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seeker-of-stories19 · 3 years ago

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Found this article about things Ian did wrong in Shameless and I’m not saying he’s perfect but this didn’t even make sense so I’m fixing it. (Part 1)

20/20

Okay so you’re saying it’s messed up that a fifteen year old was sleeping with his married boss? No it’s messed up that a married adult man is having sex with his fifteen year old employee, consensual or not he’s the adult in the situation. Also Ian did think it was wrong and opted out of their weekend together when he was presented with the presence of Kash’s family life. And I’d like to just add that while this was a bad decision He didn’t exactly have many options as far as expressing his sexuality, throughout the show it is clear that the southside isn’t exactly excepting.

19/20

Seriously? You’re not obligated to come out to someone just because you care about each other, sexual and romantic preferences are personal to some people and it’s not something you’re required to share. Not to mention there are plenty of reasons Ian may not have come out to his family, maybe he was scared or maybe he wasn’t ready but that’s his decision it has nothing to do with Lip.

18/20

Mandy reacted well because she’s a good person and she wanted her best friend and her brother, two people she cares about, to be happy. That doesn’t seem weird to me? I mean really it’s not her job to dictate who either of them can date and she doesn’t which is a sign that they have a genuine friendship. Not to mention Ian didn’t tell her because Mickey wanted it to be private which again is his decision.

17/20

First of all I don’t think Ian was indecisive I think it was awkward to tell your gay boss you’ve been sleeping with that you’re not interested in a relationship while he’s trying to impregnate his wife. Also one again Ian is being blamed for something that could be better pinned on either other character, Mickey shouldn’t have antagonized Kash and Kash obviously shouldn’t have shot Mickey because he was jealous (it’s not like he could’ve thought they’d be together forever.) Finally Ian really wouldn’t have helped either of them by going to the cops. Kash was engaging in an illegal affair with a teenager and Mickey probably would have been killed by his father who is a known homophobe if the truth got out.

16/20

Yeah an insane homophobic ex con thinks you got his daughter pregnant when you’re actually sleeping with his son and he was the one who impregnated his own daughter, why would you try to protect the people you care about and save your own life? Also Mandy and Mickey would be pretty relieved that their dad was locked up a while longer.

15/20

Why would Ian tell Jimmy? It’s not like they’re incredibly close and as far as the fact that Ned is married he shouldn’t be dating a teenager. Now I’m not saying this was rational or ethical behavior but I do think that Ian behaves in some questionable ways romantically throughout the beginning of the series but he never had a good role model in this department and he’s really just a kid who makes some stupid decisions and figures it out later on. Finally I’d like to point out that Ian had never had the opportunity to be in a relationship where the other person isn’t ashamed or afraid of being with him and he even confirms that this is why he’s with Ned when Mickey asks, which in my opinion is more sad than anything else.

14/20

He didn’t get tired of waiting to enlist he watched his boyfriend get raped by a Russian prostitute while they were both held at gunpoint and then watched him as he was forced to marry her since she was pregnant with his child. As for the rest of it, being bipolar is hardly something you could blame on Ian.

13/20

Seriously? For starters they didn’t know he was bipolar because he wasn’t there and they weren’t looking for him, even later in the season no one other than Mickey expressed more than basic concern over his behavior. I’d also like to point out that he’s spent his entire childhood watching Monica struggle with this disease. He knows what it does to people so of course he wouldn’t except it instantly. Even under normal circumstances denial in these type of life changing circumstances is normal. As for the rest of it he did care about his family enough to take his meds even though they made him feel so horrible he eventually stopped. And his relationship with Mickey was so sex based for so long that not being able to perform sexually only made him feel more insecure about a disease that he’s already watched ruin his family’s life. As a bonus I’d just like to throw in that all these criticisms are based on the effects of a mental illness he has no control over.

12/20

One again this behavior was caused by a mental illness he didn’t have any control over, and as hard as it was to watch Mickey be so heartbroken they persevered like they always do. Also, you can understand why Ian would feel babied or crazy by Mickey’s sudden careful and loving behavior, he’s not in the right mindset to accept the genuine change in his long time partner as anything other than a response to his bipolar disorder.

11/20

Honestly I’m getting sick of making the same point over and over again. He’s mentally ill, he isn’t thinking clearly, he’s afraid and in denial, and he doesn’t have control over any of it. Seriously the judgement against him for having a mental disease in this article is infuriating. Not to mention the fact that both Ian and Yevgeny are alright which I count as a win considering the circumstances.

Hopefully you enjoyed this or at least found it interesting even if you didn’t agree on the whole thing. I’d love to hear people’s thoughts as I put a lot of time into thinking about these points. Part 2 will be posted soon and will be a continuation of this because I hit the 10 image max. I obviously don’t own the article and it is posted at the bottom to give full credit to the writer. I only own my opinions.

Part 1/2

#shameless #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #mandy milkovich #gallagher’s #bipolar disorder #mental disorder #mental illness #article #rant post #ranting #my thoughts #gallavich

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gallavictorious · 3 years ago

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love your metas, so can i get your thoughts? i've always felt that personality wise, fiona/ lip are alike, and then ian/ debbie are alike. fiona/ lip are smart but often lost in what they want out of life/ what path to take. they both self sabotage and spiral in response to that. s4/ s9 fiona and s6/ s7 lip had similar arcs. they seem to need to receive romantic "love"/ validation, more than to give it, and can be selfish in that. but they are very giving when it comes to their family. [1/2]

[2/2] so anyways, whereas ian/ debbie very much want to give "love" as much as they want to get it, to the point that they always let any awful person who demands it, have it. kash/ ned/ caleb/ trevor/ matt/ derek/ the s10 2 ladies/ etc were all like that. (mickey being the 1 exception ofc!) they can be manipulated and therefore taken advantage of. but they work hard and take pride in that and know what they want (rotc/ emt and babysitting/ welding). but debs is selfish obviously, and ian isn't

Hiya nonnie! That's some very interesting thoughts right there, and a few I hadn't considered before! Let’s see...

I think you make a great point about Fiona and Lip both being smart but lacking a clear idea of how to translate that into a sustainable lifestyle, and they certainly do have a tendency to self-sabotage. In fairness, fairly often it's things outside of their control that derail them – which I think is a very good illustration of how much harder it is to ”make it” when you come from that sort of background. Even when they aregiven opportunities and try to capitalize on them, there's so very little margain for error; everything is always just one small step from collapsing, there's always something going on with their family that they need to deal with, and when things do go wrong, they mostly lack the resources (mental and financial) to respond in a good way. Their coping mechanisms are maladaptive as all hell, that's for sure, courtesy of their fucked-up upbringing. But yeah, quite apart from all that, I think Lip and Fiona have a habit to fuck things up for themselves by not doing great with stability in general. Rob's an asshole but not entirely wrong when he calls Fiona a chaos junkie, and Lip's issues with authority and alcohol don't exactly make things easier for him.

Additionally, I think that while Lip and Fiona are both capable of hard work – and for a long time they certainly work their assess off to take care of their younger siblings – they also have a tendency to look for quick fixes and easy outs? They're problem solvers and quick thinkers, and they had to be, to deal with the mess Frank and Monica have made of their lives, but I'd argue that this survival tactic has developed into a somewhat problematic predispotion to eschew slowly, steadily working their way towards a goal in favour of leaping on ”smart” deals and opportunities. Which isn't always bad, of course, but it has caused them a fair share of problems; consider, for instance, Fiona and her real estate escapades in season 9 and Lip's highly questionable choices in season 11. (I just watched 11x07 again and GOD do I want kick him in the nuts. I love Lip, but grow the fuck up, man. Tami is a bloody saint for being as patient with him as she is.)

In contrast, Ian and Debbie have a crazy strong work-ethic and are highly goal-oriented. They fix their eyes on the prize and they fucking go for it, putting in the hours and the work without hesitation or complaint. They are far less likely to look for short-cuts or screw themselves over because they get bored with the monotomy. That doesn't mean their path to success is a straight one, of course; Ian's bipolar has wreaked some proper havoc for him, and though she's succeed in both having a kid and a job she trained for, Debbie's narcissm is keeping her from developing the strong bonds (familial and romantic) that she so desperately craves. I think the difference between Ian and Debbie here is that Ian is genuinely looking for a partnership and a real connection (to such a degree that it sometimes leads him into highly unfortunate relationships) whereas Debbie thinks she wants that but isn't prepared to actually be vulnerable and perceptive to the other person's needs to such a degree that a real partnership becomes possible. She never, I feel, actually sees and knows her partners for who they are; she projects onto them her idea of what they should be like, and responds to that, not to them. It hasn't ended well, so far.

And I have to say that while Trevor (of whom I'm fond in spite of his flaws, so you'll find no hate for him on this blog) and (especially) Caleb have their issue I don't think it's fair to compare them to Kash and Ned. As for Matt and Derek, they may not be perfect, but I'd argue that Debbie treated them far worse than they did her. I mean, she did rape both of them. (Out of youthful ignorance, sure: it's still sexual assault. I do find it very interesting and quite encouraging that she obviously recognizes her own guilt in season 11.) By and large, Debbie has treated her partners worse than they have treated her, which is certainly not true of Ian. (Which doesn't mean Ian's a saint. Boy's got plenty of flaws, and he doesn't always treat his lovers perfectly – the cheating comes to mind – but in general he doesn't treat them badly at all; as you say, he is more likely to allow himself to be treated badly by them.)

Circling back to Lip and Fiona, I think you have a point in them craving the way their partners make them feel, but being less interested in having a partner to build a life with, if that makes sense? They aren't really looking for someone to share their lives and struggles with (which might be the resulf of them being used to having no one but each other to rely on for most of their lives); they want that high of being in love and in lust, and when things get a bit too steady and boring, they get restless. Jimmy was, admittedly, a big support for Fiona for a while, but it was quite one-sided: always on her terms. Lip might be coming around on that with Tami, though – possibly because she's assertive enough to push back against him and not let him get bored. Also, Lip (and Fiona) has shown himself to be far more devoted to kids in his care than to his partners, so I'm sure Freddie's existence is a major factor in him sticking it out with Tami even when things are hard. (Not to suggest he doesn't love Tami; I think that she's by far the best match for him on the show.) At the end of the day, I think that Lip and Fiona would enjoy someone properly at their side and in their corner – they just need to understand that that's something they can have, and that for it to work, they need to be in their partner's corner too. As I said, Lip might be on the way, though his unwillingness to solve problems together with Tami is worrisome; who knows what Fiona's up to in Florida; Ian's already got it, and as for Debbie... she knows she wants it, but not how to achieve it. For her, I think, the answer might be to reassess how important having a partner really is to her; does she truly want it, with all the compromises it inevitably entails? Then again, she's young yet; we were, I think, none of us very good at relationships at 20, and Debbie (and her siblings) has had a rougher go of it than most. She has time to learn.

This took... forever, nonnie, so I do hope you see this!. :o Can't say I expect my scattered and tentative musings to have been worth the wait, but I ended up having a lot of fun thinking about this, so here's to you finding something of value in there. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me! <3 And as always, if anyone else wants to chime in you're more than welcome to; my ideas on this aren't very fixed, so I'd love to hear other or additional perspectives.

