#i did it when living with my aunt a lot. which was interesting because her balcony overlooked a park back then

[sleepy-stitches]

as much as im very much a late nights guy the early morning is something very special to me. i love to see the world as it wakes up for the day

[therealcocoshady]

Could you make a one shot where Marshall x Reader have been dating for almost 2 years, they start talking about kids and the thought of reader pregnant is a big turn on for him.

Author’s Note : Thank you for your request 💕. I hope you enjoy this ! ⭐️

If you like my writing and want to support it, here’s my Ko-Fi (I’m also open for commission. It’s like a request but that way you’re 100% sure I see it fast & indulge you 😉 - rn I have 200+ asks in my Inbox. Also, by commissioning my work, you’re literally helping a struggling neurodivergent student get by !).

Baby talk

You were the first one to be surprised when you felt it. The desire to have kids. You had never been a kid person. You had always found these tiny humans to be terribly underwhelming. To be fair, you didn’t hate them. But you never really understood what all the fuss surrounding babies was. Puppies ? Yes. Kittens ? Absolutely. Human babies ? Meh. When you were a kid yourself, you didn’t show an interest in babies and, as far as you could remember, you had never really enjoyed playing with dolls. And growing up, you hadn’t shown more of an interest in the topic of motherhood. Older people had told you you’d change your mind and eventually come to want kids of your own but you doubted it. When you became an adult and got into serious relationships, you had that talk with your partners and you told them you didn’t want to have children. You enjoyed your free time, being able to sleep until noon if you wanted to, the possibility of spending money on silly things like an impromptu girls trip to Vegas or a new handbag instead of diapers and an overpriced daycare. In your mind, it was clear that you weren’t meant to be a mother. You did have a lot of love and admiration for parents around you, but you didn’t envy them. So you built a child free life that was absolutely wonderful. Sure, it hurt a bit when your previous partner ended up breaking up with you because he changed his mind about kids and you didn’t. But you understood his decision and knew it was the right thing to do, rather than forcing yourself to have kids when you did not have any actual desire for it. You didn’t want to force yourself to live a life that did not resemble you, taking the risk of one day resenting the children you never wanted to raise in the first place. It all worked out in the end : your ex went on to marry a woman who, from what you heard, was wonderful and have a kid with her, and you ended up meeting the love of your life. 

Marshall was everything you hoped to find in a partner. He was kind, funny, thoughtful, knowledgeable on a lot of subjects and handsome. Yes, he was older than you, but he was definitely young at heart. If anything, you benefited from his experience in life. Also, him being older and having three grown-up children meant that he was « done with all of that », which was a relief. The feeling was mutual, his lack of desire for more kids having caused a couple of breakups for him as well. But just because the two of you decided not to have babies didn’t mean you didn’t have your hands full with them. Marshall was a loving uncle to his brother’s three kids and you were entering that stage of your life where all your friends were starting families. So whether it was a birthday party, a basketball game, a recital or a baby shower… you had your share of kid-related activities. You liked it though. More than you ever thought you would. Marshall being very family-oriented, he loved that you were involved with his family. Together, you built a perfect life. You had all the fun that came with being around kids, without the obligations. You were the fun aunt and uncle, who enjoyed spoiling other people’s kids rotten and playing with them, before happily handing them back to their parents and letting them handle the sugar crash and the noise caused by the toys you bought them. You thought you’d spend the rest of your life just like this, perfectly content, enjoying a peaceful existence with your boyfriend, with whom you would eventually grow old. 

But then, without seeing it coming, you found yourself thinking about it. Wondering how you would look like with a baby bump. Pregnant ladies had always looked like aliens to you, but you started thinking you’d actually be cute, carrying a little baby. Marshall’s baby. A baby with the cutest nose, pouty lips and the most beautiful blue eyes. The thought of a baby that would be part you part Marshall had your heart melt. And you knew he’d be such a good baby daddy, too. Obviously, he had raised three amazing daughters he was very proud of, but he was also amazing with other people’s children. He was his nephews’ favorite person in the world and he was so great with your friends’ babies. So you found yourself thinking that, if you got accidentally pregnant, it wouldn’t be the worst thing on earth. Sure, it would be inconvenient, but maybe you’d keep it. Not that it would ever happen anyway, since you were more than diligent with birth control. Then, it turned into thinking about what your life would actually look like with a little one. And you figured that, what you would have found dreadful years ago, maybe wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe you’d crush it as a soccer mom. Maybe there was actually something beautiful in having kids with someone you love, teaching them stuff and watching them grow up. 

Then, one day, it hit you like a ton of bricks. You actually wanted to have kids. With Marshall. You were at the store, doing your weekly shopping. How you ended up in the baby aisle, you weren’t sure. But you found yourself mesmerized by the tiny items of clothing. Eventually, you came to your senses and mentally slapped yourself. You were with a man in his fifties, who already had his kids and did not want more. Now was not the time to change your mind. As if to imprint the thought in your brain, you went and stocked on condoms, buying a fuckton of them. The cashier even threw you a weird glance. You probably looked like you were doing  a comparative study, getting a bit of everything from ribbed ones to flavored ones. Marshall chuckled when he saw them in the bag. 

That’s a lot of condoms, he chortled. 

Yeah, there was some kind of sale, you lied. 

He shrugged it off and promised to put them to good use. You knew he would make good on his word and figured you just needed to have that silly idea banged out of your system. Except that it didn’t work. You went a few months without talking to him about it. But the more time went on, the more you realized you really wanted a baby with this man. You still liked the idea of having a flexible schedule and 9 hours of sleep a night. But you didn’t love it as much as you loved the idea of carrying this man’s offspring. And the more time went on, the harder it was not to talk to him about it. You dreaded this, though. Because you’d been on the receiving end of that conversation. Of not wanting kids and having someone you loved tell you that they wanted to start a family with you, and having to disappoint them and see the heartbreak in their eyes. So you put it off as long as you could. Until one evening, you weren’t able to hold yourself. 

I think I want a baby, you blurted out when you walked in the kitchen while Marshall was cooking dinner.

You think you want what, baby ? He asked as he turned to you. Sorry, I didn’t hear you over the noise of that kitchen fan. 

No, I said I-I think I want a baby, you repeated nervously. 

You think you want a baby ? He repeated carefully. 

I mean… yeah, you simply said. 

He looked at you with a raised eyebrow. Clearly, you were taking him by surprise. He turned off the fan and the kitchen stove, before walking to you. 

That’s new, he said matter-of-factly. 

Kind of, you admitted. I mean… I’ve been thinking about it for some time now. 

So you don’t think you to have want a baby. You know you want to have one, he pointed out. 

Y-yeah. I’m sorry, you mumbled as you looked down. 

For how long have you thought about it ? He asked. 

I’m not sure, you admitted. Does it matter ? 

I thought you didn’t want to be a mom, he said. That you were perfectly happy with being an aunt. That it was the best of both worlds. That’s what you said. 

I know, you replied. And I meant it. I’m as surprised as you are, really. But then I thought about how I’d react if I got pregnant. And I realized I wouldn’t mind that. Having a baby that’s part you and part me. 

Oh wow, he said as he scratched the back of his head. 

Yeah, you hummed. And I thought it was just something random and that I’d forget about it. But I can’t. And it’s been months now, and I think you have great genes and that our baby would be really cute. And Target has the most adorable baby clothes and I know condoms are cheaper than a college education but there were little bunnies on the pajamas I saw the other day and I also found out that they make baby Jordan sneakers that look like the ones you love and-

You caught yourself rambling and stopped talking. Now, you weren’t making any sense and you were just dumping the whole thing on him. Probably not the best way to go about it. He was staring at you with an amused look on his face. 

I’m sorry, you said will a sad voice. I know you’re done with it. We’ve talked about it and I know it really sucks that I’m changing my mind but I needed to tell you because I’ve been thinking about it a lot and-

Do you plan on letting me speak ? He asked with a smile. 

Yes. Sorry. 

Ok, he chuckled. I have a few questions. Is there a reason why you changed your mind ? 

Well… you, I guess, you shrugged. I mean, I love you, and I see what an amazing father, what a great uncle you are. 

Ok, he said. And, another question : is that something you want ? Or is it something you need ? 

I don’t know, you admitted. I’m really happy with our life just the way it is. I don’t need a baby to be fulfilled and for my life to have meaning. But I can’t stop thinking of how much I’d like a baby with you. 

Ok, he hummed. So… it’s not something you’d break up over ? 

No, you said. I love you. I want to spend my life with you. And I don’t think I want a baby if I can’t have it with you. You’re the reason I want one. Because the baby I have in my mind… he has your eyes, your nose and your smile. 

Meh. Doesn’t sound too cute, he chuckled. If anything, it sounds like an ad for contraception. 

Oh, come on, you giggled. 

But… he ? He asked with a smile. 

Sometimes she, you corrected. I never really wanted kids so I don’t really care, I guess. Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to just dump this whole thing on you… we both know this talk sucks. But I couldn’t really keep it to myself. I needed to tell you. I’m sorry. 

Quit apologizing, babe, he said reassuringly. I’m glad you told me. 

Really ? You asked nervously. 

Of course, he replied. I can tell it hasn’t been easy for you. 

You nodded and he pulled you into his arms before pressing a kiss to the top of your head. You closed your eyes and inhaled his scent. You definitely felt lighter after telling him, even though it didn’t really change anything. 

So… can I get back to you on that ? He finally asked. 

Huh ?! You asked as you looked up from his chest.

I think I’m gonna need a bit of time to think about it, he continued. I can’t promise I’ll say yes. But I’ll consider it. 

Wait… seriously ? You asked in shock. 

Isn’t that why you brought it up in the first place ? He mused. 

I don’t know, you said. I guess I mostly expected you to convince me it was a terrible idea. I mean, you’ve broken up with people over that. 

So have you, he pointed out. But it’s you. It’s us. What we have is different. I feel like my family’s complete so I never really wanted to have another kid. But I’m in love with you. And if there’s anyone I’d give it a shot with… it’s you. 

Ok, you said with an emotional smile. 

I’m not saying yes to anything, though, he warned. Don’t get your hopes up. 

But you’re not saying no, you pointed out with a smile. 

I’m not, he agreed. Because even though having kids can be tough… it’s pretty great, too. And I know you’d be a great mom. 

