#i do think they both did a lot of things wrong because well they both don't have positive major influences as they were growing up
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Look, his brand of incredible self-confidence paired with crippling self-doubt is really unintuitive to a lot of people!
Tim thinks he is capable of doing pretty much anything. He recognizes that there are a few people better then him, and is always on the look-out to learn something new, but he almost never doubts his ability to learn, or his assumption that he'll be one of the best after a short practice period.
He's also never sure if his best will be satisfying to others. That it won't be brushed off, or criticized. Like, he doesn't ASSUME things will go poorly, but he also never relies on them going well.
Writing him as secure in his abilities is correct. Writing him as secure in HIMSELF can be out-of-character, depending on the situation.
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I've been in similar places as a former gifted kid with ADHD.
I COULD do pretty much any assignment given me. Math, science, language arts - they were all easy. If I didn't understand, it took one question, or a quick read, to get up to speed. I was good at running, and most physical skills that didn't require hand-eye coordination. I at least THOUGHT I was good at acting. Teachers liked talking with me.
But I had zero confidence in myself. I couldn't trust myself to finish assignments or show up to events. I'd misread instructions, or get distracted when they were being given. I'd answer questions in ways that annoyed the other students. I could never make friends, or even understand why what the other kids were doing was fun.
I both thought I COULD do anything, and was terribly insecure about everything I did. Was I doing it the way people wanted? Would people change their mind and then blame me? Would people not care, because it was ME doing it? Any mistake would be my fault, no matter how impossible it would have been for me to avoid it!
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An even more subtle challenge in writing Tim is that he rarely SAYS negative things about himself. He just acts in ways consistent with BELIEVING those things.
He doesn't say, "nobody likes me!" He just assumes nobody will notice if he disappears for a week, and accepts shallow relationships where nobody knows the real him, and says yes to every person who asks to date him, unless he remembers he's dating someone else.
He doesn't say, "I deserve to be treated the way I am." He just blames himself when his dad doesn't show up to things, and agrees to bonding activities he doesn't like, and pretends to appreciate gifts that show a deep misunderstanding of his character.
So, some people pick up the vibes he's giving off, but then write him explicitly expressing them, which reads wrong. And other people miss the vibes, and write him as only confident and a bit obnoxious, which is also off.
Tim is SUBTLE.
it kills me when people try to characterize tim as insecure and lacking confidence in himself or his abilities. like please. a guy who goes "uwaaahh maybe im just not that good at anything and i don't bring much to the table and i don't think anyone actually likes me and im just not good enough" would have given up by failed clone attempt #26. be for fucking real
#probably projecting a bit here#like this is all in the text#but there SURE ARE other ways to read the text
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Such an Integral Piece
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Warnings: Fluff
Prompt: introducing your cat to Dick's dog Haley (request: @runnergirl234 also I love this idea it's the cutest thing ever and I hope you also have a great day)
Notes: female reader, italics are actions and thoughts.
-With that said it's all under the cut-
The idea of you both moving in together was obvious, most nights one of your guys's apartments was empty because you would sleep over with the other person. It wasn't entirely ideal because of the animals but both of you didn't want to move too quickly in your relationships. That was nearly a year ago before you knew he was Nightwing.
Now Richard was staying at whatever apartment was closest after patrol and unfortunately that meant it was usually his. Sleeping in an empty bed just felt wrong at this point.
"Why don't you just move in? You shouldn't have to drive so far after a long day of work, I know the traffic in the city is not great around this time. I mean it's never great." Dick rubbed your back as you both laid in bed together.
"You're sure?" You asked as you played with his silky soft fluffy hair.
"I mean it would help me keep an eye on you but if you don't want to I entirely understand, I don't want to pressure you into anything." He leaned into your soft touches, closing his eyes with a groan.
"I mean I've been meaning to get away from the other job for a while anyways, If we can figure something out I wouldn't mind moving." Absentmindedly staring at the ceiling in the almost pitch black room.
"You mean that weirdo, David? Is he still coming around?" He asks about the weirdo that used to work at your job that kept stalking you.
"No, I think you scared I'm off but I'm really tired of looking over my shoulder and hoping that he's not there."
"I can find you a job pretty easily I mean hell you could probably work with me if you wanted."
"Isn't that like conflict of interest?"
"Not if we are actually working."
"I'd be down." Haley jumping on the bed to curl into your side.
"Then you're moving in." Cuddling into your chest, his face squished against your boobs.
"I am moving in" You smiled as sleep started taking you.
It was a bit of a process going through everything that you had acquired over time. You had that apartment since you were 18 so there was a lot to go through. It took about a week but you were getting everything settled and moved into Dick's place.
Once everything was in it's rightful place at his apartment the last but most important piece was your cat Frodo. Frodo is very affectionate and loving.
"Oh, God. I'm nervous."
"It's okay, Honey. Haley's got her mask on and I've got a hold of her." He's almost 100% sure she won't do anything to her but he wants to be sure.
"Well, here goes nothing." You brought Frodo's carry case over to Haley to let her sniff him. Frodo started hissing as Haley got super excited and playful which prompted Dick to make her sit.
"Be gentle Haley." He said to the sweet pitbull that listenss to every word that came out of his mouth.
"I guess we'll just have to give them time." You stated to Dick. After about 20 minutes of him in the crate you decided to let him out. Dick told Haley to come sit on the couch with him and she very quickly listened being such a well-trained dog. Once everyone calm down they seemed to as well.
The three of you saw on the couch and watched a movie while Frodo decided to go explore the house. After about an hour Frodo came back and surprisingly curled up next to Haley. You were half asleep against chest so you didn't notice but he sure did, he took a photo and posted it on Snapchat with the caption "my little family" which was a photo of you laying on his chest and the animals cuddling together. This was all that he hoped for when he was so happy that everybody was getting along.
#dick grayson x reader#dick grayson#richard grayson#nightwing x reader#batboys x reader#batboys#batfamily
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I need to tell you guys about my WaveWave love languages headcanon, or I might explode.
So, in my head, I think everyone has at least two love languages. The type of love a person likes to give and the type of love a person likes to get. Of course, they’ll always be exceptions to this rule where people will like to give and receive the same love language, but this won’t be the case here.
I just want to note if I get any characterization wrong, I apologize, I’m still new to this fandom 🥲
Shockwave:
Shockwave’s first love language (in my head) is gift giving. As an emotionally repressed guy, I don’t think he knows how to properly express his feelings towards those he loves. So the easiest way for him is to give gifts! It’s just the matter of remembering things that his partner likes, right? Well… it’s a little more complicated than that. Because Shockwave can get immensely carried away with gifts. Like he’s still the same bot who has random mech parts lying around, you can’t tell me he hasn’t given Soundwave the head of their enemies at least once. And what I find funny is that I’d like to believe that Soundwave would eat it up. Like he did that?? For me??? He’s so flattered, even if the bouquet Shockwave gave him were carved out autobot parts made to look like flowers. It’s fiiiine.
Now for Shockwave’s second love language, I think he values quality time. Because somewhere, in that cold spark of his, I think he’s lonely. He’s constantly in his lab, alone, doing who knows what half the time. Shockwave has created so many emotional walls, that I think he would appreciate someone who could tolerate being just near him. So not only does Soundwave tolerate him, but actively spends time working next to him, it means a lot to him. And the fact that not only that, but Soundwave trusts him enough to recharge next to him, well— it means the whole world to him. Sleep is one of the most vulnerable states you can be in. And if Soundwave feels comfortable enough to do that, it has to mean something!
Soundwave:
With Soundwave, surprisingly, I think his first love language would be physical affection. I think it makes the most sense due to the fact of his cassettes. He’s basically a father to them, so I think he’s been conditioned to it. But I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I think a part of him really likes being a source of comfort, not only towards his cassettes, but towards Shockwave. Unfortunately, he’s not able to express this very often due to the fact he must uphold a “cold hearted mech” persona. Don’t be fooled, though, because whenever he has the chance, he will lean over on Shockwave’s shoulder when he’s working. It maybe a small gesture but I think it means a lot to both of them.
Soundwave’s second love language is Acts of Service. I mean, it makes sense. Again, he’s a father and a high ranking Decipticon. That must be extremely tiring; especially when you have your own personal needs to attend to. So, he’d be extremely happy if you made his birth or helped take Ravage out on a walk— hell, even just let him take some time to have a bath. That’s where I think Shockwave’s gift giving would come in, because he would just make things for Soundwave that would make his life much more convenient. Of course, it’s nothing as horrific as his usual gifts, but if that means that Soundwave can live his life a little easier, Shockwave will do it.
#Alr#that was#a lot#can you tell I like wavewave /sar#you have no idea how crazy these two make me#it’s fucking insane#they will kill me one day I know it#and what’s crazy is that I’m not done#no no no#I’m far from done#please someone talk to me about them#PLEASE#IM BEGGING#*SHAKES YOU*#wavewave#transformers#headcanons#love langauges#shockwave#Soundwave
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Jiliy X Reader Where Reader is the works for the school newspaper and is interviewing them at hogsmeed (probably spelled that wrong) | Fluff angst and fade to black
thanks for the request!! i honestly COULD NOT come up with a full story so i did headcanons instead (but i may revisit this at some point to actually flesh it out!)
➞ being on the school newspaper meant that you spent a lot of time observing and writing about quidditch
which ALSO meant a lot of time observing and writing about James Potter
➞ being the captain of the Gryffindor quidditch team and the star chaser, James was almost always the talk of the school
➞ after seeing you at all of the quidditch games he started to notice you more in class and eventually developed feelings
and when James catches feelings he CATCHES FEELINGS (just ask Lily)
➞ he would try to impress you by doing impulsive or stupid things
➞ Lily would roll her eyes while doing something that would *actually* impress you
➞ despite both of them being clearly interested, you never really noticed
either because you didn’t think they were serious or because you didn’t want to ruin their relationship
➞ eventually, when interviewing them for the school paper they had enough and asked you out
it was very unexpected and took you by surprise
blinking in confusion and staring at them like they were crazy, you’d say something like “that’s not funny” or “aren’t you together?”
➞ “it’s not a joke.” — James
➞ “just because we’re together doesn’t mean we can’t have feelings for you as well.” — Lily
➞ i feel like maybe an argument would ensue because of simple disbelief on your part, but after they assure you over and over (“yes, we’re being serious. no, this isn’t a joke, we REALLY do want you to be apart of our relationship”) you’d believe them
#marauders era#the marauders#marauders#em’s fics#james potter#lily evans#james x lily#jily#jily x reader#james potter x reader#lily evans x reader#marauders headcanon
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okay so who’s gonna write the fic where logan and wade have been together for forever but shit really hits the fan in their universe (they are still fighting against paradox and other baddies along the way) and the two of them find themselves backed into a corner when it comes to not only saving their universe from being pruned again, but to save logan and cure his adamantium poisoning/slowing healing factor
and just when things couldn’t get worse, cable comes back from the future to save wade from the pruning, but he sees wade with logan and is shocked he’s moved on so he’s feeling a whole lotta “wtf he’s mine i still love you lets try this again”
cue logan reminding nathan that he made a choice to leave wade. things got too serious for nate, and he just can’t show up out of nowhere expecting wade to drop everything just for him now that he’s ready to try for real this time
cue nathan reminding logan that not only did he date his dad, but he has sabotaged almost every good relationship in his life. nate thinks its just a matter of time until logan does it again and that he doesn’t want wade to be “just another name lost in the centuries”
then cue wade feeling like shit because he never forgave nathan for leaving and both him and logan don’t have a lot of time to deal with this plus having to find a cure/save the universe
AND THEN cue complicated feelings for all 3 of them while they try to figure this shit out because logan is starting to understand why wade loved nathan and nathan is starting to understand why wade loves logan and wade is starting to catch feelings for nathan again but doesn’t want to put logan through a throuple situation after knowing how the first time went. wade is also still not over nate abandoning him and there isn’t much nate can do to regain trust again
AND THEN AND THEN there’s a big reveal where you find out that wade’s healing factor has begun to slow down as well, and his cancer has started to come back little by little. logan is convinced that in being together for as long as they have, it’s his adamantium that’s making wade sick and he’s thinking about making wade leave their universe with nate so he’d at least have a fighting chance. he doesn’t want to tell wade the real reason why he wants him to go, because he doesn’t want wade to feel sad/less likely to go/guilty about logan dying without him, so he’s starting to act different and is on the verge of wanting to purposefully push wade away to make it easier for the both of them
nate also thinks that it’s logan’s adamantium that is making wade sick again, but he’s been around enough to know that wade will get worse just being apart from logan and he doesn’t think he can do that to wade, even if it meant saving his life. he feels like he’s hurt wade enough and maybe he needs to figure out why he’s even involving himself in all of this before making moves. maybe it would be best that he leaves so no one else has to get hurt or disappointed. maybe wade being sick isn’t something he’s meant to be around for or fix
BUT THEN you have wade, questioning his decades long relationship with logan for the first time in a long time, trying to hang on to the hope that neither one of them are right; that nate is wrong about logan adding their relationship to the tallies of things he destroys and that logan is wrong about nate getting ready to leave cause wade dying is just too serious of a situation to be around for. you have wade, who has always been capable of loving everyone but himself, and is hoping that this time and at the very least, just one of the people he loves love him enough to stay
at some point in all this, none of them know if they’re gonna fuck or fight. or both. so they fight then fuck then fight some more idk dude these old guys are just slutty af in my head
…
so. who’s gonna write it cause i sure as hell can’t 🙃🙃🙃🙃
#i’ll take all the whump and all the angst for 500 alex#why do they all hurt so good I want to lick tears off their faces#i just want the 3 of them to touch tongues that’s it i swear#logan howlett#wolverine#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine#deadclaws#wade wilson#deadpool#deadpool x wolverine#loganpool#wolverpool#cablepool#cablepoolverine#nathan summers#nate summers
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I'm just now seeing this and I debated whether or not to say anything more about what I said in my post that this person is talking about. They said this like a month ago, but my words are being used as a way to prove that any negative thoughts towards a character who is a person of color is automatically racist, and that is really hurtful considering as a Hispanic person, I know how it feels to have people be racist towards me or see people actively be racist about characters who are people of color.
