#i did prepare myself for the worst
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ensiriustea · 2 years ago
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another terrible HDD nightmare pull :')
lil doodles below
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jadelemonadee · 5 months ago
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if you call farmer refuted the worst hamilton song just know you’re wrong! ❤️
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willowfey · 1 year ago
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starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal
#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept#i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them#if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens#i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it#i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut#it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair#my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking#if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back#if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off#ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal#but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends#i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens#and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too#since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out#i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now#now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that#i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly.#if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill#in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it#my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes#sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know???#but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested#i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore#i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world
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orkidays · 10 months ago
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the expensive ass burger ended up being really good :)
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orcelito · 2 months ago
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Oh yeah, I forgot to mention it here hfkshfks
So when I was tuning the violins today. Well it was the first time I'd done anything with them in a while. And tbh I should've loosened the strings before leaving them for so long, but I hadn't thought of it.
So I tuned up my main violin. It's always been easy to tune & keeps in tune near perfectly when it's played regularly. So it went by quickly, except... when I'm tuning, I like to check the harmonic notes when cross-checking strings, and for whatever reason, the G string's harmonic was like half a note flat. The string itself was in tune tho, which was weird. So I went to adjust the bridge a little bit, just in case that might help, and then the G string fucking SNAPPED!!!
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RIP lmao
Good for me tho I've always kept spares in my case. I had 2 of each string, so I just went and put in the new one. First time stringing a violin in years and years, but it went perfectly fine!!
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Back and better than ever!
Then I went to tune my electric violin, and it took me literally 10 minutes bc the pegs DID NOT want to turn. I had to literally grab a blanket to pad my fingers as I put my whole self into that shit. It hurt !!!!! But I got it eventually lol. My main violin is definitely the best one for playing out of the bunch.
#speculation nation#i played my electric violin more than i ever have today.#didnt actually play my main violin like i first intended. bc it was getting late and i felt. bad.#so i played the electric violin. it worked! but i find myself missing my darling#i should try to practice at least a few more times before next semester. to make sure im prepared for returning to orchestra#(which isnt THAT an exciting prospect. take THAT my reoccurring dreams born from orchestra longing)#i actually picked it back up surprisingly well. outside of the um. stiff wrist and finger pains.#my wrist will loosen back up in time. thats the main reason i want to practice some more b4 next semester.#that plus my finger endurance. i still have pretty great dexterity. like it just felt really natural.#but my fingers got tired quicker than they used to and the SKIN. my CALLOUSES. are NOT THERE.#gonna wait until my fingers r recovered before i try taking my violin out again tho#also my wrist is a lil sore. i was demanding a lot from it today too.#not as flexible as it is when im actively playing but i actually managed to overcome it fine.#did my shifting and whatever. vibrato. whatever. really the worst part of the wrist stiffness is the finger positioning.#instead of being straight down on the strings my fingers had a bit of a turn to them#so the sides of the tips are sore now. owie. but oh well i made it work.#certainly wasnt my best playing but i did the best i could considering the circumstances.#in retrospect picking violin back up after Years and practicing and (re)learning a whole song to audition that SAME DAY is kind of insane.#whyd i do this to myself. oh yeah cause im stupid. oh well at least im following my heart.#i hope i hear back from the orchestra professor before too long. now that ive done the rehearsal im like. oughhh. yknow?#we will hope that friday night was good enough to count as 'by the end of the week'. we will hope.
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thetriangletattoo · 10 months ago
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kikker-oma · 2 years ago
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GUESS WHO'S GETTING RABIES TREATMENT?!
me
Lol. My cat has caught 2 bats in less than 2 weeks, in the dead of night while I was sleeping and I don't know if I was bit or not, so my health department suggested treatment, cus even if I send the bat I have in my fridge to testing, I didn't save the first bat and have to way to tell if that one had rabies or not.
