#i do not have bipolar
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I am positive that this mood stabilizer is fucking with my head
#i do not have bipolar#the er psychiatrist was very dumb for putting me in valproic acid#i feel very dumb and angry all of the time now
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Recently I’ve been getting anons and comments doubting the validity of some of the stories I tell on here. There’s nothing I can do to convince you that the stories I tell on here are completely genuine. All I can say is that they really are. I only post the wackiest, most interesting or funny stories of my life on here. You don’t get much of the boring day to day stuff.
Truth is, I come from a very long line of crazy people. When my dad was in med school he and some friends planted a small homemade bomb in an abandoned bathroom at their university. His roommate stole a pancreas from the corpse lab and put it in a girl’s backpack. The entire med school was suspended because no one owned up to it. My uncle would sneak out at night with my grandma’s car and she’d find out because she’d check the mileage and see it’d gone up, so my uncle started driving her car backwards since that didn’t increase the mileage. He got arrested driving her car backwards on the highway to another town. My uncle would steal my grandpa’s shotgun, tell his friends to jump in the pool, and start firing it randomly at the backyard. My cousin genuinely had two weed smoking girlfriends who were also girlfriends with each other. My great uncle had an affair exposed by having his intimate photos and videos with his mistress sent to the family groupchat by people who stole his phone, all because they were salty that my aunt told them to go fuck themselves when they messaged her asking for money. My aunt took out all her life savings and moved to another state to build a bunker because she believes the apocalypse is coming, and she didn’t even take any of her children. I don’t know how to tell you this, but life is just stranger than fiction sometimes. The sample size of life stories you get on my blog are just the instances in which that’s true.
#I don’t make money on tumblr I don’t have any mutuals I talk to this is truly just where I deposit my wackiest thoughts and experiences#there’s nothing I can do to prove to you that I’m being truthful when I make these posts but I just am#you not believing me doesn’t make it any less true it just robs you of basking in the ridiculousness that is my life#There are many mental illnesses running through my family but the one I inherited is bipolar disorder lol#there’s probably many more that didn’t reach me. whatever the fuck my uncle has being one of them#he was also arrested because he did a bunch of coke and started walking completely naked on top of the fence walls around the property#when you consider my family you actually discover that I am incredibly normal and well adjusted#please also remember that my family is from small town Brazil#shit like this just happens#this isn’t even touching on my great grandma who was a psychic
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my roman empire is whatever the heck shameless writers were on when writing ian’s lover interests after mickey’s incarceration. if they wanted us to hate him (as if) why did they make his partners so shitty to him? like caleb told ian to grow up cause ian was worried not getting the job due to his bipolar??? caleb saying ‘push past it’ like bro you are so damn privileged to think a mental illness is something you can just brush off like that, what are we taking meds for when we have our lord and saviour caleb saying it’s no big deal!
and trevor giving no shit that ian was having an episode? oh ian you seem off your meds you alright mate? no? oh okay i don’t give a fuck i tried keep it up you do you i was just your boyfriend and work as a freaking social service i surely know that ignoring the problem and getting angry at someone mentally unstable is the way to go!
they wrote all that without gallavich being endgame in mind, did they hate ian that much??? only one who never got scared to stop ian (the knife scene, the funeral, the guns) and insists he needs meds (pushing him on the wall so he wouldn’t leave, suggesting to call the cops on him so force his recovery, calming him down during hallucinations, not making him feel ashamed for them, getting him meds and so on) has always been mickey and only mickey.
they saw each others at their worst and their best and thought yeah i wanna spend the rest of my life with this person???????????
i wonder if they would have made ian end up miserable with someone who doesn’t care about his mental health if mickey didn’t come back??? god to be a fly on the wall in that writing room
#i have ian in my head saying#how do you know you love me#i’m bipolar are you crazy you want to be with me forever#cause his others boyfriends were like okay yeah bipolar dude i give no shit#that you’re going maniac let’s go back to ME#as if ian wasn’t already overlooked by his entire family#post#shameless us#gallavich#shameless#mickey milkovich#ian gallagher#ian x mickey
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hot take but you all NEED to stop telling people to kill themselves.
yes, even *those* people. i don't care if you're talking to some monster who puts live puppies into a wood chipper for fun, don't say that shit.
because mx. puppychipper isn't gonna be affected by your words.
but you know who might be affected? some innocent third party reading the words you said on a public website.
because telling people to kill themselves says "suicide is a punishment for being a bad person. bad people, upon realizing they're bad, should simply commit suicide instead of working to atone for their actions."
and that is NOT a message you wanna be normalizing to anyone, but ESPECIALLY people with depression (who, let's be real, make up a higher than average chunk of this site's userbase). whose mental illness is already telling them that 1: they're an inherently terrible worthless person no matter what they do 2: death is an appealing option.
is reading "kill yourself" once or twice gonna make them do it? nah, probably not. but reading it multiple times a day every day is gonna make their mental health worse. it's probably not good for your mental health to be saying that kind of thing, either.
just knock that shit off. the world is already so hostile to people with mental illness, and managing mental illness and unlearning unhealthy thought patterns is already so difficult. you don't need to be out here making it worse.