When I said that I know that Derek tied Deaton up and punched him, that wasn't me saying that it's ok and we should ignore what Derek did wrong in this situation. I'll talk about anything that any of the characters have done wrong. But my post was about Deaton and things he has done and said. I can absolutely make a separate post about things Derek did wrong, I know he fucked up a lot. I also understand why he did the things he did, fear is a very powerful emotion and motivator. Fear can override our rational thinking to protect ourselves, even when those actions aren't the correct actions to take.
As someone with ADHD who can go down every rabbit hole in existence for hours on end, if I don't stick with the topic at hand, which in my post the topic was Deaton, then I can end up completely off topic and lose what I was originally trying to express. I do my best to stick with one character at a time, at most two, in a post so I can stay on track. If that comes across as me not caring about the shit other characters did, that's not on me. That's others making assumptions about me due to things I didn't say and that's just ridiculous.
I don't hate Deaton. I don't think Deaton is evil. I don't have personal headcanons trying to make him evil. What I do have is the need to write out my thoughts about characters and see what others think as well to see if I'm possible taking something differently than intended or if I hit the mark or even if there's more than one way to interpret something.
I'm not going to gloss over the bad or mean things a character does because they aren't white. That does nothing to help actual racism within fandom. I will call out shit no matter what someone's skin color is.
I'm quite aware that Teen Wolf is about Scott. I know he's the main character and have no issue with that. I'm happy I get representation in a main character. I'm not trying to ignore that so there isn't that fueling any of my thoughts. I'm not creating headcanons to demonize Deaton. What I am doing is seeing the things Deaton says and does and judging based on that.
To me, Deaton did do Derek a little dirty. That's my personally feelings. Whether he actually did or not, it's how I felt. Honestly I feel like every character did someone dirty at least once. Because that's how people are, we all do someone dirty in our lifetime. We all fuck up. I also don't think it's fair to instantly jump to someone is being racist because of something they felt about a character.
I never said there was something wrong with Deaton helping Scott and mentoring him. It's good he did! I just felt that with Derek, instead of putting him down, he could have offered advice. Or even do both! Tell him something he is doing wrong and offer a better way at doing it. I would want anyone to do that because I feel kindness is the better way to go. Which is why I do my best to be kind, even when I'm being talked down to and insulted.
I understand Deaton is Scott's mentor. I understand he will have a lot of focus on Scott. But I guess because if I was Deaton, I would help them all as much as I had the ability to, because I understand the trauma they have all been through.
Trauma doesn't care if you're an adult, trauma doesn't care if you're a millionaire. Trauma rewires the brain. And Derek has had a lot of trauma in his life to the point where he is not a functioning adult. For 2 seasons Derek doesn't get an actual place to live, he squats in the burned up ruins of his old home and the ruins of an abandoned train station. The guy has no idea how to adult, and as someone who had to endure trauma hindering mental growth and not knowing how to function as an adult, I feel empathetic towards Derek. I understood the fear and the anger. I understood the hurt and confusion. Having to play catch up due to trauma after trauma is hard and its frustrating.
So yes, I will have a little more empathy towards characters I can relate to, but I still have empathy for other characters as well.
Just because I didn't bring up the sheriff, doesn't mean I feel he did everything right about the Hale fire. Hell, I don't even know if Stilinski was even the sheriff when the fire happened. But if he was, then yes, he did Derek dirty by not solving it and seeing that the fire was arson and catching everyone that helped cover it up. If he wasn't the sheriff yet, then whoever was at the time, did Derek dirty.
But my post wasn't about the sheriff so I had no reason to talk about that. I can definitely talk about that on a separate post if anyone wants, but like I said above, I like to keep my posts about who I'm talking about and not add in others who have nothing to do with my post so I can keep my posts on the right track, because if I don't, I'll never get to the point I'm trying to make.
I never saw Deaton as Derek's enemy. I understand Stiles is a supporting character. I understand that for a while, Derek had the role of antagonist. I understand that Scott is the main character.
Deaton is cryptic and is called cryptic by other characters. I find characters who are cryptic generally annoying because I have a hard enough time understanding people when they aren't cryptic. Being neurodivergent makes it harder to understand things unless bluntly stated. So yeah, I'm probably going to interpret some things wrong, but that doesn't mean it has anything to do with the fact that he's black.
I put my thoughts out there to have civil discussions. To see what someone's else's pov is. If something went unnoticed. If I possibly misunderstood something. But when I do, I instantly get met with condescension, accusations of racism, and having my words twisted.
If I get something wrong, by all means please tell something is wrong and why. But don't treat me like I'm stupid. When I post my thoughts, I want conversation, not attacks. I want to figure out if how I saw things was correct or if it's more ambiguous. And there are a lot of things in this show that's ambiguous.
I haven't been in the fandom since the beginning. I've been in the fandom for a year. For me, everything has been new. So lumping me in with people who were here from the start isn't fair. I'm not them.
I get being tired of racism in fandom, trust me I get it, but jumping to the conclusion that anyone feeling anything negative towards a character who is a person of color is automatically racist is damaging. Especially when people go straight to the accusations of racism and are condescending right off the bat instead of remembering the fact that some people are new to the fandom.
My favorite part of that post is, “and yes I know Derek had tied him up and punched him.”
Like, they’re really saying ‘let’s just agree to completely disregard the fact that Deaton’s sole interaction with Derek as far as we know is being beaten up and kidnapped and instead talk about how mean Deaton is to him!’
Also, folks hating characters because of their own awful headcanons about them instead of their actual canon characterization should be laughable at this point, but mostly it’s just sad.
There is one inescapable and, to certain parts of fandom, unreconcilable fact that lies at the bottom of all of this turmoil: Teen Wolf was the story of Scott McCall. There was no episode, no plotline, no detail in 100 episodes and a movie that did not impact Scott or influence his development as the lead protagonist. From how Derek's and Peter's trip to Mexico to recover Talia's claws led directly to Derek giving Scott the "Protector of Beacon Hills" title to how Claudia Stilinski's illness and death planted the seeds of the conflict in Season 5A between Scott and Stiles, he's always at the center of everything.
It is the fundamental rejection of this idea that leads parts of the 'fandom' to create hate-fueled headcanons in order to negate it. This is quite clearly exemplified in the racist demonization of Alan Deaton. All these clearly nonsensical interpretations, from "sinister tree wizard" to "cryptic demon worshipper" to "Peter's archenemy" to "Deaton did Derek dirty," all come from the idea that it is the Hales (which somehow includes Stiles and/or any other white male character to which fandom has grown attached) who should have the rightful claim to the focus and attention of the show and the characters therein.
From a Doylist perspective, if you take my premise above as true then, of course, Deaton would spend the majority of his time and focus on Scott. Deaton served as Scott's mentor, and as narratives usually do, they used a character in that role to highlight the protagonist's struggles and strengths and to reveal the protagonist's background. For example, when the writers wanted to highlight Scott's ethics they show this through the way Deaton treats him. In Season 1, he is a 16-year-old with the keys to the animal clinic who works unsupervised. Deaton scoffs at Scott's apologies for being "all of two minutes late" and praises him for being one of the "least slacking kids in town." In Season 2, Deaton's treatment of Scott shows his faith in him when other people in his life (Stiles, his mother, Allison) doubt him. Through later seasons, Deaton treats Scott less and less like a high-school student and more and more like a partner in his clinic, highlighting Scott's maturation.
That's Deaton's role in the story; he wasn't there to help a supporting foil like Derek resolve difficulties caused by an event six years before the start of the show. When he's negative toward Derek, it serves the purpose of defending Scott.
From a Watsonian perspective, it still makes sense for Deaton to pay most of his attention to Scott. Scott works hard for Deaton, and Deaton knows he's a child from an economically-distressed broken home. Deaton also understands that Scott's been introduced to the world of the supernatural violently and against his will and that he's been placed where he has to lead more children in life-and-death situations. Since Deaton suspects Scott has the chance to become a True Alpha, Scott will need all the guidance Deaton can give him. Derek, on the other hand, was an adult millionaire who has been a werewolf all his life and whom Deaton hasn't seen for six years. Furthermore, Derek broke into his clinic, assaulted him, and kidnapped him, as well repeatedly beating Scott, who we have to stress once again is a child, once to the point of Deaton having to give him medical attention. And yet, Deaton still provided advice, knowledge, and druidic assistance to Derek, once even to risking a permanent catatonic state to aid him. But that's not enough for some people.
In any setting, it would not have been an outrageous development for Deaton to scrap his promise to Derek's mother and become Derek's enemy in order to protect teenagers like Scott, Jackson, Isaac, Erica and Boyd from Derek's predatory behavior. Oh, let me correct that: it would not have been an outrageous development if Deaton had been played by Linden Ashby.
This is why I brought up the Sheriff when trying to defend Deaton from the accusation that he "did Derek dirty." Nowhere on the screen are Emissaries described as having an obligation to the packs; they were advisors, as Peter, Derek, and even Gerard all admitted. This is why I take issue with the concept that "Deaton was the Hale Pack Emissary, so he owed Derek his focus and uncritical support." One of the people with an obligation to protect and serve Derek was Sheriff Noah Stilinski, and yet I have never once seen any part of the fandom criticize the sheriff for treating poor orphan Derek as a murder suspect, for not solving the Hale Fire, or for being hostile to Peter. It very, very seldom happens in fanfiction that the Sheriff is revealed to be in cahoots with the Argents or revealed to be secretly influencing Scott to take command away from the Hale's for Stiles own good. On the other hand, I am pretty sure I would have seen all these takes and more if the Sheriff had been played by Seth Gilliam.
Thus, the twisted calculus that leads to headcanons such as "Deaton let the Hale Fire happen to serve the Balance" or ubiquitous fanfiction tropes like "Deaton suppresses Stiles's natural magical abilities," springs from a fundamental, and fundamentally racist, rejection of what even the lowest amount of media literacy would take as self evident: Scott McCall was the lead protagonist. Deaton is called shady, untrustworthy and cryptic even today because his advice and actions didn't conform to an interpretation of the show that was never going to happen. The Hales were antagonist or allies; Stiles --- as popular as he was and as much focus as he got -- was a supporting character. For this entitle fandom, someone has to answer for that, and a black man is as good a target as any.
