#i didn’t even think about this being a regional thing but now. i am

[trippedandfell]

ok shocked by some tags i’m seeing so

[emma-needs-attention]

I don’t shave every day. It’s not that I don’t “need” to; I have very dark, dense facial hair that grows quickly and remains pretty visible after shaving. When I do shave, I don’t try to cover it with makeup (beyond some powder to reduce redness). In most other ways I present very feminine, but I always have fairly obvious facial hair.

And it makes me feel terrible.

I started electrolysis a couple months ago. It’s excruciatingly painful, expensive, and it takes forever. In an hour-long session, my electrologist is able to remove hair in only a small region (about 1 square inch). A few weeks later, much of that hair comes back. I am told that it will take two to three years of regular treatments to remove it entirely. On top of that, I apparently have a condition called Post Inflammatory Hyperpigmentation, which causes the skin in affected areas to darken after treatment. For nearly two months after completing a single pass over my upper lip, my mustache was more visible than it had ever been, despite having significantly less hair.

And it made me feel terrible.

I know this is the best way for me to permanently remove my facial hair, but I just canceled all of my upcoming sessions and at the moment I have no plans to begin again.

If I could pay to have my facial hair instantly and completely removed I would empty my savings account. I am intensely aware of it any time I go out in public. If it makes me so uncomfortable, why do I not do more to hide it?

I feel incredibly privileged for a trans woman. I have a loving, supportive family. I have a well-paying job. I live in a very accepting area. I have never had a single person say anything negative to me about my gender identity, which was certainly not what I was expecting when I came out. It is important to me that I be visibly queer, and in my privileged position I am able to do that without fear. A year ago I didn’t think I would ever transition; now I want people to know that I’m trans.

I am disappointed with myself for wanting to remove my facial hair, for changing my voice. I am determined not to have to do more work than a cis person does. Cis women don’t have to shave their face every day. Cis men don’t have to shave their face every day. Why should I? This is who I am, what my body does. Shouldn’t I be proud of that? Am I not supposed to love myself the way I am?

But by that logic, why am I even transitioning in the first place?

I am doing more work than a cis person does. Cis people don’t transition, and transitioning takes effort. I know that there are cis people, both men and women, who do shave every day. Am I lying to myself? I’m a trans woman; aren’t I supposed to want to get rid of my facial hair? Shouldn’t I be trying harder? Doesn’t this give me dysphoria? Am I pretending not to have dysphoria so I don’t have to put in the effort? Does the fact that I’m not trying harder make me… I don’t know, less trans? Non-binary? Is it ok for me to call myself a trans woman? Am I lying to myself?

As a woman who was a man until thirty, there are things about my body that I must accept, that I won’t be able to change no matter how much money I dump into my transition. I’m tall, I have broad shoulders, I have large hands. No amount of surgery or hormones will change these things.

But there are many things that I can change, and while none of them are requirements for being a woman, they may still be changes that I want to make. Where do I stop? Am I finished transitioning when I’ve done everything that is physically possible? My goal isn’t to “pass,” at least not in the way that word is generally used. In a time when cis women are being assaulted because people think they’re trans—because they don’t “pass” as women—the idea of what it means to pass becomes blurry. Often when we say that we want to pass, what we really mean is that we want to be conventionally beautiful.

I am a woman. Therefore, I look like a woman. My transition goal is to pass as myself. I’ve spent the last year trying to figure out who I am so I can look like her. I don’t care whether people see me and think “that’s a woman.” I want to be able to look in the mirror and think “that’s me.” But it can be extremely difficult to separate your own image of yourself from society’s idea of what you should look like. Am I self-conscious about the size of my body because it doesn’t feel like me, or because I’ve been told that women should be smaller? There are tall cis women, there are broad-shouldered cis women, there are cis women with large hands. Those traits don’t make them less womanly.

For the aspects of my body that I do have control over, I am stuck wondering whether I am changing things to become myself, or changing them because I have internalized that the way I am is wrong. At the moment, facial feminization surgery is something that I think I might like to do. But how do I know that I want to do it for the right reasons? I don’t hate my face, but when I catch a glimpse of myself from certain angles I can’t help but think that it isn’t feminine enough. What I should be asking is if it’s Emma enough, but how can I know that? How do I know who I’m supposed to be?

I feel like I was supposed to be a cis woman, but… why? Who am I to say that I wasn’t supposed to be trans? That I wasn’t supposed to transition at thirty, to have both a male puberty and a female one? Being trans has made me more self-aware, more open-minded, more empathetic. The totality of my experience is what makes me who I am. Maybe there’s a world in which I was assigned female, maybe there’s a world in which I was put on puberty blockers as a kid. But the girl in those worlds isn’t me.

Loving yourself and wanting to change are two feelings that can coexist. I tend to think of body positivity as simply accepting yourself as you are, but it is more nuanced than that. As a trans person, who I am inside is not the same as who I am outside. Which one am I supposed to love? I do love myself, but I also love who I could be. I’m transitioning so that someday they’ll be the same person.

Over the past year I have become both my biggest supporter and my biggest critic. I constantly tell myself how pretty I am, how brave I am, how fucking cool I am (hey, nobody else is saying it and it’s true). This forced positivity has been fantastic for me. I can confidently say that I truly love myself for the first time in my life. But I sometimes feel guilty that I don’t love myself more.

I can’t help but stare at myself in the mirror all the time now. I actually bought a new mirror so I didn’t have to walk as far to do so. I’ve taken more selfies than I did in my entire pre-transition life. After many months on HRT, I finally see myself in my reflection. But my eyes refuse to focus on my stubble. Sometimes I catch myself thinking “I’m going be so beautiful once I get rid of this facial hair,” and it feels like a betrayal. Fuck you Emma, I’m already gorgeous.

[baddywronglegs]

England doesn’t have a North-South divide. But if it did have one, Cornwall would be in the North.

Now I’m not saying there isn’t a big geographical divide between like, Manchester and Canterbury, or that the country’s a homogeneous patchwork, what I’m saying is this divide isn’t north-south and thinking about it as such masks a lot of things.

Oh, and I am, for necessity of discussing this divide, going to be ignoring the Midlands. I hope you forgive me ignoring the deep cultural ties between Birmingham and Rutland.

Map Men made a video about the North-South divide in England (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENeCYwms-Cc&ab_channel=JayForeman), which focused on the line determined by Danny Dorling in 2008.

… Which isn’t a north-south divide. It’s a northwest-southeast divide, going up at more than 45 degrees – it’s more an east-west divide than it is a north-south. It also includes Wales in “the North” but we’ll get to that.

But it was a north-south divide he set out to find, so a north-south divide he sort of drew, excluding exclaves and enclaves where the metrics he was looking at would make that not a north-south divide.

Notably, several would seem to put the west country peninsula in “the North”… So what’s up with that?

(Dorling's full paper is here, and I recommend looking through the whole thing to see how he arrived at the divide he eventually concluded: https://www.dannydorling.org/wp-content/files/dannydorling_publication_id2938.pdf)

Anyway. This is what’s up with that:

This is a geological map of Great Britain (and the Isle of Man, which isn’t actually part of the UK or any of its constituent countries but I guess it’s here anyway.)

Here again, in the boundary between Jurassic and Triassic geology, is that diagonal line from the Humber to the Severn, but continuing past both. For convenience, here are those two lines superimposed on one another.

With Danny Dorling’s line (frequently following county boundaries or other administrative boundaries) in blue, and the geological divide in red.

One line was drawn in 2008, the other has existed over 200 million years.

This isn’t a coincidence – it’s the reason for the divide.

What made “the North” is the industrial revolution. And one thing that drove the industrial revolution was the mines: coal, iron, silver, tin, the rocks beneath our feet and the people who dreamed they were worth more than the people they sent into the dark to bring it into the light.

Towns grew around mines, from Walker to South Crofty, and more than just the mines defining them, it was the mines closing that would cement the divide.

“Byker Hill and Walker Shore, collier lads forever more”

“Cornish lads are fishermen and Cornish lads are miners too”

- Two folk songs about regional identity’s roots in its industry, from opposite ends of this dividing line

In the West Midlands, the Black Country didn’t earn that name with caviar; it, like Manchester and Leeds, reinvented itself when the industry collapsed: cities built in the brick ruins of the temples built to the exploitation of the workers, blackened by the smokes of the cremation of its labour industry. When the light catches the steel and glass just right, you can still see the ghosts.

Even the country life outside the cities is shaped by this geology: the terrain north-west of this line doesn’t lend itself to large, flat expanses of land for arable farming, and the divide is visible again when looking at agriculture:

With the majority of land south of the Jurassic-Triassic line being arable, mixed and market gardening, with a fair amount of cattle in the Cotswolds and Chilterns and along the north side of the Thames, and the majority north-west of it being cattle and sheep – which are almost absent from the south side of the divide with the exception of the Isle of Wight and therefore, ironically, Cowes.

Not all farming is the same, the yearly flow of labour and of marketable goods between livestock and arable having little in common beyond being intensive work out-of-doors and taking huge amounts of land to accomplish.

But one thing that also goes hand in hand with this is that sheep aren’t mostly farmed for their meat but for their wool, and what drove industrialisation in the Pennines was the steam-loom: the mechanisation and mass-production of wool.

(Incidentally, on this map arable farming and market gardening also correlate with several types of English traditional dance: Molly, Border an East Midlands and East Riding plough dances, which began as a way for seasonal farmhands to make ends meet by busking with menaces in the winter off-season, but that’s for a later Morris ramble).

But hang on, that puts Hull on the same side of the divide as Kent, not, for example, Liverpool. So what gives there?

The East Riding isn’t built on mining - a kid with a bucket and spade could find the water table in most of the county.

Hull, and other ports of Yorkshire with it, was built on whaling – and not many industries have collapsed harder than whaling. For once, the geography of the land has little impact on this, but the geography of the sea does:

Between England and the European continent is a shallower stretch of sea called Dogger Bank – named for the Dutch cod-fishing boats known as Doggers which fished on it. But shallow water isn’t great for whales. So where is there water good for whales?

