#being a trans man is suffering

[earlgraytay]

If you're going to make a post about not buying cheap random binders maybe give some cheap alternatives instead of "uwu I only CARE about you and don't want you TO GET HORRIBLY HURT," holier than thou, hyberbolic garbage. Give some alternatives other than "buy expensive stuff uwu" lmao

Wow. What an incredibly rude and hostile way to talk to someone you don't know. Anyway. I'm the wrong person to answer this question, for three reasons.

I haven't had anything to bind since 2017, and wasn't able to bind for a good few years prior, on account of, you know, fucking up my ribs with a crappy Amazon binder. It's been nearly a decade since I've been on the market for a binder. I do not know what the scene looks like right now. Miku Hatsune could have descended from heaven, dropped a binder that's so good it blows your tits off, and I wouldn't know, because I haven't had to buy a binder since 2014.

The notes on my original post are a fucking gold mine of information that I wouldn't have been able to give you- both up-to-date information on which companies are most reputable, and information on what to do if you're too low-income to get a full price binder, including folks from the Global South talking about where to get binders if you don't live in the US or UK. If you actually want information on where to get a reasonably priced binder, look there.

..... I'm going to reiterate what I have been saying this entire time.

A binder is a piece of medical equipment. It is not a fashion statement, it is not just a form of gender expression, and it is not something you can afford to take lightly.

There are things in this world you can cheap out on. You can buy store-brand cheerios, or dollar store dish soap, or gently used jeans, and you will be okay.

Medical equipment is not something you can cheap out on. If you cheap out on medical equipment, you can seriously injure yourself. You should be just as careful about buying a binder as you should be about buying a CPAP machine, a mobility aid, or a wrist brace.

The alternatives are not "buy expensive stuff", "buy cheap stuff", or "go without."

The alternatives are "buy high-quality stuff- which is expensive because it was designed by skilled medical professionals and/or sewists to work with your body's needs instead of against them", "buy low-quality stuff that could seriously injure or even kill you", "go without", or "get assistance from one of the organizations that exists specifically to help transmascs/NB people with this kind of thing".

Yes. I'm going to be self-righteous about this. The sheer number of trans guys who are putting themselves at risk of rib damage, pneumonia, and other permanent injuries because they're buying cheap, dangerous crap that's getting pushed at them... how can you see that and not want to warn them?

FFS, dude.

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it's so relatable to see trans women and transfem and generally people who no longer have a testosterone-dominant system describing what it was like to have a testosterone-dominant system. I find that often, when they talk about being angry, depressed, irate, or just irritable, I relate because that was me before I went on testosterone. I was so fucking angry and irate and genuinely unpleasant to exist around because I didn't have testosterone.

See, I think instead of estrogen or testosterone being the "bad, angry" hormone, it's more like... of course trans people who need hormones are going to be unpleasant before getting hormones - both your body and your brain require that you have a certain level of hormone balance. Of course somebody like me was fucking furious all the time, the brain does weird shit when its needs aren't fulfilled!

This isn't about criticizing any one group of trans people, rather, I encourage people to remember that ascribing inherent qualities to certain traits (e.g., saying "estrogen is such a horrible hormone!") isn't necessarily good. It's absolutely fine to talk about personal experiences with pre-transition, I do that all the time! The only issue is bioessentializing hormones, in essence, ascribing inherentness to traits we often share.

[littlemsterious]

I forgot to post this like a month ago when i actually saw spiderverse, so whoops. (ID under the break)

[image ID: the doofesmirtz nickel meme and it says “if i had a nickel for every time i saw a movie that used the multiverse to explore how the younger generation copes with suffering differently from the previous generation and specifically looks at how that affects POC and people who are othered from those closest to them, while using the complexity of parent-kid relationships to emphasise the otherness and has a character with a motif surrounding black holes and bagels and was also one of the most phenomenal pieces of media i’ve ever witnessed, I’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice.” end image ID]

[bucatinibucatini]

can i just say… VAGINAL ATROPHY is such a fucking intense way to say dry pussy

like when i was first looking at the effects of testosterone and saw that phrase i thought it meant like… collapsed vagina. like that hole collapses into a pussy deficit. black hole-esque pussy

no it just means that it can get dry. not scary at all

[simonskizm]

That moment when it's monthly sacrifice time and it's making you talk like a knight accepting that this may be his last day so he's rallying the others with a fatal stab wound, and he's holding it with a gauntleted hand, blood seeping between his fingers as he raises his sword and let's out a fierce cry as his speech echoes across the vast field:

"This is a war we will win, men! We stand brave against the opposing army, we are a united front against the evil that plagues our lands! They seek to destroy us, but when we bleed we only grow stronger. When we bleed, we are one!"

