#i didnt realize how stressed out i was until i stepped back just now to realize my head is going 500 miles an hour.

[zaukiel]

gee i wonder why im struggling to focus and draw so badly today i must just be tired! yes! im very tired, this must be it.

[dwntwn-strnlo]

HEY I LOVE UR WRITING could you do a touch deprived reader afraid of asking for attention or physical touch, and they think matt was angry at them and gave him some space but really he was just very stressed and when matt realized what they wanted he felt guilty and the rest is up to you! Lyy (matt sturniolo btw)

thank you sm for the request! sorry it took so long. love you ❤️

TONE DEAF matt sturniolo

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 𝓈𝒾𝓃𝒸𝑒𝓇𝑒𝓁𝓎, dwntwn-strnlo.

↳ 𝐀/𝐍. its kinda different from what you asked, but i hope you like it!

↳ 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. matthew sturniolo x reader

↳ 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘. request

↳ 𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐃? yes!

↳ 𝐂𝐖! verbal argument, happy ending

walking into matts room, you sit on the edge of the bed behind him. he just got back from filming a personal video, and is already editing the recordings for it.

you were hanging out with chris in his room when matt got home, and he didnt even let you know he was back. which you will admit, it stung a little. you only found out that he was home when you looked out a window, finding the mini van parked out in the driveway.

"hey," you say, watching him replay the same 5 seconds of the video.

"hey," he mutters, repeating your greeting. but not turning around to give you even a sliver of his attention.

you easily frown, "you didnt tell me you were back," finding that he isnt going to respond, you continue. "you were gone for like three hours, i missed you." you let your light words trail off into the slightly too cold room.

"yeah, sorry. i forgot." his voice is low, and almost like theres a slight bite too it.

"oh," you sigh, tucking your knees up to your chest. still not taking your eyes off the back of his head. "well how was your day? i didnt see much of you since we woke up."

he sighs, a tinge of annoyance lacing his voice. "fine."

you pause before continuing. he clearly put a wall up, and youre just trying to find some sort of crack in the bricks. "what did you do, other than film a video of course." you laugh lightly to yourself.

"god, are you fucking tone deaf?!" he groans, spinning around in his chair to look at you for the first time. his expression is overridden with panic. "clearly i dont feel like talking right now."

his words take you aback. your eyes search his as he processes that he just snapped at you.

"oh . . ." you whisper. your voice fading into a void of nothing. the only sound you hear is the faint whirring of the ceiling fan overhead. "ill give you some space then."

"hey, no- honey . . ."

"no, its fine, matt." you frown, standing up and grabbing your shoes before walking out of the bedroom.

shutting the door, you stop and stand there for several seconds. letting his harsh words wash over you before walking over to the couch and putting your shoes on. matts never snapped at you like this before. he'd always been careful with his words when he was mad or stressed out.

grabbing your car keys, you don't know where your headed, or for how long. you just know you want to go.

. . .

eventually, you pull back into your driveway. you had just drove around and listened to music for a few hours, but you knew you had to come home.

finally glancing at the time sitting on your dash in a glowing shade of blue, you find it to be just after two am. with a sigh, you shut off the engine. getting out of the car to be hit by the cool, autumn air.

walking up the ever so familiar steps from your driveway to your door, you slow your pace down when you see the silhouette of someone sitting on the front porch. once they notice you, they stand up; taking a cautious step in your direction.

"y/n?" matts voice rings out to you. a slight hurt in his tone as he mutters your name.

"what are you doing out here?" you sigh, stepping around him to get to the front door.

"you know i couldnt fall asleep until i knew you were safe." his voice is sad and low as he mumbles the words out to you.

"well im safe, so go to sleep, matt." you snap. instantly regretting it, but you don't let your expression falter under the the dim glow of the dying porch light.

"baby, can we talk? please?" he pleads, running his hands down his face. "i feel awful for yelling at you earlier."

you stay silent. darting your eyes across his disheveled face as you wait for him to go on.

"i just - i feel stupid." he whispers, trying hard to not let tears fall. "i shouldve communicated to you that i was stressed out. but i didnt, and i let myself snap at you."

"matt . . ." you frown.

"im sorry, baby. i really am. and i understand if you still want some space and time to yourself, but i wont be able to fall asleep until you know how sorry i am.

"just please dont go to bed upset with me. i love you too much to let that happen."

you gently smile at the boy, walking over to him and pull him into a much needed hug. "its alright love, you dont need to apologize. i understand that your going through a rough time right now."

he nods, nuzzling his nose into the top of your head. "i love you so, so much, darling. i hope you know that."

you smile, nodding against his chest. "i know, honey, i know. love you forever."

matt tightens your embrace, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head. "forever and always."

TAGLIST

@slvt444smvt @thetriplets3 @theboyz-delulu @stxrniqlo @ifilwtmfc @iha8you @oneirophobic

[askdannysroleswapau]

i rlly have no excuse for forgetting to post these. they're already written. they've been written for months. just sitting in my drive, gathering dust.

things really amp up in this one. this chapter is very much a huge spoiler for the central conflict between Robin and Voidball. a conflict which i'd much rather explore in the current Comic AMA format, so...

if you want to experience this story in the way that i want to tell it, i suggest you stop reading here.

Robin's comic is still a long ways off, but i assure you that once its done, the floodgates will have been opened and the etur atnure fo siht roldw iwli eb veraled

like i said, i'm very open to answering questions and discussing this manuscript in depth, all you need do is ask via the new input button (ask box). with that, if you really must see this through, here is the next chapter.

missed the last one? click here

“Hah... Hahah- Sorry, I think I misheard you,” Gumball said, his voice wavering as he tried  to keep it together. “Your name is what?”

“Oh... You don't even recognize me, do you?” Not-Gumball said mournfully. “I guess that's understandable, I haven't looked like you do in a long time.”

“Wait-” Rob interrupted and Gumball glanced over to him. Rob was looking at Not-Gumball with a mixture of terror and disbelief. “You mean to tell me that in your world...” Rob’s voice trembled. “That you were one of the universe’s mistakes?”

Not-Gumball nodded. “Two sides of the same coin, ey?” They smiled ruefully. “I’ll say, few things are worse than getting stuck in that ‘Void’ place. I think I’d prefer it if the universe had just told me how lame it thinks I am and leave it at that, am I right? Like, send me an email or something, no need to go around chucking boring people into weird pocket dimensions like it's going outta style.” They spoke with a joking cadence, but something in their face made Gumball think it was a farce.��

“But-” Rob stuttered worriedly. “But that doesn't make any sense! If you and I are the same, then someone left you behind, right? But that shouldn't be possible since you’re the main character!”

“Pshh, ME? The main character? Get real, buddy,” Not-Gumball said, waving a hand. “No no no, that would be this guy over here.” Not-Gumball gestured to Robin with his thumb.

Robin sighed and crossed his arms in annoyance. “Not this again. Don't tell me you believe his crazy ideas, too?” 

“It isn't ‘crazy’ it's the truth! And the only reason I talk about it so much is because YOU refuse to listen to me!” Not-Gumball said accusingly.

“Yes!” Robin retorted. “Because you're insane!” 

“No, you just don't get it!” Not-Gumball shouted.“You are the MAIN character. Literally EVERYTHING revolves around you!” The graphics of their face flickered and glitched as their voice broke. “You have it SO good and you don't even realize it!”

As Gumball watched the two argue, a strange, new dread welled up inside him. He wanted to step in and say something, but he didnt know which side to take. 

“Shut up!” Robin shouted. “Don't act like I'm swimming in cash when you know very well that I'm not!”

“That's not what I meant and you know it!” A tear rolled off Not-Gumball's face. “You have a life! You have friends, a family—people who CARE about you! I DON'T HAVE ANY OF THAT!” They screamed.

“You being lonely isn't an excuse for regularly trying to kill me!” Robin yelled back.

“Alright alright, stop!” Rob shouted, stepping between them with his arms outstretched. 

Tension hung in the air as the two alternates glowered at one another. Not-Gumball was panting like all of their rage had stolen the breath from their lungs and Robin was sneering at them with so much venom that Gumball was surprised they didn't keel over right on the spot. Several seconds passed.

“I know we’re all a little stressed out right now,” Rob said, glancing between them. “You two wanna get back home, I get that.” Rob lowered his arms slowly to his sides as he spoke, “But that won't happen until we get my machine fixed, and fighting with each other isn't going to make that happen any faster.” 

Robin’s scowl deepended and he turned his back on Not-Gumball. Not-Gumball’s hands were curled into fists, shaking with anger. The static on their face buzzed a blazing white for a moment and then they sighed, ears drooping. 

“You're right,” they said. 

They turned their back to Robin to stare at the machine woefully—and it was then that Gumball realized they didn't have a tail. Across from them, Robin was staring at a wooden plank on the floor like he could make it burst into flames if he glared at it hard enough. It was clear the two didn't feel like making up. 

Rob turned his head to Gumball and nodded towards the two of them, giving him what he assumed was a “now's your chance to do something nice and main-character-ish” look. Gumball scratched behind his ears nervously. He didn't know how to solve this, but he had to try.

“You uh…” he said hesitantly. The two of them turned to look at him and he gulped. “You guys wanna go to Joyful Burger?”

There was a beat of silence.

“Something to eat couldn't hurt,” Robin murmured, some of the tension leaving his face. 

“I could go for a bite,” Not-Gumball agreed, wiping the tears from their face with their paw. 

“That's the spirit!” Gumball felt his optimism returning. “What about you, Rob? C’mon, I mean, when's the last time you ate?”

“Uh...” Rob thought for a moment. “...Monday?”

“Wait, what the what?!” Gumball looked up at him in astonishment. “How could you go THAT long without food? Aren't you hungry??”

“Well, yeah,” Rob said. “But saving everybody from the end of the world seemed just a teensy bit more important than, say, eating a sandwich.”

“Maybe, but you gotta take care of yourself, dude,” Gumball said. He shuddered. “Eugh, I sound like my mom.”

And so it was decided. The gang of doppelgängers departed from the warehouse and began their grand quest for Joyful Burger. 

[End Chapter 4]

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[fluffs-palace]

Mc questions;

All Mc's, if allowed, if not the same as Tai; #9 is the greatest fear.

x

(Since its all 7 of them, im just gonna do lil blurbs minus Samuels instead of the longer short stories like his)

CW: Mentions of eating disorders, PTSD like behavior

Question 9

Greatest Fear

Lyari

White hair. Honeyed complexion. Half lidded eyes. Bright colors. Barely an inch under his partner. The same partner she was constantly being mistaken for. Always a "Oh, Asra! It's been so long. Did you grow out your hair?" or "Have your eyes always been that color, Asra? I could swear they were different." It wasn't until she spoke, most times, that they finally realize she was a completely different person. She is, isn't she? They aren't going to just live the rest of his life in his better half's shadow, right? Yeah. Yeah. Eventually they'll find his familiar. She'll figure out what magicks she specializes in. Make his own gate one day. Things wont always just stay the same forever.... right?

Marsom

The city in general makes him uneasy after everything that happened but the palace is a whole other level of freaked out. He's afraid to ever step foot back in its halls, but he sucks it up since he still has to sometimes— even if he still wakes up in a cold sweat after the nightmares it's given him or still has to go hide in a closet to avoid a meltdown. If you asked him, though, he'd say his biggest fear was possums.

Osanna

This little lady doesn't exactly have the best relationship with food. Being the Court Magician isn't always what its cracked up to be; she's got a lot of stress resting upon her shoulders. Not to mention the burdens she tries to carry for Nadia too. Meals or snacks could easily be summoned at any point, where ever and whenever she wanted them. She knows she shouldn't, but for some reason she cant bring herself to stop... so she eats and eats to the point of making herself sick. She worries one day she might not be able to stop from eating herself into an early grave. Of course Nadia would never let that happen but its a slow process.

Samuel

X

Seli

She'd always felt uneasy for some reason she could never put her finger on. Asra would never tell her anything, obviously. It stayed in the back of her mind, though. A constant nagging feeling. Then she'd start to get bits and pieces from outside sources, or things Asra would let slip absentmindedly. Something was catching up to her, and, from what she could tell, it wasn't good. The last thing Seli would ever let happen is her own fuck-ups cause pain to those around her. She had to make sure whatever it was either never finished their leg of the race or that it was dealt with before they could.

Tai

They've always had a simple life. Asra even corroborates that from their life before. With memories. One set of clothes for as long as they could remember until Valerius. A little garden all to themselves until starting to share with Portia. They were content with that, too, until him. Until being swept away by sass and hidden feelings. Until they started doubting. They weren't fancy. It was obvious Tai didnt exactly belong at the palace. How did they end up with the biggest snob in the joint? Honestly. They can't meet up to his standards at all. He puts them in pretty clothes now, but they're still that same little country bumpkin underneath. Are they even good enough for him? Does he actually care about them or is it just some stunt? It cant be. Nah. They're fine. Everything's fine.

Vaura

They love Lucio with all their heart, but they also know he wasn't the greatest man before they met. In fact, he still isn't. Everyone has their flaws, right? Regardless of that, they would fight tooth and nail to make damn sure his past never caught up with him. Whether that be deals unpaid or a corrupt return to past actions, they couldn't care less. Maybe that made them a little morally grey, sure. Should he get his comeuppance? Probably— but not while they have a say in it. They would keep what they had taken.

