#i do have a weird brain structure
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I have had hit a problem:
I almost induced a seizure with shifting, well technically.. I did. But not a severe one (I was conscious, so I was stable. Iâm better now)
So imma wait till my migraines and stuff calm down before I do any more shifts, I dont want to work my brain to death.
Yâall please be careful with this stuff like in my other post, you can legitimately cause a seizure with this if you do it too much.
(I do have a weird brain structure, so i especially have to be careful with it, but I just want to help others out there from having it happen to them)
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The man truly canât take a genuine compliment đ
#my art stuff#digital art#baldur's gate 3#bg3#astarion#astarion ancunin#this is part of a series I like to call âIâm never settling on a singular detailed artstyleâ#I have no consistency in drawing realistic people/characters other than my shapy cartoon style#but I truly donât get enough opportunity to properly shade anything with art in that style-!!! it always looks weird to me-!!!!!#I think some rude lil worm in my brain is wriggling around telling me itâs a futile attempt at still doing realism#cus Iâm one of those âgiftedâ artists that grew up promising his parents heâll end up among the big names or whatever#constantly training to become better at art but with realism oil paintings as the goal#you know how it is đ#I wanna shade my lil funky designs but they never feel good enough to really put energy into or whatever so I compromise with stuff -#- like this where I try to draw characters more accurately while still stylizing them and shading them however I feel like it#which is great and all but I should really learn to give my more relaxed and less perfectionist art a chance#I deserve to enjoy the process and the result without working myself dead#itâs so much easier and rewarding to copy cartoon styles - stylizing realism makes me too anxious of doing it âwrongâ#at least cartoon styles give me a goal to reach or a reference to strive towards#man I really should just cut myself some slack altogether#either way - this man is a flustered mess and heâs embarrassed about being called adorable in public or something#being teased in an affectionate way about his sweeter side and stuff#donât ask why heâs shirtless - anatomy is just a lot more fun for me to draw sometimes#tasteful nudity and all that is extremely gorgeous to me#i need to practice anatomy more cus I just kinda did some shit and went with it this time with a BIT of consideration for muscle structure
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Coding woes (Patreon)
#Doodles#Original#Ukadevlog#Bug testing sure is something lol#These are both problems I've figured out now luckily! And I did them on my own! :D Extra pleased with myself :3#My slightly cocky attitude of ''Well that was frustrating - luckily I'll never run into another problem again'' amuses me lol#'Cause in the moment everything's flying! The code comes together lovely and it's all great! And then I come up to the next thing#Something I haven't done before - something that there's no Direct how-to of how to do a thing#Like setting player-and-character pronouns! I didn't know how to do that! But I figured it out!! :0 What a rush haha#It really did take me an evening of knocking my head against the wall in attempts - I waaaayyy overcomplicated it to start haha#I was like - trying to set up a system that would call on specific pronoun sets individually based on player input#Ridiculous - so much easier to just slap some values into an envelope and have those tied to a specific shell lol#But that took all night! I got sleepy while working on it and even my drowsy brain was like Wait...what am I supposed to check against? Haha#Such a weird experience subconsciously as well :0 'Cause I had normal dreams that night#Maybe some slight code-adjacent dreams of A Screen With Text On It but that could be anything :P#Most of it was just normal dream melodrama - but in the few times I woke up to readjust or roll over or pull my blanket#It was juuuuust enough for my ''conscious'' brain to kick in and think about what to compare against - what structure would work#And so by the time I woke up proper I had to frantically write down a bunch of code in a spare word document so I wouldn't go stir crazy lol#Breakfast must wait! Dailies must wait! I Have to write this down!!#And when I implemented it - it worked exactly as I hoped it would and is much much Muuuuuch simpler to call upon haha#Wow! That was a weird fluke that definitely won't happen again! Haha#I don't actually believe that I just have no way of guessing which aspect will trip me up - This Should Be Easy! And then it isn't lol#Definitely didn't predict the second - Especially because other than a small roadbump of not knowing how to Shell-Switch (ty again Cherry âĽ)#Everything up to then was going well and everything after that was going fine! Until The One Thing happened pffbtl#I wanted to assign a value to check if a specific piece of code was being called upon - basically a fork between two outcomes#That went fine! The value Was changing! But only the first fork was being called???#No lol I just didn't put the second = ugh pft - and what's more frustrating is that I'd been using == up to that point!! I'd been warned!!!!#I - for some reason - was convinced that using && would make the value check Only need to check If x = 1... That's not how it works......#It's an If statement! If x = 1 then why do I have to check IF x == 1! Just check!!! Hwagh rules and whatnot lol#Like I said it's all fixed now but sheesh! What a silly mistake! I knew better!! And now I double know better haha
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...
