Quin Fabray, Y/n knew it was gonna happen it didn't surprise her, even though y/n has lost all the weight last summer she stills feel fat and ugly.

"I can't believe she would do that." Santana says as she looks at herself in the mirror.

Currently Y/n is Santana house since she didn't feel like going to her house since her parents are arguing.

" I don't know, I mean Quin is prettier than me, I mean that's why Fin chose to be with her again." Y/N said sadly.

"Oh please, Finn's brain is like a hot air balloon filled with Gasoline till it explodes like a Fat guy needing to poop from eating to much tacos from a Mexican restaurant." Santana says as she insults finn.

" You have to be one of the prettiest girls in school and that's coming from me since I'm Also another pretty girl in school, But your literally ten times more prettier than Quinn, and I mean it." Santana says as she looks at Y/n Genuinely meaning what she's saying.

Y/n and Santana look at each other since their faces are pretty close to each other.

Santana kisses Y/n passionately, Y/n kisses Santana back. "I can't believe this is happening right now!!" Y/n thought to herself. Y/n and Santana landed on the bed as they make out and they both start taking of their clothes as their both roam each other's bodies all night.

Y/n and Santana were both complete naked under the covers both panting.

"That was nice." Y/n says as she kisses Sanaa on her lips smiling at her.

"Yeah it was awesome." Santana says as she returns with a long slow kiss back to Y/n.

"I know that this a really weird question since we just started having sex, But have you ever thought coming out of the closet soon, not that I'm forcing you too." Y/n says being cautious not wanting to offend her.

" Look, y/n as much as I love this little thing we have going on, but I don't really want to come out any soon because I haveva told my parents and my Abuelita isn't really supportive of the LGBTQ so I've been keeping my sexuality on a low radar." Santana says as she looks at Y/n

"Thats fine I understand." Y/n says as she gets up out of the bed and pick up her clothes on the floor and start putting them on.

"Hey can we keep this a secret I don't want anyone at school knowing or even thinking about you and me being a couple, I don't wanna get bullied or called out." Santana says pleadingly.

"Yeah your secrets safe with me." Y/n says as she kisses Santana one more time as she she leaves.

Authors note: I don't know if I like this all that much let me know what you guys think about this

[angels-fantasy]

Top Secret Fiction Ch. 5

Secret (almost) Revealed

Katsuki Bakugou x Reader

Description: After meeting the one and only pro hero Dynamight on a dating app, you two begin to see each other. Because of the dangers that come with his hero work, you both promise to be completely honest with each other from the beginning; though you can't help but keep one big secret from him.

You write fan fiction, mostly about him.

Chapter Details: cheerios is mentioned once again, awkward katsuki. your secret MAY be revealed soon???

Word Count: 1.1k

previous chapter

"Welcome to my home." You said as you stretched out your arms to showcase your apartment.

Bakugou looked around as he took off his shoes, "'S nice, definitely you."

You smiled and placed your items down onto a small table near the doorway, including the bunny.

As you were about to respond you were cut off by a loud meow. Turning around, you saw Cheerios standing in the hallway.

"Hi baby! Come say hi to our guest." You said as you walked over to pick him up.

You noticed Bakugou squirming slightly as you brought your cat closer to him.

"Are you okay Bakugou? You look uncomfortable." You asked as you held Cheerios in your arms.

He shook his head. "I'm fine. It's just-cat's never like me." He said and looked away.

You pouted at him, "Aw really? I promise Cheerios is a sweet boy, he loves everyone. Maybe if you give him food he'll be more comfortable. He's a foodie so food is the way to his heart."

While holding your cat, who laid still like a potato sack in your arms, you grabbed two treats from a container on your counter and handed them to Bakugou, who was now sitting on the couch.

Sitting down next to him you said "Okay, I'm gonna keep holding him while you give him the first treat."

He nodded and held out a treat for Cheerios, who smelled it and immediately ate it.

"That was good!" You cheered. "Now I'm gonna put him down, and let's see if he walks to you."

"You're gonna put him down?!" Bakugou asked.

"It'll be okay! He's an older cat so he can't run that fast anyways, so don't worry about him getting you." You said and placed Cheerios a few feet away from Bakugou.

Bakugou squinted at the cat and sighed before holding the treat out. Cheerios looked up at the treat while sniffing the air and began walking towards him.

"He's doing it!" You said clapping your hands lightly. "Bring the treat closer to you. Let's see if he'll sit on your lap."

Bakugou groaned and did as you said, and your cat followed the treat.

Once the treat was in his lap, Cheerios hopped up onto the couch and walked into his lap, successfully obtaining his treat.