#the prize for being the Gallagher Least Bad at Relationships is getting to marry one mickey milkovich #congratulations to our worthy winner ian #no wonder he fought so hard for it... 😏#and oh would you look at that!#i answered an ask!#i am very excited about this!#so sorry for the wait nonnie this ask had me thinking a lot so i loved it #lip gallagher #fiona gallagher #debbie gallagher #ian gallagher #meta #asks #my stuff

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slasherbastard · 4 years ago

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Hey! I just found your blog recently, but I want to quickly say that I really love your writing!! You’re so talented and good at eliciting emotions! Your work has inspired me to get back into writing as well and you seem super nice! Keep doing what you’re doing!! ❤️ I’m not sure if matchups are still open, feel free to ignore this if they’re closed! But I hope you’re having a good day today! I’ll put my matchup info below:

I’m a gay trans man and I’m like 5’0” lmaoo I love playing guitar, listening to rock/metal music, and drawing! I’m not sure if it’s relevant but I have Bipolar Disorder and PTSD, and I like collecting bones/dead things hahaha! As for my appearance, I like wearing colorful/weird stuff! Like heart shaped glasses, shirts with weird images/text on them, rainbow socks… I’m kind of a fashion disaster lmao but it makes me happy! I have short, dark, curly hair and tan skin and I kind of have a baby face lol! For personality, I’m mostly quiet, but I get very passionate about certain things, especially the things that I like! I love joking around and being lighthearted! I’m pretty chill, but I’ve been told I’m a little scary when I’m angry hahaha! I’m super physically affectionate and I struggle with separation anxiety with people I really care about! I can be kind of protective too! And uhh yeah! I think that’s it!! I hope this isn’t excessive! Thank you so much in advance! Again, I hope you’re having a good day today! ❤️❤️

First of all I nearly cried reading the note, ahh thank you so much you’re so nice! Sorry this took forever to write-

I pair you with

Chop Top Sawyer!

(gif credit: classichorrorblog)

The two of you are a real team. You’re more laid back and chill while Choptop is loud and crazy, you both go together perfectly. Seriously, even your interests match up nicely. You like collecting bones and dead things? One of the perks of dating a cannibal and living in the middle of rural texas is that there’s bound to be bones just lying around somewhere. Expect Chop Top to bring you human bones from his family’s previous victims, but if you’re not cool with collecting human bones then he’ll take you out to look for animal carcasses. You like jokes? So does Chop! He’s probably really into really bad jokes as well as dad jokes - also a few dirty ones if you’re okay with that.

Chop Top has PTSD too so he understands what it’s like but he doesn’t understand what you’ve specifically gone through. If you’re comfortable speaking about it with him then he’s all ears. He himself doesn’t really like to talk about the war, but he might if he’s feeling a bit vulnerable. He isn’t very educated on bipolar disorder so if you’re ever feeling overwhelmed or having a depressive episode, Chop Top is one of those people who cries when he sees other people cry so if you’re ever upset you may have to end up comforting him, but he’ll also try to get your mind off of those negative thoughts and try to tell you the dumb jokes that you told him that made him nearly fall over laughing. When you’re feeling more hyper he will keep a closer eye on you just to make sure you don’t get yourself hurt - he may be a sadist but he’s also a gentleman, sort of. Also he’s perfectly fine with you being trans! He doesn’t think any less of you and won’t let anyone treat you badly or misgender you . He is very supportive but he will need you to educate him more on the topic.

Chop Top loves your style since it’s close to his but a little move evolved and he will probably take inspiration from you and try to steal your clothes and if none of them fit him he will steal your sunglasses. Also he doesn’t understand half of your shirts but he still thinks they’re funny - you definitely would’ve had to make a lot of them yourself since this is the 70s, and Chop Top would 100% want to match with you. Your wardrobe is full of bright colours and shitposts (do you like those shirts with oddly specific texts on them? Because that’s all I can think about). Imagine Drayton trying to figure out what the hell your shirts mean. “Never underestimate a man who was born in July and plays the guitar and is terrified of their aunt, and does everything they can to avoid her at family gatherings- What in the goddamn hell is that supposed to mean? What’dya mean there’s worse ones?” Think about it, you and Chop Top laughing your asses off as you both show Drayton your shared collection of weird shirts, congratulations - you’ve broken Drayton.

Another thing about this rat is that he craves your affection. He’s a very clingy man and that mixed with your physical affection? Heaven to him. The two of you will just lay in bed cuddling for as long as you possibly can before Chop Top needs to get up and deal with his family. Chop Top definitely hates leaving you alone - probably even more than you hate being away from him - but at the end of the day when you guys are reunited, it’s just endless kissing and cuddling until you fall asleep. On the topic of affection, Chop Top loves nicknames - he also likes it when you call him Bobby.

#slasherbastard matchups #slasher #writing #chop top #chop top sawyer #horror #if you're actually born in july and are terrified of your aunt im sorry i had no idea #i actually was gonna get a shirt made sort of like that ages ago but forgot about it until this moment

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failing-to-write-again · 4 years ago

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Sakamaki Character Analysis: Cuntdelia's Children

continuing on to Cordelia's kids now. Again, they all need help in some form. Although full warning they aren't my favourites so I may not be as on point as I feel I was with Reiji and Shu.

Ayato:

So Ayato has a god complex and a narcissistic streak, why is that any why does that mean he needs the special care? Well his mum was abuisve, that's a fact. In the games we hear mentions of physical punishments as well as emotional manipulation, gas lighting, and all that other horrid stuff. Ayato is a ball of insecurities stuck in the way his mother forced on him. He has to be the best because she said she has to, and as a defense mechanism due to her constant criticism he developed his "I'm the best call me Ore-Sama" thing.

Now a lot of fanfics just see you the reader make fun of the ore-sama thing or be too depressed to even care about it, and lemme tell you why I don't think they'd actually the best thing for him. So let's say your mother, a primary care giver, puts you down all the time and makes fun of you. You grow up isolated and constantly feeling you aren't good enough but don't have anyone to talk to so internalize it all and put on an act. Then you get a person trying to date you or befriend you that does exactly what your mother did. Now when I put it like that do you see why the whole "pfft whatever oreo-sama" thing won't actually help. You'll end up dead when he snaps I'll bet money on it.

I think Ayato needs a partner who won't pander to him but won't put him down either. So when you don't want to make him takoyaki say "Not right now, I'll do it when I'm finished this level in Mario. Wanna play with me Ore-Sama?" don't say "Go do it yourself oreo-sama. Wait do you seriously not know how to make it? lol."

Furthermore push him safely. Ask for help making the takoyaki, start small with a "hey I can't reach this pan and you're super tall can you help?" as to slowly built up to "hey will you mix this sauce for me as I prepare the meat? I'll tell you what to add the ingredients are all there." I feel Ayato would benefit from this as he'll slowly realise he's learning how to do things. I think a big part of why Ayato struggles is that he was told he needed to be perfect first try and so he gets disheartened easily. Home boy needs compliments and you to not bring attention to his mistakes. Just be like "oh that's fine you can add more salt if it'd too sweet or sugar if it's too salty."

This goes for everything too he's gonna need someone who slowly teaches him, and trust me the day he realised he's learning he'll be greatfull, he won't show it much at the start but over time he'll get better. Like remember when Ayato slept with Yui in the anime? Sorta like that happens and he whispers a thank you when he thinks you're asleep. Then it slowly becomes a thing of if he knows it's just you and him in the room he won't be against putting his head on your shoulder when he needs some love.

When his grades improve you better make him takoyaki and suffocate him with hugs and compliments because he needs that to be a more open and better person.

Laito:

Laito is a hard one, because I see many s/o for him written as anti-sex who won't give into him, or those who give in whenever and I don't think either would fully work.

If you meet through a one night stand obviously you're never going to get in. I think his best chance would be a classmate he sits beside often, potentially a sacrificial bride but I'm kinda meh on that. He needs reliable no touch love before moving on to anything. So let's say he noticed you doing a crossword before class one day (it's canon he loves em) and he helps on a word or something. Now response here is everything, no swooning and "omg Laito-senpai sleep with me" crap but also don't ice queen it. Hearing "I don't want to sleep with you leave" will shut him out from you forever. I think something akin to "Oh thanks Laito, I didn't know you liked crosswords you seem pretty good at them." Now let's break this down as to why this works best in my opinion. First off you thanked him for something that had nothing to do with physical touch in anyway, second you complimented him but not on his body or skills with said body. Instead you showed appreciation for his brain. And finally the "I didn't know you liked crosswords" gives him an opening to start discussing interests other then sex.

Laito was sexually abused and I think as a result it'd need to be slow and steady with things. So holding his hand and not letting him touch the boob just yet shows you don't want sex you want him. Talking to him about things like fashion means he can do his perv on the girls for a bit before slowly toning down and starting to talk more on the outfits. He will definitely be sleeping with other people at this point, you're not dating at all. I think he'll slowly begin to appreciate the routine of having one person in his life he doesn't need to give his body to, and he may just open up about the abuse. I think being supportive and gently saying something like "well I'm not a professional so I'm not going to be much help, but if you decide to talk to a therapist I'll be there every step of the way for you." BE HIS CRUTCH.

I think he's the most likely to consider and maybe even go to therapy before dating you (I think eventually all the boys would be convinced to start going). I think it would be in therapy where he realises the fact he wants to be near you all the time isn't lust like with other girls but it's love. I imagine he'd be like "It's weird because I want to be with them all the time but fully clothed and eating macaroons or watching movies, not [the following is censored for a good reason]

I think Laito has the ability to be a great partner if he can deal with his abuse and PTSD from said abuse.

Kanato:

Kanato is a tricky case. He definitely has bipolar disorder or manic depression or some serious mental health condition past just PTSD or depression brought on by abuse. So I think he'll need medication and an actual therapist although getting him there is the hard part.

Firsts off toss the "Yeah I have a Teddy too and love sweets as well let's be 5 together" fantasy out the window, especially if the file up sentence to that is "I also like killing people, we're both crazy". Also you can't be a sacrificial bride, you'd be dead or he'd ignore your opinion.

I think maybe if you went to a therapist for a less severe issue (anxiety or something that doesn't make you STAB PEOPLE WITH FORKS) then maybe if he was following you or picking you up and had a meltdown the therapist would actually help him through it which will be like a "omg I don't have to scream to feel better" moment for him I think.

So from there he goes to therapy. He's still childish in his likes and stuff but he doesn't kill people or keep his weird ass dolls. You need to set some ground rules. "No I'm not going to make you cake unless my homework is finished and that's something I have to stick with. Remember your breathing, the longer you shout or be angry the longer you'll end up waiting for cake." Wear his pretty dresses and be nice to teddy and all that good stuff. But set limits. I see Kanato is pretty asexual, like I don't see him as the kinda guy to want sex, I don't think he's against romantic feelings for someone but I don't think he'd have sex with a s/o.

