#i did start to develop stronger feelings for someone else later in that relationship but i was well and truly out of love by then

[wheel-within-a-wheel]

i have completely lost track of what asks are in your inbox uhh. fuck it (1/2): Can you be in love with someone and still fall in love with someone else?

no. all the polyamorous people you know are actually cryptids rather not unlike bigfoot and the loch ness bigfoot

[nocturnalrat]

toxic fwb w prowler! miles (earth 42)?

reader wants to end the fwb agreement w miles bc she’s falling in love but he’s not cs he’s got hella other girls as well. miles gaslights reader to stop her from ending the fwb agreement js cs he doesn’t want to let her go and reader tries to leave him but he only keeps kissing her lips, cutting her off mid sentence as miles successfully gets reader back into his bed🥰🤷🏻‍♀️

anon i love you! this was so much fun to write, i hope you like it

slight dubcon warning!

In retrospect, you should have known.  

The mere fact that you guys had first met each other in a dirty club downtown, with alcohol in your blood and your self-control dwindling. You had made some small talk with him, an exchange of trivial phrases, before he had given you a look that had shattered the foundation of your very being and all your self-restraint.

That first night with him had been incomparable with anything else you had experience up until that point. Breathtaking and intoxicating and better than any drug you could have gotten on the market.  

You had exchanged numbers, and to your own surprise, he had contacted you two weeks later with a ‘wanna come over?’

Needless to say, you did.

That's how you two ended up becoming friends with certain benefits.

A friendship that you now had to end because the inevitable had happened: You had developed feelings. Who could have blamed you? Miles was aloof, attractive, desirable, mysterious.

Given the long list of his lovers, he was also someone who knew how to separate love from lust, unlike you.

You were lost in your thoughts when the door opened.

"Fucking finally," you said, trying not to sound too accusatory. You had to keep reminding yourself that you weren't in a real relationship with him, that Miles’ bustling personal life was none of your business, and that he didn't owe you an explanation as to why he was late to your date.

Having feelings for him meant one thing and one thing only: unavoidable pain.

"You wanted to talk?" His voice was monotone and indifferent as always.

There was no need to beat around the bush for too long. "We need to end this.”

Once the words left you, you felt relief wash over you. Saying it hadn’t been as difficult as you had expected.

He just raised an eyebrow and tilted his head. "Why?" Short on words as ever.

You jerked back as he approached you, because you couldn't have stood being physically close to him at this moment. It would have been too much. "Because I don't want to see you anymore." Because I don't want to be hurt anymore, you added internally.  

Crossing your arms, you tried to build a confident stance, but when he stopped in front of your, you slumped your shoulders.  

He was tall - taller and stronger than you were, and his dominance in combination with his charisma made you feel small and insecure in his presence.

"And I'm supposed to believe that?" The corners of his mouth lifted into the hint of a grin.

"I don't care what you believe," you said with flushed cheeks. "It doesn’t matter. I've come to realize that this kind of friendship that we..." You fell silent. His hand had grabbed your chin and he had started stroking your lower lip with his thumb.

Oh, you knew that look in his eyes too well. Lust-filled and burning; he wanted you.

"Yeah? Go ahead," he said with nonchalance, but your heartbeat had doubled and every rational thought had been swept from your brain.

“A-Anyway… What I was trying to say was… I realized this kind of friendship isn't for me," you whispered with a trembling voice. He leaned down and placed his lips on the sensitive area of your neck, right where your pulse was. "Miles, what are you -" The rest of the sentence was lost in a moan as he began to suck on your skin.

"You were saying?" he mumbled.

He was so smug and self-satisfied, and the worst part was that he had every right to be.  

"I was saying that -"

You were interrupted again. He was kissing you. Fiercely, beguilingly - it was not an innocent kiss.

Your knees gave way. He caught you, grinning against your lips, and you felt his hands close around your waist.  Even if you had wanted to, you couldn't have escaped his strong embrace.

Well. So much for ending your friends with benefits arrangement.

"Miles - "

"Yes?"

But you didn’t get a chance to answer. His hands roamed over your body, taking your face in his hands. His lips were everywhere - on your cheeks, your chin, your throat, your neck.

"This is not - not a good idea," you managed to say between his kisses.

Before you knew it, he had tossed you over his shoulder and carried you onto his bed, leaning over you and looking at you with dark and lust-veiled eyes.

"And why is that?” He ran his hand over the exposed skin on your stomach where your shirt had slid up. “Why do you want to stop seeing me?”

Goosebumps came over you, and you felt your resolve vanish into thin air. You didn't want to admit that you had feelings for him; it was kind of embarrassing.

He pulled your shirt over your head and began to kiss every part of your exposed body. You half-heartedly tried to push him away from you, but to no avail.

"I asked you a question," he said, and you were so devoted to him, physically and mentally, that you would have done anything for him at that moment.

"Because I -" A gasp escaped you as his hand slipped into your pants.

"Because you…?"

You were wet enough for him to slide two fingers inside you right away. You threw your head back, and curled your fingers into his broad shoulders.

"Say it," he demanded.

God, he was so unnerving, but also all-encompassing and persuasive at the same time. All you could do was tell the truth. "Because I...” You swallowed. “Because I have feelings for you."

The haughty grin that appeared on his face told you everything you needed to know.

"But you already knew that, huh?" you asked.

Instead of answering, he leaned down again and pressed his lips against yours. It didn't take long for you to come - it never did when you were with him.

He always knew which buttons to push, which places on your body to touch to drive you to the brink of desperation and madness.

"Good girl," he said, and something inside you broke.

He was everything you wanted, and at the same time everything you would never have.

But the way he held you, the way he said your name… it almost sounded like you were something he didn't want to lose.

Hope was for fools, and you had never been one of the wise ones.

[wilsons-journey]

Neeve Wynther

Looks like someone never told us about his twin Sister.

Both were raised to serve and kill. Yet both deal very different with all the shit in their life - but in core, both are incredible stubborn, just in their very own way:

Valefor thrives on spite - "I was dragged to my worst place, and I won't give anyone the satisfaction of dragging me further down."

Neeve on the other hand thrives on optimism - "I've been at rock bottom, so things can only go up!"

(Special thanks to Rolan (BrightwingedBat) for putting it in these wonderful words)

More about her and Valefors relationship under the cut:

Despite connected in blood - they never really bonded. Until later in their life.

Neeve was ready to give her life to the idea only to live to serve and kill. She was good in that. Everyone praised her for her incredible skills, while Valefor struggled during their childhood.

She soon becomes a valuable asset to Israfils servants. She is happy to be a tool - that makes her useful and makes her seen. The urge to feel important to someone - no matter who - gets stronger after a seemingly stranger saved her life. The feeling she got out of this situation moved something in her view. At first she saw this as granted, because she is valuable. She is needed - nothing goes without her! Its later when she understands, it had nothing to do with her - that person just did, what he thought was right in that moment.

Some years later, when her brother once again entered the organisation, she learns how easily you can get replaced. She fails in a mission and Valefor was tasked to get rid of this mistake.

Valefor offered her to let her go - let her live. Even if they spend most of their life apart and barely knew each other, he hesitated to put his sister down. Neeve in her stubbornness refused this offer, thinking if I kill him fist, I prove my worth once again and can go back.

But she looses. Both siblings take some scars from this fight - Neeve more than Valefor (I decided some of his face scars are from her). The Scars in Neeves Face and the blind eye are the result of that fight. Also a scar on her head, covered by her hair, is from that day. Valefor knocked her out to spare her life.

This head injury sadly had some lasting effects. She experiences memory loss and nasty headaches from time to time, that also triggers bad memories/nightmares or even hallucinations. In best times the head injury just makes her zone out - completely forgetting everything around her.

From that day on she had to pull through some years of extreme memory loss. But this also helps her to develop to be her own person - not only a tool. The basic urge to matter to someone still remains.

At first she tries to force friendships. Later she tries to form friendships by favors like - I do this thing for you and you're my friend. But none of this ever feels real. Not like this vague memory she had of the moment this stranger saved her.

So her life becomes a journey to find a placeor someone that cares and sees her - the real her. During this time she works as mercenary and befriends a small merchant group. Her first real relationship, that might started on favors but developed with trust. From this group she received her new Name "Neeve". From that day she no longer goes by the name Valafar, that only gave her a bad feeling after the head incident.

Some years later, to a time when Valefor broke free from Israfil, she seeks him out, in hope to reconnect with him. She hopes their connection in blood matters - automatically giving them a meaningful connectiong.

This don't work out - not as fast as she had hoped for at least. Valefor initially refused to welcome her back in his life. He still sees the stubborn, competitive warrior in her, that only seeks to be better than everyone else. And in part it's still true. She wants to show everyone how awesome she is - how strong she is.

It's in another heated fight Valefor realized the true nature behind her behavior. But also the weight of his past action - he realitzed the permanent damage he had caused to her, when he tried to spare her.

This soften up the grumpy man,... and slowly accepting Neeve back in his life - accepting her as his sister. They still have to work through a lot - like Neeve still have to learn a lot about trust and empathy. But they will work through it - giving each other something back, they never able to experience - a family.

She will settle down near Valefor's and Kyings home and open a Forge, where she crafts excellent weapons and armor. And with the difference put aside, she and Valefor have the opportunity to become a powerful duo in combat. While Valefor is best in Meele, Neeve thrives in ranged combat - making these two very deadly to face.

So it's no surprise they soon or later train together, giving Kying some rest. Before that he had to help Valefor satisfy his urge to fight. Now the demon siblings can bash their heads, while also working on their relationship.

And funny lil sidenote: She will adapt Valefors passion for music. So you can see these two kick some beats together.

And I guess from that moment on, Neeve truly starts to be more herself. Doing things she enjoys without a second thought.

Some short facts:

Neeve real name was Valafar

She is AroAce

She is a Guardian like Valefor, casting cold / blue flames

She is also part Demon

She has Chains around her arms , she uses these as an extension of her weapon. She attaches her blades to these, to turn them into ranged weapons (similar to a Kusarigama)

like her brother, she cares little for food

Her passion is blacksmithing. She values a good crafted blade and goes nuts over hit. Its the only thing she truly understands

She believes: If you try hard enough, things will work out - with that mindset she often tries to force things, like reconnecting with her brother

Thats also makes her a try hard (perfectionist) - she tries to optimizing the shit out of everything.

[devilh0rnsinc]

For that character ask game, I have to ask you about Rudy if no one else has yet!

You are the first to ask!!

I mean where to start...

My first impression was that he was a bit of a wet wipe. (British slang for someone sensitive and lame. Sorry Rudy) However, I grew to understand his character better as I watched him in all of the episodes and saw that he was brave and stronger than I first believed. They sometimes did this with Rudy, when the plot needs a bit of a punching bag or a butt of a joke, he'll be the one who gets picked on, however later seasons have strayed away from this. I absolutely love him now, and he's my favourite character.

My favourite moment, weirdly enough, is when he stands up to Louise and tells her to get out in Bridge Over Troubled Rudy. It shows that he isn't a pushover and can stand up for his own needs. This development is what we needed to see with these two. I see so many people saying that their friendship is toxic (???) because he does whatever she says and he goes along with it. So this moment of him setting boundaries was very much needed.

Bro... I have so many ideas for a story. I mean, I don't think I can answer this otherwise I'd be writing ALL day. However, I would like to see a Gene, Rudy and Zeke episode one day. Idk why but they seem like they'd be an awesome trio of friends.

Unpopular opinion... Hmm... I don't think Rudy is as innocent as people think. I think we have learned from the newest episode that Rudy deals with a lot of guilt surrounding his parents and is very anxious, and while he has these feelings that does not make up all of his character. I see people talk about Rudy like he is some precious bean that needs to be protected, and while I love that, it isn't true. He can stand up for him self, he can be confident, he takes risks and gets in trouble! Just because he has asthma and other intolerances doesn't mean he cannot do things! Idk I just see that a lot in fanfiction. He is not weak. (You can disagree but that's how I see it)

Favourite relationship...

DO I EVEN NEED TO SAY?!

Favourite headcanon! Well... I have many but a popular one I see is that he is Jewish! And I personally love that.

Okay, I think I've rambled on long enough...

Thanks for the ask!!! <3

[yinwaryuri]

I don't remember which one of you said it last week, but I agreed with it and episode 11 only solidified that for me:

Jeng and Pat shouldn't be together. Not even eventually after the two year time skip.

I felt a gnawing in my stomach hearing that line coming from Put saying Jeng wasn't suited for Pat, because while I don't like Put, I also don't hate him and knew he was right. Pat wasn't there to see their little passive aggressive fights over him, he didn't see how both of them wanted control over the relationship so badly. Pat being dangled like a prize instead of a person between them colored the development of things darkly early on, but when the weather is overcast for so long it's hard to tell when the storm will actually hit.

I don't need to repeat what's been said about how ultimately Jeng put his needs above Pat's just like Put did and how that led to the breakup, but it is more disappointing. He was aware of Pat's relationship with Put and had seen how being around him affected Pat's mood when they first saw each other again. Jeng should have known better. What I think a lot of age and professionalism has done is make it easy for Jeng to pass as emotionally mature when he truly isn't. Not enough to handle the consequences of the relationship he wants so badly. Since that's the case, he's allowed Pat to shoulder most of that emotional burden, and in a romantic relationship that's just not going to be sustainable. Even worse, knowing how Pat handles his feelings.

The first half of this show really seemed to set up a sort of Mr. Darcy transformation for Jeng but it chose to take a more realistic route. The way Jeng reacted to Pat's emotional outbursts in the beginning was callous and apathetic at best. Sure, both he and Pat have developed in the aspects of Pat being stronger in his emotions and Jeng having greater sympathy, but I think for Pat it isn't from Jeng's encouragement and more from the everything else he's had to handle. Jeng's sympathy seems to really only extend from his liking Pat and wanting to be seen better by Pat. I'll exclude his feeding the homeless from that because we're not given a timeline or a reason for when and why he started doing it, and I won't speculate on them either. But a majority of his generosity, whether he's aware of it or not, is an extension of his crush.

Due to Jeng being older, rewriting over old habits or filling them in with new ones is harder for the very reason of them being more practiced. This can sabotage someone trying to handle certain things in a different way than they have in the past because they have to consciously stop something that's become reflexive or follows a certain pattern. So when someone isn't consciously stopping that pattern, isn't thinking they're going to follow that pattern this time, or thinks they have no pattern to worry about, they get struck with the consequences later when things play out and they realize "oh shit, I haven't changed." And that's what we get at the end of the episode.

That isn't to say that Jeng is incapable of growth, but he needs to choose that growth for himself. Is this corporate job and remaining in the closet for the interest of everyone but himself what he truly wants over a life with more play and a loving partner? Are the consequences of choosing not to take on that responsibility equal to those of never living a fully realized life? How long will it take him to choose?

I'm sad because all the way through episode 8 I was so excited to see their relationship and truly believed that it could be better than this. The messages about the BL industry, however more subtle they are later on, are really speaking here. If we get a happy ending with JengPat together it will take some really clever work for me to accept it. I honestly think it's time we got a BL that ends without the mains together because if we're going to follow a realistic thread, sometimes we have to follow it all the way. Breaking up a queer couple in queer media doesn't have to be homophobic. Sometimes these stories are made to demonstrate what could go wrong or for older queers to finally tell their story or to explore certain dynamics in ways that haven't been done before, etc. Whatever the intention, and as much as I hate the curse of episode 11, I'm glad they broke up.

