#i did not!! need!! a new!! hyperfixation!!!!
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
I am so normal about the vampire elf. I am so normal about the vampire elf. I am so normal about the vampire elf. I am so normal about the vampire elf. I am so normal about the vampire elf. I am so normal about the vampire elf. I am so normal about the vampire elf. I am so normal about the vampire elf. I am so normal about the v
#astarion#fuck not again#bg3#literally how was i supposed to find out about this man and not fall in love??#to me he gives off opposite asra vibes#thats....probably part of it....#also if they existed together theyd either despise each other on sight or be gosip buddies. tell me im wrong.#astarion brainrot#astarion bg3#the audacity of larian studios targeting me directly by making him smh#yall have no idea how hard im fighting the temptation to start posting on ao3 again just to write about him#i have a problem. and it has white hair and fangs#i did not!! need!! a new!! hyperfixation!!!!#gdi i have to write abt him now or my mind will never know peace#......i am not normal about the vampire elf...#*comes onto my semi abandoned blog to scream about astarion and then leaves*
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
Midnight Hour
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/de9589ac8ce3e11196013d9485f0815c/123fdd98aa6edc10-34/s540x810/23c2be7315d58b5ebbcce0c644a060de24266256.jpg)
With the warm haze of sleep fading from you, your brow furrows as your right hand presses lightly against his lower abdomen, your thumb sweeping up and down in a small attempt at a comforting motion. You quietly call for his attention, voice still thick with sleep.
“Star? Is everything okay?”
His typically silent breath suddenly hitches, and his head angles down to face you. Now that he’s turned toward the light, you catch the way his eyes shine, and the way the light reflects off of what you quickly realize are tear tracks, running down his cheeks.
You awake in the middle of the night to find your lover in tears.
Pairing: Astarion x Reader
Word Count: 3,139
Content Warnings: [crying (obviously)] [non-specific mentions of Astarion's past trauma] [this fic was written by someone who hasn't actually played the game and that might show in the details/the lack thereof]
Blinking your tired eyes open, you squint at the light of the crackling fire in front of you. Closing them again, you let out a soft sigh as you try to guess at the current time. Given that you woke on your own, you’re assuming it’s likely close to, but not quite, time for you to take over tonight’s watch shift.
Your group has fallen into a routine where you pair off into teams of two, and a different team keeps watch each night. Tonight’s turn belongs to you and Astarion, and he’s taken the first half of the shift as usual. You usually, ironically, sleep your best on the nights that he keeps watch, in spite of only getting half the amount of sleep as you do on the nights another team has the job.
You suppose you can credit the fact that, at the end of the day, Astarion is a creature of the night. Something about knowing he has the upper hand when it comes to any unwanted nighttime visitors your group may encounter is… reassuring. To you, as well as to the others in the group, loathe as some of them may be to admit it. That is, once they all felt confident in his promises to not make a surprise midnight snack of them, at least.
Tonight is a bit of an exception, though, and you’re not quite sure what woke you early this time. You typically sleep soundly until he gently coaxes you awake, nails combing through your hair, voice soft and apologetic in your ear. He’s always somewhat reluctant to wake you, but he does so nonetheless, having learned his lesson after the first time he made the executive decision to let you sleep the whole night through. His arguments of “You really looked like you could use the rest.” and “What’s one sleepless night? I can sleep when I’m dead.” didn’t hold much water in the face of the way he dragged ass through the entire next day.
In “the spirit of fairness” and “proving that he can stick to an agreement,” he never tried to take the whole shift by himself again. It definitely didn’t have anything to do with how guilty he felt when he heard the disappointment in your tone when you awoke that first morning and discovered he hadn’t stuck to the plan. Definitely.
Laying there in the quiet, you try and fail to pinpoint what feels different about tonight. You don’t hear any strange noises, nothing feels unusual, and blinking your eyes open again you raise your head a bit to look around the fire. The rest of the group are circled around the other sides of the heat source, sleeping soundly. You figure that you’re probably just getting used to this routine by now, and your body simply woke up around your usual shift change time on its own.
Still, that doesn’t explain the vague, unplaceable feeling that something is just… off.
You let out a sigh that turns into a yawn as you stretch and roll away from the fire onto your back. Letting your head roll further to the left, your eyes land on the familiar sight of your lover’s back as he sits in his usual position beside you, diligently watching your six.