Then proceed to curl up in bed with hot tea and cry when cramps just barely get worse. Yeah, not having fun right now.

[stanleys-marsh]

please why didn't they write wendyl's name at least like wendel or something, like WENDYL is so??? 😭😭😭 imagine trans man wendyl growing up and realizing what a fucking stupid name he chose

[theemmtropy]

Posts on this site will be like "Every person who is a minority shouldn't have to educate you! There are so many already-existing resources you can seek out!!" And then turn right around and say "Minorities need to be the better person when challenging and educating people who have bigoted beliefs!!" I'm fucking tired, and I'm not gonna waste my fucking time trying to convince someone that I deserve to be treated like a person.

[darling-valentine]

every now and then I remember that time my transfem friend and I were talking about her trauma and her transition and suddenly she said "but yeah you didn't go through any of that because trans men don't get harassed or bullied and have it overall easier" and I just felt so deeply upset at how she just assumed all the pain I went through couldn't exist because I somehow had it easier. I didn't even say anything because I didn't want her to think I was angry at her, because if I do then suddenly I'm an Angry Man that's exaggerating

[demodraws0606]

Me looking at Tumblr : Transfems and Transmascs at each other's throats and being vile to one another.

Me an AFAB nonbinary person who doesn't plan to transition who would be eradicated if I spoke my opinion :

[earlgraytay]

Hey, PSA for younger/newer transmascs:

Tumblr has been showing targeted ads for "FTM binders" off Amazon. They look like this:

Do not buy these.

A binder is a piece of medical equipment. If you use one incorrectly, or use a poorly made one, you can really fuck up your ribs. This article from the Cleveland Clinic talks about how to bind safely.

A $14 binder is guaranteed not to be safe. There's a reason reputable companies charge more- sometimes a lot more. They have to carefully design binders so they don't crush your ribs or make you sick.

You know how everyone says Don't Bind With Duct Tape? Don't bind with Amazon binders.

[uncanny-tranny]

So often, twink death is framed as a bad thing. However, the "twink death" for trans men* is frankly one of the most healing things you will bear witness to (pun intended).

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

having complex feelings about gender stuff recently but i don't really know how to put it into words. some of it is about the self-erasure that becomes necessary when you try and talk about medical misogyny you've experienced as someone who isn't a woman but who is perceived by the world as one. some of it is about no longer feeling connected to female-centred stories of a kind you used to enjoy as a teenager because they always feel alienating but also not liking your own emotions about that because you should be able to enjoy stories that weren't written for you, it's just that they don't feel like stories that even allow space for you to exist in. but shouldn't men be able to enjoy women's stories too? but you're not a man. but you're not a woman. but the stories are about and for people who look like you but you're not one of them. but you would have been them if you lived in those worlds because nobody would have seen a difference, and that's viscerally uncomfortable, and impossible to enjoy--

and some of it is about looking for stories you could exist in and only finding stories that are profoundly unrelatable because they're only ever about characters who knew they were trans since puberty and had access to transition care in their teens and you didn't figure it out until adulthood and also that's not legally available in your country so that would never have been on the cards in the first place. or people who figured it out in adulthood but they're so certain and they're so ready to take risks and they'll change the world for a chance to become themselves because they know what they're aiming for. some of it is not being sure what you want but knowing you'll always have to be certain about it enough to fight for it because you're not going to get it any other way. some of it is not wanting to be an activist, not wanting to agitate, not wanting to have to resist every goddamn second bc you're just trying to exist in the world, but the only way anyone will ever give you a modicum of what you need is if you put all your energy into the struggle for it--

some of it is about feeling an ongoing tether to the experience of being a woman in a bad way but no tether to the experience in a good way and there's a weird kind of mourning in that, and a self denial, and an inability to reconcile your own contradictions in a way that feels comfortable. some of it is about feeling pressure to experience gender differently and to opt in to something else if you're going to opt out of what you were given but you don't want to do that either. and a lot of it is constantly self-policing your own emotions and thoughts and being convinced you're doing it all wrong somehow because you see other people being so free with their genderfuck, so unencumbered by expectations, so easily able to get it right for themselves and other people, and you're still misgendering yourself half the time in your mind because you don't even know what the right words would be at this point when you still have scars shaped like being a girl even though you're not a girl and you can't talk about them without doing yourself another piece of damage

like. i am who i am because i was thought a girl and maybe because i thought i was a girl and maybe i still don't understand why i'm not a girl but in my not-girlness i no longer feel i have any access to any kind of womanhood that doesn't hurt but i don't want to police myself out of femininity just because it isn't all that i am anymore