[tohokuu]

i just need to rant for a minute. also my tumblr is still glitching even after i deleted and redownloaded it.

i cant actually see any of the words i’m typing … i had to change the color to pink in order to see it bc the white just comes out as black… anyway. this is very boy oriented bc i’m talking about relationships so if you don’t care, fuck off and keep scrolling. honestly this feels a little pathetic bc i’m going to be honest about the mistakes i’ve made in the last 6 months and how you should completely avoid them LOL

so back in october, i met this guy on campus that had been going to the same college as me for a while now but i just… never saw him. LOL. like he was so different looking last year and this year he’s all tall, muscular, beard etc. otherwise, i had no idea he even existed ?? ☠️ anyway, let’s call him uhhh gojo. so, i met gojo and i was like wow he’s really cute. btw, i can develop crushes on multiple guys but it’ll only be like … crushes where i find them hot and would be okay w dating them but i’m not like dying to date them and want them yk ? but this guy… i wanted him. like i couldn’t stop thinking abt this guy. we started talking and snapping back and forth for a good few weeks. we opened up about some stuff and idk it was really chill. we were gonna go to a party together and i was driving him and like… we smoked together in the car and nothing else. just talking and vibing and it was amazing. my crush obviously got stronger but the night of the party, he goes and leaves me alone at the party to hang out w other girls and i’m like … yo ??? then at the end of the night, we get into a fight over something extremely minuscule and he unadds me and i’m like yo ?… i was actually so upset and hurt. like i cried abt this in class LMAOFJSJ i never cry over guys bruh and i cried over this dumbass mf bc i genuinely really liked this guy. now… igotoveritmostlyafter a few weeks and suddenly, this guy i had on social media who i have mutuals with asks me on a date and i’m like … let’s see where it goes. we go out and it’s the first date. i pay for our starbucks. he pays for the fries and even now i’m thinking, why did i ever offer to pay so hard ?… ew. i’m not a 50/50 woman and if you disagree, idc smd. anyway, date goes well and obviously i’m still hung up over gojo just a bit but i really enjoyed my first date and i couldn’t stay hurt over a stupid talking stage yk ?.. like that’s not the way to go about life. so we ended up going on a second date. then a third, a fourth, a fifth and then it turned into a relationship that lasted just about 5 months. anyway… the first couple months of my relationship were very happy. my boyfriend was the best. the sweetest… the typical nice guy who did literally everything right. he wasn’t rich or bought me expensive gifts like gojo could have but he cared and he talked to me and loved me and that’s all that mattered. a few months later someone follows me on instagram… guess who ? gojo !!! follows me on ig and i had posted a note saying “guys i miss him :(“ and he texted me saying “who?” and i’m like “my boyfriend. why?” and he leads a conversation where it’s him accusing my boyfriend of cheating and me telling him to stfu. i obviously defend my boyfriend and i tell him about it ofc and my boyfriends outrageous ofc bc he’s got such a good character and he couldn’t stand anyone insulting that yk.. which is fine. anyway, gojo found a way to just insert himself into my life somehow. now you’re probably thinking that i could’ve just blocked him but atp, he was friends with my friends and i was like… it’s gonna be really awkward if i block him. so i kept him on social media and i’d just leave him on delivered for days and not answer. but this guys also a character bc he’d text me going. “respond. i know you’re on your phone. text me back” and i would… idk why i did. but it was always him talking about this one girl that he’s in love with and he’s always fucking talking about her and a part of me got jealous… then i was mad at myself for being jealous bc i had a whole man and i had no right to be jealous at all. i kept leaving him on delivered at later that and i would constantly tell myself “always choose your aman” which is like a bollywood movie and the lesson was to always pick the guy that will treat you good forever and not the guy who lost you and then realized what he lost and came back for you, bc she chose the dickhead in the film. anyway, i kept telling myself that it wasn’t worth it. now… when i was with my boyfriend or texting my boyfriend, i’d only ever think of him. gojo wasn’t even a

thought in my mind and that’s totally chill. that’s what i wanted in the very first place. but then i’d text gojo back sometimes and answer his texts faster than i’d answer my boyfriends … this is where i started feeling guilty. then i’d listen to songs like “moth to a flame” by the weeknd and i’d feel extremely guilty. i felt like i was emotionally cheating. i felt horrible bc i’m not the type of person who cheats or done anything that wrong bc that’s not me… but why was i feeling these emotions for gojo when i had my boyfriend ?… i’ve always been the sensible person in relationships that knows how to give perfect advice. my stance on cheating was always that if you want someone else, break up with your current significant other because they don’t deserve to feel like their heart is being played with. but here, now that i was stuck in that situation, it genuinely felt so so hard and i wanted to cry bc i kept seeing more movies, songs and references to this stupid love triangle and i was so so annoyed. also, disclaimer ! my boyfriend was never physically my type. i think he’s cute and good looking but wasn’t my type. i think i was just really ignoring everything else and going straight for the personality. then when i’d look at gojo… gojo was my dream man. he’s so cute to me and it made me mad how i was having these thoughts?? so like i came to the conclusion that i should break up with my man… so i did. i broke up with him 3 weeks ago and i was so so brutal with him bc i knew if i was any softer, i’d turn back on my word. he’s just that. fucking. kind. he’s so so amazing, even as of today. i couldn’t have left him if i wasn’t so harsh on him :/ anyway, broke up with him and this whole time i’m still friends with gojo. we never flirted or anything but the day i broke up with him, somehow i end up in his car. i was leaving campus after hours and he texted me while i’m at the light and he goes “is that you i just saw leaving?” i said “yeah. want me to come back?” and he goes “hmmm i’m bored. yes.” now you’re thinking… i’m a major red flag !!! yes… i am 😃 i go back and we park next to each other and i sit in his car with him in the passenger seat and ykw… it wasn’t awkward at all. it was natural, funny, sweet… we sat in his car and talked for hours. we talked about my breakup, we talked about the girl he loves, we talked about the bitches he’s busy with and so much other shit.

conversation with my boyfriend never flew as mindlessly as it did with him. i guess it makes more sense bc i rarely saw my boyfriend. i’d only see him every week or so but i saw gojo almost every single day, even if we didn’t talk to each other. but gojo and me had more in common… we related on more. i found him more attractive and there were things that i didn’t have in my first relationship that he had. i sound like such a piece of shit right now, i know. but i convinced myself for 5 months that i don’t need any of that stuff to be in a happy relationship. i kept my relationship going on the whole “always choose your aman” thing.. it was a sweet relationship but even as my friends said … there was no chemistry between us. and the sex ! my ex boyfriend used to be bi until a month ago, he’s straight now. he has a lot of bodies …. which i don’t care abt the number but they were literally all men, which i also don’t really care about. it’s just that he’s never had sex with a woman before and yk i was willing to be his first and it made me feel a bit insecure. it’s a shameful thing to be insecure abt and i know i shouldn’t be but i was. the making out was great, being in his lap was fun and he knew how to kiss me properly and everything. i asked him to choke me and he did it properly despite him being a pretty vanilla guy. but when we had sex… he just couldn’t do it right no matter how much i told him what to do. like i was so engrossed in teaching him bc he was fucking up so bad that it took me half an hour to cum… then when he put his dick in me, he hardly stretched me out and it hurt so bad and he wasn’t doing it properly and i was genuinely just mad at that point 😃 i told him to stop and i just sucked him off and called it a day. then there’s things like a bit of pda or etc that i wanted. we’re young, i think it’s normal to want a risky and more adrenaline rushed relationship, or at least it’s what i need… now asking him of that is unfair, i know. i asked and he said no and i was like “that’s all okay !!” but like lowkey i was starting to get bored bc there’s so many things i wanted to do and he didn’t. obviously i respected it but i don’t have to agree with it. still, i kept moving on and i think that’s why i started to think about gojo more bc gojo is someone who would’ve done all of those things… i wanted to make out in an empty elevator once and he pushed me off and said no and i was like “oh :(“ which is fine on his part !! he doesn’t have to do any of that stuff and it’s fine bc everyone has their reasons and boundaries. but i don’t find the fun in that. him and i had very opposite personalities and i know opposites attract but these were things that i didn’t like compromising on. i know you’re probably thinking that i fucked up and ruined my perfect picture and that’s exactly what gojo said to me when i told him about the breakup while i was sitting in his car. he told me “you had the perfect picture. the sweet boyfriend who knew how to treat you and you left him.” yeah left him bc i couldn’t stop thinking of you, you fucking idiot. i was emotionally cheating and my boyfriend was SO not deserving of that. he’s way too good of a man to have someone do that to him so i cut it off. i felt horrible but i had to do it. i didn’t deserve someone like him. he was really really sad and i felt bad bc i was so brutal over the call and yes… another dickhead move. i broke up with him over call and that was bc i wasn’t able to see him for another month cuz he was traveling. i had to be mean otherwise, i knew i would’ve caved in and just… ignored my feelings for gojo again. now if you’re wondering, did i get with gojo ? nope. did i try ? nope. ykw i did tho?… encourage him to better his relationship with the girl he likes, bc i really enjoy doing that to myself LMFAO i told him what to do on valentine’s day, i told him what to do on new years, i told him what to do for her birthday… cuz he’s a fucking idiot but he’s literally obsessed with her and i can’t help but just stay out of it even tho i like him so damn much. but he’s

also fucking stupid because why are you fucking other bitches while you like this girl ?? but she’s also confusing bc she doesn’t want a relationship while he does and when she says that she just wants to be friends, he treats her like a friend and then she gets mad that he doesn’t give her any romantic attention. i told my guy bestfriend, david, about this and even he agreed that she’s just using him for attention… and i kinda realized that a long time ago but he’s so blindly in love w her that idk what to tell him. i tried to tell him to focus on himself and get his shit together but nahhh, he told me to stfu and flicked my forehead instead. oh and then those two are just friends, he goes out and fucks other girls to curb the loneliness ig and then she gets mad at him for it… you aren’t in a relationship ??? 😀 anyway, gojo is honestly a dickhead. do i still want him ? yes. should i ? no, bc the red flags are obviously very much there and i cant help but be attracted to them and i hate it sm. fuck gojo tho.

back to my breakup, first week i was chilling. told myself i never needed him and that shit is better off this way bc he wasn’t even all that. second week, i was fine during the day but i would get lonely at night when all my friends were asleep and he would’ve stayed up to talk to me about some random video game or i’d tell him abt some interesting fic i read. this third week was hell tho… i thought abt him 24/7. i wanted to talk to him so bad . i texted him and just told him i was checking in and it was a nice conversation but it felt so plastic and i hated it. he has given away most of my stuff and i haven’t given away a single thing. also, if i’m regurgitating, it’s bc i wrote half of this rant last night while i was half asleep and now i’m writing the rest so idk what i wrote last night. moving on, he told his parents i was his girlfriend and not just a friend and that’s very awkward bc his mom actually works at my college and i’m like… yo… so i always duck whenever i see her, it’s embarrassing. now, i’m just missing him all the time. but i tell myself that i did this for a good reason and that it’s what was best for the both of us and i know what i did was the right thing but i still feel like such a horrible person… he said he’s fine now but i still feel his absence daily but then i tell myself that it’s me missing the attention, not him. i tell myself and i feel better and then i tell myself that i’m not wrong for what i did. it’s okay that our breakup had an impact bc he was someone i genuinely loved and had a relationship and it’s okay to wish things could have worked out and it’s okay to keep stepping up and doing yourself a favor. so now, i’m sitting here with uhhh no gojo and no boyfriend and ykw, it’s chill. it’s not that bad. are there momentary feelings of sadness ? ofc. but it’s fine. there’s like 15 guys in my dms rn and i have bitches !! so that’s cool but i don’t want any of them… so they’re never getting texted back ! but yeah. that was the rant. pls don’t do what i did. it’s such a mindfuck and honestly, i feel like the villain and ik i should bc what i did was super fucked up but uhm… yeah

[enormous-moose]

Tonight I am highlighting the triangle of Ashai, Dimitris and Nok. Spoilers!

Nok: she's not a mortal! She's our kind!

Dimitris: She not just a mortal! She's your queen!

It's the subtle things that hint Ashai was meant to be with Dimitris. Don't get me wrong Nok had amazing development when with her however he always saw her wolf beast fae. Does it mean he loved her less? No, but their relationship isn't as pure.

Nok and Ashai's relationship was all about Nok providing her safety from the world. It may have started out as pretend for him but he did overtime accept this was going to be a thing. He's spent 15 years as a social outcast and having Ashai come in also an outcast he was drawn to her. After their bond formed he got a taste of her emotions and it just spiraled out of control from there. He loved feeling them but almost to a fault. This is where the cracks start to form.

Ashai is more than happy to give everything to Nok, as seen when he takes all of her emotions. She even says she knows she should be mad but it was his way of helping her. Nok is almost too happy to take them since he's often times just doesn't ask and it's all because he loves how stimulating they are. Her sense of wonder about everything being new captivates him. Dive deeper and Nok is absolutely unable to warm up fully to mortals. He tries for her but he slips back into just straight hate for them and how they are lesser.

Ultimately Ashai would never be able to be 100% fae she's a changeling. Since she knows Nok would never fully accept her the bond between them is able to shatter.

Dimitris on the other hand wants to challenge Ashai. He wants to build on who she is and fan the fire that makes her different. Dimitris's magic has always been used destructively so he's not able to take things as easily as his brother. He stops Nok from taking Ashai's emotions more than once at first from jealousy then because he knows she needs to feel. Avoiding ts emotion now would only compound it later.

When the bond forms between Ashai and Dimitris it is out of sheer force of will and not because they were just two fae together which is the case between Ashai and Nok. Dimitris tells her fae magic is fickle and sometime intent is too powerful of a thing to stop it.

Ashai has just the opposite issues with Dimitris from then on. She floods Dimitris with emotions. She still feels them herself but she's unable to stop him from feeling everything too almost as if they are magnified between them. He's obviously not used to it and when he's scared the courtiers will ridicule him tries to get Ashai to stop or at least learn to control them.

Dimitris confides in Ashai it's not normal to feel this way but he uses it as a chance to ask her what he can do to help her.

He tells her he'll fill her life with people so she's not lonely. All his family is brought back to the castle and it's filled with people and he even introduces her to more people in his court. He says if she's sad he will bring her smiles. He tries to not force her into any situations she's uncomfortable with and finds little ways to make her laugh.

Ultimately how you know Dimitris sees her for her is when she runs away. He stands up to what causes her issues and in that moment shows he accepts that she is not a fae and then reiterates to everyone else who says there's a reason she doesn't belong. "She is your queen."

Dimitris may not be able to take Ashai's emotions but she never needed them gone she just needed someone to understand her. Nok provided her what she felt she needed. Dimitris continues to build on what she truly needs and that's why she her bond with Dimitris is so much stronger and will last a helluva lot longer too.

[en-hale-archives]

I have a very unhealthy obsession with heeseung he’s literally on my mind 24/7 I have hard thoughts about him all the time I even get distracted at work I have no idea how to stop feeling this way about him even when I try to stop I just can’t 😓 any suggestions on how to fix this?

Oh wow, you've got it bad.

Don't worry though, cause this was my EXACT same problem a little less than a year ago after I wrote my fanfic for Jake. I spent so much time researching who he was, watching videos to be able to visualize his off-screen personality, including his relationships with the members, his staff, and engenes. I imagined how close he was to his family and his dog, even though we no little to nothing about them.

And I realized I was literally falling for Jake, which scared the fuck out of me because it felt wrong to develop feelings for someone you don't know, but I had spent so much time writing about him that I was constantly enraptured with the thoughts and image of him.

I knew that wasn't a healthy feeling at all, so I spent a few weeks away from Tumblr and Enhypen, more specifically Jake, and after a few weeks, I was able to come to my senses.

What helped me to get over him pretty quick was just the realization that Jake has no idea that I exist, nor would he ever unless some movie moment somewhat happens which is very much so like a 0.000001% seeing as he; one, lives in Korea and I don't, two, is an idol, three, is an idol who can't even date due to his company's rules, four, we live two completely different lives, and the inevitable five, again, he has no idea I exist. And these are only the broader factors, there are also a hundred more that play a role in why it just would never happen. So once I was able to wrap my head around the fact that Jake was to just be a part of my imagination and someone that I could idolize/fantasize about but never pass that boundary, I was about to enter into a healthy state of mind.

I did research on this phenomenon and it's known as a parasocial relationship/interaction. It's when you form a one-sided relationship with a person on screen or on television to the point that you feel like you know them like they are your best friend (or significant other). It's different when talking about characters in a movie, but in terms of celebrities -- k-pop in general -- it's a lot different. We get to see the lives of these idols. They do v-lives where they sit and talk to us and we feel like we're there with them. They have content coming out of their asses at least twice a week, if not more, so in terms of k-pop outside of western celebrities, our parasocial relationship with them feels 10 times stronger cause we see them on a day-to-day basis in which we don't see with -- say, Justin Bieber, Shawn Mendez, or Harry Styles. We only see them when it's necessary, and maybe some social media shit, but that's it.

It's not necessarily considered "unhealthy" to have a parasocial relationship, especially if it brings you joy, relaxation, takes away that stress, burden, depression, whatever else you're feeling, and gives you something you're missing in real life, but for me, the thought of it made me cringe (lol) and I wasn't feeling relaxed, I was stress that I had taken the liking to a real person, and started considering that enjoying k-pop was becoming too much if this was the outcome.

So once I realized I didn't want to become a crazy person, a few weeks later, I was "over" him lol. and now my bias is Jay, so in the end, what was the fucking point..?

Having bias and whatnot isn't bad, nor is my decision to continue to write stories for these people that I have a liking to (a healthy liking). Realizing this puts me in a comfortable position where I'm not stressing over them. I love their music, I love their personalities, and I love being an engene. That's it. And while -- yes -- I do write smut where I'm constantly thinking of the hyungs in a sexual way, I've adapted to only considering that part of them as fantasy and nothing more.

lol, I just wrote a whole ass book but in conclusion, the best way to get "over" an idol is to just spend some time away from anything associated with them (or at least, that's what worked for me). If it gets to the point in which you think nothing can help, I'm not in the position to tell you to get some help, but probably get some help.

[scarletemeterio-thesecond]

r u open for sum douxie requests? Him Falling in love with king arthur's daughter💕who's innocent n kind but she isn't happy at camelot she wants to be independent n arthur's like NOPE so she runs away n meets douxie again centuries later n is now a total badass witch but she's sarcastic n mean cuz girl has been THROUGH IT😔 but slowly she warms up to him n falls in love with him all over again cuz with douxie she cant help but be soft💕😭 *u can ignore this ask if u want my English is bad😅*

i absolutely loved this request! i think i did things a bit differently but i'm a sucker for love and i couldn't help it lol. i loved writing this, thank you for requesting and i hope you like it!

•••

Back To You (Douxie x Fem!Reader)

Warnings: none i think

Genre: Fluff, some angst

Fandom: Tales of Arcadia, Wizards

Summary: See request

Word Count: 3379

Reader uses she/her pronouns!

•••

Being king Arthur’s daughter was already hard enough, but being a witch didn’t make things easier. (Y/N) loved magic, even if her father wasn’t a huge fan of it. She started taking an interest in it at a very young age, and her own aunt ended up being her teacher.

As (Y/N) got older, her magic grew stronger as well and even though she knew her father loved her, she could also see the way he looked at her sometimes; he looked at her like she was a stranger, a monster even.

Life in the palace was always a bit boring. The princess didn’t have many friends and most of the time would end up feeling lonely. But that all changed once Merlin decided to get a new apprentice.

They hit it off right away. (Y/N) was excited to have someone around her age close to her and the boy was happy to be surrounded by so many talented people.

But of course, he was a bit nervous about being so close to the princess at first, and he didn’t really understand why she was around so much until he saw her do magic. He was mesmerized and extremely surprised, to say the least.

‘’I didn’t know you could do that,’’ he said once the girl was done with her spell.

‘’What do you mean?’’ The girl asked.

‘’Well, you’re the princess and everyone in the kingdom knows that but it’s not known that you can do magic,’’ he explained.

‘’Oh,’’ she murmured, a bit sad but not surprised. ‘’Well, my father doesn’t really like magic so I guess he’s always been a bit disappointed at my love for it.’’

‘’Come on, why don’t we take a walk around the castle?’’ He offered, trying to cheer her up.

Their friendship grew stronger with every passing day, and it didn’t take long for the young boy to start developing feelings for the sweet princess. She was a really powerful witch but she still had her feet on the ground and remained kind as always; he loved that about her. He also loved her smile and the way she made him feel when they were together.

