#i didn't get my phone out
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Guess what I went to see...
If anyone sees this, do not read my tags for certain reasons,,, 😅😂😅😂
#blue lock#the movie was nice!#got some good perspectives from it#it was a bit different from the manga#but i still enjoyed the little differences#however#the biggest disappointment#was my fault#and that was#i didn't get my phone out#or camera out#in time to snap pics#specifically a pic of#the shot of hiori and karasu#and that one shot of kurona#and now i'm so sad and disappointed#BUT I DID SNEAK SOME VID CLIPS LOL#AND AT LEAST I GOT KURONA CRUMBS#and the preview? of s2#and the little additional time#for the movie#but more importantly#KURONA RANZE#hiori too but i missed my chance so#less about him and more on Kurona#especially bc HE SPOKE IN THE ADDITIONAL TIME#YOU GUYS 🥹🥹🥹🥹
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so i wrote a book that comes out soon and having that be real feels like falling down stairs because i wanted this since i was 7 years old so now what do i want after it.
so tell me why today all i care about is the word trundle, that the word trundle exists. of course i have things to do and emails to send and a world of suffering to protect but today my brain won't let me look away from the sheer linguistic improbability of trundle.
i saw a truck doing it. i imagine animals did it first. or people maybe. to trundle comes direct from old english. cows do it on occasion, but more often sheep (in my experience). someone had to name lope and someone had to name slog. the verbs to run and to leap make sense; they are singular and important distinguishers.
but we can bask rather than relax. we can scuttle rather than crawl. sometimes when i move in dance class it is to undulate rather than roll. someone had to name things like sonder and whimsy. of course we had words for tangible things like tree and grass and root. i love those words, i'm eating them.
i don't know the word for this thing. where it's real-now. sometimes i feel it when i am dating someone i actually like-and-love and i realize that is real, i am dating them and it's real that i like-and-love them. sometimes i have this feeling when i have been planning a vacation or an event for weeks-and-months and it finally happens - the feeling this is happening, it's happening right now.
it happens randomly sometimes too. i will be at the carnival or at an ice cream stand or with the last light of summer in my hair and i will feel it again, that sense - i have waited my whole life for this, and im finally experiencing it, and i need to pay attention to it.
but it's real! how amazing! how horribly tragic! it's real. it exists. the moment is here.
i have no idea what to do with it.
#link to book is first line#writeblr#i lost my car my phone my job my laptop#all in the span of 9 months#so no otherwise stuff isn't going well lol#luck seems to work like that for me#.... i have BIG luck.#i don't get to decide which side of luck i fall on#i am either STUPIDLY lucky. i mean should-have-died#or i am STUPIDLY unlucky. i mean. my phone saw the ocean jumped out of girlpockets . and took a dive#PS updated the link idk why it didn't work sorry!!
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#mrs flood who are you: time lord edition
#dwedit#doctor who#mrs flood#fifteenth doctor#the master#jacobi!master#tenth doctor#jack harkness#martha jones#twelfth doctor#ninth doctor#*#okay here is my argument: mrs flood IS a time lord but her presence here has nothing to do with the doctor#instead she's here because of ruby. she's seemingly part of/related to the pantheon of discord & we know that ruby is connected to them too#so i think that she was deliberately placed as ruby's neighbor by the pantheon/oldest one/ruby's mom/? in order to watch over her#it also explains why she was there to check on ruby in 1.04. once she realizes she's on the phone w carla she says 'nothing to do with me'#and she leaves. which implies that it COULD have had something to do with her. if it had been something else going on#ANYWAY. to get to the time lordness of it all. rn i personally believe that she's a time lord that's been hiding on earth for 50+ years#bc i don't think she recognized the police box as a tardis initially. that first quote should be taken at face value.#instead picture this: she's watching over ruby as per usual. a police box is there - weird but nbd. then it dematerializes in front of her.#she drops her groceries. she's shocked. she kinda looks scared. if she already knew it was a tardis why would she react like that?#so imo she knows OF tardises. she DIDN'T know the police box was one. and she's worried the time lords have found her hence the fear.#but when nothing happens and nobody comes at her she realizes she's still safe#later when she sees the doctor she realizes the tardis is his/he must be a time lord. he doesn't identify her but that's happened before#so then when she asks him who he is i think what she's actually asking for is his title. WHICH time lord are you.#bc lbr if she knows abt tardises then she knows about time lords and if she knows abt time lords she knows what it means for ruby#to be joining him - and that's why she wishes ruby good luck. meanwhile this is clearly the outcome she WANTS (them to be together)#bc she gets visibly upset when the doctor seems to decide to leave without ruby.#and for once i'm not master clowning bc the list of names the doctor gives out is VERY interesting. some of them we've never heard before:#the bishop; the conquistador; later he adds the pedant and sagi-shi and reiterates the bishop AGAIN. so i wonder if she's the bishop.....