#i felt it needed to be said#its been weighing on me since this all started#kindness is always the way to go#so even though i was frustrated writing all this i stayed nice because being mean helps no one#and i dont expect a reply#but i do hope my words maybe help people understand me a little better#im honestly anxious about this
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me: finally accepting theres a good chance im autistic and starting to work up the courage to ask my parents to see if i could get a diagnoses but being scared to
my mom: do you ever think you have adhd? if you want to do a screening for add next time your at the doctors you can
me:
#for context im terrified of being the person who sees stuff online and diagnosis themselves and then is wrong#which is why it took me so long to accept im —probably— autistic (bc now i have done research and stuff for it)#and id see adhd things that were relatable but i felt i related more to the autism + self diagnosing both felt weird (for me not in general#but now like. my mom is willing to accept i might have add??#(there was a long talk in between her asking if i ever thought i had it and her saying i could get a screening where we both agreed that#—if i did have it— i didnt have the hyperactive part. hence the add vs adhd thing)#and now that kinda through off my plans because like. what if i do also had adhd. or something#so yeah small crisis woo#i need to actually look i to symptoms and stuff for adhd though#because im not saying anything til i know more about it and if i actually do have a lot of the things#but this also gives me a chance go write about the autism things as well bc i told my mom i would look into the adhd#so now i can hopefully find a way to bring that up#ive mentioned that autism is a spectrum recently which i didnt think she knew before#so progress i guess#wow long rant in the tags whoops#jasper’s posts#moots have some jaz lore i guess
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first psychiatry appointment done. feeling....weird about it.
(venting in the tags. cw for what might be transphobia but i'm not entirely sure lmao)
#vent post#tw vent post#she prescribed zoloft which alright whatever i expected that#but what got to me/rubbed me the wrong way was how she responded to me saying i was trans#she didn't ask me my pronouns or my gender identity. she jumped right into 'when did you first know you were a boy'#and i was already kind of messed up at that point (crying about other stuff) so it caught me off guard and I froze#like. i'm not a boy. i didn't say i was a boy.#but i didn't correct her and didn't get the chance to LATER because when I said 'well I figured it out in like 7th-8th grade'#she started talking about how MOST people figure out they're trans between the ages of 4-5 and how there's a lot of#''''''social pressure'''''' nowadays WHATEVER THAT MEANS??#and i was like. well okay. fuck me I guess my experiences aren't valid then??#and then she got kind of awkward about it and moved on so i never got the chance to actually. explain my gender identity#idk. the more i think about it the angrier i get. both at myself for not speaking up and her for saying that kind of shit at all#anyways i'm hoping she has nothing to do with my transition when I go to the endocrin people and talk to them abt it in July#and like she was nice and kind about pretty much everything else. it was just that one thing.#i also feel weird because i overheard the secretary guy tell somebody over the phone that she doesn't like to prescribe#stimulants even to people who have previously been diagnosed with ADHD which. ???? isn't that. the treatment for ADHD???#which makes me nervous because EYE am going to get tested for ADHD and other such potential neurodivergencies and like.#is she not going to prescribe meds for them if I do have those things?? and what if the testing comes back and I AM autistic#is she going to invalidate that too because there's so many people online who think they're autistic nowadays???#this all on top of the fact that i had a massive massive panic attack trying to find parking downtown where her office is so I was#already fraazzled and out of it going into the appointment lmao#ahem. so anyway. today has been so rough and I want to sleep for 60000 years.#OH OH OH OH AND WHEN I WAS LIKE 'yeah i took a 10mg thc gummy once but it gave me a massively bad panic attack'#she was like. 'good! I'm glad you reacted like that' and ??? what the hell? that also kinda took me aback. like. wtf??#why would you be glad that I had a panic attack so bad I almost called 911 and got myself taken to a hospital. like. hello.
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Hard agree! People don't like hearing about it because it's taboo and "icky" or they're afraid that awknowleging it reads as condoning it. But the thing is it's there, mostly subtextually, though not always, see: "If it was legal to marry my sister I'd have done it already" lol.
People have called me gross as well but it's very much woven into the story. The nuance that seems to get lost is framing. Like when I say Wynonna has a thing for her sister I'm not saying that's a healthy thing or something that should be normalized/glorified and neither is the show. I'm saying she's kinda messed up and it makes sense that she's messed up in that way. The reactivity around it is to the point where I've hardly anylized it on my main blog, which to be abundantly clear to anyone who may be reading, I would never in real life encourage someone to engage in a sexual or romantic relationship with their sibling, even in adults the emotional power dynamics still have a high risk of putting strain on consent. Please do not conflate my willingness to explore taboos within the safety of fiction with condoning any violation of consent or even with encouraging high risk relationships in the real world.
On top of the repressed bisexuality Wynonna has pretty severe trauma and doesn't form secure attachments, she's very avoidant in most of her relationships, but with those she let's closest to her she will often become anxiously attached. Waverly was the one really stable connection through a lot of Wynonna's life. We know her mom wasn't affectionate but was critical, her dad was severely abusive, and after she shot Ward by accident she was a social pariah in the town, plus we see in episode one that Gus openly saw her as so mentally ill she should be kept away from Waverly. Meanwhile Waverly not only loved her through it all but knew about the revenants and believed her when no one else in the world did. I think it's feels like a kinda real thing to happen for someone put through all that to attach unusually to their sibling. And I'm sure it didn't help to go years without seeing her and then be confronted with her being fully grown. See their first encounter in the series: "Hey sis. You grew out your... Hair." *wynonna gestures vaguely near her chest*
And maybe part of it is that people are afraid of their hero having this flaw. But Wynonna's flaws are why we love her. Even when we don't like particular flaws, like when she had her big fight with Waverly, they make her feel real. People don't want to look at Wynonna having an attraction to her sister because it so extremely taboo, it's a "she's not that kind of person" sentiment. Which is in a way both right and wrong. Because yeah it seems apparent to those not so adverse to pondering taboos on an intellectual level that Wynonna is attracted to her sister to some degree, but it's also true that she really isn't "that kind of person." Because there's a difference between feeling attraction and violating consent. So yes our beloved and realistically flawed hero has an attraction to her sister, but she obviously also would never violate Waverly which is what people associate with a word like incest. Instead she just tucks it away as she does with all the feelings she doesn't know what to do with and we get little glimpses. Wynonna's worst crime in that department is having a poor verbal filter and being kinda codependent, ultimately Wynonna's little crush on Waverly is harmless. Something she doesn't act on and probably feels immense shame about. Yes because of her discomfort with her orientation but mostly because there is nothing Wyononna regrets more than times she's hurt Waverly and there's nothing she fears more than hurting her again, so much so that she left for four years with little to no contact. It would be unthinkable to Wynonna to ever put hands on her sister in a way Waverly didn't want. Which even when you remove the element of attraction that dynamic of Wynonna wanting so much to protect Waverly and thinking so low of herself that she thinks Waverly needs to be protected from her is part of what makes their family dynamic so compelling, and for those with strained family dynamics in their upbringing it's extremely resonant. I ramble but all that to say that Wynonna having these socially unacceptable feelings may be considered a flaw but at the same time it in no way takes away from her role as a hero and a protector to Waverly.
The thing is in my fiction I do enjoy this kind of thing, I do enjoy shipping sisters, what can I say I like some twisted drama, I like that in a pair that aren't sisters too (not that I'd ever get the same hate for shipping characters like Villanelle and Eve, or for loving the rift arc in Xena. Though considering Wynonna has never tried to kill Waverly of her own accord it's arguable that Wynonna/Waverly is the tamer ship in question). And I know that kind of thing isn't for everyone, and can even be triggering for obvious reasons, but when it comes to Wynonna Earp I do get annoyed. Because in this case it is part of the show. I don't have any expectation for other fans to enjoy it like I do, I don't even expect everyone to feel a need to think about that aspect of the story, it's uncomfortable! But the fact that it's one of those flaws that give Wynonna depth make it something people should be allowed to analyze.
Yes referring to it as a choice was me saying it was intentional. I almost feel crazy analyzing it sometimes because I'm surrounded by people either just not seeing it or telling me I'm gross for interpretating things that way. But then I look at a scene like this and think how Melanie absolutely leaned in and closed her eyes and how that, like basically everything that ends up in a final project is a choice that came from somewhere. If it didn't come from a writer it came from a director, if not a director from the show runner or Melanie, and even if only one of the takes was played that way it still got chosen in post and approved by the director and producers.
I would love to read what you wrote about it!
Choices were made with this kiss. It really could've have just been a twisted thing a demon did to Wynonna, they could've had her recoil, or be completely frozen, but no, Wynonna looks down at Waverly's lips, closes her eyes and leans in!
There's such a moment of relaxing into it before the panic of 'omg I'm kissing my sister' sets in, plus whatever discomfort being possessed by a demon brings
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God I adore opposite character development.
I adore a good person gradually becoming corrupted, not becoming evil necessarily, but their choices stepping further and further away from anything good, their sense of morality bending until it's so distorted that they don't know who they are anymore, grasping tightly to that one thing that justifies it all to themselves and gives their continued existence purpose, until maybe they lose even that and are just left a shell, aimless.
I adore a bad person being tempted out of the darkness that they'd grown accustomed to and comfortable with. Some situation arises, forcing them to confront the fact that they are in fact a complex multi-faceted human and not an inhuman evil force, that despite everything they've done, they still have capacity to feel, to love, they have the ability to choose to do the right thing, and here they find themselves doing just that, whether motivated by circumstance, self serving, or for someone that they care about. And the more they find themselves doing good things, the more they question the foundations of their existence, of everything they've done, and is it too late for them to be good?
And I mean, what is more devastating: being a good person, but that pillar of identity fading to exist the more bad things that are done? Or being convinced that there is no point to goodness and even relishing living in that way, only to realise that despite it all, capacity for goodness existed this whole time, but it that every bad thing you did will always exist no matter how much good you do afterwards.
#watching Lost rn#and the character development goes crazyyyyy#got really good sweet people disintegrating into shells of who they once were#vessels of violence to serve their own agenda#they know what they're doing is wrong#and yet they do it all the same because they feel they must#and i do love bad guys turning good#because there is a horror to it#realising all that they've done cannot be undone#and thus the choice for good is so much more poignant with this realisation#because what is to be gained from this realisation?#it gives no motivation to walk further into the path of the light because of all the stains left behind#doing good after making the choice to do bad for however long only makes the past actions that much worse and severe#a lot of people mistake a redemption arc as something biblical like washing away sins#but a redemption arc done well actually takes into consideration the accountability that is then suffered forever after the fact#even if they are forgiven#they will forever know all the bad things they did#and they will forever know how they felt when they themselves did them#I'm a big fan of characters once bad choosing to be good and even their last action being a Good thing#again I think people largely misinterpret this on both sides#People hate it because they feel they are being manipulated into liking and forgiving the character#Some people love it because they do end up liking forgiving and even defending the character due to how they died#and both these people are wrong#doing a good thing doesn't equate to that person being good through and through and all of their sins absolved#but it does illustrate some level of change#(again change doesn't = absolution)#and that in their last moments their last choice was for Good#It illustrates that good and love is always an option#that change for the good is always an option#even a character that has done terrible things can choose to change for the better. can choose a positive impact rather than a negative sel
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Really good Twitter thread originally about Elon Musk and Twitter, but also applies to Netflix and a lot of other corporations.
Full thread. Text transcription under cut.
John Bull @garius
One of the things I occasionally get paid to do by companies/execs is to tell them why everything seemed to SUDDENLY go wrong, and subs/readers dropped like a stone. So, with everything going on at Twitter rn, time for a thread about the Trust Thermocline /1
So: what's a thermocline?
Well large bodies of water are made of layers of differing temperatures. Like a layer cake. The top bit is where all the the waves happen and has a gradually decreasing temperature. Then SUDDENLY there's a point where it gets super-cold.
That suddenly is important. There's reasons for it (Science!) but it's just a good metaphor. Indeed you may also be interested in the "Thermocline of Truth" which a project management term for how things on a RAG board all suddenly go from amber to red.
But I digress. The Trust Thermocline is something that, over (many) years of digital, I have seen both digital and regular content publishers hit time and time again. Despite warnings (at least when I've worked there). And it has a similar effect. You have lots of users then suddenly... nope. And this does effect print publications as much as trendy digital media companies. They'll be flying along making loads of money, with lots of users/readers, rolling out new products that get bought. Or events. Or Sub-brands.
And then SUDDENLY those people just abandon them. Often it's not even to "new" competitor products, but stuff they thought were already not a threat. Nor is there lots of obvious dissatisfaction reported from sales and marketing (other than general grumbling). Nor is it a general drift away, it's just a sudden big slide. So why does this happen? As I explain to these people and places, it's because they breached the Trust Thermocline.