He’s taken to placing his bedroll right next to yours, insisting that you lie between the fire and himself. You couldn’t really argue with his point that he can’t feel the cold anyways, so there’s no need for him to be the one next to the fire. Nor could you argue with the benefits of having him as a line of defense between you and whatever lurks beyond the reach of the firelight.
The feeling of security and protection that he provides you with is still relatively foreign to you, and a soft smile blooms on your face at the warm feeling it brings. Your smile then falls a bit as you remember the silent question you ask yourself on the regular, of whether or not you provide him with the same.
You roll the rest of the way to your left, and shuffle further toward him, closing what remains of the small gap he’d placed between the two of you. Lying halfway on your bedroll and halfway on his, you curl your body around his seated form, bringing your right arm up and gently placing a hand on the right side of his waist. He flinches slightly, and if this were earlier on in your relationship, you’d retract your hand. He’s long since informed you though that his reaction to unexpected touch is simply involuntary, and as long as it’s you, you’ve no need to pull away.
You recall the quiet, restrained desperation in his voice when he first explained it to you, all but begging you not to pull away. He can’t control the way his body reacts to touch, given that before you, he couldn’t recall the last time being touched meant anything other than pain. In spite of that though, he wants it. He wants you. That’s obvious in the way that he, without fail, immediately relaxes under your gentle touch once his mind and body process that it’s coming from you. The way he’s come to not only relax, but to lean into it. Lean into you.
You’d never push past his boundaries, never in a million years, but he’s made it quite clear after about a thousand of your quiet requests for consent at every minor touch, that he’s entirely welcoming of your non-sexual physical affections. Getting the man to verbally admit that he actually enjoys cuddling with you, without the truth being concealed beneath a heavy layer of playful banter and practiced, honeyed words didn’t come easy, but he came around to it in his own time.
So, you don’t pull back, instead following through with the motion and slowly snaking your arm around his waist. You press your front against his lower back and curl around to rest your left cheek atop his left thigh. You can’t help but notice that he doesn’t relax into you in the way he usually does, and your head turns to the right a bit, struggling to get a half-decent look at his face as you’re both turned away from the fire light.
He remains tense, still, and unresponsive to your movements, gaze seemingly locked dead ahead of him, staring out into the dark forest.
With the warm haze of sleep fading from you, your brow furrows as your right hand presses lightly against his lower abdomen, your thumb sweeping up and down in a small attempt at a comforting motion. You quietly call for his attention, voice still thick with sleep.
“Star? Is everything okay?”
His typically silent breath suddenly hitches, and his head angles down to face you. Now that he’s turned toward the light, you catch the way his eyes shine, and the way the light reflects off of what you quickly realize are tear tracks, running down his cheeks. He’s actively crying, tears dripping from his chin, and now with his head tilted down at you they take a different path, running down to converge and fall from the tip of his nose.
You nearly bolt upright in your shock, quickly unwrapping yourself from him and clambering around on all fours until you’re sat down in front of him, your hands gripping tightly to your upper thighs in worry. His wide-eyed gaze followed your every movement, and even now that you’re sat still in front of him, his eyes still dart around, frantically scanning you, for what, you don’t know.
“What- what’s going on?”
You keep your voice as quiet as you reasonably can in spite of your shock and concern, not eager to wake your companions and have everyone witness… whatever this is.
He doesn’t respond, looking just about as lost as you feel, shaking his head in silence as more tears fall. It’s one hell of a sight, and it suddenly hits you that this is the first time you’ve ever seen him cry.
Unsure of what to do and what even caused this, you resist the urge to wrap him in a hug, not wanting to overstep in this unfamiliar territory. Instead, you glance back over your shoulder and once again see and hear nothing of note before trying another question.
“Is there a threat? Did you see something that scared you, honey?”
He takes a long moment to answer, seeming unsure, before eventually settling on another shake of his head. His lack of confidence in his answer isn’t the most reassuring thing at the moment, but given that you aren’t detecting any danger either, you decide to believe that he really didn’t see any threat. At least, not here. Not right now, in the present moment, in front of him. He seems about halfway here and halfway gone, and if your growing suspicions are correct, he’s probably been sat here lost in the dark corners of his mind for a while now, given the state he’s in.
