#i could think of more examples but i don't want to find them

[followthebluebell]

Hello! Please feel free to ignore, or respond at your leisure - I don’t want to bother you! Just a cat behavior question.

Do you find that you see more progress in terms of improving QOL in highly anxious* cats when they are ‘left alone’ (ie. not doing specific training, just normal feeding and offering human-involved play or pets *only* if the cat solicits it) or when employing a more hands-on approach (training comfort with touch or environment using treat rewards, attempting clicker training, responding to displays of anxiety with treats/removing the stressor if possible, etc)?

* ‘highly anxious’ here meaning cats that remain noticeably anxious or reactive even on daily gabapentin, where nearly any object or sound (famililar stimuli, not just novel) elicits stressed body language and fearfulness and the cat is agitated or appears highly stimulated at all times.

(My personal experience is limited in working with this level of anxiety since I’ve only been working with fosters for about 3 years, and mostly with kittens/more physical medical needs).

So this is very much a case-by-case basis for me, which is why I largely stopped giving advice on how to handle anxiety over the internet. I realized that I could be causing more harm than help.

In general, I think it's more useful to give an anxious cat the tools they need to handle their own anxiety--- ie, a cat that's overgrooming due to anxiety needs to re-learn that there are other ways to reduce anxiety, a cat that's anxious because of understimulation needs to relearn how to play with things, that sort of thing.

Like an anxious cat is always going to have SOMETHING to be anxious over, just like a people do. It's not useful to overwhelm with stimuli; you risk pushing the cat over the threshold and that's a fantastic way to get bitten or you risk pushing them into a shutdown. It's better to figure out what they need to feel comfortable and start from there.

I think Persephone would probably be a good example of the level of anxiety you're describing. For her, I largely left her alone for the first few weeks of acquisition. When she started showing interest in interacting, I rewarded her heavily--- this allowed her to still feel in control of the interactions without overwhelming her. This allowed her to be adopted and gave her a MUCH better QOL overall.

For cats that are more cat-social, I like to introduce them to more confident cats. This gives them a buddy and a sort of social meter. If they're nervous about something, they can look to their buddy like, "yo, hey :( I notice that there is a man wearing a scary hat here???? Is that ok????" and their buddy just goes, ":) i like food yay", so the anxious cat learns that maybe hats aren't THAT scary. If they were really scary, the other cat would ALSO be scared instead of hungry.

Again, it's about meeting the cat's individual requirements, if that makes sense. i think that's far more valuable to the animal in question. I try to meet the cat at their threshold WITHOUT going over it. As they become more comfortable, I try to push the threshold just a little bit further.

So i don't really force a hands-on approach (except for kittens under 12 weeks; they get put into the hoodie pocket and carried around), but I DO consider the hands-on approach 'better' for most cases.

I view medication as an extremely useful tool. It can be used for the cat's entire life and that's fine but, in general, I try to use it as little as possible. If a cat is still showing substantial anxiety on gabapentin, I'd switch medications; there are other options.

You need to keep reasonable goals, I feel, for yourself and the cat. Persephone is never going to be Little Miss Social and that's ok. I just needed to get her to the point where she was pettable, handleable, and able to go into a carrier.

[droidsdoodles]

In Defense of Eduardo

Before posting this, a new short was produced that features the fandom's least favorites, Eduardo and Mark! While enjoying the short time we had with them, my dissolved brain noticed something kind of interesting regarding Eduardo and his behavior. Now, this thread is just for headcanon/story-telling fun. If that's not your thing, then click off because it gets whacky. Pretty much I'm annoyed at how were given a character who is both complex and simple at the same time and the fandom doesn't see it.

Alright, from the start! There always been a hazy line between eps, comics and shorts of what is and isn't canon. If you go off "comics aren't canon", then Eduardo and Laurel never dated (No. 195 Ex- Girlfriend) . Which is boring because that takes away a fun aspect to explore with him. Artist x Artist. Or his obsession behavior he has toward Edd (No. 164- Info). This leading to people hc his future self is a detective. So I'm just gonna say it. We don't care. Any material given can be used for hc/story telling. For me, The End happen. If they recon it, then this is all an AU. Back into the short. Its very brief short about Edd throwing away trash in his own Edd way of doing things. The neighbors (minus Jon) are shown observing Edd. Mark is observing alongside Eduardo, but Eduardo is where this gets interesting. Eduardo has some form of depression in Beyond Era. Over the loss of what we assume is Jon. Jon has not made a living appearance yet to this date (3/13/2025). It could be a stylized choice but I say, he not taking care of himself. His hair in other eras, had spikey volume to it.

Now it's drawn downwards. Perhaps he not washing it as often so the build up of mats and oil. Another change are his eyes. Eduardo has always had darken eyebags. But now, they are really darker than before. Lack of sleep, racing thoughts, it all weighing him down. And this is from my own life with depression and anxiety, that I'm pulling examples from.

That out of the way, he holding himself too. Once again, animation and style besides, were gonna add depth for fun. He could be self soothing, by holding his bicep. His facial expression is muted compare to Mark's high eyebrow arch. He looks tired, not really there to mock Edd. Cause he doesn't. Eduardo always says something, does something when Edd is messing around. But here, nothing. Instead, he shakes his head, grits his teeth, AND shuts his eyes. That's very odd if you aren't on the Eduardo is the most emotional man alive train like I am. I could make another thread all about how loud his mind and heart is to have a real-event ocd flashback. The stress line and gritting his teeth, you know he really wants to say something, but he has enough restraint now to hold it back and just rub his bicep and calm down.

Edit: 4:40pm In Laurel's Comic with Eduardo, we see a depressed Eduardo. He might not know Laurel is dead (she too has not made a living appearance yet in Beyond) but we can see that he does not take breakups or death very well. He is ruminating. To repeating dwell or think about something in your past, trying to find answers, reason, anything about the event. This can be due to the sudden departure of Laurel, Eduardo wonders if he did something. If there was any signs she was leaving, not enjoying their relationship. Jon seems to know Eduardo does this as he tries to cheer him up in his own way.

In the most recent comic of the two, Mark attempts to cheer him up, be it more physical to which Eduardo DOES NOT LIKE. It could be for various reasons: he scared he going to hurt Mark, he gonna drop him, that he messing with Eduardo or gay panic. Even that Mark is quite strong and he didn't expect that. But his friends are aware that Eduardo can get quite down on himself and do their best to kick start him back into gear. And this is just a few instances where we seen Eduardo like this. The first big ep, Beaster Bunny. I to this day, don't get how we can make multiple stories about the main 4 (Edd, Tom, Matt and Tord) with various things regarding mental health but don't show an ounce of that to the show current depressed character. Beaster Bunny involved a giant chocolate rabbit terrorizing the easter celebration. Eduardo and Mark show up mid-way. Mark saying "You see, isn't it nice to get out of the house? You can get some fresh air-". Do I need to say anymore? EDUARDO HAS NOT LEFT THE HOUSE IN GOD KNOWS HOW LONG. These are signs he is not feeling that great. He doesn't find joy in leaving his home or joy in events. As they're walking. He once again, holding his bicep. Closed off as he trying to possibly self-soothe, sulk? He doesn't even say anything at Mark line, not even a glance. The rabbit shows up, triggering Mark fear of rabbits who runs away. Eduardo is face to face with something that could kill him. What does he do?

He attempts to go along with the nonsense but he can't even say a funny line. He then APLOGIZES TO THE RABBIT! Because he knows he suppose to act this way, that's what he always done. But his heart isn't there for it. He admits it so. Maybe it what he wanted to say to Mark but didn't want to hurt his friend's feelings. The rabbit not going to say anything either. He then turns and leaves.

Once again WHAT ARE WE DOING!? WHY AREN'T WE LOOKING AT THIS. There is so much potential just from the few seconds we have of him so far. And I'm about to strike gold rn. I went back to The End part 2. To see where that egocentric man finally strikes out and the tower comes crashing down. When he holding Jon, he cries more, there more tears.

And then look at his eyes. I never want to hear that he has no feelings FROM ANYONE. That man is going through all the stages of fear and grief. But it gets worse.

Look at Eduardo's hand placement. One supported Jon's head, the other, cover the wound. I never caught this till today, but he could be applying pressure to the wound. He is trying to keep Jon's blood in his chest as a last ditch effort. When Jon lets out his last breath, he probably felt both his heartbeat stop and his chest stop rising. Signaling Jon had pass. His body pulls back and he just stares down at Jon. Eduardo's eyes tear up, he overwhelmed with emotion and he shuts his eyes and puts his bloody hand on Jon shoulder. You could see this motion as him pulling Jon's body close to HIS OWN CHEST. Probably because his HEART IS SHATTER. So why is it, that nobody wants to write him in future arcs. This man held a dying man, his friend, to his very last breath. Gave us the most emotional reaction to death in the show history. Crickets. He just the grumpy hispanic dude in the corner for yall. And I'm not done. The last part. The patreon Animatic of The End Part 2.

