#i didnt think people would read it tbh
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kennedy-brooke · 1 year ago
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literally in shock over the responses to dress pt 1 and 2
what the fuck guys thank you so much
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oceanwithouthermoon · 3 months ago
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me when i block someone for having one of the most misogynistic takes ive ever seen and then multiple people repost the take across multiple platforms so i have to keep seeing it anyway
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elftwink · 2 years ago
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one major difference i have found between service industry work (in my case food service but this is widely applicable to similar jobs) and other public-facing positions is that the job itself is often very similar because people is the same, it's just in service everyone approaches you already thinking they're right and you're a fucking idiot and its their god given right to disrespect you, where in other positions even if they are not nice to you they usually acknowledge that you know more than them on issues pertaining to your job. like the difference in behaviour from people who see you as serving them vs helping them is unreal. i am doing literally the exact same things. customer is always right mentality did irreparable damage to the fabric of society
#good idea generator#i loveee the library front desk everyone is polite and people will just ask you anything#they assume so much knowledge and access to data#ill be like 'just one moment let me look that up in the system' [googles name of school + upcoming events]#also not in a mean way but i never realized until i worked here how little anybody is googling anything#i think its funny and i also love to google things for people so i am perfectly suited to this#and some questions even though they are googleable the issue is more that the person isnt totally sure what theyre asking#but like. the library hours are visible on the home page. and outside the building that you just walked into on a sign#PPL DO NOT READ SIGNS. i knew that from other jobs but good lord people do NOT even GLANCE at signs#ppl would fully walk past like 4 signs about a specific thing and proceed to ask me a q about the thing. after waiting in a line#constantly CONSTANTLY ppl are trying to enter or exit through locked doors. clambering over closed signs to do so#its someones job when the library closes specifically to point out the signs and direct ppl to an open exit#and still often people will get up to the automatic doors and be baffled and confused as to why they dont open#but like even this i dealt w/this at my food service job and it was so frustrating#bc when you had to confront these people they would get MAD AT YOU. furious that they didnt read a sign telling them where to line up#but at the library people are polite and apologetic so you know it's not malice or entitlement ppl are just kind of inattentive#monumental difference tbh i actually love front counter so much people are so fun#and i like it when nobody is actively trying to kill me with their mind while we speak
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avirael · 3 months ago
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Random musings about A'vi that may or may not make sense...
I promised I would write down a bit of my thoughts on A'viloh's feelings and probably specifically about Haurchefants since that is a little vague in my writing.
But before we speak of Haurchefant me have to speak of A‘vi and we have to consider that his own mind is his own worst enemy sometimes. If there is a very unreasonable way to feel bad about a situation he can and will find that way!
In a way we also would have have to speak about his upbringing and about Laqa of course and weirdly enough also about Thancred, although most of the last is pretty much just some idea in A'vi's head.
Not only is A'vi still confused because of what Thancred did before they parted ways -even if he tries to ignore that- but of course he also still loves Laqa.
Laqa was always there als long as he remembers. A friend, a lover, but most important maybe a person he could rely on, someone who protected him. And also to be honest a person he could hide behind, a person that would make the difficult decisions so he wouldn’t need to.
A’vi wouldn’t ever admit it and it’s probably not even conscious but some part of him - the part that refuses to change, that fantasises of going back to how things used to be - has been trying to replace all of that ever since Laqa is gone.
In a way Rael fulfills these criteria too. Rael would fight for him, care for him, protect him, just like Laqa did. This is a big part of why A'vi is so focused on Rael, occassionally so much that it gets mistaken for being something romantic. But in contrast to Laqa, Rael would in the end not coddle him. They wouldn’t spare him the struggle, the heavy lifting, the difficult decision making. And of course ultimately Rael also isn't availabe or fitting as a love interest for A'vi. And while their friendship means the world to A'vi, I think in the end he still needs something more than that maybe...
So back to Thancred for a second, because i think A'vi is not in love with Thancred.
If he is in love with anything or anyone apart from Laqa at this point, then it’s with the idea of not feeling so damn lost and lonely anymore.
In a way maybe that means he could be in love with Thancred but he’s not really in love with the person and more with the idea what he could be for him.
He is entranced by his charming behaviour, of course. People being nice to him is one thing. Kindness alone is too foreign for him still. Apart from Laqa there weren’t many people who were nice to him, especially not in the same way Thancred or Haurchefant are.
But Thancred or Haurchefants flirting with him? He is helpless about that! And it keeps on happening and when it doesn’t he misses the attention maybe? Yes, maybe he has a little crush on either or both of them.
But also, there was this moment after Ifrit when Thancred made him feel understood. A’vi saw Thancred struggling. A similar fight. Feeling not good enough. Trying your best and still failing. Wanting nothing more than to be useful for someone. Trying to live up to some shadow that isn’t there anymore.
And later that feeling of not having control over your own life. The pain caused because of oneself. The guilt he can either live with or decide to die of. Preferably in some grand sacrifice. For a good cause. Maybe that’s all he would ever be good for.
Their coping mechanism couldn’t be more different of course but something about their struggles is so similar. Being not alone in their misery is such a tempting thing. As so is maybe, just maybe, being able to finally move forward. But the important thing in context to HW here is that after the whole Ifrit-thing, when A‘vi considered going on a date with Thancred, this idea was born out of his hope, and only that, to maybe be able to move on from that loss he experienced. And all the fawning about him later, when it was already very clear to him that Thancred wasn’t interested at all, was more A’vi making heart eyes at the idea of being able to be in love with someone else. The idea of being free - just like Thancred - seems so nice to him. Free to do what he wants, to love who he wants and all of that without being scared or feeling horrible about it. Because feeling horrible and guilty and selfish and treacherous simply for still being alive is buried so deep inside of him even though all he wants is to be happy.
To be honest, even if things had been different in either of these two cases (the „date“ and Thancred‘s „disinterest“), I am very sure A‘vi would have found a way to chicken out of it last second. It was never a real possibility, just an impossible thing, so it felt okay for him to dream about it.
With Haurchefant however this IS a real possibility! He is very clearly interested and seems honest enough about it. But while there’s this voice in Avi’s head that says “I want this”, there’s still this other one that says “I can’t! I don’t deserve this! I am a horrible person!“ He rejects Haurchefant because there is someone else on his mind and in his confusion he can’t even tell anymore if this is just one person or two.
So he doesn’t take this risk, all while he thinks he might honestly like Haurchefant. He is just not sure if this is in a friends-only way or if it could develop to be more.
You may say now that this spares him some pain when Haurchefant inevitably meets his fate in the end but exactly the contrary would be the case somehow. Not only does he feel unworthy and ungrateful that someone as kind as Haurchefant died for him because he loved him despite A‘viloh not being able to return these feelings. No he feels like he missed yet another chance! He realises that maybe there will always be hurt and it’s just a matter of how well you spent the time you have. He feels like his insecurities, his awkwardness, his doubt and fear of getting hurt always kept him from making the best out of what he is given, may it be with Laqa or anybody else - time not used as well as he could have.
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sangrenfreude · 2 years ago
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i love cj!evelin they're so gender
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kurthorton-moving · 11 months ago
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I watched the lightning thief movie the other day and i loved it so much it made me sad
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scribbling-dragon · 8 months ago
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sometimes I think about my years as a scout. and then wonder how im still alive/sane
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lilac-melody · 2 years ago
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Writing my own experiences is honestly such a trip...
#like even though they're my OWN experiences it doesnt feel REAL#like wow how fake#its so weird bc im simply basing it off of what happened to me and how i deal with it#but then i worry that people find it unrealistic#or they'll see even just the fic and tags without reading it and ridicule it for being written#im really thinking abt trying therapy again tbh. but finding time between work and the fact i cannot drive...#idk. i really truly dont....#im falling apart. the days are going by and im having less and less of a will to continue. im trying to find healthy#outlets for coping but then anxiety shoots through the roof#it doesnt help that the first two times i was in therapy it made everything worse#the first was 100% against my will bc of a simple misunderstanding blown way out of proportion at my college#and the 2nd was me p much being forced into it after i tried killing myself and ended up in the hospital lol#i tried overdosing. it hurts the stomach more than anything tbh.#the therapist just kept staring at me. like never taking her eyes off of me and kept asking how i felt#i felt more like a fucking test subject tbh. she also didnt sound Human. her tone was like i was just another patient#nothing more than routine. and she didnt Listen to what i said. then i was charged way too much despite being told it would be free#so i dropped out lol#anyway i got way off topic. um what was this abt#oh yeah my fear of fic venting bc im terrified of being ridiculed . yeah yeah yeah.
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bastardlybonkers · 8 months ago
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i feel like not enough ppl are factoring in the cultural clash between laios and shuro and the many micro agressions shuro faced while being in their group. literally the name 'shuro' in itself is one
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his name is toshiro 😭 lets also not forget that he has his own communication issues, in the opposite way that laios does- thats literally a factor in their argument, that his envy for laios's ability to express himself sincerely manifested as part of his distaste for him.
ig all this to say like, was their fight heart wrenching, especially when reading laios as autistic? absolutely. anybody whos ever been in laios's position knows how much it hurts to realize someone you thought was your friend doesnt actually like having you around, especially when they didnt tell you and you had no way of knowing due to not understanding their cues. but im begging yall to step back and see the nuance of this situation cause im gonna be real a lot of you are kinda just brushing over it acting like everything is toshiros fault and that hes a terrible person when in reality hes an average guy who really, really clashed with laios and it led to a very long misunderstanding due to their supremely opposite methods of communication. even laios and toshiro, after letting everything out in their fight, were able to come to an understanding and start a foundation for an actual friendship built on better communication
ok yknow what Edit: i shouldve made it even more explicit at the end of this post, i hadnt thought i would need to since i started the post with this, but i think a few too many people are missing my point so i just wanna clarify. i shouldnt have said 'really clashed' and left it at that because yeah they did, but it wasnt just their opposite methods of communication, it is also very much that toshiro was experiencing microaggressions via laios. it may have been unintentional on laios's part, but it still happened and wore him down, made it harder for him to communicate on top of both the more subtle social cues that he was raised with and his own communication difficulties. i also want to say that the fandom reaction to toshiro and the complete ignorance of this point is also racist tbh or at the very least ignorant. i understand that the anime did not cover this panel, and neither did the manga, as this was an omake, but im gonna be real with you guys. there are enough context clues within the story to clue you into this. if you didnt pick up on it thats ok, but i think this is a good lesson in picking up subtext in the stories that youre watching and/or reading. kui shouldnt have to explicitly say 'by the way laios was racist to toshiro' for this point to be understood, and at the very least, when the author portrays a character in a sympathetic light (as kui clearly does) it should make you question Why they are doing so and what makes them sympathetic, rather than youre immediate and only reaction to be 'well i hated what this guy did/said so i hate them and they suck'. idk exactly how to finish this, just. idk. question your biases and gut reactions to things you see in media and stories, and think about whether or not theres subtext that youre missing.