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One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)
We all start somewhere!
#picked these cause they're in a similar pose lol. i mean not at all. but sort of... more than my other art at least...#oh fuck im so tired im saving this to drafts and coming back later#my anxiety meds wipe me the fuck out so im trying not to take them in the day#and they're like legit borderline a sleeping med for me. i take one and in 30 mins im OUT.#so I'm. i mean i was already only taking 1-2 in the day and then 2-3 at night#anyways it makes me sad when people say they dont have an artistic bone in their body#and especially when they say they could never draw like me :(#dont put yourself down to lift me up! i don't want my art to be used for you to be mean to yourself!!!#lots of experiences of people comparing themselves to me and being mean to themself...#feels bad. it's okay if you're slow it's okay to be learning it's okay!!!#I'm me and you're you and we're here to learn from each other. i just wanna hang out..#y'know what I'm just gonna post without saying anything i WILL forget I made a draft#i have so many things i intend to post and then forget#it's a wonder I post anything#i only do it when i get bored. and run out of stuff to scroll through#like whelp. guess if i want a post I have to make one myself.#also the second one is really good idc that it's a study i still drew it#art growth#this was in 2010 btw#i started highschool in 2011#I've grown a lot and you can too.#also I've never really been one to dislike my old art. like idk I was trying... if it's bad I just won't look at it whatever#like i wouldn't be mean to someone else who made that so i don't get a free pass to be mean just cause it's to me#man my thoughts are bungled. okay sleep time#if my phone made typos you didn't see it
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wip <3 [id in alt]
edit: complete piece here
#yuekka#sokka#yue#wip#myart#yuekka fanart#sokka fanart#avatar the last airbender#the full image was going to be for international kiss day and has sokka suki and zuko but i didn't have time to finish so have this partial#wip before i get to hopefully finish soon#im so pissed at my colors. if it looks good on my computer it looks super washed out on my phone#and if it looks ok on my phone it looks super saturated and weird on the computer and it looks the best on my tablet and no one gets to see#uhghhhhhh
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everything about Gavriil feels suffocating.
how his presence alone can be almost overwhelming, how his massive body cages you everytime without a chance to escape. you wouldn't dare to try anyway, knowing that you don't even have a say against a creature of his caliber. he will find you. in your dreams, in your nightmares. in your room.
how he will be intense and vague about everything just for the sake of it; to confuse you further, to see the conflict of emotions in your eyes merge with arousal. eventually your hesitance turns into acceptance, a desperate need to feel his hands all over you. and he will be oh so grateful to fulfill that desire.
how his thick tongue pushes past your lips and into your mouth, reaching almost the back of your throat, relishing in the muffled little sounds you make. your drool mixed with his saliva drips down your chin, and your hazy eyes look up at him when he finally pulls away, giving you a second to breathe.
how his hips are slamming into you relentlessly, your wetness and lack of resistance allowing him to move almost effortlessly. forced to hold onto him for dear life instead of pushing away. all of your morals and principles are being tossed out of the window every single time he comes to you. he has you where he wants you, and will not stop until he feels like you can't take it anymore.
and how in the morning he vanishes away, leaving you guessing: was it just another wet dream? but the cold stickiness between your legs tells you more than you need to know.