The cat then decided to loaf right on his lap. Bakugou held his hands away from the cat and said "What the hell is he doing?"

"He's loafing! Lemme take a picture." You said and quickly grabbed your phone to snap a picture.

Bakugou stayed extremely still and just sat awkwardly.

"Let me save you from this kitty cat." You teased and picked the Cheerios up, making him meow in retaliation.

"Yeah I know, hush now." You said and put him down, watching him walk away to your bedroom.

"So, what's up with you and cats?" You asked.

He huffed, "My old hag had a damn cat at one point when I was a kid and I fuckin' hated that thing. It wasn't all sweet like yours, it was mean and ugly too. Little bastard scratched me all the time." He said while crossing his arms and leaning back against the couch.

You laughed at the image you created in your head of a younger Bakugou getting scratched by a scruffy old cat.

"What's so funny huh?"

"Nothing." You giggled, "It's just hard to imaging the big, bad Dynamight getting scratched by a wittle old cat."

"Sorry my experience didn't include a friendly fur ball like yours." He sassed.

"It's never too late to bond with one!" You sassed back. "Oh by the way, do you want anything to drink or eat? Sorry I forgot to ask."

"Nah, I'm good."

"Mkay. I'm gonna go get snacks. Feel free to put something on the TV." You said and handed the remote to him.

He nodded and turned the TV on, browsing through the options you had.

As you were getting a drink, you couldn't help but think about how nervous you were. Not because Bakugou was in your house, but because you kept thinking about how you had literal smut drafts about the man on your couch.

It made your stomach hurt from the guilt, but you just drank your juice and tried not to think about it.

Going back into the living room, you sat down on the couch and saw that he had put on The Notebook.

You gasped, "No way, are you secretly a sucker for love or something?"

He blushed, "No, shut up. It's a good movie. Ain't nothin' to do with romance."

By the end of the movie, you were in tears. So was Bakugou. Even though he tried to hide it, you knew he was crying because of the occasional sniffing.

"This movie is so beautiful." You sniffed, "I love it."

Bakugou nodded, and reached out to wipe a tear off your face.

You smiled and felt your ears turn hot at the contact, "Thanks. I'm always such a crybaby when it comes to romance."

"'S no problem." He said, "There's nothin' wrong with crying, look at Deku."

You snorted, "The crybaby hero? I'm not that bad-" You said but were interrupted by a yawn.

"You tired?"

"Nah." You lied, "Let's watch another movie. You like Hercules?" You asked while sitting up and grabbing the remote.

Bakugou saw through your lie but agreed to watching the movie anyways. You managed to stay awake for the first half of the movie, but by the end you were asleep on his shoulder.

He sat stiffly as you breathed lightly in your sleep and the credits rolled. He backed away carefully and maneuvered your head to lean back against the couch. Turning off your TV, he then picked you up in his arms and walked down the hallway, peeking into every room until he found your bedroom.

Once he did, he laid you down carefully and covered you with a blanket. Noticing you left some items at the foot of your bed, he thought it'd be a good idea to move them elsewhere so they wouldn't fall off.

Grabbing the books and notebooks, he didn't pay them any attention until his own name caught his eye.

On one of the notebooks, it read:

new fic idea

bakugou x reader

maybe enemies to lovers??

There were other miscellaneous notes scattered across the page, but he didn't care about those.

He looked at you, then just placed the items back where they originally were. He figured those notes were a personal thing, but he didn't fully understand them yet.

He walked out of your apartment, shooting you a text informing you that you had fallen asleep, so he sought himself out.

As he drove home, he kept those notes in his head so he could look up information about it. He already had a few things in mind, but he wanted to be sure.

next chapter

authors note

I AM HEREEE with a new chapter :p do u get the reference? lol

i'm currently in my math class as i'm posting this 🙂 anyways, sorry for such a late update. the end of the school year has me busy, but i graduate in 3 days and start college in a week!

love ya :)

taglist: @doumadono @54fangirl @andysdrafts @dagger-dragger @lovra974 @l4rsun1vrrse @emmab3mma @littlkittenfan @tatiquichi @cloudxluv @seonne @shonen-brainrot @the2ndl @gold24fish @cxp1d @rv19 @gina329

(i forgot to do the taglist when i posted lol. those in pink couldn't be tagged!)

[trivialbob]

The last time I bought milk the gallon jug was a mere $0.20 more than the half-gallon container. An extra half gallon for twenty cents! Frugal is my middle name. I bought the full gallon.

However, I didn't think it through. I don't really like milk. I drink some, because it's good for me. Never would I put it on breakfast cereal. Milk on cereal is as disgusting as turkey gravy on ice cream. Dry Cheerios forever.

