#i don’t understand the point of taking a good ending

[silenthades]

I will always remember the conversation I had with a “good Christian” coworker where I was talking about how peace almost never works with oppressors, because peace often justifies and enables abuses of power and prioritizes compromise over resolution. Talked about how, even with Gandhi, it wasn’t until he was imprisoned and everyone else turned to protest and riots for his release that change finally happened and he was released before he could starve and become a martyr. Riots saved his life and brought change, but we focus on Gandhi’s peace rather than the fact that his radical peace almost created a martyrdom- and that’s what the authorities were REALLY scared of. (And yes, I know Gandhi is problematic in his own ways, but in our society he’s always put up as a hero because keeping the peace no matter what we’re put through is our status quo).

I also pointed out that Jesus overturned tables and whipped people for monetizing spirituality, but no one wants to talk about Jesus being very socio-anarchist instead of a capitalist fascist.

This coworker argued the entire time that peace was always the answer and I wouldn’t understand as a non-Christian… and then stopped mid-sentence near the end and proceeded to cuss at and threaten the life of a motorcyclist that passed by our post bc he hated motorcyclists and thought they all deserved to die because “they” threatened truck drivers’ jobs.

And that really drives home what this argument is really about for some people. It really is about keeping the peace and preserving the status quo at the expense of those of us most vulnerable. They don’t seem to realize their peace takes human sacrifice, and they aren’t sacrificing to a god for a good harvest- they’re sacrificing these people to Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos for a Tesla Cyber Truck and some scalped item to get here the day after you order it.

You want to talk to me about not understanding peace as a non-Christian? Honey, I grew up in Mormonism- the king cult of preserving the status quo. And I LEFT. There’s a good reason I know what peace and love really means because leaving really tested it.

[purplereina11]

New Signing, New Beginning Part 2!

Mia Larsen was Barcelonas new summer signing

Alexia Putellas is a club legend who just can't seem to talk to her

Mia had a few good days in training, and it showed. Her confidence was up, she was walking out for today’s training with Keira, seemed to be a theme Alexia just ahead yet again. As ever near by but never felt the awkwardness she was slowly creating.

Alexia was having an internal conversation with her self hyping her up to make such a simple comment to Mia. She stopped suddenly turning and seeing that Mia looked a bit taken a back, with her sudden spin. Smooth she said to herself, before speaking “Alba couldn’t get that jacket”

“Oh?” Mia said softly Alexia falling in line with her, “How come?” Mia asked after a few beats of silence

“Couldn’t find in her size”

“Shame” Mia looked to Alexia and they held eye contact, when Alexia didn’t speak, Mia broke the silence, “Well..” she broke the eye contact, “Um i seem to be in there a lot lately so i’ll keep an eye out, what size is she?”

“She’s looking for small”

“Ok” Mia nodded pierced her lips together and broke out into a jog to get to training.

+

Mia was in Zara, shocker, after training she was with Julia and her little brother Diego who only agreed to come, as he was told they were going out for dinner after the shops. He didn’t take into account how long two women can stand debating over a top however.

Mia was looking at tank tops when Julia appeared with the pink jacket, “Hey, you know how i love your jacket, they have one small left-“

“Please don’t tell me you’re buying that” Mia gave Julia a dumbfounded expression, “Just borrow mine!”

“Oh” Julia shrugged, “I’ll go put it back”

Mia pointed, “Just leave it there” Mia carried on looking through for her size

“You buy a lot of clothes”

“Surprisingly Julia, living in England i didn’t have many warm weather clothes, i need practically a whole new wardrobe”

Julia sighed, “I best find Diego before he gets himself into trouble”

“Are you buying anything? I’m going to go pay”

“No i’ll just get him and meet you outside”

Mia smiled, “Ok, find out where he wants to eat i can’t be bothered for a 45 minute argument wandering around the same places”

Despite the conversation they still ended up having the same 45 minute argument before settling on the same place they always go.

“So how’s it going? The captain like you yet”

Mia chewing her food shook her head, “I don’t care if she doesn’t like me, you can’t put 22 women together and expect them all to get on, i think as long as we can communicate effectively about football then that’s fine”

“Your tune has changed”

“I’ve come to terms with it, when i don’t get any minutes in the games then come back to me, then i’ll be bothered again”

“She can do that?”

“She’s Alexia Putellas if anyone can she can” Mia shrugged, “I have the same few girls who i speak to, i’m good with that”

Julia looked at her, “Do you hate me that i followed her on Insta today”

Mia laughed softly, “No”

“She’s hot” Mia rose her eyes, “What? I have eyes”

“I’m going to be sick” Diego spoke

“Shut up and eat your paella” Julia said to her younger brother shoving the dish closer to him

Mia pulled a face at Diego about his bossy sister that he laughed at, “When you’re older you’ll understand why she’s grumpy” Mia nodded

“She’s horny and no man will look at her that’s why suddenly she’s decided she likes women”

Mia burst out laughing as Julia was embarrassed and amused all in the same breath by her 10 year old brother. “Diego! How do you even know that word?”

“I’m 10 Julia, i’m not a kid anymore”

Mia was laughing softly, “You’ll always be our baby”

“Gross”

Mia stood up leaning over the table to kiss his face, “You’re so cute”

“You’re pretty, and a nice person, your captain will see that soon”

Mia smiled, “You going to come some of the games?”

Diego nodded, “I’ll get mami to buy me a shirt with your name on and everything”

“I might even show up” Julia smiled never being a fan of football, all the shouting was unnecessary! She didn’t understand how people got so invested in people kicking a ball.

Mia moved her eyes to Julia, “You’re just coming to eye up the players”

“No”

“Yes” Diego agreed with Julia, “You don’t even know the off side rule, that’s like going to church when you don’t believe”

Mia chuckled, “He’s got you there”

+

Mia arrived at training she smiled at the little boy rushing around reception, he took one look at her and went all shy, “Mia” She looked to the receptionist, “No ones answering the locker room phone, can you tell Irene her wife and son are here for her”

“Sure”

“¿cómo te llamas?” Mia looked to the little boy holding his arms over his chest shy but was seemingly so curious of the new face at his mamis work he could over come it.

Mia crouched extending her hand, “Mia, ¿cómo te llamas?”

“Matteo” he shook her hand animately moving it up and down greatly.

Mia told him it was very nice to meet him and that she’d go get his mummy, but Matteo started a conversation. He told her how he was going to the zoo with his school and all the animals he was excited to see. And that he was even getting a packed lunch.

Mia rose to her feet as Irene’s wife introduced herself, “He’s never this chatty, he’s meant to be going today but Irene forgot to sign his permission slip, we both have to sign it”

Matteo took hold of two of Mias fingers took the slip from his mum and told her to wait there he’ll go with Mia then come back he was a big boy and could do it.

Mia laughed softly as he lead the way not giving her much of a say on the matter, “This way” she said to him gently when he turned the wrong way.

“Mami” Matteo spoke pointing ahead of him, “This way?”

“Yeah she’s this way” Mia spoke, “What other animals do you want to see?”

“T-rex”

“T-rex” Mia exclaimed, “I don’t think they’ll be in the zoo” she said with a smile, she got the dressing room, she looked around and Irene wasn’t there. She caught Marta’s eye, “Do you know where Irene is?”

“Yeah they’ve um, they’ve just gone into meeting room 1 if you’re quick you might catch them before they start” Marta got a shy little wave from Matteo when she waved at him, she’d watch this little shy boy grow up to see him happily with Mia was a surprise to her. He normally clung to Irene, Alexia or Maria would get a cuddle if they were lucky on a good day.

“Come on handsome” Mia spoke luckily the meeting room was only mere metres away his little legs not moving him with any pace. She didn’t want to interrupt them if they’d already started.

Mateo turned first pulling on Mias fingers, “Come on beautiful”

Mia laughed with Marta, “Oh wonder where you got all this charm from ay?”

Mia got Matteo to the door and knocked, she heard a come in and when she opened the door, she was met with the coaches and the senior players of the team all turned to look at her and she felt like a bit of a deer in highlights in that moment. Pere smiled, “Hola Mia what can we do for you?”

“Well” she smiled, “I have a little boy out here that just needs a moment of his mamis time if that’s ok”

Matteo stood pressed against Mias leg until he spotted Irene “Mami” Matteo waved the slip at Irene rushing around the table to her

“You a nanny now?” Maria smiled turning more in her chair to look at Mia who smiled.

“Side hustle” Mia nodded leaning on the door frame, “Lucia said if i do a good job i get some of his rice crackers” Maria laughed as for some reason Alexia didn’t want to show her amusement. It showed for a second before she repressed it again. “You think i’m joking” she stood up from the frame.

“You going with Mia back to Mami?” Irene kissed Matteos cheek placing him back down on the ground.

Matteo came around the table, “Come on then handsome” she smiled putting her hand towards him.

Mia smiled down at him, “I coming beautiful” Matteo reached up, “Mia hand, no reach”

“Oh sorry” Mia lowered her hand, “Let’s leave them to there meeting and get you back to Mami so you can go the zoo”

“Mia i want to see monkeys to”

“Oh of course, Monkeys are the best animal” Mia spoke as she shut the door and off they went.

+

Irene found Mia on the training field, “I just wanted to thank you for before” Mia furrowed her brows, “You didn’t have to bring him through like that, it was kind of you”

Mia smiled, “It was no bother” Alexia bent over near them fixing her socks, “Honestly can he come more often the amount of compliments he gave me” Mia laughed softly

“Lucia text when she dropped him off at school, apparently he didn’t shut up about his new friend Mia so I think you won’t have much choice about that”

Mia rose her arms as Keira approached, “Guess what” she said to Keira

“What?” Keira asked giving her a funny look wondering where this was going

“I’ve made my first new friend in Barca” Mia smiled proudly

“Sorry what about me?” Keira asked

“I knew you pre Barca”

“Who’s your friend?”

“Matteo” Mia pointed to Irene who was smiling, Mia seemed always so collected, but when she dropped that ever so slightly, which seemed to only ever be around Keira, she had a little silly side.

“He avoids me like the plague”

“Maybe its that permanent scowl you always have.. honestly its a wonder Laura even entertained you”

Keira dropped her mouth staring at Mias cheeky grin laughing in disbelief, “Rude!”

“Oh calm down grandma”

Keira pointed at her, “Not from you, I’m not accepting it from you of all people, what did you do last night Mia?”

“I went out for dinner with my cousins”

“Then”

“My Grandma taught me to knit” she muttered

“Exactly” Keira gave her a look, “And you can’t question Lauras taste when you dated Katie McCabe for three months”

Irene scrunched her face trying to place the name, “Is that.. the angry little Irish woman?”

“Please don’t judge me.. it was a lapse in judgment”

Keira began walking away backwards to the other side of the huddle, “She’s judging you” she smiled pointing at Irene, who was indeed judging.

Mia sighed placing her hands on her hips, “You don’t know me very well, but I promise I have taste”

Irene laughed as Alexia smiled. Irene had noticed how Alexia hadn’t taken her eyes of Mia but had yet to say a word and Alexia always had something to say usually. “I feel I need to know who your other exes are now, because so far with what I know, I can’t say I believe you”

“Tell them about the hummer Mia” Keira smiled calling across the huddle.

Alexia lowered her head chuckling at the look Mia was giving Keira, if looks could kill as they say, Pere smiled, “What’s this about a hummer?”

Mia put one foot to the side and lowered her head as she put her hands behind her back, she rose her head, “It’s not that interesting of a story if i’m honest..” she smiled

Pere laughed sensing her embarrassment and started the training session with a quick run down of what they were doing and what he needed from her.

The girls were told to separate over the pitch and kick the ball back and to each other, Mia scrunched her face as Keira came towards her motioning they were pairing, Alexia and Mia seemed to be in perfect sync as they kicked the ball and received it. Mia noticed every one else seemed to be having conversations with those around them. Bar her and Alexia. So she struck up a conversation about something surely Alexia would talk about, “That jacket your sister wants”

Alexia looked to her, “She still can’t find it, she’s got everyone looking for it” Mia smiled as she controlled a tricky ball from Keira, “Nice, good control” she felt her cheeks warm at the compliment from the multi award winning midfielder.