You catch movement to Astarion’s right side and watch as Karlach raises up from her prior position sprawled out face-down on her bedroll, propping herself up with her forearms beneath her. Her expression of concern is too aware and her eyes are too awake for her to have just now woken up, and you quickly gather that she’s probably been awake and laying there long enough to have heard your questions and Astarion’s lack of any verbal response. She doesn’t say anything though, and doesn’t move, just letting the situation unfold and keeping a watchful eye on the darkness behind you.
Relaxing slightly at the knowledge that someone else is awake and helping to keep watch now, your focus shifts back to Astarion, who’s gaze has moved to his lap, tears still falling fast. It’s almost unsettling, the way he cries. There’s no sound, no movement, his breathing is hardly even affected, nothing more than the occasional shaky breath to give away any sign of struggle at all. You don’t have to guess why it’s like this, given what he’s told you about his past. You’re sadly certain that he learned to cry like this ages ago. Silent and still, sat alone in the dark so no one would notice.
You don’t want to think about the sorts of punishments he’s endured as a result of showing such pain and emotion, but your mind pulls from what experiences he’s shared and offers up a few anyways, making you begin to feel sick.
Leaning down and trying to catch his gaze, you ask another question.
“Astarion, are you with me right now?”
He blinks, more tears spill, and his lips finally part as he responds to you with a strained whisper.
“I’m trying to be…”
You smile in spite of your current emotions and the general mood of the situation, doing your best to be something positive, something gentle, something safe for him to focus on.
“There you are…”
You say it to yourself as much as to him, relieved to finally hear his voice, as laced with pain as it sounds. You hold out your hand near where his lie balled into fists in his lap, offering him contact without forcing it on him.
“I want you to keep trying, okay? Do your best to come back into the present with me. You can take my hand, if you’d like?”
He stares down at your offered hand for a long moment before shakily unballing one of his fists. He hesitates, fingers trembling, before reaching out and placing his hand in yours. His skin is even colder than usual and slightly damp to the touch, and you couldn’t be less put off, or give less of a fuck about the messy state of him right now, or ever, if you’re being honest. You just want to help him, however you can.
You curl your warm fingers around his palm, wanting to pull him into a hug so badly but restraining yourself, letting him call the shots.
“You’re okay now, Star. You’re safe right now, here with me. We’re safe.”
He’s quiet for another long moment as he shuts his eyes tight, taking in your words. His other fist unfurls, and his body trembles almost imperceptibly.
“I… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”
Your heart breaks.
“Honey, you have nothing to apologize for. Nothing at all, I promise you.”
He shakes his head in disagreement, his voice an insistent whisper.
“I shouldn’t be doing this.”
Your shoulders drop from where they’d been tensely held up, body slumping with a silent sigh as you watch him still try to hold this wall up between the two of you. You’d made it past a number of his walls already, but this one… this one you’ve yet to be granted access behind.
“It’s okay to cry, you know?”
Another shake of his head, this time with far more force behind it, almost vehement.
“No.”
You soften your voice, insisting.
“Yes. It is. You can cry now, Astarion. No one’s gonna hurt you. No one’s gonna judge you. I swear on my life, that’s the truth.”
His breaths become more labored, uneven and shaking.
“You aren’t his anymore. The old rules don’t apply. You can let it out, now. No one, and I mean no one, is going to punish you for it.”
His eyes pinch closed and his head shakes hard side to side, like he’s fighting his own mind, and his hand opens and closes like it wants to grab onto something. He then moves, wrapping his free hand around your arm and suddenly you’re being pulled toward him, desperately, insistently.
You follow the motion as he continues to tug at you, first leaning forward and propping yourself up with your other hand on the ground as he continues to pull you closer. You quickly gather what he wants as he lets go of your hand in favor of latching onto your other arm, pulling you upward, choking back tears all the while.
You raise up on your knees and his hands move once again to hook beneath your arms as you allow yourself to be pulled up onto his lap with physical strength you keep forgetting he possesses. Hooking your legs around his waist, you wrap your arms around his shoulders and pull him into you. His arms wrap tightly around your waist and he buries his face into the fabric of your shirt at the collar, muffling the soft sound of his crying which has now turned to full-blown sobs.
