#i don’t know what my grade was I refused to check it

[little-pondhead]

There was this one time in high-school I was taking a college level English class and we had this photography assignment and I don’t remember details but we were analyzing certain key elements that showed up in like, disabled war vet pictures and similar stuff. Our assignment was to take our own pictures that featured one of the elements and present it to the class and I didn’t really have many friends in my grade so I just kinda did the whole thing myself. (I found out later people teamed up to help each other take pictures of each other.) When it came time to present like a week later I was actually kinda excited cause I like photography in general, and I thought I actually looked nice in this one. And then people started presenting and I realized very quickly I missed something because everyone had made these really sad and somber pictures like one girl even put on bruise makeup and talked about domestic abuse.

I had made my presentation about fairies.

[dearsnow]

ORLANDO (FIRST KISS)

- charlie, your best friend, attempts to set you up with the crush he is convinced you have. (charlie dalton x gn!reader, includes some neil being a good friend, slight angst into fluff, happy au, no beta we die like real men)

word count: 2,647

a/n - i love charlie so much oh my god 😭 hopefully there’s more to come with him! i’m planning a very long fic for him, hopefully similar in feeling to my neil fic “the last time” :) this is slightly inspired by the song “orlando” by leith ross so pls check them out!!

It’s 1:32 AM on a Friday night (Saturday, technically, but that rarely seems to matter), and Charlie Dalton is refusing to let you sleep.

“You’ve got to tell me. I swear, cross my heart, I won’t tell a soul.” He begs.

Charlie has been your best friend for god knows how long. You met so long ago that you don’t even remember how or why; it just was. That’s exactly what your relationship is. There’s really no rhyme or reason, considering you would detest anyone else with his personality, but you’re friends anyways, and you love him with all your heart. Opposites attract, you suppose. You don’t know for sure. Most days, including today, he is extremely and desperately annoying.

You slump down onto his bed, covering your eyes with your hands. He’s gotten it into his mind that you have a crush, and he won’t rest until he finds out who it is. Lucky you.

“Charlie, it’s no one.” You groan, peeking past your fingers to stare at him with a cross expression. “Even if I did like someone, I wouldn’t tell you.”

The problem is, you do like someone, and he’s sitting right in front of you with messy hair and pajama pants.

Your feelings for him, just like your meeting, are so far buried in the past that you couldn’t dig them up with an excavator. One day, you suppose, you just started to fall in love with him. He’s annoying and rich and a total smart-ass, but you love him. In some soft, quiet ways, he is the kindest boy you’ve ever met.

He notices when you get cut off mid-conversation or when you’re just a little too uncomfortable to talk to the person in front of you. He knows you like the back of his hand and puts his knowledge to use without ever having to ask, like how he always gets you exactly what you want on your birthday. He’s smart and energized and a breath of fresh air, no matter how stale the room is. And, of course, though you would rarely tell him, he is dashingly handsome.

He sits up straighter and begins listing every boy you’ve ever come in contact with. “Meeks? You always did like his type. Ooh, or Pitts? He’s a pitiful lady-killer. Todd is another good choice. Knox has got his thing with Chris, so you probably wouldn’t like him unless you’re into getting your heart broken.” He stops his ranting to take a breath, then continues on. “You cannot like Cameron because if you do, I won’t ever talk to you again. It isn’t Cameron, right?”

You scoff. “I don’t have a crush. Stop trying to guess a person that doesn’t exist.”

“Neil?” He questions. You hesitate just a bit before waving away his suggestion. Neil is a very good friend of both yours and his, and truthfully, he would definitely be the best boyfriend out of all of them. Despite that, you do not love him like you love Charlie. Not even close.

He catches on to your hesitation with scary accuracy. The tilt of your head, the twitch of your hand, the way the corners of your mouth almost curved up into a smile. Charlie feels his heart drop. “Oh my god, it’s Neil. Of course it’s Neil, it’s always Neil! You like Neil.” Neil is, unbeknownst to him, a complete catch. It makes sense that you would like him. After all, he’s kind, outgoing, and a whole lot nicer than Charlie is. That doesn’t make it hurt any less.

Like you, Charlie doesn’t exactly know when you came into his life. Maybe a stuffy dinner party or a prep event- all that matters to him is that you’re here now, and he loves you. He does, however, know when he started loving you.

It was seventh grade at a school dance, and you had decided to go with a boy he barely knew. When the boy asked you out with a pocketed rose and a shy smile, Charlie felt his blood boiling. How dare he, he thought, take you away from him? You’re his best friend. He would have bought you an entire flower shop had you said the word.

Seeing you waltz with him in your pretty outfit, as awkward and stiff as you both were, was too much for him to bear. Charlie left early, prompting you to follow him. The scene that resulted was one you both tried heavily to erase.

“Charlie, what’s wrong?” You panted, hurrying after him as fast as your pinchy shoes would allow. “Charlie. Charlie! Talk to me.”

“It’s nothing. Just go away.” He sniffled. You turned the corner to see him sitting on a curb, tears tracking down his face. If you knew one thing about Charlie Dalton, it was that he hated crying. You sat down next to him, but he turned to face the trees to his left.

“What happened?” You asked gently. How he despised your gentle care.

“I hate you. Go away.” His voice broke in the middle of his sentence. “I never want to see you again.”

Something in you snapped in that moment, something angry and sad all at once. He was hurting, and you loathed it, but Charlie always got what he wanted in the end.

You stood up and left, muttering a “sorry” over your shoulder.

He tried to avoid you for a while after that, but as with all fated things, he couldn’t stay away for long. He went back to you without a hint of apology, and you took him. Begrudgingly, you just couldn’t be without your best friend for very long.

He knew he loved you then, and that fact hasn’t changed in the present.

“I don’t like Neil.” You insist. “Trust me.”

Charlie stands to pace around his room, talking with his hands as per usual. “Y’know, you always seem smiley around him. I should’ve seen it coming, really. The way you talk to him can’t be platonic.” You sigh from the bed, and Charlie flops down beside you. You can feel the heat radiating from his skin. It’s pleasant, like a ray of sun on a cold day. You instinctively move closer to him as he opens his mouth. “I could probably get you a date with him. Not that you couldn’t do it yourself, but,” he pauses, a hint of hurt humor in his eyes, “I could be your wingman.”

He doesn’t want to be. He really doesn’t want to be, but what can he do? He would rather see you happy with Neil than miserable with no one. Despite how much he hates it, he’s gotten over most of his prepubescent jealousy. He knows deep down in the very achingly sad part of him that you don’t love him. At least, not the way he loves you.

You’re facing him, your nose inches away from his chest as your heart pounds in yours. He really wants you to get with Neil. Well, if that’s how he feels, you don’t feel the need to reject the offer. Maybe this is just the thing you need. What’s the point in pining after him when he’s actively trying to set you up with his second best friend?

“Yeah. That… I would like that.” Charlie’s heart crumbles in his chest.

“Then I’ll get right on it.” He grins. Behind the smile, sadness is swimming in his eyes, but you don’t bother to look at them.

It’s winter break, one of Charlie’s favorite times of the year, but he doesn’t think he’s ever felt this sad before.

By the time the next weekend rolled around, you had almost forgotten about Charlie’s proposed setup. But, on this Saturday when you’re cozy in your room, Neil comes knocking at your door.

You open the door, slightly surprised. He’s holding a bouquet of flowers with a small grin on his face. They’re your favorite flowers.

“Hi.” He says. His voice is breathless.

You raise your eyebrows, but for some reason, you can’t help but smile. Neil is standing in your doorway, and you feel like you know what he’s going to ask. “Hey.”

“Do you want to go on a date with me?” He implores, holding the bouquet out for you to take. “It doesn’t have to be right now, but… I’m ready if you are.” He’s dressed in a crisp suit, and if you’re being honest, you’d hate to make him go home without putting it to use.

You laugh lightly, the feeling bubbling out of your stomach. “Yeah, I’d love that. Just let me get ready and I’ll be out in ten minutes.”

Two days prior to Saturday, Charlie proposed a dead poets town trip. They were milling around, bouncing from shop to shop before Charlie clasped Neil on the shoulder.

“What do you think about Y/N?”

Neil turned, confused. “What do you mean?”

There was a smirk on Charlie’s face, but he hesitated like he didn’t actually want to say the words he was about to say. “I mean, I think you two would be a pretty cute couple.”

Neil let out a huff of air, almost in disbelief. “You’ve been in love with them since seventh grade, Nuwanda. Don’t try to act like you aren’t.”

Charlie gasped exaggeratedly and put a hand over his heart. “How dare you suggest that! I just want the best for my dearest friends.” The others laughed. Every single one of them knew that Charlie harbored deep feelings for you- and every single one of them knew he would never admit it. “Look, just one date. Ask them out on Saturday. They really like you, and I know they’re free, so they can’t pull any excuses.”

“I just don’t know.” Neil admitted. “They’re great and all, but I’d feel bad if I stole away your crush of four years.”

“You won’t be stealing anything, my boy. Just think about it.” Charlie knew he was lying, and it left a bitter taste in his mouth, but he also knew that somehow, he was making the right decision.

Like all of your romantic endeavors, your date with Neil is slightly awkward. He’s your friend, sure, but you’ve never really thought about him like this before. You never even considered dating him. It’s always been Charlie. Maybe, just maybe, it’s time to broaden your horizons.

After the initial tension, you would like to believe it went well. Neil walks you out of the restaurant, holding your arm. He’s smiling, and you feel your own expression falter. You like him, you really do, but some part of you knows that he will never be Charlie.

He leans closer to you, almost close enough to touch. Your heart pounds in your chest as he whispers something into your ear. “Don’t look, but Charlie’s watching. Pretend I’m kissing you.”

You’re taken aback as your eyes try to search for his brown hair, but after a second, you comply. You shut your eyes and thread your fingers through Neil’s. To anyone else, especially anyone inside of the restaurant, it looks like you’re smashing tongues with him.

Neil walks you home as the day fades into night, and as much as you ask, your questions are left unanswered with a sly wink.

“I can’t believe you would do that.” Charlie rages. “It was meant to be a date, not a date and a tongue fuck! That was their first kiss, Neil, and you’ve stripped them of it!” He doesn’t know why he’s so outrageously enraged. It was a quick kiss from the boy you’ve been crushing on. He should be overjoyed for you.

“It wasn’t like that, Charlie. Just ask them.” Neil is surprisingly calm, considering his friend is screaming at him. “Ask them. Go on.” He pushes Charlie’s shoulder. “I walked them home.”

Charlie grumbles, his gut twisted into shaking, angry knots. “I will. If they tell me you did anything weird, though, you’re dead.” Neil shakes his head.

“I think you’d kill me even if I didn’t kiss them.”

For the second time, you hear a knock at your door. This one is loud and frenzied, but through the haze, you can tell who it is. Who else would knock so harshly at 11:23 at night? It’s a good four hours after your date, so it definitely can’t be Neil.

You open the door, clad in pajamas and a frown. “Seriously, Charlie? You’re gonna wake the whole neighborhood.”

“Did he kiss you?” Ah, straight to the point. He’s never one to beat around the bush.

“What’s it to you?” You defend. “You didn’t care about that possibility when you wanted me to date him.” You cross your arms. Why the hell is he so upset? You don’t understand anything about this. His motives, his feelings, right now, they’re more confusing than he’s ever been. Well, save for one night. Oddly, this reminds you of that dance a few years back. You don’t want that to happen again, so whatever’s going on has to stop.

He opens his mouth and then closes it like he’s actually considering what he wants to say for the first time in his life. “I just…” A defeated expression tugs his face down. Your heart plummets. You rarely ever see him crestfallen. The last time was four years ago, and you had hoped you would never see him like that again.

He turns to walk away. He can’t do it, he just can’t. He’s walking so fast the pavement under his feet is a blur, and you chase after him.

“Charlie, what are you-“ He turns, seeing the confusion on your face.

When he looks at you, all Charlie can see is love. He loves your voice, the curve of your lips, the way you do anything and everything. In that moment, when he sees you with tired eyes, his inhibitions flee like rabbits from a wolf. Maybe, just maybe, he can.

Before you can ask, yet after you see the fire in his eyes, he grabs your arm and cuts you off.

“Can I kiss you?”

You’re taken aback for a moment, lips parted, not speaking a word. His hair is messy and the tear tracks on his cheeks glisten in the street lights. It’s like everything you’ve ever wanted has sprung to life before your eyes. “Yes, but-“

He presses his lips to yours, effectively cutting off any further communication once again. His grip on you softens as his hands reach up to cup your face. Your eyes flutter shut, and a million different things race through your mind. All you can consciously think is that you never want it to end.

When he pulls away, breathless, something new is shining in his eyes. “I hope that wasn’t bad for a second kiss.” He smiles. He’s still worried, more so than he’s ever been, but that was the most amazing thing he thinks he’s ever done.

“Second? Charlie, that was my first.”

He pauses. “So Neil didn’t kiss you?”

You laugh, and upon seeing his even more excited face, you laugh so hard you double over. He joins, and your giggles are probably too loud for how late it is. “No! God no, he told me to pretend because you were watching.” Your voice comes out humorous and strained, with so much joy behind the tone that Charlie can feel himself starting to laugh again. “Were- Were you in the restaurant for our whole date?”

“Yeah.” He chokes out. “I couldn’t just let the love of my life date some other guy without my knowledge, right?”

“Oh, totally. Maybe you should ask me out next time, then, to completely avoid this whole scenario.” He pulls you in, laughing against your shoulder.

“Sure. Yeah, I think I will. Next time, I’ll make sure of it.”

[razorblade180]

Home Warfare

Ruby:*on call* …(Maybe he’s busy?)

Jaune:Hello?

Ruby:!? S-Sup! Just checking in. How was the flight back home?

Jaune:My stomach has stopped flipping. It’s the little victories that matter.

Ruby:I still can’t believe you went back home for break. Isn’t it your first time back since…lying?

Jaune:Yeah, but it’s not like they know that part. Plus I’ve kept in contact. You’re not going back to Patch?

Ruby:Yang did. Dad is actually taking a mission so if o went back I’m basically house sitting.

Jaune:You don’t want to see your old friends?

Ruby:I can do that when I pick up Yang. Making a big deal out of it feels awkward. Have you been smothered with affection yet?

Jaune:What do you mean?

Ruby:It must be a big deal continuing your families legacy; especially in your hometown.

Jaune:Probably, if I meant anything.

Ruby:Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?

Jaune:Just because I’m at Beacon doesn’t mean anything. Not like my grades are stellar or I’m a different person. Still the bullied twerp that left and the son with low expectations. I’m only really here because I have to come back eventually.

Ruby:….

Jaune:Ruby?

Ruby:I could’ve went with you.

Jaune:That’s nice, but why would you?

Ruby:Because you sound miserable! It’s not like I’m doing anything. I can’t do too much about people giving you a hard time but showing up with a new friend has to mean something.

Jaune:I gotta be honest…you being here would make this place bearable. I honestly forgot how…small it felt being here at times.

Ruby:Would you like me to be there? I can take an airship tomorrow, seriously.

Jaune:If it’s really okay, sure. I’d love to see you.

Ruby:Cool. I’ll be your moral support!

Jaune:Haha, thanks. Well I have to go. Dinner is almost ready. Wish me luck.

Ruby:Good luck! *hangs up*

Weiss:*walks in* Oh, you’re still here.

Ruby:It’s our dorm! Why wouldn’t I be!?

Weiss:What I meant is I thought you’d be running around doing anything but being a hermit. Even Blake took a trip.

Ruby:…Weiss? I have an offer you can’t refuse. One that involves the mall, your opinion, and freedom from me.

Weiss:Go on.

xxxxxxx

The next day, out in town

Papa Arc:So what exactly was your role in all that again?

Jaune:I came up with the plan against the DeathStalker.

Papa Arc:Can you really consider a couple callouts a plan? Especially when you didn’t lead the charge?

Mama Arc: Harold! Leave him alone! I think it’s great he’s trying.

Harold:Persephone, trying is one thing, achieving is another. Can’t have him getting full of himself.

Jaune:(Or having any confidence at all.)

Persephone: The year has only really just begun. There’s leaps and bounds a C-student like our boy can make given enough time and focus, hopefully.

Jaune:…

???:He’s actually a B-student thanks to me.

Jaune’s head perked up. He recognized that voice anywhere. He turned around to greet Ruby but was left speechless the moment his eyes found her.

Combat boots were abandoned for red flats. The leggings he had known her for were abandoned for black thigh-highs with rose petals on them. The combat skirt had been stolen and replaced with black jean shorts with a red belt while her corset was swapped for a half shirt with long sleeves that went just past her hands. Jaune might not have recognized Ruby if not for the cloak!

The girl’s hair was noticeably a little wavy and a rose clip kept her bangs out of her face which showed off a modest amount of dark eye shadow that matched new lipstick. It went with her black fingernail polish he noticed as she waved with her left while rolling her luggage over.

Jaune:R-Ruby?

Ruby:Hello~ fancy seeing you here. Although I do remember saying you’d be visiting your dear family. I guess these are your parents! Hi! He’s mentioned wonderful things about you.

Persephone:And not enough about you! Ruby, was it?

Ruby:Yep! Ruby Rose. Jaune’s actually the first person helpful person I met at Beacon; as well as my dorm neighbor. We’re always comparing notes and helping one another as leaders of our teams.

Harold:You’re also a leader of a team?

Ruby:R-W-B-Y. Team RWBY. Hehe, I know I probably don’t look that impressive but I promise you, I know my way around the battlefield.

Harold:…You said my son is B-student now.

Ruby:Mmhm. He has a better memory for history than I do so as token of appreciation, I helped him with Grimm anatomy and practical skills. Your son is quite a fast learner. You must be so proud.

Jaune:I-

Harold:Well he has his ups and downs but of course he has his merits.

Persephone:Anyways…what brings you all the from Beacon?

Ruby:There’s a weapons convention not too far from here. I’m a real nerd for this stuff. Figured I could use my break to stay a couple days and check the exhibit. Is the Arc family presenting any armor or swords?

Harold:You know our history.

Ruby:Of course. I know your son, and he’s quite proud of it the same way I’m proud of my mother and her accomplishments. It’s probably why we get along so well, besides him being raised well. Take it from me, there’s some real jerks that let linage go to their heads.

Persephone:Well aren’t you just the sweetest thing! Jaune! I’m surprised you haven’t mentioned her more!

Jaune:I said I was making friends who get me.

Persephone:Ruby? Is your inner room already booked? If not, you can gladly stay with us while you’re here.

Ruby and Jaune: What?

Persephone:It’s not a problem at all. We never get to meet Jaune’s friends and you must only make so much money while being students. We have plates to spare. Isn’t that right Harold?

Harold:Yes, I’m…curious to know more things about my son.

Ruby:Well…if you insist.

Persephone:Wonderful! We will set things up and take your stuff now. Jaune, show Ruby around the town.

With no more room to negotiate, Ruby gives her things to Jaune’s parents and watch them get far enough away before letting out a sigh. Coincidentally, he did the same.

Ruby:No offense to your parents, but I’m really impressed how nice you are. I heard a little bit of the conversation before I said anything. They’re…a real piece of work. They look like they mean well though.

Jaune:You aren’t wrong. Thanks for showing up when you did. By the way… what’s with the new look?

Ruby:It’s like I said, I’m good on the battlefield. I figured the best way to shut up your hometown enemies was to give them something to shut up about. I’m not one for fashion so i asked Weiss for help finding a look that fits me. Honestly I still think I look awkward.

Jaune:No you’re gorgeous! Like some cool goth badass that’s cu- cute.

Ruby:*red*…Hehe, well thank you. I might not look like it all the time but I really like first impressions. A few people have noticed me on the way in. Guess Weiss went a little too hard, but that works in our favor. I doubt people will pick on you as much.

Jaune:Honestly they might be jealous if they see you with me.

Ruby:Is that a problem?

Jaune:Absolutely not. It would be hilarious.

Ruby:Haha, then lead the way. Show me your old stomping grounds.

Any worries he had faded away instantly. Jaune happily took Ruby’s hand and began walking. The girl was stunned for a second before getting close enough to lean on the boy. Honestly, she could get used to this.

[cupcaketeddybehr]

origami hearts (choso x reader)

choso x gn!reader

genre: hurt/comfort (can you tell i love hurt/comfort HEHEH)

word count: 1.3k

blurb!: choso breaks up with you out of nowhere and you're not sure why. a week later, yuji forces you to talk to him.

You’re sitting on the couch watching your favorite show when Choso walks in, shoulders slumped and hair tousled. You could swear that there’s blood all over his white robes, but you chalk it up to your sleep deprivation. 

“Hey.” He says quietly.

You hum and turn your head towards him, oblivious to his unusual tone.

He takes a seat next to you on your fluffy couch and lets out a huff. He stares at the ground for what seems like forever before he says, “We need to talk.”

You turn off the TV and look at him weirdly. He was his happy self when he left this morning. “Talk about what, Cho? Did something happen?”

 “No…” He begins. “I just don’t know how to say this without hurting you.” He looks at you momentarily. Silently, he begs the universe to stop him from saying what he’s about to.

You start to hear your heartbeat in your ears as anxiety rises in your chest. “Please just spit it out, Choso.” 

“I-I don’t think we’re gonna work out.” He says, hands in his pockets, refusing to meet your gaze.

You stare at him, shocked that he would ever bring this up. You guys were doing so well. This morning, you tied his hair up in his signature buns. Everything was fine. “What do you mean?” 

“I think we should go our separate ways. I don’t feel the same anymore.” He admits, eyes glancing anywhere but yours.  

“Choso, I don’t understand. We were fine when you left this morning. You kissed me goodbye.”

He looks at his feet. “I’ve been feeling like this for a while, y/n.”