[a-wild-things-rambles]

hometown hypocrisy

and the bloods beating down in the city tonight and no-one will ever sympathize with our plight try to get up, but we just fall down trying to escape this damn hometown

and we got fires burning in our souls and the scars to prove it, what do you know but the rains putting us out drowning our sparks and our shouts

and the fogs setting in rain against my skin and the sky's beating me down wandering my hometown and the roads gotten twisted the old life's gone, i missed it guess it is true, you can never go home again

and the bloods beating down in the city tonight and no-one will ever sympathize with our plight try to get up, but we just fall down trying to escape this damn hometown

and blood seeping through our clothes violence begets violence, don't ya know but these fists are my hometown pride gritted teeth and bloodshot eyes

and the fogs setting in rain against my skin and the sky's beating me down wandering my hometown and the roads gotten twisted the old life's gone, i missed it guess it is true, you can never go home again

'and the bloods beating down' is the 2nd chorus/prechorus [look i changed the structure but im not editing my analysis i dont want it to get longer]

'and the fogs setting in' is the [main]chorus [planned to use a diffrent tone to musicaly distinguish it from teh verses and pre/2nd chorus][is in italics]

and 'we got fires' is teh 1st verse and 'blood seeping thru our clothes' is the second

NOTE: should be spoken or sung for optimal beat with contractions, but for readability has been mostly uncontracted. also idk how to spell what do you know contracted right.

the chorus is much later in the singers life than the pre chorus & the two verses, the hypocrisy is that the singer wants to both escape and go back to his hometown.

the younger singer always uses plural, to symbolize community, until 'these fists are my hometown pride' almost at the end. he refutes the cycle of violence by owning his violence as part of himself- his link to his hometown.

in addition, he has become the active perpetrator of violence, [previous references were 'we all fall down' [something else to him] and 'we got the scars to prove it' which is implied to be violence perpetrated unknowingly to each other because of 'fires burning in our souls'- when they get close, they hurt each other unintentionally] he now links his sense of self to violence, and thus when he loses his ability to do violence, he loses his self, and his link to his hometown, becoming the older singer

but by doing this he also will inevitably refute his hometown, by linking it intrinsically to violence, becoming the older singer who sings the chorus when he can no longer have that link to his self or his hometown because he can no longer do violence [his inability shown by him being 'beaten down' by the rain/oppressive atmosphere], i did want to expand on this, writing more verses to show the fall and how he ended up as the chorus person but it didnt work. heres the scrapped third verse

but soon those fists turned weak what do you know? you aint at your peak stress and violence aint good for your heart and you find that your bodys now falling apart

it can also be seen as by growing up to become a perpetrator and someone with power, he is now distant from his people and community, the solidarity is formed from their shared victimhood so when he steps out of that/rejects it, he loses the community [also becoming part of the violent cycle means getting rejected] [also the chorus says 'twisted road' we dont know what happened to make him fall, thats up to the readers interpretation] [transmasc journey of realizing your masculinity then becoming ostracised][or disability]

"guess its true, you can never go home again" is the only exception to the rhyming scheme, and it gives it emphasis, it was more noticeable before the chorus was squished together [previously each half line was its own line until 'guess its true'] fuck it it can take up space on yalls dashboards its getting split again

'bloodshot eyes' can be interpreted many different ways, from crying to injury to rage, each suggesting different meanings and affecting the text in diffrent ways

[mariisauruslove]

Dear Ahmad,

Its taken me a long time to decide whether I should respond to anything you’ve said. In truth, i know my silence was louder and that’s why I didnt say anything. At first, however, i thought that night that i should just give it time. Then literally the next morning, less than 12 hrs from when it happened, you decide to cut me off? Because what? You’re overstimulated? You’re stressed? I didn’t even get enough time to process what happened. You cant force anyone to work on your schedule. Then you message again asking if we’re ever going to talk about it like you didnt just end the friendship? Like i was nothing? Just completely hurt me again and again. And you’re right, there is some responsibility of my own to that, and that is to stop letting you treat me this way. It’s not okay. You constantly treat me so ugly when ive done nothing but love you authentically and purely. I’m not your scapegoat. You dont just lash out on me to feel better. Being your friend doesnt give you a pass to treat me like shit. And instead of apologizing, change your behavior because it’s happened multiple times. Oh and my apologies that apparently mean less because i do it so often? It’s because you’re unpredictable and you lash out at me. The apologies happen because I’m trying to not step on your toes and upset you. And it only happens with you. Because I don’t feel safe with you. Its why i couldn’t climax with you. My body doesn’t feel safe.

I loved you so fucking much for you to break me this way. I don’t understand why. Like honestly why. The first night i was next to you, you were upset I wasn’t kissing you with passion. And how tf are you going to tell me that you were feeling something with me and then youre over there in love with her? Make it make sense. You never felt anything. Just lust. You didn’t care about me or how i felt. All i did for you genuinely out of love, it was to your benefit and my expense.

I hope you hear the loudness of the void where my presence used to be. And i hope you consume yourself in it and reflect that you fucked up deeply because you lost the best damn thing that happened to you. A love that cuts deeper than a knife, it was too good to be true. I am disgusted that I let someone like you touch me this way. You’re narcissistic, manipulative and a liar. You said i wasnt in your cycle and its all bullshit, because i wasnt the only girl you reeled in, fucked and then tried to be friends with like nothing happened. You keep these women around for your convenience and congratulations, because it’s so fucking believable that you care. Looking at me, kissing me, touching me the way you did. I really believed you loved me in some way. But how fucking stupid do you think i am? You lost me. But its okay because you didnt truly care about me, you cared what I provided for you, which was a safe space for you. And you took advantage of that by thinking it was okay to lash out at me, even when it wasnt i who you were mad at. Oh and the fun part? When i actually had problems? Its was nice to hear you just throw it back in my face. I truly appreciate it.

I knew you deeper than you knew yourself and i knew you were afraid of me because youve never experienced someone like me. Your eyes cant lie. I see through you. And that’s what scares you. You didn’t know the impact i was making on you until it was taken right under you. You took me for granted, thought I was going to be there for you at your beck and call. No, sir. I’m much more clever than that. And im worth so much more than that.

Youve taken enough of me. Youve hurt me enough and because of it all, you lost me. And i will be the one that got away. And youll try to get over me, ask yourself who tf I am. And that’s when youll realize I am the woman who loved you more than anyone else. It must be really embarrassing to be you right now. I can only imagine how stupid you feel. But that sounds like a YOU problem. I hope you heal from your bullshit and not rationalize your actions. Bon journée, mon chéri.

[actualbird]

Oh no I've been thinking about switching career to writing because I'm so so drained in my current one but I saw you saying not to pursue writing if it's a hobby. What made you feel that way if you don't mind me asking? I'm scared I might make a mistake if I change paths so any info would be very helpful, thanks x

hi anon!! i'd like it on record that i made that last post under a moment of duress and stress. granted, a moment thats been ongoing for months (a monthsment?), but like. i am taking a step back to provide an objective truth:

when im not stressed out of my mind, i genuinely enjoy my job.

i do like writing, even if it's for work. i love writing, i wouldnt have decided to study it in college and pursue a career in it if i didnt love it because lbr, nobody is going into writing for the money or fame, that such an outlier that it's almost laughable (laughter that dissolves into tired sobs, but still laughable. jkHVKJHVKJH).

but the reason i said that (and the reason why my writing exhaustion has been so recurring and regular) is cuz like---

(and forgive me but im gonna need to use a metaphor to explain this. how writerly of me jVKJSHDFKJSHD im also putting this under the cut so i dont flood ppl's dash with a writerly philosophical breakdown basically jhvKJVJK)

---it's like, when i personally write, the energy i need to do it comes from a specific HP bar, so to speak. like how in games, youve got a stamina bar and an HP bar and an MP bar and all that. my brain has a dedicated WP (Writing Points) bar, thats separate from all the other metaphorical energy bars ive got, like the Socializing Points bar or the Physical Health Bar---oh wait that already exists, thats just normal HP jkhvdfkjVKJKVJ.

problem is, that that WP bar isnt subdivided into specific kinds of writing. it's just for All writing, whether or not it's writing i do for myself for fun (like fanfic and hcs or character analyses or even just ping-ponging ideas and concepts around with buddies) or writing i do to earn money (for context: i work in advertising, so im writing anything and everything from billboards to tv commercial scripts to daily social media posts, and beyond).

my brain just sees any kind of writing as Writing. it's all synonyms, because all kinds of writing i do are powering the same brain mechanisms, even if the type of writing im doing is different.

so what ends up happening very often for me is that, by the end of the day and/or week, after non-stop writing for work, i sit down at my laptop with a hunger to write something fun with my fave tot characters and i realize that my WP bar has already been completely depleted. because i used all the points for work writing, and i Needed to because thats my job and it's how i make a living. but now theres none left for fun writing until the arbitrary time period wherein my WP bar resets. additionally, because all Writing is synonyms in my brain's processes, when i feel stressed doing work-writing, i will also feel stressed doing fun-writing. it's like muscle memory, even if those things are different.

so. this makes me tired. im really very tired constantly because i dont have the energy to write for fun a lot of the time, and being unable to do that drains the maximum value of my WP bar even more. ideally, that maximum value is sposed to grow, but if im tired and miserable all the time, i grow weak, and so the maximum value diminishes.

that being said, going into writing as a career is not a mistake. it really depends on what you want to do and how you Handle your reactions to what you end up doing

like, ive got a whole bunch of other [redacted unhealthy mental habits] which are doing the opposite of solving my eternally depleted WP bar. and i know there are ways out there to manage my energy better or manage my workload better. when im not stressed, i enjoy my job and that enjoyment feeds into my energy and lets me write more things for myself for fun. and again, i cannot stress this enough, i love writing and it's the only thing i can see myself doing for the rest of my life. it's just hard to love it when youre exhausted 24/7

but thats all jobs, sometimes, right?

idk i kinda panicked when i saw this ask and felt disheartened because i dont want to be dissuading people from pursuing something they want to do. so i wanna end this by saying that pursuing a job in writing is not automatically a mistake if your hobby is also writing. it depends on a lot of factors, and even if you reach a point that you feel like crud all the time like me, there are solutions and ways to to make it better.

im just trying to figure out those solutions myself too ajhfkjsfvkjashfa

i hope this helped, anon

[princessdreamie]

DBH ending part 3

after Seth was born Lolly stepped up as his big sister and while c made sure that most of the requirements were met for his brother, he still asked for advise if their parents had a stressful time. Doesnt mean they were bad parents. But one being a ceo and the other being a bar owner was not easy to handle a baby in their environment. E eventually got along with ll to the point where he even tucks her into bed after the day was done. And even made sure she got to parties if there were kids alllowed. S was secretly happy for it, while she loved se and c the same she didnt want to give birth to another kid. One was enough. Especially after realizing what troubles they can cause at the beginning. S and ll had your typical mother-daughter relationship. They fight sometimes but they make up later on the day. C was liking her just as much. He was hoping for a sister when his mom was expecting but still is happy for a younger sib. So that all works out.

Back to the present XD

when se was starting to get hungry, he let his dad know. And we all know what tha means. Screaming until his belly is satisfied. E was calling for a maid to make some food for him. He was looking for his robot daughter but couldnt find her. He picked up se while he was checking his gps to see where she went. Normally she would jump out from the most unexpected places and await his orders. He was confused of the speed her little tiger icon went on the road but realized soon enough that she was sneaking out again. E was not allowing her to go out without his knowledge after all. After he saw where the tiger face was leading to he calmed down but made sure to remember to give her and Mitchell a scolding. by now she probably made herself known inside, so there was no way his assistant wasnt aware of the little cat girl being in the car. After he got se to stop crying and got him to eat, our fave ceo handed him to the nearest butler to lay him down. He was beaten and still had work to do. Alarm was set for 20 mins to give him a power nap. But he got woken up by his wife instead after 4 missed alarms.

Back in kindergarten

na was sitting with some of her friends, Milly(aka. mi), Tim (I guess just T XD) & Lena (Le). she was the one who came up to them to make friends and they had a good connection very early on. Mi was a wild child, climbing stuff was her favorite thing to do, even if she gave their teachers a heart attack. Tim was shy and had troubles making friends on his first few days in his class b4 he met Na. Le was deaf. She had an incident at an amusement park once at age 2, where the boxes for a show had difficulties and eventually made loud disturbing noise. Her parents were under one of those speakers and tried their best to cover her ears but she still got a lot of damage for her hearing. her hearing could be repaired but she needed to grow older for the operation to be a success.

the 4 kids played with gg and ll for a bit b4 bully and his lackey Loid (aka. lo) messed with them. Fyi, chance's school doesnt allow ai bots after some kids made pranks with them. So that was a new rule they had to follow.

Anyway, they would do that most days, the boys are either getting on their nerves or make fun of them. Na told n about her son's behavior, more than once. But every time bratty jumps in his defense. Saying he just wants to play. But he wasn't. He has been given the title 'baby bully' for a reason afterall. Although she and tim are older than him,the girls are around the same age as bully by a few weeks but this isnt saying much, he still does how he pleases in class. Their homeroom teacher, miss Trail, knew how bad he has gotten and made sure to document everything he and his friend have done in her class.

on their break, ms. Trail went up to na to comfort her, after her cousin got to her with his stupid comments. Her friends played on the slide while she stayed on the side. Gg was with her friends and ll was rebooting for an update. So she was sitting basically alone under the shades. She wasnt feeling well either and now had to wait for her meds to take effect. The teacher asked if she wanted to visit the big kids school. Her eyes lit up at her offer. The school they went to was the same where lv and c went. Their recess starts a few minutes later after they have had. Na put her little tiger friend in her jacket and they started walking to the school. The 2 waited by the gate and Ms. trail asked the little girl how her family was doing. Aside of telling her the usual things with her parents and and her aunts and uncles sometimes, she either talks her about a show she really liked at the moment or her time with the fergusons. The woman noticed pretty quickly that she wasn't very keen on her cousins. With the exception of Michael and levi, she wasnt getting along with n's kids and levis little brother was going to another school. And when asked why he is not with his big brother in the same school, he only answer was "i guess he wanted to be independent from cousin leaf". Her teacher just nodded not understanding the minds of those big wigs.

Thats why her idea to come to this school was so that whenever her little student had a hard time, they would visit her favorite relatives. She interacted with both boys occasionally and her intuition told her that the young ferguson really was looking out for her. Levi cared for her as well, but since his friend had no familiar relation to them other than his stepmom being a Stanton cousin they still treat each other as family. Thats why she had more respect for him than most other siblings she had encountered. As the time goes by Na finally felt her medicine working. Right on time for the big kids to run out. Levi was hanging with his friends while c was playing basketball with a few other kids.

One of c's friends told him that his girl cousin was visiting. When he finally saw the 2 on the gate, he waved at them and asked for a 5 minute break. Arriving infront if the girls he chit chat with both of them. Eventually her teacher tells her to tell him what happened today. And he knew from the moment he saw her face that it wasn't good. She looked sad and her eyes fell to the side. He had a feeling that it might have to do with bully. He never liked the kid. As bratty's brother was still young he witnessed his toddler behavior but didnt think much of it at that time. But now he was glad that r was back home with his own teachers his dad had chosen. Even tho he was alone with them, s made sure to let him meet kids his age in the nearby park on his lunch breaks, so that he wouldnt be to isolated.

If he met bully now, they cretainly would get into a fight. his dad made the right choice, he just wished na's parents would have realized it too. Then again, he was glad that she found good friends back there that go with her through thick and thin. He hadn't met them yet but the girl promised to introduce them to him at her birthday party next time. Her bd was coming up and invited her class and some of her other friends. She wished she could uninvite bratty and bully but her family didnt think it was a good idea since they are still her family. She wasnt sure if she feels that way still after knowing them for so long. Bratty threw her tantrums left and right and bully was making everything a nightmare.

The little grouo parted ways after she finally told him about her day, and c wasnt amused to say the least. He made himsrlf a feminder to talk to lv about this. After school, while waiting for the bus (c & lv wanted to drive with the bus for a while so they could keep chatting with their group of friends) c walked up to lv and told him what he heared from Na. Lv heared him out and tells him he will get to the bottom of this. B4 c could go back to his friends, lv asked if gg and ll were with her all the time. C just shrugged his shoulders and tells him that these 2 are never far apart of the kids normally.