You flashed him a smile and buried your face in his chest.  The simple fact that he was willing to consider it because he loved you filled your heart with joy. 

You didn’t really bring up the topic in the following weeks, but you could see a change in Marshall’s demeanor whenever someone around you talked about kids. You could absolutely tell he was thinking about it. You weren’t too sure what the best way to go about it was. Of course, you were curious to know how he felt about it, what was on his mind. But you didn’t want to be annoying and press him on the matter, so you figured that it was probably better to wait for him to get back to you on that, once his mind was made up. 

Waiting was trying, though. Because in the meantime, you had to watch him interact with countless babies and young children, feeling like your ovaries exploded. Patience is a virtue and that waiting period was definitely an opportunity for you to practice it. Thankfully, it finally came to an end when you came back from work to Marshall waiting for you in the living room, with a bouquet of roses on the table, as well as a paper bag. You greeted him and thanked him for the nice gesture.

What’s the occasion ? You asked. 

Since when do I need a special  occasion to treat my woman to some roses and a present ? He asked back. 

Touché, you giggled. Thank you my love. Can I open the bag ? 

Not yet, he said. I want you to have a look at this first. 

He handed you some papers and you skimmed through it. It was a printing of his schedule for the foreseeable future. You looked at him with a raised eyebrow. 

That’s, erm, fine ? You said, unsure of what he was expecting you to say. 

It’s my schedule, he said. For the next two years. 

I see that, you chuckled. I’m just not sure why you’re showing it to me ? You usually don’t consult me when it comes to your work schedule. 

As you can see, I’ve moved a couple of trips that were already planned, he explained as he pointed to a few dates. Meaning that I’ll be going to LA a little bit more in the upcoming three months. But after that, no more work trips and I put a hold on the performance planning. I’ll stay in Detroit. 

Ok ? You said - still not grasping what he was getting at. That’s nice. But why did you change the schedule ? Is there a specific reason why you need to stay here ? 

Apparently, when you’re trying to have a baby with your woman, it’s better to be in the same city, he grinned. 

You stared at him in shock, your mouth slightly agape. Marshall was smiling from ear to ear. Next thing he knew, you were in his lap, arms wrapped around his neck, peppering your face with kisses. 

Oh my God, you said emotionally. Really ? Oh I love you so much, Marshall ! 

I love you too, he hummed. 

I can’t believe it, you whispered. Wait- What’s in the bag ? 

Open it, he chuckled. 

You reached for it and saw it contained a bunch of ovulation prediction kits, pregnancy tests, some folic acid and some lube. 

Apparently, these are the basic essentials for trying to conceive, he commented. 

You’re amazing, you said with the biggest smile on your face. So… we’re doing this ? We’re making a baby ?

If you haven’t changed your mind, yeah, he nodded. 

As a response, you threw yourself in his arms and kissed him passionately. He chuckled into the kiss and cupped your face, staring at you lovingly. 

I’ll give you the cutest baby, you promised. 

I have no doubt, he grinned. 

Do you think I’ll be a pretty pregnant lady ? You mused. 

Are you kidding me ? He asked. God, you’re going to be so hot. The thought of you carrying my baby… You have no idea the things it does to me. 

Oh yeah ? Like what ? You asked defiantly. Show-

Before you had the chance to finish your sentence, Marshall had you pinned to the couch and was grinding against you. It didn’t matter that you were both fully clothed, you could feel his excitement through the fabric. 

I’m gonna fill your pretty pussy, he promised. And I’m gonna make a pretty mama out of you. 

Mmmyes, you whimpered. 

Gonna give you a pretty belly, he continued. I can’t wait to see you carry our child. Can’t wait to start trying. 

When ? You asked pleadingly.  

How about now ?  He whispered in your ear. 

[harlowsbby]

Traditions With U

“What’s the budget?” You asked Jack as the two of you arrived to Target.

“Hmm I’d say under $100 and we’ll meet back here in about twenty minutes?” He said and you nodded. “I’ll see you in twenty minutes, make sure you get me something good!” You told him.

“You know I will babe, come on Phoenix.” Jack and Phoenix headed in their own direction while You and Venus headed into the opposite direction.

You saw online that a few couples were making one another thankful baskets for Thanksgiving, a thankful basket is a basket filled with lots of things that remind you of your partner.

Phoenix and Venus decided to tag along with Jack and You to try and help the two of you as much as they can.

“How about this Phoenix? Do you think she’ll like this?” Jack asked Phoenix as he held up a stuffed animal that was a turkey. “No Uncle Jack that’s very ugly.” Phoenix told him.

Jack looked at him in disbelief because Jack thought that the Turkey was actually really cute.

“You have to find things that remind you of Aunt Y/N and I don’t think she’d like the fact that you compared her to a Turkey.” Phoenix stated.

Even though Phoenix was only 9 he was actually really clever for his age. It’s something he had gotten from Urban.

“How about we start with body washes? Doesn’t she like stocking up on them?”

“That’s actually a really good idea let’s head over that way.” Phoenix rolled his eyes. “Of course it’s a good idea I’m the one that though of it.”

Jack grabbed a few body washes that always reminded him of you, along with some face mask since you loved a good face mask.

“What about we get some candy?” Phoenix nodded his head. “That sounds good.”

Jack tossed in a few of your favorite candies into the basket and continued to shop around the store.

“We definitely need to get him this.” You told Venus as you held up a 24 pack of gum, some mornings Jack’s breath honestly should’ve been classified as a weapon.

“Definitely my daddy says that Uncle Jack’s breath stinks bad in the morning!” Venus stated and the two of you laughed.

“What else should we get him?”

You browsed around the clothing aisles and spotted a pair of matching Christmas pajamas even though it wasn’t anywhere near Christmas you wanted to get them, you even got a pair for Venus and Phoenix.

“How about some video games?” She suggested. “That’s a good idea Venus.”

You didn’t really know much about video games or what games Jack already had or didn’t have so you just picked a few that looked interesting.

“Wait! What about these?” You grinned at the pair of grinch themed underwear, you were almost certain Jack wasn’t going to wear them but you figured it would be funny to see his reaction.

“Yes get those!” Venus laughed as you tossed the underwear into the basket.

After getting a few more things the two of you went and paid for everything in your carts, when you all got back home Jack sat in the living room and made up his basket while you sat in the kitchen.

“Babe! Are you almost done.” Jack yelled out. “I’m done I’m coming to the living room.” You told him.

You grabbed your basket and made your way to the living room where Jack sat with Phoenix. “Wow you went all out.” He said and inspected the big blue basket that had a bunch of treats sticking out.

“I can say the same about you.” You handed him the basket you made for him and he handed you his basket he made.

“Oh wait I’ll be right back.” Jack went back upstairs and came down with two baskets you both made for the kids which they loved.

While Phoenix and Venus were occupied with the toys they had just received Jack and You were both opening your baskets.

“You got me my favorite body wash and candy.” You licked your lips at the bag of chocolate. He even got you a few candles and a few matching sets he saw that were going viral on tik tok.

“How did you know about these?” You questioned him. “You cheating on me? You got another women on the side?” You joked.

“What? No you know I only want you, I’m not dumb baby, but do you like everything?” He nervously asked. “I love everything, now open your basket.”

You grinned as he removed the tissue paper slowly and revealed everything that was in the basket.

You had gotten him the video games, a new soccer ball, the matching pajamas, house slippers and his favorite sun chips.

You even managed to make a Turkey out of your hand like you use to do back in Elementary School.

“Babe.” He laughed. “This is so cute.” He grinned. You smiled. “Yeah? You like it?” He smiled and nodded. “I love it thank you baby.”

He smiled and leaned into you and pressed a kiss to your lips to which you returned. “But I do have one question?” He asked.

“What is it?” He reached into the basket and pulled out a pack the 24 pack of gum.

“Why did you give me so much gum?” You couldn’t help but to burst into a fit of laughter along with Phoenix and Venus.

“It’s because you have the worse morning breath literally sometimes I feel like you’re going to knock me out in the mornings.”

Jack rolled his eyes playfully. “You know what since you wanna be rude I’m not talking to you.” He stood up and made his way into the kitchen.

“Jack, I’m joking!” You laughed. “Come back!”

Eventually Jack ended up coming back and the four of you spent the rest of the night together watching A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving together.

Towards the middle of the movie the kids ended up falling asleep, leaving Jack and You to be the only ones awake.

“Babe?” Jack asked. “Yes Jack?”

“I noticed you had gotten me a pair of grinch themed pajama earlier.” You laughed. “Oh yeah? Did you like them? I thought they were funny.”

“Oh I love ‘em but I was trying to see if you wanted to see how they looked like on and maybe what they look like off.” He whispered and wiggled his eyebrows.

“Jack, you’re the silliest person I know.” You laughed. “But you love me though.”

“That I do.” And you did love him and you were excited that the two of you had started a new tradition that would happen every year.

(I honestly struggled with this 💀😭 I couldn’t really think of anything Thanksgiving themed but I hope you still all enjoy it! 💘)

[inbarfink]

The deaths of all the Finch kids are really so unbearably tragic. It really speaks to the quality of the writing and storytelling in ‘What Remains’. They’re written as so vivid and human and real, but also so many of them died so young. They were children, it’s so much harder for me to do the whole ‘well, let’s appreciate the life they did have’ thing when the majority of them didn’t even have a chance to become the people they could have become. And yet the image of who they could’ve been if they survived is so vivid in my mind. 

Edith had that line about how she always imagined Molly as a girl she could be good friends with. Obviously if she didn’t die back in 1947 they wouldn’t really be at the same age group, but she’d be one hell of a Cool Aunt. I can only imagine her Weird Girl tendencies would’ve only grown stronger and stronger with age. Considering her fascination with animals, maybe she would’ve gone to study Zoology or Biology when she grew older? And since she was dissecting a sea star just before her canon death…

Sadly, I’m not sure if Barbara would’ve been able to resurrect her acting career. But there’s some subtle hints in her room that in reality she was more willing to move past it compared to her fictionalized version in that horror comic (which can’t be easy when you live in a room your dad themed entirely around your child-star years THANKS SVEN). That ‘horror convention’ seems to be an invention of the comic, Barbara’s actual room has a flier for a ‘Witch’s Ball’ at Orcas Island High School and a dress ready for it. 