There is a little reversal when Jon passes. Jon used the last of his strength to comfort Eduardo by holding his hand. Their hands just pass each other OR Eduardo pulled his hand back. Either way, that speaks volumes on the two friendship. The show depicted Eduardo as quite mean or bullyish to Jon. But Jon's last moments were to comfort his friend with a poorly timed joke AND to hold his hand right before he pass. Eduardo also visibly cried here. I mean, guys what the fuck.. Eduardo you can argue is currently going through a big character arc. He starts off as bullish and mean to the main 3 and his friend Jon. But PowerEdd shows, this is all a front. He was bullied first and something twisted in him, a trauma response to inflict that same pain onto others. When Edd apologized to him, that was enough for him to switch sides and help Edd. I've ranted about this in another thread if yall are interested. Closing things off, use Eduardo. USE EDUARDO! I feel its a disservice to him as a character not too. He really interesting once you review his behavior and see what makes him act in certain ways. His anger is a front that the fandom still is falling for. A mask, pull it back and you got something pretty compelling to work with in stories and art. Of course, with respect to those with mental illness, do your research so you aren't depicting outdated stereotypes. Tag serious stories or art with triggers if need be. I hope yall enjoy my ramblings. I'm more than happy to discuss Eduardo or the neighbors in general.

[fandommothfreak]

Jason Todd's ACTUAL Music Taste

(Someone has probably already done this but I am in desperate need of a reference sheet tailored to me specifically.)

Poison Idea Jason is introduced in Batman #408 (released 1987) wearing a red shirt with POISON IDEA written on the front. Poison Idea is a punk rock + hardcore punk band from Portland, Oregon. We also see a poster of the same band hanging in his apartment, so I think this is a favorite of his.

Pick Your King (released 1983)

Kings of Punk (released 1986) WARNING FOR SUICIDE + SELF-HARM TOPICS

- The Modernettes We see another poster with REBEL KIND written beneath the silhouette of four people. In the first image shown above, we can also see "rebel kind" spraypainted by Jason's apartment door. The closest match I could find for this is a song called "The Rebel Kind" by punk band The Modernettes.

This band sounds more pop punk to me (although I'm not the best at differentiating between musical subgenres), and Jason only shows interest in one of their songs. That, paired with the sound we hear from Poison Idea, makes me think Jason isn't as into pop punk as he is hardcore. This might be one of those songs where the message in the lyrics really resonates. "I know one day we're going to leave this far behind, and we'll be free to run with the rebel kind," as just one example. I think he identifies with the term "rebel kind," especially if he's the one who painted that on the wall. (I'm assuming he did.)

Here's a link to the full album, View From the Bottom (released 1982).

- Eric Peters I have no fucking idea who this is, but he's hanging on Jason's wall. He's got a hat and a guitar and a fuckass goatee (pictured in the second image, next to the Poison Idea poster). I can find one guy who only started releasing music in the 90s and another guy affiliated with DC Comics who doesn't look old enough to be referenced this way.

The hat and the guitar + straight hair combo reminds me a little of Slash + Izzy from Guns n' Roses. They released their first album like a month after Batman #408 was released, but if one of the authors saw their US tour in 1985, it could still make sense. Or they just based it off the 80s rock star aesthetic in general. Point is, I don't know. So. Eric Peters can be whatever fanon wants, I suppose. - Blister Twister (DC's KISS) + Simon & Garfunkel We see a heavy metal band, Blister Twister, perform a heavy metal cover of Simon & Garfunkel's "The Sound of Silence" in Batman #412. Jason thinks it's cool.

- (UPDATE) Slipknot & Lacuna Coil Jason has posters of what looks like 1999 Slipknot (heavy metal) and Shallow Life by Lacuna Coil (goth/alternative metal) hung up in his room in Nightwing Annual 2021, which is part of the Rebirth relaunch.

Slipknot (released 1999)

Shallow Life (released 2009)

- Some concluding thoughts! (Edited to suit Jason's Rebirth music taste.) Based on what little we get, I think, as a kid, Jason leans more towards harsher music and has a preference for hardcore punk. Punk rock and garage punk are up there as well. He likes music that sounds raw and real. He'll jam to softer punk subgenres, like pop punk and post-punk, but that's more so when he really feels for the lyrics/messaging. Maybe he starts getting into the latter more as he grows up, but hardcore is still his favorite.

Metal music doesn't show up until after the Blister Twister performance, so maybe that's his introduction to the genre? It starts off as more of a superficial appreciation ("Cool!"), but then he gravitates from hardcore to nu metal (which is inspired by hardcore). A lot of people would consider Slipknot a nu metal band, and their 1999 album sounds like a mix of a few different subgenres, so maybe Jason is introduced to more of those subgenres through them. And then Lacuna Coil. I'm not familiar with them, but reddit says it's goth metal. I listened to some of their songs from Shallow Life, and I can absolutely see angsty teenager Jason resonating with those lyrics.

tl;dr I think Jason prefers the harsher subgenres of punk and metal, but still enjoys a variety of subgenres in both. Punk was his childhood; metal was his teenhood; and I'm assuming he still likes both in young adulthood. He likes the more raw, more real-sounding stuff and songs with messages that he resonates with.

Moving even more into headcanon territory: street rap, East Coast rap, lots of underground artists, that's all music Jason likes and listens to. I honestly don't think Jason would feel much of anything for mainstream pop music since it doesn't sound very raw or real and a lot of it isn't very relatable to him, but I do still think he'd jam to it occasionally for the laughs (and there might be the one-off song that does say something that resonates).

And if we're taking Jason's love for classic literature into account, then yes, I will subscribe to the headcanon that he enjoys musicals. I don't think he'd be a fanatic, but he appreciates the story and he might jam to songs that resonate with him like "The Rebel Kind" does. (I still think that's his favorite song, as a young adult.)

If anyone who sees this can find more canon hints of Jason's music taste, please, please show me! I love these little Easter eggs.

[afinestoutlove]

things i love about heartstopper 71/?

Femininity isn't devalued in Heartstopper, even when some of the feminine characters might engage with some less constructive forms of femininity. (This post got away from me, so I think this is going to be a series on femininity in HS now...)

Maybe I'm reading more into it than is there cos of my whole gender studies schtick, but when feminine characters/women are struggling with how they "do femininity", it's almost always clear that we're supposed to empathise with them. We're able to understand how they got there, even if the way they're "doing femininity" is kind of toxic. (Spoilers, they got there through patriarchy, same as the toxic guys.)

Imogen is the main example of this, and I think my favourite version of this kind of story in media. When we first see her, she's the typical "cool girl". She sees Tara as competition for a boy (joke's on all three of them in that scenario!), she's kind of manipulative (no, Imogen, you aren't "basically" going out with Nick Nelson), and she's clearly marking herself as "not like the other girls". She's working so hard to be what society tells women they should be: focused on men and men's attention, disdainful of other women and femininity (but don't be masculine!), all that. And she's succeeding. Which, of course, means she's also losing.

This is almost a blink and you'll miss it moment, but it's such great character development (and so well acted by Rhea Norwood). Imogen has performed normative femininity so well that she's alone and lonely.

Throughout the series (and I hope another season...) Imogen slowly starts to unpack a lot of what she thought she was supposed to be, and also how she relates to other people. She starts seeing boys/men as something other than a way to measure success, and girls/women as something other than competition. She starts to see herself as worth more than the narrow, restrictive gender role she thought she had to perform. But she never has to become "less feminine". She's still allowed to be girly and giggly - let's face it, she's a bimbo, and we love her for it.

And that's the great thing about her story. In other representations of this kind of learning curve, the girls/women often end up taking on more masculine roles, behaviours, and/or tastes. But Imogen doesn't have to do that to become more comfortable with herself and others. The story allows femininity to be valued and appreciated as more than something that men like, something that can be enjoyable and authentic on its own terms. We could do with more of that.

The way to bring down the patriarchy is to find what's valuable in masculinity, femininity, and everything around it, and give people the freedom to choose what parts of those things they want. I think HS, while obviously not perfect, has made a pretty good start.

[masoncantthinkofaname]

Hey Mason! Thank you sm for replying to my ask again sweetest! 🫶🏻 I would personally love just ANY storytime whether that be sweet or wholesome or action or anything else, from your medieval or anyother dr lol as long as it's from you, because all your stories are SO fun to read haha 😆 I'm also up for whatever mundane things you wanna share 🥰 i would also love it if you could describe about things we don't find it here in this reality, for example ur experience with riding dragons or having a merman tail, the things we don't consider "possible" here. also, could you please describe more about the different style reality thing? It sounds so cool but I'm so confused lol, i would love to know more!

I'm looking forward to when u shift to a 2D reality 🤭

sending you sm love <33

Hello again Aiiyna!

I'll definitely keep in mind that majority of you people here don't have a preference for the kind of storytimes I post! Remember that you can also always ask me to describe something specific, I have no issue telling you guys about things I experienced, and if something's private I'll let you know!