Mia sent the ball back, “I went to Zara yesterday after training”

“Do you have second job there?”

Mia laughed as Alexia chuckled at herself, “No” Alexia looked pleased with herself she made her laugh like Mia was the one who had a wall that needed breaking down, “My cousin, she came over with the jacket in a small, last one left” Alexia looked to her after sending her ball back over to Irene who seemed to be paying a lot of attention, “I convinced her to not buy it,” Mia jogged back to control the next ball from Keira and sent it back with one touch.

“Your control” Alexia waved her hand, “Crazy”

“I wanted to be a defender” Mia told Alexia a story she never really shared with people before, it was that interesting but she found herself telling her anyway as a way to make small talk, “But my coach at the time, said with my touch, I had to be a striker and in the box”

“Your coach right” Alexia nodded, “We’re excited to have you here”

Mia pierced her lips together, “Thank you.. anyway, I bought the jacket, I have it with me so you can give it to your sister”

“Gracias, she be very happy, I give you the money” Alexia hid her surprise that Mia did that for her sister, Mia did a touch that made Alexia turn away, “You’re just showing off now” Mia laughed just as the whistle blew.

+

Mia was in the canteen after training having something to eat alone, by choice, when Alexia approached, Mia rose her head. “Can I join?” Mia nodded Alexia sitting opposite her silently, Mia was having an out of body experience she was sat opposite the Alexia Putellas putting a straw into a juice box and sipping it like a child. She looked cute in her soft tracksuit and her hair down wavy. Made her somewhat hardness towards Mia soften. Mia lowered her eyes back to her sudoko when Alexia’s eyes darted to hers and she thought she got away with Alexia not catching her but she did. “Suduko no?”

“Si” Mia spoke filling another number in

“To complicada for me, I can’t do them”

Mia smiled gently raising her eyes, “They relax me”

Alexia rose her eyes, and the soft smiley Alexia Mia had watched her be with everyone else was finally sat before her looking at her with those sparkly eyes with the glint in them, that part was new. “Relaxing, no? Not possible” she laughed gently shaking her head

Alexia felt her stomach flip when Mia smiled at her as she rose her eyes looking at her, “Si possible” she nodded with a little laugh

Mia and Alexia didn’t stop smiling the entire time they spoke, they made each other laugh. Mia found it endearing the biggest name in women’s football was a tad awkward, held herself gently. She was softly spoken towards her like if she spoke to loud it would spook her. Because she had so much aura about her on the pitch, that’s where she was the Alexia Putellas. Confident. Assured. Knew herself. Maybe here she was being just Alexia. Because she seemed none of those things. She seemed, human.

A person despite previous opinions formed, was growing on Mia. Showing a different side.

+

Mia came out reception after the team meeting, Alba spotted her before Alexia did, “Ay” she called Mia smiled seeing Alba with the jacket on modelling it for her with a smile on her face.

Alexia turned to see Mia coming down the steps clearly amused by Alba, “Suits you”

“Gracias” Alba was a hugger. Mia not so much she just let the hug happen. Can’t say no to a Putellas after all. Practically royals of the game.

Mia smiled, “You’re welcome” Mia kept walking as Alexia opened the car door, to Mia that was a signal she didn’t want her sticking around for a chat

“Wait, i owe you money for it” Alba spoke

“Alexia covered it, you owe her not me” Mia called looking over her shoulder

“Ay free jacket” Alba grinned to herself with a laugh

Mia laughed when Alexia frowned at Alba back handing her sister in the arm, she got into her Granddads car as they were seeming to bicker.

+

Mia looked as she got a notification, then an email. Then another notification.

Alexia Putellas has started following you

Alexia Putellas has liked your post

Mia felt, weirdly vulnerable knowing Alexia was looking at her instagram and actively scrolling as the post she liked about her announcing her move to Barcelona was several posts down.

She wondered if she would ever get to the point she would trigger an email when she followed someone because she was big time like Alexia.

+

Alexia locked her phone and placed it down as she was at dinner with Irene. “So i have a question” Irene spoke looking to Alexia, “What’s your deal with Mia?”

Alexia furrowed her brows, “What do you mean?”

“Ale, you seemed to always be around her but never make the effort to talk to her, then three four weeks go by and suddenly you’re seeking her out to have lunch with her and apparently stalking her Instagram” she motioned to the phone now sat down

Alexia sipped her wine, “I don’t know how to be around her”

Irene furrowed her brows but in bounded Maria babbling about it was Ingrid’s fault she’s late and she was hogging the bathroom. Oblivious Maria greeted them both taking her seat and she froze when she saw the look Irene was giving Alexia.

“You don’t know how to be around her?”

“I can’t explain it” Alexia carried on, she was sure Maria would catch on soon enough she didn’t feel she needed to explain.

“Try” Irene prodded

“She doesn’t seem bothered by me, every other person they speak to me whether i want them to or not. They cling and they fuss and they want constant validation from me but her… she doesn’t do that. It’s like she couldn’t care less”

It was like someone switched a light on in Irene’s brain, she didn’t dislike Mia, “You like her”

“Who?!” Maria exclaimed, “Please catch me up, i could flick Ingrid for making me late and missing the vital information”

“Calm down” Irene chuckled, “It’s Mia”

Maria looked to Alexia, “You like Larsen? Gosh i sounded 12 then”

Alexia smiled looking down at the menu, “I find her intriguing we’ll put it that way” Irene and Maria shared a look

“Yet you won’t speak to her. Hardly.” She wasn’t even aware of Alexia’s Instagram stalking. Mapi flipped her menu not making eye contact with Alexia, the pair learned she’s more like to open up if you don’t pressure her or stare at her expectantly.

“I talk to her”

Irene smiled, “If we had a team dinner and we sat her next to you, you would happily sit in silence next to her all night”

“I don’t know what to say to her”

“Talk to her about clothes or skin care, her and Ingrid are always going on about that, honestly who knew you needed so many different face creams.” Maria rolled her eyes, “She was meeting Mia to go face cream shopping like who does that?“

Alexia laughed softly before they ordered their meals conversation halting as the waitress arrived, “Would you date Mia?” Irene asked, Alexia furrowed her brows at that question, “It was just a question” Irene held her hands up as she smiled, “You said yourself, she doesn’t seem bothered by you” Irene shrugged, “Maybe she isn’t impressed by La Reina”

“Then what makes you think she’ll want to date me?”

“That’s my point, she may date you.. for you.”

“I’m not that interesting” Alexia spoke sipping her wine, she looked as Maria’s phone pinged. “That Ingrid?”

Mapi opened the text, “She didn’t mention Mia if that’s what you’re digging for”

“I wasn’t, can we drop it now?”

Maria leant forward and whispered, “She is your type” she sat back up putting her hands up, “Had to be put out there”

“Did it?” Alexia smirked, even she found that funny

The girls had a lovely meal they were having a drink after there meal, Maria checked her phone, it was odd Ingrid hadn’t text she was home, she was only going out for an hour or so she told Maria.

She checked Instagram, she smiled seeing why she hadn’t gone home yet

Mia and Ingrid were talking about her first couple of weeks in Barcelona, how she was finding it. “Daunting coming into a team like this isn’t it, I remember by first couple of weeks, I’d just go home and sleep it was so overwhelming, new country new language new culture, trying to learn the Barca way” Ingrid smiled sipping her wine.

Mia looked up from her wine, “Did you ever get imposter syndrome, like you felt like you didn’t actually belong here?” Ingrid nodded with a soft smile, “I feel like they’re going to turn around any minute and tell me to get lost”

“I’m not just bullshitting you with this, and I shouldn’t be telling you this because Maria shouldn’t of told me.. but in there captains meeting, she said how Aitana and Alexia were singing your praises”

“Alexia surprises me”

Ingrid tilted her head, “Why?”

Mia seemed to hold her breathe as she thought, “I’m not asking for a fan fair or anything from her, but I just seem to get tips from her, and I know its how I’m perceiving it and she probably doesn’t mean to come across like it but I’m taking it as your shit, sort your shit out”

Ingrid smiled shaking her head, “I can hand on heart say, Alexia is a perfectionist and very very self critical, but she’d never push that on someone else, she just wants people to come into things trying there best and wants the best out of them.. she hates loosing, honestly, she was backing you hard in that meeting.”

Mia smiled, “I appreciate that but I will still think she doesn’t want me here”

“Mia” Ingrid tilted her head

A finger came out the side of Mia’s glass pointing at the door opened behind Ingrid, “You will learn very quickly I’m quite self critical to” Mia smirked seeing the face come through the door first, “You have a visitor” she sipped her wine as Irene and Alexia came inside behind Mapi who instantly reached over the table to squeeze Mias hand before hugging Ingrid and kissing her cheek.

“What are you doing here?”

“We were down the road having dinner, saw you were here, came to see how the shopping went?”

Mia leant on the table smiling, “You’ll be pleased to know you’ve got less room in the bathroom” Maria pulled a face at the bags under the table.

“How many face creams do you need?” Maria exclaimed, she pointed at Mia, “You are a bad influence”

Mia smiled shrugged and sipped her wine again, her eyes went to Alexia who was watching her, before Irene caught Mia’s attention, “Matteo said beautiful Mia would love the zoo, they had her favourite animal monkeys”

Mia melted, “He’s just adorable. Why can’t all men be more like him?”

Maria snapped her head so fast she went dizzy, “You’re straight!” She exclaimed

Mia sat up arms open slightly as Irene settle beside her Ingrid moving up one to let Alexia on the bench that side opposite Mia, “Wow.. when Keira told me you have to be gay and have tattoos to play football here I thought she was joking”

Maria laughed reaching to touch her arm, “Love is Love”

Mia giggled, “We’ll have to get you a flag with that on”

“I love flags”

“I’m not doubting you do” Mia smiled

“I’m going to go the bar, what do you want, Ale?” Maria asked Alexia who just pointed at Mia glass,

“Wines fine for me”

“Same again?” Ingrid smiled, Mia nodded, “We should of just bought the bottle” Mia smiled

“I’ll come with you, I fancy something different” Irene stood up with Maria as Ingrid turned on the bench to get out.

“Shall I just get the bottle?” Ingrid asked, “Would you drink that Ale?”

“What is it?” She asked then smiled when Ingrid pulled a face telling her she didn’t know

Mia held her glass to Alexia, “Try it”

Alexia looked to her it took a second but she took the glass and took a sip nodding her approval, “I’ll get a bottle then” she smiled and off she went to find the girls at the bar who shut up as soon as she got there, “What are you two up to?”

“Been to Zara today?” Alexia joked hands resting in her lap, looking at Mia who smiled ever so slightly looking at her, “You did didn’t you”

“Only because Ingrid wanted to go”

“Oh sure” Alexia shook her head, “Do you own any other clothes that aren’t from Zara?”

Mia scratched her face, “Got a bit of Barca stuff”

Alexia titled her head ever so slightly, “Please tell me you’re joking”

“I could tell you I was joking, but that would be a lie”

Alexia was laughing gently, “I’ll have to get myself to one and see what all the fuss is about, Alba is just the same”

“I’ll probably see you there” Mia joked Alexia laughed nodding knowing she probably would. And secretly hoping she did. “Bet you’re more of Passeig De Gràcia kind of girl huh?” Mia teased lifting her wine to her lips, Mia had walked down the street lined with all the designer shops on each side but hadn’t dared going into any of the shops

“You’re not funny” Alexia spoke with a smile that indeed told Mia and the returning Barca girls, she was in fact funny

Mia hummed tilting her head briefly, “If you say so” she sipped her wine, placing the glass back down.

Ingrid poured Alexia a glass, “Gracias” before she lifted her own glass

“Salud” They all clinked their glasses saying it several times to each other.

Mia looked at her phone as a text popped up, she read it on the front screen before opening it to read the rest, “Angry little Irish women?” Irene asked

“Honestly” Mia locked her phone, “You would think she’d get the message”

“When did you break up?” Ingrid asked softly

Mia seemed to have to think about it which gave them a clue of the time frame, “.. April”

“And she still texts?”