Well, whalers from Great Britain would venture as far as the Antarctic ocean in search of whales, and often hunted off Greenland – but there was water closer to home where whales did and still do frequent:

(There is still whaling in the North Sea. Around 500 minke whales are killed by Norwegian whalers each year “in objection to” the global ban on commercial whaling.)

Outside of this, there’s also a divide between port cities dealing primarily in cargo or primarily in passengers, something which is somewhat evening out by one means or another, but here’s a current map of UK passenger ports and their passenger numbers:

Or at least circles sized to correspond to their passenger numbers - source with stats: https://www.gov.uk/government/statistics/sea-passenger-statistics-all-routes-2021/sea-passenger-statistics-all-routes-2021

Compare this with a map of cargo ports by load:

Source with numbers: https://safety4sea.com/uk-ports-record-steady-performance-during-2018/

Generally showing passenger numbers getting lower the further you get from Dover, but not the same correlation with cargo (Plymouth and Holyhead both bucking this trend at a glance).

So, if not “The North” and “The South”, what name does make sense for this divide?

I propose “the South” be known as Lloegyr.

These names still exist: Domnonea still exists in Brittany both as a name for that same region from which Brittonic settlers came to Brittany and an area of Brittany named for them, and in Welsh, yr Alban is Scotland, Cymru is Wales and Lloegr is England.

Wales isn’t part of “the North”. “The North” is part of Wales.

[sunsetsimon]

hi an update after my appointment,

I DO NOT HAVE CANCER!!!!!!

holy shit i can’t even explain how good it feels to be able to say that. after wrestling with this for months i finally have the answer.

without getting too specific about it, in my last experience, i had lumps in my right breast in february 2022 that my doctor was concerned about and wanted me to get checked. my scans came back clear of malignant lumps, but there definitely were cysts in my breast tissue that were causing me pain. because of my symptoms they didn’t feel it was necessary to remove them and they eventually went away.

november 2023, right as i’m moving apartments, i notice that i have another painful lump in my right breast. i figured it must be the same cyst situation from before, so i decided to wait on it before starting to freak out. the pain continued to grow, expanding into my armpit region and i was experiencing a lot of soreness and shooting pains. i already don’t wear bra’s, but it became extremely uncomfortable and i had to move up in size to be able to continue to wear them.

one day months later as i was about to shower, i noticed that my nipple looked really weird. like, you know how as they harden they shrink and become perkier? (those with puffy nipples like me - you get it). only half of my right nipple was hard, and it looked oddly shriveled and wrinkled. this is when i started to realize that this could actually be something serious.

so i got my referral from my primary and just had my screenings today. NO CANCER. but there is abnormal tissue growth, nothing serious but it will still continue to cause me pain and soreness. (apparently this is a common thing for people with breasts)

she said it could be hormonal, as she noticed some of the same on my left breast. we’re not sure what happened with my nipple as i haven’t really experienced that again, but i’ll continue to keep an eye on everything for any changes.

i feel good knowing that as of now, it’s nothing. but with the history of my aunt, grandma, and great aunt all developing breast cancer, i should still always be on pretty high alert, especially since im not in the best health.

so yeah, trust yourself when you think something isn’t right about your body.

thank you so so so much to all who sent me kind words and thoughts, kept me in your prayers and good wishes. i am so grateful to have people who care about my wellbeing. you gave me the strength to stop being so consumed by fear and push through. i’ve even been able to write a tiny bit! i love and appreciate you all so much, seriously. and i miss you all too!

now that i’m able to have this major weight off of my shoulders i feel like i can take a deep breath again.

i hope you’ve been taking care 💗 i should have a new post for simon out soon!!

[queenwille]

the audacity of @un-women to make so many posts about the women of Lebanon, but not a single one about the women of israel, or much less about the 13 hostages is a total crime.

as a Jewish woman with both an Israeli and Argentinian citizenships, two jewish communities who were seriously hurt by Hezbollah crimes, i am deeply outraged by this.

seems like being an international voice didn’t make you feel obligated to do some proper research before talking, so let me do it for you. unlike israeli women, no, not all of lebanon is under attack. there are very specific regions that the lebanese government (+military) lost it’s hold on to the terror group of hezbollah MANY YEARS ago. hezbollah completely rules the region and started an ongoing, unprovoked attack on israel on october 8th, 2023. long story short? the israeli and lebanese states aren’t at war at all, actually. the thing is that the lebanese government basically doesn’t mess with hezbollah, like at all either, so they’ve being bombing the israeli north completely unhinged, since october ‘23, until israel attacked back and now y’all are so worried that israel is being too aggressive as always. here’s a map of lebanon and it’s regions (strong green for hezbollah):

as you may see, all of the border with israel is hezbollah, so after the war in 2006, after a ceasefire was declared, useless unifil soldiers were stationed there as well. obviously it didn’t bother hezbollah from making bunkers literally everywhere, under civilian homes, mostly to hide the craziest amount of ammo you can think of, but also to infiltrate israel and hurt civilians. those are the targets, idk why they’d live over it.

and as to the my jewish-argentinian community? it might have been over 30 years since the terror attacks, but hezbollah even got there and murdered so many and my community never recovered. do you even know about those?

so, @un-women, why won’t you call for the lebanese government & military to get hezbollah under control for the sake of both lebanese AND israeli women? instead of continuously addressing everyone’s suffering, but israeli women, who are also being hurt, killed, raped, denied of basic needs, attacked, displaced, starved and more?

israeli women under attack in the last few hours (7PM local time):

those are about 55km+- down and, say, 100km+- long. many have been displaced for over a year, those who are home, mostly those who are next to the sea, are in the shelters right now as i write this. i’d ask if jewish blood is any different, but many of the women of northern israel are actually arab; druze, muslim and christian, so i’ll just ask if israeli blood any different to you, @un-women? speak the fuck up already.

[itslucyhenley]

I watched Meg Ryan’s new movie What Happens Later and I just have mad respect that the absolute queen of rom-coms directed a movie where in the first five minutes one of the characters unplugs a digital sign with a generic ad flashing the words “rom-com” on it and the omniscient airport announcer sounds like 90s trailer voice man. So meta, loved it. I watched it like it was week 15 of a college course on rom-coms where we just watched every classic Meg Ryan performance and then the professor says, now let’s see what america’s sweetheart herself has to say about it all. And we think we’re going to watch a traditional rom-com, a comeback, a triumphant return to a familiar place if you will, but we’re actually watching an existential two-hander stage play about perception and aging and what it means to really be honest with someone else and with yourself. And the songs are familiar 90s songs but they sound wrong because they’re just oddly homogeneous sounding covers of the originals. And the whole thing takes place in this unnamed regional airport during a storm, a liminal space where the foreground and backgrounds are filled with blurry faces and legs walking by in the background until eventually there’s a scene later on where they’re just silhouettes. After the first 10 minutes of the movie the characters only talk to each other and the electronic voices of support kiosks and the omnipotent airport announcer and take phone calls that we can’t hear the other end of and we don’t see the phone screen telling us who is calling. They sit in restaurants with no waitstaff and bars with no bartenders. There’s no sense of direction either you don’t get any sense of the layout of the space they’re occupying and the aerial shot of the airport at various points during the movie looks sharp but the characters are almost always walking in circles. I don’t know man I was riveted, I was stroking my chin in deep thought, I just kept saying “interesting, interesting.”

edit: also I left the dvd menu screen on for like two hours after I finished watching the movie, it just kept playing this absolutely hypnotic 18 seconds of the score over a clip of them dancing in a hallway as seen from the outside looking in through falling snow and there’s a continuity error where David Duchovny’s white shirt alternates between being tucked in and untucked and I didn’t even care. During that actual scene they’re dancing to “Pure” by The Lightning Seeds which is the only not-a-cover song in the movie i think? And at one point Meg Ryan looks up and yells “louder” and the music gets a little louder and I’m sitting on the couch in my living room but I’m trying to figure out where I am actually because I thought I was gonna watch a trope-heavy romcom but I’m sat here typing out this stream-of-consciousness movie analysis on tumblr dotcom.

[tsunflowers]

Extremely wild day in the Detective Conan fandom that I need to tell as many people as I can about. The latest film (which is currently only in Japanese theatres) has apparently revealed that Spoilers:

Shinichi Kudo (the real identity of Conan Edogawa from before he got shrunk into a 7 year-old body) & Kaito Kuroba (the real identity of Kaito Kid) are actually cousins (their dads each took a different family name when their parents divorced).

KaiShin/ShinKai has long been a very popular ship in Japan (despite the fact that the actual plot is very blunt about the girls each of them is going to eventually end up with). And when I say “very popular”, I mean in general, not just within the Detective Conan fandom. Shippers in the English-fandom are doom spiraling, while most other regions seems fine with it.

https://twitter.com/Kastoriaaa/status/1778761128224735264

(Because of seeing this tweet I specifically looked up “��快” and “快新” on twitter, and google translate is giving me the impression that the main reaction from Japanese shippers has been “cousins can get married, so it’s fine”. Side note: learning that first cousins can get married in Japan gives me some context for that gross thing in Ninninger where Yakumo apparently had a childhood crush on Kasumi and no one reacted grossed out to this information & just teased him about it.)

Anyways, regardless of if you think it is okay to ship cousins (I personally am not okay with it), the English fans saying that this revelation means the author suddenly decided to add this to spite fans and/or the author has been queerbaiting (since KaiShin/ShinKai merch makes a ton of money) are just wrong because:

Kaito Kid was the protagonist of “Magic Kaito”, the author’s manga before Detective Conan, and later got brought into Conan as a reoccurring character. From the start, and they have always had very similar faces and voices (they have the same VA)

Even if you try to dismiss this as the wanting to give the VA more work & author’s artstyle having same-face syndrome (which to a certain extent he does), it has been explicitly acknowledge in-universe they are almost identical beyond their hairstyles.

(Please forgive the official English translation of the manga still calling Shinichi ��Jimmy”)So this is a reveal that has most likely been in the works for a while now.

This is is Shuichi Akai & Akemi Miyano. They canonically dated before Akemi was killed near the beginning of the series, and both are very important reoccurring characters to the plot (though in Akemi’s case it is primarily through flashbacks from various other characters).