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callilouv · 2 years ago
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overanalyzing everything i do would solve 99.99% of my problems methinks
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n0thingbutlov3 · 6 months ago
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need you now
in which an impulsive voicemail leads to some secrets being spilled.
pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader. warnings/tags: angst (sorry i’m incapable of being nice lol) hurt/comfort tho!! lil bit of fluff too because i AM capable of being nice, alcohol consumption as a coping mechanism (i’m literally just a girl…) spencer and reader are broken up :( but they’re still sooo in love and it’s soo obvious so it’s fine!! (also it kind of gets fixed at the end-ish. you’ll see *evil smirk*) reader cries a lot (real) spencer is a cutie (as always) spencer and reader sleep together…no like literally, not in a funny business way, some swearing, no use of y/n!!! wc: 3k a/n: hihihi!! so this is my first fan fiction i’ve wrote and completed ever (gulp) it’s also my first time publishing one (gulp) my writing could definitely be better and so could my grammar tbh but i HOPE if you choose to read you’ll enjoy…feedback is always appreciated (plsplspls) also like requests?? if anyone’s into that—id love to write more but inspo is difficult sometimes. if there’s any spelling mistakes im sorry, eye am very tired!! it’s 5am *eye twitching* okay i’m going to sleep, gootbye IF U SAW ME EDITING THIS 5 TIMES NO U DIDNT (i’m bad at tumblr ok..)
“Hi. This is Doctor Spencer Reid. I’m not available right now, but leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can…”
His tinny voice cut off to make way for the signature beep of the beginning of a voicemail recording.
You could hang up now—you should hang up now, save yourself some dignity and go drown your sorrows in alcohol like a normal person instead of calling your ex-boyfriend.
You should, but your mouth was opening before your finger could reach the hang-up button, and…and it was a losing battle from the moment you clicked on Spencer’s icon.
“Uh—hi, it’s…it’s me.” You huffed out a sad laugh.
“So, um, I…I tried calling, but you didn’t answer so…” The static buzz of silence hummed through your ear, just inches from where you held your phone with a shaky grip. “maybe you’re on a case or out with friends, or someone else—“ You let the implication hang in the air—the thought of Spencer potentially being in a relationship bringing a lump to your throat.
You swallowed it down.
“I just…I just had an unbelievably shitty day, Spence.” You sniffed, wiping the moisture that had escaped from your eye with your sweater sleeve. “I know you’ve never read A Series of Unfortunate Events but I think I’d give those kids a run for their money.” You tried to laugh but it came out as more of a sob.
You inhaled shakily, trying to collect yourself and remember why on earth you thought it would be a good idea to call Spencer when you’d been broken up for months. Hell, you hadn’t heard from him at all since you had parted ways—except from the odd text about returning each others’ things. It was obvious he had moved on, and here you were, filling up his voicemail with blubbering messages and making references to adolescent books.
“God, sorry about this.” You breathed out a watery chuckle. “I just…didn’t want to be alone, I guess. But that’s-um-not your problem anymore, so I’m—I’m sorry. Have a nice night.” Your voice cracked and you hung up before you could start weeping down the line. You didn’t need to look even more pathetic.
You pulled your phone away from your ear, looking down at his contact photo through blurred vision. He was smiling—not the tight, closed lip smile he gave other people, but a full, bright smile that had his dimples showing. One of your hands was wrapped loosely around his neck and the other was holding your phone just far enough away to capture both of your smiles. Your head was rested on top of his shoulder, tilted just slightly to the left so your temple was brushing against his.
It felt like looking at a vintage photograph—you knew those people and their happiness existed at some point in time, but it wasn’t tangible; you couldn’t verify it was real.
When you were with Spencer, you never doubted how real it was. All you had to was look at him across the room and he’d flash you a smile identical to the one in that photo and you’d just…know.
It felt like forever ago now that you’d been on the receiving end of that grin and it killed you. So much so that before you could consider the repercussions, you were trudging through to your kitchen and grabbing the bottle of whiskey that sat unopened in your cabinet. It had been a present—from Rossi, actually. When Spencer had first introduced you to the team, the older man had given it to you as something of a welcome gift. Of course, he couldn’t have known you weren’t much of a drinker, and since you wanted to make a good impression (and because you were sure it had cost more than all the alcohol you had consumed in your life combined) you accepted it—deciding to save it for a rainy day.
You think this qualified.
You grabbed the bottle, a glass, and padded back through to your living room, slumping onto your couch. You filled your glass up a little less than halfway before gulping it down, enjoying the burn in your throat—it was better than the constant thickness.
You poured yourself another glass before turning on the TV. You weren’t sure what was playing—it didn’t really matter anyway, your vision was already being obscured by tears again.
You thought the pounding was in your head at first—serves you right for drinking half a bottle of whiskey. Only, it wasn’t, because moments later the pounding subsided and instead, your apartment door was opening, casting your pitch-black living room in a yellow glow which temporarily blinded you.
You squeezed your eyes shut, your mind hazy—again, serves you right for drinking half a bottle of whiskey. Someone was calling your name, but there was too much sensory input for you to make out who.
You certainly hoped it wasn’t a paramedic—maybe your neighbour had heard you sobbing for the last four hours and decided you needed a wellness check. Then there were hands on your face, and that had you flicking your eyes open, because you recognised those hands—impossibly soft, with a callus on his trigger finger being the only thing to mar them. Spencer.
“Spencer?” You slurred.
He sighed in exasperation (or relief) and tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear.
“Are you alright? You weren’t answering your phone, I thought…” He trailed off, worry evident in his voice.
You sat up then, trying to compose yourself even though the room was spinning. Fucking whiskey. You rubbed your eyes haphazardly, blinking until you could finally see.
You should’ve stayed bleary-eyed. Because nothing could prepare you for the way your breath hitched when you finally saw him. After months of not seeing each other, Spencer was here, sitting on your couch, and he was looking at you like you were something fragile, and—God, you needed another drink. You turned away from him, reaching for the neck of the bottle as you spoke.
“I’m fine.”
Before you could lift it up, Spencer gently pried your hand away from the bottle with his own, and then slid it across the coffee table with his other.
“You’re drunk. No more of that, please.” His tone wasn’t unkind, but he left no room to argue. You probably would’ve objected anyway, if it weren’t for the way he kept his hand clasped around yours, rubbing soothing circles into your pulse point almost absentmindedly.
You glanced up to him—to stop yourself from staring at your hand in his and how natural it felt, more than anything—but that proved to be a mistake too, because he looked just as beautiful as thirty seconds prior and it felt just as natural for him to be sitting next to you on your sofa, but it wasn’t natural anymore.
“How did you get in?”
“My key.”
“Oh.”
Right. The key that he still had because you refused to meet up with him to let him return it. He tried for weeks to contact you, but you ignored him, because getting the key back meant things were finally over. You supposed he could return it now—maybe that’s why he came in the first place.
“Why did you come?” You asked, your voice impossibly small.
“You called.” He replied—as though he was talking about something as simple as the weather. You call and I come.
You searched in his eyes for any sign of a lie, but of course, there was none. He was being completely genuine—as always. You were the awful ex-girlfriend who left concerning voicemails on his phone and had him travelling to your apartment in the middle of the night only for him to look completely okay with the situation—like there was nothing he’d rather be doing than making sure you were safe.
You couldn’t help the way tears sprung to your eyes or your lip began to tremble as you lolled your head back onto the couch, pulling your gaze away from his.
“Angel, what’s wrong?”
You liked to consider yourself to be a strong person. You had been through things in your life that were objectively worse than your breakup with Spencer, but something about the gentleness of his tone and the way he had let one of his many (past) petnames for you slip had your throat tightening and you ducked your head into your one hand—the other still seized by Spencer’s—to try and muffle a sob.
“Hey,” He trailed his hand that was wrapped around yours up your arm, all the way to your shoulder blade before lightly guiding you towards him. You don’t have enough energy in you to fight his magnetic pull, so you shuffle over until you can bury your head into his shirt. You inhale his scent; vanilla, neroli, and so him it makes you ache.
Stopping your tears is futile—you’d know, they’d barely ceased all night—so you just let them fall, seeping into Spencer’s tie as he rubs one hand softly up and down your back, the other cradling the crown of your head.
His breathing is quiet and slow—the exact opposite of yours—and you try to imitate it—forcing air into your lungs. When your sobbing has turned to shaky breathing and the occasional sniffle, he speaks up.
“Do you want to talk?”
Talk about what? About what had happened today—what had led you to calling him? Talk about how for the last few months, he had been the only person you had wanted to call?
“No.” You hated how pitiful you sounded.
“Okay.”
Spencer didn’t say anything else for a minute—your synchronised breathing being the only thing to stop the room from falling into dead silence.