“And calls, and asks to FaceTime, a few times a day to, it had gone a bit quiet but now they’re coming to Barcelona for that friendly, she’s ramped up again wanting to meet up”

“Will you.. meet up with her?” Alexia asked sipping her wine, she was looking over Mia’s face, she was hard read

“No” Mia shook her head, “She had her chance, you don’t get to screw me over more than once”

The girls finished the bottle between them as they chatted and laughed, Alexia didn’t have much to contribute but she was at least laughing when Mia cracked a joke. Mia appreciative because sometimes she was the only one to. She felt maybe, the ice had been broken. It wouldn’t be as awkward, she knew there may always be that slight awkwardness due to the awkward soul that was Alexia in some situations, but slowly she was believing what Ingrid had told her earlier.

Mia got to the locker room the following morning, Alexia looked at the paper Mia picked up then to Mias face to see her reaction, “Irene said Mateo drew it for you” Mia smiled looking to where Irene sat and held the picture to her

“He was insistent that I gave it to you soon as I saw you”

Mia dropped her bag between her legs where she stood and the girls could see even though she never voiced it, she was clearly touched, she took some blu tack from a near by strategy board and stuck it in her cubby, before getting on with her morning to be ready for training. Afterwards she was shocked she had been picked to do media, with the queen herself Alexia Putellas.

Alexia sent a soft smile over her shoulder, “Don’t look so nervous, it’s fine” Never did Mia think she’d be thankful to have Alexia there for her but her calmness and composure as she walked in helped calm her. Alexia pulled the chair out for Mi

 before taking her own

“Gracias” Mia muttered sitting down, much to her surprise the first question was posed to her

“Mia, Welcome to Barcelona, you’ll have to excuse my English”

“La podemos hacer en español si lo prefieres.” Mia said with a shrug of a shoulder as she leant on the table telling the interviewer he could do it in Spanish if he preferred

Alexia as she pulled her chair in smirked looking to Mia, “Español? Si?” The interviewer tried to confirm

Mia nodded, “Si”

Alexia watched Mia the entire time she did her little bit in the media room, she fiddled with her hoop earrings as the next question was posed yet again to Mia, “What’s it been like these past few weeks in pre-season with some of the best players in the world, one of whom is sitting beside you”

Mia smiled as did Alexia, “Be nice” she spoke in a mock warning tone

“It’s a real honour” Mia started in a mock rehearsed voice before smiling, “No but seriously it has been an honour, like you say I’m sharing the grass with the best players in the world and I’ve just been trying to do my best and really take on board and soak up all the comments and advice” Mia motioned to Alexia briefly, “The team and players have been giving me, to be become a better player so I can contribute in my time here, its been an adjustment thats for sure like it would be to go into any new team but one with the stature and history of Barcelona brings with its own set of nerves, so just keeping my head down and focusing on pre-season to get a prepared for the season ahead as much as I can”

“Alexia, from your point of view how’s Mia been doing”

Alexia smiled as Mia mimicked her, “Be nice”

She laughed before speaking, “Shall I do mine in English?” Mia smiled nodding

“If you want to”

“Mia” Mia lowered her head briefly, it caught her off guard how much she liked the way Alexia said her name, she’d never heard her say her name before, “For sure, if you” Alexia paused briefly, “Pass her, it will be assist because 100% would be a goal, I tell her this in training, her touch crazy, how she control ball, incredible, I like a lot how she moves without ball also so I think she do well at Barca. We’re very happy she on our team”

Mia smiled timidly looking to Alexia looked to her, “Cheers, I’ll pay you later”

“100 euro no?” Alexia asked trying to surprise her smile playing along

Mia nodded as the room laughed, “Si”

Mia went on her daily Zara peruse after training feeling a lot better about how her captain felt about her, although as she was looking around she couldn’t help but giggle at the face she knew Alexia could give her if she knew she was here yet again.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Can not believe the response the last part got! Thank you so much!

No idea how many parts this will be but let me know if you want more! Also do we like the fake socials

Part 3

[antinousletmehit]

˚₊‧꒰ა Chapter 12 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

୨୧┇Telemachus x reader

୨୧┇warning: Telemachus is lowkey hormonal in this

────୨ৎ──── ────୨ৎ──── ───

Y/n was up against the wall. Her lips moving quickly and hungrily against Telemachus’s. Her delicate hands moving up and down his back, pulling him closer and closer. One of his hands was next to her head, the other gently grasped the back of her head.

“Y/n...” Telemacus breathed, his lips not leaving her skin and moving down her jawline to her neck. He heard her-

Telemachus resisted the urge to violently scream and bang his head against the wall. The boy bent down, opening the trapdoor to the tunnel leading to his mother’s room. His thoughts of Y/n only worsened. No matter where he went, she continued to consume his every waking thought. Even while he was about to visit his mother, he was thinking of extremely inappropriate things he should not be thinking of.

Telemachus crawled through the tunnel, cursing himself along the way. He tried to clear any unholy thought from his head and calmly talked to his mother about his day. Ask her about her weaving and discuss how beautiful the weather had been today. And talk about how he wanted to kiss and adore every inch of-

This is bad.

Telemachus gets to the end of the passageway. He takes a deep breath preparing himself fully for the conversation ahead. He unlatched the trapdoor, and crawled through, wiping off his tunic as he stood. He glanced up and saw his mother straightening up her bed, before she saw her son standing there.

“Hello Telemachus,” Penelope sweetly smiled, “Have you had a good day?”

Telemachus held himself back from saying, “It was more than good.” Instead he responded, “Yeah..yeah..it was..pretty good…How was your day?”

“Oh it was perfectly fine. I weaved for a while before I snuck out to the gardens to tend to the lavender..are you quite alright Telemachus?” Penelope tilted her head, glancing at her son. Telemachus was red in the face, his hands slightly shaking. The mention of lavender seemed to only make his turmoil worsen.

“I can’t take this anymore,” Telemachus yelled, burying his face in his hands, “I kissed her.”

“I’m sorry?” His mother asked in a confused manner.

“I did it, mother. I was mad and I cornered her up against the wall. We went back and forth insulting each other and something just-happened..I just kissed her.” The boy explained, running around like someone had cut off his head.

Trying to understand the situation, she moved closer, “Y/n?”

“Y/N!” He shrieked, “And I can’t get her out of my head. She just...lives there now.” He pulled at his hair to show his point, and he groaned in disgust. The prince quickly turned to face his mother.

“But she’s so gorgeous. Her hair and her face and her eyes. It makes me hate her. I really do hate her for it. I shouldn’t be kissing her. She’s the enemy. I know, I know. I don’t know what got in me. I think I’m mentally ill...but how could anyone blame me? How could you have Y/n...Y/n standing in front of you and not kiss her. Everytime I see her I just want to kiss her and wipe the smug grin off her face. But she doesn’t want me. And I don’t want her. This was an accident. A complete mistake. But she didn’t push me away. She would’ve pushed me away if she didn’t like it right? Y/n makes me so sick-” Telemachus was moving around the room, using his arms for emphasis as he frantically paced. He only stopped when his mother’s hand was over his mouth.

“Please be quiet..for one second.” The queen laughed at her son’s panic. Telemachus took a deep breath and his mother took her hand off of his mouth.

“What do I do?” He quietly said, looking down into his mother’s brown eyes. All his mother did was sigh and put her hand on his shoulder.

Penelope’s hand then moved down to his chest where his heart was frantically beating at even the simple thought of Y/n, “Lead with your heart Telemachus..it’s what you do best.”

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Telemachus lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling as the flickering light of the oil lamp danced across the room. The palace was silent except for the distant murmur of waves crashing against the Ithacan shores. Yet, despite the stillness, his thoughts were anything but calm.

He clenched his jaw and turned onto his side, burying his face in the pillow. Why can’t I stop thinking about it? The memory of Y/N’s lips on his flashed vividly in his mind, soft and sudden and charged with an intensity he hadn’t expected. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing the image to fade.

But it didn’t.

Instead, the memory grew more vivid, and before he could stop himself, his mind wandered to the way she’d felt against him, her hand pressed to his chest, her body so close to his that he could feel her warmth. His thoughts turned darker, imagining things he’d never dare admit aloud. His hands on her waist as he ravaged her, wanting to feel her around his—“No!”— He yelled out, shaking his head violently as if he could physically dislodge the images.

“This is insane,” he muttered to himself, rolling onto his other side. His heart pounded, and he felt his face flush despite being alone. He tried counting sheep, thinking of Odysseus’s great adventures, or reciting the Greek tales in his mind, but nothing worked. His thoughts kept slipping back to her, her smirk, her sharp tongue, her teasing remarks, and now, her kiss.

“Stop it, stop it,” he hissed under his breath, throwing an arm over his face. Yet, the more he tried to fight the images, the stronger they became. He rolled again, this time so forcefully that he lost his balance. With a yelp, he tumbled out of bed and landed on the cold stone floor with a dull thud. For a moment, he just lay there, sprawled on the ground, staring up at the wooden beams of the ceiling.

“This is ridiculous,” he muttered, running a hand through his messy hair. His face was burning, his body restless, and his pride thoroughly bruised. He sat up slowly, rubbing his elbow where he’d knocked it against the floor. “Get a grip, Telemachus,” he said to himself, his voice sharp with self-reproach. “She’s just—she’s Y/N. Antinous’s sister. A thorn in my side. Nothing more. The kiss was nothing more than an accident, and I bet she thinks that too.”

But even as he said it, he knew it wasn’t true.

With a frustrated groan, he climbed back into bed, yanking the blanket over his head as if hiding would somehow banish the thoughts plaguing him.

Sleep, however, continued to elude him.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Telemachus paced his room, wringing his hands as his mind waged war against itself. Every logical thought screamed at him to stay put, to push down the chaotic emotions that had been bubbling since the kiss. Yet, the pull of Y/N, her smirk, her sharp tongue, the brief but searing connection they’d shared, was too strong to resist.

Before he could stop himself, he was slipping through the secret passageway, the torch in his hand casting long, flickering shadows against the damp walls. His heart pounded with every step, his breath shallow as he approached the entrance to her room.

He pushed the concealed panel aside quietly, stepping into her dimly lit chamber. She was asleep, her face half buried in her pillow, strands of curly hair splayed out like a halo. For a moment, Telemachus simply stood there, watching her. She seemed so… peaceful, so unlike the sharp tongued tease he argued with daily. But even in sleep, she was Y/N—a force of chaos he couldn’t get out of his mind.

As he took a hesitant step forward, the floor creaked beneath his weight. She stirred, her brows furrowing slightly before her eyes fluttered open. She blinked, her gaze focusing on him in the faint light. “Telemachus?” she murmured, her voice heavy with sleep. She didn’t seem alarmed this time, more confused than anything. “What are you doing here?”

Telemachus froze, his pulse racing. He opened his mouth to respond, but no words came out. “Don’t tell me you’re here to break another vase,” she said, propping herself up on one elbow. Her voice held a familiar teasing lilt, but it lacked the sharp edge he was used to. “If you are, I’d recommend actually trying to break it.”

Her casual tone was the final crack in Telemachus’s resolve. He threw his hands up, his voice loud and raw with emotion. “I can’t stop thinking about you!” Her eyes widened, and she sat up fully, the blanket slipping slightly off her shoulders.

“I can’t sleep, I can’t think, I can’t do anything without you invading my mind,” he continued, pacing in front of her like a man possessed. “You’ve been driving me insane, Y/N! Ever since that kiss—damn it, ever since before the kiss I’ve been losing my mind!”

She opened her mouth to respond, but he didn’t give her the chance. “And I know you don’t care. I know you probably think I’m some foolish little prince who doesn’t know what he wants. But I don’t care anymore.” His voice cracked as he stopped in front of her, looking down at her with an intensity that made her breath catch. “Just let me kiss you one last time, and then I’ll leave. I swear. Just one more kiss.”