#its weird. everyone ive met at work has been really nice#its a different group of people than ive interacted with thus far in my life as ive mostly not#had many friends and spent all my time in school. this group of people is mostly from the area where they grew up. mostly barely getting by#financially. mostly married or engaged or in serious relationships. and its weird. and it has been weird and maybe it will always be weird#but i dont understand how to interact with people. im not there for conversations im not present for but how do other ppl interact with#eachother? bc in a conversation i want to get to kno how a person works. what motivates them. what do they love? what do they hate? what#makes them the person that they are? i just want to understand. so i ask lots of questions and it feels weird bc i dont get#the same energy back and i have to conclude that either i have a very different mindset when im walking into conversations or else im just#not vedy interesting and no one wants to get to kno me. but if thats not how ppl communicate then i dont understand how ppl have friends?#and keep friendships? like i want to crawl into ur brain and understand what makes u tick#how can we b friends if i dont understand who u r? i dunno. maybe ill never understand#maybe work is not the place to make friends. but i dont kno how to interact with others outside of a structure#one of the ppl i talked to is maybe my age with a 6yo son and is freshly engaged and she was like: u moved across the coutry all by urself?#i could never do that. and like yea u have ties that bind u to the place u live. its easy to move around when u have nothing to lose#im so bad at maintaining friendships. i just let them drift away into nothing bc i dont kno what to do with the.#with them.#unrelated
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According to my mood tracking app, the longest I have gone without writing since I started up again in Jan 2021 was ten days in a row, which was when I was in GA for xmas during the last two weeks of Dec 2021...
The overall effect on my mood when including the writing activity is pretty high, in a positive way, based on the data.
All of that to say that my current depressive slump as a result of facing the fact that I may have finally hit a hard wall of burn out, after two years of intense output?
...well, it makes sense lol.
#thoughts#personal#depression#mental health#i desperately need a break i know i do my brain is spinning out ans having difficulty even starting on concepts/stories#but also... writing is the center tower of my support structure it's what I do to unwind and make myself happy#i anticipated some amount of this uhh feeling gutted and empty after break up au was over#but i didn't anticipate this fucking weird limbo inbtw of being burnt out and unable to write but ALSO unable to find joy in other things??#my brain doesn't want to read it doesn't want to play video games or do art or pursue a different hobby#it's not latching onto any non pirate things despite me pspspssing ans throwing other content in front of it#like I'm TRYING#with 1899 with Sunder with Disco Elysium etc#it feels like shit frankly#and also a lot of the pirate ppl i started this journey with have also gotten tired or moved on completely#i just am absolutely CONFOUNDED that my brain is finding zero joy in even rotisserie chickening pirate stuff#who am i?#god i hope it's just a little slump and I snap out of it#cuz i am thrashing like a fish in a net trying to figure out how to make ny brain happy#what's the magic formula#and the brain fog is still here so like i would LOVE more distraction from IRL shit#i can use my friends to produce joy to some extent right now but it's limited#bc im also Still Tired so doing the Jay Thing of trying to fill needs and thus feel useful has a hard limit#reminds myself im not just an endless battery#anyway im desperately trying to find heathy coping and not ooze all over everybody but it's fucking hard#venting#i find it hard to talk to my therapist about this which maybe means i need a new one#just another Thing to do
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Legendborne lives in my head rent free in the absolute worst ways possible.
I keep trying to get over it, but it fucking loops. It's like the worst train possible, sometimes I can't see it but I can feel it rumbling along the tracks and eventually it will complete it's circuit and I become morbidly fascinated by its existence all over again.
#I'm afraid that my brain is demanding an in-depth text analysis#Where I break down bit by bit how this story devours its own message by failing to understand oppression outside of Blackness#Or really *within* Blackness if I'm honest#Like it has the buzzwords and understands *part* of the power structures but whiffs at the most important points#How do you see an all-white society that only hires POC for the help and then assume the man *running it* isn't a racist??#Like you recognize the power structure but you don't...you don't...how did you not know? Because he was...cordial?#It''s such a weird book in this aspect like...I desperately want to peel it apart in my hands and investigate it piece by piece#And *I know* it's not that deep...it's not that deep...#I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS
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Am I finally writing about the project that have been rattling in my brain since I'm 14? More likely than you think.