“You need to rehydrate.” He murmured, smoothing down your hair.
You hummed into him, in no hurry to unwrap yourself from his body. You probably wouldn’t get to be this close to him again, after all.
He moved both of his hands to your biceps, pulling you back slightly so you could look at him. He knitted his brows together in a silent plea which had you rolling your eyes petulantly, your lashes still damp from tears.
“Fine.” You peeled yourself off of him, pushing yourself into a standing position. Horrible mistake. You were still incredibly drunk, turns out, and everything was spinning a little bit and come to think of it, you were also nauseous and—
“Careful, lovely.” Spencer placed his hand firmly on the small of your back, keeping you upright.
and—actually, you were fine now.
He stood too, moving his hand just slightly over to your waist so he could guide you to the kitchen. When he knew you could stand upright—even if you were relying mostly on the counter behind you—he grabbed a glass from your cabinet, moving around effortlessly to pour you some water. The sight was so domestic you almost wanted to cry again. Maybe in some alternate timeline, where you and him could’ve worked, this would be an every day thing—minus the drunk sobbing part, of course.
He handed you the glass of water, watching as you took a few sips. He raised an eyebrow, nodding his head slowly.
“Whole thing, please.”
You let out an exasperated (affectionate) sigh and gulped the rest of it down, setting it on the counter behind you.
“Happy?”
“Very.”
You smirked, trailing your gaze down his body. He was still in his work clothes which, at the very least, meant he wasn’t on a date before he came here. He always changed before dates—well, for you, anyway. You wondered if he had been on any dates since the breakup—you certainly hadn’t. It had been long enough now that it wouldn’t be weird for you to start seeing other people—but you didn’t want to. You weren’t sure you’d ever want to, to be completely honest.
The more you thought about it, the more the whole thing seemed stupid. You didn’t want anyone else, you wanted Spencer. You had tried to get over him but if tonight was any indication—it clearly wasn’t working. You can’t even remember why you broke up in the first place—it all seemed so insignificant now. No amount of pain you had ever experienced in your relationship had come close to that of living without him.
You met his eyes once more and it was like he could see the question brewing. He tried to stop you, calling your name in a quiet warning, but you ignored him.
“Why did we break up?”
He frowned, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth with his tongue in that maddening way he did.
“I—you know why—“
“No, but I don’t! I know things were difficult sometimes but that doesn’t mean it didn’t work. It worked—we worked.” Your eyes were stinging again.
Spencer pressed his index and middle finger into his eye, furrowing his brows.
“I know, I know we worked, angel—but you were sad all the time, remember? I was gone so often and it wasn’t good for you.” His true emotions were indecipherable but his tone was soft, and you wished you could be as calm about this as him. Did he just not care as much as you did?
“But It’s—It’s worse now—“ You choked out, tears falling freely now. “I was sad when you were gone, but you always came back—you don’t come back anymore.”
Spencer removed his hand from his face, flexing it at his side like he was uncertain what to do with himself before taking a stride towards you. He brought a hand to your face, wiping the tears from under your eyes delicately—like you were made of porcelain.
“Listen, sweetheart—alcohol affects your ability to regulate your emotions and I know right now it might feel worse but that doesn’t mean it always—“
“Spencer, stop! It’s not the fucking alcohol, I miss you! I miss you all of the time! Even—even when I’m having a good day—I still want you—and especially when I—when I have a bad day—“ You choked out through heaving breaths.
“Breathe.” He urges, cupping your cheek. And you’re so, so angry, and sad, and tired that you have no choice but to shut up and listen to him. When you’ve adequately calmed down, he moves his hand to your jaw, tilting your head up to look at him.
“I don’t think we should talk about this tonight but I—“ You open your mouth to protest.
“I promise we can talk about it tomorrow when you’re sober—if you still want to.”
Your lip trembles of its own volition and you frown.
“Of course I want to.”
“Okay,”
“Okay.”
He gives your eyes a final wipe before he’s—rather unexpectedly—pulling you into a hug. You all but melt into him, your head finding its home in his sternum and your arms wrapping around his middle. He tilts his head down, kissing the top of your head—and you’re certain you can’t let this go again. You will chain him down before Spencer leaves this apartment again.
Everything is wordless from there—mostly because you’re so, so exhausted that even talking seems like too difficult a task. Spencer helps you find something more comfortable to change into and you pull out an old t-shirt of his and a pair of plaid pyjama pants you had kept here for him. I guess your keeping them ‘just in case you needed them in the future’ had come in handy, after all.
As you washed your face, Spencer snuck through to the kitchen, refilling your water and grabbing two aspirin in a not-so-subtle attempt to help the inevitable hangover you were going to have in the morning.
You caught him placing them on your bedside table and mock gasped.
“Trying to drug me in my sleep so you can make a run for it in the night?”
He grinned lazily—exhaustion creeping up on him as well.
“I wouldn’t dream of it.”
You smiled, flopping yourself onto your bed rather ungraciously. Spencer looked at you like you were something fascinating before biting his lip, clearly deep in thought.
“What?” You let out a self-effacing little chuckle.
“I was just…wondering…if you’d like me to sleep on the couch?”
You probably should’ve been more careful in your facial expressions considering you were still broken up but your thoughts about that offer were obvious.
“No, stay.” Stay in your bed, in your apartment—stay anywhere that was close to you.
Maybe you were coming on a little too strong.
“Unless you want to, I mean—“
“No, no—I’ll stay.” Forever, preferably.
He walked around to the other side of your bed—as he had done so many times before—and sat down, pulling the covers over his legs. You mirrored his movements before flicking your bedside lamp out, turning to face him.
You were a little thankful you were so out of it, because this had the potential to be very awkward otherwise. Spencer shuffled down so that he was at eye level with you, turning to face you as well.
You just stared for a moment, committing him to memory. The moonlight had a way of highlighting all the high points of his face, and the twinkle in his eyes, and—God, you were so glad the moon existed and that Spencer was in your bed that you couldn’t help but giggle.
“What?” Spencer laughed along with you, even though he had no idea what was so funny.
“Nothing. You’re pretty.”
“You’re drunk. Go to sleep.”
“Don’t wanna.”
“Why?”
“Scared you’ll be gone when I wake up—like I made it all up.”
Spencer’s smile faded then, and he looked at you with something that seemed so much like the one thing you had been willing yourself to stop doing the whole time that you’d been broken up, that it almost took your breath away.
“I won’t. I promised, didn’t I?”
You nodded.
“So there’s nothing to worry about. Now get some sleep, lovely.”
You smiled, feeling Spencer’s hand inching towards yours. He intertwined them and gave yours a squeeze.
“Just in case you make a run for it in the night.”
You chuckled, your eyelids fluttering shut. Yeah, you could make it work.
part two!
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muffinpink02 · 6 months ago
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You Taste Like Vanilla
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Okay, so this story went all over the place, it hasn’t really got a plot, it's just a lot of smut tbh. This is also my first Jenni fic and breeding kink fic, so good luck with that. I tried to make the strap sound as much like a strap and not an actual penis as I could.
ALSO! @lucyandalexiafan thank you for reading this 10x over! You are literally my co-editor at this point. Thank you always! You always have the best ideas and genuinely save me from throwing the whole story away. Thank you girly pop ❤️
Warnings - Smut 18 plus, strap, fingering, orgasm denial, breeding kink, strap ejaculation.
“Amor! Come on!” Jenni threw her keys in the bowl next to the door as you rushed in front.
“No! You never listen, Jenni!”
You heard your girlfriend huff in annoyance as she shut the front door. You were arguing, like any normal couple did. Could you remember exactly what you were arguing about? No… kind of, but it didn't make you any less annoyed. 
You stormed into your shared bedroom. You knew Jenni would follow you in, she always did. She hated arguing with you, she was the calmer one in the relationship, always the one to try and put an end to any arguments you had, even if sometimes you were blatantly in the wrong. 
“I do listen! You just go crazy, and then you don’t listen!” The Spaniard chuckled.
That's when you remembered why you had started arguing in the first place. 
You had been out for dinner with Mapi and Ingrid. It had been a really nice evening, but of course right at the end Jenni had to ruin it. You and Ingrid were talking, while Jenni and Mapi were laughing about something, your ears pricked when you heard Jenni say your name and ‘pillow princess’ in the same sentence. Did you hear the full conversation? No. But you heard enough for it to aggravate you. 
Would it annoy you if you were a ‘pillow princess'? No, of course not, but you wasn't one, you fucked Jenni just as much as she fucked you, and you didnt want people to think otherwise. 
You came to a sudden halt, facing the tall brunette. “Maybe instead of trying to be a class clown you should just shut up!” 
Jenni stopped in her tracks, now facing you.
“Clown? But you love it when I make you laugh cariño.” She purred. 
Another talent of Jenni’s was to turn most arguments you had into heated sex. Not that you ever complained, she was very good at it. She’d fuck you sensless making you forget whatever it was you was ever arguing about. But right now you were angry. It would take more than her stupidly beautiful smile to have her way with you. 
“I fake those laughs.” Your tone was laced with bitchiness. 
Jenni threw her head back laughing. It made you shiver. 
“You fake those laughs? I don’t believe you, babita. I always make you laugh, until tears are running down those cute cheeks.” 
She cupped your chin, emphasizing her words, you pushed her off, but she didn't care, she only chuckled at your actions. It annoyed you that a simple laugh of hers could rile you up so easily. So of course you had to take it further. You took a step closer to the raven haired girl. Her eyes following you.
“Yeah, it's not the only thing I fake.” You smirked wickedly at the tattooed girl. 
It was a complete lie, but you knew it would hit a nerve. Jenni was very confident in the bedroom and she had all the right to be. She was a goddess when it came to sex. 
You had bedded your fair share of women in your time. You weren't a newbie to how their bodies worked, or how your own body worked, you were no stranger to self pleasure, your hand and other toys were a frequent visitor between your legs.