#kanato sakamaki #laito sakamaki #ayato sakamaki #diabolik lovers kanato #diabolik lovers laito #diabolik lovers ayato #diabolik lovers #sakamaki brothers #cordelia sakamaki

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mjjicons · 4 years ago

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apparently i’m an attorney right now

hey guys

this bitch right here

@deborahdeshoftim5779 i can’t even write her username without copying and pasting it but there we go

she’s trying you guyssss she’s really trying to come for michael

maybe inside her basement......no bathing for days... we know quarantine right.. people get crazy

so here i am responding to the “EVIDENCE THAT MICHAEL JACKSON MOLESTED CHILDREN” because.... i don’t know why tho

but this bitch challenged me and virgos love a challenge

we do love a challenge.. so

RESPONDING TO DEBORAH BLAH BLAH BLAH ABOUT HER BULLSHIT AND MICHAEL JACKSON OBSESSION

Michael Jackson slept in bed with other people’s children. Everyone, including @mjjicons, knows this is inappropriate and unacceptable. The majority of sexual abuse accusations against Michael Jackson have stemmed from the fact that he slept in bed with other people’s children. This is one of the clear reasons why parents do not allow their children to sleep in bed with adult strangers, and @mjjicons knows this very well.

this one is actually so shitty that i can’t even lol i highlighted the most important part on this.. this is actually not true

with a simple google search we can type in like “michael jackson accusations timeline” (i don’t have to do that because i actually know every single one of them but for proof purposes)

safechuck said he met michael in 1986 in a pepsi commercial set and of course, he said that michael asked him to sleep with him as seen in here:

alright! let’s do some research then

1986... what a year you guys! what a year!

here we have a great year review on the detail. (a youtube channel that i love so so so so so so so so much). and as we all know, 1986 was really important for michael jackson’s career overall, because that was the year when he wrote his (amazing) record called BAD!! kinda reclused. and of course he had the time to be the humanitarian he was:

also i can refute your “evidence number two” that michael only cared about pre-pubescent boys.. here’s our girl donna having a blast with my baby and bubbles.

also, safechuck said that he gave him the thriller jacket in the meeting.......but that’s actually a lie

because that jacket is with..... lady gaga! because it never was in safechuck’s hands. it was sold for her in a auction.

let’s go forward, shall we?

back to 86. allegations say that michael asked safechuck to sleep with him in the same bed in a trip to hawaii! of course if michael jackson was in hawaii in 1986 we would have some candids.

let’s do our research once again. he was never in hawaii in 86.... 87... no... here we go, 88, with safechuck and his family:

this was in february 1, 1988, at the kahala hilton hotel - hawaii. found it. also, this was the day of “moonwalk - the autobiography” release!

here he is with everyone! and our buddy alan light actually met him at the time:

as alan said, his team was with him too, of course. digging more information we can see it was a business trip and he brought his “friends” with him (fake bitchessss) as always. the first accusations, however, were made to the LAPD in 1993. james was with his whole family in there, fans around, team around, everyone. the only evidence is safechuck’s word, that as we saw before we can’t trust that much. i will explain why in a bit. michael had no time to bullshit in 1988, because this was the year of his american leg of the bad tour, and of course, shooting every single video from the bad era. iconic! he was in japan also in january-february as seen on his year review.

unfortunately i don’t have his hotel files from this time to see how many rooms he booked, but as a fan i can say that when michael did stay in hotels, it was common for him to book the whole hallway. (please read j. randy taraborrelli’s book if interested). same bed huh.......i don’t think so too

michael was diagnosed with vitiligo at the time, and his self-esteem wasn’t 100% (for his whole life actually) so i doubt he would let anyone in his room. also, his addiction to medication was also at the beggining. he was working so much as you can see. wait a minute. i have to eat my breakfast.

back at it.

about sleeping with children in the same bed in other occasions:

with the allegations made firstly in 1993, michael had to explain himself about every situation envolving himself and kids around him. he wasn’t a men of interviews, but on the topic, michael always said he never was alone with little boys in a bedroom. there always was someone when he did watch movies with his friends, including liz taylor, in any room (neverland had a whole movie theater there) and if falling asleep was the case, he mostly laid down on the floor. and he didn’t sleep a lot either. he couldn’t.

about sharing a bed tho, it happened! i’m not saying this never happened, brett barnes said it happened, in opposite sides, no touching. it happened, yes, and this is something not common between you and someone that isn’t your own kid. but it doesn’t mean that michael took off his clothes and had sex with a minor. not only a minor, but small boys. when someone is accused of pedophilia this is obviously a red flag, but those red flags were investigated by the FBI and local police (LAPD). if michael did it with a little boy, his DNA, sperm, skin would be all over them. the abuse would be clear. a kid doesn’t have body structure to handle abuse and heal fast enough. those are little kids. the brain development and body development aren’t enough to hide such a thing. if michael did it, he would be arrested FOR LIFE. oh yes he would. because no one besides his fans were there for him when shit got bad. people wanted his head in a plate with a tomato in his mouth.

on a side note i don’t know why people think michael was someone that always had time to keep little boys around him and sleeping around with them...........he worked his ass off EVERY SINGLE YEAR OF HIS ACTIVE CAREER LIFE. years and years on tour, no privacy, no free time, no real friends, no real family, no one.........

2. The vast majority of “special friends” were pre-pubescent boys, who Jackson dumped once they hit puberty. Joy Robson testified to this in 2005, saying that she told June Chandler this would happen to her son as well. Joy Robson admitted in court that the dumping had a serious mental effect on the boys, as they were no longer the favourite.

this is the biggest lie ever. i can’t even. about “the vast majority of michael’s friends being pre-pubescent boys” i won’t even post pictures of him and little girls because this is actually.........sick.............you are just a google search away... don’t be a lazy bitch.

this dumping thing is so sad to read because it portraits kids as literal objects. and this is actually a lie too. michael mantained contact with people for years, like macaulay, the cascio family (including all the kids), omer, his nephews, tata vega..... so many people, so many children. the female-chandler had jordan and his sister as kids, and in the years that michael related with them he was at family barbecues with the chandlers (and the press even called them his new family) because he was always around EVERYONE.

the 2005 trial was the only one actually dumped in all of this because there was no evidence against michael. and 2005 is actually a really important year for all of us, because it was the year of the innocent veredict. and wade robson was a witness in this trial. ON MICHAEL’S FAVOUR. if joy robson warned june about this in this trial WHY WOULD HER KID TESTIFY IN A ALLEGED PEDOPHILE’S SIDE??????????

this makes no sense. and also, the clownery was way too much. in the book “untouchable” by randall sullivan (i do not know if this is the english title because i am brazilian and here this is the title for the book, i just translated it. but you can find it everywhere) the author describes how the prosecution tried too hard to accuse michael. they were always catching “witnesses” - even a man that said michael molested him in the 80′s, but when asked about the dates, time, what happened, the court found michael wasn’t even in the place the man said he was at the time. but they demanded michael to testify on court anyway - to talk about a child he never met in a day he was at a event - with pictures and shit. a solid alibi. it was ignored. the witch hunt was big and they were ready to put michael in handcuffs WHENEVER THEY COULD. they just needed something. and this something never came.

if you are good enough to get all “your evidence” together, don’t be lazy to check facts. as i said before, it’s a google search away.

about joy robson, this bitch is bipolar or.. idk. because she was thriving in 2013 liking posts about michael and how good he was.

2013 was also the year wade filled his allegations against michael. because wade realized that michael actually did the wrong to him in 2012. before that, as a grown ass man, in the ‘05 trial, he didn’t. but in 2012 oh boy we are here just realizing things.

in 2009, michael’s passing, the estate released the michael jackson opus, a big book of memories and good stuff. wade was there too and made a beautiful statement, as follows:

“Michael Jackson changed the world and, more personally, my life forever. He is the reason I dance, the reason I make music, and one of the main reasons I believe in the pure goodness of human kind.”

and after that, wade wanted to be on charge of all the tributes related to michael in tv shows and awards. that’s pretty big right......to work in the name of your “abuser”.......

now you answer me: how did joy robson warned june chandler about anything if she, herself, said that wade didn’t show a single sign that he was abused by michael? she even said michael coached him to be “a master of deception” and that “wade should have won an oscar for lying that good for her” on court (2013) and that she was lied to so good that she never believed anything.... but warned chandler’s mom about “dumping”? what dumping?

if wade was dumped and really sad about it.....why would he want to lead shit about michael after he died? if your molester died....you should cheer up....

just a side note: joy said in leaving neverland that when michael died she was so relieved and danced around BUT HOW IF HER SON JUST WROTE A WHOLE LOVE LETTER TO MICHAEL JACKSON IN HIS MEMORIAL

is it crack? is it? what you smoke? following up..

3. Michael Jackson’s “special friends” include: Emmanuel Lewis (Brooke Shields said in 1984 that it looked like the pop star was dating the boy, rather than her), Jonathan Spence (Jackson owned a naked photograph of him), James Safechuck, Brett Barnes (Jackson is on video pretending this boy is his cousin), Macaulay Culkin, Wade Robson, Jordan Chandler, Jason Francia, Arnold Schleiter, Sean Lennon (Mark Ronson said that Jackson watched pornography with both of them in a hotel room), Omer Bhatti (whom Jackson met in a Tunisian hotel, and pretended the boy was his son), David Martinez, Gavin Arvizo, Michael Jacobshagen, and his nephews (whom the police suspected him of molesting, and with whom he took an inappropriate photo shoot for Star Magazine).

“brooke shields said in 1984 that blahblagabal” when where WHERE bitch where

i think people don’t actually answer your allegations because it is so DUMB that no one wants to waste their time with you. like......why am i doing this

i am just on #3 and i’m so tired because THERE IS NOTHING ABOUT IT are you wade robson in a fake account? just take off your mask

just

why

if you have this brooke shields line please show me???? i would like to see it

michael didn’t meet omer in a tunisian hotel, he actually met him because he was in a contest for michael jackson impersonators.......and he loves him, and pia, his mom, is so grateful for everything michael done for their family WHY AM I RESPONDING TO THIS i am so frustrated

4. Joy Robson also testified in 2005 that Jackson had called her up in the middle of the night in December 1993, asking that Wade Robson be brought to his bedroom. She admitted that she went back home, after leaving her son with Jackson. For context, Jackson was under investigation for child sexual abuse of Jordan Chandler at the time

she actually didn’t because she wasn’t a witness on court at the time. wade was. she wasn’t. as i showed before. next.

actually i’m tired because all of this is so dumb and i am wasting my time........ let’s just jump to the final shit.

We have good reason to believe that Jackson molested other boys not named above. For example, who was the boy whose semi-nude photograph was found inside Jackson’s bedroom in August 1993?

they never found anything in ‘93 because if they did michael would be arrested...............

Who filed a Restraining Order against Jackson back in the 80′s, and who reported this to the FBI?

no one filed a restraining order against michael back in 80′s. there is no such evidence. the fbi files are public and you can access them and read everything.

Who were the two Mexican boys that Jackson was accused of molesting back in 1985-1986?

michael didn’t have contact with any mexican people between ‘85 and ‘86 as i said before, in his year review, and in ‘85 he was never seen with any mexican boys because he was working in USA for africa, we are the world and captain EO. nothing michael did was away from the public eye.

Who were the other boys that slept in Jackson’s bedroom, according to a security guard? Who were the boys/men whose DNA was found in semen stains on Jackson’s mattress in November 2003? Who was the “Rhonda” who sent Jackson a picture book of naked boys, because she said Jackson might like them? What did Norma Staikos know about Jackson’s predilection for pre-pubescent boys? Who was the boy that Darlene Craviotto saw Jackson alone with in 1991 (reported in her book)?

norma staikos was his personal assistant at the time and wade said she knew about “what was going on” and was someone that arranged all the “sexual meetings” as said on court right here, but this meeting mentioned by wade on court was actually arranged BY HIS OWN MOTHER!

and the book by darlene craviotto never mentioned anything sexual between michael and boys, actually it’s a kind book about how michael helped her with her agoraphobia................