#yes bringing this back bc at the time i didn't tag it properly#okay im gonna complain in here now.#need... to... draw... something... but i dont... have the strength..#drawing on my phone is so exhausting but i have no other option#bc i think my traditional art is not very polishedddd and i dont want to answer asks with ittttt#but maybe i will#bc i think i'm really getting to that burnout#and giving how my bday is getting closer and closer....#i dread it. but hey. cake. money. i'll get a new piercing#i WILL cry ofc but hey. maybe someone will buy me tea as a gift. who knows.#i just want to spend some time with someone yknow:(#just... talk. about anything. sit beside eachother and stare off into the waters#i hope the snow will melt soon because i want to go out more even if by myself#gonna find a job when summer comes... maybe talking to colleagues and all that will help... everythings gonna be fine.. i hope#i just need friends. god.#microtya's kids#microtya: gavriil#monsterfucker#monster fucker#monster x human#monster boyfriend#monster lover#teratophillia#god x human#monster smut
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The fact that Main-verse Ooo is as good and as kind as it is (relative to the other universes shown so far, at least, it's obviously not perfect) all because of the same character that starts off as the OG series' antagonist, the person we were made to see as the bad guy (albeit an often ineffectual one) for several seasons, is making me lose my mind.
Imagine finding out the guy you spent your childhood beating up and saving princesses from is in fact a driving catalyst behind you being able to exist, and not only exist but also live in a world that knows what kindness is. All because that man, the same man who you've witnessed do terrible things, once met a little girl and taught her how to be good.
Simon's story really shows us that even if you lose your way and forget how it is to be good yourself, the world keeps the memory for you. That act of love Simon showed Marcy by protecting her and seeing her as more than the monster she thought herself to be created ripples upon ripples, small at first but eventually enough to help give their wreckage of a world—a world that easily could have been forsaken, its goodness overlooked because of its inhospitable remains—a chance to grow into something beautiful. Because of those very same ripples Simon created, the people of Ooo grew up in a world where they know enough about kindness that they were able and willing to spare the 'bad guy' some, to see beyond the wreckage and allow him to grow too.
In saving Marceline, Simon helped to not only to save the world, but also himself.
#fionna and cake#fionna and cake spoilers#adventure time#simon petrikov#ice king#marceline abadeer#simon and marcy#meta#this was just a phone note to get thoughts out of my system but then it came out semi-coherent#so welp guess i'm writing meta now. i'm really in the deep end now. but yeah...Ice King and Simon's story being about the power of kindness#A cruel world requires constant cruelty to be maintained. But kindness? That reaches across time. one act of kindness sparks another#'I need to save you but whose going to save me?' That act of love and compassion is gonna save you ya dingus....eventually#In a less kind world finn and Jake could have watched those tapes about Simon and still decided IK was a hopeless cause.#That he was too far gone to be saved. But they didn't. They chose to treat him nicer and actually be friends with him.#One thing i always loved about IK's story is that he didn't have to completely change himself for people around him to treat him better#They changed their perspective and were kind to him and it was THAT that helped him change. to grow beyond the 'antagonist' role#to quote my go to and all time favourite good place quote:#'the point is people improve when they get external love and support. How can we hold that against them when they don't?'#Arrgh sorry I just always loved Ice King's arc in the show. From pesky antagonist to the person Finn dived into a chaos god to save#(the world's new beginning and its near ending being all because of simon. he has such main character energy and boy does he not want it)#And now we're getting Simon stuff and I'm so normal I'm so normal I'm so normal (<- has never been normal about this character)#(i...i have many MANY drawings of ice king and simon from 2015 and the years after. i was doomed from the start. F&C was the final straw)#(as was reading marcy's secret scrapbook recently...and here i thought i'd truly reached the capacity of hurt i can feel about these two)#Going insane over these last two episodes. 'she didn't have a me'. Fionna and Simon bonding. Gumlee kiss. PETRIGROF BACKSTORY#and the implication that Simon isn't remembering it accurately? Their sweet sounding love song actually foreshadowing their issues?#I am clawing at the walls. thank you AT crew you are enriching the enclosure that is my brain
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Macbeth Q&A 18th Jan 2024 Part 1
Was lucky enough to get a ticket for the Member's Event at the Donmar Warehouse that took place on the 18th...with the price of the patronages I sure never thought I'd have gotten the chance, but luckily, they also let in some non-members 🥹❤️
The brilliant performance of Macbeth was followed by a very quick cleaning of the stage - thought for sure it would've taken them longer to remove the blood than like 5 minutes - followed by a lovely, little Q&A session.