You wouldn't have said you were vanilla in the bedroom, you were open to many things, but it never really came up in conversation with your past lovers. The most adventures you had got was a blindfold here and there, or handcuffs now and again, but it never felt special, nothing that was out of this world. Until you met Jenni. 
You had thought you knew your body, you thought you knew what you liked, and you thought you could only have 2 orgasm per night, but Jenni threw that idea completely out the window. She had finely tuned your body like her own personal instrument, bending and breaking it to new heights of pleasure. She introduced you to new things constantly, you had never truly known the word ‘satisfied’ until Jenni.
The atmosphere changed instantly. Jenni’s playful smile dropped, she stepped closer to you, her height giving her the advantage to look down on you, making you feel small. She gently laced her fingers around the back of your neck, holding you firmly in place. Though this time you didn't push her away. Her green eyes scanned your face, making you squirm under her stare.
“Is that so? You fake other things?” Her voice was low.
You swallowed on nothing, it vexed you that she was already making your body react. You had to at least try and act like she wasn’t affecting you. You needed to get some kind of control over the situation, you didn't want her to think she had all the power, even if she actually did. You kept your eye contact with her, and smirked. 
“Y-yeah.” Fuck. So much for ‘taking control’.
Your voice was already shaky, and of course she heard it. Her wolfish grin creeped on her gorgeous face, it made your knees weak. The girl was like a bloodhound, she could read your body and mind like it was her own. The grip she had on the back of your neck tightened.
“I think you’re lying, bebita. I think you’re just trying to hurt me.” She licked her lips.
Ergh, it was a blessing and a curse that Jenni could have you swooning so easily. The grip on your neck moved to your throat, she gave you a gentle squeeze, wanting an answer from you but it earned her a small gasp instead. She raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow at you, waiting for a response.
“I’m not lying, you’re just not as great as you think you are.” You stated.
You were pushing it, but you knew if you did it would hopefully result in Jenni fucking you until you were begging her to stop. It was a typical cat and mouse game you both liked to play, but right now you were the mouse that was slowly losing control.
“I think you just want to be fucked? Hmm?”
And like the bloodhound she was, she caught you red handed. 
Your face said it all, you stuttered as you tried to come up with a comeback, but you knew it, she knew it, you clearly weren't as angry or subtle as you thought you were. 
I mean, if you thought deep enough about it you were probably never that annoyed in the first place. Yeah, maybe it pissed you off that Jenni was basically saying you were something you weren't, but you had already forgotten why you were annoyed before you got to your front door. You just wanted a reason to be pissed at Jenni so you could have angry make up sex. 
“I see you have nothing to say? Cat got your tongue? Maybe that loud mouth of yours should be making it up to me.” Her lips curled into a devilish smirk.
Even though you could already feel your underwear becoming uncomfortably wet, you still wanted to be stubborn. Yeah, maybe she wore the strap a little more than you, and maybe she took more of the control during sex, but ...what were you angry about again? 
Oh, right.
You rolled your eyes in disbelief. “Why would I do that? I’m a ‘pillow princess’ after all.”
Jenni looked confused for a second, then began to laugh loudly. It irked you.
“That is why you are angry? That was just stupid chat between me and Mapi. You know what she's like.”
That annoyed you even more, Jenni was clearly trying to look like the big ‘I am’ with Mapi. You didn't care that Jenni spoke about your bedroom antics, you both were very open and so was Mapi, but you did care if she was trying to make out that you didn't put in the work like she did. 
“But I'm not a pillow princess.” You whined. Your eyes fell on the Spaniard's lips. “I don’t want people to think I don’t fuck you.” 
She tutted, her stupid sexy grin widened, her voice was low. “Amor, come on. You love it when I take control and you don’t have to think about anything.” Her other hand pulled you by your hip, slotting your bodies together. “Even now, I know what you want. I know for a fact you are wet for me.” 
Bloodhound. 
Your mouth gaped open, you could feel the blush creeping up your neck, right under Jenni’s palm. She pulled her thumb over your bottom lip, she watched as your plump flesh stretched under her movements. She had you where she wanted you, she was the cat and you were the mouse between her teeth. And like the feeble mouse that you were, you nodded, giving in so easily. She continued. 
“That's what I thought.” She purred as she finally brought her lips to yours. 
She tenderly cupped your face, her lips pressed gently against your own. Jenni’s kisses always took your breath away, she kissed you like it was the first time everytime, soft and sweet. The taste of her mouth made your own tongue salivate, you always felt hungry for the girl, even if she did piss you off every now and again.
Her talented tongue danced across your lips, wanting entry, you opened your mouth willingly, giving her what she wanted, like you always did. You groaned as she stroked your tongue with her own, caressing your mouth with ease. 
The taller girl pulled back, a playful smile spread across her face as she watched you needily chase her mouth.
“Would you like that? For me to take control?”
“Yes.” You nodded your head. Clearly all of your anger and self control had gone out the window, along with some self respect.
“Good.” 
She brought her hot mouth back to yours, as she slowly unbuttoned your jeans and unzipped the clothing, distracted by her kisses you nearly missed the way she pushed her hand past the band of your underwear and into your now very wet fabric. You gasped as her long fingers cupped your sex, slipping her pointer finger in between your wet lips. 
It was then her turn to gasp.
“Fuck.” She pressed her forehead against your own. “I haven't even touched you and this is how wet you are?” 
You weren't sure if she actually wanted you to answer her. The girl only had to give you a certain look and you were putty in her hands, or wet in her hands…
Suddenly the hand around your neck snaked into your hair at the base of your neck, forcing your head backwards. You felt her warm hand leave your sex, as she abruptly pulled her hand from your underwear and pushed her wet finger into your open mouth.
“Tell me. Does this taste like someone who doesn't come?” Her tone was dangerous.
Your earlier comment definitely pissed her off.
You felt your cheeks blush from Jenni’s accusational tone. But it didn't stop the moan creeping from your throat as you tasted yourself on her fingers, your tongue instinctively lapped at her digits, cleaning her fingers of your essence. 
“So eager.” She smirked as she felt your tongue glide along her fingers.
She delicately pulled her finger from your mouth, as she guided you backwards with her hand still holding your hair, your back gently meeting the wall. She didn't bother undressing you as her hand snaked back down into your underwear, pressing two of her fingers against your already swollen clit. Your hips jumped at her touch, your hands landed on her shoulders for support. You didn't want to get used to her godly touch, you knew she would move away eventually, especially when you got close to coming.
She kept her fingers between your legs, stroking your clit perfectly. The other hand in your hair, holding your face inches from her own, her mischievous eyes stayed on yours. 
“Please, don’t stop.” Your voice was shaky.
The raven haired girl's smirk was dangerous. “Oh don’t worry baby, I'm not going to stop.” 
It almost sounded like a threat, her tone was calm, yet also laced with something more than just lust, but with her fingers caressing you the way they were, you weren't in the right mindset to think about it. You just hoped she meant it, Jenni had a long history of edging you until you were begging, sometimes even crying to let you come.
Your moaning became loud as she picked up her pace, pushing you closer to your climax, your hips thrusted as you felt your body giving in to her. You couldn't stop the small gasps tumbling from your lips as her talented fingers were building you up with precise touches. It was actually embarrassing how close you already were, your body had become so accustomed to Jennis touches, she had you falling from your peak at a dangerously quick rate. 
“J-Jenni.”
Your legs began to shake, your hands held her tighter. 
“Sí, baby?” 
“Kiss me.” 
“No.”
You whined. But she only ignored your complaints, gripping your hair instead. You were scared to tell her you were close, scared that she would stop completely and pull her fingers away. 
You thought if she kissed you, she might have gotten lost in it all and maybe just give you what you wanted. But she wasn't stupid, she knew your body, she could tell from every gasp and every moan that you were getting closer to the edge. 
You gritted your teeth as you felt the heat rise up your spine, you could feel her green eyes watching you, she had a knowing smile on her face. You waited for her fingers to leave you, you were ready to beg for her, ready to be edged all night. Your eyes closed as you felt the start of your orgasm about to hit you, you couldn't stop your movements as you grabbed her wrist, so scared she was going to pull away.
But she didn’t.
She must have felt bad, as her lips were on your neck kissing you with a surprisingly gentle touch. 
“Don’t worry, cariño. I’m right here.” Her laugh was soft, but teasing.
You were mumbling as you kept begging her not to leave you, begging to not to move her hand away. She was bringing you so much pleasure just from her fingers alone. You probably sounded so desperate, but you didn't care, you needed her. 
And she did, she stayed with you. 
She kept her fingers on you, stroking your bundle of nerves, you could feel your wetness coating her long fingers. Her lips traced your hot skin, her tongue exploring your neck like it was the first time. The whimpers you let out as she pulled on your hair was loud, Jenni knew how to work your body even with the simplest of touches.
You was so close, so fucking close, you tried to keep your moaning down to a minumum, biting your lip until it hurt. But she stayed.
You gasped as she brought you to your climax, your hips rutting hard as you came in Jenni’s hand. Your orgasm washed over your body, slumping you forwards. Your head laid against her chest, as her long fingers stayed on you, slowly caressing your folds as you came down from your high. 
Your blissed out state was interrupted with a deep chuckle rumbling in your ears. You couldn't help but feel a little pathetic at how desperate you must have looked. How pathetically quick you were to let her have her way with you. How you came in her hand like a horny teenager being touched for the first time. Jenni’s free hand grabbed the back of your neck and slowly pulled you close to her face. 
“Did you come baby? That was a little quick.” She faked a pout at you. 
You nodded, not able to bring yourself to speak.
Her fingers stayed on your clit, stroking you gently, you tried to move away but she had you pinned against the wall, her tall body pressing up against your own, you were still sensitive, but she followed your movements.
“Jen, I-I can’t.” 