I ask them if they'd been increasing prices. Changed service offerings. Modified the product.
The answer is normally: "yes, but not much. And everyone still paid" Then I ask if they did that the year before. Did they increase prices last year? Change the offering? Modify the product?
Again: "yes, but not much."
The answer is normally: "yes, but not much. And everyone still paid." "And the year before?"
"Yes but not much. And everyone still paid."
Well, you get the idea. And here is where the Trust Thermocline kicks in. Because too many people see service use as always following an arc. They think that as long as usage is ticking up, they can do what they like to cost and product.
And (critically) that they can just react when the curve flattens But with a lot of CONTENT products (inc social media) that's not actually how it works. Because it doesn't account for sunk-cost lock-in.
Users and readers will stick to what they know, and use, well beyond the point where they START to lose trust in it. And you won't see that. But they'll only MOVE when they hit the Trust Thermocline. The point where their lack of trust in the product to meet their needs, and the emotional investment they'd made in it, have finally been outweighed by the physical and emotional effort required to abandon it. At this point, I normally get asked something like:
"So if we undo the last few changes and drop the price, we get them back?"
And then I have to break the news that nope: that's not how it works.
Because you're past the Thermocline now. You can't make them trust you again.
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Is this what you meant @jjimene123, on the Timmy Turner and Pink Diamond parallels lmao?
Been thinking abt this quote from end of an era!! It makes me THINK
#steven universe#oh that was where they were going for the writings of the diamonds#that is interesting profoundly so#i see pink diamond views herself as inferior powerless and i guess that hints to her having such a low self esteem lmao oof#but she doesn't realise how actually powerful she is by the change that she brought to so many of her subjects by the plans she made...#the war... her tendency to leave others behind because i think this stems from her low-self esteem as well like she doesn't think#she's worthy of being loved and worshipped by so many because of who she is destined to be by her birthright#a cold unfeeling diamond whose purpose is to just find suitable planets to continue their species survival... hm#kinda thinking about this because there's this one time a user brought up how similar timmy and pink diamond are and i laughed so hard#hahahaahha i mean they're both pink ahsfsgahah still i think that user has a point it made me think how actually quite similar they are#like they both think they are very powerless but in fact they are so powerful that they brought change. destruction. reformation. etc.#they both changed so many characters lives in their own respective series in so many ways negatively or positively#that they don't even realise the power that they actually hold#both of them got the short end of the stick in terms of canon though... maybe pink diamond had to sacrifice herself for the love she holds#towards humanity... and her family. and timmy im not sure where he is right now but most people think that he lost his memories#of the creatures who showed him love and comfort and what's it like to have complete trust towards others#they both continue to experience loss for their love... and damn that's just a shitty life to live#i do think they both did a lot of things wrong because well they both don't have positive major influences as they were growing up#pink diamond... well yeah look at who raised her lmao. and timmy? yeesh what a mixed bag of parents he has.#timmy was so polite when he was young... i've seen abra-catastrophe and like he was so sweet??? how did that sweet summer child turn into a#mischevious little devil? well his parents started telling him little white lies#and leaving him behind with a babysitter that has a high chance of killing him. that's how lmao. plus school with francis and crocker?#the universe hates him so much hahahaa#thoughts and theories#pink diamond
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Danny always knew tax evasion ran in his veins. His parents hadn’t been the most… morally sound of people, and less so as ecto-scientists.
He just didn’t think their lessons would ever result in a criminal empire that spanned the entire city and then some. Danny hadn’t seen it coming. His parents definitely wouldn’t have.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Wayne. Mr. Fox.”
Danny ‘the Phantom’ Fenton sat down across from a rather tense looking (to Danny’s enhanced senses, anyways) Brucie Wayne and his right hand, Lucius Fox. He smiled pleasantly, matching Brucie’s vacant smile with that touch of Midwest suburban mother smile.
With his acquisition of multiple Gotham companies, his rather newly established Fentom Co. became one of the largest holding companies in Gotham, the first being Wayne Enterprises and the second being Drake Industries. After months of constantly working his butt off while fending off assassins, reforming Gotham’s slums and cleaning up some of the streets, and taking care of his nest of street kids, Danny garnered enough power to even stand close to Wayne Enterprises in terms of financial powers.
The topic of this meeting was, of course, the proposed merger of Wayne Enterprises’ Medical R&D division with Fentom Co.’s pharmaceutical department. Usually, Wayne Enterprises wouldn’t even consider such an offer, as their Medical R&D division was the most well funded and least likely to be part of a Rogue’s scheme- and therefore most beloved- department of the same nature in Gotham. However, Danny had something the other offers didn’t.
Blackmail.
His overly polite smile widened as Bruce’s mask twitched. His eyes slid over to Lucius Fox.
“It’s an honor to meet you, sir. I’ve heard much about your genius in… research and development.”
By that, Danny meant that he knew Lucius Fox helped develop Batman’s tech.
He did a lot of stalking that week. It felt rather… invasive, even if he did get a bunch of juicy secrets.
You know what they say: dead men tell no tales… but halfas are generally blabbermouths.
“Is that so? It is a pleasure to meet you as well, Mr. Fenton.” The man quickly glanced between the youngsters, accurately predicting that this might have something to do with Bruce’s active nightlife.
“Yes, it is such a pleasure to meet you.”
Wow, Danny didn’t think he’d ever heard anyone sound both so perky and dead inside at the same time, except for Susan at Gotham High’s bake sale.
Bruce wishes he could be a Susan. He’s at best a Becky.
“Will you be staying, Mr. Fox? You’re the head of the R&D department, correct?”
“Ah, yes-”
“Oh, Lucius! I think you had an appointment with the finance department right now! I heard Sally talk about it, you know!”
Lucius Fox sent an unreadable look at Bruce before rallying.
“Oh, it must have slipped my mind. My apologies, Mr. Fenton, it seems as though I can not skip this appointment.”
“That’s alright. I suppose it gives you… plausible deniability… should things go wrong, haha!” Danny allowed his smile to widen a little further than natural. Bruce tensed but Lucius Fox simply politely smiled and left the room.
Ignorance is bliss and all that, Danny amusedly thought.
As the door shut with a click, Bruce dropped the vacant Brucie smile and sighed.
“What do you want,” he gritted out. Danny wasn’t about to let that slide, not after he spent the better part of this month wrangling Bruce’s problem children.
“Ah, it must be because I’m from the Midwest, Brucie, but where I come from, we value these things called manners.”
You uneducated jerk, he doesn’t say.
Danny leaned back in his chair, loosening his smile into something relaxed and sharp.
“…” Oh, boy, Danny could just hear the other man’s blood pressure rising. “What is the purpose of your visit, Mr. Fenton?”
“Relax, Brucie,” Danny sing-songed in a non-relaxing way. “I’m just here to discuss a possible merger that I’m sure you’ll agree to, and give you a couple of updates on your… wayward bird.”
He heard Bruce take a slow, controlled breath. “Very well. Where. Would. You. Like. To. Start.”
Danny ignored the gritted out sentence. He passed a contract to Bruce, who took it like he was handling a live bomb.
“Here’s the proposal, Mr. Wayne. Please, look it over.”
He watched as Bruce looked over the contract with an eagle eye before lowering it, scrutinizing Danny.
“This is… very fair.”
Danny raised an eyebrow. Of course it was fair. Danny wasn’t interested in exploiting the Waynes, despite them being very able to afford it.
He’d brought fifty manufacturing sites for pharmaceuticals, and offered up a building where both companies could send their workers. He provided top notch security- that definitely didn’t have any talons on staff, what were they talking about?- that came from his own security division. Granted, most of them were reformed and trained goons, but hey, creating jobs can only help Gotham’s economy and help break the cycle of poverty, right? Guaranteed by the Wayne name and, most importantly, uncompromised medicine that was accessible to everyone would be a damn good start. He’d also have Penguin’s empire to distribute it to those who couldn’t make it to a clinic or a store, and there were plans in there to work with and establish contracts with Gotham’s welfare department. Well… once Danny finished replacing them with people who wouldn’t try to take a cut of the funds and actually cared about the people. He was thinking… the multitudes of poor grad students and parents that need income. He’s in the process of building childcare centers and…
It’s a good thing he managed to save money from the taxes (thank you, Gotham’s morally ambiguous tax experts that were in desperate need for clients! He could do it himself but having a team of accountants at the ready was seriously so helpful.) because ancients knows the government weren’t about to step into Gotham and help the people here. He needs so much money to pull all of this shit off and a lot of it has to be clean.
Danny inwardly sighed and marked another thing onto his to do list.
Make money laundering fronts.

“Of course, Mr. Wayne. You didn’t think I’d come in here demanding money, did you?”
“I considered it.”
“I am, in fact, trying to help Gotham. You might not agree with my methods, but I’d rather not damage Wayne Enterprises when it’s doing so much to help the people.”
Ugh, he was doing too much work. Danny just wanted to- hah- chill at home and read bed time stories to his kids.
Bruce Wayne, the specific blend between Brucie and Batman, regarded him silently. Danny felt like he went up a few notches in the respect ladder.
Nice.
“You’re a criminal.”
“Says the man in the bat-suit breaking into places and assaulting people.”
Bruce’s hands spasmed around the contract. Danny smiled at him, taking a sip of the coffee they’d prepared. Oo, nice!
“Ah, I heard you’re adopting- pardon, fostering- Tim Drake. Getting empty nest syndrome, Brucie?” He slipped back into using Bruce’s first name. The proposal was formal. This… was very much not.
“What about it?”
“That’s very kind of you. Speaking of which, well, of your birds, I was wondering if you remembered what I asked you to do.” Danny continued, not giving Bruce a chance to reply. “Didn’t I ask for you to keep your birds in line, Brucie?”
The CEO straightened even further, form filling out to be Batman’s imposing figure. “I did.”
“No, you didn’t. Do you know where your charge is, right now? No, not the formerly dead one,” Danny tilted his head, smile shrinking.
“Don’t you dare do anything to Tim. I swear, if you even lay a hand on a strand of his hair, I’ll-”
“Sit your Armani clad ass down, Bruce.” Danny snapped. “Your son’s in your office. I don’t harm children, and your assumptions are deeply insulting. Threaten me again, Bruce, and I’ll make sure you know exactly how much I know about your birds, your cousin, and the commissioner’s daughter.”
Bruce snarled but leashed his anger just enough to sit back down. He itched to go check on Tim, but leaving a threat like Phantom unwatched felt inherently wrong.
“Your other son,” Danny continued. “Is doing quite well. He’s learning that he has hobbies again. He’s actually working under me, you know.”
“He’s what.”
Oh, yeah, that tracks. It figured that Jason wouldn’t tell Bruce about anything. He’s still conflicted about his death. Danny got it.
“Ah, that’s precious information. You’ll have to offer something of equal value if you want to know. There is, on the other hand, a piece of information I’ll give you for free.”
Danny paused for the dramatic effect. It was lost on Bruce, the ultimate drama queen of this world.
“The League of Assassins are hanging around Hotham lately. It’s getting tedious, getting rid of them. I suggest talking to your old flame, you know, with words and what little communication skill you’ve got rattling around in your noggin to get them to pull back. Her interest is… unnaturally focused on Jason.”
Danny read the dark agreement swimming about Bruce’s face and inclined his head. “Should negotiations fail, rest assured that Jason will be protected.”
“…Thank you.”
“You are most welcome. Go ahead and discuss the contract with Mr. Fox, I am sure you’ll find little problems with it. Ah,” Danny stood up, fixing his suit jacket. “And you should probably check up on Timothy. He’s probably having a great time in your office, Mr. Wayne.”
“I’ll see you out.”
“Of course.”
Having Batman escorting him out should probably be more intimidating.
Danny stood in the elevator, waiting for Bruce’s contemplative silence to put itself into words.
Sure enough, “What… what kind of hobbies does Jason have now?”
“I’d tell you to ask him, but you two aren’t on speaking terms, are you? He likes books, of course, but recently, he’s found an interest in glass blowing. He made quite a bit of progress on his attempts at sun catchers.”
“I see.”
Well, Danny’s not about to step on that landmine any more than he has to.
——
“Danny.”
“Oh, hey, Jason. Sit down, we were about to have dinner.”
Jason clambered into the window. Danny sighed. He had a door, but by the way Jason never used it, it was like the door didn’t exist.