Like 5-10 years ago, the author revealed that their mothers are/were actually sister, and later explicitly confirmed at a fan panel that that means they are/were first cousins.

(Note: afaik no single person in-universe knows both that they were related and were dating. Akai would actually probably be pretty bothered if he learned they were cousins, because he was born in England and went to study in America (and later join the FBI) while the rest of his family moved to Japan after his dad died, so unlike most of the main cast he would not have grown-up in a cultural where that is at all seen as okay.)

So setting aside the fact that Akai/Akemi demonstrates the author is more okay with kissing cousins than he should be, Shinichi and Kaito being revealed as cousins is not an act of homophobia to spite the fujoshis.

-

I’m glad that you told me all this bc I’ve seen people freaking out but you’ve provided some context that I didn’t have before. now I think this is a fun reveal. they look the same bc this is what mr aoyama thinks is a good design for a protagonist and he’s decided to say in-universe they look the same bc they’re cousins. I don’t know or care about the ship so I think it’s cute for them to be related

also I feel like he can’t not know how big the ship is but I agree he probably did not make this decision just to spite shippers

[andydrysdalerogers]

Cross-Checked - Chapter Five

Andy Barber x OFC Leighton "Leia" Andrews

Summary:

Andy Barber is having the best year of his life. His game is on point. It’s gets to play with his best friend and his fiancé just... dumped him?!. 

Reeling from a sudden change in status, Andy decides it’s time to just focus on hockey. Until his best friend's sister comes out with news that rock the entire organizations world., 

Andy has always carried a torch for the untouchable Leighton but in her hour of need, is now the time to shoot and score or risk getting cross - checked again? 

Warnings: Cheating (but not by the MCs); slow burn; friends to lovers eventually; SMUT!; pregnancy; jealousy; handsome goalies, evil exes...

A/N: The tag list is open!

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site, even if you give me credit. DO NOT REPOST MY FICS. Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Banners by me!

Previous: Chapter 4 ~ Being Captain Sucks ~ Andy 

Series Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter Five - Here for You - Leia/Andy

Leia 

I fully understand that news can make you speechless.  

I’ve shared some doosies in my lifetime.  Especially to the man in front of me.  While Luke is my brother and I trust and love him, sometimes there are things I just can’t tell him.  Like when I lost my virginity to my high school boyfriend. Or when the same boyfriend broke up with me and I couldn’t tell Luke because I knew he would beat him up.  

But I could always tell Andy anything.  

Except this time, I think I broke him.  

“Andy, please say something,” I beg him.  

“You’re pregnant?”  I nod, scared he’s going to start yelling.  He stops and looks away for a moment. Then he looks back at me. “It’s Bret’s.” Not a question, just a statement.  I nod again because, really, I don’t want to say it out loud. Andy runs a hand through his hair.  “Are you going to keep it?” 

“I don’t know,” I whisper. I really don’t. Because right now the feelings of being terrified and excited are swirling around in me.  The road trip had passed in a blur. I was doing everything i could to avoid being sick in front of everyone, while trying to do my job. It was hard.  And a couple of times I had to lie to get out of whatever it was that was brought up, like going to a club and stuff.  

The weird part of it was Jeremy wasn’t around like I assumed he would be.  And Andy had been checking in on me more frequently. Stella just rolled her eyes when I mentioned it, so she was no help but now, in this moment, I need Andy.  

“Ok,” he finally says.  “Have you seen a doctor to confirm?” 

He’s using his captain voice, which is sexy to hear on the ice while he is commanding his teammates in drills and right now, it's making my lower region tingle a bit. Fuck Leia, focus. “Uh, no. I didn’t know where to do in California or Washington or Canada for that matter.  I was going to sneak over there soon because i wasn’t gonna say anything but here we are.”  

“Yeah, here we are.” Andy shook his head. “Are you going to tell him?” 

Fuck, I hadn’t even thought of that. I have to tell my ex about a baby that i am sure he doesn't want.  Or if he does, would he insist I move with him so he can be closer to his kid.  Or worse, would he say I need to marry him so I don’t raise a bastard. He had that mentality, so it was a legitimate fear.  

Andy could see my panic.  “Hey, its ok.” He pulls me back into his arms.  “Everything is going to be ok.”  

“What am I going to do Andy?  I have to tell him but what if he wants to take my baby?  What if he insists I move? Oh god.” I lean into him and sob.  My entire life is being blown up and I have no idea what to do.  

“Princess, breathe for me. C’mon, you can do it. In and out.” I breathe at his tempo, grateful for his presence.  As my breathing slows, he kisses the top of my head.  “Now, everything is going to be ok.  First step is the doctor and confirm everything.” I nod. “Second, is deciding if you tell the doucheweasel about it. Whatever you want to do, I am here for you, ok?” 

“I have to get a place and buy baby stuff... and Luke.  Oh god he’s going to murder me.”  

“A place?” Andy asks surprised. “Why do you need a place?” 

“Andy, if I have this baby, I need to have my own place.  I can’t cramp your style with a pregnant girl living with you.  Eventually you’ll want to date and then you bring a girl home and there is a screaming infant and...” 

Andy covers my mouth to stop the ramble that is happening. “Leia, do you honestly think I would let my pregnant best friend live somewhere else?” 

Well, that was unexpected. I move to make a sound and Andy lets go of my face.  “You aren’t kicking me out?” 

“And risk your brother’s rath?  I don’t think so.  No thank you. You can live here with me. Whatever you decide. Promise.” He holds out his pinky finger.  I grasp it with mine and smile.  

“I think I do want to keep it, Andy.  I know its part Bret but hopefully we can tame whatever genes that asshole passes over.” I chew my lips.  “I’ll email him about it and he can decide from there.”  I move to stand but I’m so dizzy from being dehydrated and Andy has to hold me to stop from falling over.  

“Would you go back to him if he asked?” Andy looks torn over asking the question.  

“No,” I say immediately. “I can’t be with someone like him, who wants to control my life and my decisions.” The look of relief that passes Andy’s face is comical.  “You really didn’t like him.”  

“I really didn’t, princess.  C’mon, water, juice and some toast to get your stomach to settle.  I’ll call around for a doctor.”  

“Thanks Andy.”  I chew my lips as we walk downstairs.  “Can you help me with more thing?” 

“Sure Princess.”  

“Can you help me tell Luke?” 

I’ve never seen a man look so scared in his life. 

Andy 

It's a couple of days later, and I’m sitting in an exam room with Leia, staring at the posters in her office.  Why am I staring? Because its pictures of woman, in child birth. I swallow hard, trying not to get queasy. Why did I volunteer for this?  I look down at Leia, who is chewing her bottom lip and clutching Sebastian. She was the reason. I take a deep breath and take her hand.  “Everything is going to be ok, Princess.”  

“You don’t know that Chewy.” She looks up at me. “I could have already miscarried, or its ectopic or its was completely false and...” 

I squat to get eye level with her, and she stops.  I kiss her knuckles. “Everything is going to be fine. They already did the blood test and that will confirm everything. The doctor will come in and check and then we can make some decisions, ok?” 

“We?” She looks at me with shiny eyes. She is so scared that her eyes are wider than normal, Sebastian basically being choked at this point.  

I grasp her fingers around the stuffed cow and massage them until they are loose again.  “We, ok? I won’t leave your side as long as you want me here.” I reach up and kiss her forehead. “We are going to be ok.”  

Just then, the doctor comes in and I stand back up next to Leia.  “Good Morning, Leighton. I’m Dr. Sheppard.  I’ll be doing your exam and then I will send you to the ultrasound room for the first pictures of baby.  Is this dad?” 

I move to say no, but Leia beats me to it. “Yes, he is.”  

What the fuck is she doing? I look down at her and she smiles her public relations smile and I know, she is saving face.  I smile at the doctor as she makes a note.  “I’m Andy...” 

“I know who you are Mr. Barber. I’m a big fan.  I was sorry to hear about... well...” 

Shit, Leia did not think her decision through and here we are. “Leia and I have been friends for years and we had one night.” I shrugged and smile. “Guess everything was meant to be.” The lie comes too easily. 

“Of course,” Dr. Sheppard flushes and moves to the computer.  She cleared her throat and read something.  “Well, the blood test confirms high levels of HCG, which is positive for pregnancy. When was the last day of your menstrual cycle?”  She smiles as she looks at Leia.  

Leia flinches and flashes me an apologetic look. “Umm, I’m not sure.”  

“That’s fine. The intra vaginal ultrasound can confirm a pretty close approximation of size and date of conception.  Otherwise, how are you feeling?” 

“I’m nauseous all the time.  Sleepy too.” She looks at me again, like she wants to verify that she’s using the right words.  

“She’s been having a low grade fever on and off for a couple of days.  She’s able to keep toast, tea and a little bit of juice down during the day. She’s also been dizzy a few times,” I explain.  

“These are all normal,” Dr Sheppard confirms.  “The dizziness is from the dehydration and vomiting.  Unfortunately, morning sickness is not just in the morning.  It really should be named all day sickness.  That should clear up as you head into the second trimester.” She looked back at the notes on the computer.  “Otherwise, your weight is good, all of your other blood levels are great. Just try to rest and keep your strength up.  I’m going to prescribe some antinausea medication for the times it won’t just stop.”  

“Ok,” Leia’s lip trembles a little.  

“Let’s get you to ultrasound and see baby.”  

Once Leia is stripped from the waist down, I sit by her head as we wait for the technician.  “I’m the father?” I whispered to her.  

“I panicked.  I’m sorry.  I just didn’t want to be judged as a single mother.”  

Before I can respond, the tech comes in and they start on the exams.  They roll a wand over Leia’s flat stomach, and we see a tiny blip of a thing show up on the screen. Then the most amazing sound is echoing in the room.  “Is that...” 

“That is baby’s heart beat,” the tech smiles.  “It looks like you are about eight or nine weeks pregnant. Congratulations.”  

I feel it pull on my chest that my Leia is going to be a mother.  She has a new life in her belly.  I see the tears stream down her face.  I thumb them away as I have a really devastating thought cross my mind.  