Back at the Stanton's mansion

The grown ups had some tea time while they waut gor the kids to come back. N keeps talking about a problem they encountered at work. Some smuggeling i guess, make your own sense of it. Ct was sitting next to her looking at some files while the others give their 2 cents to this topic. The door opened loudly and they don't need to wonder who just came in. N's dad asked his daughter to teach her son manners. But n just retaliates thst he will grow out of it. Bratty was in her room doing homework and noticed the commotion as well. Soon after lv and na came around the corner and he had something to tell them

Flashback b4 this brat rushed inside the door

Na and lv were talking about their homework they have to do today until Bully rushed between lv and na as they walked the way to the door. He didnt even look back to see if they are ok. Lv kept his balance, his girl cousin unfortunately did not. She fell on the hard floor with her butt. she was about to cry from the pain but lv knew how to calm her down. He sang her fave part of chance's song and strocked her hair lightly. Sge still cried some tears but this song made her feel better. Lolly, who was already turned back on after her update, hugged her tightly and tigger looked back at the door, shaking his head.

Back on track.

Lv sat na on k's lap and started to inform them about her day with bully. Ct just tsked and was telling his nephew that the 'ferguson kid' might have Over Exaggerated. But gg & ll could confirmed it. Gg even showed recordings on their ipad. The speakers were on, and hearing the things her baby cousin said today again,made her feel even more upset. N called bu (bully) down to question him. B4 they saw those recordings all of them thought that he couldnt have been that bad. Bu even lied most of the time when he was asked if he was a good kid In school. Or if he played nicely with the other kids. Gg had a bad feeling whenever he answered those questions. And now he knows why. As he lied this Time again, gg replayed the recording, much to na's displeasure. His apology later didn't even feel sincere. Even ct noticed his son's annoyed undertone. N's dad again, tells her to watch his behavior. But br (bratty) heared that her brother got yelled at and came to his side to comfort him. In her opinion it is not his fault that na is so weak that she gets upset everytime someone said something bad to her. K had finally enough. He had to sit there, hearing those terrible things his daughter and as well as her friends had to endure. He was not having it with his niece's attitude. A fight broke out and na ran to her hiding place she found some time ago. It was a little cabinet with a secret hidden floor room. she would just lay there sometimes abd try to calm herself down. She turned on her little light on her watch and called c.

The ferguson parents already heared from their son and try to figure out if they should talk with them. Na might not like to be around ppl but she visited them enough to have a good relationship w/each other with their niece. While discussing it, c's mobile watch started ringing. He excused himself and answered the call after entering another room. c wasnt surprised seeing her with her barely seeing face. She would call him or her friends whenever she was in her hiding spot. Na was telling him what happened at home and ge assured her that he will be there to listen.

Their calls started once a few months ago where she had a crush on a boy in her class. She asked c for advise, even tho he never dated anyone b4. He went out with some, sure but they were obviously just after his family's fame. The boy turned out to be lo, b4 he met bu. At 1st he seemed nice. He played with her home or sometimes read books together. but one day she had to take her drops ver bad. As soon as she got her bottle out of her bag, sum1 snatched it away. And who else would it be but lo proofing himself to bu. Bc apparently being a lackey for the son of the lady of the Stanton family is better than being her friend. A teacher stepped in and lo's and na's parents were called in. And instead of saying that he wasn't alone in this, lo took all the blame so that bu could get out of trouble Scott free. Since then she hid in this place and be surrounded by dim light with sum1 to talk to that has time to hear her out. c tells ber that he will let ll stay with her for tonight and he will come pick the little tiger the next day.

At Kai' and julie's home

They bought a new home for them selves, a few months prior in her pregnancy, and the house was furnished fo their wishes. Slightly smaller than his dad's place bur still impressive nonetheless. The day b4 kai and his family left in a hurry as they still had their screaming match. Julie was not sure what to do anymore. She knows n was doing her best with her kids but after seeing the footage as proof she didnt know what to believe anymore. Na came out of her hiding spot when her parents called her name. She was secretly happy to leave but made sure to hide her emotions to not make her fam worry. Ll and gg were the only ones who said good bye as they left the house. It was not like her dad to lose his temper, with his family no less. Normally she witnessed ber dad being the butt of the joke but this time he had not pulled any punches.

Kai was still not over it what his sister and the family of hers did today. Ct was trying to calm them down in a half assed way. As if he was not even sure that there was a problem to begin with. As for their kids, they didnt even pretend to be sorry the whole time as they fought. J and k whispered to eachother on the ride home to not wake up their daughter. But ll was still awake. And she was sure enough to record their convo as well to show it to her parents. She thought that these 2 are the least 'brain dead' people she had met today.

Arriving home k brought na to her room and kept arguing with his wife. Not only over his daughter but how his family seemes to have gone off the rails lately after bu was born. There were times that they would visit e & s so they could only be around r. their son was not as arrogant as their other nephew. They didnt want to admit it but they preferred the Ferguson's home over staying with bu. c's parents felt the same way. They preferred to have their little kid stay with them than being with n's son a whole day. They even love having na around them.

On the next day

E came to k's place to pick up ll. E rejected the invitation to have some coffee inside since he was late for work anyway. Na was already talking w her friends about her up coming bd party. T was uncertain bc his parents werent in any of the circles. He got into this daycare bc his dad and the director visited the same sports bar and they got to know each other there. Na didnt care about circles anyhow. If her parents throw a party for her then they have to invite kids she actually likes. None of those business opportunities, like they normally do. Too bad that bu had the same idea as well but at the same day. Originally the Stanton's were thinking of doing his on his actual birthday but he ofc got his way. In the pretends of 'making up with his cousin'. in reality he is just a prick. K was not on board with this plan and decided to make her party at his house. The family fought about it until k and j couldnt take it anymore. Their dad was already mad about the whole fiasco b4 but now he was at his withs end.

As was as na feared. He invited most of her class to his party. And the ones he didnt invite were not close enough to either of them. Fortunately some of them didnt like bu so they gratefully accepted her party invites. The parties were on the weekend so many had time to come. But bu would just have this smug grin on his face when they drove home, thinking she will regret telling on his mom. basically, just some stupid revenge scheme of his.

Na was still bumped for the lack of guests on her list compared to her bby cousin. N felt bad for her, even try to talk about her problems with bu. But na didnt even try to listen, knowing that she wont do a thing about his behavior. Ct tried to reassure his wife that they will get over it eventually.

On the day of the party.

As expected most of her classmates came to bu's place. Even trying to show off in social media. But to their surprise E and his family arrive with some other kids that got bullied from n's kid. It wasnt difficult to check who else got ignored/mistreated by him. Their parents were ecstatic on his offer. and equally mad to know that they were still treated so badly, even after they got wind of bu's behavior. K & J were talking to some of the parents while mi and na played with her dancing game. Na was not really good at dancing. She would lose footing or even step outside the dancing mat. But mi was just loving it. Not only bc she was winning, but her energy was finally put in good use. When mi and the other 2 arrived at first, the wild girl would just jump up on furniture and dangle on the edge. A while later they got another guest at the door.

C and some of his buddies came as well. One certain friend of his was disguised with a baseball cappy and mask. When asked what his deal was, the friend tried his best to use a deeper voice but na recognized him immediately. He was one of her favorite actors in the show se likes to watch. Caught in the open, the guy put his disguise away and many of the girls at the party squeaked in delight. Fabian (Fa) played the best friend of the Heroine and he got as just as many followers/fans as his colleagues do. C was not aware of this bc fa barely talks about his work in the Media circle. But it payed off nonetheless.

Na was on edge. He favorite actor, at her party. She completely forgot about bu and his party and got the best birthday to date. Fa Even blogged about his friend's cousin and her party. The post got way more likes and comments than bu had by a long shot.

At the Stanton's

Bu was mad after seeing the new post from fa. Even his own guests saw it and some left right away to see him. N called her brother asking if it was his work. But he just laughted and tells her to not be too delusional. When she accused k of playing petty he just grinnted his teeth and answered, if it was petty to defend his daughter from a useless brat. And just hung up on her. He never talked to his sister that way, and he had to admit, it felt good.

After an hour their place was in full swing. Some older girls from c's class came to their house as well and started to flirt w him and fa. that didnt sit right with na but T dragged her to her cake. When all of the guests finally sat around her bd cake it got quiet. na made her with and the cheers got wild. Le asked if she had taken her meds yet. J was touched by her friends concern and explained to her that they gave it to he a few hours ago.

After a while the party eventually ended and aside of c & a work friend of k, the family of 3 started to get ready for bed. K's friend talks with him about an upvoming show while j gets some rest on the couch. C offered j to take na to bed, which the woman really appreciated. While the little girl finisehd her tooh brushing routine, c get a call from bratty asking what kind of friend he is. C learned over the years to not let his step cousin have her way, even if he had a little crush on her back in the day. But after bully got into the picture he noticed all the red flags of her and that she was not worth his efforts. He asked her if she really got so entitled to the point that she doenst see how her attitude affected her girl cousin's feelings forwars her and the family. Their bickering kept on going until he tells her how he really feels about her brother and wished he would have been abducted. He regretted saying that as soon as these words left his mout but by then that bitch was crying about how 'Selfish' he has become. (Like, we all know she would react that way, that's why every1 hates that bitch)

Na had her door closed so she couldnt hear everything what they talked about. But from the tone of theur voices she figured it wasnt pleasant.

Part 4 coming soon

[sofyreneko]

i didnt expect anyone to actually see my reblog so i’m going to explain what i’m actually doing for anyone that wants a more detailed tip. maybe it helps someone like me?

it relies on two apps: a blocking app and a task planner app.

blocking (needs to be hard to disable):

i set time limits that let me know how long i use the app and locks it for 15 minutes.

i lock certain apps so i can only open them a given amount of times for a set time.

i create blocking sessions where most of my apps are locked so i can focus on what i need to be doing - or sleep.

planning:

write down how long it takes you to do things so you can tell when you are stress over an impossible schedule.

combine blocking sessions to the tasks you have to do so you can actually focus on them.

divide your tasks/to do list in smaller steps— helps visualize how long you need to take, gives you motivation every time you check that small step even if you dont finish the whole task.

have alarms to remind you to take breaks to prevent burn out — pomodoro technique.

for a more detailed explanation of what i do and why, which apps i use, and the true cons of it all keep reading.

i started these habits because i was struggling with controlling time blindness, procastination, forgetting my body needs while hyperfixated and revenge bedtime procastination, all adhd symptoms that ended up with me needing antidepressants.

my qualifications to give this advice are: i did them and they worked for me —or at least improved my life significantly.

for all of this to work the most important thing is a change in mindset. you need to look at where you are right now, what habits are stopping you to reach your goals and where you could be right now if you stopped them and if you dont like the picture that makes, you need the strenght and will to put in the effort to change it.

dont do this because you should, do this because you want to improve your life. you also dont have to change every single habit, just by improving on one small habit you are already better than you were yesterday. you still improved yourself. be kind to yourself with your progress, but keep progressing.

these habits might not all work for you, but maybe they will and i feel like that makes it worth it to give it a read.

to block apps i use opal: (time blindness)

opal has a really fucking annoying way to turn off the limit and it’s even worse if you pay the app or combine with the phone’s own restrictions. it has block, lock and time limit options which you can schedule and even create blocking sessions.

for any app that is addicting and makes me loose track of time, like tiktok or ao3, i have daily time limits which variate from weekdays to weekends (shorter on weekends because with free time i lose track even more).

these time limits only purpose is strictly to make me aware of how long i actually spent on the app, not to stop me completely to use them, so after say 1h-45m of using it i get locked out for 15 minutes only. i can still access them back how many times as i want during the day, i just get stopped after a long period to be able to 1. realize how much time has been and 2. stop and think— do i need to go to the bathroom? am i hungry? did i leave the stove on? was i in the middle of a task before getting distracted?

on purely entertainment apps (like games), or apps i get painfully obsessive about (tiktok again) i have locks. what this does is it gives you a set amount of “unlocks” allowed on the days you set and you can make them last whatever long you want. once you ran out of unlocks, that’s when you get blocked out until tomorrow.

this makes you aware of how many times you actually open those apps, works by either making you self aware/guilty (yes i am unlocking tiktok for the 7th time today so what) or by making you conscious of your available time to mess around (do i really want to open tiktok now for a quick bathroom break or should i save the unlock for later?).

if you unlock the app you can freely access it for the unlocked time, so if you unlock it and don’t use it you lose a chance to unlock it later, so for that reason my unlocking times tend to be really small but i give myself a lot of them. for example, i can open tiktok 15 times on the weekends, but only on ten minutes periods. thats still 2 and a half hours of tiktok screen time but i tend to use only five of them.

finally i have blocking sessions to sleep, study or work. these can be either be scheduled or created by a shortcut widget or a focus mode on iphone (think do not disturb on steroids). these go hand in hand with that planning bit of the apps. basically for any time where i have to study or just focus in general i start a blocking session. i also use it to block the apps when it goes from “sleeping late” to “you have no excuse here” (2:30-5am).

i put almost every not actually useful app or website on a blocklist and while the session is on i can’t open any of them without going directly to opal. if i go to the app i have to wait five seconds to just make any edits (you can get longer wait with timeout mode and harder if you pay). you can also combine it with password protecting the app, getting it off the home screen so its harder to find, etc. you can even block opal during your blocking session to prevent you from disabling it.

i can instead of disabling the whole thing, have “breaks” of any time i choose that would automatically block the ups again after they’re done. if i have to send an important text to my mom, or check the file a friend sent me, or whatever, i can take a five minute break to do so and the apps would automatically lock again so i dont get distracted doing anything else on my now unblocked apps.

to plan my day and tasks i use sunsama: (procastination)

i am milking those no card needed 14 day free trial, but it is expensive so you can use ticktick(?), notion, xtiles, just regular calendar/notes, evernote, theres a bunch online. basically somewhere you will actually check to put everything you need to do every single day, even dumb things, specially in as many small tasks as you can (think finding recipe, preparing ingredients, make meal 1, make meal 2, leave dishes ready to be washed, eat, do dishes instead of “cooking/eating” —make its easier to contextualize time and seems more approachable doing a bunch of short time tasks getting the dopamine boost of checking them on the list than one big tasks where you can forget the details).

what i like about sunsama in particular is three things: actual/planned time, pomodoro timer, and pushing tasks forwards.

the actual/planned time is single handedly fixing my time blindness. basically every time you go add a task it encourages you to write how long you think the task will take, then when you finally write every tasks of the day it will tell you how many hours worth of work you have planned to do, and if its healthy or not. a lot of the times that i got stressed because i didnt do most of what i planned its because i didnt realize i was planning a 25hs long schedule —i physically couldn’t do that much work on a single day.

