#i do have more serious thoughts about themes in fiction and how the best things ive consumed have extremely tight themes

[yellowocaballero]

i very much enjoy the extremely scientific analysis of the naruto verse in which there are three genders, aka naruto, sasuke, and Woman.

AM I WRONG? AM I WRONG? pulls down projection screen and plays powerpoint

Obviously let's give room for nuance. A ton of Naruto characters don't fall into these gender norms. This does predominantly apply to the rampant proliferation of the three-person dynamics that were assigned by the government and dictate your entire life. And, like, society. It does not end. Gender isn't a biological factor in Naruto, it's a social dynamic constructed entirely by your homoerotic tension with other men. And there are so many.

Madara (S), Hashirama (N), Mito (W). Izuna (N) and Tobirama (S) - tragically, Izuna died before women could be invented. Sarutobi (N), Danzo (S, horrifically) - see above about women not being invented yet. Jiraiya (N), Orochimaru (S), Tsunade (W). Yahiko (N), Nagato (S), Konan (W). Obito (N), Kakashi (S), Rin (W). Shisui (N), Itachi (S), that little deeply unimportant girlfriend (W). Um, fucking, Naruto (N), Sasuke (S), Sakura (W). Even - even, fuckin, Rock Lee (N), Neiji (S), Tenten (W).

And what do they all have in common????

(OT3. They're all OT3s. Is what I'm saying).

There is some room for alternative gender expressions here, like being butch or femme. Naruto gender expressions: teacher, otouto, woman who you can't even tell is woman gendered because she has no backstory but you just have to kinda assume that she has a polycule-based backstory where she was Woman Gender. I feel almost as if 2/3rds of the Rookie 9 are liberated from this. InoShikaCho just doesn't fit (their chaotic cousin energy is just too strong and Ino's too much of a lesbian). Hinata's too busy being defined entirely by a different throuple's N to have codependent dynamics with her own N and S (and I'm hesitant to even say that, since I actually don't know if Kiba and Shino have a codependent rivalry - do they?).

I get, like, the reason for all of this. Curse of Hatred. Cycles. N and S Genders being sourced from demigods or something. Narrative parallelism. Sympathy points. It's not the bad guy's fault he's evil, his N and W gendered counterparts died :(. But an extremely strange side-effect of this is that all of the male characters are, like, Just Naruto or Just Sasuke. But the vast majority of the female characters are - like, completely defined by the men in their lives - but also they are more likely to be a unique person. Mito, Sakura, and Rin have actually nothing in common. Writing so sexist it creates more interesting characters?!?!

Unironically, this is why I'm always saying that Sasunaru is the ship of all time, nothing will ever top it, you will NEVER do it like Sasunaru, etc. Every important relationship in the series is meant to evoke Sasunaru. (Notably, none of the explicitly romantic ones. But we're beyond such paltry understandings of the most iconic pairing of all time as fundamentally based in romance. We're operating on a higher level than that). This unbroken chain of toxic yaoi has culminated at the end point of Sasunaru, and it exists to parallel Sasunaru and define their relationship by the dysfunction of generations of tragedy. That's why Naruto has to consciously break the cycle and free them from the generational hate - it was the only way to save Sasuke. This is also why I'm always saying that Sasunaru is the point of Naruto, and that the entirety of Naruto is about Sasunaru. Come back to me when your work has invented new genders in the all-encompassing pursuit of toxic yaoi.

This also means that the only truly gender non-conforming individuals in Naruto are its mightiest heterosexuals: Minato (W) and Kushina (N). Truly insane. The N/S/W configuration is the societal norm, it's bonkers to make a major good-aligned male character a wifeguy. By Naruto standards Minato and Kushina are the only queer couple.

[jinxquickfoot]

So I finished my Age of Ultron rewatch. It's been a couple of years since I last saw it, and here are some random thoughts I had on it:

Things I will maintain I like about this movie:

It has some of my favorite jokes in the MCU, and they're usually the little moments. The little nod of validation Rhodey makes after getting a laugh at his "Boom! You looking for this?" story. Clint telling Steve he's no match for Ultron and Steve replying with, "Thanks, Barton". Clint's "Yeah, you better run" after Pietro has long since disappeared with Wanda, there are loads of them.

I like Vision, Wanda and Pietro. Despite being secondary characters with not a huge amount of screen time, Wanda and Pietro feel like real people with real backstories, and Paul Bettany is wonderful the first time we see him as Vis.

It's the only movie we get to see the Original 6 hang out as friends.

I love that Fury randomly shows up in the middle and is like "let me make a sandwich while we discuss how not to let the world end also by the way hi Tony I really care about you"

Other casual appearances of other MCU characters, something that is so lacking Phase 4 onwards. Sam being at the party and Thor going to Selvig for help makes the world feel lived in.

RDJ's never dropped the ball as Tony but his performance really stuck out to me here, god he's good

Steve and Thor have multiple moments of teaming up and working together, what an underrated duo

Hulk vs Iron Man suit inside an Iron Man Suit fight

The Avengers do their best to evacuate Sokovia before Ultron attacks, which does not excuse the amount of damage caused there, but I do think is a plot point everyone forgets about (myself included)

And things that annoy me (skipping over the stuff everyone talks about like the Natasha/Bruce plot):

I hate how Joss Whedon writes Steve, both here and in Avengers. He only feels like Steve when he's being given jokes, otherwise he is so self-serious and stiff, the core of Steve is his heart and it is nowhere to be found in this movie

The movie spends so long setting up character arcs that feel promising and have no payoff. What is the point of Laura telling Clint the Avengers need him if he's going to retire at the end of the movie. Steve has several references to finding home in a way that doesn't go anywhere (Until Endgame, I guess). Don't get me started on Natasha.

It's trying so hard to have a theme but it never says anything unique. Bruce, Tony, Natasha and Vision all refer to themselves as monsters. Ultron decides that the Avengers are the bad guys. Steve has a speech all about proving they're not the monsters Ultron says they are. Based on WHAT? What is the message of this movie?? That the Avengers are better than the evil AI who wants to kill everyone?

(I half-feel there was a previous draft where Clint was their heart, or something, or he died and they were like whelp Phil Coulson 2.0 let's go avenge him, and the random pieces of that are still floating around the script with nowhere to go)

NO ONE is remotely concerned enough when their friends are getting hurt (maybe just the hurt/comfort lover in me, but still.) Natasha comes across as the only person who cares when Clint sustains a life-threatening injury. No one seems to be bothered that Natasha is being held captive by a psychotic supervillain. Tony shows more emotion over a fictional future where they die than when someone is actually in danger.

They really could have had a premise where they weren't allowed to access technology at all and could have gone retro with everything and they didn't and that just feels like a wasted opportunity. Clint and Natasha digging out old spy tech. Steve being like "Yes! This is familiar! I got this!" Tony making genius inventions out of tech from fifty years ago. Come on, it was right there.

[cyberbun]

An anon asked me what my top 10 favorite anime are and I agonized over this question for months but I think I have an answer. Then I accidentally published this without finishing it so I have to write it again

In no particular order:

Gatchaman Crowds (2013) and it's second season Insight (2015):

Hands down, my favorite anime of all time. As a fan of the superhero genre this has to be the best deconstruction/reconstruction of it I've seen in terms of how it reevaluates the concept of heroism in a digital society and how well it handles its themes of futurism along with personal identity and construction of the self in virtual environments. It is a series with a central thesis about the inherent goodness of humanity expressed through the language of superheroes and social media, and it's one of those stories that really gets the way people engage with the internet in a way that other similar sci-fi stories about fully online societies fail to do even to this day.

The first season's almost naive optimism is then thoroughly torn apart by the second's darker, more introspective tone, which makes the entire show play out like a series of political essays arguing back and forth with the backdrop of colorful superhero action. What makes it particularly good, though, is how it handles this darkening of the narrative, as it asks tough, incisive questions of its own story and still comes out parading genuine optimism about the future of its world and ours.

Because, at its core, it's a superhero story about how everyone has the capacity to be a hero and better themselves and each other. It's a truly transformative experience and, while a lot of its themes can seem... tragically over-optimistic, its datedness almost makes it feel like a time capsule of a time where we were at the cusp of using mass internet penetration to better ourselves as a society, and perhaps remains a reminder of how these technologies may still have the potential to make us all into heroes. Also Rui is a hot gender black hole and I want to be them so badly.

Samurai Flamenco (2014)

In a lot of ways, Samurai Flamenco is sort of the anti-Gatchaman Crowds; it's a straight deconstruction of the tokusatsu genre that's less interested in analyzing the role of superheroes in a society and more about using its own genre to examine the ways fiction allows us to project ourselves as something greater than what we are, while also commenting on said genre's iterations over its history; so ultimately it comes across as both a tribute to it and a deep examination of what exactly makes its fans tick.It is also bat fuck insane and I can't tell you a single thing that happens in it because it goes places. Watching this as it aired was an incredible experience.

Slam Dunk (1993-1994)

The best sports anime ever made. Dead serious. Not only is this a love letter to the game of basketball as a whole that manages to capture the intensity and adrenaline of every single thought that goes through the head of a player in the final minutes of a game, it is also a touching love story with one of the most compelling central casts of characters I've ever seen.

The anime was largely inferior to the manga for a long time on account of it being left unfinished, while the manga remains largely remembered for having one of the most bittersweet endings ever put to page; an equal parts tragic and triumphant culmination of the main character's journey from delinquent layabout to passionate athletic prodigy. Then, last year, we finally got one of the best looking anime films I've seen in my life adapting the final volume of the manga while also expanding the backstory of one of the secondary protagonists of the series.

Part of my love for this series is highly personal. I grew up watching this on TV back in the old country, and seeing it finally be finished after 20 odd years brought me to tears. A lot of it might be outdated by now, but there is yet to be a single anime I am so comfortable watching over and over and over again. I will go to the grave singing its praises.

Soul Eater (2008)

It's Soul Eater, you know Soul Eater. Probably the single most stylish show I've ever seen, visually; and to me still at the peak of the shonen genre as a whole. It's got both some of the best action ever put to animation and some of the most engaging core casts of characters I've seen despite how small its ensemble is. If it seems like I have less to say about it than others in the list it's mainly because it's already popular enough I don't feel like I can contribute much to the conversation; everyone likes Soul Eater. You like Soul Eater. Explaining why Soul Eater is good is like explaining why it is good to eat. Every time I watch Crona's episodes I cry a lot.

RahXephon (2002)

Talking about RahXephon is difficult because conversations surrounding it are usually centered around its relationship to Evangelion; and this is partially because it is, in many ways, a response to it and a reformulation of a lot of the questions that it asked about its story. This is not wholly unfounded, as director Yutaka Izubuchi is a longtime friend and collaborator of Anno's who did do some work in Evangelion prior to this, so the influence is definitely there. For a lot of people, this was rebuild before rebuild. I personally prefer the adage "Evangelion on antidepressants".

I do, however, overall feel this is unfortunate, because taken outside that context, RahXephon is one of the most complex and deeply layered reconstructions of the mecha genre I've ever experienced, with a beautiful score and haunting visual design propping up a story that's equal parts impenetrable as it is deeply layered; made up of so many small character arcs woven into each other completely seamlessly that you always feel like you're watching but a tiny fragment of a large tapestry of stories coming together into a single complete whole. It makes the world of the anime feel simultaneously small and huge, which fits the melancholic post-post-apocalypse visual aesthetic of the narrative It's one of my favorites not because of what happens in it, but because it is one of the most enriching experiences I've had with an anime or any other form of visual storytelling; I always feel like rewatching it makes me take something new away from it that I didn't notice before.

Ergo Proxy (2006)

Part of me has to admit I like Ergo Proxy less as a story and more as an aesthetic. If I had to put a name on how it feels to watch this show it'd definitely be "contemplative"; it's a slow going, compounded puzzle of a narrative which at times borders on self-indulgence with how many layers of things happening at once you're keeping up with. To give you an idea; the seemingly random text crawls during the opening of the show are key pieces of understanding what exactly the plot is by the end of the story. Peel away those layers, and you get a much simpler narrative than it might first appear, with one of my favorite one-sentence summaries: "what if three different Ends of the World crashed into each other at once".