I wish I was the father for real.  

As we stared at the pictures in our living room a little while later, Leia finished composing her email to Bret.  I can’t believe that fucker gets to be a father to this baby.  This baby that should be mine. I have to swallow down my anger about it as Leia leans into me as she hesitates to press send. “I’m right here Princess.”  

“I don’t want him to take my baby.”  

“He won’t. I won’t let that happen.” I kiss her temple. She takes a steadying breath and clicks send. 

“There.” 

“Better?” 

“No.”  

I chuckled.  “Ok. Well, we have until the beginning of May to make this work.” I sat up and grabbed my phone. “I won’t know what our schedule is then because that is playoffs.  But during our Christmas break, we should know what the baby is, and we can paint their room.”  I studied my phone but it's quiet and I look at Leia and she has tears streaming down her face.  “Princess, what’s wrong?” 

“Nothing,” she squeaks.  “It's just... you’re planning on a room?” 

“Of course, I am. Leia,” I put my phone down. “This is my niece or nephew and I love them as if they were my own. I was thinking about the room between ours, that way both of us can listen for them.  That leaves the two guest rooms at the end of hall free for people when they come over.”  

Leia launches herself at me and I catch her, making sure she isn’t hurt. “Thank you, Andy, so much.  I was so scared, but you are making me feel better about this.”  

“Hey, you’re my best friend. I would do anything for you.” I rub her back as she cries, wishing i could do more.  After a few minutes, she starts to calm down and I pull back.  “Ready to go meet Luke?” 

She shakes her head but squeaks out a yes. “He’s going to be so mad at me.”  

“He’s not going to be mad at you.  If anything, I don’t think six thousand miles is enough distance for Luke not to go out and kick Bret’s ass.” I laugh as she giggles. “C’mon, the faster we do this, the faster we can eat.”  

Leia and I had decided that it would probably be best to meet Luke in a public place to prevent a blow up. Well, its wishful thinking that we might prevent it but here we go.  I drove us to the restaurant, praying this was going to be ok.  I really didn’t want Leia to have to deal with her brother.  As I’ve said before, Lucas Andrews is a protective bastard and would do anything to make sure his sister was happy. I got us in and saw him sitting in a booth in the back.  He raised his hand, and I walked Leia over. “Just breathe, Princess.”  

“Hey Barber, Cubby,” giving both of us a hug.  We ordered, and small talked for a bit.  Leia’s leg was bouncing, and she was staring at her drink, biting her lip.  “Ok sis, what is going on?”  She snapped her head up. “You’re bouncing.  What’s going on?” 

Leia looked at me and I nodded.  She looked at her brother and took a shaky breath. “I got sick over the road trip.”  

“I know that.” Luke took a sip. “You had a fever.”  

“No. I mean, yes but it wasn’t a regular sickness.” Leia tried to keep the tears i could see from flowing. “I was throwing up on the trip, so I took a test with Stella and...” she hesitated and looked down.  “I’m pregnant.” 

“What?” Luke looked at me and I nodded. “You’re pregnant?” I could see the color rising from his neck.  “Who is the father?” He looked at me again and I shook my head.  Leia was crying and wouldn’t look at her brother. “Leighton, look at me.” She shook her head, so he reached over and gently grasped her chin to turn her head.  “Is it Bret?” Her bottom lip trembled, and she barely nodded before Luke exploded. “Son of a bitch!” He stood up and walked out of the restaurant as Leia began to sob. I wrapped an arm around her to let her cry as I watched my best friend walk out of the restaurant.  

“I’m sorry Leia. I’m so sorry,” I whispered as she cried. I let her go. “Stay right here. I’ll be right back.”  I walked out to the front where Luke was pacing. “Get your ass back in there Andrews,” I growled.  

“How could she be so stupid?  How could she let that ass wipe do this to her?” He ran his hands through his hair. “She’s just starting her business and the season and... FUCK!” He kicked a sign over.  

“That is enough Lucas.  Your sister needs you.  She was so scared to tell you.  I had to convince her to come.  You are confirming her worse fears.  She’s going to need you.  Your niece or nephew is going to need you.”  

“How long have you known?” 

“The day after the road trip.  I made her go to the doctor this morning to confirm.”  

He gave me a look and I could see his heart crack.  He ran back in and I followed.  He went right up to her and pulled her into his arms.  “Oh Cubby, I’m sorry, I’m not mad at you Leia.” He hugs her tight as she starts to sob again.  “Fuck, I screwed that up.” They hold each other for a few minutes, and I get us refills. I walk back as they start talking.  

“I sent him an email, but I refuse to move or give up my baby.” Leia has her determined face on.  “I can keep working, that’s what the doctor said but try and avoid being on the ice.”  

“You gonna tell management?” 

“I’m going to have to but I’m not going to tell anyone else.  Not until I can’t avoid it anymore.” She shrugs as she shoves a fry in her mouth.  I’m happy her appetite is back.  

“I mean, that’s your right,” he says.  “What about mom?” He grimaces as Leia rolls her eyes.  

“I guess I’ll tell her but I don’t want her involved.  She was like, obsessed with Bret and loved that he wanted me to be a housewife.” She shuddered at the thought.  “Imagine me as a stay at home mom.  I’ll destroy the house myself just to get away from that.”  

Their mom was not the same after their dad died.  She had been the typical hockey mom up until then.  After, she cared a little too much about her children.  Especially Leia, since she assumed that Leia would be more like her. But Leia is like her father, ambitious and driven, and she had always shunned the idea of just being a housewife. I really love that about her.  That she wanted it all and not just be a support system.  

“Yeah, i get that.  Miranda is the same way.” Luke sighed. “I gotta talk to her about this and about you moving in to the house and stuff.”  He took a long pull of his beer as Leia and I stopped to look at him.  I looked at her and she cleared her throat.  

“Actually, Flyboy, I’m going to stay with Andy.” Luke looks confused now. “What? But...” Her phone rings and she checks it before getting up. “I have to take this.”  

Luke turns to me as soon as she walks away from the table.  “Are you ok with this?” 

I shrug.  “Of course I am.  I offered.  Dude,” i grasp his shoulder, “I promised you I would take care of her if she ever needed me.  I’m keeping that promise.”  

Luke pulls me in for a hug. “Thanks man.”   

“I’ll always be there for the Andrews siblings.”  

If only he knew that i wanted more with his sister.  That i wanted her to be my girl.  That I wanted to be the father of her baby.  That they were my family.  

He would kill me on the spot.  

Look at me with the non-cliffhanger!

NEXT

Taglist:

@patzammit

@texmexdarling

@slutforchrisjamalevans

@firephotogrl74

@tinkerbelle67

@before-we-get-started

@bunnyforhim

@alexakeyloveloki

@sunnyhummingbee

@whiskeytangofoxtrot555

@peaceinourtime82

@saucy-sassy-sparkly

@kmc1989

@lokislady82

[fennelwrites]

Part 2 of reader who can talk to Pokémon please!!!!!!!

(a/n: HI HELLO I'M NOT DEAD i say despite having said exactly that last time oops

but um. yeah idk i wanted to write again and i had the bug so i'm here now oopsie! idk if i'll ever have a consistent schedule again but i did finish something for the first time in a while so here you get Content

also. thank you all for your patience with me. i am sorry it has taken me literal years to get to requests but i promise you they are in progress and i have not given up on them, so i hope you haven't either!! i still love this little scrinkle scrunkle and i hope he hasn't faded from your consciousnesses yet

anyway enjoy the fic uwu)

You leaned against the smooth surface of the Mossy Rock, waiting for a familiar head of blond hair to appear. Around you, the Buneary gave you a wide berth, but you heard them gossipping about you from afar. You rolled your eyes and tried to ignore them, even as they snarked about Volo’s outfit.

Your visits to the Mossy Rock had almost become weekly occurrences at this point. At first, you thought he might not come back, but lo and behold, he’d arrived with his Pokemon in tow. Now, you spent most of your time here. You weren’t sure what it was, but there was something that drew you to the place. Drew you to Volo. Perhaps it was the fact that you’d felt understood for the first time in years, the first time you’d felt like that weight was lifted off of your shoulders.

You knew it was a little foolish, but you hoped Volo felt that way too. 

Sure enough, a few moments after you’d gotten yourself settled in the grass, the gentle, delicate chirps of a Togekiss heralded Volo’s arrival. He smiled at you as he approached, the angelic Pokemon flying low over his head. “I hope you weren’t waiting too long,” he greeted, sitting down next to you. “I wasn’t,” you replied, smiling softly. “How was the trip?”

As time passed, you talked about all sorts of things, from the weather in the Highlands to the Starly passing overhead. Volo had made a little home for himself just outside the Obsidian Fieldlands, far enough away from Jubilife Village that he wouldn’t be seen but close enough to take advantage of the region’s naturally fair weather. He’d given you the rough location so that you could come see him when you next had time off, an outing you eagerly looked forward to.

Ever so slowly, the sun made its way across the sky, and it painted the Heartwood in soft dusty pinks by the time you came to a natural pause in conversation. All around, you could hear gentle whispers and chirps of the forest Pokemon, going about their lives with their usual hustle and bustle. There were many of them, but you’d gotten used to tuning them out so they weren’t overwhelming.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Volo’s slate gray eyes locked onto you, and you turned. “Something the matter?”

Volo was silent for a moment before looking out to the forest. “You’re hearing them, aren’t you?”

You nodded. “Nothing special. Just…them going about their lives, you know?”

“Right…” Volo trailed off, finding something transfixing about the dirt.

You furrowed your brow, looking at Volo with concern. “Is everything okay?”

He didn’t respond right away; for a moment, you worried you’d overstepped some unspoken boundary. Then, finally, he spoke. “Did…my Pokemon ever say anything about me?”

This caught your attention as well as Togekiss’s; the avian Pokemon chirped once, looking at her Trainer with a concerned look that matched your own. You hummed, thinking about it. “Well… I always remember them being very grateful when you made them dinner.”

Volo laughed, the sound a little bitter as it left his lips. “That’s it?”

“I can’t remember right now, I’m sorry,” you replied, suddenly feeling quite sheepish. 