(Y/N) could tell that there was something going on with her friend; she noticed how nervous he got when she was around, the way he stuttered and blushed. She thought that it was very cute, and it didn’t take her long to realize why he’d been acting like that. But she was still afraid of being wrong, so even though she also had feelings for the boy, she remained silent.

They were oblivious about the way they felt about each other, but everyone else wasn’t. They pretty much acted like a couple already to the eyes of strangers, and also to the eyes of the king.

The relationship between Arthur and his daughter had never been worse. The more she practiced her magic, the more they grew apart. They’d barely talk to each other. (Y/N) hated this, she wanted to be close to her father, but she knew that it would be useless to try to work things out; her father disapproved of anything she did or said. She was supposed to learn how to be a proper princess and future queen, and soon it would be time for her to get married. So of course, her closeness to Merlin’s apprentice was alarming to Arthur, and he decided to confront her at dinner one night.

‘’So, tell me about this apprentice boy,’’ he said to her. He’d requested to have dinner alone with her, and they were seated face to face with each other.

‘’His name is Hisirdoux,’’ she mentioned. ‘’And is this what you wanted to talk about? My friend?’’

‘’Well, he’s not just your friend, right? Rumors travel fast inside the castle, my dear.’’

‘’We’re just friends,’’ she mumbled loud enough for the king to hear.

‘’You sound almost disappointed at those words,’’ he pointed out. He made a pause to drink some of his wine and then he looked at his daughter. ‘’I don’t like him.’’

‘’Here we go…,’’ she sighed and sank in her seat, not wanting to hear what her dad was about to say.

‘’He’s a wizard apprentice, (Y/N). Could you imagine what people would say if you even thought about being with him?’’

‘’What does it matter what people think? I can do magic, too, father. I know you’ve been hiding it from the rest of the kingdom, hiding me. I’m tired of being a secret, of not being myself.’’

‘’For the sake of the kingdom, you should get married to an appropriate suitor.’’

‘’For the sake of the kingdom? Why don’t you just admit that you can’t accept the fact that I’m a witch, father? Are you really that ashamed of me? Or are you actually afraid?’’ The princess said in a defying tone.

‘’Young lady-.’’

‘’No, you’re not gonna do this anymore,’’ she interrupted him. ‘’Why can’t you just accept me? It’s like you don’t even want me to be happy. Magic makes me happy, Douxie makes me happy and I’m tired of you trying to control me just because you can’t accept people who are different!’’ (Y/N) got up from her seat and started walking away.

‘’Where do you think you’re going?’’ Yelled her father.

She stopped walking for a second to turn around and look at him. ‘’Away from you,’’ she answered. What he didn’t know was that she really meant it; she would go as far away as possible.

…

Once she got to her room, she started packing some of her stuff, and when she was done she decided to write a letter. She knew she would go and say goodbye to Douxie, but she wanted him to know some things that she wouldn’t be able to say out loud.

A couple of minutes later, she was ready to go, to leave that place for good. It was late at night but she knew her friend would still be awake, so she decided to head over to his room. Just as she was about to walk out of her room for the last time, she heard some guards approaching. The princess cursed to herself but quickly remembered that there was another way for her to leave without being noticed, Douxie’s room and hers were connected by some secret tunnels they’d made with magic a while back, tunnels that extended throughout the entire castle.

Once she reached the boy’s door, she started knocking like crazy. Douxie opened the door almost immediately and even though he was happy to see her, he could tell that there was something wrong.

‘’(Y/N), what’s wrong?’’

‘’I’m afraid we don’t have time for that, Douxie. I don’t really know how to say this but I wanted to tell you that I’m leaving,’’ she said.

‘’What? Where?’’

‘’I don’t know, to be honest. Somewhere my father won’t find me, somewhere I can be free.’’

He was shocked, to say the least. Deep down, he knew she wasn’t happy with her life in the castle, but this news still surprised him. ‘’I’m going with you,’’ he said and started looking for some stuff to pack. She grabbed him by his shoulders and stopped him.

‘’No, Douxie. I can’t let you do that, okay? You still have a lot to learn from Merlin, I know you have potential and I just can’t take this opportunity for you.’’

‘’But I want to be with you, wherever you go.’’

‘’Trust me, there’s nothing I’d want more, but we can’t,’’ she paused to take a deep breath; she could already feel the tears forming in her eyes. ‘’I wrote you a letter, there are some things I’d like you to know.’’ She grabbed the piece of paper and handed it to him.

‘’(Y/N), please…’’ He begged, he didn’t even know what he was begging for, he just knew that the situation they were in was extremely unfair.

‘’I know my father will be here any minute with his guards, you have to pretend like you haven’t seen me, okay?’’ Her tears were already falling down her cheeks, and so were his. She grabbed the boy’s hands and looked him in the eye. ‘’Promise me you’ll do that, Douxie. You have to act like you have no idea about me suddenly disappearing, yeah?’’

‘’Yeah,’’ he nodded. ‘’I promise, (Y/N).’’

She wrapped her arms around his neck and he wrapped his around her waist, holding on to each other as if their lives depended on it. When they pulled apart, they pressed their foreheads together.

‘’Thank you for everything, Douxie. I’ll miss you so much.’’

‘’I’ll miss you, too, (Y/N).’’ They finally pulled away and she walked over to his door, hoping no one would see her. She opened it a little and when she saw that no one was around, she knew it was time to leave. The girl looked back to Douxie one last time and smiled at him. When she was about to leave, she heard the boy speak. ‘’I will find you, (Y/N). I won’t stop until I do, I promise.’’

‘’I can only hope you will,’’ she said before walking away.

…

(Y/N) was right, it didn’t take long for the king and his guards to get to his room. They were looking for the princess, but she was nowhere to be found, and Douxie was just as oblivious to the situation as everyone else.

After the guards made sure she wasn’t hidden in his room, they left. As soon as the door was closed, the boy fell to the floor. He brought his knees to his chest and started crying; he just couldn’t believe what had happened. He couldn’t believe his favorite person was gone.

He knew she was a witch, a powerful one, which meant she’d be able to live for a long time, just like him, but the world was a huge place and deep down he knew there was the possibility of never seeing her again.

Douxie tried to calm himself down, took some deep breaths, and ran his hands through his hair. Then, he remembered the letter, the last piece of her that he had.

He grabbed it and quickly opened it. First, he admired her handwriting, beautiful as always and then he started reading.

Dear Douxie,

If you’re reading this, it means that I’ve finally left. Deep down I think we all knew the palace wasn’t my place, I just never belonged inside these walls, but that doesn’t erase how much it hurts me to leave you.

You changed my life, Douxie, turned all the black and white into full colour, and I couldn’t be more thankful for that. You’re so important to me, I don’t think you understand how much you matter to me. You were my first real friend, you taught me what it meant to fully trust someone with your entire heart… and I guess you also taught me what love is. It’d be useless to try and hide it any longer, it’s been a while since there was something more than just a friendship between us. I wish I’d been brave enough to tell you sooner, to do something about it, but I didn’t. All I can say right now is that I love you, that I’m in love with you and that I’ll do anything I can to go back to you; I mean it, Douxie, I won’t stop until we’re together again because I know in my heart that these feelings will never go away, you mean the world to me.

Thank you for always being there when I needed you.

(Y/N).

Douxie didn’t know when he’d started crying, but he couldn’t stop. He covered his mouth with his hand to silence a sob, and then he wiped some tears off his face.

‘’I love you, too, (Y/N), and I’ll find you, no matter what,’’ he mumbled, making a promise to her once again, and also to himself.

...

900 years later

(Y/N) was just walking around the streets of Arcadia, minding her own business when suddenly she bumped into someone.

‘’Oh, I’m so sorry, I should’ve been more careful,’’ she said, apologizing to the person in front of her.

She barely even paid attention to the whole situation and was ready to keep walking, but she stopped in her tracks when she heard a voice. The same voice she’d dreamt about hearing again, the same voice she’d missed ever since that day in the castle. He only said her name, but that was enough for her heart to start racing.

(Y/N) turned around and their eyes locked, time seemed to have stopped. She barely had any time to properly react before his arms were wrapped around her body, and instinctively her arms did the same thing.

‘’Please tell me this is not a dream,’’ he said once they pulled apart.

‘’Douxie,’’ she mumbled, still unable to believe that it was really him. He let out a sigh when he heard her; he missed hearing her say his nickname, the one she’d given to him, the one he ended up using all the time because it reminded him of her.

‘’It’s me, (Y/N), I’m here. I said I would find you, that’s what kept me going for so long.’’ He said, truly speaking from the heart.

‘’I started losing hope a long time ago, to be honest,’’ she said. She wanted to hug him again, to tell him how much she’d missed him and how she was still head over heels for him, but she couldn’t. The past had changed her, she had to change in order to survive and she’d learned to be afraid of trusting people, even the ones she loved the most.

‘’What are you even doing here, though?’’

‘’I honestly don’t know, I just kind of ended up here I guess.’’

There was a pause between them. It all happened so fast, just a few minutes ago the hope of seeing each other again was nonexistent.

‘’I missed you so much, (Y/N). There’s so much I want to talk about and so much I want to hear from you. I-I can’t believe it’s really you.’’ She smiled at him, not really knowing what to answer. ‘’I still have your letter, there hasn’t been a day in which I didn’t think about it and what you said in it.’’

(Y/N) opened her eyes. She thought about that later almost every day, also remembering her words, her confession.

Douxie noticed that there was something wrong, it was evident in her silence, in how tense she seemed. He tried to grab her hand but she refused, taking a small step backward.

‘’Hey, what’s wrong?’’ He didn’t get an answer, just a scared and worried look in response. ‘’Look, do you think you could meet me after work tonight? I’d like to catch up with you and talk about everything, I guess.’’

‘’I- uh, I don’t know, I-.’’

‘’Please, (Y/N). I think we owe it to each other.’’

She took a deep breath and made eye contact with him for a split second. ‘’Okay, tell me where do you work.’’

…

Douxie’s shift was about to end. He was nervous, he couldn’t wait to see her again. When they saw each other earlier, he noticed she was acting a bit weird. Of course, he hadn’t seen her for nine centuries, but that wasn’t the (Y/N) he remembered. She was different, distant and cold. Deep down, he even thought if maybe he’d already lost her, nine hundred years was a long time after all.

He was closing the restaurant when he saw the girl approaching him.

‘’Hey,’’ she said once they were face to face.

‘’Hi, I’m glad you came.’’ There was a small silence between them. (Y/N) started playing with her fingers, trying to calm herself down. ‘’Listen, I know it’s late but would you like to walk around while we talk?’’

‘’Of course, yeah.’’ They immediately started walking.

‘’I have so much I want to say, but first I wanna hear about you, (Y/N). What have you been up to?’’

‘’Well, trying to put these last nine centuries into words would be a bit difficult. I haven’t been doing much, really, just trying to hide my magic from everyone, seems like I’ll always have to.’’ She mumbled the last part, but he could still hear her. It was evident she was talking about her father, who she hadn't seen since that night in the castle. ‘’What about you?’’

‘’Pretty much the same thing, I guess. I don’t usually stay that much in the same place, though. You know, always looking the same could raise suspicion.’’

‘’Yeah, tell me about it. After a while some people just start spying on you because they know there's something going on, or at least that happened to me.’’

They reached a bench and decided to sit down. (Y/N) tried to keep a bit of distance between them, something that the boy noticed, and he tried to hide his sad expression at the girls' action. They stayed quiet for a bit, the girl admired the stars while also allowing herself to enjoy the boy's company, even if deep down she knew she shouldn't have.

"I'm in love with you, too," said Douxie, breaking the silence and immediately creating a bit of tension in the air. "I still do, and I know I always will; my biggest regret is not telling you sooner, when we were together back in the castle." The girl opened her mouth to say something but Douxie didn't let her, he grabbed one of her hands and slowly caressed it before he kept talking. "Finding you is what kept me going for so long, I said it earlier, but it's true. This may seem like I'm trying to rush things but I think we've been apart for too long to keep waiting, (Y/N)."

He slowly grabbed her face and ran a finger along her cheek, pulling her closer to him, but she pulled away. "I can't, Douxie. I truly can't."

"What do you mean? Did you find someone else? Do you not love me anymore? It's okay if you don't, nine centuries is a long time-."

"I do still feel things for you, but these last years have been very hard, Douxie. I've learnt not to trust people, even those closest to me. Please, don't take this personally, it's not your fault."

He slowly nodded and then made eye contact with her. "I understand, I know how you're feeling, trust me. I also understand if you're not ready, and I would wait for you for a hundred lifetimes, my dear."

"I want to be ready, Douxie, I truly do. I want to be with you, it's what I've wanted ever since we'd walk around the castle, running away from Merlin or my father." She paused for a bit, taking a deep breath; it's like she was at war with herself, she'd been for a long time, but she was tired of fighting, of hiding, she wanted to let her walls down. "Maybe we could take things slowly," she said. They looked at each other and he caressed her cheek once again.

"Of course, my love, anything you need."

She leaned on his hand and closed her eyes, enjoying his warmth after so many years. "Would you kiss me?" she asked.

He simply grabbed her face and slowly pulled her closer to him, and finally their lips touched.

"I love you so much, (Y/N)," he whispered once they pulled away.

"I love you, too, Douxie."

They sat side by side and the girl rested her head on his shoulder, and he wrapped an arm around her. They didn't say anything, they didn't have to, they both knew what they were feeling at that moment. They were finally complete, and it was like every single bad thing they had to go through was worth it, because it had led them to that moment, to their encounter.

[lord-of-christmas-lights]

I swear I have normal Narnia headcanons. However, none of them are featured in this post.

So! If you've been following my series of posts about my Inhuman Narnia AU and the couple of oneshots I posted on ao3 under ASkyOfKai, you've probably noticed that in this little universe I've created, Narnia is sort of...sentient. And I've just realized that I've only actually gone into depth about this on Discord with my friends who are probably very tired of hearing about it. So I'm making y'all suffer through it instead. Welcome to Inhuman Narnia 101, please take your seats because this is going to take a while.

Warning for religious themes, theological discussion, and some dark fantasy/inhuman/body horror concepts that involve blood and physical changes.

BEFORE I SAY ANYTHING: Please keep in mind that an AU is meant to be an alternate universe that may not follow canon information. If anything in this post contradicts canon on the creation of Narnia (it undoubtedly will), pay it no mind, this is an AU. It doesn't have to follow canon.

First off, a little explanation of the Inhuman Narnia AU in general. Basically I came up with this AU after seeing some other people on tumblr post about the Pevensies being not quite human after their time in Narnia. Just eerie, cryptid, a bit of dark fantasy kinda stuff. And I was like, "I'm in love, sign me up, I have ideas." I did not sit down and develop this all at once. The worldbuilding I've done for it has come slowly over the past few weeks through posts, fanfics, and discord rambles. The idea of Narnia being a sentient earth deity of sorts is a recent one and there is already so much to it. (Also I call her Narnia because it's convenient, she has other names but I haven't bothered to like, actually make any up so Narnia is what she's called.)

The most important thing to note starting off is that Narnia is not supposed to be a replacement for Aslan, nor is she necessarily "the hero to his villain". Aslan and I have an interesting relationship, as he is literally God/Jesus/The Holy Spirit/etc and I no longer really identify as Christian. While there are times that Aslan definitely takes a more antagonistic route in my writings, I don't actually see him as a bad guy, nor as a good guy. As God, he literally removed from our concepts of good and evil (in my opinion). The same goes for Narnia being an earth deity. I am a Christian-raised pagan, and I definitely subscribe to the idea that gods and deities are not subject to humanity and our rules. Narnia is not a good goddess, she is not a bad goddess, she simply is a goddess. Plain and simple. The dichotomy that exists between Narnia and Aslan in my writing is generally that of opposing deities, but this isn't a hard and fast rule. There were and still are times when they're friends, working towards the same goals. There are times when Narnia's power is stronger than Aslan's and times when Aslan's power is stronger than hers. There is no simple 1:1 comparison between them.

So, getting into motivations and why Narnia as a deity even exists. Essentially, I asked the question, "How do the Pevensies become inhuman?" and voila earth deity Narnia was born. Now, the basic in-universe mythology I've worked out is that Narnia and Aslan are two deities from separate dimensions that came together to create a new world, the world of Narnia. Aslan is the one who oversees things, he's the one who comes up with the ideas, and he's a little less attached to the world as a whole because he's a Creator, not an earth deity. Narnia is, however, and she literally makes up the world, she sort of runs the entire thing on a physical level, and she is much more attached to it. So she's always kinda taken on this role of making the things in her world the way she wants them. For the most part, she and Aslan designed everything together and they're both happy with it blah blah blah. Well, Aslan then decides to bring a few humans from this other world he's created to Narnia. And she affects them a bit (I've got headcanons about Digory and Polly that I haven't posted anywhere yet but I might soon), but it isn't until Aslan brings the Pevensies over that she really gets to experiment. See, there are other deities in the world that kinda rule over the various lands on a surface level (patron gods for Telmar, the Archenlands, etc, they just have less power than Narnia and Aslan) so she has a little less power over the people in those places, but the country of Narnia is both her land and her so when the Pevensies become the Kings and Queens and live there for 15 years, she's very connected to them. And it's through this connection that she starts to affect them. Honestly, I'm not sure if Narnia even knows what she's doing when she starts stripping away their humanity. I think it's that she can feel they're not from her world and she doesn't like that. She wants them to be a part of her, she wants them to belong in her world just the same as everyone else. (Side note—I know Telmar and some other lands in canon are based on people finding portals and coming through and I'd like to say that she does affect them a bit, takes away a bit of their humanity, but it's not to the same extent as the Kings and Queens of her lands).