While that seems reductive, one of the things that makes Ergo Proxy feel rewarding to watch, then rewatch to fully understand, is how it does ultimately completely nail the landing with the story it's trying to tell, despite having a complete non-ending that somehow manages to feel satisfying all the same. It's a story that explores themes of identity and human nature through the genre of ecological horror with one of the most stylish depictions of a bleak, dead world I've ever seen put in any narrative. So long as you're okay with a story that doesn't give you a full sense of narrative closure and one where a single watching won't give you all the pieces of the story, it is one of the most rewarding experiences to go back and pick apart, in my opinion. Like a puzzle, you will be left wanting to put all the pieces together by the end.

Ouran High School Host Club (2006)

Don't fucking look at me like that. I watched Ouran at an impressionable age and now I'm bigender. It has a place in my bunny heart. It is foundational to the person I grew up to become.

Cardcaptor Sakura

I watched this dubbed into Spanish back when I was young, and admittedly I don't remember 60% of it, but that doesn't mean I don't think fondly back on it moreso than any other show I ever saw back when I was a child, and one that I've had a lot of joy in going back to it as I've grown older.

I don't have as much to say about it as I do some other shows, and like with Soul Eater, it feels like everything there is to be said about it has already been said elsewhere and better; it is one of the foundational texts for the modern magical girl genre, it is one of the most beautifully animated and designed shows I've ever seen, and the best at keeping the distinct house styles CLAMP is recognizeable for intact in animation as far as I'm concerned. It's my personal choice for what other people would call a "comfort" show; but I do not wish to diminish the story or reduce it to an aesthetic the way a lot of people do for shows like this, considering just how strong the character dynamics and their progression throughout the story are, and the wealth of emotional depth that can be found in just about everyone's arcs.

While the overarching plot and the world of the story aren't as interesting as some other shows of its type, its strengths lies in how it uses that as a solid foundation through which to explore a distinct aspect of the human condition through each of its characters - love, grief, loneliness, devotion to another and many others.

Kekkai Sensen (2015)

This is one of those cases where I feel like I'm going to repeat myself. Take everything I said about Soul Eater, put it here. It is stylish, it's got a strong central cast of characters that are all equally fun and contribute the same amount to the narrative. It's got some of the most intense, lovingly rendered large-scale action scenes I've seen, along with some of my favorite small, touching narratives; thanks to one of the best urban fantasy settings ever put together.

The first season's storyline is a blend of manga chapters with an anime-original plot, while the second season mostly adapts the manga much more closely so it doesn't come together as tightly as the first does, but it is more of the best show of its type of the past decade as far as I'm concerned; and nothing takes away just how incredibly tight that first season feels, even if the final episode was months late and had to go double length while the animation melted a little. And yet, it all comes together beautifully in the end.

Angel Beats

What a surprise this show was. I'll always feel a little bittersweet about it, due to the circumstances that led me to see it, but I'm forever grateful I did. Angel Beats' greatest strength is the way that it disarms the viewer by presenting a fun, albeit somewhat dark supernatural comedy about kids in the afterlife, letting one get comfortable with the silliness of the world before really taking the "children in the afterlife" premise to its logical conclusion: This is a story about death, trauma, tragedy, and moving on- Quite literally, in this case- from the things that weigh us down.

I make no hyperbole when I say that this show has the single strongest emotional climax I've ever experienced, and every time I watch it again I am moved to tears, sometimes more than last. I can't say much, since a lot of what makes this show fun is experiencing it, and realizing the depth of the world along with our point of view character; but the biggest endorsement of it I can give is how gracefully and tactfully it deals with complicated subjects such as abuse, disability and addiction in stories where you know how they all end, and yet give you a satisfying emotional conclusion while also keeping the mood balanced between cheerful when it has to be and heartbreaking, with the latter becoming more and more common by the end of the story.

It's a story about growing up, as much as it is a story about dying. It knows the tragedy of its premise and it chooses to ask the viewer to find joy in the time they have with its cast - a beautiful metaphor for life itself woven deeply into the narrative and never once stated out loud. We know where this story is going, but we're here now, so we might as well have a little fun along the way. That is ultimately what youth is about.

[likeadevils]

what songs so far do you think were daydreaming exercises? to the best of your knowledge?

obligatory i’m just some guy

songs i’m pretty sure are fictional

I'm Only Me When I'm with You: it’s a 2003 song, before she moved to nashville, so she didn’t have any super close friends at the time. the romantic connotations are almost definitely made up

A Perfectly Good Heart: could be her being dramatic about a middle school breakup, but i think it’s more likely she was just daydreaming about being really sad

Fearless: taylor’s said she was just daydreaming about the perfect first date a million times, look at any concert she played this at in 2007/8

Timeless: she wrote it sometime in 2009, likely sometime after june because she mentions antiquing as a new hobby in the lover journals from that month. so it could be about somebody we don’t know about, or maybe taylor lautner, but my guess is she was just wandering around an antique store and daydreaming about being in love

Stay Stay Stay: she says she was just daydreaming, and while she definitely bent the truth with the red secret messages in particular, i’m prone to believe this one. she wrote it sometime in 2010, so “daydreaming about real love” could be a really sick burn about any number of people, but i think this was just her in between relationships fiddling around

Death By A Thousand Cuts: you can get into conspiracy theory stuff about just how on and off again her and joes relationship was, but it’s a pretty direct retelling of something great, so i believe it when she said she watched the movie and then got inspired

like, the vast majority of the unreleased tracks

song that kinda blur the line

Stay Beautiful: cor(e)y passed her in the hallway and she thought he was kinda cute, i don’t think it was a big thing as the song makes it seem

You Belong With Me: taylor’s said it was inspired by one of her band mates apologizing to his girlfriend on the phone, but everything else is made up

Mine: she said a guy put his arm around her and she saw a whole life flash before her eyes, so like, it kinda happened? it wasnt anyone she got super serious with though

Speak Now: she was the +1 to hayley williams’ ex’s wedding, joked about speak now-ing, then had a nightmare about one of her exes getting married

too many songs on folklore and evermore to list out

anything she’s ever written for a movie soundtrack

songs that probably have a muse but not anyone we know about so could be daydreaming

Cold As You: there’s an unreleased song, love to lose, that parallels cold as you. so possibly there’s some guy that inspired two songs, or she was just circling around similar themes

Electric Touch

Foolish One: possibly joe jonas angst, possible pre-relationship john mayer angst, possibly someone else, who knows what taylor was up to in 2009 man that girl had a fucking roster going

Everything Has Changed

Message In A Bottle: i like to think it’s about eddie redmayne but genuinely i have no clue

Wildest Dreams: iirc she said it was her being dramatic and thinking no one would ever want to really fall in love with her at the grammy museum performance but like who knows if it was general discomfort or a specific person that inspired it

Crazier: could be a drew song, could be her daydreaming

Beautiful Eyes and I Heart ?: don’t know enough about these songs to say one way or another, but i believe she’s claimed the i heart ? thing actually happened? cant remember where though

[ultra-kek]

Is it true you don't like anything from Grant Morrison, or just the man himself at all?

I don't think I've mentioned my thoughts on Grant Morrison here but I do really love Grant Morrison's early DC work, in particular Animal Man being one of my favorite comics of all time, but I find their later work to be so terrible that I consider it my least favorite comics of all time. I blame this on the running themes of Metatextuality and a sort of reconstructivist ideology in Morrison's work that has ended up completely antithetical to what i desire from comics.

While the absurdist ruminations on the nature of fiction in Animal Man made for an amazing and radical sort of comic that deconstructed a lot about both superheroes and the relationship between fiction and reality, over time their work fell into what to me feels like just very shallow and uninteresting narratives that frequently fall into the same traps as like, redditors and youtube theorists, where it doesn't really have that much to say beyond "woah... this is a work of fiction and we're breaking the fourth wall!!!!!1111" and "superheroes are actually super cool and should never be criticized". The top examples i can think of are their Batman run, which brought back several concepts but in ways that felt shallow (was it really that necessary to bring back the Batman of Zurr-En-Arrh as an edgy violent alternate personality?), meanspirited (Son of the Demon being brought into canon, but retconning Bruce and Talia's loving relationship to... that.), or even offensive (if you're going to make a modern version of the Batmen of all Nations, even if you're going to be rewriting them to attempt to make more realistic and progressive incarnations of them is it really necessary to keep the more offensive designs, and redesign others to be even more offensive? I don't think they had people of color on hand for that stuff...). Meanwhile there's the multiverse stuff that I just really can't bring myself to care about, that kind of thing is already really boring for me personally and though Morrison tries to make more meaningful narrative in them that narrative is just "Aren't superheroes really epic and cool?"

There's also the fact that regardless of being nonbinary Morrison hasn't really had the best track record when it comes to depicting minority groups. I already mentioned the Batmen of all Nations but there's them turning Talia into a misogynistic and somewhat racist stereotype, and Professor Pyg, who's Buffalo Bill-type queercoding is so offensive that I genuinely can't stomach it as a character. This is more controversial, but I feel this even about A Serious House on Serious Earth, both in the character of Mad Dog but also in the comic's general depiction of Batman's rogues' gallery not as characters of their own but as caricatures of mental illness existing primarily as foils for Batman's personal conflicts, which bled into the comics and kind of became a defining part of Batman as a franchise and its frequent usage of psychological themes.

Morrison also has a particularly unfortunate flaw in that theyre kind of... redditbrained. They're famous for their personal theory on the ending of the Killing Joke of how it actually represents Batman finally breaking his one rule and killing the Joker, despite how the comic very clearly frames the moment as the one last moment of understanding the two will ever have. There's also Morrison's idea of all Batman media being true, and justifying it as the sillier parts of Batman being caused by... him and Robin being on drugs. They've literally said that.

My main like, ideological opposition to Morrison though is in their reconstructivist themes and the way they place superheroes as like gods to be aspired to. I certainly fall closer to Moore when it comes to my perspective on comics and while I don't think they're beyond salvation Morrison simply isn't doing them any favors. I just don't want to see comics about how epic Batman and Superman are or whatever, I want to see more radical stuff that breaks down superhero comics as a whole. By all means I like seeing the weird reinvention of old concepts, but being so stuck in the past is just kind of, stupid.

[thelooniemoonie]

So I just finished reading House of Leaves...

Here are my thoughts. I will do my best to avoid spoilers, but will mention a thing or two.

Oh man, that was one hell of a ride. While I myself am a huge fan of horror, this was the first horror book I have read, and what a great experience it was!

Going into the book I already somewhat knew of the madness that lurks inside (that being the quarter inch, and the impossibly long hallway) and was surprised that the madness started on very early. Being the book is over 700 pages long, I sure as hell didn't expect it to start about 60 pages in.

What you don't expect however, is the madness that takes it's toll the longer the book goes on. Multiple storylines, narrators and themes start converging together to the point where everything starts falling into place, to the point it becomes nauseating as exploring the house itself. What I can say however, is that the house is only barely scratching the surface of what is truly going on within these pages.

For context the book is cleverly written as a meta-narrative, as an essay analyzing the film The Navidson Record, a fictional film that does not exist in the real world. What the book strangely does however, is reference actual real life sources when dissecting its premise, to the point where reality and fiction start blurring. The book feels as if it's having a conversation with itself, covering countless of different themes and metaphors that overlap with one another. Given this thing has been analyzed and picked apart for decades since its release, I'm gonna leave it to the experts about the secrets within its pages. (Although I will say this: pay attention. The longer the book goes on the more the different puzzle pieces will start clicking together.)

I was curious as to how a book may scare a reader since I'm unfamiliar with the experience of reading horror, but I will say the longer the book went on the worse it got. If I had to make a comparison, it would be the same feeling I experienced when watching Skinamarink: Dread. A long, droning kind of dread that one experiences when you are alone in your house and all the lights are off and everything is black. And you know no one is coming for you. But you swear you saw something from the corner of your eye. It's the feeling of running up the stairs after turning the lights off and praying something isn't running after you. Dread.