Barbara Finch didn’t actually spend her last day on earth hopelessly trying to revive her dead career, she was hoping to have a fun Halloween party like a regular teenager. Maybe the fact that it was hosted by the Orcas Island High School Drama Club implies she still had an interest in acting and theatre. Maybe she could’ve ended up as a classically trained actress with the child-stardom as just a fun quirk of her past? Or maybe she just wanted to take part in the Witches Ball because she likes Spooky Things? And she could have found her way back into the Horror Scene in a different way, like being a writer or costume designer or something?

Maybe Calvin could’ve become an Astronaut like he always wanted? But I think Calvin might’ve been more enthralled with the fantasy of science fiction than the reality of space travel. I’m thinking a lot about how Sam described Clavin in Gregory’s memoriam as ‘lost in his imagination’. Maybe he could’ve become a science fiction writer or something?

Walter didn’t technically die young, but he still certainly lost most of his years to the Curse. Like, a big thing about the tragedy of Walter to me is realizing his original childhood bedroom was themed after “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea” and trains. 

Lil’ Walter did have an interest in adventure and travel, before his fears took it all away from him. If it wasn’t for the Curse, Walter could’ve actually something with it. Maybe he could’ve traveled around a bit and written about his experiences.

Lewis would’ve probably gone into game design. It’s not just how his fantasies manifest to us the players, but you can actually find books about game design and coding in his room. It seems that the problem was that his crappy job and his depression took away any opportunity he might have had to actually pursue this idea. Maybe if Milton never left, these three Finch siblings could’ve combined their creative skills together to make like, a very cool artsy game.

Speaking of which… man, Edith’s death stings the most because we got to know her far better than anyone else. And it’s not even the fact that she never got to share her all of her thoughts and creativity with the wider world that makes me the saddest. Getting to the end of the game and hearing just how much she was looking forwards to be with her son - even with all the hardships of being a teen mom, she was really looking forwards to it. To meet him, to share her stories with him. But instead, that worn old diary is the only connection between them...

And that’s like… part of what’s so great about WRoEF’s use of its own format. Like, the faux-interactive linearity of the Narrative Exploration/‘Walking Simulator’ is so perfect for selling this tragedy. The way each Death Flashback only moves forwards based on the actions of the Player, but it always moves on the same unchanging doomed path - really highlights both how stupidly preventable so many of these deaths feel and really make the Player wish there was a way to change them. After all, all they need is for Calvin to not swing so hard, for Gregory’s faucet to not turn back on, for Walter to not stand directly on those train tracks and everything would’ve been fine. But at the same time it’s so, so clear to the Player that this is an impossible wish. There is no other way these sequences can go - these deaths have already been written. The most you can you is linger, all you can do is delay the inevitable. 

But it hurts.

[petiteclover]

Kitty & Lyle Menendez ca. 1988.

“Did you ever hear her threaten to kill herself?”

“Yes.”

“And when was that? Was it just once? Or was there more than one occasion?”

“She was threatening suicide for a long period of time, pretty much all the way through those years and she would threaten to take everybody with her.”

“How would she threaten to take everybody with her? What would she say?”

“She would threaten to poison herself and everybody, meaning my dad and Erik and myself.”

“When did she make these threats to poison herself and everybody else?”

“In 1987 and then in Beverly Hills.”

“Do you have specific memories of those conversations?”

“I remember the screaming and the threatening and my dad saying that he didn’t trust her and refusing to eat the food that she had served and we actually would leave.”

“How about the feelings she had towards you? Did she express them?

“She expressed the same hatred, feeling of me being the major problem in her life, that it was more frequent and it would happen in front of my dad.”

“Had she ever expressed in front of your dad the fact that she hated you or you’d ruined her life?”

“No.”

“And what would he do?”

“He would do nothing.”

“When she’s saying these things to you, that she hates you and that you ruined her life, how did you feel?”

“I just felt confused.”

“Did it hurt?”

“Yeah it hurt.”

“You told us the other day that when your brother told you that he found a suicide letter that you talked to your mother and told her to leave your dad and to come live with you, is that correct?”

“Yes.”

“Why did you do that when she had behaved this way towards you all your life?”

“Because I wanted her to know that I felt like all the things she had done to me and just our bad relationship, I thought she was suicidal and I wanted to uh help her and I wanted her to know that it wasn’t that I loved my dad more, that I loved her and my brother loved her and if she seemed like she wanted to stay in Princeton that seemed to make her happy and that we would in a divorce, side with her and stay in Princeton. Because that’s what seemed to be what was causing her to want to kill herself was the divorce and I wanted her to know that her family would be with her.

“Did you write her a letter in July of 1987? When you were in Madrid?”

“Yeah.”

“Hi mom, how are you? I hope you’re alright and hanging in there. I often worry about you. You’re the only mother I have and would want. Made any new friends? Done anything interesting? I hope so , I’m alright over here Cole and I traveled.”

“And would you read the last paragraph.”

“I hope everything’s alright at home with dad and Erik, I miss you all. I will write very soon again so check the mailbox. Love you mom, Lyle.”

“When you wrote that letter to her, were those true feelings?”

“Yes.”

“Do you love your mom?”

“Yes.”

“Were you worried about her?”

“Yes.”

“Did you continue to try to reach out to her during this period of time?”

“I tried uh, a few times and tried to let her know that we loved her but uh, she’d never acknowledge that.”

“You told us the other day about an incident in which she showed you the pills she was taking, do you remember that?”

“Yes.”

“When did that conversation take place?”

“At my aunt Teri’s, 1989 i believe.”

“When she told you that she was taking these thirteen pills a day, why did she say she was taking them?”

“She said she was taking them because she needed them to get through the day.”

“What did you think that meant?”

“That she was in… having trouble controlling herself and in a lot of pain and that these pills were helping.”

“Did she tell you why she was in so much pain?”

“She said that it was my fault because I was stressing my dad out.”

“Did that make you feel good or bad?”

“That made me feel very bad and sorry and wanting to understand her. It was a very strange conversation.”

“And you knew about Louise at that time, didn’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you ever say to her “hey mom you’re upset about Louise it’s not my fault”?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because it was an unusual conversation.”

“Unusual in what way?”

“First time she ever acknowledged that she had a problem to me and I’d known the severe problems for my whole life and this was the first time she came to me and showed me an example of how bad it was. But she couldn’t acknowledge what the problem was.”

— Lyle Menendez direct examination by his lawyer Jill Lansing regarding his mother’s suicidal tendencies.

[fated-mates]

Elda Minger was the first romance novelist to put condom use on the page. When we spoke to her about the choice she made, she told us about the realities of the world before Roe, when abortion was neither safe nor legal. This remains one of the most powerful conversations we’ve had on Fated Mates, and we are so lucky that Elda came to talk to us.

As we watch women die throughout the country in the wake of draconian abortion bans, we hope you’ll listen to Elda, and make a plan to vote for this Tuesday.

-

Transcription:

I remember the reason I put in the condom, and this is funny 'cause I hadn't thought about this in years, this will sound like the Stone Age to you guys because you're much younger. I grew up in a town, I went to high school in a town of 1200 people. It was still very much a, I would call it a boy's town, like lots of hunting, fishing, ice fishing, skiing, sledding. Women were, you know, married young, had their kids and kind of disappeared is the only way I can put it. They disappeared. And marriage, I remember Jessie Bernard once said, a sociologist, she said, "Marriage is a great deal for men and children, but not so great for women." And I remember reading that and thinking, "Yep." When women did not have access to birth control, and biologically, the sex drive is strong. I had numerous friends who got pregnant, and back in the day, there was no abortion. If you could find a doctor you could go, you could get someone to do the job, and then if you started bleeding out, you went to the emergency room. And I had two friends, older sisters, they told me later on, it was like the most terrifying experience of their lives, which is why abortion must always be safe and legal. But you had two choices. And I had two girlfriends in high school who, their beginning of their senior year or summer of their junior year, whatever, they went to visit their aunt, and they came back and they looked gutted. And I never forgot the look in their eyes, like dead eyes, because they had had their baby and given it up for adoption, because that was the option or you cornered the guy and married him, and if he thought he was trapped, it was not a good marriage, and it usually ended up in divorce. So birth control back then, I worked at a drugstore and the condoms were in a glass case behind the pharmaceutical counter. You could only buy them if you were married. This is how bad things were. You know, when I look back, it's like God, it was like the Stone Age. But the thing was, I couldn't in good faith, and all the romances, the historicals of course, they would have sex and then she'd be pregnant and there'd be a big brouhaha, but in the end he would love the baby. But with a contemporary I thought, "I can't do this. I can't do this." And I had interesting parents because my mother is from Puerto Rico, staunch Roman Catholic, could not have the sex talk with me. So my dad was like, "This is very embarrassing, but we're going to have the sex talk, and I don't think I can look at you while we do this, but you need to be protected." And I remember he told me, "Teenage boys will do anything. They would do a knothole in a plank. You have to understand this about male nature. And he said, "They will tell you, "I love you." They will promise you the moon and you are a very romantic girl, and you will have sex with him. And Monday morning he will be telling all his friends at school and you will be brokenhearted." And that did happen to one of my girlfriends, where she gave it up to a guy, and she was the town pump for the last two years of high school, and she never had a boyfriend because she didn't dare. And I remember thinking, "God, that's awful!" But you know, my dad taught college and he said, "Many a woman's college career was derailed because some guy said, "I love you. I'll be with you forever." And she ended up raising the baby with her and her mom and dropping out of school. And he said, "I don't want that for you. I don't know how more plainly to put it." And I was like, "Got it, Dad. Got it." Because he was pretty, I mean he said, "I don't expect you to be a virgin when you're married. It's different times, but pick a man who likes women." And I was at 16, so stupid, 14, "Daddy, all men like women." And he's like, "No, they don't. Pick a man who really does like and treasure women." So when I approached Untamed Heart, I thought, "Okay, I've got to somehow put birth control into it." And I said to Vivian, "Can I do that?" And she said, "If you can figure out a way to make it work, I'm all for it."

[sgiandubh]

Hi, I don't know if you understand me or go through this, I would like to know your feeling about it.

After all this circus (which I can't take anymore and after a few years in the fandom) I can't stand Caitríona anymore. I swear I try, I swear I try to get excited about her projects. I swear I try to understand her reasons, her anger, her antipathy towards us all these years. For a long time I managed to suppress this sad feeling I feel for her, but now it screams. I can not anymore.