“Mind telling me why the old bastard showed up on my rooftops with a bunch of glass and glassblowing tools?”
Danny smiled. “No idea.”
“Uh huh.”
Danny placed a hand on his chest and put on his best woe-is-me expression. The teen’s face twitched in annoyance. “Doubt? At me? Why, I never!”
A bread roll thwacked him in the face.
#dpxdc#danny phantom#batman#bruce wayne#jason todd#tim drake#dc x dp#red hood#bamf danny phantom#crime lord Danny#accidental crime lord Danny
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Sex Tutor
Summary: Harry's got a reputation on campus and you're curious to know if he can help you.
A/N: Requested! Thank y'all for being patient with me! Hope you enjoy! This will be 2 parts!!
Word Count: 10k
Warning: smut (oral sex), fluff, praise kink
. . .
“Yeah… that was good. I liked it.”
That wasn’t the reaction you were hoping to get. You thought Gunther would be a lot more enthusiastic after coming in your mouth and you swallowing him down. You gave it your best work. You even choked a couple of times and you did hear him moan once or twice. But that didn’t feel like enough
You wanted to ask him exactly what went wrong. Tips on what he liked and didn’t. What you could do better next time… But instead, he just smiled and kissed your cheek, avoiding your mouth because obviously kissing the lips that had just sucked his cock would be gross.
So you left his dorm feeling a little disappointed in yourself. Annoyed really. You wished you were more bold and could just ask him what he wanted, what he liked most. You complained to your roommate even. She loved giving advice so you were always venting to her.
“Well, you know there’s like this guy on campus who will walk you through that kind of thing… a sex tutor if you will. Let’s just say that he comes highly recommended. I know someone who hung out with him a few times, and she learned so much about her body and how good sex could feel without coming but he always made her come every time, and no man has ever done that to her before she told me.”
“A tutor for blow jobs?” You scrunched your face and giggled.
“Well, blow jobs and everything else really. I don’t know. He gets around and they say he’s very knowledgeable about the body and sex. I think he’s like getting his masters in sexual health or something?”
You shoved at her shoulder and laughed, “Oh my god I don’t think so. That sounds crazy. He’s probably some weird pervert or something.”
Your roommate turned her cellphone screen to face you, showing you an Instagram page with a photo of a very attractive young man you’d seen on campus a time or two.
“That’s him?” Your eyes widened as you looked from the photo to your roommate.
“Yup. He’s not a weirdo either. I hear he’s super respectful and smart. Plus the bonus is that he looks like this.”
You nodded. That certainly was a bonus. Harry Styles. You knew about him from the student council. He did a lot of volunteering on campus and he was a graduate student so you didn’t know him all that well, being only a sophomore yourself, but it was hard not to at least know the name and the face. He was popular. Clearly far more popular than you even realized.
And you definitely weren’t going to reach out for a “session”. That just felt silly. Though, you couldn’t say you weren’t intrigued by the idea, it just wasn’t for you. Except that when Gunther didn’t text or call you back for three full days, the whole time you wondered if your blow job was that bad. So when he did finally text you back to make plans for the following week, you felt like you were being given another chance to prove how good you could be. And maybe a lesson or two could be useful.
Reaching out to him via DMs on Instagram felt so unserious but you still did it. You cringed as you hit send and read over your message three times.
Hi! I heard you give special “tutoring” sessions and wanted to know if you have some time to meet with me to set something up? Let me know if it’s okay.
You couldn’t believe you were doing this, reaching out to a stranger for, basically, a booty call. But apparently he was used to it and had no qualms about responding to you in less than thirty minutes. As if he was running some kind of business.
Hi! Happy to meet up with you either tonight or Friday night. The initial meeting should only take like 20 minutes, somewhere public so you feel comfortable. I’ll ask you a few questions and then we’ll set up a private one-on-one session together if it makes sense for both of us. No pressure ever. Whenever you’re ready.
Private one-on-one session. You rolled your eyes as you read over Harry’s response.
Tonight is good for me if you can fit me in. Whatever time you want.
You didn’t know what to expect. You imagined he was cocky since he was apparently so good and sought after. Perhaps he would take one look at you and turn around. You were sure he had a say in who he “tutored”. Doubted he took on every single person who reached out to him.
Your roommate said he was respectful but you would place money on the fact that he was probably full of himself, being that he was a self-proclaimed Sex Guru. You were preparing yourself for someone with a larger-than-life personality.
You kept your outfit casual, not wanting to look like you were trying too hard. Jeans and a hoodie. Though you did shower and put on nice panties and made sure you smelled good. Just in case. One never knows when they are due to visit with a sex tutor.
Maud’s was one of your favorite spots on campus. They had the best iced matcha latte and that’s just what you ordered yourself when you arrived. You sat down at a small table and faced toward the door so you could keep an eye out.
You were looking down at your cell phone when you heard the chime of the door. Flitting your eyes up and away from the screen of your phone you scanned the entry and spotted him right away.
He was wearing a black pullover hoodie and jeans. His hair all tousled like he’d just finished a “tutoring” session. You raised your hand to wave at him and catch his attention and he grinned as you stood up but he gestured for you to stay seated, “I’ll be right back. Just gonna order a drink.”
You were already feeling hot and embarrassed. God, what were you doing? The man was sex on legs and that deep, raspy voice he just spoke to you with had your insides twisting and turning all mushy.
When he returned he had an iced tea and he sat across from you. The smile on his face was kind. Open. It set you at ease a bit.
He took a sip through his straw and you noted the rings on his fingers and the nail polish on his nails, “So, Y/n. It’s nice to meet you in person. What are you majoring in?”
Okay. Small talk. You could handle that.
You told him your classes and what you were majoring in and then asked him the same and when he explained he was going for his doctorate in psychology with the intent to become a sex therapist you felt your heart thump wildly. He was gorgeous and going for a doctorate. The man was so beyond out of your league that you wondered why he was even sitting at that table with you entertaining this silly request of yours.
“Wow. That’s… I’m impressed.”
He grinned and you saw a dimple carve into his cheek, “Thank you. I’ve worked really hard to get where I am. Still working, though. So let’s talk about what you want. What things are you interested in getting some guidance on?”
Here it was. The moment you’d been dreading. But also what you were most curious about.
“Well, I’m seeing this guy and,” you took a breath. It was embarrassing to say it so casually at a café on campus of all places.
Harry reached toward you and placed his warm palm over the top of yours, “Hey, I know this feels weird. Doing this. I’m not going to pressure you to say it if you find it’s too uncomfortable but just know,” he dipped his head down to meet your gaze with his brows gently raised, “Everything you tell me here will be kept confidential and private. I’m not going to make fun of you or compare you to anyone else. If you change your mind, that’s okay too. I want you to feel like you’re talking to a friend. Okay? It’s up to you how much or how little you say. We move at your pace.”
You let out the breath you were holding and smiled. He was so – nice. He made you feel so at ease.
“Thank you. It’s weird. Yeah… but I think I’m okay. I want to do this. I want to be better at like,” you looked around yourself and lowered your voice as Harry moved his hand from yours and you settled your gaze back on his, “Better at giving blow jobs. And maybe like initiating more?”
He nodded, “Okay. Have you ever given a blow job before?”
You nodded, “Recently. The guy didn’t seem very enthusiastic about it so I didn’t know if I did something wrong.”
He took a sip of his tea and his green irises bored into yours, “I can tell you one thing I know that is true for nearly every single male I know; they love getting head. Even if he wasn’t vocal he probably really enjoyed whatever you did. Does that make you feel better about your skill level?”
You puffed out a laugh and saw the smirk on his face. He was trying to get you to smile, “I don’t know. Probably. I’m sure I’m overthinking it but I just wanted… like I want to be really good. Want to know tricks to get a real response.”
“Did the guy you’re seeing orgasm?”
You nodded again.
Harry’s grin softened, “Then you did as good as you could have. Goal achieved. He orgasmed and you made that happen.”
“But I want to be better. Like… I really enjoyed what I was doing. Made me really… well…” you looked down at your empty mug and sighed, “I felt like I enjoyed it more than he did.”
He nodded and licked his lips and if you didn’t know any better you’d say he was kind of checking you out. You weren’t wearing anything revealing but he seemed to keep dropping his gaze to your lips and neck. But you figured that was because he was still getting used to your face and he was sussing you out a bit to see if he wanted anything to do with you beyond this conversation.
But that was true. He was checking you out. He saw your Instagram pictures before he contacted you (always his first step) and thought you were cute and wouldn’t mind seeing you in person. He certainly wasn't disappointed by you when he saw you either. You were cute and a little nervous and when you started talking about how you enjoyed giving that loser a blow job he couldn’t help but shift his eyes down to your mouth and imagine what your lips would look like on his cock. He wondered if you’d be just as eager to suck him off as you seemed like you were for the other guy.
Now, Harry was a polite and nice man. He was as respectful as they came. But he was still a man with a very high sex drive and he couldn’t help it. He did enjoy having sex and he got a lot of ass because he was good at what he did. And he was under no allusion that it also didn’t have anything to do with how attractive he was. Because of course, it did. He was aware of the way women looked at him and all the whispers about him on campus. And most of the time the sessions were just fun sex more than anything else. However, he happily gave guidance when needed.
And this time he was feeling pretty gung-ho to see what you could do. He’d like to get started right away, which normally he’d wait until after the initial meeting before jumping into it but there was something about the way you were looking at him, your eyes hungry and inviting…
You watched Harry shift in his chair and look around the café before he looked back at you, “What are you doing right now? Like after this?”
“Oh… nothing. Was gonna read a little, prep for a test I have on Monday. But…” you shook your head.
“Would you be interested in going somewhere more private? My studio is at the off-campus university apartments. Twenty-minute walk from here.”
Was he…? You scrunched your brows, confused at the sudden invite to his place.
“It’s up to you. I’m not rushing you or anything I just have a free evening and you seem really enthusiastic and I’d like to kind of get a feel for what we’re working with. If you think you’re ready.”
You nodded, “Okay. I mean… yeah. So no roommates?” You laughed nervously as he stood up and it was the first time you let your attention fall to the space at his crotch, to which you quickly bobbed your eyes back up to his face as you stood.
“Nope. Co-ed apartments. No roommate. Super private.” He didn’t miss the way you scraped your eyes over his torso and down to the spot on his jeans where his zipper was.
So that was that then. You’d be getting a lesson sooner than you imagined. And when you walked the twenty minutes through campus and the street that was just adjacent to the cafeteria you could almost hear your heart pounding. He was taller than you expected. He easily kept the conversation alive with small talk. He seemed so confident and easygoing. You tried to let that charisma and charm soak through your veins so that you weren’t as nervous as you felt, but it was impossible. You were about to go into Harry Style’s apartment alone and probably give him a blow job.
Harry waved at a few people on your way up to his floor. He was clearly popular. You wondered if anyone knew what might be happening. Why you were with him and why you were following behind him like you were a pup being trained and he was carrying a treat.
“Here she is,” he opened his door and gestured for you to walk inside. Neat and tidy with stacks of books and lots of plants. Some plants hanging, most potted, and on the floor or on tables. You noted he had no television and that there was a big partition that separated the small living space from what was probably where he had his bed. The kitchen was organized with open shelving and he’d bought a wire rack and it was stacked full of packaged foods, spices, oil, and other things to cook with at the top and at the bottom with pots and pans and a blender with its cord neatly wrapped around the base.
He excused himself to the bathroom while you looked around. There wasn’t anywhere to go really. There were two doors in the whole place. The bathroom door and another one, which you assumed was a closet. The kitchen area was open to the small living space.
When Harry emerged he sat down on the couch, which looked well-worn. You wondered how many people he’d had over and on that very couch. He sat with his legs spread and drew his arms over the back of the couch and just watched as you stepped in closer toward the small coffee table, “I like all the plants,” you commented.
He nodded and you clasped your hands behind your back in wait for what would happen next. You didn’t want to look again at his crotch. But the way he was sitting made it hard. He took up so much space on that couch and with his legs spread open like they were, it was almost as if he wanted you to.
“Gonna sit with me? I’m not gonna do anything if you don’t want.”
You nodded and sat down, keeping your limbs close to your body and separate from him. You didn’t want to invade his space or get in too close. Not yet anyway. Not until he invited you. Or rather, until he told you what to do next.
“Everything I said at Maud’s still stands. If you change your mind that’s fine. I’m not going to be mad.”