Very quickly things will become nauseating. At first I wasn't scared of the premise of the house: it's a haunted house that defies reality. So? But I found myself not dreading the events that unfolded or the "interesting" formatting of the book, but that the reality of the book itself seemed to be imploding on itself. Spoilers, but the one moment I think where I specifically started spiralling was when Exploration #5 was occurring, and Navidson had to stop and rest with only his matches, he pulls out a book to read and it's....the House of Leaves? The book you're reading right now? But how is that possible? How is Navidson reading the real life book that you're reading, when the fictional events that are pertaining to him are happening right now to him?? What are even the Johnny segments?? (Note: don't read them at work like I did) Why does nobody cited in this book know who the Navidsons are, even though they're quoted directly in reviewing the film?? What the hell is going on???

.

I made a joke in an earlier post that Navidson wants to fuck the house. I meant this as a joke. What I soon horrifically realized was that others were correcting me in that it wasn't a joke. Navidson wants to fuck the house. But he also doesn't want to fuck the house. But it is also a secret third thing that's literal to the foundation of this story. (No pun intended.) But oh god it gets so much worse.

At the time of writing this, I just finished the book 1 hour ago. I feel like I just stepped off the worst rollercoaster. And I loved it.

10/10 very spooks

On a less serious note I think the funniest moment in the book was when the Chad's and Daisy's teacher, after noticing their strange behaviour at school due to the effects of the house, reasonably decides to pay their parents a visit to talk about it. What the poor lady doesn't expect however, is that she arrives right after the events of the house unfold and the Navidsons are having the worst week of their life, coming to the screaming and crying family while there is a dead body on the floor.

In essence it can be summed up by this gif, which frankly sums up the vibe of the story overall:

So yeah it's a good book. I recommend it.

[twilightmalachite]

Timbres of Heaven - One For Two 6

Characters: Hinata, Yuuta

Translator: Mika Enstars

"I’ve always disliked that kind of thing about you."

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Season: Spring

Location: Residential Area

Yuuta: I’ve always disliked that kind of thing about you.

…It seriously makes me sick.

Hinata: …

…That’s Neiro’s like, isn’t it? From Timbres of Heaven.

Yuuta: Yup. Great that you noticed.

Hinata: I’ve been reading a lot in preparation for filming. I’ve memorized most of the scenes that I’m in already.

But you started talking in such a serious tone, it surprised me. What’s up with you all of a sudden?

Yuuta: You’ve been ungrateful all day, Aniki, so I set off a blast to wake you up.

As you know, while the script for Timbres of Heaven is complete, it’s developments may change depending on the audience response.

If things stay the way they are, Neiro and the heroine will end up together—

Hinata: And depending on my efforts, there might be a future where it’ll be Amane united.

Yuuta: Yup. Or one where Neiro, Amane, and the hero will all three be happy together.

The last one isn’t too realistic, but hey, it’s fiction. I think it’ll be an ending that’ll stick the most with the target audience.

Anyways. How it ends depends on our efforts—

In other words, it’s a match between you and me, Aniki.

Hinata: Right… I feel we’ve just been fighting ever since we entered ES, but…

I’m down for more. Every time we collide, we resonate and grow stronger.

I won’t lose to you, Yuuta-kun.

Yuuta: Right. I won’t lose, either. Right now, I—Neiro has an advantage, after all. Do your best to catch up!

I’ll be waiting for you, Aniki.

Location: Dressing Room

On the day of shooting of the Twin Wedding Vows MV, Timbres of Heaven’s theme soon. In the dressing room…

Hinata: …Oh, Anzu-san, good work so far today. Are you here to check in on me?

Yup. Today I’m doing the magazine interview and shooting the music video.

It’s a love drama, so it’s stuff like… When was your first love? What kind of love would you like to have? I’m a little tired of only being asked questions like that…

‘Cause I’m married to my work! ☆ Ohohohoho!

You’d answer something like that too, wouldn’t you, Anzu-san? All, “I’ll do the job”~♪

What you have there in your hands are work documents too, aren’t they?

…Wait, what? Bridal magazines… Marriage features…?

…Oh, you received a proposal from a bridal company, so you were reading them for reference?

I-I see~, it is nearly the season for bridal projects, isn’t it?

That spooked me. I started thinking you were gonna get married—

Hinata: I mean, not like I’d feel upset over that! Not at all! Don’t misunderstand, okay!

…Hm, what? Are you asking what my thoughts on marriage are?

You’re asking me, Anzu-san? …Well, it’s a question you’re asking me as a producer, so it’s fine.

I’ll give you a serious answer, as an idol.

…

If I get married, would it separate me from Yuuta-kun?

If it does, I can’t imagine it at all. We’ve been together since we were born.

So maybe we could all get together as three, like that one line from the drama.

Even if we wouldn’t be able to register it, I guess it’s fine as long as we live happily.

It might look like a distorted relationship to everyone else, but… Happiness comes in different forms for different people.

And I want to choose a path that’ll end in happiness for both Yuuta-kun and I, whatever it may be.

Yuuta: Hey~, Aniki~. Filming for the MV’s starting~.

Huh? Wait, are you in the middle of something?

Hinata: Nah. We were just chatting.

Yuuta: I wonder how true that is~. ♪

Hinata: It’s true! Hinata-kun does not lie!

I’ll see you later, Anzu-san.

Yuuta: I’ll be borrowing Aniki, Anzu-san~.

Location: Timbres of Heaven MV Shooting Set

A couple minutes later…

Hinata: “♪~♪~♪”

Yuuta: “♪~♪~♪”

—Sooo, what were ya talking to Anzu-san about, Aniki?

Hinata: You’re so persistent, Yuuta-kun!

…It seems that she’s considering idols to appear in a bridal project.

And so she asked for my thoughts on marriage to use it as reference. I was just answering her question.

Yuuta: That’s all? You sure she wasn’t using work as a front and trying to probe the topic~?

Hinata: Anzu-san wouldn’t do something like that.

…Her lack of ulterior motives does irritate me, though.

Yuuta: So? What did you answer with, Aniki?

Hinata: That I don’t wanna be separated from you, Yuuta-kun, so I’d like to get together as three.

Yuuta: What? That’s unrealistic. Life isn’t a drama.

Hinata: …Yeah. That’s what I answered Anzu-san tentatively, but…

I want to stay with you, Yuuta-kun.

If I’m made to choose one person, then I choose Yuuta-kun.

Yuuta: Because without you, I’d be all alone?

What is that. Aren’t you smug.

Yuuta: (It’s you, Aniki. Even though you’re the one who can’t live without me.)

…Enough talking about this. I can’t even imagine getting married.

It’s about time to focus on the filming, you know?

“♪~♪~♪”

(…This isn’t the time to get distracted, seriously.)

(Even though I’m trying so hard with my solo activities… In the end, only the weapon that is 2wink has landed us big jobs.)

(I’m not recognized by the public yet as an individual idol.)

Yuuta: (But, that’s to be expected. I’ll use any weapon available to me to pave a path, without becoming rotten.)

(And then… I’ll catch up with, and overtake Aniki… And beckon to him from somewhere warm.)

(“Come here, Hinata-kun.”)

Hinata: (…Yuuta-kun sure is enthusiastic, huh?)

(It’s clear to me that he’s trying to have his presence be felt through Timbres of Heaven.)

(Twin Wedding Vows was created in a way that it’d fit any ending of Timbres of Heaven, but…)

(Even though it’s a song for the heroine, I feel like I’m singing about ourselves.)

(…Well, if I were to tell Yuuta-kun that right now, he’d probably say something like “that’s gross”, though. ♪)

(Hey, Yuuta-kun. What will happen to us in the future?)

(Will we be always together, even if we find a special someone? Even still…)

(…)

Hinata: (No matter what path we end up taking… I believe we can move forward with our chests held high.)

(Because it’ll be a path we paved together, as Yuuta-kun and I.)

(…I’m sure that our future is shining beautifully.)

“♪~♪~♪”

[ ☆ ]

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[just-jae]

About Vivsiepop's Beelzabub

Lots of drama over Bee's design. My Thoughts:

Beelzabub's design isn't forein. She's a canine character, like the Hellhounds she rules over. She wears knicked tanktop and shorts- Just like Loona and Tex's everyday clothes. She even talks like Loona, which is the best way I can describe at the moment is City-youth culture.

About her colors-- the pink and blue aren't her true colors, those are for the "Cotton Candy" song she sings-- she's wearing cotton candy colors. When bathed in yellow. and when transformed, her clothes turn red and black, her glowy hair turns completely gold. Even her little tuft turns gold.

This Matches with the general colorscheme of the other hellhounds except for the Yellow/gold.

So her design matches other characters.

As for Bee's bug theme:

She's got six, thin, long limbs. Fly wings you can hear flapping around, antenae lashes and ears, and stripes. Which is all a call to the bug theme of Biblical Beelzabub, who may not have been specifically seen as a bee, but at least was a flying bug. Even so, there's no rule saying you HAVE adhere to previous depictions of an entity in a fictional work. You don't, and shouldn't have to know anything about the bible to track who a given character is. Biblical lore can help predict what a character's about, but the show's own writing is what makes and defines the character in that show (Something I get to later).

When it comes to character design basics, Bee's still pretty in-lane, being introduced with an easy-to-recognize silhouette.

When it comes to animation practicality, Bee's base design (clothes, patterns) doesn't seem much harder to animate than these guys.

Even then, Bee's animation is very high quality in this episode, like the animation in the "Truth Seekers" episode or some parts of "The Harvest Moon Festival". They were adding extra details to the animation for fun, not because her design required it. The Honey was globbier than it needed to be, her body movements more fluid and detailed than they needed to be. It was for fun.

They could have definitely animated Bee's honeymane simpler than this, if it were that much of a strain on the animators, and still retained the same design. Plus, there are shortcuts to pulling this off, like animating the basic outline first and having another layer behind it that doesn't follow the outline, but instead is cropped by it. They do this with Stolas' sparkly cape in "Ozzie's".

(Obv, Bee's honey was more hands on, but you can see a similar method used if you watch how the globules move.) They can also animate the lava effect by itself and drag that animation to stay inside the outline, which they seem to do for the lava belly.

Even then. The whole point of this episode was to celebrate the show's success and progress. They did all this out of joy and to have fun. The only thing I'd say could have been concretely "better" only really applies if you approach this as a serious, plot-significant episode (Which it isn't), and that's the writing of the Bee's introduction scene (which was a song that was more to celebrate the show and Spotlight Kesha than providing important context on the characters/setting/themes.)

Other than that, most of the criticism about Bee's design is preference (subjective), expectation (subjective), or an overreaction to furries (Ironically plenty of fans of this show apparently find furries disgusting or lame and saw Bee's design and went "A canine Sin? The Furries are taking over!") (Subjective).

Acting like this is Viv being lazy, uninspired, or unreasonable, is just-- unfair, and unwarranted negativity. People are really acting like this is their work, and not Viv's. Viv didn't do anything technically wrong with Bee's design. It's one thing to not dig it (I personally still haven't warmed up to Ozzy's, and prolly never will, but I warmed up to Bee's a lot faster- especially after seeing her personality) it's another to try to shit on the creator or act like their designs are "wrong" because of expectations or personal taste, ESPECIALLY for an episode that isn't plot relevant and was made to celebrate real-world things like Viv's success in producing her own show and being able to work with Kesha.

Chill the fuck out, and kudo's to the team.

End thoughts.

[jormofyore]

Mental Illness and TTRPG's

Today's post is a little more serious, and it's something I've wanted to touch upon for years, and that is the inclusion of mental illnesses in TTRPG's. For reference, I have schizoaffective disorder, which is a weird combination of schizophrenia and bipolar type 1, along with ADHD, added onto having a minor in psychology and a lifetime of experienced with this damnable illness.

Last year, I presented at NEPCA, an international pop culture conference, on the representation of schizophrenia in the video game Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice. Might have even got a couple of awards from it, which is pretty cool. That said, I gave some rather strong critiques of the game, and it isn't the first time I have encountered mental illness in media and games; don't get me started on crime shows. The point I want to make is how clumsy games often are when representing mental illness in their medium, especially TTRPG's. Mental illness is too often treated as a blunt weapon when utilized in games, and I'm not entirely sure of why. Maybe it's because of a lack of a understanding, or maybe it's because it's an edgy inclusion, but too often, these illnesses are meant to create a tragic character of some kind or give their purpose meaning. Give wikipedia a glance when listing fictional characters with schizophrenia, and you'll notice quickly how many of them are villains or used as a kind of comic relief. It's a tiresome trope, I assure you.