It's just about a side character tho not mc
#[borealis.word]#just wanna test someth#i wanna get better at writing which is kinda wiring my brain weird#theres three language in there and boi im struggling#sam chevannes#will i write more? depends on how much i wanna avoid doing assignments#i do have vague ideas and all that about hiw this goes on but its all *handwave about the obscure structure of the main plot*#we'll cross the bridge when we get to it#[project:cursed]
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Sorry but I'll never stop thinking abt mp100 literally I think every main chara is some flavor of autist/adhd literally all of them
#thats why reigen is so spastic and st#such a strange guy bc hes just has impulse control but also is like has a bunch of hyperfocuses like thats why hes so good at so many#diff skills in diff bursts bc he gets focused on one and puts all his energy into learning it then he moves on the only reason hes still#running spirits and such is literally bc he loves mob otherwise he would be off on some other whimsy#ritsu and mob to me are clearly the siblings w/ adhd/autism but are percieved very differently and have diff levels of coping with it and#what their strenghts are#like i have a similar thing with my own siblings where we r all brain weird but all have different flavors and conflicting traits#then theres teru i think hes autistic and has mapped out a very specific social structure and rule for himself to follow so that he can fit#in and control how hes percieved#but then he still has you know off beat presentation and masking where he is just threatening and casual and wears silly clothes and just#sees that as the peak of fashion god.... hes everything to me#to me teru is the kind of person where he likes everything in its place in many different ways#then you have tome!!!!!! classic with special interests in games and aliens and telepathy and also inattention w adhd#and also tsubomi!!!! i think shes another great example shes very pretty and she knows how to kind of play her role and be polite but shes#very set in her ways and doesnt just do stuff bc its expected of her#and i think thats also why she and mob get along so well :) bc i think she knows he doesnt see her the way a lot of ppl see her and the#same is kind of in reverse where she doesnt see him solely for his powers or for his outward disposition (which is established to be why he#had such a crush on her)#its just about autist to autist communication in my opinion#talking tag
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okay so the tags on that last post got me feeling those melon collies so i'm just gonna. tagdump in here. slightly sensitive topics? so uh. scroll down (or press J to jump to next post). or read my thoughts like the morning paper. sorry. cheers.
#edit: oh cool the mature content warning doesn't actually hide the tags? that's fucked.#i'll drag these to the top hopefully it'll push some lines back#one last space-filler tag for the road - weird brain thoughts afterwards#i dunno i'm just. i do not have a sense of self. i do not have a sense of identity.#essentially anything i can ascribe to myself is worn in the same vein that it fits close enough.#like clothes picked out after hours of unsuccessful shopping and im just tired and want to go home#am i a writer? sure. i write decently. i have a decent grasp of sentence structure. puts me leagues above plenty of other writing i see.#but then when i actually decide that i should write something i'm just filled with dread.#i can't respond to rp's i enjoy with partners i enjoy. i can't write fics about prompts and premises that i like.#am i a gamer? sure. i got multiple consoles; multiple game sources for each console; a backlog of games ive had to catalog.#but when i try to pick one out to play i just. don't want to. nothing appeals. nothing looks fun. i ask for suggestions and i take none.#anything singleplayer i have to stream or it's not fun. anything multiplayer i have to coordinate with others until we get bored.#what do i *do?* what do i *enjoy?*#i can keep myself occupied if needed but at the end of the day im not fulfilled#am i a programmer? that's the closest thing to enjoyment i've gotten in a long time#but do i actually enjoy the act of programming or do i enjoy the result#where at the end of the day i can show off what i made and get lauded with praise#i get a similar sense of satisfaction when im doing tech support and pull something out my ass and everybody goes âwhoa how'd you do thatâ#the analogy that i've used a lot is how in some games at the start it's fine and fun#you're getting progression you're making progress you're learning and earning#but eventually it just. stops. there's more - not just in theory; it's right there! you can see it! - but it's just. so far away.#you can get there EVENTUALLY but it's just a grind. just a slogfest. there's more to unlock. more to explore. just sign in today. tomorrow.#keep coming back. you'll get there. eventually. it'll take forever.#now if this was an ACTUAL video game people would recommend that you stop and step away. does it spark joy? no? stop playing.#but ah. i can't quite stop playing this one.#and don't worry! i don't plan on putting down the controller! even though i mope and grump and weirdtalk my way down this hill#there is ZERO chance of me doing that.#but i ah. don't have a desire to keep playing.#it's a weird middle state to be in. don't wanna put down the controller. don't want to keep playing. i am just sitting here.#ive been attributing my more frequent thoughts on the matter to the whole roommate situation
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ooo that's minty babyyy