Besides drinking a little of it, I have milk in the house for recipes or to add to coffee sometimes.

This gallon of milk's expiration date is today. I don’t like wasting food or drink any more than I like wasting money. This sure left me in an awkward spot.

[away-ward]

Devil's Night Incorrect Quotes: Best of the Best

Rules of the game is:

It has to make me laugh

I can't exchange or shuffle the names

that's it. feel free to save your favorites, and even let me know which ones gave you a laugh. believe it or not, this is actually a narrowed down list of my favorite incorrect quotes from a random generator.

Michael: Sorry I'm late, I was doing stuff. Banks: YOU PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS!

--

Emory: I am darkness. I am an power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am- Will: A doll. Banks: A cinnamon roll. Michael: A sweetheart. Emory: Emory: ...stop it.

--

Will: People tell me I have a unique way of lighting up a room. Rika: It’s called arson and those people are called witnesses.

--

*Emory answers Rika's office phone* Michael: What happened to Rika? Emory: She died. Michael: She what? Emory: She died, but she's okay. Michael: …Can you please clarify? Rika *in the background*: Clarification is for the weak.

--

Michael: *sneaking in through their window* Rika: *turning in her chair and flicking the light one* You want to tell me where you've been all night? Michael: I was with Kai? Kai: *turning in his chair* Wanna try again?

--

Damon: So… I’ve seen you’ve been spending a lot of time with Emory recently. Will: No, Damon, it's not what it looks like, I swear. Damon: Oh really? So no reason for me to be jealous? Will: No! You’re the only one for me. Damon: Is that so? Will: I promise! Emory and I are just dating, okay? She's my partner. Damon: So there are no best-friends-feelings involved? Will: You are still my one and only best friend! She's just the love of my life, nothing more! Damon: But I’m still the platonic love of your life, right? Will: Of course bro! Damon: Bro... Emory: What the-

--

*During Corrupt*

Rika: *angrily presses Michael against a wall* WHERE'S THE MONEY?! Michael: ... Michael: Are we about to kiss-

--

Will: Seriously, all you do is bitch. Kai: I happen to bitch the perfect amount for someone in my situation

--

Will: I think it’s time I get my life in order. Damon, narrating: But he did not get his life in order. In fact, he got drunk last night and fought a raccoon.

--

Michael, texting Winter *knowing Damon's out of town*: Any plans for tonight? Winter: No. Michael: Loser.

--

Michael: You need a hobby. Banks: I have a hobby! Michael: Hitting Will isn't a hobby.

--

Damon: You are, of course, wondering why it is I have brought you here tonight. Kai: Actually, Damon, after all these years, I just sort of go with it.

--

Rika: What is wrong with you? Damon: Loaded question. Elaborate.

--

Winter: *running into the room* Rika just said she doesn't love me anymore! Damon: What?! Rika: *following her in* I did not say that. I just said that we are not driving all the way across the country just so you can punch Michael in the face.

--

Winter: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.

--

*playing twister* Kai: Right hand red. Will: *ends up on top of Michael* Michael: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you? Kai: I stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice.

--

Will: I eat cheerios because they’re heart healthy. Will: And my heart has been severely damaged, so Emory, if you’re out there—

--

Will: Winter... Winter: Oh no, 'Winter' in B flat. Winter: You're disappointed.

--

Damon: Do you guys ever have a civilized conversation that doesn't require insulting each other every time you get a chance? Emory: No. Kai: No. Damon: Didn't think so.

--

Will: Are you coming to bed? Emory: I can't. This is important. Will: What? Emory: Someone is wrong on the internet.

--

Rika: Hey, Kai, are you free on Friday? Like around eight? Kai: Yeah. Rika: And you, Banks? Banks: Umm... yes? Rika: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date! Banks: Did she just-

--

Kai: Am I going to far? Emory: No, no, no. You went too far about 7 hours ago. Now you’re going to prison.

--

Rika, acting tough: You guys don't want to mess with me. Kai: Yeah, Rika will straight up cry in public. Don't try her. Rika: Exactly, I will straight up- Rika: Rika, tearing up: Kai, why would you say that?!

--

Emory: When I die I want Kai to lower me into my grave so he can let me down one last time.

*no... i'm not bitter. what would give you that impression?*

--

Emory, pointing to Kai and Damon: Distract them! I'll be right back! *leaves* Banks: Okay! *five minutes later* Emory: *returns and sees Kai and Damon unconscious on the ground* What did you do? I said distract them, not knock them out! Banks: There's just no pleasing you sometimes.