So, it's going to be a lengthy and expensive next 2 weeks of treatment lol. The last of my 5 prompts may be delayed🥴
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rpfisfine · 11 months ago
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(1/2) hi, i’m just a random person who reads your fics, but if it makes you feel better, it didn’t actually say that them reacting to fanfics is the very next video, right? just that they’re working on it, so maybe you have some more time? also, is it really that bad? i mean i know it is lol, but like alex and aleksa are both basically immune to embarrassment (as shown by the hot tub song and many other vids lmao), so at the very least I don’t think they would be shocked or cringe or anything
Hiiiiiiiiiii thank you so much for this message yeah im gonna be honest i guess the problem for me personally is that the possibility of it not being the very next video is actually MORE stressful to me than if we still had a few months worth of time left bc its like. i know that pretty much all of their videos take a long time to film plus ostonox is confirmed to be very slow w editing bc he puts so much effort into it but its still like what the hell wjy do you need so much time... i have also recently learned that ostonox actually announced the softcore gay porn video on november 1st on his twitter so . it has been in the works for some time i guess so its like.. just film the video innit... like i need to see it NOW to be able to have peace in my life again. also its not rly even abt them reacting to it its the fact that aleksa literally used the word "reenact" that makes me wake up in the middle of the night in cold sweat LOL. but overall yeah i guess youre right thats kinda what ive been telling myself as well and i truly wish i had your optimistic outlook i guess its due to the fact that i have genuinely legitimately never once in my life anticipated this ever happening to me it kinda makes me feel like im gonna have like idk. dozens of nude photos of my bare spread open genitals potentially leaked to thousands of ppl any day now . also the fact that he emphasized that they need to have not yet read the fics in order to film their genuine reactions on camera is what probably haunts me the most bc like if they ARE shocked. we WILL see it. plus ultimately im still just kinda shaken by the fact that i had like my little private corner where i could be insane without them ever knowing abt it taken away from me LOL but i realize that makes me kinda sound like a moron bc thats sort of the risk that just automatically happens to come with writing rpf and posting it online like i guess thats. yeah
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carmenlire · 1 year ago
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this has been a difficult, awful week only for it to end friday at 3pm with an invitation to interview for a management position next week.
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megandzane · 2 years ago
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My bone density scan actually tuned out kinda decent.
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sunlightfeeling · 3 months ago
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man…….
i didnt take baby reindeer’s warning seriously enough lol
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thisisadecisionimayregret · 6 months ago
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I feel really bad, I went to go see a movie with friends and they both loved it and I really really didn't 😭 artistically it was beautifully crafted and an honest to god masterpiece, and i'm so glad to be living in a time where movies like that can be made and shown in theaters. however. It was also viscerally upsetting to watch and used a lot of suicide related imagery and references and like yes that's the point yes that's integral to the film's meaning and storytelling, and if it's not horror it's definitely horror-adjacent. All of which to say even while I can recognize that it's a meaningful piece of art and I can see why people really love it, I really didn't enjoy watching it and there were multiple times that I wanted to get up and leave the theater and remained mainly bc I would regret not staying until the end.
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after-nine-at-the-oasis · 1 year ago
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welcome the new blorbos: a bunch of angels and demons in love :'DD!!
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hana-no-seiiki · 6 months ago
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YANDERE HUSBAND x GN CELEBRITY!READER
— based off of a dream i had of a childhood friend/crush. hiatus not over tho lol.
— morally bankrupt reader. clingy husband. the usual yandere stuff.
YANDERE! HUSBAND who was your childhood best friend. Your parents shipped you two since you could speak.
YANDERE! HUSBAND who had a crush on you since forever. He doesn’t even remember a time where he didn’t get butterflies and an aching need to be the only one close to you
YANDERE! HUSBAND who’s the biggest flirt. He knows you the best. Although you were completely oblivious. He’d always try to be around you, compliment you, tease you.
He’d give you matching keychains, and would beg his parents to buy whatever gift he’d think you’d like.
YANDERE! HUSBAND who sadly had to move away for a while. He comes back during high school. And the first thing he asks while he’s there? To be put in the same class as you.
Now that you two are older, you finally started to notice how much of a tease he was. Always grappling unto a piece of your attention.