#just me hi#almost wrote 'babuuu' up there loll#anywho i got gum yesterday cuz i'm tryna stop chewing on my. everything hkfsh#lips + cheeks + finger skin. i don't like cuts v-v#i got miiiiiiiiint because they didn't have waaaaaaatermelon hbfsh :)#it's not so burny but i do still wish i had watermelon... ou....#//i wanna do something rn but i don't. know. wghat#pi.e is always welcome but i wanna work on bl.s but i'm also having my siblings play through a story that i have Stuck in my brain so hkfsh#i didn't think i'd get so Brained abt this one. and because i had them play it before i had an actual plot ready(just had basic world stuff#i can't think of this going any other way hbfshv - lotta fun interesting and weird things have happened that simply cannot be reproduced#/hang on my oven food must be turned lol#okey :3#/like the spy they ran into - idk if i've ever talked abt it lol but m gonna do so now hbfsjv#so they - my brothers whose names are fry and leo in this story. fry is an 8 yo tabby-cat sparrow and leo is the cat-dog-rat thing Shock :)#- anywho they're with the character Teddy and the three of them were going to head to the Crow Fortress to. fight them i guess lol ?? there#wasn't a like. real plan jfhsjv#so they're on their way out from the shore village-turned-fortress called Shimmery Shore and they run into a cloaked figure like a couple#miles off going towards Shimmery Shore (where fry's mother runs the fortress as general) and they start debating each other#fry goes 'wait what if this is a spy??' leo 'i dunno. we're going somewhere. so.' 'but if it's a spy??' 'well what are you going to do abou#it???' so fry asks the stranger 'are you.. a Spy [eyebrow raise]?' the stranger obviously says 'no!! what are you talking about???'#'that's exactly what a spy would say!' 'i'm sure a spy would also be saying the same thing! YOU'RE spies aren't you? this is all greatly#suspicious !!'#and the argument quickly came to the stranger pulling a sword and saying 'i'm going to pass now and you're not going to stop me' and the#group p much just put up their hands and went 'okay yeah sure man' and let them pass lol#the Squad argued abt it for like a couple minutes and then forgot about it shortly#anyway Shimmery Shore later fell to the Crows and it was due to some sort of slow collapse of their internal structures. and when they hear#that the two of them slowly looked at each other. and then started laughing kjhfsjgjhsv#anyway yea i do a lot of thinkin for this one on the fly. lotta stuff going on hbghfs#i'm bad at remembering finer details but at least i can keep my world here together lol :3#//ouh i've run out of tags.. okay m gonna eat my food n then do something hfh :) tooooodles !!
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So, anyway, I say as though we are mid-conversation, and you're not just being invited into this conversation mid-thought. One of my editors phoned me today to check in with a file I'd sent over. (<3)
The conversation can be surmised as, "This feels like something you would write, but it's juuuust off enough I'm phoning to make sure this is an intentional stylistic choice you have made. Also, are you concussed/have you been taken over by the Borg because ummm."
They explained that certain sentences were very fractured and abrupt, which is not my style at all, and I was like, huh, weird... And then we went through some examples, and you know that meme going around, the "he would not fucking say that" meme?
Yeah. That's what I experienced except with myself because I would not fucking say that. Why would I break up a sentence like that? Why would I make them so short? It reads like bullet points. Wtf.
Anyway. Turns out Grammarly and Pro-Writing-Aid were having an AI war in my manuscript files, and the "suggestions" are no longer just suggestions because the AI was ignoring my "decline" every time it made a silly suggestion. (This may have been a conflict between the different software. I don't know.)
It is, to put it bluntly, a total butchery of my style and writing voice. My editor is doing surgery, removing all the unnecessary full stops and stitching my sentences back together to give them back their flow. Meanwhile, I'm over here feeling like Don Corleone, gesturing at my manuscript like:
ID: a gif of Don Corleone from the Godfather emoting despair as he says, "Look how they massacred my boy."
Fearing that it wasn't just this one manuscript, I've spent the whole night going through everything I've worked on recently, and yep. Yeeeep. Any file where I've not had the editing software turned off is a shit show. It's fine; it's all salvageable if annoying to deal with. But the reason I come to you now, on the day of my daughter's wedding, is to share this absolute gem of a fuck up with you all.
This is a sentence from a Batman fic I've been tinkering with to keep the brain weasels happy. This is what it is supposed to read as:
"It was quite the feat, considering Gotham was mostly made up of smog and tear gas."
This is what the AI changed it to:
"It was quite the feat. Considering Gotham was mostly made up. Of tear gas. And Smaug."
Absolute non-sensical sentence structure aside, SMAUG. FUCKING SMAUG. What was the AI doing? Apart from trying to write a Batman x Hobbit crossover??? Is this what happens when you force Grammarly to ignore the words "Batman Muppet threesome?"
Did I make it sentient??? Is it finally rebelling? Was Brucie Wayne being Miss Piggy and Kermit's side piece too much???? What have I wrought?
Anyway. Double-check your work. The grammar software is getting sillier every day.
#autocorrect writes the plot#I uninstalled both from my work account#the enshittification of this type of software through the integration of AI has made them untenable to use#not even for the lulz
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Headcanon that Shen Yuan was hotter than Shen Qingqiu, actually.
Like yeah SQQ being a cultivator gave him a boost to enough attributes + being in a stallion novel where everyone is either unrealistic hot or dog's butt ugly got the Shen Qingqiu body extra points, and he wasn't bad looking to begin with. Plus not being ill is vastly more important to the new Shen Qingqiu than those extra hotness points (Without a Cure notwithstanding). But part of the reason why he's kind of like, meh, at least I'm not hideous or anything, is because Shen Yuan's original body was a knock out.