She tutted “What's wrong baby? You told me to not stop.” Her tone was alarmingly calm,
She was clearly trying to prove a point. You could have kicked yourself for the way you begged her to not stop, you had no self control when it came to the 5 foot 9 Spaniard. 
And you still didn't, even though you were sensitive you didn't want her to leave you. She had trained your body to take more, and she knew you would. 
Her face was so close to yours, her breath tickled your lips as she kept her fingers circling your bundle of nerves. She was beaming at you, she looked so happy with herself, so pleased with how quickly she made you come, how you begged her not to stop.
Her hand was still between your legs stroking your wet folds, you couldn't stop the way your hips began to follow her hand, the overstimulated feeling melting into a need for the girl. 
“Oh, so you do want more?” 
You nodded, almost like you were defeated. 
“But I thought you wanted me to stop?” 
The teasing in her tone made you want to roll your eyes, but you didn’t, you weren't sure what Jennis' plan was, you were still shocked she allowed you to have your first orgasm, you weren't about to ruin it if there was a chance she would give you another one.
“You want more?”
“Yes.” You groaned
“Where's your manners, baby?”
This time you couldn't hold the eye roll. 
“Please.” You tried to hold the attitude back, but it still came out in your tone.
“Hmm, not good enough.” She softly chuckled in your ear, her fingers began to slow down.
Your hips desperately bucked as you lost the friction. You had to give in to what she wanted. The girl was like a dog with a bone. So, you tried again.
“Please, Jenni.” 
“Sorry, I couldnt hear you. Say it again.”
You gritted your teeth, your pride slowly dwindling.
“Please, Jenni. I need more.”
Her fingers picked up to a faster pace but was still agonizingly slow. She was so calm with her touches, her mannerisms were controlled to a T, meanwhile she had you melting into her hand, desperately grinding into her digits, begging her again for more of her. The girl literally had you in the palm of her hands.
Her lips began to kiss your neck again, making your whole body shiver. “Say it again.” 
You let out a sigh of frustration. “Jenni. Fuck, please, just give me mor-”
You were cut off when two long fingers easily entered you.
“Fuck!” You gasped at the sudden intrusion.
You felt her lips smile against your skin. “You’re so easy.” 
You wanted to argue that you weren't easy, that you could freely push her away and get on with your evening and not think about the way she made you beg for her, but that would be a lie. All you could do was moan and beg her once again to not stop, as she fucked you hard against the wall. 
You whimpered as her teeth sunk into your neck, her tongue gently swiping over the already red mark. She littered your neck with wet kisses while her fingers plunged into your core, pulling the desperate moans from your lips, your hips meeting her deep thrusts.
You closed your eyes as Jenni built your pleasure back up, her fingers pushing on your walls as she coaxed that beautiful feeling she did everytime she was inside you. You caught her green eyes staring at your mouth, scanning your face, she finally kissed you as her eyes met yours, making your insides jump.
You were close again, you felt the heat travel from your lower half through your body. 
“You’re close. Should I let you?” 
Of course she already knew. 
“Please!” You cried.
“I don’t know.” She chuckled lightly against your cheek.
“No, please Jenni. Please.” 
“Dios, you’re so cute when you beg.” She kissed your lips hard.
But you couldn't return it, not when her thumb started to circle on your sensitive clit, making you groan into her mouth. Your head fell against the wall, her hand still had a grip on the back of your neck. You didn't have time to enjoy her touches for long as your orgasm came crashing over you. 
Jenni groaned as she felt your pussy squeeze around her fingers, shaking against her firm body. Her cocky smile returned as she grabbed your face, forcing you to look at her. She slowly removed her fingers from you, bringing her wet digits to her mouth, sucking on your juices.
“Another one?” 
You heard what she said but your head was foggy. ‘Another one?’ Surely not? You could still feel the pressure of her fingers inside your empty pussy, your essence dripping down your thigh was evidence of that. You couldn't go another round, not so soon anyways. 
“I can’t.” 
“No?” She gently kissed your lips.
You shook your head, still trying to catch your breath. You fixed your eyes on her face, her wolfish smile made your heart flutter for many different reasons. 
“Okay. I'll be nice, you get one break. Then we go again.” She whispered against your lips.
You shivered at her words, you were thankful for the break but her words made your stomach flutter.
“Come.”
Your shaky legs followed her as she moved you both to the bed in the middle of the room. 
“You can have a break while you're between my legs.” 
This was the Jenni that made you crumble, the Jenni that made you do and say whatever she wanted, no questions asked.
“Strip first.” She demanded. 
You did what you were told, Jenni watched you like a hawk, you could feel her eyes roaming your body, she watched as you took each bit of clothing off, dropping it to the floor. 
She licked her lips as she shamelessly eyed your naked body. She placed her hand on the top of your head, silently telling you to get on your knees, you slowly kneeled in front of the 5 foot 9 girl, never taking your eyes off of her.
“Buena niña.” 
Jenni unbuckled her jeans inches from your face, dropping the clothing to her ankles, the sound of the metal on her belt made your core clench. You bit your lip as you noticed the dark damp spot in her boxers.
Jenni was in complete control. It made your head dizzy at how quick she switched up the dynamic. One minute you were arguing, the next she had you on your knees, about to eat her out. Her long fingers stroked into your hair, softly scraping against your scalp. It sent a shiver down your naked body, making you even more aware that she was still half dressed. 
“Take them off.” She instructed.
You brought your hands up to her boxers and pulled the fabric down her strong thighs, to her ankles. Her slick essence glistened at her entrance, making her pussy look even more inviting. 
She unbuttoned her shirt, revealing her abs, flexing them as you watched her. You couldn't even be annoyed, you loved it when she was cocky, it's what drew you to her in the first place. 
“My eyes are up here.” She wiggled her eyebrows. 
You scoffed but couldn't hold back the small giggle, she was right when she said she always made you laugh. 
She sat down on the edge of the bed, leaning back on her elbows. Her shirt sat open, her tight stomach flexed, she looked like a frat boy, with her cheeky smile plastered on her face. It made you want her even more.
“Come on. Let's get that pretty bitch mouth to work.” She smiled wickedly at you.
The fingers in your hair brought you closer to her core, pushing your face until your lips met her lips. Jenni moaned softly when she felt your tongue finally glide through her velvety folds. 
“There she is. There's that pretty mouth.”
You moaned against her, the Spaniard's hands gripped your hair tighter as you flicked your tongue over her clit. The girl had full control of your movements, her large hands held the back of your head as she bucked her hips into your mouth. You placed your hands on her thighs for something to hold on to as her movements became faster. You loved eating Jenni out, she always made the filthiest groans when you had your mouth on her. 
“Put your tongue inside.” 
You nodded, you stretched your tongue out as far as your could in the position you was in, you gently eased your tongue inside her walls and began to fuck her, with Jennis help. 
“Mierda. That's it.” She grunted.
Jenni opened her long legs wider, giving you more room to explore her. She grinded her hips deeper into your mouth, fucking herself with your tongue, you could feel how wet she was, her juices began to cover your mouth and chin. You let out a deep groan, knowing it would vibrate perfectly against her walls, and you were proven right when you heard her whimper above you.
“Your mouth is so perfect. Suck now baby.”
You couldn't hold back the smile that crept on your face at Jennis words, you loved when the taller women praised you, and she knew you loved it too. You removed your tongue from her tight walls and laced your lips around her sensitive clit, sucking on the bundle of nerves. 
“Sí, just like that.” She husked.
You watched as her eyes closed and her mouth gaped open, her hips rocked more gently this time, allowing you to work your mouth the way she liked. You were completely entranced by the woman above, your eyes followed her body as her abs flexed from each small roll of her hips, using your mouth for her own pleasure. 
You stayed like this for a while, until you felt Jennis' strong legs start to shake under your touch. You could tell she was getting close, the grip in your hair became tight as she held your head in place. Her breathing began to pick up, you moaned as you felt a whole new gush of wetness flood your mouth. 
The girl looked down at you upon hearing your moans, she smirked when she caught your eyes, sending a wave of heat between your legs, you knew you were going to be her fuck toy tonight just from her smile alone. She removed one of her hands from your hair and moved your head back slightly. She placed her hand between her own legs, pulling her wet lips apart with her long fingers, exposing her swollen pink clit.
“Make it up to me. You know how I like it.” She whispered.
You were pushed back between her legs before you could say anything. You gently nibbled at her exposed clit, as your lips stayed around her flesh, giving her pussy the perfect suction. Jenni groaned as she began to fuck your face, you could hear her panting harder as you flicked fast strokes on her clit. 
“Don't stop, don't stop.” 
Her legs shook and her muscles flexed under your palms. Your eyes squeezed shut as she held your hair painfully tight. Your head was pushed right into her core, you struggled to breath as the girl came quietly in your mouth. Your tongue was flooded with her essence, you swallowed all that you could. You went to move your head back but her grip stayed on your hair. 
“No, baby, Don’t move. Stay.” 
You stayed liked she asked, keeping your tongue on her, gently kissing and sucking on her velvet lips. Her body jolted from your gentle touches. You stayed like that for a little while, your neck began to ache but as long as Jenni felt good you didn’t care. 
She let out a long raspy sigh with your name falling from her lips. Her hand released your hair, she gently smoothed her hand over the area she pulled, knowing she probably hurt you in her height of her pleasure.
“So good, baby.” She sat forward, her face inches from yours.
You panted up at her, your lips and chin soaked with her juices. She cupped your face kissing you, sucking her own juices from your swollen lips. 
The raven hair girl gave you one last deep kiss before she moved away. She removed the rest of her clothing, making you both naked. Even though you had already came twice, your own pussy was throbbing to the point that it hurt. You needed Jenni to touch you again, you needed to feel any kind of contact from the girl. 
“Stay like that. I have a surprise for you.” 
“A surprise? What surprise” You tilted your head.
“You'll see.” She winked.