[majoringinsarcasm]

The thing about TERFs is that they’ll talk about the issues women face and how things are unfair or not designed with women in mind and how society was shaped around men and how it still is like that in many many places.

But instead of seeing that as a system that needs to be changed, they take all of that as Inherent and Biological when that’s not the case. And in fact is just adhering to what the system has been from the start.

More rambling underneath idk I’ve just been thinking about stuff lately

“Men are born hating women. They are born with this instinct to harass and assault and it’s only a matter of time before they do. You cannot transition into a women because you are not socialized the same was a them. You didn’t suffer what they suffered. You don’t know all the True Ways of being a women so anything you do is a mockery.”

And I just have to wonder. Who taught you about women hood? I don’t mean what did society tell you or show you. Who taught you as an individual why being a woman meant To Them.

Because there are a lot of women in this world who wake up and are so happy to be women. Who feel pride in not just their body but their mind and goals and ideals and dreams. Who see womanhood as something to strive towards. Not one thing to earn by doing the right things but panting to gain For The Self. The way they carry themselves and treat others, the way they see and want to shape the world.

I am not cis, but not because I was scared or felt that I was failing at being a girl. I didn’t feel like one. All of that Inherent and Biological stuff I was meant to feel as a girl and future women wasn’t clicking. All the talking points that TERFs and transphobes make about this or that. It wasn’t clicking. I was a Girl no doubt, because I wasn’t a boy and those were my only options. And it was fine for me because I wasn’t taught to hate it. I was surrounded by women who enjoyed being women. I don’t reject my upbringing bc it’s the only one I had. It was fine because My Life more or less wasn’t filled with that kind of suffering.

I do not define my identity by suffering. I tried to once and that almost killed me. I was taught by other queer people that I had to hate my body or I wasn’t really trans. I’ve never been assaulted for being queer but I’m not out at work. I don’t feel safe and I know I don’t look any different. It took me ages to just be okay with My Body being a trans body I’m not sure when I’ll be ready to take that next step. But I’ll make it in my on time if I ever do.

But I’m trans bc I LACK the euphoria of being a woman. There is no joy or pride. I was a Weird Girl bc no other word existed for me back then. I was a human but a girl. I was a person but a girl. And when I discovered there were other words I felt happy. I didn’t need to be a Different from the rest girl or a Late Blooming girl. Nonbinary came along. Trans came along. Agender came along. I had new words to try out and they fit me in the way Weird Girl no longer needed to act as a placeholder.

I say All of this just to reiterate how stupid those biological talking points are. On both sides mind you because the queer community from what I’ve seen is not kind to AMAB people and that upsetting. Because there is no inherent evil of birth sex or body. There is no way to tell who is Good and Safe and who is Harmful other than their actions. This is not me ignoring society structure. This is me saying that

“You don’t know my pain so you’re not a real X”

Sounds a lot like

“If all you need to be X is the desire and genuine euphoria with identifying as such to the point of choosing a scary series of events and possible hatred from others, all because you will be happy at the end of the road, then My suffering doesn’t mean I’m worthy of this title. I am just someone who suffered.”

And it’s fucked up the way we live now. And there is no blank slate. And we STILL act as a group on these issues. But it doesn’t need to stay that way. We as individuals can make that change day by day until we don’t need to fear or resent each other to feel safe. Where we won’t have to fight over scraps. But we won’t get there by listening to people who wish us harm or who make up criteria that even other cis people don’t meet.

[jumpyrope]

Terfs would rather see a trans man kill himself as a girl than live happily as a man.

[cherrysnax]

I love Peter Parker right? kill him. Kill him to death. let him be dead fr there is no point in continuing his story if they’re just gonna disrespect his character like this over and over again

[br4inmu1a]

Feelin dysphoric again…