then every time you start the task, you can start the timer so you can actually visually see how long it takes you to complete that task, and in the future when you try creating similar tasks it will recommend a similar time frame. combine that with pomodoro technique of focusing and your blocking session breaks and suddenly you are aware of how long time is (get awareness of how time passes and what 10 minutes feel like), how long it takes you to get things done (plan your days more effectively— prevent the “i can’t do anything because i have an appointment in five hours”), how much time has passed since you started the task (prevent hyperfixation), a way to stop you of getting distracted from actually doing what you set out to do.

if you plan obsessively enough, it can push you to start the tasks when you planned them to because you already planned your week (maybe) so you know you wont have time later because the other tasks (soft deadlines to kickstart the adhd go mode! — prevent procrastination as you already know you have prepared the actual time it will take for you to get that task done and to do it you have to start it now).

the pomodoro technique involves 25 min of work with 5min breaks —every three sets of 25 min of work take a longer break of 15min-30min. to the usual complains i say that in my personal opinion:

it made starting tasks feel less daunting.

prevented burnout from hyperfixating and ignoring my body’s needs.

makes it easier to stick to a task for longer when i know in just a couple more minutes i will get that break.

boosted my efficiency as i try to finish before the timer goes off.

you can adjust it to your needs: make it 45min of work with 10 min breaks, dont take the 5 min break —just set the timer so every 25 minutes you get a reminder to drink water, go to the bathroom, hey you have been at this for five hours maybe do take the break now.

for me it doesnt tend to break the flow/focus mode because the five minutes are usually just barely enough time for me to go to the bathroom and refill my drink. maybe answer one (1) text. it isn’t like with neurotypicals where they either dont see these as breaks or don’t need to be reminded to do them.

i combine this technique with the 5 minutes breaks of my blocking sessions, so i can’t get distracted while getting shit done and it feels easier knowing i wont be completely locked in while doing it thanks to the breaks. i also write on a paper to keep track of how many pomodoros i have done, and keep a “parking lot” empty paper to write down any idea or task or to do i thought that i can later add to my tasks list and dont forget it.

the final thing i like about sunsama is that it doesnt leave unfinished tasks behind, so anything you dont accomplish today it will push it into tomorrow schedule so you can still see what you need to get done. many others leave the tasks behind so you have to scroll to find any missed tasks and then i just never do them.

the cons on all of this for the sake of transparency:

needing to stay consistent turning on those blocking sessions or not finding alternatives to your blocked apps.

being honest and blocking or limiting everything that will distract you (i barely used to use tumblr, now its my most used app because it has the loosest restrictions and bypasses my sleeping block. i know this— i still havent restricted it more. i am ignoring my dangerous non sleeping time frame to post this.)

being so restricted on my usage is pushing me a bit into revenge sleep procastination. i went from 14hs of screen time daily down to 7hs and im struggling to adjust to it. hence tumblr or looking for alternatives to catch up on missed “free time”.

i still tend to overschedule myself into impossible timelines, which makes me ignore the pomodoro breaks causing stress on my body and burning out, keep until i finish the tasks despite going widly off planned time, making me go to bed later and pushing more tasks onto tomorrow’s packed schedule.

the last two are connected. because i want to finish the task quickly and ignore the breaks, i dont actually have the free time to mess around while doing the tasks and i want to catch up on that missed time while on bed.

however, i went from not studying at all (im an university student) to studying 40+ hours in the last couple of days, divided my screen time by two, went to class, meal prep so i can actually eat during the week, drink more water. its a work in progress but baby, im progressing.

so yeah that’s how i parent controlled my phone into working to help me focus and do shit instead of helping me bedrot into a depressive episode. if you want me to go more in depth or want to help me out on my cons, please do i love both options. let me yap or help me out just win win win to me.

graph of what being hungry is like with adhd

[freyito]

ᴅᴏɢᴘɪʟᴇ

✭ pairing(s): clive rosfield x gn reader

✩ inspo: i think he really just needs a nap.

✩ in which: you two (three) get caught in a rainstorm at your weariest.

✧ a/n: i really wanna write sooooo much for ffxvi but im like only halfway i think... so i shall stick to who i know. ALSO this is 100% NOT based off that one scene cause actually i didnt even know there was That One Scene UNTIL I WAS LOOKING FOR PICTURES FOR HEADERS. sigh. also the logic might not make sense bear with me guys i wrote this with a killer stress induced headache

✦ taglist: @shinysora

🗒 cw: gn reader, idk you guys get nakey for a bit, just fluff tho, not proofread

�� wc: 2.7k

What a wonderful day it had been, the sun shining up high in its loft, smiling down at those of the Hideaway. You were sure it was, at least. You hadn’t seen a cloudy day plague the Hideaway, despite the many metaphorical ones. How you wished you were back there, lounging in your own room, huddled up under your nice and warm, dry, blankets. Instead, you were caught in a rainstorm in Rosaria, drops pelting you and your cloth, clinging to your body and making you all the more colder. It had started raining only after you had finished sloshing about in the swamps, putting a damper on your mood.

Ahead of you, Clive and Torgal were walking, seemingly unscathed by the rain, save for Clive blocking the rain from his eyes. You’re just a little jealous that he seems to be having it easier than you, undeterred by the circumstances. How foolish of you to believe it would be a nice little date between the two of you. When the storm started, he hadn’t even so much as looked your way to check if you were alright, no doubt too focused on the mission’s objective. He had a habit of that, getting too caught up in his work and ignoring the world around him. Aside from his dog.

Every so often, as you stumble several feet behind the two, shivering in your clothes, Clive reaches a hand out and pets Torgal, sparing the pup a few scratches behind the ears. You aren’t jealous of the dog, not at all. Surely you aren’t? You get it, the bond between the two. But there’s no way Clive had just up and forgotten about you, even with all your complaining. Maybe he got his best thinking done in the rain…? If you call out, perhaps he will spare you a quick glance at the very least.

As you open your mouth to yell, a  lightning bolt strikes down particularly close to the two of you, causing you to yelp. You quite liked storms, in the comfort of your own bed, not when it was way too close. Clive finally spins around, casting a worried gaze towards you. You must look horrible right now, you realize. Your clothes soaked through, hair sticking to your face. Suddenly you find yourself shying away from his gaze, turning your head, you allow the rain to pelt your cheek.

“I think we should–” He calls out to you, but his voice is lost amidst the storm. Has Rosaria ever had such bad weather like this? Finally, finally, he has the right mind to backtrack and step towards you. “I think we should find some place to stay while the storm dies down.”

You two were too far from Martha’s Rest, and the next village over had already been reaped of all life. As well as it would be to stay there, it felt wrong to simply barge in. It was if you were defiling graves. Besides that, it was also too far. You weren’t familiar with Rosaria at all, so all you could do is look at Clive with a hopeless gaze. 

The man feels as if he’d been pierced through the heart. You were akin to a soggy cat in his eyes, one he happily loved. With a sigh, he looks around. The winds had picked up, making the rain harder to see through. There were enough abandoned builds somewhere off the path that would at most stand tall for the next couple of hours. Ones that would hopefully not be struck by lightning. Well, it’s another little adventure, he supposes. With a huff, he nods towards the right of the path, and starts walking, Torgal eager to follow behind him.

The only problem with that is the fact he’s walking right back out to the swamp. Farbeit for you to feel so spoiled and posh, but you would rather stand still and weather the storm than walk back through the swamps with the ludicrous amount of water in your boots. You were cold as it is, might as well freeze to death then endure it any longer.

Clive looks back at you when he can’t hear your footsteps, and all you can do is pout. He doesn’t question it or call out, and instead makes his way back to you. Torgal looks back and waits patiently, as the man, without words, leans down and sweeps one arm underneath the back of your knees, the other holding you by your back. You aren’t unused to such things, he isn’t afraid to pamper you and shower you with the royalty treatment. Not that you were against this, either.

With a grunt of effort, he hauls you off and begins trekking through the swamp. Founder, he is warm. So very warm. Despite the rain that had showered his attire and soaked his hair, his warmth seeps through. You can’t help but nuzzle close, wrapping your arms around his neck. If you two were to sink into the swamp, at least you’d do so within your beloved Lord Rosfield’s arms, content in warming yourself with what you'd only assume is either the Phoenix’s or Ifrit’s blessing. 

While you busied yourself with fantasies and the like, Clive had found suitable shelter. A rundown shack that had a few planks that weren’t rotting. It wasn’t as warm as Clive was, but it was dry enough. Gently, he sets you down on your feet with another grunt, and you wince as your boots squish the minute they hit the floor. It is almost painful to part with Clive, suddenly aware of the bite the rain had. You can’t help but shiver again, plucking at your soaked tunic and pulling it away from your skin. It allows you a moment of respite for a second, though the cold still lingers. When you let go, it sogs and sticks to your skin once more. Needless to say, it felt very unpleasant.

“Come here,” Clive urges gently, beckoning you over with his hand. Of course, you won’t deny him. A flicker of fire bursts from the palm of his hand, before calming into a small orb, producing a soft light, and an even gentler warmth. While it isn’t enough, it’s certainly better. “Does this work?”

You purse your lips, like this is something you need to ponder. It sure soothes the ache beneath your skin, and as much as you’d love to rid yourself of your clothes at any chance to feel warmer, suddenly you're so very shy. But taking them off would be for the best…

“Yes, but…” You look away from him for a second, before shuffling closer. “I still feel so cold…”

You bat your eyelashes up at him in an innocent and teasing way, and you watch his resolve waver so easily. Well, that was an over-exaggeration. Of course he’d give you what you wanted. You wouldn’t even need to ask. But all this rain has you acting a little dramatic, and it’s kind of fun, isn’t it?

“Well, that won’t do,” He smiles softly, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you in close. “All better?”

Certainly. Perhaps not all better, with that odd gnawing sense of embarrassment that lingers. You both know that it would be for the best to strip, but why not enjoy this oddly romantic moment for just another second?

Wordlessly, Clive leans in and presses a warm kiss to your temple. You feel your knees weaken for a moment, before you clear your throat. The time for theatrics is over, you surmise. Clive gets the hint, pulling away reluctantly and turning away to afford you what little privacy he could. 

He starts a fire while you strip, the little firelight turning into a wonderful source of mending when treated with just enough kindling. You have seen Clive bare before, of course, and vice versa. Yet you can't help the embarrassment and fluster that follows when you turn to the man in your smallclothes. What a relief it was that they were dry enough. You huddle up near the fire while you give Clive the same courtesy he gave you, head down, mind occupied by the flames. When he joins you by the fire, he is left in his smallclothes too. You can't help but thank the Founder for the fact that you two can still be decent. In a way, at least.

As much as you had seen, for all that Clive had gone against, suddenly being in close proximity with your loved one was cause to fluster. While you two sat next to each other, you were quiet, the only sound breaking the silence was the crackling of fire and Torgal’s shifting as he found a comfortable position to lay, all four paws in the air. You can’t help but snicker softly, the way the wolf worms around in such a silly way, perfectly content with the conditions of the rundown shack.

While you and Clive wait for your clothes to dry, bashfully looking away from each other when you so much as brush against each other, shuffling only a centimeter away. You, inevitably, would come right back, too attached to the warmth he provided, and, well, too attached to your partner regardless.

You two sit there for hours, waiting as your clothes dried. The storm showed no sign of relenting, unfortunately for the two of you. Well, more unfortunate for Clive. You were happy to hoard the man to yourself, essentially. Even if you were drenched, or near naked sitting by the fire. The man had a habit of making himself too busy. And in doing so, the only time alone you got with him was when you were accompanying him somewhere. Otherwise, it was him meeting with a contact, or slicing his way through men, or monsters, or beasts. Of course, he put in so much effort when he came back to you, showering you with compliments, even sparing you a good night’s rest together. But by the morning, he was off making his plans again. Where he’d move next, this and that, it was all becoming a blur to you.

Even when your clothes had dried, finally affording you two some more decency. It had been however many excruciating hours as you two sat and prodded at your clothes over the fire. Furthermore, you were too exhausted, and it seemed like it would be another long while before the skies weren’t hurling down on you. You were warm enough, at least, and you could hold on for the rest of the night without the fire. Needless to say, there was no reason to stay up. In your eyes, at least.

Clive, however, was raring to go. He had the right mind not to leave while it was still raining, but that didn’t mean he sat still. While you cozied up next to Torgal, running your hand through his fur, Clive was pacing back and forth. Mumbling to himself about losing time, how he’s certain your targets have moved by now. It was important, of course, but you could see just how tired he truly was. In the dim light of the fire, his form was only slightly hunched, rather slack for how tense he usually was. His voice had a scratch to it, as if his throat was raw from using it. His feet dragged ever so slightly, and when he looked at you for a few seconds, his face just seemed oh so tired.

All of these were little details, of course. Ones you had never failed to notice, whether you were out on your excursions, or back at the Hideaway. He stressed himself out too much, bit off more than he could chew at once, and yet most of the time he didn’t even realize it. During or after the fact. Despite everyone else’s protests, Clive had always pushed past. Perhaps it was time to help Tarja tie the man down to his bed. Or do so when you two come back.

“Clive,” You call out softly, tilting your head up. “Come sit down, at least?”

He only responds with a huff, shaking his head as he continues pacing, mapping out what his next strategy was, and several other plans if one didn’t work.

“I think we should sleep.” You state firmly, gazing up at him.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea–”

“We’ve been up for quite some time, and the storm shows no signs of dying down,” You give him a gentle tug, urging him back. “Besides, you seem tired. So, we should sleep.”

Worry flashes across his face for a minute, biting his lip slightly as he thinks of a way to worm out of a healthy habit. “And if someone finds us? If we were caught unawares, what do you think would happen?”

“Who in their right mind would go searching through a swamp first thing after it rained? Soldier or not?”

Silence stretches between you two as Clive tries to figure out another way to avoid something as simple as sleep. While he had a good point, you were ready to lie and bluff your way into forcing the man to sleep. He looked so ragged, and at the moment, you were traveling light. The only way you could care for him was to, at the very least, force him to sleep. Even an hour would be fine, as long as he got some rest.

Finally, with a sigh of defeat, his body untenses. Oh, how it must be so hard for him to look out for himself every once in a while. He snuffs out the fire, kicking at the wood, making sure there was no trace of the flames left. You two stand still for a moment, allowing your vision to get used to the dark. Quietly, as if he was embarrassed, he shuffles to the spot you were, sitting down with a huff and a grunt as his armor clinks. Torgal eagerly cuddles up to him, wagging his tail happily. It seems the wolf was just as glad as you were that Clive had finally relented.

The man waves you over, and you don’t even allow your brain to process before you hurry over the short distance. You take a seat in his lap near immediately, shuffling back so you could press your head against his shoulder, looking up at him. He chuckles softly, shaking his head before wrapping his arms around your waist. Turning his head, he presses a kiss against your temple, lingering for another moment and smiling. Beneath you, Torgal readjusts, laying down across your lap. He’s a lot heavier than you expected, and yet you welcome the pup with eager arms. Or hands, in this case.