The Q&A was led by Craig Gilbert (Literary manager) who talked to Annie Grace and Alasdair Macrae (Musicians and part of the acting ensemble) as well as Cush Jumbo and David Tennant.
Anyway, just gonna write down some of the stuff they talked about :) sorry if it's a bit messy! Might be spoilery if you haven't seen it yet but are going to!
To begin with Craig remarked that he didn't think he'd ever seen that many people staying behind for a Q&A before (While I was just wondering why some people even left!? Stressful!).
David introduced himself with "My real name is David "Thane of Paisely" Tennant - while Cush introduced herself with "I´m Cush Jumbo - there's only one of me".
First question was Craig asking them what it was that brought them to the Donmar to do Macbeth - to which David pretty much just replied that 1. It's the Donmar! 2. It's Macbeth! One of the greatest plays of all time in an amazingly intimate space - and that the theatre is famous for its quality of work. So he found it quite hard to think of a reason not to do it!
Cush said she'd worked there before and loves the theatre, how it's so intimate but also a great workspace. Followed by her saying she said yes because David asked her. She talked about how important it was for this play to do it together with the right actor playing opposite you.
David says Max Webster asked him about a year ago if he wanted to do the play - he gave him the dates - and since there weren't any obstacles in the way, David didn't have any excuse not to do it.
He then said that he had slightly avoided Macbeth - there sorta being the assumption that if you're Scottish and has done some Shakespeare plays before you have to do Macbeth. Which he joked was a bit odd since it's not like every Italian has to play Romeo. Then he mentioned that Macbeth is probably a bit more of a jock than he is - that it seemed more like a part for big, burly actors.
Max had laid out his initial ideas to David, a lot of which are in the final production, and David thought he seemed lovely, bright and clever and inventive plus it being the Donmar Warehouse! To which joked that he had last worked there 20 years ago - when he was 8 years old! "It's just one of those spaces" - friendly and epic at the same time where it's such a pleasure to be on the stage.
When Craig asked his next question concerning the sound of the play someone asked him to speak louder as she couldn't hear them - to which David joked that they've gotten so used to whispering. But also said sorry, and that they would!
Alasdair explained a bit about the process of the binaural sound - bit I find it a bit difficult to decipher it all correctly, sorry. He did say that a interesting part of it is that it allows them a controlled environment where they can put all the musicians (and even the bagpipes!) behind the soundproof box so "Poor David and Cush" doesn't have to shout over all the racket.
Craig asked David and Cush what their reaction was when they heard about the concept of the binaural soundscape - to which David replied that it didn't quite exist when they first came onboard - Cush joking they were tricked into it. Then she talked about her and David going on a workshop with Max to get a feeling of how it would all work - and get a sense of how it would sound to the audience, as this was one of the few times, they got to hear that side of it. Their experience of the play being completely different to the experience the audience has.
Cush said they can hear some of the sound - like she can hear some of the animal sounds and David can hear some of the stuff from the glass box - but most of their cues and information comes from timing with each other. She said they won't be able to ever hear what the audience hears - to which David joked "We're busy".
It felt like mixing medias - as it all went quite against their natural stagecraft instinct - but Cush found that in the long run it made things very interesting - like they don't have to worry about getting something whispered to each other - as the audience will hear it anyway.