I might make a ''A day in my life in [dr name] post sometime soon!💚

Riding dragons is one of the best feelings out there, although I might be a bit biased. It's incredibly freeing, and both extremely peaceful and adrenaline inducing, depending on what type of circumstances you're flying under. Although, admittedly, depending on the weather it can also be extremely cold. The wind cuts your face, your hands, and if it's freezing out, it can really feel like you aren't able to hold on anymore at some point.

But aside from that, it's still an experience I would want everyone to have. The feeling of muscle underneath you, and the thrill of unexpected movements. It's different from riding a horse, where you have quite a lot of control. Although if the dragon is behaved, you can feel their movements quite well, make them change their speed or directions, and keep them under control, it's still a huge animal, that, when it wants to do something, can't really be stopped. It makes it extremely thrilling, and more like a friendship than just a tool. There's a lot of trust you put into them, and having lived in places like How to Train your Dragon, but also places like my home reality, where dragons are used more like horses, I by far prefer the bond and type of connection with the dragons in httyd.

I trust Flicker, my dragon there, with my life. He feels every small movement in my body, and I do the same with him. It's more like we're an extension of each other. I could ride him without a saddle, without anything to hold on to, because I trust his movements enough to never fall, and if I would I know he'd catch me. In comparison, I have Laö in our home reality. He's a great dragon, but like I mentioned, more like a horse (like a random horse you occasionally ride). I would not comfortably ride him without any safety, and although we have a bond, it's nothing compared to what I have with Flicker. It's also not necessary in that place, but the feeling of riding a dragon you're deeply bonded with is the most free I have ever felt. I could talk for hours about my bond and backstory with Flicker.

(I'm a yapper I'm sorry)

Honestly having a mermaid or merman tail is quite fun from my experience. I have never actually spent a long time in a place like that, more just as a little trip that the kids got to choose. But regardless it's enjoyable! I think one thing that people are never able to recreate in this reality with mermaid tails is the strength of the muscle. I often see people posing while laying on their stomach, with their legs bent to make their tail stand up. From my experience, you cannot bend it that far. It's a really powerful muscle, and quite heavy too. It's hard to describe what it feels like, but, just like any other sea mammal, it gets hard to move when you're dragging your tail (partly) out of the water, whereas in the water you can powerfully and easily get around. The way the sun and water droplets reflect on it is also really pretty to see!

Lastly, about the different styles. This reality is just the 'style' we're born into, so we see this as realistic. But anything else is just as realistic and natural. When you're in a reality that has a different style, you obviously notice the difference, but it doesn't feel weird or abnormal. I guess the easiest to describe it would be as if there's a filter over reality. But of course there are so many styles out there, like anime, or cartoon, I assume that feels the exact same!

I hope this answers your questions!💚

[glitterandwitchcraft]

🔮 Do you want to get into dream divination? 🔮

It can be tricky especially trying to force yourself to remember your dreams and every little detail. I've been doing this for my whole life (my parents and their parents and so on view dreams as potential messages from the ancestors and/or god) so I have a few tricks to help you get started!

You don't need to force yourself to remember everything or anything at all. If there is something important, you will remember it upon waking.

At first, picking out what is just the product of electrified goo resting and messages will be really hard. Not everything in your dream has a meaning and not every dream has a message.

Once you start getting the hang of it, while you dream you will get a certain feeling when something happens and that's how you know that it's important for your waking life. For me, the feeling when faced with a symbol or message is when you recognize someone strongly but can't place them or remember anything about them.

If you tell people that you do this, they will 100% message you about all their dreams they think may hold meaning expecting you to decipher every little aspect. This is fun a lot of times but just learn boundaries and such as it can become frustrating trying to do everything in your daily life plus figure out a highly personal message for someone else.

Don't rely on standardized meanings for everything. Some things have different personal meanings for you. If it's your own dream, your feelings and attachments to that thing ALWAYS apply before a standardized meaning does. For example, I've always loved keys. I used to go look for random keys all the time as a kid. Traditionally a key means there's something you need to unlock or find. For me, a key would represent childlike wonder, curiosity, holding onto something, finding something, or taking something.

Get a notebook or a physical dream dictionary so you can write down the symbols and the dates they occurred. Doing this can help you figure out if there's repeating themes. Repeating themes could indicate that you are not taking proper action, you aren't seeing the message correctly, that it isn't a symbol at all and just something your brain likes to dream about, or you have a repeating stressor in your life.

Be prepared for tons of resources to use heavily gendered and mystical definitions. If a definition/meaning does not connect with you then don't use it as it does not apply to you.

There are a ton of scam websites when you first start looking. And there are a bunch that just plagiarize from other websites (literally copy and paste word for word). If you need help deciphering what something means, I recommend getting a grasp on what if means to you and what you felt in the dream when you came across it before having to go through 1,000 sources to help you further.

Most people who do dream divination are more than happy to assist you in breaking down meanings. Feel free to send me a message at any time!

Not all symbols are applicable at the time of reception. The more complicated the meaning or message, usually the longer until you need it. The universe, spirits, God, whatever you believe is giving you the message, should be giving you plenty of time to figure out what something means and being able to use it before the message is needed. Don't stress yourself out by thinking your life is going to be a chaotic disaster tomorrow because you dreamed of swimming in big waves in a storm. You have time.

As with any divination, the future is always subject to change with any action you take. And never use divination for health matters and the like.

[yeonban]

I was thinking there aren't enough memes catered to third parties on this site (ex. two muses talking about a third) which imo make rp flow so much smoother sometimes bc it feels more realistic for interactions to not start & end at only the two people directly involved, but then I realized... blud, you have a meme sideblog. You can literally make your own dreams come true

[icewindandboringhorror]

examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk

[thornshadowwolf]

DAN AND PHIL RETURN????????

[celiababy]

Ain't Right

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: You have a major (borderline obsessive) crush on Joel, and you're on a mission to fuck him.

Warnings: 18+ SMUT MDNI, age gap (56/20), swearing, fingering (fem!receiving), p in v, unprotected sex, size kink, cum eating, name calling, kinda mean Joel, alcohol, vomiting, an extremely brief mention of suicide

Disclaimer: I lowkey don't know the logistics of the show so if some things are wrong please look over it I'm just trying to write smut about Joel Miller godbless.

Ain't Right part 2

Ever since that tortured old man showed up in Jackson, your life hasn't been the same.

Tommy's older brother, and your absolute undoing.

When Joel Miller rode into town, it was like everything suddenly made sense. The skies got clearer, the air smelled better, and the birds even chirped their love songs louder.

Everything about him drew you in; his cold demeanor, stoic face, tired eyes—but gentle around those he cared about, which was only a few select people.

And you certainly were not one of those select people.

Joel didn't know what to think about you.

To him, you were odd. Yes, you were undoubtedly the most beautiful girl in Jackson, but he felt distance between the two of you was essential.

He felt this way because he knew.

Joel wasn't oblivious to your stares; he might've been an old man, but he remembered the laws of attraction fairly well.

He didn't like the thought of you liking him.

You were young, attractive, and had plenty of age-appropriate prospects just begging for your attention. Every boy in Jackson wanted a piece of you—but you only had eyes for Joel.

He was getting old and tired, ain't no reason why you should be so fond over him.

He also didn't like that you made your attraction so obvious. It made people whisper, and Joel about had enough teasing from Tommy.

"You gonna let that young thing jump your bones or what, Joel?" Is an example of the few things his brother would chirp at him whenever you were around and had eyes on him like he was a target.

So, all things considered, it's no surprise when Joel is reluctant to make a supply run with you.

You had begged Tommy to let you go out and finally start pulling your weight, carefully adding that Joel would be a great teacher for a first timer like yourself.

You stand near the truck, squeezing the straps of your backpack while watching Joel and Tommy whisper to themselves a couple feet away.

"You can't find anyone else?" Joel growls lowly, narrowing his eyes at his insufferable brother who he’d really like to strangle right now.

"Are you seriously scared of a twenty year old girl, Joel?" Tommy asked exasperatedly, throwing his arm out in disbelief. "It'll take two hours tops, what the hell are you so scared of?" Joel is exhaling through his nose, dragging a hand down his jaw in complete disgruntlement.

"You know what the hell I'm scared of Tommy—goddammit," He gets in his brother’s face before realizing you’re still watching them.

He takes a moment to back up and calm down, breathing out through his nose.

"I do not need this town thinkin' I am encouraging this girls...feelin's." He murmurs lowly.

Tommy rolls his eyes before shoving Joel's backpack into his chest.

"Just don't fuck her, Joel. How hard could it be?"

Joel watches as Tommy turns his back and walks away, leaving just you and him.

Joel had spent a lot of time making sure he was never in a situation alone with you—now he was about to be your unsupervised mentor.

He feels a groan try and crawl its way out his throat, but he pushes it down.

He starts walking to the truck, not even looking at you as he passes and yanks the driver side door open with more force than necessary.

"Let's make this quick." He grunts out, climbing inside.

You do the same, only with a little bit more enthusiasm. ***

The trip is a complete bust.

Joel barely paid you any attention, no matter how many flirty gestures you made at him.

You'd say something remotely suggestive and he'd either glare at you, or just flat out ignore you.