I also like him as chronically ill, and, as many people know, beauty standards and sustained suffering are not as incompatible as they should be. Shen Yuan was conventionally attractive in part because conventional beauty standards seem to want everyone slowly dying all the time. But even setting that aside, the man had flawless bone structure, an appealing figure, captivating eyes, and the kind of voice that stopped people in their tracks.
All of which was a contributing factor to his antisocial lifestyle, actually. Despite the fact that Shen Yuan does enjoy company and requires a certain baseline of social enrichment for his enclosure, his internalized homophobia and closeting did not play well with overtures from interested parties (regardless of gender). The only way to minimize the odds of him being asked out on dates was to essentially become a shut-in, especially since even Shen Yuan can only make so many excuses before he himself starts to notice that he's going to a lot of effort to avoid specifically that avenue of socialization. Far better to just remove himself from any risk of it, and then vocally lament that oh no he's just too much of a nerd to get anywhere with women!
Anyway this largely doesn't matter much outside of sheer comedy potential for any situation where SY gets his old body/life back. Like imagine a reveal scenario where the System is going to transport them back to their old lives.
Shang Qinghua: well bro I guess this is gonna be the ultimate test of love, right?
Shen Yuan: what do you mean?
Shang Qinghua: our husbands are gonna see what we looked like back before we were glorious cultivators! they're going to have to track us down in our mundane, kinda shitty pre-transmigration lives! it's gonna be at least a little embarrassing, right?
Shen Yuan: *gets his old body back*
Shang Qinghua, normal human with average looks: ...
Shen Yuan, exemplary 11/10: ?
Shang Qinghua: what. the fuck?? bro what the fuck why are you hot???
Shen Yuan: don't make it weird
Shang Qinghua: make it weird??? why were you sitting at home reading my shitty novel when you could have been out there building your own harem???
Shen Yuan: stop exaggerating
Shang Qinghua: oh my god you've always been like this. this is it, isn't it? it wasn't even brain damage from the transmigration or something--
Shen Yuan: hey
Shang Qinghua: --you've just always been completely unaware, haven't you? every time I wrote a beautiful woman who didn't know her own appeal you'd be jumping down my throat--
Shen Yuan: because that's a stupid trope--!
Shang Qinghua: --JUMPING DOWN MY THROAT EXACTLY LIKE THAT but this whole time THIS WHOLE TIME it wasn't even a glow-up issue, you've just been that, personified, yourself--
Shen Yuan: look I know I'm not ugly but I'm not I'm hardly that good-looking
Shang Qinghua: YOU ARE NEVER ALLOWED TO CRITICIZE THAT TROPE AGAIN! oh my god. how many broken hearts did you leave behind when you died?!
Shen Yuan: none, I wasn't even seeing anyone--
Shang Qinghua: yeah full offense but I am nottt taking your word for that. I bet you had a harem you didn't know about in this lifetime too. I bet you had a fan club, like an anime prince
Shen Yuan: *mumbling*
Shang Qinghua: what was that?
Shen Yuan: I said... only in high school...
Shang Qinghua: oh my god
Shen Yuan: it wasn't a big deal!
Shang Qinghua: *frantically trying to see if he can find any trace of it on the internet now*
#svsss#scum villain's self saving system#scum villain#peerless cucumber#shang qinghua#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#bingqiu#moshang#and shades of#cumplane#binghe was ROBBED lol not really though#he likes shizun no matter what form he's in#mobei's also into whatever airplane has going on#cumplane have the kind of relationship where one turning out hot is just more ways for the other to roast him
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I am going feral over the costumes in this show
There's a lot of good things going on and for every criticism I have, I can find something good happening elsewhere
Rings of Powerâs elven clothing & armour - design appreciation
Requested by @klngfili thank you I hope you like these!! âĽ
My favorites are easily Elrondâs blue and gold outfit, Arondirâs chestplate and Galadrielâs armour.