David said the odd thing is that they don't really know what the experience truly is like. He mentioned that to the sides of the stage there's a speaker for them where they will get any cues that they need to hear. Like they can hear the witches - but they can't hear where they are "positioned" - so they have to learn how to place themselves to fit with what the audience hears. They don't hear everything, though. And the audio they hear is quite quiet, so it doesn't disturb what comes through the headphones.
He thinks it's been exciting - that it's a bit like a mix between film and theatre. It's happening live - but it's also like post-production is happening between them and the audience as it's going on. They just have to trust that the audience is hearing what they are supposed to for it all to make sense.
Cush said she thinks in 10 - 20 years, as these technologies has developed, doing theatre like this will feel a lot more normal - not that they will do it ALL the time, but that they will be doing it - whereas now it's still like an experiment. What Cush really like about the concept is that if was done in a much bigger theatre - then people in the cheapest seats would be able to have an experience much more similar to those in the most expensive seats - they'd be a lot more immersed into the action.
David then talks about how it feels extremely counterintuitive to not go on stage and speak loud enough that the people in the back row can also hear you. And usually, if they can't hear you, you aren't doing your job right! But then it felt very liberating. He loves it.
Cush then talked about how it felt odd waiting in the wings for a cue you can't hear - where you traditionally wait backstage and you can hear your cues, you can hear the rythm and know when it's your turn - so it was quite disconcerting to hear silence. So it's basically down to them now knowing the show and each other's timings - like if David is standing at a certain point, she knows how long she has before she needs to say/do something. So you have to watch each other more closely and really focus on what the others are doing.
David asked the musicians if they can hear everything inside the box, to which Annie replied that they get everything except some extra bits in the soundscape. But they can hear the actors on stage. Annie said it's actually a bit of a mystery to all of them what the audience actually experiences - how the big pictures actually look like - they just have to trust that it's there "Is it there?!".
Someone asked if they had had any adverse reactions from audiences to having to wear the headphones. Quite a bit of laughter all around :P then David said "There's the odd person" and something about if someone hadn't gotten the memo before turning up...but not sure how he ended the line. Then once again says that yes, there's the odd person who doesn't like it and that's fair enough.
The same audience member then said he could see the advantage of it in a big theatre where the distance is big, but not in a small place like the Donmar - to which David very quickly, rather passionately replied that it's not about projection, it's about being able to do things you wouldn't normally be able to do live - where they can speak so quietly that they can't even hear each other when standing next to each other. So even in such a small place, people wouldn't be able to hear that. It's about creating a different play - which isn't to everyone's taste and that's fair enough. But for a play that's been done a hundred and seven million times he thinks it's very valid to try and find a new way into the play - even if it's not for everyone.
Part 2
#David Tennant#Macbeth#Donmar warehouse#Cush Jumbo#I messed up this recording sooooo bad#I didn't see people pull out their phones to record it so I didn't dare do that either...#and man did I get a shitty recording out of it :(#and the audio ain't great either...Craig was sitting the furthest from me and didn't have a mic so can be a bit difficult to hear at times#Cush was sitting the closest to me (not that close - I was still in second row!) and David was sitting next to her#while I didn't have a perfect frontal view - the angle I was at did mean that I still got a perfect view of David's adorable smiles <3#and all his other lovely facial expressions as he often looked to Cush when she was talking and replied to her...#which made it FEEL like he was looking in my direction *sigh*#and he looked so good with his comfy cardigan - skin tight jeans - and his glasses!#You know I have seen David quite a few times by now - but I'm pretty sure this was the first time I saw him wearing his own glasses!#I desperately wish I had managed to capture some pictures or a video---because OMG! He was so lovely <3#Oh didn't know there was a text limit...or that I had written this much...guess I'm continuing in a part 2
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Took some proper pics of my little necron minis for their stat printouts
Some of them are still not finished, but I'll fix them up at some point :^D
#warhammer 40k#mini painting#necrons#my minis#gonna play for the first time tomorrow 👀#Also took pics of them on my phone bc I didn't wanna get my real camera out of the bag :^D
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I appreciate Jere's bodyguard so much for not only keeping Jere safe but the audience too, he is so quick to spot things happening in the crowd and act. Sadly venue security often sucks but at least he's there, always watching with a sharp eye, keeping the crew and fans safe ❤️
#käärijä#I don't want to use his first name so he's just bodyguard now#the audience tonight sucked I tried to get a security guy's attention with the light on my phone but he didn't notice#you know who noticed immediately? jeres bodyguard#i made eye contact with him and literally yelled at him to help us and he went and fucking woke the security guard the fuck up#and in böle after party when someone passed out he noticed it so fast and stopped the show#i know he is just doing his job but he's just so fucking good at it that I can't help but admire him#also something about looking a big man in the eyes asking for help and him jumping into action immediately to help you........