He’s still shockingly quiet in spite of it all, and you imagine it’s a mixture of being unable to let go of what’s ingrained into him, and not wanting to alert the entire camp to his current breakdown.
Your thumbs stroke up and down in place on his back, not wanting to let go of your hold on him but still wanting to give him some sort of comforting motion to focus on. Besides, you figure petting across the entire expanse of his scarred back might do the opposite of calming him down, so you refrain and keep your arms wrapped firmly around him. Turning your head down toward his, you whisper to him in between soft kisses to his temple.
“That’s it, love. Let it out.”
“You’re safe now, Astarion, I swear.”
“There’s nothing wrong with this.”
“I’m so proud of you.”
“You have every right to cry. No one ever should’ve taken that away from you.”
He grips you even tighter as you shower him with painfully unfamiliar affection and acceptance, comfort unlike anything he’s ever felt before in his horribly long life. His forehead presses against your right shoulder as his crying slows, trying to ground himself and catch his breath. You make a point of holding him securely against you, breathing slow and deep to give him an example to follow.
You catch movement in your periphery and glance over at Karlach as she quietly sits up and makes a series of silent lip movements and hand gestures that you don’t entirely grasp. You work them out to mean that she’s gonna take over watch for the rest of the night, and you can rest with Astarion. You send her a grateful look and mouth a “thank you,” to which she waves you off with what you think you read as a silent “don’t mention it” on her lips.
After a short while spent focused on slowing down his breath and bringing him fully out of his memories and back here with you, you whisper quiet words in his ear.
“Your work is done, Astarion. You can rest now.”
You mean it in both possible interpretations of the words, and he seems to understand that, his body finally relaxing against yours for the first time tonight.
“You wanna lie down with me, love?”
He seems like he almost nods, but stops himself, whispering back in an exhausted voice, scratchy and thick from crying.
“Someone has to keep watch.”
You hesitate to inform him that Karlach has already taken over that role for tonight, sure that he’d get no sleep at all if he knew she’d witnessed this. You know you’re gonna be awake watching over him for the rest of the night anyways, so instead, you offer a compromise.
“I can hold you and keep watch at the same time, love. Just… let me sit and you can lay against me.”
He gives the suggestion a moment of thought before nodding his head, reluctantly loosening his hold on you. You maneuver the both of you carefully so as to avoid allowing his tired eyes to catch sight of your obviously awake companion sitting behind him.
It isn’t much of a task considering his eyes are halfway closed already, his only remaining focus locked on you. You settle down at the head of his bedroll, guiding him to lie down and bringing his head to rest in the center of your lap.
Your hands take turns gently combing fingers through his white curls, and you feel his tense shoulders begin to relax at the feeling. You bring a thumb down and gently stroke over the lines creasing his brow, quietly encouraging him to release the tension he likely doesn’t realize he’s holding. You watch him pull in a deep, albeit still slightly unsteady breath, and you can practically feel the relief that washes over him when he exhales.
Words aren’t necessary between the two of you at this point, not in this moment, but you offer him a few anyways, hoping they’ll resonate in his tired mind as he slips into sleep.
“You’re safe here, Star. Rest easy.”