On the other hand, I still support Sam, even more than I should, because he, along with her, plays the main role in the narrative and is not a saint. I think these feelings would be the signal to leave the ship. I no longer admire her, I no longer miss her, at least on social media, I no longer even want to see her face.

I feel bad for feeling this way, I don't know what to do. Have you ever felt like that? And before you start offending me, I'll tell you: I'm not anti, only or whatever. I am someone who paid a lot of attention to this narrative and ended up hurt, very hurt by them, by her specially…

Dear Feel Bad Anon,

I was just about to go to bed after a very, very long and dense day, but your question stopped me in my tracks. Story of my life, really: that banging on the dorm's door at midnight ('it's vile X, we just broke up, help') - ah, the memories. So, I will not let you down.

First of all, thank you for this ask. It is a genuine one, I know it. It takes a lot of honesty to write it down without cackle, hysteria and the everlasting 'they owe me' refrain (no, they don't owe anybody anything, because, Anon, do you owe anybody anything when you are that much in love? I am sure you don't give a hoot about Aunt Y and Neighbor Z, Anon, and fuck them and their curiosity, eh?). And, my goodness, you really do sound exhausted, here.

Take a good look at this pic I took in Mandalay (see post below) of a Yama Zatdaw (Ramayana) puppet show:

All these public ten years are summed up in here: the puppeteers (TPTB), the puppets (S&C) and the convenient prop ( T) in the middle.

Where are the private ten years? I could think of this Amarapura pic, taken the day after the puppet show:

And that is ok, Anon. It's them. Their lives. Their love. We are just peepers through a keyhole, in here: let's try and do it gracefully.

You don't like C anymore? S couldn't give a damn about how you feel, Anon, and forgive me if I sound brutal. He loves her and he already did the unthinkable for her. C does give a damn about you, however. Not because she cares about you, but because she probably thinks your intelligence and your questioning endanger her narrative and put at risk all the negotiated perks. This is why she thought intelligent to bark at you and publicly insult you: by a simple zealot reflex, her part of the bargain. It has nothing to do with her private truth. You are disappointed by a puppet, not the real C. Or, using this time Plato's Allegory of the Cave, you are mad at the silhouettes reflected on the walls of that cave, not at the people whose reflections you see - those people are outside the cave.

Get out of that mental cave, Anon. Stop racking your brains off trying to give definitive answers that cannot be honestly given with the amount of information we have. Stop obsessing about a visibly curated social media presence, online times and all this shit - they mean very little, especially at this point in time. Trust your heart and your intuition. Trust your life experience. Trust yourself, not me. All this side of the fandom can offer you is based on our own life paths and street smarts. Do I think it's legit? Of course, otherwise I'd not be here or I'd be a pervert. Do I think that together we'd be a step closer to what really is? Oh, by all means. But you are the only sovereign master of the course, here. You are the only one able to choose between believing or rejecting, staying on deck or jumping ship.

I chose to be interested in the puppeteers, Anon. The paper trail. The minute intricacies. The boring details Mordor does not want to see or doesn't know how to translate in simple English. That is really what keeps me going and that is something I will never publicly trade. The more I look into it, the clearer the picture is. Oh, for sure, I take great pleasure in seeing and discussing the script inconsistencies - don't we all? But to me and as I see it, this is the tip of the iceberg. The bar I set myself for public happenings, statements and all the shit show is very low. It avoids undue disappointment and even allows me to be relaxed about it. Not always. Not a perfect strategy. But it is my way of managing it and so far, it works.

Take at least a day off Tumblr. Think of it as detox. I can guarantee you will see it way clearer. I wish you well, Anon. And I really hope my long, long answer helped at least a little bit.

[andhumanslovedstories]

sorry if you’ve answered this before, but what made you go into nursing?

In 2016 Donald Trump got elected, which was not what I was expecting to happen and a bit of a disappointment, to put it very very lightly. I was 25 and basically been bumming around my parents' house working as a barista when me and Cyrus weren't traveling and living in a van. We had plans for the future, but they were more "where do we wanna live" rather than "what do you wanna do?" Once he got elected, it didn't feel right sticking to the same plan. I felt I had to do something different with my life, something that mattered and helped people and offset the harm that would come and that had already come.

So I thought about the stuff that I valued most (having a job that helps people, having a concrete positive effect and being able to see it, maintaining access to care, reproductive health, advocating for people who aren't in a position to effectively advocate for themselves, intersectional feminism), and I thought about the stuff that has always interested me intellectually (public health, narratives of caregiving and illness, the history of the AIDS epidemic, people I don't know anything about, how people behave in extraordinary moments, my mom and aunt's nursing stories), and I thought about a bunch of practical concerns (didn't want to take work home with me, good paycheck, good job security, a lot of different uses from one degree, I'd be able to get my nursing degree in an accelerated second degree program for very cheap if I arranged things right*, worst case scenario it would give me something to write about).

It also matters a lot that my mom is a nurse and so fucking passionate about nursing, and that I admire my mom tremendously. Meanwhile my aunt, who I also admire, was an ESL teacher in an underfunded district, and I saw how passionate she was as well, and I saw how much work she took home every night and weekend and how much of her personal money she poured into her work. Seeing the life of teachers up close eliminated teaching as a career course. So nursing made the most sense. I was in community college taking my pre-reqs by the time Trump was sworn into office.

I did home health nursing because that's what I could get hired for as a new grad, and now I do bedside hospital nursing because it pays more, it's easier to get time off, I get to talk to other people, and it gives me a lot of skills I can take to wherever I go to next. I've been a nurse now longer than I was in school to become a nurse, which was one of my most basic career goals, and I have a lovely apartment, and don't worry too much about day-to-day finances, and when I come home from work I'm usually proud of what I've done that day. And best of all, it's literally impossible for me to do my job from home. They can't make me. The patients aren't in my lovely apartment. On the whole, I'm very satisfied with how all this has been working out.

(*I'm very sorry to say the circumstances which allowed me to do this are basically unrepeatable for the layperson and rely heavily on your mother being a nursing school instructor, and your family being willing and able to support you as you completely cease making money so you can become a legal dependent again and be eligible for your parent's tuition reimbursement. I can offer no advice here, just gratitude to my parents for helping me out so much.)

[juliet-without-romeo-stuff]

Family of LOG or 4th generation 🦋💛💙( imagine they are just under 15)

I wrote this a month back and now got the time to post it...these are just my ideas that randomly came and now i cannot let go off....

Nikolai king sokolav-Brandon sokolav king

David Sokolov king

Alexander Brandon sokolav king

Stella Hunter Sokolav king

( David and stella was through surrogacy and alex was adopted and Stella's middle name hunter is a honour to his dad ....stella has heterochromia... her one eyes is dark blue and one is dark green which her parents adore a lot....they all learn russian just like their daddy and speak in russian whenever they wants to do something which their dad bran will not accept like david wants to join in elites or heathens but bran said No because his uncle lan wants him to join elites whereas niko wants him join heathens 😂 he said you can only when you are on your correct age baby...

When David almost break someone bone because they spoke shit about his uncle lan...he called his daddy

Dad where are you?

"In the middle of the meeting" niko says while pausing his meeting in office..everyone knows niko will never ignore his family calls even if it is in the middle of an important meeting....

I broke someone's bone maybe not a major damage since josh dragged me away from that scumbag....

And the management called dad

Again...Niko asks

Yes..handle your prince charming...i will come home and explain to dad

Make sure you have valid reasons or else i also need to end up with you in your grounded for week punishment.. niko said

Definitely i have reasons..i will not use violence unless its needed and you and daddy knows that ...

Ok dad .bye.love you...

Love you too dav....niko hangs up

Yes it is very true that david will not use violence unless it is needed unlike stella ..his little princess have a same policy as him ''fist first, talk next'' not only this everyone knows them calls stella as little niko...since she is an exact carbon copy of Nikolai sokolav which is even agreed by landon king....

Stella even pickups Niko's obsessive traits and love for sweets.David is an copy of bran and lan since he is very quiet and emotionally strong .he observes more and will not tolerate any harm to his fam. Alexander is an carbon copy of Brandon king he is called as little prince and little posh boy.

🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

Jeremy volkov -cecily knight volkov

Josh volkov

Cynthia volkov

(Josh and david are bestfriends just like their fathers...there is an interesting thing that is josh has an cute crush on Brandonking

On one vacation where everyone is having dinner its their habit to spend some time together....

Mommy what is crush? he asked cecy

Crush is someone you like baby...

Who's is your crush josh ... asked annika

Though everyone present there know the answer

Josh just turned towards bran and his eyes sparks

uncle Bran he says smiling

To which bran smiles and ruffles his hair

Why though? asked annika

He looks like a prince and he is so gorgeous aunt...josh said

"Back off buddy that's My Man" said niko smiling

Then uncle alex is mine...josh said shocking everyone

Little did they know josh likes alex......)

💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

Landon king-Mia sokolav king

Sofia astrid king

Slvia king

(Sofia's fav uncle and god father is Nikolai.k.sokolav..and lan be like first my little bro and now my little princess..when sofia was young she had a nightmare of her uncle niko was getting into an big accident she woke up crying screaming even lan and mia tried their best to calm her but she said she wants to meet niko right now...lan can't see his little princess crying so in the middle of night they traveled all the way to states when they came to the mansion that niko and bran are living with there kid david...sofia calmed down only after when she saw niko and niko always brag about how he is sofia fav and they ended up staying in states with nikobran for a week )

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Killian carson-Glyndon king carson

Meghan carson

Lewis carson

(Kill made sure that he will never ever do something like his father to his childrens ...he always made sure they both got his love and affection...one fathers day meghan did a handmade letter to kill to wish him fathers day and Killian carson cried so hard while hugging his daughter while meghan just pat him and tell him that he is the best)

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Crieghton king annika volkov king

Mattew king

Mattew likes boxing just like his dad...he always won in every match...mattew almost fought with everyone in thier family but he always make sure that he don't hurt them in serious way still he can't find why he can't fight with stella like he can with others....stella also love boxing and violence when bran asked her if she wants to learn ballerina like aunt annika ended up with she asked her uncle Criegh to teach her boxing hence bran wants her to do what she loves.....

💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

Eli king -ava nash king

Elizabeth king--isabelle king

Alacia king

(How everyone wants aiden to have a daughter but what if eli had daughters that too 3 daughters ....He will never ever have a chance to say no their one smile made him do everything they want...imagine having four girls in one household eli needs prayers and patience....)

🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

Remington Astor-Ariella nash Astor

Taylor ron astor

Rythm Astor

(Taylor ron astor the middle name ron was an honour to his father that how great and best he is....Rythm is exactly a never ever mess with girl, imagine being raised by grandma teal and mom ariella and getting queen treatment from her grandpa and dad and brother her standards are higher then the mountain bruhh)

🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

Vaughan Morozov-Maya sokolav morozov

Nazya morozov

Nicholas morozov

Nazya is the most humblest and kindest girl in these log family ...that's why everyone around her will always be protective over her...think about hurting her and her uncle Niko will end you without any second thought ...

Nicholas morozov was named after Nikolai yes it is an gratefulness that maya felt towards her brother for everything he done for her ...for always being there for her even in worst time...That’s why she wants to give her son her brother name and in the naming ceremony everyone felt so happy and niko was so stunned and suprised he love his sister despite of everything happened)

💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

Kayden lockwood -Gareth carson

Hazel carson

(Hazel is adopted daughter .Gareth found her in an unexpected situation and can't let her suffer when she is just a month old ..he did take her to the heathens mansion where everyone is present for a party to celebrate kayden and gareth 's engagement....when he came while holding a baby., kayden rans towards him and asked him what happened? Gar just said i want to adopt her ...kayden just smiled and said ofc sweetheart but just tell me the whole matter please....ended up with adopting hazel and after 2 yrs they got married infront of hazel for that hazel just giggled and smiled at her parents she may not understand anything but she will be forever safe...)

Also Nikolai is everykids fav uncle because he is an absolute golden retriever... every kid like him to the core that one time when he was late to the gathering all the kids was sulking and gave him punishment to treat them icecream and need to spend the weekend with them in amusement park ..Niko ended up with booking whole amusement part for only them because he can't risk their safety......

Niko also appointed a huge number of bodyguards for his lotus flower since some years back bran was kidnapped...he will never forgive himself for being such careless though that was purely planned and done by the person that bran trust the most....

Okay there are some names which is inspired from some ffs of nikobran and that names really felt good so i really liked that names...THESE ARE JUST MY THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE ....🦋💛 if you guys like just lemme know

[insertyourselfhere]

Body Swap Part 2

A/N: Sorry this took so long just trying to find the direction I wanted the story to go in and I got an idea now!

Character Pairing: Gwen Stacy (Ghost Spider) x Reader

Description: It had been a few weeks now with you and Gwen swapping bodies every so often. Sometimes when you went to her world and did her Spider job there would be comparison videos about you, saying that there had to be 2 Spider’s running with the same sort of body, physique just 2 very different styles. When Gwen was in your body the humiliating videos of you sucking a lot had eventually stopped sort of, you knew it wasn’t Gwen’s fault your body is a bit more conditioned for your fighting style and not hers, she preferred to be light on her feet and was very agile, meanwhile you were the complete opposite and offered almost no flexibility at all which was a  little different from most spiders. So she had a much harder time to adjust. She spent lots of time with your Aunt when she was in your body, meanwhile you wouldn’t mean to but sometimes you would go and watch sports with her dad and bro out a little. One day she left a passive aggressive note on her mirror for you and you got a bit mad.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Can you stop broing out with my dad” It read in giant letters on her mirror, at this point because it had been so long you had begun a routine of when you knew you were going to swap bodies and live the lives of the other person. You grabbed the sticky note and ripped it off her mirror throwing it in her bin. You knew you had to but a part of you had missed this relationship with someone.

Don’t get it wrong you loved your Aunt from the bottom of your heart and you did have some friends you could bro out with but something about not having a male figure in your life to watch sport with or to talk about people you were interested in. Sometimes you missed that bond, but ONLY sometimes, most of the time you usually ran around with your Aunt doing can drives, cooking food for the homeless, cloth drives, anything you could to help our your community back home, but to you there was something familiar about walking in to see your dad sitting on the couch, a beer in his hand watching rugby.

You walked out of the room, hair and everything done for school and you rushed down to get the bus, Gwen’s dad already gone for the day. You got into the bus and headed to school, not paying attention to what you were doing your brain still on this strange phenomenon that you were experiencing. When you got to your first class you opened Gwen’s book and saw it littered with lots of notes and thoughts.

“What’s going on?”, “Why is this happening?”, “Did some witch hex us?” You kept going around the page until you saw a note that caught your eye.

“What are we going to do Y/N?” You couldn’t tell if this note was deliberate or if she was just thinking out loud but you decided to reply anyway knowing she would see it tomorrow when you swapped back. “I don’t know but when 2 spiders get together, I’m sure we could think of something” you wrote back with a small smile on your face.

“Gwen…Can you answer this question please” Your smile dropped and you looked up, the teacher very clearly looked annoyed with you. You gave her a look and answered the question confidently without missing a beat, she gave you an even more annoyed look. “That is correct, however I feel like you should still pay attention” she went back to her whiteboard and you went back to your book, still finding small thoughts and messages.

You managed to get halfway through the day after going to a couple more classes, one that really stood out for you though was music class, only because you were supposed to be the drummer in the school band and you absolutely could not play the drums to save your life, you even practiced on Gwen’s drum kit when you could and even watched tutorials back in your own body. You managed to avoid playing whenever you had class but the note stuck in your locker said otherwise. “Drum solo due today” You were literally shaking at the idea of going to music class, you thought about skipping but if Gwen put that in your locker it must really be important. You headed towards music class slowly catching up with the rest of your class mates, the teacher brought you all in and before you could even sit down she pulled you over.

“Now Gwen before you get comfortable your going first today” Of course you were, what luck it would be for you to get dragged up first. You went to sit down behind the drum kit and grabbed the drum sticks. They gave you a guitarist to play along with.

 They started playing and you literally held your breath, you tried playing the drum kit along with the guitarist and it just wasn’t working out for you. You huffed and tried playing again to no avail, your frustration was showing and the teacher went to stop you. But once you actually focused and put your mind to it the muscle memory kicked in and you started playing, Gwen’s muscle memory of playing for so long took over your limbs and played the drums, beautifully you might add. You had an out of body experience, your mind separated from your body just for that moment. You smiled as you sat and watched her body just take over, she looked like she was in her element, like this was the person she was supposed to be. Soon the experience was coming to an end, you went back into her body and felt the ending of the piece come to the end. As the last beat of the drum hit all Gwen’s classmates stood up and gave her a standing ovation, you felt a little out of place since it wasn’t you that had done it but you gave a small smile and a wave.

The rest of your day was a little uneventful, school finished up and you had a couple of incidents as Spider-Gwen that you had managed to fix up and head on home. As you walked into the house you were greeted with her father laying on the couch drinking a beer and watching the rugby. You waved towards him and moved to Gwen’s room getting ready for the night, before you could he called out to you.

“Hey Gwen, you coming to watch?” You shook your head walking away into your room, feeling a bit guilty you closed the door and hid in Gwen’s room. You headed to her desk grabbing the journal you had bought for her ages ago so you could mark down what you had and she could keep tabs on what you did, you managed to always get a photo of the day too so she could see what you were doing and you stuck a picture of Gwen receiving her A+ for her award. You had another photo of her playing the drums during the class, you grabbed it looking at it remembering how amazing it was to see her play. Even though it literally wasn’t quite her it still made you smile, you were absolutely wrecked from the day so you managed to pass out while holding onto the photo.

You woke up the next day in your own room this time knowing you had swapped back, you stretched your body and heard something fall to the ground. To your bewilderment there was the picture of Gwen playing the drums on your bedroom floor, you scuffled down to grab it surprised to see this had some how made its way across the whatever this was.

“Y/N Are you awake?” You were too stunned to speak and you heard your Aunt knock on the door slowly before opening it, she spotted you splayed out on the floor holding onto this polaroid picture.

“Y/N are you okay?” You quickly sat up and crossed your legs. “Um, I don’t know how to explain this but I have a photo that I somehow teleported across with from Gwen’s body here right now” Your Aunt gave you a confused look and crouched down next to you as you held up the picture, your Aunt took it off you inspecting it.

“This is Gwen?” She asked a small smile went across her features “At least now I know what to picture when you guys swap, also she’s very pretty Y/N” Your face flushed turning red knowing very well how pretty she was. “Get out” You said gently pushing your aunt away from your space, she giggled and got up heading towards the kitchen.

“Breakfast is ready, and don’t forget to read your journal” You shook your head and got up, moving over to the journal on your night stand. You read its contents and was surprised nothing really happened over here, she had a rather uneventful day, mostly just helping our her Aunt with a couple of things around the house, going to football practice and taking down a petty thief as your spider. You let out a sigh of relief when you noticed less and less scars and scratches on your body every time you came back. You didn’t realise how difficult your body was to handle but then again it was your body.

You walked out into the kitchen still holding onto the photo that you had somehow managed to bring over here, you walked up to the fridge and placed it on there. Your aunt gave you a confused look and you slightly blushed.

“So you know what to picture when we swap and she’s me” You said, grabbing your bowl of cereal and eating it quickly. She shot you a look and you smashed down the rest of your cereal and headed out to your school now.

“Whats up Y/N” Your best friend as always was waiting for you at the bus stop, you did your secret handshake and proceeded to board the bus as soon as it showed up. You were lost in thought stuck thinking about Gwen’s drum performance and started looking up tutorials again.

“I’m sorry Y/N but you literally have the rhythm of a 80 year old with a hip displacement” You shot him a look and knew he was right but you wanted to try.

“Look just because I went to Prom with Trixie last year and stepped on her feet 8 times does not prove that theory” Your B/F shot you a look and you rolled your eyes looking back out the window again. School came into sight as you prepared to leave the bus you felt a Spidey Tingle.

“What was that about?” You asked looking around, there was nothing alerting you it was just going off, no real direction, no real sense it would just tingle.

“Y/N You okay buddy?” Your B/F asked, you nodded still looking off in the distance but came back and kept walking with them.