“Please don’t call me that. You always call me baby.” You frown, tears threatening to spill from your eyes.

When you finally look up at him, you see tears rolling down his cheeks. “I never wanted to hurt you like this.” He says softly. “I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t believe you, Choso.” You say. “Did someone make you do this? Why would you do this to me?” 

“I just don’t love you anymore.” He chokes out. His body fights every word he says.

“You’re being so mean right now.”

“I’m sorry, y/n.”

When he eventually leaves, you’re yelling at his back, and he’s refusing to turn around. What you don’t see are the violent sobs that rack his body as you scream that you hate him and that you wish you never met.

You sit by your phone the entire day for the next week, hoping that Choso will text. You stare at the door, waiting for it to swing open to reveal your smiling boyfriend. Your phone doesn’t ding, and the door stays closed. 

A few weeks later, you see Choso’s little brother, Yuji, reading at a cafe. To say he looks rough is an understatement. You poke his shoulder, wanting to check in on him.

“Yuji, how are you doing?” You ask softly.

He gives you a half-smile. “I’m just lucky to be alive.” He pauses for what feels like years. “y/n, Choso won’t leave my dorm,” Yuji says in a small voice. “Did you guys break up?”

You’re surprised that he doesn’t already know. “Yeah, he broke up with me two weeks ago.”

“HUH? I didn’t think that the answer to that question was yes.” 

“He didn’t tell you?... He came home one day and told me he didn’t love me anymore.”

“What day was this?” Yuji asks.

“Two Wednesdays ago.” 

Yuji exhales. “I think I know why. You should talk to him.”

“Yuji, I can’t. He doesn’t want me anymore and-”

He interrupts you mid-sentence, “Do you know where he was that day?”

You pause, confused that you’re being asked such a trivial question. “Yuji, of course I know. This isn’t a game.”

He looks at you dead in the eyes. “Where?”

You roll your eyes. “He was with you, Yuji. You guys were training or something.”

Yuji looks at you indecorously. “THATS what he told you? y/n… Choso almost died that day. I almost did, too.” He’s silent for a second. “We were fighting this special-grade curse thing.”

You take a moment to process. Why didn’t Choso say anything? Fat tears start sliding down your face. How could you have just let him go like that? Why didn’t you ask him about the blood on his robes? 

All those thoughts take a backseat as you think about the burden on the shoulders of the boy before you. “I’m so sorry,” You say, hugging him. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“You can talk to Choso.” He says, getting up from the table. “He deserves some happiness right now.” Yuji offers you his hand. “Let’s go. He’s probably still in the same spot as he was this morning.”

When you walk in the door, Choso doesn’t look up. “Hi, Yuji.” 

“Cho, I-” 

At the sound of your voice, his head snaps up. He doesn’t look at you, but you can see the pain in his eyes. “Please go home, y/n. Yuji, please take her back home.”

You immediately start sobbing. “I’m sorry I didn’t know. I’m sorry I didn’t pay more attention. I’m sorry I’ve been so-”

He softens when he hears your sniffles. “Please don’t cry.” 

You move near him, gasping when you see all the cuts and bruises on his skin. “Ch- Choso, please tell me what happened.” You plead as you trace your fingers over his damaged, pale skin.

As soon as he starts to speak, he begins to sob. “I don’t know.”

You hug him, “Try, Cho.”

He hides his face in your shoulder and whispers, “I’m just scared of losing you.” He takes a big breath, “That night, I thought I saw my little brother die. I couldn’t live with myself if you got hurt like that.”

You rub his back, “I would rather get hurt than be without you.” You mumble.

“You can’t say that y/n… You don’t know what it’s like to see someone you love like that.”

“You don’t get to decide this for us, Choso.” You argue. “I promise I’ll be safe.”

“You can’t promise that.”

“You don’t think I’m strong enough to defend myself?”

“No, it’s not that. It’s just that I won’t always be there to look after you. If anything happened to you, I think I would die.”

“Choso, please. I’ll take all the martial arts classes you want me to. I’ll practice my cursed technique again.” You sigh and give up arguing. “Please just come home. I miss you.”  

He contemplates and nods slowly. “I missed you too.” 

Neither of you speak when you get home. You lay against his chest as he plays with your hair. He squeezes your hand to get your attention. “I’m sorry for pushing you away.” 

You try to hug him tighter, but you feel something crunch in his pockets. A little purple origami heart falls out. He shoves it back in. 

“Did you make that, Cho?” You ask.

“‘s stupid.” He says, moving to grip your wrists so you can't dig it back out.

You swat away his hands and reach into his pockets. Out pours a bunch of origami hearts. You count at least thirty. He seems to have made one in every color under the sun.

“Awww, Cho, did you make these after we broke up?”

He turns his face away, but not before you notice the pink dusting his cheeks. “I was going to mail them to you.”

“You were going to mail them to me and then just leave me single for the rest of eternity?” 

“No.” He says, lip quivering a bit. “I just wanted to make sure you knew how much I loved you if anything happened to me.” 

“Nothing will happen to you, Cho. Everything will be fine, okay?”

He doesn’t believe you, but he nods anyway. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”

You smile and kiss him. “Am I going to have to sign up for martial arts classes tomorrow?”

“I already signed you up.”

thank you so much to @saradika-graphics for the beautiful dividers and support banners 🫶

and thank YOU so much for reading! i appreciate you!

[byte-your-tongue]

Showing The Obey Me! Brothers My Little Pony

(Romantic, GN Reader)

AN: this is also an older post i touched up and decided to throw on here cuz i like this one a lot :3

Lucifer:

Refuses to watch it at first and is the last one of the brothers to see it

He thinks it's just some dumb kids show and he does not have enough time to be watching that with his busy schedule

Won't insult/question you for watching it as long as you are happy and getting all your tasks done, but still finds it a bit childish.

He likes seeing you happy so he’ll listen when you talk about it even if he doesn't have a single idea what you're talking about it.

As all the other brothers start watching it he does feel out of the loop.

He also finds himself humming songs from it because you, Asmo, and Mammon will often break out into songs from the show

Eventually the curiosity gets to him and he wants to see it. He wants to see it for…. research. I mean even Diavolo is watching it now! It's his duty to understand these sorts of things. That's all it is. It's not like he WANTS to watch it

.His pride won’t let him seem too interested in it so he instead hints to you that y'all should watch it together in the most roundabout way ever. Because you know, it wouldn’t be terrible if you forced him… Please drag this man to watch it he won’t watch it on his own but he wants to

Because of Luci’s busy schedule the two of you set up a plan to watch an episode or two whenever he’s free

After about a season of the show Lucifer is absolutely hooked and finds himself watching the show on his own

Is embarrassed to have gotten so engrossed in the show that he watched ahead so he instead just watches from where him and you were when the two get together

But after a while he grows impatient of having to rewatch episodes he’d already seen when he could be watching from where he actually is. After all, he just NEEDS to know what happens to the mane six next. Will they defeat Chrysalis??

Eventually you catch on that he has more info then he should and tease him for having watched ahead. He denies it adamantly but the next time they go to watch he mysteriously puts on an episode about 10 ahead of where they were last time. Don’t mention it to him or you’re never allowed back in his room again. >:(

He doesn’t have a favorite character in particular, but may end up liking whichever one reminds him most of you. He also respects Celestia for how she handles the stress of her position without ever growing angry and feels close to her because he also had to make a hard choice with a younger sibling in the past. Don’t show him Lullaby for a Princess, he WILL cry

Mammon:

Is the second one to start watching

Originally he may tease you for liking a kids show but if it makes you upset he will immediately backpedal and sputter about how he was just joking and please don't get mad at him-

After he sees you and Levi talking about it he wants to be in on the convo. After all, Levi can’t be getting all that time alone with HIS human just because Levi knows more about some stupid colorful horses!

So Mammon goes and binges the whole show. It takes a couple weeks of all nighters and his grades may be doing worse than usual but now he’ll be able to talk about the show with you >:)

Mammon definitely becomes totally invested in the show

He is sobbing over the emotional parts and laughing at the funny ones

When Beel first hears the sobbing from Mammons room one night while he’s getting snacks he’s immediately concerned. Beel barges into the room to check on his older brother but when it turns out Mammon is just watching some show he relaxes. After all, Beel is more than used to hearing Levi up late at night watching anime.

The next time he sees you and Levi talking about the show he casually jumps in the convo with a bunch of info. Levi is angry because rude, Mammon can’t just interrupt him hypothesizing the economical value of a bit with you! But, you are absolutely delighted to hear Mammon actually watched the show!!!! :D

The praise and attention from you was absolutely what Mammon was looking for, and even though he may try and play it off it’s obvious that he’s melting from your beaming smile

Meanwhile Satan and Asmo are off to the side, pouting because they too want attention from you too!

Mammon, Levi, and you can often be heard loudly singing songs from the show and talking about who the best character is

Mammon of course adores Rainbow Dash, she’s clearly the coolest!

Mammon buys a little figure of her to put on his nightstand and talks to her when he’s scheming

Will sometimes take her with him to the casino for luck :)

Levi:

He’s the first one to watch the show with you

At first he doesn’t want to because ew normie show

But you can easily get him to watch it by either just hugging him or pointing out how y'all are always watching things Levi picks

Is one of the only brothers to not try and hide his first impressions of the show and is hooked pretty early on

He’s an expert on binging shows with you so you both manage to get through the whole thing pretty fast

He adores Fluttershy to bits and will take any opportunity to rave about her. Of course she isn’t as great as Ruri-chan, but who is in Levi’s eyes?

He thinks Fluttershy is very impressive with how she is so shy and anxious, but still stands up for what she believes in and even learns to stand up for herself as well!

He is absolutely cheering her on every step of her journey to be less anxious and really admires how hard she seems to work on it

Levi sees how her friends want her to improve but also don’t try to force her too far out of her comfort zone and is reminded of how you treat a yucky otaku such as himself. He is suddenly even more grateful to you and may give you more presents out of nowhere with no explanation

He starts to use Flutters as a way to motivate himself when he is apprehensive about something, he is constantly thinking to himself “Fluttershy would try her best in this situation and I should too!”

You better believe this man has every piece of merch with Fluttershy on it. He actually keeps his favorite figure of her next to his favorite figure of Ruri-chan and he looks over at them about 10 million times a day

He’d also get you anything from the show they wanted. You mentioned there was a limited edition toy you couldn’t find/afford as a kid? You better bet Levi is hunting it down and spending any amount of money to get it for you <3

Satan:

Satan may appear highly sophisticated and whatnot with his charming words and seemingly limitless pool of knowledge, but he actually enjoys many things that others may consider childish

He’s never been one for judging other too severely thanks to how many lifestyles he’s grown accustomed to by reading, and he’s learned to be even more open minded since you came along

So while he may understand the social repercussions for doing childish things and therefore avoid them while in more close minded company, he has no problem with goofing around in private or with you

So when Satan hears that some of his other brothers were so invested in a show from the Human Realm, he can’t help but ask you about it

Once he hears more about it from you he is more than willing to watch the show

He watches some of it with you and some on his own, really it’s just something he has on a lot of the time and you join in watching whenever they are hanging out

Satan of course takes a liking to Twilight and he seriously laments the destruction of The Golden Oak Library

He's the type of person to think up complex theories. You would probably be pretty amused hearing him somehow come up with the exact same theories you remember from fans during the shows run.

He would try his best to figure out how magic in the show works and gets very invested in his theories. He might try to recreate spells from the show in real life.

Probably likes Twilight the most out of the characters.

Asmo:

Asmo is at first a little reluctant to watch the show, but who is he to say no to MC?

He also sees Mammon being praised for watching it and is instantly jealous

They put the show on in the background while he does MCs nails and he isn’t really paying attention until a certain purple maned fashionista is introduced

Falls in love with Rarity at first sight. Now THAT is one fabulous mare!

Absolutely adores all episodes focusing on Rarity, especially the ones focused on her boutique

Asmo is quite good at understanding others and their motivations so he ends up breaking own each character and analyzing them unintentionally and even makes some points that not even Satan or Levi would have been able to notice

He also uses his designing skills to make some of the outfits that Rarity makes in the show, just modified to fit a humanoid form of course

Out of all the ones he makes he ends up liking the Grand Galloping Gala dresses the most. He wears all of them and posts plenty of pictures to Devilgram. Even if most of his followers have no idea what the dresses are from they still support Asmo in everything he does

Asmo also ends up asking Solomon to grab him some Rarity related merch next time he’s in the human realm

Beel:

When Beel comes home from the gym one day to see you and Belphie cuddling in the twin’s room and watching the show Beel doesn’t question it

He just plops down on the other side of you and joins in

Beel often ends up watching the episodes infrequently and out of order, but he still enjoys what he does see

Might watch the show while at lunch at RAD

Now THAT makes for an interesting sight, the avatar of gluttony surrounded by a mountain of food with his usually RBF and just watching some brightly colored kids show with his headphones on

Beel never once judges you for it being a “kid’s show”, in fact the thought never even crosses Beel’s mind. To him it’s a good show and that’s all you need

Beel actually ends up liking it a lot and you show him some more cartoons from your childhood for him to watch

He of course loves Pinkie Pie and The Cakes for their sweet creations

But his actual favorite character is Applejack

He loves her hardworking nature and honesty

He really just adores the whole Apple Family, they all seem to love each other so much

His favorite episode is probably the one where Pinkie goes on a roadtrip with them to see if she’s really an Apple or not

[wordsarelife]

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐞: 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐞

pairing: theo nott x fem!reader

summary: you’re not particularly happy about theo’s song, all while he doesn’t even admit it’s about you.

warnings: none i think, apart from cursing :)

notes: mention of twitter because i refuse to call it X (elon musk is a puppeteer and i’m not falling for his schemes)

this is also still a bit of introduction, getting their dynamic and getting to know the other characters (april!!) better.

previous part | masterlist | next part

you woke up to your phone, flooding over with messages. most of them were from your best friend, april.

you and her had met in first grade, stumbling into each other. she had been new to town, knowing no one. it only took a week for the two of you to become the best of friends. she knew best of your hatred for theo, how it all had went down, from being friends to not even looking in each others direction.

y/n?!?!!!

the first message read. you ignored the twenty following ones and scrolled down to find the latest one.

give me a call when you're up. you won't believe this

you sighed, internally sacrificing the idea of a calm morning and raising your phone, already calling her.

"hey" she said and you could hear the unsureness in her voice.

"is everything okay?" you asked confused. april was normally the opposite of calm.

“yeah” she muttered and then it all came out at once “theo wrote a song and i’m pretty sure he wrote it about you. get ready, i’ll be there in fifteen minutes, okay?”

“he did what?” you asked flabbergasted, while you put her on speaker and opened twitter, checking if there was any evidence. “what the fuck” you muttered once your eyes landed on cursed legacy’s latest post.

“did you see the post?” april asked alarmed “you did right?”

“yeah” you muttered while you scrolled past the reposts “i mean pixie dream girl? do i look like a pixie dream girl?”

april was silent and you closed your eyes exhausted.

“i’m sorry, y/n”

“not your fault” you walked into the bathroom, already putting toothpaste onto your toothbrush “well have some time if you’re gonna be here in just fifteen minutes”

“i thought we could drive to sammy’s and have breakfast”

“just what i needed to hear now” you breathed “i’ll see you in fifteen”

“yeah” you could practically hear her smile “wait! don’t listen to the song alone, okay?”

“yeah” you muttered “i promise”

“it’s not as bad as it thought it would be” april said as soon as you had sat down in her car.

“you’re only saying that to make me feel better, aren’t you?”

“no, i promise I’m not” she assured “you will think it’s bad the first time you hear it, but it’ll become more and more harmless”

“how many times have you listened, april?” aou asked through clenched teeth.

“only like fifteen, but i needed to analyze”

“sure” you rolled your eyes “you don’t have to lie to me, it’s alright if you like the song. my feud with theo has nothing to do with you”

“really?”

“really” you nodded. you loved april incredibly, she was the sweetest person on earth.

“i only like it so much because enzo sings the backing vocals” april had been in love with enzo since the third grade. even though you had told her about a million times that enzo was in love with her too, she never acted on her feelings. you weren’t sure if it was because she was scared or because of you and your hatred for theo. still, enzo was your favorite out of the band and april knew that. you would never have a problem with them dating, you just hoped she knew that too.

“and?” you raised your eyebrows, sensing that there was something else she wasn’t telling you.

“and it’s really catchy” april admitted.

“well, I never said that theo can’t write, i’m just not a fan of him as a person, but his band and their songs are alright. so are you going to let me hear the song or are you not finished briefing me yet?”

she smiled, before she pushed the play button. you noticed her fingers trembling and the unsureness as she send you as smile, before she parked at the side of the road.

“what are you doing?”

“saving our lifes” she shrugged.

before you could ask her anything else, theo’s voice was already flowing through the car. the song was a mix of pop and rock, it took a lot to not bop your head along. the melody was really addicting and you hated theo even more.

“maybe the song isn’t even about me”

april send you an uncomfortable expression. you could tell that she was sure it was “maybe”

she's an average girl, with tangled up hair,

her laughter's like nails on a chalkboard, it's more than i can bear.

she flutters around, like a clumsy old crow,

leaving chaos behind her, wherever she goes

she's a mess wrapped in chaos,

a thorn in my side, no matter the cost.

she'll stumble and fall, then blame it on me,

i'm tired of her games, can't you see?

“well, it definitely is about me” you nodded with a forced smile.

“yeah” april nudged your arm “but the chorus is kinda nice, i guess”

you send her a look and she smiled apologetically. as soon as the song had ended, you were more than glad that she had decided to park. you got out of the car and the first thing you did was scream at the top of your lungs.

“fucking idiot!” you screamed “what the fuck is wrong with him?” you turned to april who had been quick to climb out behind you.

april shrugged her shoulders. “i don’t know” she said “how could he?” the way she forged the anger made you almost laugh. she was trying to be angry, she really was, but april was really rarely angry, not even when you two would fight. she wasn’t making fun of you, she was trying to relate.

“i’m gonna climb up the stupid tree, smash his window and throw everything that he loves out and when i’m finished.. then, then i’ll burn his stupid song book! ha!”

“you should totally do that!!” april screamed back “or maybe we could take all this anger and put it into something useful?” she suggested

“like destroy his car?” you perked up.

“no” april smiled while she walked back to the drivers side and took out a blog and a pen. “you could write everything that your feeling down and after we had breakfast, we’ll burn it on the bridge on our way to school”

“i don’t know if that will cure the murderous rage i’m feeling right now”

“we could try?”

you nodded and couldn’t help but smile at the way she was always trying to fix you. sometimes you wondered if she stayed up late only to google therapeutic ways to handle anger or sadness. she had never ending ideas considering that topic.

while she drove you both to sammy's you spend your time writing down everything you were feeling. the absolute anger and general questions and critique you had considering some of the song lines. when had you ever blamed him for something that happened to you? you could only think of a few things and all of them had been absolutely rightful. what games was he talking about? the way you were not interested in upkeeping any sort of relationship and he made it his daily task to annoy you to the best of his ability?

who was really playing games?

you finished your writing right as april parked the car, resulting in one full and another half page and a single sentence scattered on a third one. you held the two pages in her direction and watched as she put them in her bag.

"we'll burn them after" she assured you "what about the third page?" she asked as she noticed the single piece of paper you were folding up.

"that is for me" you explained "i don't want to forget how i felt"

"okay" she smiled unsurely "as long as you didn't plan theo's murder on that, it's fine"

"no promises" you shrugged and april laughed as she followed you into the restaurant.

✦•〰〰〰〰〰★🎸☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★〰〰〰〰〰〰•✦

you ran into theo sooner than you had anticipated, almost making him topple over on the stairs of the school. april was right about to run into you, but could stop just a second before colliding. she turned her head to the side to look around you and theo, noticing enzo behind the other boy.

“hey enzo” she greeted smiling.

enzo smiled as he noticed her, a rosy blush creeping onto his cheeks. “april, hi” you could see that he was trying to say something else, but before he could do so, theo started talking.

“watch where you’re going”

you sighed “just who i needed”

theo smirked, already guessing that you knew about his bands new song. “what was that?”

“nothing” you shook your head “what is wrong with you, theodore?”

“woah, theodore huh?” he raised his hands, laughing as he saw how angry you were “that does not sound like nothing”

“don’t act stupid” you rolled your eyes “you know exactly what I’m talking about”

“do i now?” he quirked a brow.

“pixie dream girl, really?”

“our new song?” theo wondered “what about it?”

you would’ve loved to just give him a gentle hit so he would fall down the stair, but you were smarter than that, at least you hoped.

“it’s obviously about me”

“well, it doesn’t say your name”

“no” you dragged the word out “but we both know you called me pixie since we were kids. don’t act dumber than you are, theo”

“no need to get offensive” theo tried to nudge your arm, but you pulled it back before he could reach it. “so you accept that as your official nickname? because as far as i remember you always hated me calling you that”

“i still do”

“so then the song is not about you” theo shrugged.

“one line literally says ‘she turns behind the window glass’ and my window is the only one that happens to be right in front of yours” it was a bit shameful that you could recall the line from the top of your head and you had to admit that the song was kinda catchy.

“it’s about a fictional girl”

“sure” you nodded, smiling ironically “just like daddy issues is. do you really think I’m an idiot, theo?”

“do you really want me to answer that question?” theo shot back and your smile died down. the two of you knew that both songs had been written about you. theo was good at writing songs, but also at fighting with you, so it had been easy to recall the lines he had said to you after he had incorporated them in his song.

daddy issues had come out with nine other songs a few months ago. it had been the second single on cursed legacy's debut album. you hated to admit how much the track had hurt you, how theo was able to use something you had trusted him with, against you. he was one of the few who knew about your issues with you dad and he had always been able to calm you down after one of many fights. to hear the sentences he used to whisper to you, used in the chorus really felt like a knife in your back.

but you and theo weren't friends anymore and you had to accept that you would never be again. he wasn't going to go easy on you.