The silence that followed was heavy, charged with the weight of his confession. Y/n stared at him, her expression unreadable, her lips slightly parted as if she didn’t know how to respond. Telemachus, trembling and flushed from his outburst, took a step back, running a hand through his hair. “Forget it,” he muttered, his voice thick with frustration and embarrassment. “I’ll go.”

But even as he turned, he couldn’t bring himself to move another step, waiting—hoping—for her to say something. His shoulders slumped in defeat as the weight of his own confession settled over him. His feet felt like lead, but before he could take another step, he felt a hand grab his wrist.

He froze.

“Telemachus,” Y/N’s voice was soft, almost hesitant, so unlike the sharp, teasing tone he was used to. Before he could turn to face her, she tugged on his arm, pulling him back toward her. His balance wavered, and before he knew it, her other hand had slid up to the nape of his neck, pulling him down to meet her lips.

The kiss wasn’t like their first, hurried and impulsive. This one was slower, deeper, and deliberate. It wasn’t just a clash of emotions but an acknowledgment of everything unspoken between them. Telemachus’s breath hitched as he leaned into her, his hands instinctively gripping her waist as if to ground himself. Her touch was firm but not forceful, her lips moving against his in a way that sent his mind spiraling.

When she finally pulled back, just a breath away, her gaze locked onto his. The teasing smirk he’d expected wasn’t there; instead, her eyes were searching, hesitant, as if she wasn’t sure what to say next. “You’re such an idiot,” she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper.

Telemachus blinked, his heart pounding so hard he could feel it in his ears. “I—what?”

“You burst into my room, ranting like a madman,” she said, a faint smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “And then you’re just…going to leave after saying all that?”

He swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. “I thought you didn’t care—”

“Maybe you don’t know everything, little wolf,” she interrupted, her hand still resting lightly on his neck. They stood there in silence, the air between them heavy and electric. Telemachus opened his mouth to speak, but she beat him to it.

“Don’t think too hard about it,” she said, her smirk finally returning as she released him and leaned back against her pillows. “You’ll hurt yourself trying to use that little cute brain of yours.”

Telemachus stepped back, dazed and breathless. “I—uh, I should go,” he stammered, his face flushed. He turned toward the secret passage, his legs unsteady. As he reached the hidden door, his foot caught on the edge of her rug, and he stumbled, nearly falling face first into the wall.

She laughed softly behind him. “Try not to trip over yourself next time, wolf.” He straightened, waving a hand awkwardly as he avoided looking back. “I’m fine!” he called over his shoulder, his voice cracking slightly. “Perfectly fine!”

The door slid shut behind him,

Y/n sighed as she lay back against her pillows, staring at the ceiling. The room felt unusually quiet after Telemachus’s abrupt departure, his flustered stammering still echoing faintly in her ears. She brushed her fingers over her lips absentmindedly, her thoughts swirling in a way she wasn’t used to.

Then, the door to the secret passage creaked open again.

She shot up, her eyes narrowing. “Telemachus?”

Sure enough, there he was, standing awkwardly in the doorway with a sheepish look on his face. His hair was even messier than before, and he avoided her gaze as he stepped into the room, shutting the passage behind him. “Are you serious?” she asked, crossing her arms. “What now?”

“I—I couldn’t leave,” he admitted, his voice quiet but earnest. “I don’t want to leave you, Y/N. Not tonight.” Her expression softened, though she quickly masked it with a raised eyebrow. “What, did you forget how to get back to your room? Or are you just this clingy?”

“I’m serious,” he said, taking a hesitant step closer. “I can’t stop thinking about you, and I don’t want to spend another night lying awake, wishing I were here instead.” She opened her mouth to respond, but the raw vulnerability in his eyes stopped her. For all his usual blustering and self-righteousness, he looked…honest. Lost, even.

She sighed, rubbing a hand over her face. “You’re impossible, you know that?”

“Then tell me to leave,” he challenged, his voice trembling slightly. “Tell me, and I’ll go.” Her lips parted, but the words didn’t come. She stared at him for a long moment, and then, with a resigned groan, she patted the space next to her on the bed. “Fine. But just this once.”

Telemachus hesitated, his heart pounding in his chest, before he moved to sit beside her. The bed was warm, and y/n’s presence so close made his thoughts swim.

“Lie down,” she instructed, rolling her eyes. “You look like a kicked puppy standing there.” He did as she said, his body stiff and awkward as he stretched out beside her. She reached for a blanket, draping it over both of them before shifting closer, her arm wrapping loosely around him.

“Are you comfortable now, little wolf?” she asked, her voice tinged with exasperation but also something softer. Telemachus nodded, though his face was burning. “Yeah… thanks.”

For a while, neither of them spoke. Y/N’s hand rested on his shoulder, her breathing slow and steady. Telemachus found himself relaxing despite the storm of emotions in his chest. “Don’t make this a habit,” she muttered sleepily, her head resting lightly against his.

“I won’t,” he whispered, though the thought of leaving her side felt impossible now. Moments later, her breathing deepened as she drifted off, her arm tightening slightly around him. Telemachus, still wide awake, allowed himself a small, fleeting smile before finally succumbing to sleep, feeling a sense of peace he hadn’t felt in weeks.

@procrastination20 @jackiepackiee @barrythestrawberry041 @blessedbyahuntress @f3r4lfr0gg3r

[teliphone]

You're Mine

Summary: You agree to be Park Yeonjin's fling, only to keep your name safe. You’re forced to stick by her. Over time, you can’t help but take a liking to her. She’s cruel, yet so beautiful. It is hard to keep your morals. 

Warning(s): Smut, Manipulation, Toys, Bondage, Bullying, Harsh, Sub!FemReader

Word Count: 3.7K 

-

Park Yeonjin squeezes your upper thigh, making your body jerk in surprise. You glare at her and she smiles sweetly, her eyes glossing with fake signs of innocence. She digs her fingertips into the softness of your thighs again. Now you understand why she asked you to wear a skirt. Your hand moves down to grip her wrist. Her hand is hidden under your skirt. 

“Stop it,” You whisper a warning. She leans her lips to your ears. 

“Be a good girl and listen to the pastor,” She instructs. Your heart pounds hard against your chest. You glance around the church hoping no one is watching. Words from the pastor's sermon continue in the background. 

For a moment you did forget about her. You focus on the message til you feel her fingertips rub the middle of your panties. You accidentally jerk your legs, kicking the chair in front of you. People around you look at you worriedly. Even the pastor paused for a short second before continuing. 

“Sorry,’ You whisper with a polite smile, ‘I need to use the bathroom.” 

You hurry and excuse yourself, ignoring Yeonjin’s playful smirk. She leans back into her seat and ogles your bottom as you scoot past her. She bites her lips to stop herself from hitting it. Once you’re out of the row, she looks back at the pastor and acts like she’s paying close attention. 

The stall doors slam shut and you place the toilet seat covers down. You take a seat and place your face into your hands. A deep frustrating sigh escapes your lip. With Yeonjin here, you feel like such a sinner. You couldn’t pay attention to the message. All you could think about was her. 

~

You didn’t even like her. You were just her play fling. Yeonjin held so much power that you couldn’t escape her grip. It all started because you caught her attention during school. You stood up against her bullying. No one had dared before. From there, you saw her eyes darken and her lips curl into a sinister smile. She shoved the poor victim to the side and rushed to you.

“Be mine,” She insisted. You chuckled in disgust. You point a finger at her. 

“You? … Never. You’re not my type,” You replied. You start to walk away, but she grabs your arm. Next thing you knew she had multiple blackmails and threats hidden under her sleeve. You became her “girlfriend” the next day.

~

A knock coming from the stall door makes you snap out of your thoughts. You pause in shock before glancing under the stall. Yeonjin’s shoes come into sight. You roll your eyes. She knocks again with more urgency. 

“Wait,” You sigh. You fake a flush and unlock the stall. Before you could open the door, she pushed it. You stumble backward, your legs bumping into the toilet. She walks into the tight space with her arms crossed. Her face is stone cold. 

“You took a long time,” She informs. You clench your hands into a fist. 

“I was doing my business,” You grumble. She tilts her head. Her eyes are dark as void. She knew you were lying. Your frustrated look drops and you gulp nervously. 

“I don’t like that tone,” She warns. You tilt your head down. Your hair falls in front of your face. 

“Sorry,” You apologize to avoid further trouble. She smiles sweetly and brings her hands up to brush your hair behind your ears. Her sweet gestures end quickly. She runs her fingernail down to your chin and grips it. She tugs your face to look up. She begins to lean her face close to you. Your eyes flutter shut and your hand naturally moves to grip onto her bicep. 

Suddenly the bathroom door swings open revealing a lady which causes you to let out a fake cough. Yeonjin is quick to act and she pats your back. 

“There, there. You must have gotten a cold,” She lies with a perfect tone of concern. You continue letting out a few more coughs. The woman looks at you worriedly.

“Poor girl. I pray you get better soon,” She frowns. Yeonjin smiles innocently and you bow your head as a thank you. The woman walks into a different stall. Yeonjin makes eye contact with you and starts to laugh quietly. You couldn’t help but giggle along with her. 

-

Yeonjin takes a long drag of her cigarette. She blows it into the air. You sit beside her in silence like a perfectly trained pet. Her friends surround her, laughing amongst each other. One of them is busy curling her hair with an iron while another is on the side shooting basketball hoops. You couldn’t understand what they were talking about. The topic is very much what only privileged rich kids would get. All you could do is analyze Yeonjin. She will laugh with her friends and then glance at you. Her dark black hair is perfectly brushed and styled. Her lips wrap around the cigarette and suck, her eyes never leaving yours. In the midst of staring at her, you didn’t realize she was leaning to blow smoke into your face. You grimace and wave your hands to get rid of the smell. She laughs and pats your head. Her fingers gently rub your scalp which causes you to glare up. Her touch was a sudden sweet gesture, you’re not used to it. She tilts her head and smiles. Your cheeks turn pink a little. She’s undeniably beautiful. It bugs you that her beauty makes you forget how evil she can be. 

The doors of the gym open which steals everyone’s attention. A student whom they like to bully comes walking in. The same girl you protected by standing up against Yeonjin. She walks over with a stern face. You glance to look at Yeonjin. Her eyes started to darken, indicating she was having fun. Her lips curled up. All that dark, beautiful hair, that's what hatred looks like.

“Dongeun, I missed you!” Yeonjin gasps as she drops the cigarette onto the ground. She heads over to Dongeun, her steps light as a feather. 

“Where have you been?” She chirps. Dongeun glares with such hatred. She raises her hand to slap, but Yeonjin is quick to catch her wrist. She grips and tugs Dongeun’s arm, dragging her along. She pushes Dongeun into a seat and signals her friends to lock her into place. 

“I guess you haven’t learned your place. You need a little reminder,” Yeonjin hums as she touches the handle of the hot iron hair curler. She grabs onto the handle and starts walking over to Dongeun, who is thrashing against the friend's hold. You widen your eyes in fear. Yeonjin pushes up Dongeun’s sleeves and hovers the hot iron over her skin. You rush out of your seat and grab Yeonjin’s wrist. Your eyebrows furrow in frustration and disgust. 

“Stop,” You warn. Yeonjin’s eyes twitch but her lips remain smiling. 

“Let go,” She orders. You only grip her wrist harder and tug it away from Dongeun’s arm. She tries pulling back, but you never let go. Yeonjin takes her other hand and clenches it onto your hair. You yelp in pain as she tugs it harshly. She brings your face near hers and chuckles. You could see her eyes look down to your lips and back up. Eyes dilating like the night sky. 

“I own you. I can do what I want. You can’t,” She whispers. She releases her grip and you fall onto the ground with a loud thud. Her friends start laughing. One of them comes over and places his foot on top of your soft stomach. You wince in pain and claw at his ankle. Yeonjin’s smile darkens and she stares at her friend. 

“…What the fuck are you doing?” Her voice is cold. The guy pauses and nervously backs away from your body. You grunt and clench your stomach. He raises his hands up defensively. 