‘A surprise?’ Excitement ran through your body at the prospect of a surprise, you tried to rattle through your brain with what it could be.
Jenni moved over to your special draw, looking for the new toy she brought without your knowledge. The girl always had something up her sleeve, she loved to surprise you with new things. You could see she was messing around with something, you spotted the plastic dick in her hand then you heard a squirting kind of noise.
You watched as she pulled up her harness with a new strap attached, it was a little thicker than your usual ones, but your cunt only ached seeing the girthy strap between her long legs. She sauntered over to you, a very cocky smirk on her face. 
“Open.” 
You opened your mouth and looked up at the taller girl, her eyes were full of lust. Having you in this position was one of Jennis biggest turn ons. She loved having her strap in your mouth as she watched you obediently suck on the plastic. She held the bottom of the strap placing it on your awaiting tongue. Even though you weren't complaining with the set up, you were a little confused, you had done this countless times before, so it wasn't really a new, or a surprise. 
Jenni watched your face as she slowly eased the strap into your mouth, then back out again. 
“Do you know what this is?” 
“A new strap.” You blinked at her. 
Her smile widened. “Sí, but what kind?” 
You looked at your girlfriend with confusion. Why was she asking you 21 questions when your brain was fogged with nothing but pure hornyness? 
She stroked your cheek gently. “It's the one you told me you wanted. Remember?”
Then it hit you. It was around 2 weeks ago when you and Jenni were looking at sex toys online. 
—--
“Oh this one you can ejaculate with.” You pointed at the screen.
Jenni smiled at your excitement. “You like that kind of thing?”
You suddenly felt a little embarrassed, Jenni’s words didn't hold any judgement, but it wasn't something you had spoken about. Not that kind of kink anyways. 
The raven haired girl noticed your demeanour in a heartbeat.
“Nina, don't be shy. It's hot. I like it.” The taller women purred in your ear.
“You do?” 
Jenni clicked on the toy looking over the information. 
“Sí, I could get you pregnant.” She smiled playfully at you.
The words alone sent a shiver through your body, the thought of actually having Jennis children made you feel fuzzy. 
“Would you like that? Me getting you pregnant?”
You nodded your head, your heart fluttered. “Y-yeah, I’d like that.”
“Hmm, of course you would.” She wiggled her eyebrows.
Before you could purchase the toy, you and Jenni had gotten distracted. The talk of getting you pregnant riled up the Spaniard more than you would have thought, so you ended up on your back with Jenni on top of you, three fingers deep. But you weren't aware she had purchased the new toy.
—--
“I didn't know you brought it.” You stared up at her.
“How could I deny you anything?” Jenni stroked your swollen lips.
You kissed her thumb, smiling against her skin at her soft words. 
“Keep your tongue out for me.”
You stuck your tongue out like she asked. You noticed her fiddle with something on the side of the strap. You couldn't see what she was doing, but her face was brimming with excitement.
“Ready?”
You felt her hand tighten on your hair as you nodded. She pushed herself back inside your mouth, then slowly began to pull back out, you groaned feeling the strap drag leisurely across your tongue. 
Then you felt it, your eyes closed from the shock but you didn't move away, not that you could with the grip Jenni had on your hair. You felt a squirt of liquid cover your tongue, your taste buds instantly made your mouth water at the sweet familiar taste of vanilla. 
You looked up at Jenni, who looked at you in complete awe. Her mouth was gaping as she watched the white sugary substance coat your tongue. She dragged the strap to the tip of your tongue, watching the liquid drip into your mouth. You moaned as the edible lube took over your senses. Of course the girl went a step further to get the edible kind. 
And you loved it.
“Swallow.” She husked. 
Jenni moved the strap away from your mouth, just barely touching your lips, her hand still had a grip in your hair, the other hand gripping the strap. You kept your eyes locked with hers as you swallowed the sweet vanilla liquid. 
“How lucky am I to have a girl like you.” She whispered.
Even when she had a strap inches from your face, the girl knew how to make you melt with her words.
She tilted your head back as she nudged the strap back to your swollen lips. Your eyes closed as you felt the plastic slide down your tongue and into your throat. You heard the taller girl groan as your mouth took her in. You relaxed your throat as best as you could, as the strap began to constrict your breathing.
Jenni wasn't rough, she was going slow as she pumped her hips into your mouth. Her fingers laced through your hair sweetly, just stroking it back as she watched you lovingly.
“You're so perfect.”
You groan as you look up at the 5 foot 9 woman. You loved the way she praised you, it was always sincere, and her tone was always soft. Her eyes roamed your face, looking at you like you with nothing but love, her smile alone made your head swell. Jenni could be a rough lover, and be dominating but there was something so soft and sweet that she possessed in her energy, like she would never hurt you. You trusted the girl to no end.
Her hands tugged gently at your hair, helping to guide your mouth up and down her thick strap. You choke a little as another small squirt of the vanilla liquid hits the back of your throat, she pulls your head back, letting you breathe. You take a few deep breaths before she's pushing herself back into your mouth.
“This mouth is all mine, isn't it baby?” Jenni whispers.
You nod as best as you can. Your eyes squeeze shut as her hips pick up a faster pace, you could feel your wetness sticking to the very top of your thighs. You hold on the her long legs to give you something to hold onto as she gently fucks your mouth.
Your spit mixes with the vanilla cream, as it starts to dribble out your mouth and down your chin. You can’t stop the whimpers as she caresses your head gently. Your cunt spasms at the contact. You want her to use the strap on your so fucking badly. 
She may have read your mind as she gently pulls the strap out of your mouth. You both watched as your spit sticks to your swollen lips, breaking away from the tip of the plastic head.
The look Jennis gives you is like no other, her eyes are full of lust but also more, want? Adoration? Love? 
“Come.” 
She puts her hands out for you to take, helping you to your wobbly feet. She cups your head, bringing your ear to her lips.
“Your break is over.” 
She gently bites at your lobe, making your breath hitch. You watch as the girl sits on the end of the bed, patting her thighs. You can already feel your cunt throbbing. Jenni leans back like she did before, that cocky smirk of hers creeping on her face. 
“Sit.” 
You didn’t need to be asked twice, you moved over to the raven haired girl, you straddled her hips, her new toy sat between you both.
“You’re going to ride me, sí?” 
“Sí.”’ You nod your head, already feeling your clit strain at the view in front of you.
“Llevame.” She smacked your bare arse, biting her lip.
You hold back the gasp, not wanting to give into Jennis frat boy behaviour, but you would be lying through your teeth if you said it wasn't your favourite kind of Jenni. 
You grabbed the base of the new toy, raising your hips to guide it to your core. You could feel Jennis gaze on you, watching your movements. She licked her lips as she watched the tip of the toy start to slowly press into you. You groaned as the strap started to stretch you in the most delicious way. A warm hand landed on your waist, helping you to move lower on the plastic. 
You could feel Jennis' restraint, you could tell by the look on face that she so desperately wanted to push her hips up and make you take her completely, but she’s smooth with it, she meets your slow pace, your thighs touching hers, as you finally bottom out on top of her, biting your groan back. 
Your hand lands on her abs for balance as you get used to the feeling of her inside, the size isn't what's taking your breath away but more with how Jennis watches you. She looks like she wants to fuck you into next week. A small roll of her hips brings you back to the present, the small groan you tried to hold back finally escapes your lips. 
“Ready?”
Instead of verbally answering her question, you gave out a hard roll of your own hips, and by the sounds of it you must have hit the right spot on the Spaniard, as her head tilted back, letting out a small grunt. Both her hands grip at your waist wanting you to move again, and you did. You slowly began to move your hips, effortlessly rolling your waist against Jenni, as she watched you take her strap.
Riding Jenni was always a confidence booster. The Spaniard wasn't a loud lover, she was never theatrical or over the top, but whenever you got the chance to ride her, you took it, (with both legs spread). It was the only time the girl really let her noises come to life, she would moan, groan, and even make the cutest rough whimpers that made your cunt spasm. Not to mention the way her green eyes roamed your body as her mouth gaped open, mesmerised as you snaked your hips with ease. Just like she was doing right now.
Jenni’s hips rolled in time with yours, her strap stroking against your walls with her precise movements, her abs flexing hard under your palm. Having already had the two orgasms you were sensitive, but your need for Jenni was impossible to ignore. 
“Mas rapida.” Jenni husked.
You did what she said and picked up your pace, flexing your hips faster against her, she let out a deep groan as you rubbed the base on her clit.
“Sí, just like that. Mierda.”
She slapped your arse, causing a small squeak to leave your mouth, she repeated the movement, making a cracking noise bounce off your cheek, you couldn’t hold back the gasp this time, your skin felt like it was on fire. 
Jennis hips started to buck harder inside you, your head tilted back as you took her deep thrusts, fucking you from below. Her hands squeezed your arse cheeks, pushing you down as she drove up, making you moan out her name. Your eyes closed at feeling Jenni control the movements, even though you were on top she was still in charge. 
“J-Jen, you’re so deep.” 
“Sí, you take it so well, amor. You're so good at taking me.” 
You nodded, your hips grinding desperately against her, chasing your orgasm.
Her hand on your waist moved to your stomach, sitting just above your mound, you jolted as you felt her thumb just barely start to stroke your clit. You tried to bite back the groan that erupted from your throat, but it only made the Spaniard chuckle. 
She hummed as she looked between your bodies, watching you flex against her hand.
“You can hold it.”
Before you could ask what she meant you were being twisted, your back hitting the mattress below. You keened loudly as Jenni became deeper inside you, she settled between your legs, the new position forcing herself deeper in your already tight walls.
“Jesus. Jenni.” You groaned, her hips were already pumping in between your legs.
“You’re going to wait for me.” She grunted in your ear.
Jenni intertwined your fingers with her own, pushing your hand above your head. You whimpered at the new turn of events. You were already so close to your climax you weren't sure you would be able to hold on, especially when she uttered her next words.