--

Damon: You need a hobby. Will: I have a hobby! Damon: Fawning over Emory isn’t a hobby.

--

Michael: That's not funny. Damon: I thought it was funny. Michael: You don't count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook.

--

Kidnapper: I have one of your friends. Kai: Which one? I have seven. Kidnapper: The loud, annoying, rowdy one who never shuts up. Kai: Which one? I have seven. Will, distantly: HEY!!!

--

Winter: *eating a cinnamon roll* Will: Cannibalism. Winter: *confused chewing noises*

--

Winter: If you got arrested what would be the charges? Rika Theft. Banks: Disturbing the peace. Damon: Aggravated assault. Will: Arson. Emory: All of the above. In that order, probably.

--

Banks: So what’s for dinner? Rika: I can’t tell you, it’s a soup-prise! Banks: … Banks: Is it soup? Rika: I soup-pose it could be! *winks* Banks: Please, enough with the soup puns! Rika: Wow, you’re soup-per mean. Banks: STOP! *one hour later* Banks: It’s fucking tacos?!?!?!

--

Emory: *visiting the squad* Hello, I just came to- Emory: *sees Kai shoving Michael into the washing machine while Damon records and Will watches* Emory: *retreating* Something suddenly came up.

--

Will: *cocks gun* Go to Bed. This is no longer a request, This is now a Threat.

*in my head, it's a water gun and it's em that needs to go to bed*

--

Michael: Emory, keep an eye on Will today. He's going to say something to the wrong person and get punched. Emory: Sure, I'd love to see Will getting punched. Winter: Try again. Emory, sighing: I will try to stop Will from getting punched.

--

Winter: If I say yes am I joining a cult? Banks: Possibly. Winter: I’m in.

--

Banks: Love is weakness and an evolutionary mistake. Damon: You are literally making a Valentine’s day card for Kai. Banks, pointing her hot glue gun towards Damon: You’re on thin fucking ice

--

Rika: *watching the squad's shenanigans with concern* Do you feel like this has gotten out of hand? Will: I don't know. Feels normal enough for a group that's on 911's blocked callers list.

--

Will: You’re my best friend, I would do anything for you. Damon: I want you to eat 3 meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule. Will: Absolutely not.

--

*The gang's thoughts on stabbing* Rika: Would never stab anyone. Will: Would stab someone in retaliation. Winter: Yells "I won't hesitate, bitch!" first. Banks: Would stab without warning. Emory: Would stab as a warning.

--

Banks: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say ‘wow’ that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are.

--

Damon: *pretending to joke* So when are you going to go out with me? Winter: I don't know. When are you going to ask me to? *later* Emory: And you just ran away?! Damon: I didn't expect her to flirt back!

--

Will: I give up. I am so tired. Rika: Get the emergency supply! Michael: *carries Damon and places him in front of Will* Damon: *smiles* Will: AND I AM BACK BABY, LET’S GOOO

--

Will: Hey, babe, remember how I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up my ADHD meds? Emory: Yes? Will: Well, it turns out they're all out for the next five days. Emory: Fuck. Will: It's gonna be a fun week! Emory: I'm going to Winter 's house. Will: Nuh-uh. Through sickness and health, motherfucker

--

Will: You need to be more careful! Emory, who was dragged into Will's issue: Careful? CAREFUL?! I'LL CAREFULLY WRAP MY HANDS AROUND YOUR THROAT-

--

Will: You’ve got to learn to love yourself. Emory: But don't you hate yourself. Will: Yeah, but this is about you. Stay focused.

--

Banks: Who would you swipe right for? Kai or Rika? Damon: I would delete the app.

--

Kai: Guys, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly. Damon, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

--

Kai: Are we really going to let Banks keep Damon? Rika: We kept Winter.

--

Damon: Banks and I are so close we even share a toothbrush. Banks: We what?

--

Emory: I want a bf. Will: Do you mean best friend, boyfriend or bread feast? Because you’re being really vague here.

--

Kai: Emory... Emory: I can tell by the tone of your voice that you are disappointed. Alas, I must further disappoint you by affirming how little I give a fuck.

--

Kai: I have a problem. Damon: Kill it. Kai: Can you chill for like, two seconds?

--

Banks: Can we go to a haunted house? Damon: What’s wrong with the one we live in? Banks: Wh-what? Damon: Goodnight, Banks.

--

Banks: I hope no one lowkey hates me. Banks: Highkey hate me. Hate me with every fiber of your being. Banks: Go big or go home.

--

Will, pointing to Emory’s empty room: YOU LET THEM ESCAPE?! Damon: I WAS ON BREAK.