rop design team very good job thank you
#the team is doing a wonderful job and I know I wouldn't have such strong emotions about the costumes if they weren't#sort of rant in bound - not really I'm just discussing where I wish they'd gone in a different direction#for context - I am a theatre major who specializes in design (set and light) but I'm doing a costume practicum next semester#i have to discuss stuff like this all the time#I'll admit#I don't particularly like the shapes they chose for gil-galad and elrond#they feel really boxy and structured for the elves#especially when put next to the more flowing outfits we see on galadriel and celebrimbor and even arondir to an extent#although arondir's also pretty boxy#but i think it gets offset by the fact his cloak doesn't hide his body and isn't all bunched up on him#i don't know why - i associate elves with curves and loops with very few straight lines and rigid shapes#I think in the case of gil it's the fault of the literal X over his chest because those sashes???? what are they???#are the same shade (close enough) to his cloak so it looks like |X|#I wish gil's outfit had a contrasting color - like that deep green we see in a lot of other outfits#his outfit confuses me#elrond's it all comes down to the cape and the weird feathers on his shirt#why with the feathers? they look weird and I don't understand the reasoning behind them#and the way his cape drapes just bothers me because again - it turns him into a box#i wish it didn't cover so much of his arm and i wish his cloaks didn't look so heavy#but#contrasting gil - i like his color palette#i don't know#i could probably write a full paper on my feelings about the costumes in this show#because there's a lot of good shit#and i wish i had the opportunity to pick the designers' brains and find out why they chose to do some of these things#like they're not outright bad#i'm aware everything i just said is all my opinion#but i want to know why they did these things
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hypothetical struggle between Christianity and paganism in bbc merlin? đ one that's very neurodivergent? đ do tell
Okay, so Athurian times take place in the early dark ages. Which was probably a weird time for religion in Britain. Because the Roman occupation had just come to an end, leaving behind the structure of catholicism at least with those in positions of power. But religious beliefs were still in the process of blending together with the local practices and other religions, leading to some odd gnostic beliefs. Obviously, bbc merlin doesn't talk about Christianity within Camelot but I think we can assume the catholic church would have a position at the round table. Presumably, Arthur would grow up instructed in catholic belief, go to mass, and have bishops or whatever advising him. He would rule by Devine right, sanctioned by the pope and magic would be characterized as demonic. And that somehow raises the stakes for me, imaging magical merlin within the walls of a very catholic Camelot.
I just have this image of merlin in the back of a cathedral as Arthur attends mass. Kneeling in this beautiful building, head bowed low as the congregation sings praise to a foreign God in a foreign tongue. A God that would apparently have merlin tied to a stake and burned alive. And merlin choking out his empty prayers, echoing in the verbal praise under the isolation of his nonbelief and magical association. Full of fear and venom.
The hypothetical struggle I imagine is one of catholic enforcement pushed by Arthur's religious advisors and Arthur's morality. Because Arthur is a good person and slaughtering a people on the basis religion is insane. So, what does it mean for Arthur if he stops listening to his advisors and starts accepting magic? He has to contend with a spiritual struggle, not just the secular issues presented in the show. And I would looooooove to watch that. The bending of Arthur's beliefs into something more flexible and less rigidly Christian according to the church of the time
#my knowledge on this topic in terms of historical accuracy is blurry so im im wrong: pls for the love of god correct me#but idk if arthur was catholic the entire structure of his idea of the universe would have to change if he started accepting magic#and i think that would be a super interesting transition. where would he land? would he shift to being a more gnostic style Christian?#lose his faith? idk id probably make him like my dad who thinks hell is a human construct and that all are welcom in the kingdom of heaven#and that people should just be kind to eachother. very les mis to love another person is to see the face of god#bc i loooove that idea. i find it fascinating. idk i just think religion is interesting#bc its like how ppl fundamentally understand the universe to work and that is so wild. like i can understand why it was so important in ye#oldy times lol. idk im just a bit fixated on it atm. like its the type of obsession thst feels too big for my head so its straining at the#seams. its also weird bc since its religion my brain is doing that awful thing where its questioning my interest in the topic like r u#questioning ur lack of faith? and im like bro no this is academic interest leave me alone. bc im prone to intrusive thoughts and obsessive#behavior. so thsts fun. but its not too unmanageable rn. so its interesting#idk i probably sound unhinged. lmao i headcanon â¨ď¸ catholic!arthur â¨ď¸ and his fall from grace in the eyes of the church rip#ay religion in not necessarily bad but human institutions are usually fucked#merlin rambling#unrelated
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Early seasons Spencerâs gf joining the team and quickly realizing just how used to Spencer she is bc the rest of the teamâs reactions to him are so different from hers
Cinnamon Sticks - S.R
a/n: obsessed with the idea of baby spencie having a gf who just gets him while he's still an awkward, nerdy little genius! thanks for requesting bestie so sorry it took so long i am the worst LOL
masterlist
pairings: early!seasons!spencer reid x fem!reader
warnings: established relationship, secret relationship, relationship being exposed bc these two are just so in love
wc: 1.7k
Garcia burst into the bullpen like some sort of whirlwind that was painted in neon, her scarf fluttering behind her almost like a cape. She juggled a precariously full cup of coffee, while her phone teetered between ear and shoulder as if testing the limits of human dexterity.
"I swear to all that is holy, if my life doesn't slow down in the next five minutes--"
The sentence derailed as she misjudged her pace, the coffee sloshing dangerously close to the rim of the cup. She stopped abruptly, her arms a flurry of motion, but not quick enough to stop the scalding liquid from spilling over and searing her fingers.
"Oh, fantastic! Just what I needed!" she huffed, waving her hand like it might stop the sting.