"So Kai," you might say, "You keep empathizing that she is literally the land and the land is her. What the hell do you mean by that?" Well, essentially, she is...the...land. Basically if you've read Percy Jackson Heroes of Olympus, there's this idea that Gaia and Tartarus are both physically their domains and able to take on a smaller, human shaped physical form because they're gods and not restricted by human ideas of only having one body. Narnia is the same. Her physical form is both the entire world and whatever smaller shape she might appear in to people. However, we have to acknowledge that their world is differently structurally from ours. There's magic, there's talking animals, and in my Inhuman AU, there is a literal Heart of Narnia at the center. Like a physical, beating, human-shaped heart. Except it's a lot bigger than a regular human heart. Also it's golden. And many many many miles underground. So anyways this is where she's centered. It's basically where her soul is. Probably under Cair Paravel because I just came up with that idea and I love it. And radiating out from it are veins of magic and blood, and these stretch all across the world. Now here is where we get into blood magic and some of those fun terrifying concepts I've come up with.

Narnia has her own blood, of course, but also whenever one of her Kings or Queens bleeds in battle, she kinda pulls it down through the earth into her own heart and veins. It doesn't really do anything to her or them in particular, it's just a fun side effect of them having a patron pagan god. Yes this includes Caspian after he becomes King. Also Peter's blood turns golden because he's the High King, and then later Caspian's does too because I just really like imagery of Ben Barnes bleeding gold. (Side note—when Peter returns to England, his blood goes back to red, but it does remain a brighter red than blood generally is).

Diverting for half a second here. Now, in both my regular Narnia writings and my Inhuman AU, Lucy is very very connected to magic. In my regular Narnia fanfic, she studies with the druids, who are sort of like BBC Merlin's druids. They're just like, chill dudes who run around in camps doing magic and making prophecies and shit. However, in the Inhuman AU, they are a lot darker. One of my favorite ideas with the Inhuman druids and Lucy is that they are so connected to Narnia's magic and her Heart that their hands become stained with blood. Is it their blood, is it Narnia's blood, is it someone else's blood? Idk, don't ask questions. But yea, their hands are permanently stained reddish-brown to almost black. In my regular Narnia stuff, I still like the idea of Lucy's hands being stained and go with just earth magic, dirt stuff for the reason why. But yea no, in the Inhuman AU her hands are stained with blood because of blood magic.

So getting a bit more into how Narnia affects the Pevensies now because I love talking about this lol. She doesn't consciously chose how to change them, though she does call them her creations. Generally the way her magic affects them is by connecting them to to the land in some way and bringing out certain traits they have. So for Peter it's his eyes flickering between regular blue and the amber of a lion's, feathers appearing on his back that grow into wings, having a strength greater than that of a giant's. His blood is golden and on clear nights, the Aurora Borealis in the sky is reflected across his skin. For Susan, her skin glints like glass in the sun and she can briefly glimpse the future. Her wounds are sewn shut with golden rays of light, her eyes are cracked but clear, and she seems to glow faintly in the night, a bit of the sun's radiance shining through her. Edmund has a bit of a star's power lodged in his throat, and can manipulate words, uses them to influence people and their actions. His skin is frostbitten in places, a side effect of ruling the Woods where the White Witch once held so much power, and in some spots his bones shine under the ice that spreads across his skin. Lucy has the stained skin from her stronger connection to magic, and when she speaks words from the Old Language (the one Aslan and Narnia used to shape the world itself), her voice echoes and rasps. Her teeth are too sharp, her smile too wide, and when she disappears underwater, she can stay for hours without surfacing. I want to get into Eustace and Caspian now too but this post is already extremely long and I've still got a bit to cover, so we're just sticking with the Pevensies for now. So yea, Narnia doesn't pick what she does to the Pevensies, she just connects herself to them and through that connection, they change. The magic that she is made of, that Narnia the world operates on, that's what changes them. However, as I stated already, she does call them her creations and feels extremely responsible for them.

Wrapping back around up to the beginning, this is the biggest source of conflict between her and Aslan as of the canon timeline. I like to believe that the lamppost incident was an accident, that Aslan didn't actually mean to send them back at the end of LWW and it was pure coincidence, wrong place wrong time stuff. That being said, it did happen and Narnia really didn't like it happening. The Pevensies did return to their (mostly) human selves in this AU in England, so when they came back in Prince Caspian, she felt disconnected from them again. She reacted to this by digging into them even harder on a spiritual level and essentially speedran them back to being inhuman throughout the timeline of PC, which generally takes place over a few months in my mind. I don't remember how long it was in the book, it's been quite a while since I read them, but it's only like a week in the movie and like eff that, overthrowing a kingdom takes a bit longer in my opinion. Now there are a few divergences here. 1. They all stay at the end of PC and yea that's it, they go back to being Kings and Queens and it's like a second Golden Age but with Caspian there as well. 2. Susan and Peter stay, Lucy and Edmund go back and it's a repeat of the human/inhumanity cycle for them + Eustace in VOTDT and then they stay. 3. Everything happens exactly as it does in canon and it's a constant cycle of humanity/inhumanity with the character's various trips and finally ends at The Last Battle. I like all versions and I tend to leave things a little open to the reader on what exactly happens, or I would if I could actually finish some of my drafts and post them. As you can imagine, Narnia likes 1 the best and 3 the least. She really wants her Kings and Queens to stay and rule her lands and like be awesome and stuff. However, Aslan prefers 3 the best and 1 the least. So again, neither of them is really good nor evil, they just have differing opinions on how the world should be run and what the Pevensie's fates should be. I do tend to side with Narnia, I really like exploring these concepts of inhumanity, but I also really like the concept of a cycle. That's very common in mythology.

So anyways, that's a bit of an overview on earth deity Narnia and her role in my Inhuman AU. If you made it this far, congratulations, and I give you explicit permission to use any of my ideas in your own writing/fanart/whatever, as long as you tag either my tumblr or my ao3 (lord-of-christmas-lights and ASkyOfKai) because I need more Narnia+Inhumanity content in my life. Thanks for reading all this and I'll probably be back very soon with elaboration on Eustace and Caspian's inhumanity!

- Kai

[aspoonofsugar]

Jaune: Zero to Hero

Pyrrha: It's not about why; it's about knowing. Understanding dark and light helps us manifest our Aura. Everyone has some of both.

Knowledge, Creation and Destruction all lead up to Aura. This is just another way to say that they lead up to individuality, which is something Grimms lack:

Pyrrha: They are creatures of Grimm, the manifestation of anonymity.

Individuality is conveyed through Choice. This is why Choice is the most important and final gift. It is symbolic of self-actualization, which is what our characters are pursuing in their coming of age story.

Jaune’s personal arc comments the group’s collective journey and marks each stage very clearly.

In which way does it happen? And what do these stages mean for Jaune’s growth as an individual?

THE IGNORANT WARRIOR

Pyrrha: Jaune, do you... know what Aura is?

Jaune: Psch! Of course I do! Do you know what Aura is?

Jaune is introduced as inexperienced and ignorant. He lacks combat experience and knows nothing about key concepts like Aura, Landing Strategy or Semblances.

His journey starts because Pyrrha shares her knowledge with him:

She awakens his aura, his very soul and later on trains him, so she helps his body get stronger:

In other words, Pyrrha is the one who puts Jaune on the right path to become a true “hero” and a “warrior”.

This is Jaune’s objective since the beginning, but he initially pursues it in the wrong way:

Jaune: I don't want help! I don't want to be the damsel in distress! I want to be the hero!

He is fixated on an idea of hero which is outdated and has its root in toxic masculinity:

Jaune: Cause this is always what I've wanted to be! My father, my grandfather, and his father before him were all warriors! They were all heroes! I wanted to be one, too. I was just never good enough.

This is why symbolically Jaune wants to be like his male ancestors. He wants to grow into “a real man”:

Cardin: Let's see how much of a man you really are...

And this is conveyed also through his Weapon:

Jaune: It's a hand-me-down. My great-great-grandfather used it to fight in the war.

Jaune did not forge his own Weapon, but he inherited it. Crocea Mors initially represents the legacy he wants to live up to. However, this legacy, instead of driving him, slows him down because he can’t grow until he remains in his ancestors’ shadow. Jaune needs to develop his own individuality instead.

In order to do so, he needs to grow not only as a figther, but as a person too.

As a matter of fact, Jaune’s ignorance is not only limited to the world he has stepped into, but also to the people around him:

Jaune: That's easy for you to say. You've probably got guys clamoring over each other just to ask you out.

Pyrrha: You'd be surprised.

He is so self-focused that he does not notice others’ feelings and hurts them unintentionally.

However, Pyrrha teaches him once again:

Pyrrha:Tell her exactly what you said. No ridiculous schemes, no pick-up lines. Just... be honest.

 It is thanks to her that Jaune manages to become a better man:

He is even able to call Neptune out the way Pyrrha did with him:

Jaune: Then just go talk to her. No pickup lines, no suave moves, just be yourself. I've heard that's the way to go.

And as a result, even Jaune’s relationship with Weiss gets better:

Weiss: You said you were embarrassed at first. What made you come talk to me?

Neptune: You're looking at him.  You got some good friends looking out for ya.

Because the girl realizes Jaune is not only after her money or her romantic attention:

Weiss: All my life, boys have only cared about the perks of my last name.

But wants to genuinely be a good friend to her.

In short, Jaune starts the story as immature both as a fighter and as a person to the point that he is considered unfit and annoying by other characters:

Glynda: I don't care what his transcripts say. That Jaune fellow is not ready for this level of combat.

However, thanks to Pyrrha, he is given the chance to mature.

Not only that, but while other characters see a weakness and a nuisance in Jaune’s ignorance and inexperience, Pyrrha sees it as a possibility:

Weiss: Jaune, is it? Do you have any idea who you're talking to?

Jaune: Not in the slightest, snow angel.

Weiss: This is Pyrrha.

It is specifically because Jaune is new to Pyrrha’s world that he is free from bias:

Pyrrha:  That's what I like about you. When we met, you didn't even know my name. You treated me just like anyone else. And thanks to you, I've made friendships that will last a lifetime. I guess, you're the kind of guy I wish I was here with. Someone who just saw me for me.

This is why Pyrrha feels she can forge a genuine bond with Jaune. What is more, the girl has faith in his potential:

Pyrrha: It's all right. I used my Aura to unlock yours, but the energy that protects you now is your own. You have a lot of it.

She sees in him what others do not and helps him develop both as a man and as a warrior.

This is well highlighted by the metal motif the two characters share.

As @hamliet explains here Rwby has several characters linked to the seven metals of alchemy.

The goal of alchemy is to create gold thanks to a process of refiniment that purifies the metal and has it go through several transformations. 

The seven metals are nothing, but a scale that goes from the heaviest and most raw metal (lead) to the most purified (gold) passing through the others (tin, iron, copper, mercury, silver).

For a story, it simply means that a character goes through a process of change that leads to self-actualization.

In Rwby this idea is conveyed through specific characters embodying a metal (Ironwood, Penny, Mercury) or even thanks to metal motifs commenting a specific part of a character arc.

For example, Yang is associated with gold:

I am the golden one Who burns just like the sun

But Adam takes her arm away and has her regress in the scale of metals to iron. This regression is not simply physical, but psychological as well:

However, Yang re-affirms herself and moves forward. The first step of this process is to symbolically make her new arm “gold” again:

When it comes to Jaune, I think that he may be the character associated with lead aka the “prima materia” that needs to be molded into gold. Even if this is not true, metal is at least definately still a motif in his arc, as it is in Pyrrha’s. This is why both characters wear metal armors, differently from others.

Pyrrha is already close to her self-actualization and she reaches it in the climax of the Vale arc, where she completes her (tragic) arc and dies a Maiden.

This is why her armor is gold, while Jaune’s is white and gray. Pyrrha is at the top of the metal scale and close to the end of her journey, while Jaune is respectively at the very bottom and at the very beginning.

He is the embodyment of the prima materia that has potential for greatness, but only if he is rightly guided and if he himself works hard.

Pyrrha takes over herself the duty to help Jaune mold himself.

This is underlined also by Pyrrha’s semblance:

Pyrrha: Well, Ruby has her speed, you have your glyphs. My Semblance is polarity.

Pyrrha can control and bend metals and she shows her power for the first time when she helps Jaune against the Ursa, so that he can overcome his self-issues.

So, Jaune starts the story as the lead and is going through a path of self-refinement which will lead him to become gold, so more similar to Pyrrha herself.

Pyrrha offers him the basic knowledge to start this journey, but unluckily leaves him too soon and now Jaune has to move forward on his own.

THE CREATIVE AVENGER

Pyrrha: I want you to know that I'm just happy to be a part of your life. I'll always be here for you, Jaune.

Even after Pyrrha’s death, this stays true:

Blacksmith: That was some fine metal you brought me. Accents the white nicely. Where'd you get it from?

Pyrrha has become a part of Jaune.

This is a recurring motif in Rwby:

Penny: I won’t be gone, I’ll be part of you.

It is the idea that grieving is a process that leads to acceptance, but also to integration with a lost one. It is a way to have the deceased keep on living through the survivors.

In Jaune and Pyrrha’s case, this is conveyed through Pyrrha’s metal being used to enrich Jaune’s Weapon.

As stated by Ruby:

Ruby: Just weapons? They're an extension of ourselves! They're a part of us! Oh, they're so cool.

Weapons are symbolic of the self, just like Semblances.

What is more, Weapons and Semblances are also a declination of the dychotomy of body and soul, presented by the series.

Weapons are wielded by bodies, while Semblances are a materialization of the soul.

In other words, Pyrrha’s gold becoming a part of Jaune’s Weapon is symbolic of Jaune’s first step in a painful process that will lead him to overcome his partner’s death and to inherit Pyrrha’s legacy.

Jaune must keep on learning from Pyrrha and become more like her. As noted by @hamliet​, this is symbolized also by Jaune’s design aquiring more golden details as he goes on in his journey:

Jaune: Guess I was going to grow out of it eventually.

Ren: A sign of progress.

Jaune: Progress.

That said, grieving is not easy and Jaune must struggle with much pain and negative feelings.

This is why the changes he makes to Crocea Mors are finalized to increase its attack power:

It is because Jaune feels anger over Pyrrha’s death and wants revenge.

In the Battle of Haven he gives in to his fury and tries to kill Cinder. He is trying to superficially imitate Pyrrha’s sacrifice:

Jaune: If I die buying them time, then it's worth it. They're the ones that matter.

However, he is not doing it out of bravery or necessity, but out of recklessness and self-hate. This is why his actions lead to this:

Once again, Jaune risks to lose another loved one:

Jaune: No, no, no, no, not again! Weiss, c'mon, please!!

However, this time he is able to save Weiss thanks to his Semblance:

Jaune: My Semblance?

Nora: How else do you think you're healing her, dummy?

Jaune gives up on using his Weapon to fight and chooses to use his Semblance to cure. He chooses soul over body and Creation over Destruction.

At the same time, Jaune’s activation of his Semblance is meaningful on two levels:

Jaune: No. I don't think I'm healing her. Our Aura heals our bodies. It feels... it feels more like I'm using my Aura to amplify hers!

Nora: Wait, aren't you worried about running out?

Jaune: Pyrrha once told me I've got a lot of it. I still believe her.

First of all, Jaune’s Semblance is rooted in the idea that people heal themselves. His power is not to cure others, but to amplify others’ auras, so that they can become stronger and can heal. It is about bringing out the best in others. It is a power fit for a leader, but also an ability symbolic of Jaune’s own process of healing. He can heal himself through helping others to heal.

Secondly, Jaune’s Semblance is in itself a nod to Pyrrha. Pyrrha used her own aura to awake his and Aura Amp is simply an evolution of this idea. It is not about activating others’ auras, but it is a power that lets Jaune share his. It also makes good use of something Pyrrha noticed immediately aka Jaune’s huge quantity of aura.

In other words, Jaune ends up acting like Pyrrha in the Battle of Haven, but not because he fights Cinder, but because he shares his gift with others, just like Pyrrha did with hers.

Pyrrha is a part of Jaune both in body (Crocea Mors) and soul (Aura Amp), but Jaune must still truly understand what this means.

He makes progress in Lost:

Red-Haired Woman: She understood that she had a responsibility... to try. I don't think she would regret her choice, because a Huntress would understand that there really wasn't a choice to make. And a Huntress is what she always wanted to be.

This is the essence of Pyrrha’s sacrifice. Jaune comes to understand it and chooses to make a similar choice together with his team:

Jaune: I think... I think she knew she wasn't going to win. That she might not come out alive. But... she also knew she was the only one that could try.

Ren: So she did.

Nora: Maybe we should too.

Jaune: Yeah, we should.

In this way, it will be as if Pyrrha were fighting together with them:

Nora: Pyrrha may not be by our side anymore, but we can fight like she is.

Jaune: And in a way... she will be.

Jaune tries to overcome his anger and his sadness for Pyrrha’s death in order to keep fighting like she did.

So, once again he chooses this:

Ruby: I wanted to protect my friends.

Maria: Precisely! It is the desire to preserve life which fuels the light inside you. And to make no mistake, it is light. Preservation is an extension of creation, or, at the very least, an enemy of destruction. The Creatures of Grimm were made by the God of Darkness, but your light comes from his brother.

He chooses to protect life and this is the essence of Creation.

Once he confirms this choice, he is free to explore Creation’s potential and he does so in the land of Creation itself, Atlas.

He strengthens his shield instead of his sword:

And he trains his Semblance:

Oscar: Nice, your recovery is getting faster.

This all leads him to become stronger psychologically:

Ren: Him on the other hand... There's no fear at all. I can see it, he believes we're going to get this done.

That said, Jaune starts meeting limits to his new found strength rooted in Creation:

Jaune: Ah, sorry. No matter how much I boost you, they won’t go away.

Jaune: Did... I stop the virus?

Penny: No. It’s still there.

Jaune’s way to move forward is to heal himself through healing others. Still, what to do when this is not possible?

THE DESTRUCTIVE HEALER

Penny: No… there’s not enough time to heal me…

Penny: But there is something you can do…

What happens in Atlas is an inversion of Haven.