“stop writing songs about me” you said, finally having enough of the endless back and forth you were used to with him.

“stop making stuff up” theo answered with a smile, before he straigthened his backpack and turned around, walking down the rest of the way.

“we have geography” you reminded him.

he just shrugged, before he turned around. “you don’t mind bringing me your notes later, do you?”

“fuck you” you spat and the grin on his face frustrated you.

“is it alright if i accompany you two?” enzo’s voice made your head turn. you had completely forgotten that he had been there the entire time.

“sure” you nodded and he smiled gratefully.

✦•〰〰〰〰〰★🎸☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★〰〰〰〰〰〰•✦

it was only during english that theo and also mattheo, who suspiciously always disappeared when theo did, turned up again. without an invitation, theo sat down in the open seat beside you. april was sitting on your right side and next to her enzo, who had also followed right after your friend for the next class and was seemingly not about to leave her side. so this arrangement left place for theo and mattheo to sit down on your left side.

"hey, pixie" theo greeted, still spotting that annoying smirk of his. you would have loved to smack it right off his stupid face.

"i had hoped you wouldn't be coming back"

"and just leave you hanging like that?" theo raised his brows "i could never"

you could've guessed that he would show up for english. you hated to admit it, but theo was pretty smart and english was not only his best, but also his favorite subject. it often seemed like he was mrs walkers favorite, considering she loved to read what he wrote and you had to admit he was doing a great job at writing the bands owns songs, even if some of them were about you.

"you're right" you nodded your head, acting as if you just remembered something "now that i think about it, i remember how little maturity you have in you"

"shot right through my heart" theo gestured to his chest and mattheo next to him had the nerve to giggle.

"what are you laughing at?"

mattheo's smile died down. "i see, we're not having a particulary good morning, are we?"

"well, you're onto something, genius" you said sarcastically.

"jeez" mattheo tried to hide behind his best friend "she must've heard the song" he whispered loud enough for you to hear"

"obviously i did, riddle" you rolled your eyes "does at least one of you have critical thinking skills? because this is getting repetitive"

mattheo kindly ignored your comment about his intelligence. "i really don't get you, i didn't think you would be this angry, honestly. i mean, it's just a harmless song isn't it?" mattheo shrugged "who can say that a band wrote a song about them?"

"harmless?" you repeated laughing in disbelief "you called me and i quote 'clumsy old crow'"

"oops" theo looked up the ceiling, as if something interesting was happening up there. you could see the amusement on his face and you hated how much fun he was having by only listening to you and mattheo talk.

"we also called you enchanting if it helps" mattheo smiled.

"it doesn't" you deadpanned and his smile faded.

mattheo shrugged "as i said before, i'm not getting you. the song might not be the nicest, but you have to think into the future. in ten years you can brag about the song!"

you send him a look "not the nicest" you repeated "your little bitch friend here is a petty asshole, who cannot, for the love of him, let go of anything" you said every word as slow and calm as possible, so mattheo was able to follow your train of thought. "and also i am thinking into the future. right now your band is as famous as my left toe and will probably always be. in ten years one of you will, a hundred percent, be in jail and if it's not zabini, i bet it'll be you. so, nothing to really brag about, you get me now, matty?" you leaned back in your chair with a triumphant smile. mattheo was pretty stunned at what you had said and it took him a few seconds to find his confidence.

"wha- i'm not gonna be in jail" he crossed his arms. theo next to him just shrugged and mattheo looked at him in betrayal. "okay, maybe, but only because i threw out a tv from a hotel room after we got that record deal"

theo's head turned at him as fast as yours did.

"record deal?" you asked.

"yeah" mattheo laughed, before he turned to theo in confusion "you didn't tell her?"

theo shook his head "it's not like we're the best of friends, mate"

"well, i thought because of le-" theo had elbowed his friend into the side, which made mattheo shut up immediately.

"what about leo?" you leaned over theo, knowing that he would rather ignore your question than mattheo would.

before mattheo could answer you, or theo stop him from doing so, mrs walker walked into the room, effectively shutting up the whole class.

you took one last irritated look in theo's direction, whose eyes were fixated on the teacher in front of you, before you turned to the book april and you were sharing, opening it to the right page.

taglist:

@7s3ven @madi-potter @shereadsandcries @getosbeloved @mischieftom @wolfstar-jpg @t00thfairy20 @chcrrysblog @aestramjackson @elina3011 @kr1nqu @hopeless-y @mitskiswift99 @fallingblackveils @ahead-fullofdreams @helendeath @schaebickel @chubbychasermattheotruther @punkprincess03 @subparslytherin @girlbooklover555

[petpenname]

❤️Red Wine Supernova❤️

pairing: dealer!ellie williams x introverted(f)reader cw. : smoking, drinking summary: modern college au, slow burn with some sad elements, inspired by Red Wine Supernova by Chapel Roan Parts: 1. I Just Want to Get To Know You 2. Mini Skirt and My Go-Go Boots 3. I Don't Care That You're A Stoner + Epilogue: Falling Into Me a/n: bittersweet ending to my first fic 🥺

Part 3

I Don’t Care That You’re a Stoner

The following week was busy. On monday you started a class project worth 40% of your grade and the prep for it was drowning you. On top of your other classes you barely had time for yourself. Which is why you were actually looking forward to tonight. There was another party at House 09 and Sage promised to stay by your side and make tonight worth it. But a certain green eyed girl took up residence in your mind, refusing to vacate. 

On that Friday, in the late afternoon, you were sprawled across Sage’s bed, with her on the floor, passing a joint between you. 

“I don't know dude, we texted for a bit Sunday but I haven't heard from her all week. I didn't even see her in the cafe.” you sigh, pulling out your phone to check the message thread between you and Ellie again. 

“Damn, but she kissed you right?” Sage says from the floor. “That's so weird, maybe she's just busy with school?”

“Yeah maybe, I don't even know what she studies. She's kind of a nerd though, it's cute. She wanted to watch this space movie together.” 

“You should totally invite her over this weekend!” Sage says sitting up right. “Oh my god it would be so cute! And I could buy from her, I'm running low” She giggles, looking down at her close to empty stash jar. 

“You know what, ya! I'm going to text her. I kept waiting for her to text first, I just didn't want to bother her.”

“You aren't going to bother her! Send the text” Sage smiles at you, and puts out the rest of the joint before standing to stretch. 

You organize a text after a few tries: 

Hey Ellie! Want to come over Hiii, when do you want to watch that movie? My place, this weekend. You. me. Space movie y/n: hey ellie hope u r well! Want to watch that movie at my place this weekend?

“Okay I sent it!” you say chucking your phone away from you.

“Good job!” Sage says, giving you a thumbs up. “Now let's start getting ready!”

You shower and do your makeup in Sage’s room with the rest of the girls. Sage had the biggest space and the best lighting which made it the prime spot for your roommates to get ready together. 

Phoebe and Ivy are discussing recent events from a class they share and the drama that went down between a few students. You try your best to focus and be in the moment but each second that goes by without a response makes your heart sink. Memories of the previous weekend flash in your mind. The taste on your lips left by the auburn haired girl disappeared too soon, leaving you wanting more. You didn't want to come on too strong, too forward, worried you would scare Ellie off when you didn't even know what she wanted. You check your phone again, your message was delivered, but not read. Your heart falls a little lower.

“Hellooooooo, y/n” you tune into Olivia's voice calling to you. “You okay? You've been quiet, more than usual” 

“Hmm? ya , sorry, I'm good! I just haven't heard from Ellie all week.” You say with a shrug. You never liked putting your hurt onto others, choosing to brush it off and face it on the inside than over share. 

“Maybe she will be at the party tonight!” Ivy suggests. “Arent her and Dina roommates? And Dina is dating Jessie right? If you see them you could ask them about her?”

“Oh maybe.” The thought of that made your stomach flip. You had never talked to Dina or Jessie and you definitely didn't want to seem like a crazy lover girl. “We will see, can you pass me that eyeshadow Pheebs?”

“Here ya go babe!” Phoebe hands you a green shimmer shade that looks oddly familiar… 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hours later you and Sage are side by side facing down two of the H09 guys in a competitive game of beer pong. Sage and you are surprisingly winning and both are on a high -figuratively and literally. You were actually having a really fun time. You’ve been nursing a hard seltzer since you got there but had indulged with Sage in a few seshes. 

“OHH FUCK YA!” Sage exclaims, landing another shot in a red solo cup.

“Drink up guys!” You say, backing up your roommate's excitement.

“Oh don’t sound so excited! It's my turn next” Says a very confident resident, you think his name is Cole? 

And Cole was right. He ends up sinking each and every one of your remaining cups, securing the boys a win. They celebrate and you all exchange good games.

“Damn dude! You want to redeem ourselves?” Sage says, turning to you with fire in her eyes.

“I'm down in a sec! Gotta go to the bathroom.” You say. “I'll be right back!” 

You leave Sage and navigate through the house. You have to pass through the kitchen and a hallway to get to the bathroom. You move slowly, shifting around drunk bodies left and right. As you pass through the hallway your attention is drawn into the living room where people are dancing. Your eyes land on a familiar figure facing away from you. Tall and lean with her hair half tied up, for some reason you just knew it was Ellie, and it stopped you in your tracks. A rush went through you, she was here! She really was just busy! You start to move towards her until your eyes fall upon someone else. Ellie was talking to a girl in front of her, although you couldn't hear the conversation over the music. The girl had this look in her eye that you recognize all too well. She was swaying back and forth and just the nature of her demeanor told you she was flirting. You were confused, but unable to form a thought long enough before the girl moved her arms to wrap around Ellie’s neck pulling her closer. 

You turn away. Ears ringing, your vision tunneled, you could assume what happened next. Your feet moved without warning, your mind instantly dissociating. You left. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What the fuck get off!” Ellie says loudly, pushing off the girl's arms around her. 

“Aww come on don’t be like that El!”

“You said you wanted to buy Cat. You know we’re fucking done.”

“God, ya, my friend did. Whatever, you don't know what you're missing.” 

“Oh I know, lose my number.” 

Ellie storms away, she needs a shot, something to shed the feeling of her ex on her. She had just gotten back to Jackson a few hours ago. Having to go home for a week left many buyers dry so she had her work cut out for her at this party. She just didn’t realize her ex would be here. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Ivy! Ivy, where are you?” Sage shouts through the house, appearing in the kitchen.

“Shit Dude! right here! What?” Ivy sat on the counter, Phoebe next to her cutting limes. 

“Guys have you seen y/n? She said she was going to the bathroom but that was like twenty minutes ago!” Sage looks at her roommates worried.

“Nope, haven't seen her, maybe she just went home?” Phoebe suggests

“She usually does, I'm sure she's fine!” Ivy reassures.

“I don't know guys, she would have texted us! Oh, Ellie!” Sage catches Ellie as she comes in from a sesh in the backyard.

“Hey Sage, you want tobuy–”

“Have you seen y/n??” Sage practically yells at Ellie. 

“What? She’s here?” Ellie looks around in anticipation. You had been on her mind all week. But with other stressful matters at hand she couldn't bring herself to text you when she wasn't feeling her best. Something you two had in common. 

“I mean she was! But i can’t find her and she hasn't texted me, and-” “Wait dont you have her location?” Ivy says through a mouthful of chips

“Oh shit ya!” Sage flicks to your contact, pulling up your location which pings close by, right in…

“The forest? What the fuck is she doing in there?” Sage exclaims, turning the phone to show the girls. “Oh my god what the hell i don't even know how to get over there!” 

“Oh fuck,” Ellie says. “I know where she is.” Pheobe, Ivy and Sage all look at Ellie, with equally confused ‘you do?’ looks on their faces. “Do you know why she would be out there?”

“She might have wanted some peace? I'll go get her, I showed her the way.” Ellie says, turning to leave. She felt protective over you, she had no idea why you were out there but she knew she had to get to you.

“Want us to come?” Sage says, moving with Ellie

“Nah it's okay, I need to talk to her anyway… uh i'll text you when I find her okay?” Ellie says, reassuring Sage. 

“Okay you fucking better Williams” Sage says before letting Ellie run out the house. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cold from the concrete crept up your thighs while the liquor burned in your throat. You didn't know how long you had been out here but tears pooled stains on your jeans and a half drunk bottle of tequila kept you company. You must have grabbed it on your way out. You weren't sure, you weren’t focusing on anything right now in attempts to keep images of arms wrapped around her strong frame out of your mind. Only the sound of your sniffles and the creek beneath you rang through the forest. 

*Crack*

You instantly perked up, attention drawn. Through the buzz your mind formed a realization. You were out in these woods alone, at night, and more than under the influence. 

*crack*CRACK*

You stand up, almost tripping, straining your eyes to see in the darkness for any sign of movement. Your eyes catch light fumbling through the brush, a flashlight?

The light gets closer and you hear footsteps over the soft ground. “y/n? Are you over here?”

A voice you longed to hear, a siren in the night, it caught you off guard and you were silent for a second before speaking.

“El.. Ellie?” You say between sniffles and hiccups” 

  “Oh my god, y/n! Thank god, everyone was looking for you… hey what's wrong?” Ellie approaches you, noticing the bottle of liquor in your hands, your unstable movements and the tears drawing mascara down your cheeks. 

Arms wrap around Ellies neck in your mind, you see her kissing another girl, your heart ignites on fire. 

“No. no i'm fine. I was just leaving.” You say trying to compose yourself. You suddenly felt embarrassed of your state, not wanting Ellie to see you like this and in no mood to talk to her. You take a step forward trying to move around Ellie but end up tripping, falling right into her.

“Hey how much have you had to drink? We should get you home.” Ellie stabilizes you, then pulls your chin up so you're looking at her. “Why are you crying baby?”

You jerk your head away from her hand, the liquor fueling a wound within you that too many have deepend. “I-donneed to tell u anythin! *hiccup* Why don’t you jus go back tothe party? Just leave me be like they all do.” You turn away from her, taking another swig of liquor. 

Ellie grabs the bottle from your lips, “i don't think you need any more of that come on you're not making any sense.”

“OH i'm not making sense? What about you!?” Your last conscious brain cells form a coherent thought as everything you wanted to say comes out at once. 

“I thought you were so sweet when you brought me here and kissed me but then you didn’t talk to me all week and when i do see you you’re kissing some other girl and i don even know why i try anymore-”

“Wait, wait what” Ellie tries to slow your ramble.

“because no one actually wants to be with me-”

“Y/N!” Ellie shouts. Not angrily, more stern, but it shuts you up.

“I haven't kissed anyone tonight, what are you talking about?” Ellie looks genuinely confused, and worried at your sudden outburst. 

“Don lie! I saw you with that girl in the living room. She had her hands all over you.” You couldn't bring yourself to look her in the eyes, as tears started flowing again. 

“Oh my.. fuck..” shes says under her breath. Ellie was pissed off at her ex for causing her more problems. “Y/N, listen to me. That was my ex, she told me she wanted to buy but I should have known better. I pushed her off of me and definitely didn't kiss her. Trust me I have no intentions on getting back with her.”

Your mind takes a second to process this information, through sniffles and tears you come to realize what Ellie is saying. “Oh my god,... im so fucking stupid” you say, bending down into a small ball. Now you really just wanted to disappear. You hadn't talked to this girl for more than three days and you were already making assumptions and being heartbroken over nothing?!

“Hey no you’re not!” Ellie crouches down next to you, rubbing your back. “I'm sorry you had to see that, I wish I knew you would have been there tonight, we could have gone together.” “You could have texted me back…” you say, collecting yourself a little more.

“I know.. I know I should have. I'm sorry, I was just dealing with a lot this week and I honestly didn't expect you to be here tonight. I just wanted to sell and go home.”

You stay silent, not really knowing how to move forward with the conversation. You were uncomfortable sharing so much emotion to someone you just met but at the same time you wanted to be close to Ellie. A shiver goes down your spine, and your teeth chatter a bit as a breeze blows by.

“You cold hun? Here take my jacket” Ellie stands, removing her hoodie and putting it around you. “Why don’t we go back to the house? We could just talk and sit for a bit? Warm up?” You nod, accepting Ellies hand to help you up and guide you out of the forest. On the walk back Ellie texts Sage that she found you, letting her know she's bringing you home and staying with you for a bit.

You walk back in silence, hand in hand, tension brewing as you and Ellie both run circles in each other's minds. You unlock the door to your house and let Ellie in. Too faded to care that much you lead her up the stairs and into your room. You toss your bag and shoes in the corner, grab your blanket and wrap yourself in it before sitting on your bed, back against the wall. Facing a very awkward Ellie, standing in one place looking everywhere but you. She didn't exactly expect to be in your room tonight. 

“Can you take your shoes off?” You ask, breaking the silence. “You can also come sit over here if you want.” you pat the space on the bed next to you. 

“Ohshitya! Sorry…” Ellie says, fumbling to take her shoes and jacket off. It takes her a sec to untie her dirty converse, she slips them off, crosses the room then settles herself down next to you. You are both a jumble of nerves and anxieties colliding together as you speak over each other. 

“So-” ellie starts

“I Invited-” you say

“Oh, shit”

“No sorry- you go ahead”

Ellie takes a breath. “I'm sorry I didn't text you this week. I had to go back home, my dad got hurt and needed someone to watch over him.”

“Oh, shit is he okay?” You say, cursing yourself for thinking worse of the poor girl.

“Yeah! Yeah he’s good now, had to go to the hospital but he's feeling a lot better.” Ellie says, a smile of relief on her face.

“That's good, I'm glad to hear Ellie.” You take a moment to formulate your thoughts before continuing. “I'm sorry for being a lot… I didn't mean to scare anyone.  I just, well I wasn't thinking really..”

“Hey, it's okay.” Ellie moves to put a hand on your leg, “you're not a lot, and plus, i can handle it.” She winks at you, lightening the mood a little, allowing you to stifle a laugh.

“So does this mean you accept my movie invite?.” you ask.

“Well I'm already here huh babe?” Ellie says, rubbing circles on your thigh.

You look down at her hand. You loved it when she called you those names but you still didn't know where you were at with her. 

“Ellie?” 

“Yeah?”

“What are we?” 

A beat goes by and Ellie gives you a funny look before you realize how cringey you must have sounded.

“Oh fuck did i really just say that? God we do not have to have the "what are we" conversation, forget I said anything.” you cover your face in embarrassment. 

Ellie laughs, your embarrassment even cuter to her because of the context. “I dont know y/n what do you want us to be?”

You pause for a moment before peaking out from behind your hands. Ellie is looking at you with such a sweet expression, you can see the love in her eyes. Your ears get hot and your face gets red, forcing you back behind your arm-wall of protection. “Oh god,” you sigh at yourself for getting you into this. Which is exactly where you wanted to be really - Ellie Williams is in your BED!!! Why was it so hard to face what you wanted? 

“You know…” Ellie says. “I was going to wait until it was like an appropriate time but it seems you forced my hand” she teases. “y/n?”

“Hmmm?” you say from your cocoon

“Will you look at me, pretty girl?”

Your stomach flips and despite the heat rising in your body you will yourself to look at Ellie.

Eye contact that could last a lifetime. You flick back and forth between her eyes, taking in her whole appearance. Your room was lit with a few lamps and salt lamps casting an orange hue on the both of you. You were inches away from each other, the energy swirling between you, anticipating connection. 

 “y/n, would you like to be my girlfriend?” Ellie asks, holding her breath and searching for a response.

You blink, forcing your mind to make quick understanding of her ask.

“Girlfriend?” you say, half in shock, half making sure you heard her right.

“Girlfriend.” Ellie says, bringing her hand to your cheek.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Aw shit wait!” Ellie pauses the movie right before the opening credits start.

“Babeeee come on! What did you forget now?”

“Y/n, i am so sorry, but there is no way I can watch a movie about space without being in space.” You both laugh at her stupid joke.

“Ellie, I don't care that you’re a stoner. You just have to share! Girlfriend rules!” You say jumping up from the bed.

“My girl always smokes for free,” Ellie says, sitting on the edge of the bed, pulling you in between her legs to kiss you.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Epilogue

Falling Into Me

“I found the umbrella!” Ivy shouts into the house

“Okay I got sunscreen, towels, uhh food, water, weed hehe” Sage is standing by the door surveying the group's bags.

“We’ll start packing the cars” Phoebe says, Daniel next to her grabbing the cooler.

“y/n! Ellie! Let's go!” Olivia yells up the stairs. 

—--------------

“How do I look babe?”

“Holy shiit….” Ellie turns around to look at you modeling a new bathing suit. You’re in your room, the sun illuminating your frame and dancing in Ellie's eyes. “I need you… like right now”

You hear Olivia call up the stairs. “Well you gotta wait, you'll just have to eye fuck me all day.” you say with a giggle. The way that Ellie appreciates you in every way has made your confidence skyrocket. You had come out of your shell to her more in the past two months than you have with anyone. It wasn't surprising though. Sage had said with the way that you two look at eachother, it's like you had been searching your whole lives and finally found each other.  

“Fuck youre such a tease” Ellie says grabbing at you with needy hands and soft kisses on your neck.

“Mmm common Ellie we gotta go-AA!” You feel sharp fangs in place of her kisses. Ellie bites you a little harder than she thought, pulling away with the goofiest grin, looking so proud of herself. 

“Did you just put your canine teeth in the side of my neck!?” You ask, looking at her in shock.

“Yep!” Ellie says, still smiling, she grabs your chin and tilts your head so she can see her dirty work. “Oh shit..” Ellies face turns to shock as she tries not to laugh, amused with herself.