#eliot posts#suicide mention#animal abuse mention#i guess#ive said similar before and i just said this in the tags of another post but it deserves its own post#i am fucking TIRED of reading this shit so often#i frequently block people for saying it#sometimes i report ppl over it too if they're shitty in other ways too#i luckily don't have the ''i'm a worthless piece of shit and deserve the death penalty'' flavour of depression#but i do have the ''life is endless suffering and i want to euthanize myself'' variety of depression (or. technically bipolar.)#and reading the phrase kys Feels Bad Man w my mental illness#and i have froends w the first type and i worry about them#and one of em has told me it does affect them quite negatively to read kys#so yeah! fucking stop it!
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love so much how in 3a maddie buck and eddie are all competing in the manic episode Olympics between stalker arc/ lawsuit arc/ fight club arc truly an unmatched television viewing experience
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buddy of mine was talking about crazy side effects from his mood stabilizers and i said YOU'RE BIPOLAR? ME TOO! and he said HELL YEAH!! and then we did sumo stances at each other and screamed so high pitched only dogs could hear it
#shebbz shoutz#the bipolar struggle of balancing meds to erase the depression yet keep a fun and useful amount of mania#i gave up man i do not have the time to turn my own body into an ochem lab LOL now i'm just raw unfiltered whateverthefuck
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"It's called a manic episode"
Me: *giggling and kicking my feet* I have those
#make more characters mentally ill#like I know most characters are but like canonically#I want them to say they have depression or they're bipolar#I want them to take medication or have taken it in the past and now aren't on anything#have characters talk about this#have them make jokes about it like people do irl#I immediately got obsessed with Lucifer because he said “Take that depression”#I just want characters like me y'know#that's something everyone wants and something a lot of people don't get#people are mentally ill and it's not going to go away so at least make it socially expectable#sorry my cousin has been being a bitch about this stuff lately#the amazing digital circus#tadc#tadc gangle#the amazing digital circus gangle#episode 4 tadc#everyone was such a vibe in this episode lol
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theres been a few times now where ive seen someone very clearly plagiarize either a design, idea, or even rip tutorial sections verbatim to claim as their own from my work, but the issue is i simply dont have the time or energy to fight it so i cant do much, so whenever i see a new instance of it my soul is crushed for 0.2 seconds before reforming and i look verbatim like this paul rudd bit:
#for the most part i dont care that much actually since this isnt like#my job#i literally just do creative stuff to not go insane#and its mostly my cosplay work that gets stolen which....its all emulation#i get really weirded out by when i have tutorials ripped bc that is genuinely more of my actual unique innovation#but whatever floats your stoat i really dont want to be caught up in a grubbn's match#the worst ones where were it was people that got more credit/more traction or there was strange personal context#those ones are weird but not worth picking a fight over#but if anyone tried to rip my OC designs i would be actually hurt but also deeply confused bc they only make sense in context#like if someone tried to cop sulu it'd be like:#'ah yes you too are a mid-30s physics doctorate with bipolar II managing long form depressive episodes while medication intolerant-#and coping with the fallout of people being unable to stay by you due to the intensity of your suicidal nature and obsessive working'#genuinely i would be gobsmacked
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what ever happened to diaries? why did everyone stop documenting their feelings? i personally think this is how everyone ended up repressing emotions and unable to process them. a diary really keeps me sane and has always been a key part of my healing process. i can write silly goofy things without feeling judged by anyone, and without having to explain it to anyone. i can keep a record of what's been going on and reflect on it later to see if anything has changed. and, every single time, something has changed. my perspective expands. my heart swells for what i felt in the past. it's like a love letter to myself. my dreams, my goals, my heartaches, my joys, it's all there in one place. highly recommend fr.
#i mean its really somethin sacred#it helps me remember what ppl have done or haven't as well so i can heal#ive always done it since a little girl and i think we need to bring that back!#but also u just have to remember to do it and that requires discipline#thoughts#mental health#actually adhd#adhd#actually bipolar#bipolar disorder
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random question, do you think it's possible for someone who has lost their creativity to regain it? ..asking for a friend..