But you were relentless. Giving up on him wasn't in the cards for you, no matter how many judgmental looks he casted your way.

You guys had been driving back to town for around five minutes; Joel has kept his eyes firmly on the road in fear of you sparking a conversation with him.

But you do anyways.

You turn your body to face him in the bench seat, your eyes cascading down his breath-taking side profile.

You zoned in on the gray patches of his beard, and how his face had the remnants of a long, unforgiving life weaved into his wrinkles and scars.

You're momentarily rendered speechless by his looks before he side-eyes you.

"What?" He huffs out, not being able to handle your intense stare any longer.

"Why not?"

A beat.

"What?" He asks again, his brows furrowing together, an annoyed and confused expression painting his features.

"Why won't you fuck me?"

Joel physically winces at your language, scoffing in what looks to be disgust as he starts shaking his head.

"We're not starting this." He snaps firmly, a tone in his voice that you haven't heard before.

Completely disregarding his words, you start.

"Is it because I'm not pretty enough?" Joel groans out, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Is it because there's someone else?" He's close to snapping. "Is it because you can't get it up? I heard thats a problem with guys your age-"

Joel slams on the brakes, sending you lurching forward. He shoves the truck into park before turning to face you, a scary look on his face.

"I am not going to fuck you--Christ almighty," Joel raises his voice at you.

You're staring at him, wide eyes and lips parted in surprise. You weren't really expecting this.

"you're bustin' my fuckin' balls, Look kid," He starts up again, this time with a softer tone. "M'about 40 years too old for you-"

You cut him off with a murmur. "36, I did the math."

"Same damn thing," he snaps, shaking his head. "Point is—you don't needa be wastin' your time with me; there are plenty boys your age that will satisfy your...you."

You scoff in his face but try to disguise it by clearing your throat.

"I'm not asking you to marry me, Joel," You start, a sad smile spreading across your lips. "S'just sex." You say with a shrug, blush coating your cheeks because now your mind is imagining sex with him.

He stays silent and looks away from you, closing his eyes like he couldn’t believe this was happening.

That urges you to say more.

"I won't tell anyone," You're practically whispering, looking down at your fidgeting hands in your lap. "I'd let you do anything you wanted to me."

Joel's heart cinches in his chest at your words, mostly because he can tell you're being so genuine.

Why the hell did you like him so much? He just couldn’t understand it.

But he can't entertain this any longer because he knows if he did, he'd give into you.

"I don't wanna hear another goddamn word outta your mouth." Joel says in a strikingly even and calm tone, putting the truck into drive and continuing back.

He's eerily silent, and so is the rest of the trip because you're too dejected to speak.

Eventually, you both arrive home and you're fast to get out of the truck.

You slam the door and keep your head down as you walk away, snow crunching beneath your boots.

Joel takes his time, watching you storm off with tired eyes.

He feels bad for being so rough on you, but he figured it was the only way to get you to stop liking him.

Tommy walks up, a concerned look on his face as he looks back between you and Joel.

"Guessin' you didn't fuck her."

***

Nobody had seen you in days.

The pain of rejection had you in a mental place that you had never experienced before.

No one has ever denied you—ever.

The situation was 100x worse considering you actually liked Joel, and he wasn't just another toy to play with.

Joel figured his life would get easier with you not around, and it kinda did in some aspects.

But he couldn't stop the gnawing feeling of guilt slowly eating at him like a parasite.

He'd been cruel to you in the way he went about things, and he felt bad.

Had he really broken your heart? He didn't know you liked him that much.

He sits in his living room, contemplating how to go about this entirely fucked up situation.

He debates making amends with you, apologizing and rejecting you again but in a gentler way.

He deliberates on his plan of action while nursing a glass of whiskey before he's interrupted by three bangs on his front door, followed by a screeching: "JOEL"

He mutters a 'what the fuck' under his breath, walking to the door and picking his 9mil up on the way.

His eyes widen when he sees you-standing there in all your glory.

It's the middle of winter and snowing like hell, yet you're wearing shorts and a tank top with a beer bottle in your hand.

"Jesus, kid-what the fuck," Joel ushers you inside quickly, taking his big jacket off the coatrack and draping it over you.

He also tosses his gun to the side, obviously you were no threat.

"You tryin' to get frostbit? Christ," he's swearing and muttering profanities as he guides you over to the couch, now basically swaddling you in blankets.

You've never been inside his house before, only ever walked passed it a few times. It smells like him.

You, however, smell like alcohol and bad decisions.

Joel picked up on how drunk you were the minute you stumbled through the door. He takes the bottle from your hand and sets it aside somewhere, glaring at you like how a mad parent would.

"The hell are you doin' out in the snow like that? Fuckin' death wish or somethin'?"

His words are kinda fuzzy in your ears, you're so drunk that you barely even register them.

An unprompted giggle spills from your lips as you shake your head at him.

"It's not snowing silly," You chide, making him out to be an idiot when, in actuality, it's a damn blizzard outside.

He knows from that statement alone that you are way off your rocker tonight.

"How much have ya had to drink, kid?" Joel asks, raking a hand through his graying hair.

"Don't call me kid," You snap, a quick flash of anger in your expression. "M'not a kid."

Joel rolls his eyes so hard that he probably caused a tsunami on the other side of the world.

“Yeah yeah, whatever. What are you doin’ here?” He asks exasperatedly, dragging a hand down his jaw while looking at your trembling figure.

There’s a long pause before you answer. You just got distracted by his big brown eyes.

“Jus’ wanted to say hi.” You murmur, unable to tear your gaze away from his face.

“Say hi?” He reiterates, looking at you like you’ve actually lost your mind.

You probably have.

After a moment, Joel can’t help but chuckle in disbelief, letting his body lean back against the couch.

The absurdity of it all turned humorous to him.

Here you are, sitting in his living room, practically nude with only his coat and blankets protecting your modesty, having just trekked through the snow all for what? To say hey?

You’re still sitting there, motionless and trying to remember how to breathe because his laughing face has your heart lighting off fireworks.

“Fuckin’ hell—hi.” Is all he says, turning his head to the side to look at you as he crosses his arms over his chest.

You smile like a dope at him, so extremely happy to be there in his company.

But the alcohol in your system is fighting you, and you’re finding it hard to keep your eyes open.

“S’it cool if I say the nigh?” You slur, falling vertically on the couch, your head crashing onto Joel’s thigh.

You nuzzle your cheek against the fabric of his jeans and Joel is just about to gently push you off, but he stops himself.

You look so comfortable and so at peace that Joel can’t do anything except stare at you.

Your cheek is slightly smushed, your lips are parted, your eyes are shut and don’t plan on opening—it’s insane to him how at home you looked.

Like you belonged here, head rested on his lap.

Fuck.

He was fucked this time.

He doesn’t move you. Instead, he fixes the blankets on top of you so you’re fully covered, and sits there with you the entire night.

He’s really gone soft.

***

When morning comes, you’re first to wake up, accompanied by a splitting headache.

You don’t even notice how Joel’s hand had fallen onto your waist some time during the night because you’re too busy making a b-line for the bathroom.

You chuck your guts up into the toliet, clutching the porcelain and groaning out in pain.

Joel wakes up to the sound of your hurling, momentarily disoriented before he remembers last nights events.

He’s quick to come to your aid in the bathroom, wasting no time gathering your hair in his fist to get it out of your face.

"S'right, get it all out," He murmurs out encouragingly, seemingly unfazed by the disheveled sight of you.

You’re too sick to be embarrassed, that’ll come later surely.

He sits on the wall of the tub as he continues holding your hair back, yawning every now and then like this was just a regular Tuesday morning.

Eventually, by the mercy of God, you get it all out of your system and slump up against the wall.

“M’sorry,” You immediately apologize, figuring that is the only right move in this situation.

“Don’t be. Been through plenty'a that in my day.”

His words are uncharacteristically reassuring and you find yourself taken back by them.

You soon realize this is probably just the hazy morning Joel, the Joel where he isn't worried about anything except coffee and breakfast—like everything wrong in his life is put on the back burner for this short minute in time.

“I’ll get you some water and Advil, sit tight.” He grunts before standing up on his feet, knees popping as he walks out.

You watch as he leaves, wiping the corners of your mouth with the back of your hand.

Aside from the vomit part, you could get used to this.

You've never seen him so...domestic. His hair was all messy, his voice was raspy, he had that morning haze over his features that you felt so honored to witness.

You suddenly felt compelled to look at your own appearance, hopping to your feet and looking in the dirty mirror.

You resist the urge to audibly gasp at your reflection, opting for a disgusted look instead.

Your hair is a rats nest, your clothes are a mess, and your mascara has rubbed off in black smudge all over the skin around your eyes.

In a desperate attempt to look at least semi-presentable, you wash your face with water and comb through your hair with your fingers.

The idea that Joel had seen you looking like that was making your stomach churn again.

Before you can grovel about it any longer, he rounds the corner with a glass of water and little brown pills in his hand.

“Here,” He says softly, handing you the water and tilting the pills into your open palm. “Take these ‘n drink all that water and ya should get to feelin’ better.”