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orange with a diamond sword.
rage.
shiny blue tip towards green's neck
where he lies knocked down in the grass.
orange takes perfect care of this sword - it's his best. even a brush of the tip cuts.
all see him, and remember
and flinch.
orange raises his sword over his head.
it would be a killshot.
the rest are too shocked, angry, worried by how angry, stalled by cognitive dissonance to act.
the blade falls.
he stabs the grass, deep through the roots and soil and stones below.
orange storms off, leaving his best sword behind.
red sees.
remembers.
follows him.
blue is frozen down in the flowers by the pool.
yellow gathers blue. his scattered pieces, so to speak, come back together briefly from her coaxing.
green, trying to salvage it, approaches them.
laughs- wrong- jittery, measuring in his mind the distance orange's sword was from his neck... less than a short blade of grass
(tasted horrible)
but the show, the show, the show must go on.
he smiles, opens his arms wide with bravado.
"it was just a-!"
"get back," blue barks.
he's angry, but it's wrong.
he's angry and something else, something which rises and intensifies and sharpens the details as much as it swirls them.
it's just green, green and his insensitive gags, and a nice cherry forest under the sun.
it feels too warm, too bright, too dangerous.
"but," green approaches.
blue backs up.
green has less of blue's trust than that zombified hoglin.
yellow steers blue away, glaring at green.
"just LEAVE IT," she says. less loud than the others, but the most stern.
green wilts, alone in the clearing.
"we need a break."
red finds orange hiding behind a cherry trunk a few minutes away, trying not to mutilate too many flowers.
upon eye-contact,
they remember their own thing... in the desert. the lush caves. it got bad before. good on him that he left to cool down.
red is twitchy, too. can't unflatten the cat ears, so frustrated.
what to do?
red offers a duel.
orange accepts.
1. normal duel?
or
2. cat duel? lol.
mostly unserious from the beginning, they crouch to all fours and leap and swipe at each other. tussle and roll and work up to that genuine, playful competitiveness.
it always devolves into tickling. red gets orange to laugh. orange retaliates by scratching red under the chin. this instantly paralyses him. /pos
that was fun, and red is happy now
but...
orange wishes it was this easy with green.
he huffs sadly. still furious!! mostly sad.
orange tries to get up and do something.
red, purring, pins him to the ground for a snuggle.
orange struggles.
red deliberately-accidentally kicks him in the head while readjusting.
so instead of jumping into some fool plan
they get comfortable
and talk.
red is a little better at hiding it... (or suppressing it...) but he wishes it was that easy for green too.
if you try to hold green back,
he might just drag you through the mud with him.
blue is more fragile.
he never liked pranks, much less...
he can't even think about it. everything's fuzzy. focusing his eyes makes him more dizzy.
the pink looks darker, swims together into a uniform texture, red red red and the trunks are the same dark purple of the brick and he's falling-
yellow doesn't know what's going on, but she suspects that blue understated back then,
"oh yeah! and i got knocked into the lava pool, haha. wow, that hurt."
so she's approximately half-ready when he stops walking.
she halts too. "you okay?"
blue squeaks.
yellow steps in front of him.
he grabs her shoulders, like she's a ladder dipping into the-
ah. lava. yep, definitely some unresolved trauma there. she spots the bark color of the cherries and nods, theories forming in her mind.
the blue sky sure is a different color.