“Hey, I-I was just copying you. I’m trying to have fun too,” He explains. Yeonjin takes slow steps towards him. She brings her hands up and slaps his face hard. His face turns to the side and he brings his hands up to numb the pain. Before he could recover, she grips onto the collar of his shirt and tugs to make him look into her eyes. She smiles sinisterly. 

“Only I can touch her. If I see you lay even one finger on her… I’ll kill you,” She swore before pushing him back. He grunts in pain, stumbling to gain balance. She drops the hair curler, finding you more important than what she was going to do. She walks over to you. She kneels and examines you worriedly. 

“Are you okay?” She asks. You simply nod your head without a word. You couldn’t help but feel your heart skip a beat. She wraps her arm around yours and helps you stand up. She spares one glance at Dongeun before wordlessly walking out of the gym with you. 

-

“One day you will get bored of me,” You say a couple of weeks after the hot iron incident. A part of you felt sad about the possibility that Yeonjin could easily toss you to the side. It’s realistic, considering you’re just her play toy. 

“Why? Feel upset about that?” She laughs. You turn your head to the side to avoid her eyes. 

“No, I just want to know how far you’re going to drag this thing on,” You reply, fidgeting with your fingers. She snaps her phone shut and leans back into her chair. She hums deep in thought. 

“Let me think,” She ponders. A playful glint sparks in her eyes. She flips her hair to the side and leans forward, resting against her elbow on the table. 

“Til you say you had enough,” She says. You widen your eyes in shock. 

“What?” You blurt out. She laughs again and tilts her head. 

“I will stop when you tell me to,” She repeats slowly. You blink your eyes before gulping. She knew the game she was playing. She was confident that you wouldn’t be able to leave her side anymore. As much as she had power over you, she gave you a slight chance to own some. Like a little treat. Your very own decision on whether or not you want to continue being with her. 

“I…”

“-Before you decide. Spend one full day with me,” She beams. 

-

You stare at yourself in the mirror, rubbing your hands down your outfit. It was picked out by Yeonjin. You touch the edge of your skirt. Of course, it’s a skirt. Your phone buzzes and you rush to read the message. A simple ‘I’m here’ from Yeonjin. You quickly gather your things and rush out to her.

She’s in her fancy rich car, gifted by her parents. The sound of the car unlocking clicks. You give her a quick wave and open the door. Yeonjin smiles in excitement when she sees you in the outfit she picked out. You take a seat and wait patiently. 

“You look beautiful,” She smiles. You feel your cheeks warm up. 

“Thank you… you do too,” You reply. She smirks and places one hand on the wheel. She places her other hand on the place she enjoys most. Your thighs. Her cold fingers grip the warm squishy skin of your inner thigh. You nibble your bottom lip. She starts driving, paying attention to the road. 

Spending the day with Yeonjin was like being treated like royalty. Every store and restaurant knew her. You’ve never seen someone receive so much favor and respect all because of their name. They gave her extra food. Limited items were suddenly available to her. She didn’t bother looking at the price tags when she bought you clothes. All she needed to know was that it looked good on you and she'd tell the staff to add it to her card. Three bags of clothes became seven. Neither of you even held the bag. A staff member held it for you til they placed it in the trunk of her car. 

When it was time for dinner, she got a place where there was a front view of the whole city. She orders multiple entrees, each worth the same as a regular person's paycheck. When you thought the day was ending, Yeonjin drives you to her house. 

-

The sky is dark and you shift comfortably on the coach. She sits next to you while playing a game on her phone. The game sound beeps happily. She hums in deep concentration. 

“Thank you,” You say. You truly meant it. No one has treated you this way before. Yeonjin was different. She giggles and grabs ahold of your hand without looking up from her phone.

“Of course. You’re mine, remember,” She reminds you. Her hand stays wrapped around yours. She has a sweet smile on her lips. You bite back a smile. She continues playing the game til she is satisfied. She snaps her phone shut and averts her attention fully on you. She places her hands on your thighs and leans forward. She places a small kiss on your neck. It tickles, making you giggle. 

“I want to do one more thing with you before you make your decision,” She requests, pulling away. You slow down your chuckle. You place a hand on top of hers. Your fingers gently rub her soft skin. 

“What is it?” You question, licking your bottom lip. Her eyes darken and her breathing slows. She suddenly stands up to her feet. 

“Follow me.”

-

You’re in her room, sitting at the edge of her bed. She stands in front of you, brushing her hand against your cheek. You stare lovingly into her eyes. She tilts her head playfully and lowers her hand til it reaches your neck. She suddenly grips it causing you to gasp. Your hands claw at her wrist. She darkly smiles as she watches your face turn scrunch in pain. It turns her on. She pushes you deeper into the middle of the bed. Your head rests on her pillow and she towers above you. She holds on to your throat a little longer until she lets go. You gasp for air. She doesn’t let you catch your breath long before she starts kissing you again. Her lips move slowly against yours, digging her fingers into your inner thigh. You moan into her mouth and she smirks. She starts to touch the edge of your shirt and naturally pulls it off. You urgently reach to take off hers, but she stops you. 

“In a hurry?” She jokes. She starts kissing you again. She slides her hand under your skirt. The sides of your panties loop around her fingers. She tugs it and you can feel the cold air touching your core. You sink into the kiss feverishly and she laughs. You pull away, blushing. She smiles and pecks your lips again before disappearing to the side. You're left alone breathless and shirtless. You nervously glance around. Analyzing her decorations. 

Yeonjin appears in front of you, wearing just a bra and panties with two large red string ribbons around her hands. Her long black hair drapes over her shoulder. Her nipples visibly harden against the fabric of her bra. 

“You trust me?” She asks.

“Yes. I do,” You answer. She smiles in satisfaction and gestures to you to bring your hands up. She starts wrapping the red ribbon around your wrist. She tightens and tugs it hard. You can barely move your hands. You look at her worriedly to which she responds by kissing you sweetly. Suddenly your vision gets covered by the last red string. You feel her push your tied hands up above your head. The sound of a metal click reaches your ears. Your heart rate quickens. Your chest moves up and down fast. All your other senses seem to heighten.

“You look scared,” She purrs in your ear. You twitch and attempt to reach out, but something stops your arms from moving. She chuckles darkly. You feel her lips suddenly kissing and sucking your neck. Her teeth grind against the skin. Her lips move down to your chest. She grabs your boobs hard, twisting your nub. You grunt and pull onto the tie. She chuckles and continues touching your boobs. A hot wet feeling starts touching your nipple. You moan, tilting your head back. In contrast, you can also feel her teeth occasionally biting down. 

“I know this is making you wet,” She purrs as she moves her free hand under your skirt. She tests by rubbing the tip of her finger on your folds. She chuckles at the silky mess under her finger. 

“Dirty girl,” She hums. She moves up to touch your needy clit. She rubs it slowly, causing you to jerk. 

“Please. Go faster,” You beg. She listens and starts to quicken her tempo. You cuss and grip the ties. Your lower stomach clenches. Wet noises from the movement of her fingers on your cunt become louder. You bite your lower lip while your back arches. 

“You feel wet enough,” She notes. She removes her fingers and you whine. She examines the silky juice on her fingers. 

“Please don’t stop! Go faster and harder please!” You cry out. You feel the bed dip and lift. You’re alone again. Your lower stomach begins to slow down in pleasure. You use your ears to listen to what is happening. Sounds of shuffling can be heard. 

Yeonjin is looking through her toy collection. She sings and hums as she scans which one she wants to use on you. A decent large d!|dō catches her attention. She picks it up and feels the heavy girth on her hands.

The bed dips again and you get butterflies. She moves her body to the slit of your legs. 

“As much as I love this skirt on you. I need to see,” She chirps. She pulls the shirt off your body and tosses it to the side. Your cunt glistens so sweetly. She bites her bottom lip as she places the toy on top of your core. You feel a large object move up and down your slit slowly. 

“Yeonjin, what is that?” You pant. She shushes you, gently rubbing your lower stomach. She moves and rotates the toy until it is glistening with your juice. She leans the tip of the toy into your core. She slowly starts shoving it into you. She doesn’t go fast, allowing you to adjust. Your breathing hicks and you cry in pain. Her cunt pulses watching your core being forcefully open. 

“Fuck!” You cuss. 

“Does it hurt?” She hums. She slows down and starts pulling the toy out. You buckle your hips. The red blind ribbons feel stuffy and sweat starts to form on your forehead. You shake your head no. It hurt, but it also felt so good. It stirs something in you knowing that she’s using your body for her pleasure. 

She pushes the toy back in and you sob out a moan. Your legs start to shake. Your wrist is starting to bruise and turn red by how hard you tug the ribbon. You tilt your head back, sobbing into the ribbon. She presses her hand harder on your lower stomach. The girth of the toy fills you deeper. You start to thrash your body uncontrollably.

“S-slow down,” You choke. She laughs light heartedly. 

“I thought you wanted me to go faster and harder,” She teases as she pulls the toy out only to shove it back in. From how much you’re moving, the ribbon on your head starts to shift. Your head tilts to the side and the ribbon begins sliding down to your neck. You grimace at the sudden exposure to light. Yeonjin lifts her eyebrow in amusement. You peer down to see her resting comfortably between your legs. One hand holding the end of the toy. You can see it disappearing in you. She pauses to let you soak in the sight. 

“See it? You’re taking it so well like a good girl,” She hums. She moves her hand quickly. Letting you watch the toy shove deep within you and out. Your hips jerk and start to chase after it. Tears start to escape the edge of your eye. You bit your lip, enjoying the pleasure. Yeonjin watches your tears roll down your cheeks. It turns her on even more. She angles the toy til she hears you moan louder. She found your spot. 

“I’m so close!” You moan. She moves her hand a few more times til she pulls out the toy completely. Your core squeezes around nothing, sending a painful throb in your stomach. You pant hard while tugging on the ribbon

“No, please don’t stop,” You cry. Yeonjin tilts her head with a joyful glint in her eyes. 

“You can only come… if you decide to be mine. If you don't want to, I can stop,” She explains. She eyes the toy playfully before placing the tip on her tongue. She makes sure you’re looking at her before she licks the tip of the toy. Your juice coats her tongue and she moans. She wraps her lips around the toy and sucks it before pulling it out with a ‘pop’. She places the tip back into you. You let out a soft moan of need.

“So… what’s your answer?” She smiles. Before you could say anything she shoves the wet toy into you. Her pace is brutal. Your body twitches feverishly. Your cheeks are red and wet with tears. She’s already bringing you back to your high. 

“Fuck!” You grunt. She doesn’t slow down. You can hear her giggling sinisterly. 

“Do you want to come?” 

“Yes!” You cry, your body moving along with the hard thrust. 

“Say it,” She reminds you. Her hands move the toy up and down fast at an angle. Her other hand moves to squeeze your sensitive clit. The pleasure is near and it feels too good to stop.  

“I’m yours!” You confess. Your words slurs in with moans. Yeonjin smiles, her core pulsing as she watches you chase your high. She clenches her legs together. 

“Come for me,” She moans. You moan loudly, back arching. Your body twitches. You feel your juice rolling down and onto the bed sheets. She leaves the toy in you and she moves up to kiss you. Her wet tongue slides against your mouth. Your brain is foggy, unable to think. 

“You’re mine,” She moans in between the kisses. 

[whumpbby]

Hey, let's talk :D

magicorangelove

#the first part I wholeheartedly agree with and would like to see too - no matter how you love someone it is An Adjustment to start#living with someone#after 30+ years living alone and having this image of a person in your mind#and i don’t actually think lsz lived WITH lwj when he was small#first seclusion and then he was 6-7… anyway#the last part i don’t particularly agree with ‘cause i don’t think THOSE are the parts lwj has no idea about or would find surprising#or eye-opening or whatever#the day-to-day struggles on the other hand?…#also i do think he got better with expressing himself by this time…#then I remember that he failed to tell wwx about ayuan#and go…maybe not…..#then i think how that might have been for wwx’s benefit and change my mind again…..

For me, Lan Zhan at some point will start catching up to the moral hangover, but not because he will be surprised by the less savoury parts of his beloved, but because he will start noticing his own willingness to accept them and that can be a scary thing.