She threw herself into the closest chair with a huff, slumping back and fixing the coffee cup with a murderous glare, like this was just another tally in a long line of grievances.
Your eyes darted up from your work, only for a moment, enough to confirm what you already knew. You hadn't been working here long, but it was long enough to recognize the phenomenon that was Garcia: a blur of motion and words, mid-rant before anyone had the chance to catch up. It was like clockwork really.
You risked a glance across the desk at Spencer, who was so absorbed in his notebook it was a wonder he even remembered to breathe. If Garcia's antics registered as white noise to anyone, it was him. But then, almost like he had a radar for being watched, he looked up, catching your gaze.
His eyebrows lifted into a subtle what can you do? expression, and you couldn't help but smile back.
That was the thing about Spencer. He had this uncanny knack for knowing exactly what you were thinking, almost as if he had a cheat sheet for your brain. And maybe he did--like his brain worked three times faster than everyone else's in the room (which, let's face it, it definitely did). But instead of that being intimidating, it was oddly reassuring.
"At this rate, I'm one bad email away from alphabetizing my entire pantry for stress relief."
Spencer's notebook hit the desk, and there it was--the shift. His shoulders drew back, face lighting up--the kind of thing that signaled his mini-lecture was incoming.
"Organizing your pantry is actually a practical stress management technique. By categorizing items, you create a structured environment that reduces decision fatigue. Its why people feel calmer in tidy spaces, it's psychological."
Morgan held up a hand. "Psychological, huh? Sounds like youâre just trying to justify your weird love affair with labels, pretty boy.â
âDonât forget,â you added absently, flipping a page in your report, âit also saves time when youâre cooking. I think you called it practical efficiency."
The words slipped out without much thought, but as soon as they did, the bullpen stilled. You glanced up, heart sinking as you saw every face turned in your direction.
Morganâs grin was the first thing you notice--wide and knowing, stretching across his face. He tilted his head, eyes bouncing between you and Spencer like he was putting pieces together in real time.
âWait a minute,â he said, sitting forward with a gleam in his eye. âDid you just quote him? Like, word for word?â
Your cheeks heated instantly. âWhat? No. I meanâmaybe. I donât know.â
âPretty sure you did,â Morgan shot back, smirking. âMan, what else has he been teaching you? You got the periodic table memorized too?â
You rolled your eyes, leaning back in your chair. âOh, please. If youâve been around Spencer long enough, youâre bound to pick up a few things. Heâs like a walking encyclopedia.â
âWell,â Spencer said, his head tilting slightly as he spoke, âyour cinnamon sticks always end up at the back of your pantry. Thatâs why I figured you might appreciate the idea of organizing by use frequency. Like I said, practical efficiency.â
The moment the words left his mouth, you knew heâd made a tactical error.
Garcia gasped, her eyes lighting up like sheâd just been handed the juiciest piece of gossip of her life.Â
âOh. My. God. Spencer Reid, how exactly do you know what the back of her pantry looks like?â
You froze, rooted to the spot as the realization hit you like a cartoon anvil. This was bad.
Spencerâs expression mirrored yours for half a secondâwide-eyed panicâbut he quickly scrambled for an answer.Â
âItâs, um⌠a logical assumption,â he stammered, his fingers toying with the pen in his hand, a nervous tell he couldnât quite suppress. âSpices like cinnamon sticks always seem to migrate to the back of the pantry unless thereâs an intentional system in place.â
Morgan let out a long, low whistle, rocking back in his chair with enough force to make it creak. His grin was insufferably smug, the kind that practically begged for something to be thrown at him.Â
âNice save. But I donât think Garciaâs buying it.â
Garcia tapped her chin, clearly enjoying herself far too much. âOh, no, no, no. This is too good. I mean, logical assumption my fabulous behind! Cinnamon sticks in the back of her pantry? Really? Whatâs next? A detailed analysis of how she stacks her cereal boxes?â
You laughed, though it sounded more like a bark than anything natural. âYouâre all reading way too much into this. Spencer just knows weirdly specific things about, well, everything. Thatâs kind of his thing, remember?â
âMmhmm,â Garcia hummed, clearly unconvinced. âAlright, genius, Iâll let it slide this time. But Iâm watching you.â
âPlease donât,â Spencer muttered under his breath, earning a round of laughter from the team.
Garcia spent a solid ten minutes in full interrogation mode after that, her eyes narrowing with each and every pointed question she lobbed your way. Morgan, of course, was no help. He leaned back, grinning like a kid with a front-row seat to the circus, his smirk practically screaming that he knew they were this close to striking a nerve.
Spencer and you had been so careful. You'd been dating long before you joined the BAU, but the moment Hotch had called to offer you the position, you both knew you'd have to keep things under wraps. Dating a coworker was one thing; dating Spencer Reid, a genius with an accidentally too-honest mouth, was an entirely different challenge.