A/N: Like I said in the CWs, I haven't played the game for myself (yet!) so I only know what I've seen in the hours of (mostly Astarion-focused) scenes I've watched on YT. As a result, this might have read a bit funny if I've gotten certain details wrong. For instance- I have no idea how resting at the camp actually goes, whether or not someone keeps watch all night, etc. Also I'm not sure if Astarion even needs to actually sleep or if he meditates/falls into a trance and just calls it sleep, but for the sake of simplicity, (and me being clueless,) when I say he falls into sleep just assume he's doing whatever he'd normally do to rest. On a different note- this little fic was inspired by a combination of two things. The lovely art and additional commentary on this post, by @velnna , and also by me listening to Midnight Hour by Sierra Eagleson on loop for like, an hour, and daydreaming up this specific scene before proceeding to write it out. It is a beautiful song that is now the title and theme-song for this fic, and I encourage you to go give it a listen if you haven't heard it already. Header Image Source: x
#astarion x reader#astarion#baldur's gate 3#baldurs gate 3#bg3#astarion bg3#bg3 astarion#astarion fic#astarion fanfic#my writing#man. this may be the quickest turnover/turnaround whateverthewordis on a fic that i've ever made happen#i usually sit on an idea and then a draft for ages before posting smthn. so given that it's only been a couple days#between the initial idea and the finished posted fic. wow. groundbreaking speeds for me#the power of hyperfixation (and love)#y'know. i've noticed a trend#why is it that nearly every time i write for a new character the first scenario i place them in involves crying#and having Reader hold/comfort them#i did it with Eddie i did it with Venti i'm doing it with Astarion. who's next. who's next in the Reverse Comfort lineup huh#idk why that's my go-to scenario it just is. maybe i do have a type. (characters that need to have a good cry in their beloved's arms)#or maybe perhaps it is i that needs the good cry and i am projecting. who knows. 'tis a mystery (it's both)#anyways i know this fic is a bit short but i just. had one little specific scene i wanted to write and that's it!#i do plan on making more for him though. i've already got another idea brewing in my brain#also sorry if 'honey' and 'love' aren't your go-to pet names. or if you wouldn't call him Star#my own style of speech heavily influences what i have Reader say in my fics and i can't help itttttt. everything i write is self-insert lma#*lmao (i’m on mobile rn i’m not retyping all of that just to add the last letter)#(yes i’m posting this from mobile cause i took a nap and overslept and missed the time i wanted to post this at. so now i am In A Rush#smthn smthn self imposed deadlines smthn smthn ‘i know the guy that made the rules and he’s a total pushover’ anyways it’s fine. post draft
828 notes
·
View notes
Text
I decided to hop on the Hatsune Miku train, so without further ado I present to you:
Ithacan Miku!
#did this in 4 hours straight#me when adhd#cornell#ithaca college#ithaca ny#ithaca#upstate ny#hatsune miku#hatsune fanart#haudenosaunee#iroquois#finger lakes#cayuga#ithaca new york#ithaca is gorges#idk what’s going on with the hat you guys#is she a beekeeper#is she afraid of bugs#is she sensitive to the sun#no one knows but miku and god#I really need to get to bed now#I have covid and I need sleep#but yk#hyperfixation#I hope the internet enjoys this#I don’t wholly understand this trend#may have done it wrong#apologies if so
79 notes
·
View notes
Text
There's porn without plot and then there's the in-depth origin story of Bob Floyd discovering and developing his love of eating pussy.
#my new hyperfixation fic#eventually coming to a screen near you#bob pov is a new one for me#yes i did go on a two hour rant about how fics don't need sex to be good but the psyche behind sex is so FASCINATING
59 notes
·
View notes
Text
Siffrin post loop recovery fic next >:) I’m thinking this one’ll be a multi chap fic bc I have soooooo many ideas
#y’all won’t believe how many fic ideas I have rattling around in my skull#trigun did a lot for me and getting back into fic writing [gestures to the 11 fics I’ve written for it after years of not writing shit]#but isat has me conjuring ideas in the canon verse like CRAZY#I love having a new hyperfixation I needed this#in stars and time
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
guys drop your FAVORITE fandom (or just one you like) in the comments below and I will look into it, trying to fuck with some new content and I dunno where to start
#🥧 . . kris post <3#did osdd#did system#fandom#fandom things#fandoms#dsaf#dialtown#neurodivergent#hyperfixation#PLEASE GUYS#I NEED NEW FANDOMS TO FUCK WITH#IM RUNNING OUT OF THINGS TO FIXATE ON
12 notes
·
View notes
Note
Could you draw Mr Johnson as a test subject? Like in that one fic? That man is in such a situation
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/33c7719a624e93e197c8ac99febb2b07/72b97bb2f4bb462a-7e/s540x810/fd2ce734b7cd7c5fef67236743b71950ed2e4c25.jpg)
Happy 12 years portal 2 and even longer portal 1! (belatedly)
#hehe test subject cave is fun#you know youve drawn too much art for a fandom when u dont need to pull up references fssfsgs#except i did pull one up to make sure chells bandages really are on her right wrist#because i usually forget to draw them#this birtgday art a few days late oops#i got a new hyperfixation atm so sorry everyone who's here for portal#we have been temporarily hijacked#portal#portal 2#wheatley#chell#glados#cave johnson#my art#cake#does that get its own tag?#it's basically a character
73 notes
·
View notes
Note
🤔🐌 🦖 for the ask game!