You turned to look at him and swallowed. The guy was out of this world. Simply delicious looking. “Okay.” You spoke in barely above a whisper.
Harry leaned forward, putting his elbows over his knees as he kept his eyes on you, “Is this how you usually initiate?”
You raised your brows and shook your head, “What?”
“You said you wanted to be better at initiating. So far, I’m not getting any signals that you’re interested. Could be your first problem. Try relaxing a little, Y/n. Sit back and unhook your fingers. Loosen your shoulders. Not only will you feel more settled, but you’ll make the person with you feel better too. Which could push you to naturally begin conversation or movements that encourage contact.”
“Oh. Okay,” you sat back into his couch and loosed your hands, relaxing your posture, and looked at him, “Like this?”
Harry grinned and let out a small laugh, “Perfect. Now at least it appears you’re not scared of me.”
“I’m not scared,” you quickly shook your head.
“I didn’t think you were. But your body language was giving closed-off signals. Which could appear to some like fear or discomfort.”
It made sense you guessed.
“I see. So, relax and it makes everyone feel better.”
He grinned, “So tell me what normally happens when you’re with someone and it leads to something sexual. Set the scene for me.”
You cleared your throat and decided to use your last time with Gunther as the example.
“Well, we were in his dorm room listening to music and laughing about something–“
“Back up a little. Did you invite yourself to his room? Did he invite you? What happened before you got to his room?”
“Oh, uh…” you pursed your lips in thought. “Well, we were out with two mutual friends. At a bar. Gunther, his name is Gunther, he was kind of flirting with me and I liked it. We didn’t really know each other all that well before but I always found him interesting. And so… he was flirting with me. Complimenting me. Things like that. Then he asked me to go back to his room with him. So, I sort of figured something would happen,” you shrugged. You didn’t know why it was so weird telling him all those details but it was.
You recounted how Gunther had made all the moves; kissed you first, groped you and then somehow it ended up with you sucking him off while he laid back on his bed and you were between his legs.
“And… he didn’t return the favor? Like you didn’t get anything?”
You shook your head, “I mean, I didn’t ask. He got off and then that was it really. I left not long after.”
Harry frowned, “Okay. And did you hope he’d do something in return? Like, use his hands or his mouth on you? Did you want more?”
Another shrug of your shoulders, “I mean… I didn’t expect it. Thought maybe next time we could do more? I don’t know.”
“You didn’t expect it. But would you have liked it?”
Nodding your head you looked away from his eyes, “I guess.”
“Did it turn you on?”
Another embarrassing thing to admit to someone you hardly knew. You nodded again, “It just all happened really quickly. I kind of thought things would take longer and we’d chat and maybe he’d have me stay longer and then… well anyway. It was like a total of thirty minutes or something that I was in his room.”
Harry sighed and crossed his leg over his thigh toward you, “And you really want to give Gunther the best head you can? The guy who wasn’t worried about your own needs? Seems very selfless of you, Y/n.”
You let out a breath and laughed, “I know. I just want to be good at it. And that was the first time we did anything so I figured I’d give him a pass.”
“That’s very thoughtful of you. Gunther is lucky you’re still willing to give him another shot.”
“I guess I thought if I was better he’d want to do it more and maybe then we could do other things too.”
“I’m going to be honest, Y/n,” Harry stretched his arm across the back of the couch, “You’re very cute and you probably won’t need to worry much about initiating most of the time. Like, for me, all you have to do is look at me with those pretty eyes and I’m ready to do whatever you want me to.”
It had been a surprise to hear that. You weren’t sure what to do with that information but you couldn’t help but smile to yourself as you looked down at your lap.
“But a good start is to keep eye contact. At least enough to indicate interest. Can you look at me?”
Lifting your gaze to his he grinned, “There we go. So pretty.”
You shook your head, “I’m sure you say that to everyone.”
Harry lifted his hand to your cheekbone, “No. I don’t. And I don’t do this with just anyone either. Sometimes I turn down a request. I don’t tell them why but… There’s gotta be attraction on my end as well. And I find you very attractive, Y/n.”
You swallowed down the saliva in your throat and blinked for a break in eye contact before biting your lip.
“Now, even though we’re here for one thing, I do have opinions on matters of the heart and relationships. And frankly, I have to be honest about this Gunther, guy,” he dropped his hand, making his fingers brush down your cheek until he was no longer touching you, “I don’t like that he didn’t offer to get you off too. That’s a big red flag in my book. I feel it’s important to give and to receive unless it’s explicitly stated at the beginning. But you told me you thought you’d get more. And that bothers me.”
“Well, he’s a nice guy. I think he just wasn’t thinking…”
“He wasn’t thinking about your needs. That was selfish of him and something to watch out for. We can give him a pass for the first time, but if you see him again and he still doesn’t think about your needs, I’d hope you’d end that relationship and seek someone who’s willing to be less selfish with you.”
It surprised you that Harry was saying that about Gunther. But perhaps he was right. You did leave his dorm that night quite disappointed.
“I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. I know you barely know me but that’s just my take. I’d never not offer to return the favor,” he kept his eyes on yours and you swore his lips were suddenly a shade darker. They looked like the perfect lips to kiss.
He grinned when he noted where your eyes were homed in on, “Do you mind coming closer? Feels like you're still too far away.”
You puffed out a nervous laugh as you scooted your bottom in closer toward Harry. His arm was draped over the back of the couch behind you and you felt the warmth of him before you felt his fingers graze the back of your neck.
“So, I can kiss you? Can we start there?”
You breathed out through your nose and smiled as you nodded and kept your face angled toward his. He watched as you hesitantly put your palm on his knee and he put his hand over yours, “You’re a natural. See?”
Another soft laugh fell from your mouth as Harry’s face drew in closer to yours and your heart stopped as he nudged his nose into yours and you felt his soft lips smush against yours.
It didn’t take long for you to start feeling that familiar heat between your legs as he ran his tongue against yours. It felt so intimate… not like a tutor lesson or anything of the sort. It was you and a handsome man making out on his couch as he pulled you onto his lap. It felt real.
For some reason, you imagined it being a little more dry. Like a real lesson. Like he’d pull his pants down and tell you what to do and show you what he liked and what really made men go wild. You hadn’t imagined kissing being part of the equation for some reason.
“Did he tell you how soft your lips are or how those sweet little noises coming from your mouth drove him crazy?”
He spoke his words between kisses and you were going to pass out. Because no, Gunther gave you no compliments once you got into his dorm room.
You shook your head as you parted from the kiss, your eyes on his.
Harry’s eyes roved your face as he softly dragged his thumb back and forth on your jaw, “I don’t like him one bit. You deserve someone who’s going to tell you how good you are and how good you make them feel.”
He softly pressed his lips against yours again, the kiss heating up into a frenzied pace once again as you stuffed your fingers into his hair and then you felt the bulk of his erection under your thigh when you moved in closer.
Parting from the kiss you looked down and then back up at him and he just smiled. Like it was the most normal and natural thing ever. Which… it kind of was.
“Got me all hard already,” he slid his thumb from the edge of your bottom lip inward and you moaned, “Just like that. You’re already better than you think you are. You’re driving me crazy, Y/n. I want to see what these lips look like wrapped around my cock. Can we do that?”
You nodded and began to move off of him but Harry took your hand in his, making you pause, “I’ll let you get me off if you let me get you off too. Okay?”
Your eyes widened, “Really? I thought this was just for–“
“I have a method and it always includes getting the other person off too. Or at least making them feel good. Unless you don’t want that. That’s okay too, but I would prefer to touch you as well.”
“Okay,” your words were breathy as he helped you off his lap, keeping your hand in his but then he stood up and you watched as he ran his free hand over his crotch, “Is it okay if we do it my bed? A little more space there. Think it’ll feel less rushed.”
Obviously yes. You wouldn’t dream of saying no to this man. Not that you wanted to.
The space behind the partition was just a bed and one side table. His bed was neatly made and there was a plant hanging by the opening of the partition. He gestured for you to follow him onto his mattress and he placed his back at the wall, where he had no headboard.
Kneeing up to him you were feeling shy again and he leaned forward and cupped your face with one hand, “You’re doing so good. If you need to stop at any time just say the word. I’m not here to make you do something you don’t want. Okay?”
You nodded, “Yeah. I know. I trust you.”
“Good. Just wanted to remind you is all. I don’t want you to feel like you have to keep going even if I’m enjoying it, which I have a feeling I’m gonna like whatever you do to me.”
You giggled and nodded. He was fluffing up your ego and you hadn’t even really gotten started yet.
Harry started to push his jeans down, lifted his hips to get them off his legs, and then kept his eyes on you as he held his hand out for you to take, “Come here.”
You put your hand in his and let yourself get pulled between his legs as you looked down at the sizable lump under his boxer briefs, “Can we take your jeans off? Kind of want to have you in my lap a little while before we get down to it, yeah?”
You nodded and unhooked your button before pulling your zipper down. Harry’s hands found your hips as you tugged your jeans down and he helped you out of them, leaving you in just your hoodie and panties. Like Harry. He was just in his boxer briefs and his hoodie too.
You crawled into his lap, your thighs straddling his, and sat down as Harry smoothed his hands up and down your thighs, “There we go. This feels nice, having you close like this,” he ran his palms toward your bottom and then back down your thighs to your knees, “How are you feeling?”
You put your palms on his shoulders, “Good. Feel good. And you?”
“I’m feeling great. I’ve got you here in my lap,” he brought a hand up from your thigh to your face, his fingers sliding behind your ear with his thumb at your cheekbone, “And I like you. I think this’ll be fun. Just want you to feel at ease with me.”
You shifted on his lap, getting in closer, “I do feel at ease with you, Harry. You’re really nice.”
“Good. That’s what I want to hear,” his voice was soft as he gently pulled you towards him and pressed his mouth against yours again. His kiss was soft and sultry. Harry was far more sensual than you imagined he would be. Lots of soft touches and reassuring words. And his mouth against yours was addictive.
You moaned when his thumb ran along the edge of your panties at your thigh and you rocked your hips down, pressing your panties-covered pussy over his erection.
He inhaled softly through his teeth and lowered his mouth to your neck where you were melted into him. His warm mouth sponged wet kisses down your pulse point as you lowered a hand to the top of his cock.
He sighed when you began to rub your palm over him and you began to move back. You were ready to get him in your mouth.
“You can bring me out if you want. Or I can do it. Whichever you’re more comfortable with.”
You bit your lip and continued palming over him as you kept your gaze focused on his, “I’ll do it. Do guys like that more?”
He grinned and the dimples that carved into his cheeks had you swooning, “Yeah. Maybe. Depends on the guy but it can feel like the girl is really excited, like she can’t wait – the enthusiasm is nice. For me? I do like it more. But honestly, I wouldn’t complain if you wanted me to do it myself.”
You nodded in understanding as you focused on the dark green material of his underwear and reached toward the waistband. You looked up at him once more to check in and he just gave you a singular nod to keep going so you did.
The material was warm and stretchy. And you loved the way it felt to run your palm up the length of him, before peeling the fabric away and slowly revealing his cock. His tip was thick and smooth and dark pink. And then his shaft was girthy, quite meaty really, but so stiff. And when you’d pulled his underwear down far enough you took the whole of him in and it was… well it was a bit overwhelming. There was no way on God’s green earth you’d be able to stick that whole thing in your mouth.
“You don’t have to have it all in there. This isn’t a porno. I don’t need you to choke on it or anything like that. Use your hands and your mouth, as long as it’s nice and wet it’s gonna feel really good.”
You nodded. It was a relief that he wasn’t expecting you to deepthroat that thing, “Do you like it when someone can take it all the way?”
Harry breathed a laugh out of his nostrils, “Well… only if the person giving head likes that kind of thing. I would never enjoy it if someone wasn’t into that. But yes. I do rather like it. Not more than any other type of blow job, though.”
You gulped and continued palmed at his length softly. Harry kept his eyes on you to watch how you’d do it. To see what your go-to move was and when you made no move he finally spoke, “Go in however you want. Let’s see how you normally go about giving a blow job.”
“Okay. Yeah…” You took a deep breath and lowered yourself down as he fixed his feet flat on the mattress with knees bent upward, making space for you to fit between his thighs. First, you spat over his tip and used your hand to rub your saliva down his shaft. A quick glance up at him and he looked like he was enjoying it.