“No, no, it’s alright…” Volo sighed, looking back at you. “I was just curious to know…how they felt about me.”

There was something nervous in his eyes, something desperate. You recognized it from his expression at the temple, when he shouted questions into the silent heavens. This expression wasn’t nearly as intense, but it carried the same undercurrent; Volo wanted to be seen. Recognized.

No, more than that. Volo wanted, desperately, to have someone care about him.

You sat up, looking at Togekiss. “Well, let’s ask, then,” you said simply, drawing Volo’s attention. “Togekiss, how do you feel about Volo?”

Almost immediately, Togekiss launched into an animated spiel about her Trainer, almost too quickly for you to keep up. You were able to catch most things, though; she talked at length about how well Volo cared for her and her teammates, how passionate he was about everything he did, how he spoke, how he walked, everything. Volo gazed at her with wide eyes, darting back to you for interpretation every so often. You did your best to translate everything she said, trying to catch sentence fragments and missed words as much as you could.

Finally, Togekiss tired herself out, and you and she both let out an exhausted sigh. Volo simply stared between the two of you, not saying anything for a long while. Then, finally, he looked at Togekiss with wide, watery eyes.

“You…really think all that?”

Togekiss’s firm nod needed no translation; she nuzzled up against her Trainer with a soft coo. Volo held his Pokemon tightly, and you saw a few tears glistening in the early evening light. You watched the scene with a smile on your face, a warm feeling blossoming in your heart. To use your ability for good like that… It felt fulfilling. Inspiring. Like it was more of a blessing than a curse.

Volo turned back to you, his eyes still glistening with a few unshed tears. “Thank you… I’d been doubting how my Pokemon felt about me recently. I wasn’t sure they actually liked me, or if they wanted to be my allies…” He smiled at Togekiss again, who chirped happily. “Now I know, though.”

You nodded. “I’m happy to help. Besides, seeing you smile like that makes it worth it.”

Volo’s face flushed, and he glanced to the side. “Oh, surely you don’t think that…”

You shook your head. “I’m serious.” And you were; you hadn’t thought about it for a bit, but you’d only ever seen a real, genuine smile from Volo once or twice. Almost everything prior to the temple had been behind a mask, a façade designed to keep you guessing. But this…this was real.

You didn’t think you’d ever tire of it.

Volo gazed up at the sky, one of those rare genuine smiles gracing his lips. The sun had just about set, and the sky seemed to glow with soft purples and blues. “It’s getting late,” he mused. “I should be heading back… And they’ll probably be wondering where you are, too.” 

You nodded, going to stand up before offering a hand. He took it, his grasp firm and his smile one of renewed confidence. You smiled right back at him. “Same time tomorrow?”

Volo nodded firmly, and Togekiss chirped happily.

“Same time tomorrow.”

[widthofmytongue]

The other night I had drinks with coworkers. I increasingly dislike all of them. The topic of the Coronation came up, unsurprisingly. One of my colleagues said ‘we should have done what the French did’, and me and one other kinda went ‘haha yeah!’ and I thought for a moment that maybe I wouldn’t be in the political minority, even if these people will never be dedicated to the pursuit of global communism. My boss said, unironically, ‘what did the French do?’

Now I knew this was a bad sign, but me and person who initially referenced the French Revolution tried to sort of extol a few key details of the abolition of monarchy and formation of the First Republic, with probably disproportionate attention on the Terror. But anyway, my boss said something like ‘my knowledge of history isn’t great before the war’, and I asked genuinely ‘which war?’, which was interpreted as a sarcastic joke.

Anyway, this led to talking about WWII. Someone said something like ‘well the Second World War was unique among wars because it was essentially good versus evil’, to which I interjected ‘well kinda more like evil versus evil, right’. The response to this, from all three of my colleagues in the conversation, was ‘oh right, the Soviets’. I think if you follow this blog (or especially my politcal sideblog) you may have encountered my generalised view of the Soviet Union. Keeping in mind that it was Gevurah ShebeHod (since most of my personal posts seem to mark some significant point on the Hebrew calendar), I tried to rein in my response, and just said ‘interesting that when I mention the evil superpowers of the Allies in WWII you say the Soviets but not Britain or America.’ So the following dialogue came out of this:

Colleague (with history degree): Well I don’t know much about Roosevelt’s policy or ideological allignment... Me: Well he kinda committed genocide against the Navajo. C(whd): ...Churchill may have been a shitty guy... Me: Well he kinda committed genocide against India and Palestine. C(whd): ...But Britain essentially had to go to war with the Nazis. Me: To safeguard their material interests though, right, not for the altruism of saving the brutalised people of Europe. C(whd): Well Britain didn’t have any interests in Poland. Me: Well I think upholding a status quo is a very strong material interest for imperial Europe, but I was really talking about North Africa and the Middle East. C(whd): But those regions weren’t threatened by Germany, but by Italy. Me: Do you honestly think Churchill or whoever was thinking in such a two-dimensional way as to see these powers in a vacuum? [I wish I’d said ‘I think they were pretty threatened by Britain too, and remain so.’] Colleague who’d followed silently: Well every government has done horrible things at some point. Me: And yet when I mentioned evil versus evil, you all glanced right past the genocidal empires of Britain and America to look at the Soviets. Boss (unironically): I didn’t think when I mentioned the war that we’d be talking so much about genocide.

Now I wanna leave this on a couple crucial points. One is that I am very overt about being Jewish. I mention observing religious festivals; I use lots of Yiddish and occasionally Hebrew phrases; I have a hamsa and a Star of David badge on my backpack, as well as on the jacket I was wearing that night (I also have a Lenin badge on the jacket). The idea that these three white English men entered this conversation about WWII with a Jew and then were surprised (it was very clear they were all surprised and uncomfortable) at the mention of genocide is baffling to me, but I think all too common. I didn’t even mention the Shoah (although I think I did eventually say something like ‘I don’t think invading other countries is the greatest evil for which Nazi Germany is remembered’).

At some point later in the conversation I said something like ‘for all the negative views abounding on the Soviet Union, speaking as a queer Jew, I think I’d have preferred to live there than in Britain at the time’, to which my colleague with the history degree replied ‘well I obviously can’t speak to that’. It was very clear that he meant he can’t speak to Jewish and I guess queer identity. Now this is not the first time I’ve encountered this, but I think it’s an important phenomenon to observe. I once said to another colleague ‘well, there are lots of people in this country who want me dead because I’m Jewish or nonbinary’, and she said ‘well I can’t even imagine what that’s like’.

What I want to rhetorically ask is: why can’t you imagine it? Why do you imagine you’re safe from these same people? First they came for the communists, then they came for the Jews, then they came for that guy who wrote the poem! Eventually they’ll come for you too, when they drum up some new group to hate and mobilise against. If you can’t imagine what it’s like for fascists to want you dead, maybe you should try?

[callistocalavarni]

Wish me luck ❥ 𓄲 𓄴 

I have found love in a new reality and will be planning to shift there for a very long time.

I already posted this in Red Takami's shifting discord sever in the methods channel, but I also wanted to post it here because I feel like i've been neglecting my tumblr. When I first joined shifttumblr, the inital introduction I had to it was Leydenkilgore's profile. She is a saint. Even though I have shifted before I unfortunately have fallen into a slump do to personal issues and haven't shifted as much as I use to. I also fell out of love with a lot my old dr's; Though I hope they intrest me again later in my life. Leydens post about expermenting with methods stuck out to me, as i've never really thought about doing that. I wasn't familer with any of the methods she had talked about as I just make it up as I go when I shift but from here on out I will be changing my routine. In her post she talked about watching a film that helped create a new method. I read the google doc she made and now I have a plan on a new shifting routine. (I recommend reading the google doc if you're interested it is linked in her post, which I have linked earlier in this post.)

i’m experimenting. I didn’t try and shift last night like I said I was. Last night I FINALLY decided on a reality of which I wanted to shift to. (i swear everyday I think of a new dr; i’m trying to fix that) I had this problem were I would over script for my dr’s…. and then never ending up trying shifting there because of multiple reasons; I didn’t feel the connection I felt with it when I first thought of it, or I got really motivated to script every little detail instead of actually shifting… So i’m doing something new. I’m not going to script at all for the dr I’m shifting to and just trust my subconscious. I know the general vibe of what I want and who i’ll be but other then that it’s up to the right side of my brain. I’m going to try the hypnagogic method tonight and tomorrow, then i’ll be trying the somewhere in time method for two days after that. Then after that I will be trying a combined method of both; Hypnagogic Time method. ( i have tweaked it to my liking ) I have the intention to shift with each experiment. And i’ll log my dr experiences in my journals ( that i script into all my drs ) and if I ever come back or shift to a parallel reality like this one I will share them! I am also laying down on the floor for this method because every time I go and shift laying on my hardwood floor I always shift. I don’t know what it is about it that makes me shift, but if you want to switch up your shifting routine I definitely recommend it.

note; Lumari is a country I scripted, Kirasia being on of its regions.

I've always thought about shifting but didn't have a name for it. It was in the back of my mind since I was a kid; then it blew up on tiktok and then I started to get more into it, I just always felt that there was a possiblity of something like it; mainly because I wanted something like shifting to be real. Then, a couple years ago I did it for the first time and that made me full send into it. I mostly shifted to space dr's because space was what I was most interested in. I was huge on shows like farscape, cowboy bebop and the x-files. Before life in my or hit the fan and became really shitty, I was shifting to my space stalker dr non-stop. And then a bunch of family issues arose. And that's when the shifting slump started. I was having severe mental break-downs everyday, was extremely exhausted and just taxing to be around; I would blow up at people for the smallest things and my family would do the same to me. Thankfully, everything died down. My life gradually went back to normal, my family became safe to be around again and shifting just wasn't on my mind as much as it use to be. But now, it is. Since then, I haven't really thought about shifting to my space stalker dr but in the back of my mind a new idea popped up. I will maybe post about Lumari more, I have made one post showing the map but that's about it. I have also shifted there a couple of weeks ago but as a... guy?? Which I did not intend to do. I stayed there for a couple of days and shifted back on accident. Since then I haven't tried to shift. But I intend to tonight. ( as a girl lol ) Again I haven't made an indepth script for this dr because I do not want to lose the spark I have for it.