��� Are there any new characters you want to write about?
Depends on how 3.0 goes. I haven't felt much of anything for a lot of fictional characters (Sunday, I adore him, but I knew part of it would be fleeting because he was new for my brain).
🐌 What is one of your smallest writing goals?
Finishing Remnants. This thing was literally almost entirely written before I revamped it and I have everything just...needing to be assembled. It's small in comparison to tackling Rumors and Vertigo, where my plot is far lengthier and involved.
🦖 Are there any fandoms you wrote for in the past that you'd like to return to?
Some days, I consider writing for City of Love: Paris again. I even started a reader insert for it (based on the main character, who's a self-insert type anyway). The game left so much up in the air and it's an example of 'cool idea but terrible execution but it's Ub*soft, what should I have expected?' Same goes for Loki, for HP, for Hellsing. The thoughts are there but the motivation isn't. I don't think I ever could, really. In the same way that I wrote so much for Zhongli but don't anymore. It's not that I don't love the thing but that my love has taken a different shape, if that makes sense. Eventually, I'll be in that position with my current obsessions, too.
#juni chats#sometimes the last part makes me sad but that's how adulthood has been for me ever since college#I go through a period where I use fic as a method to keep busy and challenge myself and kind of deal with transitions#and then my brain needs something new and sometimes the new thing isn't about finding the next hyperfixation#I might bounce around especially if what I'm finding is intriguing but lately...I find I can just exist#and enjoy the things I find and share them without feeling obligated to create for them#idk it's less that I don't feel things anymore but that having taken a step back it's that I sacrificed a lot for it#and I became a bitch in a lot of ways I didn't like and I wanted to prioritize my offline life#that step back actually did a lot for me over the last few months even if it had its bumps
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
*holds up Clay in my hands* this troll can and should hold so much trauma
#this is how i return#TO TELL YALL THAT IM IN TROLLS HELLLLLLLLL#those songs did not have to hit so hard that it gave me a new hyperfixation#those songs SLAYED 🤺 they COOKED 🍳 and they DEVOUREDDDDD 🗣🗣🗣#my only request is more clay my boy needed a song that featured him more 😩#and john dory too#id like to hear him sing more considering hes eric andre 👀#anyways#yeah#i have clay angst brewing up but i dont know how to expel it from my brain yet LMFAOOOO#of course i gotta learn to draw themmmm i wanna give them cute little tails#tho i might change up their heights 🤔🤔 and have a headcanon about how troll ages work
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
oct2path update . just hit the double whammy that was one of casttis chapters + one of thronés chapters. don't remember the numbers but it's probably an if u know u know type situation bc Ow that Hurt. anyway I'm currently on the temenos chapter that I'm pretty sure I've heard ppl talk about in a. similar vibe sort of way. and. not for the first time this game. i feel dread
#this game makes the first octopath look so tame its fucking wild . i should replay and keep a counter of how many ppl die on screen#and then make a counter of how many of those are important side characters .#i have a bad feeling that one is about to go up#ah. hm. yeah. there it is isnt it#yknow this game realllly doesnt pull any punches like ever. no one is safe ! anyway i hope to see temenos emotionally ruined#octotag#sorry abt the recent silence the hyperfixation has been catastrophic#no yeah this does hurt . a little bit#guide this individual..#i love the way they use game mechanics for storytelling#in a way that just. works. so so well . u wouldnt initially expect this sort of thing to bring an emotional response#intriguing for sure but not like . ow.#what he says before entering the secret door . ow ow ow#oh hes pissed . yay <3#AND THEN THE FLASHBACKS?? COME ON MAN#ive almost been up for 24 hours now . worth it#should probably end it there tho bv i do Not have it in me to do everyones final chapters.. and the side stories#how do u get more chapters for each tho i wonder.. i did the first of throné n temenos' but there isnt a new one for em yet..#and theres the extra stuff w partitio..#i need tlleave before i actually pass out#octopath traveler 2 spoilers
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i feel like i’ve made tumblr user gregmarriage, my whole personality, but i honestly don’t know who the hell i am otherwise
