#i don't believe this in real life

[technofeudalism]

we don't talk enough about how "idk i'll figure it out" is maybe the perfect strategy in every situation

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[idontmindifuforgetme]

don't stress about that opportunity that fell through or that friend you lost or that thing you really want to happen but isn't. as long as you keep your chin up and try try try again, better things will replace your losses. i'm looking at my life rn and actually marveling at how every single thing i stressed about, whether it be an opportunity or a person, got supplanted w another thing that is so much better. it really is true that loss makes space for better things. these days i don't get sad when something doesn't work out. i get excited that i'm now open to so many other possibilities out there, so long as i actively seek them. you never lack. you just transition.

[fluentisonus]

the thing is I am still thinking about that bit in conclave right before they're about to vote when the breath of wind & birdsong comes in through the window that had recently been violently blown in to let the light and air into what has til then been a suffocatingly still & sterile & dark & enclosed environment & it ruffles all the pages on the desks & they all pause and look up. like oh god is there

[marypsue]

Man, it's cool and all if you see a metaphor for marginalisation in the monstrous, and if you want the power fantasy of 'what if you could just eat anybody who threatened you/pissed you off'. Me too.

However, as soon as you start saying 'no, these monsters are a 1:1 on Specific Marginalised Group, and you have to treat them in the fiction like they are directly representative of real human members of the marginalised group', BUT you also, in the fiction, make them hurt/kill/eat humans? And then try to shame me, your audience, for noticing or engaging with the bit where they kill people, because you made them directly representative of a real-world marginalised group? You have lost me, and also, I think, the plot.

[hildegardladyofbones]

One of the best things about Disco Elysium by far is that it does not fear ugly women. The world is full of ugly men, but ugly women are so hard to come by.

[anetherealpoetess]

cringing anytime i engage with phantom of the opera analysis because there is an obsession with casually throwing around the term 'gaslighting' when it comes to raoul's relationship with christine. gaslighting "is a form of psychological abuse or manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim's mind." at no point does raoul gaslight christine. he'd have to know the phantom is real first, and for the most of the story, he doesn't.

raoul does not believe an angel sent by christine's dead father is teaching her how to sing and he tells her as much. this is not gaslighting. at no point in either the book or the musical does he seek to sow self-doubt or confusion in christine's mind. in fact, her confusion is the thing that is deeply disturbing to him. he wants her sane, and healthy, and whole, and he fears grief has driven her insane to the point she has imagined herself a new father in the form of an angel of music sent to her from gustave daaé in heaven.

the fact raoul does not understand almost until it is too late the danger he and christine are facing is one of the most tragic aspects of the story. this tension is not there if you believe raoul knows the phantom exists all along and is trying to trick christine into thinking he doesn't.

nobody has to like raoul. in truth, i enjoy his niche appeal very much. it's like a cute little club. don't like him because you find him boring, a poor foil for the phantom, or a poor match for christine. that's perfectly fine and even fun! but don't make up abuse that isn't present in either the book or the theatrical production to justify your dislike. it's not necessary!

[lizardkingeliot]

sam and jacob like each other so much i honestly don't know what to do with myself every new video i watch is just bestie adventure tales and heart eyes to the extreme and i don't... i don't know... what i'm supposed to do...

[marzipanandminutiae]

I didn't get the sewing job

I just.

why do I even keep going. nothing's ever going to change and nothing's ever going to work out and nobody's ever going to fucking want me

I'm going to get old working part-time jobs with no house and no family and no fucking future

and the economy's about to tank with Tr*mp so if I don't get something before that happens it's never going to

what's even the point honestly. when nothing ever-

[gutsandeverything]

sir guy is there any specific way u really like. Studied anatomy. your art is some of the best to me in regards to just Being Good At Flesh if that makes any sense. simpky very good at anatomy and fluid motion with the body… Peter how are u doing that!!!

welllll if we skip the basic answer of "learn how the human body works from anatomy books and draw every bone 3555664 times"..... i think what helped me and made a big difference in how i draw bodies is touching people. or statues if you're shy. touching and learning how the body bends, how muscles contract, how fat travels under skin. embrace the life of the total creep who undresses people with their eyes and also shaves them bald because wow babe. your skull is awesome. i can tell you were rolled around a lot as a baby

[meirimerens]

the pathologic Kin is largely fictionalized with a created language that takes from multiple sources to be its own, a cosmogony & spirituality that does not correlate to the faiths (mostly Tengrist & Buddhist) practiced by the peoples it takes inspirations from, has customs, mores and roles invented for the purposes of the game, and even just a style of dress that does not resemble any of these peoples', but it is fascinating looking into specifically to me the sigils and see where they come from... watch this:

P2 Layers glyphs take from the mongolian script:

while the in-game words for Blood, Bones and Nerves are mongolian directly, it is interesting to note that their glyphs do not have a phonetic affiliation to the words (ex. the "Yas" layer of Bones having for glyph the equivalent of the letter F, the "Medrel" layer of Nerves having a glyph the equivalent of the letter È,...)

the leatherworks on the Kayura models', with their uses of angles and extending lines, remind me of the Phags Pa Script (used for Tibetan, Mongolian, Chineses, Uyghur language, and others)

some of the sigils also look either in part or fully inspired by Phags Pa script letters...

some look closer to the mongolian or vagindra (buryat) script

looking at the Herb Brides & their concept art, we can see bodypainting that looks like vertical buryat or mongolian script (oh hi (crossed out: Mark) Phags Pa script):

shaped and reshaped...

[utilitycaster]

Various CR characters, the latest of which is Ashton Greymoore: I don't believe in fate

Matthew Mercer, descending directly into the narrative: the interplay of fate and free will is the most consistent culture-spanning theme in the entire universe I built and is set up as the crux of the finale of Campaign 3 so your belief does not actually matter but this is a great character trait for you to have so go off

[millionsknives]

looking at my 2024 art in review… i’m a really good artist, aren’t i

[your-fave-is-christian]

hey idk if you knew this but one of the characters you posted [angus bumby] is a child predator and sold children into prostitution + is actively abusing the mc during the events of the game

Thank you for sending this! I didn't see him when I was just looking through the tag, so maybe the other mod took that one down already.

Asks like this are appreciated if you see a character like that. I'm trying to do a least a little background check on the characters I post right now to filter out malicious trolling like that, but I am not familiar with most of the characters being sent in to be able to really know what's genuine or not.

So if you see a character you ARE familiar with that looks like a bad faith request we missed, please do point it out!

[barghest-land]

welcome to my brain, that's what's in it this month

[blujaydoodles]

you wanna talk about stress YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT STRESS? I've stumbled onto a MAJOR conspiracy how bout THAT for STRESS