“Babe.. whaaat” You say, releasing from her grasp and going over to your mirror. There on the side of your neck you see small indents in your skin from where she bit you. In the same reflection you see Ellie behind you, unable to control her laughter now at the situation. 

“I marked you babe!” She laughs, standing in the sunlight, wearing a pair of swim trunks, an old t-shirt, bucket hat and crocks. Summer had come fast bringing heat and passion as your relationship with Ellie bloomed. 

You stood there half in shock, half in awe at your life now. Looking at the girl you were so happy to call yours. Memories of the past two months cycled through your mind. Your late night movie dates, studying in the cafe together, sitting at what you now consider ‘our spot’ in the woods, talking endlessly with each other. You turn back to your girl, lunging playfully at her, falling into her.

“You come here now! I have to mark you too!”

------------------------------------------------------------------------

taglist: @vqxen @bready101 @sourgummywormsss @a-little-bit-of-everybody @shewantstoknow @liasxeatt @onlinelesbo

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Hi darling!~ (I'll immediately stop calling you that if you don't like it/don't feel comfortable lol) Lately your girlies been obsessing over the song 'Older' by Isabel LaRosa that's been going BADSHIT popular on tiktok so I thought I'd spill some thoughts~

Teacher!Vil X Yandere(ish)!Student!Yuu

Summary : Yuu who grew up with a bad father and gained heavy daddy issues gets attached to her teacher after he starts giving her the fatherly love and care she never got, always being nice and checking up on her. at first it's a simple silly crush on her teacher but after time it blooms into an obsession where she starts lusting after him and craves constant validation from him. In her eyes he's the perfect guy, he's older and has more experience, he could never treat her wrong. even though he may be colder from time to time she believes he has a soft spot for her. Poor Yuu when the teacher who she fell so madly inlove with doesn't return her feelings and begins distancing himself from her.... Or will he?..

(Your ending <3)

Surprise me sweetheart ♡

-Prev. 🥀🦋 / Now 🎋🪭

I really like that song, might become my newest obsession... 🖤🖤🖤🖤

Yandere Teacher Vil Schoenheit x Obsessed Student Reader 

Vil definitely has that aura of an unbiased but caring mentor much like Crewel. He’s confident and quaint, praising you in any capacity thrills most who receive it. Granted it’s sprinkled with underlying insults and a general lack of faith. But for someone like you, who can barely get your own father to even look at you it means so much more:

So of course you’ll obsess over him 

Putting him on a pedestal you’re willing to do anything for 

Study and pass his class

Tell on all the naughty potatoes in class

Even framing the professor he’s wanted gone since the beginning

“Well done.”

“R-really?”

“Yes, I’m quite pleased you’ve proven to be more helpful than the other useless potatoes.”

“T-thank you M-Mister Vil!”

He doesn’t stop you or even act like he doesn’t reciprocate

A few light touches

A kiss or two

A nibble of the ear

Your friends warn you  when they realize the love of your life is the degrading teacher of etiquette 

“This isn’t a good idea…(Y/n) he’s like much older than you.”

“So? That just means he has experience!”

“He’s thinking about retirement!”

“Early retirement!”

“Nooo!”

Nothing really stops you from your newfound love 

That is until he crashes the illusion himself 

“Oh~Roi du Poison, don’t tell me you’ve fallen for the misguided doe?”

“Please, they’re just a tool I’m sharpening. A potato I’ve decided is worth polishing…for the time being.”

It destroys you

What meaning of life is there if he doesn’t even care about yours

You stop showing up to school

You won’t leave your room

“Where is (L/n)?”

“Pft wouldn’t you like to know!”

“We’re not telling you. You don’t deserve to even speak to them.”

“Fine if that’s how it’s going to be, I’ll give your regards to them.”

“What?!” “Wait!” 

Unbeknownst to you Vil is very much in love with you 

But what did you expect?!

That he’d admit to actually being just as obsessed if not more so than you

He figured the best way to keep you close enough was by taking advantage of your emotional flaw

And while he wasn’t wrong, 

he realized the way it’s been going is all too risky

Nosy obstacles friends of yours, suspicious coworkers, gossiping potatoes

It’s just too risky so he’ll promptly resign putting time and energy into his former hobby

Taking the world by storm he’ll disappear

Giving you the so-called space you want so badly

But he’ll be watching

Watching as you mend yourself together only to fall apart again with every new tragedy

Your grades suspiciously slip

Your house is going to be foreclosed

Your father disappears one evening becoming a missing person’s case

And finally, your dear poor friends suddenly die

Catching some sickness after investigating something they refused to tell you about in  the forest

It’s there, where you’ve graduated and are at your lowest once again that he makes his move

“It’s been a while, (L/n).”

He’ll skew the events that day claiming the doe was someone else or that it was all a cover

And like that, he’ll slither back into your heart with his leash fully keeping you within his grasp

“For all that trouble, (Y/n) you’re irrevocably mine.”

[cyberkitty1]

Ken sato brainrot is real and im here for that, i saw that request are open, and i want to make one if thats okay? Bassically hcs o of kenji with a high school friend reader that is a very shy/meek person, they where inseparable as kids and kenji was always very protective of reader, even in their high school years when reader started dating a very cuestionable guy that ended up being a cheater with her toxic ex best friend(that send her a lot of hatefull texts and calls with threats and slut shaming comments bc she wanted to date her boyfriend), due this reader moved on to japan when she and kenji where teenagers and they keep contact by texts and zoom calls.

When kenji comes to japan is determinate to make reader officially his girl, it can include headcanons of them as a couple!

If this is to much you are free to not do this request! I dont wanna bother you

hey babes! not too much at all!! i havnt been active at all lately and quite frankly i don’t want to work on my long fic so this will be my break! ^^ and sorry i did tweak it a little im sorry 😞

warning: lowercase intended, slightly proofread!

- your moms were great friends and throughout their pregnancies hung out with each other day in and day out.

- he was older by about 2-3 months. from the moment you were born you guys could not be taken apart. you bathed together, ate together, took naps together when i say everything i mean everything! you both urged to have birthdays together at some point.

- you both had so much love for either obviously not in a romantic way, but in a way that just being in eachothers presence is enough.

- once he knew he wanted to do baseball you’d practice with him for fun, granted he was lightyears ahead of you in technique he still likes tossing it back and forth and talking about drama in your classes.

- as you both got older you did find out your interests but that didn’t tarnish your relationship considering you had multiple classes together plus lunch plus going to and from school together.

- that is until you get a boyfriend. one of kens teammates. he was notorious for being with half the girls in your grade. you had a very small friend group but you knew who he was, but alas you still fell for him. 

- you were together for about 4 months ken felt as if it were an eternity, time and time again he tells you his dating history and each time you’d hush him giving him and give horrible excuses.

- things were going ok up until you saw him acting a bit different, you weren’t one to meddle in others business but you knew he was hiding something. you check his phone and see a plethora of text messages and call logs of him and another girl he told you at the beginning “not to worry about”.

- the only person you could think of to offer you comfort is ken. walking if not running to his house a little under a mile away. he answers the door seeing you in your disheveled state and already knows what has happened.

- he could only hug you and listen to you sob. after about an hour you explain and he listens using tissues to get your tears and letting you blow your nose. you ended up staying the night having his mom call yours and let her know.

- by the next day you were feeling better but your eyes were so swollen your parents let you stay home, of course ken begged his parents to let him stay as well but he did have a test and practice so they ultimately refused.

- of course after ending all his tasks he made his way to your house to see you, you were still sad but a weight felt lifted off your shoulders. he was able to distract you further making you forget what you were sad about in the first place.

- once you were done with highschool you both move on to bigger and better things him continuing to pursue baseball and you going into nursing. at this point it’s the only thing you’re putting your energy into considering you lost contact with all friends in high school.

- but in college you were still working in groups with others so you didn’t mind too much and while you were living your life obviously he was too, getting scouted and making his dream team honestly doing everything he had wanted to do.

- another time skip, you’ve graduated officially but getting your doctorate is in the picture. he’s still doing baseball, you guys dont really talk anymore and he really really doesn’t like it. but he doesn’t know what to do, how to fix it. he really misses how things were and deeply loves you and can only reminisce on everything that you guys have done together.

- that is until after a battle he ends up at your doorstep not battered but still a bit hurt, all he could do during the fight was think of you, this was his breaking point.

PART 2

AYYYY 2 IN 1 DAY

AHHHH STORY TIME NEXT POST IS LIKE STORY PORTION

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman-Part 31

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternative Universe : Military School

Words : 5k

Masterlist

———————————————————————

Wednesday, January 6th, 2:45 PM - Class

Three days since classes resumed. Nothing much has changed for now. The only difference is that I can finally go back to the common room after class. My exams are finally over, and I've caught up on all my classes. It’s nice to be able to hang out with my friends again, especially Alexia since we'll soon be in different classes if all goes well. We should receive our responses to our choices tomorrow. The class council meeting will take place in a few hours. Yet the teachers haven't become any less annoying at the end of this semester. I'm relieved when the bell rings, signaling the end of our last class. Ale and I walk out with smiles on our faces. I received my last grade today, and let’s just say I aced it all.

"Hey, Bronze!" I shout when I see her in the hallway.

I apologize to Alexia, telling her not to wait for me, then walk over to meet my advisor, who's pinning up posters on a notice board. Apart from the morning checks, we've barely seen each other since classes started again. She's been less on my back, but I can tell she's still watching me from the shadows ever since I told her about Feli.

"Ona. How can I help you?"

I show her my math paper, proudly displaying a red fifteen. She congratulates me before continuing her work, without giving me much more attention. She’s distant. It's like she resents me for hiding Feli's intentions from her. I hate it when she makes me regret things. She should know that this situation already affects me enough without her adding her two cents.

"Can I ask you something?" 

"Help me, then, if you're going to stick around."

I nod and hold the poster for her while she tapes it up. She pauses for a moment to take a look.

"So? What did you want to ask me?"

"I wanted to know if you could buy me a new phone? Or at least come with me to get one this weekend? Ever since mine broke, I haven’t been able to contact anyone."

"No."

My smile fades at her refusal, catching me off guard. I was expecting there wouldn’t be any problem. I hadn’t even prepared to convince her otherwise.

"What do you mean, no?"

"The answer is no. You won't be getting a new phone."

"But why? You already keep me here, and I'm getting tired of having to bother Ale every time I need to borrow hers."

"I said no, Ona. Don’t insist."

"But, but..." I stammer desperately. "You’re cutting me off from the world!"

I let go of the poster to face her. It falls to the ground since it was only attached on one side. Lucy sighs in frustration at the mess I made. It probably got torn, but that's the least of my worries right now.

"Pick it up, please."

I squint at her, but her stern gaze wins by a long shot. I give in and pick it up. I put it back in place so she can fix my mistake. I only let go once it's properly secured this time, then cross my arms, waiting for her response before continuing to help her.

"I don't see why you'd say no."

"And I don't see why you're reacting like this. You’re acting like a spoiled child."

"Yeah, well, I don’t like it when you tell me no."

"Someone has to, so you understand that not everything is a given."

I puff out my cheeks under her amused look. 1-0 for her. I finally sigh when she gives me a small hug and hands me a new poster.

"Come on, stop acting like a child. I’m doing this for your own good."

"I don't see how," I mutter.

"You don't see why?" she raises an eyebrow.

"No, I don't. How is refusing me a new phone for my own good?"

"Well, for starters, your ex is a dangerous psychopath. Does that answer your question?"

"That’s not a reason," I complain in a displeased whine.

"It is. By now, she’s probably still harassing your number, so if you want a new phone, you’ll need to change your number first."

I'm so tired of her always being right. I didn’t dare put my SIM card in Alexia’s phone for that exact reason. I didn’t want to face her messages and calls.

"Fine..." I concede, facing the facts.

"I can help you sort this out, but in the meantime, you’ll have to make do with Alexia’s phone or mine if you really need to contact someone."

I feel ashamed for thinking she just wanted to stop me from communicating. She only wants to make sure Feli can’t find me. She’s redoing all the steps my mother took a year and a half ago.

"I’m sorry..."

She smiles, ruffling my hair in response. I help her hang the last poster, and she picks up the old ones she left on the floor before we head down the stairs.

"The steps are going to be complicated... My mom usually handles that kind of thing since she pays for my plan. I have no idea how to do it."

"I figured. That’s why I’m offering to do it together since you’ll need to call her."

"Are you serious?"

"You want a phone, don’t you?"

I groan, already knowing what her next answer will be. How am I going to ask my mom to change my SIM card without explaining the situation? I didn’t want her to know. I need to prove to her that I can handle things without her intervening in my life.

"Luce?"

"I already told you not to call me that here, Ona," she scolds.

"Sorry... But... Do you think I’ll have to tell my mom about... Feli and all that?"

"I won’t force you to tell her if you don’t want to, but she’ll need an explanation. As a mother, I’d want to know about this kind of thing with my kids. But I know you’re not on good terms with her, so it’s up to you."

"I’ve been wanting to switch to another mobile phone plan for a while. This could be a good opportunity to negotiate."

"Then you just have to come up with a believable excuse," she says, stopping in the hall. "In the meantime, you’ll have to wait. By the way, you’ll need to give me your phone. Or I’ll come to your room tonight instead. I want to destroy your SIM card."

"Okay... Do you think the stolen phone excuse will work?"

"Maybe," she shrugs. "Now, can I get back to work?"

"Can I stay with you?"

"Now that you’re rid of me, you want to stick around?" she laughs.

"I never wanted to get rid of you," I say, following her to her office. "Well..."

I turn around and walk backward. I return her smile when we face each other.

"Maybe that was the case at first. But it’s not anymore!"

Unexpectedly, Lucy grabs my arm. She must have underestimated her strength because I find myself pressed against her. She takes a step back, apologizing. I frown when I realize the apology isn’t directed at me.

"My apologies, Mrs. Wiegman. She’s a bit scatterbrained when she wants to be."

I widen my eyes, realizing who’s behind me. I slowly turn around to indeed see the principal I almost ran into. Luckily, she said her name, or I would have made a fool of myself. This time I would’ve gotten scolded by Wiegman herself.

"No worries, it’s more fear than harm. Did Ona cause any trouble again?"

"Oh, no, no. She just told me she lost her phone. We’re going to call her mom to have it blocked."

"Did it get stolen here?" she asks me.

"Uh, no. It happened outside the camp... I haven’t had time to tell Bronze," I lie.

"Oh. Will you take care of it, Miss Bronze?"

"Of course. That was my intention."

"Good, I must go. I have a class council meeting to attend. Yours, in fact," she informs me.

"Oh..." I murmur, feeling uneasy.

"Good evening."

She continues on her way to the stairs. I feel Lucy’s hand on my lower back, urging me to move forward. That was a close call. I enter her office, which is empty. Lucy drops the posters she was still holding into a bin and sits behind her desk.

"Is Ingrid not here today?"

"She is, just not here."

"Okay," I reply, sitting across from her. "Why did you say that to Wiegman? Are you really going to call my mom?"

"Of course not," she laughs. "I don’t even have her contact info. I just didn’t want her to know you’re staying in my office for fun."

"Hum..." I mutter, resting my head in my hands. "Hey, I’ve had a question on my mind for a while."

"Hum?"

"Why did you take it so badly that Jenni and-"

We’re interrupted by a noise at the door. We both look toward it, and I’m surprised to see Alessia there. She seems just as surprised as I am. My advisor breaks our eye contact by inviting her in. She hands her a paper about a student who apparently went to the infirmary, if I understood correctly. Lucy needs to sign it to acknowledge that the student won’t be returning to class.

"Aren’t you with the others?" she asks me.

"No," I reply simply.

"Are you going to join them?"

"I don’t know, maybe," I shrug.

"My office isn’t a tea room," Lucy says harshly, handing back the paper.

"Sorry," Alessia replies. "Thanks for signing the paper."

"Hum. Now get back to class."

Alessia nods, giving me one last look. She says, "See you later," before leaving the room for good. I follow her with my eyes before turning back to Lucy. She rolls her eyes, making me chuckle.

"She really doesn’t leave you alone, does she? What was that New Year's thing with her?" she asks.

"Mapi wanted to prove to me that she’s got me in her sights, if you know what I mean. She stuck to me all night to make her jealous."

"Well, it seems like she succeeded, given the way she’s eyeing you."

"You should’ve seen, she got wasted before midnight," I sigh.

"And does she interest you?"

"No. I found her nice, but much less so since we disagreed on a subject. And besides, she’s not my type. Even if she was, I don’t want to get into a relationship right now. As you said yourself, I have a dangerous ex-psychopath."

"That doesn’t stop you from having a new relationship. Maybe not with Alessia, but with someone else in your life could help you move on."

"Drop it," I mutter. "I don’t want to talk about it."

I avoid the conversation by burying my head in my arms. I hear her sigh, but it seems she drops the subject, getting back to work based on the noises I hear. I wait a few more minutes to make sure before lifting my head from my hiding place. I smile when I see she’s wearing her glasses. I love seeing her with them; she wears them so well.

"I can understand that you had a disastrous relationship, but to the point of not wanting another one..."

And she’s back at it. I roll my eyes in exasperation.

"I’m not ready, that’s all. I understand that everyone’s different, but I can’t. There are still too many scars."

"Okay, no need to take it like that," she rolls her eyes in turn. "I won’t insist on the subject anymore."

She finally goes silent, much to my relief. I continue to watch her, or rather, admire her as she works. I have to admit, she has a lot of charisma. Our silence reminds me that I didn’t get to finish my question about my roommate’s relationship. That’ll have to wait for another time. Since she decided to stop talking, I rest my head in my arms and enjoy the quiet to relax.

Wednesday, January 6th; 6:15 PM - Instructor's Office.

I groan as tremors take over my body. I gradually emerge, remembering where I am. I sit up and rub my eyes, catching Lucy's smug smile.

- "About time."

- "What time is it?" I murmur sleepily.

- "Quarter past six."

- "What?" I exclaim, fully awake now. "You let me sleep? For two hours?"

- "Actually, you left me talking to thin air for a while. I realized at some point that you’d fallen asleep, so I decided to let you be. You looked like you needed it."

- "You should’ve woken me up earlier! I wanted to join the others!" I grumble.

- "Well, you'll spend time with them tomorrow."

I sigh, stretching to chase away the stiffness in my body from the nap. Lucy mocks me.

- "Come here."

Without thinking, I lean over the desk. My reflex is to pull back when I see her hands approach my face. She chuckles.

- "Come on, I just want to clean up your smudged makeup."

I lean forward again, understanding her intent. I roll my eyes as she wipes under them with her thumbs.

- "There, all done," she smiles.

- "Thanks, and thanks for letting me sleep," I say, slumping back against the chair.

- "You’re welcome. I knew it would do you some good."

- "If you say so," I reply playfully, rolling my eyes. "Any news from the class council?"

- "No, sorry. And even if I did, you'd have to wait until tomorrow, like everyone else."

- "You’re mean," I pout.

- "Patience. I’m sure you’ll know more by tomorrow morning."

- "I hope so. Weren't you supposed to attend?"

- "No, it's just for the teachers and the principal in this kind of meeting."

- "I didn’t know that."

- "You couldn’t have known," she smiles. "Anyway, didn’t you want to meet up with your friends?"

- "At this hour, I’ll just join them at the cafeteria."

- "Alright. So can we talk about the insomnia you mentioned on New Year's? I doubt your little nap was a coincidence."

- "On second thought… Maybe I’ll go meet the others..."

- "Too late, your chance to escape is gone," she teases.

She’s only half-joking, as I know she won’t let me go now. Why does she have to remember everything?

- "They persist, but I’m managing," I say honestly.

- "I thought I told you to talk to me if that was the case," she frowns.

- "I’ll tell you if it gets worse."

- "So it could get worse?"

Clearly, I tend to speak too quickly with her. She manages to get me to talk so naturally. I’ll have to learn to watch my words if I don’t want her to know too much.

- "A few weeks before starting school, I had nightmares. I’d wake up in the middle of the night, and it’s starting to happen again. They’re not as bad right now, but they could become more intense."

- "See, this is exactly the kind of thing you should talk to me about more often."

- "I’m sorry," I sigh. "There was a time when I wasn’t having them anymore… I didn’t think they’d come back."

- "Do you want to talk to me about these nightmares?"

- "No. They’re about my past... It’s nothing important," I lie.

- "Hmm," she responds skeptically. "And what’s the worst consequence you’ve had so far?"

- "A panic attack, I guess. The nightmares feel so real that they make me panic," I admit in a whisper.

She sighs, running a hand over her face. I bite my lip, thinking I probably should have told her as soon as they returned. I wanted to avoid worrying her over something so minor while I was still in Barcelona. I had hoped to solve the problem before coming back, but that wasn’t the case. Seeing Feli again must be the cause. I’m angry at myself for not being able to shake it off. I had managed to get rid of it before coming here.

- "Alright. If it gets worse, I want you to tell me as soon as possible, and if you have a panic attack, I want to be notified. Is that clear?"

I nod, not daring to argue. Her tone leaves no room for disobedience.

- "I’ll also inform the night supervisors on your floor."

Great... Now I’ll have to be even more discreet than before. Well, at least they’ll be warned if something more serious happens. I don’t think it will, but you never know. I’d hate to disturb Lucy in the middle of the night. I’m already bothered just by the thought of possibly waking up Alexia if I’m not careful.

- "Alright, I’m done with my work. We can head to the cafeteria together if you want."

- "Yeah."

- "No homework for tomorrow?"

- "No. Our teachers aren’t giving us anything since we change classes next week."

- "Oh right, silly me."