(I don't mean that WWX is a bad person - he's actually a really good guy with his heart in the right place, who tries to do a good thing whenever he can. But he also has a checkered past, made some choices that, while understandable, are morally indefensible, and he has serious issues with emotional intimacy and honesty, and a scary penchant for self-sacrifice.)

Until the realtionship started, Lan Wangji's intention towards his Wei Ying was to be The Saviour.

Like, throughought the whole of Sunshot all he tried to do was to Save Him - from the bad war, from the bad cultivation, from the bad sects... Then, he spent over a decade regetting not Saving Him. And then WWX came back and it was saving him from the bad Jiang Cheng. So, for the last 20 or some years, LWJ lived exclusively in the mode of The Saviour. WWX returning had to be like a blessing to him, he finally could play out his greatest fantasy! He got to save his beloved from more than one villain and after all that, he got to kiss him and take him to bed home! Gasp! He got his happy ending! He got to ride of into the sunset and now...

...now what? What now, once LWJ has to start realising that Wei Ying doesn't need a Saviour anymore, and that outside of that role he doesn't really know what to do? Once he has a chance to process, to familiarise himself with Wei Ying the person, he will have to face some moral quandaries he didn't have to face before. He was raised in a certain way and, as much as he carries anger towards his sect and the rules he was raised in, he was still raised with certain kind of morality that, given his character, I don't see him discarding easily or without a solid reason.

Until now the reason was his role of the Saviour that subsumed everything else. But since he doesn't have to be that anymore, what came he his behind now?

Uncritical love?

I don't think Wei Wuxian is someone who can be loved uncritically - for his own good. As much as everyone would want that for themselves in the imaginary world, lack of boundaries in a relationship harms both sides. WWX is a person that will strain against every lead put on him - and if he can't feel one, he will keep desperately pushing further and further until he feels something holding him back.

That's how he lived his first life - notice, he was always fighting for the attention of the people who were providing him with barriers. He wasn't bothering Lan Xichen in Gusu (arguably evenore handsome than Wangji) - he was exclusively pissing off Wangji and Lan Qiren. He wasn't bothering JFM, trying to discover his boundaries - he was annoying the shit out of JC and almost taunting Madame Yu. Almost, as if he needed people who would try to limit him in some way. To feel safe, maybe? To feel noticed?

He was always noticed and it never seemed enough. What can Lan Zhan do that a whole Jiang sect wasn't enough to do for their super star? Love him? As if he wasn't loved before???

So, like, if Lan Zhan is not a Saviour, that means Wei Ying isn't the damsell - as much as he likes to play up being one. He's not the princess in need of a knight. He's not perfect. Not innocent - I think Wei Wuxian would at some point become desperate for Lan Zhan to know that he's not perfect, ecause for how long can you stand to be placed on a pedestal you feel you don't feel you deserve to stand on?

The whole "between us there's no need for thank yous and sorrys" is such a deep quote - as long as you're 15 and never had a meaningful relationship of any kind. Because thank yous and sorrys are a part of normal human communication, and that communication is needed to maintain any sort of relationship - and here we have two characters obscenly bad at communicating and emotional honesty, and once you take even that simple scaffold away...

Yeah, this won't be smooth sailing for either of them.

I'd really love to read a fic where a year past the canon ends, Lan Zhan starts to realise that his dreamed-up perfect relationship with Wei Ying isn't what he imagined it to be.

That what he got is actually a wholeass person with imperfections that will get annoying after a while, with opinions that he doesn't agree with and behaviours he's not prepared to just accept. A human person that will lie to keep him happy, that will leave when any possibility of strife approaches, that sometimes doesn't want to have sex - or that sex isn't a cure-all for their problems. That whatever Jiang Cheng experienced growing up with Wei Wuxian will fall on Wangji too, because love doesn't change you as a person in 100%, sorry.

Because that's what think will be a hurdle for him - he never was in a relationship. He never even had real human friends. Fuck, he doesn't seem to have acquaintances. All he ever had was a made-up image of a boy he knew shortly in his late teens and a sect where he was the lauded Young Master everyone respected. He can't stoically stand a kid talking back to him without a silencing spell and has difficulty expressing the most basic things in useful words. For all the soulmate talk, he didn't even know the boy he dreamed building a life with - that Wei Wuxian never existed outside of Wangji's limited glimpses of him and a lot of forgiving assumption.

Like, when will it hit him that Wei Ying is actually a complex human being that isn't just for him to care about and love, and that he himself isn't happy with some things? Will he one night wake up in cold sweat when he finally understands that the man sleeping next to him orchestrated a horiffic surgery on himself and his brother, and never indicated that he regrets it and wouldn't do it again? That the man sleeping next to him kinda-sorta just looked on as people were murdered in front of him, and didn't really have any strong opinion about being brought back via human sacrifice?

Like, discarding stiff and stifling Lan rules after being burned by them is one thing, but this is a moral quandary that goes way beyond that.

[thydungeongal]

something ive been thinking about id love to get your thoughts on: i wonder how many people who stick with dnd 5e and effectively do all the game design themselves whilst insisting 5e ‘good’ just really like designing ttrpg (or at least mechanics) on their own? But don’t feel confident with making one from scratch? Especially with how much of dnd’s community is fueled by people designing their own shit thats ‘compatible’ with 5e?

perhaps they take criticisms of 5e at criticisms of their own game design ability?

not saying you’re wrong to go ‘play a different game’ btw!! I agree. Ive just noticed how people get excited to make up their own mechanics and wonder if this is the case.

I think there might be an element of that to it, yes. I know lots of people do enjoy just tinkering with D&D 5e, which is valid, and I can see how to those people criticisms of D&D might sting because there is the added element of having spent so much time and effort tinkering with it. Which isn't really the point: as I like to point out, I'm mostly interested in D&D the game as it exists as a text and the various contradictions between the text and how its players interact with it. So like. None of my critiques of D&D as a text apply to your house rules.

And ultimately creating your own RPG content is cool as hell and has always been a part of the hobby. It does require a good understanding of the game and its fundamentals, because it's extremely easy to design bad homebrew that simply doesn't work with the assumptions of the game it's made for.

Having said that, I also tend to think that homebrew is basically a game of diminishing returns: you can tune the basics of the system a little bit to make it work a bit better for your ends, and that will probably yield good results for you. But if you start hacking at core assumptions of the game you're going to start seeing less satisfying results for a lot of effort, and at that point people would emphatically be better off playing another game. D&D is for the most part a dungeon game (even though the exact shape and trappings of the dungeons may vary) and trying to hack it into an elf-kissing game will require a lot of ultimately thankless effort simply because you're going to need a lot more in-depth changing of the system besides just fucking around with the shape of the dice.

(and incidentally I feel that is part of the reason why so much of 5e compatible content is kind of mid at best. Since the culture of play surrounding the game is to an extent disconnected from the actual assumptions of the game, as incoherent as they may be at times, a lot of 5e content ends up being made without considering the fundamentals of D&D)

[elainsgirl]

I don’t understand how antis say that elucien has as much foreshadowing as elriel. Apart from the unwanted mating bond what romantic moments do they have.

Alright, let’s count without being biased:

Ig him giving Elain his coat in Acomaf? I think thats the absolute bare minimum but for some odd reason its romantacised?

wanting too leave Spring to see if Elain was worth fighting for Elain.

erm. Hmm. Lucien telling them to take Elain out of the house and outside…which Amren and Madja also said

”she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen…she was nothing like Jesminda, Elain had been thrown at him”

Elain taking that halfstep towards him, it wS serving the good angst

A smile blooming on Elains face when she sees Lucien

Lucien fighting his way through the battlefield for her

and them having a conversation in the end of acowar together without anyone else present

Luciens gifts towards Elain if you ignore the fact her smile faded afterwards and she liked none of them enough to use them

I mean some *I* don’t find romantic and the books canonically does not place any significance on more then half these scenes so if we’re going by the books only and whats written to be romantic - 5-8 everything else is twisted interpretation. Now, The *only* foreshadowing that gives some leeway to elucien is Elains connection to sunlight and Lucien being an heir to day HOWEVER neither are connected together through sunlight together and you have to ignore Luciens autumn and fire imagery as that does not fit elucien in anyway. Along w Mass writing the line, “Lord of fire and Bird of Flame” between Vassien. With elucien, you have to disregard a lot of canon context to find some of their scenes romantic hence why you often find elucien’s purposely twisting quotes and scenes to show it in a better light

Ofc let’s look at some elriel scenes, *just from acowar* 1. Elain calling Azriels scars beautiful and not balking away from hin -> he blushes = romantic coded scene

2. Elain and Az chilling together in the garden -> Feyre looking at them and THEN questioning elucien’s bond, “why not make them matss?” - scene written to be significant.

3. Azriel mirroring Cass and going still at the sight of Elain -> we know how Cass feels about Nesta at this point, by having Az copy Cassians action for Elain it places both couples on the same romantic scale - again a purposeful choice by Sjm

4. “A seer” -> Az figuring out what was amiss w elain, Madja said only a mate can do so, so again written to be significant especially when you parallel it to Lucien standing there clueless

5. “You came for me?” -> significant moment for Elain, It wasn’t her mate that came but Azriel

6. Azriel cradling Elain to his chest despite swaying and bleeding

7. Elain rising to her toes and giving him a peck on the cheek -> no need for that, romantically coded again

8. The whole scene where Az gave her truthteller. THAT was written to be monumental, “Death and the lovely fawn” - I would not say this is typically romantic HOWEVER It is peak elriel foreshadowing and lore for their plotline w the prison.

With Elucien, thats all across 4 books. With elriel thats just ONE out of FOUR books. And ALL four books contain even more romantic elriel foreshadowing and plot. 1, 3, 6 and 7 are romantically coded and written. Its not something anyone can argue about. Its the standard formula for a couple written to be romantic and you can find this formula in any romance book. 2, 5 and 8 are significant scenes especially as they’re brought up again within the books, like you can’t argue against the importance of these scenes. As for 4 - its a stark parallel between Lucien and Elain, showing who understands her more.

so no. Elucien may have had some foreshadowing in acomaf and spread thinly throughout acowar but it no where near rivals Elriels scenes and foreshadowing especially as elriels’ are ones written to be remembered and significant. Eluciens aren’t.

[horrorknife]

i keep seeing people unsure of how to interpret polle and the polle-anya relationship and it’s really pretty simple!

polle is the face to pony express. he’s a capitalistic figure—jimmy makes the comment about being “sexually excited at the sight of cartoon horses” because a) it’s technically workplace harassment and foreshadowing of him raping anya, b) it’s something he says because he knows the psych evals never get looked at, and c) polle’s face is mocking him at literally every corner on the tulpar. it’s pretty clear that working for pony express in any position is a shit job.

anya and the fetus are represented by a pony or by polle/polle amalgams. this has less to do with the widespread idea that jimmy doesn’t see anya as a person and more to do with the fact that he’s hiding behind his guilt and shame because it’s something he can’t make up an excuse for, as well as the fact that the entire situation is born of capitalism. the baby itself is a product of capitalism. if jimmy were not aboard the tulpar and curly hadn’t broken the news about them being fired so early, the assault and pregnancy could have been avoided.

jimmy wholly blames the rape on the loss of his job—anya is the only time in his hallucinations that a character is not represented with their own face. he feels EXTREMELY guilty about daisuke, and this is apparent when jim starts hallucinating the tombstones and the flowers and even daisuke himself. he’s open with himself about this because he believes daisuke’s death can be pinned on swansea instead of himself (even though he is the one truly responsible for it). with anya, jimmy can’t redirect blame. so it’s easier to overwrite her face and presence as the thing he thinks he can blame All Of This On. and to a point, that’s true—capitalism is the antagonist of mouthwashing—but not to the point jimmy wants to believe. he has to take responsibility for the things he did, trapped like a wild animal or no, and he can’t do it even up to the end.

anya is markedly NOT represented by polle in his birthday party hallucination—she’s cheering him on and calling him “our captain”. it’s clear that he valued her (and everyone else’s!) opinion of him and he’s so ashamed to have skewed that. it’s also him living his dream of having what curly has. the reason they’re all kind to him in that scene is because he really does, in the moment, think that what he’s doing/about to do is right.

it also makes sense that he’d break the polle statue; it’s motion activated and it talks, and it’s basically like having a big, speaking, motion activated statue of ronald mcdonald in the mcdonald’s break room. polle is inescapable, he’s everywhere, and jimmy fucking hates what he stands for. he blames everything on everyone else, but most of all, he’s content to put every ounce of blame onto pony express. (this also impacts the way he treats anya—pony express is cutting corners by hiring an unqualified nurse. i don’t agree w how he talks to her, obviously, but i can understand the frustration of not wanting to be treated by someone with no actual certification.) it’s why mouthwashing is so good, it’s why jimmy’s character is so good. mouthwashing is a game about how capitalism affects your humanity!!!! how you can be driven to do crazy things in crazy situations!!!