What a heavenly existence. Wrapped up in an outlaw's arms, with a big ol’ puppy in your lap. For a moment, you catch yourself thanking the heavens for the storm. Annoyed as you were, suddenly you couldn’t care less. Even as the chill settled within the shack after the fire was snuffed out, you still had perhaps the warmest man in existence there, and a wolf to boot. Both were happy with a little impromptu cuddle session.

While you were dwelling on your own perfect world, it seems Clive had finally fallen asleep. His chest rises and falls against your back steadily, paired with light snoring. For all his stubbornness, it only took him a couple of minutes to fall asleep. It’s a little endearing in its own way. Perhaps he fell asleep quickly because he really was too tired? Or maybe it was because of you. You’d stick to believing the latter. As much as you wanted to reach up and pet him now, you’d rather not disturb his sleep. Even if he fell asleep fast, he was a rather light sleeper. So, you do your best to settle, fingers buried within Torgal’s warm fur.

Shutting your eyes, the sound of the wind howling and the rain beating down wasn’t so fierce now. It was kind of calming, in a way. Paired with Clive’s breathing and warmth, and Torgal’s soft grunts and groans as he settles, as well. You run your hand down from his head to his torso slowly, a soothing motion that allowed your mind to calm down. Somewhere along the fifth pet, you stopped, the weight of your exhaustion finally catching up to you.

© freyito, 2024 | masterlist | queue | kofi | discord server | star header by roseschoices DO NOT REPOST AS YOUR OWN, REPOST ON ANY OTHER PLATFORM, OR USE FOR AI/AI CHATBOTS.

[andthelightswavegoodbye]

Rei Kiriyama headcanon- he is autistic/autistic coded

I mean- cmon how is he NOT???

Has shogi as a special interest! He was SO excited when hinata asked to play with him. I think a lot of people get mixed up abt him liking shogi or not. I think he truly does like the game, however the trauma from his stepdad and step siblings, as well as the stress of shogi as a profession and the pleasing others with his shogi skills has caused his likeness to it to become distorted.

Quite awkward when it comes to social interaction, and can get really anxious around people he's not comfy with, or when there are lots of people. Also has trouble acting in a neurotypically acceptable way (for instance being very blunt).

Prefers to be alone much of the time

Remember that time when he was helping peel those chestnuts and Akari commented on how good he was at it, and he proceeded to reply with "I like doing repetitive tasks like this" (me too bestie)

Has a relatively blank facial expression except on rare occasions (flashback to all those shitty ass kids calling him robot)

Alexithymia moments happen quite often (has trouble understanding, expressing, and identifying ones own or others feelings). When teaching Hinata, he didn't realize how overwhelmed and confused she was until nikaidou pointed it out. He also has trouble figuring out why he felt/feels the way he does until its at an extremely strong state.

He didnt make a lot of eye contact as a kid, hell I feel like he still doesn't sgjfsgkfj

Doesn't deal well with changes in routine (lmao remember whenever nikaidou tried to unexpectedly spend the night, and Rei got pissed?).

Hypersensitive to certain things! Like he gets very overwhelmed with loud noises (science club def had sum of those moments, as well as nikkaido sometimes being too loud), physical contact makes him tense up a lot, and occasionally lights make him flinch (however that last one may just be shaft makin things aesthetic with his bedroom curtains).

Visually stims-he loves to look at water (shown when he mentions the nearby river a lot (he literally partially chose his apartment for that very reason), or when he was just chillin by the lake when he saw Souya that one time).

Experiences depression and anxiety (common in people with autism)

Now obviously some of these traits can be pointed at just being introverted, or trauma responses as well. We also don't see him ever physically stim (although we do know his biological father rocked back and forth, and I feel like they wouldn't mention that for funsies. Like it's gotta come back right?), but I think theres enough evidence out there that shows he isn't exactly neurotypical.

Anyways I'd love to hear ya'lls thoughts!!

[jarofstyles]

ex! harry turning up at y/ns doorstep in the middle of the night telling her that he can’t stop thinking about what they had and even though shes like 🤔😐✋🏻 at first she invites him inside to talk more in depth and he goes „bloody idiot i was..was gon' marry yeh, were gon' be the mum of my babies..wanted everything w' yeh, still do.“ and it basically ends in some passionate intense love making<33

YES YES YES

_______

She bolted.

Harry cursed to himself for pressing down hard at her, knowing that she had been a bit skittish since their breakup. He knew that he would have to handle her with caution but in that moment, his mind slipped back into owning her. She had been his first so long, and even after so many months apart it was his instinct. He wanted her.

He was a stubborn son of a bitch, that was for sure. And while he had at first been a bit hesitant about his want to after her, he knew that it would be foolish of him to not. The connection they had was further proven in those moments he had her backed against that counter, and he knew that no one else would ever be able to make him feel the way she did.

So? Harry swallowed his pride. He decided to say fuck it, and arrived at her place, hands in his pockets as he looked down at his feet. The ride up to her flat and walk down the hallway was so familiar yet felt so raw. He hadn’t been here in so long, a hallway that used to watch their kisses and fumbling with keys and frisky hands up dressed or in pants was how solemn and a bit nerve wracking. He hadn’t ever wanted to let her go and it was his fault for sure. Not being able to delegate his work with his love was his downfall but if anything, the time apart had shown him how incredibly important it was to have someone like Y/N behind him. Her support meant everything.

She meant everything.

His knuckles tapped against the door, stomach turning with nerves. She could very well tell him to fuck off, spit at him, yell. He wasn’t necessarily sure what to expect. The only inkling he had to go off of was knowing she was just as miserable without him, and her body still reacted to touches the way she used to. He had that going for him.

When she opened the door, her heart fell to her stomach. It had been 3 days since the incident, her skin still tingling with the ghost of his touch. She had come home and sobbed. Sobbed and cried and gotten sick because the touch reminded her of everything she lost, all the strides she had thought she made to her over him.. ruined. All by one night. He had too much control over her.

Despite the nerves being raw, she took in his looks. His bags under his eyes, looking a bit pale and the lack of sleep. He had cried. She knew that look anywhere. Stress riddled his body and he almost looked like he was trying to make himself look smaller and less intimidating- which was hard for a 6 foot something tattooed man.

“H-Harry?” She whispered, unsure what to do with this. “What are you doing here?” Her arms crossed against her body protectively, which broke his heart. She shouldn’t have to feel scared of him. He should be making her feel safe and relaxed and open, like he used to.

“We need to talk, Y/N. Actually, I need to say some things and it would be better if I came inside. May I?”

Dumbfounded at the idea of him actually being here, she nodded, letting him in. It hadn’t changed too much. The vanilla suede candle still burned and scented the air. The couch still had a slight dip, the same pet dish for the cat was sat half empty. But their photos were gone,’making his stomach turn.

Fuck. This used to be home. It still felt like it for a bit. But she had erased bits of him that made it shared.

She led him to the living room, sitting on the couch across from him. The middle cushion gave space, making her feel a bit better. Harry was such a complicated thing for her. The source of so, so much joy in her life… but also so much pain. He had broken her heart and left her in pieces and he hadn’t attempted to work things out with her at all. So why now?

“What is it you have to say?” Her tone came off quiet and a bit cold. As if she was annoyed and bored. But it wasn’t the case. Her heart was pounding just as hard as his, clueless as to why he was here. Why he was bothering months too late.

“Don’t…. Lovely…” he swallowed sadly. “I hurt you so badly.” His face fell as he realized this wasn’t her. His girl didnt shy away, she didn’t go cold. She was warm and sweet to him, she was open and receptive and she never looked at him like that. Why he managed to notice so late… he didn’t know.

“Yeah. You did. You hurt me so fucking badly that I thought my heart was breaking. I always thought that maybe you’d come back and tell me what a mistake you’d made. Instead, you up and left. Packed your shit like a complete and utter coward while i was at work.” Her steely expression was laced with hints of pain that he could see through. The words made him flinch. It was true. He was a coward.

“Y/N, I-“

“Shut up.” She snapped, watching his face fall into shock. It really wasn’t the old her. She had been a bit bitter since then. It wasn’t fully his doing, but he was a large contributor. “I had to come home to an empty apartment. No letter. Ni note. No you; and no more of your stuff. The records were gone. You took our fucking records.” Her voice broke. “All your clothing. Not only did my heart feel empty, but the house? And then our fucking cat.” She seethed, standing up. “Our fucking cat meowed for days. Days, Harry. Looking for you. And you never came back. Sat at the god damn door every night at 7, waiting for you to come inside.” Her cold personal broke, the emotion sweeping her face.

His stomach hurt. He didn’t realize it would be this bad. As little as she had even said, he knew he would have to make it up until the end of time. Her hurt was audible and he could even feel it dripping into his own bloodstream.

“Sweetheart…” he stood up, approaching with caution. She didn’t back away, but she didn’t step towards him. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” His voice broke. “I thought… I was so terrible t’ya, and then y’said you never wanted to see me again…. I thought I was doing what y’wanted.” He whispered pathetically. “I shouldn’t have… I should have fought harder. But we were so miserable, Y/N. I was wrecking you.” His excuse sounded poor even to his own ears, heart dropping as her lip wobbled.

“I just wanted you. I wanted you to talk to Me. To be with me. I didn’t want you to leave. You fucking idiot!” Her voice broke as the tears stung her eyes, but she didn’t push him away when he grabbed her and tugged her into his arms. Pulling her in for a hug, squeezing her tightly as he felt her start to sob. His own tears were quietly burning in his eyes. Seeing the result of his idiocy in person hurt.

“I’m so sorry, so fucking sorry. I thought you’d be happier without me… knew I was being an idiot and wasn’t giving you the right attention. But I thought you’d want to find me when y’wanted me again…” his logic was flawed yet again, and he realized how dumb he sounded when he said it out loud. “The plan was always us. Was Gonna marry ya. Y’were gonna be the mumma to my babies, was gonna be with you forever. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.” He whispered sadly, lips speaking against her hair.

“It’s still all I want. Y/N, angel love…. Please. Know I’ve been so stupid but I can’t do another day without you. I know I hurt you so badly… I’ll never forgive myself f’that. But I’ll spend every single day trying to make it up to you. I want you. I’ve missed you so much it hurts. Please… give me a chance to do what I should have done.” He pleaded, pulling her back to hold her face in his rough palms.

The sincerity dripping through his voice, the tears that had escaped his eyes and the trembling of his hands holding her cheeks let her see that he meant it. He meant it and he wanted to try. Maybe she was the idiot for believing him. But with a love she felt for him, so strongly remaining after all this time apart…. She only had one answer.

“Okay.”

[takamikeiigos]

Okay I know made an ask already like 2 days ago🙄 but what if hawks s/o had to fake their death on a mission for like a month or 2😮‍💨 and when they come back the first thing they do is look for hawks even though they’re tired, beaten and look like complete shit😩😩 I’m just such a sucker for these kind of tropes !!!

Also how’s ur day been :))

ayo i got you fam!!!

this was legit all i could think of for like 3 days so i hope it's okay!!

Title: "You Came Back to Me"

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences (for now)

Relationships: Hawks x Reader

Tags: temporary character death, violence, drinking as a coping mechanism (minor on hawk's part), emesis

Word Count: 2.8k

Chapters: 1 / 2 / 3

You look up at the villain who currently has you pinned to the floor, your ragged breaths leaving your mouth with every rise and fall of your chest.

His vibrant green eyes are piercing as they stare down at you, his expression wicked and merciless as he presses his foot harder against your throat as a warning.

"Here are your options, darlin'," he pulls his foot away, instead opting to sit back on his haunches. He brushes your hair from your face and rests his hand on your cheek. It makes you flinch and your breath hitch.

"You either find a way to dissappear, or I'll track down that precious little birdy of yours and take his wings for myself."

○ ○ ○

- three weeks prior -

"Let me come with you. Please."

"Kei.." you say softly as you back the rest of your necessities in your bag, finally turning to look at him.

He's on edge, you can tell by his posture. His wings are drawn tight to his back, but his feathers are puffed out. It reminds you of how hair stands on end and goosebumps make them selves known under fear and stress.

"You know I can't.."

"This is too much for one person to handle." His arms are folded across his chest now as he leans against the doorframe of your shared bedroom.

"You don't think I can handle myself?" The words leave your mouth sounding offended, and he instantly deflates.

"That's not what I meant. If you didn't know what you were doing, you wouldn't be working for one of the top agencies in Japan." Keigo steps forward, now in your space, and you can see a faint trace of fear flicker across his face. "I just.. this man is very dangerous, y/n. And if anything happens.."

"Hey. It'll be okay. It'll only be a month and I'll be home before you know it. I won't let anything happen, I promise." Your hand falls against his cheek and he nuzzles into it, both of his hands coming to rest against your own.

"You promise?" he asks quietly, needing one more confirmation that you'll be home and safe in a couple weeks.

"I promise."

○ ○ ○

"Have you made your mind up, sweetheart?" Kimura, the man who has had the utmost pleasure in beating you within an inch of your life, asks. He slams you against the brick wall of the alleyway one more time for good measure, his hand wrapped firmly around your throat.

"Please.." you gasp out, your hands coming to wrap around his wrist, trying to relieve the pressure against your larynx. "P-please promise me you won't hurt him, that you w-wont lay a hand on him.."

He chuckles darkly, tossing you aside onto the cold, dirty floor of the alleyway.

Your vision is blurring, slowly darkening at the edges, but you manage to see him move a few feet away, bending down to pick something up off the ground. You blink sluggishly and suddenly he's in your space once more, holding the object, which you soon realize is your phone, in your face.

"Go ahead, songbird. Give him one last goodbye."

You cringe at the abuse of the nickname that you hold so dear, but weakly reach out and take your phone from his hand, Hawks' number already dialed.

All you had to do was hit send and that would be it.

You close your eyes and rest your head against the brick wall, taking a deep breath to steady yourself. You can feel tears burning as they make themselves known, clinging to your eyelashes and not yet falling to your cheeks. You blame it on the amount of pain you're in, but you know the true reason is because you're absolutely terrified.

You press send.

As it rings you notice Kimura bringing out his own phone, holding it up and aiming it in your direction.

What a sick bastard.

"Baby bird!" Keigo's voice comes cheerfully from the other line. Though it warms and calms your senses, it still makes you sad knowing that he's completely oblivious to what's about to come.

"H-Hey, Kei.." you try your best to keep your voice steady, but the damage from excessive force to your throat is unforgiving and the words leave your mouth sounding raspy and distant.

"Y/n, where are you?" Keigo's voice drops an octave and you can tell his worry has set in, which was exactly what you wanted to avoid.

"I'm okay, just uh," you pause mid-sentence, your throat tightening around the words as tears threaten to spill again, "just got knocked around a lil bit."

Your laugh comes out bitter. You hate the sound of it.