Penny pushes Jaune’s Semblance away and touches Crocea Mors.

Jaune is asked to give up on healing her and to speed up her death instead. He is asked to choose his Weapon (body) over his Semblance (soul) and Destruction over Creation.

This marks the characters entering the Destruction phase:

Leaving Creation (Penny) behind.

For Jaune, this means that his own self image that he has worked so much to build and to make his own:

And that has been enriched in Anima thanks to Pyrrha...is shattered:

At the same time, he is once again put in a similar spot as Pyrrha:

They both become unwilling agents of Penny’s death because of Cinder (and Emerald and Mercury in the first case):

Pyrrha: Ruby, I... I'm so sorry.

Ruby: Me too. But it wasn't your fault.

Jaune: She's right. Whoever was on that microphone... they're the ones that did this. And we have to make sure they don't take anyone else.

So Jaune’s journey to integrate with Pyrrha, to understand her and her struggle continues.

What now?

It is too soon to say because we have yet to properly start our journey through Destruction and what it is about.

That said, there are two things that are worth highlighting. The first is a motif Rwby is following, while the second is a general theme found in many stories.

1) As @hamliet​ has stated in many metas and as I have written here, Rwby is an alchemical story. Alchemical stories are usually marked by three important deaths. Each death is symbolically linked to a color. They are usually black, white and red. However, sometimes there can be yellow instead of the white or the red. This is the case here, where a resonant death is the yellow death aka Penny’s.

It is a death that happens while the characters are surrounded by yellow:

And it happens through a weapon called “Yellow Death” (Crocea Mors’s meaning). So, it is really not subtle. Penny’s death is meant to mark an important passage for our protagonists, just like Pyrrha’s one (the black death).

2) It is common in stories that deal with healers to explore the concept of death as well.

The basic idea is that a healer is a person meant to cure. That said, they will meet people impossible to cure and that will die on their watch. This is an unescapable truth a true healer must live with.

Let’s highlight this theme is found in works very different for genre and culture.

Let’s have two examples.

Scrubs aka an American comedy about doctors deals with this theme multiple times. In many episodes the characters must simply accept they can’t save a life, but must still not lose hope and keep on living themselves.

Yosano from the manga BSD says so:

Her backstory explores the link bewteen life and death further since it is shown that a power that cures fatal wounds can be used to cheapen life itself:

It is too soon to say if Rwby will explore a similar theme, but the fact that Jaune, (the healer) is the one that has to speed up Penny’s death might be a very powerful and poignant choice. This is true especially because Rwby does not refuse Destruction (and so does not refuse death), but presents it as a principle equal to Creation (so as a part of life).

THE CHOOSING HERO

Jaune’s arc is about living Pyrrha’s death over and over again with different scenarios and outcomes. This happens so that in the end he can finally overcome it.

So far, it has happened three times and each time has been in the climax of an important battle.

The Battle of Beacon has him witness powerlessly to Pyrrha’s death (lack of knowledge and passivity).

The Battle of Haven has him saving Weiss (creation).

The Battle of Atlas has him killing Penny (destruction).

What is more, every time Jaune becomes more proactive and conscious of what he is doing.

In Beacon he has no idea of what is happening. He works with little information and things happen to him without him being able to do anything.

In Haven his actions lead to Weiss being in danger, but he manages to save her. That said, he does not do it consciously. He unlocks his Semblance because of emotional stress. It is an unconscious choice and not a conscious one.

In Atlas he makes a specific conscious choice, but it is a choice that is forced on him because of external circumstances. It is also a choice that is meant to challenge and temporally break him.

In other words, he is slowly and painfully approaching Choice aka self-actualization. Right now, he has to face the consequences of Penny’s death, but this will probably lead him to finally enter the Choice stage and to complete his arc by becoming a “hero” aka gold (probably).

At the same time, this final choice will also be about healing and overcoming grief. It will be the final integration with Pyrrha and him being able to honor her legacy.

After all, we have been told from the beginning what Pyrrha’s fate would have been. We’ve just failed to notice:

Pyrrha: For it is in passing that we achieve immortality. Through this, we become a paragon of virtue and glory to rise above all, infinite in distance and unbound by death. I release your soul, and by my shoulder protect thee.

June and Pyrrha’s bond is eternal and she is meant to be the key character in Jaune’s arc. It is only through confronting and finally overcoming her loss that Jaune can finally self actualize and become the person Pyrrha has always known he could be. Pyrrha will symbolically be with him in this struggle. Her memory will protect and inspire him. 

[otakusheep15]

SFW Alphabet - Simeon

This man seriously owns my entire heart. Like, I would trade all of the brothers just to be with him, no questions asked lmao

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Surprisingly, he’s not that affectionate. Well, at least not physically. He enjoys spending time with you and being in the same room, but he hardly ever craves psychical affection like the brothers do. The farthest he usually goes is hand-holding and maybe a little hand kiss too, but he rarely goes beyond that unless he’s feeling especially clingy that day. Just being near you is enough for him really. 

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Friendship with him can go one of two ways. He’d either baby you like he does with Luke, or lowkey bully you like he does with Lucifer, no in between. It really depends on how you are as a person and how he sees you. If he sees you as someone who needs protecting and is a bot more on the childish side, you’ll totally be another Luke to him. And if you’re someone whose more on the opposite end of that spectrum, calm, composed, serious, he’ll treat you more like he does Lucifer. But he loves you all the same. 

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Cuddling is probably the one exception to the lack of physical affection. He loves nothing more than to curl up next to you in bed after a long day of dealing with RAD, Luke, and Solomon’s “cooking”. He especially loves laying his head on your chest so that he can listen to your heartbeat. It just calms him down and reminds him that you’re really here with him. 

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Man is the definition of malewife (besides Barb), so of course he’s amazing at any kind of chore. He’s also gotten quite good at household chores after having to take care of Luke for so long. And, trust me, he would love to settle down with you. Maybe Luke could come along too? That would be ideal. 

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He’d be super gentle about it. The last thing he wants is to make the situation any worse than it’s gonna get, so he breaks the news as calmly as possible. If the situation did somehow escalate, he would try is best to get everything under control lest someone get hurt (physically or emotionally). 

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

As much as he’d love to get married, he also wants to take it slow. He understands that relationships need time to develop, so he wants to wait until both of you are absolutely sure before going any further. After all, marriage is a big commitment to an angel, so it’s important that everything is perfect. 

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He is so gentle. Like, he’s the best when it comes to care. Maybe it’s just his instincts as an angel, but he feels the need to protect you from any harm whatsoever. He always makes sure he has permission before touching you anywhere, and he’s constantly checking up on you and making sure you’re feeling well. really, he just wants you to feel as comfortable as possible with him.  

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He likes hugs, but he doesn’t give them out too often. It’s almost always you who goes to him for hugs first unless he’s in a really good mood. But he’ll never deny anyone who does want a hug, especially you (and Luke). 

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Honestly, he probably waits a while before saying it. In fact, you might end up being the one to say it first. He wants to take things slow, and the last thing he wants is to make you feel rushed by saying it too quickly. He loves you very much, and you’re both highly aware of that, but actually saying the words takes time for him. 

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Surprisingly, he gets really jealous really easily. Not so surprisingly, he’s very good at hiding it. He just hates how much time you spend with the brothers, and he’ll use anything to get you to come over. His most common excuses usually involve either Luke or Solomon needing supervision and him needing help with that. He never means to guilt trip or gaslight, but he lowkey might if it means getting you to him quicker.  

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He is a sucker for for hand kisses, both giving and receiving. They’re just so romantic to him, and they don’t take much effort either. His kisses, regardless of where they are, are super loving and romantic. All he wants to do is sweep you off your feet and make you feel loved. 

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

*cough*Luke*cough* All jokes aside, he does really love children. He just loves how innocent and joyful they can be, and he loves how they speak their minds since most don’t have a filter. The chaos they can get into is also an added bonus, even if it can be a hassle to clean up afterwards. 

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings can go one of two ways. The preferred way is you two waking up around the same time and just staying in bed for a couple hours enjoying each other’s company. These mornings are usually filled with sweet words and soft touches. The other, less preferred way, is absolute chaos. It doesn’t matter if you stay at the HoL or PH, there will be chaos. And one (or both) of you is going to have to fix it. 

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

He tends to stay up late working, so you can either go to bed and he’ll join later, or you can stay up with him. Either way, he’ll try and finish up as quickly as possible so that he can curl up with you in bed. If his day was especially stressful, he’ll hold you close to him and rant about all of his worries. Side note: please pet his hair, he deserves it. 

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He’s actually pretty open with you, which is kinda surprising. I mean, he does have his secrets he’d much rather keep, but who doesn’t. However, he also knows the value of trust in a relationship, so he tries his hardest to be open and honest with you as possible. He hopes that you’ll do the same as well. 

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

The freakin definition of patience. He’s dealt with so much throughout his life, so he’s grown to have an amazing temperament. Of course he can get annoyed (*cough*the play*cough*) but he does so well at controlling it most of the time. This patience is specifically applied to you and Luke. You could literally murder someone and he probably still wouldn’t be mad. 

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He’d remember most of what you say, but he’d hardly ever utilize it like some of the brothers do. He’ll use the information in more subtle ways. You mention. a certain flavor of cake you like? He makes sure Luke makes some during hsi next baking session. Any shows you enjoy? He may not watch them depending on the length, but he’ll do some research on them so that he can talk to you about it. 

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

His favorite memory is this one time you came over to bake with Luke. Luke, precious thing, was trying out this new recipe, and he was super excited about it. But, of course, Solomon had to come in and mess everything up and now the kitchen and half the house is a mess. Luke is super upset, Solomon is lowkey enjoying it, and Simeon is there watching the world burn around him. And through it all, you stayed there and helped them clean up even when you didn’t have to. He just found it so sweet that you took the time to help Luke and also the rest of the Hall as well. It ended up being a fun day even if he did scold Solomon for hours afterwards. 

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He’s decently protective, but that’s mostly is angelic instincts. Angels have that natural instinct to protect humans, so he had that urge even before you two became a thing. And that urge only became stronger as you two got closer. However, his protection comes in more subtle ways, like most of his gestures. Someone getting a bit too close to you? He’ll put his arm about you and slowly back you away. The brothers are fighting again? He’ll step in front of you to make sure you’re not caught in the cross-fire. 

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Like pretty much everything else, he’s much more subtle with his dates. He prefers more lowkey options, like a picnic or just hanging out in either his room or yours. You guys never do anything over-the-top, and he likes it that way. 

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He tends to prioritize others over himself a lot, and he’s been trying to work on it for a while. And, obviously, he’s terrible with tech. I honestly have no clue how he’s survived this long not knowing how a D.D.D. works past the basics.  

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s naturally pretty, so he doesn’t need to care. Jokes aside, he isn’t one to particularly care for his looks. He does want to look nice and presentable, but it isn’t usually a top priority compared to someone like Asmo or Mammon. 

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

WIthout a doubt. He tends to get attached to people very easily, and you’re no exception. Once you two being getting close, it’s over for him. From then on, he’s attached to you. If something were to happen to you, he would simply cease to exist. 

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He and Michael totally had something going on at one point. Maybe they still have something going on. Hell, maybe even Luci was involved at one point. I have no clue where this idea came from, but it’s in my head and so now all of you are being subjected to it as well. 

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

People who dislike Luke are a big no for him. Sorry, they’re a package deal. You want him? Well, now you have a child too.  

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He tends to make noises in his sleep. It’s not really cohearent words or anything, more just like light snores and stuff. Kinda like a dog when it really gets into a dream, ya know? 

[depressing-debbie]

Are you still doing the fluff alphabet? If so, could you do Levi?? Thank you 😘

Absolutely! Fluff alphabet masterlist is here

School may be crashing and burning but at least I’ve got time to write :) lmao

I wrote this at 3 AM and I refuse to edit, so enjoy <3

Fluff Alphabet: Levi

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

I honestly don’t think the activity matters to him. He likes to stay home a lot because it’s easier, and because he feels more comfortable somewhere private. Big fancy dates aren’t super common because he views expensive romantic dinners and such as a cliche that he’s too old and mature for, but if it’s something his s/o would be excited about, he’d be secretly excited to indulge sometimes. He’d also probably enjoy museums and art galleries. But again, for the most part, he just wants to spend time with them, it doesn’t matter where.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Levi’s definitely not an appearance-oriented person. Don’t get me wrong, he thinks his s/o is stunning, and he makes sure they know it. But that’s not what he admires about them, their connection is so much deeper than that. He genuinely sees them for who they are and not what they look like, which is why they’re just so beautiful to him, if that makes sense. 

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

He probably panicked the first time he saw his s/o struggling. He’s not the most in tune with his emotions, so he especially doesn’t know how to help others with this kind of thing. But I feel like his protective instincts would kick in and he would actually be really comforting. Most likely, he’d just sit by his s/o’s side silently and make his presence known until they were feeling well enough to talk. At which point he hears them out and offers some advice, of course with the perfect amount of sarcasm and shit jokes to cheer them up a bit. And he’d probably ask them later what they would prefer he do in that situation if it happens again, which of course he would remember in the future.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

This is a point of internal conflict for Levi, for sure. After everything he’s been through, again, he’s become pretty emotionally closed off. He can’t really depend on anything or anyone staying in his life for too long because they never have. So it would really take a while before Levi can really start to picture his future with his s/o. Even then, he would feel a bit guilty for allowing himself to indulge in those dreams. But at the end of the day, he just dreams about some sort of stability with his s/o some day. He doesn’t really care about the details, he just wants to know that they’re going to be together, and that they can develop some kind of routine and stability that he never really had in the past.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

It’s definitely equal. Levi shares any decision-making with his s/o, and he’d definitely prefer that they do the same, just because that makes their partnership stronger. Because they are very much a team.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Levi does tend to have a bit of a temper, but it’s not something that he would ever want to bring into his relationship. He doesn’t let either of them fight over something petty just because it’s not worth it. And with a more serious disagreement, he’d try hard to start a genuine discussion about it. Things happen, though, so they obviously get in fights sometimes. Levi can be kind of rude when he gets really frustrated, which is why he tries to avoid it. But he’d never actually say something to hurt his s/o, even when they’re both upset. Usually, even the rare argument calms down enough to be settled rationally.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

He is so incredibly grateful for his s/o; he sees and appreciates everything they do for him, and he makes sure it’s known. Explicitly saying something like that makes him a bit uncomfortable, so he finds other ways to silently show his gratitude. He makes sure his s/o’s favorite mug is always clean, and he makes them his favorite blend of tea whenever he sees that they’re stressed out. Just little things that he does to make sure they know he’s thinking about them.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

There are pretty much no secrets in the relationship. The past is a little complicated; there are a few stories that Levi probably will never be able to share (or at least, it will take a very long time), and his s/o is more than entitled to keep secrets about their past that they just cannot share. But other than that, it’s an open book. Levi wouldn’t see any reason to lie about most things, unless it’s about keeping his s/o safe, and it would make him really uncomfortable to know that his s/o keeps secrets. Not that there are no boundaries, it’s just that he wouldn’t want to pour his heart out and be vulnerable just to find out that the other person doesn’t trust him as much.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

I think Levi’s s/o probably helps him a lot, actually. He’s been emotionally closed off for a long time, and being in a relationship with trust and a deep connection would help him to open up a bit and be more vulnerable. He also just lets himself be a bit happier and more optimistic with his s/o, so his life is just a bit easier in general.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

He’d never admit it out loud, but he actually does get pretty jealous. It’s mostly just self esteem issues, not a lack of trust at all. He trusts them more than enough to know that they’re not going to secretly abandon him, so of course he’d never make a big deal out of it (although I think it goes without saying that if someone is hitting on his s/o or something in public and they look remotely uncomfortable, he would go absolutely batshit) But, still, sometimes he can’t help feeling sometimes like he’s not enough for them. He tries to hide it, but it’s pretty obvious that he’s sulking when he’s upset, so his s/o would most likely spot it immediately. And all he would really need is a gentle reminder that he IS enough for them.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Alright I’m conflicted on this one. I’m just gonna say it, his first kiss with his s/o was kind of just not that great. He wouldn’t DARE not ask for proper consent, HOWEVER he ended up asking like three times just to make sure it was alright, which made it a teensy bit awkward. Once he finally gave in, he just gave them the teensiest little kiss and that was it for like two weeks. He’s not really great with physical touch so it takes a while for him to get comfortable. His s/o would probably have to take over from there or else they’d never kiss again, but once he gets comfortable, he does fine.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

It’s during something incredibly mundane, probably just a car drive or a regular movie night. He’s going about his day when he realizes he loves them, and he’ll be damned if he’s gonna stew on that knowledge for another two weeks just because he’s too nervous. So in the middle of a movie or just like halfway home from the store, he just blurts out “hey, I love you”. It’s completely by surprise, but it’s not like it’s particularly early or far into the relationship, so it makes sense. From then on, he wouldn’t be the type of person to say it all the time (I mean, come on, his s/o should know by now, it’d just be stupid). But he also wouldn’t hold himself back from saying it when he’s feeling particularly grateful for his s/o one day. And hearing them say it back would definitely make him blush just the slightest bit every time.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Levi would be absolutely terrified to get married. BUT that’s not to say that he wouldn’t want to. It would take some considering, sure, but especially if it’s something he knows his s/o wants, he’s all in. He’d probably propose in a similar way to how he first said he loves them, except at least just a bit more planned out. It wouldn’t be a cliche grand proposal with doves and rose petals and champagne, that would drive him crazy. Most likely, he surprises them with a homemade dinner, sets the table with candles, and hands them the ring. He’d put on a confident face, but he’s panicking for sure. He’s not really a marriage-y person, so he’s not going to be buying those matching couple towels that have like “mr ackerman” and his s/o’s name on them, and he’s most definitely not giving in to those cheesy weird nicknames (”hubby” makes him glare so hard). But he would love the perceived sense of stability, commitment, and routine that go along with marriage.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Just their name, for the most part. Maybe “love” or “sweetheart”, but he always says that most nicknames are just too cliche. I mean, only lovestruck 20 year olds call each other “babe”, and that is most certainly not their relationship. But, honestly he wouldn’t mind if his s/o gave him one of those cheesy names... not that he’d ever let on to that, of course, but if they happen to figure it out one day... he wouldn’t be mad. Mostly he just loves to hear his name in their voice, so they call each other by their names. 