After spitting another glob over his slit that clung to your lips a little longer than it did the first time things were feeling much wetter. You stroked along the full length of his cock, from base to tip, tip to base, and back again as you lowered further, getting your lips just over his tip, and looked up at him, swiping your tongue over his crown. Smooth and warm. Adjusting your hips you got into a better position and gripped his base with both hands as you began to take him in your mouth. Your tongue cupped the underside of his cock as you dipped down and pulled up, suckling at his tip before repeating.
Harry’s fingers gently pushed at your chin, “I’d like you to do one thing for me, Y/n…” your eyes shot up to his, “Can you keep your eyes on me, just like you’re doing right now?”
You pulled off and nodded, “Yeah. Sorry.”
Harry tutted at you, “You didn’t do anything wrong. Just really fond of your pretty eyes. Personal preference is all.”
Keeping your gaze on his you kissed his tip softly and slowly before tonguing at his frenulum. It was a good thing you were looking at him in that moment because the expression on his face as you ran your tongue along the underside of his cockhead was lascivious and the sudden heat between you two might not have been noticed if you hadn’t been looking at him.
When you lowered your lips over him again, hollowing your cheeks and cupping the underside of his dick with your tongue, he palmed over your cheek and softly thumbed at your temple, “Y/n… fuck… that’s really good. Keep looking at me like this pretty girl.”
The soft touch from his hand and thumb on your face was full of affection and made your heart thunder in your chest. It made you dizzy the way he was looking at you. It was such a lewd act but somehow filled with tenderness.
The drool that leaked out of your mouth and down his shaft allowed your hands to slip around his base, twisting as you bobbed over the first bit of him with your mouth. It seemed like he was really enjoying what you were doing. Having your eyes on him while you were doing it felt more encouraging than embarrassing.
And Harry was very much enjoying what you were doing. He wasn’t all that picky when it came to getting blow jobs. Why would he be? Some hot girl wanted him to show her how to be better? Well, he rarely did much in the way of making someone any better than they already were.
Harry never intended to be known as a sex tutor or a sex guru. He was just a guy who loved sex. A guy who was patient and who really did care about the person he was with, even if it was just a one-time thing (which most of them were). And his line of studies gave him insight many lacked. The more he slept around (safely) the better he got and the more he understood. He put into practice the things he learned in his classes and when he was a Junior after a string of hookups with a group of very popular seniors he started to get a reputation.
It started with comments and discussions on the size of his cock. Then it eventually escalated to him being very good in bed. And how he could always make a woman come (he didn’t always make them come but he certainly tried and he learned the art of allowing sex to just be something that felt good and intimate and didn’t have to end in that elusive orgasm every time).
The first girl who was bold enough to ask him if he’d help her get to know her body better, had told him how she heard he was the best… and that had caught off guard. But he gave it a go. And he wound up enjoying the whole thing so much that when another girl asked him for help he decided there was no harm in going along with it.
He wasn’t trying to take advantage of anyone, as some jealous of his prowess would make it seem. No, he just really wanted to help, he loved that connection and to have it end with sex (in whatever form) was never a bad thing. Mostly he was just having fun and if he could use some of his knowledge and give someone confidence by the end of a “session” then so be it.
When you sucked around him, slurping noises came from between your lips and the skin on his shaft and he moaned, “Oh that’s good…” He gently placed a hand at the back of your neck and nudged his hips upward the slightest when he felt his cock start to throb and balls tightened.
Harry pulled at you to bring you up so you slid your lips from his tip and looked at him with pretty rounded eyes as you sat on your knees.
“You’re perfect. If I had you sucking me off like this every day I’d have no complaints. That’s the work of someone who’s into it and I can tell you are. Got me so close to coming already,” he took your hand and kissed the tops of your knuckles. Yeah, you were already smitten with him. But maybe that was just because you liked his praise so much.
“Thank you,” you grinned shyly.
Harry took the hand he kissed and brought it down between his legs, sliding your fingers on the underside of his balls, “There’s this spot right here. Kind of smooth. Feel that?”
You nodded.
“It’s called the perineum. This spot,” he pressed the pad of your middle finger over the area of skin, “Feels really good when you rub it gently. Especially while you’re also giving a blow job. Maybe take my balls in your palm a little to massage them and then move to the perineum. Just about any man you suck off is gonna absolutely love it. It’s also a really good trick when you just want the guy to come already, ‘cause maybe he’s taking too long,” he grinned.
He dragged your hand up to cup his scrotum and you kept your eyes on his as you softly squeezed. Harry’s brows narrowed and his lips parted, “Let’s do that yeah? Wanna give it a go?”
Nodding, you lowered yourself again, your lips parting around his crown as you gently massaged his balls and kept your eyes angled up toward his. You kept one hand at the base of his shaft and felt the full, warmth of his sac in your palm before you pulled off of his cock and dropped your lips down to his balls, kissing the skin all around and skimming your tongue through every crevice and wrinkle, wetting him on all sides.
You remembered you were supposed to be looking up at him and when you saw his face it only egged you on. His soft groan and pink puffy lips parted in lust with hooded eyes so you wound your tongue down further and pressed the tip of your wet muscle to the spot he called the perineum.
“Fuck! Yes…”
You liked that reaction. So you did it again and used your hand on his shaft to continue pumping him in long strokes as you pressed over the small strip of skin under his scrotum before you brought your tongue all the way up over his balls and to his base. The pre-come dripping from his tip made things wetter as you slid your palm over him.
You kept one finger on his perineum and then brought your mouth back over his cock and the desperate whimper that fell from his lungs made you feel giddy. You sucked him in and flicked your sight up to him but his eyes were closed. You could feel his legs trembling as your shoulder was pressed into his inner thigh. Gently you brought your hand over his scrotum and massaged as you worked his tip with your lips and tongue.
He placed both of his hands on either side of your head, “Y/n… yes… honey I’m gonna come. That’s so good. You’re so good for me… holy shit… where do you want me to come, huh?”
You were kind of amazed at how he was so melty and whimpery from the blow job you were giving him. You lifted and looked up at him, “Just come in my mouth. Want you to feel good.”
He nodded as he panted and you put your lips back on him, lowering down and sucking as you used your tongue to apply pressure to his crown. Continuing to play with his balls and peek up at him you saw the moment his face scrunched up and his lips dropped open wide. No sound came out at first but you tasted the first pump of his come down your throat and then felt his big cock throbbing against your tongue and it was the hottest blow job you’d ever given. And you weren’t even receiving… the reaction he gave you had you so turned on and so dizzy that you felt the need to take him deeper.
You forced yourself down further, feeling his tip nudging and spurting at the top part of your throat and you swallowed around him before sputtering slightly.
When he finally began to moan it was deep and throaty. His head was tilted back, facing the ceiling as he pumped into your mouth and down your throat. The hands he held at the side of your face were gentle and honestly? You were in heaven. You could do this with him every day if he let you.
And you tried not comparing Gunther to Harry but it was hard. Harry was so masculine and his cock was prettier and much bigger. With Gunther, you could almost take all of him in your mouth without much issue. You didn’t but you probably could have. Harry was a different story. His big cock filled up all the space in your mouth and he smelled so good too. It was a mix of what you assumed was his natural smell with a clean powdery soap.
But it was the moans Harry was making that had you feeling so worked up. He really enjoyed your blow job and that was all you needed to feel good about yourself and your ability.
Harry’s moan quieted into a simper as you continued dragging your tongue along the underside of his cock until he lulled his head forward and looked down at you, “S’good. Fuck that was good.” He prodded at you to bring your mouth off of him and you sat back with a proud smile.
He leaned forward to pull at the back of your neck and smash his lips against yours. You clung onto his shoulders as he positioned you next to him on the bed on your bottom and then he ran his hands down your sides and pulled at your sweater, “Can we get this off?”
You gripped the bottom hem of your hoodie as Harry sat back and peeled his sweater off over his head, making you pause so you could devour his chest and his arms, and his abs with your eyes. The tattoos that were scattered over his body and on his arms were no surprise. You’d heard through the grapevine about his tattoos once your roommate told you about him. And you heard he was fit. But this? He was the perfect amount of muscled and beefy. He was lean but he appeared well-fed. Broad shoulders, pecs you could bite into…
You gulped when you felt Harry’s big hands smoothing up and down your limbs as he absorbed the sight of you before you finally pulled your sweater off and then unhooked your bra, holding the cups up against your breasts for a moment to make sure he was still in it. Because maybe your body would be a complete turn off but his expressive face did all the talking and he moved his hands up your hips as his irises roamed over your skin.
“So pretty, Y/n,” he spoke like he knew you needed the reassurance. Which you did. So you slowly lowered your bra and pulled the straps from your arms and almost immediately Harry ducked down and kissed your right nipple while his hand palmed at your left tit. He moaned against your soft flesh and you felt cool air hit your skin in the path where his tongue laved against you.
A soft gasp fell from your lips when he wrapped his mouth over your nipple and looked up at you from his spot, pink lips suckling at your breast. It was almost as if he needed to make sure he was doing what you liked. As if the man wasn’t some kind of expert.
Harry’s bulky body moved over you and his hands brushed over the skin at your sides and down to your hips where your panties clung tight. You lifted your hips, ready for him to take care of you, ready to have him pull the last bit of fabric from your body and Harry grinned at you.
“I’m gonna pull these down, okay?”
Nodding you laughed in slight nervousness. You weren’t sure when you’d gotten so eager but giving Harry a blow job had made you a bit insatiable and all of the nice things he said about you, how good you were... Your insides were aching and you knew you were probably already wet, the crotch of your panties was warm against your skin.
And as he slowly dragged the material down your legs he kept looking up at you. A little bit of reassurance that he was only going to go as far as you wanted.
Paying close attention to his eyes you watched him drag his gaze over all your crevices and then up to your tits and then your eyes as he licked his lips. He wrapped a hand on the underside of your calf, lifting your leg the smallest bit as he tucked himself in closer, his shoulders pressing into your thighs.
The warm, soft kisses he dotted on your inner thigh as he looked up at you made you feel worshiped. Like he was savoring the moment and was going to take his time with you.
“Y/n, I just want to make you feel good. Tell me if you don’t like something or if you need something more okay? Because you did so good for me and I’m gonna be dreaming about those lips on me. Just want to make you feel as good as good as you made me feel.”
Harry could tell you liked a bit of praise. A compliment here and there was easy enough to throw in because it was all true. You were very good and you were so pretty and now he was going to return the favor as best he could.
When you felt his tongue swipe up through your crease you moaned faintly as you kept your eyes on him. And when he dug in more, attached his lips to your pussy, and began sucking at you the groan that fell from his chest rumbled through your core and you held on to the back of his head as you arched your back off of the pillow under yourself. His lips slicked up and down, tongue pressing at your clit and then he moved, bringing his arm in and you felt his fingers prodding at your entrance as he looked up at you, pulling his mouth away from your pussy, “Tastes so good, Y/n. Could bury my face here all day long. You mind if I finger you a little? Would that feel good?”
He ran his digits through your folds like he already knew your answer and you nodded quickly, “Yeah. Okay. If you want.”
He grinned before you felt him push his middle finger past your opening and then he watched the face you made as he curled his finger up in your magic little spot. The one only your rabbit vibrator seemed to be able to hit.
You gasped and with that, he brought his lips back over your clit and got to work. His dark curls were smooth and thick between your fingers and the way he kept pulling his gaze up to yours as he licked into you was naughty. The whole scene was something from a dream. There was something so soft about how he kept his eyes on you to check-in.
You’d had a couple of guys go down on you before but they had no idea what they were doing and you weren’t sure if it was just supposed to feel like slippery nothing gliding over your labia or not. But now, with Harry doing the work… well you realized what it was actually meant to feel like. And Harry was not giving you slippery nothing.
He seemed to enjoy it as well which made your heart lurch in your chest. Especially with how he was moaning into you like you tasted good. And he had told you as much, which… that had you on edge already.
When Harry slid in a second finger he opened his mouth wide and tongued up from where his fingers were pumping into you to your clit.
You couldn’t help the pathetic moans that were loudly bouncing off the walls of his studio, “Oh god, Harry…”
But the thing that was really seeping into your skin and your veins and making your heart pound was his eyes on yours. You couldn’t get over it. It was so intimate and sexy and the gushy noises coming from your slippery pussy were lewd and dirty. It was the perfect juxtaposition of just nasty enough but also sweet and soft that had you spiraling.