. .. ...
oh!
Yes!! there are zero cool colors in the nether, except for that dark teal fungus biome.
"hey, blue."
blue is still clinging to her shoulders.
"check out the sky right now."
he trusts her, so even while unsteady, his head jerks up. "whh...?"
slowly, his eyes begin to focus through the clouds.
it's overcast, but only the Minecraft version of cirrus clouds that let the deep blue atmosphere peek through.
it's a perfect Minecraft Overworld day.
the delicate pinks and greens of the trees compliment an endless pool of sky.
this is the opposite of the hard, brutal Nether.
blue's grip on yellow loosens.
she gets worried for a moment- but it's then clear it's because he's started to stand on his own again.
she pats his shoulder - his "good side," he jokes, the one that spent the least time cooking in service of the baby piglin - and leans against him.
he leans back.
a few minutes pass.
"i need to get that checked out," he laughs softly.
"yeah," yellow sighs. "you really do."
#--/ story#alan becker#animator vs animation#animation vs minecraft#green influencer arc#ava orange#ava red#ava green#ava blue#ava yellow#this was written as FAST AS POSSIBLE while walking towards and being distracted by a bus tour !#so it's Very stream of consciousness at times. i tried to fill those parts out#but sometimes kept them bc it preserved the. unsteady shock vibes#i don't get yt notifications on my phone so i learned about the latest ep from tumblr and#just INSTANTLY resonated with everyone making so much art about it. here's my hat!! lobbed ungracefully in the ring !!!#lemme know if you want any clarifications XP there's a lot to unpack here#you already know what green did next. ..... he edited the video.#the bit where orange was looming ominously over the camera with his sword didn't really fit the vibe. so he cut it out.#it's familiar now to add the final details. easy. soothing. mindless. numb#*grins in angst/whump writer*
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Man.... I can't stop thinking about Pac and the Risus Pill arc
Pac saying he took the pills because he didn't have any other choice, he was so hopeless he wants to take them until he doesn't remember anything
Pac saying "At least I’m not crying in some random corner in the Island expecting my friends to come save me, and nobody comes save me"
And then the thing he said immediately before that: "I lost my friend, I lost my friend’s friend, I lost my Egg, I lost my child, I lost everything, I'm– I was completely hopeless– so yeah, maybe I wanna be drugged and live my miserable but happy life. At least I’m not in that saddest place anymore."
The blood at Chume Labs
The three graves at Chume Labs
The message he wrote to Cellbit asking Cellbit to kill him if things got too bad, then changing it and saying "lock me up" instead.
The conversation with Fit, Fit pleading with him, and Pac saying "I don’t want to go back to that bad and sad place."