[linoalwaysknows]

Miscommunication.

Warnings: leeknow is referred to as Minho, female reader, as the title suggests miscommunication but !!! They reconcile 😌

a/n: I am. SOSOSOSOSO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG OMG.. I GOT WITH A HUGE WRITERS BLOCK (war is over). I also had finals and results, and I got.. ENGAGED??? OMG??? Anyway, this broke me to write bcs this hits a sore spot lololol, it took a while, but it's here (not like you knew it was coming, hehe 😊)

Summary: After Lee Know forgets to update you on an important schedule change—something he promised to do—you confront him, leading to a heated argument. Frustrated and hurt, you express how his repeated slip-ups make you feel unimportant in his life. Though defensive at first, Minho realizes the impact of his actions and opens up about his struggles, promising to do better. The fight ends with heartfelt apologies and a renewed commitment to improving communication, as both of you reconcile and reaffirm your importance to each other.

--------------------------------‐-------------------------------

You were sitting on the couch, arms crossed tightly against your chest. Lee Know stood a few feet away, his hands on his hips, looking equally frustrated. The tension in the room was thick enough to cut with a knife, and neither of you seemed willing to break the silence.

“I don’t understand why you’re so upset,” he finally said, his voice clipped. “It’s not like I meant to forget.”

You let out a sharp laugh, though it held no humor. “That’s exactly the problem, Minho. You always forget. You said you’d tell me when your schedule changed, and yet I had to find out through someone else. Again.”

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, his lips pressing into a thin line. “I’m busy, okay? Do you think I intentionally leave you out of things?”

“That’s not the point!” you snapped, standing up from the couch. “I know you’re busy, but it takes two seconds to send a text. It’s not about your schedule—it’s about you constantly leaving me in the dark. It makes me feel like I’m not important enough to know what’s going on in your life.”

His eyes softened for a moment before he looked away, his jaw clenching. “That’s not true. You are important to me.”

“Then why does it feel like I’m always the last to know?” you asked, your voice cracking slightly despite your effort to sound strong. “You promised me you’d do better, and yet here we are.”

He groaned, pacing back and forth. “I don’t know what you want me to say. I’m sorry, okay? But I can’t always remember everything.”

“That’s the issue, Minho,” you said quietly, your anger simmering down into sadness. “I don’t want to feel like I have to fight for a place in your life. I just want to feel like I matter.”

The room fell silent again, your words hanging heavily in the air. Minho stopped pacing and turned to look at you, guilt flashing across his face. “You do matter,” he said softly, stepping closer. “I know I’ve been careless, and I hate that I made you feel this way.”

You stayed silent, your eyes fixed on the floor. His hand reached out hesitantly, brushing against yours. “I’m not good at this,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “But I don’t want to lose you. Please.”

You glanced up at him, his expression raw and sincere. “I don’t need you to be perfect, Minho. I just need you to try. To show me that I’m worth the effort.”

He nodded, his grip on your hand tightening slightly. “I’ll do better. I swear. You’re too important to me to keep messing up like this.”

Your resolve cracked, and you let out a shaky breath, leaning into him. His arms wrapped around you immediately, pulling you close. “I’m sorry,” he murmured into your hair. “I’ll try harder. For you.”

“Okay,” you whispered, letting yourself relax in his embrace. “But no more empty promises, Minho.”

“No more,” he agreed, holding you tightly. And for the first time in a while, you felt like you were truly heard.

[rinsfujo]

call me crazy i have a feeling in like 5 years or so we will find out that horikoshi wanted bkdk to be canon or heavily implied at the end of MHA but got censored and was pushed to release the epilogue bc of it. i’ve been thinking this but the christmas art he posted has only strengthened that for me.

this is what i look like right now

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

At The Feet Of The Sun

book 2 in a slow paced high fantasy duology*

the right hand of the emperor (who is off searching for an heir) struggles with what to do after passing on his responsibilities and also discovering various pieces of information that are mindblowing to him, personally,

after adventure is thrust upon him, he travels to find His Radiancy and they go on some otherworldly adventures while growing closer and figuring out the nature of their friendship

(*there’s extra novellas & i think another book coming? duology adjacent, currently,)

[wildevenusian]

i just don’t understand. why say ur ready to talk if you aren’t?

can u believe this post is what got me to reach tag limit

[milo-is-rambling]

Me when I want to be wanted more than anything else

[the-bluestreak-cat]

My extremely personal red flag is if you’ve never lived independently.

Do not open tags it’s just a personal vent and I hit the tag limit (30) and that’s never happened to me before ajskdlf

[caelum-in-the-avatarverse]

Fandom can do a little gatekeeping. As a treat.

So I finally decided to archive-lock my fics on AO3 last night. I’ve been considering it since the AI scrape last year, but the tipping point was this whole lore.fm debacle, coupled with some thoughts I’ve been thinking regarding Fandom These Days in general and Fandom As A Community in particular. So I wanna explain why I waited so long, why I locked my stuff up now, and why I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a-okay with making it harder for people to see my stories.

Lurkers really are great, tho

I’m a chronic lurker, and have been since I started hanging out on the internet as a teen in the 00s. These days it’s just cuz I don’t feel a need to socialize very often, but back then it was because I was shy and knew I was socially awkward. Even if I made an account, I’d spend months lurking on message boards or forums or Livejournals, watching other people interact and getting a feel for that particular community’s culture and etiquette before I finally started interacting myself. And y’know, that approach saved me a lot of embarrassment. Over the course of my lurking on any site, there was always some other person who’d clearly joined up five minutes after learning the place existed, barged in without a care for their behavior, and committed so many social faux pas that all the other users were immediately annoyed with them at best. I learned a lot observing those incidents. Lurk More is Rule 33 of the internet for very good reason.

Lurking isn’t bad or weird or creepy. It’s perfectly normal. I love lurking. It’s hard for me to not lurk - socializing takes a lot of energy out of me, even via text. (Heck it took 12 hours for me to write this post, I wish I was kidding--) Occasionally I’ll manage longer bouts of interaction - a few weeks posting here, almost a year chatting in a discord there - but I’m always gonna end up going radio silent for months at some point. I used to feel bad about it, but I’ve long since made peace with the fact that it’s just the way my brain works. I’m a chronic lurker, and in the long term nothing is going to change that.

The thing with being a chronic lurker is that you have to accept that you are not actually seen as part of the community you are lurking in. That’s not to say that lurkers are unimportant - lurkers actually are important, and they make up a large proportion of any online community - but it’s simple cause and effect. You may think of it as “your community”, but if you’ve never said a word, how is the community supposed to know you exist? If I lurked on someone’s LJ, and then that person suddenly friendslocked their blog, I knew that I had two choices: Either accept that I would never be able to read their posts again, or reach out to them and ask if I could be added to their friends list with the full understanding that I was a rando they might not decide to trust. I usually went with the first option, because my invisibility as a lurker was more important to me than talking to strangers on the internet.

Lurking is like sitting on a park bench, quietly people-watching and eavesdropping on the conversations other people are having around you. You’re in the park, but you’re not actively participating in anything happening there. You can see and hear things that you become very interested in! But if you don’t introduce yourself and become part of the conversation, you won’t be able to keep listening to it when those people walk away. When fandom migrated away from Livejournal, people moved to new platforms alongside their friends, but lurkers were often left behind. No one knew they existed, so they weren’t told where everyone else was going. To be seen as part of a fandom community, you need to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known, etc. etc.

There’s nothing wrong with lurking. There can actually be benefits to lurking, both for the lurkers and the communities they lurk in. It’s just another way to be in a fandom. But if that is how you exist in fandom--and remember, I say this as someone who often does exist that way in fandom--you need to remember that you’re on the outside looking in, and the curtains can always close.

I’ve always been super sympathetic to lurkers, because I am one. I know there’s a lot of people like me who just don’t socialize often. I know there’s plenty of reasons why someone might not make an account on the internet - maybe they’re nervous, maybe they’re young and their parents don’t allow them to, maybe they’re in a bad situation where someone is monitoring their activity, maybe they can only access the internet from public computer terminals. Heck, I’ve never even logged into AO3 on my phone--if I’m away from my computer I just read what’s publicly available. 

I know I have people lurking on my fics. I know my fics probably mean a lot to someone I don’t even know exists. I know this because there are plenty of fics I love whose writers don’t know I exist.

I love my commenters personally; I love my lurkers as an abstract concept. I know they’re there and I wish them well, and if they ever de-lurk I love them all the more.

So up until last year I never considered archive-locking my fic, because I get it. The AI scraping was upsetting, but I still hesitated because I was thinking of lurkers and guests and remembering what it felt like to be 15 and wondering if it’d be worth letting a stranger on the internet know I existed and asking to be added to their friends list just so I could reread a funny post they made once.

But the internet has changed a lot since the 00s, and fandom has changed with it. I’ve read some things and been doing some thinking about fandom-as-community over the last few years, and reading through the lore.fm drama made me decide that it’s time for me to set some boundaries.

I still love my lurkers, and I feel bad about leaving any guest commenters behind, especially if they’re in a situation where they can’t make an account for some reason. But from here on out, even my lurkers are going to have to do the bare minimum to read my fics--make an AO3 account.

Should we gatekeep fandom?

I’ve seen a few people ask this question, usually rhetorically, sometimes as a joke, always with a bit of seriousness. And I think…yeah, maybe we should. Except wait, no, not like that--

A decade ago, when people talked about fandom gatekeeping and why it was bad to do, it intersected with a lot of other things, mainly feminism and classism. The prevalent image of fandom gatekeeping was, like, a man learning that a woman likes Star Wars and haughtily demanding, “Oh, yeah? Well if you’re REALLY a fan, name ten EU novels” to belittle and dismiss her, expecting that a “real fan” would have the money and time to be familiar with the EU, and ignoring the fact that male movie-only fans were still considered fans. The thing being gatekept was the very definition of “being a fan” and people’s right to describe themselves as one.

That’s not what I mean when I say maybe fandom should gatekeep more. Anyone can call themselves a fan if they like something, that’s fine. But when it comes to the ability to enjoy the fanworks produced by the fandom community…that might be something worth gatekeeping.

See, back in the 00s, it was perfectly common for people to just…not go on the internet. Surfing the web was a thing, but it was just, like, a fun pastime. Not everyone did it. It wasn’t until the rise of social media that going online became a thing everyone and their grandmother did every day. Back then, going on the internet was just…a hobby.

So one of the first gates online fandom ever had was the simple fact that the entire world wasn’t here yet.

The entire world is here now. That gate has been demolished.

And it’s a lot easier to find us now. Even scattered across platforms, fandom is so centralized these days. It isn’t a network of dedicated webshrines and forums that you can only find via webrings anymore, it’s right there on all the big social media sites. AO3 didn’t set out to be the main fanfic website, but that’s definitely what it’s become. It’s easy for people to find us--and that includes people who don’t care about the community, and just want “content.”

Transformative fandom doesn’t like it when people see our fanworks as “content”. “Content” is a pretty broad term, but when fandom uses it we’re usually referring to creative works that are churned out by content creators to be consumed by an audience as quickly as possible as often as possible so that the content creator can generate revenue. This not-so-new normal has caused a massive shift in how people who are new to fandom view fanworks--instead of seeing fic or art as something a fellow fan made and shared with you, they see fanworks as products to be consumed.