WOW THAT WAS LONG AND I FEEL SO DUMB RIGHT NOW

the rest of your evidence isn’t worth the read or the research because i’m not the one who should be doing this, debora, it should be you. just google it. or show something more credible, maybe actual proof? pictures? videos? audiotapes? where are they?

why am i here tho?

fuck you bitch

#michael jackson #michael #jackson #mjinnocent

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carriecutforth · 3 years ago

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The Shit

Tumblr is telling me to go ahead, put anything...so here it goes

I haven't been public about this for reasons that will be apparent but gonna start this with all the trigger warnings. I'm writing it here cause I can't talk to the majority of people about it cause most people can't even grasp, and then questions start, putting me in the situation of feeling like my GIANT SWEATER of trauma is being unraveled answering questions that lead to more questions and gah PLEASE DO NOT RETUMBL-- I just need to scream in the void This is the shit: On the day my sister-in-law's mother died she had to call form-1 my baby brother because his psychosis (undiagnosed mental illness which I will get to) was terrorizing their family (three small kids). My mother WHO IS SCHIZOPHRENIC had him released into her and my ANTI-VAXXER ANTI-MASKER narcissist father's care, but NOT before they found out, incidentally due to the FORM 1, he is ALSO really sick with leukemia. I only found out because I decided to dip into the special folder for emails called MOM that I try to avoid reading as long as they can FOR REASONS. But I felt for some reason an urge to, and then I had to try to parse out what had happened from her ramblings that are A LOT. Then I had to confirm with my poor sil who is at her wits end and was in no position to tell me herself. My dad stopped talking to me back in November when I called him for his anti-vax rhetoric as being EUGENICS when he told me it is just the flu and only killing old people and the disabled. I reminded him I've been immuno-compromised my whole life (he KNOWS this) and got chronic fatigue after a flu in late 2016 (he knows this), and did he not care if I DIED? (apparently not) But I was like lol, fine, don't talk to me anymore. Die mad about it for all I care. A lot of people are like: 'oh, that's tough, losing a relationship with your father' and I'm like YOLO (it really isn't if you knew him). SO THEN I have to reach out to my dad: "Why isn't my brother in the hospital being treated by medical professionals for YOU KNOW, HIS LEUKEMIA." My dad responded that the doctors were JUST GOING TO PUMP HIM FULL OF DRUGS! And that HE is treating my brother's leukemia with I dunno baking soda (he told me before it is a cure for cancer). THEN HE GOES RADIO SILENT. I have no idea where my brother is cause they got him an apartment somewhere in Toronto. *though I do have a Machiavellian plan to try to find out. The reason my brother has untreated psychosis is that even though I've begged my parents since he was a TEEN to get him diagnosed, they refused. It's like they have the opposite of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy in that their ABLEISM is soooo bad they refuse to see he has been very sick, and even if he was really sick, 'doctors are stupid' <--quoting my dad. This is the backstory. My dad was always on the road for his job. My mom had my baby brother AGAINST all wishes of her doctor to ever get pregnant again. I'm not talking aborting, she got PREGNANT on purpose again to SERVE GOD'S GREATER PURPOSE even though it might kill her and said future fetus. So he was born with a lot of issues because of the very bad pregnancy's complications on TOP of the very hereditary bipolar/schizophrenia, AND everything else we got going on besides. After he was born, my mom went into a very deep depression for years and then would vacillate between that and mania. Which meant me: THE ELEVEN year old was forced to raise a baby that wasn't hers and had no ultimate authority over. I was called by everyone his *BROTHER'S NAME* SECOND MOM. *More on this later Our relationship is very strained because of this, particularly when at 17 I had enough momming a child while being constantly undermined by my parents absolute shenanigans. So there was resentment when I quit being his 'second mom' and that he equally resented for things like, trying to put him into bed, when my mom would come in and say let him stay up all night or getting him to eat something other than candy for breakfast (you can guess the dynamic with my parents here). Even if my disabled ass could sue my parents for his

care, he doesn't WANT me to be in charge of his care.

And yet still, I tried to advocate for him for years fighting my parents TOOTH and NAIL to get him on disability and out from underneath their thumb so he could have a measure of independence and autonomy. They had every excuse in the book not to get him diagnosed including expense. It was so goddamned awful fighting with them on this cause in their mind: he was going to live with either them or me forever (they decided this for me and my ex-husband and kids with no consultation), so WHY bother set up his future for him??? So when he was 20?, I hatched a Machiavellian PLAN: I got him, against my parent's wishes, into college for the sole reason of getting the resources for him to get diagnosed so that he could get on disability. AND IT WORKED! (kinda) Except my parents twisted him so much into only talking about his autism spectrum symptoms and NONE of the psychosis because their ableism is sooooo entrenched. (but I did manage to get him on ODSP). And subsequent times I forced my dad to take him to a psychiatrist, he's like: 'oh, I forgot to talk about the psychosis we just talked about the aspergers. Besides people with psychosis are untreatable, you can't convince them otherwise' (see again, my mom). Over the years, I have begged my dad to take my brother to get properly diagnosed and treated (I'm not meaning forced, my brother is also agoraphobic, and won't leave his place UNLESS he is driven by my dad and was living in a city far away from me). I said, I was very concerned for his kids but my dad always gaslights me (and tells everyone I'm crazy -- the IRONY). So now my mom is writing me emails about how this is all my sil's fault because 'she is on drugs' (she is not), 'she is sleeping around' (she is not), 'her kids are scared of her not my brother' (it's the exact opposite). WHICH IS A HUGE TRIGGER FOR ME because She did the exact same thing to ME with my other brother (a diagnosed PSYCHOPATH) who used to beat me and the rest of us mercilessly when my parents weren't around (and they never believed me, and told everyone not to believe me because I was crazy), who pulled a KNIFE on me and threw a drawer at me when I was NINE MONTHS PREGNANT, and how absolutely awful I was AS HIS SISTER to kick him out of my house with no place to live or go (cause he was living with me and my ex-husband at the time because THEY KICKED HIM OUT OF THEIR PLACE and didn't want him back.) Are you beginning to get a sense of the dynamic of my family? Soooooooo the last few weeks my brain has just been in total trauma mode going processing, processing, processing, processing as the final total realization of how absolutely awful my family is finally laid bare (I mean I knew but at least I can stop feeling guilty about cutting them out of my life). So back to the 'second mom' shit, as relevant to my trauma brain processing the last few weeks. This whole shit above is just the tip of the iceberg. I was raised as a Joho in which a lot of my trauma comes from a pedophile left loose on three generations of girls in my family over a thirty year period, and if anyone came forward they were threatened with disfellowshipment and there is SO MUCH there it would take me several Tolkien novels to get how absolutely awful, extensive it was, and how the coverup went straight to the top. ANYHOO. So who was calling me my brother's 'second mom???' Well since, I wasn't allowed to have any association with non-witnesses, it was my congregation. No one questioned that I was being parentified and it was a deeply abusive situation. NO WHAT HAPPENED instead was, this sister in the congregation told everyone (when I was fifteen and 80 pounds soaking wet at the height of 5'10 1/2) that my brother WAS REALLY MY CHILD cause it was so obvious the way that I was the one who took care of him. And the elders of our congregation MARKED me as bad association for loose morals for having a supposed child out of wedlock when I was ELEVEN YEARS OLD. AND NO ONE in my congregation would talk to me, and I had NO IDEA why, cause they never told me that I HAD BEEN

MARKED. But the caveat was I was not allowed to talk to people outside of the faith. And we only found out about this a year an a half later when she said the same shit back in my hometown where he was born to a sister who was at the hospital where my brother was born. AND NO ONE thought, hey: maybe if we think she had a baby when she was eleven we should um CALL CHILD SERVICES or some shit? So i was like 16 1/2, not allowed to have any friends OUTSIDE OF MY PARENTS, find out THIS SHIT, and then people wonder why I had my first manic episode at 17??? Yeah, so this is where my brain has been stuck the last month, complicated that I knew I would be at risk for hypomania with things opening back up, and I'm supposed to be shooting a pilot for a potential series I'm the creator/co-shorunner of, so now I've had to go BACK on seroquel and it's the worst while i try to acclimatize myself to the drugs and stave off hypomania at the same time. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 4 years ago

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Do any other mentally ill people... Miss your illness when you go on meds and it stops?

I was diagnosed with bipolar about a year ago and I've been on meds ever since. My meds work for the depressive episodes but are less effective in stopping mania.

Since I started my meds they've been great, but mania has persisted. It would go away for a bit after my meds were upped but then come back after a while.

My psychiatrist upped my meds a couple of months ago, then told me if my mania persists I need to let her know and she'll start me on some additional medicine to stop my mania.

I'm manic right now, and have an appointment with her in a few days.

The thing is... I haven't had an episode in months before now. I was afraid when I thought my mania was gone forever. I was afraid that that part of me was lost forever.

Is that weird?

Mania isn't always fun. Sometimes it makes me almost crash my car or break up with my girlfriend. It makes it hard to control my impulses, I can't differentiate between rational and irrational thoughts. It can be terrifying!! It can hurt me a lot. Sometimes it can be nice though. It makes me more energetic and creative, it can make me feel bright and happy.

I was relieved when I started to feel manic today. Relieved! That's insane. I was irritable and impulsive and full of energy, but not the good kind of energy, the manic kind. It wasn't fun, it's still not fun! But I still feel relieved.

I'm relieved that it's still here, but I can't understand why. I should've been happy that my brain was leveled out, but instead I got sad that it was gone.

I know when I have my psychiatrist appointment I need to tell her that I'm still having manic episodes, and she'll prescribe me medicine to fix it, and then it'll almost definitely be gone forever. I know I need to tell her.

But a part of me doesn't want to. Maybe it's my mania speaking, but I want to cancel my appointment, stop my meds and keep my illness. Yeah that's definitely my mania speaking.

I know that I don't like mania! I'm just scared to not have it. It makes me sad to lose it, and I can't understand why. I know it's bad, I know that ultimately it's better to have a stable brain, and I hope that in the future I'll be okay with living without mania.

But for now the thought of no mania feels... Wrong.

Am I crazy? Am I the only one that feels this way? Does anyone else want to keep their illness? Even though it's obviously harmful? Please tell me I'm not alone???????

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himooonlight · 4 years ago

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who are you? pt. 4 (reggie x reader)

pairing: reggie x reader

word count: 4.4k

plot: you dream about reggie constantly and when you see him perfoming with julie, you decide to ask her about him

warnings: confusion? EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE THOUGH, I PROMISE

A/N: look who is back :) I wanna thank @i-should-be-writing-my-own-fic for being so sweet to me and giving me such a thoughtful feedback about the story. that gave me the motivation I needed to keep writing - so keep in mind that comments help the writer, ok? just hope I’m not disappointing anyone with this chapter by the way… and sorry again for taking forever to update.

here's chapter 1, chapter 2 and chapter 3

it’s @carolineeforbes' gif, by the way; I’m not sure how to add that “gif by…” at the end (cause I’m old and I know nothing about html)

As soon as the last class of the day ends, I make my way to Julie's locker so we can go to the cafe together. I haven't seen Reggie all day, but something tells me he's just as nervous as I am. Waiting for her, alone, I let my mind go to him, remembering his sweet smile.

There's something about him that gives me peace. It's not explainable or rational; it's just there. An invisible feeling that makes me ecstatic, blissful because he exists. And if that's not love, if it's something else, I can accept and live with it knowing that he taught me how to feel visible, alive.

Ironically, he is none of those things.

- Y/N, hi! - Nick's voice greets me. - How are you?

Nick is alone too. His blue eyes are darker than usual and his aura makes me shiver - more so than yesterday, his presence is heavy and disturbing. And I can't understand why. His clothes are darker than usual and even his cute freckles look more aggressive, if that's possible.

Maybe my mind is playing tricks on me, but I can almost swear I see the own devil in the smile on his face. His whole body looks stiffer and more brutal, making me step back mindlessly and look around for somebody that could confirm that his eyes are actually trying to hurt me.

I'm out of my mind, for sure.

- Hey, Nick. - I say. My voice is breathy and low, matching my demeanor. - I'm alright. How about you?

I don't really wanna know about him and it's borderline annoying how my body is responding to the situation. My hands are shaking so much I have to hide them in my pockets. When my eyes start watering, I understand just how terrible the situation really is.