Pac, despite his grief and depression, finding an antidote and saving himself (with the help of his friends)
Literally everything from the Risus Pill arc makes me so heartbroken
#i talk#qsmp talk#the crazy thing is is I still haven't seen the stream where they give Pac the antidote#I was busy that day and rushed home trying to catch the tail-end of the stream#and made the mistake of leaving Twitch open on my phone on the counter as I hopped in the shower#and then mid-shampoo I just heard a SCREAM from my phone and I was like ''UH OH''#didn't get a noise complaint but it scared the hell out of me#I never did find that clip of him and Cellbit talking after everything went down and he was cured#but I remember the quotes from it#aghhhh#suicide mention#sorta implied#ask to tag#I'm briefly touching upon the Risus arc in my fic but I really want to dig more into the arc#I know it'll just make me sad though#tw drugs#drug mention#addiction#qsmp analysis
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well that's fucking awesome. all of the damage russians have done to our electric infrastructure can be repaired in one year minimum. IT'S GONNA TAKE MORE TAHN ONE YEAR TO REPAIR ALL OF THE ELECTRIC STATIONS RUSSIANS HIT WITH THEIR MISSILES. AND WE AIN'T EVEN TALKING ABOUT CIVILIAN OR ANY OTHER INFRASTRUCTURE. ONLY ELECTRIC ONE. MORE THAN ONE YEAR. AND WE ARE STILL NOT STRUGGLING ENOUGH IN ONLINE PEOPLE'S OPINION. FUCK OFF
#like look I'm just a guy who fucking wants to relax on my summer break and enjoy the last months of being unemployed and careless#and all I fucking get is “the electricity will soon be out” notification on my phone#LIKE OKAY I FUCKING GET YOU YOU ARE USED TO US FUCKING STRUGGLING AND I MAY BE SEEN BYPER PRIVILEGED FOR COMPLAINING#BUT IT'S SO FUCKING EASY TO JUDGE SOMEONE WHILE YOU FUCKING HAVE EVERYTHING I CAN EVER DREAM OF (basic human needs)#like YES THERE'S AN ONGOING WAR IN MY COUNTRY AND I KNOW IT. BUT WE DIDN'T CHOSE TO LIVE NEXT TO FUCKING RUSSIA#we just want to live safely and have access to the most basic things that many people all around the world take for granted#we want to feel safe on our land#we want to stop fucking worrying that the next building hit by russian missile will actually be ours because no one is safe#and still I fucking see those fuckos online telling me how we “don't act like people who live in a country that goes through a war”#well I guess in that case we should all stop buying food and clothes to be REAL people who are suffering from a war#like you for real?? you gonna fucking make us give up the only sourse of distraction and dopamine we can get?#you fucking judging people for buying stuff because “you shouldn't buy new things#there's an ongoing war in your country“ you fr?? so like what we all shall fucking give up and die??#buying new things often gives people some dopamine which actually helps to stay somehow stable (as sane as it's possible)#or do you want us to be a fucking nut-state? idk some mental-case-state. fuck off#stand with ukraine#russia is a terrorist state
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bisexual lighting ily
#the kingmaker histories#colette geise#telesphore winterlich#eisen iyer#my art#i didn't put much thought into making the kingmaker Extra Glowy#but ig on second thought it makes it look like colette's about to blow someone up lol#not my best lineart because i'm trying to be more economical with my time (i don't draw very fast and have many ideas i wanna draw) buttt#i wound up redrawing eisen from scratch after fully shading him because i didn’t like how he turned out at first LMAO#[has many art ideas that need drawing] [draws 3/4 view bust facing left x2]#did you know. they're everything to me#getting through hellish insurance phone calls only by thinking about them
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#God knows what fresh Horrors await me tomorrow.#at this point I fully expect a plane to crash into my house#I've had two really bad days in a row#I already didn't want to be here#I don't know what to do#I don't trust any of the people who are supposed to be taken care of me or figuring things out#because so far not a single person has proven able to tell me the same thing fucking twice#they all look at each other's work and say it's no good#and I'm fucking done#I'm just done#I'm not even very sick#this could potentially get bad but I'm okay right now#what I am is a miserable person trapped in an endless cycle of repetitive appointments and phone calls that go absolutely fucking nowhere
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amazing zukka headcannons from anon:
to the anon who sent this: I'm SO SORRY i accidentally deleted this ask in my excitement to answer!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭
these are all literally so good!!! i was going to hoard it in my asks until i had the time to draw it but i was like. no. it needs to be shared. (and then i pressed delete🤦) if you ever write a fic please link me!! this is like a whole amazing zukka world and it made me so happy!!!
[really hoping you see this and please send me another anon so that if i have the time to draw it, i can notify you. i promise i won't delete that one]
#it let me screenshot it after i deleted it but didn't let me post#this is what i get for answering asks on my phone for the first time#so so gooooood AHHHHHHHH#:((((#notmyart#and making a date night out of escaping??? canon. to me#i love all of this!!!!!!! literally so much#also love your citing text evidence with 'see beach episode with mai' so true bestie
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