You do as he says, swallowing the Advil in one go before taking a big sip to wash it down.

His eyes drift down to your shoulder, where your tank top strap has fallen. No doubt from all that vigorous throwing up you were doing moments ago.

Without thinking, his fingers graze your forearm before bringing the strap back up to its correct position, clearing his throat in the process.

A beat of silence falls over the both of you.

You’re gobsmacked by the complete nonchalance of his touch, staring at him with your mouth slightly open in shock.

“What?” He asks defensively, his tone pointed.

You look between him and your shoulder strap, then slowly move to set your water down.

“Are you sure we can’t fuck?”

“Goddammit—” Joels cursing before you can even finish saying the last word in your sentence.

He turns away from you, probably the fastest you’ve seen anyone turn in their life, and walks towards his room with an accelerating pace.

He shakes his head in disbelief all the way down the hall, pivoting on his heel to duck into his bedroom.

You follow him, not really fazed by how he completely refused to answer your question, though you didn’t think he would anyway.

Before you can step foot into the threshold of his room, Joel walks out, causing you to back up.

He shoves a stack of clothes in your direction, looking down at you with a frustrated face. “Put these clothes on and go home.”

You look down, realizing he was letting you borrow a sweater and jeans of his so you didn’t die walking back to your house from the cold.

Your heart warms at this thoughtfulness.

Without wasting any time, you take the clothes from his hands, smiling happily. “Can I keep them?”

“Why the hell would you wanna keep my clothes?” He’s got that confused/angry look on his face as he asks, and you have to suppress a giggle at the sight of it.

You bring the pieces of fabric up to your nose and inhale, humming as you breathe out again. “They smell like you.”

“Christ,” Joel beings his hands up to rub at his eyes. “Fine, do whatever. Just hurry up and change, jesus,"

Ever the tease, you set down his clothes and begin to lift your tank top like you planned to change right in front of him.

Joel's hands shoot out to stop you, a 'don't try me,' look on his face.

"Put them on over your clothes," Joel says sternly, watching the way you sigh because you weren't fast enough in lifting your tank top off.

However, you sieze the opportunity in front of you.

Joel's hands are holding yours down, so you work to intertwine your fingers, invading his space by stepping forward.

"Or, you could take my clothes off," You purr, your chest now flush with his torso.

Joel exhales through his nose, his jaw clenching as he tried deciding how he was going to get out of this situation.

But then he paused.

Looking down at you now, so eager and wide eyed, made him wonder.

If he fucked you, and made you realize it wasn't what you were probably imagining in your head, maybe then you'd finally leave him alone.

He would just...pretend to be awful at sex.

(Even though it had been so long and he wasn't sure if he'd actually need to 'pretend' anymore.)

There's a long silence that drags out between the both of you.

Your stomach is doing flips because it's looking like he's finally going to agree.

His resolve cracks and Joel can't do anything but sigh in defeat.

Slowly, Joel pulls you back into his room, closing the door behind you both.

Time is moving in slow motion.

You can't believe it's finally happening.

He guides you back until the back of your knees hit his bed, prompting you to sit down on it.

"I'm only going to do this once," Joel's voice is uncharacteristically low and calm, and it has your core tightening.

You nod in acknowledgement, waiting to see what he's going to do next.

With care, he pushes your shoulder down so you're laying on your back. "Are you sure you want this?" He asks, brown eyes searching yours.

"Have I not made it obvious?" You quip, a giggle following shortly after.

Joel only shakes his head before his fingers latch around the fabric of your shorts, pulling them down and off your legs.

"S'pose you have." He murmurs, scratching the back of his neck.

You're vibrating with excitement and you repeat what you tried earlier, only this time succeeding with taking your top off.

Of course, you're not wearing a bra.

Joel realizes in that moment that he bit off way more than he could chew.

He hasn't seen breast that weren't on a soggy piece of paper in at least a few years, and yours--well, his cock stood no chance.

You hear him swallow, watching as he can't seem to stop staring at your chest.

Realizing that he might need a little encouragement to start speeding things along, you smile up at him and whisper, "touch me Joel".

Yeah, screw this. His plan of pretending to be bad was now entirely forgotten—he was going to do what he wanted, so help him god.

He huffs out a curse before sliding a hand up your torso, stopping once he's fully cupped one of your breasts in one hand. He kneads it like dough while using his other hand to disappear under your panties.

A choked moan erupts from your lips once you feel his fingers brush along your clit, rubbing around and spreading your slick around all too slowly.

"haven't even done anythin' yet and you're already fuckin' soaked..." He murmurs really to just himself, his eyes casting down to watch as he rips your underwear off impatiently.

"M'always like this whenever you're around," you mewl to spur him on, spreading your legs wider.

"Oh you are, huh?" Joel repeats back, the tiniest bit of cruelty in his tone that makes you shiver.

You nod, bucking your hips into his hand desperately.

"don't get why you like an old man like me, s'gross." His tone is flat but it's clear he's teasing by the way he curls his fingers inside of you. He's not really expecting a response, but you feel compelled.

You lurch forward, gasping at the feeling. "I really like you," You rush out breathlessly. "I'd do anything you wanted me to." You say earnestly as you stare into his eyes, loving what you're seeing.

Joel remembers when you told him that the first time, his heart cinching the same way it did then.

Joel is at war with himself. One side of him is screaming that this whole situation is fucked up and he is better off without you.

Another part of him thinks that this is the most he’s ever felt in a long time. And he doesn't want to lose it.

You can see the gears turning in his head. His fingers have slipped from you and you wince at the loss.

Slowly, you sit up. Your arms wrap around his shoulders, your nipples pressing into his shirt.

He's confused and momentarily panicked when your faces get so close together, his hands seeking purchase on your hips.

In an unexpected move, you rake your hands through the side of his hair, looking lovingly at his face.

"I just wanna be someone for you," You murmur, your face breaking a little as Joel's resolve also cracks. "Doesn't matter what. I'm very versatile." You mumble the last part to try and lighten the mood.

Joel just stares at you—something swimming behind his eyes that you can't quite place.

Eventually, he crashes his forehead against yours, sighing out.

"You're makin' this fuckin' impossible." He rasps before kissing you with a passion you've never felt before.

You feel victorious.

He's finally given in to you.

Eagerly, you kiss back, wrapping your legs around his torso and grinding your bare cunt against the bulge in his jeans.

"Then stop trying so hard to get rid of me," You sigh out, chasing his lips even as you're trying to speak.

He groans and you catch it in your mouth, the pressure on his clothed cock making him dizzy.

“Fuck,” He’s quick to unbuckle his belt, sliding it out of the loops and tossing it somewhere on the floor. “Lay back.” He demands and you immediately follow suit.

He's never been that...assertive with you before. It makes you tingle all over.

He looks starved as he peers down at you, specifically your cunt.

He literally can’t tear his eyes off your sex—he only looks up to your gaze when you let out an impatient whine.

He rips down his pants, letting his cock spring free and slap against his stomach.

Now you can’t tear your eyes away from his sex.

You’ve only dreamt it so many times, but now that it’s finally in front of you—it all just feels surreal.

It’s better than you imagined, perfect.

“I don’t have a—”

You know what he’s about to say so you cut him off immediately. “S’okay, like it raw. Closer to you that way.” You murmur.

Joel looks physically pained that he’s not inside you right now. For some reason, you just know all the right things to say.

“Closer to me?” He huffs out, hooking his arms around your thighs and pulling you down to the edge of the bed where he stood.

Now your cunt is flush with the base of his member and the sensation drives you both insane. “You’re fuckin’ insane.”

Joel rasps, but the way he says it reveals just how far he’s fallen. He knows you’re crazy, and yet here he is, balancing you out.

He glides his member back and forth against your folds, gathering up your wetness with a clenched jaw and furrowed brows.

He looks so concentrated—meanwhile you’re writhing with pleasure and impatience. Your cunt is clenching around nothing, desperate for him.

“So fuckin’ pretty,” he murmurs to himself, eyes tracing all over you.

You freeze.

Joel had complimented you for the first time, and it was genuine.

He notices you stiffen and takes a moment to pause.

Your entire body erupts with goosebumps, your heart beating at exceptionally fast speeds.

He's worried for a second that something is horribly wrong.

“What?” He asks, confused at what’s got you so wound up.

Your face is flushed red as you bashfully giggle. “You called me pretty.”

Ah fuck.

Joel finds you so charming it hurts.

After he remembers how to breathe again, he rolls his eyes and clears his throat.

“I have my cock to your cunt, of course I find you pretty.”

You smile and shrug. “Still. Nice to hear.” You’re all smiles until his tip prods at your entrance, causing a gasp to leave your throat.

He continues to apply pressure with his tip and it’s driving you crazy.

“Fuck Joel—are you trying to kill me?” You whine, hips wiggling to get him in.

He scoffs and shakes his head. “Relax, m’almost there.”

Slowly, he begins pushing his way inside. His mushroom head breaches you entirely and it feels like you can hear the angels singing.

He continues forward, the stretch being mainly around the middle of his thick cock.

But you’re taking it like a champ.