“I’ve got PE first up what have you got?” They asked you groaned realising what day it was. “Today is literally my worst day I have Maths, Science, English. Why couldn’t Gwen be the one to take over my Thursdays” You said out loud. “Who’s Gwen, is she your girlfriend?” You blushed heavily looking back at your friend who had a smirk on their face.

“I don’t know a Gwen, that’s weird why would I say Gwen, that’s such a random name to think of…”Your rambling was not helping and your best friend was cackling. “Alright super star I get it, don’t tell me about this mysterious Gwen character then” They punched your shoulder gently and walked off to their class, you were so annoyed at yourself because you knew for a fact that your best friend was going to NAG you until you died about Gwen so Gwen will find out that you mentioned her casually. “Today could not get any….NO NOOOOO I will not finish that sentence cause its always followed by something horrible” You grabbed your text books and headed to your first classes, today you were keeping a low profile unable to get your mind of 2 things that’s already happened today, 1 you bought the photo back from Gwen’s world of her playing the drums which was weird in itself and 2 although it didn’t happen today you still couldn’t get your mind off that scene. Your Spidey sense started going off again for no reason, it was really bothering you, almost like a constant ringing in your ears distracting you from focusing on class, not like you were anyway. You looked out the window and saw the grey clouds rolling in, your teachers voice drowning out as they spoke and it just went quiet.

That ringing noise came back and you were slowly starting to lose your mind. ‘GET OUT OF MY HEAD’ You yelled in your brain hoping for the noise to go away.

‘Is that anyway to say hello to the stranger you’ve been sharing your body with for the last few weeks’

Your body froze, you stood up from your desk looking to see that familiar blonde hair you got used to seeing so often. When it didn’t happen you saw your students and teachers staring at you.

“Ah I’m so sorry I just have to pee….yeah is that okay if I pee?” Your teacher didn’t say anything and just nodded their head as you ran out into the hallway.

You ran towards the bathroom, slammed open the door and looked at yourself In the mirror.

‘This is insane, I am going insane, theres no way I heard Gwen’s voice in my head. Nope. You are crazy Y/N’

‘If I interrupt and say you aren’t does that make you more crazy’

You heard that voice again, you knew for a fact you did it was like she was in front of you. You looked in the mirror and saw no one else. Nothing in your eyes, no weird senses or anything it was just you.

‘This is crazy’

‘Yep’ She replied so casually and you couldn’t help but laugh.

‘Why is this happening to us’

‘Dunno but your loud thoughts are making it very hard to concentrate’ You could only imagine how loud your brain was, so you let out a deep breath and quietened everything down.

‘Much better, Anyway I don’t know why or how this is happening but um while I have you here I wanted to thank you, for the A+ you got in music yesterday’ You smiled at her, or like in your head? It doesn’t matter, you made your way back to class.

‘I didn’t do anything, believe it or not I have 0 musical talent so it was actually all you, well your body to be honest, I just sat back and watched’ You sat back down in your classroom looking back out the window again, the teacher once again beginning their explanation of Maths and you honestly too pre-occupied with what was happening in your head.

‘Well either way I am impressed so thank you’ She said you could hear a small smile playing on her lips.

‘Well thank you for not leaving my body all bruised and scratched this time! It was refreshing’ You said laughing to yourself out loud. A few more students turned to you and you looked away trying so hard not to bring any more attention to yourself.

‘It was a hard lesson to learn but we’re getting there’ she replied, The bell rang in your world and you got up, moving towards Science.

‘Oh look I was going to tell you when we swapped bodies back but I guess I can tell you now, I um managed to take a photo from your world and bring it with me’ Gwen hummed in her head which caused your head to reverberate a little.

‘Interesting, which photo did you take’

‘I wonder if I could show you?’ you asked trying to project the image in your head.

‘I don’t think this is how that works I think we can just hear each other’ she said smiling.

‘That’s fair, okay it was a picture of you playing the drums yesterday’

‘How did that happen?’ she asked, your face flushed a little.

‘I had finished up the journal I had written for you and legit passed out as soon as I was done, I didn’t realise I was still holding onto that photo’ You lied out of your teeth not wanting to tell her you admired how naturally she played the drums.

‘You know I can hear your thoughts right..’ She said and you had just been caught.

‘Okay well you caught me, so yes either way I fell asleep with it in my hand and woke up here and it was on my floor’

‘I wonder if it happens with anything else, I might try it out with something’ she said thinking out loud

‘Let me know how it goes! I wonder if this whole talking thing is a permanent thing or a today thing’

‘I guess we will find out’

The rest of your day went by very quickly now that you had someone to complain to without getting in trouble. She would also do the same thing, sometimes it would be silent for a few minutes or so but then you would take turns breaking the silence. You were intrigued by this new ability of yours wondering if maybe it was all in your head and not the actual Gwen but with these Spidey powers you have you highly doubted that. It seemed to be some otherworldly thing like maybe there was something you both needed to do. You weren’t sure but you would try your best to figure out what this was and how to fix it.

[nixthelapin]

Something I’m realizing is that, if I were in the miraculous world in Marinette’s class, I would probably believe at least some of Lila’s lies because I wouldn’t really have proof most of the time, and if I did I probably would’ve been too shy to bring it up and be called petty (unless I had a personal stake in it), and I also don’t want to be that person who disbelieves people, so why not just go along with it right?

However- what I do know is… I would have hated her.

Could I accept her outlandish tales? Sure. Would it be obvious to me that she’s just being an attention seeker who likes to make everything about herself? Who constantly makes excuses to have others do everything for her? Absolutely.

Because I’ve met plenty of people who only like to talk about things that they do or cool stuff they’ve done, and even if the events were true, I couldn’t stand being around them! I also bace an aunt who would always have some excuse so she wouldn’t have to do any work, she somehow convinced her mom to let her live at home at 50 and unemployed bc she refused to look for a job, and would also literally pretend to be disabled to get benefits from places (this was usually at theme parks). Oh and she also stole a few thousand $ after my grandma died (she was supposed to split it with my dad). Then if my dad ever got mad at her, she’d cry to their extended family and make him out to be the bad guy (and a lot of them would believe her because she was a darling of the family).

I think it would’ve been interesting to have a character like that interact with Lila. Someone who doesn’t necessarily think she’s lying (maybe just exaggerating a little, but who doesn’t, right?), but is really just annoyed by her attitude and how she treats the class. And you could have a manipulation moment where Lila confronts them like “Did I do something to upset you? I’m really sorry, oh I’m no good at making friends,” etc. and tries to put them in an awkward situation bc they don’t technically have anything concrete, but how can you just say “I just don’t like you” to their face when.. they haven’t technically done anything wrong?? (I know some sassy people will be fine with saying that to her face, but this creates more tension I think bc it shows Lila’s manipulations working in a different way beyond “leading sheeple”). It adds a new dynamic that isn’t like the rest of the class, but also not like Marinette.

And I know Adrien doesn’t follow her lies but isn’t antagonistic about it (at least until way later), but he is still aware that she’s lying, and even maliciously (in Oni-Chan, she tries to keep Chat away so Ladybug can be hurt by the Akuma). And Adrien was basically a doormat until she almost got Marinette expelled, which says more about him than Lila, because Lila’s lies haven’t worked on him since he found out she lied about Volpina. Though he was uncomfortable from the start (with her basically feeling him up, ew), but I think it’d be cool to have someone be uncomfortable but not as the object of her attention. Just for a bit more variety I guess.

Anything to make it so that not everyone is just a brainless follower around her.

[megalopolus]

I'd be so curious to hear more about your interpretation of Leshawna,,, like what's her hobbies. what do you think she does post canon. hell what's ur favorite friendship/interaction she's involved in

ohhhh omg dude leshawna’s like my second fave character after courtney ilhsm 😭😭 sorry this was so late it ended up sitting in my drafts for like a week 💔

let’s see…some headcanons.

a lot of my interpretation of leshawna is based around my headcanon that she grew up in a very female-dominated household. i think her parents separated when she was very young (she and gwen have this in common) and she and her mom moved in with her mom’s sister (leshaniqua’s mom). her mom was dealing with a lot and kinda became a little cold and distant, so leshawna’s closer to her aunt and cousin than her mom. not that there isn’t a lot of love anyway, but her mom was never quite the same after that. she didn’t get to see her dad much as a kid because he ended up moving to a different province, but he made sure she knew she was loved when he did see her. leshaniqua’s dad passed from a terminal illness, so it’s the sisters and their kids living together.

as a result though leshawna is actually a very private person and her circle of trust is rather small, despite how sociable and outgoing she is. she’s very close with leshaniqua and would often go to her for advice when needed, but sometimes she’d speak with her aunt as well. she feels the need to not be a burden on her family because of all the hardship they’ve endured, which is where her insistence that she never cries comes from. her upbringing is also part of why she’s so hesitant about engaging in a relationship with harold, because her parents weren’t together to model what romantic love should look like for her.

she and leshaniqua share a room, and i’ve also pondered about leshawna having a younger brother. leshaniqua has sisters as well but they’re older and generally moved out.

as far as interests…i actually have a hc that leshawna likes to paint! again she keeps it rather to herself, but it’s something that soothes her and helps her be alone when needed. i also have a small hc that she loved strawberry shortcake growing up and orange blossom was her fave which is why she has oranges on her shirt. no idgaf that they’re canonically kumquats. they’re oranges.

leshawna’s also actually one of the most athletic characters in her generation (she seeds highest on her team in “million dollar babies”, over duncan and presumably even over courtney) but i haven’t quite figured out where she expresses that athleticism. track and field/shotput maybe? just personal training? idk. she's obviously very physically strong and has a high level of endurance.

otherwise i actually kinda think she’s a little bit of a homebody/prefers sorta low energy activities like just hanging out at the mall or around school. did you ever see those groups of girls in high schools that were always just kinda chilling? i feel like she had a few friends that she would just move around with in a unit LOL

she also had a guilty pleasure in reality television and talkshows which is what got her entangled in total drama in the first place, and why she kept doing reality tv after (tyler and leshawna reality tv duo from celebrity manhunt i did not forget you). i don't have a very clear idea of what her post-canon endeavours look like tbh, even in "before we die" she only says she wants to be a millionaire so i suspect she'd keep taking the tv and fame route for that. @/itsdivineart has a rather nice older leshawna tbh!!

i love...all of leshawna's canon relationships tbh. she's very personable and she plays off of the rest of the cast very well. some underappreciated ones imo is her dynamic with courtney (i have a whole thread on twitter about it LOL) and of course her friendship with lindsay. but her friendships with gwen and dj are also super excellent ♥♥

i also hc that leshawna and heather begrudgingly ended up spending time together because they're both friends with harold and dj HAHA

that's all i can think of off the top of my head but i love answering prompts like these :p

[soapsinthebox]

character ask um sona thouughffs perhappps 😁do soba. Sona :)

Greets Gekko!! and of course, im always happy to talk about my cancelled aunt, she is my pfp after all

Favorite thing about them

Oooh this one is hard... "Favorite" is a little too wide of a definition for this, so ill narrow it down to what hits the hardest for me, and that is most definitely, the "flawed mother" angle they were going for her.