You acquiesce and begin to date him. Not necessarily feeling anything for the guy but thought it was high time that you finally settle down. It was the perfect storyline you could share once your ambitions were fulfilled.
That and cause your parents would only let you go to acting school if he married you.
Which you two eventually did before college. Was it rushed? Definitely. Did you even love the guy? Nuh uh. But you had places you had your sights set on. And he was the only path.
YANDERE! HUSBAND who drops out to be your full time househubby. His parents could always give him a job at their corporation anyways. There was no real pressure for him to study and get a job.
YANDERE! HUSBAND who almost always supports your acting career. Watching all your shows, movies, and interviews. Basically buying out all the merch you featured in. And paying advertisers across the globe to have your face plastered everywhere.
YANDERE! HUSBAND who unfortunately stops you from having any romantic or sexual scenes. Essentially blocking you from any roles that could be your breakthrough just cause it could have a tiny kiss or so.
Your anger at his blatant attempt to have control over you began simmering. Ever so slowly reaching the surface. Not improving at all when you found out he’d been trying out a job that his mother gave him.
Fuck the gifts. Fuck the yachts and cars he’d swarm you with. Why did he get to do what he wanted and you didn’t?
So you follow him to work once, only to catch him in a compromising position with a coworker.
You didn’t care about him or his business beneath the sheets really. So you had to thank the gods above that you knew exactly what and how to do the following act.
Cry. Scream. Throw things at them.
The coworker already left. Shuffling as they tried to hide from your anger.
Your husband is unresponsive. Catatonic. Even more of an excuse to hurt him.
You call him filthy, uncaring, the worst man to ever exist. Hell, even some of your true feelings come out as you yelled about how you regretted ever being with him.
You find out later from his mom that he had been framed. That this coworker was just trying to get money out of the heir.
Still, you wanted out. He had already served his purpose and you needed to expand your horizons.
A week later of radio silence from him as you prepared the divorce papers he walks in.
Covered in red his hands caressed your face,
“You called me filthy did you not? So I cleansed myself with their blood.”
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geraskierfanficprompts · 1 month ago
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Prompt 140
"What?" Geralt asks, frowning, a furrow in his brow. "I turn into a wolf every full moon." Jaskier repeats. "How-" "You were always away on a hunt. You'd just meet me back in the morning." "...You were a werewolf this whole time?" "..Yes. I- I'm sorry, Darling. I never wanted to lie." "Why didn't you trust me with this? Did you think I would hurt you?" "No! I thought I would hurt you. I'm not myself on full moons, Geralt. I can't even remember them. All I know is that the moon raises, i feel this ache in my bones, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up the next morning, nude, with a full stomach of what is HOPEFULLY nothing gross." "...You've not transformed in towns, have you?" "No! Of course not! I'm terrified of hurting someone, Geralt! That's the only reason I'm telling you now! I got the charts mixed up, I thought the moon was still a week away, but it isn't, and we're near a town, and I need you to keep me restrained." A long pause settles between them. "You want me to guard you?" "Guard them. From me. Keep me trapped in a shack and- And lock it up tight. Chain me, hurt me, knock me out, whatever you must do. Keep me from being a danger. I never wanted to be a terrifying beast, Geralt." Jaskier says, with those damned wet doe eyes of his. Geralt agrees. Because he doesn't know a world where he wouldn't. Mere hours later, Jaskier is sat against a beam in an old rundown barn. He's tied up with rope, and chained on top of that. There are no windows in the barn, the door is fully barricaded and locked, and Geralt guards it. "You really should guard it from outside" Jaskier had said. "I'm not leaving you to do this alone. You never should have had to." Geralt replied. Thus, Geralt stands and watches as Jaskier pales and starts twitching. The moon is rising. "It's coming- I'm going to be a beast." Jaskier says with fear, before the transformation takes the air out of his lungs. Geralt watches in horror and awe as Jaskier's body changes, changes, changes.... In... Into a songbird? sitting on the ground is a fat little songbird. It easily hops over the ropes and chains, now much too lose to hold it. Him. Oh my gods. Jaskier's not a werewolf. He's a... were.... werebird... And not even a scary one. Jaskier starts pecking the barn floor and Geralt rubs a hand over his face in exhaustion. He prepared for the worst, and instead is treated to watching Jaskier struggle to bathe in a trough. "Jaskier, it's too deep." He tells the bird, as it fluffs up it's wings. "Jaskier, you're going to-" Jaskier tries to take a step into the birdbath, only to fall, dunking his whole fat little body into the depths of the trough. He flails about in the water, chirping panickedly. Geralt rushes to his aid, gently lifting him out of the water with gentle hands. Perhaps guarding over Jaskier will still be a challenge after all.