"Y/n. Tell. Me. Where. You. A-"

"Kei, listen. I need you to know how much I.." your voice betrays you and cracks, and you suddenly find that you can't fight the overwhelming fear and sadness coming over you. You weakly bring a hand up to wipe at your battered cheeks, tears continuing to fall and mix with the grime and blood that covers your skin.

You try again to steel yourself, another deep breath falling from your lips shakily, making your lungs rattle. It's becoming harder each second to keep your eyes open and your mind focused, but if you make it through this one phone call, you know you'll be able to rest easy.

"I need you t'know how much I love you. 'N that everything's g'nna be fine. That you'll be okay. And to not c-"

Suddenly a gunshot rings out and your whole world stands still for a split second, before turning completely sideways.

You register warmth blossoming over your abdomen, spreading and soaking your hero uniform. You can hear Keigo frantically yelling from where your phone slipped from your hand and landed on the concrete next to your head. And the last thing you see is Kimura holstering his gun with one hand, tapping away on his phone with the other.

"What a shitty ending for a hero, don't you think?" Kimura grins down at you.

Yeah. What a shitty ending for a hero.

○ ○ ○

The quiet trickle of water finds its way to your ears, and the feeling of something cold and damp against your forehead is a soothing contrast to how hot your body feels.

Opening your eyes feels as though it takes half of whatever strength you have left, and your vision swims. Suddenly hit with a wave a nausea, you lean over and vomit over the edge of the bed you're laying on. Luckily there's a bucket on the floor, and you assume it was placed there for a reason.

That someone placed it there.

In a panic you sit up, your wounds pulling tight and your body protesting. Your vision swims again and it takes you a few moments to ground yourself.

"Ma'am, please don't move too fast. You'll re-open your wounds and you're already in bad shape," a quiet voice projects throughout the room. You look up and notice an older man, probably in his sixties, sitting in a chair next to the bed you're currently occupying.

"Who are you? Where's Kimura?" You grit out, grabbing the edge of the blankets and tossing them off of you. The man in front of you is ready for your attempt at escape and he places steady hands on your shoulders, pushing you back onto the bed.

"Please! My name is Daichi Tanaka, I am a doctor! I found you in an alleyway near Higashiosaka. I would have taken you to a hospital but you begged me not to," the man pleads, his hands persistent on your shoulders.

You glare at him momentarily, before relaxing back onto the bed, still weary of his intentions.

"Kimura? Is that the name of the person who did this to you?" The man - Tanaka - asks hesitantly.

You ignore his question in favor for asking your own, "How long have I been out?"

Tanaka stares at at you, seeming to contemplate answering, but you figure he finally realizes you aren't taking any shit because his answer comes out with a sigh.

"A little over a week. You've been in and out, your fever finally broke this morning."

Over a week. You've been out for over a week and you don't know where you are, where Kimura went, and where Keigo-

Keigo.

It all comes crashing back to you and you lie back, your hands resting over your eyes.

Tanaka seems to have been reading your mind, because he pulls your phone from the nightstand next to you and passes it over.

"I wiped as much blood from it as I could. You have many new notifications and quite a few missed calls. I wasn't able to unlock it to call anyone, but it seems there are many people worried about you." Tanaka stands then, making his way toward the bedroom door.

"I will give you some privacy for now, but expect me to be back in twenty minutes to check up on you."

With that, Tanaka leaves, closing the door behind him with a soft click.

You stare down at your phone, the screen cracked and a few specs of blood and dirt tucked into its crevices. You type your pin in and pull your notifications up, Keigo's name amongst others filling the screen.

You don't realize you're crying until a small hiccup forces its way from your mouth, your cheeks wet with tears.

You notice a voice-mail from him, and though you know it's only going to make you more upset, you force yourself to open it to make sure he's okay.

His voice floods the room and it immediately breaks your heart at how wrecked he sounds. You can tell he's been crying by how gravelly his voice sounds as the message plays out.

"You know," Keigo laughs bitterly over the phone, "I punched Ryosetsu in the face for letting you go on this mission alone. Gave 'im a real nice shiner on your behalf."

The message goes quiet and you can hear what sounds like a glass bottle being opened in the background, Keigo's quiet sniffles also making themselves known.

"Fuck, y/n. They didnt even.. they didnt even find your body. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that, huh?

"They wouldn't even let me anywhere near the scene, I had to sit back at the office while they kept me informed. He said there was uh.." you assume Keigo pauses to take a swig of whatever he's drinking based off the tink of the glass bottle, "heh, he said there's a low chance you're even alive because there was so much blood. Fuck."

You grimace at how blunt he is with the statement and how distant his voice sounds. You can only hope that he hasn't been drinking as often as your thoughts are telling you.

"Please come back to me," he whimpers over the message, and a new wave of tears fall down your cheeks. "Please.. I can't do this without you."

○ ○ ○

A few days pass.

Tanaka refuses to take any of your shit.

He most definitely refuses to let you leave until you had one more solid meal in you, and one more day of rest.

You're still a little weak, bruises and abrasions littering your skin ( not to mention the nasty bullet wound Tanaka managed to sew up for you ) but you finally have enough strength to stand and walk on your own.

He pleads with you to stay one more day, just to ensure you're strong enough to be by yourself, but you shake your head and bow before him.

"Thank you, Mr. Tanaka, but I have to keep moving. It might be unsafe for you if I stay."

So instead he writes down his phone number on a crumpled piece of paper and hands it to you, patting your hand briefly.

"You're a strong one, just be sure to take care of yourself." He smiles kindly at you, and you nod before taking your leave.

○ ○ ○

Days go by as you hop around from town to town, only stopping for food and rest.

It's been a little over two weeks since you made the decision to distance yourself to ensure the safety of your friends and Keigo, and nearly two months since you were assigned the mission. While you knew faking your death was the only way to keep people from asking too many questions about why you suddenly disappeared, you weren't expecting to actually get shot and almost die.

You keep up with the recent events as best as you can, continuously watching news coverage and especially keeping tabs on Keigo's agency.

Your breath catches in your throat one day while you're moving through a rural seaside town, large red wings and a familiar hero uniform immediately catching your attention.

A flood of emotions run through you and it takes everything in you to not run up to him and hold him. But the fear of Kimura's prying eyes hold you back, and you steadily remind yourself that you're doing this to protect him.

You keep your distance and watch his every move. He's staring down at his phone for a while and after a few moments it rings. He brings it to his ear and though you can't hear what he's saying, it must be something important.

Because soon enough his wings are spread out and he's taking flight into the afternoon sky.

○ ○ ○

'Pro-Hero Hawks makes appearance in. Tanabe - finds lead on hero killer'

'Hanamatsu hero case still under investigation'

'Top Hero Agency in Japan pursuing hero killer - Kimura'

The news headlines on your phone cause your blood to run cold. How foolish of you to think Keigo would let this go so easily.

To think he wouldn't trace every piece of evidence and go to the ends of the earth to take down someone who hurt you.

○ ○ ○

You keep tabs on him as best you can. It begins to feel like you're stalking him, in a weird way, but you'll be damned if you did all of this just to put his safety on the line.

Keigo stays in Tanabe for the time being, the week passing by in a blur as you track his movements.

You figure Kimura went into hiding since his criminal activity fell flat after your encounter with him, but Keigo is as persistent as he's ever been, nitpicking every lead that comes his way.

A few days later word gets out that Kimura has been spotted in the village of Hidakagawa, just thirty minutes northwest of Tanabe.

You only hope you can get there before Keigo does.

○ ○ ○

Hidakagawa is exactly what you pictured, a perfect little town for a low-life criminal to live under the radar.

Its quiet and rural, its occupants living their lives happily tucked away from the bustling life of the city.

A few squad cars rush past you as you look at the map you have pulled up on your phone. It seems a little out of character for such a small town, so you push yourself forward and follow them.

○ ○ ○

When you finally catch up to the squad cars, the scene before you makes your hair stand on end.

Keigo has Kimura pinned to the ground, battered and bruised, his fist closed around a one of his feathers that he's currently wielding as a blade. A few dozen officers surround the scene, guns drawn and on edge.

Kimura smirks up at him and whatever he says is out of earshot, but its enough to piss Keigo off and send him into a frenzy.

"Kei, stop!" You find yourself yelling shakily. You finally manage to push through the barricade of officers and it's then that Keigo makes eye contact with you, his closed fist halted in the air.

Kimura takes the split second of distraction to knock the blade from Keigo's hand, flipping their position so the winged hero is pinned to the floor of the temple. He pulls out his gun and cocks it, pressing it to Keigo's forehead.

All the while Keigo keeps his eyes on you.

"I thought I told you to stay away, little one," Kimura grits out, wiping a trail of blood from his mouth, "Now it looks like your little hawk is about to lose his wings, all because someone can't listen."

You move on impulse when Kimura turns his attention back to Keigo, and you grab the handgun from the officer closest to you.

You waste no time in firing a bullet, hitting Kimura right in the temple. But as it strikes he squeezes the trigger of his own gun on impulse, which is still trained on Keigo, a second round going off.

- to be continued -

tbh i was super nervous to post this bc im so new to the fandom but here we go!!

also i just made up random characters bc im not quite caught up with the manga, and also picked random spots in japan that i know absolutely nothing about

rip to my writing skills lmfao

♡ ky

[moonlit-imagines]

The Doctor Is In

Stephen Strange x reader

Bruce Banner x reader (platonic)

warnings:

a/n: hey! idk how to build stairs guys. i didnt feel like researching it. i dont care if it’s wrong. leave me alone. part 2/2.

prompt:

Out (1)

There was no hope of Stephen coming back. Every truth you had to face was harsher than the last. Even when you got home and realized that Wong was among the vanished...and he didn’t fix the stairwell.

Maybe the stairwell was a good thing. It gave you something to focus on in these hard times. Sure, it’d been a month since the incident, but that still wasn’t enough time for the world to heal. That meant that contractors were hard to come by. But the roof would have a tarp over it for some time. No way you’d deal with that.

So you took a trip to the hardware store, you stocked up on wood and nails, lacquer and wood stain. Anything else you needed for the project. Anything to keep you busy.

There were so many sleepless nights. You hated being alone in Sanctum, hated being alone in your bed. Every so often you would nap on the couch, but then you’d get right back to work. Weeks on end you spent on the stairwell. How long will you stick around while I talk about the stairwell?

Doctor Banner called you from time to time. His voicemails were kind, heartfelt, but you couldn’t stop now. The gutted stairwell from a couple weeks ago was coming by very nicely. As nice as it could when worked on my an amateur. Alright, it looked awful, but you couldn’t stand using a ladder to get to the second floor.

As you were staining the wood, you played a message from Bruce:

“Doctor L/N, it’s Bruce. I hope you’re doing alright, but you know that if you’re not, I’m here for you. All the remaining Avengers have kind of...gone their separate ways for the most part, they’re pretty broken up about everything. I just want you to know that because you don’t...have to be strong right now. I understand if you can’t be. Just call me back whenever you can? I want to make sure you’re alright. We’re survivors, we should stick together.”

Bruce hadn’t known you long, but he was still a great person and friend. You should call him back, but if you lost focus, you may lose yourself. So you continued to wipe against the grain of the fresh stairs and moved to the next step. And the next. And the next.

The last step was the lacquer and seal. You were scared to finish up. What would you occupy yourself with once this was over? You thought about the answer until the very last step and admired your shabby craftsmanship. It’ll do. Or maybe you should tear it all down and start over? While you were thinking over your newest thought, your phone rang again. Bruce Banner.

“Hey, Bruce.” You answered the phone as you normally would and sat on the floor in front of your work.

“Y/N?” Bruce asked in disbelief. “Y/N, hey! How are you? I don’t know if you’ve been getting my calls..?”

“I have.” You quickly replied.

“Oh.” He quietly nodded to himself.

“I’m sorry, Bruce.” You realized your mistake and knew you may have come off as a little rude. He’d been nothing but kind to you, but you’d just realized you were alone today.

“No, no! It’s okay! I understand, don’t worry. What have you been up to?” His effort to start a conversation may be successful this time around.

“I fixed the stairwell. All of it. That’s what I’ve been doing the past few weeks. I just finished a few minutes ago.” You felt awkward talking to him. Not because of him, not at all. Just because you hadn’t really had any human contact in a while.

“I didn’t take you for a carpenter, Doctor.” Bruce was genuinely surprised with your skillset, you could hear it in his voice.

“And you still won’t once you see the job I did.” You actually managed to let out a chuckle. You didn’t know you could still do that.

“Oh, I hear ya loud and clear.” Bruce laughed, too. I wonder if he was having the same thoughts as you. “Y/N, do you want to go out to lunch like, now? I could use some company, maybe you could, too.”

“Yeah,” you checked the time on your watch, Stephen’s watch, and realized you worked through the night and day, “text me an address, I’ll meet you anywhere. See you soon.” You hung up pretty quickly, only to get ready ASAP. You were sort of covered in “stair supplies” and smelled like...not good. You’d take a quick shower, put on some clean clothes, and take off. Unfortunately, the stairs weren’t dry, so it was another round up the ladder.

—————

You finally took a trip back to your bedroom and shuffled through the closet filled with your...late husband’s clothing. It still smelled like him, surprisingly. You wondered just how long it would last. You hoped it’d be forever, but you grabbed your own clothes and quickly got dressed, then checked your phone to see that Bruce was running “a little late.” It’s okay, you were, too.

You took a seat on Stephen’s side of the bed and decided to snoop. Did it count as snooping if he was no longer here? You knew that he didn’t keep secrets from you, so what was the worst you could stumble upon? Books, books, and more books. But some were important books, ones detailing mystic arts. Maybe...maybe it was time to pick up a new skill. You stuffed the book in your bag and decided to head out now before you got too comfy in an actual bed.

—————

You and Bruce sat at a booth in the empty diner, awkwardly gazing over the menu while trying to stir up some conversation. It’d been a while since either of you had visited someone, you didn’t even know what to talk about.

“So, home renovations, huh?” Bruce asked while peaking over the fold of the laminated list.

“Something like that.” You sighed and set yours down and aside. “I know what I’m getting. What about you?”

“I just need a minute.” The only noise besides your bland conversation was the rustling of dishes in the back, which didn’t last for long. “Got it. A burger. That’ll do it.” Bruce announced and got the attention of the waiter.

Ordering took a second, but soon you and Bruce were alone again and ready to talk.

“How are the other Avengers? I know you said they went their separate ways, but...” You inquired and were surprised to see a smile crack on Bruce’s face. “What?”

“At least I know you listened to my voicemails.” He chuckled and took a sip of his iced tea. “They’re dealing with it. I don’t exactly know how. Nat’s staying at the compound, I’m sure she’s glad to have a home again. Cap went out on his own. Thor went back to his people. Tony and Pepper are trying to separate themselves from the world, I think. I don’t blame them. That’s all I know.” You stayed silent, but nodded along to his outer thoughts. “You alright?”