- Why are you so afraid of me, hum? - There's an eerie glow in his eyes that can only be described as demonic. Nick is following my every move, almost like he is trying to control my actions or read my mind. When he gets closer to me and lets his thumb meet my right cheek, a single tear rolls down, to what he smiles. He's enjoying the situation. - It's just me.

It's not him. It's not Nick.

I don't know what is going on, but this person is evil.

I can smell Nick's breath and see it too. It's purple and dense and I'm for sure out of my mind, because I can see it all around us as if trying to suffocate me.

The purple mist swirls around my head and vanishes quickly while my tears dry. Nick's smile disappears and his stare holds something heavy like betrayal. He looks disappointed, annoyed, angry, all together.

- I can't believe this. - He murmurs, stepping back. The boy is imitating a lost puppy or a spoiled kid that isn't getting what he wants. - Your soul is…

Nick looks so shocked and that gives me strength. The sudden vigor allows me to break our eye contact and recompose myself, just in time to blink and get an image in my head like a daydream. But it wasn't a dream or my imagination; it feels like a memory, just like what I experience with Reggie.

I see a big stage. The curtains are embroidered with CC's and everything is either black or gold. There's a tall man standing in the center, with the same aura as Nick, and the same expressive eyes. He's screaming for attention and validation.

The man is wearing a velvet suit and sparkly shoes. I can tell he's narcissistic and have some kind of power over people, because nobody around the place is looking directly at him. They all look scared and conflicted; probably because he demands attention but makes them feel bad about it.

Someone opens the curtain a little bit more and I can see a big glass box filled with water. Three assistants wrap his hands and feet with chains and when he sees me staring, a devious grin spreads across his face, making me shiver and get an urge to run.

I manage to do that, going back to the school halls in real life, ignoring all that happened in my mind just seconds before.

Nick is nowhere to be seen and my body is not shaking anymore.

- Hey, Y/N. - Julie says. Flynn smiles at me and I try my best to do the same, but I'm still overwhelmed by the feeling of being controlled. - Are you alright? Not to be that person, but you look like you've seen a ghost.

Flynn laughs while her friend winks at me, lighting up the mood. Still, I can't wrap my head around what just happened. I feel sick to my stomach, dizzy and they probably can see it in my face that I'm not fine.

- Don't know if Reggie said anything to you, but they talked and Alex doesn't feel ready to go to the coffee shop yet. He's afraid that they're going to move on and disappear and he's not sure if that's what he wants now. - She explains. Flynn nods her head the whole time, agreeing with everything Julie says and making me wonder how much she knows. Probably everything. - But, really, are you feeling ok?

- I think I just need to go home and sleep a bit. - After trying my best to assure them I'll be fine, I start making my way to the parking lot. We're not the best of friends, so I don't feel comfortable explaining anything, especially when Reggie's nowhere to be seen. - I'll see you tomorrow, ok?

I can't find my sister's car when I get to our usual spot, so I just stand there, calming my senses and looking at the sky. It's a beautiful day with a few clouds and it's impossible not to find solace in the pretty blue infinity.

The clouds are moving in all its glory. The cumulus clouds are very fluffy and not very high in the sky, letting me notice their cotton-like appearance distinctly. It's so peaceful that I can't stop my mind from wandering to Reggie and that same feeling of harmony and happiness that he makes me feel.

- Julie told me you were not feeling well. - The boy startles me, making me jump and almost scream. - Did you fall? Did you eat something bad? Maybe you should go to the hospital. I should know that considering I died from a bad hot dog. What did you have?

His wide eyes and fast words make me laugh, forgetting everything that happened previously. He tries to touch my hand and signs when that doesn't happen. I do the same, regretting momentarily the day I met him.

I know I love Reggie. That feeling, however, is like getting tickled and laughing out loud. For someone just passing by, it might look like we're having fun, but it's also painful and excruciating. A smile doesn't necessarily means joy; sometimes it's just a mechanism to stay positive. And positivity is very important when the person you love is a ghost.

- I'm alright now, don't worry. - In cue, Daisy arrives. - Wanna go home with me? - I ask, covering my mouth with my hand, pretending to yawn. He follows me without answering and the way Day looks at me as soon as I get inside tells me that she believes her little sister is simply happy with the tickling. - Hey.

- Well, well, well. Look who is in love.

Reggie sits in the backseat and it's inevitable to feel nervous. It doesn't really matter that Day can't see him; the only important thing is that we haven't talked about feelings yet and now he knows how I feel.

He knows what I feel: love.

Suddenly I am drowning in dichotomy, a bipolar feeling of relief and nervousness.

I am relieved that the "decision" is no longer in my hands.

It's like that child's game, hot potato. The ball would pass in a circle and if the song ends and you are holding the object, the responsibility to run after someone is in your hands. Every time I held the ball as a kid, I felt excitement, anxiety and nervousness and yet I still enjoyed playing the game, even with the risk of losing.

Reggie knowing how I feel is basically that same feeling of not knowing whether I would have to run or be disappointed and relieved at the same time for not being chosen. The next step is his to take; to either stop the music or continue singing.

- Sis? - Daisy's voice brings me back to the car and all the consequences. - Are you ok?

- Yeah, yeah. Just a bit nervous about some school stuff.

I met Reggie in school, so it's not exactly a lie. Josh's voice rings in my head saying "I ain't calling you a truther" and making me wish I could tell everybody about how I met Reginald and how much I like him.

- We went from love interest to school project. Y/N, we really need to talk. - Reggie's remarks make me roll my eyes. - What am I to you? And you don't need to be nervous, darling. It's just me.

It's just me.

Same words that left Nick's lips.

I feel shivers running down my spine, remembering everything. His gaze, the strong perfume and my own thoughts all over the place. What about my soul? What about me that scared him so much? And that stage? The magician?

Too many questions for someone that just wanted a few answers.

- Reggie, please, we'll talk later.

Oh, no.

Daisy is looking at me like I am crazy and she's possibly right. There's no way I am not losing my mind by now.

- Who is Reggie?

Oh, no.

- Reggie?

- Yeah, you just said his name. Is this part of your school thingy? - She bounces like a little kid, making me breathe normally. She's not about to ask if I lost my mind, great. - Practicing some of those insanely creative theatre games? How does this one work?

Oh, yes.

- I have to create this character, right? - Reggie scoots closer to listen to my explanation, sitting on the edge of the seat. I can see him through the rearview mirror and he has a curious expression on his face. A very cute expression that makes me smile. - For the whole day I have to talk to him, Reggie, like he really exists. - Daisy beams and that gives me courage to continue. - I get extra points if I get to make somebody else speak and interact with him, so do you wanna try?

I really ain't a truther.

The thing with my family is that they are incredibly supportive, especially Daisy and my dad. My sister's bad temper is not even half as intense as her supportive-big-sister-mode. Probably because of that that I don't have many friends - because it is very easy to get lost in my family's love. They make me feel like I don't really need other people, like nobody else would be as important as them, so why try? I've always had friends here and there, but opening up and trusting is a whole different story.

Maybe that's why Reggie had such an impact on me; because he made me realize that the world is bigger than my little bubble, than what meets the eye.

- I need to know a little more about this Reggie dude. Characteristics, please.

- Reggie, what do you want me to tell her? - I look at him, turning my head to face his way and the view makes my heart melt: he's staring at us with thankful eyes.

The boy is on the verge of tears. Happy tears, apparently. It feels so heartwarming to see his big white smile and his freckles from up close.

- I… I don't know. What do you want her to know about me?

- Well, Day is more than just my sister. - I reply while Daisy just smiles, keeping her attention on the road. - She's my best friend, so I'd like her to know everything about you. I know she'll like you anyways cause you're both sweethearts. You two like Star Wars and she says she hates puns, but that's a lie. And you're always making jokes and being adorable, so that's a start, right? You'll get along just fine.

- What about appearance-wise? Is he cute? - My sister's question has Reggie laughing and blushing. Their interaction is so cute and the tears on Reggie's eyes say the same.

- He has deep blue eyes, a pointy nose and some freckles that look like the galaxy. For all I know he could have the whole bear keeper constellation on his face, I swear. - The way he observes me speaking foolishly about him is encouraging and sweet. He seems to be admiring me too, intrigued by the way I describe his features.

- Bear keeper constellation, hum? He should watch out for poisoning then.

My sister giggles scares the hell out of me and by Reggie's silence and wide eyes, he's panicking too.

- What? - I mumble.

- Icarius? The wine story? - She tries explaining, but seeing my confused semblance, she continues. - Icarius died because some people thought he poisoned them with wine. They didn't understand alcohol back then and well, he died for nothing. Poor guy. After all, a god really did trust him with the wonders of wine because he was such a great person and he basically died for that. For being too good. - She shrugs like it's nothing, like I am not surprised and startled by the coincidence. I never heard that story in my life. - But what else? I wanna know more about him.

Reggie shakes his head and closes his mouth, blinking a few times in the process. I take my time to study him once again, ignoring my own surprise.

- He's funny, positive, loves animals and can be a bit of an airhead, but that's cause he's very creative and imaginative. He is a bassist, likes flirting and I'd say he uses jokes as a way to cope with sadness.

I can't look at him while saying those things, so I fix my posture and stare at the car in front of us. It's too personal and I don't know how he truly feels about me and the way I read him. After all, I officially met him yesterday and every single dream could be wrong. My version of him could be wrong.

I could only hope I was right and he would keep singing in that silent game of hot potato.

- The only important question left is: what's his Harry Potter house?

And that's how we spend the rest of the day watching Harry Potter, with Reggie sitting beside me with his eyes glued to the tv screen. When Chamber of Secrets ends, my parents get home and Day quickly explains that we'll be having company for dinner. Reggie doesn't leave my side for a second and even though I could speak to him when my sister was around, my parents might think differently, so I don't really hold my breath.

- We have company for dinner, dad. - Daisy says.

- Oh, really? - My dad asks. He's already in the kitchen, so we follow him there. Reggie sits on the counter while Day helps with the food and I just stand by the door, looking at my family. - Who is coming?

Daisy does something funny with her eyebrows, teasing me, and I roll my eyes, because that's very rich coming from her. Reggie is silent, just studying our reactions and conversations, so I decide to imitate him, sitting by his side. I want him to feel included in the family, like he belongs there, like he is welcome in our house.

- Dad, this is my friend Reginald, but you can call him Reggie. - I say, pointing at the boy next to me. I know they can't see him; it would be impossible considering he is dead. Reggie's eyes, however, beg for love and appreciation, so I don't mind making a fool of myself if that means I get to make him feel comfortable. - He'll be eating dinner with us tonight, if that's alright.

- Well, sure. - My father answers, with a smile on his face and no second thoughts whatsoever. - We're happy to have you here, Reggie.

Daisy winks at me and Reggie is astonished with my dad's answer, especially because he really is looking and speaking in his direction, to the place I pointed. That probably makes him feel alive, but I don't really have time to say anything else because soon enough my dad walks up to him and goes for a handshake. My dad doesn't wait for Reggie's hand to shake it, but the boy doesn't mind and lets his transparent skin go through my dad's solid body, trying any kind of connection he can.

- Cold hands, hum? But are you really just friends with my daughter? Cause I don't recall any friends staying for dinner before.

It's not really a surprise that my father would participate in any kind of experiment, project or whatever he thinks this is; his trust and love for me are the only irrational part of him and he is very good at that - trusting me with his eyes closed. As Daisy explains everything to him, his tired figure just keeps cooking dinner and making a few questions here and there. He starts with the basic "how was your day?" and moves on to "bassist that loves country music? That's new. I would like to listen to your music, Reggie".