When they tell you that the biggest part of getting turned on is all in the mind, that’s absolutely true. Harry was a master at it. You weren’t sure you’d ever been so turned on with any man before. He really knew which buttons to push and all the right things to say.
“Fuck, that’s good… holy shit, Harry…”
He loved hearing you whine his name and the feel of your hips bucking upward in tiny bursts. You were one of those girls that was going to have an orgasm, he just knew it. The way you kept getting wetter every time you shot your eyes down to his was a big telltale sign. Some didn’t like the eye contact but he loved it and so did you, clearly.
He moaned into your pussy and swallowed you down as he worked his tongue in teasing circles around your clit before wrapping his lips around you again and smushing down over you with just the right amount of pressure.
The arm he had under your thigh he wrapped under your lower back, pulling you in closer if that was possible, as he continued fingering you with his other hand. The man was unquenchable. Like he needed to stuff his face in as close as humanly possible. Like he needed to suck you dry and make it so that you never forgot his name.
Your insides were melting for him. His fingers were magic inside of you and it had your brain all fuzzed out and blurry. But the way he rolled your clit under his tongue was divine, otherworldly… he knew what he was doing with that big mouth of his.
You gasped and looked back down at him again and his eyes were already pinned to yours.
“Oh… gonna co… oh fuck, gonna come…” you felt like you were being lifted into the air, levitating and vibrating off the bed and out of the atmosphere as he kept his fingers and his tongue steady. But when he moaned deeply into your cunt, that low resonate sensation traveling from your clit to your core and through your tummy made you lose control.
You didn’t realize you were yanking his hair as your legs quaked and your body liquified under him. But it didn’t deter him. He watched you unravel, tits bouncing and back arching as you orgasmed into his mouth and he curled his fingers up against your g-spot as you clamped over his digits.
If he didn’t have his mouth occupied he would have praised you more in that moment. Told you how pretty you were and how good you did for him. But he waited until you began to slowly come back to earth before whispering into your ear the sweet things he knew you’d like to hear.
He laid next to you and grasped your face, kissing your lips softly as you sighed, “So fucking good. What a pretty orgasm that was, Y/n…” He spoke between kisses.
“Did that all for me? Yeah?”
You couldn’t answer him. Not in that moment. You’d just melted and dissolved and had only begun to re-solidify and become a real human with lungs and limbs and skin and pores again.
“You are really fun to eat out, Y/n. Tasted so nice and you sound so sexy when you come. You can call me anytime you need a release okay?” He continued kissing your cheek and your lips as he spoke softly.
Harry didn’t rush you out like you thought he might. He rubbed over your tummy and kissed your breasts softly and ran his lips up the side of your neck as you slowly opened your eyes and sighed.
“Feel okay?”
You nodded and smiled, “Really good.”
“Stay as long as you want. Okay? No rush. We can even grab dinner together if you want or I can make you something.” Harry wasn’t sure why he asked you that. While he didn’t usually rush anyone out, he didn’t typically offer food or dinner either. There was just something about you that compelled him to ask. Perhaps he hoped you’d stick around a bit longer.
You sat up, “Oh. That’s really nice of you. But… maybe I should probably head back. Get some schoolwork done.”
You’d have loved to stay for dinner but you also didn’t want to get your feelings mixed up for a guy like Harry. Not that there was anything wrong with him, but you understood what this was. A one-time thing. Something fun where you got to learn a thing or two. If you stuck around too long you’d probably just want more. And that would only end in heartbreak for you. Because Harry was kind of the ideal guy in a lot of ways.
“Of course. Just thought I’d ask.”
There were no hard feelings for this kind of thing. Harry wasn’t offended that you didn’t want to stay. He’d had a good time with you and he was almost certain you had a good time as well. And that was just about all one could ask for.
Harry let you use his bathroom to clean up and get dressed. And as you did so you thought about how Gunther didn’t even offer you anything to eat or to stay after. In fact he didn’t even ask if you wanted to use his bathroom, when that would have been nice after giving him head. Because even though Gunther didn’t really touch you, you were still wet, and walking back to your dorm with wet panties was not a nice feeling. Especially when you didn’t even get anything out of it.
You’d be wary of Gunther. You’d give him another shot because you were a nice girl but you weren’t going to ignore the concerns Harry had. Perhaps Harry was right.
When you stepped out of the bathroom Harry handed you a glass of water, “Drink a little before you head out, and what dorm do you live in?” He looked down at his phone as he asked.
“Oh… uh the Millennium dorms near the arts building.”
He nodded as you took a gulp of the water and he showed you his phone, “Uber will be here for you in three minutes. I’ll walk you down, okay?”
“Wait. You didn’t have to do that! Um… I can walk or get an Uber myself it’s–“
He shook his head and grinned, “I know I didn’t have to but it’s getting late. Don’t want you walking twenty minutes by yourself. Who knows what could be lurking out there,” he laughed.
You pointed at him, “Fine. But I’m gonna pay you back. Next time I see you okay?”
“Not necessary. Now come on,” he playfully swatted at your bottom and directed you toward his door, “Let’s go downstairs and wait for…” he looked at his phone, “Rebecca in a white Trail Blazer.”
PART 2
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It is very true that this "kid-glove explaining" IS sometimes the only way to get any assistance at all, and that this is absolutely not the fault of the disabled people who have been put in so horrible a position by their ableist loved ones. You have to do what you must to survive.
But i just want to emphasize how it is also true that the labor of these kinds of repeated forced-calm explanations can be extremely harmful for the disabled person long-term.
I say this because I THOUGHT I had made progress with teaching my family, but in fact I had only gained a LOT of additional trauma and grief during a time when I desperately needed non-ableist support.
I was sick and in crisis for years, and during that time, I repeatedly spent the energy i could have used to ask friends for help on instead begging my family to learn how to stop hLeping me and start Helping me.
This genuinely endangered my life on multiple occasions. Imagine the difference between getting immediate help bailing water out of your sinking ship (ex. my friend Laura metaphorically jumping into my boat with buckets and pumps and no judgment), and having to instead stand in your increasingly-sinking ship explaining (so SO gently or else they will dismiss you entirely, even though the water is creeping up to your neck) to someone that "actually no, adding water to my boat doesn't help please PLEASE just bail it out; I cannot emphasize enough that I can't swim why do I have to keep saying that? no I don't think I could have avoided that hurricane and it hurts that you keep asking; no I am not faking it - why would I fake this?? What kind of person do you think I am??" - as they allow the water to creep up to your chin. That's the difference between help and hLep.
Also, a helper wants you to have all the help you could possibly need, and they recognize that they almost certainly can't provide you with everything you need on their own. (Ex. My partner can't help me with panic attacks most of the time due to her own mental illness. But she helps with all sorts of other stuff, communicates her limits, and actively encourages me to rely on my friends for support.)
Meanwhile, a hLeper might be offended that you would even want ANYONE'S assistance besides their own because it isn't about *your need,* it is about *their pride.*
If the people around me *get angry at me for being angry* when THEY are the ones who hurt ME, then I no longer want them around me. And I hope to have the skill and the privilege to be able to stay in control of that. I hope someday we all can have that.
And to every disabled person stuck waiting for better days: Please survive in the meantime because your survival is the key to a better future for us. It will be better with you there. I don't care if you disagree with me; you won't persuade me otherwise - I am a stubborn Jack. I want you there. Disabled survival is an act of radical resistance. You, along with the other contributiors to this post, are Punk As Fuck.
I go into these concepts some more in this version of the post.
[Also, if you have any trouble reading the opening paragraphs of this post, I edited the original post into a more dyslexic-friendly version, and I've tried to include that link in every version of the post that I refer to.]
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hlep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you ask for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hlep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hlep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it helps reinforce the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hleper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
#original#ableism cw#I'm really happy that the person who added the initial comment to this post has made progress with their mother but#I know a lot of people who would benefit a lot more from no longer having to rely on ableist people at all#not your fault if that is impossible right now. but i got stuck in a loop trying to make tiny inches of progress with my family#for so long that it endangered my life multiple times. and that's why i wish this version of the post was shared less. tbh.#because if someone needs kid-gloves explaining then this is a red flag and they have done you a disservice#and you gotta think really hard about their patterns of behavior relative to what information you've given them when. write it down even.#this post has been brought to you by 'i desperately apologized 2 dozen times for yelling at my big sister#but she didn't apologize for endangering my life bc i was MORE IN THE WRONG in her and my other sister's opinions bc i got angry about it!'#guess what! anger is good and important sometimes!#and it is not inherently unkind to be angry or even to shout if it is a matter of self-defense!#it's absolute llamas with hats 'well you said i did a bad thing and that hurts my feelings. wow. now we're both in the wrong.'#like 'KAARRRLLL. You almost killed your brother Karl!!!!'#emotional abuse#in fact the only reason I even learned about this phrase in the first place was because I talked to my therapist about how#my family says that i didn't ask for help enough when i was in crisis and she just went...#yeah but they don't offer help they offer hLep. and then they blame you and your communication skills.#mind fucking BLOWN tbh#turns out the most progress I've ever made w my family i achieved not through concessions but thru hard boundaries#which was a huge privilege on my part bc if i had less savings and my wife didn't have wealthy parents#then i would not have had the power to have as many boundaries with my family#hLep is the fault of the hLeper not the person they are doing it to
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Could i request some Yandere Captain curly headcanons? Pre and post crash if you'd be willing :3.
I would love to, anon! Let's see here...
---
Captain Curly is a kind man. Constantly thinking of others, how to help them and how to make them happy. A real people pleaser.
So it makes sense when you join the crew of the Tulpar that he would be friendly and welcoming to someone as new to ship life as you!
Curly gives you that kind smile that crinkles his eyes, and you almost instantly trust him. How could you not, when he's your new captain? And while he's being so understanding of your knowledge, or lack thereof, of crew life?
He'll try to worm his way into your mind, doing whatever he can to help you feel comfortable.
You need an extra pillow because the Pony Express beds are too uncomfortable? Here, take his! He doesn't use it much anyway.
Having a hard time adapting to the sub par food that the Tulpar can provide? You'll find a bag of sweeteners tucked under your covers next time you go to bed. Shhh, nobody else needs to know!
Curly does all of this to get into your heart, to make you comfortable around him. Don't get him wrong, he wants to do these things regardless! But there is a rather big ulterior motive; getting to you.
---
Curly asks to take your wellness check tests, and Anya teases a little that he might have a crush on you. She doesn't know the half of it!
You make his heart pound when you're near, his face quickly flushing and an easy smile reaching the corners of his lips.
He finds that he doesn't mind the tedious labour while you're around, doesn't mind that he's rather stuck on the top rung of this ladder he's found himself on.
As long as Curly can have you by his side, he feels he could go through anything and he could get out the other end.
---
Of course, this leads him to commit rather unsavoury activities.
Curly likes to wake up at awful times in the morning, half of them deliberate and half of them accidental from the nightmares he suffers from.
He makes his way to your dorm, slipping through the door easily due to the lack of locks.
Curly doesn't do anything bad in his mind. He just sits by your bed, sometimes on it, his hand resting on your cheek, shoulder, or whatever skin he can feel.
You're so warm, and soft. You're here, beside him. It's grounding.
Curly likes to watch you sleep, feel the life in your body. It comforts him a lot, and soon he has to retreat back to his dorm due to his eyelids closing from sleepiness.
He doesn't mind when you interact with the others, but he becomes quite prickly and stern when you talk with Swansea or Jimmy, or even Daisuke.
Quickly steering you away or interrupting your conversation to give you a task to focus on.
It's not that he doesn't want you to talk to him, their his friends too! He just... Gets this awful feeling in his gut, whenever you smile or laugh with them instead of him.
---
Curly despises the feelings of jealousy and anger that rise inside of him when you interact with others positively.
He's a slightly lucid yandere, and realises that these feelings are unhealthy if he forces them upon you.
So that's why he covers it up with sweetness and kindness, to practically love bomb you into preferring his company over others.
If you choose him, he won't have to be awful to the others, right? Curly would hate for them to feel bad.
But he'd hate to lose you worse.
---
Thanks anon! I only did pre crash Curly for this one, because I feel like both would be a bit too much writing for me right now. You can ask for post crash Curly though, if this hasn't satisfied you! And thanks again!
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing curly#yandere curly#captain curly#curly mouthwashing#mouthwashing x reader#curly x reader#captain curly x reader#yandere mouthwashing#yandere x reader#worm mail
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