“You want me to get you pregnant?” 
Your mind was already turning to mush, trying to concentrate on not coming, now the love of your life was asking if you wanted her babies mid stroke. But somehow your brain formed the words. 
“Yes.”
Her hips sped up.
“You want to be a Momia? Carry my children?”
Your body rocked into the mattress below as Jenni chased her orgasm, fucking your body like she was on a mission. Making it so hard to think of the words you wanted to say. 
“Yes. So bad!” You groaned out, your legs wrapped around her waist, pulling her deeper. She groaned as her clit rubbed against the strap's base.
“Fuck! I want to put my baby in you. I would.”
Her words were soft as she kissed your neck, it felt so much more sensual then it did before, your heart fluttered as her breath ghosted your neck.
“I want your babies, Jen.”
 “You want me to come inside you? You want to have me inside?” She grunted in your ear.
“Yes! I want that. I-I…fuck. I want your babies.”
“Say it again.” She kissed your neck.
“I want your babies.”
“Again.”
Your free hand scratched down her back, definitely leaving a mark.
 “Please. G-Get me pregnant!” You cried out.
“Come with me, cariño.”
Finally, with Jennis' permission, you allowed your body to succumb to the pressure that was burning every nerve in your body. Your cunt clenched around her strap, as she drove her hips repeatedly into you. Your moaning broke out into a high pitched cry as your third orgasm of the night shook hard through your body, your free hand threaded through Jennis raven coloured hair, just needing to feel her as you tried to catch your breath.
Jenni was only a few thrust behind you, but it didn't stop you from gasping as her hips bucked hard, dragging out your orgasm. Her free hand fiddled with the strap. Then you felt it, the lube being squirted inside you as Jenni let out a guttural groan in your ear, rutting her hips between your thighs, her own orgasm taking over.
Jenni gently grinded her hips, rocking out her last bit of pleasure against you, coming to a slow stop, her hot breath making your neck wet. You knew you weren't pregnant, you understood that this was just role play and it was just a flavoured lube running down your lips, but the overwhelming dreams of actually getting pregnant by the Spaniard took over your brain, wishing you could hold her baby. She kissed you gently, your eyes closed on feeling her, bringing you back to reality. 
“You’re perfect.” She ghosted your lips, closing the gap, nearly taking your already struggling breath away. She pulled back, taking in your fucked out blissful state, smiling at you with the biggest grin you had ever seen.
“So you are my baby mother?” She wiggled her eyes and kissed your lips.
You laughed breathlessly, even in the height of pleasure like the earth rattling orgasm she just gave you, the girl was always ready to be the clown that you adored. 
“I guess I am.” You ran your fingers through her hair.
She gave you one last kiss before she gently pulled out. Jenni couldn't help but watch as the sugary liquid dripped from your core, dribbling down the bottom of your lips and onto the sheets. Her mouth instantly watered at the sight before her, she bent down over your body, her lips ghosting your stomach, your skin prickled with goosebumps at her touch. Your body was still thrumming from your orgasm, she began to gently bite at your skin, crawling down your stomach. 
“Jenni, there's no way I can take anym-”
Your words were cut off as you felt Jenni’s tongue glide through your lips, gathering the sweet flavoured substance. 
“You taste like candy.” She hummed between your legs.
You gasped as her lips started to suck on your overly sensitive clit. You gripped at her hair, trying to move your body back. 
“Jen. I can't take it.”
Your breath caught in your throat as her green emerald like eyes searched for your own. She lifted her head up.
“But babita, I told you, your break is over. We keep going.” She ducked her head back between your legs, her tongue pushing into your core.
“Jesussss.” 
Your eyes rolled into the back of your skull as she began to fuck you with her tongue, you were so sensitive you could feel everything. Her hands gripped at your thighs forcing your legs open, taking what she wanted from you.
You both had a safe word, you were never scared to use it if you needed to (you had only used it once when you had got a cramp) So if Jenni thought for one second that she had to stop she would, or if she heard you use the safe word she would stop immediately.
And even though she had just given you your third orgasm of the night, you couldn't lie that having the Spaniards tongue buried deep inside your tight walls was a sensation that you just couldn't deny yourself. You tried to breathe through it, as she buried her head between your legs, thankful she started at your least sensitive area. 
She stayed there a couple minutes, allowing your body to get used to her presence once more. Your head was dizzy but you gave into the sensation of her tongue. Your hands threaded through her hair, trying to have some control over her movements, you bit your lip as you heard her sigh from feeling your touch, Jenni loved her hair being touched, especially when she was between your legs.
Your brain short circuited as her tongue slowly stroked up through your folds and pressed to your clit, ever so softly flicking at the erect nub. You breathed through the sensation, slowly feeling the hot liquid melt through your body, making your muscles feel warm and light. It was too much and too little at the same time, and it felt so fucking good. 
Your hips started to grind against her mouth, your fingers scraping at her scalp, your body now becoming desperate for her. You nearly lost it when you heard the girl lapping loudly at your sex, your essence having mixed with the vanilla lube, making your core wet. She made the most filthy groans as she ate you out, making you whimper in turn, the room filling with her the most pornagraphic noises. 
The raven haired girl stopped her movements, bringing her mouth away from your pussy, replacing her tongue with her thumb, just barely touching your clit. You looked down to see why she had stopped, her wet mouth was smeared with the vanilla lube and your juices, dripping from her plump lips.
“You want to come, amor?” 
“Yes. Please.” You breathed out.
A whole new wave of pleasure hit you as Jenni spoke to you, your legs started to shake, ready to take another orgasm, and Jenni was more than happy to get you there. But not before she made a point.
“This will be your fourth one, no?”
“W-What?” 
She tutted, she sat up slowing her movements down, but her thumb stayed circling your clit, her wolfish smile creeping on her wet lips. 
“This will be your fourth orgasm, sí?”
“Yes. My fourth.” You whispered.
Why the fuck was she asking this? You loved the girl, but right now all she had to do was look pretty while she ate you out. That's all you needed.
“So, I do make you come?” 
“You do.” You agreed.
“Ahh so I can stop now?” She began to move her thumb away from your clit.
“NO!” You grabbed her hand, pushing it back to your sex. “Please Jenni, please don’t stop. Please.” 
Her smile turned serious then.
“So you were lying?”
“Yes.” You nodded.
“I always make you come?” 
“Fuck, yes Jenni. You always make me come.” 
Your ever growing orgasm was starting to trickle away.
“Of course I do.” She scoffed. “I know this pussy better than you. Don’t I? You’re so close now aren't you?”
“Yes! You do. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please, Jen. Don’t stop.” You gritted your teeth, your hips grinding on her hand, trying to get that release.
She let out a deep chuckle before her mouth finally went back to your core, your hands gripped at her dark hair, moaning as she suckled on your clit. Once again the girl had you at her mercy, begging her to let you come. 
Your mind went blank as your fourth orgasm of the night swept through you. You let out a deep moan that erupted from the depths of your throat, then complete silence followed as tears trickled down your cheeks, and a hot buzz took over your body. Jenni easily held you down as you bucked from the overwhelming pleasure, keeping you in place.
One hand gripped the head board as the other stayed on Jenni. Your hips rolled as the last jolts of your climax pulsated through your clit, inside your lover's lips. Your body finally let go, your muscles un tensed as Jenni’s name fell from your lips over and over again. You could hear the Spaniard was saying something, but all your ears could make out was the thumping of blood as it rushed through your head.
Jenni climbed over your body, her wet lips pressing against yours, you kissed her back weakly, still trying to catch your breath.
“Well done, babita. You did so well.” She stroked your tears from your cheeks.
“Fuck Jen.” You chuckled.
A comfortable silence fell over the pair of you. You nearly started drifting off, until Jenni started to speak.
“Amor, I want to have a baby with you.”
You felt your skip four beats over. 
“Yeah?” You asked, not able to hold the smile back from your voice.
Jenni looked up at you, her normally cocky bravado was nowhere to be seen, she for once looked a little shy. You brought her closer to your body, loving the feeling of her naked body on yours.
“Yeah. I think we would be good parents” She nuzzled against your neck.
“So do I.” 
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thatneoncrisis · 11 days ago
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could you explain your reasoning for butch harrow? im asking this in a way a student asks a master
ok so. up top: do i think harrow is butch in canon? no. god no. absolutely not. secret third category of person. not butch or femme shes just like A Guy who really fucking likes black
however i do think that between those two ends of a nebulous spectrum, being butch would be way more comfortable for her than femme, if we think of it in the most traditional sense for both sides. there are literally exceptions to every rule femmes can have short hair and wear pants, butches can have long hair and wear makeup yadda yadda. but the way she interacts with certain elements of her presentation in canon just felt to ME, PERSONALLY, that being traditionally feminine would freak her the fuck out
ive seen people compare her compulsion to wear the skull paint to a need to wear makeup and i. very much disagree. id see it more as like, an overtly religious thing, like a nuns habit or a hijab, its modesty and how she shows respect for her god, also routine, its as natural as putting on pants for her. and also frankly if it was an analog for traditional makeup that would be uuuuh awful. like I genuinely feel terrible for women who cannot even leave the house without foundation or contouring or whatever i dont know shit about makeup but holy fuck. if shes femme in that analog id be shaking her by the shoulders GIRL. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE A NAKED ANIMAL
another thing is her hair. so many people read her having short hair and immediately went to a bob or a pixie cut. and between tamsyns inconsistent description of the length of her hair in book one (saying its stuck to her face with sweat despite them being there for like, a month) and the htn cover being The best image we have of her, i understand that conclusion. but in the beginning of gtn its said its close cropped, tamsyn said on her blog post describing all the characters its "cut short (as benefits someone in a monestary)" which is a very interesting choice of words tbh. like im sute she didnt mean harrow is completely bald in the middle with a ring of hair but that Is the monk haircut. and then finally harrow says to gideon outright "i wont cut you bald-even though your hair is ridiculous- because I know you wont shave it every day" which i always took to mean being shaved down to the scalp is just how the ninth is traditionally. in harrow the ninth its said "occasionally ticklish rasps at your ears or forehead would frighten you numb before you realized ut was your own hair" indicating that she is not used to that length at all. also theres the fact that ianthe made her hair grow faster particularly to fuck with her. in short harrows haircut is shitty and utilitarian and any fussing with it has only been described in relation to her direct discomfort
finally theres that goddamn dress scene. why did ianthe put her in that stupid fucking thing. humilation tactic (im exaggerating but it basically was explicitly and exclusively for ianthes own amusement). shes such a simple girl, she just wanted something that could cover her up. its not impossible to have a longsleeved formless dress, but beyond my own opinion that i think harrow would have been uncomfortable in anything, i think the fact this like, explicit symbol of femininity is used to further degrade her in some sense in a room full of people who font reapect her feels like. intentional on the authors end. it quite literally just isnt her, its not even a true black its like a deep midnight blue. you get the pretty woman makeover scene but harrow comes out of it more miserable and resigned than ever. augustines approval means nothing. she looks in the mirror and sees her mother, a woman she appears to not have a single fond memory about. its all very sad
tldr when i talk about butch harrow its less about her "being butch" and more about how unfemme i think she is. also i want more butch4butch dykes i think gideon and camilla should teach her how to tie a tie.