- "By the way, um..." I begin hesitantly. "Can you help me with that? Well, not really help, but supervise me or something like that. I was more serious when you were helping me, and I might slack off if you’re not on my case anymore..."

I feel embarrassed seeing her raise an eyebrow. I don’t like asking for this kind of thing, so I sink into my chair as if it would make me disappear. A refusal from her would be utterly humiliating. Finally, she gives me a silly smile.

- "You’re going to end up on the floor if you keep sinking like that."

- "Oh, shut up," I say, sitting up straight. "I’m not used to asking for this kind of thing. I’ve always managed on my own until now."

- "Oh, but I didn’t say anything," she smiles a bit more.

- "But you’re thinking it really loudly!"

- "Here, after your classes. You can manage your time based on how much homework you have. Does that work for you?"

- "Really?"

- "Yes, of course. But I won’t be able to help you as much as before. I’ll only step in if it’s absolutely necessary. Don’t forget that I have a job too."

- "No worries. I just need your supervision to stay motivated."

- "I know," she smiles. "We’ll start when you switch classes and all that."

- "Yep, that works for me."

- "Good," she says, closing her binder. "Now, how about we go eat? I’m hungry."

I nod enthusiastically. She puts away her binder while I grab my jacket and bag. The building is empty at this hour. She locks the main door behind us. It’s pitch black and still freezing outside. I tighten my jacket as I see snowflakes clinging to the ground.

- "Does it ever stop snowing here?" I complain.

- "I think we’ll have it for a little while longer," she laughs.

- "How do you handle it, coming from Portugal too?"

- "Well, you get used to it, and I don’t complain as much as you," she teases.

I sigh and cross my arms to preserve my warmth. She’s probably right. Lucy complains less than I do. We reach the cafeteria, where she waits with me at the entrance after I tell her I see my friends coming from a distance.

- "Still good for this weekend?"

- "Of course, if you’re still up for it. It’s your only way out of school anyway, since I’m not letting you go home."

- "So I can crash at your place in return?"

- "I never said that. I said a weekend, not multiple."

- "You’re forbidding me from going home. You owe me at least that."

- "I don’t owe you anything," she laughs. "I’m doing this for you," she adds with a wink.

- "Yeah, right."

I turn around when I hear the door open with a rather noisy group. Bingo, it’s my friends.

- "Well, enjoy your meal."

- "Thanks, you too," I wish her.

We exchange a smile before she leaves with Ingrid, who arrived shortly after my friends entered. Everyone heads to the dining hall except Alexia, who comes over to me.

- "So, what were you doing after class?"

- "I was with Bronze for a bit. I wanted to join you all after, but I fell asleep at her desk," I admit.

- "Bravo," she teases.

Alexia is in the best position to know that I’m running on short nights. I had to tell her. I could have hidden it, but I wanted to avoid scaring her by going to the bathroom in the middle of the night. That’s where I need to go to pull myself together. Given my clumsiness, I’d probably wake her up by accident while doing so. It hasn’t happened yet, but stealth isn’t my strong suit. For example, on the first night, I bumped into my desk. Last night, I stubbed my little toe on the bed frame... I’m already dreading what will happen tonight.

We arrive at our table with our trays full. I start eating while they tell me about what I missed after class. It doesn’t seem like much since they didn’t do much except play foosball. Everyone is here tonight, which is quite rare. At least, that's what I thought until I noticed someone was missing.

- "Isn't your sister eating with us tonight?" I asked Leah.

- "Nah, she told me she's eating with her friends. Why?"

- "Just curious. I saw her this afternoon, so I expected to see her with you guys."

- "Oh yeah? Where was that?"

I explained to her what happened in Lucy's office. Based on what she told me, I thought she'd be here. I hope she didn't take it badly that Lucy kicked her out of her office. I didn't really understand why Lucy acted that way. Since the topic of Alessia was brought up, Alexia took the opportunity to question Leah about me to see if she knew anything. I quickly kicked her under the table, not particularly wanting to discuss such matters in front of everyone. It didn't convince Alexia, though, who seemed determined to find out more.

- "I have no idea," she replied. "We don't meddle in each other's relationships. Why, are you interested?"

The question caught me off guard. We had never discussed this kind of thing together before. She didn't seem to mean any harm, judging by the smile on her face.

- "Oh no, not really," I replied, smiling back. "I just like her as a friend, that's all. It's just that Ale and Mapi have been fixated on this since New Year's, so she couldn't resist asking you."

- "What's your type, anyway?" Alba asked.

- "I don't have any particular preference. I suppose brunettes, since all my exes were. But I don't just judge by appearance."

- "Speaking of brunettes..."

I furrowed my brows at Claudia's insinuation. I quickly understood what she meant when I jumped at the feeling of a hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see my supervisor's green eyes staring back at me. Since I was facing away from their table today, I didn't see her approach.

- "Don't you get tired of scaring me all the time?"

- "It's not my fault you get startled so easily," she smiled. "When are you heading back to your room?"

- "Probably after dinner," I shrugged. "Why?"

- "Aren't you going to the common room first?"

- "I don't think so," I said, briefly glancing at Ale for confirmation.

- "I'll stop by after eight to fix your phone problem."

- "I can handle it myself, you know."

- "No. I said I'd take care of it. See you later."

I groaned as she ruffled my hair before walking away. I watched her until she left the room. When I looked back at the table, I noticed everyone was staring at me.

- "What?"

- "What's this phone problem?" Patri asked.

- "My phone's dead. I threw it in a fit of anger."

- "Do you want us to take a look at it?" Claudia offered. "Maybe we can fix it?"

- "I don't think so. It's in pieces, so I doubt you could do much, but thanks for offering."

- "Whatever you say."

- "Come on, finish your meal. The last thing we need is Bronze getting on our case for being late."

- "Relax," I teased. "If she takes it out on anyone, it'll be me, not you."

I finished my meal, as I was one of the last ones eating. It was clear the issue between Ale and Lucy was far from resolved. It seemed like she was trying to make a good impression at every opportunity. I really need to talk to Lucy about it. Once we all finished, we headed back to our rooms just before eight. No one felt like going to the common room. We made it back in time, as Lucy arrived a few minutes later. For the first time, she sat next to me on the bed instead of taking my desk chair. She got straight to the point, asking for my phone. She started working on it while asking Alexia if she had a good day. Alexia seemed too surprised to respond properly, which made me smile. She was so thrown off that she excused herself to go take a shower.

- "Are you really going to destroy it?" I asked when I saw her remove the SIM card.

- "I'm going to put it in my phone first. Do you have something to write with nearby?"

- "For what?"

- "To save important numbers, like Mapi's, for example."

I nodded and went to get some paper and a pen. By the time I returned, she had already inserted the SIM card into her phone. She handed it to me so I could enter my passcode to unlock it. Lucy looked over my shoulder as notifications flooded the screen. I bit my lip at the many missed calls and unread messages. Most were from unknown numbers. The rest were from Mapi, worried about not hearing from me.

- "Can I read them?" she asked.

I nodded and handed it back to her. I had nothing to hide and preferred she read them herself rather than me. Curiosity got the better of me, though, and I noticed she started with Mapi's messages. One message in particular caught my attention. I panicked and tried to grab the phone from her, but Lucy held me off.

- "No, please! Don't read that nonsense!"

I nearly crushed her, but she managed to pin my hand behind her back and wrapped her arm around my neck. My free hand tried to reach the phone, but it was a lost cause as she stretched her arm out of reach.

- "'Sexy Commander took away your phone?'" she read, raising an eyebrow. "What's with that nickname?" she laughed. "I assume she's talking about me?"

I stopped struggling now that she had read the one thing I didn't want her to. She looked at me amusedly, waiting for an answer.

- "It's just a Mapi thing. I already told her to stop, but you know how she is; once she starts something, it's a lost cause."

- "Hmm," she smiled. "You'll have to explain the origin of that nickname one day. I imagine it's not new."

- "You don't need to know everything in life."

- "But I want to know," she challenged.

- "I think we have more important things to do, don't we?"

- "You're right, but you won't get away with it," she teased. "Let's check the other messages."

She released her hold on me so I could sit properly next to her. Most of the messages were from unknown numbers. It couldn't be Feli's since I blocked her. But the content of the messages made it clear it was her. They were full of apologies or "let me talk to you." Some even contained the violence and anger of being ignored. I eventually stopped reading, but Lucy kept going until the end. She said nothing before telling me to grab something to write with. I listened as she started dictating the numbers I needed. I didn't save many. The first ones I took were Mapi's, Sam's, and Lucy's. I also kept the numbers of my high school friends I reconnected with, as well as my mom's, the house's, and Marcus's. Since the SIM card would be destroyed, I might as well keep them. She turned off her phone, removed the SIM card, and unceremoniously broke it. She folded it several times until it snapped in two. I wasn't sure what I was feeling at that moment.

- "Are you okay?"

- "Yeah... Thanks for doing all this."

- "If you need to communicate, you can come see me, and I'll lend you my phone."

I nodded, biting my lip. She raised her arm, inviting me to snuggle against her. I sighed as she stroked my hair to help me relax. I'll never understand why she gets so involved in my problems, but I'm really glad she does. From the beginning, she said she wouldn't let me go, and she wasn't lying. I'm developing a real affection for her, and it's growing stronger every day. I moved away from her when Alexia interrupted us by coming out of the bathroom. She doesn't know the extent of our relationship. Plus, since I know things aren't going well between them, I don't want her to know about us.

- "Alexia?" my supervisor called.

- "Yes?"

- "If one night things get really bad for Ona, I want to be notified. You'll tell the instructor in charge of surveillance."

- "I can handle myself just fine," I retorted.

- "Be quiet; I'm not talking to you," she scolded me harshly. "I know you won't tell me. Can I count on you, Alexia?" she asked.

- "Yes, of course."

- "Good. I'm going back to my room now that everything's settled. Good night, girls."

- "Good night," Ale and I replied.

She closed the door behind her. I sighed and collapsed onto the bed. My break was short-lived, as I still needed to shower before crawling under the sheets.

Thursday, January 7th; 3:30 AM - Ona and Alexia's Room

I woke up to persistent shaking. I was completely disoriented. I looked around to get my bearings. I felt like I was suffocating, like I couldn't breathe. I realized what was happening when I saw Alexia's panicked face. She forced me to look at her by gripping my head between her hands. I felt sticky and tried to catch my breath as best I could.

- "Hey Ona! It's just me, calm down. Do you want me to call someone?

I shake my head slowly. I don’t want to disturb anyone else. I have no idea what just happened, but my condition doesn’t look good. Alexia nervously bites her lip. She doesn’t seem to agree with me.

- "I need to inform Bronze... She was clear about her orders..."

- "No," I almost shout. "It’s fine, I promise... D-don’t wake her for nothing."

- "Ona... It took me ten minutes to wake you up... You were really panicked, and you were almost screaming in your sleep. She made me promise to inform her... I don’t want to get on her bad side more than I already am! She’s my boyfriend’s best friend," she adds dramatically.

- "D-don’t call her," I insist. "I’ll deal with her when the time comes. I-I, it’ll be okay. You can go back to sleep."

- "No way. You were having a panic attack, weren’t you?"

I sigh and get out of bed. Alexia remains sitting while I search for a new pajama set in my wardrobe. She watches me until I’m in the bathroom. I change because my pajamas are soaked with sweat. I sigh as I lean against the sink. When I open my eyes, I see my roommate watching me intently from the doorway. She looks really worried, which only makes things worse.

- "I’m fine."

- "Don’t lie to me. Who’s Feli? You kept saying her name, telling her to stop."

- "Please keep this to yourself."

- "If you don’t tell me, I’ll find Bronze right now."

- "She’s my ex, nothing more," I concede. "And stop being afraid of her. She’s not that scary once you get to know her a little."

- "I didn’t know you were that close to her..."

I let out yet another sigh as I splash water on my face to clear my head. I then dry my face.

- "That’s not the case," I say, leaning against the sink.

- "I’m sure she knows more about this than I do. Am I wrong? You could have talked to me, you know. I wouldn’t judge you for being close to an instructor!"

- "Ale... It’s not like that. She’s just helping me get better, that’s all."

- "Should I go look for her?"

- "No, I’m fine."

- "You’ll talk to her about it tomorrow, then."

I groan but nod to appease her. I don’t plan to do it, but at least she’ll leave me alone. We leave the bathroom and return to our respective beds. Alexia quickly falls back asleep. As for me, I try not to think about my nightmare, which keeps replaying in my mind. I just had my first panic attack, and I wasn’t even awake. It’s the first time it’s happened to me. I hope it’s the last because I really don’t want to involve Lucy in this. She’s already taken enough care of me during the day, and I don’t want to disturb her during her sleep. I eventually manage to drift back to sleep a few minutes later.

[monachopsis-11]

The infantilization of having restricted eating is crazy, I get treated like a kid on a regular basis by people who were treating me normal five seconds earlier just because of my sandwich order.

I have sat at a restaurant meeting while I was a hostess where all my coworkers laughed at how plain the food on the kids menu was and how kids had no taste and they were so glad they weren’t like that anymore. At the same job people questioned my orders when I got food at the end of a shift saying it was barely even the same thing anymore and wouldn’t I like something else? If I had wanted something else I would have asked for it, you don’t need to double check and use baby voice with me I’m fully capable of deciding what I eat.

I get judgmental looks and questions from people who take my food orders in public more and more often as I get older and it’s less socially acceptable for me to say no vegetables on things without being treated like a spoiled child who’s inconveniencing them. People look at me in surprise and ask if they heard right, scoff, roll their eyes etc. on a pretty regular basis.

When I need to send back food after someone makes a mistake on my order and I can’t eat it my family acts like they’re embarrassed of me and sometimes when I’m not paying they refuse to let me. I will go hungry every time and have been made to often as well.

For years school trips and meals with other peoples families were a terrifying ordeal and still give me anxiety. I was denied desert and sometimes the meal as a whole for not eating even though I asked what was being made ahead of time so I knew if I should eat before hand or bring something else and even knowing this people ignored it and changed meal plans to try and pressure me into eating more variety.

The worst part of all of this is that I wish I could eat everything other people can but sometimes the smell or look of food I don’t like on someone else’s plate is enough to make me feel sick, the thought of putting it in my mouth for any reason is unimaginable.

And maybe the whole “they’ll eat if they’re hungry enough” thing works at a certain point but I lived off beef jerky, raisins, and half a bagel for four days on a school trip where no one bothered to accommodate my eating restrictions and I would’ve gone much longer before eating what was offered.

I had a teacher who kept me in for six recesses in a row over me not trying a bite of food we cooked in class in third grade purely because they were annoyed and took it on themself to step into something that wasn’t their business.

I regularly get guilted and called out on my unhealthy diet and it hurts because I would do anything to be able to eat more foods, I hope that maybe I will in the future, but right now it’s not an option. I’m hoping if I find a good smoothie recipe I can get more fruits and vegetables in my diet but even then I won’t ever be in a position to just eat what is served and I shouldn’t have to endure judging and being treated like a child by random strangers who have no business in what I want the food I’m paying for to have on it.

It’s valid for adults to have restricted eating too, it doesn’t make us children, and it’s not a moral failing. It’s also not anyone else’s business.

[caszzine]

I’M EVERYWHERE, I’M SO JULIA!

a/n: okay so!! writing this bc of brat challenge on lottie’s discord server😛😛 it was pretty fun to write this this, sorry if it sucks🔥

warnings: modern!au; reader is afab; reader and ellie are in a illegal rave, not much is happening there; reader and ellie ALMOST make out; mention of exams, drugs, alcohol and police; no use of y/n; not proofread (i’m too lazy for this); also english is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes - lmk if i forgot something🫦

‘360’ by charli xcx was blasting into the speakers, the green improvised led lights mixed with the weed smoke in the air just woke the brat in you. that old and abandoned warehouse was frequently used to do some illegal shit, specially illegal raves. and that’s what was happening right now.

moving your hips along to the song, shaking your ass in the dance floor as people hyped you up, it all just made you feel so… slutty. and you loved it.

everyone in the dance floor was dancing and vibing and smoking and (maybe?) on drugs and oh it was a whole chaos. i mean, after those finals almost fucked everyone’s grade up, y’all just needed to have some fun, right?

suddenly, you had the urge to pee. so you warned your friends about your future whereabouts and ran to the improvised bathroom in there. you rolled your eyes as you really had to see ellie fucking williams smoking a blunt while sitting on the ‘toilet’.

“dude, are you fucking serious? get out, i need to pee!” you exclaimed, whining as your bladder begged for relief.

“nah, i’m good.” ellie was obviously high, staring at the ceiling like she was eyefucking it or something.

“dude, scram! if i piss myself, i swear to god i WILL haunt you.”

“go piss outside, in the woods. plants need to be watered, you know?” what the fuck?! “and also, i’m kinda busy here if you didn’t notice…”

“uhm, the ‘bathroom’ is not a place to smoke a blunt, ellie! get the fuck out! and by the way, ew, i’m not pissing outside on the woods.”

you pissed outside on the woods. ellie absolutely REFUSED to leave the bathroom to let you pee, and your bladder was actually going to detonate in five minutes, so you had to take the hard way out. a benefit from it, you ask? your bladder isn’t full anymore!

“whoa. you really pissed on the woods?” dina, a mutual friend of you and miss-doesn’t-let-you-pee-in-the-bathroom-because-she’s-smoking-in-there, exclaimed. she seemed surprised. “that’s not very demure of you…”

“girl, what’s with that word? what in the actual fuck is ‘demure’?” jesse - who was just as high as miss-bathroom-smoker - asked in confusion.

“uhhh, i actually don’t know. i just saw people using it on tiktok and i started using it too.” dina and jesse got immersed in a pretty boring conversation, so you just left and went to the improvised bar.

“sup, abby?” you greeted the hot bartender, smiling as she winked at you. “can you gimme a lemonade, please? don’t feel like drinking any alcohol anymore…”

“i’ll think about it.”

“think about what?” suddenly, ellie appeared behind you, still smoking that stupid fucking blunt-

“none of your business, williams!” abby mumbled in a playful manner while grabbing your lemonade and giving it to you.

but of course, ellie grabbed it before you could even process that the lemonade was there and took a sip. more like five sips! that bitch…

“ellie, are you fucking for real right now?!” you gave her a death stare as she laughed on your face.

“what? i needed to check if it was good…”

“williams, if you want a lemonade, i can make it for you, you know? you don’t need to steal it from the poor girl!” abby mocked again while making a drink for herself.

“nah, i like annoying her.”

“fuck you, ellie.”

“with pleasure!” ellie winked. ugh, she was reeeeally high…

a few minutes later, you and your friends (ellie included) were back on the dance floor. now, another charli xcx was blasting through the speakers, and you were genuinely having the time of your life.

as you were dancing your ass off, you felt two hands rest on your waist. you turned around, ready to slap the shit out of the person who dared to put their hands on you, but you immediately relaxed after you saw miss-bathroom-smoker looking at you with a grin.

“for fuck’s sake, ellie, you scared me! i thought it was a fucking creep or something.” you screamed in her ear, as the song was way too loud for you to talk in a normal tone.

“what did you say?”

“i thought you were a creep!”

“you think i’m a creep?!”

“no!” you denied with your hands, watching ellie relax as soon as you did so. “i said that i thought that you were a random creep when you grabbed my waist, i got scared!”

“oh, so you did think i was a creep!” ellie mocked you, raising her eyebrow.

“no! not like that- ugh, forget it!” you rolled your eyes and turned your back to ellie, continuing your dance.

ellie’s hands never left your waist, sometimes guiding your movements. the room was starting to get hot, and so were you.

your bodies were sweaty, grinding against each other, and you swore that ellie was dry humping on you for like a millisecond.

you turned to face ellie again, putting your arms around her neck as you danced to the beat.

someone pushed you even more against her, and your lips were now five centimeters away from touching.

you smirked, turning back again to grind against her. but as soon as she leaned to kiss your neck, the music stopped and you saw people running and screaming for other people to run too.

then, you heard police sirens. for fuck’s sake, what a bunch of cockblockers!

a/n: YIKESS this sucks💔

[bubybubsters]

Shame (Eris x you)

a/n: I kinda like this one

Eris week day 6: AU @erisweekofficial

Your POV

You sighed, placing your pen on your desk as you covered your face with your hands and groaned. Physics was depressing. What crazy alien had possessed you to decide to major in it?

Glancing out the window of your dorm, you frown at the flock of students. Your roommates are out there somewhere. There’s a party tonight at the Vanserra brothers dorm. And you can’t go because of a stupid physics test tomorrow. Checking your phone you find that nobody has texted you. Of course. You didn’t really have many friends anyway. Just a best friend studying architecture

A light tap against your window tears you out of your trance and you furrow your brow at the guy outside your dorm.

Eris Vanserra. Majoring in aerospace engineering and the man of everyone’s dreams. With red hair, piercing amber eyes, and the sharpest cheekbones you’d ever seen, how did he not have a girlfriend?

And what the fuck was he doing knocking on your window?

You cock your head at him and he smiles, motioning for you to come out. You debate refusing but you were in need of a break anyway.

Getting up, you slip on white crocs and round the building. The crowd if partiers has passed and there’s only a few people roaming the grounds of Forest House Academy.

You spot the sought after redhead surrounded by a small crowd of people and roll your eyes.

Why’d you even come out here?

You stretch for a few minutes, letting uour muscles relax after hours of sitting. Glancing at the growing crowd of girls around Eris you start to head back to your dorm.

Just as your hand lands on your doorknob a hand grabs your wrist.

“Hey, wait up.” The smooth voice of Eris reaches your ears and your brows shoot up.

“What do you want?” Crap, that was not the tone you wanted to take for the first time you met him.

Eris smiles, dimples showing. “I just wanted to see if you have a partner for the project in quantum mechanics.”