--

Michael: Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit has a body count.

--

Banks: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night Michael: It was autocorrect. Banks: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."? Michael: Yes.

--

hope you had fun :)

[dissvicious]

Ok ok I was wondering. What are the love languages of your ships? Redbomb or the band polycule. I feel like Osha love language is physical contact but I really can't see what it could be for those uglies messes called Trafalgar D Water Law and Buggy The Star Clown.

Love your work! ♥

Oooook now that's something I was starved to think about for a long time SO thank you so much (and thank you for loving my work!!! I'm glad that my completely delusional manic attacks aren't totally useless)

SO. FIRST. Easy one : Redbomb.

Let's evacuate the joke already their principal love language is throwing insults to each other and arguing and then fuck and repeating the cycle.

BUT more deeply : Buggy love language is mostly acts of service & gifts. It's kinda surprising at first because he obviously do it all over the top. AND he's pretty bad at it. Like, when Red get really sick, he spent hours in the kitchen making her what he thinks is the most comforting food ever. But you know, Blaze cooking skills were inherited from him, so she end with a plate full of Cheerios, smashed potatoes, cheddar and knackies (wait. Are knacki a thing outer UE?? those are really bad quality industrial sausages for the record), and her beloved husband looking at her all proud like "♥ 😁 I made that!!". And he spoils his kids with really outrageously expensive gifts. (Skye abuses it a little sometime)

Red' love language is mostly words of affirmation! Acts of service too but unlike buggy she's skilled with it. Her major flaw with that would be that she's offering acts of services even when people she loves don't act for them. Mommy style you know ? Wipping something on Rory's cheek with her thumb in front of his very first boyfriend.

For the record : Rory love language is he don't have any because he hates everyone act of services, Skye's is offering gifts & quality time, Blaze's is physical touch! (which can be dangerous with his devil fruit powers)

NOW. BRACE YOURSELF BECAUSE THIS IS GONNA BE HEAVY. The worst polycule of all time is entering the chat :

G.R.O.A.R LOVE LANGUAGE

I'll try to make it short because I could write a fucking THESIS about them SO. I think that they all have kinda different love languages according to which relationship we are talking about you see ? Like :

Osha x Law : Osha love language is physical touch (as in: big bear hugs that break his spine every time) and acts of service (as in: they make sure he eats, drink, and bring him to the vet like the injuried cat he is. Oh and they're also Law's biggest protector. Always saving his damsel in distress ass. On the other hand I FIRMLY believe that Law love language is quality times AND, for Osha, and only for Osha (and maybe a bit for Bepo - NOT A LAWBEPO ACCOUNT plz love language like for his best friend who is also a polar bear, which is pretty rad if you ask me, would a loser have a polar bear??) act of services. Quality time as in : he just loves spending lazy afternoon lying on their lap with a bong ranting about the stupidity of everyone around him. Act of services as in : one day Osha's bakery oven was broken and he replaced it as a surprise, without telling them anything. This kind of thing you see? They never really confessed and they totally deny they are dating but - come on. Guys. That's obvious.

Osha x Kidd : what's going on between them like - nobody knows. They are bad for each other. No. Kidd is bad for Osha. Are they dating. Are they like... friends? with benefits? but the benefit isn't sex??? Wtf. Anyways : their love language is physical touch and quality time, but not like for Osha x Law, more like: Shrek and fiona fighting in this clip

Law x Kidd : "AHAHAHA love language! as if we LOVED each other??? we fuck and that's all. Friend...ship? with this pathetic loser? URGH DON'T KIDDING ME" - anyway Law shows Kidd affection by quality time, and here quality time means "I'm not as unbearable as usual when I'm with you" while Kidd love language is... idk, bullying? physical touch but like slapping his back really hard and stuffing him in a locker? scruffing him and yelling "hey that's MY twink è_é I'm the only one allowed to hurt MY twink è_é"

KiddKiller *chief kiss* The only stable relationship in this polycule. Which means... a lot, look at them. ANYWAY - Kidd love language toward Killer is words of affirmations, like, it's canon, look at the anime. Look how he talks about him. "WHO DID THIS TO MY BUDDY?" aaaah *cry and sobb* (didn't get there in the anime yet but was totally spoiled this scene and I KNOW I'm gonna cry my ass out). But since Kidd has the vocabulary of a 14 y.o it's still complicated. "brooooo you're like peanut butter to my jam". AND of course Killer love languages are act of services (understand : following him everywhere and protecting his ass and being his only braincell).

LawKiller & OshaKiller aren't really a thing in this AU soooo we're gonna put them aside.

Also this post is already too long.

anyway THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK. ♥