He's not weirded out by the situation and that makes me wonder if I should tell him the truth. Or at least half of it. Maybe he wouldn't understand everything, but at least I'd feel lighter. When he starts telling us the positive stories that he's seen in the hospital today, Reggie interrupts his monologue by leaving the kitchen, so I follow him.

- What's wrong? - I ask, indicating my room. He goes in and I close the door. - Is everything okay?

He doesn't answer for a moment. He just stands there, looking out the window. His torso is covered in the same black leather jacket that I've seen so many times before in my dreams and his hair looks perfect. He looks perfect. Even when he sniffs and starts crying.

He looks perfect and I'm freaking out.

- I am so sorry for today, Reggie. It was never my intention to make you feel bad, I swear. That doesn't mean you shouldn't feel whatever you're feeling; I'm just justifying myself really. - I start mumbling, letting the words come out of my mouth with no filter. - You don't have to stay, if you don't want to. You can leave and we can talk tomorrow... I don't know.

He's not singing in our game of hot potato. Reggie's sad and it's painful to see him like that, crying, perhaps even regretful. After the heavy day, I can't stop myself from crying too, feeling unwanted, wrong.

My heart hurts.

My heart hurts for him, almost like we share the same body.

- I forgot how much I missed being alive. - He says, letting his fingers roam his cheeks, cleaning any signs of tears. - It's not just about dying young, you know? It's like ordering a pizza that you know will never arrive, but you still don't order another one. You just keep waiting and waiting. And you can almost taste it; the cheese, the smell, the love in the shape of pepperoni… but it's still not enough. Being a ghost is not enough for me, Y/N. I need to make my own pizza or order something else.

A glimpse of determination in Reggie's eyes makes me feel uneasy. If Alex said he didn't want to find out, "ordering something else" is off limits. Going alone to the cafe looking for answers could mess their friendship and hurt all of them even more.

- Are you sure you can't wait a little bit more? We can wait together, if it helps. - My reasoning is not the best in the world; I am basically bargaining more time with him. - We can finish Harry Potter, I can show you some music. And, of course, you still have Julie and your friends, right? Maybe the pizza will arrive, Reggie. Have a little faith.

He opens his mouth a few times, trying to say something, but nothing comes out. He shrugs and turns around, staring at the window again. Outside, the weather is the same and everything looks peaceful. But inside of him, things are different. His world is not the same as it was when he entered my house.

He wants answers now.

- What kind of music do you wanna show me?

His smile is not reaching his eyes, but I take whatever I can get, grabbing my phone quickly and playing Taylor Swift. He falls in love with her banjo songs, like I knew he would, and then shows me some of his favorite musicians. We talk about movies and he's impressed to know that Back To The Future is a classic, considering that none of his friends liked it back then.

It's so easy to talk to him. His overflowing attention and care is noticeable and heartwarming. It's not like he's just answering me, no, he's making conversation, showing interest and curiosity about me, about the things I like. And I do the same with him, because I wanna know everything there is to know, everything he wants me to know and love.

With him so close to me it's very easy to forget he's not alive.

- You know what I was thinking? - He asks with his face so close to mine that I can even count his freckles.

- No. - I whisper and he chuckles. - What is it?

- I really wish they could see me. Your family. They are so nice. I really wish my unfinished business involved them too so they could see me. - Reggie sounds sad again, so put my hand on his knee, not really touching him. We're sitting on the floor, with our backs resting on the wall and our legs close to our chests, looking like two lost kids. - At least I've got you.

- Your parents probably miss you too, you know? Don't you think we should look for them? Do you think it would help?

- I am not sure anymore. I think I want to know, but at the same time what if I get disappointed? What if they don't care about me anymore? Don't think about me at all? Or what if they do? What if they can't move on? - He touches my hand softly and I can tell he has to focus a lot for that to happen. - It's also scary to see what they've become. To see what my future could've been.

He doesn't say anything else after that. His thumb tries stroking my skin and it takes a while until he finally succeeds. My heart is about to get out of my chest and I stay still, afraid that he'll run away like he did the night before.

- You are not your parents, Reggie, just as I am not mine. As much as they are responsible for us to some extent, it's not as if we are a property being marked by our last name. Our family is not our whole world; if anything, they're the cheerleaders who stand outside the field cheering for us. Well, - I feel his gentle touch more prominently so I turn my gaze to our connected hands. - at least it should be like that. But anyway, I'm very proud of you. You are a beautiful, loved human being with an incredible capacity to love others. Alive or dead, you're full of life and that's amazing.

I don't want to extend the topic too much, just in case he's not ready for it, but I know that our parents also lost individual characteristics when they became parents. They didn't have their own names anymore; they were "my father" and "my mother". It seemed that they were less their own and more ours, as if their value was linked to their children in some way.

- I… thank you. - Suddenly I can't feel his touch anymore. Disappointed, we stand up at the same time and again, we're so close I can memorize the exact shape of his lips. - You have no idea how much I… I needed this. Needed you. How much I need you. I'm happy we found each other, Y/N. I really am.

- Me too, Reggie. I just wish our timing was a bit better, you know?

- Yeah… I mean, the world is so old, right? At least we got some time here together. Let's just enjoy it from now on. Like it's now or never. - He smiles brightly again and I imitate him. - That's one of our songs, by the way. You need to hear -

The doorbell startles us. Reggie and I laugh at our own reactions and I go get the door. When I open it, Nick is there, with arrogant eyes and an infuriating smile.

- Hey, Y/N. - He says. - I think we need to talk. Now.

- Honey, who is this? - My mother asks me. Just like Daisy, she has that pretentious grin that tells me she thinks we're more than friends. - Is this Reggie that your dad was telling me about? Come in, sweetheart. Dinner is almost ready.

Mom runs to the kitchen, probably to tell the others about the news, and I'm scared again. If looks could kill, I'd be just like Reggie now.

- Oh, so Reggie is here too? Good, that way we can kill two birds with one stone. - Reggie comes to the rescue, but he looks just as conflicted and confused as me. - And just so you know, you're one of the birds, Y/N, and I won't let you escape again.

- What is this little dude talking about? - Reggie asks.

Nick's head turns to Reggie's direction and I feel sick again. It's hard to breathe and the purple mist coming out of the blonde's mouth is scarier than before. He's standing at my door, invading my house and threatening me. Everything is too much, my own body, my own thoughts and the house feels smaller and smaller.

- I am talking about you, your friends and this rat right here. I've been looking for you for two lifetimes already and I'm not letting you go again. Not without getting my revenge first.

taglist: @revolutionary-werewolf-ghosts

#Reggie #reggie x y/n #reggie x reader #Reggie fanfic #reggie jatp #julie and the phantoms #julie and the phantoms fanfic #julie and luke fanfic #alex and willie fanfic #jeremy shada #Fanfic reader #reader fanfic #reader fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic fluff #fanfic

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suratan-zir · 4 years ago

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15 questions, 15 people Tag

I was tagged by @kooli-sims. Thank you! :)

Zodiac: Virgo

Height: 173cm

Last thing I googled: Photoshop shortcuts (couldn’t remember the one that’s really helpful, ended up finding it myself, google didn’t help)

Song stuck in my head: Tove Lo ‘Struggle’ (it starts playing in my head whenever I’m struggling at something)

Number of followers: 618 (it’s a crazy number to me!)

Amount of sleep: I have bipolar disorder and I’m not coping with it very well, so it depends heavily on a phase. Could be 3, could be 15.

Lucky number: don’t have one and don’t really believe in luck. To me everything is random.

Fave song: that’s a hard one. Evanescence ‘Breathe no more’ or Wet ‘Softens’

Fave instrument: piano or flute

Dream job: don’t have one. And my health condition doesn’t really allow me to work, so I try not to think about it too much. I would love to work at a botanical garden though, to grow rare and pretty plants.

Aesthetic: does anyone answers on this one anything besides ‘idk’?

Fave animal noise: rat bruxing (if you don’t know what it is - click, it’s the rat analogue of purring)

Random: my only dream is to leave my city forever (Donetsk, there’s an occupation, war and all of this bullshit) and to have a small house on a countryside, but I can't do it right now, so the sims is kind of the only escape to me. This response came out too depressive, sorry. But that’s the case for a lot of sims-players, right? Sometimes we play to escape reality.

I’m tagging @saartje77, @sommeliersims, @yakumtsaki, @frottana-sims, @plumbtales, @sterina-sims, @noitalumis and everyone who wants to do it. Feel free to ignore, of course.

#tag #personal #nonsims #non-sims

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spartanswiftie · 5 years ago

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✨Meet Me In The Afterglow✨

Taylor,

Your music has always been important to me for a number of reasons, but the biggest thing it has helped me through is the death of an ex boyfriend. Although we were not together at the time of his passing, my relationship with him was a defining event in my life and his passing changed my life forever. Chris passed away suddenly in a car accident on Christmas Eve, 2006. Our relationship had been on and off for about 3 years and was dysfunctional for lack of better terms. When it was good, it was great. When it was bad it was awful. To this day I believe he may have been bipolar. He would be the sweetest guy, calling me at 5:30am on his way to work to leave me a message saying good morning and he hoped I had a good day. He’d make romantic dinners, he was a great cook..buy me sweet gifts, and we would have the BEST times together. He was my FIRST Valentine. At 25 years old he was the first legitimate Valentine I’d ever had. After reading your journals I know you know the feeling of being single on Valentines Day. It meant so much to me.

But, he had a dark side. Without warning he would completely ghost me overnight. When he disappeared he disappeared from EVERYONE. His friends would come to me asking where he was. He would isolate himself from everyone for weeks, sometimes months at a time before re-appearing out of nowhere. When he did re-surface he would be profusely apologetic and I did love him so eventually I’d cave and go back to him. Over time I accepted his pattern of behavior and became more expectant of it but it didn’t hurt less when it happened.

My friends and family grew to HATE him because of this. I couldn’t talk to anyone about him, and eventually I’d have to lie to everyone when I would hang out with him. I knew the writing was on the wall but I didn’t want to give up on him. I thought I could change him, but you know how that story goes.

Sometime in 2005 we broke up and cut ties for awhile. Like clockwork we ran into each other around Thanksgiving that year and stayed in touch. His dad had just had a double lung transplant and I knew how much that meant to his family at the time. We kept in touch. On Valentines Day 2006 we were both single so we decided to hang out together. Of course I lied to everyone I knew about where I was going that night. He made me dinner, we drank wine and talked about our past relationship and what had gone wrong, why it didn’t work. We laughed a lot, played with his dog, cuddled on the couch and watched Napoleon Dynamite together. When I left he kissed me goodbye and that was our last kiss. That night was our closure. I thank God every day that I made the decision to spend that night with him.

Just before he passed I went through a crappy breakup and I debated calling him. I even told my mom about our Valentines date and that I was thinking about reaching out. We both agreed that it probably wasn’t best and I decided not to.

When he passed my entire world shattered. As I said my friends and family HATED him. Nobody understood my grief because they all thought he treated me terribly. I used the word hate because I had a few of my BEST FRIENDS at the time call me (this is not an exaggeration) LAUGHING saying “Did you hear what happened to Chris? Karma’s a bitch.” Needless to say that was the LAST time I spoke with them. I mourned his death and the loss of 90% of my friendships. I started over. I made new friends, surrounded myself with new people and in the WORST time of my life it was the best thing that ever happened at the same time. I know you can relate to this.