Sona isnt perfect, as much as she wants to claim otherwise, she believes in ideologies that actively put Frisks friends in danger time and time again, and as shown, is even willing to act on them in the imperfect routes, but they still love and see the good in her, because thats what theyve grown up with their whole life, and for someone who has a mom in a pretty similar situation, that hit so fucking hard for me.

Sona... they could never make me hate you Sona...

Least favorite thing about them

I dont really understand the hair motif they were going for, it feels unnecessary, out of place, and compared to all the other powers she could have had in the concept art (Doll powers, omega form, ect) just feels... idk, boring to me? i just feel there was so much more potential for her.

Favorite line

"If you dont have determination, you have to fake it!" lives rent free in my mind. its the perfect way to show off one of her main ideologies, In Sonas mind, theres just simply no thing called weakness or imperfections, and anything that is lacking can be fixed right up like a doll, who cares if itll never be as genuine as the flawed and complex human being that they used to be?

Theres also the iconic "I only take the souls of children if they disobey me!" line, which i like for a lot less complex reasons. just, out of context funny lmao.

BrOTP

The possible relationships she can have with Dalv, and her relations to integrity are both very intriguing to me.

Like, for Dalv theres this whole thing with them that they are both flawed individuals who ran away from their problems in the past, but ended up with completely different outcomes (Dalv was ripped away from society, while Sona actively got herself involved in it) but also like?? for something fluffier, i like to imagine that Dalv is good with kids, and the idea of him running an orphanage with Sona is really cute to me.

And integrity... oughh, its seen both in the no romance endings and the perfect sans route of kc that Sona really cared for integrity (their ending having the most lore, only second to Justice because...well, uty reference, her giving them flowers in that one cg), So the idea of her in a uty scenario (cough cough kcy cough cough) finding out about what they did and their fate is a REALLY interesting angle to consider for me. so many thoughts, oh so many of them.

And then last but certainly not least, theres her and Chara which i feel like i dont talk about NEARLY enough but since this section is getting long, ill just end this off on that kc shouldve had more Sona and Chara interactions.

OTP

... Its Sonaroba, is anyone surprised.

Theyre so interesting and mentally ill and evil i need to put them in a snowglobe and shake them as hard as i can. Like, you have two woman who were both wronged by the world in some capacity, and when proven wrong, are so tunnel visioned that they basically just beg for death. only that one is past that arc and has learned to grow, while the other, despite having the chance time and time again, hasnt. They're two sides of the same coin, they're two different outcomes of the same person they're they're they're-

My incoherent ramblings aside, i also really enjoy Sonanny, they're the doomed old woman yuri ever and i refuse to take any criticism /j like, theres a reason Nanny is the only adult not controlled by Sona right? IM GOING INSANE-

nOTP

... Im actually at a loss for what to put here lol. I mean, i guess theres Sona and Sans, but its just so stupidly evil and toxic that i kinda just, thrive in it now

I guess her and Starlo?? but theyre not compatible anyway so i dont really get why people would even ship it to begin with.

Random headcanon

The hat she has in the concept art right?? i imagine she actually still has that hat somewhere, and wears it on special occasions like anniversaries and birthdays. its just so cute i cant help myself rahhh-

Unpopular opinion

Im actually not that familiar with what the major idea around Sona is since i only really hang out in niche spaces, maybe i should hang around Andrews community more-

But since "Sona isnt just some random racist mom and her character goes so much deeper than that" isn't really a fun answer, im gonna say that i think we (and by we i mean like, the twelve people in the kissy cutie community) Really dont explore her Mexican origins enough. theres so many fun things you can do with it like the original game does-

Song i associate with them

The main two songs i associate with her are Suburbia by Will wood and the tape worms, and ruler of everything by tally hall.

Suburbia in particular feels like her trying to fit herself and eveyone into a "generic" standard, and the ar-15 part in particular feels like Chara speaking to her like "cultures not your friend" and "Culture is more afraid of you then you are of itself", making it a duet between the Siblings?? ouggh can you see the vision.

And ruler of everything... oh ruler of everything my beloved, everything about it fits Sona so well for me, especially the chorus?? Ayaygdgyduhhuh

I actually was story boarding a ruler of everything Sona animatic, i lost interest since school started, so heres the rough beatboards

Favorite picture of them

The little full body Xan cut out lives in my mind rent free, like look at her guys shes so full of bliss and whimsy

Thanks for the ask!! sorry this got a little long lol, i am a yapper at heart

[reallysaneguy]

So I have a Spider-Noir AU and I think it's pretty swell

so basically. yeah. Uhm. Well. So first off, I would like to mention that I was, in fact, in a manic episode when I got the idea. so you cant be mean to me. Look, I know this sounds crazy guys but PLEASE IT'S MY EVERYTHING

He's always been a really mad character. the first thing he did after getting his powers is go to kill goblin. So I figured, lets amp it up by 100. So now, unintentionally, I made him a mix of Punisher and Jigsaw. But he's cooler and more interesting because... uh... he's him? Yeah.

If you couldn't tell by the beautiful graphic, massive trigger warning. this gets graphic. like, REALLY gorey graphic. I don't know why nor how I got these ideas. but yeah. warning for that. No visuals, though

To start off, SCREW THE 2020 NOIR COMICS. THOSE ARE NOT HIM!!! THOSE ARE SO NOT HIM!!! THOSE ARE FAN SERVICE!!!! I am the fan though. That one panel with his double Ds is, in fact, my lockscreen. BUT THATS NOT THE POINT!!! the point is, it's a continuation of the 2009 comics. actually, it continues after Spider-Geddon. Because 2 can play the back from the dead game. Since it's a continuation, I beg of you to please read his comics. please. please oh my god they're so good. like oh my god. I have made a google slideshow about them. guys they are so full of tiny details I gen can't

So he's back after dying. I figured it can be the same way as the canon one. I'm not that creative. OBVIOUSLY some other canon parts have been changed, too. I'm bringing characters who def could have survived back, hence the ability to eat vulture back. which. is what we're doing. well, what he's doing. uhm.

Anyways, he's back from the dead. He rushes home to Aunt May just wanting a hug from her after everything he just went through. Unfortunately, when she sees him (after the initial disbelief) she looks at him with nothing but disgust for him.

So now he's homeless. But he has a cat. Because adding Ding-Ding was such an amazing move in the 2020 comics. So he basically just lives with this cat. He does, eventually, become a PI with his own little abode. Don't ask for more details. I don't know.

Well. Uhm. GUYS I'M SORRY. I HAD TO DO IT. I COULDN'T THINK OF A BETTER REASON TO LOSE YOUR SANITY. GUYS PLEASE I'M SO SORRY. IF YOU ARE ON TIKTOK, YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN SOMETHING WITH IT, AND YOU BLAMED IT ON BENNY BOY. I'M SORRY. I'M THE ONE WHO DID IT. HE JUST DREW IT.

I killed the cat. Precious Ding-a-Ling is dead.

So he snaps. He's officially lost everything. Aunt May disowned him, Robbie is Robbie, and as of right now MJ is back to war or something. idk. maybe she can be dead too. yeah. MJ is also dead. THE POINT IS, HE HAS NOTHING NOW.

And now, the only thing that brings him any emotion, is after killing a bad person. So he hunts them down. It's like a drug. He has nothing left, so why not? It's not like he can die. At least he's helping people. But after a while, it's just not enough. These people deserve more than an easy way out. He slowly becomes more and more sadistic.

This is where the Vulture comes back. Who else is still alive? Goblin, Montana, Ox, Doc Ock, Shocker, and Mysterio. And since I was bored, Jonah and Felicia are part of this too. Yeah.

One of my beautiful (really shitty) drawings is based off "an eye for an eye", because that's what this is. Revenge. So long story short:

The Vulture: Blood eagle (because he needs wings, duh) and also eaten. He's also! Alive! yeah. Our silly guy knows anatomy. He knows what he can and can't do. (I watched midsommar)

The Goblin: His greatest fear is being locked up in a cage and mocked. So he's kept in a cage. And Since he always had others do his dirty work, it's his turn. He's gotta help clean up and help torture. Also, he's being experimented on. Because once again, Peter Parker is Peter Parker, and he is a nerd

Doc Ock: I originally was going to lobotomize him, but that's BORING!!! So he is now Swiss cheese. yeah. lots of holes drilled into him.

Shocker: Bennett actually came up with this one; electric chair, but he has to power it himself.

Mysterio: White room.

Uhm. I do have more, but this is already long and I don't want to bore you guys if you've read all this for some reason. But thank you if you did! I've actually worked really hard on this entire thing. There's a lot to it. So I hope you enjoyed this???

[fractalcloning]

As I scream into the void seeking a Narek RPer to play against, I have finally caved and must explain why I want this Romulan loungelizard to be more popular. (It won't happen, but I can dream.)

Reasons I like Narek as a character that nobody but me gives a shit about:

Let me preface this with a fact about me: I know Romulans.

I've RPed as Nero for almost two straight years in a large game. I've basically learned Rihannsu back to front for the endeavor. The person who played my Ayel and I both dumped countless hours into developing grammar and extrapolating cultural rules. We were dedicated to making them as believeable and accurate to canon as possible.

I have the whole timeline of the destruction of Hobus/Romulus down to memory. I know about all the neat little tidbits and trivia from comics and adjacent materials etc, etc.

This is to say: I have read and written quite a lot about Romulans in my time. I am very familiar with how they work and what data is available to draw from when writing them.