You freeze. “We have a project?”

He chuckles. “Yeah it’s on some subatomic stuff.”

You groan. Great, more homework to add to your already long list.

“So?” Eris raises a brow.

“Huh?”

“Will you be my partner?” He pauses. “For the project of course.”

You blow out a breath. “Sure…?”

“Great!”

You eye him vaguely wondering why he hasn’t left yet. Surely he’ll leave after you go into your dorm right? But that’d be rude. You inwardly groan, this is why you don’t socialize much.

“So, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Eris grins and the sight makes your heart race. “Meet me outside the library at noon. That’s when you’re free right?”

You nod. “Of course.”

Only after you’ve said your goodbyes and sat back down do you wonder how he knew you were free from 12-3 on tuesdays.

The next day you’re rushing to the library straight after your thermodynamics class. You know your Professor Helion will ask you about it given that you usually stay after class to talk with him but you don’t care.

Eris, Eris, Eris.

The red-haired mans name is a mantra in your head. You catch yourself thinking of his splatter of freckles for the fourth time today and curse the guy silently.

You arrive at the library fifteen minutes early only to find Eris already there, fidgeting with the hem of his jacket.

“Hey.” You call nervously, putting your phone in your back pocket.

“Hey there little flame.” Eris replies, smiling.

Girls walking past “ooh” and “ahh” glancing over their shoulders to get a good view of Eris’s ass.

You unconsciously roll your eyes.

Eris frowns. “What? Not a good nickname?”

You blink. “Oh it’s not that. It’s just…” you wave awkwardly at the girls, “everyone’s obsessed with you.” You pinch yourself, reminding yourself of the need to develop a filter on your words.

Eris laughs, seemingly unbothered. “Does it bother you?”

“No. It’s just the way they obsess over some hot guy instead of something like grades.” You grimace as you remember doing exactly that on your way here.

“You think I’m hot?”

“That’s all you heard?”

“Pretty much.”

You sigh through your nose.

“Let’s just get to work.”

Two hours later the two of you are worn. Leaning back in your chair you close your eyes. You’d split up the work with you writing the essay and Eris making the poster then the both of you coming together to make an extremely detailed 3d model of a subatomic particle.

“Can we please take a break?” Eris practically begs.

“Says the one who insisted we don’t.” You snap.

Eris groans. “I’m sorry! Now please. One break.”

You hum. “Sure.”

Eris exhales in relief. “You want coffee? There’s a cafe not far.”

“Yes please!” The thought of coffee is exhilarating in itself.

Eris eyes your exhausted form. “I can get it. What do you want?”

You tilt your head. “Uhh not sure. Order for me.”

Eris nods, turns and is almost at the door of the library when you call out, “Thank you!”

You smile softly as you close your eyes. Maybe the all popular Eris Vanserra isn’t so bad…

Eris POV

Eris is walking back to the library when a voice hisses at him nearby. He glances around, spotting a flash of dark hair.

Jurian. His ex best friend.

Eris glares. “What?”

Jurian’s bright eyes meet his. “Come here.” He does, following Jurian to a closed off space.

“How’s the bet going? You seducing her?”

Eris grits his teeth. “The bet is going great. In fact one of these lattes is for her.”

“Awww you got her waiting for you.”

Eris shakes his head. “I don’t like this.”

Jurian smirks at him. “That’s too bad because you have to do it otherwise poor Lucien gets….” Jurian makes a slicing motion across his throat

“I know.”

“So you think you can bed her within the week?”

“I know I will.” Eris leaves Jurian with one last glower.

He finishes his walk to the library, now pissed and tense. When he gets to where he’d left you he’s at a loss of what to do.

You’re asleep, cheek pressed into the keys lf your computer, hair falling over your face. You’re beautiful.

Eris stands there, two coffees in hand staring at you for a long time. Maybe it just felt like a long time, it may have been minutes, even seconds before he moved. He sets the coffees down and packs up your stuff, quietly picking up the computer from under you. He slings your bag, then his over one shoulder and your body over the other. Eris picks up the two coffees and heads for your dorm.

When he gets there he desperately knocks, hoping one of your roommates is home. A brunette girl opens the door and takes him in. Brows raising she steps aside and shows him to your room. Setting you down, Eris looks around.

The room looks like yours, beige walls with pictures and memories strung everywhere. LED lights hang in strands in the doorway next to a messy desk with drawings and writings. He glances around before quickly stepping out and closing the door.

Your roommate watches him quietly.

He’s at the door when she speaks.

“Don’t hurt her.”

Eris stiffens, turning to look at the girl.

“Who are you again?”

“Feyre Archeron.”

“You’re Y/n’s best friend.”

“Guilty as charged”

Eris nods, “nice to meet you.”

Feyre nods back, albeit warily.

As Eris closes the door he whispers to her, “I would never hurt her.”

And Eris prays that he can keep that promise as Jurian texts him.

The text is a picture of him carrying you across the school accompanied by a single sentence

Jurian: You seem to really like her.

Eris rolls his eyes. And what if he did? He frowns. Did he? He had never cared what happened to his project parters before this. He’d certainly never carried someone halfway across campus. One could argue it was so Y/n would like him and sleep with him so Lucien would live. But… for once he hadn’t even thought of Lucien. He liked her. But Lucien, his brain screamed. Jurian’s family was full of gang members and assassins which meant if he didn’t sleep with Y/n then tell her she was a bet, Lucien would likely die. And he couldn’t get Lucien out because his brother was a stubborn ass. Eris cursed. What was he going to do?

There was no way be could keep his promise to Feyre and save Lucien.

His phone dinged again.

Jurian: It’d be a shame if Y/n went missing….

dividers by @anitalenia

taggin: @thelov3lybookworm@profound-imagination@randomgurl2326@theduskyprincess@mp-littlebit

[lottesreads]

Why Me? - Part 8

Pairing: Bob Floyd x Mitchell! Female Reader (Callsign Mantis)

Warnings: Descriptions of injuries, flashbacks, abuse, blood, violence, getting kicked out, forbidden relationship, swearing, pining

Word Count: 10k (i'm so sorry)

Summary: An insight to the past has you remembering just how hurt you were. You're still refusing to talk to your dad, and he isn't quite sure how to get you to open up. Even after a meeting with Cyclone, you're reminded you still have an entire team ready to back you up. Rooster is ready to apologize and welcome you back, but are you? (Also, can dogfight football really fix everything?)

A/N: Wow, I really didn't mean for it to get this long but here we are. But also I did procrastinate my homework to do this, and I don't regret it. I hope you all enjoy! Comments and reblogs literally make me cry tears of joy, happy reading!

Masterlist

10 years ago

Driving your beat up Toyota Corolla down the streets to your mom’s extravagant home was nothing new to you. The anticipatory anxiety wasn’t new either. You had memorized your mom’s work schedule to know when she would or wouldn’t be home when you got back from school, but lately it’s been a little erratic. Almost as much as she was. So was the real estate market you supposed.

You sigh in relief when you don’t see her car in the driveway. In these moments you thanked her husband for owning three cars and parking them all in the garage. You, of course, get to park on the street, which added a couple extra dents to your car that weren’t there before, but you weren’t one to complain. Disappointed maybe, that your pride and joy you spent your summers working at the local smoothie joint to afford, was a little more rough around the edges than when you purchased it.

You check the mailbox at the curb before going in. Of course it was empty. It became a habit ever since you applied to USNA to check the mailbox daily, hopefully to intercept the good or bad news before anyone else could see it. 

The house is quiet as you enter, all three of your step-siblings must be with their mom. And Bret, your step-dad, doesn’t get home until after 5:00 most days, leaving you to your own devices. Even if you wanted to do something fun with the house to yourself, you never dare. The second your mom comes home she would notice if a single crumb was left in the sink. You have been on the receiving end of her anger at the state of the house too many times to count, even if it was Bret’s kids who made it. But of course, she wasn’t going to get mad at them. It always ended up being your fault somehow.

Still, you grab a snack and try carefully not to drop any of the pretzels as you go to your room. It was homework all the time in your last semester of High School. You were still waiting to hear from the Naval Academy, but you wanted your good grades to follow through to the very end of the year. Hours of taking notes kept your hand cramped, but it would all be worth it in the end. At least that’s what you kept telling yourself.  You had spent the last four years working ridiculously hard to maintain your grades, all in the hopes of getting the opportunity your dad and Bradley weren’t afforded. Of course, you’ll never know if Bradley would have been accepted anyway. Which is why you were all too happy to keep this little secret to yourself.

Only a couple short hours later you hear the front door unlock and slam shut. It rattles you out of the Physics textbook you were intently studying, as you straighten up. Whatever she was mad about, it wasn’t good. It was the sound of her heels clacking up the stairs that set you on edge. As they get louder and closer to your room, you turn to face her right as she throws the door wide open. Privacy not a concept she was familiar with. You don’t even notice the bundle of mail in her hand as her eyes glare absolute daggers at you.

“Hi mom, how was work?”, you attempt to start the conversation civilly. It paints you more as a mouse, the way it comes out in a squeak. Her manicured claws squeeze harder around the letters as she throws all but one onto the floor.

“What is this?”, she seethes, holding out the large envelope addressed to you. Your blood runs cold as your shaky hands take it from her and the USNA insignia in the top left corner is revealed.

“I-”, you swallow, “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”, she blinks.

“I’m sure it’s some sort of recruiting thing they send to all seniors”, you try to reason. She clicks her tongue, folding her arms.

“Then open it and let’s find out.” There is no room for argument as she raises her brows for you to continue, her eyes still alight with pure rage. Your heart beats faster as your shaky fingers slowly tear open the envelope. They don’t stop as you withdraw the paper. Tears start to form in your eyes as you read the first line of the letter. The excitement you had for any of this is quickly overrun by fear as your mom interrupts you.

“Read it outloud.” Swallowing, you clear your throat without giving her a look and start to read.

“Dear Miss Mitchell, congratulations. We are pleased to offer you an appointment to the United States Naval Academy…”, your voice wavers off toward the end. The moment you had so looked forward to was being tainted as you spoke. You begin to chew on your lip as your eyes slowly make their way back to your mom. Her jaw is set as she stares you down. “Mom-”

“I don’t even know where to start with you”, she seethes. “After years and years of wasting my own life to give you one, this is how you repay me? By throwing it all away, and for what? The chance to be like your father? Or- or Carole’s kid who can’t even be bothered to talk to you anymore?” The use of Carole’s name has you snapping your head back from where it hung in fear.

“Don’t talk about them.” She scoffs at your tiny show of courage.

“I just don’t understand how you could do this to me! You’re not going.” She says with an edge of finality.

“What?”

“You aren’t going. That is final. No daughter of mine will be sucked into this trap.” Staring back down at your lap, you hope to find one last bit of courage sewn within the denim of your jeans.

“Mom, I’m- I’m going”, you manage to stutter out.

“No you’re not”, she bites back. “You know how I feel about your father, about this, and for some reason I just can’t get through to you.” She scoffs again and paces around your room, heels clicking with each step. You stand as she inspects the picture frames on your bookshelf, it wouldn’t be the first time she broke something of yours, and you want to be able to stop it if it happens again. “Do you know how much I gave up to raise you? How hard it was- is to be your mother?” What she says doesn’t hurt as much as it used to when you were younger, but it still stings every time. Like rubbing salt in an old wound that didn’t heal properly.

“I didn’t ask to be brought into this world”, you defend, your voice raising slightly. “And I’m sorry if it was so hard to be my mom, but you’re the one who brought me back after every summer. You could have left me with my dad if I was that much of a burden to you!” Before you’re able to register it, she’s moved closer and has her claws wrapped around your arms, pushing you against your desk. In her heels she’s only a couple inches taller than you, but it feels much bigger as she towers over you.

“Do NOT talk back to me you ungrateful brat!” Her fingers grow tighter as she shakes you. You blink rapidly as you wince in pain. “Your father is my biggest regret in life. I wouldn’t have wasted all those years raising his child just to know you would end up being just like him.” She steps away, gathering her thoughts as she turns her back to you. You thought it was only possible to feel fear when in your mother’s presence, even if you were ever angry it was quickly tamped down by the threat of her own rage. This feeling now is new. The one that has you clenching your fists, gathering the courage from the back of your mind to say something. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s all come down to this one boiling point. And you weren’t about to give up your dreams just to keep the peace one last time.

“Stop blaming me for all your downfalls, when you’re the one who slept with him in the first place!” You don’t see it coming. The backhand you had grown used to smacks across your face, causing you to fall back and slide to the floor. The taste of metal fills your mouth as you bring your hand to cradle where she just hit. The spot on your lip you had been chewing earlier has split from her ring, blood coating your fingers as you bring them away from your mouth. She eyes her ring, taking it off and pocketing it to clean later.

As your face starts to throb as your jaw wobbles, the woman before you crouches and puts her finger in your face while you cower on the floor. “When you leave, don’t even bother coming back. I mean it. Don’t come crying to me when you realize you can’t last a day, because once you exit this house, you are not my daughter anymore.”

You start packing that night. The rooms at the Academy aren’t available until a couple weeks before the school year starts, but you want to be ready when they are.

You go to school the next day, turn in your homework like you always do, and if people ask about your lip, you tell them the same little lie, “I was just playing basketball and it bounced wrong and hit me in the face.” They seem to believe it, even though you don’t have a hoop, or a basketball for that matter.

When you drive home the first thing you notice is all the boxes on the front porch. Your boxes. Scrambling to the front door, you attempt to unlock it with your key, but it doesn’t fit the lock. Your mom’s car sits in the driveway as you knock and knock, eventually pleading with her to let you in. The house remains silent, as if she isn’t in the kitchen nursing a glass of wine.

Realizing there’s nothing you can do, you pack your car with the few possessions you have and start driving. The tears start falling down your face as you look in your rearview mirror and see what little boxes your entire life has been packed into. You find yourself at a local park, one you’ve passed everyday on your way to school. The sun is shining as you pull out your phone and decide to make one last ditch attempt for help. Clicking Bradley’s name, you hold your phone to your ear and beg as it rings that he picks up. Just this once. The robotic voice tells you he’s unable to get to the phone as you hang your head, your split lip pouting until the beep indicates it’s your turn to talk.

“Hey Bradley. I know we haven’t talked in a while”, you sniffle, “but if there’s any chance you’re hearing this, please pick up”, you start to sob. “I really need to talk to you… I don’t know who else to- to call. Just please, please call me back.” You manage in between your cries. “I miss you, and I hope you’re ok.” You click the button to end it before you ramble on too much. Staring back up to the park, you watch the families playing with their kids. A mom chasing her daughter as she hides behind the slide, a dad throwing a baseball with his son. If someone were to look on they’d probably find it creepy, but you don’t care. You stay until it gets dark, and even after you end up staying your first night of many in your car.

-----------------------

Present Day

Cyclone’s office is unarguably the largest on base. The fact that he has his own waiting room and assistant is a testament to that fact. You’re sitting in said waiting room, across from Rooster, who is still sporting a large bruise. It’s starting to turn the slightest shade of green on the outside, but it’s still rather purple.

Your dad- or Captain Mitchell right now, is inside with Cyclone, discussing the potential for you to be punished. At least that’s what you’re assuming since you assaulted an officer. After dinner Saturday, your dad attempted to talk to you but you shut him out and stayed in your room all night. It wasn’t any better yesterday. He gave you your space, but you could hear him pacing downstairs the entire day, just waiting for you to come out. Bob checked in a couple times just to see how you were feeling, but other than that you kept to yourself.

You didn’t leave your room at all, even when your dad eventually came up to bring you food, he left it outside your door. All while letting you know he was going to be on base early tomorrow to talk to Cyclone, allowing you to drive by yourself this morning. You had barely stepped foot on base when you were intersected by Warlock telling you Admiral Simpson wanted to see you in his office. It struck you with panic causing you to start chewing on your lip, and it didn’t bode well that Rooster was also there waiting when you arrived.

Rooster clears his throat and your stern gaze shoots up to him.

“Sorry”, he quickly lets out. Taking a deep breath in, you let your head fall back to the wall and allow the awkward silence to continue. It occurred to you when you sat down how much this felt like being called to the principal’s office. Except in this case, the punishments were far worse than being put in detention.

The door to Cyclone’s office opens and the two of you stand as Maverick walks out. Clearing his throat he greets you, “Lieutenants.”

“Sir”, you let out in unison. He walks past the two of you as Cyclone’s assistant lets you know you can both enter. Straightening your khaki pants, Rooster allows you to walk in first and the two of you stand to attention in front of his desk. He sits in his seat, staring out the window, and turns to look at the two of you fully, doing a slight double take as his gaze washes over Rooster.

“I am going to tell the two of you what I told Captain Mitchell'', he starts, voice as deep and ruling as always, “The U.S. government does not sign my paychecks to be a god damn babysitter. If you cannot get along as a team, then you will not fly as one. I will send one or the other to another squadron faster than you can say ‘Yes Sir’. Am I clear?”

“Yes sir”, the two of you respond.

“Being on this squadron is a privilege, not a right. The two of you are on thin ice. If either of you have a problem, you better let me know now so I can find the next pilot who will gladly fill your spot in a second flat.” His gaze darts between the two of you as your palms grow sweaty. “Understood?”

“Yes sir.” He eyes Rooster’s face once more, and then back to you very briefly.

“Rooster, if there is anything you would like to let me know about I suggest you say it now.” Swallowing, you can see Rooster out of the corner of your eye do the same.

“No, sir. There is not.”

“You won’t mind me asking where you got the shiner from then?” He asks as he eyes you, you’re more thankful than ever your hands are behind your back at the moment.

“Tripped and hit my face on some stairs, sir.” Your breathing slows slightly as Rooster covers for you. It makes you feel the slightest bit guilty for hitting him in the first place.

“Rooster, you are dismissed.” Your heart tightens in your chest as Rooster exits, leaving just you and the fire breathing dragon. He turns his attention to a pile of papers on his desk as he fans them out.

“I have to tell you, I was initially surprised I hadn’t had to call you in here earlier, given your father’s reputation. But, taking another look at your records, I’m surprised you’re in here at all.” You remain still as stone, staring at the wall just above his head. “Top of your class at the Academy, as well as Top Gun, and yet, you’re still in my office.” Raising a brow, he brings his full attention back to you. “Why is that, Lieutenant Mitchell?” You scoff internally at him questioning you instead of Rooster.

“Things got out of hand, sir. It won’t happen again.” Sighing, he stands and faces his window, gazing upon his domain.

“I wasn’t hesitant when Admiral Kazansky suggested you be added to this detachment. Your records speak for themselves. The insistence on having Captain Mitchell in charge however, made me more skeptical. How would that look?” He turns to you once more. “Having a parent and child in the same squadron? Rooster might know your dad, but on paper you have more to gain. And your flying ability doesn’t mean anything when politics are involved. It doesn’t matter what was said.” Setting both hands on his desk, he leans forward, his piercing gaze burning a hole through your facade, “I am going to give you some advice, and it is in your best interest to listen and listen good. What happened last week cannot happen again. Tread lightly, keep your head down, and do what you came here to do. Your job.” Punctuating the last two words with his finger pounding on the desk, he finally takes his seat. “You are dismissed.” 

You hold your breath all the way to the hallway. Once out of sight from anyone, you take in a deep breath and let it out through your nose, collecting yourself before making your way to the women’s locker room. You know he’s right. You let yourself get comfortable, and once you get comfortable things start to crumble. It’s like everything you touch gets ruined and breaks right under your fingertips. This was no exception. You had to be better, do better. Emotions are where you lose control, say things you shouldn’t say, and you get justly punished for them.

You are still before the locker room door, taking in a breath before letting yourself in. Halo is lacing up her boots while Phoenix slips her flight suit on when you get to your locker. They both greet you with a small smile as you start to change uniforms.

“How was your meeting with the air boss?” Phoenix asks, already knowing all about it apparently. “Did he totally lay into Rooster?”

“If he laid into him more than you did, I’d be surprised he’s still standing”, Halo comments.

“Wait, what did you say to him?”, you ask Phoenix as she rolls her eyes.

“Something along the lines of ‘what the fuck is wrong with you’, ‘why are you being such a dicktroll’, and ‘I can’t even look at you right now’”, Halo lists off for her.

“Dicktroll?”, you laugh, “That’s a new one.”

“Yeah well, when I’m mad the words just start coming out of my mouth.” 

“He’s still your friend”, you mutter. “And I said some regrettable things, too.”

“Mantis. You’re my friend. I don’t even know if I would call him that after this. And yeah, I know you separately and out of whatever mess you’re in now, but I know when someone is being an asshole. And Rooster was being a major asshole. What you said didn’t warrant what he told everyone” She catches your shoulder as you finish zipping up your flight suit, “I’m gonna have your back no matter what, ok? And I guarantee everyone else in that room will, too.” You turn to Halo as she nods in agreement.

“I appreciate it, truly”, you thank them as you begin to tie up your own boots.

“What did Cyclone say to you, though?” Halo asks.

“Um”, you cough, “Basically I’m just happy to even still be here.”

“What does that mean?” Phoenix asks as her brows furrow.

“Doesn’t matter”, you reply, patting her back as the three of you leave the locker room.

Maverick is already at the front of the room, talking with Hondo as you walk in behind Halo and Phoenix. Bob smiles at the two of them, and you think for a second you see it get slightly wider as he spots you behind them. It almost makes you forget that everyone is trying and failing to hide the fact that they’re thinking about what Rooster said.

That fact alone has you crawling in your skin just a little bit. Bob turns to you as you open your notebook to where you were taking notes on Friday. You try your best to ignore the flits of eyes that turn your way, but you can still feel them on you.

“Hey”, he smiles.

“Hey”, you smile right back.