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

The token stoic expression Levi keeps in public isn’t going away just because he’s in love. To an outside eye, absolutely nothing is different. But even in public, his s/o can probably tell. Maybe it’s something about the way his eyes are just slightly warmer, slightly brighter. Maybe it’s because he’s just the slightest bit more willing to talk and hold a conversation when they’re by his side. But when they’re alone, he finally lets down that stone expression, and he’s like a whole different person. It doesn’t happen often, but on days where he’s just absolutely lovestruck, he walks around his house smiling, holding his s/o’s hand, maybe even curling up on the sofa together to nap. On those days, he just kind of lets himself be happy. 

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Levi’s definitely not a fan of PDA. The relationship isn’t a secret by any means, but he’s also not broadcasting it for the entire world to see. The people close to him know, and that’s plenty. He doesn’t like PDA partly because it’s too vulnerable, but also just because it’s kind of gross and unnecessary to him.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

This man has the best memory of anyone you’ll ever meet. It’s honestly a bit unsettling, but he remembers everything his s/o says, and he’ll find a way to bring it up like months later. Sometimes it’s as simple as remembering their favorite food and bringing it to them when they’re stressed out. But it could even be so crazy as them saying in a random conversation in July that they hate when mashed potatoes aren’t totally mashed, and boom, at Thanksgiving that year, they find him mashing the potatoes a little extra just to make sure. (Don’t ask how I came up with that example, my brain is weird.) His mind is a steel trap, and he uses it to his advantage.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Cliche romance irritates him so much, he avoids it at all costs, so he’s mostly creative in that sense. He has an eye for picking out ways to make his s/o happy, and even though he doesn’t consider himself particularly romantic, he actually really is.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Absolutely! Levi wants nothing more than to help his s/o achieve whatever they’re working towards, and he’s completely supportive. Anything he can do, any help or emotional support he can offer them, he’s more than willing. 

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

I don’t think he’s AGAINST trying new things, but he really just prefers a routine. Again, it makes him happy to have that connection of stability with his s/o, and he feels so much more comfortable knowing he can depend on that.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

He’s very empathetic. He might struggle sometimes with understanding, just because it’s not very likely that he and his s/o have had similar experiences in life, but he knows them like the back of his hand. What he lacks in immediate understanding, he makes up for in conversations about any issues and an ability to read their expressions really really well.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Honestly, if Levi is in a long term relationship with someone, they’re one of the most important parts of his life. He doesn’t make superficial connections, and he especially doesn’t open up to people he doesn’t care deeply about, so it’s safe to say that he values his s/o greatly. 

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

He buys his s/o flowers once a week. It’s just a little tradition that makes him happy, and he likes seeing that it makes his s/o happy, so he’s kept it going. If they don’t like flowers, then maybe it’s a little trinket they collect, or a cookie from their favorite bakery. But regardless, he hasn’t missed a week since they’ve been together, it’s really important to him.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

He’s not necessarily an overly affectionate person. There are occasional days where it really just hits him how lucky he is, and he just wants to hold his s/o for a while and not go do anything that day. But for the most part, he’s not clingy in any means, and his s/o would have to initiate most cuddling. He’ll let them know if he’s really not in the mood, but he usually doesn’t mind (because let’s face it he’s a teensy bit touch starved). But yeah, he shows his affection in different ways for the most part.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

It’s not really an issue for him. He’s always been an independent person, so even after he lets himself trust that his s/o isn’t leaving him, he’s not going to be that level of dependent on their presence. He probably would have to fill up his schedule a bit more, though, just so he didn’t have too much down time to get all sad and miss them. He’d also probably clean everything in his sight to calm down until they return.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

He’s zealous for sure, he isn’t about to let go of a relationship that means this much to him just because he wasn’t willing to put in the work. He’d do as much as he could to make it work. 

[casmick-consequences]

Cas&Dean VS Claire&Jack

So I wrote [a small little theory] a while ago as to why I think Claire and Jack wouldn’t have been shown on screen together/have any connection throughout the show on-screen/off-screen at all. And so here I will some points as to why I think that is. 

AKA here’s the long awaited essay/conspiracy theory y’all have been asking for.

First of all; let me start off by saying this is 100% meant as a joke (no it’s not) and it’s not to be taken seriously (yes it is) as it’s literally just a dumb theory (it definitely isn’t). And second; fuck the C*W for contributing to every little bit of tinhatting this fandom (especially us hellers) has succumbed to.

-

Now; for this theory we have to understand a few things:

How Dean and Cas work as individuals

How Claire and Jack work as individuals

How Dean and Cas work as a duo

Let’s start with the first two things.

How Dean and Cas work as individuals

Dean Winchester is a masculine, tough but loving hunter. He cultivates a “bad-boy personality”, and makes sarcastic jokes at even the most morbid times. Underneath, though, he's become hardened by life as a warrior (as Daddy’s blunt instrument, if you will). He’s been taught to fight his father’s battles, and protect the ones he loves and cares for. But soon began to see that neither of his parents (especially his dad) did the job they were given when they had children. He didn’t just have to be a brother; he had to be a father and mother. He’s had to grow walls around him to stay strong for his little brother, but over time, after making a family for himself, it became easier to tear those walls down. However, he has his weak spots and is an emotional and loving human being through and through.

Castiel, the Angel of Thursday, is an angel of the Lord. He’s lived for aeons, and as an angel has (just like Dean) been taught to fight the battles of his creator and father. He’s a warrior, and he’s been given the job to follow the orders of said creator. Only for those orders to be thrown out the window once he meets Dean Winchester. The man who showed him that hate and anger isn’t always the true answer and that you can choose to be good. Everything that he has been taught slowly breaks away as his hard exterior crumbles, and he develops into a being with emotions, as he slowly but eventually learns to love and care for this man, and with that; humanity.

How Claire and Jack work as individuals

Claire Novak, a woman who has lead a tragic life, where she lost both her parents early on. Her father said yes to be the (permanent) vessel of an Angel, and her mother just disappeared after dropping her off to her Grandmother. After the grandmother had passed away, she was left alone. She had to fight through the world on her own, as she put a wall around herself to make herself stronger for the people around her. It took a while before she found her place in a loving family filled with strong women, who didn’t just help bring her walls down, but build a home instead.

Jack Kline is an innocent, naive but loving Nephilim. The son of the human Kelly Kline and the archangel Lucifer. He was destined for evil, as a Nephilim is one of the most powerful creatures in existence. But, with the help of his three Godfathers (heh), he learns that he doesn’t have to be evil. He can be whatever he wants to be. Controlling his powers has been hard, but no matter what happened, his mindset never changed as he grew to love the people and love the things around him. His biological father saw his power, but his chosen father saw his kind soul. Castiel believed he could create paradise, and he did, as he became the God that the universe deserved.

There are alot of parallels between Dean/Claire and Jack/Cas that can be compared to here. Let me show you a few:

So we’ve established that with Claire being Dean-coded, and Jack being Cas-coded, there could’ve definitely been potential for a cute Claire/Jack dynamic in the show. Why wouldn’t they have done that, you think? Perhaps this question can be answered when we look at thing number 3:

How Dean and Cas work as a duo

Destiel is the relationship between the hunter Dean and the angel Castiel. Castiel was ordered by God to free him from Hell, and afterwards he was supposed to do as he was told while Dean was supposed to figure out how to “stop the apocalypse” which happened to be a bunch of garbo afterwards knowing what we know now. Nonetheless, Castiel didn’t listen, as he quickly grew fond of the hunter and, because of him, developed a sense of emotion and free will. This lead to Castiel helping Dean throughout the Apocalypse, and beyond, and they’ve been best friends ever since.

There have been MULTIPLE essays on Tumblr about how this relationship works, and it would be silly of me to try and summarize stuff that hasn’t been said a million times already. But basically; What they have is quite a bit more than best friendship. It has been confirmed in 15x18, Despair, that Castiel has been in love with Dean for quite some time, as Dean’s own feelings are kind of all over the place. Nothing has been confirmed, yet nothing has been denied. But, seeing as all the insane things Dean has done for/because of/regarding Castiel... for instance:

defended his behavior to his brother and father when neither trusted him in season 6

kept his trenchcoat when he “died” in season 7, and keeping it with him in the trunk of his car(s) for the entirety of Castiel’s absence.

absolutely despises angels, and hates praying, yet he only ever prays to Castiel when he needs anything because he’s the only one he trusts

couldn’t get his mind of of him when he was possessed by Lucifer, and later taken by Amara in season 11

Has Castiel being referred to as his Colette by Cain (subtext but not really subtext because it was so incredibly obvious)

was supposed to be completely enamored by Amara and was supposed to be so hypnotizingly attracted to her that he couldn’t focus on anything else, yet he called out for Castiel’s name when it came down to it (aka the equivalent of calling out someone else’s name during sex) 

keeps looking at him like that

acted like a grieving widow when Castiel died in season 13

gets down on his knees to pray to, cry for and apologize to Castiel in Purgatory when there’s millions of creatures hunting his ass

...it’s easy to say that this is more than just a “brotherly friendship” between the two. There is dialogue that would NOT have worked between Sam/Cas because it would’ve felt weird. I wonder why.

So now to get back on topic; why is it that we’ve never seen Claire and Jack on screen together?

Is it because the writers didn’t have time to put them together in any given scenario whatsoever? Is it because the writers didn’t care enough for Claire to give her some more airtime with the boys? 

Or is it perhaps that if there was a possibility that they’d be on screen together, that they’d have a very similar (if not the same) connection to one another as Dean and Cas, only written as an actual little brother/big sister friendship dynamic?

-

So yes, TL;DR: the actual reason that Claire and Jack never met is because they would’ve had the exact same dynamic as Dean and Cas, but in this case platonic. Which would’ve meant that the audience would’ve seen a clear difference between the Dean/Cas dynamic and Claire/Jack dynamic, and it would’ve shown that the way they’ve been writing and directing the Dean/Cas scenes is romantic.

thank you very much, and I bid thee a very good night. <3

[animeyanderelover]

Could I have headcanons for Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke sharing a darling?

This was actually part of a post I made a while ago. It was about sharing a darling pairs in which I was personally interested. Also, since I did already a Sakura and Naruto post and a modern reader post, I tried to summon the backstory shorter up and layed my focus on the dynamic of the relationship.

Tw: Yandere themes, possessiveness, obsessiveness, delusions, unhealthy relationship, unhealthy mindset, vicious behavior, harsh behavior, killing, manipulating, kidnapping

Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura sharing a darling

🍜💙🌸I can see you as a fellow classmate back in the academy days with Naruto having already a huge crush on you back then and going on small little dates with you. When the teams were made, he was definitely upset that he wasn’t part of your team, jealous of the classmates who were. With Sakura you developed a good friendship during these days since Naruto brought you over as often as possible since he wanted to introduce you to his new friends. She was just thankful that Naruto had someone, he could always count on. Sasuke was most likely annoyed by you at first because that blonde over there never stopped talking about you. I feel like that if you would excel in a special area, ninjutsu for example or would be a good strategist, he might be impressed. But he would definitely need to spend a lot of time with you. You might have helped him with new techniques for which he acknowledged you.

🍜💙🌸You could say that this was somewhat the start of it all, Naruto and Sasuke both being in love with you. It made the relationship a bit more complicated to say the least, both often arguing when it came to you. A lot of snarky and mean comments from Sasuke, poking fun at Naruto and saying he wouldn’t be strong enough and Naruto throwing childish tantrums. Sakura, knowing that both of them liked you, was of course saddened due to her crush on Sasuke back then. But she also knew that you couldn’t do anything about it and felt almost sorry for you, these two were much to take after all.

🍜💙🌸It came to the final showdown between Sasuke and Naruto after he had decided to leave the village, wanting to get stronger and feeling hatred for Naruto because that guy had gotten so strong and monopolized your time. It led to a much more intense fight between those two, Sasuke more aggressive because of all the anger inside of him which led him to yelling at Naruto that one day he would get you and then you would be his. Naruto on the other hand got terrified when hearing this, not willing to let you anywhere near Orochimaru and Sasuke, who was clearly not thinking, which also led him to pushing harder.

🍜💙🌸He was scared when he had to leave you alone, but also knew that this was a necessary step to get stronger. He made Tsunade, Sakura, Kakashi and everyone of his friends promise that they would protect you. He knew Sasuke was lurking somewhere outside there, waiting for his chance.

🍜💙🌸It was during this time that Sakura fell for you, spending everyday with you that at one point Tsunade just decided to train both of you together since you were always there. She just realized that you had been there for her all the time, always supported her and acted as the shoulder to cry on when she had needed one. She felt conflicted about this, knowing that Naruto and you were an unofficial couple which led her to some mood swings. She was either on cloud nine or somewhere deep underground.

🍜💙🌸When Naruto came back, she informed him about what had happened. He was at first a bit more iffy about how to feel, but him and Sakura shared a great trust after all, leading to both of them agreeing to share whilst also wanting to safe their teammate. Sasuke on the other hand had spent years training with Orochimaru and that guy had somehow found out about his pupil’s little obsession with you, daring to sometimes ask him about you which led to Sasuke aggressively reacting. Even the thought of Orochimaru anywhere near you was disgusting.

🍜💙🌸After he went rogue, he had originally planned to take you after defeating Itachi. You could have been in the search troupe together with Naruto, Sakura and all the others. Tsunade and Kakashi were aware that Sasuke was after you, so they most likely either made you pair up with Naruto or Sakura at that time. If Sasuke found out or not depends on whether he sensed you or not. If he did, there’s a chance he really went after you, only to be interrupted by all the other people searching for him which was quite frustrating. You were so close and he still couldn’t grab you.

🍜💙🌸He didn’t know about Sakura yet, Tobi probably told him about it, using it as a manipulation to make him distrust the village even more and bring him to joining the Akatsuki. And that made Sasuke snap. As if it wouldn’t have been enough that this blonde moron had fallen for you, Sakura too?! Was that guy kidding him! And when he found out that those two were even sharing, he honestly was irritated. The concept of sharing the person you love wasn’t exactly well known to him.

🍜💙🌸It was most likely after the war that those three finally came to the terms of sharing with each other. Of course Sasuke needed a lot of time to get convinced. It was most likely Sakura and maybe even the darling who suggested it. Naruto wasn’t exactly all that happy with it. He was a jealous boy after all and he knew that Sasuke wasn’t exactly...the nicest person. He was dubious about this whole thing and the only reason why he was willing to give it a shot in the first place was because Sasuke was his friend. And as a worshipper he refused to let you get yelled at. And Sasuke was conflicted about this. Sharing really isn’t his strength and whilst he did saw them as his teammates again, he was still pretty selfish about you. He shouldn’t have to share you with someone else. But he knew too well that Sakura and Naruto wouldn’t let you go. Neither would he. He needed most likely help and comfort from the darling during this time so he would come to the terms of sharing.

🍜💙🌸It is truly a thing to witness in here. Because whilst Sakura and Naruto worked together so well because they share a lot of Yandere types and has the same point of view about how to treat and share you, not to mention the same trust, Sasuke isn’t like those two. He’s more of a bastard who can lash out easily when the wrong buttons are pushed and also yell at his darling for it.

🍜💙🌸It’s also worth mentioning that whilst Naruto and Sakura do see Sasuke as their friend and teammate and trust him, they always hoped for him to come back, when it comes to their darling, both of them are a bit more distrusting and more on edge. They know Sasuke’s mood swings and whilst he definitely is a bit more nicer to you, he can just as well spit out some hurtful words. And that’s definitely anything, but fine with Naruto and Sakura.

🍜💙🌸The dynamic between Naruto and Sasuke could be described as shaky. They are literally back to how they used to act to each other when they were younger. That means Sasuke mocking his friend whilst Naruto throws childish tantrums. But both of them changed after all so it can go from just acting like children and teasing and yelling at each other quickly to actually throwing hands over you. And in this case Sakura and the s/o will have to step in so they don’t try to kill each other again. And whilst Sakura definitely always tries to solve this peacefully, the moment she loses her temper too or notices that both of them scare you with their behavior, she definitely isn’t above punching them and yelling at them to stop their stupid behavior since they scare you with it.

🍜💙🌸The dynamic between Sakura and Sasuke might be a bit more awkward given the fact that Sakura used to have a crush on Sasuke and he knows that too. But at least those two are a bit more polite with each other, most likely because most of the times she knows not to push his buttons and tries in general to always talk with them if they have a problem with each other. If we go from cannon logic and assume that both of them should still develop romantic feelings for each other later on, this would of course change a few things. Sasuke would just have an easier time sharing with someone if he loved that person as well. It would still be pretty turbulent though.

🍜💙🌸Time has to be developed carefully because once again, the dynamic with Sakura and Naruto might be great, but Sasuke doesn’t add up to it. Sakura and Naruto are used to sharing their darling and definitely spend a lot of time with them together. Whilst Naruto does need a bit more time alone with their darling than Sakura does, they managed to schedule the time. But with Sasuke in the picture things changed quite a bit. Sasuke is more of a loner and since he’s possessive, he needs a lot more time with his darling in comparison to many others. Another thing is that he needs the calmness and Naruto and Sakura tend to be a bit too loud for his taste. Not only that, but all three of them together with their darling can lead to a quick argument between Naruto and Sasuke and that’s when it really gets noisy.