My plan for tonight is meditating, laying on my floor with my headphones and listenting to music that reminds me of my Kirasia reality. Then, focus on my breathing and think about slow calm moments in my reality. I have the intention to become aware of my dr while I am looking out of my bedroom gazing onto the mountains.

[vitanithepure]

Favorite outfit

Here it is, my entry to day #1 of Wyllvember!

***

First days of traveling together were hectic and filled with so much uncertainty it all became a blur. People came in, made shelter at the camp you now call your home away from home. And only now, after all of you put some distance between yourself and the immediate threat, do you have time to take it all in.

You start noticing details, the mannerisms of your new companions, discovering their little quirks and habits. Like Lae’zel always being up first, starting the day with a series of training rituals, going on through motions she could probably do in her sleep. Or how methodically Shadowheart brushes and ties her hair each morning.

And then there is Wyll. He seems to be the most accustomed to life on the road. From the way he swiftly puts up his tent, to how organized were his amenities, how little clutter he carried around. The same couldn’t be said about his wardrobe. It was practical, yes, the Blade of Frontiers wore leathers that allowed ease of use, allowed for good maneuvering with his choice of weapon and provided decent protection in battle.

This practicality clashed with the frills adorning his clothing, the golden clips and buckles. They didn’t seem to serve any purpose, but certainly gave Wyll a distinguished look. A very odd choice for someone styling himself the champion of the common folk. Yet far be it for you to judge, for he really is an undeniable force of good in this region of the Sword Coast.

“Tell me if I intrude upon your time, but that faraway look on your face tells me you could probably use the company this evening. And I wouldn’t mind it as well.”

You startle hearing Wyll’s voice so close, wondering if he took offense at your scrutinizing gaze. The smile he approached you with hopefully means no.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to stare. Go ahead, lots of room here by the fire.”

“I got the feeling you were looking through me, rather than at me, but either way, there is no need to apologize.”

He sits down next to you, and from this distance you can see more details on his outfit. The leather is obviously starting to wear out. It visibly took a lot of cuts and blows that were meant for the wearer, and the jerking underneath looks patched as well. On it, you notice, is a crest. It shows a merchant ship, sailing out on the sea. You recognize it. 

“Say, is that…Baldur’s Gate? On your chestpiece?”

Wyll looks down to touch the symbol. His smile widens in a way that makes you sure there are many good tales to be told about the place.

“Indeed, you are looking at a Baldurian, born and raised. Pride of the Gate, I like to think of myself, but that is a story for an entirely different evening.”

“You put a lot of attention to your outfit, this your favorite?”

“It kept me alive for a long while, so I guess it is only fair for me to keep using it. A life I led before this one taught me appearances do matter, but it’s hard to apply that when one travels the wilds as much as me.”

“And yet, you manage to make it work.”

He throws a playful look your way. It’s really not hard to notice the charm the man spreads around himself, but it’s not of the stifling kind. There is genuine affection and kindness to Wyll, one that you would not normally expect from a rugged monster hunter he makes himself to be.

“Glad I am to hear it! Now, I believe there are countless other things we can talk about apart from my choice of fashion, as flattering as you make it out to be.”

And it’s true, the conversation flows easily and freely between you two, long unto the night, until the chill of the night air forces you back to your tents. You count this evening as the most pleasant one since all of this happened, and you hope, as you fall asleep, not the last one spent talking to Wyll under the stars.

***

The favorite outfit in question is:

I absolutely adore him in it!

[deans-baby-momma]

Law & Love Chapter 15

Life was good. Hell, it was great! For the first time in over two fucking years,  things were actually looking up for Y/N.

Yea okay. She got laid, fucked ten ways to Sunday, bent into positions she couldn't ever describe but that's not all. She had a friend. 

A bona fide, genuine friend. So what if they knew what the other looked like naked, what the other tasted like, Cordell was proving to be an integral part of her life.

For a few weeks now, they have talked daily and texted numerous times a day. She listened to him as he told her about his trouble with his daughter, Stella, dating the neighbor and family nemesis boy; about his son, August, being on the fast track to be on the national honor society for their school.

She listened to him tell all about his brother Liam being in the running for some political office; not that she really paid attention to, because she knows from previous experience, politics can make or break any relationship. 

He heard about her monotonous and humdrum days at the diner; the most exciting thing being the gossip of the mayor's daughter getting pregnant by the town's degenerate and running off with him.

"Order up!" Pops announces as he sits a plate on the order shelf but Y/N’s mind is stuck on something Cordi said last night. 

Was he serious? Did he actually think it was a good idea? Was he just horny and needed a good fuck and knew I'd be willing?

"Maybe you just need to get away?" he had suggested. "New place, different scenery. You could come to Texas and visit."

The consistent dinging of the order bell pulls her from her recollections and she turns to look at Pops. "Sorry," she apologizes and grabs the order, walking away to deliver it.

As soon as she comes to consciousness,  she knows something is wrong. Before Y/N even opens her eyes, she can sense something is different. There is a silence around her, a stillness like never before.

She slowly lifts her eyelids and is met with complete and utter darkness, not a light in sight. She turns to look at the alarm clock and can't see anything; the usual red glowing numbers aren't there.

Y/N realizes quickly that the power is out. Grabbing her phone and turning it on, she notices that it is 4:45 am; that explains the darkness, the sun has yet to rise. 

She rolls back over and tries to go back to sleep but Cordell’s words begin ringing in her head again. “"Maybe you just need to get away?" New place, different scenery. You could come to Texas and visit." “I’d love to see you again Y/N. Introduce you to my family.”

As she lays there contemplating his suggestion, the sun rises and not long after her phone beeps with a message. 

‘Power’s out. Won’t be opening the diner until it’s restored. And since tomorrow we’re closed anyway, have a good weekend!’

It doesn't take Y/N long to decide what she’s going to do with her free time. She’s going to Austin. 

Opening up a travel app on the phone, she quickly finds a direct flight out of Helena Regional Airport, straight to Austin-Bergstrom. She enters her card info and waits for the confirmation before she makes my next move.

As soon as the email arrives with the information she is seeking, she texts Cordell.

‘Up for a visitor this weekend?’

‘Depends on who is visiting ;)’ 

‘Well, thanks to the storm I didn’t even know rolled through town, I have a couple of days off from the diner. Thought I’d take you up on your offer…..if it’s still legitimate :D’

‘It’s legit and open-ended. Come on down. What time does your flight get in?’

‘7.’

‘I’ll be at the airport waiting. Can’t wait to see you!’

‘Can’t wait to see you either…….and meet your kids.’

‘Oh. Shit! I hope this doesn’t dampen your spirit but it’s just going to be me here this time. Fam’s gone on the annual Walker Camping Expedition.’

‘Oh. Well, if you don’t mind me impeding on your alone time. Why didn’t you go with?’

‘You aren’t impending on anyone’s alone time. I had to stay back because we are close to getting some imperative evidence that’s needed to make an arrest. Cap told me I was going to have to pull out of the yearly trip.’

‘Oh. Well, guess I’ll see you at 7 roomie.’

‘See you at 7, darlin.,’

Packing for the trip is simple. A couple of outfits for the days she’s in Austin and her essentials. Y/N is packed and ready to go two hours before time to leave. She uses that time to shower and dress comfortably for the plane ride.

Knowing that the Walker family is out of town and it’s going to be just Cordell and herself in the house,Y/N  takes the time to shave everywhere and wash everything. She even gets the idea of the perfect outfit in her mind as she’s bathing. 

A cute little red and white striped sundress with spaghetti straps and a built-in bra. Y/N smiles mischievously as she decides to go bare under the skirt too. If Cordi gets too handsy, he’s going to be in for one hell of a surprise!

When the text comes through that her Uber has arrived, she grabs her bags and  purse and locks up before handing my luggage to the driver. Once she’s on her way, she grabs her phone and texts Cordell once more.

‘Just got in the car with a complete stranger, trusting them to take me to the airport and drop me off. If you don’t hear from me in an hour, send rescue. LOL’

‘Darlin’ that’s no laughing matter to a Ranger. Text me as soon as you get through security. Please. Be safe.’

‘My big Texan hero’ she adds an emoji with heart eyes to the end. 

The driver is quiet as they drive toward the airport and Y/N is thankful. How do you tell someone that you’re taking a 5 hour flight to Texas to hopefully get railed by a moose of a man with the cock to match. She’d probably look like a maniac….or a whore. 

As soon as the car pulls up to the drop off area, the driver stops the car and gets out to hand her her luggage. Y/N thanks with a sizable tip and turns to head into the airport. The terminal is busy but not bustling as she makes her way to the counter to pick up her ticket. 

Once through security and her bag has been checked and tagged and headed off to be loaded, she pulls her phone out and texts Cordell.

‘Safe and secure awaiting boarding call’

‘Good. See you soon.’

She doesn't even give another thought to the fact that only a thin piece of material separates her naked body from the others inside the building. She open a game on my phone and begin trying to beat the next level until her flight is called.

The flight from Helena to Austin is smooth and with no hiccups. A few minutes after 7 pm, Texas time, Y/N is walking down the boarding ramp, searching for baggage claim. She doesn’t even see Cordell standing there.

As she is watching for her luggage, a hand lands on her shoulder and she hears his voice.

“Excuse me Miss,” he says authoratively. “You look a bit lost. Do you need a guide?”

Y/N turns and looks up at the tall man behind her with a smile. “Why officer, that would be wonderful.”

They both laugh and then wrap their arms around each other and squeeze. “Good to see you again Y/N.”

“Same for you Gigantor,” Y/N giggles.

As soon as she gets her luggage, they take off toward Cordell’s truck to head to the Walker Family Ranch.