“How’s your hand feelin?”, he whispers.

“Oh that”, looking down at it, you stretch your fingers out and wiggle them, “Definitely feeling a lot better.” Phoenix turns at your own words, eyes widening as she looks at the discoloration on your knuckles.

“Jesus, what happened?” You’re about to tell her the same lie you told Penny, but before you’re able to open your mouth, Hangman whistles from his seat on the other side of the aisle. Everyone’s eyes follow Rooster as he makes the uncomfortable trek to the back of the room. Phoenix’s eyes quickly move from the bruise on his face back to your hand as you tuck it under your opposite one. A slow smile creeps on her face as she realizes how you stood up for yourself. “Nice shot”, she whispers to you.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about”, you whisper back as you pretend to look through your notes.

“Rooster”, Maverick’s voice speaks from the front, “Take a seat up here please”, he asks as he motions to the vacant seat next to you. Your brows furrow as do Rooster’s.

“Mav-”

“Now”, he responds rather sternly. Rooster follows his orders and he sits next to you as you stiffen. The rest of the room is silent as they wait for Mav to start the day.

“It has been brought to my attention that there has been some hostility amongst this team.” If it wasn’t at all obvious he was talking about you and Rooster, the ways his eyes wander to the two of you confirm the fact to everyone. “If you can’t act as a team, it is incredibly hard to fly as a team, and when you don’t fly as a team, people get hurt.” He eyes the room as everyone looks on in anticipation. “That being said, we’re going to start today with a little… exercise.” He says the last word with a hint of a smirk on his face.

“I will ask each of you a question. If you get it wrong you will have to do 10 pushups. If you get it right, however, you can choose anyone in our squad to do those 10 pushups for you.” People start to groan around the room at the prospect of not answering a question correctly.

“Rooster”, your dad starts, “When did the U.S. land on the moon?”

“Um, July 1969”, he responds, no doubt he has the right answer.

“Wrong, the correct answer is July sixteenth, 1969. Drop and give me 10.” Rooster blinks in surprise, but does as he says. Everyone shifts in their seats, realizing how nitpicky he’s being about these answers.

“Phoenix, what year was Top Gun founded?”

“It was 1969, and I believe it was in-”

“Correct”, your dad interrupts her. “Who would you like to give your push ups to?” She smiles slightly and turns to where Rooster has just sat back down after finishing his pushups.

“Rooster”

“You heard her, give me another 10, Rooster.” He does as he’s told, once more dropping to the floor.

“Payback, when was the Declaration of Independence signed?” Payback laughs slightly at the question, before noticing the very serious look on Maverick’s face.

“July 4, 1776, sir.”

“Very good, who gets your pushups?”

“Rooster”, he responds immediately. Payback looks over, sending you a small nod and smile, and you give it right back. Rooster stays down this time, as Hondo, who is all too happy to be doing this, counts his pushups from the back of the room. You watch across the room as everyone’s eyes light up. Maverick continues to go around asking possibly the easiest U.S. History questions, and everytime a member of the squad gets their answer inevitably right, they assign their punishment to Rooster. Your heart warms that every time someone gives their correct answer, they spare you a glance or a nod, subtly acknowledging they’re doing it for you.

Rooster’s starting to sweat and slow down as Maverick finally gets to you. His eyes grow a touch softer as they look at you. He clears his throat, asking his final question, “Mantis, who was the first American woman in space?” A small smile creeps on your face at what seems to everyone else to be a surface-level question.

“Sally Ride”, you answer. The memory of being 8 with dreams of being an astronaut fill your head. One summer at the Bradshaw’s, a documentary about Sally Ride was airing on t.v. and thinking it would be good for you to see a female role model, Carole left it on for you to watch. Turns out, you got a little too obsessed, to the point Carole hand-made a NASA jumpsuit for you to wear on Halloween months later. Bradley even helped you memorize the planets in the solar system that summer, telling you that’s the first thing you needed to know if you were going to be an astronaut. He was 14 at the time, and could have been doing a number of other things than hanging out with an eight year old, but he stayed with you the entire summer. It was one where your dad was deployed the last month, but he stuck by to make sure you never got lonely. You still knew the planet song he made up to help you memorize them like the back of your hand.

“Who gets your pushups?”, he asks, even as a formality now. As you stare at Rooster, who is behind on his last two sets, you’re reminded of that 14-year-old, who stayed with you when you were alone, and taught you how to go after what you wanted. The memory causes a lapse in your anger, and just this once you decide to go easy on him.

“Can I give them to you, sir?” His eyes go a bit wide as he blinks away his surprise. “You are technically a part of this team, are you not?”

“I guess, yeah- I am. Alright Hondo”, he says as he situates himself on the ground, “Count me out.”

Rooster and Maverick finish their pushups almost simultaneously, which leaves the rest of the time in the classroom to go over more flight maneuvers for the following week.

-----------------------

Bob saves you a seat at lunch like he’s been doing it forever, and you are more than happy to sit next to him.

“Do you realize that yesterday was the first day in like 3 weeks we haven’t seen each other in person?” You ask, taking a chip off of his plate.

“Wow”, he remarks, watching you so casually sharing each other's food. “I mean I did notice… It was awfully quiet at my house.” He gives you a small smile as you lightly shove his shoulder.

“Shut up.”

“What were you doing yesterday?”

“Quite literally nothing”, you reply, taking in a deep breath. Bob continues eating as you mull over your next words. “Rooster was at dinner on Saturday.”

“Are you serious?” He asks, almost choking on a chip.

“Yeah”, you nod, “He told me he was sorry, again.”

“How did that go?”, he treads lightly. You sigh, glancing across the mess-hall to see Rooster eating at a table by himself. For once he’s the one who looks lonely, and you can’t help but feel a little sorry for him. But then again, he did this to himself.

“I don’t know, I think he was angry at me for the wrong reasons, which made him feel worse about what he said.”

“He should feel bad about it. It doesn’t matter if they were the wrong reasons, he shouldn’t have said it at all.”, Bob mutters, causing you to look back at him. He blinks a couple times under your gaze as you don’t look away. “What?”

“Thanks for having my back”

“Of course, I’ll always have your back”, his smile gets a little more full, a little more crooked the longer you two look at each other. And you can feel the same happening to your own smile before you look over Bob’s shoulder to see Phoenix heading your way. Dropping her lunch bag on the table has you scooting the slightest bit away from Bob, just to create a little more distance between the two of you.

“Soo”, she draws out, “I know it’s been a wild few days, but are you two still coming to my house this weekend?” Shit, you forgot all about the party she invited you to. “I’m officially uninviting Rooster if that sways you in anyway.” Chuckling slightly, you look over her shoulder and watch Rooster as he picks at his own food.

“It’s fine, Phoenix. Like Mav said, if we can’t work as a team it’s hard to fly as one.” You decide.

“This is a party, Mantis. One in which I would not like to invite losers and assholes into my home, and he fits into both of those categories.”

“So does Hangman”, you reply as she rolls her eyes. “He did apologize to me, and I believe him.”

“Did you forgive him, though?”, Bob chimes in.

“That’s beside the point. Whatever is going on with me and Rooster doesn’t involve the rest of you, and I never should have brought it into work.” Phoenix looks on in contemplation as Bob gives you an earnest look in understanding. “Plus, we have direct orders to be on our best behavior.”

“I’ll think about it”, she trails off. There’s a lull in the conversation as you continue to eat until Phoenix turns to Bob. “Rachel’s friend Emily is gonna be there, too.” You stop eating, trying to glance at Bob’s reaction through the corner of your eye.

“Phoenix-”, he groans, “I’ve already told you I don’t want to be set up on any dates.”

“And why not?”, she probes. “I just wanna see you happy, you’re like my little brother now.”

“I just…”, his eyes move quickly from Phoenix to glance at you once before she moves on.

“It’s not even a date”, she reasons, “Just come to the party and meet her. That’s all I’m asking.” The conversation ends with that as you ponder Phoenix’s words. You don’t view Bob as a brother at all, but you want to see him happy. You’re happy whenever you’re with him, and you hope he’s happy, too. But you know it’s not sufficient. Bob deserves love, something you can’t give him, and something you don’t even know he wants from you. Even if it was a possibility.

-----------------------

The next day, your father takes a strange but familiar route to get the team back in its groove. He lets you know that day before you leave to meet at the Hard Deck instead of on base, and an immediate buzz fills the air. Everyone already knows what’s going down.

“Your dad’s not one for talking is he?” Fanboy asks as you trudge your way through the sand.

“No, no he is not”, you respond while placing your sunglasses over your eyes. Your dad had explicitly stated to you the day before that he got permission this time for an entire beach day. This explanation had come no further than two seconds after you had asked if Cyclone was going to make a surprise appearance this time.

The San Diego sun is as harsh as ever as the sweltering heat threatens to melt the sun screen right off your skin. Following Payback and Fanboy from the parking lot of the Hard Deck, you meet your father and the rest of the squad closer to the water. Everyone else is already shirtless and ready to start, except for Bob of course. Much to your battling emotions of relief and disappointment. You catch his eye, and make your way over to him as he talks to Omaha and Phoenix.

“Are you ready for some team bonding?” Phoenix asks you sarcastically as you roll your eyes.

“So ready. What better way to get over a fight than throwing balls and tackling each other?” You add with a cheery fakeness that has Bob chuckling. Hondo whistles, taking your attention away from the tall WSO as the day commences.

“Alright, listen up!”, your dad starts, “Today’s training is dogfight football. I’m choosing the teams this time.” Rolling your eyes at the notion, you turn to Bob.

“How much you wanna bet he puts me on a team with Rooster and Hangman?”, you whisper through the side of your mouth. Glancing down at you through his tinted prescription lenses, he chuckles slightly.

“I’m not a gambling man, but I’d bet it all on that”, you smile and shake your head, catching sight of Rooster off to the side of everyone. He’s already looking in your direction, causing you to furrow your brows and look back to your dad.

“Starting with team number one, we have Mantis, Rooster, Hangman, Fanboy, Omaha, and Yale.” He announces as you scoff only loud enough for Bob to hear.

The teams move to gather in huddles before the game starts, and as Hangman and Omaha argue over who gets to be the quarterback, you watch as Fanboy and Yale attempt to come up with a solution. You don’t even notice Rooster at first as he stands next to you. He clears his throat, startling you slightly as you look in his direction, then back to the boys fighting.

“I wanted to say thank you for not giving me your push ups yesterday.” You know an olive branch when you see one, having offered him multiple over many years. Still, you don’t look away from the display of toxic masculinity in front of you before answering.

“Don’t mention it.”

“Seriously, I appreciate it.” You don’t respond to him this time, prompting him to fill the silence between the two of you. “Mantis, I really am sorry-”

“What are you doing, Rooster?”, you ask now, turning to face him. He’s taken aback by your abruptness as he stammers for a response.

“I just thought maybe since-”

“Since Cyclone told us to play nice?” You finish for him. “Don’t get it twisted, Rooster. My actions from yesterday are purely so that I can remain on this team. I worked my ass off to get here, and I am not going to let you of all people jeopardize that.” Walking away from him, you tear the football out of Hangman’s hands while he’s distracted. “Do we have a game plan or what?”

-----------------------

Bob is desperately trying to pay attention to Maverick reiterating the rules of dogfight football, but his eyes keep wandering back to you as you stand next to Hangman. You’re wearing a loose tank top and he can see your sports bra through the sides, leaving the tiniest sliver of skin available for his eyes to roam over. You’re trying your best to act interested even though you know this game front and back. He catches your eyes wandering over the squad, and through his sunglasses he sees you widen your eyes in fake agony. He smiles as you continue to roll your eyes, and as he shakes his head in an attempt to hide his laugh, he glances over and finds Rooster staring at him. Squaring his shoulders as if he’s been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to, Bob turns his attention back to Mav.

The game gets ready to start, you and Bob being chosen to snap the footballs. “Get ready to go down, Floyd”, you joke as you bend forward, setting the football on the sand. He mirrors your actions, and as he bends forward, he forgets any response he was about to say. From where he’s bent over, he can see right down your tank top and sports bra, giving him the perfect view of your cleavage. Swallowing, and looking back to your eyes, you don’t seem to notice his miniscule distraction. He barely even hears the whistle before you’re snapping the ball to Hangman and attempting to block the rest of his team. His hands feel a little more clammy than before the game started.

In order to keep your team happy, the decision is made to keep switching positions. You think it’s a good idea at the time, but as you run slightly backwards in order to try to catch the ball, you don’t even see what you’re hitting until the wind is knocked out of you. In an attempt to catch the ball Omaha’s thrown, your arms are stretched out, but you ultimately end up with your arms full of Bob as the two of you hit the sand hard.

Hondo blows his whistle, signaling everyone to stop as Bob groans from beneath you. The vibration of his chest against yours distracts you from the ache in your temple as you sit up to stare down at his face, eyes squinting in pain.

“Oh my god, are you ok?” You ask, assessing for any injuries.

“I’m fine, are you ok?”, he manages to slip out. His face looks fine, but as you quickly sit off to the side of him to assess the rest of his body, his hand moves to his face. “Oh geez”, he mutters. Glancing back up to his eyes as he sits up, a gush of blood pours out of the hand now clutching his nose. The rest of the team has gathered around you, and a couple people wince through their teeth at the amount of liquid pooling in his hand.

“Oh shit”, you let out without really meaning to. “Does anyone have a towel?” The team scrambles at the urgency in your voice, and without having to say anything else, a towel is plopped into your lap. You immediately move to replace Bob’s hand with the beach towel, holding it right beneath his nostrils which are simultaneously releasing blood.

Mav moves to bend down next to the two of you, “Here, let me see.” You take the towel away just for a second to let your dad inspect Bob’s nose as he looks up. There’s blood dripping over his lips and chin, prompting you to place the towel back.

“Is Penny working tonight?”, you ask, glancing back from the Hard Deck just beyond the sand.

“Yeah she should be in.”

“Good, I’m gonna take Bob up there and try to get this to stop bleeding.”

“Yeah, we should probably call it a day”, Mav replies as he places a hand under Bob’s elbow to help him up.

“No, I’m fine really”, Bob’s muffled and now nasally voice replies. “You guys keep playin’, I’ll go and take care of this.”

“You are not doing that by yourself”, you reply, almost amused at the fact he thinks he can get rid of you that easily. There’s no room for argument in your voice as you throw one of his arms over your shoulder to guide him up the sand to the bar. Phoenix steps in front of you before you leave.

“You got him?” She asks, her features twisted in a grimace as she examines his face.

“I’ve got him”, you reassure her as she watches you pass. Your arm is around his waist while his lies across your shoulders, and you’re trying ridiculously hard to focus on the task at hand instead of his warm body encasing yours. Bob on the other hand wants to tell you he can walk perfectly fine, but he doesn’t want to risk you letting him go. His nose is starting to throb, but all he can feel is your bare shoulders against his skin as your smaller hand grips his waist.

Once arriving at the bar, you walk through the glass door until Penny sees the two of you and rushes over.

“What happened?”, she asks as she watches you help Bob into the air conditioned building.

“There was a small crash”, you explain. “Do you have any towels or ice?” It’s still fairly early in the evening, the sun not setting quite yet, but the first patrons who have sat down in the bar look at the two of you with wide eyes.

“Of course”, she blinks as she moves behind the bar. “There’s a couch in my office, you can take him back there and I’ll get you something else to clean him up with.” You do as she says and open the door to her office, gently letting Bob sit down on the small loveseat, taking the seat next to him. He’s still holding the towel to his nose as he tries to lean back.

“Wait, you’re not supposed to tilt your head back”, you tell him. Gingerly placing your hand on the back of his head, you tilt him so he’s leaning forward slightly. With your other you’re lightly pinching his nose to help stop the bleeding while he holds the towel. Bob can’t help but think how you seem to already know every trick and quirk to stop the bleeding. How you must have had to clean up your own nose bleeds. 

Your brows have been in a constant furrow since the collision, and he takes in the way your teeth chew on your lip.

“Hey”, he tries to muffle through the towel. Your gaze shifts from his nose up to his eyes. “I’m ok, really.” You give him a doubtful look as you pinch his nose. Your elbow rests on his shoulder, hand still cradling the back of his head.

“How’s your head?” You ask in earnest.

“Haven’t had any complaints yet”, he responds as soon as you’re done asking. His comment causes you to crack a smile, clearing the furrow out of your brows as you laugh.

“You did not just say that to me”, you laugh. Bob laughs along with you as he tries to breathe through his mouth. Using his shoulder as support, you lean forward and laugh closer to him.

“Ok I’ve got-”, Penny walks in on the two of you, causing her to pause in the doorway, “Is everything ok?”

“Yeah everything’s fine”, you wave off her concern

“Good… I’ve got some wet rags and a bag of ice.”

“Thank you”, you reply, still trying to stifle your laugh with Bob. Confusion is written all over her face as you turn back to her.

“Right, well… I’ll just be at the bar if you need anything else.” Your eyes are still crinkled from laughing, and Bob smiles at the notion. Your eyes meet his again through the same tinted lenses, warping the color of his irises. The dust settles from your laughing fit and it’s just the two of you in Penny’s cramped office, perched on the edge of the ratty old sofa she must have got in a garage sale. You’re still cradling the back of his head as your fingers absentmindedly play with the short hair. He sucks in a breath, stopping your movements.

“Did I hurt you?”

“No, that’s not- No I’m fine”, you manage to hear him through the towel. Looking at the bright yellow tropical flowers of the cotton now stained in crimson, you slowly remove your fingers from his nose.

“Does it feel like it’s still bleeding?” Bob attempts to sniff through his nose as he takes the towel away from his face.

“No, I think we’re ok.” You wince at the sight of slightly-dried blood that is now smeared from his nostrils down his chin and neck. It’s soaked into the yellow of his t-shirt, leaving a stain you don’t think he’ll be able to get out easily. “That bad, huh?”

“No, not too bad”, you attempt to lie to him. Obviously not doing that great of  a job as he squints his eyes at you. Looking to get away from his playful glare, you eye a box of tissues just behind him. Reaching around him, you grab a few tissues and start to twist them.

“What are you doing?”

“We gotta plug you up.”

“Excuse- plug me up?” He laughs.

“Before we get all the blood off, we just gotta make sure it’s not gonna start bleeding again.” You hand him the first piece of tissue as he delicately places it in one nostril. “Otherwise you’re just gonna have to clean yourself up again.” He glances back up at you, this time with an unreadable gaze. Like he’s trying to study you. “What?”

“Nothing.” You eye him suspiciously as you hand him the other tissue. His eyes move to your fingers stained with his blood, and he looks away again in contemplation as you grab the wet rag.

“Seriously, what is it?” He shrugs.

“Nothing.” Huffing out a breath of frustration, you reach into the pocket of your gym shorts, taking a penny out and placing it in the palm of his hand. He smiles slightly at the notion of you just having this in your pocket, moving the penny to his crimson fingertips. The hint of a smile on his face is quickly replaced with a lopsided frown. “I- I’m sorry you know how to do all of this.” Your shoulders slump as he avoids your gaze. “And I’m sorry you have to do it again.”

“Bob- it’s ok.” You tell him softly, he glances back up, eyebrows twisted.

“It’s not though.. You shouldn’t be an expert at this.” Chewing your lip once more, you stare deeply into his eyes as they gaze back in worry.

“Bobby, I’m ok. I’m ok now and that’s what matters.” Bob is trying his best to believe you, but the image of you crying on the floor of the women’s locker room comes to mind. Then the feeling of your tears soaking his flight suit. You squeeze his hand around the penny once, gaining his attention once more.

“Ok”, he responds just above a whisper. You grant him a small smile in the silence that lingers, reaching back for the wet rag to clean him up with. It’s dried more since you’ve sat down, but you’re still just as gentle with your swipes across his chin. Glancing at his face, you notice there’s a couple specks of blood on the apples of his cheeks, almost underneath his frames.

“May I?” you ask, motioning to his glasses.

“Sure”, he breathes out. Your hands slowly rise and slide the glasses off his face, folding them and placing them gently on the table next to you. The breath is just about knocked out of your lungs as his wide, sky blue eyes blink at you for the first time without a barrier. You’re stuck for a moment in time, just admiring the color and how intently they look at you. You’re broken out of your trance as a drop of water from the rag slides down your hand, dripping on your lap.

Continuing where you left off, you dab at what was previously covered by his glasses, moving down beneath his nose and around his chin and mouth. The rag you were using is now stained a light red and you switch it out with the spare one Penny brought. The bar has gotten a little louder now as the day turns to evening, but it’s still muffled through the door and hallway. It’s quiet enough you can still hear Bob breathing so close to you. Your other hand gently nudges his chin upward so as to gain access to his neck, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallows. Once you’ve ensured his neck is clean, you look back on his face, hoping to get the spots you missed.

“You can look down now”, you whisper. You don’t know why you started talking so quietly, maybe to preserve a moment of silence you don’t get to enjoy so much, but as he looks back at you, you understand it’s just to preserve Bob. If you don’t disrupt the bubble you’ve put yourself in, it won’t burst. And you can stay in this moment with him for as long as you decide to. He doesn’t tell you he can clean himself up, even though both of you are thinking it. And you’re glad he doesn’t say anything. Right now it’s just the two of you, in this stolen moment in time where nothing else exists beyond the four walls of the dingy office.

Your hand moves instinctively to cradle his jaw, just to get a better hold on him while you wipe around his lips. With the rag wrapped around your finger, you swipe underneath the plush of his bottom lip, then over the top. Your eyes move slightly up, to check for any more blood, but catch sight of the tissues sticking out of his nose. It catches Bob off guard as you start to chuckle.

“What?” He asks this time. You lean back slightly, both hands now in your lap, to get a full view of his face and start to laugh a little harder. “What is it?” He presses, starting to laugh as well.