You hadn't expected it to be this hard, though. Keeping the secret wasn't the worst part--it was pretending he wasn't the center of your universe every time you walked into the room. It was keeping your hands to yourself when all you wanted to do was smooth out the messy strands of hair that always fell into his eyes. It was biting your tongue when someone interrupted his long-winded tangents because the truth was, you loved hearing him talk.
The hours stretched on, and the bullpen slowly thinned out. Garcia was the first to leave, blowing a kiss to the room. Morgan left soon after, pausing to flash you one last grin before disappearing. Even Prentiss packed up for the night, muttering something about needed an extra shot of espresso tomorrow morning.
"You handled that well."
You looked up from your report to find Spencer by your desk, one hand tucked into his pocket, the other skimming lightly along the edge of the divider. His expression was surprisingly soft, almost bashful, as though he had been waiting to get you alone.
"Handled that well?" you repeated, raising an eyebrow. "You were the one who almost blew it, Spencer. Cinnamon sticks? Really?"
He smiled, lips twitching upward as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "Okay, I'll admit that wasn't my most subtle moment. But in my defense, they do end up at the back of most pantries."
You couldn't help but laugh, shaking your head as you leaned back in your chair.Â
"We're lucky Garcia got distracted. If she'd pushed any harder..." Your voice drifted into a soft sigh. "That could've been bad."
"That was a close one."
The quiet that followed wasn't uncomfortable, but it felt a little more substantial, if that was the word, filled with that soft ache that always bloomed in your chest when he was near.Â
Spencer stepped closer, his hand brushing against the edge of your desk. His body angled toward you, like even when you werenât touching, he couldnât help but gravitate toward you.
âYou know,â he said, his voice softer now, âI donât think she actually suspects anything. But we should probably be more careful.â
"Probably," you replied, drawing out the word in a teasing, sing-song tone. âUnless youâd rather keep showing off how ridiculously well you know me.â
His cheeks flushed a soft pink, but he didnât look away. Instead, that shy, boyish smileâthe one that always made you a little breathlessâspread across his lips.
"That's going to be hard," he admitted, voice barely above a whisper. "I noticed a lot about you."
The words hit you like they always did--soft enough, but with the force of a thousand butterflies taking flight in your chest. You could feel the flush creeping up to your neck, and you mentally cursed him for how easily he was able to do this to you.
"You're lucky I like you."
His smile widened, and his eyes crinkled at the corners in that way they only came out at specific moments. Like when he successfully performed a card trick for the team or when he stumbled across an original copy of a book at a library sale.Â
The same one you'd seen when he talked about his mom on her good days, or when you asked him on a date.Â
You leaned forward. "And since I like you, any chance you'd want to kiss me right now?"
"How could I not, with you looking at me like that?"
The angle was clumsy--your chair too low, his frame leaning awkwardly over--but all of that melted away the second his hands found your face. His thumbs brushed soft circles against the place where your cheek met your jaw.
His lips were soft against yours at first, testing, before growing firmer, more sure. The kind of confidence that came with a hundred familiar kisses before.Â
Time seemed to slow, or at least for you it did, the rest of the world nonexistent.
The sound of a throat clearing broke the spell, and you jerked back from Spencer, your chair wobbling slightly as you turned toward the sound. You immediately regretted it--your lips felt swollen, your face hot, and there was Prentiss, leaning against the doorframe.
"We were... uh, testing something," you blurted, avidly avoiding eye contact. "You know, like... oxygen exchange! For scientific purposes."
Spencer blinked, then mumbled, "Oxygen exchange? That's the best you got?"
"Shut it," you hissed through gritted teeth, not daring to look at him.
Prentiss arched a brow. "Relax, lovebirds. If this is your idea of scientific research, I'll make sure Garcia doesn't find out. You're welcome."
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#spencer reid x fem reader#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid#criminal minds#criminal minds fluff#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x fem!reader#reid#dr reid#dr spencer reid
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my only addition is that it's a bit of a reverse Cinderella, in regards to social standing; it's a move from royalty to commoner, rather than commoner to royalty
whole cake island is the best Cinderella retelling we have seen in ages. It really follows it's source material in its themes of abusive relationships and following your dreams. And it doesn't try to turn Cinderella into a girlboss heroine. She is strong enough for surviving an abusive situation! Her kindness is her greatest strength!
You're so right I can't even say anything you summed it all up perfectly đđ
#but yes it's very structurally similar to the popular cinderella themes (see Disney or Rogers and Hammerstein)#i don't recall perrault or grimm having much to do with dreams#it was more goodness of obedience than kindness#(perrault you had weird morals)#whole cake arc#cinderella#cinderella retelling#disney's cinderella#cendrillion#wsd weird brain#yes i know very specific details about fairy tales and talking/sharing it makes me happy#one piece#it also falls into the subset of cinderlads#fairy tales#sanji
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