im not sure what your situation is, but i believe everyone has creative potential just from being a human being and you cant just permanently lose your creativity. i struggle with losing creativity at times, usually its when I go into a depressive period. I usually just keep making art through it, ill look through old ideas I wrote down or work on commissions just stuff that doesnt require a ton of creativity but keeps me working on art. even if I dont feel good doing it just doing the work of making art helps me to eventually want to make art again
#i dont rly have any advice for this sorry#but this kind of sounds like burnout#idk if what I do will work for you or not all i can really do is share how i deal w it#i go in and out of depressive episodes kind of like bipolar but without manic episodes#i just feel like total shit for some weeks or months and then feel normal again and its independent of enviornmental stuff or triggers#i cant rly do anything about it except try to lessen the depression w meds and such
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I am positive that this mood stabilizer is fucking with my head
#i do not have bipolar#the er psychiatrist was very dumb for putting me in valproic acid#i feel very dumb and angry all of the time now
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no you aren’t a little autistic for not wanting to make eye contact sometimes no you aren’t a little bipolar for having a mood swing no you aren’t a little adhd for bouncing your leg no you aren’t a little depressed for wanting to stay in bed no you aren’t a little schizophrenic for mistakingly hearing a voice no you aren’t a little ocd for wanting the class desks to be straight stop characterizing disorders by one symptom stop trying to lighten and romanticize disorders by applying a normal thing to do to a disorder that impacts peoples lives stop trying to water down these disorders so you can make it about you and so you can make a joke off of other people’s lives because you want to be funny
#me#idk im just so fucking tired of hearing people say “oh sorry im a little ocd lol xD” after keeping their desk neat????#that’s called wanting to be organized???#“im a little autistic cause i can’t stop talking about this show!” Yeah cause you like the show Carrie of course you are gonna talk about i#sorry I might delete this someone tell me if im being stupid or whatever but does this not piss people off#to hear people just water down a disorder to a simple trait that is incredibly common#so they can be funny and apply themselves to every situation and never have to feel left out#this isn’t about self diagnosis by the way#this is about people willfully ignoring the disability/disorders affects on others while using its symptoms to make a quick joke#Or to get a laugh#how the hell do I even tag this 😭#neurodivergent#neurotypical#depression#bipolar disorder#autism#ocd#schizophrenia
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in my idealized version of the books (the Good timeline), jericho and constantine’s relationship is not the one aaron and calls relationship parallels — it’s constantine and joseph. in this essay i will *gets taken out by cassandra clare’s snipers*
#maybe i’m biased because i like that freak so much. but like.#it is implied joseph did become constantine’s counterweight after jerichos death (or just the only logical reasoning)#there is no way that freak went THAT crazy post constantine’s death without having his soul tied to him at least a little bit#anyway. whatever#calron#magisterium#the magisterium#and idk unpopular opinion. in the way i characterize constantine (with several implications that he has bipolar two and the entirety of the#third mage war was him in a extreme manic state as his entire goal shifted from necromancy to living forever) his relationship with joseph#is absolutely bonkers#allow me to do an insane semi canon half headcanon lore drop in the tags#with my previous hc in mind i think his relationship with joseph often flips from a friend(who admittedly indulges his worst habits#whether subconsciously or not at first) to a lover (REMINDER HES 22.)to a father to a worshipper. all in like the span of a week. FOR YEARS#joseph was likely the only person constantine trusted despite having an army of followers and vice versa#i don’t personally think constantine ever blamed joseph for jerichos death (even if in some ways it was his fault). in his mental state he#physically couldn’t.#also i never said this relationship was healthy#yall ever seen hannibal nbc. where hannibal is high key in love with will and is absolutely devoted to him above all else (even his romanti#relationships)? yeah that. and hannibal is DEVOTED to will regardless of circumstance#hey wait was does that describe. joseph and constantine in my eyes#but WAIT there’s more. who else does that describe? call and aaron. call bending the laws of physics and choosing aaron over tamara at ever#possible moment#OBVIOUSLY. before someone brings it up. yes aaron and call are written to parallel jericho and constantine so they do. they do the whole#necromancy schtick. i’m just saying in my ideal world there would be greater emphasis on constantine and joseph’s relationships that’s only#between the lines in canon#like please can we get an actual reasoning as to why joseph is Like That. WAS IT BC THEY WERE COUNTERWEI#joseph posting#constantine madden#oh wait. the necromancy is paralleled between joseph wanting constantine back (and basically going to great length to do so cough cough#stalking a child)
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Drew some kyles to feel something again
#my art#kyle broflovski#south park#sighhh do i tag k2 and everyone else…#eric cartman#kenny mccormick#stan marsh#still dont have a design for him so huzzah im gonna draw him kinda like shinji#fuck bipolar disorder man its so overrrr#I miss my hypomanic episode this is such a fucking draaaaaggggg#wtv Mexican Kyle save me
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when your ADHD gets so bad you literally throw your phone across the room to try and stop yourself from "Wasting Time" instead of working
#my rambles#original#it's so bad y'all and I have bipolar so a lot of meds just#won't combine well#gotta wait until 12/18 to talk to my pscyhatrist#and see if I can't get SOMETHING to help before I mcfreaking lose it#y'all I can't do SHIT it's so fucking bad literally driving me crazy#I threw my PHONE across my ROOM like what the hell you know?
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i feel like shit owuld be so much better if people swapped "narcissist"/"narcissistic" as insults to "self-absorbed." cause usually when theyre referring to things like 'narcissistic abuse' or 'a narcissist' they're just referring to a self-absorbed asshole, not someone with NPD. just a teeny tiny shift of language would really do wonders for people Not misunderstanding an already-stigmatized disorder.
#NPD people feel free to add on or correct me or w/e im not NPD#but as a bipolar having to see My illness used as an insult sucks and thats Less widespread than 'narc' as an insult so i cant even imagine#i listen to a lot of reddit stories and MAN people are so quick to throw that word around#someone will describe your garden variety emotional abuser and the comments will all be like NARCISSISTIC ABUSE GO TO R/RAISEDBYNARCISSISTS#its fucking wild like dude do you even know what that is though
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