#god forbid if i ever did change my url i don’t know what it would even be#i AM gregmarriage#i’m too attached bruh#like my succ hyperfixation ebbs and flows#it’s been like two (!!!) years nearly and it’s not fully faded away#like just when i think it’s dead it’s back with a vengeance#but like even if i ever lost the hyperfixation i’d still love her dearly#it’s just my brain won’t let go and it’s clinging on for dear life#and isn’t open to the idea of something new#but maybe it’s time?#god actually sickens me to think about it#idk my biggest problem is i need a hyperfixation but half the time my brain won’t even let me engage with succ#so finding a new one that i can engage with is like next to impossible#my brain is mush#feed it to a baby#it would be more fucking useful#gwen rambles#gwenposting
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
I need a massive sudden hyperfixation shock to happen again
#that era when i'd just got out of the onceler divorce of summer 2021. and then listened to everywhere at the end of time in october#and it was ruining my life and i couldn't sleep and there was nothing really good happening#like it wasn't Bad bc at least i wasn't depressed anymore like i was in the summer but it was still just dead. and i couldn't get#the last 6 minutes of eateot out of my head#and then. suddenly. got shot with the *blurry screenshot of stan and kyle as adults* beam#south park post covid trailer released. everyone who had ever been in that fandom was awakening from their graves#it was like 'future episode??' 'why have they got noses' 'what the fuckkkk' 'is anything real anymore?' etc#it was such big news that it instantly shocked me out of my existential crisis and reawakened that hyperfixation for the 9347384th time#and i vividly remember going on tumblr the morning after it aired and trying to avoid spoilers bc i hadn't watched it yet#but i accidentally saw a sentence something along the lines of 'kenny's a billionaire philanthropist now' and. ok i had to see a picture?#so i did and he looked like the epitome of a cool uncle#and then i was walking to uni that morning probably looking like i was crying or something bc like. kenny successful future#and the whole thing just brought my general mood up so much?? so by the time it was 2022 i was absolutely fine#and then 2022 was so good. up until like august and september#and things got a bit dangerous again like my mood was alright but the slightest thing could bring it down#and then my best friend/housemate got a girlfriend and it was that whole drama and her existence basically ruined my last year of uni#and since then i've become so bitter and cynical and all victimy and it's so annoying and i don't even realise i'm doing it#so now i only ever notice negative things happening and have done since like the end of 2022#and i just need one of my old hyperfixations to do something insane again. like sp post covid.#i need. idk victor hugo to come back to life and publish notre dame de paris 2. or something#or for pip to come back to south park. that would actually fix me forever tbh#or the golden ratio to announce they're touring the uk for free. okay no ykw that would fix me#orrrrrrrrr idk. secret history made into a film but it's actually good#anyway. the south park kids as adults with noses set off an entire like 8 months of Pure Optimism in 2022 and i need her back more than ever#ramble
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
Apart from Le Chevre obviously, who's your favourite? Faculty included 👀
(when was this sent like 2 days ago lol someone help me already)
(btw.)
(I forgot what to say lol btw my air conditioning is not working so I'm a bit nuts rn lol ha 😋)
Who told you I play favorites..I don't have favourites.. I like all the people I've met..
I mean..if I was forced I would go with Black Sheep but then again I can't because Black Sheep isn't Black Sheep anymore and Black Sheep is Carmen SanDiego now..
Then I could say Crackle, but Crackle's favourite is Black Sheep and Ehm..I don't like playing favourites.. didn't I already say that..
I don't play favorites with the faculty either..Though if I would have to pick it be Dr. Bellum.. most of the instructors don't really care about our needs and whatnot, just because we're adults doesn't mean we aren't teens..and from what I heard, teens have necessities.
Dr. Bellum did the same but at least she could relate to our pain in a way.. though I wonder how she knows what we go through everyday on the island and why..and she's very amusing outside of working hours for her..I could consider her telling Ms. Countess Cleo how some students should start dating amusing..?
Well ehm..that is it..I guess so.