@spnbaby-67 @sea040561 @delightfullykrispypeach @larajadeschmidt13 @atc74 @vicariouslythruspn @squirrelnotsam @sandlee44 @blacktithe7 @hoboal87 @mogaruke @supraveng @deandreamernp @akshi8278 @lyarr24 @kazsrm67 @chriszgirl92 @deanwithscissors @raisinggray @fanfic-n-tabulous @hobby27 @stoneyggirl2 @brownbearhusky @purpleeclipseeggsland @kmc1989 @deans-spinster-witch @yvonneeeeeeee @tmb510 @globetrotter28

[ventisettestars]

DannyMay Day 10: Bones [ao3]

This is a continuation of my Fantasy AU. [part 1] [part 2]

Summary: Changes felt down to Danny’s bone as he spends time in Fae Realm.

Warning: Some light body horror and blood. Also I barely edited this, tho I did give it a once over. So sorry for typos and the like.

WC: 1,997

Kulning: herding call. A domestic Scandinavian music form, often used to call livestock (cows, goats, etc.) down from high mountain pastures where they have been grazing during the day. -Wikipedia

------

His realm. That was what the fae lady had said. “Welcome to your realm, my Lord.” 

“Lord?” Danny was a prince. It was almost reflexive to correct when mistitled. 

The fae misunderstood what he was confused about and powered on through. “Yes.You’re a Lord of Night. New leader of the Winter Wild Hunt. I’m here to help you with that transition. Poor Dear, you’re so human yet.”

“Um, yeah. Cause I am. A human. Always have been.” 

“Oh, not for the last few weeks you haven't. Your heart is a Fae heart, just stuck in some human flesh. You must have noticed.” She looked sad for him. 

Danny swallowed as he had noticed a few things. He blamed stress from his fight that he wasn’t sure was dreamed or not. But he hadn’t been noticing the chill in the morning. And the way food began to taste like ash. The way his skin felt too tight along his back. The-

“So, if- What happens now?”

She beamed. “First let's get you something to eat. You must be starving.” 

“I'm sure your food is the best around but- Isn’t Fae food cursed for humans to eat. Like a trap?” 

“Oh deary. Only for humans. You’ll be fine. I wouldn’t feed you anything that'd cause you harm. Come come.” She hurried, and Danny not knowing what else to do, followed. 

“And see, the thing about humans eating food here is very misunderstood. It doesn’t trap humans, but makes all human food taste like ash. So they'll want to come back and never leave.” The fae lady stopped to turn back for a moment. “We and humans have very different senses, you see. Taste being the easiest to lean into. Our drinks can do it too. Water here is so fresh, particularly in your region because it runs from the purest of snow, chilled with the sunless sky. Why, it’ll even mess with some of the summertime fae.”

Taking things one step at time, the lady continues talking about food in the realms. She also tells him he can call her the Lunch Lady. Names are, after all, so valuable. The only ones immune to being controlled by names are the Lords and Ladies of the Night, And the Kings and Queens of Day. Something about their connection runs so deeply in the realm that they are gifted a name they aren’t even aware of. Only the Mother knows of them, and she need not speak them to use them, nor would the Mother wish for anyone to learn them. So all other names become just titles and aliases. Though Danny figures he wouldn’t be giving his name to anyone here even if the Lunch Lady says it's safe. He would need to think of a new one. 

They arrived at a grand dining hall, and it shocked Danny how much it resembled a warden’s mess hall. 

“Why, does it look like a prison?” 

“Your predecessor committed a great crime and was in self appointed imprisonment. The realm mirrored his state, as it will shift to match yours as time passed. Why, the bars are practically all gone at this point. Being replaced with proper doors.”  

She sat Danny down, and began to prepare a dish for him. “Some of those around are buzzing with excitement since it’s our understanding you were a human princeling, so soon our land shall be grand, befitting your needs.” 

Danny looked at the food before him, and it was the best smelling food he’d smelt in weeks. Taking a bite didn’t disappoint. He inhaled the food, drinking from the water the glass that showed up. 

“There is more where that came from. Here, try this. It’s probably your first time having it, seeing as its a fowl that can only be caught in the land of summer.” 

Danny looked confused at the little avian thing that was roasted and placed before him. Trusting her, he took a wing, and bit into it. The meat was tender, not a bit of resistance, it was heaven. He took bite after bite, then bit into the bone. It almost startled him as it didn’t give much resistance like he’d thought it would. Then he noticed it wasn’t the bones that were delicate, it was his teeth had changed. 

In place of the teeth he'd known for 14 years, well probaby only 3 since he'd lost the last of his baby teeth, were sharp, wolflike teeth. It wasn't just his canines, but the surrounding teeth as well. Reformed to fit a predator.

He shuddered as he bit down again. It was delicious, and felt soothing. Calming an itch he didn't know he had. And he didn't seem to bite himself, his body was already used to them. Why fight it? 

Looking at the Lunch Lady, Danny figured he had many more changes ahead of him. 

-----

Time didn't exactly pass. Not as he was used too. It was always the apex of a solar eclipse. Which he thought was odd but it was explained to him that his kingdom was that of the daytime night. The moment the moon over powers the sun and the nocturnal creature wake during the day. 

It's why he was a lord of night. Why he was of the Sluagh Sidhe Court. 

He was assured it was normal. Each of the rulers' kingdoms rested in a single time, when they were each at the peak of their powers.

Powers that Danny was starting to grow into. After a few sleeps it started with his appearance only. Hair going white, skin blue, ears longer. Once his eyes flooded to the pitch black of night from the corners, filled with stars, did he start to feel like a true fae. 

The moment the sky reached his iris was when the magic inside burst. It was tapping into the source of his power, connecting to the phase of the moon when he heard the song. 

It rang through his bones down to the merrow. Calling him in a language he'd never known, but understood he was to follow it. Nothing else mattered but the kulning song.

It led him through his lands, his connection to them keeping him from losing his way. Later even the thought of getting lost in his tundra would be absurd. But right now. Now his only focus was the song. 

It led him through another's territory. He didn't feel unwelcome, but he knew next time he would need to be invited in. 

He was almost there, his bones ached insisting he wasn't moving fast enough. His shoulders twitched in places that shouldn't have been able too. 

Every bit of his foreign body insisted flying would be faster than the pace he was running, even if he'd never been able to run this fast or this long before in his human life. He longed to fly. 

Running into a forest, through an entrance only accessible when She wished it, he was close. Then to the clearing, where he came to a stop as the call stopped.

Around him in a near perfect U where 7 other fae, and Her. 

His bones, his magic, his soul yearned, screamed in silence through his blood. Mother. 

She was who the other fae revered as a Goddess of the Realm. The being who will die each winter by his hands, to be reborn in the hands of the spring queen. 

She was the only one on this plan that could command him, and he would gladly listen. 

“My youngest Lord. Dearest Lordling.” She spoke in several, no, all the languages at once. She reached out to him. “Let me get a good look at you.” It was once her hand neared him that he realized how small he was to her. He was able to climb into her hand and she held him with ease. It was also when he noticed the other fae were actually airborne. How he wanted to join.

She smiled. “Say my name, and you shall join them, Lordling.” 

Words left his mouth. A name, Her name. It wasn’t a language he’d known, but he knew what it meant. 

His Mother brought him to her face, and with a gentle kiss to his forehead, pain ripped from his back. It started with bones, then muscles and tendons, skin and feathers. Silver liquid dripped down from his outfit and feathers as the pain subsided. Danny looked at his hands that got some of the runoff from his wings growing out, absently wondering before he realized it was his blood. He bled silver. 

He looked back up to her. “I, ah sorry I got blood on you…” He didn’t know if it was in proper form to speak to her, but he figured, if he could talk to his mother the Queen of Amity, then he could also talk to his mother the Goddess of the Realms. 

She laughed. “Worry not. I knew it would be the case. It’s part of the process. Tell me, what is it you wish to be called and address your siblings.” 

Danny stood in her hand, all had left Mother’s side and flew in a line to get a better view. Danny spread his wings, but didn’t take off flying. His body told him it was too soon, much as he longed. 

“I am Phantom.” The words he needed flowed easily, aware of the titles that mattered from his few lessons. “A Sluagh Sidhe Lord of Night, Master of the Winter Wild Hunt. And Heir Prince of the Human Realm’s Amity Kingdom.”

One of the fae flinched at that last title. It was enough for Phantom to notice. He looked familiar. Before Phantom could dwell on it, his Mother addressed from behind. 

“For all the joy of this occasion, there is a grave matter to address. You have inherited all your predecessor’s boons, and thus, you must also bear his crimes, though not his punishment. Know that this pains me.”

The white ashes that created Phantom floated from his chest. They wove into chains, passing into her hands, then emerging green and wrapping around his legs. Pulling taught then snapping. 

“These chains bind to bone. Always to be present as a reminder. None shall pass judgment and claim their words as mine. Lest they be imprisoned until one strong enough sends them to their ends. Now. Join your siblings.”

Phantom didn’t need to be told twice before spreading his wings and taking to the air. 

----

“And that's it for the tour. I've shown you all the places safe for humans.” Phantom grinned, the tour covered some of his favorite rooms. One being the observatory and another being a game room. Both were additions he added as his predecessor was more occupied with playing warden of the realms laws then enjoying anything. 

“Dude, that was like 6 rooms and a few halls.” Tucker had been taking detailed notes in his spellbook. 

“Yeah. Safe. For. Humans. Once you learn the rules I can show you more. Till then, I’m keeping it to just those rooms.” A small floating light wisped next to Phantom, jingling something, then floated off. “Well, it looks like it's human’s bedtime. I’ll walk you to the gate, then I’ve got a meeting with the Summer Lady and-.”

Sam interrupted, grabbing Phantom’s arm to stop him in his tracks. “Can we come? You have to let us come.”

“I mean.” He thought for a moment. “Sure, but it's underwater. I can spell you protections, but if anything goes wrong and you swallow some water, it can’t be undone. Fae water will be the only thing you would be able to drink after.”

“It'd be worth it. Plus you’d hook us up with the fae water, right?” At the lack of response from Phantom, Tucker looked nervous. “Right?”

With a deep sigh. “Of course I would. It's really not worth it. But okay. Let's get you both ready. I’m going to have to go over some things on the way.”

             Notes:        

Sooo some fun behind-the-scenes stuff. Originally The Mother was going to have a name, but then I found out the name I was going to use was basically a British Man's OC, so felt rude to use in context. So now she is just The Mother, Goddess of the Realm. Basically, take sentient ghost zone core and get the Mother.