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bynux · 5 months ago
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"don't vote for Harris or you're supporting genocide" "voting blue is still voting for fascists" Then what else do you expect us to do?
Here are some options y'all seem to insist on and why they're fucking stupid:
Vote Third Party :: Until we have ranked-choice voting (and probably even if we did have ranked-choice voting), it is practically impossible to make a 3rd-party candidate viable. There's not enough of the population that's far enough from moderate to give up their "safe" blue vote for some "revolutionary."
Don't Vote At All :: I'd prefer to pick my enemy. If I'm going to be working in spite of the government, or even against it in some ways, I'd rather the people I'm working against not already be targeting me for being queer, for example. If my options are "bad" or "much, much worse" I'm gonna pick "bad" and try to improve things from there.
Violent Revolution :: It's a cosplay power fantasy in the same vein as the Right-wingers looking for a reason to shoot protesters. Assuming you even have enough people organized and enough firepower to pull that off in the first place…have you prepared a plan to keep the innocents alive and safe? Are you sure you can keep supply chains for food and medicines intact? Are you sure there will be resources available for the disabled, the scared, the young and old, those who won't be able to fight and still need to be taken care of? Turns out revolution is ugly and causes a lot of undue collateral damage. Are the lives "saved" really going to outweigh those whose lives will be upended and destroyed? It's not like a newly-toppled, unorganized country will be able to do anything about Israel/Gaza, so you're just hurting and killing far more people than you're saving.
As for the power you do have to better things (and make Leftism more viable as a political stance in the US)?
Work at the level of your local government. If you're in a small enough town or neighborhood and think you have what it takes, run for local office. Be a local face of the left wing; you're far more likely to sway a small town to your views than the whole country, and each small town with a socialist-leaning government is a dot on the map for larger-scale viability, and you can help keep your community safe while trying to build up in scale.
Build community so we can keep each other safe if worse does come to worst. Push mutual aid initiatives, help at food banks, grow produce to donate to those in need, apply to work at your local free clinic, empower local businesses whenever possible so that if there is a socioeconomic collapse, you and those you love aren't left completely without resources.
Protest, and make it disruptive. You can be disruptive without being violent: graffiti, blocking roads, encampments, sit-ins, to name a few examples. Create inconveniences so it gets people's attention whether they like it or not.
Above all, FUCKING VOTE BLUE. You're choosing your enemy. You get to help decide if the government we're working in spite of is run by milquetoast neoliberal war hawks who do, on some rare occasions, actually make things marginally better…or full-tilt Christo-fascists who want to kill some of us for kissing people with the same genitals as us. There aren't any other options that are going to be picked. It sucks, but at the bare minimum we can pick the option that isn't going to actively murder us while we try to build up viability for a candidate who won't sell out brown people to an ethnostate.
If you aren't doing at least one of the things above, then don't lecture me about how I keep myself and my community safe. I'd love to see a United States (or some future iteration of it) that acknowledges the sovereign rights of indigenous peoples, that doesn't fund genocide, that provides healthcare as a basic human right, that doesn't meddle in every other country's business. But if we are to see that, let alone help that happen, we need to survive this next presidential administration.
Edit: y'all have lost reblog privileges. If you wanna screenshot this and have stupid unnuanced opinions OFF of my post, be my guest. Just leave me tf alone.
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