Joel braces himself with hands on both sides of your torso as he bottoms out, a groan crawling its way out of his throat.

The sensation is absolutely delicious.

A little bit of pain from the stretch, but so much pleasure from the fullness.

“Joel, ohmygod you feel so good inside me.” You moan, throwing your head back.

Your hips start moving on their own, but he immediately stops you with two large hands.

“D-Don’t move—fuck.” Joel grumbles out, his face pinched together in what looked like pain.

You’re confused for a moment, thinking maybe that he might just be really into cockwarming.

But then it hits you.

“Were you gonna come?” The tone in your voice makes it seem like you’d be elated if that was the case—like the most flattering thing in the world.

Joel looks pissed that you caught on so quick.

In truth, the moment he put his tip in, he was holding back his orgasm.

Can you blame him? He’s only fucked his hand for the last couple years.

“S’been a while.” Is all he can say, his chest heaving up and down in concentration. You know he’s embarrassed, but you can’t help but smile like a dope at him.

“If you come, please do it inside, please,” you beg, reaching out for his arms that caged you in.

Joel's rational mind feels like it just touched down in looney town after hearing your begging.

He feels crazy because he liked the thought of the idea you proposed. You even see him hesitate. But then he scoffs and shakes his head.

Joel drops down closer to your face, slowly starting to rock his hips into you. "Tryin' to baby trap me, girl?" He grunts in your ear, making you moan out.

Your walls are clenching down on him, and it’s making it that much harder to hold back. “No-no, promise, just wanna be full of you." You manage to blubber out...unconvincingly.

You probably didn't really want a baby with Joel, but your lust-driven brain was working on fumes and you just wanted to do what felt good.

Joel's grunting in your ear was not helping things. His fingers were gripping your hip so hard, you figured it would probably bruise tomorrow.

Good. You wanted whatever he would give you.

"Christ--m'not gonna last much longer," Joel groans, picking his head up a little to meet your gaze. He wanted to kick himself for not being able to last, but when he saw your face, all those feelings disappeared.

You looked so--perfect. Soaking up the moment in case it was the last, god you hoped it wasn't the last time. Now that you've finally had a tase of him, you weren't sure you could live without it.

Your legs tighten around his waist, keeping him firmly in your cunt. Joel notices this and also your pleading eyes, a growl leaving his throat.

"Please, please, please, please," you beg, never breaking eye contact with him as his thrusts pick up speed.

He ruins your long string with pleas with a needy kiss, shoving his tongue down your throat like a starving man.

You accept it happily, moaning out into the kiss while Joel manhandles your hips to take his cock.

The feeling is damn near euphoric for both you and him. It gets even better when Joel's hand comes down to rub at your clit again.

Your back arches off the bed as you gasp and moan out, wrapping your arms back around his shoulders. "F-Fuck!" You moan into his ear, probably drooling on his shoulder in the process. "thankyouthankyouthankyou-" you sputter out in choked sobs. He was really good at working on your clit, you couldn't do anything else but thank him for it.

Joel feels a surge of something when he hears you. He's never had a woman thank him in bed before.

It's enough to push him over the edge. And apparently you too.

"I'm gonna come Joel, please don't stop," There are pools of tears in your eyes that Joel is just now noticing. He's about to reply to you, but he finds himself speechless when he feels your cunt start constricting and fluttering around him like a vice.

"Fuck!" He groans out loudly, his hips starting to falter in their rhythm. But then he picks up speed again, and in no time he's like a madman jackhammering into you.

You're a mess of screams and cries and moans underneath him, happily taking everything he was giving you.

When Joel feels himself about to come, he notices how your legs are still tightly wrapped around him, keeping him inside, and he manages to scoff out.

"Gotta let me go baby," You've never heard that pet name from him before, and it makes you crumble. His hands move to grab at your thighs, kneading the flesh there.

You whine out but reluctantly release the grip your legs had on him. Joel doesn't waste time before hugging both your legs on his chest, keeping them firmly placed while your feet squirmed by his ear.

"Atta girl," he murmurs before picking up speed again, his cock head pressing into your cervix.

It's all too much for you. Joel looks so amazing pounding into you from above, his concentrated face, his sweat, the way his salt and pepper hair is all disheveled, you're losing your mind.

Your core is on fire and you can't stop yourself.

In a staggering turn of events, you come first.

Your walls come down like bricks on his dick, you cry out, throwing your head back in complete bliss and ecstasy.

Seeing and feeling this, Joel is quick to follow in your steps. He rips himself from that warm hole of yours and pumps himself dry onto your stomach.

You watch it all with wide eyes, you wouldn't have missed Joel's orgasm face for the world!

Of course, his eyes were squeezed shut, his mouth was open as he was breathing heavily, and his eyebrows turned down like he was mad.

God he was so beautiful.

His thick ropes of cum shoot all over your stomach and even your breasts as he jerks himself off to completion.

When he finishes, he takes a moment to catch his breath, finally opening his eyes to see you scoop up his cum from your breast with your finger and shove it in your mouth.

Your tongue swirls around his seed and you swallow eagerly, humming out in satisfaction at the taste of him.

Joel's watching in complete fascination, though his expression looks a little angry. When does it not?

"taste so good," you mumble with your finger still in your mouth, looking up at him with your big eyes.

He moves before he can think about it--ripping your hand away from your lips and caging you in a slow but deep kiss.

He soon falls down beside you and soon rolls over onto his back, his chest rising and falling from the excursion.

You curl into his side, watching his side profile so intently. You had just fucked Joel Miller.

And it was everything you had dreamed of. Extreme happiness doesn't even begin to describe your feelings right now.

There's a long stretch of silence that drapes over the both of you. Eventually, Joel breaks it with something extremely off topic.

"Last night...you didn't just come here to say 'hi', did you?"

You're momentarily speechless, not expecting that question from him at all. But you can't stop a giggle from coming through your lips.

"Actually, I came to confront you." Your voice is soft as you begin speaking, thinking back to last night's ordeal.

Joel doesn't expect this answer, his head turns to look at you while you speak. His arm comes down to drape over your shoulder.

"I was really upset cus you rejected me n'all. I just couldn't accept the whole, 'age gap' excuse. I wanted to know if you just really didn't like me or not." You're murmuring, drawing soft lines with your finger on the skin of Joel's chest.

He huffs out a breath at the explanation, shaking his head. "Guess you got your answer, huh." He grumbles out, somewhat ashamed of himself that he couldn't hold back.

You smile and lean up to kiss his cheek. "I did," you chirp happily, admiring his face again. "You know you're gonna have to fuck me, like, everyday now, right?"

You're kidding. But you're also not at all.

Joel scoffs and sits up, moving to pick up both his and your shirts. "Fat chance. Barely had enough stamina for one round." He grunts out, finding the neck hole in your tank top and putting it over your head for you.

You don't bother to pull it down over your breasts so Joel does it for you.

"It's okay, we can build up your tolerance over time." You quip with a teasing smile, loving the way Joel turned to glare at you.

He couldn't believe the youth these days.

[ozzgin]

Yandere! House Monster x Reader (II)

It’s officially a smutty sitcom: you, the oblivious gamer boyfriend, and the tentacle monster lurking in dark corners.

[First part]

Content: gender neutral reader, monster smut

Do monsters have a sense of humor? This creature seems to be greatly amused by the little "game" you've devised behind your boyfriend's back. Although you don't have much input in the affair, and most of the time you're merely a witness to the events unfolding before you (or in you).

First, there's the mild, inoffensive annoyances. "Babe, did you see my controller? I swear I left it on the couch". Some pranks are harder to swallow than others, such as the occasional lack of Internet. You know exactly when it happens, because you can hear your boyfriend's enraged shouts and rattles. It's always during important matches. No one knows why it happens. The repairmen who cross your threshold can only scratch their heads in confusion, confessing that nothing is out of the ordinary.

Then, the unfortunate coincidences. "How about we have some fun after my game?", the boyfriend will suggest with an anticipative grin. Alas, moments after he stands up, he is overwhelmed by a nauseous feeling. His stomach twirls and throbs, and he curses under his breath. "Some other time, perhaps", he concludes begrudgingly. You see, the creature is very possessive. The only thing that has saved your beloved partner from being torn to shreds already is his crassly comical obliviousness.

The mischief aimed towards the boyfriend is, however, a secondary source of entertainment. Nothing could ever come close to spending time with you. Yet another irony to this ridiculous situation: you haven't been caught yet, despite the rabid clinginess of the tentacled monster.

It just loves surprising you. For example, when you exhale dramatically at the end of the day, relaxing in the bathtub and enjoying your peace. Just as you hear an impatient knock on the door, you notice a familiar dark tendril slithering its way out of the water. You won't be leaving the bathroom anytime soon. "Did you steam yourself over there? You look like a lobster", the boyfriend will remark with a raised eyebrow upon seeing your panting, feverish face. "Y-yeah, I guess so." You limp outside, struggling to hold the towel around your body. Or more specifically, around the many marks left on your skin by hundreds of suckers.