Secondly, you see that art. >:3 I got so many plans for them all.

And last, I plan on putting all the Fantasy AU stuff in it's own fic in june, but no idea what to call it. I was sort of thinking "Tir na nog" buuut not sure. I'm open to suggestions.

[pettyrevenge-base]

I was a bullied kid and now feels kind of good to see the people who made my HS years hell have a bad life.

Well, not sure if this will be removed because I actually didn’t take any action on their apparent bad luck today or because this just sounds like me being an ah but couldn’t think of anywhere else to post.

I was made fun of because my teeth not being straight, because of my big nose, because someone saw my drunk dad around on weekends and that was joke, because teachers liked me, because I lived really far from school, because I didn’t have money to buy much during lunch or because if my shoes or backpack were still fine I would use them the next school year as well because we were broke. You name it, I had it. Even some people I thought I was being friends with would eventually join whoever was the coolest kid around in making me feel like shit. And I know we were kids, this doesn’t mean these people are bad persons still today, I don’t know them, but I was a kid too and I wasn’t a fucking bully.

I was always the youngest of my class because my country allows people to skip grades so I graduated HS at 14.

Ff I am 26 now. I live in a small city and work for a manufacturing company who is the biggest employer of the region, so naturally people I know end up working there since there’s a lot of people. I was recently promoted and now make like 7 times the average salary of my country, own a decent car that’s paid in full, about to graduate from my masters, am saving to buy a house, have good friends, go on weekend getaways a couple times a year and am a happy person.

The other day at work a new operator (she was in training, so new employee) stopped me to say hi and was one of the people who hurt me, the one thing I remember she used to say was “poor Esther, let’s all raise funds so we can get her teeth fixed”. I remember her thing was saying “poor Esther” in a condescending way and laugh (not my real name xd). She also a couple times stole my backpack and hid it ( in a bathroom trashcan ). There’s something so insulting on people saying “poor you” because of something you don’t even consider a relevant problem in the moment and it’s a problem only because they made it like that about my teeth.

She’s pregnant, her third pregnancy. Started college for a humanities degree that she didn’t complete, is single mom of two other kids and has jumped from manufacturing company to manufacturing company after she left college. This is minimum wage in my country that’s like 400 USD monthly.

I have met other people from HS over the years and same case, one of them even went to jail for hitting his wife and kid. I am having a great life and it’s not based on other people having a bad one, and this perhaps makes me a bad person and I know I can fall too or make bad decisions and idk maybe in her mind this girl is super happy with her life and bunch of kids and salary, idk.

But I know if my decisions ever make me pull the short stick, I won’t have people pleased with my bad luck as I am with theirs because I am not a fucking bully and I don’t damage people intentionally for fun as these assholes did.

Guess the conclusion here is, bad years don’t last forever. HS is just a phase and being the Queen B in HS doesn’t mean a successful life. Driving to HS in a cute car or having much money for lunch or being “successful” in HS doesn’t mean that’s for life. Just as being the rug everyone steps on doesn’t mean you’re going to be it forever.

Source: reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge

[savebatsfromscratch]

Windmills and Seabreezes - Palletshipping Week 4 (Coming Home)

Summary:

Ash returns from his final Journey. He can't seem to feel at home.

Notes:

Prompt: Coming Home Note: Btw I have NOT watched any of Journeys. This was just so clear in my head I had to spit it out. Apologies if it’s kinda wacky. This is intended to be a Palletshipping end game, but it’s rather convoluted and extremely open-ended. I still think it counts though, and it is my opinion that matters so… Cws: Post breakup whump. (Satogou for reference.) Mental turmoil. It’s NOT happy. Words: 1,518

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54897274

Ash dropped his bag onto his bed and sighed.

So that was really the end huh?

The sudden rush of tiredness wasn’t a surprise. It wasn’t at all unusual to feel a little sore after coming home from a journey, just like it wasn’t at all unusual to feel aches creeping into focus after actually getting a room in a hotel for once. It wasn’t even surprising to feel the ever present question of, “what am I even doing here?” spin inside his head.

No.

None of that was the problem.

He sat on the edge of his bed and tried to talk himself into feeling better. He had done it! He didn’t have to fight anymore, he had won. No matter how unlikely it had seemed, especially with his soul crushing defeat in the Kalos league, he had done it. For whatever reason, trainer critics never seemed to take his Alola win seriously, only reflecting on his loss in the Kalos semifinals, and he had to admit that it had got to him a little bit!

But this was not that!

This was something undeniable.

The masters tournament, something that was meant to be the best of the best, and he had won!

So… Why did he still feel so down?

Was there really nothing beyond this? Of course not! He still hadn’t won in most of the leagues he had been a part of, and there were missions upon missions to take on in any project he desired, if he chose to go down a different path. Heck, he hadn’t even given contests or performances a real shot, those looked fun, he knew for a fact that you had to be made of something special to do well there. Beyond that, he hadn’t even been to many regions, completely losing out on their styles of being a trainer.

He’d never tried wild pokemon photography, or card games, or research puzzles, or ranger life, or battle simulators, or capture contests, or any of the other things that he’d heard fellow trainers raving about on the roads. Sure, not all of those options really sounded like his style, but just the fact that there were so many of them clearly meant that there was more out there to do! There was more to learn, more to experience, more to grow in and with, why wasn’t he excited about it?

Of course, he knew the answer.

Duh.

Losing traveling partners always hurt him, but this most recent loss was on a level that Ash found almost completely unprecedented. …almost. There had only been one other abandonment that hurt quite so bad, but it had been years and years since that loss, and now his wounds felt fresh and reopened.

If he couldn’t look at someone he loved, hold their hands, and tell him they’d always been together, what did it matter that he was the champion? What did it matter that there was more to do? What did it matter that he was not yet perfect? He certainly hadn’t been perfect when he’d been unable to see anything but him.

Why had he come back?

Until that point, Ash had felt comfortable, even happy with Goh at his side. Until that point, he had finally thought he had found someone to whom a promise of “forever” wouldn’t be a dirty lie. Finally someone who could, and would, save him, make him clean and whole once more.

Someone who, funnily enough, was exactly the type of person who could make Ash break his promise.

That was his problem, he guessed. He never seemed to be able to pick one. Did he want to be a champion or a friend of Pokemon? Did he want to keep in one region, or did he want to head onto the next? What even was the next? Should he go left, or should he make the right decision? Should he try something new, now that it was over, that which he had spent, and on occasion, even lost, his life in order to achieve?

What about him made it so impossible to make a decision like this?

He forced himself to lay down in his bed, forcing his mind to calm down. He couldn’t risk accidentally stomping his feet and alerting his mother to his distress. He had just gotten home, as far as she knew, he had never even been dating Gou, let alone broken up with him, and he wanted to keep her shielded from his tears for as long as possible.

Ash stared up at the ceiling, eyes burning.

Maybe the problem was not that it was over, but that he knew it was for the best.

He had loved Gou, yes. 

But he had loved Gary longer, and seeing his former rival come back into his life had turned everything on its head. Despite everything, Ash still loved Gary, and, as it turned out, when choosing between the two of them, Ash would pick Gary. 

From an outsider's perspective, Gou and Gary may have appeared to be a sort of uncertain friendship, but Ash knew better.

But apparently not enough to save his relationship.

Forgetting all about not alerting his mom to his distress, Ash clambered to his feet. He had to get out of the house. He had to go somewhere else. The air, so clearly different from the winds that had blown through the trees on his many adventures, felt stuffy and all too warm. Even with the window cracked open, it was hard to hear the sounds of Pokemon around him, and the unnatural shape of rectangular shadows coming through the thin opening glowed with a very false looking sunset.

Despite traveling for so long, it seemed he was not quite ready to go back to a “normal” life, not quite yet.

He hadn’t removed his coat when jumping into his bed, but his bag and Pokemon were left behind as he left his room, crept down the stairs (past where his mother was cooking in the kitchen), and slipped out of the house. Once outside, he took a deep breath of air, but it was not quite right either. It was clean and cool, and tasted of a coming night time, but it was not what he was looking for.

Almost aimlessly, Ash began to walk. He walked between trees, houses, and occasional agricultural fields. The land of Pallet was nearly pristine, almost lacking entirely in pollution, and yet the air was not yet perfect.

He followed a small stream of water, not even thinking about where he was going as it winded down a hill, past the research station, past an old patch of red flowers, now mostly withered, and flowed into the sea. Ash looked up, as if only then he was realizing where his walk had taken him. The place wasn't the same as where his heart had longed to be, but the feeling of the wind over the huge expanse of water brought the very same feeling to his lungs.

He breathed in deeply, and let his mind run through memories.

As the sun sank, he remembered everything he could manage.

He had loved Gou, and though he knew it was going to be a while before those wounds stopped aching, he suddenly realized that he was feeling better in the presence of the air of the waterside. It was just as Gou had said, they would both be happier this way.

He had said it with a sad expression, and he had said it with a nod, when his group of explorers had walked back into view.

All the way home, Ash had wondered what he had meant, but now he knew.

This was not an ending, as the setting sun told him, but a new beginning. This was a chance to make his life good again, even better than what he had felt before. It had practically been a command, and who was he to disobey a former love’s last wish?

Ash turned to look behind him, looking up at the slow turning of the windmill of the lab. 

It spun calmly, unshaken by what he was feeling, a constant in his life of constant changing, it seemed to represent the endless cycles he so often found himself in. He felt a rush of wind come across the ocean, and he hugged his hands to his chest. No matter what his past threw at him, he was going to find a place in his future.

He continued to watch as the lights of the lab flickered on, inviting an occupant back home, back into the embrace of the clean walls and bookshelves. Ash stared into one of the windows, and suddenly he was half sure that he had seen a familiar explosion of brown hair look back at him.

As Gou had told him, it was time to live their lives the way they wanted to, a way that was safer. Maybe for Ash, who had been traveling for who knew how long, that safety was right there at home.

Notes:

???? Idk if this fits the prompt. Comments very appreciated!