“I’m sorry, Bruce.” You started. “I didn’t mean to ignore you, leave you hanging. I just still don’t know how to take this. I keep thinking about what Stark told me when he came back. His whole ‘this will all make sense soon’ thing. Nothing about this makes sense to me.”

“Well, Strange was different, wasn’t he? He had that Stone, he had those powers, he might know something we don’t.” Bruce explained to you, an attempt to comfort you. “We’ve tried everything, y/n. Maybe it’s time to wait, maybe in time you’ll see that he sacrificed himself...for you.” You teared up at the scientist’s words and quickly wiped your eyes as the food was placed before you. “Thank you, sir.” Bruce said as the waiter walked off. “Hey, y/n? It’s okay that you’re hurting. I get it. But please don’t act like you’re alone. I’m gonna be here for you, okay?”

“Yeah,” you sniffled while hiding your wet eyes, “Me, too, Bruce.”

—————

When you got stressed out when you were younger, you threw yourself into your studies. Maybe that was why you were such an accomplished scientist. But what studies did you have now?

You had a library full of knowledge. It wasn’t your usual knowledge, but it would suffice. Now, the book that you’d snagged from Stephen’s bedside was a bit advanced for you, but that was okay. You had options.

Where would you even begin? This place was bigger than you remembered. Was this another spell? Did you know what you were talking about? Stop thinking, y/n. Start reading.

You picked out a book. You just ran with it. You recalled stories from Stephen. You remembered you needed the ring. What did he call it? Song ring? Sink ring? Slink ring?

Sling ring.

Not a problem, you could find one. Sanctum probably had tons. Maybe in Stephen’s study? You wished you had asked him more about his arts before, you just didn’t get it at the time.

One was stashed in a drawer. It was Stephen’s ring. The one he used himself. And it was the only one you could find, so it’d have to do. And so you got to studying.

The first time the air sparked by your hand was magical. Literally. But it made you feel something for the first time in nearly three months. And that was just the beginning. It felt like you were carrying on Stephen’s legacy in a way. You’d never be “Sorcerer Supreme,” but you didn’t have any intention of that. You just wanted his memory to live on, even if it were through you.

So you’d practice and you’d learn and you’d practice and you’d learn. You’d see Bruce whenever you could, and he soon noticed your mood change.

“I’m glad to see you happy for a change.” He told you while you walked through the park.

“Yeah, it feels great.” You told him while watching construction vehicles cleaning up the debris that had been lying around for months.

“I’ve been meaning to ask. What’s with the ring?” He looked at your hand and you lifted it closer.

“Oh...it’s Stephen’s.” You simply stated.

“Is it like a wedding ring?” He took a closer look and let you laugh it up for a quick second.

“No, no!” You shook your head at the ridiculous question. “I might as well show you. I haven’t told anyone yet, but that’s because you’re the only person I talk to.” You stopped in your tracks and shooed him back to give yourself enough space. “Ready?” Bruce looked terrified, but nodded a response and watched you raise your hands ahead, concentrating on the small portal you had began to open. Bruce recognized the opening since he’d fallen through it before.

“You’re one of the sorcerers?” Bruce’s eyes widened. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“I just started learning!” You exclaimed with a bright smile. “I needed something to get me through this all...and I wanted to protect Sanctum like Stephen and Wong had always stressed doing.”

“That’s...amazing, y/n. Self-taught magic? By a scientist, no less. Look at you go!” Bruce had a knack for being supportive. You were glad that he crashed through your roof and into your stairs.

“Thanks, Bruce. Maybe in time I’ll be able to cast a spell that fixes my roof.” You shrugged.

“Oh? Come on! I said I was sorry!”

—————

And then five years went by. Flew by, actually. You’d become a skilled sorcerer and used your skills around Sanctum. There wasn’t much to do here on Earth. It was a bit quiet.

Bruce was still a close friend of yours! You’d advised him in his quest for balance. He was no longer at war with himself.

The roof was fixed! You had Bruce spectate your very own spell to repair the damages he’d inflicted, but all was forgiven.

Then one normal day you got a call from him.

“Hey Bruce! How’s it going?” You answered, even though it interrupted your meditation.

“Can you meet me at the diner ASAP?” He sounded a little off, but still upbeat, so you opened a portal and stepped through to find yourself right out front. It was easy to spot him through the window, but there were others with him. Avengers.

“Hey, all.” You took a seat beside an unfamiliar one. “Hi, I’m y/n.” You told him as a plate of food was set in front of you.

“I ordered you your favorite. Hope you’re hungry.” Bruce smirked at you and let you get to it.

“So, it’s been a while, huh?” You asked the two Avengers across from you.

“It has.” Natasha sighed. “I wasn’t aware you were...also a sorcerer.” She began.

“I had a lot of free time.” Last they saw you, you weren’t as cool, calm, or collected. They were glad that you’d found peace. “I have a feeling this isn’t a social lunch.”

“I’m sorry to pull you from your calm, Doctor L/N—” You cut Steve off.

“Y/N is fine.” You replied.

“Scott here,” Steve motioned to the awkward man sitting alongside you, “was stuck in the Quantum Realm for some time, if you’re familiar. He thinks that there’s a way to...to undo what Thanos did.” You peered over at Bruce and watched him shrug as your heart started to beat faster and stomach started doing turns. You hated the thought of getting your hopes up, but you still dearly missed your husband.

“What can I do?”

—————

You had a hand in opening the dozens of portals around the ruins of the Avengers Compound, but you weren’t the only one. Stephen, Wong, and hundreds of other sorcerers were assisting to bring an army to combat the troops of an outdated Thanos, and you were so close to Stephen.

Using your magic to create a pathway to the sky, you leaped from step to step to get a clear look of the battlefield. And to let Stephen see you. He did. And so did the cloak.

You’d never used your powers to fight, so you’d have to step it up out here. But you knew Stephen wouldn’t let you get hurt. And you believed that you could handle this yourself.

“Y/N!” Stephen called to you as he flew to your altitude and held you in a special embrace that you’d nearly forgotten the feeling of. “It’s so good to see you.”

“Are you kidding me, Stephen?” You chuckled through tears that you just couldn’t hold in, tears that dragged through the dirt and dust on your face, clearing small lines down your cheeks. “I have missed you every day since the moment you left. I am so glad to have you back.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t say goodbye, y/n. I truly am. But I knew that you would manage without me. You always have.” He explained to you in such a heartfelt way, admiring your capability to still be standing in the air.

“You knew I’d become a sorcerer, didn’t you?” You cocked a brow and watched him smirk.

“I had an inkling.” He joked with you as the firefight below was still rampaging.

“It’s very unprofessional of you to be talking to your s/o during times of crisis like this.” You chuckled and broke your spell to fall back to the ground, stopping yourself before it was too late in what could only be described as a “superhero landing.” Now that you were on the ground, assistance was required for your own side of the battle.

You and your fellow sorcerers had to defend more than anything. Shields popped up across the battlefield in an effort to keep your people alive. There were too many close calls and you wanted to survive long enough to go home with your husband.

“Y/N, over here!” Stephen beckoned you to the flood that would have made this fight much harder, and you were delighted to defend alongside him. The cloak rushed to you and gave you a fast track to the edge of the water, you couldn’t help but that it for it’s kind service. “Ready?”

“Of course.” You lifted your palms and motioned towards that water, redirecting it and keeping it at bay for the time being. “I love you, Stephen.” You remembered to tell him.

“I love you, too, y/n.” He replied with his focus still on the flood. “And I’m proud of you. So very proud.”

“Couldn’t have done it with you.” You joked and stabilized the rushing waters, giving you a true load-off before the end was clear. Dust passed through the sunken hole you all stood inside. Dust of your enemies that had finally lost. You and Stephen stared at each other in disbelief, yet couldn’t help but run into each other’s arms. “This is real? We won?”

“In a way.”

—————

Stephen and you dressed in all black were standing in the back yard of your savior. Tony had given his life to give others a life. You were just sorry that it had to be him.

Bruce stood alongside you with a long face and an injured arm. It was time for you to be there for him like he’d been there for you.

“Thanks for bringing back my husband, Bruce.” You whispered to him while holding Stephen’s hand tightly. Over the past few days, you just couldn’t seem to let go of him.

“Oh, yeah? That was nothing.” Bruce playfully answered through his sorrow.

“How’s your arm feeling?” You asked him, making sure the sling wasn’t twisted up an any way.

“Not the greatest, but I’ll be okay.” He assured you and watched as you leaned your head onto Stephen’s smile with a sense of relief. “I’m really happy for you, y/n...”

“But?” You raised an eyebrow with a hint of worry.

“But you better still hang out with me.” He smiled at you and you even heard a chuckle escape Stephen’s lips.

“You can count on it, Bruce.” You lifted a hand for a fist bump and collided your knuckles with his, even if they were a bit oversized.

“Shall we get going, dear?” Stephen asked you while he hooked his arm around yours and opened a portal home. You waved goodbye to Bruce and went on your way, stepping right into Sanctum as the way closed behind you.

“So you really meant it, huh?” You asked your husband while setting your belongings down.

“That I love what you’ve done with the place?” Stephen laughed at your oncoming smirk and walked forward, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you forward to kiss the top of your head. “Of course, dear.”

“Even the stairs?” You peeked your head up to look at your husband and watched his smile grow. You’d never bothered casting a spell to properly repair them. Maybe you were just too proud of your work. Maybe it was a reminder that you got through these five years on your own terms.

“I do.” He leaned down to kiss your lips. “It adds character to this place.”

“More character than the magic?” You prodded at him.

“I think you mean ‘sorcery.’” He corrected as you leaned into his chest and slightly swayed back and forth, taking in his presence for the 50th time since he’d come home.

“Oh, of course. Silly me.”

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedficrecs // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisqueer // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @thisetaernallove // @ofthedewthesunlight // @canarypoint // @zoeyserpentluck // @randomawesomeperson102 // @ghost-bich // @wonderful-writer // @of-a-chaotic-mind // @groovyfluxie // @procrastinatingsapphictrash // @lxncelot // @swanimagines // @randomfandomimagine // @blizzardbabe // @agentshortstacc // @rosadiaz-sarayvargas-harleyquinn // @werewolf-himbo // @comiocudequemtalendo1 // @mochamoff // @the-marvel-meme-emporium // @summersimmerus //

[blonde-in-charge]

Wildcard, Chapter Three

Words: 2.6k

Summary: Steve Rogers found you on the side of the road after a mission involving Hydra and convinced the Avengers to take you in. You have no name, no memories, and no idea of what you are capable of. All you know is that you are a super soldier with more hidden abilities than you care to admit. The first step to finding answers was to train you. Nobody, including you, knows what is up your sleeve.

Characters: Bucky x reader, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, Tony Stark, Random Hydra guy, Sam Wilson

Warnings:  Mentions of blood/violence, brief unwanted touching, Cursing, Fluffy!Bucky, Flirting

Words: 2.6k

The table underneath you was frozen from the amount of stress you had been under. They just kept injecting things into you, hoping to get some kind of reaction from your body. You had stopped feeling the pain of the needle and experiments weeks ago, which just made everything worse for you in the long run. They were getting annoyed with the fact you had stopped reacting to whatever painful serum they had injected you with that day and it resulted in beating to get a reaction from you. You stared up at the cracked ceiling of your concrete room and counted each crack for the millionth time. You kept yourself company in your mind, getting lost in your thoughts to pass the time until your next beating. You shivered at the cold beneath you, the last serum made ice bleed from every one of your pores. You heard the shrill sound of the old iron door open from the side of the room, you didnt turn your head to see whoever came in anymore, they were all the same type of evil. 

“Your wounds have healed very quickly, you are replicating the progress of our last soldier.” said the thick voice. You hated to think someone else had gone through this hell before you had. You wondered if they escaped or died before they moved onto you. 

You felt a burn in the back of your throat, “What's on the menu today doc? Electro-therapy? Waterboarding? New superhuman power that causes injury to one of your minions?” The one fond memory in your head of this place, being your body set itself on fire as well as one of the more hostile minions of Hydra. You smirked fondly at the memory as the hydra doctor worked his way around you observing the healing process. Every wound that opened on your body disappeared within a couple of hours, which is apparently what they wanted. 

“Nothing on the menu today, we are going to start to prepare you for the memory wipe.” Was all the man said and you felt your heart jump into your throat as the man chuckled, “You will do great things for us, American Girl.” You started pulling at your restraints for the first time in weeks, trying to fight your way off of the table once again. The man gave you a sickening chuckle while watching you struggle and you glared at him. He reached up to run a dirty hand slowly up your leg, “Such a pretty girl, such a shame you must-” He ended his sentence abruptly as you lit your body on fire, burning the man's flesh. You grinned at him as your body started to fizzle out. He held his burnt hand to his body and looked at you with rage, “You stupid slut.” 

You continued to grin as he left the room, feeling somewhat accomplished. Your smile slowly faded as you thought back on the memories they would take from you. Y/N Y/L/N, you were a successful accountant in one of the most successful banks in Manhattan. You lived alone, you haven't spoken to your family since you lost your father. Your mom became an alcoholic after his death, the only thing you really regretted was leaving your little sister, Macy, behind. Your job would have already replaced you by now, and people would have stopped looking for you. You stopped fighting for an escape because you knew you had nothing to go back to. 

-

You woke up slowly to the sound of soft snoring, your body tensed up, wondering who was in your bed. Then you realized this wasn't your bed when you looked up into the face of the sleeping soldier. Your body instantly relaxed as you lay your head back on his chest. His right arm was slung over your waist and his metal arm was holding your forearm against his stomach gently. You closed your eyes, replaying the events of the night before in your head. Hydra had come back for you, but for what reason? Then your eyes snapped open and you looked up at Bucky gently shaking him. He opened his eyes slowly and looked down at you, obviously confused about why he was holding you. Realization dawned on him and his eyes filled with concern, “You okay?” 

“Y/L/N.” Was all you said to him as you continued to stare into his steel eyes.

“Who is that?” He asked, raising his eyebrow.

“I remembered my last name.” You said softly to him, “I remember my life before I was taken.”

He sat up quickly and looked into your eyes, “You remember now?” You nodded your head at him, unsure whether you should smile or cry. “Y/N, that's amazing.”

You looked away from him and sat back, “Is it?” you replied solemnly.

“Why wouldn't it be?” He tilted his head slightly, trying to read your thoughts. The sound of the door sliding open cut off your response as Steve came in. Steve stopped in the doorway and examined the scene in front of him. You were sitting to the side of Bucky, wearing his shirt with no pants on, with your legs strung across his thighs. Bucky had his metal hand resting against your calf and was leaning back against the headboard behind him. Bucky’s face turned a dark pink as he realized the situation before taking his hand off of your leg. You remained unphased as you looked over at Steve. 

Steve watched you both and cleared his throat, “The safe house is all set up, can you both be ready by 0300?” You nodded at Steve, who glanced back at Bucky before leaving the room.