🍜Naruto would grow most likely more clingy due to constantly being teased and poked fun at by Sasuke. From the three he is definitely the one who would smother you more than Sasuke. He isn’t exactly happy with having to share with the black-haired boy since Sasuke goes sometimes a bit too harsh on you. There is also this old competition from his younger days between him and Sasuke which still influences the way those two act with each other. He’s also a bit more protective over you than he usually would be, not wanting you to endure any of Sasuke’s mood swings alone. If he should find out that you always get scared when him and Sasuke are in another shouting session which is about to reach it’s climax, he would feel totally horrible afterwards, apologizing whilst suffocating you in even more affection. He would try afterwards to prevent himself from getting angered too much by Sasuke for your sake which isn’t very easy.

💙Sasuke is somewhat the more unpleasant counterpart of Sakura and Naruto. He isn’t the nicest person and he knows that too. He tends to often get all pent-up due to constantly throwing fits with Naruto. It makes him a bit more trigger-happy and so it definitely happens once in a while that he has to let his frustrations out, sometimes even on you. He does feel bad afterwards since he understands that this isn’t completely your fault. It’s just hard for him to endure Sakura and Naruto, who are very overbearing to say the least. He needs time alone with you to connect properly and that is hard with the other two constantly around. He isn’t exactly all that willing to make things up with Naruto since he possesses a huge amount of Uchiha pride. Sakura would honestly have to drag him by the collar to apologize to you and to make both of them apologize to each other.

🌸Sakura is the voice of reasoning between those two. She’s honestly the only reason they didn’t lose their other arm as well. She’s more reasonable with everything and acts somewhat as a messenger between those two since their pride often keeps them from talking to each other like a grownup does. She often talks with both of them as polite as she can, figures out the problems and talks to the other one, listening to his problems and trying to make him help to understand the point of view from the other guy a bit better. She’ll also there to comfort you when you had to witness yet another fight between those two. Whilst she is someone who tries to solve things in a non-violent way, she tends to lose her temper too, grabbing both of them by their collars and shaking them whilst shouting at them to stop acting like complete idiots. Does anyone of those want to make you feel scared of them? Good grief.

🍜💙🌸This will never be a picture-perfect relationship, not with Sasuke in here. It will get overtime better though since Naruto and Sasuke will somewhat learn to co-exist next to each other and share with each other which will have you and Sakura let a sigh of relief out. The only thing they have to work on now is somehow helping Naruto and Sasuke to not get a bit too messy. Sakura is due to being a medic not that willing to kill unless something serious happened. Naruto possesses a few boundaries, but it is still too easy to set him off. And Sasuke definitely earns the first place. He’s paranoid, even more since he has to share his darling already and doesn’t want any other trailing after them.

🍜💙🌸It also makes him want to isolate his darling a bit more which is not okay with the other two. Sasuke isn’t really comfortable with with going outside with his darling, he is more on edge, especially when in public. He doesn’t have anything against a short walk outside in nature, but when he has to go under humans he tends to keep his darling closer to him. This isn’t that terrible of a case with Naruto and Sakura. They are just on the jealous side, but not that paranoid like Sasuke is. In short, there will always be things that will require long discussions and fights until for the time being a solution is found.

[nestasgalpal]

The ball is in his court

Fixing ACOSF Part 8

Masterlist | AO3

Summary:  Cassian knows Nesta is supposed to dance with Eris and lure him into a stronger alliance with the Night Court. He knows he's been forbidden from getting close to her during the whole event. He knows she loves to dance. He knows he wants to be the one swinging with her.

A/N: angst because Cassian got very little character development in the book for someone who had that much family drama to deal with. It's not that big of a change as other chapters, but I thought it made sense to add this here with how these three acted in the ball.

Tagging: @gwynriel @zoyaslai @clolikescloquetas @amelievrstr  @t8astr8ng @wanderlustlastsforever @saltydreamcollector @lordlorcan @esrahiba @queenestarcheron  @jemstan300 @nessiantrashh @azrielsgirl @poisonus-bloom  @loveadora @frosted-crackers  @mireillemystique @pataytayo @968sunflower968 @caram267 @jainadurron @darkshadowqueensrule @amphiptree @finae-bookshelf @niytavia @brainlessfruit @dontgetsalmonella @messyhairday-me @sunsummoner  @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @wannawriteyouabook @psychoticminx @misswonderflower @drielecarla @silvernesta @k0ombayamylord @nina-zcnik​ @arinbelle​

Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list in the upcoming chapters!! 

Cassian stood firmly on his feet as he made Mor spin once again. The House was playing music for them, and in some strange way, he felt it getting annoyed at how many times he had demanded to go- "Again". The waltz had just finished, and he was already positioning himself to start all over.

"Cass, you already know the moves, you've been dancing these for centuries" she laughed it off "I honestly don't think you need any more practice for tomorrow."

"Again" he insisted.

With a sigh, his friend went back to first position, seven feet away from him. The sound the House played for them was more like a trumpet with a shoe stuck in it than the beautiful harmonies they had been practicing with.

"Please, I want to make sure I get it right before we leave for the ball" Cassian gave her his best pout face, which made Mor roll her eyes.

"You are not going to dance with her, Cass. You got clear instructions from Rhys about that. I don't even know why I'm helping you with this, we both heard you are not allowed near her." The House probably felt like Mor was doing a good enough job at remprimanding him for his stubbornnes, because the melody of the waltz started playing again, and they moved to the sound of it. "Gods, you two are already making this way harder than it needs to be with your non-stop fucking" Cassian laughed, but Mor was not in the mood for joking, "This is serious. I heard Rhys complain about how long it took to hide your scent on her." With their palms in the air almost touching, they turned and gave two steps back "Behave." she reminded him of what his role was tomorrow night, and how important it was that he didn't ruin Nesta's mission by approaching her at all.

Cassian smiled again. "I'll try my best".

"Cassian" her tone made clear that she was not amused by the idea of what he may do with with all this dance practice.

"I know, I know. I'll be a good General Commander and stand by my High Lord's side the entire night, while she dances with Eris Vanserra" the lightness with which he spoke did very little to hide the feelings behind it. The jealousy.

Mor let him guide the dance, shadows in her eyes. Their imminent visit to Hewn City must be disturbing her, specially knowing both his father and Eris would be there. The stress of the negotiations with Vallahan was wearing her down as well.

"Why do you insist on going after her?" The sudden dryness she spoke with took him by surprise, and so did the question itself. Nesta and whatever the nature of his relationship with her was, wasn't a topic they ever talked about. For the last couple of years, they avoided the subject, pretending it didn't exist. That's why it felt so odd how mad she seemed to be now without any previous warning that the matter was present in her thoughts at all. That it could disturb her so much, was the most unexpected part of it.

It rubbed him the wrong way, but Cassian kept on moving, the smile in his eyes not fading one bit as he looked into hers to answer.

"Jealous that I'm spending my time with her and not you lately?"

The blonde's gaze pierced through him with a cold disdain he hadn't prepared himself for either. "Not at all. Unlike you, I understand what an order is." Ouch. "I don't blame you for following Rhys' command and babysitting her when he asked you to. She's your job, I guess."

"She is not a job"

"Cassian" His friend hardly ever called his full name. This was now the second time in a matter of minutes.

The conversation was taking a turn he didn't like as a sense of danger that made him on guard sat between them. But it was his best friend talking, his sister, so he ignored his instincts and kept moving to the rhythm. He tried to be graceful and move with precision, imagining it was Nesta's pale hand in his.

"I'm serious. You really need to come back from this recess sooner or later. Better if you choose the former, considering you have a job to do, a role to play as the rest of us do. Her included." The dance required him to spin her twice, an artificial pause in her speech as she twirled on his arms "I'm sure it was fun, but Feyre already revoked the order, so it's time you move on and take things seriously again. You have no idea how bad the treaty with Vallahan is going. We must prepare for the worse, have the armies ready".

"You think being here with her is some kind of vacation?"

The flow of her practiced movements didn't disappear for a second as she dissed Nesta, which was unsettling. Apparently, it came natural to her and putting these thoughts into words required no effort. For how long had Mor been thinking this way about his stay in the House of Wind?

"You sure smell like you are having a good time". Mor gave a step forward to the beat of the orchestra. Cassian didn't follow her movement, their bodies colliding.

It was now making him truly angry. Not just her usual dismiss of Nesta, which he had grown accustomed to, but the little care she was showing for him. He hadn't been working less on Illyria for the past months, his duty with Nesta being piled up on top of his previous responsibilities, and in addition to his new assignments as courtier to cover up her absence. He was working his ass off.

Countless, sleepless nights trying to come up with new ideas to help Nesta weren't something he had told her about, but she certainly knew about the exhaustion they put him through. The fighting, the struggle. Having to finally face how lost she was and stop pretending he had nothing to do with it had been a wake up call. Trying to put the pieces together, a painfully slow process they were still working on. They were achieving it bit by bit... and together, he wanted to think. It had been anything but a vacation.

His biggest regret, however, was printed all over her words, truth slipping through the cracks in the lie he had crafted for himself so long ago. That's why Mor's words hit him like a punch in the guts, because he had actually treated Nesta as a job in the beginning, and Nesta probably had thought the same thing -if she didn't still feel about it like that. A job. Cassian flinched. An order given to him to follow, and not his own decision to sought her and be there for her after the war.

"This is not time off for me, and, again, she is not a job."

Mor wasn't listening, "You need to be honest with yourself, Cass. You need to come to terms with whatever it is your cock feels for that female, and move on."

"You did not just say that" Cassian was speechless.

Knowing what she knows.

Cassian put distance between them and scanned the room looking for a chair, needing to sit down. There was one left alone by the wall where they had pushed it to have more space for their dancing. He sat before he felt his blood drop to his feet, his head uncomfortably light as his sight became dizzy.

Mor hadn't just said that. She would never cross him like that. Denial took over, his trustful self convincing him he just needed a moment to focus. Once he felt better, he would realize her words were only a friend worrying, not an attack on him. She was helping. Mor was always there for him when he needed a friend. She was only trying to give him some advice.

Then why did it hurt so much to hear those twisted truths from her mouth?

"Oh, come on!" she was saying behind him. Mor's words were distant and distorted, as if he were underwater. It took him a moment to understand and process them. "You saw what she became after the war just as clearly as I did. You did nothing about it, just like I did. And we were okay with that, we have our own life, Cass, and she doesn't fit in it. There is another war waiting for us in the corner that threatens to break this moment of happness we've built. For our future, you need to come back to be who you are, the Cassian I know. I miss him."

Once again, the plain truth. He had drifted away like everyone else. They had all decided that space was what she needed, and when that didn't work, it was once again them deciding what to do with the pieces that were left. He had agreed to every plan, convincing himself they knew what they were doing and they knew her better than she did. That they had any right to pick a path for her, the biggest lie of them all.

And now Mor's words were shattering the wall of self-inflicted fabrications he had slowly built while Nesta faded away from his reach. He took in his friend's words, their meaning. What she thought, and some of his friends -family- shared.

It made his heart skip a bit to realize that Nesta probably saw it like that too to this day. He had already accepted his mistakes to himself, he knew before the blonde said it what he had done wrong. Yet Cassian hadn't thought about how his actions were read from the outside. Nobody had called him out on his bullshit. Nobody had interfered -wasn't that what friends were supposed to do? So there it was, the reason why none of them had ever tried to help him smooth things between them: they didn't want him to. Stupidly and blindly trusting his friends would have the respect for him he had proven to have for them, he assumed they were just as blind as he was. Apparently, they weren't, and they had purposefully left her to rot.

Up until now, Cassian hadn't entertained the thought that she most likely didn't let him in because she also considered his presence there a task for him to handle, even if they had grown to be... friends.

That was it -a dead end for them.

No matter how hard he insisted on being there for Nesta now, he had already failed her too many times, and she simply wouldn't allow him to get closer a second time. Not the way he wanted to, at least.

His pulse was in his ears. Or maybe he was hearing again the dreadful noises the house played for them before.

Oh, Nesta.

Had she agreed to the plan because she didn't really care for him watching? Did Nesta not care because she simply didn't want to be anything else than friends in the end? Did she even trust him enough to call what they had a friendship?

A glass of red wine appeared on the table next to him and was it was in his hand a second later. Cassian swallowed its content in one sip. It was refilled instantly. Realization hit him right then and there, that he might be in time to save her, yet too late for what he wanted from her. And his ass would be the only one to blame for that. His cowardice. And how could he hope for a second chance from someone who didn't grant one to herself?

A movement in his field of vision took him out of his trance. Mor, who was carefully approaching him, gave a jump back when he got up from his chair, letting it fall back. The loud noise scared her too.

Those damned reports. He should have never agreed to that stupid idea. Nor to the plan they had for tomorrow night. Yes, she had agreed to it, but maybe if he had asked her not to... No, she would have still done it, convinced it was the only way she would not be seen as a coward.

Who gives a fuck about how anyone sees her. She certainly didn't use to. And he used to love that about her.

But now she clearly did, and was ready to do anything to change how he and his friends saw her. Even seducing Eris Vanserra right in front of him.

"Why can't you just leave her alone?" he asked, defeated at the thought that Nesta was indeed going to allow him to be by her side, but probably where he was right now was the closer he would ever get to tearing down her walls.

Mor looked back at him, marking the way his arms hung by his sides, the picture of a defeated male. She showed no compassion.

"Because I can't forget what she did to Feyre. I still remember the night she told us her story, what she went through. I see her grow every day and I'm reminded of who broke her in the first place. I can't let that slide like nothing." Cassian opened his mouth to say something, not knowing what exactly. He closed it again as Mor lifted a finger to stop whatever words he would have come up with from escaping his mouth. She was angry, "She let her 14 year old sister go wonder the woods next to the Wall all alone. Feyre was a child, Cassian. A kid who had to risk her life on a daily basis because your lover didn't want splinters in her fingernails."

Cassian sighed, tired of a conversation that kept circling back to the same point over and over again. He knew what Nesta's choices had meant to Feyre, but he had seen her regret as well, and what those same choices had done to her. Cassian had seen and heard the forgiveness coming from Feyre herself, her actions a window to what his High Lady needed: to move on. They had talked about it, his friend had opened up to him and she was obviously determined to have her sister back at any cost. And so was him. He was determined to help his friend and at the same time assist Nesta with whatever it was she needed... once she came to terms with what it was.

He had taken her to the old cabin they used to live in and had stand by her side as she scanned the place, finding only bad memories of the person she used to be. She wanted to move on as well. So if the two people involved wanted the same thing, why did their friends keep getting in the way using a wound that was already healing as an excuse.

"But you can forgive Elain?"

"Elain has at least tried to be one of us, Nesta has done nothing since she arrived but be against us."

Cassian laughed at that, a bitter, joyless laugh. "Elain is trying to be our friend, while Nesta doesn't like us. Is that it?" He chuckled again. "Are you telling me that the only reason you pick on her is that she doesn't want to be your friend and you can't just accept that? I thought it was her actions to Feyre in the past, but yes, this makes way more sense now." This time it was him stopping her from talking back, "I can see a pattern there. Isn't that the same reason you don't trust Lucien no matter how hard he works to help us? That he has his own life beyond us?" The volume of his voice went in crescendo as his anger rose to meet hers, "You can't be seriously expecting me to leave her because of a petty fight that only exists in your head."

"It's not just me, Cass. It's all of us. No one likes her, no one wants her around, and we are not having our days ruined every time she shows up so you can fuck her. You are not like this, you are not selfish like that." The indignation simmering in her brown eyes didn't make her an inch scarier to him, the childish reasons for it almost making him consider the argument over, hadn't him been so heated himself. "I want my friend back. And so does Rhys, who can't look at her -or Lucien, for that matter, without being reminded of what his mate went through before he found her."

Cassian snapped.

His siphons glowed scarlet red, goosebumps in his arms from the contained adrenaline rushing through his veins. He screamed at her in anger for the first time in... for the first time in as long as he could remember.

"Don't you dare try to make me feel like I'm a bad friend to Feyre to justify your bigotry. Don't you dare try to convince me that I'm the one hurting others, so I stay in my place while you do whatever the fuck you want and then blame the problems that surface on me. Don't you fucking dare play the victim of this when it's none of your business."

There had been genuine happiness in Feyre's eyes the night Nesta and her decided to give themselves one last chance.

Now Mor was reducing Feyre to nothing but an excuse for her own grudges. She was trying to yield her past suffering as a weapon against her sister, which would make Feyre just as furious as he was. She would never use the damage she experienced to hurt someone she loved, and that was the kind of friend he wanted in his life giving him advice. That was the kind of friend Cassian needed.

He had taken Nesta to the mountains and listened to her cry. He had heard from her mouth how she felt.

Worthless.

She had felt like she didn't deserve to be alive.

And apparently, Mor agreed.

It couldn't be wrong to have sympathy for her. It couldn't be wrong to want her. And he did want her. Cassian wanted everything with her. Was he a bad friend to Feyre for that? How, when his friend wanted the same thing?

"She saved my life twice. She was ready to die with me instead of running away. Does that mean nothing to you?" Above all, what broke Cassian's trust in her wasn't simply her disapproval of Nesta. Rather than that, what Cassian wasn't sure he could forgive was how little care she showed for him. "If you don't like her, that's fine. I don't care, and I can promise you she doesn't either. But don't you dare use Feyre or me as an excuse for it."

"I won't apologize for caring. I won't apologize for protecting my High Lady and my best friend, and the life you really want and deserve".

"At what point exactly did you decide Feyre's happiness was above Nesta's life? Was it after you met her, or had you already ranked your priorities the night Feyre told us about her sisters? Oh, sorry, our priorities, since apparently you know what I want better than I do." Cassian wasn't sure if he would have stopped his ranting right there if he had seen any regret coming from Mor, and he never got to find out. His friend's face was a mask of faked boredom as he spoke. "From all people, I would expect you guys to know what it's like to be perceived by outsiders in a way that's different from who you are as a measure of protection. You simply fail to understand that, for her, we've been the bad guys she has to be wary of since day one. And the reason is precisely that we made our minds clear about her in that fucking dinner party and refused to change it independently of what she did to be better".

He would know about it.

A blank expression was painted on her face. "You need to chill."