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fishingmice · 29 days ago
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Can I have some Boyfriend Izuku headcanons, Please.
Izuku Midoriya Boyfriend headcanons!
cw: swearing, yelling at the screen lmao
Pairings: Izuku Midoriya x gn!reader, mentions of pretty and lipstick, but no specific pronouns mentioned.
Headcanons, drabble ig??
I love him mwah
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God, he's such a loser. But in a cute way. A very and I mean VERY attractive way.
He would ramble, then apologize afterward. But then, after realizing that you don't mind and that you're genuinely interested in the topics he talks about.
He would even start thinking about you a lot.
"I really wanna talk to Y/N... so bored.."
He would find himself thinking of this very often, to the point where he would start mumbling these things. Then, after Tenya asked him about it, he got all flustered and said something along the lines of "N-No! Y/N is just a really close friend, don't worry a-about it!" And stuttered like 20 times for one word lmao—
After you two got together, he would be such a gentleman. Always telling you how pretty or cool you look, how badass you look in your hero costume, he is so damn in love with you.
He would sometimes come over to your dorm with his switch or an extra controller to play video games. He shows up unexpectedly, not even a text, controller, or switch in hand and a bag of candy or snacks. He doesn't even have to say anything, and you just let him in immediately.
Also, he loves playing video games with you. He loves playing games like The Finals, Lethal Company, Minecraft, any game you choose he will buy as well so you can play together. As long as it ain't too expensive, lmao.
He loves yelling at the screen with you, yelling at your poor teammates or the enemies😭😭
Ya'll be portraying him as a cute Lil cinnamon roll, but we all know that's when it comes to being with people he cares about. He acts like this out of a small bit of anxiety of hurting those around him in a way. But we all know that he's yelling at his poor teammates who keep on getting themselves killed.
What was that one meme/clip?
"YOUR AIM IS ASS🫵🖕!!!"
*breathes*
"Your aim... is not good !☝️😋"
(Literally him tbh....)
He LOVES IT when you are so focused on showing love to his scars. When you hold his hand and do that thumb thing. Hold him or hug him, and he explodes from pure joy.
He is absolutely in love with you and actually talks about you all the time.
You both have wallpapers of each other. Specifically, a picture of you with lipstick marks all over your face on his phone and a picture of him with lipstick marks all over his face.
One time, you kissed his cheek with lipstick on and purposefully, you did not tell him. AT ALL. you later received a message. A picture of him looking all embarrassed, and the message read "why didnt u tell me :(" That almost made you feel bad. Almost.
Ugh, I love this dude sm bro AAA
Totally didn't add my little obsession with that game... (The Finals...)
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yanderefarm · 2 months ago
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tell emil you're bored of him and see what he does lol
alternatively, sneak out of the castle in the dead of night and never return
ON THAT THOUGHT, what would he do if you sleepwalk??? like maybe where you walk to reflects what you want to do but cant, for example sometimes it's to the library because you didnt get to read for like a week
i imagine emil would follow you a bit to see where you go to determine what he should do next day
and then one day it's just you trying to exit the castle, he finally open the door to see and you just walk further and further with no sign of stopping
he would panic so hard lol
i think if you were a really bad sleepwalker who kept trying to leave him he would tie you to the bed tbh. like you're not allowed to leave that's silly.
cw;; violence, yandere tendencies, gore, violence towards reader
pathetic emil step aside we have full yandere mode emil.
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"im bored."
"im sorry what was that?"
"im bored. you're boring me."
emil lifted his head from his book and smiled at you a closed practiced smile.
"let me finish this page and i can find something to entertain you."
"no. i mean this is boring. us. you never let me leave, you only care about sex, and i don't have anyone to talk to."
emil's lips twitched.
"im sorry you feel-"
"i want to leave."
he put down his book completely and stared at you intensely. it was a gaze usually preserved for people he wanted dead.
"you don't mean that."
"yes i do."
you got up from the garden chair quickly followed by emil standing up.
"we can go somewhere else. we could go on a vacation. I'll hire you some approved friends."
"no. I've been thinking about this for a while. I'm telling you I'm leaving."
emil's hand came down on the table hard.
"no."
you could see his bright pink eyes darken as his face went blank. you weren't usually scared of your husband but you always knew you had reason to be. right now you certainly were. you tried to bolt for the entrance of the gazebo but all emil had to do was grab your arm with his inhuman strength and you couldn't move.
"emil it hurts..." you tried to whine pathetically but it didn't even reach his ears.
emil kicked you hard on the leg and you stumbled forward almost falling on the ground if not for him holding your arm up.
"i think you've had too much freedom. ive been too nice. i need to fix that."
"no- no- emil i was just joking! it was a joke!"
he looked truly intimidating, not even his signature sadistic smile on his terrifying features.
"you need to remember who loves you."
with his hand still holding your arm he stepped on your leg. you screamed in pain as he pulled your arm as leverage until your leg gave a sickening snap. but that wasn't enough as tears and pain overwhelmed your vision you felt him smash the broken bone with his foot. again. again. aga-
you lost consciousness due to the shock.
when you woke up you were in your shared bedroom but not on the large comfortable bed, instead you were laying on a dog bed with the most horrible pain in your leg while the other was chained to... a cage usually meant for monsters.
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jasperxkuromi · 6 months ago
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Regressors that are (bodily) older, please interact!
Later 20s, 30s, maybe even older? I would love to hear from you and maybe even your stories if you don't mind sharing!
I want to meet more people like me and also show others that age regression doesn't just suddenly "stop" at a certain age
Some of us:
Didn't discover regressing/didn't understand their involuntary regression until they were older
Wasn't in a safe space mentally and/or physically to be able to regress the way we want to
Didnt "grow out" of regressing. I think a lot of people outside the community assume we will all grow out of wanting to regress at some point. Maybe some of us will, but some of us won't. Regressing can be a safe and healthy coping mechanism, no matter your bodily age!
And probably many other reasons I can't think of at the moment lol
I would love to get to talk to older regressors, or if there are any groups/discords, I would like to know those too :3
I'm gonna talk about my story a little under the cut, but I don't exactly recommend reading it if you are little right now! I am going to be talking about s3xualization of agere and children's media unfortunately.
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I started age dreamer/involuntarily regressing when I was in high school without really knowing what it was. I was really into MLP FiM during its height popularity. I watched the show, collected and played with the toys, did coloring books, took my MLP blanket to school ever day. You get the idea.
I discovered regression here in Tumblr, but this was yeeeeaaars ago, like back when nsfw was still allowed. The line between ddlg and agere wasn't as solid as it is now. Or maybe it was just because I was a kid and couldn't understand better? Either way ... i ended up getting wrong ideas of what agere had to be and ended up scaring myself off. I also had adult roleplayers leaving really inappropriate comments on my posts that made me feel icky. I thought agere had to be s3xual and scared myself off.
We also unfortunately probably know the uhhh .. types of fan art that was popular of MLP. And it just ended up making me lose interest in the series. The stuff was everywhere and it was hard to avoid even if you were vigilant.
I never got a real chance to understand what healthy, voluntary regression was. I still was an age dreamer, but most times when I involuntarily regress it is out of extreme stress and it isn't fun or pretty.
I had a lot of bad things that happened to me last year and in turn I am having more health issues. Chronic conditions I already had getting worse, and new ones popping up. My mom (the one who birthed me) has been helping me a bit, but it has still been a lot of playing adult. Making phone calls back and forth, filling out paperwork, figuring out disability leave, paying bills, etc etc. I started age dreaming more and more often to cope with the stress. Like I randomly one day bought a DVD player and sets of Winnie the Pooh and Scooby Doo DVDs lmfao.
I also never stopped collecting stuffed animals and came back to collecting dolls again last year. It helps that I have friends IRL who I don't think are regressors, but still enjoy collecting with me. (my friends don't know yet, but I think they would be accepting if I told them, or they might already assume I regress tbh)
I have kinda had age regression on the back of my mind for several months, but was scared to look back into it. I was scared of going through the same thing I did back in high school. But also denying I am a regressor and that I still need to heal my childhood wounds was getting heavier and heavier on me. I am sooooo thankful I finally felt safe to begin exploring regression again ♥️😁
Side note: while I absolutely don't care if people do ddlg and similar stuff as a kink/fetish, I am thankful that the distinction between that and agere is more distinct now. It is important we protect minors and other vulnerable people from having the same sorts of things that happened to me (or worse) from happening to them.
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