The main question you should always ask yourself before "giving" a mental illness to a villain or hero is: "why do they need it?" Sure, it may make the fallen paladin feel more authentic to have PTSD, and rightly so, it would be traumatic to make an error that you are unapologetic about that cost everything that defined you. But what is it about psychosis that draws people to give it to their villains and other characters in an effort to flesh them out? What purpose does it provide? What does it add to the character to make them see or hear things or fall into random, serious depressions? Why does it matter? These are just a smattering of questions that are important before deciding to make a character edgy. Once, a couple decades ago when I wasn't properly medicated, I was in a LARP and became afflicted with a Malkavian's Total Insanity. Lucky for me, I was already in the throes of a psychotic break that evening, and got voted for bonus experience points for what everyone thought was some of the best roleplaying they'd ever seen. Hilarious, I know. But recognize that some people's fiction is another persons real life that they often cannot escape before you include that "fiction" in a game. I'll never forget the mess of a book Hero's of Horror was for Pathfinder 1 and their inclusion of various mental illnesses, including schizophrenia, as a penalty inducing trait. A bit embarrassing to see my illness turned into a game mechanic, bro.

I'm not telling anyone not to include mental illness, because games are about exploration and agency. I want people to experiment and play about with what it means for a fictional world to have aspects of seemingly inescapable realities. It may seem funny to include a clown who is told what pranks to do by the voices he hears, thus foiling all kinds of divination magics. But what I am asking is that you just ask yourself a few questions about the purpose of including mental illness in a game before you pursue making it a theme. Be sensitive that it may cause discomfort due to how close to home it is. It's a tricky topic that is potentially going to upset or offend a person you may never expect, so all I ask is to treat the inclusion of these illnesses responsibly.

[robotlesbianjavert]

i’ve been following you for a while and i love your blog! got a question however: i see you blogging moral orel and i’ve never seen it but from what i’ve read on wikipedia, how would you compare the bad dad to bnha’s bad dads. is he fit to join the club. looking at him gives me afo vibes somehow.

eyyyyy thanks for following and keeping up !! you're a trooper. anyways clay puppington is way way worse than the bnha bad dads. like easy clear. one of the best characters! but definitely the worst dad.

moral orel primer

The thing about Moral Orel is that it's an edgy-ish mid 2000s satire about hypocritical fundamentalist Protestant environments and how badly one eager and god-loving kid can be lead to misinterpret the bible. It's got that irreverent humour. Skip the episode "God's Xhef" if you ever watch it. To set up my point, one of the running gags for the series is that at the result of Orel's shenanigans is Clay taking Orel to his study to belt him. And then his pants fall down! haha.

The series then takes a swerve, starting from the first season Christmas episode and leading into the third season, for a darker, more character-driven narrative. It delves more into the citizens of Moralton, the impact that their Christian environment has on them and their relationships with each other, and bits of history to understand how they turned out the way they did, etc

One of the characters most impacted here is Clay. While he's always been the second-most prominent character after Orel himself, and their relationship is central to the story, it's with this new take on the story that Clay really becomes the deuteragonist of the series. He becomes that much more fascinating a character, and his treatment of Orel and his family becomes that much more vile. Sadly the third season is cut short, reportedly after execs saw a particularly dark episode (not Orel or Clay related!) and thought. hm. that wasn't funny.

I lay that all out to explain that while Moral Orel starts off as a pretty silly, shock-value cartoon about how weird Christians are, it also depicts a lot of serious subject matters, and the treatment of that is much more frank and realistic and difficult as the series progresses.

So while he becomes a much more developed character that the audience can understand, Clay's abusive behaviour loses a lot of that wink-wink satirical irony. He's also CRAZY pathetic.

also it's got the mountain goats! that's how i first found moral orel!

how comparable is it to bnha?

First things first, I do think there are largely interesting things to say about how BNHA depicts abuse, despite the downhill trend of writing in the third act that I complain about all the time. I don't think every aspect is perfect, but it's like. I do think there's more positive to say there than how other stories depict abuse. There's actually lots that I love about what the series does, or think that it could do were it not hobbled by things and stuff.

Ultimately, there isn't really a bulletproof way of comparing fictional abusive situations to another, because respective to real life you can't compare one abusive situation against the other.

But one can compare things like the genre and structure of a story, who the intended audience is, what the production of the story is like, how much time and focus can be devoted to certain subjects and what the actual focus is meant to be, etc etc.

Moral Orel can pull together different elements of abuse, like the suffocating environment of Christian fundamentalism, the abuse of a self-destructive alcoholic, the neglect that comes from mutually disaffected and inept parents, the generational nature of abuse, so on and so forth in a sincere way. Meanwhile BNHA, as a weekly serialized shonen battle manga whose creator has become increasingly rundown, has Things To Say, but doesn't necessarily have the same capacity to devote its power to those things. Abuse is vital to the themes of BNHA, but it's not the center of it the way it is for Moral Orel.

So when Clay does his thing, stripped of the fantastical couching of BNHA's bad dads, it just feels more real and it feels worse as a result.

anyways.

clay SMASH bnha's bad dad club

Never a question that Clay is a worse dad than Enji lmao. However one feels about Endeavour's arc, or how well-written or 'deserved' it is, or how successful and genuine Enji is in his efforts, at the very least he's realised that he's done wrong and wants to atone for it, while also grappling with the fact that there may be no way for him to do that. spoilers but clay shan't do this. you get flickers that he has regrets, but he'll NEVER change baby.

I guess Clay gets a one-up where his marriage with Bloberta is mutually destructive, harmful, and toxic in comparison to Enji unambiguously abusing Rei though. so failmarriage win.

Kotarou is actually similar to Clay though! Lots to say, to compare and contrast. I'm actually kind of obsessed, especially because what I said about Clay being more realistic also applies to Kotarou - Kotarou just gets less screentime. They're both deeply affected by their childhood and relationships with their own parents in ways they take it out on their children (the "explained but not excused" idea behind fictional depictions of generational abuse). They also project an image of the upper(?)-middle class family man and Patriarch of the household, either to make up for the failings of their childhood or because it's what expected of them as a man in their world. (Wee bit of conjecture on Kotarou's part but I think it has solid grounding.)

But there's also significant differences. Physical abuse is normalized as corporal between Clay and Orel, on top of the emotional abuse, manipulation, and neglect. Kotarou's abuse of Tenko is largely emotional, with the big slap implied to be the first time that abuse manifested as physical and a line crossed for the rest of the family. And while I'm sure some people would debate this, the idea that Kotarou promised Nao a home full of joy feels genuine. He did want that, the happy family full of smiles he lost as a kid, only for his own resentment to poison everything when Tenko can't obey the rules Kotarou created and enforced to achieve it. Clay, on the other hand, like. There's bits of him implying he loves his family but doesn't have the means to show or act on it, but when he has a whole speech about the sacrifices he makes for his family, family never rings as more than an obligation that he has to put up with for the appearance of manhood.

And Shigaraki can have xyz feelings about his dad forever, but he accepts and espouses the one true lesson Kotarou taught him, that heroes can't do shit all. His father was always a scary and domineering figure, but it feels like while he will never forgive him, Shigaraki does understand him more as an adult. Meanwhile, Orel tries as hard as he can to honour thy father until he can't anymore.

Again, I think that Clay and Kotarou are probably most comparable in terms of being the Bad Dad with some similar hang-ups and relationships to their kids, but part of what makes Kotarou interesting is that we don't know what he would have done had Tenko's quirk not triggered how and when it did. With his family finally willing to push back against him and himself feeling regret for hitting Tenko, could he have changed? We don't know! But much like I said when talking about Enji, Clay's never going to change.

All For One has become more of a cartoon villain that I am determined to turn into a dress up doll for my own amusement than a bad dad and is more evil guardian or whatever. BUT there's one thing that I almost forgot about when I was first writing this up, but realised is actually soooo interesting.

There's a lot to say about AFO and Clay being the primary "teacher" to Shigaraki and Orel! I that while AFO does influence Shigaraki's villainous ideals, he also lets society and Shigaraki's experiences speak for themselves. And frankly, Shigaraki has a lot of leeway and agency in evolving his ideals through his own experiences, particularly after AFO's incarceration. He sees AFO for what he is, probably has for a long time, and is determined to establish his own identity outside of AFO regardless of what Shigaraki has learned from him. Clay is much more strict and obvious about imposing his worldview on his son, but while Orel is desperate for his dad's approval and love and can be led to do things that feel wrong for that love, Orel never absorbs those lessons the way that Clay wants him to, and separating himself from his father and come to terms with what Clay has done is a much more difficult process.

but mostly i just think that clay could do this

and afo could do this

beautiful world.

[terrariumfiction]

Evaluation

I have come to learn that I find exhibiting work and moving forward very difficult; it's easy to only notice a thing's flaws once it's not hidden and completely under my control I guess? Figuring out how (and if) I want to push forwards into an arts career will be a slow kind of thing, I think, and I'm sort of looking forward to a serious break from this kind of making.

BUT, (this isn't a negative post!!) I am so proud of this exhibition and what we have accomplished together - how we have each grown as artists.

Referring back to my proposals from the three years, these are the common goals that were shared by each of them:

understand the commonalities between the different strains of my practice

develop my writing to act as a kind of central pillar

more closely consider installation and audience - what experience I want people to have

I'm pretty happy overall with how these things have been addressed and figured out. The themes and thinking behind the work (systems, interlinkage, ecology, the wretched self) have served me well and continue to intrigue me - I think I've found my niche. Through the writing tasks in years 1 and 2 I developed my voice, and the ways in which I could interrogate subjects with different kinds of writing styles and visual presentations; I even had some of these assignments published in a little collection. I feel my writing has come a long way, and I'm really happy about this; feel I know how I can keep that moving.

Centering writing in my practice has been an interesting challenge - one I think I have come close to realising. I like how the writing in the film appears as sound, voice, and visual text - each bringing in different ways of interacting with text/reading (though I acknowledge the method with which I've done this - through the visual language of videogames - is not something every audience member can connect with, potentially alienating or confusing some viewers). The comic, also, is something I'm proud of. It was a labour of love, and the fine details like the pacing and overall visual flow are not quite perfect, but I wonder if this is a setback of the medium as a whole. It is almost impossible to edit comics, without just redoing the entire thing.

Figuring out how to talk about the presence of writing and fiction within the work is tough. I have two ways of talking about it presently:

like the hyperobject, the story as a whole is presently unseeable to audiences, but can be approached through local manifestations - serialisation (releasing one chapter at a time).

the story - more succinctly, the story's synopsis - is the set of conceptual parameters within which the work can emerge.

But, every time i've tried to vocalise these ideas, I get very blank looks, so I may have some way to go yet.

One thing I had in this year's proposal is that I wanted my work to be less negative this year - I think I have achieved this. There's plenty of humour and silliness in both the printed imagery and the film. There is, I think, a goofy joy to the way I'm telling the story, no matter how dark it is, that seems to be infectious enough to make some viewers chuckle -- nice!

Doing the exhibition at Cornwall Street this year was amazing - I feel so energised about performing and presenting my work as a live event. The feeling I got doing that reading was the single best experience I've ever had making art. I'd like to do that more. I'm looking to hopefully get some work at one of the theatres in Plymouth. Theatre might be a future for this stuff.

I wanted to leave myself more time to contemplate the installation this year. Though I had thought about it ahead of time, I found myself in the same frantic situation as last year when it came down to it - I had/have no space to make or store the large scale work I wanted to make. I knew the work would be scruffy - I wanted this to an extent - but I feel a little disappointed in myself that I didn't do any grander? I don't know. There is some success in the scruffy large drawings, the way they introduce some of the visual motifs and larger metaphors of the work - and in how they network the imagery within the comic in a larger space.

Anyway - moving forward is a tough thing to think about. I feel like simultaneously I have a lot of drive and hope - to find a future making art, and like I have no energy to see this through. I find it difficult applying for things, writing and talking about my work, and find it really really hard to get rejections. I find it hard to exhibit my work and receive reactions and feedback. Not sure what I want to do! I feel my resilience hasn't really grown, and I'm not sure how much energy I would have to pursue a long term career in this direction. I don't know how important it is either.