We do meet a few rank and file military Romulans from time to time, however. So we know how the general military operates in direct contrast to the Tal'Shiar. Caution and secrecy is sort of baked into their culture, which makes a lot of sense given that they're constantly at war with basically everyone, but they aren't (generally) unreasonable people.

In canon Trek, Romulans are often a little over the top with the sneaky-backstabbing-untrustworthy-nonsense. They're almost comical with how much scheming they do, but most of the Romulans we meet in canon are Tal'Shiar. The Tal'Shiar are known, pretty explicitly for the depth and breadth of their sneaky-backstabbing-untrustworthy-nonsense. It's kind of their whole deal, apart from mnhei'sahe (literally the ruling passion honor).

Narek, however, was a child when Hobus went supernova. He is from the very last generation that had any living memory of Romulus. (Elnor is also from this generation and they are great foils for each other, but that's another essay.) Narek is from a (presumably) respected family of--if not Tal'Shiar then Military--operatives. His aunt held high rank, his sister did as well, and both were inducted into the Zhat Vash, an organization that worked so quietly and efficiently that even the famously paranoid Tal'Shiar thought they were a myth. They orchestrated catastrophes and manipulated Galactic law to their ends, one of their members was the head of Starfleet Security and Narissa was on a personal basis with her.

Their underlying culture is present, but it isn't explored very deeply in any one canon source. Taken collectively, however, it is just as substantial as Klingon Battle-lust or Ferengi Capitalism.

Nero was a break from the norm, not because he was vengeful, but because he was the first non-military Romulan we'd ever really seen. His designs, the tattoos, the crew of his ship with their very un-Romulan loyalty, the way he talked and sought equivalent exchange of lives (mnhei'sahe), was a wealth of Romulan culture that we hadn't ever seen. He was a regular Joe, had a regular non-Military job, trusted and worked with aliens to try and save lives. His failure (not his fault) was something he absorbed and sought to rectify in the Romulan way.

Nero was super interesting both for how much detail he cast on Romulan culture, and in how he slotted into the Prime Timeline. Nero was a guy desperately clinging to hope, to the last vestiges of his civilian life, but he was cut free by the destruction of Romulus and set adrift. The only anchor he had in the AOS timeline was his honor and the driving need to balance the scales and restore it.

Narek, however privledge his family was, was a washout. He was a failure. We know he wasn't Zhat Vash, and whether he was even Tal'Shiar is up for some serious speculation. He doesn't act like military officers, and only seems to be play-acting as a Tal'Shiar, miming his sister when it suits him.

Narek may have had authority on the Artifact, but it was probably by dint of Oh granting it. We never get any clarification whatsoever about his rank or dayjob, just that he is fully devoted to helping the Zhat Vash. He is analytical, prepared, but he is not good at thinking on his feet and clearly does his planning off screen. He's meticulous but not especially skilled at hiding or regulating his emotional state. He is far less aggressive and stalwart than just about every other Romulan we've seen...except for Nero.

He was literally a placeholder sent to keep tabs on Soji. He didn't even arrive until Narissa had failed to capture Dahj. That Narek managed to get close to Soji, that he discovered her dreams and correctly surmised what they are, was more luck than skill. Before his assessments the Zhat Vash knew that Dahj (and Soji) could be activated out of their cover, but they assumed that they could capture them. They probably assumed they could torture the data out of them, if not dissect them and rip out a harddrive.

Narek found an easy way to get right to the information they needed. His attachment to Romulan culture is his puzzlebox--Before Nero we had never met a Romulan civilian and before Narek we have never met a cultural Romulan who plays with a toy, we had never seen a child's toy like that. Of course, the puzzlebox (Tan Zhekran) was a mechanism to illustrate his thought process, to make the differences between Narissa and him very apparent, but it was also something from his childhood (presumably). It's a weirdly personal affect for a Romulan and he fidgets with it almost constantly. It's a tell, something he shouldn't have, and it makes him accessible on an emotional level.

Narek is a civilian.

He's a civilian in a family of spies and operatives, raised alongside his sister on the same stories, with the same care. There's no way a Zhat Vash didn't have a family home on Romulus. While Elnor is a nice example of the new generation of Romulans, Narek is one of the last examples of what is used to mean to be a Romulan. He saw Romulus and escaped with all his surviving family when it as it was destroyed. Narek was raised on Romulan tradition (private names for family), Romulan stories about the end of the world, and he is haunted by them because he knows they're true, they're real. His sister and aunt have seen it, seen the message that drives people mad, about Ganmadan. His living relatives have dedicated their lives to preventing it and, even if he isn't actually Zhat Vash, he does the same.

Narek is a failure, by his culture's standards, by his family's standards, but he is also the only one of them who lives in the end.

He's a civilian who is trying, desperately, to avert another Romulan apocalypse. He has already lived through one and somehow this next one is even worse. Like Nero he sees the writing on the wall--but instead of doubling down on the traditional sneaky spy shit, he tries something new--unlike Nero, it works! He makes headway where nobody else could.

Unfortunately, it's kinda fucked up, but he then gives up everything in the pursuit of this goal. (Which to him, seems like a noble one.) Narek gives up who he is (by playing at being Tal Shiar), his safety (he has no idea what Soji is capable of or what might set her off, they only have records of Dahj killing a dozen agents before being blown up), and eventually resigns himself to killing the woman he's fallen in love with (the baseline requirement for giving out his real name). He does it all for the greater good, to save people and he doesn't seem to make much of a distinction between Romulan and other organic lives. He has his little plans, tracking La Sirena in a single cloaked ship, hiding his presence to tail them, firing on them despite being wholly outmatched, allying with Sutra however temporarily, trying to sway Soji again, turning to Rios, Raffi, and Elnor for help--he's willing to do anything because he's terrified that everything is about to end and it will be him who failed to prevent it.

The very last shot we see of him, after his plan to detonate the transmitter fails completely, is him on the ground being dragged away by the Coppelius androids. He doesn't posture or threaten, doesn't say ominous shit like the other Romulans we're used to--He begs. He claws at the ground, trying to stay, and he begs. He pleads with Soji, calls her his love, tries that last ditch hail mary because it's all he can do. He fails his task and she's the last person he can reach out to and, in the end, despite the very real threat to her life, Planet, and Picard, Soji smashes the transmitter. The apocalypse is averted.

Narek failed but he also succeeded. His aunt is dead, Oh has been outed as a traitor, and his sister is killed by Seven of Nine. In a cut scene, apparently, Narek was supposed to be arrested by Starfleet. So he's facing (at the very least) retribution from the androids and the ExBorg. Starfleet is very likely to arrest and interrogate him, if not imprison him indefinitely since he has ties to the Zhat Vash and, subsequently, will be on the hook to explain the Utopia Planetia disaster. Soji hates him, for good reason, and his homeworld is long gone. Narek has nothing...but the world was saved.

Narek is singular because he's all about needing and interacting with other people, he has no real authority, nobody he commands. He's a civilian (insofar as any Romulan can be) and is a soft, emotional boy who hangs on to his childhood toys. He's driven in equal parts by fear and a deep sense of failure, like everyone else in the show, and he takes the steps that seem right and necessary to him (also like everyone else on the show).

Narek was a great contrast against Elnor in every possible way--from his evasiveness to his fear of death--and he was a great foil for Soji. On Coppelius, Soji's terror clouds her judgment and she very nearly does terrible things to protect herself. Her actions, her opinions, her hesitation were all driven by fear. The ends seemed to justify the means. She reflects Narek's state for the whole show. Season 1 is about finding safety and meaning.

Narek is afraid for the whole duration of the show and his choices all reflect that same desperate need to find permanent safety, to live. Soji exists on the peripheral of that with the Ex-Borg, and as a synthetic, and then she falls headlong into it after his betrayal. Narek regrets trying to kill her and the symbolism of his losing that box, of him trying to kill her in a room that is so very culturally Romulan, right after telling her his name, makes it very clear that killing her is killing some piece of himself. But the ends justify the means. He can and will give up everything to save the world.

And his last line in the show is desperately pleading with the woman he loves as he's dragged away.

Then we never see him again or get anything resembling closure for Soji or Narek.

Which I will be big mad about forever, because they didn't even get the bare minimum acknowledgement and closure of "moving on and living life is paramount because it is finite and beautiful ". Nope. Nothing. I'm furious forever.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk. I hope if Star Trek Legacy happens we get Narek as a sort of...side character creeper informant ala Garak. I also hope we get Soji on Seven's Enterprise because I love her.

[pynkhues]

https://www.reddit.com/r/InterviewVampire/s/5woda28IB4

interesting tidbit by Anne on gender. "feminine limitations"... oh Anne.

SO interesting, anon, thank you for sharing it!

But yeah, gosh, oh, Anne. I don't know. People in fandom are now especially, but have historically always been a bit shit when it comes to Anne, which bugs me because yeah, she was problematic and complicated and hated fandom for a chunk of her life and was obviously battling a lot of internalised misogyny, but she was also born in 1941, genuinely an incredibly evocative writer, and wrote a book series that was literally revolutionary in terms of its exploration of sexuality, if not necessarily gender. If she was a man, she'd be enshrined in lit canon, y'know?

I do think what she's trying to say there around feminine limitations is that Gabrielle had no way to live as a woman in her era, but at the same time, Anne's track record with female characters - - well, like I said, I think she was battling a lot of internalised misogyny.

This might sound a little odd, but in some ways I think a part of the tragedy of her daughter dying so young to me is that Anne never got to explore a new generation of womanhood with her. A lot of the older women I know - both silent generation as Anne was, and Boomers and Gen X - who have had drastically shifting understandings of womanhood as it relates to modern life have been impacted by young women close to them. Often daughters, but also granddaughters, nieces, friends' daughters, even in some cases just neighbours and friends. Anne probably had some of these, but the loss of her daughter I don't doubt would've shaped some of it too. Gosh, my aunt still struggles to be around my sister's boys after losing her own son, even though he passed long before either of my nephews were born.

Life's complicated, and our modern, mainstream understanding of gender and sexuality has changed so much in my adult lifetime, I can't imagine how much it has for older generations. That's not to excuse anyone's behaviour, bias or discrimination, of course, but things are never as black and white as people want them to be, y'know? And people shouldn't be punished for having complicated relationships with their own identities, which, well. A lot of what Anne's written - that post included - gives me an inkling that she probably did.