“You look absolutely ridiculous.”

“You’re the one who said I had to ‘plug myself up’”, he mocks, not meaning to laugh at the end of his sentence.

“At least it’s not a tampon up your nose”, you mutter. His brows raise at your comment.

“A what?”, he stammers.

“Would you believe me if I told you that Bradley’s mom shoved a tampon up his nose to get it to stop bleeding?” He chuckles in surprise, but also at the thought of a now adult Bradley with a tampon dangling out of his nose. “That was actually the first time I saw a bloody nose, I thought he was dying”, you smile at the memory.

“What happened?”, Bob asks. Setting the now bloodied rag next to the old one, you grab the bag of ice.

“Back in his old neighborhood he had some really annoying neighbor kids. Brad took me to the park, and these three eleven year olds would not let me swing on the damn swings. Then they started saying some really mean things, and that’s when Bradley stepped in. He told them to apologize to me and share the swings and they refused. He-”, laughing at the image you continue, “he shoved one of them off the swings, picked me up, and started to help me swing.” Shaking your head at the memory, you reach up and gently rest the ice pack against Bob’s nose as he watches your face the entire time. 

“Not five minutes later, all three kids are back, this time with their older brother. Keep in mind, Bradley was only twelve, and their brother was just about to start high school and absolutely huge. Brad tried to calmly explain what happened, but before he could get a word in, this guy decks him. I ran to the house to grab Carole, screaming that this kid was going to kill him. We raced back to the park, and once this guy saw a raging Carole Bradshaw running full speed towards him he sprinted the other way”, you smile.

“Bradley’s nose was bleeding and I just started bawling, thinking that this is it. He’s dying.” Bob laughs with you as you readjust the ice on his face. “We walked him back to the house, and the first thing she did was shove a tampon up his nose, while explaining to me that he was going to be fine.” Your laughing subsides as well as your own smile as you reminisce.

“Carole Bradshaw sounds like a woman that should not be messed with.” Bob comments, bringing your gaze back upon him.

“Yeah”, you sigh. “She was a fierce protector. They both were.” Bob’s hand searches for your own, squeezing softly.

“Mantis-”, whatever Bob is about to say is cut short as someone clears their throat from the door. The two of you look up to find Rooster, only this time Bob’s hand doesn’t stray from your own. It holds your fingers more firmly at the sight of him.

“Sorry”, Rooster interrupts. “Mav wanted me to check in, see how Bob’s doing.” He glances between your connected hands, then back at where you’re icing his nose. You clear your own throat this time as your hand retreats from its place in Bob’s.

“Yeah, he’s good. Blood’s stopped.”

“That’s good”, Rooster offers, trying to and failing to make this small interaction less awkward.

“Was that all?”

“Actually, um, Mav wanted to talk to you. Privately.” He adds on after glancing back at Bob.

“Fine. I’ll be out in a couple minutes.” He taps on the door before leaving the two of you alone again. You turn back to Bob, not looking him in the eyes as you place the ice pack in his hand.

“I guess duty calls.” You start to gather up the rags, but before you’re able to stand, Bob’s large fingers caress the back of your wrist to get your attention. He’s very mindful to not grab a hold of your arm as the hairs on the back of his hand tickle you.

“Hey, thank you.”

“You’re welcome”, you manage to breathe out. “I’m sorry I ran into you.”

“I’m not.”

-----------------------

After running to the bathroom to wash your hands off, there is still a wide smile on your face as you stare at yourself in the mirror. You check for any more blood, but decide it’s all gone as you attempt to squash your smile. The rest of the squad is sitting in the bar, each of them with more clothing on then they had earlier. Your eyes roam the room for your father, but come up empty. Rooster is standing  on the back deck outside, and you begrudgingly walk towards him. The door swings open and shut, muffling the noise from within.

“Where’s Mav?”, you ask, getting straight to the point. Rooster looks over his shoulder at you, setting his drink on a nearby table.

“He took Penny for a bike ride.”

“I thought you said he wanted to talk to me”, you ask, placing your hands on your hips.

“About that”, he scratches the back of his neck, “I meant to say that I needed to talk to you.” Rolling your eyes and giving him a scoff, you turn around, hand stretched toward the doorknob. “Mantis- please. Just give me five minutes.” And for some inexplicable reason. You don’t reach any further. You turn around, fold your arms, and give him the floor. He lets out a sigh of relief as you walk closer to the edge of the deck and watch the golden sunset.

“I want you to know that I’m apologizing because I really am sorry. It’s not just to keep the peace for Cyclone. I failed you.. And I failed my mom.” You turn towards him, and just for a second you don’t see the stone cold eyes that were set upon you just days ago, you see the sandy hair and soft hazel eyes of a brother who would do anything for you.

“It won’t happen again. I won’t let it happen again.” He reiterates. Absent-mindedly you start chewing on your lip, and avoiding his eyesight. A part of you wants so deeply to forgive him and go back to how it used to be, but the other part is still hurt by what he did.

“Which is why I need you to listen to me. You can’t go down the path you’re already falling towards.” Your head slowly looks up as confusion clouds your features.

“What does that mean?”

“I know Cyclone chewed you out more after I left. We’re both on pretty thin ice here, and you worked so hard to get to where you are. I don’t want to see you throw it all away for someone else.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Your heart rate is steadily climbing, wondering if Rooster is about to go where you think he’s going to.

“I’ve noticed things. I’ve told you to be careful before, and now more than ever I wish you would please just listen to what I’m trying to tell you.” Swallowing, you turn back toward the coastline so he can’t read into what you’re trying to conceal in your face. “I see the way you look at him. The same way you’ve looked at boys you’ve had crushes on since you were little.”

“I am not some little girl, Rooster.” You seethe toward him, your face flushed in anger, embarrassment even at his accusations. “I grew up a long time ago, so whatever version you still have of me in your head, get rid of her. Cause she doesn’t exist anymore.” Shaking your head, you stalk toward the back door, catching a glimpse of Bob with his sunglasses on once again, the tissues since discarded, playing a game of pool with Phoenix and Fanboy. “And I don’t have a crush on him. Bob and I are just friends.”

“I never said his name.” Your blood runs cold at his words. You don’t dare turn back and give him the satisfaction of being right. “So you can keep lying to yourself all you want, but I already know the truth. All I’m trying to say is be careful, and remember why you’re here.”

You let Rooster’s words wash over you as you reach for the doorknob and let yourself back inside. How stupid could you be? Sure, you’ve perhaps come to terms that you maybe have more than friendship feelings for Bob, but you were never going to act on them. But now apparently Rooster can still see right through you. The mix of his and Cyclone’s warnings run through your mind as you get closer to the pool table and stand next to Phoenix.

You can tell she’s already a couple drinks in as her volume is a little louder than normal.

“Tell him, Mantis!”

“Tell him what?” She motions over to Bob as he watches Fanboy take his shot, shaking his head at her while he does so.

“Tell him to go on a date with Rachel’s hot friend!” Your eyes catch Bob smiling and shaking his head at her antics, obviously more amused with her drunken state than her words. His crooked smile makes you want to wrap him up in a hug so it never goes away, but you’re reminded of the warnings from Rooster and Cyclone. Repeating over and over in your head the longer you look at him.

“You should”, you tell him, as much as it pains you to say. He glances up at you, smile falling as his brows furrow the slightest bit. “Give her a chance at least.”

“Oh, ya think?” He asks, the slightest tone of disappointment in his voice.

“Yeah. It can’t hurt, can it?” And even though it is tearing you apart to say it, you do it anyway.

“I guess not.” You give him a slight smile, although it turns into more of a grimace the longer you hold it. He does the same to you, turning back to stare at the pool table with a hardened gaze, eyes not actually following where Fanboy’s ball runs to. Phoenix cheers out in glee at Bob’s acceptance, and you slip out the front door, saying your quick goodbyes. You pass Rooster at the bar, not giving him a second look as you make it to your car. Your heart aches at the thought of telling Bob to find happiness somewhere else, knowing damn well if the circumstances were different you would be first in line to offer it. Your brain reminds you however, you're making the right decision. It's the only decision. Right?

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[stariikis]

𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧 | 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 008

synopsis ; based on the Chinese Drama, 'When I Fly Towards You', in which you, a going-on-high-school English genius named Huang Yuting meets the Mathematics genius of the 10th grade, Nishimura Riki, underneath the rain.

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“I can’t believe you don’t understand how to calculate this.” 

“Okay, well, not everybody’s a half-genius like you are,” you scoff directly into Riki’s face, refusing to let his ego skyrocket as usual. He raises his chin at you. 

“Only half?” He shakes his head and tsks. “Maybe you haven’t seen my full potential yet. You, I-” 

“Okay, okay. I get it. You’re smart.” Having enough of his arrogance, you point back down at the question you’re stuck on. “How’d I get this wrong?” 

This is the only time you’ve ever wanted to zip his mouth closed. He’s oddly talkative today – or maybe it’s just a sudden contrast to his usual silence. Why did you ever agree to starting these study sessions with him? It was supposed to be a mutual tutoring session for the both of you to benefit in your respective subjects. But now, it’s just for you to feel stupid when he leans over and solves the Math equation ten times faster than you ever could. 

He feigns disappointment just to tick you off, and points at one of your lines of equations. “Check the calculations. You’ve got the concept right. Finally,” he mutters under his breath.

Clicking the pen furiously, your mind makes quick work of whatever’s on your paper. But for some reason, you keep circling back to the same answer and look up at Riki sheepishly. 

“I can’t see the mistake…” you scratch the side of your face as a distraction. “Um, maybe we should do English instead!” 

As you turn to grab your grammar textbook, Riki reaches over the table and grabs your arm. 

“No! Anything but that!” His eyes fly open wide. It seems as if he doesn’t feel like being embarrassed either. You’ve witnessed it, and it’s very amusing. You always can’t help but smile when he shamelessly shows you a page of English words spelled incorrectly. It’s kind of… cute. 

Not that him holding onto your arm as desperate as a baby bird begging for food isn’t cute. The strawberry cream flavoured lollipop that he's sucking on almost slips out of his mouth. Like a delinquent, he readjusts it in his mouth whilst keeping a fierce gaze on you. 

What… is he doing… 

Your heart starts to race, eyes flickering down to the ground. How can you meet his gaze in this moment? He seems to notice the awkward position as well, both hands coming down to his sides as he sits back down. 

And suddenly, he’s silent again. 

He doesn’t even stop to brag when he somehow gets everything correct on one of his grammar practices on prepositions. 

Huang Yuting is more difficult to solve than any equation Riki has ever attempted. And he knows hard questions, frustration boiling deep inside him as his pen flips around in his hands to relieve him of agitation. The more he looked it, the more he wanted to strangle himself to sleep. That’s exactly the feeling that crept up on his neck when Yuting passed by his class and didn’t even stop to wave. 

She looks him directly in the eye and almost immediately looks away. An uncomfortable expression crosses her face but it’s so blurry along her features that Riki doesn’t even know what to think. Maybe she doesn’t notice him in his PE clothes, a cropped puffy jacket tied in a knot around his shoulders. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t recognise him with his new hair (it’s only a short trim around the edges but the way Riki’s heart races wondering why she’s ignoring him seems to reveal that it’s not about the short trim.) 

He shouldn’t have changed his hair. 

Running a hand through it, he looks back out the door, secretly hoping that he’ll be surprised with Yuting calling his name and waving his way. His corner seat all the way at the back gives him a pretty good view of the hallway, and so he can’t help but to zone out while he waits endlessly for a certain someone. 

“Nishimura!” 

The English teacher — Riki can’t remember her name for the life of him — snaps in his direction. 

“Do you want to answer this grammar question since you’re so preoccupied with the exciting element of the hallway?” She pushes her glasses up her nose and raps her knuckle against the whiteboard. Panic sweeps through Riki and he looks over at Jungwon for help, but the boy is laying on the table and hiding behind his own textbook, undoubtedly fast asleep. 

Then he realises – this question is familiar. Yuting had effectively drilled it into his head a week prior, getting so frustrated by him answering the same question wrong over and over again that she nearly stood on her chair to teach him. 

“‘Where’ is the proper preposition rather than ‘which’. The sentence is talking about a location,” he crosses his fingers and takes a bet, his mind ringing with the words he recalled Yuting saying. You blind idiot, I gave you the same question last week and you could answer it just fine!

At this point, Jungwon has realised the commotion and raises his head at Riki. He looks offendingly shocked to see how well he answered the question. He mouths, “How’d you do that?”, when the teacher nods, pleased, and turns to the whiteboard again. 

“I’m just smart,” Riki grins back, pinching his arm. “And a good student who studies and doesn’t fall asleep in class.” 

Just then, a cheerful voice outside the hallway calls out his name. Riki has never whipped his head around so quickly. 

“Riki-yah!”  He wants to reach into his stomach and gut himself when Kim Sunoo, not-huang-yuting, dashes past with the most innocent smile he could give in the situation. When he purses his lips in mild disappointment, Riki suddenly understands why Yuting endearingly nicknames him an idiot so often.

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[itsthestutterforme]

“Invisible String” 1/2 (Rafe x black!reader)

Summary: Rafe fell into the drug scene when you were off at college. You started to get worried because he stopped calling and answering your texts so you came home.

Prompt credit @promptsforthestrugglingauthor : “Don’t you think you could be doing something better with your life?” “No, I’m happy right where I am.”

Notes: GIF is not mine, all mistakes are my own, friends to lovers trope, slow burn trope

**

You felt your body weigh with disappointment when you opened Rafe’s room to see it empty. You and Rafe were in the same graduating class. You were the tutor that helped bumped his grade up just enough to graduate and you’ve grown close since then.

You went to parties together and he would make you tag along whenever him and his friends planned a trip together. You weren’t exactly a Kook but your mother is a successful realtor all over North Carolina.

She would travel a lot for her job and your dad was out of the picture, so you were left wandering your three story house all alone. Until you decided to get your Doberman puppy named Cane to raise and keep you company. You put him through service dog training so your university would allow him to stay with you.

After graduation, you left for college at Duke University. You would call Rafe at least twice a week to stay in touch. From when you would talk to him, he would mention the pressure his dad was putting on him to prepare him for that family business. When truthfully, he didn’t want anything to do with the business.

Ward would say that it doesn’t matter what he wanted and to suck it up like a man. He said Rafe was essentially born to take over the family business. Ward refused to pay for Rafe’s tuition at North Carolina State University, so Rafe ended up flunking out.

Then one random night, Rafe stopped returning your calls. Naturally you were worried because it was unlike him to go quiet. You grew more anxious each day when you checked your phone to see no text or call from him. The two of you shared your location always. It was his idea to share locations because you were moving three hours away and he didn’t trust college boys for shit.

Your anxiety really started to spike when you saw that Rafe disabled his location feature when you tried to check his location. So you came home early from winter break to figure out what was happening and here you were.

You knocked on Sara’s door and no answer either. “Hello?” You called down the halls in Tannyhill. Where the hell did everybody go? you thought to yourself. “Hello?” You heard someone answer back. You heard footsteps move upstairs and that’s when you realized it was Wheezie.

“Hey Wheezie,” “Y/N, I didn’t know you were back home.” You met in the hallway and she gave you a warm hug. “Yeah I just came back today.” You answered, rocking her side to side and she smiled. “Where is everyone, Wheez?” You asked when she pulled away. “Everyone disappeared, honestly. Rose is on a business trip with Dad in Barbados. Sarah is with John B and the rest of his friends. And Rafe..” she trails off, chewing on her bottom lip anxiously.

“What happened with Rafe, Wheezie?” You asked slowly. “He’s on drugs. Sometimes he would come home high and other times he wouldn’t come home at all.” He did what? Your heart sank in your chest. “Why didn’t your parents take you with them?” “I’m not allowed on business trips. They would have just left me in the penthouse anyway.” She answered, your heart broke when you saw his sad and defeated she was.

Why would they leave an eleven year old girl by herself? It reminded you too much of your childhood growing up. And you didn’t like it one bit. “When does your parents come back from their trip?” “Saturday,” “What do you say we go out for lunch and icees? You could pack a bag and come stay with me and Cane until your parents come home.”“You brought Cane with you?” She asked excitedly. “Of course. He’s in the car.”

“Yes! I’ll go pack a bag now.” She jumps up and down a few moments before rushing into her room. In the meantime, you clicked Rafe’s contact and hovered over the call button but restrained yourself. Wheezie comes back with a weekender bag and a bright smile on her face.

“You ready, kiddo?”

**

There you stood in front of a rundown trailer with Rafe’s dirt bike parked in front of it. Wheezie mentioned that Ward kicked Rafe out of the house because of his drug addiction but put a tracker in his dirt bike to keep an eye on him. You told Wheezie that you would be right back and to keep an eye on Cane. But now that you think about it, this place looks sketchy and you could use Cane right about now.

You used a satellite to triangulate his general location based on the type of tracker Ward used. The general vicinity of the bike was in a trailer park called Lakeside. You walked around the entire neighborhood until you found Rafe’s bike. You let out a shaky sigh as you approached the trailer and walked up the steps.

The sun was setting, making the neighborhood look even more scary. But you swallow your fear because you needed to see Rafe. You had changed into some jeans and a red crop top with matching red Vans. You tucked your knife in your front pocket, hoping you wouldn’t need it. You had sent your college friend your location just in case.

You raised your hand and knocked on the door. “Who is it?” Someone calls, his voice had a heavy accent. “I’m looking for Rafe,” you said through the door. “Who?” “Rafe-“ the man opened the door and held a gun in his free hand, “Cameron.” Your eyes looked passed the man to the Rafe laying on the couch with his mouth open and his eyes closed.

“Who are you? His girlfriend?” The man asks, giving you a once over. “No,” His golden tooth shined as he smiled at you, tucking away his gun under his belt. “Can I come in?” You asked, slowly raising your hands in surrender.

“Sure, pretty lady.” He opens the door wide enough for you to walk through. Your rushed to Rafe’s side and held his face in your hands. “Rafe,” you said softly, gently shaking him. Judging from the weight of his head in your hands, he was out cold.

“How come I haven’t seen you around here before?” The man asks. “I’ve.. been in college.” You hesitate. “Ah, so you’re a college girl. Did you go to school with young blood?” “Yes,” you tap Rafe’s face and shook him but no avail. “Come on, Rafe. Wake up.” “He’s out cold, sweetheart. He’s been taking hits all day.”

You stood from the floor and crossed your arms. “Sorry, Rafe.” You wind your arm all the way back and slapped his cheek, your hand still stinging from the contact. “Damn!” The man encourages. Rafe jumps up when he awakens and yells at man. “What the fuck, Barry?” Rafe snaps. “It wasn’t me, young blood. It was your girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?” Rafe’s eyes finally settle on you and his mouth falls open. “Y/N?” He looks at you like you were a ghost. “You weren’t answering my calls. I got worried.” You said softly. “It’s not safe for you here. You should go.” “Not without you,” “You got a tough one, Rafe.” Barry says as he eyes you.

Rafe stood in front of you protectively. “Come on. Let’s talk outside.” Rafe suggests, taking your hand and leading you outside. “Awe, but she just got here.” Rafe closed the door and led you down the stairs. He stopped and turned to you as if he was scared to meet your gaze. He lets go of your hand and your hand grew cold without his touch.

“What are you doing here, Y/N?” He asks softly. “I could ask you the same thing,” you said, crossing your arms. “Is he why you haven’t been answering my calls or texts? And why is your location off?” “You shouldn’t care about me, Y/N/N.” “Well tough shit, I do. Now tell me what’s going on?” He grew silent and finally looks at you. “Dude,” you hit his chest when he doesn’t answer you.

“I’m a nobody. I’m never going to amount to anything. Either I inherit the family business or I’m a nobody and there’s no point in doing the first option because I’ll always disappoint Dad. So I give up, alright!” “No, you don’t get to do that! You don’t get to give up on yourself. You are twenty years old, Rafe. Life is just starting for you- for both of us,” you closed the gap between you. “I flunked out.” He says, awaiting your disappointment. It’s not like the feeling was new for him.

“That doesn’t matter. There’s always community college or a trade. You build something of your own so no one can take it from you.” “You need to go, Y/N. Be friends with someone who doesn’t drag you down with them,” he presses his chest to yours and you stared up at into his porcelain blue eyes.

He smoothed a hand over your braids and kisses the top of your head. He held you for a few moments before stepping away from you and walking back towards the trailer. “Don’t you think you could be doing something better with your life?” You turned around to face him. “No, I’m happy right where I am.”

He reaches for the handle but pauses when you said, “Are you?” You let out a sigh before continuing, “If this is the last time we see each other then I want you to have this,” you unlatched your favorite pendant that had tigers eye in the center. You got it on a trip to Salem, Massachusetts.

You place the pendant in his hand and closed his hand around it. You met his gaze once again but you didn’t have anything else to say. You brushed his shoulder when you walk passed him, hugging yourself when the cool breezed touched your skin.

He wanted to run after you and tell you to take him home with you. But.. deep down he knew it was for the best, so he let you go. He waited until you went into your car, noticing you wipe the tears away with the back of your hand. He opened the door to the trailer and let out a huff when he fell back on the couch. Holding your pendant in his hands, he rolled the crystal between his thumb and pointer finger.

“Damn, country club. You have taste. I’ll give you that.” “You touch her and I’ll kill you,” he snaps, venom dripping from his voice. “You have feelings for her, huh? Not a good thing to show your drug dealer. Now I know who to go to when you don’t pay me.” Barry jokes, his smile falling when Rafe slowly stands from the couch.

“Relax, dude. I was just joking! Besides we’re partners now, right?” “Whatever man,” Rafe says, advancing the bathroom to take a shower.