BUT I'm very much pleased with where I've ended up after this MA. I think I've grown in the ways I wanted to. I think my uncertainty in the exiting is a reflection of this fucking hell world and my poorly mind, so.

I might edit this later if I get feedback that it's a bit too negative ;)

[yegarts]

“I Am YEG Arts” Series: Rayanne Haines

Sometimes, you don’t know where you belong until you get there. For Rayanne Haines, that’s meant showing up, doing the work, and sharing what she’s learned and questioned. It’s meant writing. And has she ever! In addition to being a best-selling author of three poetry collections and a four-part urban/fantasy series, Haines is the 2022 Writer in Residence for the Metro Edmonton Federation of Libraries, VP for the League of Canadian Poets, and host of her own literary podcast. By the looks of her next project, she’s also just getting started. Educator, hybrid author, and contemptuous doomscroller—this week’s “I Am YEG Arts” story belongs to Rayanne Haines.

Tell us about your connection to Edmonton and why you’ve made it your home.

I was born and raised on an Arabian horse farm about half-an-hour outside of Edmonton. My family still has their farm there, so I feel like I’m an Edmontonian-lifer. After leaving home and looking to find my way, I moved into the city to go to MacEwan University and have worked in various arts organizations throughout Edmonton over the past twenty-odd years. So It's always been my home, and it probably always will be.

How did your love of writing begin? Were you always a storyteller, or was it a “detour” while on a path to somewhere else?

I think that I was always a storyteller but didn’t know it until I grew older. I have, for example, very vivid memories of telling stories to my parents’ horses. So rather than being really serious about practicing for horse shows, I’d go out into the back forty and make up stories and plays with my horses.

For the longest time, I actually thought I was going to be an actress or involved in theatre—and then I ended up working in the music industry as a detour. So it took me a long time to find my way to understanding that, for me, the stories behind the music and embedded in the theatre were what I was most interested in, and I wanted to be the person writing those stories and performing pieces that I’d created. So, yes, it was always there. It just took me the longest time to understand that that’s what it meant to me to be a storyteller—to be the one writing the story.

What themes are you drawn to as a storyteller?

I’m really drawn to the lived experience of women and women-indentifying people. I’m drawn to the stories of lived experience and the narratives that we women inhabit in this society that we live in. I’m also drawn to interrogating mental health within my work and looking at connections between mental health and womanhood and the empowerment that comes along with understanding or navigating those questions.

What is it about poetry that makes it your starting point for other forms of writing?

I think that poetry, for me, lets me put limits around the chaos—and not limits in the way of limiting what we’re sharing—rather, it allows me to use structure, and form, and shape, and what we visually see on the page as much as the language that we use. And I like that about it. It allows me from these places of chaotic discoveries around mental health or these really massive conversations surrounding women's identities or queer identity to use the form of poetry to shape those ideas to further question what it is that I’m asking amongst those ideas. That capacity to use poetry to shape has actually allowed me more freedom in the questions that I’m asking—and it took me a lot longer to understand how to do the same thing within an essay form or a fiction form.

I also think that because so much of my work is personal, poetry lets me come at it from a lens that respects that personal nature and allows me to shape-shift what I want to say or question, based on how I go about putting it on the page or using my line breaks. Sometimes I can create dual or triple meaning around something just by the way I choose to shape it on the page. So there’s a lot of freedom that is offered in poetry, while also having these capacities for playing with form.

What’s been the biggest surprise lesson you’ve learned hosting your literary podcast, Crow Reads?

I think the biggest surprise for me—as a woman who talks often about the importance of inclusion, and representation, and decolonizing—was realizing just how white my lens has been. Coming from this place of being a good ally, because of the work I’m doing with that podcast and all of the diverse people that I speak with, has really highlighted that lived experience from that white lens and increased my desire or capacity to want to try to decolonize my view and to learn and question that as much as possible.

What role have awards and funding played in your career? And what doors do they open for artists?

That’s such a good question. I think that funding support has been huge for the advancement of my career. The validity that receiving a grant offers you as an artist is massive because what it tells you is that a group of people believe in the power of what you’re doing before it’s a done thing. They believe in the idea, they believe in you, and they believe in supporting your work—before it is finished. The legitimacy that that gives you as an artist is incredible because it acknowledges the work that you’re doing as having merit and importance to your peers.

That being said, I also have a bit of a love-hate relationship with it because it’s a competitive thing that we get forced into in order to be able to create. So I wish we lived in a world in which we didn’t have to rely on grants or compete against each other to do our work and receive funding. I certainly think that winning awards does shift things for you as an artist, but more than that it acknowledges the work around your craft. Speaking from a literary world, being able to look back at these awards tells me that I’ve done the work to elevate my craft to such a point that it is acknowledged by other writers or experts in the field. And for me, that’s been huge because it allows me to see myself differently—to get away from the imposter syndrome that all of us artists live with. It lets me step beyond that imposter syndrome to say that I do have value to offer others and to then go back to my community and offer that support, knowing I’ve done the work to have my artform seen in that capacity.

Tell us a little about the non-fiction collection of essays and poetry you’re working on.

The idea behind the collection is that I really wanted to pull away from form and create a hybrid text because I’m looking at the in between spaces that women inhabit when we don’t know who we are, or are questioning our identity, or our capacities around grief. My mother was diagnosed with cancer a couple of years ago at the beginning of the pandemic, and we were told it was not a cancer she would beat. She has now passed, so I think the genesis for the collection came from who I am now as a grown woman who needs to grieve my mother but is not allowed to grieve my mother because my mother is not dead—even though I know. So I am in this in between space. The in between space of motherhood and aging—as an aging woman, what does that look like? The in between space of academia. The in between space of my own identity—questioning my identity when I have conversations around queer identity or bisexual identity and what that means as an aging woman. All of these spaces that we inhabit or are trying to understand how we inhabit come with a lot of chaos and questioning. So the idea behind the collection was to work within that chaos and interrogate those questions in many different forms and many different spaces.

What’s your favourite way to procrastinate?

It’s a horrible way to procrastinate, and it’s social media. I’m a doomscroller. It’s not cooking, it’s not cleaning—it’s none of that. Just scrolling through the crap. I have a good friend who puts timers on her phone and locks it all up, but I can’t quite get there.

What does community mean to you, and where do you find it?

Community to me means the support of people who care about you and that you care about—both in terms of human connection and your artistry. I think I came to the arts community as a single mother trying to figure out my place in the world, and this city and community lifted me up, and held me, and helped me find my way. So, for me, that’s what it’s about—service, and supporting others, and the work you can give back in order to build a stronger community.

Where do I find it? I think I find it by showing up—and not just physically—but by showing up when someone is looking for support, or asking for guidance, or even an ear to talk to. That’s going to look different for everyone and every art community, but certainly in Edmonton and around the literary world, it means showing up for new writers and being someone who can offer supports or mentorship in a way that feels healthy, while also placing boundaries on our time and what we can give. So, for me, at the end of the day, community means showing up, doing the work, and lifting people up on their journeys.

Want more YEG Arts Stories? We’ll be sharing them here all year and on social media using the hashtag #IamYegArts. Follow along! Click here to learn more about Rayanne Haines. And visit the Edmonton Arts Council’s website to learn more about grants and awards that support YEG artists.

About Rayanne Haines

Rayanne Haines (she/her) is an educator and hybrid author. She is the 2022 Writer in Residence for the Metro Edmonton Federation of Libraries and a best-selling author of three poetry collections—The Stories in My Skin (2013), Stained with the Colours of Sunday Morning (Inanna, 2017), and Tell The Birds Your Body Is Not A Gun (Frontenac, 2021)—as well as a four-part commercial market, urban fantasy/romance series. She hosts the literary podcast Crow Reads and is the VP for the League of Canadian Poets. Her poetry and prose have been shortlisted for the John Whyte Memorial Essay Alberta Literary Award, the Robert Kroetsch Award for Poetry, and the National ReLit Award for Poetry. Tell The Birds Your Body Is Not A Gun, a hybrid poetry collection that interrogates grief, won the 2022 Alberta Literary Awards, Stephan G. Stephansson Award for Poetry. Rayanne is a past Edmonton Artists Trust Fund Award recipient. She’s had work published in journals and online in Canada, The U.K., and the USA. Rayanne teaches in the Department of Arts and Cultural Management with MacEwan University.

[asablehart]

So, about short stories...

This year, it was my goal to become a SFWA qualifying author by focusing on publishing my short fiction. I wrote about 20k words of short stories over winter break '21, and I spent the rest of the new year editing and submitting those stories. Since then, I’ve sent over 100 submissions, and I’ve received 77 rejections and 7 acceptances. Of those acceptances, 4 are in SFWA professional magazines (at least, before they changed their qualifying guidelines) and 1 is in an HWA professional magazine.

Needless to say, short story publication occupies a FAR GREATER portion of my brain than it has any right to. Below are some rambling thoughts I have about the process behind short story publication.

This introduction is intended to bring you to the dark side (a.k.a. you, yes, you, should be writing short fiction)

The process of submitting short stories is SO EASY, especially when compared to novels. Your cover letter will probably be less than 4 sentences. You just attach your short story to an email or form and press “submit,” and then you just wait. Having to query a publication or pitch a story before submitting are both very rare occurrences, and typically reserved for longer stories, like novellas. I’m serious. Sending something to a mag takes like 30 seconds. I use the same cover letter for everything. It’s stupid how simple this is. Read this formatting guide and you’ve got all the information you need to send a story to like a dozen markets.

Also note that I’m going to refer to short story markets as mags, lit mags, journals, etc, interchangeably, so don’t get confused. Most short story markets, from magazines to anthologies, function in extremely similar ways, at least when it comes to the author's role.

--

Please start submitting, but…. not to be a bummer, but it’s a numbers game, and most of those numbers are going to be rejections.

Acceptance rates are low. According to the Submission Grinder, many magazines have acceptance rates lower than 2% (note that I’m usually referring to professional and semi-professional spec fic magazines, since that’s what I submit to.) This statistic is probably artificially increased because the Submission Grinder’s user base is a self-selecting group of authors who care enough about magazine submissions to use a third-party website to track them (a.k.a. the actual acceptance rates are probably even lower than they appear).

So when you see rejections that say “We can’t wait to see more of your work” or you see editors on social media say “We reject good stories every single day,” these aren’t empty platitudes. Magazines recent hundreds of submissions during open calls and are operating on razor-thin budgets (it’s actually very likely that the magazine you’re submitting to doesn’t even turn a profit).

What should you take from this? Submit often, and to as many markets as you can. Don’t bet on a piece getting accepted at one particular magazine. If you’re writing for a specific themed call, have a back-up plan (but probably delay sending that piece to a bunch of new magazines after a rejection; everyone else rejected from the same themed submission call is likely doing the same exact thing, at the same exact magazines).

Anyway, the best way to cope with a rejection is sending out a new submission.

Also, use Submission Grinder to track your subs. I’m in love with this website.

--

Should you take simultaneous submission guidelines seriously?

A simultaneous submission is when you send the same story to multiple magazines. Some magazines will tell you that they don’t allow for simultaneous magazines. Some will tell you that it’s totally OK as long as you disclose what you’re doing (in your cover letter) and promptly withdraw your submission from them if it’s accepted elsewhere. The editor of a magazine who bans simultaneous submissions is trying to avoid a specific situation: they’ve devoted a significant amount of time to a story they’re considering for publication, only for them to learn that it has already been purchased by another magazine right before they were going to send the author an acceptance letter.

How often does that specific situation happen? Very rarely. Like I said, acceptance rates are extremely low. The odds that you’ll get two acceptances on the same piece at the same time are just astronomical. Additionally, most magazines will take at least a month to get back to you, but probably significantly longer. It could take you longer than a year to get a piece published if you only submit to one magazine every 1 - 3 months. For some context: out of all my published pieces this year, only one was accepted by the first place I sent it to. The others have between 3 - 6 rejections each. Some of the pieces that I haven’t managed to sell yet have 10+ rejections. Some of these magazines held onto my stories for 100+ days.

In my opinion, it’s a real disservice to authors for a magazine to demand No Simultaneous Submissions while also taking months, and months, and months to respond with rejections. It’s disrespectful. It’s treating you like your time isn’t important. My favorite creative writing professor hated that magazines banned sim subs, and often encouraged us to treat these guidelines with a grain of salt if we decided to start submitting.