You both sat in silence for a moment before you crawled over bucky to the other side of the bed, his eyes perked up as he watched you unmoving, “Where are you going?”

“I have to pack my bag, don’t I?” You stood up and raised your arms above your head to stretch out your back. 

Bucky started to climb out of the bed himself before he stood next to you, “I’ll go with you.” You laughed softly and chose to not object to his company. He followed you down the hallway to your room and you stopped in the doorway to survey the damage. Your bed hung off the side of the bed frame as if the mattress had been thrown. The drawers in your dresser were all thrown open and all of the clothes were spread around the room on the floor. You sighed quietly and started picking up articles of clothing. You searched around for the SHIELD duffle bag you had before shoving clothes into it. Bucky’s eyes raked across the room, he walked towards the bed and adjusted it to its correct position before picking up shirts and folding them neatly into the bed. You smiled slightly to yourself as you found a pair of leggings on the ground and started pulling them on and up over your thighs. You struggled slightly and then looked up to see Bucky staring at you. 

He stilled, realizing he had been caught and looked down at the tee shirt in his hands, “Sorry, guess I got distracted.”

You laughed softly and patted him on the arm, “It's okay Buck, it's not like I don't stare at you sometimes.” You were unashamed of the confession. Sometimes while training you'll watch Bucky in the gym and sometimes, if you're lucky, you'll be able to see him lift his shirt up to wipe the sweat off his face. You would never apologize for that.

Bucky looked utterly confused as you packed the last of your things and zipped up your bag, throwing it over your shoulder. He stood up with you and looked down at you. You weren't a short person, you were taller than most girls but still shorter than all of the male avengers so you barely had to crane your neck up at him. His steel blue eyes looked so much lighter in the moment. You turned away from him and started walking towards the door, looking back at him. “Ready?” You asked him, raising an eyebrow.

  “Yeah, go meet with Steve, let me grab my bag.” You nodded at Bucky as you walked into the living area, ignoring the shattered glass on the floor you followed the voices to the kitchen.

“So she just hopped up on this man's shoulders and took him down like that?” Sam snapped his fingers together to get the point across, “Did Natatsha teach her that?”

Tony shook his head and bit the fingernail of his thumb, replaying the 30 second hallway footage from the night before, “Natasha hasn't moved past the basics of fighting with her, we have been focusing on figuring out what she can do power wise.” Steve stood silently with the three, his arms crossed watching the looped video. 

Sam shook his head at the screen, “This chick is a total wildcard.”

You dropped your bag on the ground behind them making them all turn around quickly. You stared at the projection in front of you, you barely recognized yourself. You have never been able to put Sam on his ass in the ring and now you're swinging your body weight around on some random guy? The temperature dropped a couple of degrees in the room as a result of your anxiety. The three men stared at you as you took a step back, you made eye contact with Steve, “Y/L/N.”

Steve looked confused, “What? Who’s name is that?”

“Mine.” You said quietly, “My name is Y/N Y/L/N. I had a dream about it. I know my name.”

-

You sat at the table along with Steve and Sam. You were staring off at a wall while shoveling cereal into your mouth. You had only been at the tower for about two weeks now and had a good routine with the two men in front of you. You still didn't have a name. You have been going by kid, kiddo, chick, and rescue. You have been searching your brain for a hint of what your name would be. You tried making up names but none of them suited you the way you wanted it to. You listened to the two men bicker over different work out strategies. You stared off at the wall and thought about how you planned on changing your hair color to maybe platinum blonde. You reached out to grab your glass off the table and grunted when it wouldn't budge. You looked up at the two men staring at you with wide eyes before following their gaze to your hand. The liquid in the glass was frozen solid and the glass stuck to the table in a block. You removed your hand and looked at your palm, which was tinted blue, “Well that's new.” 

Sam tapped on your frozen glass, “Holy shit, Elsa.” You rolled your eyes and rubbed your hands together trying to maintain heat.

Steve watched you, “Has this ever happened before?”

You shook your head and reached out to grab your glass again. Your strength became too much and the frozen glass shattered in your hand. You remained still as Sam hopped up from the table. 

“Jesus fucking christ, kid.” Sam started picking up the larger pieces of glass

“Language.” Steve went into the other room to retrieve a handheld vacuum 

You looked down at your hand and saw little cuts leaking blood in the palm, today just wasn't your day. You stood up from the table and walked over to the sink, running your hand under the water. You were getting really sick of this superpower thing. You have broken so many things so far due to the super strength you can’t control. You sighed as you watched the small cuts on your hand knit themselves back together, you would never get used to that. On the brightside, it didn't hurt. You have not felt the pain of anything you have broken or ran into, the only pain you ever felt was the headache that never went away. You dried your hand off and ran your fingers through your hair.

“Sorry guys… Still getting used to,” You held up your hands, “this.” 

Steve smiled knowingly, “It's okay, kid. I remember when I received my serum, it took a minute to adjust.”  

You gave him a small smile, “Why do you guys keep calling me kid?”

Sam and Steve looked at each other. Sam was the one who spoke first, “You don't really have a name right now.”

“Oh it's Y/N.” You shrugged at the guys and returned to your seat at the table as they stared at you. 

“Did that just come to you?” Steve asked while looking at your seated figure, “It kind of suits you.”

“I think it's my name? It just came to me at the sink and its the only name that doesnt make me want to kill myself.” You smiled as the two men started chuckling at you. 

“I think I will stick to ridiculous nicknames if you don't mind.” Sam said, smiling at you and ruffling your hair. 

-

Tony wasted no time typing your name into the database to pull up a missing persons profile. A photo was pulled up onto the hologram screen and you silently stared at it. It was you, well at least a version of you. You looked so young, your face was effortlessly smooth with a light layer of makeup, and your mouth was pulled in an easy grin. Your hair was pulled back in a sleek low ponytail and you were wearing a white collared shirt with a blazer layered over it. You started into your eyes on the projection, it felt like looking at someone else. 

“You were an accountant? That's boring.” Sam started while eye the photo of you

Tony scanned the photo and then started typing something into the projection. An article pulled up next to the photo, “Y/N Y/L/N, missing for two years, stopped coming into work and her apartment was empty… blah blah blah.” 

“Tony.” Steve warned, coming to put a hand on your shoulder. You looked back at him before shaking off his hand and picking up your bag.

“We should go, right?” You ignored the look Steve gave you before you walked to Bucky’s room, knocking on the mangled door

Bucky met you at the threshold of the door, sensing your discomfort, “You okay, doll?” He raised an eyebrow at you

You raised your own eyebrow, “Doll?” Heat rushed to Bucky's cheeks and you smirked at him, “Grab your bag Buck, it's time to go.” You winked at him and turned away to walk to the elevator door. You rested your nag on the ground as you waited for Steve and Bucky to join you. You leaned back against the wall and sighed loudly, your headache returning.

The two men walked together side by side to meet up with you. Steve pressed the elevator button and debriefed you both about the agents who would escort you to the safe house. You and Bucky both nodded in understanding before stepping onto the elevator. Steve made eye contact with you before the doors completely shut.

“Be safe, kiddo.” You smiled at his words as the doors shut completely.  

[atticinthecafe]

its 1 am and I wanted to write before I headed off to bed. this jumps around a lot time wise and I did not proof read it I'm ti r e d

---

The first time Akira did this Morgana nagged at him the whole time.

---

"Joker! You've been wandering around the city for hours," Morgana whined from inside the bag, shifting around.

Akira just hummed in response. His eyes were distant and foggy, constantly trained on the distance. Sometimes they would scan across the crowds, almost like he was looking for someone, but for the most part he just seems dazed, lost in thought. He kept walking, the twists and turns memorized by the back of his hand, simply wandering. Sometimes he'd end up on a train to some other area, but he just wandered all the same.

"When are we going home? I'm bored!" Morgana complained, this time getting a bit louder.

This seemed to break Akira from his thoughts, as he frowned looking at his bag where Morgana sat.

"I can talk you home if you want," He spoke low, just to his cat, in a neutral tone. It was hard to tell what was on his mind.

"Yes! wait- you're going to keep walking?"

"Mhm,"

"I'm not leaving you on your own! I'll just tough it out then! But we better get food sometime soon!"

---

Morgana hadn't really known why he was wandering, but to be fair, neither did he.

He had his hand shoved into a pocket, holding the glove he had gotten from his rival and walked around the city, watching the scenery and the people go past as he drifted. It was different now. He had been doing this for weeks. Just- walking around.

Orginally he had no clue why he did it. Something weighed on him, made him feel heavy. He zoned out during conversations and stared into space. Morgana suggested maybe fresh air and a walk would help refresh his senses, but it just ended in him wandering.

He needed the space, to be away from people. He also needed away from his thoughts, but that wasn't so easy. The city provided a nice distraction. Different things to think about. But that didn't stop the soft lull of sadness from weighing down his head.

He missed Akechi if he was being honest. He didn't notice it. But it was like a low hum in the back of his heart. Invisible stress making him tired when he hadn't done anything. It haunted him and didn't leave him be.

---

Morgana at some point had mentioned how when cats lose a friend or someone they care about they'll wander around, meowing and crying out for the other.Akira wondered if Morgana had been talking about him when he brought it up.

Today he had left Morgana with Futaba. The fog in his head and weight in his chest had gotten worse the past week. He hadn't known why until Ryuji mentioned it was around the same date they had met Akechi.

Incredible how his subconscious refused to let go.

The rain pattered against his umbrella as he walked and puddles gently splashed beneath his feet. It was nice to get rain in June. He certainly didn't mind it. It gave the city a softer, calmer feel. It almost felt like the rain took some of his weight with it when it fell.

---

Akira was fine most days. He seemed normal. Almost like he had moved on, but there were some where he simply disappeared out the front door, and everyone knew. They knew he still missed Akechi, no matter how many times they told him he shouldn't.  They knew he needed space for a bit.

The one time they made him stay it was obvious how he was stressed without realizing it. He fidgeted awkwardly and didn't participate in conversation. He seemed like he wasn't there at all and when spoke to he'd look up confused and obviously off in his own world.

Sometimes they would intentionally tell him to take a walk. He'd get shaky and tense for no reason. Seem more irritable and quiet than usually. Not handle loud noises or being around people well. This is when his friends would step in and tell him maybe he should go for a walk to calm his nerves. Sometimes it would take him getting frustrated over something small and all his stress breaking like a dam for the others to take notice, in which case they'd quiet down and all pause to take care of him. Whether it be one of them going on a walk with him, or the group settling down to bundle up in blankets and form a small pile as they watched movies together.

He wished it would stop. The days where he was stressed without realsing it and dazed. The days where he felt like the slightest thing going wrong would cause him to start sobbing and he didn't know why. The days where he missed Akechi.

He wasn't even certain if he was alive.

---

It had been a few years. Akira was better. He was managing better. But he still suddenly disappeared for walks. Some nights he wouldn't sleep at all and instead wandered.

It had been one of those nights, and now here he was, head resting on the counter of Leblanc well Sojiro huffed at him in the background. Something about going upstairs to sleep and not staying up so late.

He didn't move though, and Sojiro didn't seem to mind. There was something calming about the atmosphere. It was warm and the chattering of the TV in the background provided comfort in it's own way.

He couldn't sleep, as much as he wanted to the stress tugged at his brain keeping him just awake enough to be unable to sleep but not awake enough to bypass his exhaustion. So he just sat there, soaking in the smell of coffee and the peaceful air.

---

A ring sounded from the door, and Akira didn't bother looking up, staying where he was.

That was until he heard a soft, almost amused hum as a chair besides him was dragged out from its spot, someone sitting besides him. His eyes flickered open and up to meet red ones, gazing at him fondly.

The time passed in sections, one moment he has his head on the table, next he knew Akira was a crossed from the man, getting started on his favorite cup of coffee, pressing his glove back into his hand with tears pricking at his eyes. Then he was brewing coffee. A conversation between them was happening but- he didn't hear it. It made his chest warm and light, the lightest it had felt it years.

He placed the coffee infront of the other with a smile. He could feel the pure, unfiltered love and happiness just to be able to hear his voice again rush through his body with every word the man spoke.

He hummed softly as the other pressed their hands together, the warmth filling his body yet lingering just where he touched him.

---

His heart felt raw.

Akira blinked open his eyes to Sojiro leaving. To the once warm comforting room feeling cold and bitterly lonely. The warmth that lingered on his hand feeling almost like a bitter sting.

He lifted his head up to find tears streaming down his face and his sleeves damp from where he had been resting his head.

Of course, it was just a dream.

His fingers found their way into his pocket, and he gripped the glove tight. His chest was nothing but raw pain that you would have figured he would have gotten over by now.

He just wanted to see him again.

---

The next few days were incredible low for Akira. He spent most of them asleep.

Dreams were incredible tantalizing now. The fact that occasionally, he would see Akechi again in them made them feel more worth while than reality sometimes.

It was lonely.

He spent a long time asleep that week. More than he should have, but he couldn't help it. The sting in his chest was hard to bare.

---

Akira laughed.

It was the fullest his chest had felt in a while. No longer that haunting hollow that followed him around from day to day.

He was still moving on, he still occasionally had days where he would wander. But they were less now.

The warmth that filled his chest when his friends smiled, the brightness in their eyes and the lightness to their tone when they said the stupidest jokes made the lonely fade.

He had forgotten how good they make him feel.

There was a bittersweet taste left in his mouth when he thought about Akechi. How he should get to feel the same warmth Akira did. How he deserved so much more than the cards he was handed, but Akira didn't linger on that. He couldn't. He had to move forwards.

Akechi would probably call him stupid for staying stuck on him so long. He would say how he shouldn't waste the life he has thinking about someone who killed him. How if anything he should be glad he finally won. There was no more rivalry to be had. But Akira still had to disagree.

Akira took every step as a challenge to be better. He spent the days trying to improve, telling himself that he couldn't fall behind now. He couldn't disappoint the rival he loved so dearly by stopping just because it was over.

He figured if Akechi ever did return, he'd give him a real challenge. If he met Akechi again he wanted to be someone he could respect, someone he could challenge and find worth challenging. He wanted to keep the rivalry alive in his own little way. It was just a promise in his own mind he had to keep. And he couldn't do that with a hurting chest, so he indulged in the moments surrounded by friends, with laughter in the air.

He would do his best to continue, just to prove that he could. He wouldn't forget Akechi, he didnt think he could, but he wouldn't fall behind because of him.

---

When the day was late and the sky had turned shades of orange Akira was left cleaning up Leblanc, making sure everything was ready for business tomorrow.

It had been a while since he had finally realized that he had moved forwards, but he was still making progress with each day.

He leaned back onto a shelf, letting out a soft satisfied hum as he relaxed for the day.

Then the bell on the door rung.

Then a familiar voice spoke, and Akira had to make sure this wasn't a dream.

"I hope I haven't come in too late for a cup of coffee Kurusu, I was hoping we could catch up,"