Your career was just starting when he passed. He has a younger sister who I’ve kept in touch with (as well as his parents) and she is also a Swiftie. In that sense you’ve given me common ground to stay connected with his family and I could never thank you enough for that. That aside, SO MANY of your songs have helped me process his loss and the emotions around it in hindsight. The first time I heard Last Kiss I sobbed. That song is #1 when I am feeling sad and need to re-connect with him in my memory. There are so many others; basically the entire Red album - particularly All Too Well, Treacherous, I Almost Do, Sad Beautiful Tragic and Red. Enchanted always makes me think of him and when you played it acoustic at MetLife and I was there I about died!

It’s crazy to think that someone you don’t even know can write a song that can take you to such a deep personal space and help you process things that nobody else can, and that’s why I love music so much. You did it again on this album, and in such a beautiful, fitting way.

When I first heard Afterglow I loved it. I thought first of a relationship I had in high school (my first love) where I ended up trying to preserve a friendship but in the end broke his heart. Then the song did a handstand. I bought a new car recently, and ever since the night of Chris’s viewing I’ve kept the prayer card tucked in the mirror of my visor in my car. Every time I get a new car I transfer it. I’d done the same on July 31, the day I bought my car. The other day I took it out for a moment and I sobbed. The title on the card is AFTERGLOW. I immediately turned the song on and got goosebumps. It’s as if he is speaking to me from heaven through the song. The lyrics are spot on and perfectly describe what our relationship dynamic was from his point of view. I’ve never been more convicted about the power of music as I am in this moment.

Roughly 13 YEARS, I repeat 13 YEARS later you release a song on an album named LOVER with the title AFTERGLOW that PERFECTLY emulates our relationship and the apology he more or less gave me 13 years ago with the chorus line “Meet me in the Afterglow”. Goosebumps for days.

THANK YOU TAYLOR for being the most incredible singer/songwriter on the planet and for creating these masterpiece songs that have helped me through the darkest days of my life. The best part is that the album ends with Daylight, the only song of yours that perfectly describes my relationship with my husband. I’ve said a million times, if it weren’t for my relationship with Chris and his passing I would not have been “ready” to meet my husband. Going through all of that changed me and taught me so much and ultimately led me to him. And if there was any question in my mind, God wiped them away (and I say this because I believe he had a hand in all of this). On my wedding day, Chris’s dad reached out to me on Facebook and congratulated me and wished me all the best in my marriage. I can’t help but feel like Afterglow is in a way a little check-in, sign of approval, call it what you want...a letting go of sorts. Either way, this has all allowed me to step into the Daylight...and let it go. I’m at peace, mostly because of your music. I could never thank you enough💗

@taylorswift @taylornation

#taylor swift #taylurking #taylornation #swiftieparentsquad #lover #afterglow

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ittakesrain · 4 years ago

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I’ve rambled about this all here already, but I like putting shit from my wordpress on my tumblr...I’m weird about everything being in the same place

𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐨

Or perhaps there’s a better word than “emotional.”

It’s been a period full of quiet mornings and peaceful cups of coffee drank on my front steps as the world wakes up. It’s been a week of reading a good book, of existing in the realm of social media (mainly on tumblr, this week), and trying to stay on top of everything I had to do.

It was a really really phenomenally fun weekend. My sister and her family came up to visit and I saw the absolute joy that is my nephew and he made me so beyond happy (they all did, but he’s more special to me than words). We saw our extended family, went pumpkin picking, and played a whole lot of Elmo songs for my little man to dance around to.

The lack of five minutes to myself this long weekend might have contributed to my rather random display of bipolar rage the past few days. I literally haven’t been that way in forever. I haven’t lost my shit, I haven’t felt that painfully “itchy” frustration, that “I want to rip my face off and burn it” kind of restless exhaustion and exasperation. It’s unique.

And not for nothing, even though it’s been eight months (EIGHT MONTHS) since I’ve lost my mind (read: had an episode), it’s still really fuckin’ familiar.

Excerpts of my journals, for your reading pleasure:

J take it mavxjxndbdbxjxbxbxvgdvd I take it back I’m not handling the bipolar rage well at all I want to ducking kill everyone fmmb slabs dbdbdvvdvdvdsvvd I want to fucking kill everyone and everything and my laptop is plugged in bc it’s aboht to die and it’s just sitting here but it’s aoooooooo soooooooo fucking goddsmn fucking loud like shut the hell ip it shouldn’t be loud why are you so loud STOPPSODNDBJSJDBDBDJ I can’t shake I can’t stand typos so I’m it I’m not fixing them because if I have to backspace one more goddamn fucking shitting time I’m gonna kill myself I don’t want to go to clas bc the other people are sooooooooooo stupid like how are human beings so stupid and annoying I can’t even explain it. My sleeves are annoying me. I already snapped at my boyfriend and I ha myself I hate myself for it j mean he gets it but it’s still not fair and I jdjsbfvfbf f d KUSTTT. JUUUUSSSTTTT got through being all thankful for not being crazy and fucking fuck for once

Good times.

I’ve been telling myself that it’s not too late to turn this around.

And now for a sidenote that’s probably suuuuuper relevant to what I’m going through right now:

I’ve been in the process of going to doctors trying to figure out why my body is stiff and sore, why my limbs are heavy and painful. The regular doc said my blood showed low Vitamin D, which could explain a lot of my symptoms. But I’ve been on a mega dose of it for three weeks now and I still feel ehhhh.

I had the rheumatologist earlier this week and I explained everythingggg (I had a whole list of things I tell her, thanks to my therapist’s urging haha) and she started me on steroids for what is probably an autoimmune or inflammatory issue.

I do not think bipolar people are supposed to take steroids, but I need to collect more data. Some basic google searches and readthroughs of articles tell me I’m probably correct, but like. Fuck. I’m desperate to not be in pain.

𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭, 𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭

So that’s what I’m gonna do because, well, there’s not much else to do anyway haha

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doof-doofblog · 4 years ago

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"What Is It? Patrick? Patrick?!"

Thursday 7th January 2021

Good evening everyone! Hope you've all had a good day! I'm thrilled to be back posting another blog tonight! I feel so happy to finally be up to date and catch up to the same point as the rest of you! Just want to take this moment again to thank you all for your on-going support. If there's anyway I can improve my blog, please feel free to send me any suggestions!

Now tonight's episode, oh my goodness - quite a few shock factors I have to say! Firstly I'm going to start with Sonia. Clearly she is still behaving out of sorts, lashing out at people for no reason, and yet still we can see clinging on to a little piece of jewellery. I am still convinced that this necklace or chain has some significance, I'm unsure what, but I feel if we see her continuing to handle it, more will be revealed. During the scene where she's at hospital with Ash, she mentions that she can't recall the last time she had a break or even a decent rest. This makes me think that with Sonia being a nurse, I think the thing that's getting to her so much, must be her job. It's true that the NHS have been working around the clock, day and night, 24/7 to fight this virus. What if EastEnders have decided to show us how it must be for some of the people working for the NHS and how much pressure they've been under to fight the virus and how it's has affected them? Physically? Emotionally? Mentally? I feel that this could be Sonia's big story, being a nurse and fighting off Covid-19. It would make sense really, what do you guys think?! Could Sonia be in such a big bubble that she feels no one understands the pressure she's under, how many people she's seen die due to the pandemic? It could very distressing but a very vital and important to show!

Secondly, I want to mention Sharon. She is still putting on a huge front to everyone on the Square, more importantly to Kathy, that she's actually in love with Ian and their marriage is for real. I do feel for Sharon but I do also feel that she's going way in above her head. There are many ways in which she could get revenge on Ian, marry him and take him for every penny he has, not really needing to poison the man. When she finds Kathy approaching Gray for some legal advice, she informs her and everyone else that she and Ian are going to be celebrating their marriage/wedding with a party at the Vic, so everyone can see how committed they are. Even though this is part of her plan, I truly don't know how long she'll be able to put up with it. There is only so much she can take, surely? I mean - Kathy even mentioned whether they had actually consummated the marriage, for some reason I do think that Sharon is going to have to act upon that, just show she'll be able to carry on with her plan and prove their marriage is real, even though she'll hate every single minute of it! But I do feel what she did in tonight's episode was a huge step too far, after realising she was running low of pills to give to Ian, she did the desperate act and approached Jean, using the excuses that she needed tinsel for her upcoming party. Only as soon as Jean was out of the room, she rummaged in the poor woman's handbag and nicked, what I'm assuming was, Jean's bipolar medication. This is going to look awful, not just on Sharon, but also for Jean and the Slater's. What if Jean notices her medication is missing? Or even Stacey? Could it cause Jean to go on a downward spiral? Who knows? I do fear that Sharon's actions could have some serious repercussions for an innocent party.

Thirdly, let's talk about Martin, Ruby and Kush! After being kicked out of the Slater household, Kush is now living with Martin and Ruby. Even though he has no where else to stay, Kush is only staying there because he threatened Ruby by telling her that he'd reveal her involvement in his set up to flee Walford with Arthur. It appears to be the morning after and Martin still isn't interesting in forgiving his best mate. As Martin leaves the room, Kush sits down with Ruby and they begin to talk about Martin, Ruby still hasn't told her husband about her involvement but she seems to feel that Martin isn't talking to her like the way he should, he always seems to be going to Stacey for advice and to talk about things. Kush tries to console Ruby by telling her that Martin is a good Dad, and with Stacey being the mother of his kids, she has to accept the fact that she'll be a part of his life forever, with Ruby looking solemn he makes the very important statement that Martin lives for his kids. It looks as if these words seem to play on Ruby's mind. Meanwhile, while Ruby and Kush are having their discussion, Martin has caught up with Stacey in the Cafe, she openly admits that she understands Kush's actions, however this does not mean that she's forgiven him. Martin is completely surprised by her attitude towards it all, he seemed to expected her to be livid, but she voices her understanding that people do crazy things when they panic, they don't think straight and attempt to do a runner - was Kush acting the same way anyone else would? Stacey's words play on Martin's mind and later he finds his wife at her club, he admits to her that she was right about Kush and that he should forgive his friend. However when he admits that he had spoken to Stacey about it, it upsets Ruby as she begins to feel that her husband doesn't listen to her, as she states that she said the exact same thing that Stacey had told him. Martin seems to think that her wife is jealous or maybe a bit insecure, she questions him whether he actually does love her - he tries to reassure her that he does love her and that his ex's (Stacey and Sonia) are just good friends, plus the very important fact is that they're mother's to his children. BUT THEN - Ruby drops the huge bombshell that she's pregnant! "So am I!" she claims! Leaving Martin looking confused and, honestly, not at all excited! When he asks her if she's truly pregnant, she subtly nods her head. BIG RED FLAG GOING UP!!! I'm telling you all now, she IS NOT pregnant! This will be her plan in an attempt to keep hold of her husband and grasp the attention from him that she so desperately wants, plus it'll also be an attempt to keep him away from Stacey! Only, with this being a lie - this may mean she'll have to become pregnant really quickly, otherwise he'll soon find out she's lying. Will she trick him into sleeping with her? Or could she even blackmail someone else to get her pregnant? Kush maybe?! Ooooo this is going to be a dramatic one I can see it coming!!