So should you listen to a magazine when they say No Sim Subs? It really comes down to your comfort level and how patient you are. You may also need to consider how easy it is to withdraw a piece, because some submission forms make it more difficult than others (looking at you, CWSUBMISSIONS). 

Ultimately, you never have to disclose why you’ve withdrawn a piece from a magazine, and authors CAN and DO withdraw pieces for a variety of reasons.

But if you decide to break writer law and the writer police come to get you, don’t be a snitch, thanks. I said nothing.

--

Lit mag twitter is surprisingly useful

Magazines announce future submission calls, their reading period schedules, and themed issues on twitter usually far in advance. You won’t get this information unless you’re checking their individual websites regularly (which would be a waste of time). I wouldn’t be prepared for half of these open calls if I didn’t have a twitter account. And unlike novel publishing twitter, you don't have to post or interact with anyone to reap these benefits.

--

Most speculative fiction magazines are publishing literary fantasy, scifi, and horror.

There are sometimes very clear divisions between literary fiction and genre fiction, but you won’t find that line with pro/semi-pro speculative fiction magazines. In my experience, literary speculative fiction far outnumbers pure genre fiction (however you want to define that). Short stories also tend to be more experimental, in terms of both content and story structure.

Why can short stories afford to take these risks? I think there’s a few reasons for this. The first is that many magazines survive off of yearly crowdfunding campaigns and independent investors/sponsors, not individual sales. So much of their money comes in advance in this lump sum from future subscribers, so they don’t have to cater to market trends like novels do. Additionally, subscribers generally don’t buy magazines because there’s one story in the magazine that they enjoy—odds are, they enjoy the editorial voice of the magazine. They trust the editor(s) to curate a cohesive collection of stories, which means the magazine doesn’t have to depend on a viral, popular story to boost their sales. 

This all comes to a head during award season (the Hugos, Nebulas, the Bram Stoker award, etc). Look, I’ve never edited a magazine, but the way magazine editors are constantly promoting during award season… you know it’s important to them. They’re probably looking for stuff to nominate all year, which means they’re chasing literary fiction, stuff that really resonates with people on a deep personal level. And you’ll see short stories on the ballot by authors you’ve probably never heard of unless you’re really up-to-date with lit mags. In my opinion, this leads to a diversity of fiction that’s very hard to find elsewhere. 

I also think this means you can and should just write whatever the fuck you want without worrying about marketability, which is a really freeing feeling. Seriously, lit mags publish some WEIRD shit.

--

Lots of people (including editors) will tell you to read a magazine to get a sense of whether or not your story will be a good fit—I think this is bad advice.

Don’t get me wrong, I think you should read short fiction if you want to write short fiction. I also think that if you dislike the content that a magazine publishes, you probably won’t be able to sell them a piece. And that you can improve your craft by finding a publication (or two, or three) that consistently publish works that you enjoy so you can analyze their structure and incorporate what you’ve learned into your own stories. Additionally, if a magazine’s content really resonates with you, and you consume it regularly, it’s probably because your writing style is similar to their editorial style—this may be a sign that they’ll enjoy your work. That’s something that happens organically, in my opinion, not something that can be forced.

But like I said in my first point, the key to success here is to send out a LOT of submissions. I’ve submitted to over 40 different markets this year. I’ve read stories from maybe 10 of those markets (usually when it was offered for free on their websites). I don’t have the time OR THE MONEY to breeze through issues from that many magazines, and I’m not going to stop myself from submitting somewhere just because I haven’t read what they publish. In fact, I think it’s really unfair for editors to place this onus on the writer, especially if their magazine doesn’t have free content available and especially if their submission guidelines are otherwise vague AF—PLEASE, PLEASE, editors, just tell us what kind of writing you enjoy in the guidelines.

The fact of the matter is, even if you read a magazine and write something specifically for them, odds are you’re going to get rejected anyway. I’m not trying to be a bummer here, that’s really just the statistics. It’s really a fundamental misunderstanding to assume that authors regularly write entire short stories with one specific market in mind, and that they’ll forgo sending that story to other markets because it was only intended for Clarkesworld or F&SF. 

--

Personal rejections are nice, but don’t think too hard about them. Alternatively, writing is so much more subjective than you think.

Rejections come in tiers, but they can be summed up as form rejections and personal rejections. Form rejections always look the same, and they are generally (but not always) sent to stories that weren’t really considered that strongly for publication--in fact, many magazines utilize first readers, who are volunteers who read the first few pages of submissions and make a quick judgement call about whether or not to send that story to the editor for second-round consideration. Form rejections often come from first readers. (Of course, this is not always true. Some magazines don't use first readers at all. Some magazines use first readers, but still refer every story to the editor anyway and promise submitting authors that the full text of all submissions are read before a decision is made.)

Personal rejections include specific references to your story, often explaining why the editors decided to reject it. This might be phrased as constructive criticism or simply as observations. Some magazines make it their goal to ONLY send personal rejections, but those are the minority. Typically, personal rejections come after higher tier consideration, and usually take longer to receive than a form rejection.

The thing is that writing is subjective. It’s tempting to think that editors, who are often the arbiters of publication, can objectively separate good stories from bad. The logical conclusion, if you think this way, is that they’ll give you objectively sound advice to revise your piece before you submit to another magazine.

But this isn’t really true. A personalized rejection is giving you good advice—if it were possible to resubmit the same piece to the same editor for the same magazine (and unfortunately, you usually only get one shot). The same advice might not help you sell your piece to a different magazine. In fact, it’s very likely that aspects of your story that one editor disliked will be the same things that make a new editor fall in love with it. I experienced this while submitting my sci-fi/horror story “Rider Within,” which was rejected from PseudoPod because of the amount of exposition in the first few pages. This same piece was accepted by Dark Matter Magazine without any edits after the PseudoPod rejection. The key difference here is that PseudoPod is an audio magazine; every magazine from PseudoPod’s publisher boasts the same line in their submission guidelines, “Our readers can’t skim past the boring parts.” Podcasts have a much smaller margin for too much exposition, and that magazine needs to be picky about that sort of thing to keep their readership. A print/ebook magazine will have different standards.

Really, almost all of my rejections/acceptances can be used as an example for subjectivity in editorial taste. My story “In the Nest Beneath the Mountain-Tree, Your Sisters Dance” sat in Clarkesworld’s second hold pile for a MONTH, which is insane and probably something that will never happen to me again. This same story was rejected by a much smaller magazine (probably by a first reader) after like 3 days of consideration. The story didn’t just suddenly decrease in quality, it’s just that the editor of one of the most selective scifi magazines out there liked it enough to consider it for publication, and a different editor really didn’t enjoy it at al.

Back to the point, there’s still reasonable situations where you may want to make edits after a personal rejection. If you read critical feedback that really resonates with you or if you get feedback that points out parts of the story that you were already iffy about, then by all means, make those edits! You might also want to do some editing if multiple rejections point out the same things.

--

Read the submission guidelines, but don’t self-reject.

“Self-rejecting” is when you look at a magazine and tell yourself “my story won’t work here,” or “I don’t fit the submission call,” or “I’m not good enough to be published here.” And not all self-rejection is unwarranted. There’s going to be times where you read the fine print and realize that you’re not the right fit. Submission guidelines are written for a reason, and while the worst thing an editor can say is “no,” it does help if you don’t waste their time (or yours).

That being said, you can really take some submission guidelines with a grain of salt. When it comes to themed calls, there’s a huge variety between magazines who want their theme followed very literally and magazines who consider the theme more of a vague prompt to inspire new ideas—and it can be really hard to tell them apart, so honestly? Just go for it.

And unless a magazine is very clear about “hard no’s” (such as asking you not to submit stories with gore or other triggering content), it’s more accurate to interpret “we don’t like publishing these topics” as “we don’t like the cliches associated with these topics, which makes them a hard sell.” Some magazines will clearly separate their anti-wishlists into Hard No’s versus You Really Need To Impress Us With This Content, but more often, you’ll have to read between the lines. I’ve found that lists of hard sells often include stuff like vampires, zombies, and werewolves, because editors have seen a thousand stories about the same magical creatures, and they’re trying to encourage more diversity in the submissions they receive.

My first publication this year was “Emmory and the Wolf” in LampLight Magazine, and it’s a case where avoiding self-rejection really paid off. LampLight was holding a special call for authors without a pro-sale, and I wanted to get a story in right before the deadline. It was a last minute decision on my part, and I have to admit that I skimmed the guidelines. I’d submitted to LampLight before, and I could vaguely remember that they specifically asked for no werewolf stories, but I didn’t see it in the guidelines this time. A day after I sent that submission, I looked at the guidelines there, and the “no werewolves” rule was there, staring me in the face. I was mortified, and I really debated withdrawing my submission, but ultimately I decided that I would just assume it was a rejection and try to forget that it was sitting there in the Submittable queue. So, of course, imagine my surprise when that story was accepted.

I think a lot of factors went into this acceptance: “Emmory and the Wolf” subverts typical werewolf tropes and rarely features the werewolf (in wolf form) on screen. In fact, almost all of the story is a conversation between a woman and her wife on a road trip. Additionally, I later learned that the editor of LampLight held this special submission call because these two issues of LampLight would be the very last before the magazine closed. If he published werewolf content in an earlier issue, that would have encouraged more people to submit werewolf stories. But that clearly wasn’t a concern here. All of these factors (skimming the guidelines, catching LampLight when it was about to close) are coincidences that I couldn’t have anticipated when I was submitting.

Honestly? I think you should usually err towards submitting over not-submitting, because like I said, the worst you can get is a rejection.

--

Okay, that's honestly it for my short story thoughts. I hope this is helpful, informative, or just kinda interesting to someone ^^ Even if it isn't, I'm glad I got it out of my head.

[xtinyaurora]

Hi! Can I request a Yandere!Ateez reaction to you running away? I know it’s the standard but I thought it would be easier for the beginning :)

Yandere!Ateez reaction: Their Y/N tries to run away

_____________________________________

➼ requested: yes

➼ genre: yandere, smut

➼ gender neutral + Ateez / gnxateez

➼ Word-count: 1386 words

➼ Warnings: nsfw content, strong language, cursing, spanking, slapping, punching, pet names, degradation, yandere themes, psychopathic, blood, violence, yelling, cuffing,...

➼ Note: This is not based on their real behavior or meant to represent real life. This is simply a fan fiction. In no way am I condoning, justifying, encouraging or promoting yandere behavior or lifestyle. Read at your own risk!!!

____________________________________________

Park Seonghwa

He slowly traced the knife over your naked body, you laying on the bed, cuffed and blindfolded. The only thing heard were your tiny whimpers, until his chuckle broke the silence. „What’s wrong, baby, did I ruin your plans?” Well, he did. Yes, you might be dumb for trying to run away, but it seemed so easy. Seonghwa was gone, going grocery shopping and since you weren’t locked in your room this night, you took that opportunity and broke the tiny bathroom window (since the other doors & windows were locked). So as you were trying to squeeze yourself through that window, Seonghwa returned. Scared and confused about his early return, he told you about the cameras. After harshly pulling you out of that widow, he got you into your current state. You cried, begged and tried to apologize but he didn’t wanted to listen to you. „Pathetic” said the male in front of you with an angry yet unimpressed face. The sound of his belt was heard. „Let’s teach you a proper lessen, yea?”

Kim Hongjoong

He told you to follow his rules, or there will be bad consequences. You didn’t listen. Oh how dumb you are to beak one of his most important rules. „Please, I will do everything you want but please stop!” you cried out loudly. Hongjoong only looked at you with his demonic eyes, smirking at you. „Oh, you want me to stop?” he mocked you with a voice, similar to your own. „Want me to stop pulling out your nails, to stop with the constant whipping and punching and to stop biting your skin so it doesn’t bleed? No, slut, I am not gonna stop, because I’ve told you many times not to break the rules. I’ve told you to never try and run away from me, but, you didn’t listen. So take responsibility for your actions and live with the consequences, dumb pet.”