In fact, its shamelessness reminds you of a poorly written erotic scenario, the likes you'd see on some adult website with a clickbait title. How would you name this current setup? You grip the edge of the table, pursing your lips to prevent any moans escaping your mouth. Your boyfriend is, once again, scrolling on his phone, indifferent to your presence. The water boiling on the stove drowns the wet, slippery sounds of the appendages pumping in and out of you underneath the table. “You might want to give it a stir in a moment, or it’ll overflow”, the boyfriend remarks without lifting his gaze. You mumble in agreement, slapping a hand over your mouth. You’re at your limit.

One may be tempted to ask, is this entity bound to its house? You pondered the same question until your recent IKEA visit. You and your boyfriend had been looking for a new wardrobe. "What do you think of this one?", you asked, closing the door and turning around. Your eyes scanned the empty model-bedroom. The jackass had wandered ahead without you. You sighed and were about to go find him, when a cold grip suddenly tightened around your wrist. You winced and snapped your head back. Thick tendrils had made their way out of the closet, tugging you to join them inside. So it can follow you around, you thought, climbing into the cramped space. Between the silent whines and breathy begging, an idea emerges from your dazed mind. New hypothetical video title: mercilessly molested in the IKEA store by monster partner.

[onlysomewhatsane]

Ok ok ok SO!

I think everyone has realized that Leola was autistic. It was heavily implied both through the flashback images and Aaravos' narration-

She lined up her toys, flapped her hands (it was also shown in the trial scene), seemed to be sensitive towards loud sounds (like the other startouch elves when they talked), and walked on her tiptoes. All of those are classic signs of autism.

But there's one thing I haven't seen anyone else bring up, and that's that her giving her human friends magic and breaking the "cosmic order" or whatever could also be because of her neurotype!

Autistic people tend to have very strict senses of morality and fairness, and will disregard rules if they don't fit their idea of right or wrong. Personal example here, I used to constantly do things I was told not to because I thought the rules in question were bogus.

It's not hard to guess that Leola would find the rules about humans not having magic to be unfair- after all, her and all the other elves, and even the animals around them are full of it! So in the mind of an autistic child, this would be incredibly unfair. And she had the power to "fix" the situation! So why wouldn't she?

Why wouldn't she try to help her friends? Because it would break the cosmic order? That's vague as hell and she was a KID!

And the startouch elves atomized her, for breaking a rule she probably only half understood and thought was stupid. Because she was autistic.

Had this thought and wanted to share, makes the whole thing even more tragic.

[vetyr]

hi, i ireally love your work and i don't know if you've answered this before but, what kinds of studies do you do or how did you learn color theory? i wanna get better at rendering and anatomy but im having trouble TT TT

Hi! Long answer alert. Once a chatterbox, always a chatterbox.

When I started actively learning how to draw about 10 1/2 years ago, I exclusively did graphite studies in sketchbooks. Here's a few examples—I mostly stuck to doing line drawings to drill basic shapes/contours and proportions into my brain. The more rendered sketches helped me practice edge control & basic values, and they were REALLY good for learning the actual 3D structure behind what I was drawing.

I'd use reference images that I grabbed from fitness forums, Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, and some NSFW places, but you could find adequate ref material from figure drawing sites like Line of Action. LoA has refs for people (you can filter by clothed/unclothed, age, & gender), animals, expressions, hands/feet, and a few other useful things as well. Love them.

Learning how to render digitally was a similar story; it helped a lot that I had a pretty strong foundation for value/anatomy going in. I basically didn't touch color at all for ~2 years (except for a few attempts at bad digital or acrylic paint studies), which may not have been the best idea. I learned color from a lot of trial and error, honestly, and I'm pretty sure this process involved a lot of imitation—there were a number of digital/traditional painters whose styles I really wanted to emulate (notably their edge control, color choices, value distributions, and shape design), so I kiiind of did a mixture of that + my own experimentation.

For example, I really found Benjamin Björklund's style appealing, especially his softened/lost edges & vibrant pops of saturated color, so here's a study I did from some photograph that I'm *pretty* sure was painted with him in mind.

Learning how to detail was definitely a slow process, and like all the aforementioned things (anatomy/color/edge control/values/etc.) I'm still figuring it out. Focusing on edge control first (that is, deciding on where to place hard/soft edges for emphasizing/de-emphasizing certain areas of the image) is super useful, because you can honestly fool a viewer into thinking there's more detail in a piece than there actually is if you're very economical about where you place your hard edges.

The most important part, to me, is probably just doing this stuff over and over again. You're likely not going to see improvement in a few weeks or even a few months, so don't fret about not getting the exact results you want and just keep studying + making art. I like to think about learning art as a process where you *need* to fail and make crappy art/studies—there's literally no way around it—so you might as well fail right now. See, by making bad art you're actually moving forward—isn't that a fun prospect!!

It's useful to have a folder with art you admire, especially if you can dissect the pieces and understand why you like them so much. You can study those aspects (like, you can redraw or repaint that person's work) and break down whether this is art that you just like to look at, or if it's the kind of art that you want to *make.* There's a LOT of art out there that I love looking at, probably tens of thousands of styles/mediums, but there's a very narrow range that I want to make myself.

I've mentioned it in some ask reply in the past, but I really do think looking at other artist's work is such a cheat code for improving your own skills—the other artist does the work to filter reality/ideas for you, and this sort of allows you to contact the subject matter more directly. I can think of so many examples where an artist I admired exaggerated, like, the way sunlight rested on a face and created that orange fringe around its edge, or the greys/dull blues in a wheat field, or the bright indigo in a cast shadow, or the red along the outside of a person's eye, and it just clicked for me that this was a very available & observable aspect of reality, which had up until that point gone completely unnoticed! If you're really perceptive about the art you look at, it's shocking how much it can teach you about how to see the world (in this particular case I mean this literally, in that the art I looked at fully changed the way I visually processed the world, but of course it has had a strong effect on my worldviews/relationships/beliefs).

Thanks so much for sending in a question (& for reading, if you got this far)! I read every single ask I receive, including the kind words & compliments, which I genuinely always appreciate. Best of luck with learning, my friend :)

[tellafairy]

get anything you desire overnight; what is SATS? how do i use it? — a quick guide.

STATS is short for “state akin to sleep,” a phrase used by neville goddard several times.

for example, one of neville's most popular experiments utilizing SATS is called the "ladder experiment". this experiement demonstrates how useful sats is.

what was the experiment?

1. During one of his lectures, Neville instructed his students to visualize themselves climbing a ladder vividly. He asked them to repeatedly imagine this scenario in detail each night before going to bed. They were to feel themselves climbing the ladder, using all their senses to make it as real as possible.

2. on top of this, Neville told them to write down or say affirmations throughout the day such as, "I will not climb a ladder." This was meant to consciously contradict their nightly visualizations, creating a sense of disbelief in the process. The challenge was to see whether their repeated visualization of the ladder would override the conscious denial of the event.

3. Many of the participants reported that within a few days, despite their daily affirmation of "I will not climb a ladder," they ended up encountering situations in which they physically climbed a ladder. The experiment was intended to show that the subconscious mind, which was being impressed by the vivid visualization during the SATS state, was far more powerful than their conscious thoughts or affirmations.

essentially, Neville wanted to show that imagination, particularly when focused in the relaxed state akin to sleep, could create real-life outcomes, aka — attract your desires instantly.

so . . . how do i use SATS?

1. relax. sit or lie down, and relax your mind and body. this method does not need to be used at night. many people have used it during the day and have gone to sleep for only a few moments before waking up with their desire. This is basically just a form of meditation. A similar mental state occurs naturally in the morning right after awakening, and in the evening before bed, hence why some may prefer to do this method at night despite it not being mandatory.

2. embody the feeling. now while in this state, visualize your goal. Feel your desire completely. want someone to text you? imagine yourself opening your phone to that text message. want a new car? imagine yourself feeling the interior, smelling the new car freshener, testing out the radio. whatever it is, fully immerse yourself in the desire.

3. focus and persist. loop this desire on repeat as you fall asleep, it should be the only focus on your mind. quickly shift any other thoughts that may appear, back onto your desire. the more you do this, the more you'll feel the desire completely.

brief comments;

1. over time, it becomes more and more natural. it's very easy to get into the habit of using SATS to manifest whatever you desire. i often find myself using it without even intending to, just randomly deciding i want something and it becomes all i think about as i fall asleep. it's a very natural method that's easy to custom to.

2. yes, you can use this for shifting realities. there's a reason why so many people "randomly" shift when they stop using long complicated methods and just go to sleep with their DR in mind.