Transformative fandom has, in general, always been a gift economy. We put time and effort into creating fanworks that we share with our fellow fans for free. We do this so we don’t get sued, but fandom as a whole actually gets a lot out of the gift economy. Offer your community a story, and in return you can get comments, build friendships, or inspire other people to write things that you might want to read. Readers are given the gift of free stories to read and enjoy, and while lurking is fine, they have the choice to engage with the writer and other readers by leaving comments or making reclists to help build the community.

And look, don’t get me wrong. People have never engaged with fanfic as much as fan writers wish they would. There has always been “no one comments anymore” wank. There have always been people who only comment to say “MORE!” or otherwise demand or guilt trip writers into posting the next chapter. But fandom has always agreed that those commenters are rude and annoying, and as those commenters navigate fandom they have the chance to learn proper community etiquette.

However, now it seems that a lot of the people who are consuming fanworks aren’t actually in the community. 

I won’t say “they aren’t real fans” because that’s silly; there’s lots of ways to be a fan. But there seem to be a lot of fans now who have no interest in fandom as a community, or in adhering to community etiquette, or in respecting the gift economy. They consume our fics, but they don’t appreciate fan labor. They want our “content”, but they don’t respect our control over our creations.

And even worse--they see us as a resource. We share our work for free, as a gift, but all they see is an open-source content farm waiting to be tapped into. We shared it for free, so clearly they can do whatever they want with it. Why should we care if they feed our work into AI training datasets, or copy/paste our unfinished stories into ChatGPT to get an ending, or charge people for an unnecessary third-party AO3 app, or sell fanbindings on etsy for a profit without the author’s permission, or turn our stories into poor imitations of podfics to be posted on other platforms without giving us credit or asking our consent, while also using it to lure in people they can datascrape for their Forbes 30 Under 30 company? 

And sure, people have been doing shady things with other people’s fanworks since forever. Art theft and reposting has always been a big problem. Fanfic is harder to flat-out repost, but I’ve heard of unauthorized fic translations getting posted without crediting the original author. Once in…I think the 2010s? I read a post by a woman who had gone to some sort of local bookselling event, only to find that the man selling “his” novel had actually self-published her fanfic. (Wish I could find that one again, I don’t even remember where I read it.)

But aside from that third example, the thing is…as awful as fanart/writing theft is, back in the day, the main thing a thief would gain from it was clout. Clout that should rightfully go to the creators who gifted their work in the first place, yeah, but still. Just clout. People will do a lot of hurtful things for clout, but fandom clout means nothing outside of fandom. Fandom clout is not enough to incentivize the sort of wide-scale pillaging we’re seeing from community outsiders today.

Money, on the other hand… Well, fandom’s just a giant, untapped content farm, isn’t it? Think of how much revenue all that content could generate.

Lurkers are a normal and even beneficial part of any online community. Maybe one day they’ll de-lurk and easily slide into place beside their fellow fans because they already know the etiquette. Maybe they’re active in another community, and they can spread information from the community they lurk in to the community they’re active in. At the very least, they silently observe, and even if they’re not active community members, they understand the community.

Fans who see fanworks as “content” don’t belong in the same category as lurkers. They’re tourists. 

While reading through the initial Reddit thread on the lore.fm situation, I found this comment:

[ID: Reddit User Cabbitowo says: ... So in anime fandoms we have a word called tourist and essentially it means a fan of a few anime and doesn't care about anime tropes and actively criticizes them. This is kind of how fandoms on tiktok feel. They're touring fanfics and fanart and actively criticizes tropes that have been in the fandom since the 60s. They want to be in a fandom but they don't want to engage in fandom 

OP totallymandy responds: Just entered back into Reddit after a long day to see this most recent reply. And as a fellow anime fan this making me laugh so much since it’s true! But it sorta hurts too when the reality sets in. Modern fandom is so entitled and bratty and you’d think it’s the minors only but that’s not even true, my age-mates and older seem to be like that. They want to eat their cake and complain all whilst bringing nothing to the potluck… :/ END ID]

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“Tourist” is an apt name for this sort of fan. They don’t want to be part of our community, and they don’t have to be in order to come into our spaces and consume our work. Even if they don’t steal our work themselves, they feel so entitled to it that they’re fine with ignoring our wishes and letting other people take it to make AI “podfics” for them to listen to (there are a lot of comments on lore.fm’s shutdown announcement video from people telling them to just ignore the writers and do it anyway). They’ll use AI to generate an ending to an unfinished fic because they don’t care about seeing “the ending this writer would have given to the story they were telling”, they just want “an ending”. For these tourist fans, the ends justify the means, and their end goal is content for them to consume, with no care for the community that created it for them in the first place.

I don’t think this is confined to a specific age group. This isn’t “13-year-olds on Wattpad” or “Zoomers on TikTok” or whatever pointless generation war we’re in now. This is coming from people who are new to fandom, whose main experience with creative works on the internet is this new content culture and who don’t understand fandom as a community. That description can be true of someone from any age group.

It’s so easy to find fandom these days. It is, in fact, too easy. Newcomers face no hurdles or challenges that would encourage them to lurk and observe a bit before engaging, and it’s easy for people who would otherwise move on and leave us alone to start making trouble. From tourist fans to content entrepreneurs to random people who just want to gawk, it’s so easy for people who don’t care about the fandom community to reap all of its fruits. 

So when I say maybe fandom should start gatekeeping a bit, I’m referring to the fact that we barely even have a gate anymore. Everyone is on the internet now; the entire world can find us, and they don’t need to bother learning community etiquette when they do. Before, we were protected by the fact that fandom was considered weird and most people didn’t look at it twice. Now, fandom is pretty mainstream. People who never would’ve bothered with it before are now comfortable strolling in like they own the place. They have no regard for the fandom community, they don’t understand it, and they don’t want to. They want to treat it just like the rest of the content they consume online.

And then they’re surprised when those of us who understand fandom culture get upset. Fanworks have existed far longer than the algorithmic internet’s content. Fanworks existed long before the internet. We’ve lived like this for ages and we like it.

So if someone can’t be bothered to respect fandom as a community, I don’t see why I should give them easy access to my fics.

Think of it like a garden gate

When I interact with commenters on my fic, I have this sense of hospitality.

The comment section is my front porch. The fic is my garden. I created my garden because I really wanted to, and I’m proud of it, and I’m happy to share it with other people. 

Lots of people enjoy looking at my garden. Many walk through without saying anything. Some stop to leave kudos. Some recommend my garden to their friends. And some people take the time to stop by my front porch and let me know what a beautiful garden it is and how much they’ve enjoyed it. 

Any fic writer can tell you that getting comments is an incredible feeling. I always try to answer all my comments. I don’t always manage it, but my fics’ comment sections are the one place that I manage to consistently socialize in fandom. When I respond to a comment, it feels like I’m pouring out a glass of lemonade to share with this lovely commenter on my front porch, a thank you for their thank you. We take a moment to admire my garden together, and then I see them out. The next time they drop by, I recognize them and am happy to pour another glass of lemonade.

My garden has always been open and easy to access. No fences, no walls. You just have to know where to find it. Fandom in general was once protected by its own obscurity, an out-of-the-way town that showed up on maps but was usually ignored.

But now there’s a highway that makes it easy to get to, and we have all these out-of-towner tourists coming in to gawk and steal our lawn ornaments and wonder if they can use the place to make themselves some money.

I don’t care to have those types trampling over my garden and eating all my vegetables and digging up my flowers to repot and sell, so I’ve put up a wall. It has a gate that visitors can get through if they just take the time to open it.

Admittedly, it’s a small obstacle. But when I share my fics, I share them as a gift with my fellow fans, the ones who understand that fandom is a community, even if they’re lurkers. As for tourist fans and entrepreneurs who see fic as content, who have no qualms ignoring the writer’s wishes, who refuse to respect or understand the fandom community…well, they’re not the people I mean to share my fic with, so I have no issues locking them out. If they want access to my stories, they’ll have to do the bare minimum to become a community member and join the AO3 invite queue.

And y’know, I’ve said a lot about fandom and community here, and I just want to say, I hope it’s not intimidating. When I was younger, talk about The Fandom Community made me feel insecure, and I didn’t think I’d ever manage to be active enough in fandom spaces to be counted as A Member Of The Community. But you don’t have to be a social butterfly to participate in fandom. I’ll always and forever be a chronic lurker, I reblog more than I post, I rarely manage to comment on fic, and I go radio silent for months at a time--but I write and post fanfiction. That’s my contribution.

Do you write, draw, vid, gif, or otherwise create? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you leave comments? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you curate reclists? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you maintain a fandom blog or fuckyeah blog? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you provide a space for other fans to convene in? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you regularly send asks (off anon so people know who you are)? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you have fandom friends who you interact with? Congrats, you're a community member.

There’s lots of ways to be a fan. Just make sure to respect and appreciate your fellow fans and the work they put in for you to enjoy and the gift economy fandom culture that keeps this community going.

[giveamadeuschohisownmovie]

Ways I can think of that “DanDaDan” differs from other shonen series:

* Female MC is as important as male MC

* Canon romance gets consistent development through the series. I think that’s part of the reason why the MC ships with the rivals (Aira, Jiji) aren’t as popular with the fandom for once. The main ship is actually getting good development, so the fanbase doesn’t have to make up headcanons to fill in the space.

* Flips the found family trope on its head by having the main group despise new people whenever they show up and they even actively try to kick them out. The new people only end up staying because they keep lingering around to the point that the main group just gives up and lets them stay.

* The rivals aren’t emo or angst-ridden. Aira is a delusional tryhard popular girl while Jiji is a himbo drama queen. I’d even go as far to say that the MCs are the ones who are emo and angst-ridden.

* Supporting cast is more than just important, they become integral to the story. I’d say that the further you read into DanDaDan, the more it becomes an ensemble cast where everyone is a protagonist in their own right.

* World-building is all over the place, but in a good way. Most other shonen are pretty consistent with what kind of world their characters live in. MHA is superhero-based, Naruto is ninjas and magic, Bleach is spirits, and so on. DanDaDan feels like the author just throws whatever cool shit they can think of into the story. That’s actually the reason why I wrote in a different post that DanDaDan reminds me more of Marvel/DC than any other shonen series, it manages to capture the catch-all insanity of those comics.

* Doesn’t rely on hidden power-ups. The main characters either have to outsmart the villains or they have to train to get better with the powers they already have.

* The pervert comic relief guy is actually endearing for once. Not because of his pervert tendencies, but because he’s so oblivious to how socially inept he is that it’s kind of funny. This is gonna sound strange, but he sorta reminds me of Thor in Thor Ragnarok. Full of himself and oblivious to how dumb he can be. He’s Thor without the good looks lol.

* Flips the “nerdy outcast loser somehow gets a harem” trope. Instead of making Okarun cooler than how he actually is, the story emphasizes that the women who fall for Okarun are as weird as him. Momo is a weird outcast, Aira has main character syndrome, Vamola doesn’t understand how to human because she’s literally not one, Rin thought Okarun was a vampire (and wanted him to be).

* Flips the “elderly figure in charge of the teenagers” trope. I don’t really get motherly figure vibes from Seiko Ayase, I get more “cool wine aunt who is stuck with her niece” vibes. In fact, there was the arc where Okarun showed up to her in spirit mode to get her help with fighting off the alien invasion and Seiko’s response was, “Well, I’m not in the area and I have other shit to do, so you kids figure it out.”

* The series takes the piss out of the trope of mystical/magical items that the group acquired to get their powers. I mean…the main mystical MacGuffin in the series are Okarun’s balls.

* Okarun was about to go into an “I’m weak / I wish I was stronger / I want to get stronger for my friends” breakdown, but Turbo Granny told him to shut up and keep fighting.

* Not afraid to put the “cool girl” in as many funny situations as possible. Off the top of my head, the series built up Momo as this cool, tough girl who doesn’t take shit from anyone…then several chapters later, Okarun found out she got a job at a maid cafe.

(Feel free to add to the list!)