The next thing I want to mention is Katy and Frankie! First I just want to say how great it is to see Frankie back! It's been a while since she's been in the soap, I'm hoping now she's back and everything's been revealed, I hope she'll come to realise the truth about her Mum and go and be there for Mick! Will Linda learn to accept her? Could she become a part of the Carter family? Who knows? Either way, I'd love to see her remain in the soap! I think it's a bit unsure as to where Frankie has been, it's clear she hasn't been living with her Mum, and she certainly hasn't been in Walford, where actually has she been?! I think it's very clear and obvious to say that Katy has been completely on edge after Mick confronted her about her abuse towards him. Did Katy reach out to her daughter in pure panic? Making her believe that she has a better chance at life if she was to go to Australia and work in a bar with her God-Mother? Of course, we can tell straight away that it's an attempt to get rid of her daughter before she finds out the awful truth! Only it looks as if Frankie can smell a rat from a mile off, I truly don't think she trusts her Mother - after even having her suspicions about Mick, something mustn't feel right, surely?! The only thing I found pretty impressive in these scenes was the sign language used, even though Mick and Tina never used sign language in front of Frankie (probably because they don't know how) - but Simone Lahbib must've learned how to use sign language for those specific scenes. It's not every day that sign language is shown in a soap, I particularly was impressed with that!

Finally we need to save the best part till last! Patrick! Oh Patrick!!! I want to say how much I've enjoyed seeing so many scenes involving Patrick over the past couple of episodes. It's so nice to see him at the front for a change, Rudolph Walker is an absolutely brilliant actor and EastEnders are so lucky to have him!! The scenes between Patrick and Phil were fantastic, two characters we hardly get to see share a scene together, I have to say I enjoyed every minute of them! We need more of that! Don't you think? I do feel for Patrick, he's trying to keep everybody happy and safe, even though he's going behind Denise's back and letting Phil see Raymond, he's clearly only doing that because Phil promised to keep them safe from Lucas - so I guess it's fair to say that he was stuck in the middle of doing right for both parties. I did feel for him when Denise learnt the truth about him going behind her back, he was clearly devastated as she announced that she felt he betrayed her and her trust. Earlier in the episode when Phil took Raymond out for a kick about, Patrick was getting himself worked up, informing Phil that they should make their way back to the Square, only he suddenly had a bit of shock and had to sit himself down, it look like he had some kind of pain or scare of some kind? Only when Lucas appeared as his front door and barged his way in, Patrick was confronting the murderer, when suddenly he collapsed right in front of him. At first I thought it might've been a heart attack? But then I remembered, a couple of years back Patrick suffered a horrendous stroke and it took him months to learn how to walk and talk again. For a split moment, I thought Lucas was going to help - we know Lucas is evil but could he really stoop so low in letting an old man die right in front of him?! The episode ended with him hesitating to call an ambulance!

I would be absolutely devastated if EastEnders were to kill Patrick off, especially considering the character has only just come back after battling Coronavirus! How bloody awful! I plead that Patrick will survive, I hope maybe Denise, Jack or even Kim might come to the house in time and call an ambulance. I have to say I'm looking forward to tomorrow's episode, I just hope Patrick will be okay! EastEnders would be making a huge mistake if they were to let Patrick be killed off! What do you guys think? I'd love to hear your thoughts, please feel free to leave me a message or comment! I'll be back tomorrow following tomorrow's episode! Enjoy the rest of your night folks! Love you all xXx

#eastenders #lucasjohnson #patricktrueman #philmitchell #denisefox #rubyfowler #martinfowler #staceyslater #kushkazemi #soniafowler #sharonbeale #kathybeale #ianbeale #katylewis #frankielewis #mickcarter #grayatkins #jackbranning

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mindofharry · 5 years ago

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Not fair.

In which Amy starts her own music career and Harry’s really proud.

WARNING: cursing. mentions of suicide, depression and drug addiction. Harry and Amy being cute :,)) I’m using lily Allen’s ‘not fair’ for Amy’s first studio song!! It just reminds me ALOT of her. Enjoy!

Amy was scared. so scared. She wondered what Harry’s supporters would think of her now. How she walked out on Harry just before tour. She couldn’t help but feel guilty, she shouldn’t of done what she did. Obviously she was going to quit at some point. But she never wanted it to be like that. After that day Harry and Amy didn’t talk. They were strangers. Amy hated it. But she was way too stubborn to call or text him. That’s one thing they shared in common. Being way too stubborn for their own good.

After posting some covers and original songs on YouTube she decided it was time to decide what she wanted to do. Did she want to travel around the world? Did she want to go to college? Did she want to pursue her music career?

An email decided that for her.

A few months later Amy was signed onto a record label that she adored. The people there were supportive and listened to every song she wrote or sung. They let her record her own music. She had told them immediately about her past with drugs and her depression. They didn’t turn her away they helped her. Amy was so grateful to have such a supportive team. She just wished it was with Harry.

After getting her first proper single done she decided to an interview. Zane Lowe has been in touch with her before, but now she was finally ready to tell her story. They did it in her apartment. It was all very calm and zane never pushed her for an Amy was very grateful for.

“You have a new single coming out in a few days. Tell me about it!” Zane said with a warm smile. She nodded and bit her lip “it’s not a sad one. This is a fun, really fun song. It’s called not fair. It’s about sex” she said smirking and he nodded “how different is it from your older songs?” He asked.

“Uh. It’s very different. My last couple of songs that I’ve only released on YouTube are really sad songs from really sad times in my life. I wasn’t well when I was writing them. I was really depressed and the only way I could express what I was feeling was I was through songs” she said and paused taking a breathe.

“I was on drugs from 16 to 20” she said and Zayne nodded letting her know it’s ok.

“My songs were all of my emotions. They were all me” she said and looked over to the tv. “They were about times when I nearly killed my self. Where my bipolar was so bad I had quit my job. Something I loved so much” she said smiling sadly.

“How did you over come your depression and addiction. Because it’s an incredible story”

“Thank you. I appreciate it. I- I was kicked out of my brothers house when I was 20. He had told me to get the fuck out of his house. Jesus did I deserve it. I was so off the wall. I can hardly remember any of it. There’s a few moments stuck in my mind. And I’m embarrassed. Really embarrassed. I remember going for my job interview with Harry. And I fucking looked a mess. But I had got the job. So I decided then and there, that this had to stop. I needed help” Amy said and rested her hand on her crossed knee.

“My depression is still here. She likes to come around December mostly. And sometimes around the time I got sober. But I’ve really gotten better. Sometimes I do just want to stay in bed. Or just have a bit of cocaine. Just a bit. But I never do” she paused and looked up at zayne “I’m forever grateful for Harry and the band. Because if i didn’t get that job, I don’t think I’d be alive” she said and straightened herself up.

“It’s really different being by yourself, right?” He asked pushing up his glasses.

“Yes and no. Although I miss the guys. A lot. I feel a lot more true to myself and free. It’s hard being by yourself all the time. But I have my brother, his wife and my little nephew mickey” she said smiling thinking about her family.

“Tell me about your family” he asked and she took a sharp intake.

“Well my mum left when I was really young. I don’t blame her at all. She was really fucking depressed. I had blamed her for most of my teen years. But my brother had told me she was depressed only recently. I was hurt. But I stopped blaming her. I just want her to know that I love her. That we could’ve got help. But it’s all in the past. My dad on the other hand, I really don’t have the time of day for. He had left after things got too hard. And recently tried to get in contact with me asking for money. I used to really love him. He used to play stevie nicks for us everytime we would play outside or before bed. And be taught me how to play guitar. I’m grateful for whatever time we had together. But that’s it” she said and messed with her skirt.

“My brother is the best” she said laughing “he’s super fucking stupid. But I love him. It was just me and him for a while so he was basically mum, dad and brother for me” Amy said with a small smile “he done so much for me. I really don’t know where I’d be without him. His wife is the best and she’s like the sister I never had. Always helping me and supporting me. Mickey or Micheal. He’s my little angel” she giggled.

“He reminds me so much of me it’s unreal” she said and played with her hair “he loves Stevie as much as me and Harry love her” she said and zayne laughed knowing how much they both love her.

“Tell me about Harry” he smirked and she rolled her eyes with a small smirk.

“I really do love Harry. And really grateful for all he’s done for me. He’s made so many opportunities for me and I wish I could tell him how thankful I am for him. And the end of the day I wasn’t happy and my happiness and self love comes before anything else. Harry and I weren’t really on good terms anymore when I left. He had done something’s that hurt me. More than anything. But now, all I want to do is talk to him. Apologise for all the shit I caused, ya know?”

He nodded and put a hand over her hand “your story is remarkable. You should be really proud of yourself” he smiled.

“I am” she nodded “not fair is one of my favourite songs that I’ve wrote so far. It’s just so different. I can’t wait to get on stage” she gushed.

Soon enough not fair was released.

“NOT FAIR. OUT NOW. A!”

To say twitter went crazy was an understatement. She was really fucking proud of herself.

She was invited to jingle bell ball. And shit she was scared. She only had relased the song a few days ago. Although she had a few songs already she was nervous no one would know her. Or they’d be bored.

She wore red bell bottoms with a white heels. Her top was tucked in a bit of cleavage showing. Her hair was messy and so was her makeup. Amy really did want to make a good impression but she didn’t want force it, so she was herself.

She nearly cried when she found out Harry was going to be there too. “Mickey he’s going to be there”she groaned and mickey shook his head “stop being loser Aunty Amy” he said playing with his toys. She laughed and messed up his hair before heading to back to her spot.

Soon enough she was backstage with her brother and his family. And she had her manager sammy with her too. Sammy was a real life angel. She would be an absolute mess if he wasn’t around.

“Are you ready my love?” Sammy asked and she shook her head “no I think I need to check my guitar” she said and he nodded “ok, get everything done. Your guitar is just out of here and upfront. I’ll get your body guards to go with you” he said letting out a breath. Amy rolled her eyes which were full of eyeliner and mascara. She didn’t argue she just followed the men.

She soon came to meet all the backstage workers. She stopped to shake everyone’s hand on the way introducing themselves and letting them talk to her a few minutes. She loved this part of her work. Getting to meet new people. She loved listening. And she loved talking a lot. But not about herself. She loved to just talk. About anything and everything.

She could see her guitar leaning against some equipment. She squealed and ran over to it like it was a child. The body guards laughed to themselves as they watched her tune up with her band that was playing with her.

She started on cherry wine just her playing and singing to herself. Everyone was mesmerised by her. They didn’t crowd her, but they were listening. It was rare to see such a pure artist.

Harry had arrived to the beautiful song. He knew the song well. He played it a few times. Cried and smiled to it. He had watched the interview leaving him sobbing and guilty. She didn’t have to apologise he thought. He just wanted to hug her and kiss her.

she finished her song before smiling. And started talking to her band. Harry stayed put helping his own band.

Amy had spotted him. She smiled and decided it was time to grow up.

Harry looked behind him and saw her smiling coming over. She looked beautiful. The most beautiful women ever.

“Harry” she smiled pulling him into a hug he tensed before he relaxed putting his arms around her.

“hey- hi” he stuttered before she pulled away.

“Love the new songs h. You really did good” she smiled before walking back wards “good luck”

She was up first. She was shitting it.

“Hey” she said into the microphone and the crowd was loud in response. She smiled and started her guitar and started with cherry wine.

Then she did one of her older songs dead to me which was more upbeat. She walked along the the stage singing and dancing.

Her second last song was a cover of Rhiannon which people seem to enjoy.

And then she got to not fair. She walked down the cat walk and smiled at a girl who through up an lgbtq+ flag. Amy winked and pulled the flag around her.

“This is my last song. Thank you for having me. I love you” she said and started singing.

“When we go up to bed, you’re not good, it’s such a shame” she said dancing around in her heels.

“It’s not fair” she sang and pouted.

“And I think you’re really mean”

“I think you’re really mean”

The crowd screamed as she bowed blowing a kiss before she jogged off stage.

Harry looked at her and smiled.

It really isn’t fair.

#harry styles #adore you #gif #hs1 #fine line live #fine line #harry styles blurbs #eroda #hs2 #solo harry #harrystylesera2 #or zayn malik and harry styles #harry styles blurb #model harry

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