"Leave." he ordered. It was no up for discussion. Cassian couldn't even look at her right now. He was fuming and didn't want to say things he would later regret. As he opened the glass doors for Mor, he knew he would, unless one of them left.

"Are you seriously going to let a stupid fight about her get between us?"

It was the way she said her. Like she had said it a hundred times before, like others had pronounced as well, including him not so long ago.

Cassian turned to face the blonde, a special kind of anger glimmering in his eyes.

"Me?!" he screamed. Mor gave instinctively a step back, "Am I going to let it get between us!? You are the one who brought her up, Mor. You are the one who has a problem, and I'm the one pretending you don't trash her at every chance you get, so we can still be friends. I'm not the one letting an argument get between us, for the only thing I've been doing over five hundred years is make everything easier for you. And now, I'm done." Her eyes went wide.

But Cassian was now beyond turning. He had tried to leave and make her go to avoid exactly what was about to happen, "Are you seriously going to let a stupid sister fight only you care about at this point get between me and my happiness? You really despise her so much you would take the chance of being happy with Nesta away from me only to make her miserable?" he spat.

Cassian took a step forward and Mor gave another one back at the same time, recoiling. There was fear in her face as he made his way to her, a kind of fear he had never seen on her features whilst looking at him. "Just look at me in the eye and answer this question, Mor, and I promise there won't be more fights between us for better or worse: Would you rather have me unsatisfied for the rest of my days than have me happy, if that requires her being blissful as well? "

Her silence was too long. It was too damn long.

Cassian spread his wings, the glimmer of his siphons mirroring his anger, and went for the glass doors.

"I only want to protect you." Mor cried behind him. Cassian walked fast, but she was at his heels when he reached the banister, begging him to stop and listen.

One single tear run down her beautiful face. If any other person had made her shed a tear, he would be the first one going after them to make them suffer unimaginable pain. Mor was his best friend, had always been. Cassian thought there was nobody in the world he wouldn't at least beat up for making her sad the way she looked now. But he heard her whimper, saw the hurt, and realized it was too little compared to what she had inflicted on him. On Nesta.

She had gone too far. And at the same time, she was giving him too little.

He turned to face her, needing to make sure he wasn't making a mistake. A part of him refused to believe this was actually happening, wanted to trust in that, once he met her eyes again, he would see regret in her pupils. The hope he had learned from her ages ago making him give her one last look before he aimed for the sky.

Of course, Mor was too stubborn to show any kind of surrender. Too proud to be regretful.

"I am a 500 year old warrior. She is a 25 year old female whose family she can't talk to without pushing them away. And you think I'm the one who needs protection because she is mean to those she doesn't like."

It was not a question. Cassian wanted Mor to hear what her case sound like to him. Before he left, Cassian wanted her to know this was not going to be a short argument and they wouldn't be having lunch together next week. It was a breaking point in their friendship, and he was going to stand on this hill as long as it took, unmoving no matter how many jibes she trowed at him or how many tears wetted her face.

Mor cried in silence, and only because the winter breeze was cooling him down, he didn't get angrier at her for that, at himself, and at the world. Why did they always find a way to make things harder than they should be?

"Wait, please, don't go." The sound of his wings spreading again almost prevented him from hearing her whimper as she said, "I can still teach you one last dance," she murmured. Cassian listened carefully, she didn't dare moving, monitoring his position as if he were a wild animal and she was a rabbit trying to be discrete to not become his prey "There is one gavotte they are likely to play. She is so good at it, you would think she's known the moves for decades and not days."

A temtative hand reached for his arm and stayed there. He had never seen Mor stutter, especially when it came to him. Cassian had always been her best friend, the one who never got mad at her and she could count on. Now she was unsure if he was leaving for the day, or if he was flying away from her for Cauldron knows how long. She didn't tighten her grip on him when he didn't push her away, it remained light and unsure. "I think you already know it, but we can practice that one a couple of times. Just in case you get a chance to dance with her. You'll look great by her side... like it's meant to be".

Cassian noticed his cheeks were wet as well. His gaze burned so fiercely Mor couldn't hold his stare. With anger still painted all over his features, Cassian nodded and followed her inside again.

Mor didn't say a bad word about her for the rest of the evening, and even if he couldn't know where she went afterwards to rant about it, he appreciated her silence.

---

A couple of minutes after her orgasm, Nesta's legs were still shaking. Cassian drove his hand up and down her thighs, feeling her soft skin with the excuse of a massage to help her muscles relax.

He needed to calm down as well -it had been a particularly long day. Nesta had been happy to follow him into his room after dinner, feeling something was off. He had to restrain himself from telling her when she asked about it. First, because he didn't want her to know he was taking dance lessons with Mor. She would know the reason behind it in a second, and he didn't feel like exposing himself like that for a second time that day.

He also couldn't tell her about the argument that hours later still kept his head bussy. He didn't want her to know how frivolously she had been discussed, what both Mor and him had said about her in the same living room where their kisses after dinner had started.

Nesta's breathing was steady, tranquil. His cock was still inside her. He needed to feel her touch. She wasn't in conditions to leave his room even if he came out of her, but Cassian didn't want to give her a chance to get rid of him just yet. He needed her presence there a little longer.

Nesta's fingers tangled themselves in his hair, pressing his head to the crook of her neck. He kissed the soft skin and felt her pulse beat fast against his lips. The path of wet kisses he planted all the way up to the spot behind her ear made her moan.

Cassian felt his blood rushing back to his cock.

With his hands, he cupped her breasts. A sigh escaped her swollen lips, his own closing around a hard nipple. Cassian marked with kisses and playful bites his way down her abdomen to the apex of her thighs. Nesta's let a loud moan escape when his tongue hit with precision her bundle of nerves, drawing circles around it. Teasing her. Making her wetter if that was even possible.

Unaffected by Nesta's pleas, he enjoyed playing with her, his mouth exploring her folds as if wanting to drink her in. Cassian couldn't hear anything, the sinful sounds she let out a song his blood echoed, roaring in his ears. Her hand found his head, her hips clashing against him as she tried to ride his face. Oh, he loved it when she did that, so desperate to have him closer, for his touch to never leave her.

It was his lust what determined every movement his body made, convincing Casian he could reach heaven just by climbing up her hips. Cassian didn't stop until he felt her thighs clench the sides of his head. The hand that held him fixed between her legs became a fist in his hair, encouraging him to keep going, keep licking and keep playing with her most sensitive spot until his tongue took her over the edge one more time.

Yet he hadn't had enough of her. He needed more and more, and after each time they slept together, the urge to have her again grew stronger, as Cassian became more impatient for the next time. Nesta felt the same way, by how her hands found his wings by reaching behind his shoulders and aroused him again. A grin spread through her face when he let his lover play with him in whatever way she pleased. Whatever she wanted from him, Cassian would give.

He climaxed one more time all over her breasts, before he finally renounced to her body. He was content resting by her side, their legs tangled under the sheets.

It was now a matter of time before Nesta left his room.

Cassian's legs tangled with hers. Nesta moved idly against him, making herself comfortable. Their bodies fitted together like pieces from a jigsaw puzzle, their breaths the only sound in the room. He could tell she was cold as he once again found himself caressing her arms, pale like porcelain under the moonlight that came through the window. Cassian pulled the sheets to cover them and planted a kiss on her forehead.

Nesta had her walls down. She looked so peaceful curled up against him.

"You don't like us, do you?" even if he whispered the words, they were loud in the silence of the room.

Nesta was fighting to focus her sight, just as tired as he was. "What do you mean?" Oh Cauldron. That raspy voice of hers after sex. Too much moaning for her own good. And he hadn't even enjoyed her throat that night. He had to picture terrible things in his head so his cock would behave and not react to her "that was really great sex" voice.

"My friends and I. The Inner Circle as a whole, you could say." His hand rested in the small of Nesta's back, drawing lazy circles.

She maneuvered to get rid of his touch, sitting up on the bed. The absence of her body against him was painfully obvious. Cassian laid on his back, fighting the impulse to sit up as well. He moved his hands to his nape with faked laziness, as if the question was simple small talk. Yeah... the small talk they never had after sex. Not weird or suspicious at all.

Good job, you idiot. She's not coming to your room in weeks. He cursed himself.

He couldn't withdraw now, it was too late. Nesta's gaze was feline. On guard.

"I don't think I dislike any of you more than you dislike me."

"Hey, I don't dislike you!" he ignored the cautiosness on her tone. He would pretend everything was okay and pray Nesta somehow went with it, "I would say, in fact, that I am very fond of you. And so is Az, for what's worth."

She smiled, a cold grin that didn't seem to fit with the rest of her face, still flushed, eyes glassy and tired. "Then you don't have to worry about it." He said nothing, only kept looking at her. He had learned that, if he waited long enough, she would go on. It could be only to insult him and then leave... but she would go on.

---

Nesta sighed. Where was he going with this? What was she even supposed to respond? No, she didn't like half of them... that if she counted the ones she barely tolerated. But she could sit in the same table as them and be civil. She was even working for them, so why he would bring that up two minutes after he came all over her, was beyond Nesta.

"I thought you didn't care what your friends thought of this" she pointed between the two of them, her gesture just as calculatedly casual as his had been.

A wet washcloth appeared on his nightstand. Nesta mentally thanked the house for her timing. If she was forced to have this conversation, she would rather be clean for it. Nesta rubbed it on her chest, Cassian's gaze following and fixing on her breasts. She cleared her throat, urging him to answer.

"And I don't. I was just curious if you did."

Nesta sigh.

"You've snapped at me before for calling one of you an asshole, Cassian. Do you really expect me to go on a detailed answer on how much I value them and their opinions?" Cassian tightened his jaw, but didn't answer. He waited for her to go on, knowing his silence was pressure enough for her to give in and talk.

If she said she didn't mind what they thought of her, she would be lying. But if she told him she did care, she would be lying as well. It wasn't that simple, a "yes" or a "no".

Nesta cared and worried about their opinions, not because she valued their judgement, but because she was still afraid she didn't have enough power in that Court to face their truth with hers. She had her own thoughts about them, but they didn't have the weight on Cassian one word from any of his friends had.

Nobody ever asked her what she thought of them, because it didn't really matter. Yet everyone expected Nesta to take into consideration what they wanted -who they expected her to be. They had crossed the line in the most disgusting ways to make sure she did the right changes to fit into the mold they had created for her. And Cassian had been a part of it.

Now, from all people, Cassian was asking.

"Don't mention them when we are in bed if you want to see me here again." that was the little bargain power she was sure she had over him. The territory she could claim for herself.

Once again, it took Cassian some time to come up with his own words. Nesta's brain was going a thousand thoughts per minute, reading his face, his body, trying to anticipate where he was going to strike next. He had chosen to bring this up right after sex, when she was slower with her wit. Prick.

When Nesta thought he simply wouldn't answer, Cassian finally sat on the mattress, shoulders down, his body apparently relaxed, his muscles tense and wings tucked in "I know this is just sex, and that's enough for me. I'll take it." As he mouthed the words, Nesta came out of the mist that clouded her thoughts, ready to cover up any crack on her armor. "I just want to know if my friends have anything to do with you not wanting... more."

For that, the answer was yes. She did worry what they thought of Cassian and her being... close, only because she wasn't sure what Cassian would do if they didn't approve of them together.

Nesta didn't care, but she worried what it would mean for her if they asked him to leave. Nesta was sure she meant enough to Cassian for him to put on some resistance. But when push came to shove, if they ever asked him to choose, she doubted Cassian would put her before them.

And she wasn't ready to be broken like that.

There was one thing about Cassian she admired above anything else he had and was, and that was his loyalty. Absolutely unmoving. She saw first-hand how this male loved, so ardently, so unwavering. If Cassian was asked to choose and chose his friends, she wouldn't blame him, she would understand. She had seen him put his life on the line for them without thinking, the act natural to him.

It was knowing that Cassian wasn't the obedient dog others had claimed him to be what would be devastating for her. To be so sure that he didn't feel the need to follow his High Lord to the end of the world.

If he chose them, duty wouldn't be the reason. Cassian would do it because he literally loved them more.

It was precisely that what made her so afraid to let him in. To not know if whatever he wanted from her would ever mean to him as much as the bonds he already had. If there was a chance for him to value it even above those. Because she wouldn't take less.

Nesta couldn't tell him she didn't care what they thought, for it would be a lie. And she couldn't tell him about her reasons either without bearing her heart more than she was ready for. And every time she reminded him -or herself- that it was just sex, she remembered why she refused to give him anything else.

So yes, Nesta cared about what they thought only because she feared them in a way Cassian wouldn't understand. He had defended them against her in the past like he didn't know that side of them existed at all.

Unable to answer, Nesta nodded.

Cassian took in her gesture. At his silence, Nesta practically launched herself out of Cassian's bed, aiming for the door and grabbing her nightgown on her way.

He was there before she could grip the knob. His hand slammed the door to make sure she couldn't open it. Nesta turned on her heels to face him, angry at how aggressive his gesture was. At the audacity to behave like this after she gave him the answer he had asked for, only because he hadn't liked it.

She was trapped between his body and the wooden door, her face an inch apart from his naked chest. Because they were still naked. He banged his head against the door and closed his eyes.

"You know I would give my life for you. In a heartbeat. Without hesitation." Nesta could feel her mouth dry. She couldn't believe he was making a scene about this, considering what her mission the next day. What had happened that afternoon before she came back from the Library to shake him like this? "You know that, right?" Cassian insisted.

She nodded one more time, her forehead brushing his shoulder.

"I know you have good reasons to want them far away from you, Nes, but they are part of my life. My family. When I ask myself what I want in my future, I know I want them in it. We've been through so much together that I really can't picture my life without them at this point. To be honest, I don't want to picture it either."

Nesta's throat burned and so did her eyes, lined with tears. She wasn't ready to listen to this coming from his lips.

"But I want you too, and I don't even know if you think that's possible or if I'm making a fool of myself by trying to go after you."

She was glad Cassian had his eyes closed so he wouldn't see the mess she became as his words hit her. Nesta closed them as well, so the tears didn't come out. "We have a mission tomorrow, Cassian. I need to get some sleep and be well rested."

He didn't move.

"Let's not jeopardy the mission for a question you already know the answer for".

In a matter of hours she was going to be dancing with Eris in Hewn City trying to lure him into an alliance with his beloved friends because they had asked that from her. And she had agreed because the future of the frail political situation they were in depended on it. She needed to focus her mind back on that. She told herself that by doing so, she would forget about his confrontation, and by some miracle he wouldn't bring it up again after that.

"Why did you even accept to help with that plan, Nesta?" Cassian asked again, an angry whisper in her ear.

Because it's worse to stay in my room while you are there with them and wonder if you would vanish away once again if I don't follow all of you wherever you go.

The low light of the lamp threw shadows on Cassian's hazel eyes when he opened them to look straight into hers. They were so beautiful. He stretched his arm to cup her hand, but Nesta hid it in her lap before he could.

His arm hung there for a moment, as if not knowing what to do with it.

Don't worry, Cassian, I'm choosing this for myself. I'll do it. I want to do it.

And in return, she only asked him to keep things casual.

Nesta knew it was unfair to him. She was giving him no choice. It was selfish. But no one expected anything better from her anyway. She was self-absorbed, everyone knew that. It seemed to be her defining characteristic in their eyes from the beginning. No need to change that now. The only thing Nesta was willing to replace was her relationship with herself, with who she was. The only goal in her mind was to be as ready to fight for her life as she was to give it for others. Only then, she would be able to share her heart the way she wanted to. And if he was still around when that happened, she would gladly give him a piece. Just not yet.

It would take time, but he had promised to stay no matter how long it took. He had sworn.

Her voice was too close to cracking. "You should go get some rest as well. Don't think too much about this, Cassian. It's just sex, remember?"

"Just sex" he agreed.

Nesta moved her hands up and carefully placed them on his chest to push him away. He obediently gave a step back, freeing her. She went straight for the door knob and opened it. Nesta exited as fast as she could to turn her back on him before he saw the effect his damned questions had had on her.

"And I have no intention of changing that for my own reasons. Your friends have nothing to do with it."

It's you, she thought.

"So many things are happening to me at the same time," she said instead, "that...I don't even know how to deal with them and not have a breakdown every five minutes. I need you to be the one thing in my life that is easy. Please." there was no point in hiding her weeping anymore. "And I don't need anyone to die for me. I would hate that, actually. I want someone who is going to stay alive and by my side all the way. And that's why you need to let go." Nesta wasn't sure whose heartbeat she was hearing, but it was thundering at an alarming pace.

"I understand" he said. His voice was not her lover's caring tone, nor her friend's easy-going voice. He was putting distance between them, making it impersonal. She didn't blame him, as she did the same thing and closed the door behind her.

She went straight to her room and asked the House to warm up the cold space.

There were no dreams for her that night.

---

On the same room one floor above, Cassian stared at the ceiling for hours, unable to find sleep.

The sun came up before he got to close his eyes, still thinking about what Nesta had asked from him. What his High Lord had asked from him aligning with her request as well. What Mor thought of it all. The ball and Eris being the one to spend the entire night with Nesta Archeron.

He had a job to do, a character to play he knew too well to mess it up even if he had gotten no rest, so that part didn't worry him one bit.

Only when he finally got up with the first rays of sunshine, Cassian came to terms with what he would do that night and how far was he willing to go. If what he wanted for himself was worth risking all the good things he already had, both with his friends and with her.

Maybe it was time to stop being a coward who adapted to the group's needs. Maybe it was time he gave the first step. Or perhaps he would do better waiting, not rushing things and allowing people to come to him whenever they were ready. No. The person he had in mind the entire night and kept him from resting would never go to him, pride and uncertainty preventing her from taking risks with him. Yet one step too far could mean three steps back, and then none of it would be worth it.

Mor was right, he was not being his old self as he took a cold shower, put on his leathers, and flew to the River House to put Rhys' plan for tonight into motion. Cassian was not being the illyrian Commander they had always known when he stepped into Hewn City armed to his teeth and ready to improvise and do absolutely everything his heart asked him to do.