👋
-p.s: Le Chèvre isn't my favourite either even with his role in my life, but that's mainly because I know him way more personally than others..so no, he's not either. :3
#carmen sandeigo 2019#carmen sandeigo netflix#btw.#cs el topo#cs le chevre#help#its like 80 degress in my house#isnt it kinda of he does have favorites though#btw new headcanon bellum was probably a student at vile she knows the pain#i wanna move to cananada so its cold and i can watch Total Drama Reboot legally#“why did you put that in the p.s” because married couples have arguments#i need to see Jeantonio arguments#there was already conflict with Rajbow and that's what we call character development#Bowie: okay let's cheat we are so going to win this; Raj: ahem!!; Bowie: omg hi raj so not cheating rn not in the game or on you either#Jeantonio contlict when! ao3 do me better please.#wait why is there more total drama than cs#sorry guys this Rajbow hyperfixation just goes had its been 2 months already!!#yea
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Going to be thinking about "I put you on a train" "I got off" for the next 2-5 working days ughguhg
#wren rambles#endeavour#endeavour rewatch#endeavour morse#fred thursday#i remember the important parts#(read: whump)#but i forgot all the bits inbetween#endeavour 1x04#thursday being like 'i sent you safely out of the way so i could face the badguys without fear of losing you'#vs morse being like 'i care more about stopping you doing something stupid and bringing justice than visiting my dying father'#the LAYERS in those two short sentences ughugh#i appreciate that they don't Talk#i also DONT APPRECIATE IT#because UGH#repressed twentieth century stiff upper lip british men#but i appreciate that nto everything needs to be spelled out and sometimes you understand what is meant without being told#good writing that#new entry on my ongoing 'revisting every single hyperfixation i have ever had' era of being in my 20s apparently#part of me is tempted to see what inspector morse is like#if only to know what to expect in the latter seasons#cos i did NOT on my first watch and as a result Didnt Finish cos it made me SAD#but idk if i actually WANT to watch inspector morse#i feel like it will make me More Sad
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
i need help y'all (the 3 people that still see my blog 😭)
#i need to get off my ass and just post stuff on here again 🙄#imagine having anxiety over posting ON YOUR OWN TUMBLR (lame!! loser!!)#anyways i haven't succeeded in getting into any new ifs which is like...sad but i did finish beyond the mist#which was great 👍#i just need my old hyperfixations to come back#so i can finally get the courage to post edits and fics and stuff#clown.txt
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
and if i said.... pet.er peve.nsie.....
#i have never read the books but ive just watched the first 2 narnia movies#it was def my first time seeing prince caspian idk ab the other narnia i probs watched it as a kid#but he..... he is calling me#mr doomed blonde twink who makes poor choices but is doing his best....... welcome back all my muses#i was gonna say welcome back kurt but... tate... levi.... probably more#ive never been. Good at writing fantasy im not great w anything that requires lore#hes just. oh hes calling to me#and the. specifically the pains of living a life in narnia and being king and then having to go back to the real world and be Just A Kid#idk if hes in the third movie im ab to watch it now but the bitter sweet end of 2 where he says hes leaving narnia and he wont be coming ba#and aslan says its bc he has nothing more to learn from it like..... kinda heartbreaking and would destroy u as a person#a world where ur king and u do everything u can to make the right choices but u dont do things really right and u get people killed#and yeah narnia prevails but it doesnt prevail bc of u. its in part bc of u but ur decision cost lives it risked a lot#and then its like. well ur leaving now and thats it bc it taught u what u needed to learn#and like maybe it did but he had no chance at redemption at fixing things there like his redemption was to leave it to someone more capable#and then he has to just like. go be a person. and live a normal life#like thats wild#im gonna go watch the third movie if u have read the books sound off on if u think i should based entirely on my little rant ab peter#the issue here tho. is if i made him. u see. two muses named peter on this blog... both with a last name starting w p.... its almost like.#its almost like one would have to be a solo blog#'but quin ur literally never here anyway' but what if for a hyperfixation muse i was here#this post started w the intent of 'narnia peter solo blog' but now... i am thinking perhaps spider peter would be a better solo bc of his.#bc of the fixation i have#however he intimidates me a Lot as a solo blog bc hes such a. everyone knows him u know hes a Big muse and i fear the pressure of that#then again narnia i think is big too? and theres the talks of the new movies so thats also potentially big muse#its crazy bc i have sososo much muse for every muse i have but my brain is saying abandon this blog and make both peters solos#and i Cant do that#but at the same time................................#my issue has always been too many blogs and being stretched too thin but also. w all due respect. who cares#like i am here to have fun and most of the time my blogs dont last bc no one writes w me not bc i dont want those muses#and yeah theres no guarantee making a new blog would change that but idk. kinda vibe w the idea of starting new
1 note
·
View note