Jeong Yunho

„You’ve hurt me.” said the guy in front of you, disappointed and angry. „Yunho, I am so sorry, but I can’t do this anymore, please try to understand me.” you cried, kneeling in front of him, hands behind your back. „No, I don’t understand, and I won’t ever understand and do you know why? Because I give you everything you want, everything you can dream of, take care of you and love you to death, and this is the way you repay me? Are you serious, Y/N?” He started to form tears in his eyes while talking. Honestly, you felt kinda bad and ashamed because he was right. He actually really treats you like a royalty, expect for not letting you out of course. He never forgot to buy your favorite flowers before coming home and he never failed to realize when you felt down, taking care of you and not leaving your side for a second. „I am sorry, but I need to show you that you can’t always have it your way, baby. You’ve tested my patience... Come on turn around and get on all fours.”

Kang Yeosang

Stupid. That’s what Yeosang thought of you right now. How could you be so stupid, asking his friends for help? Since you knew his phone password, you texted his friends and tried to explain what kind of a psycho your boyfriend was and that you needed help to escape. Of course, no one believed you. After deleting everything, you putted his phone back, sitting on the couch quietly. „Here.” your boyfriend gave you a bowl of popcorn, starting the movie you were planning to watch. After 10 minutes, Yeosang took his phone from under the pillow, checking what you were up to since he saw how you typed on it before. One of his best friends, Wooyoung, texted him, asking about what his lover told them earlier. Yeosang got red out of anger. „Hey, baby?” he asked. You slowly turned you head in his direction, panicking. „Yes?”. „Did you play with my phone?”. Silence. Now he looked at you and before anything else, you felt his fist in your face. Not once or twice but around 12 times in a row, face starting to bleed. „Stupid thing, what do you think you are doing?! I will make you regret this.”

Choi San

„Yea, you like that, slut?” growled the male behind you. He’s in the middle of ripping your ass apart, punishing you for trying to run away. You idiot thought you could cuff him to the bed while he was sleeping and take his keys to get out of there. Oh how dumb you are. „You little piece of shit, I am going to hurt you so bad. How dare you to pull something like this, huh?!” did the psycho scream at you. He turned you around, grabbing your neck, putting pressure on it and spitting on your face. Then he started slapping you in the face. „Learn your place, pet. Don’t you dare to do something as stupid as this again because next time, I am not only going to break those pretty legs but your arms too, is this understood?”. You only nodded, too terrified to speak. „Good. Now let me get a knife, so I can crave my name into your beautiful soft skin, hm?”

Song Mingi

You were tied to a chair, sitting in the cold and scary basement. Slowly, you heard the door opening. Mingi entered the room looking at you coldly. He had a small bag in his left hand, slowly placing it on the table a few feet from you. He then opened the bag, pulling out a hammer, a knife and an axe. He stared at them for a minute, until he took the axe into his hand and came towards your frightened figure. You began to panic, violently shaking your head. „Oh my god, please don’t.” you begged. As he didn’t stop, you closed your eyes. He kneeled down in front of you, placing the axe above your left knee. „I’ve told you to never run. I’ve told you that if you do something as stupid as this, I will hurt you. Not because I want to, but because I have to.” After finishing his sentence, he raised his hand, ready to chop you leg off.

Jung Wooyoung

You’ve seen this boy get mad, but this time he was completely different. This boy was an ass, now adding more annoyance and brutality to it. He made fun of your crying figure, calling you a crybaby and telling you to shut up. „Cut it. I said that I don’t want to hear your fucking voice. Annoying brat.” did he say while giving you another harsh spank with his belt. Your whole body felt numb at this point. Even if you wanted to move, you just couldn’t. „Ohhh, already giving in?” He laughed. „Come on you can do better than that. Straighten that back!” he started yelling at you. Since you failed to move nor talk, you remind quiet, angering him even more. He pulled you up by your hair so you could look him deep into his eyes. He then started to smirk „Oh, we will have so much fun tonight!”

Choi Jongho

Smack! A few more following close behind. Your ass probably had the shades of red, no, purple by now. I mean, Jongho is a strong man, of course his hits are a lot harder. He had you bend over his leg for over 30 minutes now, not a single glimpse of pity. You felt how the blood floated over your tights all the way to the ground. „What? Does it hurt?” you couldn’t make out any emotions in his voice. Was he still mad or was he trying to show some sympathy? You nodded your head, hoping that he would stop. But the only thing coming out of his mouth was a simple „Good.” When he stood up, you thought it was over but dang it, how dumb you were to think that. He placed you on the bed, then took his clothes off. He grabbed his phone and told you to strip. He stared filming you while so, fucking you roughly afterwards, still filming. „After our little session, I will send and post this everywhere so everyone know who you belong to and who’s names matters to you. Show everyone how good you can be for me, come on.”

[absolutepokemontrash]

The Demon Bros Play DND!

Who’s ready for some Stupid Headcanons?

So, the Satanic Panic of the 1980s claimed that the tabletop RPG known as Dungeons and Dragons had the power to turn your children into satanists and devil worshippers. So of course, the brothers have totally played DND after hearing about all the human world nonsense.

Lucifer the Back-up Back-up DM

He’s too busy to play this game dammit, stop inviting him! What do you mean both Satan and Simeon can’t DM the one-shot? Ugh... fine.

Despite all his UUUUUUUUGGGGHHH, Lucifer is a damn good storyteller, prepare to be immersed as hell.

Also, sorry guys, he’s a rule whore. If something’s against the rules, YOU AREN’T DOING IT.

He’s also a complete sadist who will randomly get everyone to roll perception checks for NO REASON.

Lucifer has definitely stood up and slammed his hands on the table while giving a description for extra effect, Mammon screamed and nearly fell out of his seat which REALLY ruined the mood.

“Everyone, we’re rescheduling, I’m too busy.”

He’s been a player a few times, and he’s NOT good at it. All his characters end up being really generic and boring. He’s better at being the world and everything in it, not the dummy wandering around it.

Human/fighter lookin’ motherfucker

In conclusion, he’s a good DM, but he’s probably too busy to play.

Over-Powered Self Insert (Mammon)

This game is for nerds! He’s not playin’, Levi!

Fine, his character is great and amazin’ and is also him. MC! What do these numbers mean-

Mammon’s the type of player to make his character a self insert and not take it too seriously, then get really REALLY attached as the campaign progresses.

He’s the type not to make a backstory for his character either, so go wild DM MCs!

He also both purposefully and accidentally metagames a whole bunch. Like dude, YOU know this, YOUR CHARACTER DOES NOT.

Shit he forgot his dice, can he borrow some?

“Okay MC, that’s five points of piercing damage.” “I RUN OVER AND HEAL THEM! I’LL SAVE YA MC!”

Mammon goes out of his way to save MC’s character long before it would make sense in-character to do so.

“Well, as your first man it’s my duty to save your character! You’ll probably be a blubberin’ mess if I didn’t...”

He’s not the best role player, but he’s also not the worst at it either. He tends to break character when things get too serious and he doesn’t know what to do.

Notes who? He came in here with one sheet of printer paper and it’s for doodling only.

He and Asmodeus start the tavern brawls. No question about that.

Theft is very common, he’s stealing from everyone, including but not limited to: the party, the royal guards, the dead enemies, the giant fuck-you dragon that Satan dropped in there to deter Mammon from stealing...

“I’m gonna steal that crown from the dragon.” “Roll stealth.” “Nat 20 BITCHES.” “Fuck you.”

If his character dies, may the Demon King have mercy on his greedy little soul because he’s going to mope about it for a damn long time.

Over-Powered Self Insert Again (Leviathan)

His character totally isn’t a self insert, shut up! He just looks and acts like an idealized version of himself!

He’s the one with twenty pages of character info and backstory AND the amazing commissioned art.

Levi has about 40 sets of expensive blue dice that he claims gives him the best rolls but an average session with him usually leads to roughly 10 crit fails.

While his luck with dice isn’t that good, he’s the player who will get as much out of their turn as possible, AKA break out the calculators and notes we’re doing some math.

His turn goes on for at least ten minutes because of all the shit he’s doing. When you finally think it’s over he goes “I still have my movement!”

Takes notes like a madman, every bit of lore and character info is being written down, meaning it’s a headache for everyone involved if there’s a continuity error because Levi WILL point it out.

“So you all head to the east, the great Valley of-” “Hang on, valley? In the second session you said there was a mountainous area to the east.” “Levi, shut up.”

Levi is the self appointed “guys come on let’s get back on track!” player, and whoever’s DMing is grateful to have him.

Levi is kind of the opposite of Mammon in terms of character seriousness, at first he’s taking everything super seriously and then as the campaign goes on he slowly loosens up and has some fun.

Out of curiosity one day he searches up a magical girl DND class and he’s ALL OVER IT. PLEASE LET HIM BE A MAGICAL GIRL NEXT CAMPAIGN-

Damn good at roleplaying, he’s carrying the entire in-character discussion until everyone else gets into it.

The Done With Your Bullshit DM (Satan)

So, this is the game that’s supposedly summoning him all the time despite the fact that he hadn’t been up to the human world since the 50s... what the fuck is everyone on up there?

It was the 80s, probably a lot of drugs.

When Satan DMs, you can only break the rules if it enhances the story... or if it fucks with Lucifer’s really boring character.

He will fudge dice rolls every once and a while, he also gets very attached to the characters everyone has made so he doesn’t want to perma-kill any of them unless they roll a DND quadruple natural 1 sin or something.

As attached as he gets, he isn’t above completely raging, killing everyone’s characters, and ending the session if everyone’s being annoying.

Don’t worry, your characters will be safe and sound next session once everything calms down... just don’t mention how Satan burned your character sheet right in front of you. It’s your fault if you didn’t make a second copy of your character sheet!

He’s pretty decent when it comes to improv when a player stumbles into something he didn’t plan out, but that’s not going to stop him from getting a little annoyed.

Though, if you somehow manage to get to the big bad too soon... yeah sorry, he’s got a way more dramatic fight scene planned, your player’s getting conveniently blasted out of there.

As a player, Satan is pretty decent at the game overall, but he tends to be a little aggressive if there’s an overarching mystery to be solved.

He needs to understand what’s going on! He doesn’t care if it upends the plot or it’s too early to find out! He needs to know!

His character is actually distinct and different from himself, Satan thinks it’s more interesting that way. All the books he’s read have made him a pretty awesome role player!

Satan’s notebook both as a DM and a player is filled to the brim, no detail is too insignificant to be put on the page.

Satan doesn’t fear dungeon puzzles... dungeon puzzles fear Satan.

“Are you all stupid?! This puzzle is so easy a four year old could solve it!”

I ROLL TO SEDUCE- (Asmodeus)

At first he didn’t want to play, he doesn’t play these kinds of games, sweetie. He’s too pretty.

When he’s finally convinced he puts a decent amount of effort into his character, but leaves the backstory pretty open.

Asmo would probably be the bard... right? No. He’s the warlock with the magic sugar daddy patron, and the warlock patron is spoken to as such.

“Hey baby... how’ve you been? Have I been good~?” “...”

Huh! Who woulda thought that all the bedroom roleplaying would transfer so well to DND!

Simeon is the only DM that doesn’t immediately shut this down, so Asmo will be extra inclined to play if Mr. Nice Shoulders is DMing.

When he gets really into it he buys a bunch of sparkly and very pretty dice, they bring him good luck in every roll!

Asmo has a fictional harem, no question about it. It gets to the point where Satan, Lucifer, and Simeon stop describing NPCs as attractive.

He’s rolling to seduce either way, he’s turned many an antagonist into a lover. To be fair, Asmo’s horniness has gotten everyone out of a lot of jail cells... so they can’t complain.

His notes consist of really random comments about the plot and the other players. It’s also COATED with doodles.

‘Wow, this character is such an asshole, I hope Belphie kills them.’ ‘Shit.’ ‘MC looks so cute when they play their character!!!!!!!! :D’

Poor bab forgets the rules a lot... it’s just too much to remember, okay?! How was he supposed to know that he ran out of spell slots an hour ago?!

Please help him, MC...

*Dice Cronch* (Beel)

Homeboy has been given edible dice, no question. He has also eaten the non-edible dice...

Beel goes to Satan for help with making his character, and he ends up really loving the character! :D

Problem is, he’s not that good at roleplaying... D:

“Can my character eat that person?” “Beel, no- you know what? Let me check what you’d need to roll to do that.”