3. you don't need to take action. you don't necessarily need to do anything when manifesting. this doesn't just apply for SATS, but any other form of manifestation. you don't need to take action or do anything further to get your desires if you don't feel like it. remember; they're already yours. they can fall into your hands out of the blue. you don't need to put in effort.

i used several different articles and videos for this to explain it in the most simple way possible, since i know a lot of people tend to struggle with understanding this stuff to the maximum!! so i hope this is easy to read! ૮ ◞ ⸝⸝ ◟ ྀིა

4. does this mean affirmations don't work?

no, it does not. affirmations DO still work for LOA. you CAN achieve anything through affirmations, it was never stated that you couldn't or that SATS is the only way. this only states that according to neville goddards experiement, sats appears to be a more powerful method than affirmations and that's how he viewed it. more powerful doesn't equate to the other method being completely incorrect or impossible. i also personally find this method to work a lot quicker as well.. similar to the void state.

edit; i didn't realize i wrote stats in the title and not sats lol, my mistake it was autocorrect

[sheeezu]

Things to expect when you've mastered shifting

This isn't the normal "oh you'll feel on top the world" kind of post which just hypes up everything and the sole purpose is to motivate. This is (???) the logistics, the indepth version of what you'll face psychologically.

I've shifted close to about a hundred times, whether it was from this reality, or shifting within a reality I shifted.

This is all from my personal experience, you might experience differently.

⋆ Disassociation: when you shift back to your original reality, you'll often times confuse both reality's memory, of course, we all know this, doesn't matter if you shifted or not. But what I've seen no one talk about is that sometimes events and certain objects from your DR will unintentionally manifest into your CR, just because of how deeply rooted they become in your subconscious. For example, I had maybe mentioned this somewhere else, but in my DR I had scripted expensive china cups, which broke on my second day being there. Well two weeks ago my family was gifted the same teacups (some details were off) and one of them managed to get a crack in them after we served the guests tea in it.

⋆ Weird Dreams: Not only is the concept of the dreams weird, but overall mechanics of it are unusual as well (I didn't shift unconsciously in my dreams, that's one boundary I've established)

For example, dreams with people claiming to know the future, telling me, and it coming true the next day, but it being minor details, people from my DRs channeling me, dreams which involves falling out of reality/finding the end of the multiverse.

Dreams which involves me floating, strong winds which blow away entirely of the void reality (CR), I had started getting this dream since I've wanted to permashift, the wind is so strong and I feel it, I'm usually at my college and or doing a mundane activity in my current reality, everything dissapears and I end up in the void state for the rest of the night.

Once my S/O visited me in my dream, he asked me to come back home, it was a lucid dream so I consciously agreed because I couldn't deny him; ended up in my home reality.

⋆ Feeling weirdly sad about your CR: this one might be personal to me. truth be told, I haven't studied a single day since I've successfully shifted. This year all of my classmates and age fellows are going to start looking at university applications, the ones they mention are usually universities I used to dream all day long about getting into, when I didn't know about shifting. It forms a pit in my heart, the passion I once used to have regarding hardwork by investing blood sweat tears into studying, pinterest board filled with quotes such as "some dreams are worth more than my sleep" not stirring anything within me. It's not that I think I can't get these things, i know i can just shift to a parallel reality and get it, but I just don't want to, I don't feel the same about this reality anymore, slowly letting it go, no matter how much I try to cling onto it, I know I was never meant to be here.

⋆ Personality changes: When you become an expert at shifting its no question that you'd shift very frequently. Those DR selfs would influence your personality, and people can think you're developing a split personality disorder.

Take me as an example, if you look at the posts on my blog, you'd notice a different tone in each one of them, some are in a more softer tone and the others feel clinical.

⋆ Putting your DR family first, even though they're not here: I don't know how to explain this one, so I'd just take an example out of my own experience again.

I was out shopping with my mother for sweaters, the ones we were coming across were really good quality, but I could only think of my S/O, she was pointing out the things she thought I'd like, but I kept looking at the men's sweater, subconsciously trying to pick one out for him, which weirded my mother out slightly.

...

Why am I crying.

Anyways I have planned to permashift out of this reality before new year, it was my childhood dream to blog, but I was too shy to do so and never had anything common with anyone. But I've finally completed the final thing on my list, alongside with meeting my cousin who I adored, I decided to add her to my DR.

That's it, I'll go on and answer the 50 asks in my inbox.

...

[grison-in-space]

from the number of asinine complaints about how "voting is NOT a form of harm reduction" because harm reduction is for ADDICTS! ONLY! I'm seeing around... all coming from OP blogs I don't recognize and which otherwise don't have much presence... well, that coordination alongside the timing of US politics sure feels like the Russian troll bots agitating again. (Yes, they absolutely infested Tumblr; I think @ms-demeanor had a great post about what the bots looked and felt like somewhere that I will have to try and track down tomorrow.)

The thing is, if you actually do know harm reduction well, the complaint makes no sense. It's not as if the origin of harm reduction is a secret or especially hard to find out more about. I am not exactly an expert in the field: I have a educated layperson's interest in public health and infectious disease, I'm a queer feminist of a certain age and therefore have a certain degree of familiarity with AIDS-driven safer sex campaigns, and I'm interested in disability history and self advocacy (and I would in fact clarify harm reduction as a philosophy under this umbrella). So I have about twenty years of experience with harm reduction as a philosophy basically by existing in communities whose history is intertwined with harm reduction, which means I know it well from many different angles, and I know how the story of the philosophy is generally taught.

See, this is a story that starts, as so many stories do, in the 1980s with something monstrous President Reagan was doing. In this case, it was the AIDS epidemic, and Reagan refusing to devote any money or time to what eventually became called AIDS (rather than the original GRIDS, which came with its own baked in homophobia). Knowing themselves abandoned by society in this as in all things, and watching as friends and loved ones died in droves, queers and addicts are two communities who see that they are the only resources that they collectively have to save each other's lives. Queers know that sex, even casual sex, is an important part of people's lives and culture... and people aren't going to stop doing it even if there's a disease, so how can it happen safely? Condoms. Condoms every time, freely available, easy and shameless, shower them on people in the street if you have to. (And other things: this is the origin of the concept of "fluid bonding", for example... both of which were concepts that were immediately adopted in response to COVID, like outdoor socially distsnced greetings and masks and "bubbles." That wasn't an accident. Normalizing sexual health tests and seeing hard results on paper before sex was a thing, too.)

Addicts, too, knew that using was going to happen no matter how earnestly people tried to stop. If it was that easy, addiction wouldn't exist. So: how do you make using safer for longer? If you could stop someone getting HIV before they could bring themselves to get clean, that's a whole life right there. If you could stop someone overdosing once, twice, a dozen times, that's more time you're buying them to claw themselves out of addiction and into a better place. Addicts see, right, needle sharing is getting the diseases spread, so cut down on needle sharing. Well, needles aren't easy to get hold of. Their supply is controlled because people who aren't prescribed needles are theoretically junkies, so taking the needles away makes it harder to use, right— and no one is complicit, and also you see fewer discarded needles lying around where they're unsanitary and unsafe, right? Except that people want to do a buddy a good turn, so they share if there's no other option, and they'll keep a needle going until it's literally too blunt to keep using if need be. So fighting needle sharing means making it easier to get needles to shoot up with: finding a place to discard used ones and get as many fresh ones as you need to use safely!

Making free needles available to junkies and free condoms for the bathhouses was not a popular solution with politicians, for perhaps obvious reasons. Nor was routine testing of the blood supply, because that cost money too. But these things work to stop the spread of disease. Thus the principle of harm reduction: policy interventions in response to communities that frequently engage in risky behavior should focus on whatever reduces aggregate harm by reducing the risk rather than by trying to reduce the behavior. The homos and junkies say look, all your societal judgement in the world hasn't stopped us being homos and junkies yet. You ain't going to look after us? We'll look after our own. And this is the form that takes. Not increasing the pressure to act like people who aren't is, but making it safer to be the people we are while we try to be the happiest versions of ourselves. Even if that means being morally complicit in a whole lot of casual sex and drug abuse.

The thing is, harm reduction is a philosophy rooted in the defiance of people who knew that their society thought they deserved to die painfully, young, invisible and alone. This is not the kind of thing that people come up with and get mad if you adapt it and share it, especially if you tell the story of where it came from. And importantly, harm reduction is not purely the child of addiction: that philosophy, from the get go, was cooked up to apply both to substance abuse and casual sex. It didn't just spread from addiction care; it was born straddling addiction care and queer & feminist health care.

So it doesn't make sense to see actual activists who know harm reduction well complaining that this is a term exhibiting semantic drift when we talk about voting as harm reduction. It's actually a good metaphor: you're reducing the overall risk of the worst case scenario metaphors by voting Democrat, at least until future votes can install a system where multiple parties can flourish on the political scheme. (Democrats and Republicans are essentially coalitions of a pack of arguing factions anyway, and those factions are essentially what would be classed elsewhere as a party in its own right; the US essentially just lumps political granularity rather than splitting it in our political system.) And anyone who understands harm reduction itself knows that.

So it's this wildly inorganic complaint being voiced repeatedly by different sources. Sounds like a pretty good flag for a potential psyop to me.

If you want to learn more about harm reduction and its history, especially from an addiction perspective, I cannot recommend Maia Szalavitz's Undoing Drugs: How Harm Reduction is Changing the Future of Drugs and Addiction (2022) highly enough. Szalavitz has a history of addiction of her own as well as being a clear and accessible writer with an excellent grasp of neuroscience and history. I have a lot of respect for her work.