I’ll save you MC part 2 electric boogaloo, but when it comes to Beel, the entire party is getting protected, no matter how little it makes sense in-character.

While Beel does take notes, a lot of them don’t end up being very important for later events. For example, he’ll jot down stuff about the layout in one room, but it turns out he didn’t take notes for the room that was actually going to be used for a boss fight.

He’s always nice to the NPCs, shame Belphie doesn’t show them the same courtesy.

Murder Hobo (Belphie)

Chaotic evil.

“Belphie, your character’s alignment is neutral good, remember?” “Fuck that, this guy’s annoying me.”

If Belphie doesn’t like an NPC, it’s up to the rest of the party to stop him from derailing the campaign and killing them.

He has space themed dice because cow-man likes space and thought they were pretty.

Notes? NOTES? You think Belphegor, the Avatar of SLOTH, takes notes? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

He’s drooling all over the notebook... ew. Someone wake him up and tell him it’s his turn.

He puts about 35% effort forth to make a halfway decent character, and approximately 4% effort to actually roleplay.

Belphie sleeps through important plot details so he’s almost always really confused. He’ll turn to MC and ask them to explain what he missed before not learning his lesson and going back to sleep.

Wake him up for the dungeon puzzles though, he and Satan love those.

“Okay, we can’t see what’s in the room because none of the conscious party members have dark vision?” “Nope, what do you do?” “...I shove Mammon inside and shut the door.” “WHAT?!”

Bonus! The Best DM (Simeon)

Our favourite angel has homebrewed this entire campaign and boy fricken howdy are these players going to enjoy it.

Simeon fudges the dice rolls to avoid anything too irreversibly bad happening, buuuuuuut he’s still a total asshole who does the random perception rolls to keep everyone on their toes.

Everyone gets a character arc god dammit, even if they don’t have a backstory, one will be provided!

He’s got a map, he’s got miniatures, he’s got dice and backup dice for the backup dice, he’s got DM notes for days!

Simeon could be a voice actor with the amount of character voices he can do, no one ever gets confused with who’s talking.

Did someone just uncover a massive bit of plot that was meant to be found out later? Good job! No harm done! Simeon’s DM improv is second to none, and the plot will adjust accordingly!

[midday0nightmares]

31 - a week later.

Previous chapter a rat.

m.list.

warnings: this series contains themes of yandere\mafia, blood, violence, mental health, drugs, non-con.

author note: this is pure fiction and it is not intended to romanticize any of the situations mentioned bellow.

3 days after.

“Jeno .. can I ask you something?” 

“Sure” he replied,

 jeno too has changed, he has become more caring towards you like he was stepping to fill jaemins place, while jaemin was occupied.

Jeno was more controlled, he didn’t show much, if you didn’t know what had happen you would have believed everything was fine.

“What’s gonna happen to me if..? You know” ,

you leave the questions unfinished, but jeno understands what you wanted to ask.

His mouth opens to speak but closes shut again, he takes a minute to think before he answers “I don’t know”.

His honesty although appreciated didn’t help at all.

 “but, I will do my best to make sure you’er taking care of” he reach to hold your hand over the table, gently squeezing it to reassure you.

.

.

.

5 days after.

You saw less and less of jaemin.

The stress of it all was getting to you too, you were agitated.. you blamed it all on jeno.

“Why don’t you just confess?”, 

your question was loaded with hostility.

He looked at you, a desperate look on his face, he told you over and over but still he tells you again,

”it’s complicated sera”.

You scoff, his answer seemed more like an excuse than a genuine answer. “what’s complicated? You did it, you are the one who should be facing life in prison not him” you pointed at jaemin’s closed door.

He exhales, his eyes close “you don’t know what you’er talking about”.

“You killed him!” You contain to argue but he gets up and leave, ending the conversation.

Tears of anger pooled in your eyes, this is another level of injustice. 

.

.

.

6 days after.

You were quietly munching on your cereal, jeno sat across form you sipping on his bitter coffee.

The mood was tense, unstable.

The neglected tv flashed a breaking news strip that caught your attention, it was about the murder in a diplomatic’s son house, “turn the volume up” you ushered jeno.

“.. it has been determined that the leased apartment falls under diplomatic amenity and no further investigations could be carried” 

You looked at jeno, “dose it mean that they’er closing the case?” You asked, carful not to get your hopes up, he remind quiet for a minute before he nods “ yup, I guess they are”.

You jumped out of your seat, squealing with happiness “yes! Yess thank god” you grabbed his arm to share the joy but he didn’t move.

He wasn’t happy, nor relieved.. he didn’t seems to feel any thing.

You top your small celebration, “what?” You asked.

“Nothing” he stood up ready to leave, “clean up when you’er done”.

he leaves you to your wild thoughts to run the worst case scenarios. 

.

.

.

Today

The week slowly rolled over with much tension and uncertainty, jaemin has been called to the police station couple more times, you swear each time he comes back, he has aged years.

You wanted to be by his side but he didn’t even look at you when you tried to call him this morning, if he’s not out then he’s locking himself in his room. you tried knocking on his door, to get him to at least eat a proper meal but he didn’t answer. Each attempt has been met with either complete silence or a sharp temper, he would lash at you then quickly apologize.

This is not how you wanted your first semester to begin, you attended the first week of your online classes but you couldn’t really focus on what has been said, not with a disaster hanging above your head ready to drop at any minute.

And as much as you wanted to blame it all on jeno, you couldn’t anymore. The case is closed, but why is jaemin still being investigated? Could it be because of you? Did the police knew you were taken? Was it your fault?.. you tossed and turned in your bed, it felt cold and empty without him, you missed him so much. After a long string of pillow thoughts, slumber finally took mercy over you.

“y\n..” 

An unfamiliar voice calls your name.

“y\n” 

the whisper gets louder, your body tip over and fall off of an edge to an endless darkness.. you jerk out of the nightmare, drenched in sweat and gasping for air.

You clam yourself and push the heavy covers off of you, dragging your feet to the kitchen for some water, you don’t bother turning the lights on, you open the fridge door and take a bottle. The icy water clears the clouds in your mind only for the grim reality to take its place, jaemin might be taken away.. you dwell on the scary thought. 

You turn your head to see the lights of jaemins room were on, your heart clinches, he’s still awake at this ungodly hour.

Opting not bother him, you head back to your lonely bed, but the dark figure in the balcony almost gave you a heart attack.

You recognize the man, it’s jaemin.. his tall figure was standing in the dark, the phone was pressed to his ear, his demeanor was agitated, shifting his weight form one foot to the other, you couldn’t hear anything but you can tell he wasn’t happy.

You turn to see if jeno was in his room, his lights were off and his shoes were by the door. you always had the impression that they were close, partners in crime. they did all their nasty work together, but why is it only jaemin who is in this mess right now?.

“You can’t be serious !” 

Jaemin’s loud voice comes clear through the thick glass, his hand running through his hair seemingly wanting to rip it from the roots out of frustration. You can tell he was angry, desperate.. he keeps shouting but you can’t make out what he was saying. you step closer, as close as you can without being seen by him, you try to decipher his muffled voice,

 “I am your son! Your only son” 

you’er not sure if that’s what he said.. 

He speaks in a lower voice before he removes the phone from his ear, ending the call. He punches the wall next to him, he was beyond pissed.

You move to hide behind the curtain to avid angering him more, he opens the door and steps inside slamming the glass door behind him.

“I can see you” he deadpan says in the dark, since there’s no one other than you, he must be talking to you and you make the quick decision of coming out before he losses his temper. 

“Im sorry, I had a nightmare and I got up to drink wa..” You try to explain yourself but he waves his hand with not much care “Yeah yeah” and you stop talking.. he walks to his room, the dull city lights illuminating his backside, his shoulders were slumped, his back hunched with heavy burden, the sight of him broken made your heart twist inside your ribcage.

“Jaemin” you call him without a plane, he stops and looks at you, “Are you okay?”, stupid question.. 

Although it’s dark, you can feel his eyes burning holes into your face.

“Do I look okay?” He retorts,

You answered him with a small “no”

he turns to walk to his room but you speak again, “I can help you if you tell me what wrong”, bold statement.

He stops again and heavy sighs, your heart thumbs in your chest as you wait for him to speak, but all you get was a scoff, “why don’t you just know your place huh?” he asks with much condecindence, although you know he didn’t mean it, his words still hurts. 

“Just stay out of my way, you have done enough already” he adds more sharp words, twisting the planted knife in your heart.

“I just wanted to help you and be here for you” your voice breaks and you hate yourself for it, but you chock and the tears starts to gather in your eyes, he huffs and looks up to the ceiling, impatiently waiting for you to recompose yourself. But his cold nonchalant demeanor triggers more eruptions inside of you.

 the words escapes your mouth before you have thought of them.. “all I wanted was to help you, but you keep me away form you! you don’t tell me anything, no one is telling me anything! I don’t know what is happing or if I will see you when wake up the next day” you rant through the sobs, your voice getting louder and louder, and when he was fed up with you he shuts you down with a loud scream “shut up”.

 Jeno comes out of his room, bewildered and alert.. he stands in the background watching the fight evolves.

“You are not my girlfriend” he walks towards you, making you feel small and insignificant, “I don’t own you anything” his tall stature looms over your short one, that cuts deep. 

you look at him, you stare into his eyes, challenging him to take what he said back but he doesn’t.

“Yeah?” Your voice barely comes out, “fine then I guess I have no reason to stay here anymore”. you turn and stomp to where your bed is to collect your few belongings, he follows behind, his steps shaking the ground beneath you.

“where the fuck do you think you’er doing?” He asks but you ignore him, more so you couldn’t speak due to the choking knot in your throat, but your lack or response angers him even more, he grabs your arm and turns you around with much force, that it almost dislocates your shoulder, you whimper at the pain but he doesn’t care, his grip tightening even more, his eyes glazed with a dark, sinister layer.

“Jaemin!” Jeno warns, but it does nothing as another screaming match breaks between you, with him asking you the same question, not really waiting for an answer, and you shouting whatever comes to your mind first, curses, accusation, anything to hurt him. you don’t know who started it first but hands were being thrown, jeno was trying to break you apart, but  eventually, jaemin overpowered you and threw you over his shoulder like a rag doll, your kicking and screaming did nothing against him.

 “Jaemin” jeno shouted at his friend who was in a trance, muttering the filthiest insults under his breath.

“Where are you going? Jaemin!” jeno tries to reason with him. at this point jaemin was like a robot, marching to his room, he kicks the door to his bedroom open, he slams you to his bed, knocking the wind out of you. 

“Jaemin! Calm down” jeno was trying to stop whatever jaemin was doing, he kneels and opens his safe, jeno’s voice getting louder, you were paralyzed with fear everything is happing so fast for your brain to form a response.

Jeno was trying to pry jaemin’s hands out of the safe, “come on! don’t do something you’ll regret”, jeno was almost begging him to stop.

jaemin finally broke out of his trance and turned to jeno “get out!”,

but jeno stood in his place like a pillar, his presence seems to clam jaemin, he takes a deep breath and pushes his hair back “I know what im doing” he speaks calmly this time before he turns back to you, you swallow the thick knot “jaemin please..” pleadings to spare your life were timid but loud enough to be heard, your body crawls as far away from him before the wall stops you.

He kneels down and reaches again inside the safe, for a second the time has stoped, everything moved in slow motion. 

He takes out a metal handcuffs out of the safe, the blood that was frozen in your vines moved again, you let go of a breath you didn’t know you were holding.. jeno does the same “fuck..” he must have thought the same, he too believed jaemin was about to kill you.

Your limbs fell weak and cold due to the withdrawal of the adrenaline that filled your bloodstream, you feel sick, dizzy.

The bed dips under jaemin’s weight next to you, your head falls back into his soft pillows, aimless tears rolls down your temples, you give him your hands to cuff. you are worn out, you surrender.

He takes both of your arms and cuffs them to the headboard of his bed, your eyes meet, you don’t look away and neither does he. He looks down at you.. his eyes pours inside of your soul.

Dark circles beneath his eyes, dry lips, heavy eyelids but still, still handsome as ever. he leans down to kiss your watery eyes, “for my sanity sake” he whispers between the kisses.

He throws his covers over you, and turns the lights off before he leaves and close the door behind him.